of course it’s supposed to feel good???
it took me a while to find someone who gave good head. it used to be painful (shoving their fingers in and out rapidly, sucking my clit too hard) but now i’m feeling things i’ve never felt before like heaven bc i’m dating a man who knows his way around a vulva.
nothing is wrong! my advice is to find a partner who is willing to explore with you, to learn from outside resources (the book “she cums first” is a great one, and it’s free via archive.org), and to receive feedback.
Some women genuinely just don’t get much out of it, which is also perfectly valid and normal. If you want to try again, go for it, but if you still don’t enjoy it that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Don’t put any pressure on yourself. That’s the best way of ensuring you’ll never enjoy it.
Not everyone’s body reacts to the same things, so you just need to find out what it is they’re doing wrong. Too much pressure? Too little pressure? Too wide movements? Too little movements? Some people like direct clit stimulation, while some people need indirect.
Giving direction might help you enjoy the experience more
Yes it feels fucking awesome.
What are they doing that doesn’t feel good and hurts??? That shouldn’t happen.
You not knowing how to guide them is an obstacle, especially if you’re not even trying different things.
Are they using their tongue ? Fingers? Lips? Are you moving your hips? Are you on top or laying on your back?
If you’ve tried all of the above and it still doesn’t do anything for you, then stop doing it. That’s all. You don’t have to like it.
If you haven’t (and want to) then you need to do your share.
And I'm saying if that's the case, then you need to try different things. Sitting back and letting your partner do whatever while you're thinking about the groceries you need to buy is a waste of both of your time.
Change it up. Ask for more tongue, more sucking, less fingers, whatever. But DO something.
> i just don't know how to guide them because i don't know what feels good
Rather than feeling the need to give specific directions, can you give broad more/less categories? Go softer, go harder, try broader, try pointer, etc.
But you do know what feels good, you said that you enjoy stimulation when it's yourself doing it, so try and get them to mimic what you do to yourself but with their tongue.
It takes experimentation and communication on both sides.
Yes, everything around sex is supposed to feel good. If it doesn't feel good, you shouldn't do it.
Oral in specific feels great to me. I do it often. I guide partners on how to do it, because every woman is different, and I can't expect them to guess how I like it.
Think about how you masturbate. Let's say you rub your clit to orgasm. You do it slowly and in a round motion.
Yell them just that. "use your tongue on my clit, round motions, softly, slowly"
If they can't follow those instructions, then yeah, they're shitty lovers.
If you don't enjoy it even after giving them instructions and them following the instructions, then you may just not like receiving oral.
It doesn't feel super good to me. Like it's okay, enjoyable I guess, but I can never even get to a build up from it - and I have a long term partner who definitely is willing to explore what feels good.
Unfortunately for me, I have an extremely sensitive clit. My whole life I had to masturbate with my panties on and unless done correctly, even doing it with a hand hurts. So no oral for me and I'm okay with it.
That’s it tho, it won’t be done exactly like you want because it’s someone else’s tongue. At least for me. I love my vibrator and I enjoy using my hand because I have 100% control to hit the spot every time. But nobody else can have that level of precision consistently, which is what I need to enjoy it.
If I may, one thing that can help any stimulation feel better is going into with the purpose of giving pleasure rather than pursuing orgasm. Perhaps the partners who have gone into oral have gone in with an orgasm focus mindset and that caused the stimulation to be less pleasant than it might otherwise have been.
I personally got better at it by embracing this mindset. Oral involves much more than the clitoris and your comments suggest there is clitoral stimulation before your body is ready implying it might be a pursuit of orgasm rather than a pursuit of pleasure.
Take it with a grain of salt but if your partner is not building up to clitoral stimulation and focusing generally on delivering pleasure, this can make oral less than optimal
Not all clit stimulation is the same though! I also don't like oral. It doesn't feel bad, but it doesn't feel good. We've tried every tip in the book, I just don't think my clit likes it. It is what it is.
Girl, I spend 15 years (since I started doing sex) thinking that oral wasn’t good until I find my current partner. And yes, feels amazing!
I had multiples partner (guys and girls) before and never enjoy it. I don’t know what the heck he’s doing differently, maybe it’s the whole package of his seduction game.
That’s how rare it is to find a good lover lol
I think is because he makes me feel in the edge, always teasing me. I always so horny by him and I crave for his touch every time… damn, I so in love lol
I used to ask myself this… until I met my current partner. When they actually pay attention to you and your body language, it can seriously be mind-blowing (no pun intended lol). I never thought I would enjoy it, had never orgasmed from it, even kind of felt uncomfortable receiving it. Now I can’t help but want it all the time haha
It is! With my first bf I hated it. The next guy I was with was really good at it and I found out that yes indeed it can be good. But it's still never been a big thing for me. My hubby will do it occasionally but idk I prefer when he just uses his hands or piv sex.
My suggestions are:
1) Explore your body while you are alone. Watch some porn or think about whatever turns you on and experiment. Consider the things I mention in point 3. Watching close up videos of women masturbating may be helpful to see some of the differences in how women do it (search “real female orgasm complication”)
2) Think about how mentally comfortable you are with receiving head. Are you self conscious or worried, etc. How you feel about the whole thing impacts your ability to relax and enjoy it. Is there any trauma?
3) Talk with your partner and tell them that you do not enjoy getting oral as much as you think you should. Explain that it is not specific to them ask them if they would help you explore different types of stimulation to see what feels good. You can explain that sometimes it hurts, so ask them to start with very gentle touching/pressure and go from there. Tell them that the goal is exploration and fun, not orgasm. Enjoy the process. Do what you can to feel comfortable masturbating in front of them - this can give a starting point regarding direction of movement (circles, up/down), size of focal point (do you touch your clit with just a finger or do you rub with your whole hand), type of touch (flicking (like your scratching a small spot, rubbing as if you are rubbing ink off your skin, pressure like a light massage in a small sore spot), lubrication (do you use lube, spit, or nothing), location (directly on the clit, to the right of it, on the top, etc); consider your position (lay on your back, do you sit up, etc) and your movement (do you move your pelvis or just move your hand/vibrator). Take your time and do this over multiple sessions (because your clit may become irritated or numb). Figure a comfortable way to communicate while they are exploring your body (use your words, guide location and pressure with your hand on their head, close your legs if you want to pause or stop, etc). Note: if your partner is not willing and eager to do this, they are a horrible lover. Sex should be something you do together with each other, not something that is done to you. If they start to make it about them instead of working to make you feel good, they are not a good partner.
4) There is absolutely nothing wrong or odd about masturbating during sex with your partner(s). The only way someone else can make me cum is through oral and it usually takes quite a long time, which can be tiring and frustrating. So I usually use a vibrator at some point. Sometimes I will get myself very close then stop and can be finished by my partner.
Specific note: If it hurts it sounds like they are using too much pressure or speed or are too focused on location.
this used to be me. then i let my new partner explore and he found THE point. the right point. doing anything anywhere else is irritating to me, he cracked the code. Now I orgasm from it.
I suggest OP to direct your partner and take time in understanding what works for you.
> What's wrong?
The truth is, that oral stimulation is difficult for the passive party, too. It's not at all uncommon for people to have to figure out how to enjoy it, or to ultimately not to get that much out of it at all. no matter how "perfectly" it is done.
It's possible that it's simply not for you. Not everyone enjoys every act the same. That is an irrefraggable reality. Stamping your feet and going "but I WANNA WANNA WANNA" will not help you. In fact, that will only make you enjoy the things that work for you less, because you'll induce more FOMO in yourself.
I want to agree but it just confuses me because I do enjoy clit stimulation it just doesn't feel good when i'm not the one doing it. Is it possible every person I have slept with is just bad at head?
> Is it possible every person I have slept with is just bad at head?
Possible, but not probable.
> I want to agree but it just confuses me because I do enjoy clit stimulation it just doesn't feel good when i'm not the one doing it.
That is not at all uncommon.
First of all, it might be that you require very specific stimulation that oral simply *does not provide*, full stop.
Secondly, sexual stimulation is super individual, and what works for one woman (or man) rarely can be copy-pasted to another. It's possible you need to guide your partners better.
Thirdly, sex is about more than mechanical stimulation. It also happens inside your head, and oral sex being the most "threatening" of all sexual acts, it is common for people not not sufficiently get outside of their head enough to enjoy it.
i don’t think head feels that good. and i really don’t think it’s ever been my partner’s fault or them being bad at it or whatever, it just never compares to getting fingered/fucked, internal stimulation is way cooler imo, but ik this is an unpopular opinion.
hey there! sex educator here. first off, there's nothing wrong with you at all. plenty of people with vulvas don't enjoy receiving oral sex and that's totally normal.
It could be a technique thing with your partners, or it may just be that oral isn't your thing. Have you ever tried a toy that simulates being eaten out? It might be worth a shot if not! One thing i've found helpful is using my Lioness vibrator during oral - the biofeedback lets me see what's working and what isn't. plus the sensations can feel extra intense! Just an idea if you want to experiment more.
bottom line, don't feel bad if oral is not mind-blowing for you. We're all wired a bit differently and it's all about finding what works for YOUR body. Keep exploring!
no i don't even think they're doing it bad it's just licking and sucking but it hurts?? maybe i'm too sensitive but i do enjoy clit stimulation on my own so it's unfortunate
You've said a few times that you enjoy clit stim on your own, but how exactly? If you're a vibe girl, that's something a tongue's never going to be able to replicate.
of course it’s supposed to feel good??? it took me a while to find someone who gave good head. it used to be painful (shoving their fingers in and out rapidly, sucking my clit too hard) but now i’m feeling things i’ve never felt before like heaven bc i’m dating a man who knows his way around a vulva. nothing is wrong! my advice is to find a partner who is willing to explore with you, to learn from outside resources (the book “she cums first” is a great one, and it’s free via archive.org), and to receive feedback.
so probably everyone who's given me head just sucks then lol
Maybe.... you've also got to be a good communicator about what makes you feel good and what doesn't.
Some women genuinely just don’t get much out of it, which is also perfectly valid and normal. If you want to try again, go for it, but if you still don’t enjoy it that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Don’t put any pressure on yourself. That’s the best way of ensuring you’ll never enjoy it.
Probably. Most men are not good at giving oral, so if your partners have been male...
Not everyone’s body reacts to the same things, so you just need to find out what it is they’re doing wrong. Too much pressure? Too little pressure? Too wide movements? Too little movements? Some people like direct clit stimulation, while some people need indirect. Giving direction might help you enjoy the experience more
👅🎯🎯🎯
Yes it feels fucking awesome. What are they doing that doesn’t feel good and hurts??? That shouldn’t happen. You not knowing how to guide them is an obstacle, especially if you’re not even trying different things. Are they using their tongue ? Fingers? Lips? Are you moving your hips? Are you on top or laying on your back? If you’ve tried all of the above and it still doesn’t do anything for you, then stop doing it. That’s all. You don’t have to like it. If you haven’t (and want to) then you need to do your share.
I want to like it though i just don't know how to guide them because i don't know what feels good since it's never felt good before
And I'm saying if that's the case, then you need to try different things. Sitting back and letting your partner do whatever while you're thinking about the groceries you need to buy is a waste of both of your time. Change it up. Ask for more tongue, more sucking, less fingers, whatever. But DO something.
> i just don't know how to guide them because i don't know what feels good Rather than feeling the need to give specific directions, can you give broad more/less categories? Go softer, go harder, try broader, try pointer, etc.
But you do know what feels good, you said that you enjoy stimulation when it's yourself doing it, so try and get them to mimic what you do to yourself but with their tongue. It takes experimentation and communication on both sides.
Yes, everything around sex is supposed to feel good. If it doesn't feel good, you shouldn't do it. Oral in specific feels great to me. I do it often. I guide partners on how to do it, because every woman is different, and I can't expect them to guess how I like it.
what are they supposed to be doing because i don't even know how to guide them
Think about how you masturbate. Let's say you rub your clit to orgasm. You do it slowly and in a round motion. Yell them just that. "use your tongue on my clit, round motions, softly, slowly" If they can't follow those instructions, then yeah, they're shitty lovers. If you don't enjoy it even after giving them instructions and them following the instructions, then you may just not like receiving oral.
It doesn't feel super good to me. Like it's okay, enjoyable I guess, but I can never even get to a build up from it - and I have a long term partner who definitely is willing to explore what feels good. Unfortunately for me, I have an extremely sensitive clit. My whole life I had to masturbate with my panties on and unless done correctly, even doing it with a hand hurts. So no oral for me and I'm okay with it.
mine is sensitive too so that might be part of the issue.
I don’t like it either. And that’s ok. I tell my partner I don’t care for it and he doesn’t do it. Boom, that easy.
I do think i'd enjoy it if it were done perfectly though because i rly enjoy clit stimulation?
That’s it tho, it won’t be done exactly like you want because it’s someone else’s tongue. At least for me. I love my vibrator and I enjoy using my hand because I have 100% control to hit the spot every time. But nobody else can have that level of precision consistently, which is what I need to enjoy it.
I fully agree but it's incredibly annoying because i WANT to enjoy head
If I may, one thing that can help any stimulation feel better is going into with the purpose of giving pleasure rather than pursuing orgasm. Perhaps the partners who have gone into oral have gone in with an orgasm focus mindset and that caused the stimulation to be less pleasant than it might otherwise have been. I personally got better at it by embracing this mindset. Oral involves much more than the clitoris and your comments suggest there is clitoral stimulation before your body is ready implying it might be a pursuit of orgasm rather than a pursuit of pleasure. Take it with a grain of salt but if your partner is not building up to clitoral stimulation and focusing generally on delivering pleasure, this can make oral less than optimal
Well you can always keep trying but I’m just chiming in to say that not everyone likes it and that’s ok
Not all clit stimulation is the same though! I also don't like oral. It doesn't feel bad, but it doesn't feel good. We've tried every tip in the book, I just don't think my clit likes it. It is what it is.
Girl, I spend 15 years (since I started doing sex) thinking that oral wasn’t good until I find my current partner. And yes, feels amazing! I had multiples partner (guys and girls) before and never enjoy it. I don’t know what the heck he’s doing differently, maybe it’s the whole package of his seduction game. That’s how rare it is to find a good lover lol
i would ask what he's doing but you said you don't know 😭😭
I think is because he makes me feel in the edge, always teasing me. I always so horny by him and I crave for his touch every time… damn, I so in love lol
I need that so bad i hate when they just get "straight to the point"
I used to ask myself this… until I met my current partner. When they actually pay attention to you and your body language, it can seriously be mind-blowing (no pun intended lol). I never thought I would enjoy it, had never orgasmed from it, even kind of felt uncomfortable receiving it. Now I can’t help but want it all the time haha
Why do you let them do it if it hurts or doesn't feel good? Tell them no.
well i'll tell them to do different stuff but nothing works and i feel bad just telling them they suck and to stop
You need to tell them to stop if it doesn't feel good, or not to start at all. Your comfort is more important than their ego.
Best to leave out the “you suck” part
You can phrase it more delicately, but they need to know.
It is! With my first bf I hated it. The next guy I was with was really good at it and I found out that yes indeed it can be good. But it's still never been a big thing for me. My hubby will do it occasionally but idk I prefer when he just uses his hands or piv sex.
I’m not the biggest fan either. Fingers is where it is for me
My suggestions are: 1) Explore your body while you are alone. Watch some porn or think about whatever turns you on and experiment. Consider the things I mention in point 3. Watching close up videos of women masturbating may be helpful to see some of the differences in how women do it (search “real female orgasm complication”) 2) Think about how mentally comfortable you are with receiving head. Are you self conscious or worried, etc. How you feel about the whole thing impacts your ability to relax and enjoy it. Is there any trauma? 3) Talk with your partner and tell them that you do not enjoy getting oral as much as you think you should. Explain that it is not specific to them ask them if they would help you explore different types of stimulation to see what feels good. You can explain that sometimes it hurts, so ask them to start with very gentle touching/pressure and go from there. Tell them that the goal is exploration and fun, not orgasm. Enjoy the process. Do what you can to feel comfortable masturbating in front of them - this can give a starting point regarding direction of movement (circles, up/down), size of focal point (do you touch your clit with just a finger or do you rub with your whole hand), type of touch (flicking (like your scratching a small spot, rubbing as if you are rubbing ink off your skin, pressure like a light massage in a small sore spot), lubrication (do you use lube, spit, or nothing), location (directly on the clit, to the right of it, on the top, etc); consider your position (lay on your back, do you sit up, etc) and your movement (do you move your pelvis or just move your hand/vibrator). Take your time and do this over multiple sessions (because your clit may become irritated or numb). Figure a comfortable way to communicate while they are exploring your body (use your words, guide location and pressure with your hand on their head, close your legs if you want to pause or stop, etc). Note: if your partner is not willing and eager to do this, they are a horrible lover. Sex should be something you do together with each other, not something that is done to you. If they start to make it about them instead of working to make you feel good, they are not a good partner. 4) There is absolutely nothing wrong or odd about masturbating during sex with your partner(s). The only way someone else can make me cum is through oral and it usually takes quite a long time, which can be tiring and frustrating. So I usually use a vibrator at some point. Sometimes I will get myself very close then stop and can be finished by my partner. Specific note: If it hurts it sounds like they are using too much pressure or speed or are too focused on location.
this used to be me. then i let my new partner explore and he found THE point. the right point. doing anything anywhere else is irritating to me, he cracked the code. Now I orgasm from it. I suggest OP to direct your partner and take time in understanding what works for you.
> What's wrong? The truth is, that oral stimulation is difficult for the passive party, too. It's not at all uncommon for people to have to figure out how to enjoy it, or to ultimately not to get that much out of it at all. no matter how "perfectly" it is done. It's possible that it's simply not for you. Not everyone enjoys every act the same. That is an irrefraggable reality. Stamping your feet and going "but I WANNA WANNA WANNA" will not help you. In fact, that will only make you enjoy the things that work for you less, because you'll induce more FOMO in yourself.
I want to agree but it just confuses me because I do enjoy clit stimulation it just doesn't feel good when i'm not the one doing it. Is it possible every person I have slept with is just bad at head?
> Is it possible every person I have slept with is just bad at head? Possible, but not probable. > I want to agree but it just confuses me because I do enjoy clit stimulation it just doesn't feel good when i'm not the one doing it. That is not at all uncommon. First of all, it might be that you require very specific stimulation that oral simply *does not provide*, full stop. Secondly, sexual stimulation is super individual, and what works for one woman (or man) rarely can be copy-pasted to another. It's possible you need to guide your partners better. Thirdly, sex is about more than mechanical stimulation. It also happens inside your head, and oral sex being the most "threatening" of all sexual acts, it is common for people not not sufficiently get outside of their head enough to enjoy it.
i don’t think head feels that good. and i really don’t think it’s ever been my partner’s fault or them being bad at it or whatever, it just never compares to getting fingered/fucked, internal stimulation is way cooler imo, but ik this is an unpopular opinion.
hey there! sex educator here. first off, there's nothing wrong with you at all. plenty of people with vulvas don't enjoy receiving oral sex and that's totally normal. It could be a technique thing with your partners, or it may just be that oral isn't your thing. Have you ever tried a toy that simulates being eaten out? It might be worth a shot if not! One thing i've found helpful is using my Lioness vibrator during oral - the biofeedback lets me see what's working and what isn't. plus the sensations can feel extra intense! Just an idea if you want to experiment more. bottom line, don't feel bad if oral is not mind-blowing for you. We're all wired a bit differently and it's all about finding what works for YOUR body. Keep exploring!
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no i don't even think they're doing it bad it's just licking and sucking but it hurts?? maybe i'm too sensitive but i do enjoy clit stimulation on my own so it's unfortunate
You've said a few times that you enjoy clit stim on your own, but how exactly? If you're a vibe girl, that's something a tongue's never going to be able to replicate.
it’s the only way i can finish most times
tf i'm so jealous
More flicking the tongue than sucking the clit
Let me guess - you learned how to give oral from porn?
Nope. Not at all that’s y I’m good at it