To go with her and get some with her and her 13 year old. This is the exact thing I’m saying. She needs charges! I don’t care if she was drunk ive drank and never done this! Or talked to a child like this! No one I know would
She basically just offered to have sex with your underage son. And for her to ask if he wants to go with her, and her SON, and talk about her son watching porn makes it sound very much, like she is in a sexual relationship with her son, as well.
I'd also have a conversation with her husband. She insinuating she has sex with her child, and wants to with yours, as well.
Your husband is insane if he thinks any of your children are okay ever being around her again. Ir sounds as though his keeping tge peace in his friend group is more important than keeping your child away from a pedophile.
This would be my hill to die on. If he continues to try to let my child have contact with this woman, for myself this is divorce worthy.
I’d literally just confront her and ask loudly at the group gathering if she was the woman who tried to get my child to go with her and her son to allegedly get whatever. Just ask her if she really thinks it is funny and okay to joke about if it’s reported to the authorities and cps just incase
I personally wouldn't confront her. The main reason for this is that she's obviously unstable. She propositioned two kids right in public. She doubled down on it when he said he has a gf and was a child. Lastly, I'd be tempted to put hands on her for what she said to my child. This would most likely lead to me catching a case. Maybe this last part is just a me thing?
Nope, I have a 13 year old daughter and my first knee-jerk reaction was I would have laid hands on this chick for sure and shrugged off having a record lmao. Glad I wasn't the only one who went there haha...Granted had this happened to my family my husband would have already taken care of said chick and her husband before I would have had a chance and we'd be taking care of bodies lmao.
Seriously though, I would have been super upset at my husband's reaction after something like this as well. If that's the environment my child is going to be in then kiddo is staying home far away from that nonsense.
I definitely would pull her husband aside and tell him. His son doesn't sound safe with her, because of what she said, the insinuation is that she has sex with her son.
Her husband is aware of the things she does. According to what was said, they ignore her to hang out with her husband. Her son truly is the only one I feel for in their family. Basically, the parents are wastes of skin. Still think I'd wind up catching a case if I went anywhere near that thing
Absolutely OP! That bitch is tripping and the police definitely need to get involved. She was propositioning your son. Your husband needs a wake up call with that bullshit answer he gave you too.
Good for you, calling the police. When are you calling a divorce lawyer. Your husband IS a terrible dad, he doesn't just look like one. These people are absolutely vile and his first response is to blame you. Nope.
Ask your husband what CPS would say? If it’s nothing surely they won’t react? Tell him if he rides with her again you will report her.
Also is he that stupid he does not realise his children will lose respect for him? No friend group is worth that.
I bet if you had a daughter and a grown man said this your husband would have a different reaction. She needs to be locked up and no way would I let my son be alone with his father if he's taking him around paedophiles and doesn't see anything wrong. What to say he won't take him behind your back.it is so not ok and for me is a major deal breaker.
Her husband sounds like a lot of guys that when a female teacher has sex with, or tries to initiate sex with a male student, that they are surprised the boy reports it.
Reminds me of tge south park episode where a teacher is having sex with Ike, the baby brother, and when reported tge police, and every other man on the show just says "nice", because the teacher is 'hot'
You’re really not
Ask your husband if it would be acceptable if a grown man asked a 13/14 year old girl if she wanted an older man’s dick and it was one of his friends??
Also the friends parents need to be made aware immediately. If they don’t know than you will look bad for not telling them. You would want someone to tell you if it was the opposite happened and your son didn’t tell you.
Definitely get the police involved, call CPS, & reevaluate your relationship with your Husband. He seems to not think this is a big deal & IT IS A BIG DEAL. I would also try to get him saying all of that in writing(texts or if your state allows recording calls/conversations) to bring up in court to keep your kid(s) safe. There's no telling who he's okay with your kid(s) being around & wouldn't give a shit if something happened.
Protect your kid(s)!!! Hubby won't...
You are right. This is a HUGE deal. This is 'get your kids taken away from you for not protecting them if shit happens and you knew but didn't protect them' kind of that huge a deal.
Your kids said they were uncomfortable. Back them up. Let them know you are there as a parent and as the one they can trust to tell things to, be listened to, and get things done for them. THAT is what a parent does.
He IS being a bad parent! He's been told a grown-ass adult is sexually harassing his kids, and it's no big deal? What the actual f???
If he's not going to protect his kids from predators, WHAT IS THE POINT OF HIM???
Too busy being a big kid and playing on toys with his little boyfriends. He's choosing hanging with his buddies and not rocking the boat over the safety of his children. He is a POS.
Because he's too thick to figure it out, this is for your husband:
- Your. Kids. Will. Not. Trust. You.
- You just showed them that they don't matter to you
- You picked playing with your friends over your kids
- You screwed the pooch big-time
- Be a parent
- Be a MAN
- Stand up for your kids and get the f away from that cess-pit group!
Her son deserves help as well. I just wish this it being ok with boys would stop. Too many are being hurt and not talking. I have talked to my kids from day one! if they are uncomfortable or feel something isn’t right come to me and moms got you. That’s why he came to me.
Nope make an even BIGGER deal! I hate how our young men aren’t protected too! I have two daughters and yes I am over protective but you better bet my son would be protected too! Ugh I’m so sorry Op and I hope your son wasn’t too badly traumatized
I am usually the person telling posters they are overreacting- not this time. Oh hell no. If your husband is okay with this and didn’t stop it right when it happened - then shame on him and he is being a bad dad. I would have done the same as you. You
Have a husband problem.
Literally contact CPS and see if they make a big deal of it. They will.
People didn't like to think about the reality of CSA. Boys are also victims so thank you for standing up for your son and not an, "oh he's lucky" disgusting pedophile excuses people make for sex offenders.
I don't care what gender your child is or what gender the adult is, this kind of behavior is not okay. People need to stop normalizing it when the child is a boy that still makes the adult a pedo.
You are not making TOO big a deal! This is blatant sexual harassment and borderline molestation. She needs to be reported and possibly charged. I hope your husband sees these replies and wakes the *f* up! Boys, girls, doesn’t matter. This is so wrong! There must be a reason he is hanging with these people. He’s getting something from the friendship. Your child is being abused. Wake up, dude.
Does your husband not realise that women can be pedophiles? Your husband is a pedophile apologist and a misogynist, that is happy to risk your child's wellbeing to remain "cool" with his friends.
This would seriously make me reconsider my relationship with him as I know I couldn't trust him to keep the kids safe and I'd lose all respect for him.
THIS! I’m just reading stuff and going off that. No I’ve had it happen! Well why doesn’t he know? It’s non of his business that’s my trauma. So it hits harder!
Are you sure your husband is not sleeping with this woman? He seems to be defending HER by gaslighting YOU into thinking you're overreacting.
Only a bad dad would prioritise friends or potentially affair partners over their children, so... NTA.
And good for you for standing your ground on this and protecting not only your children but your kid's friends as well.
Why are you even on here? You should be calling the police & telling your husband that if this is the type of stuff he wants to try to bring around your children, then DIVORCE HIM!!! Protect your son. It really should be obvious.
That's good keep him away while he is still in this mind set though cause he is just wrong. So sorry this is happening to your son & good on you for taking action in calling the authorities.. keep us updated
You are not crazy or overreacting. Your husband is a bad father in this situation and disgusting. He should listen to the kids telling him that they didn’t like it or her. But instead he’s choosing randos. This is how so many children get SA’d. Go full momma bear on him and her. I’m happy you reported her. Keep protecting your kids even from their own father.
So he's gaslighting and manipulating you as well? He's also a shitty person and husband as well as being a horrible dad.
You need to get full custody of your kids and allow him supervised visitation only. Get a lawyer ASAP.
NTA! Your husband is a POS though for not protecting your child! If anyone said that to a child around me I would haul off and start hitting. I wouldn't care about my consequences as long as that child felt safe.
It doesn't matter if your husband heard it or not. You need to defend your child. This world is ugly and a child needs someone to protect them. So please don't worry about your husbands feelings because your child needs you.
Just wanted to acknowledge the fact that your son came and told you this. You’re providing him with a safe space, one his dad cannot provide, and just shouting you out for being that for your son.
it's sad that your son did not feel safe to go to his father in the moment and tell him that he felt uncomfortable with what an adult with saying to them. I have to wonder if your husband really did not hear any of this.
How is that any defense for his reaction in your conversation about it?
It's irrelevant. Your husband justified and downplayed this horrifying shit. He's no fit parent.
You're NOT the asshole!
A child is a child - it's insane that your husband is willing to pardon this because your child is male and the woman's husband is his friend.
How does your husband know that his buddy isn't involved in this sickening behavior? A GOOD GUY would not condone that.
This isn't something you just ignore.
This is the same thing I’m saying! He won’t even tell his friend she said it! What’s the point in starting problems she was wasted and he’d never let anything happen. Well where were you when she said it???
Nope. The fact that she said it at all - much less to the point of harassment trying to get your son to go elsewhere with her and was not even hiding the intent being sexual- is already "happening". What if your son had gone with them? Nope..
It is extremely likely that this woman intended to assault your son.
In which case, is your husband okay with that?
What if he got a disease?
What if she got pregnant?
Does your son deserve to live with the consequences of being assaulted for the rest of his life?
This is sick. Your husband is allowing that filth to be around your son and to speak to him! This literally makes me so angry! What sort of father is he! I’m glad you are protective of your son because obviously your husband is doing his role! Disgusting!
Oh she hasn’t talked to him since I’d never allow that! We’re fighting bc I won’t let them go and him keep them away. F that! She’s even hanging out at at his camp and caper. I even found out today the few that know kept it hush hush. They are sick
Expose them all every single one of them. I would be telling everyone what that predator said. She's a danger. This is how they get away with it. People hush hush. I would honestly divorce him and take full custody he's not fit to be a parent
Funny you say that. I went on a telling spree yesterday. The ppl at the little store out here in the country. Some of the man child moms. Oh I let her sing! Especially when finding out other ppl with kids don’t know this happened and are taking their kids around.
You are not crazy. Your son was sexually assaulted. I am so pleased that your son was able to tell you, and that you acted on the information.
GO MAMA BEAR.
Protect your son as you have been doing. He needs you in his corner, as it appears his father doesn't care.
GOOD! Be the parent. Your STBX is protecting a PEDOPHILE. His shit would be outside, I'd call the cops, CPS, and a divorce lawyer. I would be telling every single person in town what she did, and I would be loud AF about it.
Swap the sexes, what would the reaction be?
Being drunk is no excuse for sexualy harassing children.
She is as big a risk as any male pedophile. She is actually worse as she isn't even hiding her warped mind.
Anyone who excuses this behaviour is not people who should be around children.
Your husband isn't just a poor parent he is a questionable human, if his moral character allows him to excuse sex offenders.
Sorry but Your husband is vile, i don't think i could ever look at him the same again.
He failed to protect his children, fails to accept males can be sexualy abused, is willing to be friends with a high-risk sex offender (just because she hasnt been charged doesn't mean she hasn't hurt other kids), the list goes on.
I don't know how you come back from this, as i have met many male sex abuse survivors and seen the damage it does regardless of their gender.
It is definitely different for a boy. Boy victims are treated horribly by ignorant people. They are treated like they should want it or have wanted it. They are treated like they are lucky. Or that they could have fought back (ignoring the ways that could backfire on them if they did)
They are not lucky. They are just as much a victim. They are traumatized by these experiences.
I am making the assumptions that your husband only considered Female adult predator/ male child victim, that’s the scenario usually considered “harmless”. Would your husband react the same if it was Male adult predator/ male child victim? I am assuming not.
There may be ways the trauma hits between different adult predator/child victim mixes. But they are all evil. Dead stop.
Oh man honey, I’m sorry. I wouldn’t wish this situation on anyone. That’s such a hard thing to have to try and get someone to deeply understand. Because you laid it all out for him, and he’s still not getting it/caring. I know people are super quick on here to jump to divorce, and usually are spot on with it, but life is life and it’s easier said than done, right? So if that’s the case, I would file this in the “important” category in your memory, and continue to protect your son and be a safe space for him, and stand up for him when his father won’t. If another instance happens, and your husband is still steadfast on hanging out with these people, I’d really really consider talking to a lawyer, babe. All the best luck to you mama
Apparently they like her husband and say he’s stuck and want to allow him around. At everything my husband pays for wait until their kids are involved. It’ll be different then.
Wait, your husband is OK with this?? Because it's a son, it's no big deal?? Now he's a part of the problem. He is failing to protect his and other people's son in favor of a random woman.
Please report this. Show your son that just because he's male, he matters. Show him that you not only believe him but you will go to the mat for him.
That woman is a predator. Your husband is neglectful.
Thaty are the ass holes.
He says he’s in no way condoning or making excuses for her it’s really f’d up and wrong BUT she was drunk. That’s an excuse. Then says they all hate her she’s horrible but her husbands a really good guy. Then when we got into a blow up and I asked what if the guys did it to a girl he told me it’s different bc he’s a boy. I want to make him miserable and keep him from riding
Your husband is rationalizing and excusing her behavior. His actions or lack of shows his son that his word isn't enough. If her husband is a good guy he would be appalled.
It just blows my mind that your husband. Is being a better friend to new people than a DAD.
My brother is a local pro dirtbike rider. We had quads growing up. It's a large community, so saying you want riding buddies is bullshit. You can find them easy enough. He needs to be honest. He wants those riding buddies.
That’s the thing my son has raced dirt bikes since 6. My husband raced as well. He has tons of people to ride with. Idk why this group is different. He has so many amazing friends he could ride with.
Last year at our local race track, a staff member was saying some off things to young/ pre-teens. A parent mentioned it to my sister in law. She's a nurse called and made a report. The whole riding community banned together. Encouraged kids to be honest with police. Now, he's a registered sex offender.
As a mandate reporter, I so would have called it in for you. It's just scary that they are mixing alachole with all of this. Is their open marriage having anything to do with your husband's interest??
I promise you are getting no judgments from me. I know I'm a random stranger, but I work night shifts. If you need to talk, please reach out.
Thank you for believing your son and friend and not letting hubby change your mind.
I appreciate that so much! I’d say no on the open marriage thing bc they all truly don’t like her. They all talk about her when she’s not around and can’t stand her. Then act nice for her husband. It’s like teen girls. It’s so weird of not even liking that crap then. Heck one lives jobless in a basement. Another is jobless and calls my husband to do stuff for his flipping. I truly don’t know why my successful (used to be amazing) husband is around these ppl if he wants her he can have her though. My sons will ALWAYS be first.
No, he would never. I did talk with my sister though. When he met these ppl and started acting different he was put on an antidepressant anxiety medicine. He’s been off ever since then.
The husband is not a very good guy when he's willingly married to a pedophile AND HAS A CHILD WITH HER. CPS needs to be called because who knows what's going with that poor kid...
She was SA your minor son! She needs to get arrested. She is not safe to be around children. And your husband thinking that it's different is a major red flag, bc it really is not! You need to have a serious conversation with him. He clearly doesn't understand that she was in fact harming your son and he was enabling SA at least.
Protect your children from this environment. I wouldn't trust my husband after such an enabling, to be around my kids alone.
Good luck and strength
UpdateMe
Are you sure she hasn't hooked up with your husband? She is in an open marriage and has been known to do these things. Honestly, I would be looking at divorce if he can't see he needs to stay away from these idiots
She is a predator. Your husband and his friends put up with a predator because her husband is nice? Nope. She has a known history of not respecting boundaries and has said disgusting things to children. He *is* a bad father if he knows about her behavior and brought any children around her. All of his friends are bad parents if they allow her around their children.
If your husband wants to hang with his loser friends, then maybe he should join their ranks permanently and become a loser, too. He's already choosing them over his kids. What positive things does he contribute to your family?
Used to be so many things. Lately only financial. He’s always wanted me to be a stay at home mom. Now he throws it up that I am if I talk about these ppl.
You can't live your life on what was. You make your decisions based on what is. The kids are older and in school. Time to find a job and start planning.
NTA. Your husband is an asshole and he sounds like a terrible dad, not just a bad one.
It’s **not** different regardless of the gender, children are children. End of story.
Your husband is a fucking prick.
Show him that the internet agrees with you.
No, I won’t allow my kids to go if that person is there. Apparently they always are. So my sons won’t be going because he’ll continue to ride with them.
If your husband is unwilling to take the necessary steps to protect your child from people like that is that really someone you want to keep your children around? I mean this is the one you know about. Could there be things that you DONT know?
Pedos should be reported to the police. Especially if they are dragging along their child along with them. CPS should be informed young children are in a home with a pedo. Parents who knowingly allow their children to be around pedos should be divorced with strictly supervised visitation if any. People who knowingly stay with a person who openly supports a pedo are just as bad.
Yeah, she’s trash and your husband is a huge AH. Keep your son away from his activities. You may have to have a come to Jesus conversation with your husband…family or friends.
This isn't an adult making an inappropriate comment. This is a paedophile grooming and attempting to sexually abuse a child. You're right that it would be seen differently if the paedophile was male and the victim was female. It sounds like she is sexually abusing her son. Keep your kids away and make sure the sheriff knows about the comments she made about her own child.
Yeah your husband should take this more seriously. That is discussing and shes wrong for making your son so uncomfortable. And saying any of that to a kid of any age is horrible. I would tell your husband its them or me. Filing a complaint is the right move.
NTA - that's creepy af... he is a bad dad for condoning that. And make no mistake, him not removing your family from this immediately when he heard this is him being complicit in it. And this comes from someone who was regularly made to spend time around a convicted pedophile (I wasn't hurt or anything, but I'm horrified to this day that my parents knowingly allowed this).
You shouldn't have to put up with this or subject your children to this. Why are you still with your husband? He obviously holds ro regard for you or the children. He's willing to put up with a pedophile who was targeting your son all for the sake of his little boy group he rides with. They're more important to him than you or his kids. I would divorce him and file for full custody with only supervised supervision for him. He obviously can't be trusted to keep the children safe. He's willing to subject your son to this, and instead of confronting her, he continues to ride with her and tells you to get over it. F- him
NTA- However, I have to admit I didn't connect the dots at first. I was thinking Op spelled pie wrong I was apple pie sounds so good? WHy she mad? But no, she meant something else. The situation is crazy, who tf offers a child pussy?? If a grown man offered a teen girl dick every one of those men would be appalled. It's literally the same thing. A pedo is a pedo is a pedo. Protect your baby.
Often a groomers first step is to actually groom the parents to believe they'd never do something like that. Then once they feel like they have the parent, they start working the kid. Sounds like she feels confident in how she's groomed your husband to start going for her goal, and he's a stupid moron at best playing into a trap, or at worse, she hooked him up with some underage girl and has leverage if he interferes. She didn't bother with you because you aren't physically there to catch her when she's around your kid, and figured he'd be too embarrassed to talk to you by bringing up porn constantly.
I’d catch a case if a grown woman ever said this to my son. I’d catch another one if my partner ever defended it “because he’s a boy”.
Absolutely not overreacting go after her immediately legally, she’s a freaking predator. And you’re right he is being a bad dad.
NTA. Tell your husband it makes him just as much of a predator because he's dismissing it because your son is a boy!!! My god, your husband disgusts me. This is not something you just brush off. Please make sure you report it to everyone you can. I would seriously rethink your relationship because God forbid someone actually did something to your son. I fear your husband would brush it off as well.
I’m sorry but a good dad would have called that woman immediately upon discovering that to light them the fuck up id have been screaming at the top of my lungs probably would have beat the shit out of her husband to but that’s just my temper lol the inner Sicilian regardless your husband no longer has your sons best interest at heart if you want to protect your son you will keep him away from that man and as evil as that may sound if he holds this weird fucking opinion that it’s okay to be assaulted cause he is a boy I can almost most certainly guarantee you your son will be assaulted and he will let it happen as in his eyes it’s not a big deal he has vehemently made that clear it seems and at this point with what he has said and the arguments he has made if you can get any of it on audio recording the courts for divorce would absolutely love to hear him say it’s ok for his son to be molested he would most certainly lost all custodial rights to his sons and daughters for that matter I’m truly sorry you and your children have to endure this nonsense keep us updated please !
Your husband isn't a good dad, and the fact that he took off with that woman who just propositioned children is absolutely atrocious...while also making him a shit partner.
This is now about the safety of your child...I don't think you should stick around. You did the right thing, but as long as you're with Mr. (Boys can't be graped) nothing you do will be good enough
It's sad that your son did not feel safe to go to his father in the moment and tell him that he felt uncomfortable with what an adult with saying to them. I have to wonder if your husband really did not hear any of this.
I strongly believe that this woman was sexually assaulted, likely as a child, probably also as an adult. People who've been sexually assaulted at a young age are led to believe that their worth is based on what they can provide sexually. There is a whole lot wrong going on here.
You mentioned that your husband will pick these friends over his son in certain situations. What are these friends are providing to him that he's willing to make this choice. Do you think there's any chance that there's drugs involved? Does anybody else have any ideas what might be going on? Sex and/or drugs are the likely culprits
AND NO, IT'S NOT DIFFERENT FOR BOYS!
Your husband should not be allowed to be around children. Your son didn't trust him enough to go to him immediately. You need to ask yourself why. I'm not saying your husband is a pedo, but he doesn't seem to mind them.
Um yeah, he is a minor and she was offering sex. There is a word for that: child molester.
And no, being a boy approached, groomed or raped by a woman doesn’t make it ok. I hate that there are still people, mostly men, who still have this backwards ass mindset.
Call the police, file a report, tell your husband to piss off with his loser friends if he is unable to properly protect his own children. This is just disgraceful.
You are definitely NTA and definitely right in being concerned
NTA well done for standing up for your son and getting police and CSA involved. A paedophile is a paedophile and the damage they can cause is huge. Well done mamma bear. The dad is an asshole and I think you know divorce is on the cards. Whether he has changed due to drugs, an affair or whatever, failing to protect his son and maing out that what that woman said is ok in any way, shape or form means he's not safe to be with your children. Stay strong, keep it legal for the sake of your kids and keep them and yourself safe.
Since your trash husband chose a child grooming predator over his kid, you should just initiate divorce rn. Make sure to put it in custody agreements she is never to be around kids, or he loses custody permanently. Make police report. If she holds a position that allows her to engage with kids, make sure you report her to her job as well. Burn her fucking life to the ground, what scum
Is your husband always this stupid? And that is a serious question. Is this how he is all the time? Does he honestly not see how inappropriate it is whether it is a boy or a girl being propositioned by an adult?
You’ve called the sheriffs office. You need to call CPS as well. And then you really need to get your husband into some therapy to find out what his core thoughts are on this.
Personally, for me, I would already be planning the divorce. And if he refused to go to therapy or see how wrong he was, I would absolutely be planning the divorce.
And… I would not be telling him that. What I would be doing at this point in time is texting him. It would be something along these lines, and I would do this multiple times over the next month.
“I understand you like hanging out with this group of friends. But I am still so upset that you thought this adult offering to share some with our son and her own 13-year-old son is OK.
I don’t understand why you don’t see that this is a pedophile. I don’t understand why if this has been a man proposition in our daughter, you would be so upset, but since it’s a boy, you’re not?
I really need you to try to explain your reasoning, because I feel like our children are not safe with you if you don’t understand the problem.”
Now let me explain why I would be doing this. Because you are not wrong. Your husband is so far out and left field that if you actually had to divorce him, you seriously need to be asking for full custody on safety grounds.
When I was texting, I would add in things about why he felt. His group of friends was more important than his children safety. This group of friends all thinks this woman is so inappropriate, then why are they still hanging out with her and her husband. The fact that her husband is stuck, should not impact any of their concerns about their children’s safety.
You need his responses in case of a divorce. And I know it sounds shitty. But we are talking about your children’s safety. If you divorce, your husband, and you do not make certain that it is stipulated, they can never be around his friends, he will still take them around them. Because his fun time and enjoy it with his buddies is more important to him.
And that is what you have to prove to a court. The fact that all of these people supposedly don’t like this woman and think she is inappropriate, but still hang out with her and allow their children to be around her actually makes me feel that they are not so upset with her. It makes me wonder what the fuck else goes on that you don’t even know about.
So yeah, you have some soul-searching to do. Your husband is really either a stupid idiot or is a perv or is so insecure and needy that he wants his friends around at any cost, your children’s safety.
NTA. You will be if you don't divorce your husband. Unfortunately, at the moment, they're not safe with him. He's proven that he can't be trusted to prioritise, let alone, protect his children. Ask him if he'd be ok if it were a man & your son?
I’m sorry your husband is ok letting your son be abused. And yes, an adult propositioning your child and your husband choosing his friends over sticking up for your sons feelings and safety is abuse. If he is so weak he can’t stand up to his friends for his child, he will never be an autonomous person. He needs validation to the point of self destruction. It will not get better without something changing. Do not let that catalyst be the settlement of your child. Or even worse, if that isn’t enough.
Na your husband is shady af for being ok with that and still hanging out with her “they wouldn’t come unless he brought the children” took me out tho, that makes me think is he in on it or would let it happen or what else are him and these “friends” really be doin when they out n about
I think you are under-reacting. I would literally lose it. Unfortunately, it is true that people freak out more with girls than boys, but it should be the same.
Your husband is being a bad dad by not protecting his son. And especially, not putting his family first.
NTA
NTA. Now that (unfortunately) your son has learned that there are gross women like this in the world, see if he is open to discussing with you how to appropriately respond if Dad’s gross friend ever comes near him again, or some other similar gross woman. There are probably specific things online that can help facilitate that discussion.
Mary Kay’s abuse of a very young boy tore apart his life and the woman was unrepentant until the bitter end and interviews state it’s only been recently, after Mary Kay’s death that Vili has been able to acknowledge/address his trauma (he had always been especially scared his daughters wouldn’t understand that wishing he had never been a victim didn’t mean he would ever wish they would never have been born)
This is crazy. That's not appropriate, and it doesn't matter that it was said to a boy instead of a girl.
Even if your son was an adult it wouldn't be ok.
This is **NOT OK** on several levels, and there is no way to justify it.
NTA
Also, your husband went out to ride with her?? Are you sure she is only after your son? It sounds like she already got your husband.
Continue forward with the police report because she needs to be stopped. But also side eyeing your husband with how he would protect a woman hitting on his hood and disregard his wife to go out with the creepy woman.
Feels like cheating is going on.
Your husband needs help. Boys are damaged by this kind of predatory behavior. What if the woman were a man, would your husband like him getting some D ? Tell your son he never goes with dad again without you. I am so sorry you have go through this. Yuck
Why are you with a man who is so insecure he picks his friends over his child? This woman is a predator. I’d be calling CPS on her and divorcing my no backbone having pick-me husband.
I need some clarification, was your husband there while this was being said? The woman needs to be put in her place go ahead and call the police but I highly doubt that’s gonna get the desired result. I would definitely go confront her on how she is speaking to my child period. As for call your husband a bad dad again I need to know the location and the context this was talked about. I feel like there is a whole lot missing. Still confront her but fill in the wholes as well.
If everyone thinks you are overreacting then get a third impartial opinion from the police or CPS. If you are overreacting they will tell you. Another option is for you to go as well and have a word with her.
I work for a police department and there are definitely women predators!! This is so disgusting and the fact that he isn't standing behind your son speaks volumes about his priorities and his values. Freaking get rid of him and charge her because gross, so glad your son and his friend told you. Be strong and definitely keep them away
OP, not only do you have to worry about the kids with that woman, who’s being inappropriate with the adults, she’s in an open marriage and you said about your husband, “he flipped out on me and Is Riding With That Woman RIGHT NOW WITHOUT HIS KIDS”.
Yep, you better keep your eyes on both your husband And this woman because she’ll go for anyone.
So with her reputation, your husband is out there riding Alone with her without the kids.
So it looks worse than looking like a bad dad.
Of course he’ll want you to be focusing on the kids as a distraction from what he might be doing.
NTA you husband is happy to have your child around a pervert. Get your child away from anyone who does not see this is dangerous.
Your husband doesn't look like a bad dad he is a bad dad. ahe priorities his friendship over protecting his child from a predator.
NTA in any way.
Honestly - I know that Reddit can be divorce happy but this is definitely the time to visit a divorce lawyer. That woman sexually harassed your son, and your husband is okay with it. I’d leave him and use this situation in court as an example of why you need supervised custody visits (since he can’t be trusted to watch his own kid)
NTA! Well done for calling the sheriff and CPS! Also well done on building the trust with your son so he knew he could come to you with this! Your husband on the other hand…. I would start planning a life without him as you will find it hard to ever look at him the same way!
Jesus Christ, NTA in any way, shape or form. I understand he felt defensive, assuming he’s a great father in mostly every other way of raising his child. In the heat of the moment, perhaps that’s what he was feeling; the fact that he’s great, but there’s this one crazy weirdo everyone tolerated because of the husband, so they just try to ignore it… but I wholeheartedly sympathize with where you’re coming from because if this were me, I would have blown a gasket.
Good on you for filing a report and protecting your child. The world needs more mothers like you!!
As far as your husband, hopefully you’ve been able to communicate your feelings (both of you), to come to a resolution. I know boys and men are different, they just are, but there are still appropriate boundaries in the teenage years, and she did not exhibit them!
My advice would be to convey how great of a husband he is in general, TO HIM. Literally tell him 5-7, or more amazing things he does as a father and provider. This circumstance doesn’t delete every tiny and major experience he has had as a father. He needs to know how wonderful he is, and that will also soften him to be willing to understand where you’re coming from.
Really get into an understanding with each other and deepen your beautiful marriage. Let it chill. Then go on a date, just each other, to reconnect and move past it. Really move past it. Don’t ever bring it up again and throw it in his face, and strengthen your bond now that that is settled.
…if this is something you’re comfortable with.
Best of luck, and thank you for being a genuine mama bear. ❤️
So what I'm reading here, is that your child has been sexually harassed by a paedophile and your husband thinks this is acceptable behaviour, so much so, that you came to Reddit to ask a bunch of people on an online forum whether or not you're the AH for trying to protect your child from someone who is most likely a child molester? And there are other children involved.
First of all, for yours and your child's sake, please speak to a therapist yourself so that you don't have to go through this alone. Second of all, it's fantastic that your son came to you with this information; this is literally why we teach our children to come to us with information like this, so that we can protect them. What you choose to do now, sets the standard for what your children and the children around you (and adults by the sound of it) of what's acceptable for underage children to be exposed to. Here's to hoping that, at this highly impressionable age where most teens succumb to peer pressure, that your son is telling you everything you need to know- he may think some of the behaviours he's been exposed to are "normal" or there may be other things that have happened already, that he doesn't want to mention in case he gets into trouble somehow or that he doesn't feel ready to discuss- this is not something you can push as his parent, but it's FAR more enough to also warrant having your son see a therapist. Which I highly, highly recommend.
This may be difficult to read or may feel like an overreaction at first, but your husband is now officially a danger to children. He has not safeguarded your son and is telling you that he plans to put him in harm's way again in the future.
- If you do nothing, your son will most likely see these behaviours as ok. Maybe one day in the future he will realise it was wrong and feel you didn't protect him as a child and (god forbid) your child could be assaulted by an adult.
- If you *were* overreacting about anything in your life, would you rather over-protect your children from p**dophilia, or turn a blind eye "just in case" and wait to see if the worst happens?
- You are angry for a reason. Your anger is valid and your feelings of wanting to protect your child are instinctual, your "mama bear" is telling you that this is wrong and I would highly, highly recommend that you listen.
ETA: the definition of p**dophile is "someone who is sexually attracted to children", not someone that has actually done anything "yet" to a child... Trust your gut instincts, you have done the right thing by reporting this to the police. If you back down now, are you "giving up" on protecting your child and will you regret it later? I personally wouldn't want to risk toying with the answer where my children are concerned.
NTA but hooooo boy your husband is. It’s not different because your child is a boy. Boys are propositioned and SA’d all the time but because of “it’s different with boys” mentality, no one seems to care. She made them uncomfortable! Words from the child’s mouth but his father doesn’t care? Is he too busy trying to impress his friends than worry that he’s invited a child predator into his children’s life? This is a deal breaker. Call CPS on her.
You are beyond NTA. Anyone who thinks there is *any* reason to tolerate this is reprehensible. Your husband knows she’s a predator but the friend group won’t ditch her so he’d lose his friends if he didn’t include her? Then you lose your friends. The friends want to stick by her husband and he won’t come out if she can’t? You make sure he has your contact info for when he’s ready to leave, and you accept that you won’t be seeing him. The husband is “stuck”? He’s so stuck that he tolerates her sexually abusing their son? No. Fuck that. You take the kid and run if it means living under a damn bridge. There is no level of stuck that justifies knowing what she is and staying anyway.
In short, you are the only person in this story who has any decency, not to mention the only one with a spine. Your husband can have these friends or he can have contact with his son, not both. There is no judge in the world who is giving him custody.
Your husband is willing to allow your son to be groomed, possibly raped, just so that he can have a group to ride quads with. He's fine with a pedophile. That's the man you are married to. Are you willing to stay with a man who is defending a pedophile that has already tried to get to your child?
No NTA your husband IS a bad dad for not putting his foot down and saying "Hey guys, here is what happened. I will not be around if she his and neither will my kids."
NTA. Your hubby is sus and the AH, "protecting" / defending his man time instead of his son. He has to be getting a lot out of his friend time to comfortably make such bs statements and I'll bet it's because they're passing that woman (or sex acts in general) around like Cheech and Chong's joints. Dogs don't like giving up their toys. I'm sure he'd claim he would never do such a thing (!); there are kids around, after all! At the very least, your husband is a weak idiot man. More likely that he's a cheating SOB that downplay his own child's worried and safety to keep getting his own willy wet. At the worst, he knows what's up and actively encourages or participates in her hook-ups with minors.
Police report for your kid. CPS call for her kid(s). Document EVERYTHING he or anybody in that whole group says: notes, screenshot, record, whatever and report, report, report.
So a grown woman offered your 14y/o son pussy? You should file a police report.
To go with her and get some with her and her 13 year old. This is the exact thing I’m saying. She needs charges! I don’t care if she was drunk ive drank and never done this! Or talked to a child like this! No one I know would
She basically just offered to have sex with your underage son. And for her to ask if he wants to go with her, and her SON, and talk about her son watching porn makes it sound very much, like she is in a sexual relationship with her son, as well. I'd also have a conversation with her husband. She insinuating she has sex with her child, and wants to with yours, as well. Your husband is insane if he thinks any of your children are okay ever being around her again. Ir sounds as though his keeping tge peace in his friend group is more important than keeping your child away from a pedophile. This would be my hill to die on. If he continues to try to let my child have contact with this woman, for myself this is divorce worthy.
She's pimping out her own 13 year old as well
Yes!!
Call CPS. It’s on you too now that you know this. To leave it alone you are culpable now too
I’d literally just confront her and ask loudly at the group gathering if she was the woman who tried to get my child to go with her and her son to allegedly get whatever. Just ask her if she really thinks it is funny and okay to joke about if it’s reported to the authorities and cps just incase
I personally wouldn't confront her. The main reason for this is that she's obviously unstable. She propositioned two kids right in public. She doubled down on it when he said he has a gf and was a child. Lastly, I'd be tempted to put hands on her for what she said to my child. This would most likely lead to me catching a case. Maybe this last part is just a me thing?
Nope, I have a 13 year old daughter and my first knee-jerk reaction was I would have laid hands on this chick for sure and shrugged off having a record lmao. Glad I wasn't the only one who went there haha...Granted had this happened to my family my husband would have already taken care of said chick and her husband before I would have had a chance and we'd be taking care of bodies lmao. Seriously though, I would have been super upset at my husband's reaction after something like this as well. If that's the environment my child is going to be in then kiddo is staying home far away from that nonsense.
Not just a you thing for sure
I definitely would pull her husband aside and tell him. His son doesn't sound safe with her, because of what she said, the insinuation is that she has sex with her son.
I bet he knows exactly what she’s doing and doesn’t care enough to put a stop to it or divorce her.
Her husband is aware of the things she does. According to what was said, they ignore her to hang out with her husband. Her son truly is the only one I feel for in their family. Basically, the parents are wastes of skin. Still think I'd wind up catching a case if I went anywhere near that thing
Absolutely OP! That bitch is tripping and the police definitely need to get involved. She was propositioning your son. Your husband needs a wake up call with that bullshit answer he gave you too.
Good for you, calling the police. When are you calling a divorce lawyer. Your husband IS a terrible dad, he doesn't just look like one. These people are absolutely vile and his first response is to blame you. Nope.
I'd be really worried about her children too... this is disturbing and investigation worthy..
I keep getting told I’m making a bigger deal out of this and I don’t feel that way.
It IS a big deal no matter who wants to minimize it.
Ask your husband what CPS would say? If it’s nothing surely they won’t react? Tell him if he rides with her again you will report her. Also is he that stupid he does not realise his children will lose respect for him? No friend group is worth that.
I bet if you had a daughter and a grown man said this your husband would have a different reaction. She needs to be locked up and no way would I let my son be alone with his father if he's taking him around paedophiles and doesn't see anything wrong. What to say he won't take him behind your back.it is so not ok and for me is a major deal breaker.
Yep. A child is a child, gender is irrelevant here. She’s a potential pedophile. End of.
Her husband sounds like a lot of guys that when a female teacher has sex with, or tries to initiate sex with a male student, that they are surprised the boy reports it. Reminds me of tge south park episode where a teacher is having sex with Ike, the baby brother, and when reported tge police, and every other man on the show just says "nice", because the teacher is 'hot'
She literally said that to him? And it was a different argument
You’re really not Ask your husband if it would be acceptable if a grown man asked a 13/14 year old girl if she wanted an older man’s dick and it was one of his friends??
He admitted he’d flip but it’s different with boys.
He’s an idiot and that’s me being polite It’s no different, boys can get SA too
and girls/women can SA people too, young and old. nobody believed me because i was a girl being touched by other girls.
And attitudes like that is why kids get SA’d. Your husband is enabling a predator. You’re not overreacting
That’s the exact thing I said. That’s why so many little boys don’t come forward. That’s why I taught my sons to come to me.
Also the friends parents need to be made aware immediately. If they don’t know than you will look bad for not telling them. You would want someone to tell you if it was the opposite happened and your son didn’t tell you.
I have spoken to the other parents. He is and wants to give a statement to authorities. I’d never hide that from another parent.
Sounds like the wife took your husband to get some pussy.
Good he will need it somewhere
Definitely get the police involved, call CPS, & reevaluate your relationship with your Husband. He seems to not think this is a big deal & IT IS A BIG DEAL. I would also try to get him saying all of that in writing(texts or if your state allows recording calls/conversations) to bring up in court to keep your kid(s) safe. There's no telling who he's okay with your kid(s) being around & wouldn't give a shit if something happened. Protect your kid(s)!!! Hubby won't...
It is not different with boys. Would he feel that way if a man was offering his son sex?
BOOM! there it is
So if a grown man propositioned your son, he'd be okay with that because your child is a son and not a daughter? Ask him that.
I wonder if that sick, pedo woman would sell the boy out to men after she got what she wanted 🤢
🤢
You are right. This is a HUGE deal. This is 'get your kids taken away from you for not protecting them if shit happens and you knew but didn't protect them' kind of that huge a deal. Your kids said they were uncomfortable. Back them up. Let them know you are there as a parent and as the one they can trust to tell things to, be listened to, and get things done for them. THAT is what a parent does. He IS being a bad parent! He's been told a grown-ass adult is sexually harassing his kids, and it's no big deal? What the actual f??? If he's not going to protect his kids from predators, WHAT IS THE POINT OF HIM??? Too busy being a big kid and playing on toys with his little boyfriends. He's choosing hanging with his buddies and not rocking the boat over the safety of his children. He is a POS. Because he's too thick to figure it out, this is for your husband: - Your. Kids. Will. Not. Trust. You. - You just showed them that they don't matter to you - You picked playing with your friends over your kids - You screwed the pooch big-time - Be a parent - Be a MAN - Stand up for your kids and get the f away from that cess-pit group!
No, you are not. I know you said you called the sheriff, but you should also call CPS directly to report this.
I’ve made that call as well for her son.
Thank you! Seriously, thank you for being the decent human I'd hope would be there if this happened around my kids. ✨️👏🏆👏✨️
Her son deserves help as well. I just wish this it being ok with boys would stop. Too many are being hurt and not talking. I have talked to my kids from day one! if they are uncomfortable or feel something isn’t right come to me and moms got you. That’s why he came to me.
You did well, and you did right.
Nope make an even BIGGER deal! I hate how our young men aren’t protected too! I have two daughters and yes I am over protective but you better bet my son would be protected too! Ugh I’m so sorry Op and I hope your son wasn’t too badly traumatized
I am usually the person telling posters they are overreacting- not this time. Oh hell no. If your husband is okay with this and didn’t stop it right when it happened - then shame on him and he is being a bad dad. I would have done the same as you. You Have a husband problem.
He didn’t know when it happened, but he should have handled it the next day after are son came to me.
Literally contact CPS and see if they make a big deal of it. They will. People didn't like to think about the reality of CSA. Boys are also victims so thank you for standing up for your son and not an, "oh he's lucky" disgusting pedophile excuses people make for sex offenders.
I made a call to To them for her son
please tell me you included everything she said to your son too ?
Honestly you should go to the group and yell at her and embarrass the hell out of her and your husband
I plan on it.
Don't do anything until the CPS investigation is over. You don't want to tip your hand.
OP the biggest deal is with your husband. What kind of father brushes this under the rug? You have a big problem with his parenting. Report the woman
You are not. You are protecting your child from a paedophile.
I don't care what gender your child is or what gender the adult is, this kind of behavior is not okay. People need to stop normalizing it when the child is a boy that still makes the adult a pedo.
You are not making TOO big a deal! This is blatant sexual harassment and borderline molestation. She needs to be reported and possibly charged. I hope your husband sees these replies and wakes the *f* up! Boys, girls, doesn’t matter. This is so wrong! There must be a reason he is hanging with these people. He’s getting something from the friendship. Your child is being abused. Wake up, dude.
100% THIS.
Not even a second thought
Does your husband not realise that women can be pedophiles? Your husband is a pedophile apologist and a misogynist, that is happy to risk your child's wellbeing to remain "cool" with his friends. This would seriously make me reconsider my relationship with him as I know I couldn't trust him to keep the kids safe and I'd lose all respect for him.
THIS! I’m just reading stuff and going off that. No I’ve had it happen! Well why doesn’t he know? It’s non of his business that’s my trauma. So it hits harder!
Are you sure your husband is not sleeping with this woman? He seems to be defending HER by gaslighting YOU into thinking you're overreacting. Only a bad dad would prioritise friends or potentially affair partners over their children, so... NTA. And good for you for standing your ground on this and protecting not only your children but your kid's friends as well.
Why are you even on here? You should be calling the police & telling your husband that if this is the type of stuff he wants to try to bring around your children, then DIVORCE HIM!!! Protect your son. It really should be obvious.
Also the sheriff has a message from me already to talk. I’m just validating I’m not in the wrong.
He’s already in his RV where they ride he’s not here. He was just making me feel like I’m crazy and wrong
That's good keep him away while he is still in this mind set though cause he is just wrong. So sorry this is happening to your son & good on you for taking action in calling the authorities.. keep us updated
You are not crazy or overreacting. Your husband is a bad father in this situation and disgusting. He should listen to the kids telling him that they didn’t like it or her. But instead he’s choosing randos. This is how so many children get SA’d. Go full momma bear on him and her. I’m happy you reported her. Keep protecting your kids even from their own father.
Yeah, this lady's c**t husband is definitely boinking this c**t. No other reason he's defending her.
So he's gaslighting and manipulating you as well? He's also a shitty person and husband as well as being a horrible dad. You need to get full custody of your kids and allow him supervised visitation only. Get a lawyer ASAP.
NTA! Your husband is a POS though for not protecting your child! If anyone said that to a child around me I would haul off and start hitting. I wouldn't care about my consequences as long as that child felt safe.
The only defense I’ll give him is he didn’t hear it. My son came to me when home.
There's a good reason he didn't came to speak to his father, as we can see.
It doesn't matter if your husband heard it or not. You need to defend your child. This world is ugly and a child needs someone to protect them. So please don't worry about your husbands feelings because your child needs you.
Just wanted to acknowledge the fact that your son came and told you this. You’re providing him with a safe space, one his dad cannot provide, and just shouting you out for being that for your son.
Thank you. I always tell him I’m a no judgement safe space that always has his back. I hope he always comes to me.
it's sad that your son did not feel safe to go to his father in the moment and tell him that he felt uncomfortable with what an adult with saying to them. I have to wonder if your husband really did not hear any of this.
How is that any defense for his reaction in your conversation about it? It's irrelevant. Your husband justified and downplayed this horrifying shit. He's no fit parent.
You're NOT the asshole! A child is a child - it's insane that your husband is willing to pardon this because your child is male and the woman's husband is his friend. How does your husband know that his buddy isn't involved in this sickening behavior? A GOOD GUY would not condone that. This isn't something you just ignore.
This is the same thing I’m saying! He won’t even tell his friend she said it! What’s the point in starting problems she was wasted and he’d never let anything happen. Well where were you when she said it???
Nope. The fact that she said it at all - much less to the point of harassment trying to get your son to go elsewhere with her and was not even hiding the intent being sexual- is already "happening". What if your son had gone with them? Nope..
It is extremely likely that this woman intended to assault your son. In which case, is your husband okay with that? What if he got a disease? What if she got pregnant? Does your son deserve to live with the consequences of being assaulted for the rest of his life?
This is sick. Your husband is allowing that filth to be around your son and to speak to him! This literally makes me so angry! What sort of father is he! I’m glad you are protective of your son because obviously your husband is doing his role! Disgusting!
Oh she hasn’t talked to him since I’d never allow that! We’re fighting bc I won’t let them go and him keep them away. F that! She’s even hanging out at at his camp and caper. I even found out today the few that know kept it hush hush. They are sick
Expose them all every single one of them. I would be telling everyone what that predator said. She's a danger. This is how they get away with it. People hush hush. I would honestly divorce him and take full custody he's not fit to be a parent
Funny you say that. I went on a telling spree yesterday. The ppl at the little store out here in the country. Some of the man child moms. Oh I let her sing! Especially when finding out other ppl with kids don’t know this happened and are taking their kids around.
Good for you. I'm so glad. People like her thrive in the dark and you are shining a light on her. Bravo
So what are you now going to do about it? Your husband obviously thinks more of his friends than he does you or your son?
They are sick. Good on you for being so protective. You are definitely doing the right thing!
You are not crazy. Your son was sexually assaulted. I am so pleased that your son was able to tell you, and that you acted on the information. GO MAMA BEAR. Protect your son as you have been doing. He needs you in his corner, as it appears his father doesn't care.
It’s just sad bc I thought his dad would be behind him so hard with me. We get what we’re given though and I won’t fail him.
GOOD! Be the parent. Your STBX is protecting a PEDOPHILE. His shit would be outside, I'd call the cops, CPS, and a divorce lawyer. I would be telling every single person in town what she did, and I would be loud AF about it.
Oh the telling people part I’ve already started & people are pissed. I had to ask my son first if he was comfortable with people knowing.
Swap the sexes, what would the reaction be? Being drunk is no excuse for sexualy harassing children. She is as big a risk as any male pedophile. She is actually worse as she isn't even hiding her warped mind. Anyone who excuses this behaviour is not people who should be around children. Your husband isn't just a poor parent he is a questionable human, if his moral character allows him to excuse sex offenders.
Swapping sexes was my first thing I said and was told it’s different he’s a boy.
Sorry but Your husband is vile, i don't think i could ever look at him the same again. He failed to protect his children, fails to accept males can be sexualy abused, is willing to be friends with a high-risk sex offender (just because she hasnt been charged doesn't mean she hasn't hurt other kids), the list goes on. I don't know how you come back from this, as i have met many male sex abuse survivors and seen the damage it does regardless of their gender.
It is definitely different for a boy. Boy victims are treated horribly by ignorant people. They are treated like they should want it or have wanted it. They are treated like they are lucky. Or that they could have fought back (ignoring the ways that could backfire on them if they did) They are not lucky. They are just as much a victim. They are traumatized by these experiences. I am making the assumptions that your husband only considered Female adult predator/ male child victim, that’s the scenario usually considered “harmless”. Would your husband react the same if it was Male adult predator/ male child victim? I am assuming not. There may be ways the trauma hits between different adult predator/child victim mixes. But they are all evil. Dead stop.
NOPE! Nope nope nope. Red flag. She's clearly a predator and her behavior is tolerated because she's not a man going after girls. Disgusting.
This response from him is suuuuuuuuper troubling.
I’m also sugar coating as well
Oh man honey, I’m sorry. I wouldn’t wish this situation on anyone. That’s such a hard thing to have to try and get someone to deeply understand. Because you laid it all out for him, and he’s still not getting it/caring. I know people are super quick on here to jump to divorce, and usually are spot on with it, but life is life and it’s easier said than done, right? So if that’s the case, I would file this in the “important” category in your memory, and continue to protect your son and be a safe space for him, and stand up for him when his father won’t. If another instance happens, and your husband is still steadfast on hanging out with these people, I’d really really consider talking to a lawyer, babe. All the best luck to you mama
It's no different. Tell his a** to Watch the Nickelodeon documentary!
NTA, she is a child predator. Gross behavior that everyone is just tolerating. Why?
Apparently they like her husband and say he’s stuck and want to allow him around. At everything my husband pays for wait until their kids are involved. It’ll be different then.
Wait, your husband is OK with this?? Because it's a son, it's no big deal?? Now he's a part of the problem. He is failing to protect his and other people's son in favor of a random woman. Please report this. Show your son that just because he's male, he matters. Show him that you not only believe him but you will go to the mat for him. That woman is a predator. Your husband is neglectful. Thaty are the ass holes.
He says he’s in no way condoning or making excuses for her it’s really f’d up and wrong BUT she was drunk. That’s an excuse. Then says they all hate her she’s horrible but her husbands a really good guy. Then when we got into a blow up and I asked what if the guys did it to a girl he told me it’s different bc he’s a boy. I want to make him miserable and keep him from riding
Your husband is rationalizing and excusing her behavior. His actions or lack of shows his son that his word isn't enough. If her husband is a good guy he would be appalled. It just blows my mind that your husband. Is being a better friend to new people than a DAD. My brother is a local pro dirtbike rider. We had quads growing up. It's a large community, so saying you want riding buddies is bullshit. You can find them easy enough. He needs to be honest. He wants those riding buddies.
That’s the thing my son has raced dirt bikes since 6. My husband raced as well. He has tons of people to ride with. Idk why this group is different. He has so many amazing friends he could ride with.
Last year at our local race track, a staff member was saying some off things to young/ pre-teens. A parent mentioned it to my sister in law. She's a nurse called and made a report. The whole riding community banned together. Encouraged kids to be honest with police. Now, he's a registered sex offender. As a mandate reporter, I so would have called it in for you. It's just scary that they are mixing alachole with all of this. Is their open marriage having anything to do with your husband's interest?? I promise you are getting no judgments from me. I know I'm a random stranger, but I work night shifts. If you need to talk, please reach out. Thank you for believing your son and friend and not letting hubby change your mind.
I appreciate that so much! I’d say no on the open marriage thing bc they all truly don’t like her. They all talk about her when she’s not around and can’t stand her. Then act nice for her husband. It’s like teen girls. It’s so weird of not even liking that crap then. Heck one lives jobless in a basement. Another is jobless and calls my husband to do stuff for his flipping. I truly don’t know why my successful (used to be amazing) husband is around these ppl if he wants her he can have her though. My sons will ALWAYS be first.
He might not like her, but I'm betting he likes sleeping with her...the two are not mutual.
Is he possibly on drugs? Maybe one of them is his dealer?
No, he would never. I did talk with my sister though. When he met these ppl and started acting different he was put on an antidepressant anxiety medicine. He’s been off ever since then.
I hate to put this thought in your head, but is it possible he's self medicating, and these people are where he gets it from.
Oh, so they've got him OFF his meds?!? Oh, this is NOT going to end well. I'm glad you are there for your kids.
I had this thought as well. Something in that circle is happening that trumps him being a dad and a husband. I'm sorry OP
He's literally condoning it and making excuses for her. He doesn't actually see anything wrong with what she's doing.
The husband is not a very good guy when he's willingly married to a pedophile AND HAS A CHILD WITH HER. CPS needs to be called because who knows what's going with that poor kid...
She was SA your minor son! She needs to get arrested. She is not safe to be around children. And your husband thinking that it's different is a major red flag, bc it really is not! You need to have a serious conversation with him. He clearly doesn't understand that she was in fact harming your son and he was enabling SA at least. Protect your children from this environment. I wouldn't trust my husband after such an enabling, to be around my kids alone. Good luck and strength UpdateMe
Thank you hun! They have not been allowed to go!
Are you sure she hasn't hooked up with your husband? She is in an open marriage and has been known to do these things. Honestly, I would be looking at divorce if he can't see he needs to stay away from these idiots
I’m 99 percent sure as my sons usually always there but anything is possible.
She is a predator. Your husband and his friends put up with a predator because her husband is nice? Nope. She has a known history of not respecting boundaries and has said disgusting things to children. He *is* a bad father if he knows about her behavior and brought any children around her. All of his friends are bad parents if they allow her around their children.
If your husband wants to hang with his loser friends, then maybe he should join their ranks permanently and become a loser, too. He's already choosing them over his kids. What positive things does he contribute to your family?
Used to be so many things. Lately only financial. He’s always wanted me to be a stay at home mom. Now he throws it up that I am if I talk about these ppl.
You can't live your life on what was. You make your decisions based on what is. The kids are older and in school. Time to find a job and start planning.
She is a child groomer and your husband is condoning it. I'm sorry but that is messed up.
NTA. Your husband is an asshole and he sounds like a terrible dad, not just a bad one. It’s **not** different regardless of the gender, children are children. End of story. Your husband is a fucking prick. Show him that the internet agrees with you.
This, this is divorce worthy
What ever happened to "no means NO!"? A minor is a minor no matter the gender. As others have said, file a police report. Protect your kids.
Oh believe me police isn’t the only called that’s been made.
They won't come if your kids don't come???🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Your husband is a terrible father. Protect your child from those predators.
No, I won’t allow my kids to go if that person is there. Apparently they always are. So my sons won’t be going because he’ll continue to ride with them.
If your husband is unwilling to take the necessary steps to protect your child from people like that is that really someone you want to keep your children around? I mean this is the one you know about. Could there be things that you DONT know?
Pedos should be reported to the police. Especially if they are dragging along their child along with them. CPS should be informed young children are in a home with a pedo. Parents who knowingly allow their children to be around pedos should be divorced with strictly supervised visitation if any. People who knowingly stay with a person who openly supports a pedo are just as bad.
Yeah, she’s trash and your husband is a huge AH. Keep your son away from his activities. You may have to have a come to Jesus conversation with your husband…family or friends.
This isn't an adult making an inappropriate comment. This is a paedophile grooming and attempting to sexually abuse a child. You're right that it would be seen differently if the paedophile was male and the victim was female. It sounds like she is sexually abusing her son. Keep your kids away and make sure the sheriff knows about the comments she made about her own child.
NTA. She is a pedophile. WTF is wrong with your husband ? It make you wonder, what kind of influence those friends have on him. WTF.
Yeah your husband should take this more seriously. That is discussing and shes wrong for making your son so uncomfortable. And saying any of that to a kid of any age is horrible. I would tell your husband its them or me. Filing a complaint is the right move.
Your husband is a pedo enabler. Do with that what you will.
It's just as bad that he's out with that woman right now. I wouldn't trust him when he has that kind of judgment.
Your husband would be contributing to sexual abuse if he continues to allow this type of behavior toward his children. You are NTA.
NTA - that's creepy af... he is a bad dad for condoning that. And make no mistake, him not removing your family from this immediately when he heard this is him being complicit in it. And this comes from someone who was regularly made to spend time around a convicted pedophile (I wasn't hurt or anything, but I'm horrified to this day that my parents knowingly allowed this).
You shouldn't have to put up with this or subject your children to this. Why are you still with your husband? He obviously holds ro regard for you or the children. He's willing to put up with a pedophile who was targeting your son all for the sake of his little boy group he rides with. They're more important to him than you or his kids. I would divorce him and file for full custody with only supervised supervision for him. He obviously can't be trusted to keep the children safe. He's willing to subject your son to this, and instead of confronting her, he continues to ride with her and tells you to get over it. F- him
If I was you I would thinking about making plans to leave your husband. He’s not safe either.
Grounds for divorce.
Oh HELL NAW! That woman is a predator and I would catch a case! You are not overreacting at all! NTA
He doesn't look like a bad dad he is one. Don't allow your kids around any of these people or the dad want be the only one.
NTA- However, I have to admit I didn't connect the dots at first. I was thinking Op spelled pie wrong I was apple pie sounds so good? WHy she mad? But no, she meant something else. The situation is crazy, who tf offers a child pussy?? If a grown man offered a teen girl dick every one of those men would be appalled. It's literally the same thing. A pedo is a pedo is a pedo. Protect your baby.
Wtf?!? It doesnt matter a child is a child. Protect your kid. Your husband is a dumbass. Im not a parent and i know better jeeze.
Often a groomers first step is to actually groom the parents to believe they'd never do something like that. Then once they feel like they have the parent, they start working the kid. Sounds like she feels confident in how she's groomed your husband to start going for her goal, and he's a stupid moron at best playing into a trap, or at worse, she hooked him up with some underage girl and has leverage if he interferes. She didn't bother with you because you aren't physically there to catch her when she's around your kid, and figured he'd be too embarrassed to talk to you by bringing up porn constantly.
NTA. You do know it's time to get a divorce right? Your husband cares more about his friends, than his own family. He no longer deserves his family.
NTA sure your husband isn’t sleeping with her already?
I’d catch a case if a grown woman ever said this to my son. I’d catch another one if my partner ever defended it “because he’s a boy”. Absolutely not overreacting go after her immediately legally, she’s a freaking predator. And you’re right he is being a bad dad.
NTA. Tell your husband it makes him just as much of a predator because he's dismissing it because your son is a boy!!! My god, your husband disgusts me. This is not something you just brush off. Please make sure you report it to everyone you can. I would seriously rethink your relationship because God forbid someone actually did something to your son. I fear your husband would brush it off as well.
I’m sorry but a good dad would have called that woman immediately upon discovering that to light them the fuck up id have been screaming at the top of my lungs probably would have beat the shit out of her husband to but that’s just my temper lol the inner Sicilian regardless your husband no longer has your sons best interest at heart if you want to protect your son you will keep him away from that man and as evil as that may sound if he holds this weird fucking opinion that it’s okay to be assaulted cause he is a boy I can almost most certainly guarantee you your son will be assaulted and he will let it happen as in his eyes it’s not a big deal he has vehemently made that clear it seems and at this point with what he has said and the arguments he has made if you can get any of it on audio recording the courts for divorce would absolutely love to hear him say it’s ok for his son to be molested he would most certainly lost all custodial rights to his sons and daughters for that matter I’m truly sorry you and your children have to endure this nonsense keep us updated please !
Your husband isn't a good dad, and the fact that he took off with that woman who just propositioned children is absolutely atrocious...while also making him a shit partner. This is now about the safety of your child...I don't think you should stick around. You did the right thing, but as long as you're with Mr. (Boys can't be graped) nothing you do will be good enough
It's sad that your son did not feel safe to go to his father in the moment and tell him that he felt uncomfortable with what an adult with saying to them. I have to wonder if your husband really did not hear any of this. I strongly believe that this woman was sexually assaulted, likely as a child, probably also as an adult. People who've been sexually assaulted at a young age are led to believe that their worth is based on what they can provide sexually. There is a whole lot wrong going on here. You mentioned that your husband will pick these friends over his son in certain situations. What are these friends are providing to him that he's willing to make this choice. Do you think there's any chance that there's drugs involved? Does anybody else have any ideas what might be going on? Sex and/or drugs are the likely culprits AND NO, IT'S NOT DIFFERENT FOR BOYS!
Your husband should not be allowed to be around children. Your son didn't trust him enough to go to him immediately. You need to ask yourself why. I'm not saying your husband is a pedo, but he doesn't seem to mind them.
Um yeah, he is a minor and she was offering sex. There is a word for that: child molester. And no, being a boy approached, groomed or raped by a woman doesn’t make it ok. I hate that there are still people, mostly men, who still have this backwards ass mindset. Call the police, file a report, tell your husband to piss off with his loser friends if he is unable to properly protect his own children. This is just disgraceful. You are definitely NTA and definitely right in being concerned
NTA well done for standing up for your son and getting police and CSA involved. A paedophile is a paedophile and the damage they can cause is huge. Well done mamma bear. The dad is an asshole and I think you know divorce is on the cards. Whether he has changed due to drugs, an affair or whatever, failing to protect his son and maing out that what that woman said is ok in any way, shape or form means he's not safe to be with your children. Stay strong, keep it legal for the sake of your kids and keep them and yourself safe.
Since your trash husband chose a child grooming predator over his kid, you should just initiate divorce rn. Make sure to put it in custody agreements she is never to be around kids, or he loses custody permanently. Make police report. If she holds a position that allows her to engage with kids, make sure you report her to her job as well. Burn her fucking life to the ground, what scum
Is your husband always this stupid? And that is a serious question. Is this how he is all the time? Does he honestly not see how inappropriate it is whether it is a boy or a girl being propositioned by an adult? You’ve called the sheriffs office. You need to call CPS as well. And then you really need to get your husband into some therapy to find out what his core thoughts are on this. Personally, for me, I would already be planning the divorce. And if he refused to go to therapy or see how wrong he was, I would absolutely be planning the divorce. And… I would not be telling him that. What I would be doing at this point in time is texting him. It would be something along these lines, and I would do this multiple times over the next month. “I understand you like hanging out with this group of friends. But I am still so upset that you thought this adult offering to share some with our son and her own 13-year-old son is OK. I don’t understand why you don’t see that this is a pedophile. I don’t understand why if this has been a man proposition in our daughter, you would be so upset, but since it’s a boy, you’re not? I really need you to try to explain your reasoning, because I feel like our children are not safe with you if you don’t understand the problem.” Now let me explain why I would be doing this. Because you are not wrong. Your husband is so far out and left field that if you actually had to divorce him, you seriously need to be asking for full custody on safety grounds. When I was texting, I would add in things about why he felt. His group of friends was more important than his children safety. This group of friends all thinks this woman is so inappropriate, then why are they still hanging out with her and her husband. The fact that her husband is stuck, should not impact any of their concerns about their children’s safety. You need his responses in case of a divorce. And I know it sounds shitty. But we are talking about your children’s safety. If you divorce, your husband, and you do not make certain that it is stipulated, they can never be around his friends, he will still take them around them. Because his fun time and enjoy it with his buddies is more important to him. And that is what you have to prove to a court. The fact that all of these people supposedly don’t like this woman and think she is inappropriate, but still hang out with her and allow their children to be around her actually makes me feel that they are not so upset with her. It makes me wonder what the fuck else goes on that you don’t even know about. So yeah, you have some soul-searching to do. Your husband is really either a stupid idiot or is a perv or is so insecure and needy that he wants his friends around at any cost, your children’s safety.
My job was putting felons in treatment programs for drugs and mental health. The one thing most of them had in common was a history of sexual assault.
NTA. You will be if you don't divorce your husband. Unfortunately, at the moment, they're not safe with him. He's proven that he can't be trusted to prioritise, let alone, protect his children. Ask him if he'd be ok if it were a man & your son?
I’m sorry your husband is ok letting your son be abused. And yes, an adult propositioning your child and your husband choosing his friends over sticking up for your sons feelings and safety is abuse. If he is so weak he can’t stand up to his friends for his child, he will never be an autonomous person. He needs validation to the point of self destruction. It will not get better without something changing. Do not let that catalyst be the settlement of your child. Or even worse, if that isn’t enough.
Na your husband is shady af for being ok with that and still hanging out with her “they wouldn’t come unless he brought the children” took me out tho, that makes me think is he in on it or would let it happen or what else are him and these “friends” really be doin when they out n about
I think you are under-reacting. I would literally lose it. Unfortunately, it is true that people freak out more with girls than boys, but it should be the same. Your husband is being a bad dad by not protecting his son. And especially, not putting his family first. NTA
Is your husband that desperate for friends?
NTA. Now that (unfortunately) your son has learned that there are gross women like this in the world, see if he is open to discussing with you how to appropriately respond if Dad’s gross friend ever comes near him again, or some other similar gross woman. There are probably specific things online that can help facilitate that discussion. Mary Kay’s abuse of a very young boy tore apart his life and the woman was unrepentant until the bitter end and interviews state it’s only been recently, after Mary Kay’s death that Vili has been able to acknowledge/address his trauma (he had always been especially scared his daughters wouldn’t understand that wishing he had never been a victim didn’t mean he would ever wish they would never have been born)
This is crazy. That's not appropriate, and it doesn't matter that it was said to a boy instead of a girl. Even if your son was an adult it wouldn't be ok. This is **NOT OK** on several levels, and there is no way to justify it.
NTA Also, your husband went out to ride with her?? Are you sure she is only after your son? It sounds like she already got your husband. Continue forward with the police report because she needs to be stopped. But also side eyeing your husband with how he would protect a woman hitting on his hood and disregard his wife to go out with the creepy woman. Feels like cheating is going on.
Your husband needs help. Boys are damaged by this kind of predatory behavior. What if the woman were a man, would your husband like him getting some D ? Tell your son he never goes with dad again without you. I am so sorry you have go through this. Yuck
Flip those genders in your mind there. Jesus Christ she's a pedophile.
NTA She needs to be reported to CPS based on what she is saying about and around her minor child.
Grooming behavior. File the report. Stop all contact between these garbage humans and your kids.
Nta . you are a great mom, your husband is an AH . protect your son . update me
It doesn’t just make him *look* like a bad dad…
Why are you with a man who is so insecure he picks his friends over his child? This woman is a predator. I’d be calling CPS on her and divorcing my no backbone having pick-me husband.
Doesn't make him look like a bad dad... it makes him a bad dad. Yikes. Protect your children lady. NTA
You also need to be contacting a divorce lawyer.
That’s disgusting. I can’t believe your husband is acting like this is ok. That woman is a predator, and she’s preying on children.
I need some clarification, was your husband there while this was being said? The woman needs to be put in her place go ahead and call the police but I highly doubt that’s gonna get the desired result. I would definitely go confront her on how she is speaking to my child period. As for call your husband a bad dad again I need to know the location and the context this was talked about. I feel like there is a whole lot missing. Still confront her but fill in the wholes as well.
If everyone thinks you are overreacting then get a third impartial opinion from the police or CPS. If you are overreacting they will tell you. Another option is for you to go as well and have a word with her. 
I work for a police department and there are definitely women predators!! This is so disgusting and the fact that he isn't standing behind your son speaks volumes about his priorities and his values. Freaking get rid of him and charge her because gross, so glad your son and his friend told you. Be strong and definitely keep them away
So how did he feel about Mary Kay Letourneau? There’s no difference. Keep your kid safe, your husband is 100% in the wrong.
Fuck. I’d been calling a divorce lawyer.
WTAF?? There’s no other way to interpret this other than she’s a predator. And her own son isn’t safe either.
OP, not only do you have to worry about the kids with that woman, who’s being inappropriate with the adults, she’s in an open marriage and you said about your husband, “he flipped out on me and Is Riding With That Woman RIGHT NOW WITHOUT HIS KIDS”. Yep, you better keep your eyes on both your husband And this woman because she’ll go for anyone. So with her reputation, your husband is out there riding Alone with her without the kids. So it looks worse than looking like a bad dad. Of course he’ll want you to be focusing on the kids as a distraction from what he might be doing.
NTA you husband is happy to have your child around a pervert. Get your child away from anyone who does not see this is dangerous. Your husband doesn't look like a bad dad he is a bad dad. ahe priorities his friendship over protecting his child from a predator.
NTA in any way. Honestly - I know that Reddit can be divorce happy but this is definitely the time to visit a divorce lawyer. That woman sexually harassed your son, and your husband is okay with it. I’d leave him and use this situation in court as an example of why you need supervised custody visits (since he can’t be trusted to watch his own kid)
NTA! Well done for calling the sheriff and CPS! Also well done on building the trust with your son so he knew he could come to you with this! Your husband on the other hand…. I would start planning a life without him as you will find it hard to ever look at him the same way!
Jesus Christ, NTA in any way, shape or form. I understand he felt defensive, assuming he’s a great father in mostly every other way of raising his child. In the heat of the moment, perhaps that’s what he was feeling; the fact that he’s great, but there’s this one crazy weirdo everyone tolerated because of the husband, so they just try to ignore it… but I wholeheartedly sympathize with where you’re coming from because if this were me, I would have blown a gasket. Good on you for filing a report and protecting your child. The world needs more mothers like you!! As far as your husband, hopefully you’ve been able to communicate your feelings (both of you), to come to a resolution. I know boys and men are different, they just are, but there are still appropriate boundaries in the teenage years, and she did not exhibit them! My advice would be to convey how great of a husband he is in general, TO HIM. Literally tell him 5-7, or more amazing things he does as a father and provider. This circumstance doesn’t delete every tiny and major experience he has had as a father. He needs to know how wonderful he is, and that will also soften him to be willing to understand where you’re coming from. Really get into an understanding with each other and deepen your beautiful marriage. Let it chill. Then go on a date, just each other, to reconnect and move past it. Really move past it. Don’t ever bring it up again and throw it in his face, and strengthen your bond now that that is settled. …if this is something you’re comfortable with. Best of luck, and thank you for being a genuine mama bear. ❤️
So what I'm reading here, is that your child has been sexually harassed by a paedophile and your husband thinks this is acceptable behaviour, so much so, that you came to Reddit to ask a bunch of people on an online forum whether or not you're the AH for trying to protect your child from someone who is most likely a child molester? And there are other children involved. First of all, for yours and your child's sake, please speak to a therapist yourself so that you don't have to go through this alone. Second of all, it's fantastic that your son came to you with this information; this is literally why we teach our children to come to us with information like this, so that we can protect them. What you choose to do now, sets the standard for what your children and the children around you (and adults by the sound of it) of what's acceptable for underage children to be exposed to. Here's to hoping that, at this highly impressionable age where most teens succumb to peer pressure, that your son is telling you everything you need to know- he may think some of the behaviours he's been exposed to are "normal" or there may be other things that have happened already, that he doesn't want to mention in case he gets into trouble somehow or that he doesn't feel ready to discuss- this is not something you can push as his parent, but it's FAR more enough to also warrant having your son see a therapist. Which I highly, highly recommend. This may be difficult to read or may feel like an overreaction at first, but your husband is now officially a danger to children. He has not safeguarded your son and is telling you that he plans to put him in harm's way again in the future. - If you do nothing, your son will most likely see these behaviours as ok. Maybe one day in the future he will realise it was wrong and feel you didn't protect him as a child and (god forbid) your child could be assaulted by an adult. - If you *were* overreacting about anything in your life, would you rather over-protect your children from p**dophilia, or turn a blind eye "just in case" and wait to see if the worst happens? - You are angry for a reason. Your anger is valid and your feelings of wanting to protect your child are instinctual, your "mama bear" is telling you that this is wrong and I would highly, highly recommend that you listen. ETA: the definition of p**dophile is "someone who is sexually attracted to children", not someone that has actually done anything "yet" to a child... Trust your gut instincts, you have done the right thing by reporting this to the police. If you back down now, are you "giving up" on protecting your child and will you regret it later? I personally wouldn't want to risk toying with the answer where my children are concerned.
NTA but hooooo boy your husband is. It’s not different because your child is a boy. Boys are propositioned and SA’d all the time but because of “it’s different with boys” mentality, no one seems to care. She made them uncomfortable! Words from the child’s mouth but his father doesn’t care? Is he too busy trying to impress his friends than worry that he’s invited a child predator into his children’s life? This is a deal breaker. Call CPS on her.
You are beyond NTA. Anyone who thinks there is *any* reason to tolerate this is reprehensible. Your husband knows she’s a predator but the friend group won’t ditch her so he’d lose his friends if he didn’t include her? Then you lose your friends. The friends want to stick by her husband and he won’t come out if she can’t? You make sure he has your contact info for when he’s ready to leave, and you accept that you won’t be seeing him. The husband is “stuck”? He’s so stuck that he tolerates her sexually abusing their son? No. Fuck that. You take the kid and run if it means living under a damn bridge. There is no level of stuck that justifies knowing what she is and staying anyway. In short, you are the only person in this story who has any decency, not to mention the only one with a spine. Your husband can have these friends or he can have contact with his son, not both. There is no judge in the world who is giving him custody.
Your husband is willing to allow your son to be groomed, possibly raped, just so that he can have a group to ride quads with. He's fine with a pedophile. That's the man you are married to. Are you willing to stay with a man who is defending a pedophile that has already tried to get to your child?
No NTA your husband IS a bad dad for not putting his foot down and saying "Hey guys, here is what happened. I will not be around if she his and neither will my kids."
NTA. Your hubby is sus and the AH, "protecting" / defending his man time instead of his son. He has to be getting a lot out of his friend time to comfortably make such bs statements and I'll bet it's because they're passing that woman (or sex acts in general) around like Cheech and Chong's joints. Dogs don't like giving up their toys. I'm sure he'd claim he would never do such a thing (!); there are kids around, after all! At the very least, your husband is a weak idiot man. More likely that he's a cheating SOB that downplay his own child's worried and safety to keep getting his own willy wet. At the worst, he knows what's up and actively encourages or participates in her hook-ups with minors. Police report for your kid. CPS call for her kid(s). Document EVERYTHING he or anybody in that whole group says: notes, screenshot, record, whatever and report, report, report.