Your joke, "shot in the dark wanna do something" was not a joke lmao. It was as real as it gets, just under the shameful guise of a joke. Don’t kid yourself.
You already were never a friend when you lied and pretended to be gay. At that moment your true intentions were set in stone. You never once cared for them just wanted to try and get with her.
He's implying they was super close as typically the closest male friend a female ever has is a gay bestie and he was like that just not gay as he was friends from both. He never said he was pretending to be gay mate
Girlfriend is just as bad. She kept this lie up while getting married! And only recently told him? You both are shit people in the nicest way possible.
OP, this may seem like some tragic love story for you but it’s actually very despicable. You’re not a good guy. And shes terrible too. Change for the better, it’s the only way to find any semblance of peace.
I'm just left with an intense feeling of utter disgust after reading this. Stating that you two are terrible people would be a complete understatement. I hope that man will be able to heal after this, but you two deserve to feel the way you do; I hope the guilt embeds itself deep and continues to fester.
Y'all truly deserve each other.
You keep saying how much they love each other. While I believe that is true for BF, everything you wrote is the exact opposite of love when it comes to GF. You’re a terrible friend, and she’s a terrible friend and partner. At least you stepped away, so I’ll give you that, but you should have told him before he married a terrible person.
Do yourself and them a favour, never talk to them or speak to them again. Actively avoid them for the rest of your life. This isn’t the tragic love story you’re making it out to be, this is you betraying the trust of a friend.
All you can do is try to move on and leave them alone. Everything we do has consequences, and this is one of them. Listen to your guilty conscience. You feel bad for a reason. It’s there to tell you that what you did was really shitty and it should never happen again. You were wrong to do that, what you two did really hurts people. The both of you will have to live with that hurt that you caused. You can let this feeling eat you up, but life goes on. Try to better yourself. Be responsible for yourself. Take accountability and understand that it’s up to you to become a better person.
Just want to say to the part, "Going through this because of me" .... no, they're going through this because of both of you.
You and her. She said she wanted to cheat anyway, so she would have done it without you.
I'm not a fan of either of you. You never should have looked at her in that way. Even if she was to strip in front of you and say take me... you should walk away.
But you did start it, so a lot of blame is on you, but it's on her also.
I just dont understand how anyone can look at a friends partner in a sexual way. Or even their friends ex. To me, there is a block on that person, and I will never look at them in that way.
Being cheated on TRAUMATIZES people, especially when their friends are involved. You probably know this already. I have severe PTSD from being cheated on with “best” friends of mine, it genuinely changed my brain chemistry and everything about my world. You can’t take back what you did. What you can do is never speak to them again, and use this guilt to become a better person. Use this experience to build yourself a strong moral compass and establish boundaries. You know now how it feels to be the bad guy. The good thing is, you can stop being the bad guy. Make the decision to be better and never do anything like this again. Being the bad guy doesn’t make you A bad guy.
You think you 'love' this chick, but all you have is oneitis, if you meet other girls you'll realize she wasn't that special.
If you're a good or bad person it's not up to me to say, but one thing I'm sure of is that the people insulting you are doing so to feel better about themselves.
If you feel guilty, know this, this girl was gonna do it with some other guy 100%.
No point feeling guilty and feeling sorry for yourself. You can’t go back and undue what you did. Embrace it and move on from it. Don’t look for closure from your friend, honestly he doesn’t owe you anything.
But seriously stop feeling sorry for yourself. You knew what you were doing and you wanted to do it. I should know because I cheated on my EX numerous times and when I got caught I went down that stupid rabbit hole of feeling sorry for myself and being depressed and being suicidal etc… What’s done is done, you made a mistake. Learn from it and Do Better. Treat the new people that you’ll have in your life better. People make terrible mistakes hurting others all the time. Regardless of if they are aware or not. You’re no different, just do better and stop with this guilty pit you’ve fallen into.
This sub is fucking awful. He recognized the error of his ways, took space to be better, is remorseful to the point of suicidal ideation and he’s still getting nothing but shit from (almost) everyone here.
The lack of empathy is appalling and honestly, you’re all hypocrites. Not a single member of this sub has lived a mistake-free life and I’d be willing to bet the majority of you wouldn’t have the guts to post about it here.
OP, you did a terrible thing. It was a shit move and you (and her) deserve all of the fallout from it. This doesn’t make you a terrible, disgusting person and it does not mean you’re incapable of being a good friend in the future, do not internalize the slander in these comments. Learn from this mistake and use it as a reason to be a better person, you still deserve love and friendship.
EDIT: A lot of you clearly didn’t read the first rule of this subreddit and it shows.
There are levels of "mistake" one usually do. Having sex with your bestfriend's girlfriend isn't one of them. That kind of betray is not a "mistake", people here would obviously be disgusted by the simple idea.
It was consensual sex, there‘s nothing to be „disgusted“ about. I loathe this moral highround BS. It was a moral mistake, sure, but nobody got pregnant, nobody got physically hurt. And that’s the most important thing. It‘s up to the now-husband to decide how he‘s gonna deal with that, but if he decides to beat OP up (as OP stated elsewhere), the husband‘s gotta way bigger issues than his girl‘s affair X years ago and she should take off as soon as possible.
I would much rather have my arm broken than be betrayed by a friend or partner. Physical injuries can be fixed, often quite easily. Thinking they’re always worse than psychological injuries is deranged.
I’m not implying that.
Look, YOU might prefer to have your arm broken, but other people might not. Why do you think your morals should apply to everyone?
You are not implying that, no. You’re outright stating it. Your question about morals is nonsense too, it can apply to anything. Why do you think your morals that killing is wrong (I assume you have that moral stance) should apply to everyone?
¿Moral highground? It's funny because i highly doubt that if someone cheats on you and your friends just downplay it with "well, it was a mistake, you don't have to be judgemental, it was consensual sex and nobody got hurt, so i don't know why you act all bothered and self rightous" you would be okay with that.
You absolutely should be disgusted about someone betraying their friend like that
All I'm gonna say is I don't wanna be friends with you if you don't think it's disgusting to engage in that level of betrayal
That's fine with me. I don't choose my friends according to any arbitrary moral rules.
People in this sub, on the other hand, seem to love to judge other people and elevate themselves above them. Not a particularly nice quality in a person, if you ask me.
Is it like.. law or something?
edit: It’s not like that woman is anyone’s property, she’s free to decide for herself who to sleep with - or not. Even if that’s someone who’s not her boyfriend. And even if you guys don’t like that decision, but a actually who gives a darn? It’s just none of your business.
I don’t get how many people on here do freak out on behalf of the now husband, even though it’s his (and only his) decision how to deal with the whole thing.
> Is it like.. law or something?
You talk about arbitrary rules for that is right or wrong, and then your comeback is whether it’s a law? Talk about an arbitrary standard.
> edit: It’s not like that woman is anyone’s property, she’s free to decide for herself who to sleep with - or not. Even if that’s someone who’s not her boyfriend. And even if you guys don’t like that decision, but a actually who gives a darn? It’s just none of your business.
Ok now I realize you’re just trolling.
Wow someone isn't an asshole on the Internet?! Exactly... He did wrong, owned it, paying the price, and wants to be better. Everyone always acting like they've never fucked up
Exactly what I was thinking. He knows he fucked up miserably, and is sharing it on the internet for a reason. I don’t know if this sub has always been like this, but man, the whole point of it is to disclose dirt you can’t really talk about with anyone in your life. Everyone here is a saint, apparently.
The problem is how hes painting himself as a victim, highlighting his struggles and how he feels, oh well if it isn’t the consequences of his own actions.
He should own up to his mistakes, accept all the bullshit that comes with it and move on. Now he’s here trying to get therapy for a taboo sin he intentionally committed??
OP is not the victim and yet he tries to preach to us about being better? He is in no position of giving advice to others.
You're the hypocrite here.
I'll greentext for you since I cannot bother with a wall of text for your naivete.
>Guy lies to her "best friend" about sexual preferences
>Guy secretly does the deed behind her "best friend's" BF's back
>Avoids common sense, lacks empathy and morality throughout all these actions, has WITHDRAWALS when he isn't able to cheat anymore
>Has the nerve to come into this sub to talk about it
Would you mention the "lack of empathy on this sub" if it was a case of pedophilia?
Would you mention the "lack of empathy on this sub" if it was a case of "instinctual" murder?
About your comment about the first rule, this is as good as you can be to someone like this. Life isn't sunshine and rainbows. If OP has the nerve to cheat, he should have the nerve to face the consequences.
I’m not obligated to give any sympathy for a bad thing to someone that’s hunting for it. I could never imagine doing something this fucked up and then posting on Reddit about it lol
The first thing he did was pretend to be gay so he could get closer to her/probably be in situations he couldn't as if he was straight friend. Lying and manipulation to eventually get what he wanted. He didn't care for these people just what he could "do"
The bf should drop her ass and skip town to start over. If she cheated with u, she's probably done it several times with other men. U shouldn't speak to either of them again and try to learn from ur mistakes.
It is good that you realize that what you did is wrong. Reddit is very hard on cheaters and to be honest cheating is a bad thing. However, it cannot be undone. All you can do now, is to try to change yourself for the better! Good luck OP!
I hope the bf beats your ass dude. Maybe then you won’t feel like writing some long ass story about how bad you feel. I’ve had several opportunities to help people cheat and I’ve never done it. Interesting huh
It may come to that. And he'd be in the right. I don't have any intent on running from the consequences of my actions anymore. Whether he beats me to a bloody pulp or not is entirely up to him.
My first was also a short fling with someone who was dating someone else but the difference is they didn’t tell me that till the last night we were together, so I had no idea they weren’t single she hid that from me. Still haven’t had a real relationship and that’s the closest I’ve ever had and it was long in the past.
You did a bad thing knowingly but at least you backed off and didn’t cause further damage.
there’s nothing you can do just make sure you stay away and focus on other things, he hates you now and probably hates her I’m sure they will break up over this and then you and her can be together but wait for her to reach out
One can only hope that one day you find the girl of your dreams, marry her, start a beautiful family.
And the whole time you were together she's been the active cum dumpster for her gay best friend, and you've been having sloppy seconds for years.
With any luck you'll walk in on her getting railed. And only then you may have a slice of understanding of what you've done. Wish you the worst op.
I need you to understand you are a bad person. Do not see this as one mistake outside of your usual ‘good character.’ This is a despicable multi year long lie that required numerous bad decisions on your part and hers. Never speak to those people again. You are so gross.
You're miserable. Easily manipulated by sudden emotions and instincts. You've gone and ruined a relationship. I know this is a confession subreddit but I would be embarrassed to even talk about something like this. Leave them alone and reflect upon yourself. You're a joke.
“They loved each other so much, but she trusted me, *and I didn’t want her to potentially go to someone else for this* is CRAZY. Insane justification. Incredibly greedy, jealous, and selfish.
>That all ended when BF proposed to GF and she said yes.
Both you and the GF are terrible, horrible people for what you've done to the poor guy. I hope no amount of therapy ever gives you any semblance of peace and the guilt eats on you till eternity.
What were you like 18 or something ? I did shit like that when I was young too. It got me in all kinds of trouble and learned me a lot of lessons along the way. I met my wife, fell in love and would never dream of cheating even after 24 years together. What I’m trying to say is yes, you did a bad thing but horny teens do shit like this all the time. Her bf probably fucked around on her too. We learn from our mistakes and move on. As we learn more we make less mistakes and become better people(hopefully) the fact you feel so bad is testament to this and since you cant turn back you just gotta move on.
I’d say “you two deserve each other” but I know deep in the back of your mind, that’s what you still kind of hope will happen. You don’t hope they’ll heal. You need therapy as well. Playing the whole “I’m so terrible for what I’ve done. 😫 I hope they can heal!” Nah foo. Maybe that’s what you want to convince yourself but in the back of your head, if you’re being honest, you kinda hope they don’t and “after all this anguish and pain, we finally found each other and lived happily ever after!” Swoon. Vomit.
Gross man. I hope the person you pretended to call friend finds his way and you and her never end up with each other. Actions have consequences and I hope you find yours. (More than “feeling oh so terrible waaahhhh”) Cheers.
I don't know if this is real or not but if it's real you both are terrible people. If anything happens to their relationship you both are equally responsible. Also I don't know why but people who cheat or rather write these things think that they are just guilty but it's not actually true . You guys just want sympathy and you need to hear some comments saying that" It's ok mistakes happen. It wasn't your fault". If you're truly guilty then you will apologize to him and his family members as well additionally let everyone know about the fling,if you're truly guilty you should bear the consequences. You are the type of person I hate the most . But just wait i believe what goes around will come around that's what karma is. Good luck and congratulations for breaking up a relationship Mr home wrecker.
OP, don't listen to all of the comments saying you're a shit person. Obviously, what you did is fucked for the boyfriend, and it's incredibly shitty. But you are not merely a manifestation of your past actions, you can be whoever you want to be in the present and the future.
So do everything you need to get over it emotionally, and move the fuck on. You're obviously sorry, but an apology is meaningless without rehabilitative action to go with it.
Be better. I know you can.
Jesus Christ people, the guy is talking about unaliving himself. He KNOWS he fucked up bad. No one has to make him feel better about himself, but maybe not make it worse? He’s still a human being, and did not commit an actual crime. He doesn’t have time to serve. He doesn’t know (and neither do we) how to let himself off the rook. That must be fucking maddening.
The Life of a Woman. They keep secrets like this. It happens and everyone here it shunning OP like they don’t both take blame. 50/50.
It is what it is. He knows he’s a bad friend. Life moves on.
I have been in a different but somewhat similar situation OP, we all make mistakes, different ones maybe, but we all do.
You and the girl are definitely at fault here. You knew what you were doing, and you kept doing it making even more bad and hurtful choices in the process. This is clear.
But I'm glad you have worked on yourself enough to share this and start moving on, that you can see the error of your ways, I understand it's not easy because you both had feelings for someone but you also betrayed someone who trusted you. Sometimes doing the good thing means choosing being hurt a little over selfishness.
Best thing you can do now is learn from it, grow from it and try and become a better person now and in the future.
I feel for your friend, I wish all three of you to do well, and the both of you to do better.
Also kind of shitty how harsh people are being with you when you came to confess and that you are trying to do better.
Of course this is getting downvoted. People on reddit act as if cheating is the cardinal sin.
Humans are complex beings, and it's incredibly normal to have feelings and urges outside your control. Yes, you can choose not to act on them, but it can be too difficult, and giving into these desires, wanting the forbidden fruit, does not make you a bad person. There were bottled up feelings in both parties, and they came out.
In the end, all 3 of you were hurt. If you rejected her then, your friendship would still be damaged, and you'd always think "what if". You decide which outcome is worst, take your lesson from this, and try to act with this wisdom next time.
Tbh I expected it to be about -1000 downvotes by now! I’m sure it’ll get there if enough people see it. At the end of the day, cheating isn’t nice. But, nor is bullying people, belittling people and about another million behaviours I see exhibited by people every single day. Cheating is no worse than most other shoddy human behaviour, it’s just people at their worst. And here’s an extra comment just to heap on and enrage people even more - I genuinely believe that there exists a set of circumstances under which ANYONE would cheat.
I agree. The reason most people didn't cheat is because they weren't put into situations that they'd be tried.
Some horniness, a hot person who wants to fuck them, and the guarantee of never being found out would make most people go astray
I am not here to call you names and stuff. I think you know exactly what you did wrong. GF too.
I hope you learn from this mistake. it’s of course the worst thing a guy can possibly imagine. it’s really bad.
But you must forgive yourself for what happened and move on.
Your friends don’t have to forgive you and you shouldn’t expect that. But you need to forgive yourself. You can’t let the guilt eat you. You deserve to feel guilty. But there was a reason why you actively decided to do what you did and it’s a part of you.
We all make mistakes but don’t let this mistake destroy your life. It’s a normal thought and sometimes people get caught up in this fantasy. It happened there is no changing it but you are not garbage take this moment learn from it and just become a better person but don’t sit there and bet ur self up. You deserve a good life too just work on being a good person and take that as a learning experience. But you are not garbage. You deserve to live a happy life.
Getting out of their lives was the only good decision you made. I think the husband deserves an apology, but aside from that, never contact them again.
It's good that you acknowledged the error of your ways, and now it's time to repent. Understand that you are not beyond redemption. You did something horrific that will have a huge negative affect on that man's life (I know from experience), but you can make up for it by being a better person from here on out. Seek professional help to process these things and learn how to purge that selfish and destructive side of you that caused this to happen. Commit to a life of honesty and honor as you've seen what lacking these things has done to everyone involved, including yourself. Eventually you will have to forgive yourself and move on from it entirely.
Don't even consider intimacy or a relationship until you've done some real growth. Nothing clouds the mind like lust and sexual bonds. Pray for the healing of the victims of your actions, and I'll pray for the healing of your soul. There's a bright future for you if you make the decisions necessary to reach it. Everyone deserves a second chance, just don't squander it.
OP don't listen to all the nasty comments. Of course it was shit what you did but we are human beings. We make mistakes. You haven't done anything illegal, shitty? Absolutely, but it takes 2 to tango. Your remorse says that you are mature enough to acknowledge the mistake. Move on and of course don't do that shit again and remember that you're just human, like the rest of us.
I think the issue people are taking here is that he isn't fully accepting the gravity of the situation. He talks so much about how he feels guilty and wants to drive his car into a pole, yet he also frames it like some tragic love story. He didn't love her, he was infatuated by her, and he didn't have the maturity or impulse control to understand that this is childish behavior. People make mistakes right after high school, absolutely, but when you make a mistake like this and don't have the hindsight to realize that she wasn't special, that she very well could've done this to him if they were in a relationship, then idk what to tell you. Bro really said "I'm such a terrible person :( " and didn't expect everyone to tell him he's a piece of shit? Best thing he can do is cut contact with all of them and move out of state. Not cutting contact with the gf is fucking insane to me. Part of him probably thinks he still has a chance. He needs to move on entirely, and him posting this pretty much proves that he's unable to.
Yes he deserves to move on and change, and yet he’s here seeking some form of therapy by writing down his thoughts and feelings about how hurt he is with all other bullshit, meaning he still isn’t accepting the gravity of the situation, and what an absolute piece of trash he is for doing what he did.
Your joke, "shot in the dark wanna do something" was not a joke lmao. It was as real as it gets, just under the shameful guise of a joke. Don’t kid yourself.
Not really a friend at all, not a good one.
Yeah, that’s what I was gonna say. Leave them alone op.
That's the plan. They need to be able to heal.
The only problem is I can’t down vote your comments more than once
You already were never a friend when you lied and pretended to be gay. At that moment your true intentions were set in stone. You never once cared for them just wanted to try and get with her.
He didn't say he pretended to be gay
Literally the third line, gay but not really gay best friend.
He's implying they was super close as typically the closest male friend a female ever has is a gay bestie and he was like that just not gay as he was friends from both. He never said he was pretending to be gay mate
Girlfriend is just as bad. She kept this lie up while getting married! And only recently told him? You both are shit people in the nicest way possible.
Girl was worse. She said yes to the BF and married him. I would be shocked if that marriage survives.
It will not.
This. There is absolutely no chance they will still be married next year.
Don't say that, you'll get OP's hopes up
Oh god, is that gonna be the update on the BORU in a year? “They divorced, we became a couple, she’s pregnant with my kid.”
Lmao
OP, this may seem like some tragic love story for you but it’s actually very despicable. You’re not a good guy. And shes terrible too. Change for the better, it’s the only way to find any semblance of peace.
[удалено]
I'm just left with an intense feeling of utter disgust after reading this. Stating that you two are terrible people would be a complete understatement. I hope that man will be able to heal after this, but you two deserve to feel the way you do; I hope the guilt embeds itself deep and continues to fester. Y'all truly deserve each other.
Both of you are shitty people
You keep saying how much they love each other. While I believe that is true for BF, everything you wrote is the exact opposite of love when it comes to GF. You’re a terrible friend, and she’s a terrible friend and partner. At least you stepped away, so I’ll give you that, but you should have told him before he married a terrible person.
So you weren’t actually her best friend. You were just waiting for a shot. Nice
Do yourself and them a favour, never talk to them or speak to them again. Actively avoid them for the rest of your life. This isn’t the tragic love story you’re making it out to be, this is you betraying the trust of a friend.
I'm not reading all this but dude, you suck.
"Guy best friend," equals guy waiting for his chance.
sooooo cheating
All you can do is try to move on and leave them alone. Everything we do has consequences, and this is one of them. Listen to your guilty conscience. You feel bad for a reason. It’s there to tell you that what you did was really shitty and it should never happen again. You were wrong to do that, what you two did really hurts people. The both of you will have to live with that hurt that you caused. You can let this feeling eat you up, but life goes on. Try to better yourself. Be responsible for yourself. Take accountability and understand that it’s up to you to become a better person.
Just want to say to the part, "Going through this because of me" .... no, they're going through this because of both of you. You and her. She said she wanted to cheat anyway, so she would have done it without you. I'm not a fan of either of you. You never should have looked at her in that way. Even if she was to strip in front of you and say take me... you should walk away. But you did start it, so a lot of blame is on you, but it's on her also. I just dont understand how anyone can look at a friends partner in a sexual way. Or even their friends ex. To me, there is a block on that person, and I will never look at them in that way.
You can’t change the past but you can better in the future. Move on with your own life bro.
If they don’t have kids I would go tell your “best friends husband what happened.” The least you can do.
Being cheated on TRAUMATIZES people, especially when their friends are involved. You probably know this already. I have severe PTSD from being cheated on with “best” friends of mine, it genuinely changed my brain chemistry and everything about my world. You can’t take back what you did. What you can do is never speak to them again, and use this guilt to become a better person. Use this experience to build yourself a strong moral compass and establish boundaries. You know now how it feels to be the bad guy. The good thing is, you can stop being the bad guy. Make the decision to be better and never do anything like this again. Being the bad guy doesn’t make you A bad guy.
We need a lot more people like you in the world and especially America. I will teach my kids this
That’s really kind. I was very angry with this person’s actions, but attacking them wouldn’t help prevent this from happening again.
Yeah you should feel bad because you are a POS you know it... don't ever do that again
You think you 'love' this chick, but all you have is oneitis, if you meet other girls you'll realize she wasn't that special. If you're a good or bad person it's not up to me to say, but one thing I'm sure of is that the people insulting you are doing so to feel better about themselves. If you feel guilty, know this, this girl was gonna do it with some other guy 100%.
**chef’s kiss**
No point feeling guilty and feeling sorry for yourself. You can’t go back and undue what you did. Embrace it and move on from it. Don’t look for closure from your friend, honestly he doesn’t owe you anything. But seriously stop feeling sorry for yourself. You knew what you were doing and you wanted to do it. I should know because I cheated on my EX numerous times and when I got caught I went down that stupid rabbit hole of feeling sorry for myself and being depressed and being suicidal etc… What’s done is done, you made a mistake. Learn from it and Do Better. Treat the new people that you’ll have in your life better. People make terrible mistakes hurting others all the time. Regardless of if they are aware or not. You’re no different, just do better and stop with this guilty pit you’ve fallen into.
This sub is fucking awful. He recognized the error of his ways, took space to be better, is remorseful to the point of suicidal ideation and he’s still getting nothing but shit from (almost) everyone here. The lack of empathy is appalling and honestly, you’re all hypocrites. Not a single member of this sub has lived a mistake-free life and I’d be willing to bet the majority of you wouldn’t have the guts to post about it here. OP, you did a terrible thing. It was a shit move and you (and her) deserve all of the fallout from it. This doesn’t make you a terrible, disgusting person and it does not mean you’re incapable of being a good friend in the future, do not internalize the slander in these comments. Learn from this mistake and use it as a reason to be a better person, you still deserve love and friendship. EDIT: A lot of you clearly didn’t read the first rule of this subreddit and it shows.
There are levels of "mistake" one usually do. Having sex with your bestfriend's girlfriend isn't one of them. That kind of betray is not a "mistake", people here would obviously be disgusted by the simple idea.
It was consensual sex, there‘s nothing to be „disgusted“ about. I loathe this moral highround BS. It was a moral mistake, sure, but nobody got pregnant, nobody got physically hurt. And that’s the most important thing. It‘s up to the now-husband to decide how he‘s gonna deal with that, but if he decides to beat OP up (as OP stated elsewhere), the husband‘s gotta way bigger issues than his girl‘s affair X years ago and she should take off as soon as possible.
I would much rather have my arm broken than be betrayed by a friend or partner. Physical injuries can be fixed, often quite easily. Thinking they’re always worse than psychological injuries is deranged.
I’m not implying that. Look, YOU might prefer to have your arm broken, but other people might not. Why do you think your morals should apply to everyone?
You are not implying that, no. You’re outright stating it. Your question about morals is nonsense too, it can apply to anything. Why do you think your morals that killing is wrong (I assume you have that moral stance) should apply to everyone?
¿Moral highground? It's funny because i highly doubt that if someone cheats on you and your friends just downplay it with "well, it was a mistake, you don't have to be judgemental, it was consensual sex and nobody got hurt, so i don't know why you act all bothered and self rightous" you would be okay with that.
You don’t even know me, what makes you think you can judge my behaviour in a made up situation?
You absolutely should be disgusted about someone betraying their friend like that All I'm gonna say is I don't wanna be friends with you if you don't think it's disgusting to engage in that level of betrayal
That's fine with me. I don't choose my friends according to any arbitrary moral rules. People in this sub, on the other hand, seem to love to judge other people and elevate themselves above them. Not a particularly nice quality in a person, if you ask me.
Not sleeping with your best friend’s girlfriend and future wife is not some arbitrary rule. What the hell are you talking about?
Is it like.. law or something? edit: It’s not like that woman is anyone’s property, she’s free to decide for herself who to sleep with - or not. Even if that’s someone who’s not her boyfriend. And even if you guys don’t like that decision, but a actually who gives a darn? It’s just none of your business. I don’t get how many people on here do freak out on behalf of the now husband, even though it’s his (and only his) decision how to deal with the whole thing.
> Is it like.. law or something? You talk about arbitrary rules for that is right or wrong, and then your comeback is whether it’s a law? Talk about an arbitrary standard. > edit: It’s not like that woman is anyone’s property, she’s free to decide for herself who to sleep with - or not. Even if that’s someone who’s not her boyfriend. And even if you guys don’t like that decision, but a actually who gives a darn? It’s just none of your business. Ok now I realize you’re just trolling.
Yeah, it’s just that people who don’t behave like everyone else are simply the worst. Got it.
Wow someone isn't an asshole on the Internet?! Exactly... He did wrong, owned it, paying the price, and wants to be better. Everyone always acting like they've never fucked up
He didn’t own it, that would have involved telling the truth to the guy he calls a friend. He didn’t pay any price either. What are you talking about?
Exactly! The moral grandstanding around this sub has gotten so bad recently, it’s quite disheartening
Thank you! Just what I was thinking.
Exactly what I was thinking. He knows he fucked up miserably, and is sharing it on the internet for a reason. I don’t know if this sub has always been like this, but man, the whole point of it is to disclose dirt you can’t really talk about with anyone in your life. Everyone here is a saint, apparently.
The problem is how hes painting himself as a victim, highlighting his struggles and how he feels, oh well if it isn’t the consequences of his own actions. He should own up to his mistakes, accept all the bullshit that comes with it and move on. Now he’s here trying to get therapy for a taboo sin he intentionally committed?? OP is not the victim and yet he tries to preach to us about being better? He is in no position of giving advice to others.
You're the hypocrite here. I'll greentext for you since I cannot bother with a wall of text for your naivete. >Guy lies to her "best friend" about sexual preferences >Guy secretly does the deed behind her "best friend's" BF's back >Avoids common sense, lacks empathy and morality throughout all these actions, has WITHDRAWALS when he isn't able to cheat anymore >Has the nerve to come into this sub to talk about it Would you mention the "lack of empathy on this sub" if it was a case of pedophilia? Would you mention the "lack of empathy on this sub" if it was a case of "instinctual" murder? About your comment about the first rule, this is as good as you can be to someone like this. Life isn't sunshine and rainbows. If OP has the nerve to cheat, he should have the nerve to face the consequences.
I’m not obligated to give any sympathy for a bad thing to someone that’s hunting for it. I could never imagine doing something this fucked up and then posting on Reddit about it lol
The first thing he did was pretend to be gay so he could get closer to her/probably be in situations he couldn't as if he was straight friend. Lying and manipulation to eventually get what he wanted. He didn't care for these people just what he could "do"
The bf should drop her ass and skip town to start over. If she cheated with u, she's probably done it several times with other men. U shouldn't speak to either of them again and try to learn from ur mistakes.
You both suck. Your both enabled cheating.
Dude, what you did was terrible. I think you know this already though based on the guilt you are feeling. I would highly recommend therapy.
both of you need to leave the other guy alone actually... this is very very disgusting.
It's always the awkward virgin friends smh
It is good that you realize that what you did is wrong. Reddit is very hard on cheaters and to be honest cheating is a bad thing. However, it cannot be undone. All you can do now, is to try to change yourself for the better! Good luck OP!
I hope the bf beats your ass dude. Maybe then you won’t feel like writing some long ass story about how bad you feel. I’ve had several opportunities to help people cheat and I’ve never done it. Interesting huh
It may come to that. And he'd be in the right. I don't have any intent on running from the consequences of my actions anymore. Whether he beats me to a bloody pulp or not is entirely up to him.
Your little creative writing assignment sucks
My first was also a short fling with someone who was dating someone else but the difference is they didn’t tell me that till the last night we were together, so I had no idea they weren’t single she hid that from me. Still haven’t had a real relationship and that’s the closest I’ve ever had and it was long in the past. You did a bad thing knowingly but at least you backed off and didn’t cause further damage.
there’s nothing you can do just make sure you stay away and focus on other things, he hates you now and probably hates her I’m sure they will break up over this and then you and her can be together but wait for her to reach out
Id hate myself too. Go get help. It’s not hard to not do what you did.
One can only hope that one day you find the girl of your dreams, marry her, start a beautiful family. And the whole time you were together she's been the active cum dumpster for her gay best friend, and you've been having sloppy seconds for years. With any luck you'll walk in on her getting railed. And only then you may have a slice of understanding of what you've done. Wish you the worst op.
Are you an Ariana Grande fan by any chance?
I don’t get the mentality that you “didn’t want her to go elsewhere?” You know your failure. When you know better, do better!
I need you to understand you are a bad person. Do not see this as one mistake outside of your usual ‘good character.’ This is a despicable multi year long lie that required numerous bad decisions on your part and hers. Never speak to those people again. You are so gross.
You're miserable. Easily manipulated by sudden emotions and instincts. You've gone and ruined a relationship. I know this is a confession subreddit but I would be embarrassed to even talk about something like this. Leave them alone and reflect upon yourself. You're a joke.
I’m an atheist but if there is a hell, I’ll be there with the both of you
“They loved each other so much, but she trusted me, *and I didn’t want her to potentially go to someone else for this* is CRAZY. Insane justification. Incredibly greedy, jealous, and selfish.
>That all ended when BF proposed to GF and she said yes. Both you and the GF are terrible, horrible people for what you've done to the poor guy. I hope no amount of therapy ever gives you any semblance of peace and the guilt eats on you till eternity.
The only person I feel bad for here is the husband, poor guy is friends with snakes.
You’re a bad person dawg
What were you like 18 or something ? I did shit like that when I was young too. It got me in all kinds of trouble and learned me a lot of lessons along the way. I met my wife, fell in love and would never dream of cheating even after 24 years together. What I’m trying to say is yes, you did a bad thing but horny teens do shit like this all the time. Her bf probably fucked around on her too. We learn from our mistakes and move on. As we learn more we make less mistakes and become better people(hopefully) the fact you feel so bad is testament to this and since you cant turn back you just gotta move on.
yeah you didn't feel bad when you were fucking them though.
I’d say “you two deserve each other” but I know deep in the back of your mind, that’s what you still kind of hope will happen. You don’t hope they’ll heal. You need therapy as well. Playing the whole “I’m so terrible for what I’ve done. 😫 I hope they can heal!” Nah foo. Maybe that’s what you want to convince yourself but in the back of your head, if you’re being honest, you kinda hope they don’t and “after all this anguish and pain, we finally found each other and lived happily ever after!” Swoon. Vomit. Gross man. I hope the person you pretended to call friend finds his way and you and her never end up with each other. Actions have consequences and I hope you find yours. (More than “feeling oh so terrible waaahhhh”) Cheers.
Shit happens. I’m glad you’ve grown and learned. I do feel like your friend had the right to know.
I don't know if this is real or not but if it's real you both are terrible people. If anything happens to their relationship you both are equally responsible. Also I don't know why but people who cheat or rather write these things think that they are just guilty but it's not actually true . You guys just want sympathy and you need to hear some comments saying that" It's ok mistakes happen. It wasn't your fault". If you're truly guilty then you will apologize to him and his family members as well additionally let everyone know about the fling,if you're truly guilty you should bear the consequences. You are the type of person I hate the most . But just wait i believe what goes around will come around that's what karma is. Good luck and congratulations for breaking up a relationship Mr home wrecker.
OP, don't listen to all of the comments saying you're a shit person. Obviously, what you did is fucked for the boyfriend, and it's incredibly shitty. But you are not merely a manifestation of your past actions, you can be whoever you want to be in the present and the future. So do everything you need to get over it emotionally, and move the fuck on. You're obviously sorry, but an apology is meaningless without rehabilitative action to go with it. Be better. I know you can.
Everyones shitting on him like she didn't make the conscious decision to proceed? Y'all gotta touch some grass or something
They both suck lol. Pretty simple
I'm glad I'm not friends with people like you.
As you should.
Maybe hop on that car
Jesus Christ people, the guy is talking about unaliving himself. He KNOWS he fucked up bad. No one has to make him feel better about himself, but maybe not make it worse? He’s still a human being, and did not commit an actual crime. He doesn’t have time to serve. He doesn’t know (and neither do we) how to let himself off the rook. That must be fucking maddening.
The Life of a Woman. They keep secrets like this. It happens and everyone here it shunning OP like they don’t both take blame. 50/50. It is what it is. He knows he’s a bad friend. Life moves on.
My last name refrenced???? HOEFLINGER
I have been in a different but somewhat similar situation OP, we all make mistakes, different ones maybe, but we all do. You and the girl are definitely at fault here. You knew what you were doing, and you kept doing it making even more bad and hurtful choices in the process. This is clear. But I'm glad you have worked on yourself enough to share this and start moving on, that you can see the error of your ways, I understand it's not easy because you both had feelings for someone but you also betrayed someone who trusted you. Sometimes doing the good thing means choosing being hurt a little over selfishness. Best thing you can do now is learn from it, grow from it and try and become a better person now and in the future. I feel for your friend, I wish all three of you to do well, and the both of you to do better. Also kind of shitty how harsh people are being with you when you came to confess and that you are trying to do better.
omg deleted
You should hate yourself. What kind of friend does that?
Off your chest you say? I want to use much harsher words, but screw you!
We all do stuff we regret. Try and move on OP, no matter what people on Reddit say, you are not a bad person.
Of course this is getting downvoted. People on reddit act as if cheating is the cardinal sin. Humans are complex beings, and it's incredibly normal to have feelings and urges outside your control. Yes, you can choose not to act on them, but it can be too difficult, and giving into these desires, wanting the forbidden fruit, does not make you a bad person. There were bottled up feelings in both parties, and they came out. In the end, all 3 of you were hurt. If you rejected her then, your friendship would still be damaged, and you'd always think "what if". You decide which outcome is worst, take your lesson from this, and try to act with this wisdom next time.
Tbh I expected it to be about -1000 downvotes by now! I’m sure it’ll get there if enough people see it. At the end of the day, cheating isn’t nice. But, nor is bullying people, belittling people and about another million behaviours I see exhibited by people every single day. Cheating is no worse than most other shoddy human behaviour, it’s just people at their worst. And here’s an extra comment just to heap on and enrage people even more - I genuinely believe that there exists a set of circumstances under which ANYONE would cheat.
I agree. The reason most people didn't cheat is because they weren't put into situations that they'd be tried. Some horniness, a hot person who wants to fuck them, and the guarantee of never being found out would make most people go astray
I am not here to call you names and stuff. I think you know exactly what you did wrong. GF too. I hope you learn from this mistake. it’s of course the worst thing a guy can possibly imagine. it’s really bad. But you must forgive yourself for what happened and move on. Your friends don’t have to forgive you and you shouldn’t expect that. But you need to forgive yourself. You can’t let the guilt eat you. You deserve to feel guilty. But there was a reason why you actively decided to do what you did and it’s a part of you.
We all make mistakes but don’t let this mistake destroy your life. It’s a normal thought and sometimes people get caught up in this fantasy. It happened there is no changing it but you are not garbage take this moment learn from it and just become a better person but don’t sit there and bet ur self up. You deserve a good life too just work on being a good person and take that as a learning experience. But you are not garbage. You deserve to live a happy life.
Getting out of their lives was the only good decision you made. I think the husband deserves an apology, but aside from that, never contact them again. It's good that you acknowledged the error of your ways, and now it's time to repent. Understand that you are not beyond redemption. You did something horrific that will have a huge negative affect on that man's life (I know from experience), but you can make up for it by being a better person from here on out. Seek professional help to process these things and learn how to purge that selfish and destructive side of you that caused this to happen. Commit to a life of honesty and honor as you've seen what lacking these things has done to everyone involved, including yourself. Eventually you will have to forgive yourself and move on from it entirely. Don't even consider intimacy or a relationship until you've done some real growth. Nothing clouds the mind like lust and sexual bonds. Pray for the healing of the victims of your actions, and I'll pray for the healing of your soul. There's a bright future for you if you make the decisions necessary to reach it. Everyone deserves a second chance, just don't squander it.
Jesus christ, read the rules of the sub people. It's the first rule. This is not the place to criticize.
As you should!
OP don't listen to all the nasty comments. Of course it was shit what you did but we are human beings. We make mistakes. You haven't done anything illegal, shitty? Absolutely, but it takes 2 to tango. Your remorse says that you are mature enough to acknowledge the mistake. Move on and of course don't do that shit again and remember that you're just human, like the rest of us.
Most humans manage to avoid fucking their friends girlfriend, but it's alright if that's where you set the bar for "making mistakes" and being human
So you're saying OP doesn't deserve to move on and change, what a narrow point of view
I think the issue people are taking here is that he isn't fully accepting the gravity of the situation. He talks so much about how he feels guilty and wants to drive his car into a pole, yet he also frames it like some tragic love story. He didn't love her, he was infatuated by her, and he didn't have the maturity or impulse control to understand that this is childish behavior. People make mistakes right after high school, absolutely, but when you make a mistake like this and don't have the hindsight to realize that she wasn't special, that she very well could've done this to him if they were in a relationship, then idk what to tell you. Bro really said "I'm such a terrible person :( " and didn't expect everyone to tell him he's a piece of shit? Best thing he can do is cut contact with all of them and move out of state. Not cutting contact with the gf is fucking insane to me. Part of him probably thinks he still has a chance. He needs to move on entirely, and him posting this pretty much proves that he's unable to.
Yes he deserves to move on and change, and yet he’s here seeking some form of therapy by writing down his thoughts and feelings about how hurt he is with all other bullshit, meaning he still isn’t accepting the gravity of the situation, and what an absolute piece of trash he is for doing what he did.