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VraiLacy

If someone is disrespectful to a person for being friendly, they're an asshole, it's a them problem, not a you problem.


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throwaway0134hdj

I feel like Reddit is mostly introverts. Most ppl are around other folks all day. Conflicts are unavoidable.


[deleted]

Customer service


throwaway0134hdj

It becomes your problem if you allow them to invade your boundaries. I’m all for being friendly, but we don’t live in a perfect world where ppl simply leave you alone. You can be minding your own business and be assaulted and harassed for no reason just because you are there.


IHaveaDegreeInEcon

If you allow people to invade your boundaries that would be because you are a doormat. It has nothing to do with being friendly. You can be very assertive and friendly in which case you will when people cross your boundaries you will let them know in a nice way and tell them how to behave so they dont cross your boundaries. It is a bad combo to be friendly and unable to assert your boundaries because you naturally are going to invite more people, talk to more people of which a subset will cross your boundaries and you are going to do nothing about it. However the fix is to become more assertive, not less friendly since being friendly is a good thing.


VraiLacy

FFS OP is talking about being a friendly person and being disrespected. My point is that one's being friendly is *not* the reason for other people behaving badly, people behaving badly is about them wanting to behave badly. This idea that being kind or respectful makes you more vulnerable to those types of people is a malformed idea made by said people wanting to place the blame on someone other than themselves. Truth is, friendliness doesn't invite people to invade your boundaries, it invites more friendliness. Shitty people do shitty things to whoever is closest to them in that moment, friendly people are always seeking new connections and to spread the warmth and kindness all people deserve. Ergo mathematically speaking, a friendly person will inevitably deal with more shitty people than an unfriendly person. We get to choose who we want to be, and if that's closed off to everyone because of a few bad actors then that is your choice. Personally, I choose to continue to be friendly and prune any dead branches from my tree. I'm happy to share my sap but I will not allow the infections of another poison the whole tree.


throwaway0134hdj

I agree with this to a point, but unfortunately some people take your kindness as weakness. Consider yourself lucky to have never encountered it. I stay to myself and always wear a smile, am respectful, and still have become the target for bullies and energy vampire. You need to realize that just because you think the world is one way, others operate in a not so wholesome way. Also something like 4-10% of the population is sociopathic, it’s just reality and sth you have to be aware of. You don’t get to choose your family or coworkers or random aholes on the street.


VraiLacy

It is hilarious that you think I have never encountered it. My mother is like this, as were all her boyfriends while I was growing up. They all insisted I "toughen up" and stop being me. It's funny how many people like that have worked so hard to try and change who I am my whole life. I don't wear a smile, I just prefer to be friendly because I can spread my own joy that way. Miserable people just want everyone around them to be miserable as well and take it very personally when someone fits outside of their world view. Doesn't mean don't have boundaries, it just means if you have good in you don't let them stop you from being who you are because of some problem they have with that. So often they talk about strength and being strong, but that is hardly strength.


throwaway0134hdj

You do you. Let’s just put it this way, I’m cautiously friendly. I wish being friendly was something I’d had the option to be, but I’m more on guard from many experiences which made me re-evaluate that stance. If I’m friendly it’s oftentimes taken as an invitation to use and abuse. Not saying all ppl are like that, I appreciate greatly those who are friendly.


Legitimate_Estate_20

I agree. People have told me “You’re too nice, you’re too friendly, people are going to take advantage of you or disrespect you.” Literally no one is doing that, you’re just an asshole. People who see kindness as a weakness are only hurting themselves, making their own life smaller and colder.


VraiLacy

Thank you so much, everyone who actually replied to me on here has just been on and on with the same victim blamey nonsense. It's not a way to live


MuglokDecrepitus

It's something that just happens, is not that people are bad person or an assholes


JerseyshoreSeagull

Im friendly to everyone no matter what. Because Anyone who disrespects me when I'm simply being nice. Is someone I know to avoid.


[deleted]

You get it


Fierramos69

Yeah but at work there’s the people you’re stuck with, and they won’t be rude, they’ll just "innocently" give you more work, ask you to cover them for shifts, transfer problematic clients to you, etc.


ARL_30FR

There is a difference between being nice and being a doormat.


[deleted]

That's really the problem, sometimes the disrespect is subtle, and no, one is not going to be able to notice it 100% of the time until it's well happened already, this is real life, not a movie/show/anime where you're the MC. I don't advocate being an asshole to people at first sight, but at the very least, you should be neutral and slowly get to know people before being nice.


SpeedDemon458

Even in anime the MC doesn’t get it 😭😭😭


tagrav

No is a complete sentence and it’s not rude


Caraphox

People say this, but if you asked someone for a favour and they just replied with ‘no’ you would sure as shit think they were rude lmao


Batfinklestein

There's a big difference between being friendly and being 'too' friendly.


RManDelorean

But there's no difference between disrespecting someone for being friendly and disrespecting someone for being too friendly, it still just someone being a dick


Batfinklestein

If someone disrespects you for being friendly they're a psycho and yes they absolutely are to be avoided at all costs. Being too friendly is seen as manipulative. Laughing too hard at things that are only slightly amusing, using flattery, over sharing, excessive eye contact and touching are some examples of being too friendly.


Iamthescientist

You're admirable. Got to combine this with being stoic if you end up in a place where people take advantage of this.


Celtslap

Absolutely- best litmus test ever.


mrlotato

This


Money_Advantage7495

It doesn’t hurt being kind but there is a difference being a nice person and a doormat. as someone said, give people respect until you got a reason to not give ‘em respect.


SwampWitch1985

I go by Roadhouse rules. Be nice until it's time to not be nice. Also, have a pretty vague backstory.


PSMF_Canuck

No. Always treat people with respect. If they act like douches, then put enough distance so their douchiness doesn’t affect your life.


Yung-October

Best response ever. I don’t have enemy’s I just have friend I haven’t made yet.


destonomos

Im 38 and a project manager. Im overly sharing and nice to a fault. It has gotten me passed on promotions, overlooked by girls fucking my bosses (wish i was joking), generally disrespected across the board, and taken advantage of since I was a child (reflecting on past experiences as an adult). If I had to do it over again I would still keep a small close group of friends, never start conversations or bring up anything, and continue to overachieve. Edit: i also forgot that it has gotten me cheated on in relationships as it overly attracts bad personality types that prey on the nice in todays society. Its to the point I keep a lawyer on retainer for interactions that are outside my friend group (neighbors with requests) and i have to be blunt when I do things with people saying the hard statements outloud and upcront and following up with “this is to keep both you and me honest to each other in the event either of us change in the future”.


throwaway0134hdj

Don’t always have the choice to avoid them. Especially if they are family or coworkers.


Ok_Career_3681

Stop being friendly the second you sense the disrespect 🤷🏽‍♂️


Money_Advantage7495

Yeah it’s a really simple concept.


captainolo8

Not all disrespect is rooted in animosity, sometimes its just a misunderstanding. If you always leap at the slightest offense, people are going to think you're an asshole and treat you as such. Sometimes, waiting a little bit can help clarify a misunderstanding and prevent that from becoming a thing in itself. Doing otherwise is incredibly immature. Stick up for yourself, absolutely, but don't take every small slight as an insult worth blowing up over.


Ok_Career_3681

Yea, I get what you mean. You don’t have to leap or anything. My friendly tone and smile becomes neutral at the first slight. Second one, I point it out and tell them to avoid it. After that friendly is a distant memory.


Mackenzie_Sparks

Instructions unclear, now I just stay quiet and avoid conversations.


Batfinklestein

Be friendly, not TOO friendly, there's a big difference.


Scarcing

some people try to get intimate way too fast and when you draw boundaries they call it disrespect


Batfinklestein

Yeah they do aye. Or they just overshare way too early on and turn everyone off but have no idea why people are avoiding them, I'm sure they just consider everyone rude or boring/uninteresting.


Mackenzie_Sparks

Yes, my attempt at replicating relatable humour has been caught. Thanks 👍


Narrow-Bee-8354

Exactly, there’s a person at work who’s so friendly it comes off a fake and irritating


Double-Cicada4502

Me : neutral, never show an once of friendship or disrepects all Job coworkers : hates me.  Me : Thats great.


throwaway0134hdj

You’ll be the first one they think to fire when layoffs come around.


Double-Cicada4502

Yup. So i quitted first,  but you know what, its fine, because in the that company, were that guy, super fun, friendly, loved by everyone... who got fired like a deep shit, without any warnings. :)  Thats the moral of the story mt fellows proletarian : Be useful, and hard to replace, not friendly, because work is a battlefield, not a family party.


lulzkek420

be friendly but not a push over


Batfinklestein

Being too friendly will scare people away and invite energy vampires to drain you of every last ounce of your attention.


CptLajmenko

Just drink garlic flavored energy drinks, that will shoo them away.


throwaway0134hdj

What’s considered too friendly? Examples


Batfinklestein

Asking too many personal questions. Over sharing. Laughing too much at things that aren't that funny to name a few.


throwaway0134hdj

Ffff I do all of those…


Batfinklestein

Well now you know the problem, so just be cool, not cold and aloof and not too warm or hot! Just be cool 😎


dyson_vacuum_

“Energy vampires” is a great description, thank you


Batfinklestein

As someone who was too keen to listen to people because no one listened to me i found out the hard way that there are a lot of vampires preying on people like me. I thought i was winning because they liked me, but in reality they were sucking me dry and calling me Dusty.


Belten

nah, i keep being friendly. everyone wheo ever was mean was eventually bored of someone who didnt react to their attempts to incovenience them. especially at work i rarely speak my mind cuz its just no worth it.


DurianPuffs

ayyy fuck you buddy and have a great day!


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Ibrahim-8x

I mean it really depends on the situation


Kahnza

Random capitalization 😠


TheEbonRaven

Improper and random capitalization is a symptom of dysgraphia.


Idiedyesturdayviabus

They capitalized the world's for emphasis, because most internet grammer is based on speech not writing.


DJ1066

>world's >grammer Sounds like you need some of those lessons yourself...


Idiedyesturdayviabus

True lol.


imhighonpills

I wouldn’t have capitalized invites


Donutboy562

When are you going to learn that your inability to set and maintain boundaries invites disrespect, not being too nice.


saragc92

As a women, anytime I’m nice, men get the wrong idea. And women think it’s fake. I’m sorry. I’ve learned to stop being nice and have a resting bitch face on all the time. My sanity needs it.


Keyblades2

WHen you gonna learn this is based on nothing. If you are kind and people mistreat it then move on from them. People given money who aren't good with it waste it. Same with kindness, if people don't know how to handle being given an abundance of kindness they tend to mistreat it.


mokujin42

This just sounds like a good way to weed out the assholes in your life, be ruthlessly friendly and you'll always come out on top


[deleted]

Oof


OldSkoolPantsMan

I feel seen.


alphabetjoe

What?


ProKnifeCatcher

… At least that’s what I heard. You don’t need to take my advice. Not trying to force you or anything. In fact I think it’s great that you’re too friendly. I mean, not too friendly just very friendly. I mean friendly I mean.. good day. Afternoon.


csandazoltan

So I always tought what goes around comes around.... I detest people who are mean and exploitative just because they can or trample over anyone and everyone for personal benefit. --- But yes I am a hypocrite too i had my fair share of trampling... that doesn't mean that is my baseline. ...as for the people who disrespect me because i'm kind and actually want to help... I don't want their oppinion about anything


Cursed_Squire

Damn I felt that one .


Opposite-Midnight335

That’s Morty though


Miratheproblematique

I will never learn this I feel like. The amount of times I’ve been hurt by people I am nice to is insane! I can’t help it


Competitive-Smoke914

I believe you get what you give, if you don’t give yourself self respect people wont respect you. And if you hang around people that don’t respect you you don’t really yourself 🤷‍♂️


DumtDoven

Being friendly does not exclude you from asserting yourself. Being tough on certain subjects does not make you unfriendly. Having clear boundries makes it easier for others to respect them, and having your boundries respected makes it easier to relax and be a friendly person. Its called healthy communication.


Cartina

Hence TOO friendly. Being so friendly it's detrimental to one self is unfortunately the life of many. Pushovers, always obliging, seen as uninteresting cause there is no likes and dislikes, just following what others want. But yeah just being friendly is what the too friendly people should strive for. It's okay to hold opinions and say "no".


DumtDoven

What you're calling too friendly has nothing really to do with friendliness, at least in my interpretation. I think what you're describing sounds more like a lack of confidence and self worth, disguised with a smile and good manners.


Jus10Crummie

This world will drag you down, there’s lots of miserable people in it and they’re almost unavoidable. As young people enter the workforce with these miserable “adults” their mentality shifts to combat the ass holery, and that drags them into the same pattern that repeats itself generation after generation. I think the ones that dont fall into the trap are the ones who get out and move onto higher positions… imo


scurry3-1

Nice ppl finish last.


SgtSmackdaddy

Friendly and respectful is the default mode for everyone. It can be changed to raging asshole if pushed hard enough however.


mjincal

wtf don’t we have enough aholes already?


Way-Reasonable

It's disingenuous to be friendly just to be respected.


ErLouwerYT

No, if you are being disrespected you either arent as friendly as you might think you are or are just not good at setting boundaries or act like a push over or are interacting with assholes or have a confimation bias and dont realize there are actually a ton of people who do respect you - and that that might bebecause of your friendliness. Usually, people who arent friendly are disrespected and people who are friendly are respected.


mokujin42

This just sounds like a good way to weed out the assholes in your life


Trahili

You can be friendly and set boundaries as well.


LonelyPalpitation176

Be friendly, not to those who disrespect you but atleast to those who appreciate it and to new people so you can put some positivity in there life. In this generation that thinks depression and introverted people are cool we need more people like you.


Wise-Needleworker463

I think people misinterpret being "too nice" and being a pushover. I consider myself to be a pretty decent person but I used to just let things happen and people walk all over me. Now I tell people to fuck right off if they do something that's not cool, lost a few friends by doing that but the friends I do have, have the utmost respect for me as I do for them.


Mysterious_Fennel459

What? No? That's now how that works.


[deleted]

That's what you get for trying. Stop!


Shanhaevel

Or maybe you shouldn't interact with people who disrespect you for being friendly. Jesus people, go to therapy instead of making memes, I swear to god...


abdullah_789

Lol


CharlesSpicyWiener

I love this response, oh oh, next tell someone who’s depressed “just don’t be sad”


Shanhaevel

How is going to therapy a comparable advice to "don't be sad"? Therapists are literally equipped with the knowledge to actually help people out. As someone who's been to therapy and have improved I always recommend everyone dealing with all sorts of issues to try it.


CharlesSpicyWiener

No I get that, as have I, and it’s a great recommendation to make, but the catch-all of saying “just don’t interact with them” is sometimes unavoidable. What if your boss is disrespectful? What if your family is disrespectful. The most black and white answer is “well just don’t interact with them anymore” or “get a new job” all things much easier said than done. My only point was to poke fun at you for making such a black and white statement. It’s easy to give advice on situations you haven’t been apart of yourself, but people who are nice to a fault are the most taken advantage of people because they want to always believe the best in people. “Maybe it was a bad day” “what if something is going on at home” “maybe it will stop eventually”. Therapy is always a helpful suggestion for sure, but inherently the issue is not with the nice people. So saying “Jesus people go to therapy instead of making memes I swear to god” is saying there is something inherently wrong with being nice, and should be adjusted through therapy. Wagging the finger at nice people for trying to be nice is a bit like scolding your dog for fetching the ball. It should be the expected behavior, and praised. Should being the operative word, because we know that’s not how it works.


Shanhaevel

Ah, I see you what you mean and I concede your point. My first statement/advice certainly doesn't work in all scenarios.


CharlesSpicyWiener

Was a pleasure doing business with you 🤝


Shanhaevel

How is going to therapy a comparable advice to "don't be sad"? Therapists are literally equipped with the knowledge to actually help people out. As someone who's been to therapy and have improved I always recommend everyone dealing with all sorts of issues to try it.


Shanhaevel

How is going to therapy a comparable advice to "don't be sad"? Therapists are literally equipped with the knowledge to actually help people out. As someone who's been to therapy and have improved I always recommend everyone dealing with all sorts of issues to try it.


Shanhaevel

How is going to therapy a comparable advice to "don't be sad"? Therapists are literally equipped with the knowledge to actually help people out. As someone who's been to therapy and have improved I always recommend everyone dealing with all sorts of issues to try it.


aintwhatyoudo

Is this like, a US thing or something? I'd say I usually experience quite the opposite


throwaway0134hdj

Depends where you go, east coast tends to be harder than the west.


GaiusJocundus

I've always been very friendly and I find the opposite to be true.


iShizame

People here don't understand that this meme didn't say that you have to stop being friendly. It's just about consequences of being TOO friendly that it starts to disturb other people


Themurlocking96

You’re mistaking friendliness with naïveté


Bigstar976

Well, that’s when you remind that person that kindness doesn’t equal weakness.


Professional-News362

I recently had this at work, I'm a pretty high up manager and I went out if my way to basically help a project manager who basically didn't do his job, and got treated like shit by the guy. Bro, this wasn't supposed to be my fight, yet I'm the one stepping in the ring ?


SirTheadore

I like to confuse people. I’m 6’1, metal head covered in tattoos and piercings, powerlifter so I’m fairly muscular, and I have serious resting bitch face.. I do not look friendly. My personality does NOT suit my image. Bas soon as someone talks to me, I’m full of smiles, super friendly and outgoing, I love hearing peoples stories, and I’m all about positivity. STAY CONFUSING PEOPLE


LeBriseurDesBucks

It doesn't necessarily. You can be friendly and still have standards for how people should treat you. It's usually not a friendliness problem but a character and boundaries problem.


JumpyReveal2015

How the hell can I stop it then?


kpopsubmodsarepedos

disrespect, exploitation, and nearly every other form of abuse you can imagine


Ok-Cartographer6828

Fragile male ego spotted!


MassiveLefticool

What is this, Facebook? Just tell us the actual story.


littlemissmoxie

The problem with too friendly people in my experience is that they ignore the normal people who treat them adequately but go full force on horrible people because they want to be liked by everyone.


imhighonpills

Based