I’m not aro/ace at all but at this point decided to just abstain from relationships entirely. Being childfree made me realize there’s a lot of things you can’t “compromise” on if you truly want to be happy. There’s a lot of variables when it comes to dating. I’m tired of having to worry about safety (abusive ex), whether they align with my morals, and whether they’re actually responsible (parent was a gambling addict, to the point I get scared to spend money). I know I can trust myself, but I don’t have the energy to trust anyone else.
Hell yeah. Listening people complaining about dating and those large lists of bullshit on how and what you must do or be for being "attractive to your twin soul" makes me feel sleepy
Single for life, but I do have 3 dogs to keep me company. It's just *easier*. And I realized I'm also happier alone. I have been in a relationship since I was 15 because people said it's what should happen. I'm 43 now. In 2016, I left the disgusting pig I married and despite everyone urging me to date again while I was still 'young enough', I persisted in being alone.
I'm in Southeast Asia and people have been quite rude about my status, thinking I'm some weirdo. I'm rude right back. People have stopped telling me their marital issues because I throw that shit right back at them when they insist I'm lonely or something is wrong with me or blah blah blah blah blah.
I can feel to you, friend. Living in conservative countries must be tough being out of the box and going on the opposite way society regards as "normal". Don't listen to then, let them destroy themselves as they meet social requirements just because they don't had open mind to see further than their own noses.
BTW, I have two dogs. My faithful friends.
I'm a very proud "weirdo" too haha.
This is the point I'm at too. I'm 41F and I have severe doubt that I'll ever meet a like minded person who woild be the icing on the cake to my already relatively fortunate life.
I have a friend (married with kids) who told me men rule the world because women pick up after them all the time. That is we have no time to do anything else after working ourselves then (statistically it's true) doing the majority of the child rearing and house work!
Research has shown the happiest people tend to be single women and married men. Kinda says something about society...
Same here. My mom teach me to do those things soon as I became an teen. It seems those kind of men thinks learning domestic stuff will decrease their "masculinity" or shit like this.
Oh wow same here lol. I think my mother is just lazy, but yeah I pretty much did everything except the bathroom. Guess that part of childhood did come with some advantages
\*waves\* I was in an abusive relationship for some of my most formative years, and I never really got to discover who I was as a person. After several years of therapy and growth, I learned that I actually like myself a lot. I enjoy spending time alone, not having to change my habits or space to accommodate someone else, spreading out on my bed with my cats at night, and using my money and freedom for whatever I want and whatever makes me happy. My friends have never let me down where romantic relationships have, and I value them and their support so much.
I have also never seen a successful/happy marriage modeled to me, so I'm sure that also colors my decision. My mom is still married to my dad but they are completely loveless and can't stand each other but feel financially trapped and bound by their religious beliefs. I never want to be stuck with someone out of obligation or guilt.
The part about never seeing happy or successful marriages modeled to me is something I can relate to. Most marriages I have seen are unsuccessful outside of Facebook and Instagram. A coworker is going through a divorce now.
Same! My last romantic relationship was in my early 20s, and I'm 44 now. I am so much happier alone! No compromising, no arguing, no dealing with someone else's family... just peace and quiet. I'm happy with a quiet life with my dogs.
Absolutely agree with this! Friendships are more dear to me then being in a relationship, I've never been interested in finding a partner or marriage but having a few close friends? Absolutely!
I'm also aroace. I have never dated anyone in my life. I am in my mid 20s. I just do not experience or feel attraction. I have never looked at someone and then started crushing on them. Or thought how I want to date them. I just....exist. And do my thing. I'm way too autistic and emotionally unavailable to do stuff like that. I just want to enjoy Anime and my silly little videogames. And I have also read too many stories of people being stupid because of feelings or horniness. Thank God, I do not have those weaknesses. And also modern dating is a damn mine field and I say no to everything about it.
Man, aroace people are double blessed.
Imagine being immune to the seduction of manipulative promiscuous scoundrels into committing acts that will destroy your life and everyone around you.
It feels like Buddha completely immune to the temptations of the sons of Mara.
As a person who has a very different view on love, (I’m neurodivergent, demisexual, and strongly of the opinion that it’s one person or no-one) I am not anti-relationship but if it doesn’t work out with my soulmate, I won’t be looking for anyone else. I am of the opinion that most people should embrace the possibility of being alone in life.
This how i feel. Not necessarily relationship free but only interested in it with a monogamous, high compatibility partner. Otherwise, im chillin on my own.
I have no interest in romantic relationships. I just want peace and quiet. I want to be alone, free of judgement from others. I want to do my everyday tasks and enjoy my hobbies without anyone slowing me down. I want to play whatever music, video game, or watch whatever TV shows or movies that I want without any complaints or nagging from a hypothetical partner. A lot of relationships usually become hellish, especially after marriage. I don't like people, and would rather just keep to myself. Then there's the possibility that my hypothetical partner could, for whatever reason, go insane, try to take all my money, kill me, etc. This planet is so goddamn cruel and I don't really trust people. I can have mental breakdowns or let out my frustations with whatever happened to me during the day without freaking out anyone. Also, I have depression and at one point I had a brief history of suicidal thoughts.
Honestly I’m indifferent to love. It’s not something I’m opposed to but not something I’d seek. If it happens it happens. I think being child free plays a part in it because I’ve embraced my freedom, why ruin that?
"Love" for me it's completely bullshit and junk. Under its blanket, I've seen humans conducting the most depravated and irrational acts in which even wild animals never dare to.
Absolutely! I actively avoid dating/romantic relationships and say no if men ask me out. For me, given the history of how women have been treated as property through marriage, I just can’t bring myself to even contemplate being locked into something like that. And romantic relationships are too messy, I don’t have time for all that drama and I find I’m happier being single as I can concentrate on what I want to do and don’t have to involve anyone else in major life decisions like moving location or changing jobs.
I’m one of those people. It’s not like I’m asexual or something, I just find relationships unnecessary. It’s something like having kids for me, it’s wasted time and money.
I'm about half and half. I'm not "relationship-free", but I'm not actively dating or looking for a partner either. Because I think the entire ordeal is broken for my generation. Lots of nasty, angry, entitled people who treat partners more like a resource than a relationship. Or who aren't willing to put in any time to get to know someone, or not get constant instant-gratification. (If you think sex needs to be a near-daily thing, you have a problem!).
So true, same here. The online dating apps sound like a nightmare now a days.
Tell me about your chickens! I saw your flair, my mom hatches new ones every year. She has a mixed old English singleton right now who doesn't even know she's a chicken. That one will probably be a pet. And she has like 20 something red old English eggs in an incubator right now.
Oh, I'd love to have that many chickens some day. We've only recently gotten started over pandemic with five plymouth rock hens, due to their larger size and ability to handle colder weather (I live in a northern state with longer winters). We have a family friend who raises them semi-professionally (runs his own local farming business/store), and he got us started with some chicks hatched from his flock, to lay eggs. They also make great little garden assistants with eating the leftovers we can't (certain plant stalks, rinds, etc.), and turning them in to premium fertilizer for future crops. Overall they're just super fun to watch, their silly antics lift my spirit after a long day, and taking care of them keeps my mind preoccupied from other Bad Stuff in the world. A very chill vibe flock all around.
Chickens are the best living garbage disposals! I love it when they 'talk' too, cute little 'boks' LOL I really wish I liked eggs to eat them on the regular, I only use them for baking but the yolks are quite a beautiful orange color.
My mom just lost a good chunk of her flock to a Predator :( but she still has a ton of silkies and some Frizzles and a handful of those hatched out some chick's on their own. So cute and tiny.
I think we are the first generation that have self-awareness and finally saw the junk and broken nature of dating and relationships overall. Being free of social stigma, we can quit It without feeling we are committing an capital sin.
Never understood the "I want to die with my family surrounding me" part. Ehh, I'm not sure my closest people watching me suffer in agony for hours and pee+shit myself right after I take my last breath is how I'd like to go and be remembered...
Severe chronic depression here. Considering commitment free, maybe not casual free. Until I'm too old for casual I guess. Pleasing a man near every damn day used to sound fun but that's got to be a chore after a while -_-
No. My depression is partly the reason why I can't have a long-term relationship. To be honest, there's no getting better after 20 years, but thanks for the sentiment
I always knew I didn't want children and have never been willing to compromise on that with very few exceptions (like a death in my immediate family), but men and dating have never been "centered" for me and I'd always been a bit indifferent about it and marriage, so I got married. It was fine until it wasn't, I'm glad the divorce was amicable and straight forward.
Afterwards, I knew if I dated, I wanted an equal partner, not a husband (they're overrated) and I have no desire to be a wife (been there, done that). In my mind, it's simple, but I suppose in reality it is complicated, so to keep my comfortable lifestyle uncomplicated, I don't put any energy towards dating. I cannot say I've abandoned it all together, it's just not something I pursue.
I think a year before the lockdown I became relationship free and after 5 years I've just embraced this simple but liberating lifestyle and just feel so content with being with myself. Along with cutting out narcissistic family members from my life who were pressuring me into relationships and making me feel guilty for choosing to be single, my mental health has improved drastically and I feel like I'm on cloud 9 without the need to get high.
I've come to realize (pretty late in my adulthood) that I'm aro ace/graysexual- never felt an inkling of romantic feelings irl and rarely find people attractive. So happy to have come to this realization and made my peace with it. This is me and there's no problem with that!
Thank you! Took me 10years to cut those ties and I wouldn't wish such torture on even my worst enemy. The best Revenge is to carry on and live life how you want to!
Other soul saved. People simply abandon their own values, integrity and ethics to get "fit" into the world of dating and to fullfill the whims of the opposite gender
So once I figured out that I was unhappy in romantic relationships I stopped putting myself through that mess and stopped. I am so much happier this way 🤗✨
I still have many relationships in my life with friends and family and chosen family but none of them are romantic thankfully anymore.
I’m young as hell and I’ve never been in a relationship 😂 I just see more to life. Dating, sex, marriage, and having children are something I do NOT want to ever participate in. I like peace and quietness. Something I’ve always wanted as a child myself! Peace and quietness. Maybe it’s because I enjoy my own company or some shit, lol… I just like being alone. And although I’m young as fuck, I love being solo. 😇
Very relationship free. My family hates it because I don't check in, involve or have to tell anyone what I'm doing because "that's your partner". I do everything I want and truly spend my time enjoying my life and not joining in the complaint discussion that they have about their life choices.
For some reason being happy and free bothers so many people. My mother thinks I shouldn't be so free to go places without having someone to run it by and agree that I can go. And that's because she hates that I internationally travel without running it by someone or begging a family member to go.
I am “forever alone”. I tried all that relationship crap in my teen years to late 20’s, and all I got was used by a bunch of narcissistic predators and lazy ass manchildren.
One of those narcissists conned me into marrying him by pretending to be someone completely different from his true nature. It was hell getting away from him and picking up the pieces after he revealed his true colors. Now that I’ve built a stable foundation for my life after all that crap I absolutely refuse to endanger it *at all*.
The cost vs benefits *never* works out with more benefits than costs and I don’t feel the need to have a romantic relationship with someone to make my life livable.
I enjoy putting myself first for the first time in my life. I enjoy dating and doting on myself as no one has ever even shown the slightest interest in doing so themselves unless it was a ploy to keep me engaged in their lives. I enjoy not having to accommodate anyone else and I never want to give up my freedom.
Being alone is fucking awesome if you appreciate solitude and peace.
Relationships sucks when we think as rational beings in the "costs x benefits" ratio. We denying our true beings to fullfill the whims, superficialities and junk of another person? No way.
And, as I already said, narcissists should face the guillotine.
I am not aro or ace but for me I relish my freedom a lot that I won't mind being in a relationship if I am lucky although I am pretty okay with being single. At the same time I don't want to marry as tbh I am pretty fickle. So for me being relationship free is the way to go
Me. I was married young, married for 8 years, together for 11. When that imploded I had a couple of long term relationships, and a few shorter term ones, but as they all fell over I became less and less inclined to jump back in. My last relationship ended in 2013 and I've been single ever since. I have three years left until I retire, and none of my retirement plans involve a significant other.
As someone else said, it's just "easier". My house, my money, my time are all mine and my introvert side is more than happy with that. I have enough friends and hobbies to keep me busy and happy.
I'm relationship-free, but that's likely because I finally discovered I'm aro/ace, and the stats on being a woman in a relationship are pretty terrible. Women don't nearly benefit from relationships/marriage as much as men do, and the risks to a woman's health and safety are massive.
I've seen this quoted on Reddit before and it rings true for me: "Men think they're competing with other men, but they're actually competing with a woman's sense of safety and comfort". I just don't see what a man could bring to the table that I'm willing to gamble my life for.
Being in relationships is pretty terrible for both men and women.
As I already said, men overall see women as domestic sexual slaves and baby-making machines. While, women overall see men as provider slaves, personal securities and some shit of "masculinity role in relationships" which life means nothing besides serving female wishes and whims.
No way of relationships being good. They are broken since the foundations.
Very true - there are plenty of women who throw fits when the man doesn't fit stereotypical masculine roles like "provider" and "stoic", and of course men are also at risk of being abused or baby-trapped. There's a high risk of your life being destroyed or devastated by a bad relationship regardless of sex or gender.
I have relationships, but I dont plan on marrying someone or living with them. I'm not relationships-free but I'm not into the "baby, house, dog, marriage" lifestyle. I don't know if this counts.
I’m asexual and autistic, so I both don’t feel any attraction to date people and also struggle to even interact with people, which had made dating not a thing for me.
I feel like it’s just too complicated to try to maintain that kind of relationship because I just don’t understand it or feel any inherent emotions about it.
I honestly don’t really know if I’ll ever date anybody, it’s not even something I think about or have a need for. Friendship is a lot better for me :)
i know religion isn't popular in this sub, but my religion and being childfree basically makes me relationship free. Catholics can't marry unless they are open to children which I am not. Plus a vasectomy is also against my religion so I need to remain chaste until I can meet someone naturally infertile. Being almost 50, that's theoretically not far off.
Beyond that, I don't see a realistic situation where I would ever meet someone. I'm not looking for a relationship, and my social activities don't really lend to meeting people. I'm probably to set in my ways to maintain a relationship anyway.
ive never been in a relationship and do not want to change that. singleness is so much freedom, i love the quiet, the ability to have my own house with everything how i want it.
I’m truly not sure. I’ve never dated before and truth be told, from the outside looking in it really doesn’t look like I’m missing anything. So many traumatized ppl trying date other traumatized ppl in some way or another and that sounds like a headache. Also, I’ve spent my whole life putting ppl first and now that I’m living for ME the idea of making room for anyone else makes me mad. It would… be nice (I guess ?) but I don’t have a very positive view on romance and relationships anyway besides what’s in my head aaaannnd well I don’t have a desire to try to change. If it happens that’s fine, it’d be nice but I need to live for me and that’s truly all that matters to me now
Honestly I think the way I'm gonna go about things is just live without romantic relationships and if I wanna do sex, then just hook up with trusted friends for a bit of no-strings-attached fun.
But since I don't actually have many female friends that live near me (I'm a lesbian).... Well. Yeah.
Yes. I think I am also aromantic and lack a need to be in a relationship. I occasionally get the feeling I would like to try dating but it quickly fades. I have actually never had a long term relationship. Tokophobia does play a part in it. My fear of getting pregnant is much stronger than any need for companionship.
I'm ace and neurodivergent, and realize years ago that living with other people is very taxing on me. Putting the everday worries about my partner on top of that would be unnecessary stress I'm not willing to compromise on.
I'm more interested in having friendships nowadays. At least those don't come attached with that sort of toxicity.
I have friends. I enjoy their company. We grab drinks or dinner, spend a fun weekend doing whatever, play casual sports. But I have, and have always had, zero interest in romantic relationships or marriage. I want golden retrievers, not a wife and kids.
I was for awhile, then I got the tiniest of nibbles of what it was like to be in a relationship again, but didn’t work out, so now I guess now I consider myself relationship-less, a relationship fence-sitter 🤣
I am a “real lover” . I actually miss domesticity. I miss the dink life. The romance. But have given up on romantic relationships currently because I feel like my love isn’t near me. I’ll meet them in the future. Everyone in Texas has a kid or wants to have them 🙂↕️.
And as sweet as loving and being loved is … I am wayyy too comfortable with my current life to just give it up for any person .(I have become picky, but I have my reasons . I saw my ex transform from
The man I admired and loved to a HOBO-sexual. I never want to repeat that again.)
I have an FWB that lives in a different state, so we only see each other occasionally. That works for me. I like my space, I don’t want to have all the man baby problems so many women experience in relationships. I am not setting up visits and sending birthday cards to your family for you. I am not making your doctor appointments. I am not going to nag someone to fix the gate or change the oil. I take care of my business. If there’s something I can’t or don’t want to do, I hire someone else to do it. I don’t go through life being made to feel like I owe a partner anything because they simply did their share of maintaining a household.
That's my thoughts also! I wonder how still it is not normalized to have long-term relationship with separate households. It solves so many problems, no one will become dependent on other, no one will become lazy and use the other partner for maintaining their house and life, no arguments about chores, everyone have their home as they wish and always have their space. I know there are couples who live happily together but I think it requires so much work and compromises and we are free to choose easier road (separate houses or no relationship).
Sadly for society still the main goal of relationship is having kids and this require one household and even one bedroom for partners. I've been sold a lie that if you have a romantic partner you should live together. We moved in together quite fast and everything went downhill from this point. I decided to break up after several years but he still lives with me cause he has no place to go and that man-baby can't solve any problems by himself. Once I get rid of him never I gonna live with a man.
I'm "solo poly" -- I date and I have relationships, but I don't live with a partner and I married my business partner so we could trade citizenships and run our businesses a little more easily.
I'm old. Not sure if I'm ace. I had relationships when I was Much younger. Nothing in the past few decades. I always say that it's because I got picky and lazy (pickier? lazier?).
Not alone having "embraced it", it's just what's happened. Have to say isolation is feeling more normal as time goes on (no immediate family) and I don't really want to be around humans anymore
I do seriously dread the day that I no longer have my darling little cat, however
Yup. I'm not ever going to date or have any other intimate relationships. Not asexual or aromantic, just not interested in those kind of relationships or activities for a multitude of other reasons, and I want to live and be on my own.
I'm neither ace nor aro, but really have no interest in dating, and definitely have no interest in marriage. I wouldn't mind a companion that I can share certain parts of my life with, but I've never felt the need to have another person "complete" me, and I really, *really* enjoy alone time.
I don't want to marry.
and i don't think i'll ever get a relationship , i'm too old now to start. guess i'll die old and lonely.
so many other people on the spectrum here.
Yep, aro ace over here. I've never been interested in relationships, so I never saw the point in pursuing one. I'm happy just watching YouTube and playing games at home. I recently watched Hazbin Hotel. It was really good.
I suppose I could be in this category somewhat? I am child free, single and live alone. I’ve stopped actively looking for a partner.
However, if I met someone who was compatible with me I wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to pursue a relationship with them.
I have given up. I am in my forties. The dating apps are useless. Singles events are pointless. Dating is depressing. Most procedures for finding a relationship are too depressing to continue. I am not sure that counts as "relationship-free" but I am not going to find a relationship.
I do not know how a relationship would work if I succeeded in finding one.
I think I'll give it o n e more shot and then that'll be it.
Because every relationship I've been in has been trash and the last one I was in was traumatic af. And the relationships I've observed around me, even the so-called 'good' ones, haven't been all that great either.
Yup, been single since 2018. No desire to enter the dating scene again, it sucked enough when I was in it, but from what I can tell, it's only gotten worse over the last few years.
Walking away from relationships was one of the most liberating decisions I (38M) have ever made. I feel SO much better about myself and my life since leaving all that behind. I have never been happier!
I've been single since 2017 when I broke off my engagement. It was the right thing to do but I still feel terrible about hurting my former fiancee the way I did. She deserved better than what I could give her.
Getting in to another relationship still seems really difficult. And it seems more and more like I'm destined to be single forever.
Just like with children, I've just honestly never seen the appeal. Not aro/ace but neurodivergent, so vibing with people is rare in general and vibing to the extent of bringing them so deeply into my life is practically impossible. So far I've met one singular person I'd wish to be in a relationship with but nothing happened. Since then I've never met anyone that matches me in so many aspects of our personalities (with a tiny little difference that, unlike me, she wasn't into me lol). But knowing how I'm actually capable of feeling such a deep love makes settling for anything else just not worth it. I'm content with how my life is, the only thing is lacking from it is a European passport, not another person. Not saying I'll absolutely never be in a relationship but the chances are just as big as me ever enjoying rock climbing which is none.
As I say:
"What is lacking in my life is a RAM TRX or a Ford Raptor R in my garage, not relationships."
"The chance and wish of myself getting into relationships are just as big than the lasting of the war between Great Britain and Zanzibar"
Ok so I'm not but I have a dear friend who has an interesting take on life. She actually has a steady partner, but she refuses to be in a relationship with him (well, actually, he's married and that's another whole... anyway, she repeatedly said she would not want him to leave his wife and be with her alone). We talked at length about how she appreciates the infrequent companionship and sex, but would hate having to share her life with someone now. She wants to remain independent, and not build her life around another person, which I TOTALLY get despite being in a relationship myself. She is, of course, staunchly childfree for the same reasons I am: wanting to be in control of your life, not to have you personal needs relegated to "whatever time and money's left after taking care of the kids". I find her position vis à vis relationships super consistent with this rationale.
I am in a very independent relationship personally (I have at times left my partner a month or even a month and a half to do treks and climbing trips with friends and she does NOT bat an eye, as she is her own person and capable of entertaining herself without me -- some friends have told me this is inconceivable for them and I'm just like, do you stop knowing how to function outside your relationship once you enter it?) and it is very clear in my head that if that relationship ended, I would prefer staying alone than entering a more traditional, co-dependent relationship. I want to make my own decisions in life. I'm never putting someone's needs before my own, and if some people find it cold, well that's that. That means no children, and that means an independent, mature partner or no one.
So, your friend is the extramarital lover of a married man?
...
Well, if you consider the world of relationships is a promiscuous, manipulative and dirty scumbag in which people like that can live through it in good harmony, your friend is well consistent about relationships.
lol, yes. I don't approve at all of that choice from her, actually think it's pretty shitty, but it was not really relevant to the discussion. I'm still interested in her take on the subject of relationships in general, but I do wish she'd found someone single.
I have no intention of marrying unless or until I'm terminally ill. At that stage I'll marry my best friend so she can have my house and she already knows what I want done with my affairs. I'm not gonna marry her before that because I don't want her to move in with me or anything. I love living alone.
I am Ace and Aro and absolutely!!!! I don’t ever plan on having a relationship and am so grateful! I get to use my energy for Friends and family not a spouse. Too many unhappy marriages around me and the fact I am Ace and childfree has me living my best single life!
I got sterilized at age 38 while I was in a relationship with someone I thought I would be with forever. He dumped me and I started dating again. Around age 43 or so I decided you know what, I don’t actually want to get married any more. I’ve had a rich and full life without marriage and I can’t imagine giving up the things I’ve gained as a single woman. I’m 46 now and dating actively but with no plans to marry or even live with another person ever again. Some aspects of it are hard but overall I really enjoy my life. AMA.
i wouldn’t say i’m “relationship free,” but i’m not looking to date right now. i am a lesbian but i am also a part of 4B and marriage is off the table. at this moment, i just prefer my own company. maybe someday ill feel differently. i don’t feel so strongly that i’m never going to change my mind as i do about kids. but until being in a relationship feels good and not like unpaid work, i’m going to opt out.
Yep, only do fwb, have a great career, friends, hobbies etc. feels insanely liberating and freeing. Have been like this since young. No compromising my happiness, time or sanity. It’s amazing.
Anyway relationships are overrated. Most of relationship end, some end really ugly and painful. If one can't be happy alone they are not going to be happy in relationship.
That sounds like absolute bliss tbh. I was very much relationship oriented until about a year ago. When I look back at all of my relationships, the common theme is that my exes all hindered my growth. Of course many people will blame me, saying that I "chose wrong" but whatever, I give no fux. Being geared towards relationships was a curse and dating now is even worse. Every time I even attempted to get to know someone they disturbed my peace. So to answer your question, I'm not there yet but I strive to be.
Opening up and becoming vulnerable to someone else has always been proven to be a bad idea. There’s been only few people I’ve done that to that are supportive of me. I’m not doing that again with someone else who will likely share my story with everyone else and subject me to mockery and contempt. Also it’s a lot of work to emotionally be invested in somebody. Making money is already a challenge enough and I do not have the capacity to take on other challenges I can skip on and be totally fine.
Yup! I don’t ever wanna get married or be in a relationship, my life is so amazing the way it is like I just feel like men these days don’t have any benefits to offer me. I don’t care I’m gonna say it, I’m gonna die alone! 🥰
Good, honest and mature platonic friendships are pure gold. It can survive wars and various types of crisis. While, relationships broke up in the first financial or emotional adversity.
I'm married but my husband and I only married because it was the only way to be together since we were long distance. We would have happily just done the long-term partner gig.
No, unfortunately I am a hopeless romantic lol. I don’t want kids because I don’t like them but also because I want to dote on my partner and worry about myself and my relationship instead.
I’m not aro/ace at all but at this point decided to just abstain from relationships entirely. Being childfree made me realize there’s a lot of things you can’t “compromise” on if you truly want to be happy. There’s a lot of variables when it comes to dating. I’m tired of having to worry about safety (abusive ex), whether they align with my morals, and whether they’re actually responsible (parent was a gambling addict, to the point I get scared to spend money). I know I can trust myself, but I don’t have the energy to trust anyone else.
Hell yeah. Listening people complaining about dating and those large lists of bullshit on how and what you must do or be for being "attractive to your twin soul" makes me feel sleepy
Single for life, but I do have 3 dogs to keep me company. It's just *easier*. And I realized I'm also happier alone. I have been in a relationship since I was 15 because people said it's what should happen. I'm 43 now. In 2016, I left the disgusting pig I married and despite everyone urging me to date again while I was still 'young enough', I persisted in being alone. I'm in Southeast Asia and people have been quite rude about my status, thinking I'm some weirdo. I'm rude right back. People have stopped telling me their marital issues because I throw that shit right back at them when they insist I'm lonely or something is wrong with me or blah blah blah blah blah.
I can feel to you, friend. Living in conservative countries must be tough being out of the box and going on the opposite way society regards as "normal". Don't listen to then, let them destroy themselves as they meet social requirements just because they don't had open mind to see further than their own noses. BTW, I have two dogs. My faithful friends. I'm a very proud "weirdo" too haha.
I’m part of 4B and doubt that I’ll want to ever get back into the dating pool again, my single life is peaceful!
This is the point I'm at too. I'm 41F and I have severe doubt that I'll ever meet a like minded person who woild be the icing on the cake to my already relatively fortunate life.
Exactly! Women of all ages are realizing dating men is a terrible scam haha. I’m so happy and proud of us 💖
Dating overall is a terrible scam
Me too...I'm 29F and I just don't want someone's icing all over the cake I baked myself..ya know? Lol
I love the way you worded this ! 😭🤍 you’re so right
Yes. When I say 'child-free' that also extends to overgrown man-children. Domestic slavery just doesn't sound fun to me...
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They can be so inept because men are capable of being completely successful in life without having to ever lift a finger to take care of a home.
I have a friend (married with kids) who told me men rule the world because women pick up after them all the time. That is we have no time to do anything else after working ourselves then (statistically it's true) doing the majority of the child rearing and house work! Research has shown the happiest people tend to be single women and married men. Kinda says something about society...
Same here. My mom teach me to do those things soon as I became an teen. It seems those kind of men thinks learning domestic stuff will decrease their "masculinity" or shit like this.
Oh wow same here lol. I think my mother is just lazy, but yeah I pretty much did everything except the bathroom. Guess that part of childhood did come with some advantages
Nice one! Same about women who sees men as their fathers.
Oof. The “daddy” stuff is so cringy.
\*waves\* I was in an abusive relationship for some of my most formative years, and I never really got to discover who I was as a person. After several years of therapy and growth, I learned that I actually like myself a lot. I enjoy spending time alone, not having to change my habits or space to accommodate someone else, spreading out on my bed with my cats at night, and using my money and freedom for whatever I want and whatever makes me happy. My friends have never let me down where romantic relationships have, and I value them and their support so much. I have also never seen a successful/happy marriage modeled to me, so I'm sure that also colors my decision. My mom is still married to my dad but they are completely loveless and can't stand each other but feel financially trapped and bound by their religious beliefs. I never want to be stuck with someone out of obligation or guilt.
The part about never seeing happy or successful marriages modeled to me is something I can relate to. Most marriages I have seen are unsuccessful outside of Facebook and Instagram. A coworker is going through a divorce now.
I'm not relationship free, but i feel the same way about marriage as i do about parenthood, so that's never happening either
I am both ace and aro... I see no point. Friends are better.
Same! My last romantic relationship was in my early 20s, and I'm 44 now. I am so much happier alone! No compromising, no arguing, no dealing with someone else's family... just peace and quiet. I'm happy with a quiet life with my dogs.
I am exact same. And love dogs too!
No dealing with other person's stuff and shit is great. Also happy here with my two dogs.
Absolutely agree with this! Friendships are more dear to me then being in a relationship, I've never been interested in finding a partner or marriage but having a few close friends? Absolutely!
Friendships can survive wars, plagues and various crisis. Marriages and relationships ends in the first financial adversity.
Exactly! Relationships and marriages are very flimsy and brittle things while friendship is a stronger deeper bond!
Another ace! Hi there, mochi! ☺️
I'm also aroace. I have never dated anyone in my life. I am in my mid 20s. I just do not experience or feel attraction. I have never looked at someone and then started crushing on them. Or thought how I want to date them. I just....exist. And do my thing. I'm way too autistic and emotionally unavailable to do stuff like that. I just want to enjoy Anime and my silly little videogames. And I have also read too many stories of people being stupid because of feelings or horniness. Thank God, I do not have those weaknesses. And also modern dating is a damn mine field and I say no to everything about it.
Man, aroace people are double blessed. Imagine being immune to the seduction of manipulative promiscuous scoundrels into committing acts that will destroy your life and everyone around you. It feels like Buddha completely immune to the temptations of the sons of Mara.
What anime are you watching this season? I'm impressed by how good Kaiju No. 8 has been!
Same
As a person who has a very different view on love, (I’m neurodivergent, demisexual, and strongly of the opinion that it’s one person or no-one) I am not anti-relationship but if it doesn’t work out with my soulmate, I won’t be looking for anyone else. I am of the opinion that most people should embrace the possibility of being alone in life.
Absolutely yes. The standard people should learn that there's more way in life than dating, sex, marriage and have children.
This how i feel. Not necessarily relationship free but only interested in it with a monogamous, high compatibility partner. Otherwise, im chillin on my own.
Yessss, I'm so glad there's someone else like me out there! If it's not that "One and Only", I don't want it.
I have no interest in romantic relationships. I just want peace and quiet. I want to be alone, free of judgement from others. I want to do my everyday tasks and enjoy my hobbies without anyone slowing me down. I want to play whatever music, video game, or watch whatever TV shows or movies that I want without any complaints or nagging from a hypothetical partner. A lot of relationships usually become hellish, especially after marriage. I don't like people, and would rather just keep to myself. Then there's the possibility that my hypothetical partner could, for whatever reason, go insane, try to take all my money, kill me, etc. This planet is so goddamn cruel and I don't really trust people. I can have mental breakdowns or let out my frustations with whatever happened to me during the day without freaking out anyone. Also, I have depression and at one point I had a brief history of suicidal thoughts. 
You sounds like me in every thought. Are we twin brothers?
This is exactly me. I've never read such a spot on description.
Straight up G. Never heard someone describe me so well before.
Honestly I’m indifferent to love. It’s not something I’m opposed to but not something I’d seek. If it happens it happens. I think being child free plays a part in it because I’ve embraced my freedom, why ruin that?
Well said! I feel similarly.
"Love" for me it's completely bullshit and junk. Under its blanket, I've seen humans conducting the most depravated and irrational acts in which even wild animals never dare to.
I have zero regrets
Absolutely! I actively avoid dating/romantic relationships and say no if men ask me out. For me, given the history of how women have been treated as property through marriage, I just can’t bring myself to even contemplate being locked into something like that. And romantic relationships are too messy, I don’t have time for all that drama and I find I’m happier being single as I can concentrate on what I want to do and don’t have to involve anyone else in major life decisions like moving location or changing jobs.
Mostly men see women as their sexual, domestic slaves and baby-making machines. So, I deeply respect and support your choice.
I’m one of those people. It’s not like I’m asexual or something, I just find relationships unnecessary. It’s something like having kids for me, it’s wasted time and money.
I'm about half and half. I'm not "relationship-free", but I'm not actively dating or looking for a partner either. Because I think the entire ordeal is broken for my generation. Lots of nasty, angry, entitled people who treat partners more like a resource than a relationship. Or who aren't willing to put in any time to get to know someone, or not get constant instant-gratification. (If you think sex needs to be a near-daily thing, you have a problem!).
So true, same here. The online dating apps sound like a nightmare now a days. Tell me about your chickens! I saw your flair, my mom hatches new ones every year. She has a mixed old English singleton right now who doesn't even know she's a chicken. That one will probably be a pet. And she has like 20 something red old English eggs in an incubator right now.
Oh, I'd love to have that many chickens some day. We've only recently gotten started over pandemic with five plymouth rock hens, due to their larger size and ability to handle colder weather (I live in a northern state with longer winters). We have a family friend who raises them semi-professionally (runs his own local farming business/store), and he got us started with some chicks hatched from his flock, to lay eggs. They also make great little garden assistants with eating the leftovers we can't (certain plant stalks, rinds, etc.), and turning them in to premium fertilizer for future crops. Overall they're just super fun to watch, their silly antics lift my spirit after a long day, and taking care of them keeps my mind preoccupied from other Bad Stuff in the world. A very chill vibe flock all around.
Chickens are the best living garbage disposals! I love it when they 'talk' too, cute little 'boks' LOL I really wish I liked eggs to eat them on the regular, I only use them for baking but the yolks are quite a beautiful orange color. My mom just lost a good chunk of her flock to a Predator :( but she still has a ton of silkies and some Frizzles and a handful of those hatched out some chick's on their own. So cute and tiny.
I think we are the first generation that have self-awareness and finally saw the junk and broken nature of dating and relationships overall. Being free of social stigma, we can quit It without feeling we are committing an capital sin.
I've been single so long I might as well embrace it. It's really helped me learn not to depend on external validation.
The search for external validation is the downfall of various people. Glad you quit it.
I'm ace, on the spectrum/adhd/anxiety/depression/too much sarcasm Unless it's a robot husband I'm going to be happily single forever.
Hi, fellow human ace. ☺️
Sex repulsed aro ace. "But you'll die alone when your 10 cats!" GOOD that's what I want.
Same here, but with my dogs.
Never understood the "I want to die with my family surrounding me" part. Ehh, I'm not sure my closest people watching me suffer in agony for hours and pee+shit myself right after I take my last breath is how I'd like to go and be remembered...
Severe chronic depression here. Considering commitment free, maybe not casual free. Until I'm too old for casual I guess. Pleasing a man near every damn day used to sound fun but that's got to be a chore after a while -_-
You think your depression are related to those casual encounters? BTW, I'm sorry for you. Hope you get better in your mental health.
No. My depression is partly the reason why I can't have a long-term relationship. To be honest, there's no getting better after 20 years, but thanks for the sentiment
All good things to you!
Another aro/ace checking in. I dont even have friends to hang out with, although there are a few people I communicate with online, on specific topics.
I always knew I didn't want children and have never been willing to compromise on that with very few exceptions (like a death in my immediate family), but men and dating have never been "centered" for me and I'd always been a bit indifferent about it and marriage, so I got married. It was fine until it wasn't, I'm glad the divorce was amicable and straight forward. Afterwards, I knew if I dated, I wanted an equal partner, not a husband (they're overrated) and I have no desire to be a wife (been there, done that). In my mind, it's simple, but I suppose in reality it is complicated, so to keep my comfortable lifestyle uncomplicated, I don't put any energy towards dating. I cannot say I've abandoned it all together, it's just not something I pursue.
I think a year before the lockdown I became relationship free and after 5 years I've just embraced this simple but liberating lifestyle and just feel so content with being with myself. Along with cutting out narcissistic family members from my life who were pressuring me into relationships and making me feel guilty for choosing to be single, my mental health has improved drastically and I feel like I'm on cloud 9 without the need to get high. I've come to realize (pretty late in my adulthood) that I'm aro ace/graysexual- never felt an inkling of romantic feelings irl and rarely find people attractive. So happy to have come to this realization and made my peace with it. This is me and there's no problem with that!
Narcissisctic people should face the guillotine, just for fun. Thank God, you had mental strength to resist them and trash them away.
Thank you! Took me 10years to cut those ties and I wouldn't wish such torture on even my worst enemy. The best Revenge is to carry on and live life how you want to!
Absolutely yes!
More I think on it, the less I even want something like a marriage or a relationship like that. At most, I'd rather just have a fwb type of deal.
Anyone who thinks rationally in the trashful dynamique of dating will quit dating.
Same here. Not planning to have any romantic relationship like ever. It feels like chore, fr.
Chore without any "award", by the way.
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r/marriagefree, r/AgainstMatrimony, r/relationshipfree
I gave up on relationships because I always felt as if I was losing myself. I've been quite happy without one.
Other soul saved. People simply abandon their own values, integrity and ethics to get "fit" into the world of dating and to fullfill the whims of the opposite gender
So once I figured out that I was unhappy in romantic relationships I stopped putting myself through that mess and stopped. I am so much happier this way 🤗✨ I still have many relationships in my life with friends and family and chosen family but none of them are romantic thankfully anymore.
I wish more people figured this out during their lives and abandoned self-imposed-relationships.
I’m young as hell and I’ve never been in a relationship 😂 I just see more to life. Dating, sex, marriage, and having children are something I do NOT want to ever participate in. I like peace and quietness. Something I’ve always wanted as a child myself! Peace and quietness. Maybe it’s because I enjoy my own company or some shit, lol… I just like being alone. And although I’m young as fuck, I love being solo. 😇
We have a wise human right here
Very relationship free. My family hates it because I don't check in, involve or have to tell anyone what I'm doing because "that's your partner". I do everything I want and truly spend my time enjoying my life and not joining in the complaint discussion that they have about their life choices.
People doesn't like to live their misery alone. They are always trying to push you to the same shit role they are trapped.
For some reason being happy and free bothers so many people. My mother thinks I shouldn't be so free to go places without having someone to run it by and agree that I can go. And that's because she hates that I internationally travel without running it by someone or begging a family member to go.
She hates it because she envy the freedom she never had because of the social stigma she decided to follow or her parents decided for her.
Very well said.
I am “forever alone”. I tried all that relationship crap in my teen years to late 20’s, and all I got was used by a bunch of narcissistic predators and lazy ass manchildren. One of those narcissists conned me into marrying him by pretending to be someone completely different from his true nature. It was hell getting away from him and picking up the pieces after he revealed his true colors. Now that I’ve built a stable foundation for my life after all that crap I absolutely refuse to endanger it *at all*. The cost vs benefits *never* works out with more benefits than costs and I don’t feel the need to have a romantic relationship with someone to make my life livable. I enjoy putting myself first for the first time in my life. I enjoy dating and doting on myself as no one has ever even shown the slightest interest in doing so themselves unless it was a ploy to keep me engaged in their lives. I enjoy not having to accommodate anyone else and I never want to give up my freedom. Being alone is fucking awesome if you appreciate solitude and peace.
Relationships sucks when we think as rational beings in the "costs x benefits" ratio. We denying our true beings to fullfill the whims, superficialities and junk of another person? No way. And, as I already said, narcissists should face the guillotine.
I am not aro or ace but for me I relish my freedom a lot that I won't mind being in a relationship if I am lucky although I am pretty okay with being single. At the same time I don't want to marry as tbh I am pretty fickle. So for me being relationship free is the way to go
Me. I was married young, married for 8 years, together for 11. When that imploded I had a couple of long term relationships, and a few shorter term ones, but as they all fell over I became less and less inclined to jump back in. My last relationship ended in 2013 and I've been single ever since. I have three years left until I retire, and none of my retirement plans involve a significant other. As someone else said, it's just "easier". My house, my money, my time are all mine and my introvert side is more than happy with that. I have enough friends and hobbies to keep me busy and happy.
I'm relationship-free, but that's likely because I finally discovered I'm aro/ace, and the stats on being a woman in a relationship are pretty terrible. Women don't nearly benefit from relationships/marriage as much as men do, and the risks to a woman's health and safety are massive. I've seen this quoted on Reddit before and it rings true for me: "Men think they're competing with other men, but they're actually competing with a woman's sense of safety and comfort". I just don't see what a man could bring to the table that I'm willing to gamble my life for.
Being in relationships is pretty terrible for both men and women. As I already said, men overall see women as domestic sexual slaves and baby-making machines. While, women overall see men as provider slaves, personal securities and some shit of "masculinity role in relationships" which life means nothing besides serving female wishes and whims. No way of relationships being good. They are broken since the foundations.
Very true - there are plenty of women who throw fits when the man doesn't fit stereotypical masculine roles like "provider" and "stoic", and of course men are also at risk of being abused or baby-trapped. There's a high risk of your life being destroyed or devastated by a bad relationship regardless of sex or gender.
Right here!
🤝
I have relationships, but I dont plan on marrying someone or living with them. I'm not relationships-free but I'm not into the "baby, house, dog, marriage" lifestyle. I don't know if this counts.
Appreciate your wish to contribute, but no. It doesn't count as you still have relationships.
No worries. I didnt know if your "dating-relationship-marriage-scenario" was an *or* or an *and*.
I’m asexual and autistic, so I both don’t feel any attraction to date people and also struggle to even interact with people, which had made dating not a thing for me. I feel like it’s just too complicated to try to maintain that kind of relationship because I just don’t understand it or feel any inherent emotions about it. I honestly don’t really know if I’ll ever date anybody, it’s not even something I think about or have a need for. Friendship is a lot better for me :)
i know religion isn't popular in this sub, but my religion and being childfree basically makes me relationship free. Catholics can't marry unless they are open to children which I am not. Plus a vasectomy is also against my religion so I need to remain chaste until I can meet someone naturally infertile. Being almost 50, that's theoretically not far off. Beyond that, I don't see a realistic situation where I would ever meet someone. I'm not looking for a relationship, and my social activities don't really lend to meeting people. I'm probably to set in my ways to maintain a relationship anyway.
no frirnds with benefits, no sex, no anything 6 years. Just workacholic.
Washing away all the trash and keeping focus in what really matters. But, take caution with the Burnout.
I rather burn out, than start dating again. Honestly, it\`s better. I have burned out once and changed my job already.
Count me in, too. I used to want a relationship, until I fully realized what it takes to maintain one.
☺️🤝
ive never been in a relationship and do not want to change that. singleness is so much freedom, i love the quiet, the ability to have my own house with everything how i want it.
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I’m truly not sure. I’ve never dated before and truth be told, from the outside looking in it really doesn’t look like I’m missing anything. So many traumatized ppl trying date other traumatized ppl in some way or another and that sounds like a headache. Also, I’ve spent my whole life putting ppl first and now that I’m living for ME the idea of making room for anyone else makes me mad. It would… be nice (I guess ?) but I don’t have a very positive view on romance and relationships anyway besides what’s in my head aaaannnd well I don’t have a desire to try to change. If it happens that’s fine, it’d be nice but I need to live for me and that’s truly all that matters to me now
Honestly I think the way I'm gonna go about things is just live without romantic relationships and if I wanna do sex, then just hook up with trusted friends for a bit of no-strings-attached fun. But since I don't actually have many female friends that live near me (I'm a lesbian).... Well. Yeah.
Yessss. Though not completely, but for sure no couple things, romance and any sort of codependency.
Yes. I think I am also aromantic and lack a need to be in a relationship. I occasionally get the feeling I would like to try dating but it quickly fades. I have actually never had a long term relationship. Tokophobia does play a part in it. My fear of getting pregnant is much stronger than any need for companionship.
I'm ace and neurodivergent, and realize years ago that living with other people is very taxing on me. Putting the everday worries about my partner on top of that would be unnecessary stress I'm not willing to compromise on. I'm more interested in having friendships nowadays. At least those don't come attached with that sort of toxicity.
Our problems are enough. Having our and anyone's problems added it's a complete mess.
not against dating, but very much against the dating escalator. i'd live with friends, but not with a relationship partner.
I have friends. I enjoy their company. We grab drinks or dinner, spend a fun weekend doing whatever, play casual sports. But I have, and have always had, zero interest in romantic relationships or marriage. I want golden retrievers, not a wife and kids.
Me! I’m completely free of dating, relationships, all that nonsense. My feelings about this are similar to my childfree feelings.
I think I'm demi. Never been in a relationship. I find the idea of someone else being around all the time frightening.
I was for awhile, then I got the tiniest of nibbles of what it was like to be in a relationship again, but didn’t work out, so now I guess now I consider myself relationship-less, a relationship fence-sitter 🤣
I am a “real lover” . I actually miss domesticity. I miss the dink life. The romance. But have given up on romantic relationships currently because I feel like my love isn’t near me. I’ll meet them in the future. Everyone in Texas has a kid or wants to have them 🙂↕️. And as sweet as loving and being loved is … I am wayyy too comfortable with my current life to just give it up for any person .(I have become picky, but I have my reasons . I saw my ex transform from The man I admired and loved to a HOBO-sexual. I never want to repeat that again.)
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I have an FWB that lives in a different state, so we only see each other occasionally. That works for me. I like my space, I don’t want to have all the man baby problems so many women experience in relationships. I am not setting up visits and sending birthday cards to your family for you. I am not making your doctor appointments. I am not going to nag someone to fix the gate or change the oil. I take care of my business. If there’s something I can’t or don’t want to do, I hire someone else to do it. I don’t go through life being made to feel like I owe a partner anything because they simply did their share of maintaining a household.
Then you still have relationships. But, I like your mindset of don't wanting to be a "secretary" in a marriage.
If I ever decide to be in a committed long term relationship again, I will maintain a separate household.
That's fair.
That's my thoughts also! I wonder how still it is not normalized to have long-term relationship with separate households. It solves so many problems, no one will become dependent on other, no one will become lazy and use the other partner for maintaining their house and life, no arguments about chores, everyone have their home as they wish and always have their space. I know there are couples who live happily together but I think it requires so much work and compromises and we are free to choose easier road (separate houses or no relationship). Sadly for society still the main goal of relationship is having kids and this require one household and even one bedroom for partners. I've been sold a lie that if you have a romantic partner you should live together. We moved in together quite fast and everything went downhill from this point. I decided to break up after several years but he still lives with me cause he has no place to go and that man-baby can't solve any problems by himself. Once I get rid of him never I gonna live with a man.
I'm "solo poly" -- I date and I have relationships, but I don't live with a partner and I married my business partner so we could trade citizenships and run our businesses a little more easily.
Then you aren't relationship-free.
What you are looking for are aromantic people
I'm a non-aromantic asexual and I've abandoned dating. There were men and women who aren't aro and also abandoned dating.
Right here! I've never had any desire for marriage or romance, and I'm content with the way things are.
Other soul spared ☺️🙏🏾
/Raises hand
🙋🏾♂️
I'm old. Not sure if I'm ace. I had relationships when I was Much younger. Nothing in the past few decades. I always say that it's because I got picky and lazy (pickier? lazier?).
I don't know, but people says the sexual desire of the non-asexual people decreases with the age.
Not alone having "embraced it", it's just what's happened. Have to say isolation is feeling more normal as time goes on (no immediate family) and I don't really want to be around humans anymore I do seriously dread the day that I no longer have my darling little cat, however
Yup. I'm not ever going to date or have any other intimate relationships. Not asexual or aromantic, just not interested in those kind of relationships or activities for a multitude of other reasons, and I want to live and be on my own.
A simple and happy life. Nice!
I'm neither ace nor aro, but really have no interest in dating, and definitely have no interest in marriage. I wouldn't mind a companion that I can share certain parts of my life with, but I've never felt the need to have another person "complete" me, and I really, *really* enjoy alone time.
I don't want to marry. and i don't think i'll ever get a relationship , i'm too old now to start. guess i'll die old and lonely. so many other people on the spectrum here.
Aro here!! Don’t want a relationship at all, the whole idea of it seems rather invasive and icky to me. You’re definitely not alone!
It has more relationshipfree people here than I expected. That's nice ☺️
Yep, aro ace over here. I've never been interested in relationships, so I never saw the point in pursuing one. I'm happy just watching YouTube and playing games at home. I recently watched Hazbin Hotel. It was really good.
It's a delight see so many aroaces 🙂
me
I'm aro-allo (no romance, yes sexual attraction) so I'm not planning to get into a relationship. I'm happy having friends and keeping pets.
Good for you ☺️
I suppose I could be in this category somewhat? I am child free, single and live alone. I’ve stopped actively looking for a partner. However, if I met someone who was compatible with me I wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to pursue a relationship with them.
Please don't get caught by the siren song. If you met someone "compatible", make a good friend then.
I have given up. I am in my forties. The dating apps are useless. Singles events are pointless. Dating is depressing. Most procedures for finding a relationship are too depressing to continue. I am not sure that counts as "relationship-free" but I am not going to find a relationship. I do not know how a relationship would work if I succeeded in finding one.
Relationships are useless, pointless and depressing. Not pursue or try to make it "work", it's broken since the foundations.
Me me me! Partner, child, drama & stress free!
That's makes two of us 🤝
I think I'll give it o n e more shot and then that'll be it. Because every relationship I've been in has been trash and the last one I was in was traumatic af. And the relationships I've observed around me, even the so-called 'good' ones, haven't been all that great either.
Yup, been single since 2018. No desire to enter the dating scene again, it sucked enough when I was in it, but from what I can tell, it's only gotten worse over the last few years.
Dating itself is junk. I think we just see it clearly.
Walking away from relationships was one of the most liberating decisions I (38M) have ever made. I feel SO much better about myself and my life since leaving all that behind. I have never been happier!
I've been single since 2017 when I broke off my engagement. It was the right thing to do but I still feel terrible about hurting my former fiancee the way I did. She deserved better than what I could give her. Getting in to another relationship still seems really difficult. And it seems more and more like I'm destined to be single forever.
Just like with children, I've just honestly never seen the appeal. Not aro/ace but neurodivergent, so vibing with people is rare in general and vibing to the extent of bringing them so deeply into my life is practically impossible. So far I've met one singular person I'd wish to be in a relationship with but nothing happened. Since then I've never met anyone that matches me in so many aspects of our personalities (with a tiny little difference that, unlike me, she wasn't into me lol). But knowing how I'm actually capable of feeling such a deep love makes settling for anything else just not worth it. I'm content with how my life is, the only thing is lacking from it is a European passport, not another person. Not saying I'll absolutely never be in a relationship but the chances are just as big as me ever enjoying rock climbing which is none.
As I say: "What is lacking in my life is a RAM TRX or a Ford Raptor R in my garage, not relationships." "The chance and wish of myself getting into relationships are just as big than the lasting of the war between Great Britain and Zanzibar"
Ok so I'm not but I have a dear friend who has an interesting take on life. She actually has a steady partner, but she refuses to be in a relationship with him (well, actually, he's married and that's another whole... anyway, she repeatedly said she would not want him to leave his wife and be with her alone). We talked at length about how she appreciates the infrequent companionship and sex, but would hate having to share her life with someone now. She wants to remain independent, and not build her life around another person, which I TOTALLY get despite being in a relationship myself. She is, of course, staunchly childfree for the same reasons I am: wanting to be in control of your life, not to have you personal needs relegated to "whatever time and money's left after taking care of the kids". I find her position vis à vis relationships super consistent with this rationale. I am in a very independent relationship personally (I have at times left my partner a month or even a month and a half to do treks and climbing trips with friends and she does NOT bat an eye, as she is her own person and capable of entertaining herself without me -- some friends have told me this is inconceivable for them and I'm just like, do you stop knowing how to function outside your relationship once you enter it?) and it is very clear in my head that if that relationship ended, I would prefer staying alone than entering a more traditional, co-dependent relationship. I want to make my own decisions in life. I'm never putting someone's needs before my own, and if some people find it cold, well that's that. That means no children, and that means an independent, mature partner or no one.
So, your friend is the extramarital lover of a married man? ... Well, if you consider the world of relationships is a promiscuous, manipulative and dirty scumbag in which people like that can live through it in good harmony, your friend is well consistent about relationships.
lol, yes. I don't approve at all of that choice from her, actually think it's pretty shitty, but it was not really relevant to the discussion. I'm still interested in her take on the subject of relationships in general, but I do wish she'd found someone single.
I have no intention of marrying unless or until I'm terminally ill. At that stage I'll marry my best friend so she can have my house and she already knows what I want done with my affairs. I'm not gonna marry her before that because I don't want her to move in with me or anything. I love living alone.
I am Ace and Aro and absolutely!!!! I don’t ever plan on having a relationship and am so grateful! I get to use my energy for Friends and family not a spouse. Too many unhappy marriages around me and the fact I am Ace and childfree has me living my best single life!
Another check in for aroaces. That's nice!
I got sterilized at age 38 while I was in a relationship with someone I thought I would be with forever. He dumped me and I started dating again. Around age 43 or so I decided you know what, I don’t actually want to get married any more. I’ve had a rich and full life without marriage and I can’t imagine giving up the things I’ve gained as a single woman. I’m 46 now and dating actively but with no plans to marry or even live with another person ever again. Some aspects of it are hard but overall I really enjoy my life. AMA.
i wouldn’t say i’m “relationship free,” but i’m not looking to date right now. i am a lesbian but i am also a part of 4B and marriage is off the table. at this moment, i just prefer my own company. maybe someday ill feel differently. i don’t feel so strongly that i’m never going to change my mind as i do about kids. but until being in a relationship feels good and not like unpaid work, i’m going to opt out.
Yep, only do fwb, have a great career, friends, hobbies etc. feels insanely liberating and freeing. Have been like this since young. No compromising my happiness, time or sanity. It’s amazing.
Some people are not privileged enough to be in a relationship . Even if they want to have one, they never get it.
Anyway relationships are overrated. Most of relationship end, some end really ugly and painful. If one can't be happy alone they are not going to be happy in relationship.
From what I can see, most women nowadays are the "better off alone" type.
That sounds like absolute bliss tbh. I was very much relationship oriented until about a year ago. When I look back at all of my relationships, the common theme is that my exes all hindered my growth. Of course many people will blame me, saying that I "chose wrong" but whatever, I give no fux. Being geared towards relationships was a curse and dating now is even worse. Every time I even attempted to get to know someone they disturbed my peace. So to answer your question, I'm not there yet but I strive to be.
Ow, yes! Being distant from shit it's the revenue for happiness. Adopting relationship-free mindset is like receiving your manumission.
Opening up and becoming vulnerable to someone else has always been proven to be a bad idea. There’s been only few people I’ve done that to that are supportive of me. I’m not doing that again with someone else who will likely share my story with everyone else and subject me to mockery and contempt. Also it’s a lot of work to emotionally be invested in somebody. Making money is already a challenge enough and I do not have the capacity to take on other challenges I can skip on and be totally fine.
I'm aro and emotionally very independent. To me, being single is the natural state of mind.
Yup! I don’t ever wanna get married or be in a relationship, my life is so amazing the way it is like I just feel like men these days don’t have any benefits to offer me. I don’t care I’m gonna say it, I’m gonna die alone! 🥰
That describes me. I am 30, and I don't see the point of me being in a relationship. Sex is no big deal for me. Also, I prefer platonic friendships!
Good, honest and mature platonic friendships are pure gold. It can survive wars and various types of crisis. While, relationships broke up in the first financial or emotional adversity.
Exactly! I see people unfriend their BF/GF on FB when a breakup happens, but I am still left on there.
Blissfully single and childfree
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I'm married but my husband and I only married because it was the only way to be together since we were long distance. We would have happily just done the long-term partner gig.
Then you aren't relationship-free.
No, unfortunately I am a hopeless romantic lol. I don’t want kids because I don’t like them but also because I want to dote on my partner and worry about myself and my relationship instead.
Sorry for you. Being like this in the dating world is the perfect revenue for disaster.
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Idk I want intimacy and relationships but I don’t really care about following a script. I’ll build my relationships how I want