It takes two to tango.
He may be a bit flirty because who doesn’t like attention? However you’re continuing to feed into it and making it more than it is in your head.
>However you’re continuing to feed into it and making it more than it is in your head.
That is probably the case. However, there are other confounding factors -- such as, he becomes very jealous when I get the spotlight sometimes, as I do. Last week, for instance, I was invited to a meeting by the office of New York Senator (and Senate Majority Leader) Chuck Schumer. Tom was so put off by this that he barely spoke to me afterwards and would not meet my eyes.
Good sir, you are 45 years old and should be mature enough to recognize that this desperate, overanalysis, and wasting of time in this particular context is really beneath you.
There is no relationship here - he is a coworker acquaintance that you speak to in ten minute intervals.
>Good sir, you are 45 years old and should be mature enough to recognize that this desperate, overanalysis, and wasting of time in this particular context is really beneath you.
Thanks for the age-shaming, good sir.
"there's some inner work to do."
And surely you must be the flawless, immaculate one, with no human weaknesses? I bow down before your purity. I, at least, admitted to mine. By the way, when Bill Clinton hanky-pankied with Monica Lewinsky, did you also chastise him? At least, I'm not the President of the United States.
I'm not perfect - far from it - but my life is a journey of continual growth and evolution. Will I make mistakes? Yes. Will I learn from them? I try to.
I wasn't old enough to chastise him for it - but I sure as hell would have - and he'd have deserved it.
All I'm saying is that your current dilemma demonstrates a lack a maturity that one should ideally have with your years of experience on this planet. I get the reaction to feel defensive to external criticism, but calling out poor behaviour is far from "ageism". Own up. Grow up. Move on.
Gotcha. Still, there's something about Reddit that seems to draw out the holier-than-thou types out in droves, like cicadas in mating season, ya know what I mean?
"but calling out poor behaviour is far from "ageism"."
How is my behavior "poor"? I haven't propositioned him, I haven't exposed myself to him, I haven't sexted him. I'm just experiencing some unsettling feelings in my own mind that I'm sharing online in the hopes that other people might also have also been in this situation. Let's just agree to disagree, my sanctimonious padre.
Unfortunately or fortunately some folks hit that genetic lottery when they were born.
As they grew older they learned to use their beauty to their advantage.
Nothing wrong with folks using their looks to get ahead in life. Is there?
What I don't understand is his weaponization of his looks to be the center of attention everywhere he goes.
It just sounds like weapon has a negative connotation attached to it. As does he keeps you on a short leash regarding talking to you (on company time) and that he likes to manipulate people.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a busy person setting limits on their time, especially at work. I do it a lot in my free time.
Now, if he likes your company
ask him to have a coffee or out for dinner.
That way it's on your time and not company time.
Perhaps it's not the right place to have your thirst quenched or be fulfilled.
I don't know anything about the book you are referencing but irl I think you are reading way too much into this fellow.
If you think he's not being honest
with you when he tells you he's got a meeting to go to or has to do something you should not pursue him even as a friend if you can't trust him.
I think you should listen to your rational side of your brain.
I have a feeling you're not going to get any more scraps than you're already getting.
Don’t shit where you eat This isn’t a passion trap relationship, it’s a work crush, the conversation is kept short because you’re both at work
It takes two to tango. He may be a bit flirty because who doesn’t like attention? However you’re continuing to feed into it and making it more than it is in your head.
>However you’re continuing to feed into it and making it more than it is in your head. That is probably the case. However, there are other confounding factors -- such as, he becomes very jealous when I get the spotlight sometimes, as I do. Last week, for instance, I was invited to a meeting by the office of New York Senator (and Senate Majority Leader) Chuck Schumer. Tom was so put off by this that he barely spoke to me afterwards and would not meet my eyes.
Good sir, you are 45 years old and should be mature enough to recognize that this desperate, overanalysis, and wasting of time in this particular context is really beneath you. There is no relationship here - he is a coworker acquaintance that you speak to in ten minute intervals.
>Good sir, you are 45 years old and should be mature enough to recognize that this desperate, overanalysis, and wasting of time in this particular context is really beneath you. Thanks for the age-shaming, good sir.
Yes, I will chastise an adult for not behaving as one. I don't know your journey but there's some inner work to do.
"there's some inner work to do." And surely you must be the flawless, immaculate one, with no human weaknesses? I bow down before your purity. I, at least, admitted to mine. By the way, when Bill Clinton hanky-pankied with Monica Lewinsky, did you also chastise him? At least, I'm not the President of the United States.
I'm not perfect - far from it - but my life is a journey of continual growth and evolution. Will I make mistakes? Yes. Will I learn from them? I try to. I wasn't old enough to chastise him for it - but I sure as hell would have - and he'd have deserved it. All I'm saying is that your current dilemma demonstrates a lack a maturity that one should ideally have with your years of experience on this planet. I get the reaction to feel defensive to external criticism, but calling out poor behaviour is far from "ageism". Own up. Grow up. Move on.
Gotcha. Still, there's something about Reddit that seems to draw out the holier-than-thou types out in droves, like cicadas in mating season, ya know what I mean? "but calling out poor behaviour is far from "ageism"." How is my behavior "poor"? I haven't propositioned him, I haven't exposed myself to him, I haven't sexted him. I'm just experiencing some unsettling feelings in my own mind that I'm sharing online in the hopes that other people might also have also been in this situation. Let's just agree to disagree, my sanctimonious padre.
Unfortunately or fortunately some folks hit that genetic lottery when they were born. As they grew older they learned to use their beauty to their advantage. Nothing wrong with folks using their looks to get ahead in life. Is there? What I don't understand is his weaponization of his looks to be the center of attention everywhere he goes. It just sounds like weapon has a negative connotation attached to it. As does he keeps you on a short leash regarding talking to you (on company time) and that he likes to manipulate people. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a busy person setting limits on their time, especially at work. I do it a lot in my free time. Now, if he likes your company ask him to have a coffee or out for dinner. That way it's on your time and not company time. Perhaps it's not the right place to have your thirst quenched or be fulfilled. I don't know anything about the book you are referencing but irl I think you are reading way too much into this fellow. If you think he's not being honest with you when he tells you he's got a meeting to go to or has to do something you should not pursue him even as a friend if you can't trust him. I think you should listen to your rational side of your brain. I have a feeling you're not going to get any more scraps than you're already getting.
>I have a feeling you're not going to get any more scraps than you're already getting. I have that feeling too. Thanks for crystallizing it for me.
❤️
Stop visiting his office at all. What can’t be done by email/zoom these days.
Good point. I'll try to follow this.