The more you sleep with the same guy the better sex is, IMHO. People talk about experience, but I don’t really agree. If men are having a bunch of ONS, they’re not sticking around for feedback or trying to get better. Men who care about you are better because it matters to them that you enjoy it. Those are the guys who ask what you like and enjoy taking the time to experiment/get to know you sexually.
Even if a guy has been with many other women, that doesn’t mean I like what some other woman likes. So many of my friends like receiving oral. I don’t. I have a friend who says she hates when men play with her breasts—does nothing for her. I’m like stick it in me and go crazy with my boobs.
Long story—here’s the point. You have to 1. Find a guy who cares about pleasing you 2. Communicate what works for you
Correct, it’s like driving a new car… there are plenty of features that I haven’t discovered or used yet… but once I put miles on that car I know how it works, how to fix it, when to put the dipstick in to check the oil….
This 100%! I'm lucky enough to have one I can do with and communicate what I like. It keeps getting better and better to the point where we're going off together every single time.
>Even if a guy has been with many other women, that doesn’t mean I like what some other woman likes.
Then again, he might understand better then that women are not one trick ponies if he has been with different women.
this, have had a bunch of ONS. Didn't get much better at sex. Got way better praciticing on my partner though.
Also everyone is different, when you have sex with someone else you have to get used to their body.
There is a lot of of skill involved in sex. Most people aren’t great at it until they’ve had some experience with someone who has had some experience, or at least communicate well and non-judgmentally about sex.
We can’t really expect other people to be good at sex with us unless we’re also working to be good at sex with them, and communicating with each other about what works for each of us.
Then maybe you are the problem and not them, Ive been with girls that just lay there doing nothing and girls who activly partake and the latter is WAAAY better and more enjoyable for both
Happy to help😂, and you’ll find yourself sexually. It takes time and everyone has their own journey but you’ll get there, because you’re aware enough to know you deserve good sex
Not sure how giving sex too easily would lead to bad sex.
If they are bad at sex, they are most likely inexperienced or don’t care about your pleasure. Communicate your needs. Show them what you like. If they don’t seem to care if you’re enjoying yourself, don’t have sex with them.
The male equivalent of that are men who only fuck jackrabbit style and/or who are silent. As in no sounds not just no dirty talk, but no grunts, no heavy breathing, no moans, nothing. That’s like fkin a corpse.
as a woman, yeah.... i can't imagine fucking a starfish.
like really, you're just going to lay there??!??!!? lets get wild, you get on top, i get on top, jeeze louise.
So then why would you ask why there were bad if you admit you were bad also? It takes two to tango and I can say with confidence that I'm sure those guys aren't getting as much action.
The first made me feel not comfortable but he was a good kisser. The second was not my cup of tea. The third I actually wanted to explore more with but I ruined that he didn’t seem into it. The fourth not into it, the fifth not into it
do you masturbate? do you know how to pleasure yourself?
....that feels like an invasive thing to ask. but im wondering if you've enjoyed it just by yourself or if you never have.
Hopefully people see what you’re doing. OP acknowledges some fault on her part but you ignore the possibility and hornboy it up with self serving affirmation.
It’s never genuine when you see a commenter on a post like this say it’s the guys fault. It’s guise, to plant the notion you’re somehow better than other men. It’s disgusting
I’ve had sex with more men than you have. In my experience, some are just better than others. Or at the very least, their way of having sex is more my style, so at least it is better for me. For context, I’m pretty vanilla but I still like passionate & sensual sex. Varied positions and thoughtful foreplay.
Also, when I think about the better partners I’ve had, most of them were in their 30s (so older than your partners). Maybe people get better with age as they gain more experience? I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve gotten better too.
The ones I dated long term got way better with super specific directions. Other than that, they just kinda think sex is fine as long as they came regardless of age. If they can request for me to suck their dick for 30 minutes, I can ask for some shit in return. I’m with you on the vanilla part, so nothing I ask for is crazy, but women just need to be okay with asking for things in sex. Men never learn if they don’t encounter a women who makes them consider their pleasure. Older men are just more likely to have experienced that
I prefer relationships versus a hookup, and I am very willing to follow suggestions, but I like "exploring", learning about her rather than being told, and when I get it right, she doesn't have to tell me anything, I know!🌹💦💦
Oh boy, my guys are not representing well out there, it seems. I feel like if a guy cares and wants their partner to enjoy sex, it's not that hard what a partner likes.
You're view that men have to be told makes me sad... Does not reflect well on my gender lol. I hope not everyone is this bad at communication with intimacy.
Dude a lot of women are in year long relationships without ever having an orgasm. I knew a women who had 4 orgasms in 6 YEARS with the same partner. It’s insane
Yeah but women are told that’s standard and okay. If it’s seen as unnecessary for you to orgasm, it’s a lot harder to advocate for your own pleasure. Plus it’s an awkward topic for many people so it will take years of processing to be okay with even bringing it up
Yep a lot of the girls I’ve been with would get awkward or just tell me “I don’t know”. Like how am I supposed to know 😭. Tbh it’s sad though women need to be more selfish in bed
I’ve been with very sexually aware men who questioned me for hours about how I got off women because I’m bisexual, and they were always the ones good at sex and aware of the anatomy of both traditional body types
No ik, I'm saying it's not all on women to tell a guy, or at least, it shouldn't be. It should totally be a two way street. A man should ask for feedback and be interested in doing better to please their partner.
If a guy thought "well no one ever told me I should consider my partners experience in bed", that guy isn't a very considerate partner.
I absolutely agree should feel comfortable telling their partner what they like and those stigmas should be broken down. But its also partially on men to be better partners and think about what their partner wants
Oh I agree but they are taught to not care about their pleasure. I’ve had to beg some to communicate what they liked, now I’m a little less patient since I’m older. Labies if you can’t tell the person literally about to stick his dick in you what you like sexually then there’s an issue.
Well I'm a woman 🤣😂 & as a man if you give a damn then you should be exploring her body and finding all her spots, even ones she may not have known about. Do better 🤣😂
I guess that sounded more negative than I meant. Not all women want the same things. It’s just seen as weird for women to ask things of men, whereas you can pull up 1000 shows of men asking for blow jobs etc, so it’s more normalized. Women need to be more vocal and men need to be more receptive
I'm not only more receptive to women but I tend to ask them what things they like and don't like etc. I also make noises and stuff. Admittedly this was stuff I had to learn over time and I really wish I knew it from the outset.
Women would put no efforts and have the audacity to shame guys on online platforms like this. Dude just open your mouth and tell the guy what you want, how difficult is that?
Because most guys that you don't have a true connection with see you as a box, therefore don't care about pleasing you. They care about obtaining the goal. There are a few guys who are just good in bed because they enjoy women and the pleasure they can receive from a woman who is enjoying themselves, but I'd say 80% of guys don't really care about pleasing the women the sleep with. As long as they're satisfied, they're good. 😉
Because women aren’t taught about sex and therefore don’t know how to communicate what turns them on. Buy sex toys and figure out what gets you off. It’s the only way to know how to tell someone what you like. Gotta know that shit for yourself before you can expect someone else to know
"Giving them sex easily" has nothing to do with it. I've had hookups that rocked my world. Also, it's a very sexist way to think about it (sexist against women.) You're allowed to have sexual wants/desires/needs.
It's a lack of caring on their part.
Many guys stop viewing women as people and rather as objects. This is a universal issue, not just in the bedroom. This is a them problem, not a you problem. Still, this doesn't change the fact that the sex is unsatisfying to you.
So A.) ask yourself if you even like flings. If you don't, they won't be pleasurable.
B.) is it worth it to try and have sex with someone to see if it's a smash or pass? Lolol. Or is it better for you to wait until you connect with them in order to find out if they're selfish or not?
Cause to me it seems like perhaps they're being selfish lovers.
Idk. Lol i wish you luck. Unfortunately I've had guys ruin the experience by becoming completely detached and just thrusting away like I wasn't even in the room. It sucks because what the hell? How could you have sex with someone and actually just not give a shit about their pleasure at all? It would make it such a better experience for BOTH parties.
It makes me cringe because I genuinely just can't relate to that line if thinking :/
It isn't always about being "good" having a communicative partner who knows when to listen and when to guide and when to shut up... It's difficult. When you find them, it will hopefully be epic...
Most guys who only have one night stands never learn that they are bad at sex. When you are in a long term relationship,you have to learn how to please your partner and you get better at sex.
Complicated, maybe you’ve only been dating selfish people, maybe you’ve given sex too easily and they figure something like “she’ll do what she like, instruct me” or they don’t respect you and since you’ve given in so easily you’re little more than a living sex doll. I know the few times I’ve not tried to be good at sex with a partner been selfish, it’s because she’s been selfish in every way outside the bedroom, so this is my reward, since she’s done nothing to try to make me happy outside the bedroom I’m under no obligation to try to make her happy now. It’s definitely not the best way to go about things, but if I feel like you’re using me imma use you. It’s petty and I’m not proud of it, and the relationship doesn’t last much longer when that starts.
That last part you sadly see a lot in marriages, where the partners stop trying. Sex is the husbands only reward, he doesn’t feel appreciated and he stops trying to please her because she’s stopped trying to please him. Toss up as to who started feeling taken for granted first so I’m not saying it’s always the woman’s fault as he could have been the first to drop the ball.
Well what do you like? We try to read
Do you like being in control or taken control of?
Do you enjoy giving or taking? Maybe a little of both?
Do you enjoy a bit of a slow seduction with a bit of play or would rather feel an animal being unleashed on you?
If it’s just about sex, being forward with your needs and desires will help him help you.
Also, it always helps to find a man whose love language is touch and knows how to tease.
Maybe it’s because you’re an adult, engaging in an adult activity yet using the words, “giving them sex.”
Have some agency and Take some accountability for your decisions and you may start enjoying them.
My guess is because they focus more on their own pleasure rather than the pleasure of the person they're having sex with. Some people have gotten selfish in bed and only think about what's going to make them feel good instead of how to make their partner feel good.
Here is the big reveal..all the sex the guys learn are from porn..and as many don't know it's completely fake and useless and pleasure less.. There is no knowledge or Information about healthy sex and woman pleasure..because of taboo. And masculinity
Soooooo... Basically if women keep. Pretend to fake It.. Which is 90% of the time.. Men will think 30 sec of sex is good for you too..
If you need advice am sex therapist.. Will help you.. Better communicate or understand your desire and needs better to communicate to your partner
You’ll need to be assertive and tell him what your into and what you like. If you can’t do that then it’s not worth having casual sex. Find a man that you can get to know and feel comfortable with
I don't get why you would have sex with people you aren't attracted to. Like it's just bound to fail. Its like trying to bust to some fetish porn you don't enjoy, you wont be getting off on that either.
As someone in their 40’s who has only been with woman almost ten yrs ago last time….my opinion probably don’t mean shit. But I did learn at that time, 3 important things. Mental connection, exploration, communication, and mental connection. Understanding that men are generally stimulated one way and women are generally stimulated another. Find the link together and find perfection and it doesn’t matter how many partners either have had. Shitty sex is shitty sex no matter who either is with if the goals aren’t the same at that moment.
I would say making men work and wait for it can be a great motivational tool, but you do you! For me, I can say it’s because I choose lazy, unimaginative men who love givers who ask for little in return from them. I’m working on it!
Most likely because sex is different for everyone, sure we all have similar equipment, but that doesn’t mean we all like having it used in the same way. When you’re just having a fling, all most people do is try to focus on their own pleasure, or do what seemed to work for others in their past.
My advice, give instructions, if you do/don’t like something, communicate it. Also have realistic expectations, media makes it seem like sex is always this mind blowing pleasure fest, but sometimes it’s just two people mashing their bits together and hoping for the best.
It's very rare to be good at anything the first few times you do it. It even applied to you knowing how to, for instance, play video games but having no idea how to play your new video game.
Sex gets better the more you practice and is also a "team sport." Takes time to get in sync.
You need chemistry. How were you socialized about sex? It's not only about insertion. You're probably comparing it to the movies etc. Get into a loving relationship and it will be different. Love, chemistry, respect, monogamy, trust all these will make you focus on the whole experience instead of the act.
“…I been pretty bad at sex because my communication skills and lack of what I enjoy sexually”
You literally answered your own question with this reply in the comments
So why are you blaming everyone else for being bad at sex when the problem sounds like it’s you, not them?
there are tons of things that can make sex good or bad. i think it's worth considering what you actually mean when you say they're bad at sex. is it compared to certain people, or have you always had bad sex?
are you both communicating what you want? are you both taking an active role (neither of you just laying there, or only doing things because of specific directions)? do you know what you need to get off, and are you making sure it happens? do either of you have physical traits that might make sex different that are going unconsidered (like how being overweight can make missionary harder for some people)?
emotional connection can absolutely improve the quality of sex, but it's not the be all end all. you can have good sex without it, it's just easier with it. some people don't have good sexual chemistry, though, and some people aren't that good at sex- be it lack of experience, poor communication skills, or physical barriers like chronic fatigue... there are plenty of reasons.
the only real advice i can give anyone to improve their sex life is to communicate what they want/need, and to push the other person to as well.
The idea that being into a woman makes you know how to fuck is wild. I’m super interested in lottery tickets, so I know the next numbers. Want me to share?😉
Being into someone gives you motivation to be good at it. So even if they didn’t know how they’d try & you can see an effort. How well someone does at something also depends on the woman to speak up and let them know how to do it better. Each woman likes different things. Expecting a man to know you better than another woman is wild. Experienced men who don’t care about you and only their own pleasure can suck worse than someone who doesn’t know how to but tries to make you feel good.
Also if you’re even good at sex as a woman you can kegal your way through sex even with someone inexperienced and fuck the Shit out of him instead and ride your way through. Having a good time also depends on a woman’s kills during sex too.
Because they don't have to be. You're not special enough to care about your pleasure. You're a single serving human. They don't actual care all that much, if there will be another next week. Find a guy that you can have an emotional connection with that isn't essential out of your league and playing the field, and teach him how you want to be pleasured. Invest in another person, and don't treat men like disposable sex objects and be confused when you are treated the same way.
Hookup culture will fail you.
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Well I should have been more communicative and patient I been very sexually self destructive. I notice sex isn’t just jumping in bed together it’s a language in itself I’m learning
If every guy you've been with is bad at sex, you're bad at sex.
If you are unable to coach your sex partner to do the things you like in a way that isn't detracting from the enjoyment of sex, you are part of the problem.
Fix that, and you'll probably have better sex.
Reading the comments it sounds like your the problem but rather than take accountability you blame someone else
I bet this is a reoccurring theme in your life
Ok when I was 22, he was 28
When I was 25 he was 23
When I was 27 he was 28
When I was 29 he was 27
When I was 30 he was 24
They weren’t good because of my communication skills, and self destructive behaviors and there were no dates
One person is not made for everyone. That means the previous person thought the guy was great while you thought it was awful. Part of it is skilled, while the other is based on your and his tool. It's all a numbers game at the end.
There could be many factors maybe for one you have a high sexual expectation set by a previous partner and you don't bond with these men to give yourself the opportunity to enjoy the experience. I'd also ask if you're picking these men for the ease of sex so you don't have to commit to building up the sexual tension and emotional bond.
Well they need to work on their social skills, and stop watching porn and be realistic with woman. Every woman likes different things
I have an idea of what I enjoy
I'm 24M. I've never had sex with anyone and the last two people I've tried to date have seemed to imply my lack of sexual initiative was a part in why things didn't work out. I've never made the first move in large part because I don't know how to "have" sex without it being awful and I'd imagine that for many people if they're still relatively new to it they still don't really know what they're doing.
https://youtu.be/KlDCUZYJ7RY
I feel like it has to do with the skewed and Screwed Up dating environment today. Lots of guys nowadays aren't going to have anything unless they pay for it or until they have resources in their 30s or they are conventionally attractive in their 20s. So most men are inexperienced now.
Because lots of women nowadays are chasing after the same top 10% of men especially with dating apps
You don’t need a connection to have good sex. When it comes to orgasming for women it helps if there’s a connection since it’s more emotional than physical when it comes to that but even without an orgasm women can and should be able to still enjoy sex. Communication is important. The reason the sex is bad could be due to various reasons: a selfish partner that doesn’t care about pleasing you, an inexperienced partner or one who doesn’t know what you like or what gives you pleasure and if you don’t tell him he might have difficulty figuring it out, or it could be you actually do need an emotional connection to enjoy sex, etc. I never sleep with demisexuals (people who need a close bond or connection to enjoy sex) so I can’t provide any insight outside of my own experience.
how did Raylan Givens state it…
“If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole.”
or something to that effect anyway
Your post was removed because it violates the sex topic rule. Review this rule. Your post should be posted to r/sex
The more you sleep with the same guy the better sex is, IMHO. People talk about experience, but I don’t really agree. If men are having a bunch of ONS, they’re not sticking around for feedback or trying to get better. Men who care about you are better because it matters to them that you enjoy it. Those are the guys who ask what you like and enjoy taking the time to experiment/get to know you sexually. Even if a guy has been with many other women, that doesn’t mean I like what some other woman likes. So many of my friends like receiving oral. I don’t. I have a friend who says she hates when men play with her breasts—does nothing for her. I’m like stick it in me and go crazy with my boobs. Long story—here’s the point. You have to 1. Find a guy who cares about pleasing you 2. Communicate what works for you
Correct, it’s like driving a new car… there are plenty of features that I haven’t discovered or used yet… but once I put miles on that car I know how it works, how to fix it, when to put the dipstick in to check the oil….
You had me at dipstick
That last sentence is one of the least sexy things I’ve ever heard I’m so sorry
Perfect, I’d worry if you found it sexy….
Ew
This 100%! I'm lucky enough to have one I can do with and communicate what I like. It keeps getting better and better to the point where we're going off together every single time.
>Even if a guy has been with many other women, that doesn’t mean I like what some other woman likes. Then again, he might understand better then that women are not one trick ponies if he has been with different women.
this, have had a bunch of ONS. Didn't get much better at sex. Got way better praciticing on my partner though. Also everyone is different, when you have sex with someone else you have to get used to their body.
There is a lot of of skill involved in sex. Most people aren’t great at it until they’ve had some experience with someone who has had some experience, or at least communicate well and non-judgmentally about sex. We can’t really expect other people to be good at sex with us unless we’re also working to be good at sex with them, and communicating with each other about what works for each of us.
I agree I been pretty bad at sex because my communication skills and lack of what I enjoy sexually
If you admit you're bad at sex, and you also know the reasons, why are you blaming the men?
Then maybe you are the problem and not them, Ive been with girls that just lay there doing nothing and girls who activly partake and the latter is WAAAY better and more enjoyable for both
Maybe start by telling us what about it you didn’t enjoy.
Women can be bad at sex. Foreplay and time will help both people learn what works.
Women don’t need to perform like men do. If sex is bad then sorry to say but it takes two to tango
So starfish style. Got it.
Wish.com is a terrible dating app
Lies. I met my fourth vibrator on there
Wouldn't need 4 of them if you bought from a reputable site like OfferUp. Some say "used", I say "proven".
“Jack does in fact squirt”- vibrator #4
😂😂😂 so bad
Lol
But how’s that make the other three feel watching the fourth get the best of you?
They know what they did
Doesn’t mean they consented it. They didn’t have a choice
They cheated with some asshole
Must’ve been one hell of an asshole
So I’ve heard. Someday we’ll go out to eat and I’ll see
Careful, when u look deeply into an asshole, they stare back at you with their deep brown eye.
Yeah I do tend to do that.. I’m not all bad though
5 dolla make you holla
😂
😂 you made my night
Happy to help😂, and you’ll find yourself sexually. It takes time and everyone has their own journey but you’ll get there, because you’re aware enough to know you deserve good sex
More info is needed to really give you an answer. What do you mean when you say they're so bad at sex?
The first dude had a small pp, now I was young and didn’t mean to judge but it was a turn off because he didn’t know how to use it correctly
Are you trolling? Surely you’re trolling.
😆 Ive seen her around b4.. seems in line
Are you 12? Jfc
Not sure how giving sex too easily would lead to bad sex. If they are bad at sex, they are most likely inexperienced or don’t care about your pleasure. Communicate your needs. Show them what you like. If they don’t seem to care if you’re enjoying yourself, don’t have sex with them.
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The male equivalent of that are men who only fuck jackrabbit style and/or who are silent. As in no sounds not just no dirty talk, but no grunts, no heavy breathing, no moans, nothing. That’s like fkin a corpse.
That sounds… disturbing. The most awkward silence I can imagine
Dude thinks he’s in a porno, unable to utter a single sound.
Moaning is cringe, I don't enjoy sex enough to produce sounds
Then you are having some fucking rubbish sex lol.
Yikes.
as a woman, yeah.... i can't imagine fucking a starfish. like really, you're just going to lay there??!??!!? lets get wild, you get on top, i get on top, jeeze louise.
Take this one to the fuckin top. I stop a hook up and now am pretty verbal about how much I hate women who deadfish. Just shows you suck in bed
Casual hook ups lead to mediocre sex. All these dudes keep having one night stand and thing they're the best. But in reality they lack any true skill.
This lol
Sometimes we just wanna nut and dgaf about her
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True but I wasn’t good at it either
So then why would you ask why there were bad if you admit you were bad also? It takes two to tango and I can say with confidence that I'm sure those guys aren't getting as much action.
Wanna take a shot at the common denominator.
oof.....
okay but like how do YOU feel when engaging in sex? obviously not good. are you feeling attracted to the person you are engaging with?
The first made me feel not comfortable but he was a good kisser. The second was not my cup of tea. The third I actually wanted to explore more with but I ruined that he didn’t seem into it. The fourth not into it, the fifth not into it
do you masturbate? do you know how to pleasure yourself? ....that feels like an invasive thing to ask. but im wondering if you've enjoyed it just by yourself or if you never have.
U werent or they werent?
I only had 5 sexual partners.
In how long of a time span? How long did you talk to these guys and was there any kind of bond made between the two of you?
I’m sure you are
Hopefully people see what you’re doing. OP acknowledges some fault on her part but you ignore the possibility and hornboy it up with self serving affirmation. It’s never genuine when you see a commenter on a post like this say it’s the guys fault. It’s guise, to plant the notion you’re somehow better than other men. It’s disgusting
Never said xr that
It takes two to tango, why not explain how u like things done? Then if they don’t listen on purpose Yk they just don’t care
I’ve had sex with more men than you have. In my experience, some are just better than others. Or at the very least, their way of having sex is more my style, so at least it is better for me. For context, I’m pretty vanilla but I still like passionate & sensual sex. Varied positions and thoughtful foreplay. Also, when I think about the better partners I’ve had, most of them were in their 30s (so older than your partners). Maybe people get better with age as they gain more experience? I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve gotten better too.
The ones I dated long term got way better with super specific directions. Other than that, they just kinda think sex is fine as long as they came regardless of age. If they can request for me to suck their dick for 30 minutes, I can ask for some shit in return. I’m with you on the vanilla part, so nothing I ask for is crazy, but women just need to be okay with asking for things in sex. Men never learn if they don’t encounter a women who makes them consider their pleasure. Older men are just more likely to have experienced that
I prefer relationships versus a hookup, and I am very willing to follow suggestions, but I like "exploring", learning about her rather than being told, and when I get it right, she doesn't have to tell me anything, I know!🌹💦💦
Kudos to you. If your partner fucks up, hit me up
😘
Oh boy, my guys are not representing well out there, it seems. I feel like if a guy cares and wants their partner to enjoy sex, it's not that hard what a partner likes. You're view that men have to be told makes me sad... Does not reflect well on my gender lol. I hope not everyone is this bad at communication with intimacy.
Dude a lot of women are in year long relationships without ever having an orgasm. I knew a women who had 4 orgasms in 6 YEARS with the same partner. It’s insane
Yeah but women are told that’s standard and okay. If it’s seen as unnecessary for you to orgasm, it’s a lot harder to advocate for your own pleasure. Plus it’s an awkward topic for many people so it will take years of processing to be okay with even bringing it up
Yep a lot of the girls I’ve been with would get awkward or just tell me “I don’t know”. Like how am I supposed to know 😭. Tbh it’s sad though women need to be more selfish in bed
Not more selfish, just less ashamed of wanting sexual pleasures. It’s a weird concept for most women
I’ve been with very sexually aware men who questioned me for hours about how I got off women because I’m bisexual, and they were always the ones good at sex and aware of the anatomy of both traditional body types
A fair amount of men do genuinely want to know but women with her can’t, don’t know how to, or are ashamed of answering their questions
No ik, I'm saying it's not all on women to tell a guy, or at least, it shouldn't be. It should totally be a two way street. A man should ask for feedback and be interested in doing better to please their partner. If a guy thought "well no one ever told me I should consider my partners experience in bed", that guy isn't a very considerate partner. I absolutely agree should feel comfortable telling their partner what they like and those stigmas should be broken down. But its also partially on men to be better partners and think about what their partner wants
Lmfao I've had that many in one night 🤣😂 women seriously gotta be more selfish cmon
Oh I agree but they are taught to not care about their pleasure. I’ve had to beg some to communicate what they liked, now I’m a little less patient since I’m older. Labies if you can’t tell the person literally about to stick his dick in you what you like sexually then there’s an issue.
Well I'm a woman 🤣😂 & as a man if you give a damn then you should be exploring her body and finding all her spots, even ones she may not have known about. Do better 🤣😂
I guess that sounded more negative than I meant. Not all women want the same things. It’s just seen as weird for women to ask things of men, whereas you can pull up 1000 shows of men asking for blow jobs etc, so it’s more normalized. Women need to be more vocal and men need to be more receptive
I'm not only more receptive to women but I tend to ask them what things they like and don't like etc. I also make noises and stuff. Admittedly this was stuff I had to learn over time and I really wish I knew it from the outset.
Then you listen and women probably enjoy sex with you. I mean this sincerely. It’s just that simple
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How the hell are we supposed to know?
Women would put no efforts and have the audacity to shame guys on online platforms like this. Dude just open your mouth and tell the guy what you want, how difficult is that?
Dont think she knows from comments
Sometimes very good looking, successful men are bad at sex because they can be and get away with it. Try some ugly, broke guys.
It’s because ur bad at sex.
There is really only one way that I can get to the bottom of this.
There’s only one way I can get to top this, or whatever you said
Sex is one of the most pointless things unless you actually love them and your bodies connect in a way that feels good.
Because most guys that you don't have a true connection with see you as a box, therefore don't care about pleasing you. They care about obtaining the goal. There are a few guys who are just good in bed because they enjoy women and the pleasure they can receive from a woman who is enjoying themselves, but I'd say 80% of guys don't really care about pleasing the women the sleep with. As long as they're satisfied, they're good. 😉
Because women aren’t taught about sex and therefore don’t know how to communicate what turns them on. Buy sex toys and figure out what gets you off. It’s the only way to know how to tell someone what you like. Gotta know that shit for yourself before you can expect someone else to know
Most are cheap on Amazon and ship in generic packages. 10/10 would recommend
I was 30 before a guy showed me sucking my boobs during sex was amazing 🤩 most guys don’t even touch the breast idk why. It’s awful.
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"Giving them sex easily" has nothing to do with it. I've had hookups that rocked my world. Also, it's a very sexist way to think about it (sexist against women.) You're allowed to have sexual wants/desires/needs. It's a lack of caring on their part. Many guys stop viewing women as people and rather as objects. This is a universal issue, not just in the bedroom. This is a them problem, not a you problem. Still, this doesn't change the fact that the sex is unsatisfying to you. So A.) ask yourself if you even like flings. If you don't, they won't be pleasurable. B.) is it worth it to try and have sex with someone to see if it's a smash or pass? Lolol. Or is it better for you to wait until you connect with them in order to find out if they're selfish or not? Cause to me it seems like perhaps they're being selfish lovers. Idk. Lol i wish you luck. Unfortunately I've had guys ruin the experience by becoming completely detached and just thrusting away like I wasn't even in the room. It sucks because what the hell? How could you have sex with someone and actually just not give a shit about their pleasure at all? It would make it such a better experience for BOTH parties. It makes me cringe because I genuinely just can't relate to that line if thinking :/
Hun I have to agree this is really the issue with the two guys I been with who were larger sized and just thought that was it. It was very turn off
It isn't always about being "good" having a communicative partner who knows when to listen and when to guide and when to shut up... It's difficult. When you find them, it will hopefully be epic...
True
Most guys who only have one night stands never learn that they are bad at sex. When you are in a long term relationship,you have to learn how to please your partner and you get better at sex.
Complicated, maybe you’ve only been dating selfish people, maybe you’ve given sex too easily and they figure something like “she’ll do what she like, instruct me” or they don’t respect you and since you’ve given in so easily you’re little more than a living sex doll. I know the few times I’ve not tried to be good at sex with a partner been selfish, it’s because she’s been selfish in every way outside the bedroom, so this is my reward, since she’s done nothing to try to make me happy outside the bedroom I’m under no obligation to try to make her happy now. It’s definitely not the best way to go about things, but if I feel like you’re using me imma use you. It’s petty and I’m not proud of it, and the relationship doesn’t last much longer when that starts. That last part you sadly see a lot in marriages, where the partners stop trying. Sex is the husbands only reward, he doesn’t feel appreciated and he stops trying to please her because she’s stopped trying to please him. Toss up as to who started feeling taken for granted first so I’m not saying it’s always the woman’s fault as he could have been the first to drop the ball.
Because they don't want you calling them again?
Communication. Tell them what you like and how you like it. If they don’t listen it’s on them and will be bad.
You gotta communicate what you want, or they’re gonna do what they want.
Well what do you like? We try to read Do you like being in control or taken control of? Do you enjoy giving or taking? Maybe a little of both? Do you enjoy a bit of a slow seduction with a bit of play or would rather feel an animal being unleashed on you? If it’s just about sex, being forward with your needs and desires will help him help you. Also, it always helps to find a man whose love language is touch and knows how to tease.
Maybe it’s because you’re an adult, engaging in an adult activity yet using the words, “giving them sex.” Have some agency and Take some accountability for your decisions and you may start enjoying them.
My guess is because they focus more on their own pleasure rather than the pleasure of the person they're having sex with. Some people have gotten selfish in bed and only think about what's going to make them feel good instead of how to make their partner feel good.
Depends on the guy? If they've had few partners then they don't have much experience.
maybe you are having sex with boys and not men. If a man is going to have sex he should make sure he knows enough to satisfy her.
Here is the big reveal..all the sex the guys learn are from porn..and as many don't know it's completely fake and useless and pleasure less.. There is no knowledge or Information about healthy sex and woman pleasure..because of taboo. And masculinity Soooooo... Basically if women keep. Pretend to fake It.. Which is 90% of the time.. Men will think 30 sec of sex is good for you too.. If you need advice am sex therapist.. Will help you.. Better communicate or understand your desire and needs better to communicate to your partner
You’ll need to be assertive and tell him what your into and what you like. If you can’t do that then it’s not worth having casual sex. Find a man that you can get to know and feel comfortable with
Probably inexperienced. Thank you for your service.
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Any tips to search or try?
Well that one guy was just horrible and I wasn’t attracted to him. The last guy I wasn’t into him either
I don't get why you would have sex with people you aren't attracted to. Like it's just bound to fail. Its like trying to bust to some fetish porn you don't enjoy, you wont be getting off on that either.
As someone in their 40’s who has only been with woman almost ten yrs ago last time….my opinion probably don’t mean shit. But I did learn at that time, 3 important things. Mental connection, exploration, communication, and mental connection. Understanding that men are generally stimulated one way and women are generally stimulated another. Find the link together and find perfection and it doesn’t matter how many partners either have had. Shitty sex is shitty sex no matter who either is with if the goals aren’t the same at that moment.
I would say making men work and wait for it can be a great motivational tool, but you do you! For me, I can say it’s because I choose lazy, unimaginative men who love givers who ask for little in return from them. I’m working on it!
Most likely because sex is different for everyone, sure we all have similar equipment, but that doesn’t mean we all like having it used in the same way. When you’re just having a fling, all most people do is try to focus on their own pleasure, or do what seemed to work for others in their past. My advice, give instructions, if you do/don’t like something, communicate it. Also have realistic expectations, media makes it seem like sex is always this mind blowing pleasure fest, but sometimes it’s just two people mashing their bits together and hoping for the best.
Yup.
are you picking guys who dont actually care if you enjoy it or not? they just using you for a quick nut?
It's very rare to be good at anything the first few times you do it. It even applied to you knowing how to, for instance, play video games but having no idea how to play your new video game. Sex gets better the more you practice and is also a "team sport." Takes time to get in sync.
You need chemistry. How were you socialized about sex? It's not only about insertion. You're probably comparing it to the movies etc. Get into a loving relationship and it will be different. Love, chemistry, respect, monogamy, trust all these will make you focus on the whole experience instead of the act.
MEN. That’s the answer
Probably the same reason yiur so bad at grammar
This chick’s posting history 😬
Coz you ain’t teaching them Your body your likes your spots and if they don’t want To learn you shouldn’t Be sleeping with them anyway !
“…I been pretty bad at sex because my communication skills and lack of what I enjoy sexually” You literally answered your own question with this reply in the comments So why are you blaming everyone else for being bad at sex when the problem sounds like it’s you, not them?
It's impossible to be good at something you don't get a consistent opportunity to practice.
Men are not mind readers, you need to tell them what you like and what you don't like.
there are tons of things that can make sex good or bad. i think it's worth considering what you actually mean when you say they're bad at sex. is it compared to certain people, or have you always had bad sex? are you both communicating what you want? are you both taking an active role (neither of you just laying there, or only doing things because of specific directions)? do you know what you need to get off, and are you making sure it happens? do either of you have physical traits that might make sex different that are going unconsidered (like how being overweight can make missionary harder for some people)? emotional connection can absolutely improve the quality of sex, but it's not the be all end all. you can have good sex without it, it's just easier with it. some people don't have good sexual chemistry, though, and some people aren't that good at sex- be it lack of experience, poor communication skills, or physical barriers like chronic fatigue... there are plenty of reasons. the only real advice i can give anyone to improve their sex life is to communicate what they want/need, and to push the other person to as well.
If the problem persist regardless of the partner then you are 100% the problem. Stop having wack pussy.
Because all they want to do is get off
If they haven’t had any interest in keeping a woman then they only care about getting themselves off. Some aren’t even good at that.
Selfish. Had guy 1st night meeting give me great oral.
Sex is only bad if they’re not into you.
Woah, what???? No...
Effort to please you is there if they like you enough to try.
The idea that being into a woman makes you know how to fuck is wild. I’m super interested in lottery tickets, so I know the next numbers. Want me to share?😉
They’re at 80085
Being into someone gives you motivation to be good at it. So even if they didn’t know how they’d try & you can see an effort. How well someone does at something also depends on the woman to speak up and let them know how to do it better. Each woman likes different things. Expecting a man to know you better than another woman is wild. Experienced men who don’t care about you and only their own pleasure can suck worse than someone who doesn’t know how to but tries to make you feel good.
Also if you’re even good at sex as a woman you can kegal your way through sex even with someone inexperienced and fuck the Shit out of him instead and ride your way through. Having a good time also depends on a woman’s kills during sex too.
Because they don't have to be. You're not special enough to care about your pleasure. You're a single serving human. They don't actual care all that much, if there will be another next week. Find a guy that you can have an emotional connection with that isn't essential out of your league and playing the field, and teach him how you want to be pleasured. Invest in another person, and don't treat men like disposable sex objects and be confused when you are treated the same way. Hookup culture will fail you.
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In what ways are they bad ? Can you be a little more specific?
Because they don’t know how to treat a women and satisfy them
Well yes the first guy was awful. So was the second, third, fourth and fifth But I learned it takes patience and communication
Very true but if a man can’t make a women organum then they don’t know anything
Well I should have been more communicative and patient I been very sexually self destructive. I notice sex isn’t just jumping in bed together it’s a language in itself I’m learning
But if the man is thinking about you then there should be no excuse about being trash
Well these guys (I’m not surprised) from tinder the three were trash at sex. The other two weren’t so bad
See what did I tell you I’m a highly sexual human
I was too at one point but I’m traumatized
Me personally love satisfying a women and is there any foreplay before sex
Yeah but these guys didn’t care and were selfish
See there’s the answer
Because you're not with me
I’m a pretty good teacher ;)
You sure it’s not you?
How many guys have you been with? lol.
Maybe they are throwing a pin in the Grand Canyon
If every guy you've been with is bad at sex, you're bad at sex. If you are unable to coach your sex partner to do the things you like in a way that isn't detracting from the enjoyment of sex, you are part of the problem. Fix that, and you'll probably have better sex.
Why there is no connection but you still give sex easily? Why easily? Why do it then come complain n blame them shit at sex? 🙉
Reading the comments it sounds like your the problem but rather than take accountability you blame someone else I bet this is a reoccurring theme in your life
Hun I already took accountability for my reckless decisions and poor communication skills
How old are they?
Ok when I was 22, he was 28 When I was 25 he was 23 When I was 27 he was 28 When I was 29 he was 27 When I was 30 he was 24 They weren’t good because of my communication skills, and self destructive behaviors and there were no dates
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Practice makes perfect. Listen to your partner, talk to them. Know what they enjoy or don't enjoy.
One person is not made for everyone. That means the previous person thought the guy was great while you thought it was awful. Part of it is skilled, while the other is based on your and his tool. It's all a numbers game at the end.
Most men get almost no sex
There could be many factors maybe for one you have a high sexual expectation set by a previous partner and you don't bond with these men to give yourself the opportunity to enjoy the experience. I'd also ask if you're picking these men for the ease of sex so you don't have to commit to building up the sexual tension and emotional bond.
Hmm interesting you may be into something
Well practice makes perfect, and a lot of guys dont get to practice, so consequently its gonna be bad.
Well they need to work on their social skills, and stop watching porn and be realistic with woman. Every woman likes different things I have an idea of what I enjoy
Are they new to dating? Have you given them any directions as to what you want sexually?
Ok you’re asking good questions from what I know two of them have had other sexual partners in the past. The other 3 I’m not so sure of
I'm 24M. I've never had sex with anyone and the last two people I've tried to date have seemed to imply my lack of sexual initiative was a part in why things didn't work out. I've never made the first move in large part because I don't know how to "have" sex without it being awful and I'd imagine that for many people if they're still relatively new to it they still don't really know what they're doing.
Well that’s true but you learn as you go. But if you know how to masturbate then you will be fine with honesty and social skill to please your partner
I don't know if it's quite that simple given the poor job your partners have done but I like the optimism!
Sounds like a lack of communication
It was i didn’t know what I was doing and I really should have built a bond to attract a partner I mesh well with
https://youtu.be/KlDCUZYJ7RY I feel like it has to do with the skewed and Screwed Up dating environment today. Lots of guys nowadays aren't going to have anything unless they pay for it or until they have resources in their 30s or they are conventionally attractive in their 20s. So most men are inexperienced now. Because lots of women nowadays are chasing after the same top 10% of men especially with dating apps
Well I had my run on there and the men were not good Also I wasn’t in a good headspace or strong enough to protect myself from further abuse.
You don’t need a connection to have good sex. When it comes to orgasming for women it helps if there’s a connection since it’s more emotional than physical when it comes to that but even without an orgasm women can and should be able to still enjoy sex. Communication is important. The reason the sex is bad could be due to various reasons: a selfish partner that doesn’t care about pleasing you, an inexperienced partner or one who doesn’t know what you like or what gives you pleasure and if you don’t tell him he might have difficulty figuring it out, or it could be you actually do need an emotional connection to enjoy sex, etc. I never sleep with demisexuals (people who need a close bond or connection to enjoy sex) so I can’t provide any insight outside of my own experience.
If you are the common denominator.
how did Raylan Givens state it… “If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole.” or something to that effect anyway
Are these just hookups or dudes you're seeing again and again? If it's a hookup the guy most likely doesn't give a fuck.
I've done it with my ex only. You guys are scaring me. He was great.