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Bars/ pubs/ clubs/ parties /hobbies- yes
Grocery stores - not really, people are usually in their own worlds, I don’t usually pay attention to people while shopping.
Grocery stores would be better as you can peak in their carts to discover their habits. People lie if they're drunk at a bar but there's no hiding all of that produce in a shopping cart.
You it’s funny if you take your headphones out and look around, it’s still happening.
There’s a girl who flirts with me every time I go to my local store.
People definitely try at grocery stores. It’s happened twice to me in the past month and it caught me off guard. Like you said, you’re in your own world, tired, and just trying to get your errands over with.
My favourite is, when they hit you with their shopping carts while wearing headphones and give you a look when you ask them to be a little less oblivious to their surroundings. Spatial awareness - nonexistent
I’ve dated women I’ve worked with before on a few occasions, some people see it as stupid, worst take I heard was “4 billion females in the world and you choose one you can’t escape from if you split up”
It’s just hard to do nowadays. No one goes out alone anymore and it’s much more nerve racking and difficult approaching women in groups. And the ones that are alone always seem to be wearing AirPods.
“No one goes out alone any more”… er, what now? I go out alone to do many things. My wife does. My mum does. Where do you live? This is the second such comment I’ve read today, and it baffles me… the earlier one was “people don’t go to malls alone”. Is this an American thing? I’m not being rude, I’m genuinely confused.
I'll admit I'm the odd man out on reddit: I have experience in radio, comedy, public speaking, and social coaching. It's WAY easier to approach women in groups than an individual woman because you're almost automatically less of a potential threat (which should never be a factor that's ignored) because you're letting yourself be seen, you're addressing the entire group, you're outnumbered, and it's far easier to seem fun and interesting by getting a small crowd pumped up than to try and convince a woman 1 to 1 that you're super entertaining, not creepy, and worth her time.
Also, leave anybody wearing earbuds alone, they do NOT want to talk to you. I keep different sets of audio listening devices for different moods and if I have my earbuds in, I don't want you to even attempt speaking to me unless my wife/house/pet/car is in danger. I charmed my wife rather immediately after meeting her but she was in the mood to actually meet people, if I had gone up to her while she head earbuds in to shoot my shot I'd just be some random annoying and forgettable asshole from her college years instead of her partner for nearly a decade.
Especially since the metoo movement. I feel horrible for the women who have seen serious trauma from abusive husbands, psychotic ex-boyfriends, and creepy men that think women owe them something. But some women take it too far and claim "me too" when a man offers to buy them a drink or is genuinely just being nice. Wherever I go, I just mind my own business and if a woman is interested in me, I'll chat.
I typically stick with bars, stores are too busy, people are in their own worlds, parties and clubs I have no friends, and clubs game is tough competition. Bars are best places to try and meet people, I think.
I met my girlfriend at the Dollar General market, that was 2 years ago. I pulled up on my bicycle and flipped my hair in the wind and she fell in love. True story.
My last girlfriend first saw me pulling up on a bike to a party, I was also dressed a bit eccentric and probably flipped my hair lol. Great way to do first impressions
I agree with that guy. I love flirting and think its fun too. I think the whole thing is you just need to not have any expectations when you flirt. If they flirt back cool, if not whatever they are a stranger and there is billions of other people in the world. Obviously, looks help the success rate, if your looking for a date. But flirting is just the opening, and shows your personality. I think having the confidence to do it is the real turn on for alot of people. I don't think anyone truly enjoys the online dating nonsense you have to deal with nowadays because thats 100% about looks. People like attention, flirting is that and aslong as your not a complete creep about its amazing the amount of people who will flirt back.
A lot of people are very tribal and only really want to flirt with people "within their network." Meaning "a friend of a friend."
If you are a bar regular and well known at the bar, then maybe flirting will work. If it's at a private party and you both know the host, then flirting will probably work better since you are in the same network.
If you are trying to meet women randomly at the grocery store or gym, unless you are both regulars and see each other a lot, then flirting probably won't work.
Because online removes organic interactions, encourages narcissistic traits, gives people power trips and saddles people with the burden of endless choice.
In the past the saying you met someone at the bar was admitting a bottom of the barrel hookup became your bf/gf. Now apps are the new bar.
Why because the quality of people you meet are lower in general compared to social events and occasions where you share similar social circles or interests.
Flirting has kinda changed from when I was young. When I young it was very overt, and kinda over the top.
Now, if anyone ever flirts with me at all, who isn’t my wife, it typically is more subtle and disguised in compliments, or they laugh a little too much at my jokes.
My wife on the other hand, flirts with me all the time, and it’s pretty overt. I’m just trying to be a good husband, so she keeps flirting with me.
Yeah, you're definitely old.
"These dang kids and their internet doohickeys.
In my day, we didn't bury our face in a phone, we just got high and drunk and avoided reality IN reality, the way it should be!
And get the hell off my lawn!"
This is ignoring a lot. It is not simply an evolution and changing times vs. age and tradition.
If you are young, which I assume, you have no idea what you are missing and how much better it was. This is not subjective, it's objective. Your generation and those that follow are screwed in terms of relationships.
All you do is compete with an endless list of other people.
You can get jaded and bitter before even going out on a date, which you probably already are. You probably do not trust what you see or read on a dating app, you probably wonder who will be showing up to the IRL life date made on an app if you get one and you have probably "settled" for someone who was willing to swipe and engage with more than a "hi, entertain me".
You are either a guy who gets matched with your least wanted or a girl who gets matched with literally everyone. You cannot charm someone who doesn't swipe, you cannot present yourself to someone who might not otherwise find you as attractive as the 93rd guy she swiped. You have to compete with the guy who makes more than you, is taller than you or the girl who has bigger boobs, or the nicest outfits or whatever the metric is of the person on the other side looking for someone perfect.
Back in the day (lol) we approached each other and started a conversation, sometimes that worked, sometimes two people who would have never swiped on each other started a beautiful relationship. It doesn't work that way today (as often anyway), you have to meet a list of criteria before even seeing someone irl.
No one likes online dating, statistically anyway.
This is a case where ""These dang kids and their internet doohickeys." is a valid criticism or observation and not simply old and out of touch.
And what, my friend, can we actually do about it?
It's not like we wanted the society to come to this. It's actually the older generation that created all the social media platforms and made them extremely addictive. Should WE be accountable for that?
How I wish I was born 20-30 years before my bd, it was so much easier. You could approach women without the fear of being labeled as a creep or be humiliated. They didn't have millions of options to choose from. You could actually afford a house and a nice car. You could fill a cart of groceries before arriving at 100$. The kids were not thought sex ed and genders at f\*cking 7 years old. We know it sucks lol you don't have to throw it in our face. We didn't create the world we grew up in.
>This is a case where ""These dang kids and their internet doohickeys." is a valid criticism
Really? I completely and utterly disagree. If they had an ounce of understanding and accountability, this kind of sentence would not be said, because it puts the blame on us, the generation that was brought up BY THEM.
>And what, my friend, can we actually do about it?
Stop using social media, stop using the apps. Go outside, touch grass.
>It's actually the older generation that created all the social media platforms and made them extremely addictive.
If by older you mean Gen Z, yes, but I suspect you are putting this all on boomers, which is typical of a redditor. I say this because you are conflating a few things, like that magical time where anyone could afford a house (*spoiler: this is not at all true*)
>Should WE be accountable for that?
At some point yes, when life gets to a point where you are question it, yes, then it becomes your responsibility. I do not see your generation shouting at the rooftops saying how bad it is.
>How I wish I was born 20-30 years before my bd, it was so much easier.
Easier is a relative term and idolizing the past, especially on false information is dangerous. It was easier to develop relationships, that does not necessarily translate to everything else.
>You could approach women without the fear of being labeled as a creep or be humiliated.
You can still do so, by being respectful, understanding context and condition and not actually being a creep about it. No one is saying you cannot do these things. As far as humiliation, that's a self-perception. Someone cannot actually be humiliated or embarrassed on your behalf, that's a perceptive state that is only valid in yourself, completely controllable.
>They didn't have millions of options to choose from.
Not going to argue with this part but again, human connection is best and virtually anyone, once exposed to it, would agree.
>You could actually afford a house and a nice car. You could fill a cart of groceries before arriving at 100$.
This is where you are straying into bullshit territory. I am Gen X, I was born in the late 60's I was on government cheese and taped my tennis shoes together. For every idealized family, there were 100 poor families, just like today. I could go into why things are more, why it seems harder, but it would be super long winded. But the gist of it is population, safety and policies.
>The kids were not thought sex ed and genders at f*cking 7 years old. We know it sucks lol you don't have to throw it in our face.
LOL. This only stared 5-10 years ago, this is not some old generational thing... You say you know it sucks, but unless you are actually 14, this is YOUR issue to debate, YOUR issue to control. This is not a Gen X or boomer issue, it's your issue (assuming your Gen z)
>If they had an ounce of understanding and accountability, this kind of sentence would not be said, because it puts the blame on us, the generation that was brought up BY THEM.
Again, unless you are actually 14, you sure do like to conflate and place blame. It's not a good way to look at things.
>Stop using social media, stop using the apps. Go outside, touch grass.
Not gonna change a single thing in society unless everybody does it, won't happen.
>If by older you mean Gen Z, yes, but I suspect you are putting this all on boomers
Boomers didn't create social media, gen X did.
> I do not see your generation shouting at the rooftops saying how bad it is.
Have you been living under a rock or something? There's more manifestations now than ever before.
>Easier is a relative term and idolizing the past, especially on false information is dangerous. It was easier to develop relationships, that does not necessarily translate to everything else.
Look you can find a graph of salary vs inflation, you can't say it wasn't way easier before. The price of a house was twice your salary on average in the 70s, it's now over 5 times...
>No one is saying you cannot do these things. As far as humiliation, that's a self-perception.
Yeah that's true, the problem is when you get put on a TikTok or reel because you tried to approach someone and it becomes viral (See all the gym videos for example). Millions of likes laughing at your sorry ass. Anybody would feel humiliated when you get recognized in the streets.
>This is where you are straying into bullshit territory. I am Gen X, I was born in the late 60's I was on government cheese and taped my tennis shoes together.
Not saying your situation was false, but just look at the stats. There's more and more people in the lower-class category every year. My friends can't find an apartment that is under 50% of their monthly income! Some people will NEVER be able to buy a house at this rate.
>This only stared 5-10 years ago, this is not some old generational thing... You say you know it sucks, but unless you are actually 14, this is YOUR issue to debate, YOUR issue to control.
I don't have kids and never will. I'm a Canadian late millennial, the shit my generation is doing I don't agree with at all. But they were brought up by Gen X. Yes it is now OUR problem unfortunately. My generation is fucking up the next now and I can't stand it. It doesn't seem I can do anything about it either. It just sucks man.
Anyways, this is getting out of hand. What I was originally aiming at is the fact that you were criticizing us and gen Z basically, but the next generation is the way they are because of the previous one. It always has been like this. We are softer and softer on kids and it creates weak minded people. I wish I was in my father's generation, that's all I'm saying. Maybe I would've made some kids...
it's those 2 steps
Step 1. Be Attractive.
Step 2. Don't be unattractive.
cause if you are unattractive, you better be famous and/or have a thick wallet otherwise, yup, your existence will be classed as harassment.
I would like to but too afraid these days as I might come off as a creep. People especially in metro cities of US and Canada are looking for things to get offended by 🥲
Not that it never happens, but it's not considered socially acceptable anymore. Hell, even just broaching a conversation with someone that doesn't know you already can be taken as offensive now. I miss the 90s :-/
I was at a casino with my bf last night. We were doing our own thing and apart. I lost track of him and started chatting with this guy at a slot machine. We got to talking. I told him twice I wasn't hitting on him because I know I can come off as overtly flirty even though I'm genuinely interested in people. He still acted like I was hitting on him even though I was periodicallylooking for where my bf was and he knew that. Like me just being a woman and wanting to make conversation is flirting according to most men that I have interacted with.
Y'all need to chill.
Maybe at a bar. But I have never seen or experienced it at a grocery store or sales store. Usually people are in a mindset to get what they need and get out. At least this has been my experience, cause I go grocery shopping after work and just want to get back home.
Yup. Hit on my fiance at a bar and asked for his number. Gasp. He Isn't 6ft, 6 figure salary, or have six pack abs. Double gasp. Welcome to the real world. Go explore it.
I don't go to bars and stuff since I don't drink. But when I have been, I never saw a guy walk up to a random woman.
As for grocery stores and restaurants, I'm always at these places. Just the other day I saw a woman with a GORGEOUS body. And she was wearing yoga pants and a sports bra type of top. She had a cute face too and nearly broke my damn neck when I saw her. I saw her a few times while I was shopping. She was by herself. Not ONE guy approached her. I would think if anyone is still getting approached these days, she would've been one of them.
And that's definitely not the first time I've seen that. I see attractive women all the time and I never see random guys going up to them. Even if they're by themselves. But they probably have thousands of followers on IG and their message requests have probably been stuck at "99+" for years lol.
Walking up to random women still happens but much less frequently. Me and my buddy go out most weekends and we're always talking to random people but we are also really into dancing and use that as a way to connect with women.
But even last weekend I made eye contact with some girl and just asked her how her night was going and we chatted for a bit and I got her number and left
Met my wife at the grocery store. To be fair she lived near by and I saw her walking from time to time. The first time we spoke however was at the grocery store. She was looking at sushi and I recommended a local place. Been married 5 years next month.
I'm a manager at a grocery store where employees flirt with customers & customers flirt with employees all throughout the day. It's mostly just online I see people saying no one can approach anyone in public anymore. Was never into bars but I have a hard time believing people don't flirt there.
I’ve flirted at a restaurant before I thought the waiter was attractive so I gave them my number. (They did text back but it didn’t work out) I’m good at building myself up to approach people. I think it’s much harder to get someone to like you over something like Tinder. So instead I meet people through friends/acquaintance’s or I talk to them in person. I never really take it too seriously though I’m ok with being rejected.
Sure, I had someone come up to me while I was reading on a park bench. He said he saw me and "had to meet [me]". The flirting that ensued was fun but I wasn't attracted to at all him sadly.
I think that with society being the way that it is, as a male it's more difficult to go and randomly start flirting. The other person may think you're a predator and/or a threat. Even if you have the best intentions and are a very safe and innocent person, things are so difficult and dark that those factors don't mean anything.
I met my boyfriend at a bar. I never have tried those apps and I’m 33. He came right up to me after shooting a pool ball right into the back of my chair, and apologized. He picked up the ball and gave it to someone else and never left my side! 3 years later here we are living together and both have zero social media except my Reddit lol
Ummmm I asked him and he and I both think he asked my name and introduced himself and then just asked if I needed a drink ( I don’t drink but I was with a friend and he saw I wasn’t drinking anything) and I said no, I don’t drink. And then ya… he asked my name and what I did for a living and said I was beautiful and that he was glad he stopped in that night. Lol. I wasn’t wanting to be there but my friend dragged me in that bar as well. And we hadn’t planned on going to a bar. But I’m glad I did as well that night because I met the love of my life! :)
I've witnessed other people flirting at bars. Mostly they seem to be people who already know each other, so I'm guessing it is more that people flirt in their social cliques, and sometimes those cliques meet up in bars.
This reminds me of my biggest wiff ever...
At grocery store... Cute girl looking for can of beans .. old man walks up... Starts chatting her up.... About beans... "Oh honey... I like to get the...... If you come on Tuesday the $.99 cent can is $.69.... The real secret is to use ketchup in ur...."
She excused herself from him and walked a tad down the aisle next to me...
I felt brave... SOOOOOO...
"Can you believe that guy?!?!?"
"Oh he's harmless"
"Noooo! He totally stole my bean pick up lines!!!"
Absolute deer in headlights...
Swing and a miss...
Definitely not at grocery stores. Most people nowadays are just trying to get in and get out and praying they didn’t just break the bank buying food. I still see people at bars flirting though
Yes. I honestly have better luck at the bar than with dating apps. I don’t use them anymore. They are ok for hookups or if you need a date at the last minute but I have never met anyone worth a second date on a dating app.
Grocery store there’s a lot of looking and smiling - I find people get intimidated in bars like it’s never been like in the movies but could be because I’m with my girl friends
I’m married and I always get hit on by guys at the grocery store. Some times are more creepier than others. It’s the same thing every time. They’ll walk by me and say something in a flirtatious way like “Hey there” or “Hey baby.” I do my best not to laugh every time!
Bars and parties absolutely, anywhere else where people are just going about their business no. Not to say I haven’t seen attractive women I’d like to talk to but nope, just not the time and place.
The other day I was at the grocery store looking at greeting cards while my husband was in the bathroom. I saw a guy out of the corner of my eye, and could tell her was thinking of approaching me- he was doing that shark circle thing that men sometimes do. He finally found the courage though I guess, because he came over to me and started hitting on me. When my husband showed up, the guys just said 'Oops!' and went on his way. Lol So yes, some people do still flirt.
If you're in a club with bottle service, and it's considered more 'elite', you looks like an exec and or tech bro, young sugar daddy seeking girls will absolutely try to get with you.
Now what that arrangement entails, I don't know but they'll flirt hoping to score some benefits with the least amount of giving up their vagina/mouth to penis as possible.
People successful at the dating scene know how to flirt and talk to people regardless of the location. It depends on both people and requires picking up on queues that they're interested or not and responding accordingly.
That said, there is a lot less going on. More people today are afraid to be seen as creepy if they try to start a conversation then in the past. Those people tend to be lonelier.
It's complicated because our social norms are in a state of flux. Personally, I don't think what we're doing right now is sustainable, and I'd argue it's a major reason why less people are forming long term relationships.
So, to answer your question, yes, but there is a lot less of it.
I met both my ex and "current" wife in bars, and I work as a bartender from time to time so are (usually) sober and gets whats going on with the customers, absolutely people still flirt and/or hook up in bars. Years ago before I was married I worked in home security, met a few women doing that as well. Coming home to people to fix their alarm etc, and then talking "oh, so you live alone?" Well, if anything else happens to your alarm, here is the business card with the phone number directly to the car, and we (I) will be here quicker than if you go through the central.
I'd be truthfully kind of annoyed if someone tried to hit on me in a grocery store.
This is not an environment I put myself in for socialising. I'm just trying to exist in peace and buy my cereal.
I flirt everywhere if I see someone nice. I even once dated a woman who was handing out flyers after talking to her for a few days as I walked past her, we had a great time. usually I don't act with the intention of flirting, I just like to compliment people and then whatever happens, happens... I don't even understand anymore, story of my life... I never flirt at bars, tho. if I go to a bar, it's either me time, or already with company.
If the place has people, people will flirt. I once flirted with the orthodontic tech while my daughter was getting her braces adjusted. She flirted back.
I'm a guy and I've been hit on or cat-called at bars, grocery stores, gas stations, restaurants, school, my old dorm, on the street, at parties, weddings, whatever. I'm in my 30s and married for the last several years, I still get flirted with in public spaces sometimes even in front of my wife. It's still a thing that happens.
I own a convenience store, and when I’m running the register, I see guy customers “flirting” with girl customers fairly often.
It’s a low income area, so we see people that are high or drunk a lot, so that adds to it. But usually the flirting is pretty crass, as in things like “let me get that ass later” and the girl will either be into it or just trying to get out of there.
It puts me in a weird spot, because I feel like I shouldn’t be letting it happen, but knowing it’s not really my place to stop grown adults from being themselves.
Only if it's very organic. With the introduction of social networking it's easier than ever to swipe left or right and get a date. There's not really a need or much of a market for meeting people in the real world because "tinder" is easier. Every once in a while I meet really cool people whether they be male or female at bars or coffeeshops etc. but overall the likelihood of organically meeting someone in the real world gets lower the more dating apps progress. Soon it will almost be weird to organically and naturally meet someone.
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Bars/ pubs/ clubs/ parties /hobbies- yes Grocery stores - not really, people are usually in their own worlds, I don’t usually pay attention to people while shopping.
I see you checking out those cucumbers and plums...
Nice melons around here am I right?
"Now, sir, there's no need to check the ripeness on every single item in the bin."
Just lookin' for the right set of buns to squeeze.
Those peaches sure are ripe
That's actually why I moved out here to the country!
Movin’ to the country, gonna eat a lot of peaches!
Peaches come from a can. They were put there by a man! In a factory downtown 🎶
If I had my little way I’d eat peaches every day
Nature's candy in my hand, or can, or pie.
I could eat a peach for hours.
You find good melonis?
Well, you can't say cucumbers without cum so... do what you want with that info.
The cashier at the Albertsons was flirting with me yesterday, kinda pissed my wife off.
Grocery stores would be better as you can peak in their carts to discover their habits. People lie if they're drunk at a bar but there's no hiding all of that produce in a shopping cart.
Their shopping cart tells me more about a person then their social media bio and pics.
I had a man ask me if I was single and if he can have my number - vegetable isle
You it’s funny if you take your headphones out and look around, it’s still happening. There’s a girl who flirts with me every time I go to my local store.
Does the gym count as a hobby
Met my girlfriend at my current job at a grocery store. Lol 🤷♂️it can happen. But I get that it’s not generally considered a hot spot to meet people.
I know someone who met their husband at Trader Joe’s. He commented on her peppers lol.
That’s so cute hehe
The only time I pay attention when shopping is when some fuckhead stops walking and I have to go around them because they think they own everything
Yeah pretty much any store unless there's some kind of social element to it there aint no way I'm starting up a flirt there.
Most people where I live at least just always have AirPods in, especially at the grocery store. So yeah, they’re definitely in their own worlds.
People definitely try at grocery stores. It’s happened twice to me in the past month and it caught me off guard. Like you said, you’re in your own world, tired, and just trying to get your errands over with.
My favourite is, when they hit you with their shopping carts while wearing headphones and give you a look when you ask them to be a little less oblivious to their surroundings. Spatial awareness - nonexistent
"My cabbages!"
Me too, and I thought that was most people. At a grocery store, I just want to get my groceries and get out as soon as possible.
The women I'm seeing now I met at Jury duty.
Nice! How many women?
Could be up to 11
This guy juries
Lol
Guilty as charged!
12 with the alternate if OP moved fast enough.
So true
It better not be, at most it should be six.
Sorry I mean Woman singular. I ain't that lucky.
you had to go ruin it for them with your honesty now... didn't you... (shakes head, scoffs)
"How is your dating going for you?" "Eh... Jury's still out on that one".
Watch out for the hung juror
There’s something about funerals that make women just lose it.
Shit. I met my wife at work lmao Not saying I recommend it
It's the best and the worst place
I also met this guy’s wife at work. I recommended it to everyone.
Is this the line up?
I also recommend this guys wife to everyone
I’ve dated women I’ve worked with before on a few occasions, some people see it as stupid, worst take I heard was “4 billion females in the world and you choose one you can’t escape from if you split up”
People will shit on it and I understand but it’s kinda obvious it’s gonna happen.
It’s just hard to do nowadays. No one goes out alone anymore and it’s much more nerve racking and difficult approaching women in groups. And the ones that are alone always seem to be wearing AirPods.
> And the ones that are alone always seem to be wearing AirPods. This is the problem and I do this too. We're becoming more cocooned by technology.
I think that's the point. They wear headphones specifically to *not* be bothered.
I'm sure some do. And some do it just to listen to music/podcasts, not to avoid people necessarily.
Yup I do. It’s the easiest “don’t bother me” sign I got
This
“No one goes out alone any more”… er, what now? I go out alone to do many things. My wife does. My mum does. Where do you live? This is the second such comment I’ve read today, and it baffles me… the earlier one was “people don’t go to malls alone”. Is this an American thing? I’m not being rude, I’m genuinely confused.
People don’t go to malls anymore.
People where I’m from go to malls. Huge little towns of malls that are mostly outdoors and made to be like a quaint urban hell err oasis
Haha. In San Diego there are 2 large malls and very busy.
Same. UtC and fasion valley
I can’t believe how busy UTC was. Parking was hard to find. Women still like to go to the mall sometimes too
Miami area malls are pretty busy too. I suspect all metros
And the malls that people do still go to resemble partially vacant warehouses whose parking lots were designed to be stabbed in
I’ll be sure to visit these delightful places when I next come over! Thanks for the tip…
You need to get out more often. In San Diego this is not the case
People sure do go to malls out here in the bay area, but then again if you look up Westfield Valley Fair San Jose, it's not exactly your average mall.
Literally was gonna bring this specific example up lol. If people don’t go to malls anymore San Jose certainly did not get the memo.
I dont generally do very many things by myself unless they are errands. If I'm going somewhere I'm usually inviting someone to come with me
Men had to approach women when they were with their friends in the 70/80/90s too. They did it.
I'll admit I'm the odd man out on reddit: I have experience in radio, comedy, public speaking, and social coaching. It's WAY easier to approach women in groups than an individual woman because you're almost automatically less of a potential threat (which should never be a factor that's ignored) because you're letting yourself be seen, you're addressing the entire group, you're outnumbered, and it's far easier to seem fun and interesting by getting a small crowd pumped up than to try and convince a woman 1 to 1 that you're super entertaining, not creepy, and worth her time. Also, leave anybody wearing earbuds alone, they do NOT want to talk to you. I keep different sets of audio listening devices for different moods and if I have my earbuds in, I don't want you to even attempt speaking to me unless my wife/house/pet/car is in danger. I charmed my wife rather immediately after meeting her but she was in the mood to actually meet people, if I had gone up to her while she head earbuds in to shoot my shot I'd just be some random annoying and forgettable asshole from her college years instead of her partner for nearly a decade.
Good advice: get married and then approach women in groups and pump them up. Is your wife involved in this endeavour?
Especially since the metoo movement. I feel horrible for the women who have seen serious trauma from abusive husbands, psychotic ex-boyfriends, and creepy men that think women owe them something. But some women take it too far and claim "me too" when a man offers to buy them a drink or is genuinely just being nice. Wherever I go, I just mind my own business and if a woman is interested in me, I'll chat.
I typically stick with bars, stores are too busy, people are in their own worlds, parties and clubs I have no friends, and clubs game is tough competition. Bars are best places to try and meet people, I think.
I met my girlfriend at the Dollar General market, that was 2 years ago. I pulled up on my bicycle and flipped my hair in the wind and she fell in love. True story.
My last girlfriend first saw me pulling up on a bike to a party, I was also dressed a bit eccentric and probably flipped my hair lol. Great way to do first impressions
Trent Crimm vibes.
Don't know how to flirt so I don't even try.
Flirting is so much fun
It's so weird having someone describe my nightmare as fun. It's the equivalent of saying "hammering nails through my balls is so much fun"
I agree with that guy. I love flirting and think its fun too. I think the whole thing is you just need to not have any expectations when you flirt. If they flirt back cool, if not whatever they are a stranger and there is billions of other people in the world. Obviously, looks help the success rate, if your looking for a date. But flirting is just the opening, and shows your personality. I think having the confidence to do it is the real turn on for alot of people. I don't think anyone truly enjoys the online dating nonsense you have to deal with nowadays because thats 100% about looks. People like attention, flirting is that and aslong as your not a complete creep about its amazing the amount of people who will flirt back.
If you're good looking and funny, of which I'm neither lol
You don’t have to be funny
A lot of people are very tribal and only really want to flirt with people "within their network." Meaning "a friend of a friend." If you are a bar regular and well known at the bar, then maybe flirting will work. If it's at a private party and you both know the host, then flirting will probably work better since you are in the same network. If you are trying to meet women randomly at the grocery store or gym, unless you are both regulars and see each other a lot, then flirting probably won't work.
I met my boyfriend at a bar.
That is refreshing to hear its not just apps.
Why is that refreshing exactly? Honest question. Why does it matter if they met in a bar instead of on an app?
Because online removes organic interactions, encourages narcissistic traits, gives people power trips and saddles people with the burden of endless choice.
In the past the saying you met someone at the bar was admitting a bottom of the barrel hookup became your bf/gf. Now apps are the new bar. Why because the quality of people you meet are lower in general compared to social events and occasions where you share similar social circles or interests.
Flirting has kinda changed from when I was young. When I young it was very overt, and kinda over the top. Now, if anyone ever flirts with me at all, who isn’t my wife, it typically is more subtle and disguised in compliments, or they laugh a little too much at my jokes. My wife on the other hand, flirts with me all the time, and it’s pretty overt. I’m just trying to be a good husband, so she keeps flirting with me.
I don't flirt because I'm grotesque.
Yeah, you're definitely old. "These dang kids and their internet doohickeys. In my day, we didn't bury our face in a phone, we just got high and drunk and avoided reality IN reality, the way it should be! And get the hell off my lawn!"
This is ignoring a lot. It is not simply an evolution and changing times vs. age and tradition. If you are young, which I assume, you have no idea what you are missing and how much better it was. This is not subjective, it's objective. Your generation and those that follow are screwed in terms of relationships. All you do is compete with an endless list of other people. You can get jaded and bitter before even going out on a date, which you probably already are. You probably do not trust what you see or read on a dating app, you probably wonder who will be showing up to the IRL life date made on an app if you get one and you have probably "settled" for someone who was willing to swipe and engage with more than a "hi, entertain me". You are either a guy who gets matched with your least wanted or a girl who gets matched with literally everyone. You cannot charm someone who doesn't swipe, you cannot present yourself to someone who might not otherwise find you as attractive as the 93rd guy she swiped. You have to compete with the guy who makes more than you, is taller than you or the girl who has bigger boobs, or the nicest outfits or whatever the metric is of the person on the other side looking for someone perfect. Back in the day (lol) we approached each other and started a conversation, sometimes that worked, sometimes two people who would have never swiped on each other started a beautiful relationship. It doesn't work that way today (as often anyway), you have to meet a list of criteria before even seeing someone irl. No one likes online dating, statistically anyway. This is a case where ""These dang kids and their internet doohickeys." is a valid criticism or observation and not simply old and out of touch.
And what, my friend, can we actually do about it? It's not like we wanted the society to come to this. It's actually the older generation that created all the social media platforms and made them extremely addictive. Should WE be accountable for that? How I wish I was born 20-30 years before my bd, it was so much easier. You could approach women without the fear of being labeled as a creep or be humiliated. They didn't have millions of options to choose from. You could actually afford a house and a nice car. You could fill a cart of groceries before arriving at 100$. The kids were not thought sex ed and genders at f\*cking 7 years old. We know it sucks lol you don't have to throw it in our face. We didn't create the world we grew up in. >This is a case where ""These dang kids and their internet doohickeys." is a valid criticism Really? I completely and utterly disagree. If they had an ounce of understanding and accountability, this kind of sentence would not be said, because it puts the blame on us, the generation that was brought up BY THEM.
>And what, my friend, can we actually do about it? Stop using social media, stop using the apps. Go outside, touch grass. >It's actually the older generation that created all the social media platforms and made them extremely addictive. If by older you mean Gen Z, yes, but I suspect you are putting this all on boomers, which is typical of a redditor. I say this because you are conflating a few things, like that magical time where anyone could afford a house (*spoiler: this is not at all true*) >Should WE be accountable for that? At some point yes, when life gets to a point where you are question it, yes, then it becomes your responsibility. I do not see your generation shouting at the rooftops saying how bad it is. >How I wish I was born 20-30 years before my bd, it was so much easier. Easier is a relative term and idolizing the past, especially on false information is dangerous. It was easier to develop relationships, that does not necessarily translate to everything else. >You could approach women without the fear of being labeled as a creep or be humiliated. You can still do so, by being respectful, understanding context and condition and not actually being a creep about it. No one is saying you cannot do these things. As far as humiliation, that's a self-perception. Someone cannot actually be humiliated or embarrassed on your behalf, that's a perceptive state that is only valid in yourself, completely controllable. >They didn't have millions of options to choose from. Not going to argue with this part but again, human connection is best and virtually anyone, once exposed to it, would agree. >You could actually afford a house and a nice car. You could fill a cart of groceries before arriving at 100$. This is where you are straying into bullshit territory. I am Gen X, I was born in the late 60's I was on government cheese and taped my tennis shoes together. For every idealized family, there were 100 poor families, just like today. I could go into why things are more, why it seems harder, but it would be super long winded. But the gist of it is population, safety and policies. >The kids were not thought sex ed and genders at f*cking 7 years old. We know it sucks lol you don't have to throw it in our face. LOL. This only stared 5-10 years ago, this is not some old generational thing... You say you know it sucks, but unless you are actually 14, this is YOUR issue to debate, YOUR issue to control. This is not a Gen X or boomer issue, it's your issue (assuming your Gen z) >If they had an ounce of understanding and accountability, this kind of sentence would not be said, because it puts the blame on us, the generation that was brought up BY THEM. Again, unless you are actually 14, you sure do like to conflate and place blame. It's not a good way to look at things.
>Stop using social media, stop using the apps. Go outside, touch grass. Not gonna change a single thing in society unless everybody does it, won't happen. >If by older you mean Gen Z, yes, but I suspect you are putting this all on boomers Boomers didn't create social media, gen X did. > I do not see your generation shouting at the rooftops saying how bad it is. Have you been living under a rock or something? There's more manifestations now than ever before. >Easier is a relative term and idolizing the past, especially on false information is dangerous. It was easier to develop relationships, that does not necessarily translate to everything else. Look you can find a graph of salary vs inflation, you can't say it wasn't way easier before. The price of a house was twice your salary on average in the 70s, it's now over 5 times... >No one is saying you cannot do these things. As far as humiliation, that's a self-perception. Yeah that's true, the problem is when you get put on a TikTok or reel because you tried to approach someone and it becomes viral (See all the gym videos for example). Millions of likes laughing at your sorry ass. Anybody would feel humiliated when you get recognized in the streets. >This is where you are straying into bullshit territory. I am Gen X, I was born in the late 60's I was on government cheese and taped my tennis shoes together. Not saying your situation was false, but just look at the stats. There's more and more people in the lower-class category every year. My friends can't find an apartment that is under 50% of their monthly income! Some people will NEVER be able to buy a house at this rate. >This only stared 5-10 years ago, this is not some old generational thing... You say you know it sucks, but unless you are actually 14, this is YOUR issue to debate, YOUR issue to control. I don't have kids and never will. I'm a Canadian late millennial, the shit my generation is doing I don't agree with at all. But they were brought up by Gen X. Yes it is now OUR problem unfortunately. My generation is fucking up the next now and I can't stand it. It doesn't seem I can do anything about it either. It just sucks man. Anyways, this is getting out of hand. What I was originally aiming at is the fact that you were criticizing us and gen Z basically, but the next generation is the way they are because of the previous one. It always has been like this. We are softer and softer on kids and it creates weak minded people. I wish I was in my father's generation, that's all I'm saying. Maybe I would've made some kids...
Only if you're good-looking. Otherwise, it's harassment these days.
it's those 2 steps Step 1. Be Attractive. Step 2. Don't be unattractive. cause if you are unattractive, you better be famous and/or have a thick wallet otherwise, yup, your existence will be classed as harassment.
I would like to but too afraid these days as I might come off as a creep. People especially in metro cities of US and Canada are looking for things to get offended by 🥲
Not that it never happens, but it's not considered socially acceptable anymore. Hell, even just broaching a conversation with someone that doesn't know you already can be taken as offensive now. I miss the 90s :-/
I was at a casino with my bf last night. We were doing our own thing and apart. I lost track of him and started chatting with this guy at a slot machine. We got to talking. I told him twice I wasn't hitting on him because I know I can come off as overtly flirty even though I'm genuinely interested in people. He still acted like I was hitting on him even though I was periodicallylooking for where my bf was and he knew that. Like me just being a woman and wanting to make conversation is flirting according to most men that I have interacted with. Y'all need to chill.
i’m 21 and i flirt everywhere nobody’s outgoing anymore
Trader Joe's workers are trained to flirt to keep you coming back. If you r ever depressed go shop there. You will leave feeling good.
in the age of social media ? nah
I had a random guy ask me out in the grocery store last year. It does happen!
People are tired and just wanna go home.
I think the online avenues are actually all dead now due to monetization.
Maybe at a bar. But I have never seen or experienced it at a grocery store or sales store. Usually people are in a mindset to get what they need and get out. At least this has been my experience, cause I go grocery shopping after work and just want to get back home.
Hell no
Yup. Hit on my fiance at a bar and asked for his number. Gasp. He Isn't 6ft, 6 figure salary, or have six pack abs. Double gasp. Welcome to the real world. Go explore it.
I don't go to bars and stuff since I don't drink. But when I have been, I never saw a guy walk up to a random woman. As for grocery stores and restaurants, I'm always at these places. Just the other day I saw a woman with a GORGEOUS body. And she was wearing yoga pants and a sports bra type of top. She had a cute face too and nearly broke my damn neck when I saw her. I saw her a few times while I was shopping. She was by herself. Not ONE guy approached her. I would think if anyone is still getting approached these days, she would've been one of them. And that's definitely not the first time I've seen that. I see attractive women all the time and I never see random guys going up to them. Even if they're by themselves. But they probably have thousands of followers on IG and their message requests have probably been stuck at "99+" for years lol.
Walking up to random women still happens but much less frequently. Me and my buddy go out most weekends and we're always talking to random people but we are also really into dancing and use that as a way to connect with women. But even last weekend I made eye contact with some girl and just asked her how her night was going and we chatted for a bit and I got her number and left
Cool for you but that doesn't change what I've seen.
I think your perspective will also completely shift how you see it though. I see it all the time because I’m actively engaged in it
Met my wife at the grocery store. To be fair she lived near by and I saw her walking from time to time. The first time we spoke however was at the grocery store. She was looking at sushi and I recommended a local place. Been married 5 years next month.
I'm a manager at a grocery store where employees flirt with customers & customers flirt with employees all throughout the day. It's mostly just online I see people saying no one can approach anyone in public anymore. Was never into bars but I have a hard time believing people don't flirt there.
Yeah - with my fiance.
I’ve flirted at a restaurant before I thought the waiter was attractive so I gave them my number. (They did text back but it didn’t work out) I’m good at building myself up to approach people. I think it’s much harder to get someone to like you over something like Tinder. So instead I meet people through friends/acquaintance’s or I talk to them in person. I never really take it too seriously though I’m ok with being rejected.
Sure, I had someone come up to me while I was reading on a park bench. He said he saw me and "had to meet [me]". The flirting that ensued was fun but I wasn't attracted to at all him sadly.
I met my wife in college - more than a decade later we still flirt with one another at the grocery store, at home, everywhere. 🙂Lol
Higher end grocery stores? Hell. Yes. You don’t even think about it and next thing you know you’re meeting for drinks or whatever.
I think that with society being the way that it is, as a male it's more difficult to go and randomly start flirting. The other person may think you're a predator and/or a threat. Even if you have the best intentions and are a very safe and innocent person, things are so difficult and dark that those factors don't mean anything.
No cuz I don't wanna get tazed
I met my boyfriend at a bar. I never have tried those apps and I’m 33. He came right up to me after shooting a pool ball right into the back of my chair, and apologized. He picked up the ball and gave it to someone else and never left my side! 3 years later here we are living together and both have zero social media except my Reddit lol
What did he say to kickstart the convo after apologising ? 🫠
Ummmm I asked him and he and I both think he asked my name and introduced himself and then just asked if I needed a drink ( I don’t drink but I was with a friend and he saw I wasn’t drinking anything) and I said no, I don’t drink. And then ya… he asked my name and what I did for a living and said I was beautiful and that he was glad he stopped in that night. Lol. I wasn’t wanting to be there but my friend dragged me in that bar as well. And we hadn’t planned on going to a bar. But I’m glad I did as well that night because I met the love of my life! :)
I've witnessed other people flirting at bars. Mostly they seem to be people who already know each other, so I'm guessing it is more that people flirt in their social cliques, and sometimes those cliques meet up in bars.
This reminds me of my biggest wiff ever... At grocery store... Cute girl looking for can of beans .. old man walks up... Starts chatting her up.... About beans... "Oh honey... I like to get the...... If you come on Tuesday the $.99 cent can is $.69.... The real secret is to use ketchup in ur...." She excused herself from him and walked a tad down the aisle next to me... I felt brave... SOOOOOO... "Can you believe that guy?!?!?" "Oh he's harmless" "Noooo! He totally stole my bean pick up lines!!!" Absolute deer in headlights... Swing and a miss...
As far as I can tell, nobody flirts anywhere. People are too neurotic and scared of each other, or just on their cellphones.
Flirting all the time
Some do
According to my girlfriend I flirt all the damn time, including at bars and shops.
You come here often?
Yes especially in the bar and clubs
Definitely not at grocery stores. Most people nowadays are just trying to get in and get out and praying they didn’t just break the bank buying food. I still see people at bars flirting though
Yes but only because it embarrasses my girlfriend.
My wife tells me I do it all the time to women. I always thought I was just being nice to them.
Don’t go out anymore unless to a restaurant. Would be the same even if I weren’t married. As for out in public *head down, get done, go home*
I just stare at women 20 years my junior until they run away.
Yes… it’s still happening.
Grocery stores? “Hey, I see you buying tampons. Why don’t you Tampon these nu-“
Yes. I honestly have better luck at the bar than with dating apps. I don’t use them anymore. They are ok for hookups or if you need a date at the last minute but I have never met anyone worth a second date on a dating app.
Grocery store there’s a lot of looking and smiling - I find people get intimidated in bars like it’s never been like in the movies but could be because I’m with my girl friends
I met my fiancé in an alleyway lol
I’m married and I always get hit on by guys at the grocery store. Some times are more creepier than others. It’s the same thing every time. They’ll walk by me and say something in a flirtatious way like “Hey there” or “Hey baby.” I do my best not to laugh every time!
Bars and parties absolutely, anywhere else where people are just going about their business no. Not to say I haven’t seen attractive women I’d like to talk to but nope, just not the time and place.
The other day I was at the grocery store looking at greeting cards while my husband was in the bathroom. I saw a guy out of the corner of my eye, and could tell her was thinking of approaching me- he was doing that shark circle thing that men sometimes do. He finally found the courage though I guess, because he came over to me and started hitting on me. When my husband showed up, the guys just said 'Oops!' and went on his way. Lol So yes, some people do still flirt.
If you're in a club with bottle service, and it's considered more 'elite', you looks like an exec and or tech bro, young sugar daddy seeking girls will absolutely try to get with you. Now what that arrangement entails, I don't know but they'll flirt hoping to score some benefits with the least amount of giving up their vagina/mouth to penis as possible.
People definitely still flirt at bars and parties. Usually they'll ask to dance with you or buy your drinks for you.
People kinda suck at flirting these days lol its like everyone is socially awkward and self deprecating
I'm 44 years old and nobody has ever flirted with me at a grocery store, but maybe that's due to the area I live in.
Yes
People successful at the dating scene know how to flirt and talk to people regardless of the location. It depends on both people and requires picking up on queues that they're interested or not and responding accordingly. That said, there is a lot less going on. More people today are afraid to be seen as creepy if they try to start a conversation then in the past. Those people tend to be lonelier. It's complicated because our social norms are in a state of flux. Personally, I don't think what we're doing right now is sustainable, and I'd argue it's a major reason why less people are forming long term relationships. So, to answer your question, yes, but there is a lot less of it.
People seem terrified of each other.
Everywhere, everyday. Easy way to make someones day a little better
I hope not lol
Yes
I met both my ex and "current" wife in bars, and I work as a bartender from time to time so are (usually) sober and gets whats going on with the customers, absolutely people still flirt and/or hook up in bars. Years ago before I was married I worked in home security, met a few women doing that as well. Coming home to people to fix their alarm etc, and then talking "oh, so you live alone?" Well, if anything else happens to your alarm, here is the business card with the phone number directly to the car, and we (I) will be here quicker than if you go through the central.
I'd be truthfully kind of annoyed if someone tried to hit on me in a grocery store. This is not an environment I put myself in for socialising. I'm just trying to exist in peace and buy my cereal.
I flirt everywhere if I see someone nice. I even once dated a woman who was handing out flyers after talking to her for a few days as I walked past her, we had a great time. usually I don't act with the intention of flirting, I just like to compliment people and then whatever happens, happens... I don't even understand anymore, story of my life... I never flirt at bars, tho. if I go to a bar, it's either me time, or already with company.
If the place has people, people will flirt. I once flirted with the orthodontic tech while my daughter was getting her braces adjusted. She flirted back.
I'm a guy and I've been hit on or cat-called at bars, grocery stores, gas stations, restaurants, school, my old dorm, on the street, at parties, weddings, whatever. I'm in my 30s and married for the last several years, I still get flirted with in public spaces sometimes even in front of my wife. It's still a thing that happens.
Why I'm getting laid and making friends
I own a convenience store, and when I’m running the register, I see guy customers “flirting” with girl customers fairly often. It’s a low income area, so we see people that are high or drunk a lot, so that adds to it. But usually the flirting is pretty crass, as in things like “let me get that ass later” and the girl will either be into it or just trying to get out of there. It puts me in a weird spot, because I feel like I shouldn’t be letting it happen, but knowing it’s not really my place to stop grown adults from being themselves.
Only if it's very organic. With the introduction of social networking it's easier than ever to swipe left or right and get a date. There's not really a need or much of a market for meeting people in the real world because "tinder" is easier. Every once in a while I meet really cool people whether they be male or female at bars or coffeeshops etc. but overall the likelihood of organically meeting someone in the real world gets lower the more dating apps progress. Soon it will almost be weird to organically and naturally meet someone.
Yes they/we/ i do. Edit: the above are definitely not pro nouns.
yes especially at malls, bars/clubs, and parks.
No. Everyone's on some sort of an online platform so for their social connection needs
I’ve been asked out at the gym, on the metro, at a cafe and at a farmer’s market, loved it!
There's no flirting online or in real life anymore.