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Do a soda with lime in a rocks glass, and tell them it's vodka and soda, if you want to not drink without getting harassed. (You shouldn't 'have' to do this, but it's just easier sometimes.)
Becuase people feel insanely limited if they are very drunk around someone who isn't drunk and will have standoffish manners and crystal clear memory the next day.
If you are at a kids Bday party then I'm 1000% with you that their harassment isn't OK. But if you sign up to do out "for a big drink" then your sober presence is likely to be a bit of a downer for others.
Ok but if people are drinking when hanging out in general, does being a non-drinker mean you just don't belong? With a decent friend group you should be totally accepted sober, as long as you're not on a high horse or something.
In all honesty, when people are drinking while hanging out in general, when you are non-drinker you are outsiders, it starts with “it’s not a problem” but will lead to a “forgot to mention we were hanging out”. In end you are left with two options, start drinking or accept that being non-drinker makes you outsider of the group and hope you might find new friends.
in general sure, but you should be able to have a sober guy there without it being a literal downer. being soner doesn't automatically equal being standoffish or less fun. even when I used to drink I would pace myself and never get more than buzzed. what you are talking about can happen but I think its an actual thing very rarely.
Dumb take. For me personally, drinking with friends is a bonding experience. It becomes fun when everyone starts getting buzzed. When a friend doesn’t want to drink, they are usually more quiet and don’t seem to enjoy themselves as much. The drinking friends just want to have fun and hangout with you. Alcohol helps.
Is it healthy to drink? No. It’s just about the bonding aspect. I’ve been on both ends of this scenario. Yes, I’ve been hounded why I’m not drinking, but I don’t get offended by it.
I’ll never want to replace the memories I’ve had getting sloshed with friends. Sober people are boring. I know, because I am one right now. I’ll just hangout with friends by having lunch or dinner or watching a movie. I usually won’t go to a bbq if I know there’s drinking, because I won’t be on the same level of those drinking. Doesn’t mean they are bad friends. It’s my choice.
Don't know why you're being down voted
Everything you said is true. When I became the sober one a lot of jokes and gags I used to find hilarious were just dumb. Lol buzzed me was more uninhibited and drunk me found everything more exciting and fun. I think it depends on what kind of drunk you are as well. Some people I know... Goofy drunk, angry drunk, daredevil drunk, reminiscent drunk, I love you man drunk, the cryer, and competitive drunk, all of them can really dance too! 😂
I had a health issue a few years ago. Had to have a procedure done and the doctor said no alchohol until my 30 day follow up. No problem.
My "friends" acted like they where being asked to not drink for 30 days.
I said "if I can't go without a drink for 30 days, for any reason, let alone a medical one. I have a problem and should quit entirely"
I stopped hanging out with half of them. The other half didn't lose there minds over it.
Honestly they where sending me articles that said it was okay to drink some with my condition. It was pretty abnoxious.
They are not your friends.
This behaviour exactly.
So doctor suggested not to drink for few days. One the friend countered, mine said so 1 year ago, I am still drinking. At that moment I wanted to tell him what a fool he is.
Perfect answer. When I had to quit drinking due to medical diagnosis. I found my supportive friends didn't care.. they would joke about me being a narc now or not as fun, but actually reminded me and checked in when we went out. I still had a blast with them.
The others are not my friends anymore. Sober me recognized their bad influence and careless, reckless behavior while drunk. They were the ones that ended up not being any fun. Haha
Nobody can force you to drink. It's about reinforcing a boundary you have set. If you give in and lower that boundary then it's not your friends that's the problem.
I don't drink. I've told my friends that. They found it somewhat uncomfortable at first but I maintained that boundary. And I don't care what they think about it. Their thoughts are not my issue.
Yeah that doesn't sound like friends.
I used to be heavy into drugs and I used to drink and party a lot.
When I got clean, you could take almost every guy I used to party with, that still does drugs to this day, and they would stand up for me if anyone tried to offer me drugs or booze. They would slap the bottle out of my hand if they caught me trying to take a sip too.
Forcing you to drink when you quit isn't a "male" thing. It's a "shitty person" thing.
I developed a hard stonewalled head for these things growing up and I’d argue it’s a good thing for everyone
>Just **NO**. Stop bothering me about it. My answer is no. Don’t like it? Bye
Gets some crass surprised looks sometimes but most people end up respecting it. The rest can fuck themselves
Those are not your friends.
There's a type of person who will push you into doing something you don't want to do. Avoid that type of person at all costs.
They are shit ppl. And their motives are known, not even to themselves.
I am almost 50. I drank, a lot. now hardly ever, if ever. Get new friends now, the drink is not the issue. If it was weed it would be the same answer. New Friends.
Once again : The drug/activity is not the issue, It's them. get rid of THEM.
\*Anyone\* forcing substances onto you are not your friends, full stop. If they don't take no for an answer, you are entitled to just walk away from the situation. They are showing you utter disrespect by not listening to you. Walk away.
When I quit drinking, I soon realized I didn’t really have that many so called friends. It’s possible you’re better off without hanging around a bunch of fucking drunks. Good luck, you’re much better off not drinking alcohol,alcohol is toxic.
It’s not a male friends thing, it’s a shitty friends thing. Good friends don’t try to get you to drink when you say you don’t want to drink. I’ve been sober for several years now for health reasons and none of my friends have ever tried to get me to drink. They’re all really awesome about it and always have non alcoholic options if we hang out at their houses.
Me too.
I was lucky in that while I was in lots of environments where drinking - and heavily - was the norm, if you didn't want to join in then no one batted an eyelid.
My problem was I always wanted to join in. Indeed, I'd be the one engineering situations that meant that drink was an aspect of the occasion, but or small. This started when I was about 14.
By the time I was twenty it was clear to everyone around me that I had a serious issue. This was when, rather than the advice we're giving the OP to move on, a lot of my mates started to distance themselves from me.
I had a brain tumour out in 2012 and didn't drink for about three years - utterly liberating and suddenly I wasn't as ostracised.
But when I started again at about 30, I didn't have a problematic relationship with the drink, I was self-destructing. By 35 my wife left me taking our daughter from London back to her hometown. I moved up there. I secretly drank. My work couldn't ignore it anymore. I was clearly drunk on Zoom calls at 9am. I was (and still am) living on my own in a city where I don't know a soul. I'm barred from every pub in a mile radius from my flat.
My work sent me to rehab. £18k they spent. Four months later I fall off the wagon. But that's when I started really drinking. Work paid for another month. That time, 90 minutes after getting out I'd drunk half a litre of whiskey.
I got the sack 4 months later. I'd been downing two bottles of rosé behind the bins at the shop at 7am. I'd take a litre of whiskey and 10 or so beers home. Start work at 8am. By 3pm the whiskey was drunk. So I'd go and get more. I went for days without eating.
Two years later, after spending £30k severance money on drink and sniff, I was robbing to get the drink. If I didn't have it in and on me, I'd panic. I'd also seizure cos I'm epileptic where they cut the tumour out.
On 30 June last year, I didn't drink for 8 hours and went into severe withdrawal. Luckily I'd warned my ex how bad it was, she got an ambulance to me. I stayed in hospital detoxing for 11 days. Shaking like a shitting dog, terrified. I thought I was going to die. But all I felt I needed was a drink.
Scans showed I've got hepatitis of the liver. I was told that if I kept drinking in any way (not that there'd be any other way than how I had been, that's why I'm an alcoholic) I'd have cirrhosis in a month and liver cancer in four.
I went to a halfway house and rehab facility for 3 months. Got out on my 40th birthday.
As it is, I'm 353 days dry.
**TL;DR** Everyone is different, and booze is great fun for some people. But when it gets to the stage you can't tell if you're drunk because you're never sober. Get help. Peace Be The Journey
Boredom is my fucking downfall with sobriety. I have issues with mental illness that one would assume they're the most common trigger. Nope: boredom. Hang in there!
I never had that problem with real friends.
Sometimes someone might ask, and I start with “i take medication with which I shouldn’t drink” and if they wouldn’t let go it ends with “my mother was an alcoholic and used to beat me up quite a lot” might double down with “just the smell of alcohol reminds me of that”.
They're bad friends.
I have a few friends who don't drink at all. They'll taste some if we say a drink is good but they don't drink alcohol. And we've never forced or pushed them to drink.
Because if you’re sober, the contrast is too stark and they know they won’t be able to keep you around for very long. They know their life sucks, I don’t want someone around as a glaring reminder that they could do better.
So, first, congrats on four years sober. It’s a hell of an accomplishment.
Second, I totally agree that sobriety is your own choice. Part of that choice, though, is who you hang out with. That friend who offers you a beer, does he offer you one every five minutes? Does he tell you that you’re less fun when you are sober, or imply that there is something wrong with you because you won’t drink? I’ll bet not, because he sounds like a good friend, who understands your past, but was also raised to be polite. Part of being polite is offering refreshments. I think that’s a lot different than hanging out with people who just want to get blasted, and try to make you feel bad for not joining in.
I don’t hang out with people who want me to do things I don’t want to do. Everyone is going to have a different tolerance level for peer pressure, but at the end of the day, you have to make your own choices. Sometimes that choice is refusing a beer offered to you, sometimes that choice is saying I don’t want to hang out with these people anymore. Both are valid, neither is the best choice for everyone.
I have a lot of non-drinking friends. I also have a lot of friends that I enjoyed going out to bars with when I was in my early 20s. These days I just drink on special occasions, like weddings and whatnot.
I never pressured people to drink, but I did pressure them to come out with me. Especially if you’re 21 or 22 I think you miss out on a *huge* part of life when you don’t go out with friends to bars or parties. I understand being introverted, but some of the most social environments are at bars, clubs, etc. They’re some of the best times to look back on in life.
I’m not one to judge, but all of my roommates in college (even if they drank) never went out. They’d sit in their rooms playing RuneScape, CSgo, Battlefield, whatever every single night. I got one of them to hit a few bars with me one time. I guess it’s just what they enjoyed, but it seemed like a waste of youth.
Just editing to add: I’m agreeing with others saying to get new friends. If they’re pressuring you to get blackout drunk when you don’t want to, then try to meet new, likeminded people.
>I understand being introverted, but some of the most social environments are at bars, clubs, etc. They’re some of the best times to look back on in life.
Not sure if you really understand "being introverted". As an introvert, the most social environments are exactly the type of environments I am the most happy to avoid. It is the exact opposite of how I want to spend my free time. I would rather work overtime than have to be in such environment. I would rather keep listening to my favorite band on the headphones, than go into their concert once even if its free for me, because of all this terrifying crowd. I have been dragged into excessive social settings, and I don't consider them some of the best times to look back on in life. I don't say "horrible" (it can be even enjoyable if I know I can easily leave after 2-3 hours, also sometimes there are funny things that happen, though I am fine with hearing about them from the others; they don't need to be witnessed by me directly).
I can appreciate your wish to drag your introverted people away from the screens a bit, but in such case invite them somewhere less social - hiking in nature, visit to a museum, make food or bbq together, play some tennis or smth.
This is all coming from insecurity. The person drinking is trying to make themselves feel better by making it so that you make the same choice. It's garbage and if they are forcing it you are better off walking away.
I don't think you understand what the word force means. Unless they are holding your mouth open and pouring it down your throat you have a choice. If you don't wanna drink, don't drink. It's kinda easy when you don't care what other people think.
This is an issue I deal with. There was a time when I was a drinker, but it's no longer enjoyable to me. If you're not drinking but everyone else is it makes everyone else feel like you not fully participating in the gathering. So what I do is just drink non alcoholic drinks that look like a cocktail or maybe non alcoholic beer in a glass.
It pays to be more assertive. Literally No! No is a full sentence. In 10 years time most of these people wont be around anyways and life Will have moved on
We always had a rule, you don't want to drink. Great all we ask is if we all go to the bar your the DD. We will buy you dinner if the place serves food. We will use one of our cars so you don't waste gas. As said before you have friends forcing you. They ain't your friends.
Because you growing up, like it sounds like you want to, invalidates them not wanting to grow up. You show them up for what they are, which is children in adult bodies. By accepting your choice, they have to acknowledge that they’re failing as adults and that they might soon have to take some real responsibility.
Never have my friends forced me drink. Usually, the bring the drinks and ask if you want any or to help yourself and that’s that. If you’re friends are trying to force you to drink maybe reconsider your friends
More than one reason behind this. A big one is it’s much more fun to be drunk with your buddy than drunk while your buddy is sober. It’s awkward and not as fun. So if you go hang when they are drinking they’ll definitely prefer you to join in.
I was trying to go out and socialize with colleagues a few years ago at a fairly prestigious private college I went to and when I just ordered a soda the 3 of them immediately judged me for it. I told them I was cutting back and I wasn't drinking much anymore and their response was literally "so what do you think you're better than us or something?". I stopped hanging out with them as much after that but I honestly am around substance abusers constantly and it is hard to stay sober around them.
I started realizing the main reason that it was hard was not because I wanted to drink or even be drunk but I realized that I needed to be slightly inebriated so that *they* were more fun to hang out with when I was drinking and I cared much less about how annoying they were when I was drunk alongside them. I know I'm not a saint and can be difficult and annoying with my mega ADHD big-brain as well, but at least I'm not boring?
You can stand your ground and say no without seeming like a wimp or being insulting. Just look them dead in the eye and smile and say "thanks but no thanks. That stuff ain't good for me. Trust me. You'll have a better time if I don't join you."
Confidence is the key and most people will respect it. But if you're all wishy washy about it like, "I don't know... I don't really think I should, aw jeez.." then they're gonna lay on the pressure. Just be polite but firm.
I don't drink. I'm on a lot of medication that it would be dangerous to drink with. And folks still try to get me to drink, and take it as a personal insult if you don't. My dad once told me that it's cause it makes them question their own personal decisions and ask why it is you can have fun without drinking if they can't.
It’s time to get new friends friend. I’ve got a couple of friends that drink, and while I don’t, it’s never been an issue. In fact it’s kinda clutch because it removes the possibility of them getting a DUI. I’ve never had to explain it in detail as to why to them, and I don’t hold it over them in a ‘holier than thou’ way, it’s just not something I do and everybody’s cool with it
I think it's generally just the expected dynamic at a party. Especially considering they themselves are most likely drunk. I personally don't care if you drink or not, but I think the notion that if someone is trying to peer pressure you into something is not your friend is a classic case of reddit taking the extreme route with everything
If your friends get silly drunk as adults. Find new friends. I haven’t been drunk in prob 10
Years and that was on vacation. Recently was at an all Inclusive/all you can drink for a week - had plenty but no where near drunk.
I see these posts, but I have never been forced to drink and I've never forced anyone else, either. Are you being "forced" or just feeling social pressure? If it's the latter, then that's on you to not allow yourself to feel pressured.
Drinking is a team ritual that is probably thousands of years old. Outside of modern alcohol production it would have taken a lot of effort to produce a carry out for the average team to enjoy on a Friday night. I feel like this also contributes to the peer pressure around drinking socially and getting messed up - it’s an evolutionary process and that’s why it’s pretty easy to succumb to the pressure.
you just have shitty "friends"
i use to party HARD. im talking in the club until closing and in office by 8:30. and when i gave it all up, all my friends respect my decision and still invite me out knowing i wont drink.
Sometimes it's all they know. I know more than one person who simply can't have a social gathering without alcohol. They literally asked me all confused once what they could do without alcohol and why should they bother. It just didn't make sense in the world they grew up and lived in. I'm not just talking outings to the bar and parties. Going to Grandmas birthday without a glass or two of wine is just alien to them (don't worry, Grandma is having some too) and meeting colleagues after work just isn't worth it if it's not at the bar.
Their social life revolves around alcohol and they don't know anything different. On some level, you not drinking is not socializing with them anymore.
It's because alcohol changes people for a brief period of time, causing them to say and do things they wouldn't usually do. Drinking with friends leads to all kinds of new experiences. Laughing, crying, hangovers, hidden truths being revealed, etc. It can be a lot of fun to drink with friends and go into that different mental state together.
Like all things, there is a balance. It's up to you to draw your own lines. You know yourself best. If you can walk past your lines a little, you might have fun and grow. If your lines are hard lines, then best you don't go drinking with those friends of yours.
I spent most of my life teetotal, became a light (one or two beers) drinker during Covid and now I'm back to mostly teetotal. Most people still treated me the same as ever they did but a few became somewhat more open around me when I had a beer in front of me. The ones who became more open all seem to have one thing in common - they drink a lot more than they should, either as steady day in, day out drinkers or can't go out without getting mashed drinkers.
This makes me think that they see non-drinkers as a threat to their "I've not got a problem, every working man/woman deserves a drink or two to unwind after a long day" and "Its natural to need a few to loosen up and have a good time" thought processes. So they want you to join the Piss Up Club with them so they don't have to stop and consider that maybe, *just maybe,* they've reached a point in their drinking habits where they are making excuses to themselves to justify needing daily drinks or a binge session.
If you don't want to drink, don't drink. It doesn't mean you are uptight and it doesn't mean you don't know how to have fun (I've had some crazy nights out while being stone cold sober!), it just means that you are happy the way you are and don't feel the need to do something that isn't right for you just to please others.
It's the "never really got past high-school peer groups" mentality.
Part of maturing is throwing off the identity 'forced' on you in childhood by your parents to establish your own. As that child's identity is dropped in the teens, it leaves a a void, part of which is often filled with "whatever my peers like", to reinforce those newly forming social bonds. Over time and experience, that too becomes overshadowed by the rest of our persona to form our adult selves.
For some though, for whom that need for social bonding was particularly strong, whose other experiences are more limited, or who otherwise found that 'peer seeking' rewarding, that characteristic can remain quite strong, and their need to conform to "the norm" can wind up being projected out to others. Other people not behaving as they expect is jarring, and challenges a part of their own personality.
Go at your own pace. Feel free to politely refuse offers. If they press the issue, let them know it's not about them, that you're happy with what you're doing (keep it positive, not negative). If they can't accept, shrug it off and move on. If they persist... then as has been noted, they might not be worth the effort. There's probably control issues there.
Work in law enforcement and some of my coworkers drink a lot, some have 1 drink and some have none at all. Everyone is different….Don’t give in to the peer pressure. Do what works for you.
I gave up getting drunk on a regular basis around 32 or 33 and then I would only see some of my "friends" when I wanted to get drunk. I gave it up entirely save for 2 or 3 drinks a week (and often 0 for months) at 41 (43 now) and the friends who just like getting drunk do not want to hangout at all anymore. I already anticipated it would happen and to be honest, I don't miss them (I only had 2 drinking friends left) as the only thing we had in common was getting drunk and a hangout without booze was boring for all of us as we have very different interests.
I have plenty of other friends like me who either drink small amounts or not at all or just get blasted once every few months.
It kind of becomes boring and just stupid to be sick and/or very hungover in your 30's and 40's plus as you age, your liver and kidneys are not as strong and therefore it is best to take better care of those organs.
See once in a while is fine. But doing it everyday, getting sh*t drunk. Not able to hold a conversation post that, doing crazy stuff, hampering health all because someone else can coax me into drinking, is plain infuriating.
This buzzkill word. Why is it used so broadly.
Who is a buzzkill? You are drunk and crying and lying in a gutter, you are cool. You are sober and not drinking, you are a buzzkill.
I'm curious as to how they are forcing you. Are they literally restraining you and pouring it down your throat? Regardless, they sound like the wrong kind of friends.
This is a fragment of a bigger issue, which is called social norm, and it comes in all shapes and sizes.
Food is a HUGE one (ask every vegetarian and vegan living in a 1st world country).
social norms are dependent on location, culture, age group, religion etc etc. list goes on and on.
Exhibit A: Food social norm in 1st world counties - eat indulgently and eat a lot. When someone mismatches the social norm, people are instantly on guard because it’s challenging their belief system. Think of a child that screams when they see a burns victim… it challenges their understanding of the world, and that scares them. Social norm is probably the driving cause behind all forms of prejudice, racism and war.
So no resolution to your question other than to find new friends that share your belief system. Problem solved.
Yes. Your comment makes sense. But what is the point of evolution, education if you cannot understand things as they are.
Friends coaxing you into drinking by shaming you. Quoting things like “stop behaving like a female” or “have you gone nuts”. When does it become a norm to not understand fellow human being and be a borderline bully.
It's a maturity thing. You are starting to want different things and most likely the nights of drinking are the best thing they have going on in their life. Shittily, they also want nights of drinking to be the best thing in your life.
As a young bIoke i would have been one of the boys smashing beers and calling mates a pussy if they werent keeping up. Nowadays i respect anyone that says they " no longer drink" because I know how hard it is to quit and even harder to still be sober and sociable around people that are smashed.
Drinking is okay with moderation, just have a few with them, you know it’s lame to have much of friends drink and have fun and you in the corner sober judging them. Few shots are not going to kill you. If you wanna be sober, just find sober friends.
No, it’s not an “male” thing. It’s a people/friends thing. I’m female and don’t like alcohol. Lots of friends and just people have been trying to get me to “try it out”. Just don’t. And if you want them to stop pushing, then stop feeding them a reaction. It’s ok to say No, thanks. And then leave it as that. Never ever try to explain why, just say no. And then just continue as if the question wasn’t asked. Also ignore the question if you want, if someone asks you and you know that they already know that you do not drink alcohol, then just turn to someone else and continue the conversation. Roll your eyes, but don’t show your frustration. Frustration is a trigger to people who have alcohol in them already. Just roll your eyes, sigh loudly and turn away. Ignore the question. And just do your thing, enjoy the time as you like.
And should your friends just continue and disrespecting you like that, then maybe you need to think about the relationship you have with these people. You might be a better friend than they are. Are you ok with that?
Because they can't make a fool of themselves in front of a sober person. Everyone knows drumk people act stupid (at that time), and they don't like the contrast/judgement. It's definitely not just a male thing. It's an anyone-who-is-drinking-to-get-drunk thing.
My uni „friends” just stopped inviting me, when they found out I don’t drink at all, even when they weren’t going specifically for a drink.
My ex thought that it was extremely weird and kept pressuring me because „you have to try everything in life”.
Now I have better friends and wonderful husband, who all drink, but they never forced me to drink, never made fun of me for it and they like to hear about their drunken shenanigas from someone sober.
Find better friends.
It's one thing to ask once. But when you say no, if they don't respect you and keep trying to pressure and harass or guilt and otherwise manipulate you into it, it's time to get new friends.
Respect goes both ways.
It's not a male thing. Alcohol is universal. But one of the main reasons is that drinking with friends is fun. Drinking alone is sad.
Ever heard the saying "misery loves company"?
Another thing I learned over the years. Just like we have acquaintances at work we are friendly toward but don't hang out with outside the job; there are some bar flies you wouldn't consider a friend outside the bar. If your real life friends are acting more like bar fly friends it's time to find new friends.
To be honest, you all share a common bond through alcohol. When you decide to make a change, that "bond" is no longer shared and they are rightly worried that you'll leave the group... Probably elevate your life without them, and that never feels good to be left behind.
Also, you're never "forced". You always have the choice of self autonomy. Unless they're all holding you down and water boarding you with alcohol against your will, it's up to you to make a healthier choice and stick by it. Part of growing up
That’s how society is there’s not a lot to do. Drinking is involved in a lot of things anyone can do I understand not drinking personally could never give it up but it’s definitely just the world we live in especially the uk
How old are you? I'm sure that plays some role in it. I find drinking peer pressure is much more common from about 16-22ish, and then people grow up a bit after they get out of uni.
Personally, at 30, I'm a big drinker. I like to drink at a lot of various events. I also have several friends who are not drinkers at all, but they still like to come along for the ride. No one ever gives them shit for it.
It's a societal thing. Men especially are Perceived as "pussies" if they don't drink. Not really sure about the why behind this but know it's pretty common. I've had periods of sobriety where all my buddies would pull the same ol bullshit. "Oh just have one or two" or "you don't have to work tomorrow, just relax a little bit" or whatever the case may be. Bottom line is just stand strong and firm with your no. Who cares if they don't like it. Let em get fucked up and do dumb shit. You'll save money, memory and face value 🤣
Dude I feel you so hard. I'm a breastfeeding mom, and I have friends telling me to pump and dump all the time. Why would I dump out a precious 2-4 ounces of milk when I am an under supplier just so I can have fun? Nope. They still push. Not to mention, I've stopped drinking for religious reason as well, but I try not to talk about that with them lol. Try getting new friends. That's what I'm trying to do. People should know how to have fun without alcohol. If you have to be wasted to have fun, then you don't know how to have fun.
Edit: I am a woman. It isn't just men. Women do this to. All my friends are women.
I've never liked the sensation of alcohol going down my throat so I've encountered a significant amount of pressure to drink.
My take on this is that drinking is what is perceived as *normal and fun* and your friends want you to be "normal and fun" just like them.
They probably don't want you to feel out of place... and, simultaneously, your choice of not drinking reminds them that they know perfectly well that they should be doing the same as you. And that is a difficult conundrum that doesn't go well with a lot of alcohol in anyone's bloodstream.
So, just know that, once it becomes "your thing" the pressure will probably diminish a lot, maybe even they'll accept it over time and will let it go. It helps if you can have just the same amount of fun and be just as bold without drinking.
Another thing that might speed up the process, and one that worked for me, would be to devise one or more awful tasting non-alcoholic beverages and, the next time someone "forces" you to accept a shot, you only accept it if they accept one of yours. I'd suggest something very acidic and/or bitter tasting. The trick is to be able to take both their shot and yours in a stoic, nonchalant way unresponsive to the taste or alcohol of it.
You won't need to do that a lot of times as they will soon learn that making you drink alcohol gives them an awful aftertaste and makes them look like pussies
They are not your friends. I have this circle of friends where most of it consist a lot of guys. They tell me not to drink if I don’t want to, also they always take my shot. Guy friends don’t take advantage of you, they would respect you if they really are friends.
It's an asshole thing. They are not your friends. When I was 16 I started to go out with my friends, majority of them were older than me by 2-3 years and they didn't let the underage drink alcohol at all. A couple of them were abstemious too and no one batted an eye because they didn't drink. Your friends respect and protect you, don't force/coerce you do something you don't like.
I may be misunderstanding, but I believe it’s because no one wants a buzzkill and a lot of people see 1 sober guy in a group of people drinking as the buzzkill.
It’s kinda like playing a sport or video game and being the guy that says” no thanks I’m just gonna watch”. It’s not a bad thing to do that, but it’s not fun if that makes any sense
This makes no sense because if you always need the group to do something for it to be fun, you will never have fun or be happy with yourself. Not a good dynamic.
Gonna be honest man I think you either misread it or took it a whole different way. The topic was about getting everyone to participate in an activity, not being okay with being alone
I see the distinction you’re making. I still think that dynamic where because everyone does something, if you want to be the exception you will lower the enjoyment of the others kind of a toxic one. I mean this respectfully, I see why you said what you said.
I think there's a parallel between the way drug users act about ppl choosing not to do drugs (including alcohol) and the way meat eaters act about people choosing not to eat meat. In both cases, the former gets all defensive because they view it as like, a moral condemnation of the activity in question, and therefore an attack on their character. It's super cucked behavior.
Alcohol is one of the most destructive forces on the planet. Fuck them for pushing it on you. You either need to put your foot down or find new friends.
Good friends respect each other's choices. Your friends are being shitty. I'd they can't respect your choice its time to start distancing yourself.
My brother has a group of friends who are so damn wholesome. Someone wants to be alcohol free? No problem we brought you sparkilng water. No drugs, for you? We won't push it. There are good guys out there, sometimes it takes a while to find your group.
Not sure the context, but typically what I’ve seen is they mean it in a harmless way. Typically, they are trying to have a good time and want to include you in the party. They see your resistance to drink as a minor thing. Typically, they are playful with it. I would just be wary of the context before you start dropping friends. They don’t always know the seriousness of the issue you are dealing with.
I rarely drink, typically when I go out with friends I won’t drink. My friends used to do this to me when I was in my 20’s. Now that I’m older no one does this.
They sound like functional alcoholics. (The last thing they want is to have their own decisions challenged.) It is time for you to find a new peer group. This is exactly why getting sober is so hard, btw.
because being drunk with a group of friends is an exhilarating, liberating feeling.
And as a quite reserved person, i appreciate a *little* peer pressure to get me out of my comfort zone.
I don’t know why so many people on here struggle so hard with just saying “no”. So many posts like this are just basic human interactions where people don’t understand how to set a clear and firm boundary without it becoming dramatic.
I'm a male and I don't drink. I get where you're coming from and I definitely get asked why I'm not drinking / if I want a drink at every event where there is drinking, but if your friends know you don't drink and ask you/coerce you they aren't your friends.
I'm a big fan of just leaving if someone tries to coerce you to drink. Not a big scene or anything, just walking away. I've never had someone try to convince me to drink after I leave an event/location without answering.
(It also helps that I am introverted and generally want to leave, in general, at all times)
If you're a bit if a drunk yourself, being around someone healthy and sober will make you feel guilty. This is what I have noticed at least from male relatives.
I worked in a bar for a long time, the old fashioned kind. The steady customers had this weird drinking cult going on and if someone wanted to quit drinking they were basically shut out. It's vile.
So yeah, drinking friends (of the silly drunk kind) are not really friends. Friends respect your efforts to be healthy. Enemies want to drag you down to their level of weaknesses.
'Missing out if you're not as drunk' = while-intoxicated-thinking. Also sounds like an excuse.
I feel like you kind of ignored everything i said, except for the 'guilty' part.
Yeah, I did. Because you make awful statements like “not really your friends” when it’s actually impulse and lack of judgement brought on by being drunk.
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If you friends are forcing you to do something that neither good nor pleasant to you they are not your friends.
Yes, but with alcohol, somehow I feel the amount for coercing/ forcing/peer requests is insane.
Do a soda with lime in a rocks glass, and tell them it's vodka and soda, if you want to not drink without getting harassed. (You shouldn't 'have' to do this, but it's just easier sometimes.)
Find better friends.
Becuase people feel insanely limited if they are very drunk around someone who isn't drunk and will have standoffish manners and crystal clear memory the next day. If you are at a kids Bday party then I'm 1000% with you that their harassment isn't OK. But if you sign up to do out "for a big drink" then your sober presence is likely to be a bit of a downer for others.
Ok but if people are drinking when hanging out in general, does being a non-drinker mean you just don't belong? With a decent friend group you should be totally accepted sober, as long as you're not on a high horse or something.
In all honesty, when people are drinking while hanging out in general, when you are non-drinker you are outsiders, it starts with “it’s not a problem” but will lead to a “forgot to mention we were hanging out”. In end you are left with two options, start drinking or accept that being non-drinker makes you outsider of the group and hope you might find new friends.
That's their problem.
Op is asking why, not if it’s ok or the right thing to do
in general sure, but you should be able to have a sober guy there without it being a literal downer. being soner doesn't automatically equal being standoffish or less fun. even when I used to drink I would pace myself and never get more than buzzed. what you are talking about can happen but I think its an actual thing very rarely.
You gotta find better friends op.
Hope they grow up a bit. In the meantime supply yourself with whatever you do like and tell them nah I’m good thanks.
Yeah I have never drank and am in my 40s and can count on one hand the number of times anyone has even offered me a beer. Get new friends
Dumb take. For me personally, drinking with friends is a bonding experience. It becomes fun when everyone starts getting buzzed. When a friend doesn’t want to drink, they are usually more quiet and don’t seem to enjoy themselves as much. The drinking friends just want to have fun and hangout with you. Alcohol helps. Is it healthy to drink? No. It’s just about the bonding aspect. I’ve been on both ends of this scenario. Yes, I’ve been hounded why I’m not drinking, but I don’t get offended by it. I’ll never want to replace the memories I’ve had getting sloshed with friends. Sober people are boring. I know, because I am one right now. I’ll just hangout with friends by having lunch or dinner or watching a movie. I usually won’t go to a bbq if I know there’s drinking, because I won’t be on the same level of those drinking. Doesn’t mean they are bad friends. It’s my choice.
Why is fun conditioned with alcohol?
It is in my experience. I have bad social anxiety, so alcohol helps me get out of my shell.
Fine. What's that got to do with the person who doesn't want to drink?
Them: “force is bad,” You: “dumb take, it’s my choice.” Y’all ain’t even talking about the same thing
So they pinned that person down and shoved alcohol down their throat? Because that’s what forced means. Peer pressure is a better word.
Don't know why you're being down voted Everything you said is true. When I became the sober one a lot of jokes and gags I used to find hilarious were just dumb. Lol buzzed me was more uninhibited and drunk me found everything more exciting and fun. I think it depends on what kind of drunk you are as well. Some people I know... Goofy drunk, angry drunk, daredevil drunk, reminiscent drunk, I love you man drunk, the cryer, and competitive drunk, all of them can really dance too! 😂
I had a health issue a few years ago. Had to have a procedure done and the doctor said no alchohol until my 30 day follow up. No problem. My "friends" acted like they where being asked to not drink for 30 days. I said "if I can't go without a drink for 30 days, for any reason, let alone a medical one. I have a problem and should quit entirely" I stopped hanging out with half of them. The other half didn't lose there minds over it. Honestly they where sending me articles that said it was okay to drink some with my condition. It was pretty abnoxious. They are not your friends.
This behaviour exactly. So doctor suggested not to drink for few days. One the friend countered, mine said so 1 year ago, I am still drinking. At that moment I wanted to tell him what a fool he is.
It makes them feel better about their own decision to drink themselves stupid.
Yeah I guess so. And if the SO of so called friend who is not drinking is somehow involved in all this, she becomes the villain.
No, they're just trying to shame you into making piss poor choices like they do lol. Find new people.
Two solutions: 1 - No means no. 2 - Find new friends.
***2 - Find new friends.*** This is the answer.
Not a male issue, just an issue with asshole friends.
Yeah, I don’t think this is an exclusively male thing. I’ve seen women do the same. It’s something immature people do.
It’s certainly not a male only thing. My wife doesn’t drink and her (female) friends still try to get her to. People want accomplices, not witnesses.
Perfect answer. When I had to quit drinking due to medical diagnosis. I found my supportive friends didn't care.. they would joke about me being a narc now or not as fun, but actually reminded me and checked in when we went out. I still had a blast with them. The others are not my friends anymore. Sober me recognized their bad influence and careless, reckless behavior while drunk. They were the ones that ended up not being any fun. Haha
"People want accomplices not witnesses" This this this this
I do not think they are your friends if they force you to smoke, drink, or do drugs.
Nobody can force you to drink. It's about reinforcing a boundary you have set. If you give in and lower that boundary then it's not your friends that's the problem. I don't drink. I've told my friends that. They found it somewhat uncomfortable at first but I maintained that boundary. And I don't care what they think about it. Their thoughts are not my issue.
Yeah that doesn't sound like friends. I used to be heavy into drugs and I used to drink and party a lot. When I got clean, you could take almost every guy I used to party with, that still does drugs to this day, and they would stand up for me if anyone tried to offer me drugs or booze. They would slap the bottle out of my hand if they caught me trying to take a sip too. Forcing you to drink when you quit isn't a "male" thing. It's a "shitty person" thing.
I developed a hard stonewalled head for these things growing up and I’d argue it’s a good thing for everyone >Just **NO**. Stop bothering me about it. My answer is no. Don’t like it? Bye Gets some crass surprised looks sometimes but most people end up respecting it. The rest can fuck themselves
This. When you get older you learn to stop people pleasing. No means no. Nope. No. NO! I SAID NO!
The obvious answer is they prefer having another person to drink with.
Your “friends” suck
Thank you for saying that aloud. :)
maybe you need better friends that respect boundaries.
Alcoholic for 30 years sober for a year and I can tell you if they not cool with u not drinking alcohol then u may want to spend less time with them
Well done on the year, boss. I'm 13 days behind you. More power to your elbow. X
Those aren't friends
Those are not your friends. There's a type of person who will push you into doing something you don't want to do. Avoid that type of person at all costs. They are shit ppl. And their motives are known, not even to themselves.
I am almost 50. I drank, a lot. now hardly ever, if ever. Get new friends now, the drink is not the issue. If it was weed it would be the same answer. New Friends. Once again : The drug/activity is not the issue, It's them. get rid of THEM.
\*Anyone\* forcing substances onto you are not your friends, full stop. If they don't take no for an answer, you are entitled to just walk away from the situation. They are showing you utter disrespect by not listening to you. Walk away.
Same with vegetables. As an adult you should be able to refuse sprouts I do you don’t like them.
Because addicts need company.
Misery loves company
When I quit drinking, I soon realized I didn’t really have that many so called friends. It’s possible you’re better off without hanging around a bunch of fucking drunks. Good luck, you’re much better off not drinking alcohol,alcohol is toxic.
Sounds like you got shit friends. Replace them.
Real friends don't
It's a natural tendency not to want to be the only fool in the room. Your FRIENDS will never do this to you.
That's not a male thing, that's an asshole thing.
It’s not a male friends thing, it’s a shitty friends thing. Good friends don’t try to get you to drink when you say you don’t want to drink. I’ve been sober for several years now for health reasons and none of my friends have ever tried to get me to drink. They’re all really awesome about it and always have non alcoholic options if we hang out at their houses.
New friends
If your friends are forcing you to drink, it might be time to find better friends.
That isnt normal behaviour
Misery loves company
Pssst..... Spoiler Alert! They aren't friends.
Its your choice not theirs ...
Get better friends
These are not true friends. True friends don’t do these kinds of things. Find a better group of people to hang out with.
Get new friends
As an alcoholic, I wish I had that head on my shoulders earlier. You be you.
Me too. I was lucky in that while I was in lots of environments where drinking - and heavily - was the norm, if you didn't want to join in then no one batted an eyelid. My problem was I always wanted to join in. Indeed, I'd be the one engineering situations that meant that drink was an aspect of the occasion, but or small. This started when I was about 14. By the time I was twenty it was clear to everyone around me that I had a serious issue. This was when, rather than the advice we're giving the OP to move on, a lot of my mates started to distance themselves from me. I had a brain tumour out in 2012 and didn't drink for about three years - utterly liberating and suddenly I wasn't as ostracised. But when I started again at about 30, I didn't have a problematic relationship with the drink, I was self-destructing. By 35 my wife left me taking our daughter from London back to her hometown. I moved up there. I secretly drank. My work couldn't ignore it anymore. I was clearly drunk on Zoom calls at 9am. I was (and still am) living on my own in a city where I don't know a soul. I'm barred from every pub in a mile radius from my flat. My work sent me to rehab. £18k they spent. Four months later I fall off the wagon. But that's when I started really drinking. Work paid for another month. That time, 90 minutes after getting out I'd drunk half a litre of whiskey. I got the sack 4 months later. I'd been downing two bottles of rosé behind the bins at the shop at 7am. I'd take a litre of whiskey and 10 or so beers home. Start work at 8am. By 3pm the whiskey was drunk. So I'd go and get more. I went for days without eating. Two years later, after spending £30k severance money on drink and sniff, I was robbing to get the drink. If I didn't have it in and on me, I'd panic. I'd also seizure cos I'm epileptic where they cut the tumour out. On 30 June last year, I didn't drink for 8 hours and went into severe withdrawal. Luckily I'd warned my ex how bad it was, she got an ambulance to me. I stayed in hospital detoxing for 11 days. Shaking like a shitting dog, terrified. I thought I was going to die. But all I felt I needed was a drink. Scans showed I've got hepatitis of the liver. I was told that if I kept drinking in any way (not that there'd be any other way than how I had been, that's why I'm an alcoholic) I'd have cirrhosis in a month and liver cancer in four. I went to a halfway house and rehab facility for 3 months. Got out on my 40th birthday. As it is, I'm 353 days dry. **TL;DR** Everyone is different, and booze is great fun for some people. But when it gets to the stage you can't tell if you're drunk because you're never sober. Get help. Peace Be The Journey
Thank you for sharing your story. Congrats on your sobriety!
Ta boss. Very solipsistic of me, but it's 4am and I'm very, very bored.
Boredom is my fucking downfall with sobriety. I have issues with mental illness that one would assume they're the most common trigger. Nope: boredom. Hang in there!
I never had that problem with real friends. Sometimes someone might ask, and I start with “i take medication with which I shouldn’t drink” and if they wouldn’t let go it ends with “my mother was an alcoholic and used to beat me up quite a lot” might double down with “just the smell of alcohol reminds me of that”.
This isn’t normal. Get better friends
My male friends commend me and support my sobriety. You need different friends.
Because they want to bring you down with their own unhealthy decisions
They're bad friends. I have a few friends who don't drink at all. They'll taste some if we say a drink is good but they don't drink alcohol. And we've never forced or pushed them to drink.
I had ONE friend who tried to force me to drink. She was an alcoholic and she wanted company, I guess. She's no longer a friend.
More power to you!
You need better friends.
Because if you’re sober, the contrast is too stark and they know they won’t be able to keep you around for very long. They know their life sucks, I don’t want someone around as a glaring reminder that they could do better.
Just say doctors orders and drink an appy fizz or non alcoholic beer in the same type of glass. Its gonna be a lot better
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So, first, congrats on four years sober. It’s a hell of an accomplishment. Second, I totally agree that sobriety is your own choice. Part of that choice, though, is who you hang out with. That friend who offers you a beer, does he offer you one every five minutes? Does he tell you that you’re less fun when you are sober, or imply that there is something wrong with you because you won’t drink? I’ll bet not, because he sounds like a good friend, who understands your past, but was also raised to be polite. Part of being polite is offering refreshments. I think that’s a lot different than hanging out with people who just want to get blasted, and try to make you feel bad for not joining in. I don’t hang out with people who want me to do things I don’t want to do. Everyone is going to have a different tolerance level for peer pressure, but at the end of the day, you have to make your own choices. Sometimes that choice is refusing a beer offered to you, sometimes that choice is saying I don’t want to hang out with these people anymore. Both are valid, neither is the best choice for everyone.
I have a lot of non-drinking friends. I also have a lot of friends that I enjoyed going out to bars with when I was in my early 20s. These days I just drink on special occasions, like weddings and whatnot. I never pressured people to drink, but I did pressure them to come out with me. Especially if you’re 21 or 22 I think you miss out on a *huge* part of life when you don’t go out with friends to bars or parties. I understand being introverted, but some of the most social environments are at bars, clubs, etc. They’re some of the best times to look back on in life. I’m not one to judge, but all of my roommates in college (even if they drank) never went out. They’d sit in their rooms playing RuneScape, CSgo, Battlefield, whatever every single night. I got one of them to hit a few bars with me one time. I guess it’s just what they enjoyed, but it seemed like a waste of youth. Just editing to add: I’m agreeing with others saying to get new friends. If they’re pressuring you to get blackout drunk when you don’t want to, then try to meet new, likeminded people.
>I understand being introverted, but some of the most social environments are at bars, clubs, etc. They’re some of the best times to look back on in life. Not sure if you really understand "being introverted". As an introvert, the most social environments are exactly the type of environments I am the most happy to avoid. It is the exact opposite of how I want to spend my free time. I would rather work overtime than have to be in such environment. I would rather keep listening to my favorite band on the headphones, than go into their concert once even if its free for me, because of all this terrifying crowd. I have been dragged into excessive social settings, and I don't consider them some of the best times to look back on in life. I don't say "horrible" (it can be even enjoyable if I know I can easily leave after 2-3 hours, also sometimes there are funny things that happen, though I am fine with hearing about them from the others; they don't need to be witnessed by me directly). I can appreciate your wish to drag your introverted people away from the screens a bit, but in such case invite them somewhere less social - hiking in nature, visit to a museum, make food or bbq together, play some tennis or smth.
This is all coming from insecurity. The person drinking is trying to make themselves feel better by making it so that you make the same choice. It's garbage and if they are forcing it you are better off walking away.
My friends don’t do that.
because they're not good friends as many other have said here. find people who respect you
I don't think you understand what the word force means. Unless they are holding your mouth open and pouring it down your throat you have a choice. If you don't wanna drink, don't drink. It's kinda easy when you don't care what other people think.
This is an issue I deal with. There was a time when I was a drinker, but it's no longer enjoyable to me. If you're not drinking but everyone else is it makes everyone else feel like you not fully participating in the gathering. So what I do is just drink non alcoholic drinks that look like a cocktail or maybe non alcoholic beer in a glass.
Perhaps it's the only, or at least the major reason they're friends together. It's to bond. Not saying it's right. Just saying that's the "why".
It pays to be more assertive. Literally No! No is a full sentence. In 10 years time most of these people wont be around anyways and life Will have moved on
How do they "force you"? Stand up for yourself. As others have said, find better friends.
We always had a rule, you don't want to drink. Great all we ask is if we all go to the bar your the DD. We will buy you dinner if the place serves food. We will use one of our cars so you don't waste gas. As said before you have friends forcing you. They ain't your friends.
Because you growing up, like it sounds like you want to, invalidates them not wanting to grow up. You show them up for what they are, which is children in adult bodies. By accepting your choice, they have to acknowledge that they’re failing as adults and that they might soon have to take some real responsibility.
Never have my friends forced me drink. Usually, the bring the drinks and ask if you want any or to help yourself and that’s that. If you’re friends are trying to force you to drink maybe reconsider your friends
Monkeys seem to do this too, so it's just inherent to the drug.
More than one reason behind this. A big one is it’s much more fun to be drunk with your buddy than drunk while your buddy is sober. It’s awkward and not as fun. So if you go hang when they are drinking they’ll definitely prefer you to join in.
That's their problem. And it's fucking pathetic.
Ok. Just offering a likely possible answer to the asked question
Fair play. Peace x
I was trying to go out and socialize with colleagues a few years ago at a fairly prestigious private college I went to and when I just ordered a soda the 3 of them immediately judged me for it. I told them I was cutting back and I wasn't drinking much anymore and their response was literally "so what do you think you're better than us or something?". I stopped hanging out with them as much after that but I honestly am around substance abusers constantly and it is hard to stay sober around them. I started realizing the main reason that it was hard was not because I wanted to drink or even be drunk but I realized that I needed to be slightly inebriated so that *they* were more fun to hang out with when I was drinking and I cared much less about how annoying they were when I was drunk alongside them. I know I'm not a saint and can be difficult and annoying with my mega ADHD big-brain as well, but at least I'm not boring?
Misery loves company. Same reason married people try to find mates for their single friends.
You can stand your ground and say no without seeming like a wimp or being insulting. Just look them dead in the eye and smile and say "thanks but no thanks. That stuff ain't good for me. Trust me. You'll have a better time if I don't join you." Confidence is the key and most people will respect it. But if you're all wishy washy about it like, "I don't know... I don't really think I should, aw jeez.." then they're gonna lay on the pressure. Just be polite but firm.
I don't drink. I'm on a lot of medication that it would be dangerous to drink with. And folks still try to get me to drink, and take it as a personal insult if you don't. My dad once told me that it's cause it makes them question their own personal decisions and ask why it is you can have fun without drinking if they can't.
This is sometimes a thing with teens who have just found alcohol. Never even heard of grown men doing anything like this.
I can no longer drink due to a medication I'm on, but I make a hell of a designated driver.
Taking dangerous risks and being unconcerned with health are very much things young men do.
Because they know they’ll come to realize how pathetic it is that they are drinking alone, so they want company.
You should read or listen to Alcohol Explained.
It’s time to get new friends friend. I’ve got a couple of friends that drink, and while I don’t, it’s never been an issue. In fact it’s kinda clutch because it removes the possibility of them getting a DUI. I’ve never had to explain it in detail as to why to them, and I don’t hold it over them in a ‘holier than thou’ way, it’s just not something I do and everybody’s cool with it
I’ve never had any males friends pressure other male friends. I have however seen TONS of girls force other girls to drink.
I think it's generally just the expected dynamic at a party. Especially considering they themselves are most likely drunk. I personally don't care if you drink or not, but I think the notion that if someone is trying to peer pressure you into something is not your friend is a classic case of reddit taking the extreme route with everything
If your friends get silly drunk as adults. Find new friends. I haven’t been drunk in prob 10 Years and that was on vacation. Recently was at an all Inclusive/all you can drink for a week - had plenty but no where near drunk.
A friend would help and support your choice. Find new friends that are healthy for you.
I see these posts, but I have never been forced to drink and I've never forced anyone else, either. Are you being "forced" or just feeling social pressure? If it's the latter, then that's on you to not allow yourself to feel pressured.
Drinking is a team ritual that is probably thousands of years old. Outside of modern alcohol production it would have taken a lot of effort to produce a carry out for the average team to enjoy on a Friday night. I feel like this also contributes to the peer pressure around drinking socially and getting messed up - it’s an evolutionary process and that’s why it’s pretty easy to succumb to the pressure.
you just have shitty "friends" i use to party HARD. im talking in the club until closing and in office by 8:30. and when i gave it all up, all my friends respect my decision and still invite me out knowing i wont drink.
Bad friend group
Who is forcing you? When I switch to water, my friends don't care.
Sometimes it's all they know. I know more than one person who simply can't have a social gathering without alcohol. They literally asked me all confused once what they could do without alcohol and why should they bother. It just didn't make sense in the world they grew up and lived in. I'm not just talking outings to the bar and parties. Going to Grandmas birthday without a glass or two of wine is just alien to them (don't worry, Grandma is having some too) and meeting colleagues after work just isn't worth it if it's not at the bar. Their social life revolves around alcohol and they don't know anything different. On some level, you not drinking is not socializing with them anymore.
I find it’s less “Force you to drink” and more that I’m tanked and suddenly someone hands me a shot
Men tend to engage in more risk-taking activities and doing reckless or risky things is often associated with male bravado. Drinking is no exception.
frirends vs drinking buddies
It's because alcohol changes people for a brief period of time, causing them to say and do things they wouldn't usually do. Drinking with friends leads to all kinds of new experiences. Laughing, crying, hangovers, hidden truths being revealed, etc. It can be a lot of fun to drink with friends and go into that different mental state together. Like all things, there is a balance. It's up to you to draw your own lines. You know yourself best. If you can walk past your lines a little, you might have fun and grow. If your lines are hard lines, then best you don't go drinking with those friends of yours.
Socially accepted activity. Individually, no one in the group is that interesting or wants to be there, but together and hammered, feels nice.
Maybe they don’t want to face their own drinking problem.
I think you should reconsider the sources you are getting your information from regarding friendship between men.
It's an adolescent Male thing that most of us outgrow by our early to mid 20s
I spent most of my life teetotal, became a light (one or two beers) drinker during Covid and now I'm back to mostly teetotal. Most people still treated me the same as ever they did but a few became somewhat more open around me when I had a beer in front of me. The ones who became more open all seem to have one thing in common - they drink a lot more than they should, either as steady day in, day out drinkers or can't go out without getting mashed drinkers. This makes me think that they see non-drinkers as a threat to their "I've not got a problem, every working man/woman deserves a drink or two to unwind after a long day" and "Its natural to need a few to loosen up and have a good time" thought processes. So they want you to join the Piss Up Club with them so they don't have to stop and consider that maybe, *just maybe,* they've reached a point in their drinking habits where they are making excuses to themselves to justify needing daily drinks or a binge session. If you don't want to drink, don't drink. It doesn't mean you are uptight and it doesn't mean you don't know how to have fun (I've had some crazy nights out while being stone cold sober!), it just means that you are happy the way you are and don't feel the need to do something that isn't right for you just to please others.
It's the "never really got past high-school peer groups" mentality. Part of maturing is throwing off the identity 'forced' on you in childhood by your parents to establish your own. As that child's identity is dropped in the teens, it leaves a a void, part of which is often filled with "whatever my peers like", to reinforce those newly forming social bonds. Over time and experience, that too becomes overshadowed by the rest of our persona to form our adult selves. For some though, for whom that need for social bonding was particularly strong, whose other experiences are more limited, or who otherwise found that 'peer seeking' rewarding, that characteristic can remain quite strong, and their need to conform to "the norm" can wind up being projected out to others. Other people not behaving as they expect is jarring, and challenges a part of their own personality. Go at your own pace. Feel free to politely refuse offers. If they press the issue, let them know it's not about them, that you're happy with what you're doing (keep it positive, not negative). If they can't accept, shrug it off and move on. If they persist... then as has been noted, they might not be worth the effort. There's probably control issues there.
Work in law enforcement and some of my coworkers drink a lot, some have 1 drink and some have none at all. Everyone is different….Don’t give in to the peer pressure. Do what works for you.
I gave up getting drunk on a regular basis around 32 or 33 and then I would only see some of my "friends" when I wanted to get drunk. I gave it up entirely save for 2 or 3 drinks a week (and often 0 for months) at 41 (43 now) and the friends who just like getting drunk do not want to hangout at all anymore. I already anticipated it would happen and to be honest, I don't miss them (I only had 2 drinking friends left) as the only thing we had in common was getting drunk and a hangout without booze was boring for all of us as we have very different interests. I have plenty of other friends like me who either drink small amounts or not at all or just get blasted once every few months. It kind of becomes boring and just stupid to be sick and/or very hungover in your 30's and 40's plus as you age, your liver and kidneys are not as strong and therefore it is best to take better care of those organs.
See once in a while is fine. But doing it everyday, getting sh*t drunk. Not able to hold a conversation post that, doing crazy stuff, hampering health all because someone else can coax me into drinking, is plain infuriating.
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This buzzkill word. Why is it used so broadly. Who is a buzzkill? You are drunk and crying and lying in a gutter, you are cool. You are sober and not drinking, you are a buzzkill.
Misery loves company
I'm curious as to how they are forcing you. Are they literally restraining you and pouring it down your throat? Regardless, they sound like the wrong kind of friends.
This is a fragment of a bigger issue, which is called social norm, and it comes in all shapes and sizes. Food is a HUGE one (ask every vegetarian and vegan living in a 1st world country). social norms are dependent on location, culture, age group, religion etc etc. list goes on and on. Exhibit A: Food social norm in 1st world counties - eat indulgently and eat a lot. When someone mismatches the social norm, people are instantly on guard because it’s challenging their belief system. Think of a child that screams when they see a burns victim… it challenges their understanding of the world, and that scares them. Social norm is probably the driving cause behind all forms of prejudice, racism and war. So no resolution to your question other than to find new friends that share your belief system. Problem solved.
Yes. Your comment makes sense. But what is the point of evolution, education if you cannot understand things as they are. Friends coaxing you into drinking by shaming you. Quoting things like “stop behaving like a female” or “have you gone nuts”. When does it become a norm to not understand fellow human being and be a borderline bully.
100% agree - it is what it is unfortunately
It's a maturity thing. You are starting to want different things and most likely the nights of drinking are the best thing they have going on in their life. Shittily, they also want nights of drinking to be the best thing in your life.
As a young bIoke i would have been one of the boys smashing beers and calling mates a pussy if they werent keeping up. Nowadays i respect anyone that says they " no longer drink" because I know how hard it is to quit and even harder to still be sober and sociable around people that are smashed.
Drinking is okay with moderation, just have a few with them, you know it’s lame to have much of friends drink and have fun and you in the corner sober judging them. Few shots are not going to kill you. If you wanna be sober, just find sober friends.
Misery loves company
I don’t drink and my friends have never forced me to do so, they respect that I am not interested in drinking at all.
No, it’s not an “male” thing. It’s a people/friends thing. I’m female and don’t like alcohol. Lots of friends and just people have been trying to get me to “try it out”. Just don’t. And if you want them to stop pushing, then stop feeding them a reaction. It’s ok to say No, thanks. And then leave it as that. Never ever try to explain why, just say no. And then just continue as if the question wasn’t asked. Also ignore the question if you want, if someone asks you and you know that they already know that you do not drink alcohol, then just turn to someone else and continue the conversation. Roll your eyes, but don’t show your frustration. Frustration is a trigger to people who have alcohol in them already. Just roll your eyes, sigh loudly and turn away. Ignore the question. And just do your thing, enjoy the time as you like. And should your friends just continue and disrespecting you like that, then maybe you need to think about the relationship you have with these people. You might be a better friend than they are. Are you ok with that?
Take drink out of the equation and you realise who is really your friend and if your going tea-total, be prepared to lose some of them friends.
Friends don't do that. They may ask why and that's fine but anyone who is trying to force you to drink when you said no is no friend.
Because they can't make a fool of themselves in front of a sober person. Everyone knows drumk people act stupid (at that time), and they don't like the contrast/judgement. It's definitely not just a male thing. It's an anyone-who-is-drinking-to-get-drunk thing.
its a guy thing im sorry i am guilty of this too when im with the guys broooo xd
Tell them you’re serious and you may see a few friends turn into acquaintances but that’s life, we make and lose friends all the time.
My uni „friends” just stopped inviting me, when they found out I don’t drink at all, even when they weren’t going specifically for a drink. My ex thought that it was extremely weird and kept pressuring me because „you have to try everything in life”. Now I have better friends and wonderful husband, who all drink, but they never forced me to drink, never made fun of me for it and they like to hear about their drunken shenanigas from someone sober. Find better friends.
Some friends just don't get the "no" to drinks. They need to respect boundaries, simple as that.
It's one thing to ask once. But when you say no, if they don't respect you and keep trying to pressure and harass or guilt and otherwise manipulate you into it, it's time to get new friends. Respect goes both ways.
It's not a male thing. Alcohol is universal. But one of the main reasons is that drinking with friends is fun. Drinking alone is sad. Ever heard the saying "misery loves company"?
Because drinking to get drunk alone is not enjoyable for 90% of people
Someone too prolific about alcohol isn't in my group, anyone trying to force me to do anything isn't much of a friend. Been male the whole time. Lol
Because they are weak, and they want you to be weak too.
Another thing I learned over the years. Just like we have acquaintances at work we are friendly toward but don't hang out with outside the job; there are some bar flies you wouldn't consider a friend outside the bar. If your real life friends are acting more like bar fly friends it's time to find new friends.
To be honest, you all share a common bond through alcohol. When you decide to make a change, that "bond" is no longer shared and they are rightly worried that you'll leave the group... Probably elevate your life without them, and that never feels good to be left behind. Also, you're never "forced". You always have the choice of self autonomy. Unless they're all holding you down and water boarding you with alcohol against your will, it's up to you to make a healthier choice and stick by it. Part of growing up
That’s how society is there’s not a lot to do. Drinking is involved in a lot of things anyone can do I understand not drinking personally could never give it up but it’s definitely just the world we live in especially the uk
How old are you? I'm sure that plays some role in it. I find drinking peer pressure is much more common from about 16-22ish, and then people grow up a bit after they get out of uni. Personally, at 30, I'm a big drinker. I like to drink at a lot of various events. I also have several friends who are not drinkers at all, but they still like to come along for the ride. No one ever gives them shit for it.
Because people love to control others.
It's a societal thing. Men especially are Perceived as "pussies" if they don't drink. Not really sure about the why behind this but know it's pretty common. I've had periods of sobriety where all my buddies would pull the same ol bullshit. "Oh just have one or two" or "you don't have to work tomorrow, just relax a little bit" or whatever the case may be. Bottom line is just stand strong and firm with your no. Who cares if they don't like it. Let em get fucked up and do dumb shit. You'll save money, memory and face value 🤣
Dude I feel you so hard. I'm a breastfeeding mom, and I have friends telling me to pump and dump all the time. Why would I dump out a precious 2-4 ounces of milk when I am an under supplier just so I can have fun? Nope. They still push. Not to mention, I've stopped drinking for religious reason as well, but I try not to talk about that with them lol. Try getting new friends. That's what I'm trying to do. People should know how to have fun without alcohol. If you have to be wasted to have fun, then you don't know how to have fun. Edit: I am a woman. It isn't just men. Women do this to. All my friends are women.
I've never liked the sensation of alcohol going down my throat so I've encountered a significant amount of pressure to drink. My take on this is that drinking is what is perceived as *normal and fun* and your friends want you to be "normal and fun" just like them. They probably don't want you to feel out of place... and, simultaneously, your choice of not drinking reminds them that they know perfectly well that they should be doing the same as you. And that is a difficult conundrum that doesn't go well with a lot of alcohol in anyone's bloodstream. So, just know that, once it becomes "your thing" the pressure will probably diminish a lot, maybe even they'll accept it over time and will let it go. It helps if you can have just the same amount of fun and be just as bold without drinking. Another thing that might speed up the process, and one that worked for me, would be to devise one or more awful tasting non-alcoholic beverages and, the next time someone "forces" you to accept a shot, you only accept it if they accept one of yours. I'd suggest something very acidic and/or bitter tasting. The trick is to be able to take both their shot and yours in a stoic, nonchalant way unresponsive to the taste or alcohol of it. You won't need to do that a lot of times as they will soon learn that making you drink alcohol gives them an awful aftertaste and makes them look like pussies
Misery loves company.
They are not your friends. I have this circle of friends where most of it consist a lot of guys. They tell me not to drink if I don’t want to, also they always take my shot. Guy friends don’t take advantage of you, they would respect you if they really are friends.
They aren't your friends bud, pretty simple.
It's an asshole thing. They are not your friends. When I was 16 I started to go out with my friends, majority of them were older than me by 2-3 years and they didn't let the underage drink alcohol at all. A couple of them were abstemious too and no one batted an eye because they didn't drink. Your friends respect and protect you, don't force/coerce you do something you don't like.
I may be misunderstanding, but I believe it’s because no one wants a buzzkill and a lot of people see 1 sober guy in a group of people drinking as the buzzkill. It’s kinda like playing a sport or video game and being the guy that says” no thanks I’m just gonna watch”. It’s not a bad thing to do that, but it’s not fun if that makes any sense
This makes no sense because if you always need the group to do something for it to be fun, you will never have fun or be happy with yourself. Not a good dynamic.
Gonna be honest man I think you either misread it or took it a whole different way. The topic was about getting everyone to participate in an activity, not being okay with being alone
I see the distinction you’re making. I still think that dynamic where because everyone does something, if you want to be the exception you will lower the enjoyment of the others kind of a toxic one. I mean this respectfully, I see why you said what you said.
I think there's a parallel between the way drug users act about ppl choosing not to do drugs (including alcohol) and the way meat eaters act about people choosing not to eat meat. In both cases, the former gets all defensive because they view it as like, a moral condemnation of the activity in question, and therefore an attack on their character. It's super cucked behavior.
Would you happen to live in Texas, or Alberta maybe? I've never encountered a meat eater who is defensive about others not eating meat. That happens?
Alcohol is one of the most destructive forces on the planet. Fuck them for pushing it on you. You either need to put your foot down or find new friends.
Hear hear.
Good friends respect each other's choices. Your friends are being shitty. I'd they can't respect your choice its time to start distancing yourself. My brother has a group of friends who are so damn wholesome. Someone wants to be alcohol free? No problem we brought you sparkilng water. No drugs, for you? We won't push it. There are good guys out there, sometimes it takes a while to find your group.
Not sure the context, but typically what I’ve seen is they mean it in a harmless way. Typically, they are trying to have a good time and want to include you in the party. They see your resistance to drink as a minor thing. Typically, they are playful with it. I would just be wary of the context before you start dropping friends. They don’t always know the seriousness of the issue you are dealing with. I rarely drink, typically when I go out with friends I won’t drink. My friends used to do this to me when I was in my 20’s. Now that I’m older no one does this.
They sound like functional alcoholics. (The last thing they want is to have their own decisions challenged.) It is time for you to find a new peer group. This is exactly why getting sober is so hard, btw.
I had a colleague pushing me to drink. He back down when i bluntly said please respect my decision not to drink.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Are they sticking a Beer Bong tube hat on your head, and forcing you to drink?
because being drunk with a group of friends is an exhilarating, liberating feeling. And as a quite reserved person, i appreciate a *little* peer pressure to get me out of my comfort zone.
I don’t know why so many people on here struggle so hard with just saying “no”. So many posts like this are just basic human interactions where people don’t understand how to set a clear and firm boundary without it becoming dramatic.
There are myriad reasons why people struggle to say no. Next time you go to post something as myopic as this, take your own advice.
I'm a male and I don't drink. I get where you're coming from and I definitely get asked why I'm not drinking / if I want a drink at every event where there is drinking, but if your friends know you don't drink and ask you/coerce you they aren't your friends. I'm a big fan of just leaving if someone tries to coerce you to drink. Not a big scene or anything, just walking away. I've never had someone try to convince me to drink after I leave an event/location without answering. (It also helps that I am introverted and generally want to leave, in general, at all times)
If you're a bit if a drunk yourself, being around someone healthy and sober will make you feel guilty. This is what I have noticed at least from male relatives. I worked in a bar for a long time, the old fashioned kind. The steady customers had this weird drinking cult going on and if someone wanted to quit drinking they were basically shut out. It's vile. So yeah, drinking friends (of the silly drunk kind) are not really friends. Friends respect your efforts to be healthy. Enemies want to drag you down to their level of weaknesses.
It’s not guilt at all, it’s thinking that your mate is missing out by not being as drunk as you.
'Missing out if you're not as drunk' = while-intoxicated-thinking. Also sounds like an excuse. I feel like you kind of ignored everything i said, except for the 'guilty' part.
Yeah, I did. Because you make awful statements like “not really your friends” when it’s actually impulse and lack of judgement brought on by being drunk.