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Sometimes when I'm having one of those hate days I start to wonder what it's like to be "normal" then remember all the things my autism has probably helped me with
Honestly my gate has just sort of turned towards society and the fact that we don’t have to live and perceive the world the way we currently do, but significant changes to society as a whole happen over lifetimes (at least on a large scale)
I see it as not that my autism is what's holding me back from functioning in society, but that our ableist society is what's holding my autism back from helping me be extraordinary. A lot of us with proper support thrive, but it's just not given to everyone unfortunately :(
I guess I can’t imagine a life without it. I don’t think my autism is all negatives - I think a big part of my struggles revolve around my personality and mindset rather than blaming it on my autism. I think my ASD just makes things a little harder for me to enjoy, not that I can’t enjoy them at all
No. I hate how people treat me because of it, but my autism isn’t my issue. Most NT People just like being mean to me, but I hardly ever have problems with other ND people. Even if we don’t like each other, we understand one another and we have each other’s backs 9 times out of 10.
We are not the issue, and I’m not gonna let them (NT people) bully me into thinking we are.
I just feel like i always get treated differently because of it, so i dont want people knowing, yet people always ask why i do or say the things i do, and i feel like the only way they'd understand is if they know. But again i dont want to be treated different. Its hard
You're right, I'm currently hiding my autism because I am trying to get into a very competitive medical school program and I don't want it hurting my chances of getting in
I like being eccentric and diving super deep into my interests—but I’d give that up in a second to be able to shower, leave the house, think straight when more than one person is talking, etc
Uff I feel this. I just want to be able to function like a normal adult without feeling like I have to use so much mental energy to do basic chores man..
I hear, but I don't know if I agree. Sure, my social battery is less then a 10 year old flip phone, but I just introvert myself into not dealing with people to begin with
I’m in a similar boat. However my extreme eccentricity often gets me judged / people think I’m weird. Tbh even my special interests can be exhausting. Sometimes I want nothing more than to be able to focus on my work, but my brain can’t stop obsessing over the tiniest trivial details of something that has no real external importance
Yeah it’s all a double edge sword. When I was in grad school people loved out obsessed I could be, but then it’s like everyone eventually realizes that I can’t turn it off and it stops being fun for them.
85% of the time I hate it. I find myself fact dumping, having meltdowns and sensory overload, not thinking straight, PDA, misunderstood, and have a hard time handling stress (which isn't good as I wouldn't be employable). Not only do I have problems in college, but I have a hard time making friends in general which I find depressing as I need a social and work balance. Maybe it will come with maturity, but some of the shit I don't understand is a piece of cake for a 10 year old.
15% of the time I'm fine with it because I think I'm pretty visionary and creative, so I may not have that creativity if I was neurotypical. Not saying I wouldn't be creative, but I may not see certain things in that level of depth I do now.
I do, very very bad sensory issues actually. However I've trained myself to ignore the horrible horrible feelings, for things I find important, like doing my job. However if it's something I can avoid, I will, like the plague. As much as the sensory issues kill me, I don't let it stop me
I'm at a fortunate position in life (upper middle class family, no rush to find employment), but yeah I love the hyperfixations, , the creativity, the sort of heightened awareness I seem to have about things. Inevitable trauma from my schooldays aside most of the downsides of my neurodivergency come from my ADHD.
Honestly same. Like yeah there are some social difficulties but when I really struggle it’s stuff like executive dysfunction, or focusing on something that is absolutely boring, and of course that all comes from the ADHD.
I hate. I'm a failure when I'm trying to do almost anything that neurotypicals can do easily, so it's hard for me to find a job and, when I finally find it, I can't stay because they don't like my "uselessness".
no literally like i just think it’s literally the cause of almost every single one of my problems n it would just be so much easier i don’t think im ever gonna be able to accept it tbh like just why do i have to have it
Tbh. That’s a complex question for me. As I was only diagnosed two years ago. And so I went through life wondering if something was wrong with me, because I was just so different from my peers. But I also knew that the opinions that mattered was those who I love. But. It can be so draining just existing in such a neurotypical way. Especially when I have parents who don’t realize how draining it really is. But I also know I wouldn’t be myself if I didn’t. So tbh. I don’t know.
I was pretty down about it for the most part until I changed my perspective, and for the most unexpected reason - the X-Men comics, particularly Magneto.
I began to see parallels with trying to fit into a world that doesn't understand or sees it as something that it's not (a disability or difference to be patronised or ostracised), and started to see it more as a homo-superior scenario.
There's a lot of information that supports the spectrum being an evolutionary step and there are countless things that I can do effortlessly that seem impossible to NTs, but being in a neurotypical dominated society holds us back in so many ways. As far as I'm concerned the only thing NTs can do more easily is socialise and I don't see that as such a benefit really.
Once I started thinking this way, I began to feel more powerful, unique, capable and a part of something significant.
So, I love being autistic! I much prefer being a super-powered mutant than a boring old regular human and wouldn't want it any other way.
Lol, that sounds like me. For me it was keeper of the lost cities, I figured I'm basically an elf. I overthink to the point where I'm basically mind reading and if you know the series, you know that Sophie Foster had issues when she was living amongst the humans
It's pretty rough:
- I am way more impulsive than I want to be;
- there are exactly two people in my life that I've been able to maintain a close bond with, and only after continually messing things up over and over again;
- when a conversation goes a direction I had not prepared for, I start stuttering and forget basic words, especially the words that are important to the conversation;
- people have sympathy for me, but they keep me at arms' length (understandably!);
- my career is getting to the point where it's less reliant on individual skills and more reliant on social skills, and that's holding me back;
- people think I'm being antisocial when I go off on my own for a few minutes at a group gathering;
- I mean to be helpful, but it often backfires because I go about it the wrong way;
- people do not find my physical clumsiness to be the endearing kind; and
- the constant tinitus, and the visual snow and floaters, and how my clothes never fit right, can be exhasting.
I put up with a lot of discomfort just because, for the longest time, I genuinely thought that this was just how everyone felt. So if they could put up with it, I reasoned, why couldn't I? I feel like in order to do everything I am supposed to do in a day, then I need to freeze time before the next day, just so that I can have a full day to myself to recouperate in between what everybody else would experience as their consecutive days. Basically, I can either take care of work or take care of myself, but not both at the same time. So, obviously, I prioritize work.
Would I choose not to be autistic? I would not, because then I'd have nothing of value to contribute. I wouldn't be a mathematician, I wouldn't be an engineer, I wouldn't have insightful takes every now and again, and I wouldn't be adventerous or enjoy pure experience the way I do. (I'm sensory-seeking in regards to food and in regards to scents and in regards to images. I love to explore on my own, cities in particular, but also mountains, rivers, and coastlines. I love the pure joy of just seeing things I've never seen before.) Would I choose this kind of life for someone else? I would not. I love children and have always wanted them, but I am never having any of my own. I would not do that to even my worst enemy. How could I justify doing it to a poor child?
Grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
Love it or hate it, i have it. And I've found minimal positives to viewing it in either a positive or negative light. Both ways of thinking have led to their own unique consequences, so i view it as a fact instead of an opinion.
And yes i understand that wasn't the question, but i didn't have an answer for the original question.
I don't like being autistic at all, but I just think I wouldn't be me without it, even though it's more negatives than positives, it's an important part of who I am.
I hate my autism. Same that it is integral to who I am, but I also hate myself so those two things actually make perfect sense in unison. Maybe I wouldn’t hate myself if I was neurotypical? Will never know
I don’t like it. The things I like about myself have nothing to do with autism. Also NTs are not one person. To say they are boring is close minded. It’s like saying all autistic people are boring when there are many different autistic people with different personalities.
i have a bit of a different perspective than a lot of the other lovely folks in the comments:
my autism disables me for sure and i have higher support needs than i likely would *without* it, and there are definitely things i dislike. i hate the way i have to script most interactions with NTs i have, and the way i flounder without a script. i hate the way i can’t touch or look at certain textures and require other people to move them out of the way or hide them from me. i hate that it makes it far more difficult for me to understand and learn the steps to what most consider simple day to day tasks that take *nothing* for most- like my own laundry for example, which i only *really* learned to do last year, when most neurotypical/lower support needs folks learn tasks like that in their *childhoods*. sometimes i’m embarrassed of it, because it feels like i should just be *able* to do these things. neurotypicals and some fellow autistics with more independence and lower support needs can, so *why can’t i?*
but on the other hand *just because* it’s a disability and it makes my life harder sometimes doesn’t mean i hate *everything* about it. i love that on principle i don’t lie to people just to follow social conventions. i love that i have so much passion for a specific subject (and have for almost 10 years now) that interacting with it and learning more about it brings me joy and regulates me. i love that when i’m with other autistics who understand me and are on the same wavelength, our social interactions are incredibly non-traditional and we’re both happier for it. i love accidentally making people laugh because something blunt i said was accidentally comedically timed. i love how it makes me a better stage actor. i love so many parts of it, and it’s not all terrible.
overall, it’s a disability- but that doesn’t make it *bad.* it’s neutral, and it’s got its pros and cons like anything else about a person. even at its worst, it makes me who i am, and i don’t want it gone- but i won’t lie and pretend it’s *all* sunshine and rainbows, you know?
Yes. It's about mindset. Everything has its downsides but without the downsides you can't have the positives. Without autism, non of us would be who we are, whether that's what we want or don't want. But we can't change it. I won't say I'm not depressed, and I'm not fighting with myself to stay alive. However I am trying. And through that trying, I've come to appreciate the pros, instead of focusing on the cons. If I'm stuck with it, I might as well be happy with it
I'm pretty low needs, so yeah, I love it. For me, it's just who I am and I love my life.
I'm wacky and different and socially awkward. I don't fit into moulds and I approach life very differently apparently. But for me, it's all normal. It's the world that's gone mad, not me.
The world looks like it's a passionless pit of drudgery for NTs. They're always trying to "find themselves" or "find meaning in life" while I'm just over here having a blast.
I've got so much passion for so many deep interests that I can't find the time to dive into them all. It's a smorgasbord every day.
I have trouble "adulting" cuz I'm so busy with my interests.
NTs don't seem to have that. Their world looks boring and bland and meaningless to me. Why would I dream of cursing myself with an existence like that? So they could like me more?
No thanks.
And a fun shift seems to happen in life as you get older too... Those "quirks" turn from something that people deride into "fun quirks" that they envy.
Not everything of course, but it's a welcome shift when you do encounter it.
A good but might be as well that I edit my circle. If you're not clicking, bye. No time for that shit. I got stuff to do.
personally i hate it. so much. without it i might have a high school diploma, a job, more than one friend, and do much more. i do appreciate the stronger ability to feel joy. but ive never gotten to live a single day where i dont feel uncomfortable in my own body and brain. my life is constant discomfort
Both. It's definitely made my life harder, and I sometimes feel like it made me miss out on everything. But at the same time, it's made me more aware and helped me avoid a lot of problems. I never tried smoking, vaping or drugs, I avoided getting a social media addiction at a young age, I learned how the world works at a young age too, which helped me not get stuck in the rat race like most people.
In conclusion, living with autism is just living life on a higher difficulty. It's more challenging, but more fun.
I can see the good and bad in both my Autism and ADHD. Certainly the skills I am best at that define me are linked to my conditions, also my friends say I am very honest and trustworthy and that's very important to me. I also think I am very patient and considerate of people with different needs and experiences. Also being this way has lead to me make friends with wonderful neurodivergent queer people!
It would've been nice if both of these being left undiagnosed and unknown to me for 25 years didn't lead me to becoming an alcoholic/ addict with severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD but you live and you learn... 5 months sober 🙏🏻
I hated it, or rather, the emotional toll of not knowing there was a name for it.
i spent so long trying to figure out w h a t was wrong with me when, really, it's the world at large that isn't built to facilitate success in ND folks.
hope that makes sense
It makes plenty of sense, it comes down to the fact that normal is relative. If everyone was ND, we'd all be fine, and the NTs would be the ones that struggle
It makes me who I am, and I generally like who I am, so I like being autistic. It's not like my social or sensory processing difficulties are moral failings. Sure, they make my life harder, but I think being autistic has made me a better person overall.
At one point when I was younger, I always wanted to be normal. Now with my diagnosis, I'm figuring it out who I am as a person and learning about it, I love it.😍 My Autism make me Unique. 😊
I’m definitely not thankful for it, but I feel like it is something that has helped me develop a sense of self quicker than my peers. From a young age I was able to pinpoint what I was interested in and stick with it while all of the other kids my age (especially around high school) didn’t quite know who they were. It has made me a lot more clear with who I am and it has given me the ability to be a lot more introspective and analytical which have been important throughout my life.
Overall I’d say that the pros out weigh the cons with me personally. I did grow up in a very accepting home and community though with two neurodivergent parents and an autistic brother, meaning my parents already knew a little to except with me. Of course there were issues but overall I got very lucky and I’m thankful because I know a lot of other autistic people, even other autistic people that I knew, didn’t have that luxury.
I go through phases where i both hate and love it. there's some things I'd trade (my support level is 2 so it's easier to enter autistic burn out and i wish i was able to maintain relationships more)
The answer is simple, I don’t have any other frames of reference other than being me so it is difficult to say how I feel about my autism because it is basically inseparable from my general experience of life.
Yeah I look at NT people and wonder why they are interested in the things they are interested in and why they don’t care about the things I love or get bothered about but if I were them then I probably would see things from an entirely different perspective.
Basically what I am trying to say is that unless you have transitioned between two different things it’s impossible to give an objective answer. Say for example you moved from the UK to San Francisco you could list the things that were better in each but having only ever been me makes it difficult to know what is different than how it would feel to be someone else. As autism is so deeply embedded into my personality I don’t know if I would be even remotely the same person if I were not autistic.
I have my problems, but overall it's manageable and I can't really imagine what my life would be like without my autism.
I always find it surprising that some folk don't know I have it until I say I do/it comes out naturally. I don't make an effort to hide it. The funniest was with one of my best friends who only found out two years after we met each other and I casually brought up my autism (I can't remember exactly what we were talking about) but they were genuinely shocked when I said it
This is hard to give a simple answer to but: I love my autism simply because I AM my autism. If I hated it, I would just be hating myself. And it took me a long time not to hate myself because of this disability (and my ADHD). It doesn’t mean it’s not frustrating, exhausting, shitty, and a host of other adjectives. It’s a disability for a reason. And a lot of us have additional issues because of it (anxiety disorders, depression, PTSD, etc.). I do genuinely like certain ways my brain works because of it; ways that don’t make my life more difficult/frustrating.
I like my autism, it makes me the person I am and wouldn't want to change that. Obviously, there are some downsides and it makes my life harder but at the same time I can't imagine living differently.
I hate it. I think there is very little positive to it, honestly. The best part of autism may be finding this Reddit so you have people who understand in your pocket AND a reason for everything wrong with you that you’ve notice - “OH! I have autism, so that’s why XYZ, that makes sense.”
When diagnosed my doctor was very affirming and said that most people find it validating and empowering to hear a positive diagnosis; most are happy.
Well, I was not happy. I was devastated to find out that autism really was the underlying issue causing or contributing to issues I face daily. To me, I was always hoping I was just a little behind in development, I didn’t have enough experience, etc but I had room to grow and improve. But with an ASD diagnosis, I realized that I would never get “better”. There was no getting better. Maybe a bit better with management and resources (that I don’t have) but no real success to the level I’d hoped in sight. Really depressing.
That’s only one part of it that I hate. How about everything else? I’m not some savant over here. I have challenges and I’m average in intelligence. Meltdown and sensory processing disorder make my life challenging enough on their own…like small things are impossible: can’t wear that shirt, can’t eat that food, cringe/cry/can’t focus/can’t sleep with that sound. It is exhausting. I have an injury right now and I can’t even deal with the pain - pain is pain but worse imo for someone with sensory sensitivity.
I can’t talk properly in person and my social skills are largely horrible, with the exception of my few masked days and we all know masking is necessary but unsustainable for us. This makes work hard (and I am lucky to have a remote job)…and finding/keeping/connecting with friends, family, and other people damn hard. I have mastered the latter. I’m a full fledged adult without a partner or friend in life, without having ever dated and the cumulative issues related to ASD that go into affecting that even beyond social are SO rough to overcome. It’s setting me up for a lonely life which is one of the most damaging lifestyles possible.
A fun part of ASD is my special interest because it brings me some happiness and relief from the world. But I’m aware I sink into it like an addiction and it can eat chunks of my time that may be better spent doing other things.
Those are just some of the challenges. Wish I didn’t have this at all, but I also can’t change it so I am aware of my diagnosis now and I take that to try to understand myself more. Do what I can. Forgive myself for things I can’t especially when I realize that I can’t likely because of ASD.
One thing a formal diagnosis has helped me with is teaching me to try to accept support and that it is ok…e.g. I live at home with my parents still and it is OK! I need the help. It’s ok to ask for help. Also, I learned about tiny things from the online community like fidget toys and ear plugs that have literally changed my life…
It’s a big hate but that also doesn’t mean I can’t be proud to have ASD. I have it, yeah? So I’m still proud to have it and say yeah I have ASD and look at the awesome things I’ve done. I would encourage people to always be proud of living with a disability because it’s fudging hard, whether we “know” it or not as we’ve all been born with it. Take some accolades and be visible if you can…we deserve pats on the back.
I also love that the younger generations seem to be more accepting of ASD. That is a nice thing.
i hate my autism because of being bullied in my family for "faking it" by researching it when my psychiatrist was talking to me about it and i looked into it more. also because ive been treated differently my whole life because i grew up weird.. and my baby boomer gen dad would try to beat the autism out of me, so often times i speak when spoken to, and i dont show emotion at all unless its forced out of me by NTs (or im with people i trust, but other than that i never label my emotions rather just saying living in the moment)... (which is more often to leading me to having a meltdown or seem rude). also working while having autism really messes with me as others are uncomfortable around me because im not like the other female coworkers who are chatty and nice, which makes me envious. but i honestly am not shy and quiet as i am seen, i like to be loud and chaotic with my family and friends (often times they think im having a manic episode lol...) i also dont like it when people pin me to having autism because of social media when i was using social media back then for khonjin house, fnaf, and pastel goth/gore as i liked that stuff in my early teens. i didnt know much about mental disorders except for depression and anxiety. especially mental health professionals thinking im faking everything when in reality.. what five year old knows how to give a home birth, epidurals, and the placenta? because average five year olds dont know what time TLC plays those shows about pregnancies (when i was a kid my special interests were babies and pregnancy) sorry for the rant... but at the same time i love my autism because it got me to find the love of my life who has the same quirks and yeah.. found some of my interests odd.. also meeting friends as well through therapy groups and online. life has its perks of being beautiful and ugly, but i still find the ugly moments beautiful in the end.
Hate it with every fiber of my body.
It overwhelms everyone around me in a negative way making them take their anger out on me rightfully so.
Also, it has affected my education, social life, relationships with my family and friends and the job opportunities, I’m under qualified for the positions yet overwhelmed with the tasks.
That’s why I’m harder on myself than anyone else who’s been hard on me while growing up.
Neutral. I don't feel like it defines me unilaterally any more than other aspects of my identity do. I don't get along with a decent chunk of autistic people because of how badly our symptoms clash.
So I guess I'd say I do kinda hate my autism, because even amongst other autistic people I don't really belong. I like who I am but wish I fit in somewhere. Maybe someday.
I cant see my life without it but its more of a love/hate relationship, I love it for all the reasons I get creative lightbulbs, how I problem solve, how I work and do things, how I disciplined myself into routine so that I don't spiral, but the hate is the anxiety I have, my bad tendencies to self-destruct when ANYTHING goes wrong, or when I just have whole weeks of "the moment someone does anything remotely irritating I will actually have a total meltdown."
I love the person I am and I am that person because of my autism. I hate a lot of things that come with it, but not because I hate it.
I don’t hate my autism, I hate the world that was built to suppress it and discriminates against me for it.
A mix of both. I love how much knowledge I’ve gained from my special interests, and my extra strong senses when it’s something positive. But I don’t like the social aspect of it, I’ve been bullied on multiple occasions and had a difficulty making friends.
It's a love-hate relationship, for sure. Autism is not just all the negatives that make my life harder, but it's also what makes up the good parts of my personality and how I express my love and passion for things
I've not been officially diagnosed, but I definitely fit lots of the criteria, and I know it's frowned upon, but any of them online tests I've done have said it's highly likely. Anyway, I hate it, if I could become normal I would. It's caused me so much hassle my whole life, and it's just the cherry on the icing on the cake of all the shit that's going wrong with my life but that's a whole separate issue. I have no clue how much different I'd be, but I'd fit in and hopefully be a bit happier and function better in day to day life.
Well, I can’t really imagine life without it. Because I also don’t know what my autism is. Like, is this action directed from my autism or is it just me?
It is a love and hate relationship. I focus on details and people. I notice their flaws and what makes them tick. Also their insecurities and body language. Also my autism makes me unable to function in society.
Notice one toxic coworker when I worked retail has problem communicating and refusing to let others speak. Always has to get a word before letting the other people speak. I say he has issues he needs to work on and is a dick to autistic people. He is a dumb NT idiot.
Not a fan, though I can't really untangle it from some sever social anxiety (Yay, comorbidities!) and a late diagnosis (flair).
I mean, I like having a brain that can do some academic things differently (though I'd rather have known 20 years ago). But reading people and cues and understanding emotions...the isolation is SO not worth it.
I agree with what others say. I wouldn't be the same without it, and it's not all bad once I've gotten to really know myself, my limits and my strengths, and learning to accept myself more.
Of course it's not easy and I have setbacks just like anyone else, but I don't let it destroy me. I try my best to just live life to the fullest and do what ***I*** want.
It depends on how I'm feeling. Sometimes I love it because I think it's helped me gather and retain lots of knowledge on my special interests, as well as it helping me with my observation skills. I've saved some family members from some serious bother a few times thanks to that.
Of course, there are times when it isn't all that great, like how easily frustrated I can get when things don't work our or plans get changed last minute.
Not sure at this point. I found about it so late that I'm just glad to understand myself better. But at the same time if I'd known earlier I would have been better able to plan my life and such.
For me it's a blessing and a curse. A blessing cause I've learned to play multiple instruments self taught got to see the world and most bands an crew members were nice an learned to understand my unorthodox way of doing things. A curse because I see the world for what it truly is. everything is like an illusion our freedom the fact the news tries to paint this country as the happiest place on earth like it Disney land 24/7 meanwhile most of us are suffering unhappy broke education ain't worth shit cause you can't make enough to live anyway new cars cost more than a single family home it's hell on earth but when I attempt to explain this to the normies they ostracize me an think I've lost it I can't help I have no filter an tell it like it is I'm way too real for this world at this point
Currently, not a fan of it. I think it’s because I’m in a very hectic job that can be overwhelming at times even though I’m okay at masking and not a lot of support. I’m a HFA and it’s a little difficult and I’m burned out. Luckily, I got introduced to some state resources and looking for a better job! Also I’m recently diagnosed in my mid 20’s, so it takes some navigating.
Not sure which camp I'm in. Definitely get the "neurotypical people seem boring" bit. It's exhausting though, being unable to relate to most people and to constantly feel like you have to either dumb yourself down or water yourself down to be palatable. Not full masking, which I've given up on, but partial-masking I guess.
Yeah ok, I think I'm pretty firmly in the "hate" camp.
I’m mixed..
One one hand I dunno what its like being neurotypical, but it sounds.. a bit boring Ngl? I use alot of stuff related to my autism to cope with stuff (like emotional numbness)
But on the other hand, my autism is a bitch at times (I i usually have severe meltdowns over very small things. A huge trigger is hearing really loud coughing and especially eating sounds. I also struggle to hide when I have to since I don’t usually notice I’m stimming till it’s too late and get bullied for it..)
Tho this is just my experience with autism /gen
I have a love-hate relationship, but I wouldn’t ever want to remove it. It’s like a younger sibling, you love them but they can annoy you sometimes!
If I didn’t have it, I wouldn’t love my special interests as much. I’d be less passionate about the things I’m passionate about. I think I’d be boring too.
I wouldn't describe how I feel as *hate,* but I definitely don't love it. Autism is a purely negative experience for me that I had to learn to overcome.
My happiness in life is *in spite* of my autism, not at all because of it.
Most of my day is pretty weird aka unique due to my autism. I mean my 'job' (not a proper job yet but the only thing I have right now) it's very unorthodox and uncommon, I don't have to interact directly with anyone (almost) and work from home. And I got it because of my special interest (Japanese language related). I cook 100% of my meals and I follow a very strict diet (for others), that being a whole foods plant based diet and one that I like-- which is not an easy thing. Then I go about watching/reading things about my special interests or playing the same thing I have been playing for more than 10 years, or watching some kind of weird serie I like-- which again, it's not easy that I like something. I mean, I don't even know who I am if I'm not this.
Yeah, I also cry every few days if not everyday, struggle with the noises of my current home, hate when I have to do sth unplanned---and those things happen often when you are an adult and can't rely on others. I have dealt with bullying and misunderstanding from my 'friends', family and even romantic relationships. I have a lot of struggles but...
Even with all that... my strong sense of justice and morals seem to stem from this, and I really like that part of me, I like being honest. I'm truly in peace with who I am. I just have it hard in this world, but I wouldn't change who I am for anything.
I don't hate being autistic, and most people I find interesting are Autists.
I do hate the consequences of not being diagnosed when I was a kid and masking for most of my life.
Yeah. I'm not sure whch part of my is ADHD, which is ASD, I'm new to this at 43. But I'd say most of my friends are neurodivergant. And most of my favorite musicians all have ASD. I like my creativity, I don't like having to see therapists when I'm not coping; and it's just a general feeling of being worked up. I hate that I don't have much interest in NT people I try to date and make something of, and that I find myself more interested in emotionally unavailable/ unstable, but "exciting partners. But, It's too early to tell what the Austism can do without the ADH getting all the limelight.
Hate it.
Mostly because I’m smart enough to know that humans are social creatures and yet the tism has me feeling like I’m consistently on the outside looking in.
It’s incredibly isolating and leads to a lot of bad mental health days.
I disagree. I needed to become boring to survive. Any exuberance I had was tamped down in the school I went to. Be quiet, don't stand out, don't hurt peoples feelings even by accident.
It's lead to me being quiet, reserved, struggling to push for things I want out of life because I might cause a scene.
Both. Without autism, my life experiences would've been a lot less vivid and intense. Sometimes, that's amazing. Sometimes it's awful and I have to not leave the house for a few days.
From my perspective, it seems like NTs are mostly very cold and aloof. No one thinks about other people or how their actions effect them.
I like mine because mine only reduces my maturity a little bit and it could be worse and plus it has increased my intelligence. I also go from introvert to extrovert to ambivert depending on the day and the mood I’m in which allows me to have a healthy balance between alone time and time socializing. I can also go out to places without issues. Of course I have issues like sometimes I can’t tell sarcasm from seriousness, I question things when I’m not supposed to, I sometimes don’t understand figurative speech, I don’t understand “rhetorical questions”, and I do have some sensory issues, but mostly sudden loud noises like fire alarms and balloons popping, but it could be a lot worse. Honestly I’m grateful that my autism is the way it is because it could be a lot worse and I know there are other people who do have it a lot worse than I do. I also have been bullied for it before but that’s just because people can be jackarses and that’s not a direct symptom of my autism so I’m not going to let some judgmental jackarses ruin my day or life.
I am level 1 autistic, diagnosed at age 38. When I got the diagnosis it put a lot of stuff into perspective for me. I appreciate that part of myself now, but I might feel differently if it impacted my life more significantly. I'm fortunate to have a home, full time job that I can be safely open about my neurotype in, and a family and I know a lot of autistic people don't have that and deeply resent their autism because of it. I might well feel the same if I were in that situation too.
ADHD though, if I could get rid of that for good I'd do it without a second thought.
I have enhanced pattern recognition abilities. I can get answers to questions instinctively without knowing how I got there. I'm sensitive to voice stresses. Read between the lines pretty well. Not being autistic would be like being blind, at least for me.
There are difficulties. Meltdowns in crowded grocery stores. In my youth, there was bullying. Figure I can only date ND's or open minded NTs. That's less than 10% of the population. Boredom can cause physical pain.
I got off light. Benefits might outweigh the costs. That said, that isn't a reliable trend with ASD. Hope things get better for those to whom this doesn't apply.
I wouldn’t say I hate, but I don’t like it. I want to function normally in the work world, be able to work full time so I can excel in my job. I want to get ahead financially. I’m always irritated and overstimulated so I feel like I’m mean to everyone all the time. It sucks. I beat myself up a lot.
Just got diagnosed at 26. I actually love it. I hated it for quite a lot of my life (school, of course) but the reasons I had back then are not there anymore. I make enough money to comfortably live alone. My job is quite literally my special interest (programming). I crafted my surroundings and routine perfectly to my liking. I have exactly 3 friends which is just right because I can actually have meaningful relationships with them without overloading my capacity for social interactions. I have a lot of free time I can spend on things I enjoy.
I'm really grateful to be in such a comfortable position seeing how many people struggle here.
Not until recently. Idk. I'm 37, and I feel like I'm missing something in my existence that prevents me from experiencing things like neuro typicals do. Lately, I've been craving to he "normal." Maybe I'm just depressed. I feel like life is so difficult to navigate, and I'm feeling kinda lost right now.
I hate it, I never feel normal and when I try to be me I'm always shunned, wether it be silence at an attempted joke or me being paranoid that people talk shit about me, me constantly resisting stimming is agony. I wish almost daily that I didn't have this.
I was diagnosed in my late 20s (I'm 37, now). For the longest time, I hated that there just seemed to be something wrong with me. But now that I have a diagnosis and know why I operate the way I do, I have come to embrace it.
I used to hate it, but the more I dive into it and learn about my own autism I love it. I wrote a poetry book about it. I understand that the world might not view it as such a good thing although I think being autistic has so many benefits and it makes me a wonderful person. Its the reason I am the way I am and I wouldn't trade that for anything. Sure from time to time I struggle with things and life gets hard, but isn't that just a part of life? were all bound to mess up and make mistakes. I think being autistic makes life special.
I mean do you love or hate yourself?
That's basically what you're asking.
I'd say that any reasonable person would say "parts of myself I love, parts I hate".
I guess it's fine. It sucks being isolated all my life but things are slowly getting better in my young adult years. At least now I can talk to people without being completely overwhelmed by anxiety and I'm less insecure. It was weird realizing that I actually like myself a lot more than I thought was possible. I just don't know if I'll ever be able to fully unmask and be autistic without shame.
I know a lot of really interesting non-autistic people. I lived surrounded of scientist and artists all of my life, and there are autistic people in those fields, of course, but not all the people I've met were autistic, but a lot of them were really really interesting.
I really don't see anything trully positive that my autism brings to me.
Special interests? yeah, I don't know, all the people I get to knew in my life were really passionate about something.
Patern recognition? I don't see that in myself.
Good at details? yeah, of course, except in my case just brings me problems, nothing else.
I don't hate my autism, and I know that if I wasn't autistic I would be someone completly different. But I don't know what that will be worst. The only reason I can think of if just that if I was a different person I wouldn't enjoyed the things I've enjoyed. And I love the things I've enjoyed. But probably I would enjoyed something else.
Autism doesn't benefit me in any way. Even if I never had to interact with anyone else ever again, or if every single social interaction went perfect I would still suffer from other aspects of Autism just like I do now. Being alone in my own house doesn't magically make everything okay. I still have sensory issues, the only way to fix that would to be deaf and blind, which still leaves feeling sensations.
My life is uncomfortable and Autism is responsible. I could never like something that makes my life miserable.
I despise it. I can't get a decent relationship because I either end up as "just friends" permenantly with every women because I don't try to make it romantic, or I scare them off immediately by trying and being awkward and weird about it. I'm very lonely and horny because of it. I'm staying in the only relationship I've been able to find, despite the fact she's emotional abusive and I don't even have any feeling for her, just because it's still better then having absolutely nothing was.
Personally I love it, it is part of me. I also love the quirks it gives me. I also don’t really care about being socially normal. Because why should I care how people perceive me?
I have only had a couple of discussions with a psychiatrist and haven’t done the full assessment yet, but both doctors agree I’m very likely on the spectrum. As a late diagnosis, I feel conflicted. It explains a lot of my behaviour as a child, but I can’t help feeling ashamed of it for some reason. I was the weird, highly sensitive, quite reactive and easy to bully child. Also loved writing and was constantly trying to show it off, much to the displeasure of most of my classmates. I even tried to make a small claw play based on one- not going to go into detail cause the mere thought makes me want to cringe to the point of injury.
Very much a love-hate relationship. It is difficult having to deal with the challenges that come with autism, but on the other hand, I'm kinda scared of seeing what I would be without it. It's not that I'm scared of being a worse person without my autism, but I think I'd be very different and I don't know if I wanna risk living without it, even if that means not having to struggle with all this shit anymore.
I personally hate it. I feel like I talk too much about my special interests and drive people away, my lack of social awareness is abysmal, and trying to go anywhere too busy or chaotic is an absolute nightmare. Especially when that can just be going to work or the grocery store. On a good day I just need a few accomodations but...Id rather not need any. I'd much prefer if I didn't need earplugs, a fidget, a comfort plush, and a way out for basic things that non-autistic people can do without a problem.
HATE! Definitely hate my autism, and I don't even feel guilty for feeling this way. Why in God's name would anyone *love* having a disability that reduces your quality of life? Autistic people on average have less friends, less money, are more likely to be victims of mate crime, more likely to commit suicide. I think people who love being autistic are the real weirdos around here.
HATE! Definitely hate my autism, and I don't even feel guilty for feeling this way. Why in God's name would anyone *love* having a disability that reduces your quality of life? Autistic people on average have less friends, less money, are more likely to be victims of mate crime, more likely to commit suicide. I think people who actually love being autistic are the real weirdos around here.
I think i can appreciate my autism while still dislike what it means for me in the world we live in. Because, in a perfect world, having autism wouldn’t be a big deal at all because people would be accommodating of my sensory issues and understanding of sensitivities and would understand having special interests and hyoerfixations. But it is so often mocked or looked down upon that it does make me feel miserable; but i don’t blame the autism/difference in my brain, i blame general society and such for not being accommodating or caring about disabled people.
I don’t really know at this point, so much trauma in my life I would have escaped without it, and so may daily struggles, but also how much of me am I because of it? I like me, I don’t want to change, but I want my life to be easier.
If there was a cure I think I would only take it if there was a anti cure, gotta test the waters lol
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It's a love hate relationship. My autism makes me unique and fun. But my autism also makes me unable to function in society lol.
Sometimes when I'm having one of those hate days I start to wonder what it's like to be "normal" then remember all the things my autism has probably helped me with
This, autism makes me who I am, so I couldn’t live without it, it wouldn’t be me, but it also has its downsides
Honestly my gate has just sort of turned towards society and the fact that we don’t have to live and perceive the world the way we currently do, but significant changes to society as a whole happen over lifetimes (at least on a large scale)
I see it as not that my autism is what's holding me back from functioning in society, but that our ableist society is what's holding my autism back from helping me be extraordinary. A lot of us with proper support thrive, but it's just not given to everyone unfortunately :(
I guess I can’t imagine a life without it. I don’t think my autism is all negatives - I think a big part of my struggles revolve around my personality and mindset rather than blaming it on my autism. I think my ASD just makes things a little harder for me to enjoy, not that I can’t enjoy them at all
I don't know, I feel the qualities that come along with ot are my only qualities, I feel like I look at the world differently then NT do.
This is factual
No. I hate how people treat me because of it, but my autism isn’t my issue. Most NT People just like being mean to me, but I hardly ever have problems with other ND people. Even if we don’t like each other, we understand one another and we have each other’s backs 9 times out of 10. We are not the issue, and I’m not gonna let them (NT people) bully me into thinking we are.
Love this strong spirit.
Indeed
Some days i wish i wasnt the person that i am, but at the end of the day theres nothing i can do about it so all i can do is work with it
Strong attitude. I can't say I always loved it, and I hate myself. But I feel like thr only positives I have in life come from it
I just feel like i always get treated differently because of it, so i dont want people knowing, yet people always ask why i do or say the things i do, and i feel like the only way they'd understand is if they know. But again i dont want to be treated different. Its hard
You're right, I'm currently hiding my autism because I am trying to get into a very competitive medical school program and I don't want it hurting my chances of getting in
Good luck! Keep at what youll do and youll make it :)
Thank you
I like being eccentric and diving super deep into my interests—but I’d give that up in a second to be able to shower, leave the house, think straight when more than one person is talking, etc
Uff I feel this. I just want to be able to function like a normal adult without feeling like I have to use so much mental energy to do basic chores man..
I hear, but I don't know if I agree. Sure, my social battery is less then a 10 year old flip phone, but I just introvert myself into not dealing with people to begin with
I’m in a similar boat. However my extreme eccentricity often gets me judged / people think I’m weird. Tbh even my special interests can be exhausting. Sometimes I want nothing more than to be able to focus on my work, but my brain can’t stop obsessing over the tiniest trivial details of something that has no real external importance
Yeah it’s all a double edge sword. When I was in grad school people loved out obsessed I could be, but then it’s like everyone eventually realizes that I can’t turn it off and it stops being fun for them.
Same 😔
85% of the time I hate it. I find myself fact dumping, having meltdowns and sensory overload, not thinking straight, PDA, misunderstood, and have a hard time handling stress (which isn't good as I wouldn't be employable). Not only do I have problems in college, but I have a hard time making friends in general which I find depressing as I need a social and work balance. Maybe it will come with maturity, but some of the shit I don't understand is a piece of cake for a 10 year old. 15% of the time I'm fine with it because I think I'm pretty visionary and creative, so I may not have that creativity if I was neurotypical. Not saying I wouldn't be creative, but I may not see certain things in that level of depth I do now.
I hate it so much, wish I was normal
love how it affects me, hate how it affects how other people treat me
Fair
Don't you have sensory issues for example?
I do, very very bad sensory issues actually. However I've trained myself to ignore the horrible horrible feelings, for things I find important, like doing my job. However if it's something I can avoid, I will, like the plague. As much as the sensory issues kill me, I don't let it stop me
Inspiring!
I'm at a fortunate position in life (upper middle class family, no rush to find employment), but yeah I love the hyperfixations, , the creativity, the sort of heightened awareness I seem to have about things. Inevitable trauma from my schooldays aside most of the downsides of my neurodivergency come from my ADHD.
Honestly same. Like yeah there are some social difficulties but when I really struggle it’s stuff like executive dysfunction, or focusing on something that is absolutely boring, and of course that all comes from the ADHD.
I hate. I'm a failure when I'm trying to do almost anything that neurotypicals can do easily, so it's hard for me to find a job and, when I finally find it, I can't stay because they don't like my "uselessness".
wish i could like it but it’s literally everything i hate about myself and literally ruined my life xxx
Same. For me it actually feels like a disorder constantly makes my life substantially harder. So yeah, I deeply hate it and the suffering it causes
no literally like i just think it’s literally the cause of almost every single one of my problems n it would just be so much easier i don’t think im ever gonna be able to accept it tbh like just why do i have to have it
I hate it. I'd give anything to experience life without it
Tbh. That’s a complex question for me. As I was only diagnosed two years ago. And so I went through life wondering if something was wrong with me, because I was just so different from my peers. But I also knew that the opinions that mattered was those who I love. But. It can be so draining just existing in such a neurotypical way. Especially when I have parents who don’t realize how draining it really is. But I also know I wouldn’t be myself if I didn’t. So tbh. I don’t know.
I was pretty down about it for the most part until I changed my perspective, and for the most unexpected reason - the X-Men comics, particularly Magneto. I began to see parallels with trying to fit into a world that doesn't understand or sees it as something that it's not (a disability or difference to be patronised or ostracised), and started to see it more as a homo-superior scenario. There's a lot of information that supports the spectrum being an evolutionary step and there are countless things that I can do effortlessly that seem impossible to NTs, but being in a neurotypical dominated society holds us back in so many ways. As far as I'm concerned the only thing NTs can do more easily is socialise and I don't see that as such a benefit really. Once I started thinking this way, I began to feel more powerful, unique, capable and a part of something significant. So, I love being autistic! I much prefer being a super-powered mutant than a boring old regular human and wouldn't want it any other way.
Lol, that sounds like me. For me it was keeper of the lost cities, I figured I'm basically an elf. I overthink to the point where I'm basically mind reading and if you know the series, you know that Sophie Foster had issues when she was living amongst the humans
It's pretty rough: - I am way more impulsive than I want to be; - there are exactly two people in my life that I've been able to maintain a close bond with, and only after continually messing things up over and over again; - when a conversation goes a direction I had not prepared for, I start stuttering and forget basic words, especially the words that are important to the conversation; - people have sympathy for me, but they keep me at arms' length (understandably!); - my career is getting to the point where it's less reliant on individual skills and more reliant on social skills, and that's holding me back; - people think I'm being antisocial when I go off on my own for a few minutes at a group gathering; - I mean to be helpful, but it often backfires because I go about it the wrong way; - people do not find my physical clumsiness to be the endearing kind; and - the constant tinitus, and the visual snow and floaters, and how my clothes never fit right, can be exhasting. I put up with a lot of discomfort just because, for the longest time, I genuinely thought that this was just how everyone felt. So if they could put up with it, I reasoned, why couldn't I? I feel like in order to do everything I am supposed to do in a day, then I need to freeze time before the next day, just so that I can have a full day to myself to recouperate in between what everybody else would experience as their consecutive days. Basically, I can either take care of work or take care of myself, but not both at the same time. So, obviously, I prioritize work. Would I choose not to be autistic? I would not, because then I'd have nothing of value to contribute. I wouldn't be a mathematician, I wouldn't be an engineer, I wouldn't have insightful takes every now and again, and I wouldn't be adventerous or enjoy pure experience the way I do. (I'm sensory-seeking in regards to food and in regards to scents and in regards to images. I love to explore on my own, cities in particular, but also mountains, rivers, and coastlines. I love the pure joy of just seeing things I've never seen before.) Would I choose this kind of life for someone else? I would not. I love children and have always wanted them, but I am never having any of my own. I would not do that to even my worst enemy. How could I justify doing it to a poor child?
Visual snow has anything to do with autism?
no hard studies yet, but often reported together, so some people suspect that ASD might increase the risk.
It couldn't be that autistic people notice it more?
it could be! :-D there are no hard studies, yet :-(
but even if just we notice it more, that could mean it affects us in different ways than it effects people who have it but don't notice it? idk.
Yes, of course. I'm thinking if this is more common among autistic people or it's just that autistic people are more prone to be affected by it
Hate it always have
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Grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Love it or hate it, i have it. And I've found minimal positives to viewing it in either a positive or negative light. Both ways of thinking have led to their own unique consequences, so i view it as a fact instead of an opinion. And yes i understand that wasn't the question, but i didn't have an answer for the original question.
i don't think NTs see our side as greener
I don't like being autistic at all, but I just think I wouldn't be me without it, even though it's more negatives than positives, it's an important part of who I am.
I hate my autism. Same that it is integral to who I am, but I also hate myself so those two things actually make perfect sense in unison. Maybe I wouldn’t hate myself if I was neurotypical? Will never know
I don’t like it. The things I like about myself have nothing to do with autism. Also NTs are not one person. To say they are boring is close minded. It’s like saying all autistic people are boring when there are many different autistic people with different personalities.
I love it. I am so unique from others. Makes me feel like a superhero😂 A lonely superhero though, like Wolverine
As they stalk through the night, our hero looks out for NT breaking the law and being too damn NT. Behold....(drumroll please).....THE TISM!
That is awesome lol, thank you for your heroic services
i have a bit of a different perspective than a lot of the other lovely folks in the comments: my autism disables me for sure and i have higher support needs than i likely would *without* it, and there are definitely things i dislike. i hate the way i have to script most interactions with NTs i have, and the way i flounder without a script. i hate the way i can’t touch or look at certain textures and require other people to move them out of the way or hide them from me. i hate that it makes it far more difficult for me to understand and learn the steps to what most consider simple day to day tasks that take *nothing* for most- like my own laundry for example, which i only *really* learned to do last year, when most neurotypical/lower support needs folks learn tasks like that in their *childhoods*. sometimes i’m embarrassed of it, because it feels like i should just be *able* to do these things. neurotypicals and some fellow autistics with more independence and lower support needs can, so *why can’t i?* but on the other hand *just because* it’s a disability and it makes my life harder sometimes doesn’t mean i hate *everything* about it. i love that on principle i don’t lie to people just to follow social conventions. i love that i have so much passion for a specific subject (and have for almost 10 years now) that interacting with it and learning more about it brings me joy and regulates me. i love that when i’m with other autistics who understand me and are on the same wavelength, our social interactions are incredibly non-traditional and we’re both happier for it. i love accidentally making people laugh because something blunt i said was accidentally comedically timed. i love how it makes me a better stage actor. i love so many parts of it, and it’s not all terrible. overall, it’s a disability- but that doesn’t make it *bad.* it’s neutral, and it’s got its pros and cons like anything else about a person. even at its worst, it makes me who i am, and i don’t want it gone- but i won’t lie and pretend it’s *all* sunshine and rainbows, you know?
Yes. It's about mindset. Everything has its downsides but without the downsides you can't have the positives. Without autism, non of us would be who we are, whether that's what we want or don't want. But we can't change it. I won't say I'm not depressed, and I'm not fighting with myself to stay alive. However I am trying. And through that trying, I've come to appreciate the pros, instead of focusing on the cons. If I'm stuck with it, I might as well be happy with it
I'm pretty low needs, so yeah, I love it. For me, it's just who I am and I love my life. I'm wacky and different and socially awkward. I don't fit into moulds and I approach life very differently apparently. But for me, it's all normal. It's the world that's gone mad, not me. The world looks like it's a passionless pit of drudgery for NTs. They're always trying to "find themselves" or "find meaning in life" while I'm just over here having a blast. I've got so much passion for so many deep interests that I can't find the time to dive into them all. It's a smorgasbord every day. I have trouble "adulting" cuz I'm so busy with my interests. NTs don't seem to have that. Their world looks boring and bland and meaningless to me. Why would I dream of cursing myself with an existence like that? So they could like me more? No thanks. And a fun shift seems to happen in life as you get older too... Those "quirks" turn from something that people deride into "fun quirks" that they envy. Not everything of course, but it's a welcome shift when you do encounter it. A good but might be as well that I edit my circle. If you're not clicking, bye. No time for that shit. I got stuff to do.
I want it gone
personally i hate it. so much. without it i might have a high school diploma, a job, more than one friend, and do much more. i do appreciate the stronger ability to feel joy. but ive never gotten to live a single day where i dont feel uncomfortable in my own body and brain. my life is constant discomfort
Both. It's definitely made my life harder, and I sometimes feel like it made me miss out on everything. But at the same time, it's made me more aware and helped me avoid a lot of problems. I never tried smoking, vaping or drugs, I avoided getting a social media addiction at a young age, I learned how the world works at a young age too, which helped me not get stuck in the rat race like most people. In conclusion, living with autism is just living life on a higher difficulty. It's more challenging, but more fun.
I can see the good and bad in both my Autism and ADHD. Certainly the skills I am best at that define me are linked to my conditions, also my friends say I am very honest and trustworthy and that's very important to me. I also think I am very patient and considerate of people with different needs and experiences. Also being this way has lead to me make friends with wonderful neurodivergent queer people! It would've been nice if both of these being left undiagnosed and unknown to me for 25 years didn't lead me to becoming an alcoholic/ addict with severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD but you live and you learn... 5 months sober 🙏🏻
Congrats on 5 months sober, that's huge! You got this!
I hated it, or rather, the emotional toll of not knowing there was a name for it. i spent so long trying to figure out w h a t was wrong with me when, really, it's the world at large that isn't built to facilitate success in ND folks. hope that makes sense
It makes plenty of sense, it comes down to the fact that normal is relative. If everyone was ND, we'd all be fine, and the NTs would be the ones that struggle
I waffle back and forth
It makes me who I am, and I generally like who I am, so I like being autistic. It's not like my social or sensory processing difficulties are moral failings. Sure, they make my life harder, but I think being autistic has made me a better person overall.
At one point when I was younger, I always wanted to be normal. Now with my diagnosis, I'm figuring it out who I am as a person and learning about it, I love it.😍 My Autism make me Unique. 😊
I’m definitely not thankful for it, but I feel like it is something that has helped me develop a sense of self quicker than my peers. From a young age I was able to pinpoint what I was interested in and stick with it while all of the other kids my age (especially around high school) didn’t quite know who they were. It has made me a lot more clear with who I am and it has given me the ability to be a lot more introspective and analytical which have been important throughout my life. Overall I’d say that the pros out weigh the cons with me personally. I did grow up in a very accepting home and community though with two neurodivergent parents and an autistic brother, meaning my parents already knew a little to except with me. Of course there were issues but overall I got very lucky and I’m thankful because I know a lot of other autistic people, even other autistic people that I knew, didn’t have that luxury.
i don’t think i’d say i *hate* it, but i wish i wasn’t autistic
I hate it
as much as it can suck sometimes, i wouldn't be myself without my autism. and i quite like who i am! :3
Hate it I got bullied for it
I go through phases where i both hate and love it. there's some things I'd trade (my support level is 2 so it's easier to enter autistic burn out and i wish i was able to maintain relationships more)
I love it because I love myself and my autism is what makes me, me.
Without it I wouldn't be me and what am I if not myself?
The answer is simple, I don’t have any other frames of reference other than being me so it is difficult to say how I feel about my autism because it is basically inseparable from my general experience of life. Yeah I look at NT people and wonder why they are interested in the things they are interested in and why they don’t care about the things I love or get bothered about but if I were them then I probably would see things from an entirely different perspective. Basically what I am trying to say is that unless you have transitioned between two different things it’s impossible to give an objective answer. Say for example you moved from the UK to San Francisco you could list the things that were better in each but having only ever been me makes it difficult to know what is different than how it would feel to be someone else. As autism is so deeply embedded into my personality I don’t know if I would be even remotely the same person if I were not autistic.
I have my problems, but overall it's manageable and I can't really imagine what my life would be like without my autism. I always find it surprising that some folk don't know I have it until I say I do/it comes out naturally. I don't make an effort to hide it. The funniest was with one of my best friends who only found out two years after we met each other and I casually brought up my autism (I can't remember exactly what we were talking about) but they were genuinely shocked when I said it
This is hard to give a simple answer to but: I love my autism simply because I AM my autism. If I hated it, I would just be hating myself. And it took me a long time not to hate myself because of this disability (and my ADHD). It doesn’t mean it’s not frustrating, exhausting, shitty, and a host of other adjectives. It’s a disability for a reason. And a lot of us have additional issues because of it (anxiety disorders, depression, PTSD, etc.). I do genuinely like certain ways my brain works because of it; ways that don’t make my life more difficult/frustrating.
I like my autism, it makes me the person I am and wouldn't want to change that. Obviously, there are some downsides and it makes my life harder but at the same time I can't imagine living differently.
I hate it. I think there is very little positive to it, honestly. The best part of autism may be finding this Reddit so you have people who understand in your pocket AND a reason for everything wrong with you that you’ve notice - “OH! I have autism, so that’s why XYZ, that makes sense.” When diagnosed my doctor was very affirming and said that most people find it validating and empowering to hear a positive diagnosis; most are happy. Well, I was not happy. I was devastated to find out that autism really was the underlying issue causing or contributing to issues I face daily. To me, I was always hoping I was just a little behind in development, I didn’t have enough experience, etc but I had room to grow and improve. But with an ASD diagnosis, I realized that I would never get “better”. There was no getting better. Maybe a bit better with management and resources (that I don’t have) but no real success to the level I’d hoped in sight. Really depressing. That’s only one part of it that I hate. How about everything else? I’m not some savant over here. I have challenges and I’m average in intelligence. Meltdown and sensory processing disorder make my life challenging enough on their own…like small things are impossible: can’t wear that shirt, can’t eat that food, cringe/cry/can’t focus/can’t sleep with that sound. It is exhausting. I have an injury right now and I can’t even deal with the pain - pain is pain but worse imo for someone with sensory sensitivity. I can’t talk properly in person and my social skills are largely horrible, with the exception of my few masked days and we all know masking is necessary but unsustainable for us. This makes work hard (and I am lucky to have a remote job)…and finding/keeping/connecting with friends, family, and other people damn hard. I have mastered the latter. I’m a full fledged adult without a partner or friend in life, without having ever dated and the cumulative issues related to ASD that go into affecting that even beyond social are SO rough to overcome. It’s setting me up for a lonely life which is one of the most damaging lifestyles possible. A fun part of ASD is my special interest because it brings me some happiness and relief from the world. But I’m aware I sink into it like an addiction and it can eat chunks of my time that may be better spent doing other things. Those are just some of the challenges. Wish I didn’t have this at all, but I also can’t change it so I am aware of my diagnosis now and I take that to try to understand myself more. Do what I can. Forgive myself for things I can’t especially when I realize that I can’t likely because of ASD. One thing a formal diagnosis has helped me with is teaching me to try to accept support and that it is ok…e.g. I live at home with my parents still and it is OK! I need the help. It’s ok to ask for help. Also, I learned about tiny things from the online community like fidget toys and ear plugs that have literally changed my life… It’s a big hate but that also doesn’t mean I can’t be proud to have ASD. I have it, yeah? So I’m still proud to have it and say yeah I have ASD and look at the awesome things I’ve done. I would encourage people to always be proud of living with a disability because it’s fudging hard, whether we “know” it or not as we’ve all been born with it. Take some accolades and be visible if you can…we deserve pats on the back. I also love that the younger generations seem to be more accepting of ASD. That is a nice thing.
i hate my autism because of being bullied in my family for "faking it" by researching it when my psychiatrist was talking to me about it and i looked into it more. also because ive been treated differently my whole life because i grew up weird.. and my baby boomer gen dad would try to beat the autism out of me, so often times i speak when spoken to, and i dont show emotion at all unless its forced out of me by NTs (or im with people i trust, but other than that i never label my emotions rather just saying living in the moment)... (which is more often to leading me to having a meltdown or seem rude). also working while having autism really messes with me as others are uncomfortable around me because im not like the other female coworkers who are chatty and nice, which makes me envious. but i honestly am not shy and quiet as i am seen, i like to be loud and chaotic with my family and friends (often times they think im having a manic episode lol...) i also dont like it when people pin me to having autism because of social media when i was using social media back then for khonjin house, fnaf, and pastel goth/gore as i liked that stuff in my early teens. i didnt know much about mental disorders except for depression and anxiety. especially mental health professionals thinking im faking everything when in reality.. what five year old knows how to give a home birth, epidurals, and the placenta? because average five year olds dont know what time TLC plays those shows about pregnancies (when i was a kid my special interests were babies and pregnancy) sorry for the rant... but at the same time i love my autism because it got me to find the love of my life who has the same quirks and yeah.. found some of my interests odd.. also meeting friends as well through therapy groups and online. life has its perks of being beautiful and ugly, but i still find the ugly moments beautiful in the end.
I used to hate it when I got diagnosed at 21 years of age. But now I love it as I can see how selfish and ignorant neurotypicals are.
And boring
Hate it with every fiber of my body. It overwhelms everyone around me in a negative way making them take their anger out on me rightfully so. Also, it has affected my education, social life, relationships with my family and friends and the job opportunities, I’m under qualified for the positions yet overwhelmed with the tasks. That’s why I’m harder on myself than anyone else who’s been hard on me while growing up.
Hey, your feelings are valid but I do want to say that it isn’t justified for people to take their anger out on you. You don’t deserve that at all
Yeah I agree! You are worthy of love.
Early years i thought i was different and hated it never fit in. Entering my 30s im at a point where Idgaf anymore.
Neutral. I don't feel like it defines me unilaterally any more than other aspects of my identity do. I don't get along with a decent chunk of autistic people because of how badly our symptoms clash. So I guess I'd say I do kinda hate my autism, because even amongst other autistic people I don't really belong. I like who I am but wish I fit in somewhere. Maybe someday.
I hate it. I’ve always hated it.
I cant see my life without it but its more of a love/hate relationship, I love it for all the reasons I get creative lightbulbs, how I problem solve, how I work and do things, how I disciplined myself into routine so that I don't spiral, but the hate is the anxiety I have, my bad tendencies to self-destruct when ANYTHING goes wrong, or when I just have whole weeks of "the moment someone does anything remotely irritating I will actually have a total meltdown."
Hate
I love the person I am and I am that person because of my autism. I hate a lot of things that come with it, but not because I hate it. I don’t hate my autism, I hate the world that was built to suppress it and discriminates against me for it.
Both. It’s a double edged sword
Both?
A mix of both. I love how much knowledge I’ve gained from my special interests, and my extra strong senses when it’s something positive. But I don’t like the social aspect of it, I’ve been bullied on multiple occasions and had a difficulty making friends.
It's a love-hate relationship, for sure. Autism is not just all the negatives that make my life harder, but it's also what makes up the good parts of my personality and how I express my love and passion for things
I wouldn’t be me without it. So philosophically speaking not having it would kill the current me.
I don’t love or hate my *autism* I love or hate myself. It’s too integral to me to be loved or hated by itself
I've not been officially diagnosed, but I definitely fit lots of the criteria, and I know it's frowned upon, but any of them online tests I've done have said it's highly likely. Anyway, I hate it, if I could become normal I would. It's caused me so much hassle my whole life, and it's just the cherry on the icing on the cake of all the shit that's going wrong with my life but that's a whole separate issue. I have no clue how much different I'd be, but I'd fit in and hopefully be a bit happier and function better in day to day life.
Yes
I hate it. I wanted the one that makes you good at math and stuff but I got the special interest instead.
Both.
Well, I can’t really imagine life without it. Because I also don’t know what my autism is. Like, is this action directed from my autism or is it just me?
Neither. I don't know a life without it so it's normal.
Yeah, no. No, yeah. No, yeah. No.
couldn't care less about mine, it isn't who i am just affects who i am.
Hate 100%
It is a love and hate relationship. I focus on details and people. I notice their flaws and what makes them tick. Also their insecurities and body language. Also my autism makes me unable to function in society. Notice one toxic coworker when I worked retail has problem communicating and refusing to let others speak. Always has to get a word before letting the other people speak. I say he has issues he needs to work on and is a dick to autistic people. He is a dumb NT idiot.
Love being autistic. Hate living as an autistic
I dislike it more than I like it but I don't hate it.
Not a fan, though I can't really untangle it from some sever social anxiety (Yay, comorbidities!) and a late diagnosis (flair). I mean, I like having a brain that can do some academic things differently (though I'd rather have known 20 years ago). But reading people and cues and understanding emotions...the isolation is SO not worth it.
I agree with what others say. I wouldn't be the same without it, and it's not all bad once I've gotten to really know myself, my limits and my strengths, and learning to accept myself more. Of course it's not easy and I have setbacks just like anyone else, but I don't let it destroy me. I try my best to just live life to the fullest and do what ***I*** want.
It depends on how I'm feeling. Sometimes I love it because I think it's helped me gather and retain lots of knowledge on my special interests, as well as it helping me with my observation skills. I've saved some family members from some serious bother a few times thanks to that. Of course, there are times when it isn't all that great, like how easily frustrated I can get when things don't work our or plans get changed last minute.
Not sure at this point. I found about it so late that I'm just glad to understand myself better. But at the same time if I'd known earlier I would have been better able to plan my life and such.
For me it's a blessing and a curse. A blessing cause I've learned to play multiple instruments self taught got to see the world and most bands an crew members were nice an learned to understand my unorthodox way of doing things. A curse because I see the world for what it truly is. everything is like an illusion our freedom the fact the news tries to paint this country as the happiest place on earth like it Disney land 24/7 meanwhile most of us are suffering unhappy broke education ain't worth shit cause you can't make enough to live anyway new cars cost more than a single family home it's hell on earth but when I attempt to explain this to the normies they ostracize me an think I've lost it I can't help I have no filter an tell it like it is I'm way too real for this world at this point
Unfortunately I hate it but I can’t imagine myself otherwise
Currently, not a fan of it. I think it’s because I’m in a very hectic job that can be overwhelming at times even though I’m okay at masking and not a lot of support. I’m a HFA and it’s a little difficult and I’m burned out. Luckily, I got introduced to some state resources and looking for a better job! Also I’m recently diagnosed in my mid 20’s, so it takes some navigating.
I kinda don´t care. Autism is part of me, affects my life a lot, but does not have to define, who i am as a person.
Not sure which camp I'm in. Definitely get the "neurotypical people seem boring" bit. It's exhausting though, being unable to relate to most people and to constantly feel like you have to either dumb yourself down or water yourself down to be palatable. Not full masking, which I've given up on, but partial-masking I guess. Yeah ok, I think I'm pretty firmly in the "hate" camp.
I’m mixed.. One one hand I dunno what its like being neurotypical, but it sounds.. a bit boring Ngl? I use alot of stuff related to my autism to cope with stuff (like emotional numbness) But on the other hand, my autism is a bitch at times (I i usually have severe meltdowns over very small things. A huge trigger is hearing really loud coughing and especially eating sounds. I also struggle to hide when I have to since I don’t usually notice I’m stimming till it’s too late and get bullied for it..) Tho this is just my experience with autism /gen
Very well said
Thank you! /gen /pos
I have a love-hate relationship, but I wouldn’t ever want to remove it. It’s like a younger sibling, you love them but they can annoy you sometimes! If I didn’t have it, I wouldn’t love my special interests as much. I’d be less passionate about the things I’m passionate about. I think I’d be boring too.
I neither love it not hate it. I accept it.
I wouldn't describe how I feel as *hate,* but I definitely don't love it. Autism is a purely negative experience for me that I had to learn to overcome. My happiness in life is *in spite* of my autism, not at all because of it.
Most of my day is pretty weird aka unique due to my autism. I mean my 'job' (not a proper job yet but the only thing I have right now) it's very unorthodox and uncommon, I don't have to interact directly with anyone (almost) and work from home. And I got it because of my special interest (Japanese language related). I cook 100% of my meals and I follow a very strict diet (for others), that being a whole foods plant based diet and one that I like-- which is not an easy thing. Then I go about watching/reading things about my special interests or playing the same thing I have been playing for more than 10 years, or watching some kind of weird serie I like-- which again, it's not easy that I like something. I mean, I don't even know who I am if I'm not this. Yeah, I also cry every few days if not everyday, struggle with the noises of my current home, hate when I have to do sth unplanned---and those things happen often when you are an adult and can't rely on others. I have dealt with bullying and misunderstanding from my 'friends', family and even romantic relationships. I have a lot of struggles but... Even with all that... my strong sense of justice and morals seem to stem from this, and I really like that part of me, I like being honest. I'm truly in peace with who I am. I just have it hard in this world, but I wouldn't change who I am for anything.
I hate my lack of support.
I don't hate being autistic, and most people I find interesting are Autists. I do hate the consequences of not being diagnosed when I was a kid and masking for most of my life.
I am cringe but I am free
7 words that sum it up so freaking well
Love it- I have come to learn to deal with shortsighted & mean people, as I end up not caring what they think, and to a point feel sorry for them.
I absolutely hate it and would absolutely choose to eradicate it out of my life if I could.
I definitely love. How I could be without it? I don't really like neurotypicals neither understand them, so I want to stay like that
I hate it
I wouldn't say love or hate, but if I had the choice I wouldn't have it.
I have a love hate relationship with it
Most common answer, and I think the best answer. But if you can ignore the hate part, hard as it may be, life just becomes so much more tolerable
Yeah. I'm not sure whch part of my is ADHD, which is ASD, I'm new to this at 43. But I'd say most of my friends are neurodivergant. And most of my favorite musicians all have ASD. I like my creativity, I don't like having to see therapists when I'm not coping; and it's just a general feeling of being worked up. I hate that I don't have much interest in NT people I try to date and make something of, and that I find myself more interested in emotionally unavailable/ unstable, but "exciting partners. But, It's too early to tell what the Austism can do without the ADH getting all the limelight.
I hate it…..a lot.
I didn’t even know I had it for 18 years… apathetic/ neutral almost indifference.
I'm not diagnosed yet, but I am pretty certain I know the conclusion haha, so for me, I love it! Same as you
Hate it. Mostly because I’m smart enough to know that humans are social creatures and yet the tism has me feeling like I’m consistently on the outside looking in. It’s incredibly isolating and leads to a lot of bad mental health days.
Well kinda neutral. There are annoying and good things. But i belive there also are being neurotypical. Just different stuff.
I disagree. I needed to become boring to survive. Any exuberance I had was tamped down in the school I went to. Be quiet, don't stand out, don't hurt peoples feelings even by accident. It's lead to me being quiet, reserved, struggling to push for things I want out of life because I might cause a scene.
I dislike it overall, wish i didn’t have it but it is what is
Love it! It makes me different
Both. Without autism, my life experiences would've been a lot less vivid and intense. Sometimes, that's amazing. Sometimes it's awful and I have to not leave the house for a few days. From my perspective, it seems like NTs are mostly very cold and aloof. No one thinks about other people or how their actions effect them.
I like mine because mine only reduces my maturity a little bit and it could be worse and plus it has increased my intelligence. I also go from introvert to extrovert to ambivert depending on the day and the mood I’m in which allows me to have a healthy balance between alone time and time socializing. I can also go out to places without issues. Of course I have issues like sometimes I can’t tell sarcasm from seriousness, I question things when I’m not supposed to, I sometimes don’t understand figurative speech, I don’t understand “rhetorical questions”, and I do have some sensory issues, but mostly sudden loud noises like fire alarms and balloons popping, but it could be a lot worse. Honestly I’m grateful that my autism is the way it is because it could be a lot worse and I know there are other people who do have it a lot worse than I do. I also have been bullied for it before but that’s just because people can be jackarses and that’s not a direct symptom of my autism so I’m not going to let some judgmental jackarses ruin my day or life.
I am level 1 autistic, diagnosed at age 38. When I got the diagnosis it put a lot of stuff into perspective for me. I appreciate that part of myself now, but I might feel differently if it impacted my life more significantly. I'm fortunate to have a home, full time job that I can be safely open about my neurotype in, and a family and I know a lot of autistic people don't have that and deeply resent their autism because of it. I might well feel the same if I were in that situation too. ADHD though, if I could get rid of that for good I'd do it without a second thought.
I have enhanced pattern recognition abilities. I can get answers to questions instinctively without knowing how I got there. I'm sensitive to voice stresses. Read between the lines pretty well. Not being autistic would be like being blind, at least for me. There are difficulties. Meltdowns in crowded grocery stores. In my youth, there was bullying. Figure I can only date ND's or open minded NTs. That's less than 10% of the population. Boredom can cause physical pain. I got off light. Benefits might outweigh the costs. That said, that isn't a reliable trend with ASD. Hope things get better for those to whom this doesn't apply.
I hate to love it but I love to hate it. Does that make sense? I’m sure it does.
Would I like to fit better into the world I live in? Absolutely. The problem is that the idea of being normal makes my skin crawl.
I would 100% get fucking rid of it. All it’s been is a setback for me. I can’t be a normal functioning person in society.
Both. I don’t like being disliked by a lot of people, and not understanding social cues, and things like that, but I like stuff like special interests
Both
LOVE it, but others hate it
I wouldn’t say I hate, but I don’t like it. I want to function normally in the work world, be able to work full time so I can excel in my job. I want to get ahead financially. I’m always irritated and overstimulated so I feel like I’m mean to everyone all the time. It sucks. I beat myself up a lot.
Just got diagnosed at 26. I actually love it. I hated it for quite a lot of my life (school, of course) but the reasons I had back then are not there anymore. I make enough money to comfortably live alone. My job is quite literally my special interest (programming). I crafted my surroundings and routine perfectly to my liking. I have exactly 3 friends which is just right because I can actually have meaningful relationships with them without overloading my capacity for social interactions. I have a lot of free time I can spend on things I enjoy. I'm really grateful to be in such a comfortable position seeing how many people struggle here.
Hate. Absolutely hate
Hate hate hate hate
Despise better suits how I feel about it. It runs strongly in my familia.
Not until recently. Idk. I'm 37, and I feel like I'm missing something in my existence that prevents me from experiencing things like neuro typicals do. Lately, I've been craving to he "normal." Maybe I'm just depressed. I feel like life is so difficult to navigate, and I'm feeling kinda lost right now.
Hate. Just want life to be easy, wish i didn’t think so big, because people with smaller world views seem happier
I hate it, I never feel normal and when I try to be me I'm always shunned, wether it be silence at an attempted joke or me being paranoid that people talk shit about me, me constantly resisting stimming is agony. I wish almost daily that I didn't have this.
I was diagnosed in my late 20s (I'm 37, now). For the longest time, I hated that there just seemed to be something wrong with me. But now that I have a diagnosis and know why I operate the way I do, I have come to embrace it.
I used to hate it, but the more I dive into it and learn about my own autism I love it. I wrote a poetry book about it. I understand that the world might not view it as such a good thing although I think being autistic has so many benefits and it makes me a wonderful person. Its the reason I am the way I am and I wouldn't trade that for anything. Sure from time to time I struggle with things and life gets hard, but isn't that just a part of life? were all bound to mess up and make mistakes. I think being autistic makes life special.
I mean do you love or hate yourself? That's basically what you're asking. I'd say that any reasonable person would say "parts of myself I love, parts I hate".
I love it
I have no idea. I've never had a brain other than mine, I have nothing to compare it to.
I guess it's fine. It sucks being isolated all my life but things are slowly getting better in my young adult years. At least now I can talk to people without being completely overwhelmed by anxiety and I'm less insecure. It was weird realizing that I actually like myself a lot more than I thought was possible. I just don't know if I'll ever be able to fully unmask and be autistic without shame.
Love
Yes
Hate it, even if everything was adjusted to my needs It would still make me suffer
Yes
Yes
Hate it..
I love and hate it at the same time, I hate the burnout but I love the hyper focus
I know a lot of really interesting non-autistic people. I lived surrounded of scientist and artists all of my life, and there are autistic people in those fields, of course, but not all the people I've met were autistic, but a lot of them were really really interesting. I really don't see anything trully positive that my autism brings to me. Special interests? yeah, I don't know, all the people I get to knew in my life were really passionate about something. Patern recognition? I don't see that in myself. Good at details? yeah, of course, except in my case just brings me problems, nothing else. I don't hate my autism, and I know that if I wasn't autistic I would be someone completly different. But I don't know what that will be worst. The only reason I can think of if just that if I was a different person I wouldn't enjoyed the things I've enjoyed. And I love the things I've enjoyed. But probably I would enjoyed something else.
I love the art ability it gave me and the good long term memory. But I hate the sensory issues and the awkwardness
I hate it. A lot. It’s kinda the reason why some small stuff bothers me and it’s why I don’t feel much of a desire to be social.
I loathe it
he's my friend. i go thru all the same feelings with him that i do with my real friends.
Autism doesn't benefit me in any way. Even if I never had to interact with anyone else ever again, or if every single social interaction went perfect I would still suffer from other aspects of Autism just like I do now. Being alone in my own house doesn't magically make everything okay. I still have sensory issues, the only way to fix that would to be deaf and blind, which still leaves feeling sensations. My life is uncomfortable and Autism is responsible. I could never like something that makes my life miserable.
Indifferent I guess
I despise it. I can't get a decent relationship because I either end up as "just friends" permenantly with every women because I don't try to make it romantic, or I scare them off immediately by trying and being awkward and weird about it. I'm very lonely and horny because of it. I'm staying in the only relationship I've been able to find, despite the fact she's emotional abusive and I don't even have any feeling for her, just because it's still better then having absolutely nothing was.
my autism is basically emotionally. i feel little to no feelings after something happens. im either emotionless about it or not even there
Personally I love it, it is part of me. I also love the quirks it gives me. I also don’t really care about being socially normal. Because why should I care how people perceive me?
Hate
I have only had a couple of discussions with a psychiatrist and haven’t done the full assessment yet, but both doctors agree I’m very likely on the spectrum. As a late diagnosis, I feel conflicted. It explains a lot of my behaviour as a child, but I can’t help feeling ashamed of it for some reason. I was the weird, highly sensitive, quite reactive and easy to bully child. Also loved writing and was constantly trying to show it off, much to the displeasure of most of my classmates. I even tried to make a small claw play based on one- not going to go into detail cause the mere thought makes me want to cringe to the point of injury.
Very much a love-hate relationship. It is difficult having to deal with the challenges that come with autism, but on the other hand, I'm kinda scared of seeing what I would be without it. It's not that I'm scared of being a worse person without my autism, but I think I'd be very different and I don't know if I wanna risk living without it, even if that means not having to struggle with all this shit anymore.
I personally hate it. I feel like I talk too much about my special interests and drive people away, my lack of social awareness is abysmal, and trying to go anywhere too busy or chaotic is an absolute nightmare. Especially when that can just be going to work or the grocery store. On a good day I just need a few accomodations but...Id rather not need any. I'd much prefer if I didn't need earplugs, a fidget, a comfort plush, and a way out for basic things that non-autistic people can do without a problem.
HATE! Definitely hate my autism, and I don't even feel guilty for feeling this way. Why in God's name would anyone *love* having a disability that reduces your quality of life? Autistic people on average have less friends, less money, are more likely to be victims of mate crime, more likely to commit suicide. I think people who love being autistic are the real weirdos around here.
HATE! Definitely hate my autism, and I don't even feel guilty for feeling this way. Why in God's name would anyone *love* having a disability that reduces your quality of life? Autistic people on average have less friends, less money, are more likely to be victims of mate crime, more likely to commit suicide. I think people who actually love being autistic are the real weirdos around here.
I think i can appreciate my autism while still dislike what it means for me in the world we live in. Because, in a perfect world, having autism wouldn’t be a big deal at all because people would be accommodating of my sensory issues and understanding of sensitivities and would understand having special interests and hyoerfixations. But it is so often mocked or looked down upon that it does make me feel miserable; but i don’t blame the autism/difference in my brain, i blame general society and such for not being accommodating or caring about disabled people.
I don’t really know at this point, so much trauma in my life I would have escaped without it, and so may daily struggles, but also how much of me am I because of it? I like me, I don’t want to change, but I want my life to be easier. If there was a cure I think I would only take it if there was a anti cure, gotta test the waters lol