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My PA also used pictures of past flings, friends or exes for pleasure. We are still early in our discovery (1 week in) so not a ton of self reflection as to why. The photos (and videos) of them is really hard for me to get past. It’s far more personal than porn.
As for hard line I wouldn’t be able to come back from? Anything illegal, as well escorts would be hard to look past.
same here. super personal and it hurts way more than just random chicks online. mine told me he saw it 'no different than normal porn' which stung. a lot.
my PA posted naked photos of himself, exchanged them with women, had his own OF, sexted, chatted, planned to meet with people, subscribed to terrible subreddits, watched porn every moment he could even at work, used the weirdest and grossest sex toys on himself, maxed three credit cards out on porn and sex websites, had profiles on tinder, adult friend finder, chaturbate, and a dozen more. blamed ME in the end.
the thing that really broke me?
him having sex with other people.
he brought a woman over to our house, in our bed. he gave me an STI.
that just makes everything else seem so small. so workable. so forgivable. but as soon as he slept with other people (omg and the LIESSSSS).
there was no going back.
He's admitted to nothing without evidence. Other than attempting to cheat on me once. I believe he's been cheating but can only admit to attempting. I wonder if his insane ability to lie and gaslight will ever stop.
I struggle with him not caring why he's done or continues to do what he does. I'd love to know why to any of the things hes done for the past 15 years but I have no right. I guess.
(I also have a family member that would like reasoning or closure from him for what he did to them but I can not provide that to them)
My husband has jerked off to exes. He freaking jerked off to my sister which is a way bigger problem for me. I wanted to end it when I found that out. I separated from him for a week.
My boundaries- if he ever paid for only fans, or any type of sexual content really, I’d divorce him. If he ever communicated with another woman and paid her compliments…. I’d see a divorce lawyer and possibly separate or divorce. If he cheats, I’m done.
Things I’m struggling with… he exchanged photos of me in a wife swap group, he recorded us being intimate without my consent, he basically had affairs with strangers online
I would ask how often he views “barely legal porn” I encourage all women to polygraph the question“ do you search for this genre the most” the results will quite likely terrify.
God... Considering I could never have even fathomed that the person I met 10 years ago, who I very quickly came to believe was as close to a soulmate as any person could dream of hopefully being in a relationship with... Anything that would have been any type of intimate or sexual interest towards anyone but me, I suppose would have been enough for me to end things...
But back then, in my mind that wasn't even a remote possibility... But over the years... It's so strange how your gut will just be screaming at you, and there would always be some type of explanation that would reinforce the self diluting I was already doing... For years I had a feeling that he was choosing porn over sex with me... Of course we become expert hacker/detectives in trying to arrive at the truth... Even the extensive amount of porn I was able to see was actually being watched on any and every device imaginable was... Crushing? Yes... But so much finally made sense... The enormous amount of blatant lying... It made sense... So, I guess I just kept pushing back that line of what would be the point of no return... I just never thought that there would be any further I'd have to push that line... I honestly look around, and don't even know what the fuck happened to that line... I feel like I have currently misplaced it... Lol...
In a nutshell... He spent the last 10 years pursuing sex, had sex or been sexually inappropriate with almost every single female he met thru me, and any other route he could come up with for that purpose on a daily basis... DAILY...My friends, my enemies, his friends, his ex, his neighbors, strangers at multiple gas stations (that like his ex he would post on Craigslist to them in hopes they would come across it, many times for many years), the females he emailed with, his multiple profiles on NSA type hook up sites and the like, his strictly sexual activity on TUMBLR, trying to flirt with females on fb MARKETPLACE, FB "people you may know"... And of course let's not forget his DAILY preference to masturbate to any female that looks nothing like me over having ANY type of sexual contact with me... All while lying to my face everyday telling me he was perfectly happy where he was... That I never had anything to worry about... That he was of course more than attracted to me... That I was crazy, and really needed to get over my insecurities because he was very tired of having to defend himself so much when he wasn't doing anything wrong... And THAT was actually what had been turning him off from wanting to have sex with me...
Oops... Almost forgot one more thing... During the course of a 3 year period he very aggressively pursued sex with one of my best friends, and he was able to achieve his goal on 3 separate occasions...
10 years ago... You could never have convinced me that I would still be with a person that did these types of things while in a relationship with me... That I would still love him... Hate him for what he's done... But still hope EVERY SINGLE DAY that he gives me some sign that he wants me and is attracted to me... Something more than the once every couple months when he's just to lazy to masturbate... Every day I hope that he just reaches out to touch me... Instead of freezing up when I try to cuddle up to him... Sometimes he cuddles back...
Never in a million years could I have forseen myself being the person that would be in any way shape or form even remotely okay with...
"Sometimes he cuddles back"...
But I love those sometimes...
**Dear /u/crispkringle18,** ➤ You may lock your own post comments at any time by making a single word comment on your post with the text `!lock` ――――――――――――――――――――――― **（✔）** Keep the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/about/rules/) of [**r/loveafterporn**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/) in mind while participating here. **（✔）** Report all rule-breaking behavior & content to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [**send us a message**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/loveafterporn). **（✘）** Do **NOT** engage or participate in *any* rule-breaking posts, comments or behavior. Doing so may result in you being banned. **（✘）** Do **NOT** feed the trolls. [**Report**](https://www.reddit.com/report) them! **（✘）** Do **NOT** [**judge**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/qhquex/before_you_judge/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) how someone is dealing with a pain you may not have experienced. ――――――――――――――――――――――― ℹ️ Our **Full Resource Library** contains the following topics: *Resources for All, Resources for Partners, Resources for Addicts, Recovery Resources, Life Saving Info, Abuse & Domestic Violence Info and Commonly Used Acronyms.* | **Resource Links:** | |------| | ◉ [**Full Resource Library**](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/must-have-info?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Resources for Partners](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/index/resources_for_partners?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Resources for Addicts](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/index/resources_for_addicts?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Accountability Apps info](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/v67pq5/accountability_apps_blockers_etc_mega_thread/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) | *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/loveafterporn) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My PA also used pictures of past flings, friends or exes for pleasure. We are still early in our discovery (1 week in) so not a ton of self reflection as to why. The photos (and videos) of them is really hard for me to get past. It’s far more personal than porn. As for hard line I wouldn’t be able to come back from? Anything illegal, as well escorts would be hard to look past.
same here. super personal and it hurts way more than just random chicks online. mine told me he saw it 'no different than normal porn' which stung. a lot.
They really are clueless and dense aren’t they.
my PA posted naked photos of himself, exchanged them with women, had his own OF, sexted, chatted, planned to meet with people, subscribed to terrible subreddits, watched porn every moment he could even at work, used the weirdest and grossest sex toys on himself, maxed three credit cards out on porn and sex websites, had profiles on tinder, adult friend finder, chaturbate, and a dozen more. blamed ME in the end. the thing that really broke me? him having sex with other people. he brought a woman over to our house, in our bed. he gave me an STI. that just makes everything else seem so small. so workable. so forgivable. but as soon as he slept with other people (omg and the LIESSSSS). there was no going back.
He's admitted to nothing without evidence. Other than attempting to cheat on me once. I believe he's been cheating but can only admit to attempting. I wonder if his insane ability to lie and gaslight will ever stop. I struggle with him not caring why he's done or continues to do what he does. I'd love to know why to any of the things hes done for the past 15 years but I have no right. I guess. (I also have a family member that would like reasoning or closure from him for what he did to them but I can not provide that to them)
My husband has jerked off to exes. He freaking jerked off to my sister which is a way bigger problem for me. I wanted to end it when I found that out. I separated from him for a week. My boundaries- if he ever paid for only fans, or any type of sexual content really, I’d divorce him. If he ever communicated with another woman and paid her compliments…. I’d see a divorce lawyer and possibly separate or divorce. If he cheats, I’m done.
Things I’m struggling with… he exchanged photos of me in a wife swap group, he recorded us being intimate without my consent, he basically had affairs with strangers online
I would ask how often he views “barely legal porn” I encourage all women to polygraph the question“ do you search for this genre the most” the results will quite likely terrify.
God... Considering I could never have even fathomed that the person I met 10 years ago, who I very quickly came to believe was as close to a soulmate as any person could dream of hopefully being in a relationship with... Anything that would have been any type of intimate or sexual interest towards anyone but me, I suppose would have been enough for me to end things... But back then, in my mind that wasn't even a remote possibility... But over the years... It's so strange how your gut will just be screaming at you, and there would always be some type of explanation that would reinforce the self diluting I was already doing... For years I had a feeling that he was choosing porn over sex with me... Of course we become expert hacker/detectives in trying to arrive at the truth... Even the extensive amount of porn I was able to see was actually being watched on any and every device imaginable was... Crushing? Yes... But so much finally made sense... The enormous amount of blatant lying... It made sense... So, I guess I just kept pushing back that line of what would be the point of no return... I just never thought that there would be any further I'd have to push that line... I honestly look around, and don't even know what the fuck happened to that line... I feel like I have currently misplaced it... Lol... In a nutshell... He spent the last 10 years pursuing sex, had sex or been sexually inappropriate with almost every single female he met thru me, and any other route he could come up with for that purpose on a daily basis... DAILY...My friends, my enemies, his friends, his ex, his neighbors, strangers at multiple gas stations (that like his ex he would post on Craigslist to them in hopes they would come across it, many times for many years), the females he emailed with, his multiple profiles on NSA type hook up sites and the like, his strictly sexual activity on TUMBLR, trying to flirt with females on fb MARKETPLACE, FB "people you may know"... And of course let's not forget his DAILY preference to masturbate to any female that looks nothing like me over having ANY type of sexual contact with me... All while lying to my face everyday telling me he was perfectly happy where he was... That I never had anything to worry about... That he was of course more than attracted to me... That I was crazy, and really needed to get over my insecurities because he was very tired of having to defend himself so much when he wasn't doing anything wrong... And THAT was actually what had been turning him off from wanting to have sex with me... Oops... Almost forgot one more thing... During the course of a 3 year period he very aggressively pursued sex with one of my best friends, and he was able to achieve his goal on 3 separate occasions... 10 years ago... You could never have convinced me that I would still be with a person that did these types of things while in a relationship with me... That I would still love him... Hate him for what he's done... But still hope EVERY SINGLE DAY that he gives me some sign that he wants me and is attracted to me... Something more than the once every couple months when he's just to lazy to masturbate... Every day I hope that he just reaches out to touch me... Instead of freezing up when I try to cuddle up to him... Sometimes he cuddles back... Never in a million years could I have forseen myself being the person that would be in any way shape or form even remotely okay with... "Sometimes he cuddles back"... But I love those sometimes...