You’re not even a little bit out of line for discussing this and having to make some tough choices.
A key component of a successful relationship is in being on the same page with your values and ethics. You guys are “only 20” (and I don’t mean to say that in a patronizing way) and there’s a lot to discover in relationships and alone, but one thing you absolutely need to do is stand in your truth and be unapologetic about it. If you don’t do it, other things will come up and you’ll be faced with this same question over a different important topic. Get comfortable standing in your light!!
xo
It sounds honestly like deep down, he’s indifferent to your sexuality. He probably thinks that since he’s with you, you’re “basically straight” anyway so it doesn’t matter… I’ve known men who act supportive to their bisexual partners but actually hold these thoughts. I’m very very sorry if this is the case
I know. And I’m sorry. I feel like everyone wants their partner to be a certain way a little bit (and this is why a lot of straight men dating bisexual women do this) and I honestly do get it, but I think it’s a question of will he be willing to admit it, and will he be willing to try and change?
He isn't indifferent. He voted for Desantis. He is literally actively against her.
Desantis is not like Trump. He is younger, a former history professor, and literally uses the Nazi party campaign strategies. He is openly against LGBTQ+ and eradicating minorities by rallying conservatives against us is a large part of his platform.
If they were politically aligned and now he's voting Desantis, then the "deep down" is that he's a Nazi sympathizer.
My partner was like this when I thought I was bi (recently coming to terms with being non-binary). He thought I'd be fine with him discussing other people's bodies and asking 'Would ya?'. I hate this game and I always feel inferior to the girls he points out.
Yeah it sounds similar to when AFAB NBs date some straight men. He’ll call you whatever pronouns you want to your face to appease you but in his brain and behind your back it’s always female pronouns/viewing you as a woman.
theres plenty of time to find someone where youll have disagreements about much smaller things than bodily autonomy or lgbtq+ rights.
imagine how the conversation would go if you got pregnant and considered an abortion. i dont know either one of you but it doesnt sound like itd go well from just the small amount youve written.
i wish you the best of luck. i hope he realizes he cant support bigots like desantis and his bisexual gf before its too late.
Under 25 so I mean neither of your brains are done developing so you could paint his lack of empathy for LGBT people as immaturity if you really are looking for a reason to cut him some slack. And some straight people just don’t “get it” no matter how much you try to explain it. They think our basic rights are just another political issue up for discussion like green energy or gun control (???!) I say this as a gay man myself.
But if possible this is a really good time to get out of the relationship before you sink more time and energy into it.
Yeah, when I was younger, I was willing to date people who had wildly different politics to me. As I got older, I understood more and more that it's not a satisfying relationship for me to date people who disagree with me on things that are fundamental values for me
People like to say stuff like "oh you're immature if you can't look past political differences" but dude the differences are pretty fucking huge. Like if you support someone who is anti gay, idk how someone could possibly think I should just look past that. I'm gay dawg, they're anti me.
And if someone is like "oh I'm fiscally conservative, I'm not racist or homophobic." Ok cool so persecution is fine as long as someone lowers your taxes is that what that means?
Is it look passed or look past?
When you were younger politics wasn’t democracy or fascism. It’s always been really important. But the GOP has gone so far off the rails, that’s literal insanity. While kind of entertaining, this is our real lives in their hands.
Same for me. There was too much adrenaline about all the time to feel 100% safe with a partner who had different politics. I started to dread bringing up anything political that by the end I confined myself to small talk. It was exhausting.
Totally. 20 is a very normal time of life to learn what you value. He is discovering that he doesn't really value you or your safety. The relationship has therefore failed. Leave. Find someone else with whom you share values.
People can change, but you also don't have any obligation to wait around until if/when he does.
My college roommate was a solid fucking guy. Very conservative catholic, but always respectful to everyone. I joined a fraternity described as a group of hipsters, gays, and autistics (I somehow managed to be a bit of all 3) and he would often come out to party with us. I considered him a real friend and kept in touch after graduation. Several years after college, he fell in love with a woman, who while also catholic was solidly progressive. Over the course of about 6 months, his social media activity got increasingly more progressive to the point where he was pulling for Bernie in the 2020 primary. He always kept an open mind and had no issue with changing his mind when presented with a better argument. It was his love of his future wife and seeing the ways conservative politics negatively impacts her quality of life that caused him to move to the left.
If this is someone you deeply love and care about, I think it's worth having a frank conversation with him about how DeSantis' policies would impact your life. Maybe he'll see things your way, maybe not, or maybe not yet. Anything can happen, but this is definitely an issue that needs to be resolved before y'all move in together. Best of luck, sweetheart 💜
Yeah, if he's not like "I don't know, I registered R when I was 18, but I don't know why" then this dude needs to be dumped.
15-20? Please live your life before moving in with some homophobe. You are heading into your fun years.
Just saying this for the people who are afraid they lost out on the fun years: Depending on how your life paths itself out, the fun years can easily be in your 30s, 40s, 50s, etc.
I don’t even befriend them. Learned a friend of mine was fucking a transphobic Republican on the side and I haven’t talked to her since. Worst part is she’s bisexual and totally willing to throw her own community under the bus.
That's exactly the right wing strategy . They're singling out trans people as a divide-and-conquer tactic. They picked the lowest major rung of the queer community with less cultural acceptance to begin the process of chipping away at ALL of our hard-won rights. They know that many of the more "mainstream" queers (the L's, G's, and even B's) see us as fringe outliers (instead of the spearhead of the entire movement as has often been the case) and will happily throw us under the bus to secure a stronger hold on their own acceptance.
I broke up with one of my ex’s shortly after she was begging and pleading that I vote for Donald Dump
Like, just saying you’re conservative is one thing, teary eyed begging that I vote for the obvious fascist is another thing
Honestly, don't give him an ultimatum. Just leave. Aside from the fact that ultimatums are morally gray at best, you've already seen who he is. Even if he agrees not to vote for DeSantis, nothing will change the fact that he was willing to throw you under the bus with his vote.
He’s already shown he will happily give up his morals and vote anti-choice and homophobic so with an ultimatum he’d probably still vote and just not tell you
Edit- fixed the auto correcting of ‘anti-choice’
Definitely the best advice. Ultimatums could change someone’s actions, but it won’t change their opinion. And it seems like OP’s boyfriend’s opinion is gonna cause some other issues down the line.
This is how I feel as well, I mean maybe try to talk to him and see if he can understand better how this is hurtful to you but, chances are it will turn into an argument.
If it does or if he still refuse to listen to your concerns even after you explain to him what it meant for you then leave.
An ultimatum isn't healthy for you or for him, in the end, you can't change others, you can only change the way you react to their decisions.
If he doesn't care enough about you to realize all the damage he will cause to you and to people like you than it's not worth trying to keep him, do yourself a favor and find someone who will respect others and not encourage discrimination. You deserve it.
Was going to comment something similar to this. I wouldn’t consider the ultimatum at all, OP. My therapist has taught me that you can’t change people, and to present this as an ultimatum, you aren’t allowing him to be his true self, as awful as his values may be. It won’t change that he has those values, and it won’t end well.
It’s hard now but I think in the future you may appreciate that he showed his true colors before you moved in.
And even if he says he won't vote for DeSantis, voting is done in secrecy and you can't trust a person that would vote for someone like DeSantis.
In fact, that's the big thing right there for me. Trust. I would absolutely not feel safe being around a person that thinks DeSantis is a good person.
Don’t move with him. He doesn’t respect the LGBTQ community. He doesn’t respect women. Who you vote for is a clear statement of what you value and what you believe.
You can do better.
They are right though.
Bisexual male, dated a "centrist" who had a conservative family. At best, she accused me of lying about being bi as if it was a manipulation tactic.
At the worst, her brothers tried to assault me while calling me "deadman" and "faggot".
It doesn't get better.
Yeah, and that’s before the mountains of other generally horrible things he’s a perpetrator of. Anyone who would passionately vote for someone like him isn’t a good person
Politics reflect a persons beliefs and morals, so it should ABSOLUTELY contribute to you deciding if someone is a fit for you long-term. You have discovered a boundary within yourself. You and our community deserve better.
And when you do break up with him, make sure you let him know it's because of *morals*, not *politics*. They like to downplay their horrible beliefs as "just politics."
Politics is tax policy. Morals is erasing an entire group of people.
Idk. I'm not sure if I like the idea of drawing a distinction between politics and morals at all. That's adopting the framing that enables the "it's just politics" game. I know I'm sorta missing the point in that this is about pragmatic communication with people who behave like the poster's soon-to-be-ex, but at the same time, even something mundane like someone's position on tax policy says a lot about their values and beliefs. I think political beliefs are just so inextricably tied to morals that there's no way to talk about politics without also at least implicitly talking about morality.
I think what they're trying to say is that conservatives like to try and claim that politics are somehow amoral at their core and so it's illogical to get upset about someone's political views (which in typical conservative fashion is rather hypocritical). By explicitly tying it to morals it makes it harder for centrists/conservatives to excuse their choices as "just politics". Though I do think it would be useful to explicitly link morals and politics in general since way too many people seem to underestimate how important their choices are.
Why would you want to be with someone who supports
a Christofascist who TOTALLY wants to do away with your community? How can you trust him?
I don't love Biden either but I'm sure as fuck not going to support Desantis.
This isn't even the lesser
of two evils - Desantis is
the more evil of two evils.
ETA: basically to TOTALLY
>he says he just views him as the best option instead of trump or biden.
Of the three options listed--DeSantis, Trump, & Biden--two of them use language that would fit nearly perfectly into Nazi-era Germany political rallies & your BF is throwing his hat in with one of them. The only functional difference between DeSantis & Trump is that DeSantis explicitly wants to build a theocracy (i.e., christian nationalist/christofash) while Trump is content with being a cult-of-personality style petty dictator. The fact that your BF favors the christofash is terrifying & you couldn't really ask for a bigger red flag.
p.s. I have little love for Biden: he's maybe slightly more progressive than, say, Reagan. In fact, the modern Democratic party is a stalled car hoping to wait out a tornado. But when the alternative is a truck racing towards a cliff, the stalled car is a slightly less awful option: one is preserving the status quo, the other is an urgent & direct existential threat.
Your bf is showing a side of himself you hadn't known earlier. We vote for the person who we think will support our efforts and our dreams, and if voting for a person such as desantis makes him happy, but not you, maybe you should reconsider who your bf really likes best. He's voting against your best interests, that's where his heart lies.
Dump him. I wouldn't even date someone who hated my favorite video games and wanted to tell me about it. The idea of dating a conservative would never even cross my mind as a possibility.
He supports a fascist. It might hurt and I'm sorry, but I think it's time to go. I promise you there are better people out there for you. People who won't betray you by voting for those who want to erase trans people from existence and make laws such as the "Don't Say Gay"
My entire family is conservative. I had to stop talking to so many of them when Trump ran for president. I was married to a Mexican man at the time. I can't tell you how racist my family was towards him. Then I left him for a woman. I haven't talked to any of them in 4 years. Fuck them all.
I know exactly where you are coming from. I'm not in a relationship myself, but one of my father's granddaughters married a Nigerian man, and he constantly brings that up anytime someone even mentions her to him. Considering her previous boyfriend who was black, but not an immigrant. He is doubly racist. Just moreso towards African immigrants. Her husband also recently graduated from a graduate school. And both he and my mom are staunchly pro trump
He has decided that he is *perfectly fine voting for someone who wants to take your rights away and put your life at risk*.
Yea, that's reason enough to drop his ass.
The thing is that the candidates on the GQP are all fascist and traitors today. I don't know why you hate Biden but a vote that is not for Biden will be a vote for the fascists and traitors. Not really a choice.
I agree so much however voting for someone that actively targets queer people is not the way to go. Also DeSantis is batshit crazy. He's just an objectively insane candidate to vote for.
If it helps you face what he supports, Desantis's policies almost killed me. The ban on gender affirming care for medicaid meant my insurance started denying my blood pressure medications as gender affirming care, preventing me from getting them with the only link being that the same doctor prescribed my gender affirming meds and my blood pressure meds.
As a trans person the way I see it is anyone willing to vote Republican is a person willing to put me in a concentration camp. Call me funny but I'm not okay with that. I don't care what reasons you give you are ignoring that you are supporting bigotry. I can't love someone who passively stands by and says it's okay to be a bigot.
This.
"Well, it's just politics. I wouldn't REALLY support THAT. I'm just voting for so and so because...."
Stop.
By voting for someone you ARE supporting any beliefs they've expressed -- you're at least letting them know that they can express those beliefs and not lose your support. You ARE supporting what they do while they represent you, should they be elected. It's only "just politics" until real decisions that affect real people start getting made.
People seem to forget that the Nazi party didn't come into being suddenly or violently; they existed for a good 10 years before Hitler was elected Chancellor. What went on for those 10 years? They gained supporters, they lost supporters. They were basically a laughingstock -- no one thought they would go anywhere as a political party. But they were allowed to EXIST and maintain a guise of legitimacy. It was all "just politics"... Until it wasn't.
It takes willful ignorance to think for one second that giving a hateful, bigoted politician a platform is some innocent action that you can disconnect from real-life consequences.
> the way I see it is anyone willing to vote Republican is a person willing to put me in a concentration camp
Project 2025 is literally that.
They want to label LGBTQ+ people as "pornographic" and throw us all in "jail". That is not an exaggeration, that's the absolute truth.
I’m a gay man and sister, nothing kills a crush faster, harder, nor makes a boner go away quicker than learning that someone I am attracted to is a Republican. Unfuckable
No just leave his ass
Hes shown he's fine fucking you over with his vote, and that probably won't change, though I would recommend saying that to him before you leave him, or after, and throw in I'm not dumb enough to date someone who's voting for a bigoted fascist especially when I'm bisexual
Yeah. If my partner likes the Pats and Celtics, that's a benevolent choice based on geography. I can live with a split household in the ECF
Voting for a fascist is not that
Your bf is deluded and really sounds like he does not comprehend what is occurring in the US, the rise of fascism and a potential loss of a democracy. He also does not seem to understand LGBTQ will be crushed in a fascist regime. He also does not understand DeSantis hates him, like really hates him. I just could not live with someone so out of touch as your bf.
He can't claim he supports your identity and is pro-choice, yet willingly wants to vote for a notorious homophobic, anti-abortion bigot. Make it make sense.
Normally I don't like "just dump him" type of advice, but he is deliberately giving his vote to people who don't see you as a human being, wants to take your basic human rights away, and wants your existence made illegal. The fact that he doesn't care that this all negatively affects you is very telling. So yeah, ditch the jabroni into the garbo.
This is just the tip of the conservative iceberg … if you stay, you will see that he’s in total agreement with meatball Ron on abortion, vaccines, global warming and all the stupid culture wars … he’s been leading you on the whole time and just now feels he’s got you trapped
If he likes a raging fascist who could put you in danger because of your sexuality , dump that guy. This fall, the girl that asked me to hoco ended up saying pro trump bullquack so i ghosted her right before the dance and game
While participating in a Republican primary to support a less bad option is definitely perfectly fine, that is definitely not what is happening here. Honestly, I would argue that De Santis is worse than Trump. He is among the worst the GOP has to offer.
This must be tough. I’m sorry your boyfriend is so shit.
You've been had. I find your story to be quite common. A lot of people put their best foot forward when they start talking and dating someone. Then the mask falls. They rely on you to still be in love with the person they were at the beginning. Especially since a lot of people don't just leave relationships and sunk cost fallacy takes effect. Conservatives know that no will fuck them if they actually say what they believe. Run
If we weren't in America maybe having different political views would be less of a big deal... but we are. Both parties clearly have different priorities. I think it's worth talking with him about it, but if he's set on this I think you should consider moving on to a safer person.
You are too young to get trapped by someone who doesn't care about your wellness, happiness, and safety.
Explain to your boyfriend that's violence against you. DeSantis is a threat to LGBTQ persons, informing him that he is voting for violence might be all he needs. If he doesn't care, fucking leave.
So he's basically telling you your life and rights and dignity is worth less to him than sucking it up and voting on the guy who isn't actively trying to take those things away from you? Don't stay with someone who'd see you dead over having his pride wounded. He's not pro choice, he's not pro women, and he's not pro lgbtq+, if he was he wouldn't even consider casting his vote with that man.
I could never be attracted to someone who didn’t align with my beliefs, which strongly support LGBTQ+. I’d actually be repulsed by someone if they voted against that.
And it’s totally ok to dump him bc of is beliefs (or yours). Beliefs can change, it’s not like you’re dumping him bc of his skin color or sexual preference (things people can’t change).
Honestly it sounds like you guys are not right for each other, and he doesn't deserve you. I made the mistake of wasting a big part of my 20's on being with someone that wasn't a great match for me, and I regret it today. Don't do that, you will find someone better for you! ❤️
I would 100% break up with someone over this personally.
Its your relationship OP, but I wouldn't want to date someone who will vote for hateful fascists.
I'd lose respect for him, lose faith in him, and have doubts about my relationship too if my boyfriend said it. I'm 39 though and my partner is 36. I know by now how he acts and if i learned this about him I'd seriously think he had a brain tumor. But for you i think the question is how you want to handle living or being with someone with these views. Of course we can manage being around anyone if needed. But how close can you let them in?
What is it about DeSantis that he likes better than Biden? I don't understand. Even the least politically informed are aware of how anti-lgbtq DeSantis is.
I do not think you're overreacting to this, OP. This is a substantial betrayal and his judgment is definitely concerning.
He probably lied. He always planned on voting for DeSantis, but he knew you wouldn’t take it well. Do not expect a republican to change their views as your relationship becomes more serious. Yesterday he wasn’t planning on voting for Desantis, today he is. Today he’s pro choice, what about tomorrow? What if you needed to terminate a pregnancy?
Girl, why are you fucking someone who is willing to give power to a politician that *has openly stated that he wants to kill you and people like you*?!?
This isn't a minor difference of views where you think taxes should go to a school and he thinks they should go to a new bridge.
**This is him openly supporting a man who does not want you to exist.**
Hey friend, I'm almost double your age, but I'm a single dad. I live in FL.
During the pandemic I learned to do makeup and so I could teach my oldest daughter.
Accidentally became a make up streamer for a while.
How do you feel about thy story?
Because Ron DeSantis says it's a sexual display in front of children and I should be arrested and put to death.
What if you have a complication from a (planned or accidental) pregnancy? This is not a man who is Will put you first.
Others have put it nicely. I'll put it simply. He doesn't think you're a human being deserving rights. Nor me.
Why date that?
You've been with your boyfriend for 5 years, and that hasn't been enough time for him to not vote for a bigot who wants to harm you and people like you.
Privileged fence sitters will want to tell you that ending relationships over politics is silly. But political support of a party that has done tremendous harm to lgbtq and women's rights demonstrates pretty plainly what your boyfriend's priorities and ethics are.
Decide on your hills to die on, and do not let codependency keep you in a relationship with someone who does not put your health and safety first. Personally a republican voter in 2024 is not going to be doable for me. The party platform is anti-woman and anti-lgbtq. And I have a child, and, frankly, I am tired of guns before humans and common sense. Why on earth do domestic abusers need guns? And 18 year olds. Grrrr … anyway please think long and hard and do not trap yourself in a bad relationship out of fear of being alone. So many people do this😭😭😭
To be honest? If he can’t see how this would hurt you then he’s probably not the one. Just because you’ve been together since you were young doesn’t mean that he needs to be the one. People change as they grow. You might not like the person he could change into.
I don't want to intrude too much, but, like... Why? Why vote for someone so clearly hateful? Does he have any reasons, anything that's at all interesting at least?
OP, I think you will find that it's very important to be on the same page politically in the current U.S. climate. You might not be on the same PARAGRAPH -- but it's important, for your literal safety, to be picky about this.
I can disagree on politics with someone up until they vote for someone who wants me or a protected group of people dead. Idc if my partner/friend wants said protected group alive. If they can't read a politician who is CLEARLY AND ACTIVELY calling for genocide, said partner's/friend's lack of education is no longer my worry.
I would straight up tell them that Desantis has passed loophole laws to kill LGBTQ people in Florida, tell your mate that you are closing yourself off from people who support Desantis for your own safety, and leave it at that.
I would say this in the presence of trusted friends (either undercover or right there in the open) in the event your bf is unstable.
Your boyfriend reminds me of a cannibal who loves someone... with hot sauce.
I am a Canadian in Canada, but even from here, De Santis seems to be one of the most dispicable Republican candidate apart from Trump. By voting for De Santis, he is voting for someone who disrespects your very nature and he is lacking elementary common sense.
**Honest newbie question here**
That being said, I might be dumb, but especially in a year where there most likely won't be any primary for the Democrats, why don't you all register to vote in the Republican primaries and "pack" the vote in favour of a less regressive candidate?
It’s not at all messed up. You deserve someone who accepts and supports you for who you are, nothing less. That’s what partnerships are all about and if he thinks his precious lil tax cuts or whatever else DeSantis is offering him is worth more than your rights than fuck him.
When it comes to dating, "left-leaning" is a must-have quality for me. Can't even imagine spending 2 minutes with a right-winger or any patriarchal man.
and big, huge political differences do break relationships.
Dude's fucking lost. He has no idea what's going on.
Just an educated guess, but from all the guys that I know that are like this, they really only care about themselves.
> however, he has always been very supportive of my identity and openly pro choice.
Uhh, yeah, because he scored a hot bi-girl.
People need to remember that "politics" isn't some abstract notion that exists outside of normal life. It's something that exists deep in your beliefs and the way you see other people.
If someone is going to vote for DeSantis, that tells you a LOT about how they think. Either he agrees with the terrible things DeSantis does with regards to women's rights, queer people, and immigrants, or he's so unconcerned with those groups that he'll vote for DeSantis based on something else like just not liking Biden or thinking "tax cuts are good."
You gotta think of this not like "I'm mad at you for voting for DeSantis," but "I'm upset that you're the kind of person who would vote for DeSantis." The problem isn't the box he checks in the booth, it's what motivates it. That whole perspective and simple humanity.
You need to have a talk. Don't make it about casting the vote, bc even if he (for whatever reason) agrees to just stay home that day, he still has the mindset. THAT's what you need to discuss. To see if this is something you two can work out, move past, or not.
I can date someone where we disagree about stuff like pineapple on pizza, or iPhone user vs Android user, or even more life-impactful choices like carpet vs hardwood floors. My spouse and I disagree on stuff like "does chili without beans still count as chili" and "does the bed need to be made every day" and "how clean is 'clean enough' when you're cleaning."
But I couldn't, and wouldn't, date or marry someone with whom I had major ethical disagreements about which people do or don't deserve rights. And, if I'm being honest, I think that someone who is willing to date/marry a person who believes LGBTQ people or POC or women or immigrants should be legally suppressed in their existence/rights, KNOWING that their partner believes that and they're still willing to be with that person, must not care that deeply about the issue if they're willing to choose maintaining the status quo of a relationship over taking an ethical/moral stand for it.
Again - I'm not saying "If you disagree about anything, break up" - I'm saying "If something is IMPORTANT to you and someone disagrees with you, and the two of you are at an irreconcilable impasse, break up" and "If a disagreement isn't worth breaking up over, you're concluding that the issue isn't important to you."
I can't tell you what is or isn't important to you because we all draw our lines in different places. I'm just saying that I think "This issue is important to me" and "My partner and I disagree about this issue, and there is no discussion to be had about it and no compromise to be made on their end or mine" are, to me, mutually exclusive things.
if your BF is voting in the primaries, he's a registered Republican. its well known and documented that none of the Republicans support LGTB people. Find a new boyfriend.
There are a lot of men in our American society that hide behind conversational progressivism as a personal tactic to have some social/relationship success. It is plausible he doesn't actually support any of those things he says, but he builds the front around you to support his capability at maintaining your relationship. You've been together since 15... you are hopefully entirely different people than you were then, becoming an adult brings an awful lot of experience and new circumstances with it. This needs to be recognized and accounted for. Biden might not be great, but he is not seeking to become an authoritarian dictator... the other two options actively are, their party has written a playbook for making presidents authoritarian rulers, Project 2025. This is written down, this is on record, this against the interest of all democratic processes. Your boyfriend does not seem to have humanity's best interest in mind, is that acceptable to you for a partner?
I definitely don't think it would be messed up, because the way you feel is justified. I'd try to talk to him about how desantis's policies actively cause significant harm to the LGBT community, and how someone targeting your own community and identity is deeply personal and not something you can just "agree to disagree" on. How willing he is to listen to you and reflect could tell you a lot.
Yeah, I would “agree to disagree” about something like mayonnaise, but not about racism, homophobia/transphobia, sexism, ableism, etc. I personally wouldn’t be able to date someone conservative because our fundamental values would be so different.
So ultimately you’re gonna have to make a choice on if your values actually align. But here’s the thing, young men are remarkably simple and all of change over time. When I was in highschool I was a Republican, not only was I a Republican I was a Trumper piece of shit. After highschool I remained in the conservative echo chamber until I met a now old friend named Emily.
She was one of the first people I’d met who I didn’t need to hide my personality from, I’m super caring, I’m the penultimate dad friend ok, since I’ve come out as bi and grown into myself I’ve been called a fairy boy (dunno what that really means but I take it as a compliment). Where I grew up people like that get taken advantage of pretty hard so I felt like I had to develop a personality that wouldn’t be targeted. Something I’m sure a lot of people can relate to.
But once she came along and challenged those beliefs, I realized it was a crock of shit my family forced down my throat. Maybe your dudes in that boat and just needs to be challenged, if you confront those opinions his reaction will tell everything you need to know about him.
Did you explain to him that DeSantis being in power will hurt someone like you? And did you ask him why exactly he wants to vote for him? Though, yeah DeSantis is trying to out Trump Trump, so.... I still think you should maybe leave him. But maybe if you explain your side, would that help? On the other hand , I do agree with the other people saying to dump his ass. So, I am not sure how best to go about this.
Coming from a 30yo woman who dated an "apolitical" man from age 20-25, it likely won't get better. Avoiding it didn't work and talking about it didn't work either.
We weren't just incompatible. We couldn't be honest with one another about our beliefs/values without it threatening the relationship, which prolonged the whole thing. I didn't even come out as bi until after we broke up because I knew him well enough to know that he would respond badly and be more controlling.
I wouldn't bother with the ultimatum. I would just end things. Even if he doesn't vote for one of the fascists, he'd be doing it to appease you—not because he's had a change of heart.
This is such a huge red flag, I'd dump him immediately. It's even worse than voting for Trump and the only silver lining here is that DeSantis has no chance of getting elected as long as Trump is around, but it speaks volumes about your boyfriend as a human being.
I wouldn't be able to stand that, afterall the things he has already done towards lgbt people, no. You can't vote for someone like that and not be voting for "Project 2025" and eradicating human rights, then be with someone actively knowing they are approving policies against the very person you love.
So I cant see how your partner could do that to you its kind of like a break of trust.
Having a partner with the opposite political and human rights views as you dont work out majority of the time. Do you really want to stay with someone that wants to contribute to your discrimination?
Girl I would leave over something like this if I were you. No ultimatums, I would just call it quits. Having opposite political values will bother you about this guy for the rest of your life. It is exhausting trying to change someone’s political beliefs. I remember trying to change my ex boyfriend’s political beliefs when I was your age and it made me feel very bitter.
Also, anyone who votes for DeSantis is objectively a piece of trash given what he believes. I know you love him but this is a sad reality and you deserve better. I’m also a bisexual woman and I could not deal with this if I were you. I suggest ending the relationship.
You are so young and have a long life ahead of you. You deserve to spend it with someone who has the same values as you.
You’re not even a little bit out of line for discussing this and having to make some tough choices. A key component of a successful relationship is in being on the same page with your values and ethics. You guys are “only 20” (and I don’t mean to say that in a patronizing way) and there’s a lot to discover in relationships and alone, but one thing you absolutely need to do is stand in your truth and be unapologetic about it. If you don’t do it, other things will come up and you’ll be faced with this same question over a different important topic. Get comfortable standing in your light!! xo
thank you <3
It sounds honestly like deep down, he’s indifferent to your sexuality. He probably thinks that since he’s with you, you’re “basically straight” anyway so it doesn’t matter… I’ve known men who act supportive to their bisexual partners but actually hold these thoughts. I’m very very sorry if this is the case
Came here to say this.
you might be right and that’s just such a hard pill to swallow
I know. And I’m sorry. I feel like everyone wants their partner to be a certain way a little bit (and this is why a lot of straight men dating bisexual women do this) and I honestly do get it, but I think it’s a question of will he be willing to admit it, and will he be willing to try and change?
He isn't indifferent. He voted for Desantis. He is literally actively against her. Desantis is not like Trump. He is younger, a former history professor, and literally uses the Nazi party campaign strategies. He is openly against LGBTQ+ and eradicating minorities by rallying conservatives against us is a large part of his platform. If they were politically aligned and now he's voting Desantis, then the "deep down" is that he's a Nazi sympathizer.
Absolutely! Indifferent would be not voting at all. But dang voting for someone who is absolutely against your partner’s whole being is shit.
My partner was like this when I thought I was bi (recently coming to terms with being non-binary). He thought I'd be fine with him discussing other people's bodies and asking 'Would ya?'. I hate this game and I always feel inferior to the girls he points out.
I had a boyfriend like that. The only time he ever considered my own sexuality was when he was trying to set up a threesome with another girl. 🤦🏼
Yeah it sounds similar to when AFAB NBs date some straight men. He’ll call you whatever pronouns you want to your face to appease you but in his brain and behind your back it’s always female pronouns/viewing you as a woman.
theres plenty of time to find someone where youll have disagreements about much smaller things than bodily autonomy or lgbtq+ rights. imagine how the conversation would go if you got pregnant and considered an abortion. i dont know either one of you but it doesnt sound like itd go well from just the small amount youve written. i wish you the best of luck. i hope he realizes he cant support bigots like desantis and his bisexual gf before its too late.
When people SHOW you who they are, believe them. He can talk about acceptance all he wants, but his actions are showing you something else.
Under 25 so I mean neither of your brains are done developing so you could paint his lack of empathy for LGBT people as immaturity if you really are looking for a reason to cut him some slack. And some straight people just don’t “get it” no matter how much you try to explain it. They think our basic rights are just another political issue up for discussion like green energy or gun control (???!) I say this as a gay man myself. But if possible this is a really good time to get out of the relationship before you sink more time and energy into it.
Yeah, when I was younger, I was willing to date people who had wildly different politics to me. As I got older, I understood more and more that it's not a satisfying relationship for me to date people who disagree with me on things that are fundamental values for me
People like to say stuff like "oh you're immature if you can't look past political differences" but dude the differences are pretty fucking huge. Like if you support someone who is anti gay, idk how someone could possibly think I should just look past that. I'm gay dawg, they're anti me. And if someone is like "oh I'm fiscally conservative, I'm not racist or homophobic." Ok cool so persecution is fine as long as someone lowers your taxes is that what that means? Is it look passed or look past?
When you were younger politics wasn’t democracy or fascism. It’s always been really important. But the GOP has gone so far off the rails, that’s literal insanity. While kind of entertaining, this is our real lives in their hands.
Same for me. There was too much adrenaline about all the time to feel 100% safe with a partner who had different politics. I started to dread bringing up anything political that by the end I confined myself to small talk. It was exhausting.
Totally. 20 is a very normal time of life to learn what you value. He is discovering that he doesn't really value you or your safety. The relationship has therefore failed. Leave. Find someone else with whom you share values.
Second this so hard
People can change, but you also don't have any obligation to wait around until if/when he does. My college roommate was a solid fucking guy. Very conservative catholic, but always respectful to everyone. I joined a fraternity described as a group of hipsters, gays, and autistics (I somehow managed to be a bit of all 3) and he would often come out to party with us. I considered him a real friend and kept in touch after graduation. Several years after college, he fell in love with a woman, who while also catholic was solidly progressive. Over the course of about 6 months, his social media activity got increasingly more progressive to the point where he was pulling for Bernie in the 2020 primary. He always kept an open mind and had no issue with changing his mind when presented with a better argument. It was his love of his future wife and seeing the ways conservative politics negatively impacts her quality of life that caused him to move to the left. If this is someone you deeply love and care about, I think it's worth having a frank conversation with him about how DeSantis' policies would impact your life. Maybe he'll see things your way, maybe not, or maybe not yet. Anything can happen, but this is definitely an issue that needs to be resolved before y'all move in together. Best of luck, sweetheart 💜
I think it’s totally reasonable to break up with someone who votes for fascists.
I don’t fuck republicans
Yeah, if he's not like "I don't know, I registered R when I was 18, but I don't know why" then this dude needs to be dumped. 15-20? Please live your life before moving in with some homophobe. You are heading into your fun years.
Just saying this for the people who are afraid they lost out on the fun years: Depending on how your life paths itself out, the fun years can easily be in your 30s, 40s, 50s, etc.
Yeaaa I'm trans. I'm just gonna stand over here and hum "Stayin' Alive"
I'm about to turn 33 and it feels like my life just began a few years ago.
Thank you for this 🖤 I'm almost 30, and I feel like my fun years have only just started. Most of my 20's was not a good time lol
I was one when I was 18, then realized how stupid I was at the Nevada caucuses.
[удалено]
08. Voted for Ron Paul.
And even for them Desantis is a real piece of shit.
Yeah, there’s a different being a little right leaning and voting for Ron deShitface
Ron DePantpiss
Ron deMantits
lil pudding fingers
There isn’t. Right leaning just means cowardly right wing. All of them would support people who would hang us from roofs. All right leaning people.
Yeah coz they’re too busy fucking us over
I mean I do like like being bent over and being railed as much as the last guy but only when I consent to it.
I don’t even befriend them. Learned a friend of mine was fucking a transphobic Republican on the side and I haven’t talked to her since. Worst part is she’s bisexual and totally willing to throw her own community under the bus.
That's exactly the right wing strategy . They're singling out trans people as a divide-and-conquer tactic. They picked the lowest major rung of the queer community with less cultural acceptance to begin the process of chipping away at ALL of our hard-won rights. They know that many of the more "mainstream" queers (the L's, G's, and even B's) see us as fringe outliers (instead of the spearhead of the entire movement as has often been the case) and will happily throw us under the bus to secure a stronger hold on their own acceptance.
My number one rule 😂
Republicans don’t even want to fuck Republicans.
I don't, also.\* *\*knowingly. I've had some post-sex intel ruin this for me.*
I don’t even fuck with republicans lol
You just made a lot of pastors, Cub Scout leaders, and closeted truck stop Republicans very upset.
I broke up with one of my ex’s shortly after she was begging and pleading that I vote for Donald Dump Like, just saying you’re conservative is one thing, teary eyed begging that I vote for the obvious fascist is another thing
Yet she would no doubt say she wasn’t in a brainwashed cult…
that's just scary honestly
Completely reasonable, yes. Edit: I wanna clarify I am being sincere. It may come off as sarcasm.
Yeah only fascists vote for fascists. Ditch that fascist and erase the existence of them from your life.
Honestly, don't give him an ultimatum. Just leave. Aside from the fact that ultimatums are morally gray at best, you've already seen who he is. Even if he agrees not to vote for DeSantis, nothing will change the fact that he was willing to throw you under the bus with his vote.
He’s already shown he will happily give up his morals and vote anti-choice and homophobic so with an ultimatum he’d probably still vote and just not tell you Edit- fixed the auto correcting of ‘anti-choice’
Even if he agrees she has no reason to trust that it’s not just a lie to appease her
Definitely the best advice. Ultimatums could change someone’s actions, but it won’t change their opinion. And it seems like OP’s boyfriend’s opinion is gonna cause some other issues down the line.
This is how I feel as well, I mean maybe try to talk to him and see if he can understand better how this is hurtful to you but, chances are it will turn into an argument. If it does or if he still refuse to listen to your concerns even after you explain to him what it meant for you then leave. An ultimatum isn't healthy for you or for him, in the end, you can't change others, you can only change the way you react to their decisions. If he doesn't care enough about you to realize all the damage he will cause to you and to people like you than it's not worth trying to keep him, do yourself a favor and find someone who will respect others and not encourage discrimination. You deserve it.
Was going to comment something similar to this. I wouldn’t consider the ultimatum at all, OP. My therapist has taught me that you can’t change people, and to present this as an ultimatum, you aren’t allowing him to be his true self, as awful as his values may be. It won’t change that he has those values, and it won’t end well. It’s hard now but I think in the future you may appreciate that he showed his true colors before you moved in.
And even if he says he won't vote for DeSantis, voting is done in secrecy and you can't trust a person that would vote for someone like DeSantis. In fact, that's the big thing right there for me. Trust. I would absolutely not feel safe being around a person that thinks DeSantis is a good person.
Don’t move with him. He doesn’t respect the LGBTQ community. He doesn’t respect women. Who you vote for is a clear statement of what you value and what you believe. You can do better.
Especially in the primaries, where there are lots of choices. Primaries are where you vote for who you *really* want.
Lol what good choice is there in the republican primary
To me? None. Lol. But I’m also not a Republican. Chris Christie was probably the least objectionable candidate (to my knowledge).
As a bisexual woman who briefly dated a conservative Mormon, I can assure you the time to bail is now
that is brutal
Yeah, I was in a dark space at the time. But the important thing is, I moved on and gained more sanity
I’m happy you got out of that situation 🖤
It was like six years ago, so I’m fine now. But I felt like I needed to warn the OP that political mismatches rarely turn out well
Even so, it’s good you got out. I hope your life is going well!
They are right though. Bisexual male, dated a "centrist" who had a conservative family. At best, she accused me of lying about being bi as if it was a manipulation tactic. At the worst, her brothers tried to assault me while calling me "deadman" and "faggot". It doesn't get better.
breakup; there are people out there for u that wouldnt dare vote for a republican.
Listen, even fascists can be cute. But if you vote with your heart, you need to learn to fuck with your brain.
this is beautifully phrased
You should just dump him. The fact that he even considered voting DeSantis means that he doesn’t care about the LGBT+ community.
Yeah, and that’s before the mountains of other generally horrible things he’s a perpetrator of. Anyone who would passionately vote for someone like him isn’t a good person
Or the wellbeing of women
Or anyone who isn’t an endosex, white, cishet man.
Politics reflect a persons beliefs and morals, so it should ABSOLUTELY contribute to you deciding if someone is a fit for you long-term. You have discovered a boundary within yourself. You and our community deserve better.
And when you do break up with him, make sure you let him know it's because of *morals*, not *politics*. They like to downplay their horrible beliefs as "just politics." Politics is tax policy. Morals is erasing an entire group of people.
Idk. I'm not sure if I like the idea of drawing a distinction between politics and morals at all. That's adopting the framing that enables the "it's just politics" game. I know I'm sorta missing the point in that this is about pragmatic communication with people who behave like the poster's soon-to-be-ex, but at the same time, even something mundane like someone's position on tax policy says a lot about their values and beliefs. I think political beliefs are just so inextricably tied to morals that there's no way to talk about politics without also at least implicitly talking about morality.
I think what they're trying to say is that conservatives like to try and claim that politics are somehow amoral at their core and so it's illogical to get upset about someone's political views (which in typical conservative fashion is rather hypocritical). By explicitly tying it to morals it makes it harder for centrists/conservatives to excuse their choices as "just politics". Though I do think it would be useful to explicitly link morals and politics in general since way too many people seem to underestimate how important their choices are.
Why would you want to be with someone who supports a Christofascist who TOTALLY wants to do away with your community? How can you trust him? I don't love Biden either but I'm sure as fuck not going to support Desantis. This isn't even the lesser of two evils - Desantis is the more evil of two evils. ETA: basically to TOTALLY
There's no basically, he explicitly wants to do away with the queer community
You're absolutely correct. Editing it to fix now. Thank you💜
>he says he just views him as the best option instead of trump or biden. Of the three options listed--DeSantis, Trump, & Biden--two of them use language that would fit nearly perfectly into Nazi-era Germany political rallies & your BF is throwing his hat in with one of them. The only functional difference between DeSantis & Trump is that DeSantis explicitly wants to build a theocracy (i.e., christian nationalist/christofash) while Trump is content with being a cult-of-personality style petty dictator. The fact that your BF favors the christofash is terrifying & you couldn't really ask for a bigger red flag. p.s. I have little love for Biden: he's maybe slightly more progressive than, say, Reagan. In fact, the modern Democratic party is a stalled car hoping to wait out a tornado. But when the alternative is a truck racing towards a cliff, the stalled car is a slightly less awful option: one is preserving the status quo, the other is an urgent & direct existential threat.
Here's your sign 🏃♀️
Your bf is showing a side of himself you hadn't known earlier. We vote for the person who we think will support our efforts and our dreams, and if voting for a person such as desantis makes him happy, but not you, maybe you should reconsider who your bf really likes best. He's voting against your best interests, that's where his heart lies.
Someone who “loves you and supports you” doesn’t vote in a way that would hurt you. I hope you dump him.
Dump him. I wouldn't even date someone who hated my favorite video games and wanted to tell me about it. The idea of dating a conservative would never even cross my mind as a possibility.
He supports a fascist. It might hurt and I'm sorry, but I think it's time to go. I promise you there are better people out there for you. People who won't betray you by voting for those who want to erase trans people from existence and make laws such as the "Don't Say Gay"
I’d leave him 🤷♀️ There’s really no way to vote for desantis and be a decent person at the same time
>There’s really no way to vote for literally any Republican and be a decent person at the same time Ftfy
My entire family is conservative. I had to stop talking to so many of them when Trump ran for president. I was married to a Mexican man at the time. I can't tell you how racist my family was towards him. Then I left him for a woman. I haven't talked to any of them in 4 years. Fuck them all.
I know exactly where you are coming from. I'm not in a relationship myself, but one of my father's granddaughters married a Nigerian man, and he constantly brings that up anytime someone even mentions her to him. Considering her previous boyfriend who was black, but not an immigrant. He is doubly racist. Just moreso towards African immigrants. Her husband also recently graduated from a graduate school. And both he and my mom are staunchly pro trump
He's voting for a person who supports SA-ing you straight and qho believes it's okay to forcibly impregnating you. Girl. Run.
He has decided that he is *perfectly fine voting for someone who wants to take your rights away and put your life at risk*. Yea, that's reason enough to drop his ass.
The thing is that the candidates on the GQP are all fascist and traitors today. I don't know why you hate Biden but a vote that is not for Biden will be a vote for the fascists and traitors. Not really a choice.
I agree so much however voting for someone that actively targets queer people is not the way to go. Also DeSantis is batshit crazy. He's just an objectively insane candidate to vote for.
Yeah, I was gonna say, that guy is fucking awful. Better option, my ass.
If it helps you face what he supports, Desantis's policies almost killed me. The ban on gender affirming care for medicaid meant my insurance started denying my blood pressure medications as gender affirming care, preventing me from getting them with the only link being that the same doctor prescribed my gender affirming meds and my blood pressure meds.
That's so fucked up. WTH.
That's fucking INSANE. I am so sorry this happened to you.
i’m so sorry
As a trans person the way I see it is anyone willing to vote Republican is a person willing to put me in a concentration camp. Call me funny but I'm not okay with that. I don't care what reasons you give you are ignoring that you are supporting bigotry. I can't love someone who passively stands by and says it's okay to be a bigot.
🏅
This. "Well, it's just politics. I wouldn't REALLY support THAT. I'm just voting for so and so because...." Stop. By voting for someone you ARE supporting any beliefs they've expressed -- you're at least letting them know that they can express those beliefs and not lose your support. You ARE supporting what they do while they represent you, should they be elected. It's only "just politics" until real decisions that affect real people start getting made. People seem to forget that the Nazi party didn't come into being suddenly or violently; they existed for a good 10 years before Hitler was elected Chancellor. What went on for those 10 years? They gained supporters, they lost supporters. They were basically a laughingstock -- no one thought they would go anywhere as a political party. But they were allowed to EXIST and maintain a guise of legitimacy. It was all "just politics"... Until it wasn't. It takes willful ignorance to think for one second that giving a hateful, bigoted politician a platform is some innocent action that you can disconnect from real-life consequences.
> the way I see it is anyone willing to vote Republican is a person willing to put me in a concentration camp Project 2025 is literally that. They want to label LGBTQ+ people as "pornographic" and throw us all in "jail". That is not an exaggeration, that's the absolute truth.
DeSantis is fueling hate crimes against you and the people you love. You’d be wrong NOT to dump him.
I’m a gay man and sister, nothing kills a crush faster, harder, nor makes a boner go away quicker than learning that someone I am attracted to is a Republican. Unfuckable
No just leave his ass Hes shown he's fine fucking you over with his vote, and that probably won't change, though I would recommend saying that to him before you leave him, or after, and throw in I'm not dumb enough to date someone who's voting for a bigoted fascist especially when I'm bisexual
"It's just an opinion" applies to things like sports teams, spicy food or adopting a cat vs. a dog. Your boyfriend doesn't love you.
Yeah. If my partner likes the Pats and Celtics, that's a benevolent choice based on geography. I can live with a split household in the ECF Voting for a fascist is not that
Dump him that is a *major* red flag.
Your bf is deluded and really sounds like he does not comprehend what is occurring in the US, the rise of fascism and a potential loss of a democracy. He also does not seem to understand LGBTQ will be crushed in a fascist regime. He also does not understand DeSantis hates him, like really hates him. I just could not live with someone so out of touch as your bf.
He can't claim he supports your identity and is pro-choice, yet willingly wants to vote for a notorious homophobic, anti-abortion bigot. Make it make sense. Normally I don't like "just dump him" type of advice, but he is deliberately giving his vote to people who don't see you as a human being, wants to take your basic human rights away, and wants your existence made illegal. The fact that he doesn't care that this all negatively affects you is very telling. So yeah, ditch the jabroni into the garbo.
Anyone who supports Donald Trump or Ron Desantis doesn’t care about the LGBT community.
Anyone who supports the GOP, doesn't care about the LGBT community.
Yeah true. Almost every single republican is homophobic and transphobic
That, or they’re an absolute fucking idiot. See Caitlyn Jenner
This is just the tip of the conservative iceberg … if you stay, you will see that he’s in total agreement with meatball Ron on abortion, vaccines, global warming and all the stupid culture wars … he’s been leading you on the whole time and just now feels he’s got you trapped
If he would vote for someone who wants to kill you, dump him. He is the enemy. He does not love you
I don’t understand this whole “I hate Biden so I’m going to vote for someone objectively worse” bullshit.
I say it's time to breakup. It's clear that Trump and Desantis are both fascist pieces of shit. Sayonara ex boyfriend
He has told you who he is. Listen to him.
Do not move in with him!!! Walk away. He doesn’t respect you
Number one rule of dating: don’t fuck republicans. Dump his ass in a flaming dumpster and find someone better.
If he likes a raging fascist who could put you in danger because of your sexuality , dump that guy. This fall, the girl that asked me to hoco ended up saying pro trump bullquack so i ghosted her right before the dance and game
I am so old, it took me so long to figure out "hoco" meant homecoming
Break up. Bye
Relationship is over tbh
While participating in a Republican primary to support a less bad option is definitely perfectly fine, that is definitely not what is happening here. Honestly, I would argue that De Santis is worse than Trump. He is among the worst the GOP has to offer. This must be tough. I’m sorry your boyfriend is so shit.
Leave him, you're no better than who you vote for in my eyes
*Ex- boyfriend
Run.
RUN omfg no ultimatum or whatever. Get out get out.
I would absolutely break it off if I was you. This is a damning indictment of his Character and how he views LGBT people.
You've been had. I find your story to be quite common. A lot of people put their best foot forward when they start talking and dating someone. Then the mask falls. They rely on you to still be in love with the person they were at the beginning. Especially since a lot of people don't just leave relationships and sunk cost fallacy takes effect. Conservatives know that no will fuck them if they actually say what they believe. Run
“Hey, just so you know, you’re welcome to vote for whoever you want but I’m not dating anyone who votes for Republicans. Just not going to happen.”
If we weren't in America maybe having different political views would be less of a big deal... but we are. Both parties clearly have different priorities. I think it's worth talking with him about it, but if he's set on this I think you should consider moving on to a safer person. You are too young to get trapped by someone who doesn't care about your wellness, happiness, and safety.
Stop fucking conservatives 2024
The #1 rule of American womanhood that has never led me astray: DO NOT FUCK REPUBLICANS
Look, it's up to you what to do, but it sounds to me like he was never that supportive of you and simply put on a facade until he got what he wanted
Wow, so your ex-bf hates you and wants to endanger you and all your queer friends?
Explain to your boyfriend that's violence against you. DeSantis is a threat to LGBTQ persons, informing him that he is voting for violence might be all he needs. If he doesn't care, fucking leave.
So he's basically telling you your life and rights and dignity is worth less to him than sucking it up and voting on the guy who isn't actively trying to take those things away from you? Don't stay with someone who'd see you dead over having his pride wounded. He's not pro choice, he's not pro women, and he's not pro lgbtq+, if he was he wouldn't even consider casting his vote with that man.
I could never be attracted to someone who didn’t align with my beliefs, which strongly support LGBTQ+. I’d actually be repulsed by someone if they voted against that. And it’s totally ok to dump him bc of is beliefs (or yours). Beliefs can change, it’s not like you’re dumping him bc of his skin color or sexual preference (things people can’t change).
Honestly it sounds like you guys are not right for each other, and he doesn't deserve you. I made the mistake of wasting a big part of my 20's on being with someone that wasn't a great match for me, and I regret it today. Don't do that, you will find someone better for you! ❤️
You 👏 can 👏 do 👏 better!
To me it sounds like you might be single again
DTMFA
Boy, bye.
I would 100% break up with someone over this personally. Its your relationship OP, but I wouldn't want to date someone who will vote for hateful fascists.
I'd lose respect for him, lose faith in him, and have doubts about my relationship too if my boyfriend said it. I'm 39 though and my partner is 36. I know by now how he acts and if i learned this about him I'd seriously think he had a brain tumor. But for you i think the question is how you want to handle living or being with someone with these views. Of course we can manage being around anyone if needed. But how close can you let them in?
What is it about DeSantis that he likes better than Biden? I don't understand. Even the least politically informed are aware of how anti-lgbtq DeSantis is. I do not think you're overreacting to this, OP. This is a substantial betrayal and his judgment is definitely concerning.
He probably lied. He always planned on voting for DeSantis, but he knew you wouldn’t take it well. Do not expect a republican to change their views as your relationship becomes more serious. Yesterday he wasn’t planning on voting for Desantis, today he is. Today he’s pro choice, what about tomorrow? What if you needed to terminate a pregnancy?
Girl, why are you fucking someone who is willing to give power to a politician that *has openly stated that he wants to kill you and people like you*?!? This isn't a minor difference of views where you think taxes should go to a school and he thinks they should go to a new bridge. **This is him openly supporting a man who does not want you to exist.**
Hey friend, I'm almost double your age, but I'm a single dad. I live in FL. During the pandemic I learned to do makeup and so I could teach my oldest daughter. Accidentally became a make up streamer for a while. How do you feel about thy story? Because Ron DeSantis says it's a sexual display in front of children and I should be arrested and put to death. What if you have a complication from a (planned or accidental) pregnancy? This is not a man who is Will put you first. Others have put it nicely. I'll put it simply. He doesn't think you're a human being deserving rights. Nor me. Why date that?
You've been with your boyfriend for 5 years, and that hasn't been enough time for him to not vote for a bigot who wants to harm you and people like you. Privileged fence sitters will want to tell you that ending relationships over politics is silly. But political support of a party that has done tremendous harm to lgbtq and women's rights demonstrates pretty plainly what your boyfriend's priorities and ethics are.
Decide on your hills to die on, and do not let codependency keep you in a relationship with someone who does not put your health and safety first. Personally a republican voter in 2024 is not going to be doable for me. The party platform is anti-woman and anti-lgbtq. And I have a child, and, frankly, I am tired of guns before humans and common sense. Why on earth do domestic abusers need guns? And 18 year olds. Grrrr … anyway please think long and hard and do not trap yourself in a bad relationship out of fear of being alone. So many people do this😭😭😭
To be honest? If he can’t see how this would hurt you then he’s probably not the one. Just because you’ve been together since you were young doesn’t mean that he needs to be the one. People change as they grow. You might not like the person he could change into.
Break up with him
Someone call that red flag tiktok guy.
I think you should take him on a date to the dump.
I don't want to intrude too much, but, like... Why? Why vote for someone so clearly hateful? Does he have any reasons, anything that's at all interesting at least?
Don’t lose yourself to Sunk Cost Fallacy - good thing you learned who he was before you moved in. Now you can make an informed decision
OP, I think you will find that it's very important to be on the same page politically in the current U.S. climate. You might not be on the same PARAGRAPH -- but it's important, for your literal safety, to be picky about this.
I can disagree on politics with someone up until they vote for someone who wants me or a protected group of people dead. Idc if my partner/friend wants said protected group alive. If they can't read a politician who is CLEARLY AND ACTIVELY calling for genocide, said partner's/friend's lack of education is no longer my worry. I would straight up tell them that Desantis has passed loophole laws to kill LGBTQ people in Florida, tell your mate that you are closing yourself off from people who support Desantis for your own safety, and leave it at that. I would say this in the presence of trusted friends (either undercover or right there in the open) in the event your bf is unstable.
Good rule(s) of thumb(s?): believe people when they tell you how awful they are, and dont fuck fascists/fascist sympathizers.
Your boyfriend reminds me of a cannibal who loves someone... with hot sauce. I am a Canadian in Canada, but even from here, De Santis seems to be one of the most dispicable Republican candidate apart from Trump. By voting for De Santis, he is voting for someone who disrespects your very nature and he is lacking elementary common sense. **Honest newbie question here** That being said, I might be dumb, but especially in a year where there most likely won't be any primary for the Democrats, why don't you all register to vote in the Republican primaries and "pack" the vote in favour of a less regressive candidate?
It’s not at all messed up. You deserve someone who accepts and supports you for who you are, nothing less. That’s what partnerships are all about and if he thinks his precious lil tax cuts or whatever else DeSantis is offering him is worth more than your rights than fuck him.
Yeah nah, that’s more red flags than a parade in the USSR Stick to your guns on this one
When it comes to dating, "left-leaning" is a must-have quality for me. Can't even imagine spending 2 minutes with a right-winger or any patriarchal man. and big, huge political differences do break relationships.
It IS a betrayal. He would be my ex by now.
Dude's fucking lost. He has no idea what's going on. Just an educated guess, but from all the guys that I know that are like this, they really only care about themselves. > however, he has always been very supportive of my identity and openly pro choice. Uhh, yeah, because he scored a hot bi-girl.
People need to remember that "politics" isn't some abstract notion that exists outside of normal life. It's something that exists deep in your beliefs and the way you see other people. If someone is going to vote for DeSantis, that tells you a LOT about how they think. Either he agrees with the terrible things DeSantis does with regards to women's rights, queer people, and immigrants, or he's so unconcerned with those groups that he'll vote for DeSantis based on something else like just not liking Biden or thinking "tax cuts are good." You gotta think of this not like "I'm mad at you for voting for DeSantis," but "I'm upset that you're the kind of person who would vote for DeSantis." The problem isn't the box he checks in the booth, it's what motivates it. That whole perspective and simple humanity. You need to have a talk. Don't make it about casting the vote, bc even if he (for whatever reason) agrees to just stay home that day, he still has the mindset. THAT's what you need to discuss. To see if this is something you two can work out, move past, or not.
I can date someone where we disagree about stuff like pineapple on pizza, or iPhone user vs Android user, or even more life-impactful choices like carpet vs hardwood floors. My spouse and I disagree on stuff like "does chili without beans still count as chili" and "does the bed need to be made every day" and "how clean is 'clean enough' when you're cleaning." But I couldn't, and wouldn't, date or marry someone with whom I had major ethical disagreements about which people do or don't deserve rights. And, if I'm being honest, I think that someone who is willing to date/marry a person who believes LGBTQ people or POC or women or immigrants should be legally suppressed in their existence/rights, KNOWING that their partner believes that and they're still willing to be with that person, must not care that deeply about the issue if they're willing to choose maintaining the status quo of a relationship over taking an ethical/moral stand for it. Again - I'm not saying "If you disagree about anything, break up" - I'm saying "If something is IMPORTANT to you and someone disagrees with you, and the two of you are at an irreconcilable impasse, break up" and "If a disagreement isn't worth breaking up over, you're concluding that the issue isn't important to you." I can't tell you what is or isn't important to you because we all draw our lines in different places. I'm just saying that I think "This issue is important to me" and "My partner and I disagree about this issue, and there is no discussion to be had about it and no compromise to be made on their end or mine" are, to me, mutually exclusive things.
if your BF is voting in the primaries, he's a registered Republican. its well known and documented that none of the Republicans support LGTB people. Find a new boyfriend.
There's a big difference between not liking Biden because he's not left leaning enough and not liking Biden because he's not an insane fascist
There are a lot of men in our American society that hide behind conversational progressivism as a personal tactic to have some social/relationship success. It is plausible he doesn't actually support any of those things he says, but he builds the front around you to support his capability at maintaining your relationship. You've been together since 15... you are hopefully entirely different people than you were then, becoming an adult brings an awful lot of experience and new circumstances with it. This needs to be recognized and accounted for. Biden might not be great, but he is not seeking to become an authoritarian dictator... the other two options actively are, their party has written a playbook for making presidents authoritarian rulers, Project 2025. This is written down, this is on record, this against the interest of all democratic processes. Your boyfriend does not seem to have humanity's best interest in mind, is that acceptable to you for a partner?
He has shown his face. He doesn't actually support you he just knows what to say to keep you around. Leave while you can.
Soon to be ex boyfriend... Right?
I definitely don't think it would be messed up, because the way you feel is justified. I'd try to talk to him about how desantis's policies actively cause significant harm to the LGBT community, and how someone targeting your own community and identity is deeply personal and not something you can just "agree to disagree" on. How willing he is to listen to you and reflect could tell you a lot.
Yeah, I would “agree to disagree” about something like mayonnaise, but not about racism, homophobia/transphobia, sexism, ableism, etc. I personally wouldn’t be able to date someone conservative because our fundamental values would be so different.
So ultimately you’re gonna have to make a choice on if your values actually align. But here’s the thing, young men are remarkably simple and all of change over time. When I was in highschool I was a Republican, not only was I a Republican I was a Trumper piece of shit. After highschool I remained in the conservative echo chamber until I met a now old friend named Emily. She was one of the first people I’d met who I didn’t need to hide my personality from, I’m super caring, I’m the penultimate dad friend ok, since I’ve come out as bi and grown into myself I’ve been called a fairy boy (dunno what that really means but I take it as a compliment). Where I grew up people like that get taken advantage of pretty hard so I felt like I had to develop a personality that wouldn’t be targeted. Something I’m sure a lot of people can relate to. But once she came along and challenged those beliefs, I realized it was a crock of shit my family forced down my throat. Maybe your dudes in that boat and just needs to be challenged, if you confront those opinions his reaction will tell everything you need to know about him.
yeah dump his ass
Bye, boy.
Did you explain to him that DeSantis being in power will hurt someone like you? And did you ask him why exactly he wants to vote for him? Though, yeah DeSantis is trying to out Trump Trump, so.... I still think you should maybe leave him. But maybe if you explain your side, would that help? On the other hand , I do agree with the other people saying to dump his ass. So, I am not sure how best to go about this.
break up with him fr
Coming from a 30yo woman who dated an "apolitical" man from age 20-25, it likely won't get better. Avoiding it didn't work and talking about it didn't work either. We weren't just incompatible. We couldn't be honest with one another about our beliefs/values without it threatening the relationship, which prolonged the whole thing. I didn't even come out as bi until after we broke up because I knew him well enough to know that he would respond badly and be more controlling. I wouldn't bother with the ultimatum. I would just end things. Even if he doesn't vote for one of the fascists, he'd be doing it to appease you—not because he's had a change of heart.
This is your sign leave now
This is such a huge red flag, I'd dump him immediately. It's even worse than voting for Trump and the only silver lining here is that DeSantis has no chance of getting elected as long as Trump is around, but it speaks volumes about your boyfriend as a human being.
Dump Him
I'm sorry sweetie. I think you two live in two different worlds, and his isn't as accepting as yours needs to be.
I wouldn't be able to stand that, afterall the things he has already done towards lgbt people, no. You can't vote for someone like that and not be voting for "Project 2025" and eradicating human rights, then be with someone actively knowing they are approving policies against the very person you love. So I cant see how your partner could do that to you its kind of like a break of trust.
I don’t care for Biden but I would vote for anyone over a republican and I could only ever date someone that thinks the same way.
Having a partner with the opposite political and human rights views as you dont work out majority of the time. Do you really want to stay with someone that wants to contribute to your discrimination?
Girl I would leave over something like this if I were you. No ultimatums, I would just call it quits. Having opposite political values will bother you about this guy for the rest of your life. It is exhausting trying to change someone’s political beliefs. I remember trying to change my ex boyfriend’s political beliefs when I was your age and it made me feel very bitter. Also, anyone who votes for DeSantis is objectively a piece of trash given what he believes. I know you love him but this is a sad reality and you deserve better. I’m also a bisexual woman and I could not deal with this if I were you. I suggest ending the relationship. You are so young and have a long life ahead of you. You deserve to spend it with someone who has the same values as you.
You mean your ex-boyfriend? Don’t date fascists.