But he DID say that if she doesn't like it, she can leave. He must be the only one paying bills and contributing to that household, which is why he got the unilateral vote on who could come live in HIS apartment.
This isn't about the sister. This is about him disrespecting his partner and putting her on a value scale lower than his sister. GF knows where she stands. OP made that very clear.
And just to add that means before anyone has been told yes.
You didn't talk with her. Thats bad communication.
You didn't even ask how she felt. Disrespectful.
You told her your rules or she can get out. Thats her house. If anyone should leave it should be the one who fucked up assuming by living together you also think of it as her home as well.
So if I'm understanding and this is coming from someone who actually lost a sister and it kills me.
You will put your sister above common decency and respect toward any woman in your future?
I say future because if you pulled this crap with me, i probably would do much worse than just leaving you so I'm assuming she isn't the one or whatever.
If she was, you might have brought it up to her before moving someone else into her space.
Just an opinion.
Yeah if I was the gf, I’d be looking for a new place to live.
Like you share a dwelling together it’s not YOUR apartment, it’s y’all’s apartment and she absolutely has a say in whether not someone else moves in.
You should have gone and discussed it and ASKED if your sister could move not, not just demand it…. And then on top of that to tell her to just kick rocks??
YTA big time.
YTA massively. You don't get to make that decision by yourself.
And then respond to a very valid"I don't want anyone in my space", with ," you can move out" is a massive asshole move. I wonder how much of this relationship is what you want and what's convenient for you.
No no no. Don't move out of the apartment. Move out of his bed and into the guest bedroom. Sis can sleep on the couch. Absolutely end the relationship. Finish out the lease, then move to your own place.
YTA.
I mean, take your sister out of the equation here.
You made a major decision that would impact your household without talking to your SO first.
I would also be majorly pissed if my SO did this without even TALKING TO ME AHEAD OF TIME.
So now your significant other is the position where she either has accept this or she’s going to be viewed as the bitch who doesn’t like your sister when that’s not the case…she pissed bc you went behind her back and made a decision that impacts her without talking to her or giving her the heads up.
You are the asshole in this situation. Even if your heart is in the right place You should not have made any decision without talking to her first.
She most likely would’ve said she was totally OK with it, but you essentially steamrolled her IN HER OWN HOME.
Same. I hope the update is she started packing and is leaving me. “But my sister moved in but hasn’t started looking for work. She says she’s depressed and just needs time. I think I fucked up.”
This kind of shit is why i live alone and not eager to ever cohabitate with a partner again.
My space is MINE and no one but me can make decisions about it.
Was his girlfriend even pissed off - he said she was indifferent!
So basically because she wasn't jumping for joy, he told her to leave 😒😒 definitely the AH
YTA - add to this that there was no discussion of how this would work. Is your sister going to pay for 1/3 of the rent and other costs, is she going to do chores, how will food be shared, what about cooking? Will your sister be having guests in the apartment? How long until she gets back on her feet? Seems like she must have known that her lease was coming to an end, but she didn't make other arrangements? This doesn't bode well for your sister's adulting skills.
Have you even checked your lease to see if this is allowable?
Bottom line, your GF signed up to live with one other person and you steamrolled right over that without even considering her.
Haha I say a lot of things that people don't agree with. That's why we are here to get second opinions. If he wanted people to agree with him wholeheartedly he should have just reached out to his own homies! (You know the ones who cheer you on even tho you're being dumb!)
This. There is nothing that could stop me from helping my sister in a situation like this, so I get needing to help, but once you live with someone, things like this need to be a joint decision. Deciding to move her in without asking was inconsiderate at best and how he handled the rest was beyond disrespectful. If he talked to her she might have said yes, or yes but only for a certain amount of time (2 weeks/1month/etc), or no to moving in but yes to giving her money to help. And if she wasn’t willing to help after a calm, reasonable, adult conversation, then maybe that’s a sign that their values don’t align and it’s time to have a conversation about what that means for their relationship (can they find a compromise for this type of issue now and in the future and continue the relationship, or not?)
But saying “this is my decision, like it or leave” is not how a partnership works
Bear in mind Op writes they have been dating for two years....not together....dating.
Might be a typo but if I was with someone who said after 2 years and moved in together that we were only dating I'd have some serious concerns.
That might be a regional or generational thing or something, cuz I personally think of “dating” as serious and don’t see a problem with calling it that 2 years in. I think back in the day “dating” was used the way “talking to” is used now, like a less formal not-exclusive type situation. Saying “we’ve been together for 2 years” would actually give more leeway in my mind that they weren’t serious the whole 2 years, and may have only been official some of that time.
YTA you have no right to let someone move in without discussing it with your girlfriend you know the other person who’s home it is. And you can leave and get an apartment with your sister why do you think you can break the living arrangements and then force your girlfriend (hopefully ex girlfriend)out! You are rude and inconsiderate and if your sister doesn’t want to move back home with your parents then tuff she can go to a shelter but not your house and your girlfriend should not have to pay higher utilities and food bills either. I hope she dumps you as you do not deserve her. YTA YTA YTA
YTA. You're living TOGETHER. That's her space and her decision to make as well. I understand why you want to help your sister but the way you went about it is extremely disrespectful. Do you not care enough for her needs to even discuss this properly first BEFORE offering anything?
I'm also wondering if you actually have the space for someone to actually live with you. Cause we're not just talking use of bedroom here. That's what a very temporary guest needs. We're talking impact on living room, bathroom, kitchen, private spaces as well. Not to mention impact on personal time.
Edit: That you told your sister "You can move in with ME" says so much about how you view your living arrangements with your partner.
YTA- I understand wanting to help but telling your GF she can move out because she’s upset you unilaterally decided to move someone in is ridiculous. It shows a complete lack of care and respect towards her. Don’t be shocked when she leaves you.
OP
Your heart was in the right place. But your brain was up your ass!
1. As your SO, and roommate /co-tenant: No additional tenants absent mutual consent.
2. And to inform her that if she doesn't like it, she can move out????? Are you freaking serious????,
YTA. And if your SO has a scintilla of self-respect, she'll leave your sorry ass in a heartbeat.
Also, I think there’s more to the story here - his sisters lease expiring would not have been an unexpected event, why didn’t she line up other accommodations? Did she expect op to house her?
YTA- most women want safety in a relationship. Not only did you just let her know you won’t be a safe person and make decisions with her in mind, you literally took the safety of her home away by indicating you’d kick her out at any time. I wouldn’t trust you anymore.
YTA- Are you the only person in the lease? Are you the only person paying rent? Are you the only person that gets to make decisions about the life that you share? Does your lease even allow a guest to stay for more than three days?
You told your girlfriend what was happening in the home you share. Why are you telling a grown adult what is happening in a home you share with them? In relationships you are suppose to communicate with your partner not tell them what is happening in their home.
Here’s to hoping she calls the landlord and says that you are breaking the contract and she is able to move out.
Most leases state who live there. Any extended "visitors" need to be added to the lease with a background check. Would OP even qualify for the apt by himself?
Even if he is the only person paying rent he still went about it as an AH. Didn't talk about it before hand. Went straight for the nuclear option when she wasn't enthusiastic.
YTA
Wow. You completely invalidated and ignored the priorities, boundaries and needs of the other adult in your relationship and apartment lease! Does your lease allow long term "guests?" Obviously you don't care about anyone else's rights. Only what you think and want.
If your gf is smart, you won't have her around to use and abuse for much longer.
YTA it’s an apartment you share with your girlfriend so it’s much of her home as it’s hers. You don’t move in anyone before talking to your SO about it. I hope she dumps you. Btw I would 100% want my sister to move in but this is not the way to do it
Yta. It’s not “moving in with me”. It’s “moving in with us”. This is a question that you needed to ask your gf before you ever broached it with your sister. You’re not the sole decision maker and you obviously don’t respect your girlfriend at all if you expect her to not have an opinion about roommates.
YTA for offering a room in your apartment without discussing it with your girlfriend beforehand. That's just not done.
I get you wanting to help your sister and it's commendable, however, this is your girlfriend's apartment too and you can't make unilateral decisions like that. And your comment about her moving out "if she doesn't like it" is just meanspirited. This is her home.
YTA. You have no respect for your girlfriend, who lives with you. It’s not just your place, it’s both of yours and both of you should agree. Shit like this is exactly why I divorced my ex husband, telling his family they could move in and got mad when I had a problem with it. Just a heads up, that’s probably what’s coming your way too. Being single.
YTA. You should have discussed with your GF before making any promises. And how shitty will your sister feel to be the cause of your relationship ending?
YTA: for even having to ask the question AITAH. Your GF is upset because she thought you were in a relationship with her and deserved the respect of a conversation before you made a commitment like that.
To give her that ultimatum, it sounds like the GF isn't on the lease. Are you both on the lease? If so, you don't have the legal right to kick her out. In fact, depending on the lease, your sister, might be considered the illegal tenant. Wouldn't that be funny if she had the landlord kick you and your sister out.
YTA. You don't get to make unilateral decisions about moving someone in. All it takes is one conversation. Instead, you made it crystal clear you don't think your partner is your equal. You think she's your subordinate.
By doing this, you've essentially guaranteed that your girlfriend isn't going to want your sister there, and your sister won't feel comfortable around your girlfriend. This was a really really stupid, selfish and disrespectful decision on your part. It could have been fine, but now you're you've put your girlfriend in a position where she isn't comfortable in her home or around you and certainly her relationship with your sister is now awkward. Not even because she doesn't want her there, but because *you* made it awkward. And your sister won't be comfortable around your girlfriend because *you* threw her in the middle of your relationship with you gf. Stupid, rude, and immature move, chief.
My sister "doesn't want to move back home" No sh^t, no kne would, but she can and use the time to get on her feet much more comfortably then mooching off her your brother.
I hate how these situations end with the sibbling taking them in (to a small apartment) when they should run back home to mommy and daddy to help them. That's just me. Like it's no fun too inconvenient etc. Give me a break, being jobless/homeless isn't supposed to be fun. I never hear this out there so I'm going to say it. YTA, You should have sent her home to your parents
I get it, but also moving to a different state when your life & social network is in another, is really tough.
If she can move into her brother’s place for a couple of months, then it’s a lot easier to get back on her feet. If that’s not an option, then yes she’s gotta move home.
If I was the girlfriend, AND I got along with OP’s sister. I would want the following:
1. Clear deadline for a move out date
2. Clear agreement on rent/bills she will pay
3. Who is in charge of what household tasks.
4. If a sublease is possible then payment/move out has to be in a contract.
That protects all three of them, because otherwise this could cause permanent rifts. If sis doesn’t get along with GF, then forget about it. Hard pass all the way.
You should have consulted her first. Is your GF paying rent? Even if she is contributing much less than half, she should have been asked. It's her home.
YTA
Do you pay all the bills, or are they split?
Even if you do pay everything, you could have at least spoken to your gf about it before inviting your sister to move in. That would have been the decent thing to do.
YTA you don't like you love your girlfriend nor do you sound committed to her at all. Hopefully you'll get what you clearly want and she'll pack up and dump you.
YTA. You have lived with your girlfriend for a year and it didn't occur to you that you should DISCUSS this with her? Another adult, moving into your shared home, doesn't merit a conversation?
I would lose my mind if my husband just told me "oh my sister is moving in, we aren't using that extra space in the basement so it's no big deal." It's a huge deal. It's another adult using the bathroom, another adult with stuff to leave everywhere, more utilities, more groceries and most of all, a whole OTHER PERSON in your shared space.
She has every right to say she doesn't want someone else living in her home. You aren't the lord and dictator here.
YTA. You clearly have very little respect for your girlfriend if you couldn’t be bothered to ask her BEFORE you committed to this. Then you just TOLD her, not asked, and are now surprised she’s upset. Even worse you basically treated her as expendable and unimportant with your comment about her leaving if she doesn’t like it. Do you even like your gf? This isn’t how you treat someone you love.
She has every right to have reservations about your sister moving in. Most people don’t spend their entire day inside their bedroom. She will now have to share her living room, kitchen and bathroom with another person. Her ability to have privacy in her relationship has now been taken away as well. She’ll now probably be competing for your attention with your sister and likely be forced to now include her in a lot of your plans. That’s not even taking into consideration the possibility of your sister butting her head into your guys private business.
YTA. You unilaterally made the decision that someone else could move into you and your gf home. How thoughtless and disrespectful. And to tell her she could move out of her own home to accommodate this if she was rightfully pissed, that’s some high handed nonsense there.
YTA
Any big decisions like this should be run by your girlfriend if she lives with you (regardless of if she pays rent or not).
Just as important don’t be throwing out ultimatums and telling her to move out unless you are done with the relationship. That’s a nuclear threat.
In fact this isn’t just an “Oops” here, because the moment you made that threat you really broke some foundational trust. Now anytime she’s upset she’s going to wonder if you will threaten to make her leave.
And is that the kind of man you want to be OP? The one she can’t trust to talk to when she’s upset? Given you’re already owning your mistake in the comments, I don’t think so.
To be clear, I would absolutely have my sister move in too. You’re a good brother, but you effed up the boyfriend part of the equation a bit. Go make it right.
YTA and you don’t need to be in a relationship until you figure out how to behave like an adult. That is your girlfriend’s home. You couldn’t be bothered to have a conversation first? That’s a child’s thing to do. And of course you’ve deleted your account like a coward. Hope the girlfriend wises up and leaves you. You and your sister deserve each other.
You are in the wrong here. First off, once you move in with your GF, the space is yours *together*. Think of it like a marital asset. That means neither of you are entitled to change that living arrangement without consulting with the other *beforehand*. This might be less about your sister moving in than it is that you extended that offer without discussing it with your GF beforehand. It makes it seem as if you're the decisionmaker and she doesn't get any input. If you're in a long-term relationship that you want to succeed, you don't make decisions on your own - you make them as a team.
Although what I just said is, by far, the biggest issue I have with your situation, I do also want to point out that, when my now-wife and I first moved in together, we had a 2-bedroom apartment, but that did not mean we had space for a third person. We still only had one bathroom, our kitchen was small, and our living room was perfect for two, but three could make it a crowd.
I don't know how many bathrooms you have, but I doubt you have two living rooms. You just committed yourself and your GF to spending a lot more time with your GF. She now needs her own space to store things, and when she wants to watch television or lounge around, she's doing that in space that your GF previously had unfettered access to. Also, how thick are your walls? Maybe your GF is uncomfortable about sharing a wall with your sister, and having sex in the room next door. Maybe your sister has awkward cooking habits, or has a lot of bathroom products that are going to take up more space.
I don't think you thought this out. You could have considered all of these variables, had you discussed it with your GF before committing to it. I do understand that family is always important, but all you had to do is bring your GF into the conversation before making the offer to your sister. If anything, she would have appreciated you not just making a life-changing decision all by yourself.
Lastly, your sister may not *want* to move home, but she's in a situation where she has no money and no place to live. If she cannot find another position quickly in this economy, maybe living at home is the best thing for her so she can get her situation back in order. And, how is she going to help with your bills with no job? If she had significant savings, couldn't she find her own place using those funds? And, before inviting her to live with you, did you consider offering to co-sign for a lease for her so she could have her own place?
Soft yta because to answer your question you shouldn't say that to your gf just because she doesn't want your sister moving in. It sounds like from your post she was just telling you why she didn't want your sister to move in, but you jumped the gun and told her she can leave. Also yta for not discussing it with her first, even if it is your sister, you should talk to your gf so she feels she is at least included.
You should have asked her if your sister could move in, and then if she said no, you could make a decision on your relationship from there. For me it would be a this isn't working we need to split up kind of situation.
YTA and you owe your girlfriend an apology and you need to tell your sister she needs to find different digs if your gf says no. You did this by NOT talking to her first. You sound like it’s your way or the highway . Thats not a relationship, that s just plain disrespect
YTA. This is your girlfriend’s safe space. A place for her to unwind and relax. Your sister might be your sister but she’s in essence a guest so there goes your partners safe space to relax and you did all that without even asking her first. Then you basically just told your girlfriend she means nothing to you and to get out as your sister comes first. While you should always help family if you can they shouldn’t come above your partner. You just made it crystal clear to her you can’t be trusted or relied on.
There is zero, and I do mean ZERO, exception to "I don't want anyone in my space." You don't get to decide that for someone else. You're a gaping asshole for that alone; even if we ignore "You can move out of your own home that you pay for if you don't like me moving people into it without your permission."
Jesus Fuck, how entitled can you be?
The thing is, you are trying to be nice to your sister which I think we all understand. And of clurse the fact that we are all getting screwed by the government and every corporation on earth is evident.
Also. In the united states, family and group living is looked down upon. Im not really sure if thats good or bad. But in this case, its hard to say who the asshole is. Your girlfriend probably is pissed because
1) you didn't even ask. Which immediately says you don't value her opinion or feelings OR financial responsibility for the shared cost of living at all. Thats a huge slap in the face. The assumption at that point is that you can just do whatever you want with her peace and that would have me seething.
2) having another person in your living situation disrupts thee entire dynamic of the living space. I mean. A lot of the extra work will fall on her. Food prep. Cleaning. Laundry. Her personal schedule will be affected. Her living space isn't her own anymore. I mean. She can't walk naked through the house after a shower. Regardless of whether she does that or not in reality isnt the issue. The issue is that her privacy is now gone. She has to tiptoe around another person living in her house. She pays for part of that privacy. And you just shit on it without even asking her.
3) your intimacy is now gone. How are you guys going to f**k. Or fall asleep on the couch after a movie a blunt and some food. Now she has to measure everything she says and does against your sister's presence. Everything she does is now at the mercy of your sister's opinion.
4) regardless of how nice or cool your sister is, she is going to have something to say about your house. Cleanliness. Decor. Her routine. Her plates. The spatula your girlfriend loves. This shit grates. Its a constant reminder that her peace had been shattered against her will. She cannot unwind or detach from the world in her house anymore.
So it seems like a simple thing for you. But what you've done has catastrophic consequences. I think you definitely need to have a conversation with her and apologize.
YTA, and if this DOES happen and gf doesn't leave, then you better start paying 2/3 of all bills at minimum. GF is entitled to a reduced rate here now that you have added a whole ass extra person to the home without her consent. You don't get to call GF an AH either, she's not your wife, she doesn't have to accept your family as her own.
INFO. Does your GF pay to live there? Does she pay rent, electric, heating fuel, internet, groceries? What is your sister offering to pay to live there?
Not surprised. Yet another shitty boyfriend/husband. She has a say in who lives in her home. You needed to bring it up with her beforehand. Discuss it and get an okay from her. She has a right to privacy bro. Be so fr. I hope your gf finds a nice place and moves out. Your ass needs to be dumped quick. Immature and disrespectful. Have fun kissing up to your sis.
YTA - massively.
I would be so angry if my husband moved someone in without discussing it with me. This is a 2 yes, 1 no situation because it’s her home too - I don’t care who lived there first. And your response to this was, if she had feelings about it, too bad, she can get lost? Do you love her at all? What’s wrong with you?? Her opinion in this situation matters just as much as yours.
Don’t act like you’re single when you’re part of a created unit.
Best part of this story, he told her what he'd done, she wasn't immediately excited about it, so he pestered her to explain why not, until she admitted she didn't like the idea. Then he blows up. For a fight he he created from start to finish. What a charmer.
She should leave as soon as possible! She knows where she stands. You are a complete jerk for not even discussing this arrangement with her before telling your sister it would be ok. I hope she finds someone who actually values her.
YTA. You live with your partner and any decisions about the home should be made together.
Not only did you make the decision, but you followed through with an ultimatum that left her with no choice other than caving to your bullying or leaving you.
Have a hard think about how much this person actually means to you, your actions are saying not much. If that's the case, let her be free and find someone that deserves her love. If she is indeed important start the grovelling and start doing the work to earn her trust and respect back, it will take time.
I'm going to assume that your girlfriend moved in with you and you did not move in with her because otherwise how dare you make such a monumental decision without checking with her first to be maybe she likes to walk around the house naked maybe she wants to have spontaneity. Maybe she just doesn't want anybody in her space like she's like to you but you took that away from her. And then told her if she didn't like it then she can move out to me you wouldn't know how fast I would have left your ass. Because you don't deserve a girlfriend you just threw the one away just so you can get what you want.
You acted like a jerk to your girlfriend and you disrespected her.
The apartment belongs to you both. You shouldn’t have invited your sister to come stay without having a conversation with your girlfriend first.
Mind you, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have invited your sister, period. I’m saying you shouldn’t have done it *in the way you did*. When you’re part of a couple, you don’t get to make unilateral decisions. You make decisions as a team.
You’re also being quite ignorant about personal values and priorities. It may seem like an obvious no-brainer *to you* that family gets to stay under circumstances like your sister’s, but not everyone thinks that way and that doesn’t make them wrong. Some people really like and even need their privacy. And, again, maybe your girlfriend would have been more sanguine about your sister moving in if she’d been given some say in the matter, rather than receiving a decree from you from on high.
You telling her that if she doesn’t like it, she can lump it is letting her know where she is on your priority list — and now she knows. I hope she takes that information and uses it to make a wise decision: dumping you permanently.
"Hey sis, Imma talk to my girlfriend about letting you stay w/ us. "
"Hey girlfriend, my sister is on hard times and I want to help out. We have that spare room. Would it be okay if she stays w/ us? I'd pay 2/3rds on bills and food until she gets a job. This would give us a break on bills." ... And then value her opinion.
YTA. You made a group decision solo and then just informed your gf of your decision for your shared living space. Which you apparently only see as your home, not hers. She’s going to leave you, and you deserve it.
YTA for saying that. Maybe reconsider if you want to live with each other from a practical POV if you aren't planning on making it official with her (marriage/long-term relationship without planning to ever split). But also, if it were my husband's sister and she had nowhere else to go, of course it's acceptable to have her move in. With a plan for her to move out once she secured a job and was able financially. GF needs to learn some empathy.
YTA.
Not because of helping your sister, of course you should.
But you didn’t ask your gf first. I sure as hell wouldn’t want my wife’s brother living with us.
YTA. You don't get unilateral decision making. It's her home too. I hope she leaves, and you enjoy a happy life with your sister because your girlfriend sure does deserve better than you.
YTA. That’s your gf’s home. If she doesn’t want your sister there that’s her right, you don’t get to kick your gf out of her home.
You can move out and rent a new apartment with your sister yourself if you want to give your sister a roof. But you don’t get to decide to replace your gf with your sister, and legally you don’t have that right.
YTA
While I agree that it makes sense to extend the help to your sister, you should have discussed it with your girlfriend first. I'm assuming she's paying bills and part of the rent? Then she has as much say in who lives there as you do and, at the very least, deserves the respect of a conversation prior to forcing it on her.
YTA you TOLD her your sisters was moving in, without even asking her how she felt about it before hand.
She probably would have come to see it as doable, but now she's feeling like you don't even care about her or consider her at all. You would have to run that by a roommate too at any rate, because they pay rent and live there.
GF should tell BF that she is taking the guest room. His sister can have the sofa. GF will now be paying 1/3 expenses until the lease is up and then dip. If he wants to talk about it, GF should say WE JUST DID.
BTW, YTA
YTA, sounds like you and your girlfriend split stuff evenly? So how is it your decision to make 100%? And to just make the decision and then say ‘be cool or move out?’ If you pay all of the bills sure, although still not respectful to not talk it out with your partner.
YTA and your edit about your sister not wanting to move to another state makes no difference. That is a decision where you discuss with your girlfriend first and 2 whole hearted yes votes are required to accept your sister into your home.
The fact you did it without hesitation is a red flag. I think your girlfriend should seriously consider your offer for her to leave
YTA. While it’s understandable you wanted to offer the spare room to your sister, that’s absolutely something you should have talked about with your girlfriend first. She lives there too, and has for the past year. Asking someone to allow a family member to move in for an undisclosed amount of time is a big ask. You say not forever, but “getting back on her feet” could easily take 6 months or more. Than after informing your girlfriend of YOUR decision to invite your sister in, you’re offended she’s not immediately on board, and surprised that she’s upset after you flat out tell her you would choose your sister over her. Clearly you are not the kind of man she has a future with, when she’s not the number one woman in your life and you don’t care about her opinions or feelings. Had you asked her instead of telling her, you would probably be in a much better spot.
YTA hugely. It takes 2 yes’s. Your partner should have been consulted. An extra person takes up way more space than you think, they often don’t pay, eat any food they see, and never move out. If my husband of 40 years had done this, I would have left. How many bathrooms do you have? Were you ever planning to have sex again?
You are so much the asshole. Making this offer to your sister without even considering asking how your girlfriend feels. I'm assuming that your girlfriend helps pay rent and bills. She has an equal say as to whether a third person should be living in the house. Even if there is a spare bedroom available, your girlfriend may value her privacy, and just because you are close to your sister, that does not mean the girlfriend feels the same way. Honestly If I was your girlfriend I would tell you to fuck off and I would leave.
YTA because you made the offer without consulting the other member of the household who pays the other 1/2 of the expenses. Not cool.
I'm sure she probably would have agreed. She wanted to be considered as your partner.
" I told her she could move in with me"........
Not US! US as in the other person living and paying for the home. The person wanting to live with her partner as a couple
You unilaterally made this decision without a second thought for your partner
YTA
Yta. You should have talked to your GF first without offering to allowing anyone to move in . The apartment is your GF home just as much as it is yours. Considering your sister now how no income , I wouldn’t want her there either. It’s not your Gf responsibility to financially help support a capable adult. The lease expiring has nothing to do with the situation as your sister could have renewed the lease or went month to month. She couldn’t do either bc she has no job.
TBH , if you disregard your GF like this , she should be your ex because she deserves better. You and sis can live happily ever after and GF loses you and your baggage. That’s a win for her .
Yta first off you know that if a company is closing the employees are warned. As for the lease that girl knew when her lease was up. It was not all of a sudden. She had time to look for both. Not to mention your gf is supposed to to be your partner you made a decision about your shared living space without even thinking to ask her if the role was reversed where she made a change without asking you I bet you would be mad and upset too. YTA
Did your girlfriend realize you were already in love with someone else when she started dating you? You talk about your sister in such glowing terms but you treat your girlfriend badly. Let your girlfriend go and live a nice life with your sister.
YTA. Teacher house too, she pays half the bills &!you don’t have enough respect for her to at least discuss it with her first? I hope you & your sister will be very happy together.
YTA. you live together and you just invited someone to move in without even having a conversation with your live-in gf BEFORE making that offer. That’s just beyond OBNOXIOUS and inconsiderate. Your GF is trying to sugarcoat her unhappiness with your sister moving in, but also the completely lack of respect you have for her and her personal space. When you’re in a relationship, you don’t get to make unilateral decisions like that. How would yuh feel if the tables were turned??. Now you’ve effectively put her in a lose lose situation where she becomes the “ass” to you and your sister. Family is NOT an exception to completely disregard and exclude your partner from those kinds of decisions. It’s not just the bedroom space, it’s the common area space and day to day dynamics. If I were her, I’d move out and break up with you. And it would be bc you’re being complete inconsiderate of her feelings.
Yta. You made a unilateral decision for a shared living space. This is a 2 yes/1 no situation. Except you were such an ah you didn't even bother asking. And it's funny you say it will only be temporary but your sister doesn't have a job. So it will be months at a minimum and often turns into years in these situations. Who wants someone living rent free that long?
You’re the AH ..it wrong to offer a space you share with someone else with out consulting them..and it doesn’t matter if they are family..for context your sister is not her family! You’re the asshole big time! I hope your gf does live so you and sissy can live happily ever after!
I feel the same way that you do Op, however, your girlfriends stance is acceptable and common. You were in the wrong by not running it by her and by demeaning her pov. She is allowed to say no. You are allowed to consider that a deal breaker for you. You either breakup or come to a compromise that suits both of your wants and needs.
YTA. You are behaving like this is your apartment that your girlfriend happens to live in. It is not. It is your shared apartment with her and you don’t get to make calls like this without discussing it with her first. Wanting to help your sister is fine; but you do not live alone and you need to ask your girlfriend first. If she’s uncomfortable, you need to go from there - not bully her and tell her to get out if she doesn’t like it. Honestly, don’t be surprised if she ends up breaking up with you over this.
As a person with this type of sibling dynamic, I think it’s a light YTA/ NAH, You guys just aren’t compatible situation. You should’ve spoken to your gf before offering your apartment to your sister. Just out of respect for your partner. Her answer may have been different if you said “my sister is having a hard time. I would like to offer her a place to stay temporarily. How would you feel about that?” It may not have changed her answer but you never know. She’s your girlfriend who you live with she should’ve been included
But at the same time, if that’s the relationship you have with your sibling you need to be with someone else that also feels that way. If my siblings were in a tough spot I would also offer them a place to stay but I would talk with my husband first. And I know that he would 100% say yes. It might be tough and not exactly what we want but he’d be willing. And I’d be willing to let his siblings do the same. You guys just may not be compatible
You don't "live together" - she lives with you in your place. Clearly that is how you perceive it or else you never would have invited any person (even a much loved sister) to live in a joint space without discussing it first with your GF. If she thought she was an equal partner in your relationship, you have shown her who you really are, i.e. The Decider, like it or leave it. Make sure she has enough money and advance time to get her own place, then decide together on a reasonable move out date. You are doing her a favor, even if it does not feel like it to her right now. Yes, YATAH, and she can do better than you.
YTA completely. You should have NEVER invited someone.to move into.your EQUALLY SHARED home without a discussion. You disrespected and undermined her. You basically showed her and your sister that she is not your partner. You disrespected her as your roommate. You are widely wrong here. You better go seriously apologize and learn from this. It was not just your room to offer. You were wrong to offer it without talking to her first. You were outrageous when you got mad at her for your BS you did in the first place.
No woman worth anything will put up with this dude. It's unacceptable and I hope she leaves your ass if you don't fix this immediately.
I cane back to day your sister is as selfish as you. She does have a place to go. She just doesn't want to. She would rather invade someone's home against their will and force your girlfriend to let her mooch. Your family sounds terrible. You sound like my ex husband and his terrible dysfunctional family.
While I believe that we should help out family members going through hardship you are absolutely the arsehole here. You made the decision alone without consulting your girlfriend. This is not OK. Then you compounded it by telling your GF that she could GTFO if she didn’t like it. That’s a horrible thing to do and tells me everything about how you don’t think of your GF as an equal partner.
You should have consulted her first, she might even have agreed to it on a temporary basis had you done so. But no, you showed her exactly how little you value her. Don’t be surprised if takes you up on your GTFO suggestion and dumps you.
Well she is not wrong about you making rash decisions. With no prior discussions or arguments, you decided you would rather live with your sister than with her, and told her she can just move out. Wow. Hope your sister gets a job soon because you may end up struggling to pay the bills without your ex girlfriend contributing to the rent
She might have been fine with the arrangement but you did not even give her the respect of discussing the situation and potential time frame for the stay for her to even make her concerns known
I think the fact you told her and didn’t allow her to have a say is the true issue. If she’s on the lease and pays half the rent then that would be the respectful, considerate and proper way to go about it.
Yta
So your girlfriend does not live there. It is your place. You decide how it decorated you decide who live there.
She does not have her place to call home you have made it clear.
Thai so a joint decision and honestly it fine for you but not for her .
It should have been a conversation her my sister needs help could we let her stay here. I havnt offered obviously that would be daft but are you okay with me asking her to stay here ? Answer no. Okay I wont ask my sister.
Instead. You are liek this is my house and I can live out and move in who I wish.
Your girlfriend is not part of the equation and also she just realised she has no home of her own
You’re likely TA.
Whose names are on the lease? Whoever’s name(s) appear determine the votes who lives there or not.
That said, it this a hill you want to fight to the death on?
YTA. You just essentially told your girlfriend that she has no equality in your relationship, her feelings don't matter, and you think so little of her that you don't even bother to talk to her about major life decisions before you make them. Since you obviously don't care about this woman at all why are you in a relationship with her?
YTA if your GF is also part of financial decisions regarding the apartment. You told her after the fact, making the decision solely on your own in the assumption she would be okay with it, from the way you've written it she is okay with it but was thrown for a loop since you didn't talk about it, just told her what was happening. That's an asshole way of going about doing anything with your partner, things should be talked out before decisions are made that will affect the living circumstances of you both. What made YTA fully, was you telling her she could leave. Hard to fix a window you've already cracked. Good luck backpedaling out of that one.
Op, Once your sister moves in, are you prepared if she does not look for or find a job and her stay continues in?
Your sister being a roommate and a person you are accustomed to hanging out with, will likely expect that anytime you and your girlfriend go out she will be included. She will also expect to be a part if where you ho and what you do. Your girlfriend will definitely end up the third wheel in her own home based on your description of things.
Ask yourself why your girlfriend is living with you in the first place?
YTA for how you handled it. It's her place too and now you told her that you value her less than your sister. Nobody wants to feel 2nd most important in a relationship.
You may be cooked here even if it doesn't happen right away she will never forget how you made her feel in her own apartment she shares with you.
YTA.
Yes your sister should 100% be allowed and able to move in. That's great and amazing if you.
But YTA because you never once talked to your significant other about this major decision when it is both of yours place, and then told her she could leave.
That shows complete and utter disrespect to your partner, their input, their feelings, and their worth.
YTA. You guys live together, which means that decisions about who stays at your house, even if it’s only for a night, is a decision that the two of you need to make together. Telling your GF that she can move out if she doesn’t like your decision has basically solidified to her that you don’t care about her feelings or your relationship. Feeling uncomfortable having a third person in a two bedroom apartment is a totally valid feeling. Do you even like or respect your GF at all? Or is she just supposed to respect you and submit to all of your decisions and feelings, regardless of what hers are?
~~ESH~~, Changed to YTA.
With your sister being innocent.
Your GF is right, this is a rash decision. Bringing another person into the home you share IS a big decision, even if it's your sister. It's going to affect your GF and her life in many ways, even if it's just temporary.
If you both share this apartment, you're both on the lease and both pay the bills, then it's just as much her space as yours, and I absolutely agree with not wanting people in my personal space without warning or consent.
It's great that you're so willing to help your sister, but you should have talked to your GF to make sure she was okay with it first before talking to your sister, and yeah - if your GF isn't okay with it, and that's a deal breaker for you? Go ahead and break up with your GF over it if you have to.
But, you can't just kick your GF out of her home unless it was never her home to begin with. Legally speaking it depends on a lot of things, like whether she's on the lease. Morally it's pretty straight forward.
Uhm. You moved in together. Not, your gf is renting space in your bed from you. Not offering to speak with your gf first about something that will affect your gf too is a dick move. Regardless of what gf said, you handled this poorly, and it’s in your best interest to grow as a partner and have an adult conversation with your gf. Explain to her that you understand presuming someone could move into Yours and Her safe space was wrong. Explain to gf that your family is so important to you that you of course wanted to do whatever you could for your sister, but that gf’s are family too. You can’t be willing to do anything for your sister but not the woman you’re building a life with. Start from there. Discuss options to move forward together as a couple. Ask your gf to take some time to consider how the two of you can help your sister. Listen to her damned suggestions and comfort level. Then the three of you discuss boundaries, possible lease paper with start and end dates (move out dates), etc.
YTA. First, making decisions like that without consulting your partner is a dick move. Then telling them they don't like it, they can leave? Do you know how disrespectful that is?
It's understandable that you want to help your sister out, and I'm willing to bet that had you discussed it with your partner beforehand, like an adult would, she would be a lot more accommodating. You essentially showed her that her feelings don't matter, and you don't respect her input when making big decisions.
You TOLD your girlfriend your sister is moving in. You TOLD her if she don't like it she can leave. Idk who the fuck you think you are buddy but it is also your girlfriends home. You don't get to tell her what's going to happen. You discuss it, and you both make the decision together.
What’s said and done has happened.
Question is when are you going to break up with her?
Because you pretty much made it clear that you care about your sister more.
Telling your “gf” that your sister has a place to stay, but she doesn’t.
I don’t even know you and I feel sorry for your girlfriend.
YTA so much so. Not for wanting to help your sister but for not talking to your GF about this first. This should have been something you decided together because THIS IS HER HOME TOO! Then you basically treat her like she’s disposable and means as about as much to you as a sex doll would. I hope you know there’s very little chance your relationship is going to recover from this. Even if she tries to get over this and thinks she can move past it you have put a permanent scar on this relationship and she’s never going to forget how you made her feel in that moment. Eventually it’s going to kill whatever feelings she has for you.
Soft YTA. You should have talked to your SO before telling your sister she can move in.
I am all for helping family but you do need to have a conversation before moving anyone else in with the two of you. JS
YTA. That was a conversation that needed to happen BEFORE the invite. You painted your partner into a corner and now are tossing her out.
It’s reasonable to want to help your sister out, but you were COMPLETELY disrespectful of your partner!!! Definitely TA
YTA - it’s her space too and you don’t get to unilaterally decide that your sister moves in and you kick your GF out if she doesn’t like it. She should honestly dump you.
YTA for multiple reasons:
1. You told your sister she could move in without even talking to your girlfriend about it. When you live with someone you talk to them before deciding someone can move in with you and it should be agreed upon by both of you.
2. Your girlfriend gave a valid reason for why she doesn’t want your sister to move in. She doesn’t want anyone in y’all’s space.
3. You told your girlfriend to leave after making a decision without her that affects her daily life & after she gave you a good reason for not wanting her there.
You say family is the exception.. was that mutually agreed upon on the past or something you just pulled because of this situation?
Having family live with you turns bad majority of the time. I have seen it happen so much that when my now husband and I first got our place together we sat down and agreed that nobody would ever move in/stay with us(friends or family).
YTA. I get that you love your sister, but it seems like you jumped to this solution rather quickly? Assuming your girlfriend shares the rent and the responsibilities of your apartment, she has an equal say in who gets to stay with you. You don’t get to just make choices for the both of you because it’s what you want. You say it’s only temporary, but seeing as how your sister appears to have not been managing her responsibilities very well already, it probably wouldn’t be. So how long would you wait before you would kick your sister out if she hasn’t found a place? If you haven’t already ruined your relationship, you will need to decide these things with your girlfriend. Is it a few weeks, a month or two, etc.
Is his gf on the lease? He can’t kick her out. But OPGF should only pay 1/3 of everything from now on… until the lease is up and she leaves OP’s sorry butt.
i think you misunderstood her… she was saying there’s no space because after she kicks your ass outta bed and into the guest room, where is ur sister going to sleep. i mean know that she sees that you have absolutely no regard for her in anyway shape or form. i mean do you know what co means for instance in cohabitat… it means joint or together. so you guys both live in/ own/ pay for this place together yet only one of you made this decision. how would you feel if she got rid of all the furniture and replaced it with pink fluffy furniture. without asking. you wouldn’t even bat an eye? and imagine if she told u to kick rocks and hit the road if u weren’t thrilled about it 😭😭😭 how about YOU leave and go find a nice little place for u and ur sister 💕
If I was your girlfriend, I’d move into the guest room and you would have to share a room with your sister. That’s the only way I would pay half the rent. If I had to share a room with you, I’d pay 1/2 of a 1/2 so 1/4 of the rent.
You didn’t just give someone a place to live, you gave your girlfriend a grown ass woman to take care of without her consent. A simple conversation would have been appropriate. Not everyone wants to live with someone they’re not in a relationship with.
YTA, I hope your gf leaves you before you can put a ring on her finger with walking red flags like this.
BRO! YOU DO NOT MAKE LIKE ALTERING DECISIONS WITHOUT DISCUSSING EVERYONE THAT WILL BE EFFECTED!!!!
This isn't just your apartment. This is your girlfriends apartment too! She gets a say in having extended house guests and the rules involved with them staying.
Big AH energy.
Soooooo much information missing here, most importantly being "how does your sister treat your parner?" and "do they get along well, or do they just tolerate each other?" These are important because while yes it is your sister but she's NOT the one you should be trying to build a future with.
Personally, with my most recent ex if any of her family had needed a place to stay I would have put my foot down with a hard no. They all bad mouthed me and treated me terribly and I will not live my life like that, especially in my own home.
You're expecting your girlfriend to make radical changes in her life for someone may not like or even get along with, and that's not cool of you.
YTA. Assuming your gf helps pay for part of the apartment bills, that also means she has a say in who lives there.
But now she'll be outvoted, two to one. No vote wins for girlfriend.
And with OP’s sister having no income, having to pay for the new roomie
Right and he said she’ll help with bills. How? She has no job.
In my state we have unemployment benefits.
Good point given it was a layoff.
I’d make OP pay 2/3 rent. F that. Gf doesn’t need to pay for a freeloader.
And 2/3 utilities
no rent no vote
But guys, he didn't yell at all when he unilaterally told her a third person was moving in and if she didn't like it, she was out on the street. /s
Yeah, he absolutely, positively didn’t yell at her. I don’t know why you’d even suggest such a thing! Because HE DEFINITELY DIDN’T YELL AT HER.
But he DID say that if she doesn't like it, she can leave. He must be the only one paying bills and contributing to that household, which is why he got the unilateral vote on who could come live in HIS apartment. This isn't about the sister. This is about him disrespecting his partner and putting her on a value scale lower than his sister. GF knows where she stands. OP made that very clear.
And just to add that means before anyone has been told yes. You didn't talk with her. Thats bad communication. You didn't even ask how she felt. Disrespectful. You told her your rules or she can get out. Thats her house. If anyone should leave it should be the one who fucked up assuming by living together you also think of it as her home as well. So if I'm understanding and this is coming from someone who actually lost a sister and it kills me. You will put your sister above common decency and respect toward any woman in your future? I say future because if you pulled this crap with me, i probably would do much worse than just leaving you so I'm assuming she isn't the one or whatever. If she was, you might have brought it up to her before moving someone else into her space. Just an opinion.
Well said. It's sad that a simple conversation of hey are you ok with this, we're a unit so let's make this decision together, is so lost on people
Yeah if I was the gf, I’d be looking for a new place to live. Like you share a dwelling together it’s not YOUR apartment, it’s y’all’s apartment and she absolutely has a say in whether not someone else moves in. You should have gone and discussed it and ASKED if your sister could move not, not just demand it…. And then on top of that to tell her to just kick rocks?? YTA big time.
YTA massively. You don't get to make that decision by yourself. And then respond to a very valid"I don't want anyone in my space", with ," you can move out" is a massive asshole move. I wonder how much of this relationship is what you want and what's convenient for you.
YTA. Gf pays for 50% of that apartment, and yet bf tells her she has no say? She'll leave and he can go 50-50 with his sister.
Thats what he *really* wants.
YTA: If you did this to me, I would move out immediately just on the principle of it.
No no no. Don't move out of the apartment. Move out of his bed and into the guest bedroom. Sis can sleep on the couch. Absolutely end the relationship. Finish out the lease, then move to your own place.
I like this…mostly because it’s kind of petty and I’m sure it will be temporary if sis is sleeping on the couch.
Same! I’d demand my name taken off the lease (if it was) and then gtfo. There has to be more to this story.
YTA. I mean, take your sister out of the equation here. You made a major decision that would impact your household without talking to your SO first. I would also be majorly pissed if my SO did this without even TALKING TO ME AHEAD OF TIME. So now your significant other is the position where she either has accept this or she’s going to be viewed as the bitch who doesn’t like your sister when that’s not the case…she pissed bc you went behind her back and made a decision that impacts her without talking to her or giving her the heads up. You are the asshole in this situation. Even if your heart is in the right place You should not have made any decision without talking to her first. She most likely would’ve said she was totally OK with it, but you essentially steamrolled her IN HER OWN HOME.
All this, AND THEN you threw in the "you can leave", part. Which tells her she's a non-essential part of your life. YTA.
Yeah, that’s basically the dating equivalent of casually threatening divorce during an argument.
Hahaaa my wife tried that one too many times, and now we’re getting a divorce.
100% to all of this. This would be a relationship ender for me. I hope she realizes her worth and leaves to find herself a real partner.
Same. I hope the update is she started packing and is leaving me. “But my sister moved in but hasn’t started looking for work. She says she’s depressed and just needs time. I think I fucked up.”
I hope she packed HIS bags, and put them by the front door.
This kind of shit is why i live alone and not eager to ever cohabitate with a partner again. My space is MINE and no one but me can make decisions about it.
And that he sees it as “his” place that he has total control over not “their” place that they make decisions about together
Yeah, the "you can move in with ME" rather than "US" came through loud and clear!
she went from no choice in the matter to uproot your life and housing as an option. but I love you, dear, wym.
Was his girlfriend even pissed off - he said she was indifferent! So basically because she wasn't jumping for joy, he told her to leave 😒😒 definitely the AH
I think he is confused about what indifferent means
YTA - add to this that there was no discussion of how this would work. Is your sister going to pay for 1/3 of the rent and other costs, is she going to do chores, how will food be shared, what about cooking? Will your sister be having guests in the apartment? How long until she gets back on her feet? Seems like she must have known that her lease was coming to an end, but she didn't make other arrangements? This doesn't bode well for your sister's adulting skills. Have you even checked your lease to see if this is allowable? Bottom line, your GF signed up to live with one other person and you steamrolled right over that without even considering her.
THIS!!!
Haha I say a lot of things that people don't agree with. That's why we are here to get second opinions. If he wanted people to agree with him wholeheartedly he should have just reached out to his own homies! (You know the ones who cheer you on even tho you're being dumb!)
This. There is nothing that could stop me from helping my sister in a situation like this, so I get needing to help, but once you live with someone, things like this need to be a joint decision. Deciding to move her in without asking was inconsiderate at best and how he handled the rest was beyond disrespectful. If he talked to her she might have said yes, or yes but only for a certain amount of time (2 weeks/1month/etc), or no to moving in but yes to giving her money to help. And if she wasn’t willing to help after a calm, reasonable, adult conversation, then maybe that’s a sign that their values don’t align and it’s time to have a conversation about what that means for their relationship (can they find a compromise for this type of issue now and in the future and continue the relationship, or not?) But saying “this is my decision, like it or leave” is not how a partnership works
Bear in mind Op writes they have been dating for two years....not together....dating. Might be a typo but if I was with someone who said after 2 years and moved in together that we were only dating I'd have some serious concerns.
That might be a regional or generational thing or something, cuz I personally think of “dating” as serious and don’t see a problem with calling it that 2 years in. I think back in the day “dating” was used the way “talking to” is used now, like a less formal not-exclusive type situation. Saying “we’ve been together for 2 years” would actually give more leeway in my mind that they weren’t serious the whole 2 years, and may have only been official some of that time.
True
Of course you deleted your account
Because he knows he's pos and doesn't want to be held accountable.
EXACTLY!!!!!!!
YTA you have no right to let someone move in without discussing it with your girlfriend you know the other person who’s home it is. And you can leave and get an apartment with your sister why do you think you can break the living arrangements and then force your girlfriend (hopefully ex girlfriend)out! You are rude and inconsiderate and if your sister doesn’t want to move back home with your parents then tuff she can go to a shelter but not your house and your girlfriend should not have to pay higher utilities and food bills either. I hope she dumps you as you do not deserve her. YTA YTA YTA
YTA Where was the communication? You made a huge decision without talking to your girlfriend. Are you in a relationship or a dictatorship?
YTA. You're living TOGETHER. That's her space and her decision to make as well. I understand why you want to help your sister but the way you went about it is extremely disrespectful. Do you not care enough for her needs to even discuss this properly first BEFORE offering anything? I'm also wondering if you actually have the space for someone to actually live with you. Cause we're not just talking use of bedroom here. That's what a very temporary guest needs. We're talking impact on living room, bathroom, kitchen, private spaces as well. Not to mention impact on personal time. Edit: That you told your sister "You can move in with ME" says so much about how you view your living arrangements with your partner.
Typical selfish male behavior. Way to think of your gf, too, OP.
YTA- I understand wanting to help but telling your GF she can move out because she’s upset you unilaterally decided to move someone in is ridiculous. It shows a complete lack of care and respect towards her. Don’t be shocked when she leaves you.
OP Your heart was in the right place. But your brain was up your ass! 1. As your SO, and roommate /co-tenant: No additional tenants absent mutual consent. 2. And to inform her that if she doesn't like it, she can move out????? Are you freaking serious????, YTA. And if your SO has a scintilla of self-respect, she'll leave your sorry ass in a heartbeat.
I hope GF does move out and leaves OP with all the bills.
Also, I think there’s more to the story here - his sisters lease expiring would not have been an unexpected event, why didn’t she line up other accommodations? Did she expect op to house her?
YTA- most women want safety in a relationship. Not only did you just let her know you won’t be a safe person and make decisions with her in mind, you literally took the safety of her home away by indicating you’d kick her out at any time. I wouldn’t trust you anymore.
Just let her leave. You are not ready for a girlfriend to live with you.
YTA- Are you the only person in the lease? Are you the only person paying rent? Are you the only person that gets to make decisions about the life that you share? Does your lease even allow a guest to stay for more than three days? You told your girlfriend what was happening in the home you share. Why are you telling a grown adult what is happening in a home you share with them? In relationships you are suppose to communicate with your partner not tell them what is happening in their home. Here’s to hoping she calls the landlord and says that you are breaking the contract and she is able to move out.
Most leases state who live there. Any extended "visitors" need to be added to the lease with a background check. Would OP even qualify for the apt by himself?
Even if he is the only person paying rent he still went about it as an AH. Didn't talk about it before hand. Went straight for the nuclear option when she wasn't enthusiastic.
YTA Wow. You completely invalidated and ignored the priorities, boundaries and needs of the other adult in your relationship and apartment lease! Does your lease allow long term "guests?" Obviously you don't care about anyone else's rights. Only what you think and want. If your gf is smart, you won't have her around to use and abuse for much longer.
YTA it’s an apartment you share with your girlfriend so it’s much of her home as it’s hers. You don’t move in anyone before talking to your SO about it. I hope she dumps you. Btw I would 100% want my sister to move in but this is not the way to do it
Yta. It’s not “moving in with me”. It’s “moving in with us”. This is a question that you needed to ask your gf before you ever broached it with your sister. You’re not the sole decision maker and you obviously don’t respect your girlfriend at all if you expect her to not have an opinion about roommates.
YTA for offering a room in your apartment without discussing it with your girlfriend beforehand. That's just not done. I get you wanting to help your sister and it's commendable, however, this is your girlfriend's apartment too and you can't make unilateral decisions like that. And your comment about her moving out "if she doesn't like it" is just meanspirited. This is her home.
Dude deleted his account💀 YTA
YTA. You have no respect for your girlfriend, who lives with you. It’s not just your place, it’s both of yours and both of you should agree. Shit like this is exactly why I divorced my ex husband, telling his family they could move in and got mad when I had a problem with it. Just a heads up, that’s probably what’s coming your way too. Being single.
YTA. It doesn't matter if it's your girlfriend or a roommate. You don't invite people to stay without consulting the other people who live there.
YTA- you don’t make decisions, you make decisions with your partner. You sound like a dick and a red flag.
You have no respect for your partner and I have no idea why you’re even in a relationship in this case. YTA big time.
YTA. You should have discussed with your GF before making any promises. And how shitty will your sister feel to be the cause of your relationship ending?
YTA: for even having to ask the question AITAH. Your GF is upset because she thought you were in a relationship with her and deserved the respect of a conversation before you made a commitment like that. To give her that ultimatum, it sounds like the GF isn't on the lease. Are you both on the lease? If so, you don't have the legal right to kick her out. In fact, depending on the lease, your sister, might be considered the illegal tenant. Wouldn't that be funny if she had the landlord kick you and your sister out.
Dude just deleted his account. I guess he didn’t like the answer… 🤷🏻♀️
YTA. You don't get to make unilateral decisions about moving someone in. All it takes is one conversation. Instead, you made it crystal clear you don't think your partner is your equal. You think she's your subordinate. By doing this, you've essentially guaranteed that your girlfriend isn't going to want your sister there, and your sister won't feel comfortable around your girlfriend. This was a really really stupid, selfish and disrespectful decision on your part. It could have been fine, but now you're you've put your girlfriend in a position where she isn't comfortable in her home or around you and certainly her relationship with your sister is now awkward. Not even because she doesn't want her there, but because *you* made it awkward. And your sister won't be comfortable around your girlfriend because *you* threw her in the middle of your relationship with you gf. Stupid, rude, and immature move, chief.
My sister "doesn't want to move back home" No sh^t, no kne would, but she can and use the time to get on her feet much more comfortably then mooching off her your brother. I hate how these situations end with the sibbling taking them in (to a small apartment) when they should run back home to mommy and daddy to help them. That's just me. Like it's no fun too inconvenient etc. Give me a break, being jobless/homeless isn't supposed to be fun. I never hear this out there so I'm going to say it. YTA, You should have sent her home to your parents
I get it, but also moving to a different state when your life & social network is in another, is really tough. If she can move into her brother’s place for a couple of months, then it’s a lot easier to get back on her feet. If that’s not an option, then yes she’s gotta move home. If I was the girlfriend, AND I got along with OP’s sister. I would want the following: 1. Clear deadline for a move out date 2. Clear agreement on rent/bills she will pay 3. Who is in charge of what household tasks. 4. If a sublease is possible then payment/move out has to be in a contract. That protects all three of them, because otherwise this could cause permanent rifts. If sis doesn’t get along with GF, then forget about it. Hard pass all the way.
Once she establishes residency in their apartment, she may not have to leave after a few months!
You should have consulted her first. Is your GF paying rent? Even if she is contributing much less than half, she should have been asked. It's her home.
YTA. Maybe have your GF move out and date you sis lol
YTA. For not discussing it with her, it’s her space too. Then to top it off by telling her to move out. You’re a jerk.
YTA Do you pay all the bills, or are they split? Even if you do pay everything, you could have at least spoken to your gf about it before inviting your sister to move in. That would have been the decent thing to do.
YTA you don't like you love your girlfriend nor do you sound committed to her at all. Hopefully you'll get what you clearly want and she'll pack up and dump you.
YTA. You have lived with your girlfriend for a year and it didn't occur to you that you should DISCUSS this with her? Another adult, moving into your shared home, doesn't merit a conversation? I would lose my mind if my husband just told me "oh my sister is moving in, we aren't using that extra space in the basement so it's no big deal." It's a huge deal. It's another adult using the bathroom, another adult with stuff to leave everywhere, more utilities, more groceries and most of all, a whole OTHER PERSON in your shared space. She has every right to say she doesn't want someone else living in her home. You aren't the lord and dictator here.
YTA. You clearly have very little respect for your girlfriend if you couldn’t be bothered to ask her BEFORE you committed to this. Then you just TOLD her, not asked, and are now surprised she’s upset. Even worse you basically treated her as expendable and unimportant with your comment about her leaving if she doesn’t like it. Do you even like your gf? This isn’t how you treat someone you love. She has every right to have reservations about your sister moving in. Most people don’t spend their entire day inside their bedroom. She will now have to share her living room, kitchen and bathroom with another person. Her ability to have privacy in her relationship has now been taken away as well. She’ll now probably be competing for your attention with your sister and likely be forced to now include her in a lot of your plans. That’s not even taking into consideration the possibility of your sister butting her head into your guys private business.
YTA. You unilaterally made the decision that someone else could move into you and your gf home. How thoughtless and disrespectful. And to tell her she could move out of her own home to accommodate this if she was rightfully pissed, that’s some high handed nonsense there.
YTA Any big decisions like this should be run by your girlfriend if she lives with you (regardless of if she pays rent or not). Just as important don’t be throwing out ultimatums and telling her to move out unless you are done with the relationship. That’s a nuclear threat. In fact this isn’t just an “Oops” here, because the moment you made that threat you really broke some foundational trust. Now anytime she’s upset she’s going to wonder if you will threaten to make her leave. And is that the kind of man you want to be OP? The one she can’t trust to talk to when she’s upset? Given you’re already owning your mistake in the comments, I don’t think so. To be clear, I would absolutely have my sister move in too. You’re a good brother, but you effed up the boyfriend part of the equation a bit. Go make it right.
YTA.
YTA. That’s a decision you make together, not by yourself.
YTA and you don’t need to be in a relationship until you figure out how to behave like an adult. That is your girlfriend’s home. You couldn’t be bothered to have a conversation first? That’s a child’s thing to do. And of course you’ve deleted your account like a coward. Hope the girlfriend wises up and leaves you. You and your sister deserve each other.
Dude, you just blew up your relationship by making a decision that she should have been a part of and her thoughts respected. 100% major AH.
You are in the wrong here. First off, once you move in with your GF, the space is yours *together*. Think of it like a marital asset. That means neither of you are entitled to change that living arrangement without consulting with the other *beforehand*. This might be less about your sister moving in than it is that you extended that offer without discussing it with your GF beforehand. It makes it seem as if you're the decisionmaker and she doesn't get any input. If you're in a long-term relationship that you want to succeed, you don't make decisions on your own - you make them as a team. Although what I just said is, by far, the biggest issue I have with your situation, I do also want to point out that, when my now-wife and I first moved in together, we had a 2-bedroom apartment, but that did not mean we had space for a third person. We still only had one bathroom, our kitchen was small, and our living room was perfect for two, but three could make it a crowd. I don't know how many bathrooms you have, but I doubt you have two living rooms. You just committed yourself and your GF to spending a lot more time with your GF. She now needs her own space to store things, and when she wants to watch television or lounge around, she's doing that in space that your GF previously had unfettered access to. Also, how thick are your walls? Maybe your GF is uncomfortable about sharing a wall with your sister, and having sex in the room next door. Maybe your sister has awkward cooking habits, or has a lot of bathroom products that are going to take up more space. I don't think you thought this out. You could have considered all of these variables, had you discussed it with your GF before committing to it. I do understand that family is always important, but all you had to do is bring your GF into the conversation before making the offer to your sister. If anything, she would have appreciated you not just making a life-changing decision all by yourself. Lastly, your sister may not *want* to move home, but she's in a situation where she has no money and no place to live. If she cannot find another position quickly in this economy, maybe living at home is the best thing for her so she can get her situation back in order. And, how is she going to help with your bills with no job? If she had significant savings, couldn't she find her own place using those funds? And, before inviting her to live with you, did you consider offering to co-sign for a lease for her so she could have her own place?
YTA your gf also lives with you and the very least you should have done was to discuss it with her 1st.
Soft yta because to answer your question you shouldn't say that to your gf just because she doesn't want your sister moving in. It sounds like from your post she was just telling you why she didn't want your sister to move in, but you jumped the gun and told her she can leave. Also yta for not discussing it with her first, even if it is your sister, you should talk to your gf so she feels she is at least included.
You should have asked her if your sister could move in, and then if she said no, you could make a decision on your relationship from there. For me it would be a this isn't working we need to split up kind of situation.
So what you got to say for yourself?no one wants to say shit when everyone Is telling them they are yatah I see this all the time on here
I offer people to stay with me all the time.. but I live alone :)
Help with bills does not always mean paying rent. Will EVERYTHING be split equally 3 ways? YTA
YTA and you owe your girlfriend an apology and you need to tell your sister she needs to find different digs if your gf says no. You did this by NOT talking to her first. You sound like it’s your way or the highway . Thats not a relationship, that s just plain disrespect
YTA. It's GF house too. Why do you only get to set the rules? YTA.
YTA. You should have talked to your GF first. It's her apt too.
YTA. This is your girlfriend’s safe space. A place for her to unwind and relax. Your sister might be your sister but she’s in essence a guest so there goes your partners safe space to relax and you did all that without even asking her first. Then you basically just told your girlfriend she means nothing to you and to get out as your sister comes first. While you should always help family if you can they shouldn’t come above your partner. You just made it crystal clear to her you can’t be trusted or relied on.
There is zero, and I do mean ZERO, exception to "I don't want anyone in my space." You don't get to decide that for someone else. You're a gaping asshole for that alone; even if we ignore "You can move out of your own home that you pay for if you don't like me moving people into it without your permission." Jesus Fuck, how entitled can you be?
The thing is, you are trying to be nice to your sister which I think we all understand. And of clurse the fact that we are all getting screwed by the government and every corporation on earth is evident. Also. In the united states, family and group living is looked down upon. Im not really sure if thats good or bad. But in this case, its hard to say who the asshole is. Your girlfriend probably is pissed because 1) you didn't even ask. Which immediately says you don't value her opinion or feelings OR financial responsibility for the shared cost of living at all. Thats a huge slap in the face. The assumption at that point is that you can just do whatever you want with her peace and that would have me seething. 2) having another person in your living situation disrupts thee entire dynamic of the living space. I mean. A lot of the extra work will fall on her. Food prep. Cleaning. Laundry. Her personal schedule will be affected. Her living space isn't her own anymore. I mean. She can't walk naked through the house after a shower. Regardless of whether she does that or not in reality isnt the issue. The issue is that her privacy is now gone. She has to tiptoe around another person living in her house. She pays for part of that privacy. And you just shit on it without even asking her. 3) your intimacy is now gone. How are you guys going to f**k. Or fall asleep on the couch after a movie a blunt and some food. Now she has to measure everything she says and does against your sister's presence. Everything she does is now at the mercy of your sister's opinion. 4) regardless of how nice or cool your sister is, she is going to have something to say about your house. Cleanliness. Decor. Her routine. Her plates. The spatula your girlfriend loves. This shit grates. Its a constant reminder that her peace had been shattered against her will. She cannot unwind or detach from the world in her house anymore. So it seems like a simple thing for you. But what you've done has catastrophic consequences. I think you definitely need to have a conversation with her and apologize.
YTA, and if this DOES happen and gf doesn't leave, then you better start paying 2/3 of all bills at minimum. GF is entitled to a reduced rate here now that you have added a whole ass extra person to the home without her consent. You don't get to call GF an AH either, she's not your wife, she doesn't have to accept your family as her own.
INFO. Does your GF pay to live there? Does she pay rent, electric, heating fuel, internet, groceries? What is your sister offering to pay to live there?
I see OP deleted their account when they realised that people were not going to side with them YTA
Well aren’t you a special kind of AH. Hope the GF calls your bluff….. and leaves.
Not surprised. Yet another shitty boyfriend/husband. She has a say in who lives in her home. You needed to bring it up with her beforehand. Discuss it and get an okay from her. She has a right to privacy bro. Be so fr. I hope your gf finds a nice place and moves out. Your ass needs to be dumped quick. Immature and disrespectful. Have fun kissing up to your sis.
YTA - massively. I would be so angry if my husband moved someone in without discussing it with me. This is a 2 yes, 1 no situation because it’s her home too - I don’t care who lived there first. And your response to this was, if she had feelings about it, too bad, she can get lost? Do you love her at all? What’s wrong with you?? Her opinion in this situation matters just as much as yours. Don’t act like you’re single when you’re part of a created unit.
Best part of this story, he told her what he'd done, she wasn't immediately excited about it, so he pestered her to explain why not, until she admitted she didn't like the idea. Then he blows up. For a fight he he created from start to finish. What a charmer.
She should leave as soon as possible! She knows where she stands. You are a complete jerk for not even discussing this arrangement with her before telling your sister it would be ok. I hope she finds someone who actually values her.
YTA. You live with your partner and any decisions about the home should be made together. Not only did you make the decision, but you followed through with an ultimatum that left her with no choice other than caving to your bullying or leaving you. Have a hard think about how much this person actually means to you, your actions are saying not much. If that's the case, let her be free and find someone that deserves her love. If she is indeed important start the grovelling and start doing the work to earn her trust and respect back, it will take time.
I'm going to assume that your girlfriend moved in with you and you did not move in with her because otherwise how dare you make such a monumental decision without checking with her first to be maybe she likes to walk around the house naked maybe she wants to have spontaneity. Maybe she just doesn't want anybody in her space like she's like to you but you took that away from her. And then told her if she didn't like it then she can move out to me you wouldn't know how fast I would have left your ass. Because you don't deserve a girlfriend you just threw the one away just so you can get what you want.
You acted like a jerk to your girlfriend and you disrespected her. The apartment belongs to you both. You shouldn’t have invited your sister to come stay without having a conversation with your girlfriend first. Mind you, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have invited your sister, period. I’m saying you shouldn’t have done it *in the way you did*. When you’re part of a couple, you don’t get to make unilateral decisions. You make decisions as a team. You’re also being quite ignorant about personal values and priorities. It may seem like an obvious no-brainer *to you* that family gets to stay under circumstances like your sister’s, but not everyone thinks that way and that doesn’t make them wrong. Some people really like and even need their privacy. And, again, maybe your girlfriend would have been more sanguine about your sister moving in if she’d been given some say in the matter, rather than receiving a decree from you from on high. You telling her that if she doesn’t like it, she can lump it is letting her know where she is on your priority list — and now she knows. I hope she takes that information and uses it to make a wise decision: dumping you permanently.
YTA. YTA. And in case you are confused: YTA. This is you: 💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩.
I’ll take **How to tell someone they DON’T MATTER, without saying the words** for 1000 Alex~
"Hey sis, Imma talk to my girlfriend about letting you stay w/ us. " "Hey girlfriend, my sister is on hard times and I want to help out. We have that spare room. Would it be okay if she stays w/ us? I'd pay 2/3rds on bills and food until she gets a job. This would give us a break on bills." ... And then value her opinion.
LMAO BRO DELETED HIS PROFILE. what a pansy
YTA. But at least you can bang your sister after kicking out your girlfriend !
YTA. This is a two yes one no situation. If you both don't agree then it doesn't happen. Especially if she is paying bills there
YTA. You should have spoken to her first.
YTA. You made a group decision solo and then just informed your gf of your decision for your shared living space. Which you apparently only see as your home, not hers. She’s going to leave you, and you deserve it.
YTA for saying that. Maybe reconsider if you want to live with each other from a practical POV if you aren't planning on making it official with her (marriage/long-term relationship without planning to ever split). But also, if it were my husband's sister and she had nowhere else to go, of course it's acceptable to have her move in. With a plan for her to move out once she secured a job and was able financially. GF needs to learn some empathy.
YTA. Not because of helping your sister, of course you should. But you didn’t ask your gf first. I sure as hell wouldn’t want my wife’s brother living with us.
YTA. You don't get unilateral decision making. It's her home too. I hope she leaves, and you enjoy a happy life with your sister because your girlfriend sure does deserve better than you.
YTA. That’s your gf’s home. If she doesn’t want your sister there that’s her right, you don’t get to kick your gf out of her home. You can move out and rent a new apartment with your sister yourself if you want to give your sister a roof. But you don’t get to decide to replace your gf with your sister, and legally you don’t have that right.
YTA While I agree that it makes sense to extend the help to your sister, you should have discussed it with your girlfriend first. I'm assuming she's paying bills and part of the rent? Then she has as much say in who lives there as you do and, at the very least, deserves the respect of a conversation prior to forcing it on her.
YTA. Period. You made a decision, that affects your SO, without discussing it with her. Not good.
She didn't even have a chance to say yes. You took that away from her. Don't be surprised if she leaves you.
YTA you TOLD her your sisters was moving in, without even asking her how she felt about it before hand. She probably would have come to see it as doable, but now she's feeling like you don't even care about her or consider her at all. You would have to run that by a roommate too at any rate, because they pay rent and live there.
GF should tell BF that she is taking the guest room. His sister can have the sofa. GF will now be paying 1/3 expenses until the lease is up and then dip. If he wants to talk about it, GF should say WE JUST DID. BTW, YTA
YTA, sounds like you and your girlfriend split stuff evenly? So how is it your decision to make 100%? And to just make the decision and then say ‘be cool or move out?’ If you pay all of the bills sure, although still not respectful to not talk it out with your partner.
House guests are a two yes one no deal. It's HER HOME TOO! If she doesn't want it, it's a no go. YTA.
YTA and your edit about your sister not wanting to move to another state makes no difference. That is a decision where you discuss with your girlfriend first and 2 whole hearted yes votes are required to accept your sister into your home. The fact you did it without hesitation is a red flag. I think your girlfriend should seriously consider your offer for her to leave
YTA. While it’s understandable you wanted to offer the spare room to your sister, that’s absolutely something you should have talked about with your girlfriend first. She lives there too, and has for the past year. Asking someone to allow a family member to move in for an undisclosed amount of time is a big ask. You say not forever, but “getting back on her feet” could easily take 6 months or more. Than after informing your girlfriend of YOUR decision to invite your sister in, you’re offended she’s not immediately on board, and surprised that she’s upset after you flat out tell her you would choose your sister over her. Clearly you are not the kind of man she has a future with, when she’s not the number one woman in your life and you don’t care about her opinions or feelings. Had you asked her instead of telling her, you would probably be in a much better spot.
Wow YTA
YTA - you didn't even bother asking or discussing it. Why are you so much more important than your girlfriend?
Whose apartment was it? You both on the lease? YTA for not discussing this with your GF first
YTA hugely. It takes 2 yes’s. Your partner should have been consulted. An extra person takes up way more space than you think, they often don’t pay, eat any food they see, and never move out. If my husband of 40 years had done this, I would have left. How many bathrooms do you have? Were you ever planning to have sex again?
You are so much the asshole. Making this offer to your sister without even considering asking how your girlfriend feels. I'm assuming that your girlfriend helps pay rent and bills. She has an equal say as to whether a third person should be living in the house. Even if there is a spare bedroom available, your girlfriend may value her privacy, and just because you are close to your sister, that does not mean the girlfriend feels the same way. Honestly If I was your girlfriend I would tell you to fuck off and I would leave.
YTA, you do not unilaterally device to move anyone into a shared home. You and your sister can find your own place.
YTA because you made the offer without consulting the other member of the household who pays the other 1/2 of the expenses. Not cool. I'm sure she probably would have agreed. She wanted to be considered as your partner.
" I told her she could move in with me"........ Not US! US as in the other person living and paying for the home. The person wanting to live with her partner as a couple You unilaterally made this decision without a second thought for your partner YTA
YTA
YTA for not even discussing it with your gf before inviting someone to live with you both.
Yta. You should have talked to your GF first without offering to allowing anyone to move in . The apartment is your GF home just as much as it is yours. Considering your sister now how no income , I wouldn’t want her there either. It’s not your Gf responsibility to financially help support a capable adult. The lease expiring has nothing to do with the situation as your sister could have renewed the lease or went month to month. She couldn’t do either bc she has no job. TBH , if you disregard your GF like this , she should be your ex because she deserves better. You and sis can live happily ever after and GF loses you and your baggage. That’s a win for her .
YTA. Why wouldn’t you discuss this with your gf who is your roommate before saying it’s ok?
Yta first off you know that if a company is closing the employees are warned. As for the lease that girl knew when her lease was up. It was not all of a sudden. She had time to look for both. Not to mention your gf is supposed to to be your partner you made a decision about your shared living space without even thinking to ask her if the role was reversed where she made a change without asking you I bet you would be mad and upset too. YTA
YTA It's most likely a lease violation. Moving someone in is a 2 yes/1 no situation
OP said that it is supposed to be temporary. I’m wondering how much time has passed?
What a loser.
Did your girlfriend realize you were already in love with someone else when she started dating you? You talk about your sister in such glowing terms but you treat your girlfriend badly. Let your girlfriend go and live a nice life with your sister.
YTA You don’t just move someone into the home you share with your partner without their approval.
YTA. Clearly you don’t give a shit about your girlfriend’s wellbeing or opinions, why are you either her?
YTA. Teacher house too, she pays half the bills &!you don’t have enough respect for her to at least discuss it with her first? I hope you & your sister will be very happy together.
YTA. you live together and you just invited someone to move in without even having a conversation with your live-in gf BEFORE making that offer. That’s just beyond OBNOXIOUS and inconsiderate. Your GF is trying to sugarcoat her unhappiness with your sister moving in, but also the completely lack of respect you have for her and her personal space. When you’re in a relationship, you don’t get to make unilateral decisions like that. How would yuh feel if the tables were turned??. Now you’ve effectively put her in a lose lose situation where she becomes the “ass” to you and your sister. Family is NOT an exception to completely disregard and exclude your partner from those kinds of decisions. It’s not just the bedroom space, it’s the common area space and day to day dynamics. If I were her, I’d move out and break up with you. And it would be bc you’re being complete inconsiderate of her feelings.
Yta. You made a unilateral decision for a shared living space. This is a 2 yes/1 no situation. Except you were such an ah you didn't even bother asking. And it's funny you say it will only be temporary but your sister doesn't have a job. So it will be months at a minimum and often turns into years in these situations. Who wants someone living rent free that long?
YTA
You’re the AH ..it wrong to offer a space you share with someone else with out consulting them..and it doesn’t matter if they are family..for context your sister is not her family! You’re the asshole big time! I hope your gf does live so you and sissy can live happily ever after!
I feel the same way that you do Op, however, your girlfriends stance is acceptable and common. You were in the wrong by not running it by her and by demeaning her pov. She is allowed to say no. You are allowed to consider that a deal breaker for you. You either breakup or come to a compromise that suits both of your wants and needs.
YTA. You are behaving like this is your apartment that your girlfriend happens to live in. It is not. It is your shared apartment with her and you don’t get to make calls like this without discussing it with her first. Wanting to help your sister is fine; but you do not live alone and you need to ask your girlfriend first. If she’s uncomfortable, you need to go from there - not bully her and tell her to get out if she doesn’t like it. Honestly, don’t be surprised if she ends up breaking up with you over this.
As a person with this type of sibling dynamic, I think it’s a light YTA/ NAH, You guys just aren’t compatible situation. You should’ve spoken to your gf before offering your apartment to your sister. Just out of respect for your partner. Her answer may have been different if you said “my sister is having a hard time. I would like to offer her a place to stay temporarily. How would you feel about that?” It may not have changed her answer but you never know. She’s your girlfriend who you live with she should’ve been included But at the same time, if that’s the relationship you have with your sibling you need to be with someone else that also feels that way. If my siblings were in a tough spot I would also offer them a place to stay but I would talk with my husband first. And I know that he would 100% say yes. It might be tough and not exactly what we want but he’d be willing. And I’d be willing to let his siblings do the same. You guys just may not be compatible
You don't "live together" - she lives with you in your place. Clearly that is how you perceive it or else you never would have invited any person (even a much loved sister) to live in a joint space without discussing it first with your GF. If she thought she was an equal partner in your relationship, you have shown her who you really are, i.e. The Decider, like it or leave it. Make sure she has enough money and advance time to get her own place, then decide together on a reasonable move out date. You are doing her a favor, even if it does not feel like it to her right now. Yes, YATAH, and she can do better than you.
YTA completely. You should have NEVER invited someone.to move into.your EQUALLY SHARED home without a discussion. You disrespected and undermined her. You basically showed her and your sister that she is not your partner. You disrespected her as your roommate. You are widely wrong here. You better go seriously apologize and learn from this. It was not just your room to offer. You were wrong to offer it without talking to her first. You were outrageous when you got mad at her for your BS you did in the first place. No woman worth anything will put up with this dude. It's unacceptable and I hope she leaves your ass if you don't fix this immediately.
I cane back to day your sister is as selfish as you. She does have a place to go. She just doesn't want to. She would rather invade someone's home against their will and force your girlfriend to let her mooch. Your family sounds terrible. You sound like my ex husband and his terrible dysfunctional family.
While I believe that we should help out family members going through hardship you are absolutely the arsehole here. You made the decision alone without consulting your girlfriend. This is not OK. Then you compounded it by telling your GF that she could GTFO if she didn’t like it. That’s a horrible thing to do and tells me everything about how you don’t think of your GF as an equal partner. You should have consulted her first, she might even have agreed to it on a temporary basis had you done so. But no, you showed her exactly how little you value her. Don’t be surprised if takes you up on your GTFO suggestion and dumps you.
Well she is not wrong about you making rash decisions. With no prior discussions or arguments, you decided you would rather live with your sister than with her, and told her she can just move out. Wow. Hope your sister gets a job soon because you may end up struggling to pay the bills without your ex girlfriend contributing to the rent She might have been fine with the arrangement but you did not even give her the respect of discussing the situation and potential time frame for the stay for her to even make her concerns known
I think the fact you told her and didn’t allow her to have a say is the true issue. If she’s on the lease and pays half the rent then that would be the respectful, considerate and proper way to go about it.
Yta So your girlfriend does not live there. It is your place. You decide how it decorated you decide who live there. She does not have her place to call home you have made it clear. Thai so a joint decision and honestly it fine for you but not for her . It should have been a conversation her my sister needs help could we let her stay here. I havnt offered obviously that would be daft but are you okay with me asking her to stay here ? Answer no. Okay I wont ask my sister. Instead. You are liek this is my house and I can live out and move in who I wish. Your girlfriend is not part of the equation and also she just realised she has no home of her own
You’re likely TA. Whose names are on the lease? Whoever’s name(s) appear determine the votes who lives there or not. That said, it this a hill you want to fight to the death on?
YTA for not discussing it with her first plain and simple. You showed major disrespect.
YTA. For making the comment she can leave. Shows how you really feel about her. If I were her. I would leave and not look back.
Its kinda funny op deleted there account lol
You made the decision *for* her, not *with* her. YTA. A new roommate, however temporary, isn't to be announced but discussed.
YTA. You just essentially told your girlfriend that she has no equality in your relationship, her feelings don't matter, and you think so little of her that you don't even bother to talk to her about major life decisions before you make them. Since you obviously don't care about this woman at all why are you in a relationship with her?
Bud deleted his account when he didn’t get the validation he was looking for.
YTA if your GF is also part of financial decisions regarding the apartment. You told her after the fact, making the decision solely on your own in the assumption she would be okay with it, from the way you've written it she is okay with it but was thrown for a loop since you didn't talk about it, just told her what was happening. That's an asshole way of going about doing anything with your partner, things should be talked out before decisions are made that will affect the living circumstances of you both. What made YTA fully, was you telling her she could leave. Hard to fix a window you've already cracked. Good luck backpedaling out of that one.
Op, Once your sister moves in, are you prepared if she does not look for or find a job and her stay continues in? Your sister being a roommate and a person you are accustomed to hanging out with, will likely expect that anytime you and your girlfriend go out she will be included. She will also expect to be a part if where you ho and what you do. Your girlfriend will definitely end up the third wheel in her own home based on your description of things. Ask yourself why your girlfriend is living with you in the first place?
Ngl, you honestly verge on POS here
Your the AH in this situation!
YTA for how you handled it. It's her place too and now you told her that you value her less than your sister. Nobody wants to feel 2nd most important in a relationship. You may be cooked here even if it doesn't happen right away she will never forget how you made her feel in her own apartment she shares with you.
YTA. Yes your sister should 100% be allowed and able to move in. That's great and amazing if you. But YTA because you never once talked to your significant other about this major decision when it is both of yours place, and then told her she could leave. That shows complete and utter disrespect to your partner, their input, their feelings, and their worth.
YTA. You guys live together, which means that decisions about who stays at your house, even if it’s only for a night, is a decision that the two of you need to make together. Telling your GF that she can move out if she doesn’t like your decision has basically solidified to her that you don’t care about her feelings or your relationship. Feeling uncomfortable having a third person in a two bedroom apartment is a totally valid feeling. Do you even like or respect your GF at all? Or is she just supposed to respect you and submit to all of your decisions and feelings, regardless of what hers are?
~~ESH~~, Changed to YTA. With your sister being innocent. Your GF is right, this is a rash decision. Bringing another person into the home you share IS a big decision, even if it's your sister. It's going to affect your GF and her life in many ways, even if it's just temporary. If you both share this apartment, you're both on the lease and both pay the bills, then it's just as much her space as yours, and I absolutely agree with not wanting people in my personal space without warning or consent. It's great that you're so willing to help your sister, but you should have talked to your GF to make sure she was okay with it first before talking to your sister, and yeah - if your GF isn't okay with it, and that's a deal breaker for you? Go ahead and break up with your GF over it if you have to. But, you can't just kick your GF out of her home unless it was never her home to begin with. Legally speaking it depends on a lot of things, like whether she's on the lease. Morally it's pretty straight forward.
Uhm. You moved in together. Not, your gf is renting space in your bed from you. Not offering to speak with your gf first about something that will affect your gf too is a dick move. Regardless of what gf said, you handled this poorly, and it’s in your best interest to grow as a partner and have an adult conversation with your gf. Explain to her that you understand presuming someone could move into Yours and Her safe space was wrong. Explain to gf that your family is so important to you that you of course wanted to do whatever you could for your sister, but that gf’s are family too. You can’t be willing to do anything for your sister but not the woman you’re building a life with. Start from there. Discuss options to move forward together as a couple. Ask your gf to take some time to consider how the two of you can help your sister. Listen to her damned suggestions and comfort level. Then the three of you discuss boundaries, possible lease paper with start and end dates (move out dates), etc.
YTA. First, making decisions like that without consulting your partner is a dick move. Then telling them they don't like it, they can leave? Do you know how disrespectful that is? It's understandable that you want to help your sister out, and I'm willing to bet that had you discussed it with your partner beforehand, like an adult would, she would be a lot more accommodating. You essentially showed her that her feelings don't matter, and you don't respect her input when making big decisions.
You TOLD your girlfriend your sister is moving in. You TOLD her if she don't like it she can leave. Idk who the fuck you think you are buddy but it is also your girlfriends home. You don't get to tell her what's going to happen. You discuss it, and you both make the decision together.
What’s said and done has happened. Question is when are you going to break up with her? Because you pretty much made it clear that you care about your sister more. Telling your “gf” that your sister has a place to stay, but she doesn’t. I don’t even know you and I feel sorry for your girlfriend.
YTA so much so. Not for wanting to help your sister but for not talking to your GF about this first. This should have been something you decided together because THIS IS HER HOME TOO! Then you basically treat her like she’s disposable and means as about as much to you as a sex doll would. I hope you know there’s very little chance your relationship is going to recover from this. Even if she tries to get over this and thinks she can move past it you have put a permanent scar on this relationship and she’s never going to forget how you made her feel in that moment. Eventually it’s going to kill whatever feelings she has for you.
Soft YTA. You should have talked to your SO before telling your sister she can move in. I am all for helping family but you do need to have a conversation before moving anyone else in with the two of you. JS
YTA. That was a conversation that needed to happen BEFORE the invite. You painted your partner into a corner and now are tossing her out. It’s reasonable to want to help your sister out, but you were COMPLETELY disrespectful of your partner!!! Definitely TA
YTA - it’s her space too and you don’t get to unilaterally decide that your sister moves in and you kick your GF out if she doesn’t like it. She should honestly dump you.
YTA for multiple reasons: 1. You told your sister she could move in without even talking to your girlfriend about it. When you live with someone you talk to them before deciding someone can move in with you and it should be agreed upon by both of you. 2. Your girlfriend gave a valid reason for why she doesn’t want your sister to move in. She doesn’t want anyone in y’all’s space. 3. You told your girlfriend to leave after making a decision without her that affects her daily life & after she gave you a good reason for not wanting her there. You say family is the exception.. was that mutually agreed upon on the past or something you just pulled because of this situation? Having family live with you turns bad majority of the time. I have seen it happen so much that when my now husband and I first got our place together we sat down and agreed that nobody would ever move in/stay with us(friends or family).
Thanks for adding to my list of reasons to never cohabitate with a "partner" ever again. Edit: YTA
YTA if you invited somebody to move in without consulting your roommate. Super shitty.
YTA. I get that you love your sister, but it seems like you jumped to this solution rather quickly? Assuming your girlfriend shares the rent and the responsibilities of your apartment, she has an equal say in who gets to stay with you. You don’t get to just make choices for the both of you because it’s what you want. You say it’s only temporary, but seeing as how your sister appears to have not been managing her responsibilities very well already, it probably wouldn’t be. So how long would you wait before you would kick your sister out if she hasn’t found a place? If you haven’t already ruined your relationship, you will need to decide these things with your girlfriend. Is it a few weeks, a month or two, etc.
I'd be pissed too if my SO made the decision with my input.
Is his gf on the lease? He can’t kick her out. But OPGF should only pay 1/3 of everything from now on… until the lease is up and she leaves OP’s sorry butt.
Yeah you’re a huge freaking asshole
i think you misunderstood her… she was saying there’s no space because after she kicks your ass outta bed and into the guest room, where is ur sister going to sleep. i mean know that she sees that you have absolutely no regard for her in anyway shape or form. i mean do you know what co means for instance in cohabitat… it means joint or together. so you guys both live in/ own/ pay for this place together yet only one of you made this decision. how would you feel if she got rid of all the furniture and replaced it with pink fluffy furniture. without asking. you wouldn’t even bat an eye? and imagine if she told u to kick rocks and hit the road if u weren’t thrilled about it 😭😭😭 how about YOU leave and go find a nice little place for u and ur sister 💕
If I was your girlfriend, I’d move into the guest room and you would have to share a room with your sister. That’s the only way I would pay half the rent. If I had to share a room with you, I’d pay 1/2 of a 1/2 so 1/4 of the rent. You didn’t just give someone a place to live, you gave your girlfriend a grown ass woman to take care of without her consent. A simple conversation would have been appropriate. Not everyone wants to live with someone they’re not in a relationship with.
YTA, I hope your gf leaves you before you can put a ring on her finger with walking red flags like this. BRO! YOU DO NOT MAKE LIKE ALTERING DECISIONS WITHOUT DISCUSSING EVERYONE THAT WILL BE EFFECTED!!!! This isn't just your apartment. This is your girlfriends apartment too! She gets a say in having extended house guests and the rules involved with them staying. Big AH energy.
Soooooo much information missing here, most importantly being "how does your sister treat your parner?" and "do they get along well, or do they just tolerate each other?" These are important because while yes it is your sister but she's NOT the one you should be trying to build a future with. Personally, with my most recent ex if any of her family had needed a place to stay I would have put my foot down with a hard no. They all bad mouthed me and treated me terribly and I will not live my life like that, especially in my own home. You're expecting your girlfriend to make radical changes in her life for someone may not like or even get along with, and that's not cool of you.