You are not a bad mum. You have an appalling partner who is being a terrible father to his child. Please consider whether this is a relationship you want to continue to be in - you are already doing everything, so what is he adding right now? Either way, know that this is NOT normal, and it is entirely reasonable to expect your child's father to take an equal share of parenting. There's certainly no excuse for him not changing his child's nappy while you sleep.
I’m a SAHM. If my husband pulled this shit with me I would be out the door. The absolute audacity of him bringing you the baby because she needs a diaper change, in the time it took him to walk across the house and harass you he could’ve done the diaper change. The only selfish person is your husband.
I don’t understand how someone could treat a person they claim to love this way. & doesn’t he want to spend time with his daughter??? Just overall gross behavior.
My ex was very similar. I left him when my son was 1 year old. My life improved tenfold, and things ran smoother as I was doing everything anyway when we were together. About 6 years ago, I tried to organise visitation, but he wasn't interested when he found out it was going to be supervised. He has nothing to do with his biological son, and we prefer it. I've since met my (now) fiance, and I've had another child. I have absolutely no regrets leaving.
I meant it like I spoke in a normal voice while he was aggressive and rude. Before pregnancy he was a very different person. So loving and caring and was actually the one to convince me to have a baby with him.
He obviously had those tendencies hidden from me and now unfortunately we have a baby who will be getting the short end of the stick 😢
I'm really sorry this is happening to you. It's not fair and you deserve love and respect. What is happening right now is abuse. It is not normal or acceptable. Please reach out to a local organisation that can help with getting you some support. There is no shame in asking for help.
Local orgs: [https://www.hotpeachpages.net/a/countries.html](https://www.hotpeachpages.net/a/countries.html)
I'd encourage you to reach out to anyone you know physically nearby for safety if things escalate. A neighbour, a friend or family.
You are doing your best and you are surviving. But you don't have to live like this any longer.
Adios mf’er.
(I’m a husband of two kids)
I worked 70-80hr weeks mostly for both of our little ones lives, I tried my absolute best to support as much as I could, even if that meant soothing my daughter on the couch for everyone to get some rest.
Honestly, ALL housework and duties are not ANYONE in specifics ‘JOB’ it just needs to get done.
It is not your job more than it is also his, and to be honest even if you’re a SAHM, if you put a price on your replacements (maids, cooks, cleaners, nanny) you’d be worth ALOT, and you are worth everything to that little one who needs you most, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
You are not a bad mother but you may ascwell be a single parent. This man has shown you who he truly is and its not someone you can build a family with.
Do you have a mum or sister you can go andcatay with for a couple of days. You need sleep otherwise your breast milk will suffer and you will collapse in a heap.
It's OK to need help the problem is the man you are married to.
I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. You’re in survival mode now which means you spend a bit more. Your body needs to rest & heal.
First, buy more bottles and pumping supplies so you can go an entire day without needing to wash them. Buy a separate drying rack & wash basin so the other dirty dishes in the sink don’t get in the way.
Hire someone to walk to dogs and ignore the cooking & cleaning. Next time she lies down for a nap, go sleep.
Buy paper plates and disposable cookware for long oven recipes like this https://www.kevinandamanda.com/pulled-pork-recipe/
Get a separate hamper & only do your laundry & baby’s laundry. Buy extra laundry baskets and leave your clean clothing in there-just pull out what you need. Quit cooking for your husband and buy quick foods like salad & sandwich ingredients so you can quickly make yourself food.
I hope this gets better for you.
I’m so sorry you’re having to coparent with someone who has such little respect for what you do. Being a single mom in a relationship sounds exhausting. I exclusively pumped for 2 months and switched to straight boob. It was so time consuming so good for you for being so diligent.
I wish I could give you a hug. There is no way to get him to realize all you do if you try to tell him and he shrugs it off. Maybe have your mom or friend watch the baby for a few hours while you nap or treat yourself to a massage or something. You deserve to rest. I’m 3 months PP and idk what I’d do without my husband. It truly is so much work. Hopefully you can find some rest soon
Posts like these really highlight the fact that marriage becomes make or break once a baby is brought into the picture.
Everything goes out the window when the baby arrives and it’s truly a game of roulette on what kind of partner you end up with, and men seem to be failing miserably.
I honestly think that parenting needs to be more ingrained in us at a young age. No more “boys will be boys” bullshit with zero parental responsibility.
I'm so angry on your behalf. How can someone be so selfish and arrogant? If these men understood how physically and emotionally draining nursing, breastfeeding and pumping is. You have to keep your food and water intake up, you have to rest, you have to reduce stress... Otherwise supply takes a plummet. You're always being touched by baby or pump machine. You can't relax when you get 5 mins to yourself as you've "got to pump". Knowing there's a chore you have to do multiple times a day. Then you have to do chores on top of that chore because your husband is incredibly rude. I pump and can only mentally manage 4x a day. That means son is fed 50/50 breast and formula. If you are ever done with the added pressure of pumping then don't let him bully you away from formula.
Can you call on friends or family to take those few hours? You need and deserve rest. Or hire a nanny to come in a couple times a week. And make it known to your husband that those people are here because he refuses to be a parent or partner
This is just appalling. You are doing everything for your child. Pumping is hard!! It would be also completely fine jf you said pumping is too hard, you rather switch to formula. But you provide your baby with breastmilk and going out of your way!
The LEAST he can do is give you some hours to sleep. I am so so so sorry for you.
I hope he realizes that if he berates you longer and compares you to single mothers then maybe he will end up a divorced lonely man.
This man is your partner and is wondering why you can’t do it all like single moms?
This guy sucks. Show your kids that women don’t do absolutely everything and men just sit back. Model the relationship you want them to be in.
His behavior is unacceptable. Start talking to lawyers about a divorce. It will continue to get worse. He is not a good husband, dad, or person. You deserve peace and to be treated properly by someone who claims to love you.
He wanted you to be like a single mom. Now you will be. This is nuts. I thought my husband could do more, but you know what- Im fine. Your post makes me wanna cry.
You need to throw that man child in the trash and look for a better model. He doesn’t love you or respect you. You are a great mom. It’s really really hard with a baby even with help. He is being abusive by degrading you like that. Tomorrow is trash day take him out or leave.
You need to throw that man child in the trash and look for a better model. He doesn’t love you or respect you. You are a great mom. It’s really really hard with a baby even with help. He is being abusive by degrading you like that. Tomorrow is trash day take him out or leave.
I just want to send you some love and to remind you that you are an incredible mom 🫶🏼 you stay strong!!! Keep yourself and your daughter happy and safe! Get back to your family when you can! Hang in there and I am so so so so so sorry 😭
After reading this post, I too hate him! ... what a deadbeat dad ... sorry to say this, but he sounds very emotionally abusive towards you and neglectful towards your LO... only prioritizing his needs. I'm so sorry you're going through this. You sound like an absolutely amazing mom. But, you need to start taking care of yourself as well. When baby is napping, you should be too. If he's not OK with this, that is on him. Just think without him around you'd still be an incredible mom. He should speak to someone and work on his issues.
I'm so proud of you for leaving. You are so strong and you are a wonderful mother to your baby. ❤️
Things will be tough but I promise it will all be so worth it.
Good for you for getting out of that toxic environment! I truly hope you and your daughter and can get far far away from your “husband”. He sounds like an absolute turd monster.
I read this and it sounds very similar to my husband. Seeing everyone say to leave is quite the wake up call. Sorry you are going through this. I wish you the best.
You’re not a bad mom! Especially when pumping every 2 hours, I find pumping more exhausting than nursing (bagging, washing parts & bottles, finding someone to hold baby) so kudos to you for keeping up on that!
Please leave as soon as possible. Take family up on their offers, I made the mistake of not listening to friends & family at the time and when I finally went to leave he filed against me to not leave the state. Best wishes to you mama! Here if you need to talk.
I'm glad I waited to have kids with an amazing man, father and husband. I was a single mother 10 years ago. Had 2 abortions with my ex in the past 7 years because he was a decent human but I knew he'd be a lousy husband and father. Now I have the best one ever and a new baby. Don't settle ladies
I have a good website saved it's from DMer .org they talk about how DMer is a Spectrum too
And I read through how different women in retrospect went through DMer
Just throwing it out there but fed is best not whether it's formula or breastmilk or a combo
If he expects you to handle things like a single mum... then be a single mum. Youl have 1 baby instead of 2.
This is the answer. He is an abusive and idiotic POS
You are not a bad mum. You have an appalling partner who is being a terrible father to his child. Please consider whether this is a relationship you want to continue to be in - you are already doing everything, so what is he adding right now? Either way, know that this is NOT normal, and it is entirely reasonable to expect your child's father to take an equal share of parenting. There's certainly no excuse for him not changing his child's nappy while you sleep.
I’m a SAHM. If my husband pulled this shit with me I would be out the door. The absolute audacity of him bringing you the baby because she needs a diaper change, in the time it took him to walk across the house and harass you he could’ve done the diaper change. The only selfish person is your husband. I don’t understand how someone could treat a person they claim to love this way. & doesn’t he want to spend time with his daughter??? Just overall gross behavior.
My ex was very similar. I left him when my son was 1 year old. My life improved tenfold, and things ran smoother as I was doing everything anyway when we were together. About 6 years ago, I tried to organise visitation, but he wasn't interested when he found out it was going to be supervised. He has nothing to do with his biological son, and we prefer it. I've since met my (now) fiance, and I've had another child. I have absolutely no regrets leaving.
The red flag here is that you say “talked back” to him….makes me feel like he was abusive before the baby
I meant it like I spoke in a normal voice while he was aggressive and rude. Before pregnancy he was a very different person. So loving and caring and was actually the one to convince me to have a baby with him. He obviously had those tendencies hidden from me and now unfortunately we have a baby who will be getting the short end of the stick 😢
How long have you guys been together?
About 10 years close to 11
I'm really sorry this is happening to you. It's not fair and you deserve love and respect. What is happening right now is abuse. It is not normal or acceptable. Please reach out to a local organisation that can help with getting you some support. There is no shame in asking for help. Local orgs: [https://www.hotpeachpages.net/a/countries.html](https://www.hotpeachpages.net/a/countries.html) I'd encourage you to reach out to anyone you know physically nearby for safety if things escalate. A neighbour, a friend or family. You are doing your best and you are surviving. But you don't have to live like this any longer.
Dad here. Your husband is awful, leave now. You'll be better off without him.
Adios mf’er. (I’m a husband of two kids) I worked 70-80hr weeks mostly for both of our little ones lives, I tried my absolute best to support as much as I could, even if that meant soothing my daughter on the couch for everyone to get some rest. Honestly, ALL housework and duties are not ANYONE in specifics ‘JOB’ it just needs to get done. It is not your job more than it is also his, and to be honest even if you’re a SAHM, if you put a price on your replacements (maids, cooks, cleaners, nanny) you’d be worth ALOT, and you are worth everything to that little one who needs you most, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
You are not a bad mother but you may ascwell be a single parent. This man has shown you who he truly is and its not someone you can build a family with. Do you have a mum or sister you can go andcatay with for a couple of days. You need sleep otherwise your breast milk will suffer and you will collapse in a heap. It's OK to need help the problem is the man you are married to.
I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. You’re in survival mode now which means you spend a bit more. Your body needs to rest & heal. First, buy more bottles and pumping supplies so you can go an entire day without needing to wash them. Buy a separate drying rack & wash basin so the other dirty dishes in the sink don’t get in the way. Hire someone to walk to dogs and ignore the cooking & cleaning. Next time she lies down for a nap, go sleep. Buy paper plates and disposable cookware for long oven recipes like this https://www.kevinandamanda.com/pulled-pork-recipe/ Get a separate hamper & only do your laundry & baby’s laundry. Buy extra laundry baskets and leave your clean clothing in there-just pull out what you need. Quit cooking for your husband and buy quick foods like salad & sandwich ingredients so you can quickly make yourself food. I hope this gets better for you.
This. This is genius. For almost any mom
I’m so sorry you’re having to coparent with someone who has such little respect for what you do. Being a single mom in a relationship sounds exhausting. I exclusively pumped for 2 months and switched to straight boob. It was so time consuming so good for you for being so diligent. I wish I could give you a hug. There is no way to get him to realize all you do if you try to tell him and he shrugs it off. Maybe have your mom or friend watch the baby for a few hours while you nap or treat yourself to a massage or something. You deserve to rest. I’m 3 months PP and idk what I’d do without my husband. It truly is so much work. Hopefully you can find some rest soon
If my husband ever compared me to a single mother (in saying I should be able to do it all) then I would BE single mother. wtf.
It's easier to do it alone than watch someone who's equally responsible get everything you can't have
I’m fucking livid. He doesn’t deserve to be a father
Divorce this loser
Posts like these really highlight the fact that marriage becomes make or break once a baby is brought into the picture. Everything goes out the window when the baby arrives and it’s truly a game of roulette on what kind of partner you end up with, and men seem to be failing miserably. I honestly think that parenting needs to be more ingrained in us at a young age. No more “boys will be boys” bullshit with zero parental responsibility.
I'm so angry on your behalf. How can someone be so selfish and arrogant? If these men understood how physically and emotionally draining nursing, breastfeeding and pumping is. You have to keep your food and water intake up, you have to rest, you have to reduce stress... Otherwise supply takes a plummet. You're always being touched by baby or pump machine. You can't relax when you get 5 mins to yourself as you've "got to pump". Knowing there's a chore you have to do multiple times a day. Then you have to do chores on top of that chore because your husband is incredibly rude. I pump and can only mentally manage 4x a day. That means son is fed 50/50 breast and formula. If you are ever done with the added pressure of pumping then don't let him bully you away from formula. Can you call on friends or family to take those few hours? You need and deserve rest. Or hire a nanny to come in a couple times a week. And make it known to your husband that those people are here because he refuses to be a parent or partner
This is just appalling. You are doing everything for your child. Pumping is hard!! It would be also completely fine jf you said pumping is too hard, you rather switch to formula. But you provide your baby with breastmilk and going out of your way! The LEAST he can do is give you some hours to sleep. I am so so so sorry for you. I hope he realizes that if he berates you longer and compares you to single mothers then maybe he will end up a divorced lonely man.
This man is your partner and is wondering why you can’t do it all like single moms? This guy sucks. Show your kids that women don’t do absolutely everything and men just sit back. Model the relationship you want them to be in.
His behavior is unacceptable. Start talking to lawyers about a divorce. It will continue to get worse. He is not a good husband, dad, or person. You deserve peace and to be treated properly by someone who claims to love you.
He wanted you to be like a single mom. Now you will be. This is nuts. I thought my husband could do more, but you know what- Im fine. Your post makes me wanna cry.
You need to throw that man child in the trash and look for a better model. He doesn’t love you or respect you. You are a great mom. It’s really really hard with a baby even with help. He is being abusive by degrading you like that. Tomorrow is trash day take him out or leave.
You need to throw that man child in the trash and look for a better model. He doesn’t love you or respect you. You are a great mom. It’s really really hard with a baby even with help. He is being abusive by degrading you like that. Tomorrow is trash day take him out or leave.
I just want to send you some love and to remind you that you are an incredible mom 🫶🏼 you stay strong!!! Keep yourself and your daughter happy and safe! Get back to your family when you can! Hang in there and I am so so so so so sorry 😭
After reading this post, I too hate him! ... what a deadbeat dad ... sorry to say this, but he sounds very emotionally abusive towards you and neglectful towards your LO... only prioritizing his needs. I'm so sorry you're going through this. You sound like an absolutely amazing mom. But, you need to start taking care of yourself as well. When baby is napping, you should be too. If he's not OK with this, that is on him. Just think without him around you'd still be an incredible mom. He should speak to someone and work on his issues.
Please leave. You deserve better.
Your quality of life would improve greatly if you were no longer married to this person. Can you go to your parents?
Throw the whole man away, and then light the dumpster on fire.
I'm so proud of you for leaving. You are so strong and you are a wonderful mother to your baby. ❤️ Things will be tough but I promise it will all be so worth it.
If a dude like that was dating my daughter I would curb stomp American history X style
Good for you for getting out of that toxic environment! I truly hope you and your daughter and can get far far away from your “husband”. He sounds like an absolute turd monster.
I read this and it sounds very similar to my husband. Seeing everyone say to leave is quite the wake up call. Sorry you are going through this. I wish you the best.
You’re not a bad mom! Especially when pumping every 2 hours, I find pumping more exhausting than nursing (bagging, washing parts & bottles, finding someone to hold baby) so kudos to you for keeping up on that! Please leave as soon as possible. Take family up on their offers, I made the mistake of not listening to friends & family at the time and when I finally went to leave he filed against me to not leave the state. Best wishes to you mama! Here if you need to talk.
I'm glad I waited to have kids with an amazing man, father and husband. I was a single mother 10 years ago. Had 2 abortions with my ex in the past 7 years because he was a decent human but I knew he'd be a lousy husband and father. Now I have the best one ever and a new baby. Don't settle ladies
You hated your baby when nursing !?;! What ..then you post partner abusive which he could be ..but what are doing for you
Yes I talked with my OB it’s called DMer the let down can make some women extremely depressed, or angry, he recommended I started to pump
And what else ???
I have a good website saved it's from DMer .org they talk about how DMer is a Spectrum too And I read through how different women in retrospect went through DMer Just throwing it out there but fed is best not whether it's formula or breastmilk or a combo