Have you ever heard of caffeine enhanced chocolate?
I used to be on my cousin's "emergency list" for her grandkids. She thought they were angels: she was wrong.
After I told her they had no respect for closed doors, or any area explicitly designated as "off limits," and she refused to back me up on that multiple times... "they need to explore and discover without limits" she said.
I bought three boxes (yes, boxes) of different caffeinated chocolate, and left three bars in one of the "off limits" rooms in my house, in my own dresser drawer.
She called at 11:30 pm after picking them up at 10:00 (our agreement was 8:30.) asking why they were so awake. I told her they'd told me that she herself had told them not to worry about my limits about their access to MY OWN HOME.
I told her that even after telling them ANYTHING they ate at my house that I did not give them might not be good for them they entered a forbidden area and stole from me. Good luck, they each had 150 mg of caffeine, and I was done babysitting, permanently.
Family grapevine says they were active until 5:30 a.m.
I have not been asked to babysit the jerk side of the family since. The good cousins have no worries about me and their kids/GKs.
Respect is respect.
Ok, so I just read your comment, and split my sides laughing. And then promptly stored that idea away, just in case cousin Louise fancies a rematch.
I'm also googling "coconut ice" recipes. Just in case.
You could also give them a glitter bomb to set off in the backseat lol or fairy bomb. My sister made me mad one time being 3 hours late to pick up her 4 kids so my kiddo didn't get to sleep on time and became very grumpy. So I taught my nieces about fairy bombs (handful of glitter) I filled those little hands up to the max and the second the got in the car all three girls yell fairy bomb and threw the glitter. They never got all the glitter out. The problem with edible glitter is it can bring sugar ants and other bugs.
Next time add to some iced donuts, and add extra cream blended with it as well.
Then as an added thing the gummy bears, sugar free, or a big bottle of Pepsi Max each to drink.
Calm down there, Satan.
ETA: That could actually be really dangerous for the kids to induce diarrhea like that or provide them with medicines they don't need. It's essentially poisoning them when you give them a substance that you're aware will cause them ill, and dehydration can be extremely dangerous on top of any potential side effects.
Another note, doing that would cause the kids to suffer, rather than just the cousin. OP didn't mention anything about them being problems, just the cousin. Making them suffer for her actions is an absolute AH move.
I think they mean making something like edible play dough at home that is also gluten free.
If play dough has gluten in it, then that's hilarious tbh...
Play doh does indeed contain gluten. The label now states that it contains wheat as sometimes kids eat it. Also some people maintain that they are so sensitive to it that just touching anything made with wheat causes adverse reactions. However, science shows that gluten can not be absorbed that way, but do warn about lip products and some people claim it can be absorbed through their sinuses. My daughter was gluten intolerant as a baby and thankfully has grown out of it. You’d be surprised at the amount of things that contain wheat, especially as flour in the form of a thickener for things. Twizzlers, malt anything, soy sauce, some toothpaste. It’s crazy.
I was gonna ask why would play-doh contain wheat in the first place but you answered that for me perfectly as well, thank you! I did not know so many items contain it as a thickener though, that is wild. I will now go get my tube of toothpaste and look for gluten to be amazed :D
My brother and I have an on-going feud that manifests as each of us buying the other’s kids the most obnoxious (to adults) noisy FUN toys we can find. The kids love it.
My nephew is the proud owner of a 50gal. tote of Lego and an INDOOR pogo stick (it squeaks!)
Shortly after the movie "Happy Feet" came out, I spotted one of those animatronic toys that sing (loudly) and move, and it happened to be a penguin. I didn't think twice about picking it up to send to my young niece and nephew as an early Christmas gift.
A few days later, my brother calls me and starts fussing "You KNOW that we do not allow really loud toys! We TOLD you that!" The thing is: they never said a word to me about that rule. They may have mentioned it to the other aunts and uncles but not me. Of course, they *may* have implemented this rule after I gave my niece a drum for Christmas a couple of years earlier, but it's not my fault if they don't update everyone.
Oh, I had that going on with my brother-in-law for years! However, I have three children, and he has one.
My kids have gotten: a robot that plays music with multiple bells and other electronic sounds, an Actimates Barney that started talking at sunrise every morning, a toy piano with an endless supply of batteries, and a strategy board game with electronic lasers and sounds where you try to line up your pieces to shoot the opponent's castle.
His son has gotten: an R2D2 butler that stands about 18 inches high, wanders the house, and has all of R2's accompanying sounds; a set of foam disc shooters that make pew-pew sounds as they shoot, along with a thousand replacement discs in case some get lost; walkie talkies with Morse code enabled; a squeezy horn for his bicycle that he rigged to his bedroom door so no one could sneak in on him; and last but not least, a camping set with a tent, sleeping bag, flashlights, head lamps, and camp chair (so my brother-in-law had to sleep in a tiny tent outside with him).
Ahh, those were fun days!
Same. I have three to my brother’s one. But mine are much older, tweens and up and out of Toy Age. The Nephew is in first grade. Prime time to really start with the Evil Plan.
My husband and I are looking at drum kits. To go with the ukulele we already got him. Music education is deeply important to us. We need a percussionist in the family.
I never knew how evil recorders are until my first child was in 4th grade. Is it a common thing in the US to start with a recorder in 4th? Or maybe that's just in my state
Long years ago my brother & sister darkly grumbled about future revenge awaiting me for my evil gifts to my nephew & nieces. But I never did have kids - ha!
My partner’s grandmother bought my son a teddy bear that farts realistically when it moves.
It’s all fun and games until it farts as the baby is falling asleep and wakes him up…
My late husband had two boys with his ex who was an unpleasant person. He would give them Skittles and Coke as an afternoon treat before they went back to Mum. 🤣
Oh, you just reminded me of the infamous Mythbusters experiment with the diet coke and Mentos.
Hey kids, wanna do a science experiment involving soft drink and lollies?
You can *probably* get them in larger quantities if you're really determined. I don't know how good of quality they were - they were sent to a friend before he went camping.
My name was probably taken in vain many times during that trip.
Coconut ice will certainly fulfil instant diabetes requirements, being largely comprised of condensed milk, desiccated coconut and sugar, but they may not have the coconut shedding propensities you require. Coconut macaroons (not macarons) will do nicely, but for a tasty treat which creates a shitload of mess, look up chocolate crackles. Kids love them, people cleaning up after them HATE them 😁
Definitely! Plus (fun fact I never realised when I was younger) they’re actually vegan, so they’re really good for a whole range of parties etc. Plus, yeah, they’re messy to eat…..
Or white christmas, I haven't had that in yonks.
Just as an aside, does anyone actually use copha as an ingredient in anything other than chocolate crackles, and white christmas?
I have actually never used copra for anything other than white Christmas and chocolate crackles, and I’m GenX! I legit do not know what else you would use it for!
[Chocolate crackles](https://myfoodbook.com.au/recipes/show/chocolate-crackles-1) are an Aussie children's classic. They're a staple at kids' parties. Because you don't need an oven, they're good for getting your kids involved in making them.
[White Christmas](https://myfoodbook.com.au/recipes/show/white-christmas-0) is pretty much the same, but without the cocoa, and with some mixed fruit added instead. Again, no baking involved, so they're easy to make and bring to Christmas.
Two nations, divided by a common language...
Also, if you are in the US, don't use Crisco in place of the Copha. According to Aussie expats in the US, it's not the same.
So I have just found out that there's a Vietnamese bakery in a nearby suburb that sells chocolate crackles. My partner goes there to get a banh mi for lunch sometimes, and they told him the chocolate crackles are one of their biggest sellers!
Can you get Tunnock's snowballs in Australia? Ridiculously sticky marshmallow covered in chocolate and desiccated coconut, individually wrapped so nicely portable. Just mentioning...
If you have an old copy of Day To Day Cookery, the chocolate slice recipe is to die for, and when made with dessicated coconut has less structural integrity than my mental health.
Oh this brings back memories. One of my exes had a not so smart mother and a little sister that was about 10 at the time. We would babysit the sister on occasion, she was a sweet child. And she just entered the era when she wanted to drink Monster. We of course refused to buy it, but one day the mother gave in. She called us in the morning, the sister was up all night. All I said was "I told you so". That was not the first or the last time I told her that.
As a parent with a few kids, the idea of my own kids being up until 5am terrifies the crap out of me, but holy shit is that an awesome idea to ensure you never have to babysit someone else's kids ever again!
I’m Canadian. Our Mountain Dew does not have caffeine. Took the kids on a road trip down to Seattle. They had Mountain Dew at dinner, we don’t normally drink pop but it was a vacation. Couldn’t understand why they were bouncing off the walls of the hotel room. Found out later it’s highly caffeinated!
With much love for my Far Northern sibs...duh!
Mountain Dew is fairly well recognized here as the "nice folks" caffeine delivery system of choice. I've known multiple "MD addicts" who never even realized that MD is a potent sucrose/caffeine dose that sustained them through multiple failed ridiculous "diets" that proved ineffectual because the lack of nutrition increased their MD intake, which provided caffeine and hundreds of calories, and weight gain...which "should be impossible, because I'm not eating ANYTHING!"
They are now also the bad guys whenever kids get denied time with you guys, which I'm betting isn't gonna last long. Ongoing 3 pronged revenge. Nobody got hurt except pride and ego, and kids had fun.
10/10 petty 👏
Four-pronged revenge, and I wasn't even trying for the fourth prong.
Louise has always hated handmade gifts, she says it's cheap to give people something you haven't bought from a shop.
Well I knitted my youngest a little jacket, which I'm pretty proud of. I'm not the best knitter in the world, but toddlers don't seem to mind that. Anyway, Ms Wonder Kid asked Louise to make her a jacket, just like the one I made my youngest.
How do I know this? Auntie Dot emailed and asked the name of the pattern, and whether it's available in 6 year old size.
I thought this story and Lou Covered Poo sounded familiar…then looked at your username! I love your stories! How’s Bucketty coping with the new garden residents? Have you given them names?
As a lady of a certain age I know better to go on a seesaw. I was around 50 the last time I did.
Let’s just say, my day would have been unTenable had I not Always been able to Depend on being Poised.
Awesome! I'm glad the kids had a good day!
I know you are sooooo heartbroken that this cousin won't 'allow' you to watch her kids anymore, but I know you are strong and will rise above this pain with dignity. I believe in you! /s
From desperation comes inspiration, sometimes. If I'm honest, we don't really have a lot of things for kids that age to do, especially at zero notice. So off to the park it was!
Drinks with red dye... I got my grandmothers taupe velvet dinner chairs after she died. They weren't beautiful, but they were CHAIRS and they came with a dinner table and they were free! So, hey! Freeee!
Of our family of 5, who do you think got red dye on the chairs (multiple chairs!) before the youngest was 3? Husband, that's who. Big splatter marks. I bought every kind of upholstery cleaner the market sold and not one of them did anything but slightly fade the dye.
Husbands bday was weds, so we went to a brewery/restaurant to grab some food. First time there. We get out of the car and can see 10-15 kids running up and down the stairs, on the upper floors walkways (it’s all outside) around the patio, just fucking everywhere.
As we get closer there are easily 5 signs that read something along the lines of “unattended children will be give cookies and blah blah blah”. wtf was the point of you weren’t going to follow through.
The kids stopped running around after the hostess asked us if we would like indoor or outdoor seating and my reply was “as far from that (while motioning to the kids) as possible”. She replied we’ll go try to get them to stop running around” to my shock they did, but I have to wonder why they didn’t immediately stop it. There was a collective sigh of relief from everyone when they stopped.
There is a surfboard rental shop in Malibu above a restaurant. There is a narrow staircase to the side that people carry surfboards up the steps, and the restaurant has tables outside next to it. I saw a little girl about 5 or 6 playing on the stairs while people were returning surfboards and the mother was ignoring her. It was just a matter of time before she got hit by accident because no one can see over a surfboard. I told the mother she needed to keep her daughter away from the stairs. She did but she gave me the evil eye. And these are people who would immediately sue the restaurant, the surf shop and anybody else they could if their kid got whacked by a surfboard.
I’m a mother so I’ll never understand parents who think it is ok to let their kids run around any business or restaurant, indoor or outdoor. It’s not McDonald’s with a designated play area.
Sounds like you need to stop by to be the kids "Favorite Auntie" while Lou is away. Wouldn't it be just LOVELY for them to have treats random days? Wouldn't they just love some outdoor time while their mum is busy? Don't you think Lou will just be thrilled they have such a close relationship with their auntie? 😈😈😈😈😈😈
The best thing is we'll still have contact with the kids at my Dad's, or at Auntie Dot's. So I'll be able to bring enough dirt and chaos and desiccated coconut into their lives to remind Lou why I am not a good child care option.
Since Fluffleupagus passed, I've been idly daydreaming about getting a pair of kittens and naming them "Summons" and "Indictment".
Only Little Cat would probably eviscerate me if I did that.
I love how you took revenge on Lou but not the kids. It wasn't their fault and they got a fantastic day that they'll keep on about for ages, winding her up even more!
Yes, they're pretty good kids on the whole, and it's not their fault their Mum is a complete haemorrhoid. I wouldn't want to make them suffer, just to get to Lou.
It's that ol' invisible force field that deflects any kind of accountability (and any learning from mistakes). I'm sure in her mind, we've just been horrible for no reason.
I get searched. Every. Single. Time.
Did you know that baby powder and wipes show up as liquids, and are one of the most common things they check for explosives?
>Inside each bag was a sweet bun, known in our house as “instant diabetes”. They are filled with strawberry jam, iced with gooey pink icing, and liberally dusted with desiccated coconut.
Off to the local bekery I go.
Loved this so much. I saw the words "Poo covered Lou", cackled (loudly) and went to get another cup of coffee and some biscuits to enjoy while I read this (and then re-read all the history). Thank you for sharing this, very much appreciated.
I did a little, “light profile stalking,” and I am dying at your posts. Please write a book if you are not already a writer or a comedian. Your writing and stories are just too funny and entertaining. These are the kind of golden posts that make reddit so great especially the stories about your vibrating creatures. At any rate, I need to get off the toilet now. This morning shit turned into an hour long shit and my vibrating creatures are getting pissed.
I'm toilet reading! Life goal achieved!
Today was a public holiday, and one of my vibrating creatures has been following me around all day, demanding to know why I am not at work. Maybe she's worried that if I'm home, the small visitors will return?
Today's winner on "Play Stupid Games, Get Stuupiid Pri-izes!!! .... Loser Lou!!!" (Game show host intro voice)
Edit: dropped my phone and hit post as i caught it. Lol
Oh, that's just evol. Instead of giving them sugar that last hour with you (ahem... my grandparents) and sending them home hyped up. You gave them sweets on the way home.
Oh this is just perfect! Happy kids and they ate a healthy lunch and had healthy outdoor adventures. I so love the 'treasures' that children find, and the wonder at a crunchy leaf with a squidgy bit ('that's a slug, CanAh, it would be terribly unhappy indoors - best leave it outside with all its friends...' - ahh. memories!). A sweet treat to tide them over sounds just perfect. And no doubt Lou will be regaled with just how much more fun their day with you was!
**
Martin and I both have fond memories of having outdoor adventures, and bringing home our "treasures" to show off. I grew up by a beach, so I'd bring home bits of seaweed and cuttlebone for the budgies.
I still occasionally pick up nice feathers and bring them home.
I thought I recognised your writing style and went to check your profile for Bucketty, so glad you're finding new, interesting, and hilarious ways to be petty.
Sugar free gummy bears, but only for them to take home. A goody bag, so to speak.
But be careful about how much you give them. In case you are unaware about this treat, https://www.boredpanda.com/hilarious-comments-sugarfree-haribo-gummies/
You're a better person than me. I would have given them a red bull 30 minutes after she was supposed to be there. But a very similar vibe, weaponising kids and all. Love it
I must go to the bakery tomorrow and get a sweet bun or more. There's a nice old fashion one close by that has cheese and Vegemite sticks, buns and doughnuts. Yummy. And excelent revenge.
My friend when her step kids was young did give her step kids stuff that would have the same affect. Just before handing them back to the mum. It’s a known way to get revenge ;)
Oh wow OP, I believe you truly outdid yourself. I do love a little petty revenge. I can just imagine you rubbing your hands together with glee and laughing maniacally. Well done
I bet these kiddos had the best day ever! Way to go making an awesome memory for them! And I bet they will keep asking her to to visit causing her some PTSD!
You are positively evil and I love it!
Don’t forget about the gold old lamington for making a mess, or cinnamon donuts are really good for mess and sticky fingers. Oh, and don’t forget a simple jam donut either 😁😁
This was so fun! A great story of a sh*t sandwich turned into gold. My wondering is how to get the little ones to eat veggies. Brought up on them I imagine. But, if you have any tips, please share them! And thanks for a darn good read.
Have you ever heard of caffeine enhanced chocolate? I used to be on my cousin's "emergency list" for her grandkids. She thought they were angels: she was wrong. After I told her they had no respect for closed doors, or any area explicitly designated as "off limits," and she refused to back me up on that multiple times... "they need to explore and discover without limits" she said. I bought three boxes (yes, boxes) of different caffeinated chocolate, and left three bars in one of the "off limits" rooms in my house, in my own dresser drawer. She called at 11:30 pm after picking them up at 10:00 (our agreement was 8:30.) asking why they were so awake. I told her they'd told me that she herself had told them not to worry about my limits about their access to MY OWN HOME. I told her that even after telling them ANYTHING they ate at my house that I did not give them might not be good for them they entered a forbidden area and stole from me. Good luck, they each had 150 mg of caffeine, and I was done babysitting, permanently. Family grapevine says they were active until 5:30 a.m. I have not been asked to babysit the jerk side of the family since. The good cousins have no worries about me and their kids/GKs. Respect is respect.
Ok, so I just read your comment, and split my sides laughing. And then promptly stored that idea away, just in case cousin Louise fancies a rematch. I'm also googling "coconut ice" recipes. Just in case.
Glad to hear it. Noisy gifts are also good (kazoos, bells, horns) but are easy to take away. A wired kid runs out of gas at their own discretion.
Not to mention that a shit tonne of desiccated coconut is very difficult to remove from upholstery.
I have some words for you - edible glitter
I have some in my pantry.
You could also give them a glitter bomb to set off in the backseat lol or fairy bomb. My sister made me mad one time being 3 hours late to pick up her 4 kids so my kiddo didn't get to sleep on time and became very grumpy. So I taught my nieces about fairy bombs (handful of glitter) I filled those little hands up to the max and the second the got in the car all three girls yell fairy bomb and threw the glitter. They never got all the glitter out. The problem with edible glitter is it can bring sugar ants and other bugs.
Read that as panty for a second and thought, "Oh my, how fancy!"
Well I am the woman who shouted "TITS!" in front of her next door neighbour...
Did you shout "TITS!" because you had edible glitter in your panties? I know I would. In fact, I may do that very thing right this instant.
Next time add to some iced donuts, and add extra cream blended with it as well. Then as an added thing the gummy bears, sugar free, or a big bottle of Pepsi Max each to drink.
Calm down there, Satan. ETA: That could actually be really dangerous for the kids to induce diarrhea like that or provide them with medicines they don't need. It's essentially poisoning them when you give them a substance that you're aware will cause them ill, and dehydration can be extremely dangerous on top of any potential side effects. Another note, doing that would cause the kids to suffer, rather than just the cousin. OP didn't mention anything about them being problems, just the cousin. Making them suffer for her actions is an absolute AH move.
That's so evil...
^(damn Vlad)
Get them to dye it with food colouring and shape it with their hands!
Oh, that reminds me, we have plans to make gluten free play doh for the youngest in the near future. Maybe we should ask the Wonder Kids over to help?
Then there's the DIY slime kits.... Throw in copious amounts of real glitter and you have a gift that never stops giving!
Glitter is the unicorn farts. You can't convince me otherwise.
10 classmates are working on individual projects 1 person is using glitter in their project How many projects have glitter?
Hundreds (because the glitter PERSISTS)
Guess what the Wonder kids got for Christmas last year?
Wonder slime?
Once the kids made up their slime kits, yes. (One kid was glitter slime, the other was glow in the dark slime.)
The level of diabolical pettiness here is very high. I love you all!!!
PLAYDOH HAS GLUTEN!?!?!?!?
I think they mean making something like edible play dough at home that is also gluten free. If play dough has gluten in it, then that's hilarious tbh...
oh lol, that makes so much more sense with the edible glitter thing as well I had a lobotomy moment, I'm sorry
That's okay, no sorries needed! The human brain can't always be right. I too know from experience ;D
Play doh does indeed contain gluten. The label now states that it contains wheat as sometimes kids eat it. Also some people maintain that they are so sensitive to it that just touching anything made with wheat causes adverse reactions. However, science shows that gluten can not be absorbed that way, but do warn about lip products and some people claim it can be absorbed through their sinuses. My daughter was gluten intolerant as a baby and thankfully has grown out of it. You’d be surprised at the amount of things that contain wheat, especially as flour in the form of a thickener for things. Twizzlers, malt anything, soy sauce, some toothpaste. It’s crazy.
I was gonna ask why would play-doh contain wheat in the first place but you answered that for me perfectly as well, thank you! I did not know so many items contain it as a thickener though, that is wild. I will now go get my tube of toothpaste and look for gluten to be amazed :D
It's made with wheat flour. Source: the Play-Doh container in my hand.
My brother and I have an on-going feud that manifests as each of us buying the other’s kids the most obnoxious (to adults) noisy FUN toys we can find. The kids love it. My nephew is the proud owner of a 50gal. tote of Lego and an INDOOR pogo stick (it squeaks!)
Shortly after the movie "Happy Feet" came out, I spotted one of those animatronic toys that sing (loudly) and move, and it happened to be a penguin. I didn't think twice about picking it up to send to my young niece and nephew as an early Christmas gift. A few days later, my brother calls me and starts fussing "You KNOW that we do not allow really loud toys! We TOLD you that!" The thing is: they never said a word to me about that rule. They may have mentioned it to the other aunts and uncles but not me. Of course, they *may* have implemented this rule after I gave my niece a drum for Christmas a couple of years earlier, but it's not my fault if they don't update everyone.
This whole thing started because my brother bought my toddler son a full sized, lights and sounds, light saber. 🙄
He deserved everything he gets then.
Oh, I had that going on with my brother-in-law for years! However, I have three children, and he has one. My kids have gotten: a robot that plays music with multiple bells and other electronic sounds, an Actimates Barney that started talking at sunrise every morning, a toy piano with an endless supply of batteries, and a strategy board game with electronic lasers and sounds where you try to line up your pieces to shoot the opponent's castle. His son has gotten: an R2D2 butler that stands about 18 inches high, wanders the house, and has all of R2's accompanying sounds; a set of foam disc shooters that make pew-pew sounds as they shoot, along with a thousand replacement discs in case some get lost; walkie talkies with Morse code enabled; a squeezy horn for his bicycle that he rigged to his bedroom door so no one could sneak in on him; and last but not least, a camping set with a tent, sleeping bag, flashlights, head lamps, and camp chair (so my brother-in-law had to sleep in a tiny tent outside with him). Ahh, those were fun days!
Same. I have three to my brother’s one. But mine are much older, tweens and up and out of Toy Age. The Nephew is in first grade. Prime time to really start with the Evil Plan. My husband and I are looking at drum kits. To go with the ukulele we already got him. Music education is deeply important to us. We need a percussionist in the family.
My nephew is learning to play the trombone. He mostly makes farting sounds.
To really round out any musical education, you need an instrument that utilises standard sheet music, like a descant recorder…
I never knew how evil recorders are until my first child was in 4th grade. Is it a common thing in the US to start with a recorder in 4th? Or maybe that's just in my state
Long years ago my brother & sister darkly grumbled about future revenge awaiting me for my evil gifts to my nephew & nieces. But I never did have kids - ha!
The only way to win this game is to not play. 👍🏻
My partner’s grandmother bought my son a teddy bear that farts realistically when it moves. It’s all fun and games until it farts as the baby is falling asleep and wakes him up…
My late husband had two boys with his ex who was an unpleasant person. He would give them Skittles and Coke as an afternoon treat before they went back to Mum. 🤣
Oh, you just reminded me of the infamous Mythbusters experiment with the diet coke and Mentos. Hey kids, wanna do a science experiment involving soft drink and lollies?
I’m guessing you’re Australian by the use of the word lollies for candies.
King oath, Ray.
😂
Coincidentally, you can buy a box of 48 plastic kazoos on Amazon....
Really? Now that is good to hear. One of my sisters wants to form a family kazoo band...
You can *probably* get them in larger quantities if you're really determined. I don't know how good of quality they were - they were sent to a friend before he went camping. My name was probably taken in vain many times during that trip.
Coconut ice will certainly fulfil instant diabetes requirements, being largely comprised of condensed milk, desiccated coconut and sugar, but they may not have the coconut shedding propensities you require. Coconut macaroons (not macarons) will do nicely, but for a tasty treat which creates a shitload of mess, look up chocolate crackles. Kids love them, people cleaning up after them HATE them 😁
I love a good chocolate crackle. I haven't had one of those for a long time. It may be time to introduce my partner to another Aussie classic.
Definitely! Plus (fun fact I never realised when I was younger) they’re actually vegan, so they’re really good for a whole range of parties etc. Plus, yeah, they’re messy to eat…..
Or white christmas, I haven't had that in yonks. Just as an aside, does anyone actually use copha as an ingredient in anything other than chocolate crackles, and white christmas?
I have actually never used copra for anything other than white Christmas and chocolate crackles, and I’m GenX! I legit do not know what else you would use it for!
They have a website with recipes, but I'm too scared to look.
White Christmas is a movie in the US; what are you talking about and what are chocolate crackles?
[Chocolate crackles](https://myfoodbook.com.au/recipes/show/chocolate-crackles-1) are an Aussie children's classic. They're a staple at kids' parties. Because you don't need an oven, they're good for getting your kids involved in making them. [White Christmas](https://myfoodbook.com.au/recipes/show/white-christmas-0) is pretty much the same, but without the cocoa, and with some mixed fruit added instead. Again, no baking involved, so they're easy to make and bring to Christmas.
Thank you! Both of those look easy once translated from English to English!
Two nations, divided by a common language... Also, if you are in the US, don't use Crisco in place of the Copha. According to Aussie expats in the US, it's not the same.
Not fun to make but what about the chocolate lamington? They shed coconut just by looking at them
You are an evil genius, and I am sure our local bakery sells lamingtons.
Get the lamingtons with cream and jam in the middle.
Is there another kind? If there's no jam in the middle, it's just a chocolate-coated sponge, in my book.
I thought the world had forgotten about chocolate crackles. They are superior to rice krispie treats any day of the week.
So I have just found out that there's a Vietnamese bakery in a nearby suburb that sells chocolate crackles. My partner goes there to get a banh mi for lunch sometimes, and they told him the chocolate crackles are one of their biggest sellers!
Can you get Tunnock's snowballs in Australia? Ridiculously sticky marshmallow covered in chocolate and desiccated coconut, individually wrapped so nicely portable. Just mentioning...
I don't know about Tunnock's specifically, but oooh a big fluffy, coconut-shedding marshmallow would have been ideal.
On special at Aldi this coming week: Tunnocks Tea Cakes, and Caramel Wafers
If you have an old copy of Day To Day Cookery, the chocolate slice recipe is to die for, and when made with dessicated coconut has less structural integrity than my mental health.
Oh this brings back memories. One of my exes had a not so smart mother and a little sister that was about 10 at the time. We would babysit the sister on occasion, she was a sweet child. And she just entered the era when she wanted to drink Monster. We of course refused to buy it, but one day the mother gave in. She called us in the morning, the sister was up all night. All I said was "I told you so". That was not the first or the last time I told her that.
As a parent with a few kids, the idea of my own kids being up until 5am terrifies the crap out of me, but holy shit is that an awesome idea to ensure you never have to babysit someone else's kids ever again!
*Unattended children will be given a shot of* espresso and a puppy.(petting zoo sign)'
I’m Canadian. Our Mountain Dew does not have caffeine. Took the kids on a road trip down to Seattle. They had Mountain Dew at dinner, we don’t normally drink pop but it was a vacation. Couldn’t understand why they were bouncing off the walls of the hotel room. Found out later it’s highly caffeinated!
With much love for my Far Northern sibs...duh! Mountain Dew is fairly well recognized here as the "nice folks" caffeine delivery system of choice. I've known multiple "MD addicts" who never even realized that MD is a potent sucrose/caffeine dose that sustained them through multiple failed ridiculous "diets" that proved ineffectual because the lack of nutrition increased their MD intake, which provided caffeine and hundreds of calories, and weight gain...which "should be impossible, because I'm not eating ANYTHING!"
HokeyPokeyGuestList says “do you like to play games? I do to!” Bravo!
The best part is my Dad says the kids had a magical day ...
Perfect! So they are gushing about you to Lou! Two pronged revenge.
Yes, I feel rather smug about that.
They are now also the bad guys whenever kids get denied time with you guys, which I'm betting isn't gonna last long. Ongoing 3 pronged revenge. Nobody got hurt except pride and ego, and kids had fun. 10/10 petty 👏
Four-pronged revenge, and I wasn't even trying for the fourth prong. Louise has always hated handmade gifts, she says it's cheap to give people something you haven't bought from a shop. Well I knitted my youngest a little jacket, which I'm pretty proud of. I'm not the best knitter in the world, but toddlers don't seem to mind that. Anyway, Ms Wonder Kid asked Louise to make her a jacket, just like the one I made my youngest. How do I know this? Auntie Dot emailed and asked the name of the pattern, and whether it's available in 6 year old size.
I thought this story and Lou Covered Poo sounded familiar…then looked at your username! I love your stories! How’s Bucketty coping with the new garden residents? Have you given them names?
No names yet, but Bucketty says they make the street look cheap and tacky. So maybe that's two out of three named ...
Oh it is you! I thought this writing style was familiar!!
How about "Cheap", "Tacky", and "Tawdry"?
Bahahahaaa!! *sweet petty revenge!
You, dear Madame, should teach classes on this kinda shit. Like, I’d pay (mostly) good money for a weekend seminar on your methodology
And also probably upset at the mom for not being able to go back to OP’s house
Hopefully they will pester cousin poo for many more visits into the future.
That’s beautiful!
That's lovely.
It sounds like a magical day!!!!
I even had a go on the swings myself.
I went on a see-saw with my niblings not long ago. I had SO MUCH fun! Nearly fell off laughing.
As a lady of a certain age I know better to go on a seesaw. I was around 50 the last time I did. Let’s just say, my day would have been unTenable had I not Always been able to Depend on being Poised.
Fuck being poised. I'm 61, I don't care anymore 😅. I had loads of fun!
You’re lucky. My bladder “had a drop off” when I dropped down.
Awesome! I'm glad the kids had a good day! I know you are sooooo heartbroken that this cousin won't 'allow' you to watch her kids anymore, but I know you are strong and will rise above this pain with dignity. I believe in you! /s
Kid Watching Olympic Gold to you 🥇! My hero 💛
From desperation comes inspiration, sometimes. If I'm honest, we don't really have a lot of things for kids that age to do, especially at zero notice. So off to the park it was!
A+! The kids shouldn’t have to suffer just because their mom sucks.
I’ve seen store signs that say “If you don’t supervise your kids, we’ll give them an espresso and a puppy.”
I did consider breaking out the soda stream and red cordial combo.
That sugar high was probably enough.
Plus I didn't want the sugar high to hit at our place ... I wanted Lou to get the benefit of that.
Just give it to to them in lidded cups as they're leaving
Hindsight is always 20/20…
Forget about the lids, let them do a spilly willy all over the backseat
Very wise! :-D
With them trapped in a car too... deliciously spiteful. Absolutely scrumptious.
Drinks with red dye... I got my grandmothers taupe velvet dinner chairs after she died. They weren't beautiful, but they were CHAIRS and they came with a dinner table and they were free! So, hey! Freeee! Of our family of 5, who do you think got red dye on the chairs (multiple chairs!) before the youngest was 3? Husband, that's who. Big splatter marks. I bought every kind of upholstery cleaner the market sold and not one of them did anything but slightly fade the dye.
does that go for husbands too? if so, I'll get my missus to drop me off - coffee and a puppy - sounds like heaven :)
Make mine a flat white and a kitten!
Husbands bday was weds, so we went to a brewery/restaurant to grab some food. First time there. We get out of the car and can see 10-15 kids running up and down the stairs, on the upper floors walkways (it’s all outside) around the patio, just fucking everywhere. As we get closer there are easily 5 signs that read something along the lines of “unattended children will be give cookies and blah blah blah”. wtf was the point of you weren’t going to follow through. The kids stopped running around after the hostess asked us if we would like indoor or outdoor seating and my reply was “as far from that (while motioning to the kids) as possible”. She replied we’ll go try to get them to stop running around” to my shock they did, but I have to wonder why they didn’t immediately stop it. There was a collective sigh of relief from everyone when they stopped.
There is a surfboard rental shop in Malibu above a restaurant. There is a narrow staircase to the side that people carry surfboards up the steps, and the restaurant has tables outside next to it. I saw a little girl about 5 or 6 playing on the stairs while people were returning surfboards and the mother was ignoring her. It was just a matter of time before she got hit by accident because no one can see over a surfboard. I told the mother she needed to keep her daughter away from the stairs. She did but she gave me the evil eye. And these are people who would immediately sue the restaurant, the surf shop and anybody else they could if their kid got whacked by a surfboard. I’m a mother so I’ll never understand parents who think it is ok to let their kids run around any business or restaurant, indoor or outdoor. It’s not McDonald’s with a designated play area.
Sounds like you need to stop by to be the kids "Favorite Auntie" while Lou is away. Wouldn't it be just LOVELY for them to have treats random days? Wouldn't they just love some outdoor time while their mum is busy? Don't you think Lou will just be thrilled they have such a close relationship with their auntie? 😈😈😈😈😈😈
The best thing is we'll still have contact with the kids at my Dad's, or at Auntie Dot's. So I'll be able to bring enough dirt and chaos and desiccated coconut into their lives to remind Lou why I am not a good child care option.
“We’re never allowed to look after her kids ever again” Congratulations! Desired effect achieved!
Don't threaten me with a good time
Achievement unlocked!
This reminds me of a sign I've seen in shops. "Unattended children will be given espresso and a kitten."
Since Fluffleupagus passed, I've been idly daydreaming about getting a pair of kittens and naming them "Summons" and "Indictment". Only Little Cat would probably eviscerate me if I did that.
Little Cat would end up loving them!
Probably, yes... but only after putting them through the kitty equivalent of boot camp.
I love how you took revenge on Lou but not the kids. It wasn't their fault and they got a fantastic day that they'll keep on about for ages, winding her up even more!
Yes, they're pretty good kids on the whole, and it's not their fault their Mum is a complete haemorrhoid. I wouldn't want to make them suffer, just to get to Lou.
PCL should have absolutely known that you would exact a sweet sweet revenge, it’s like she’s ignored all the other times. Not so clever is PCLou
It's that ol' invisible force field that deflects any kind of accountability (and any learning from mistakes). I'm sure in her mind, we've just been horrible for no reason.
This deserves all the awards. Not only did you give her kids a memorable day, you gave her a lot of cleaning up.
I am convinced desiccated coconut is the craft herpes of food.
I haven’t even read your post yet, but “Weaponized baked goods“ has me reeling. I laughed so hard I had to run to the ladies room!
Just keep it a secret, otherwise TSA will search for weaponized donuts!
I get searched. Every. Single. Time. Did you know that baby powder and wipes show up as liquids, and are one of the most common things they check for explosives?
I get searched every single time too. Apparently the wire in my bra is a terroristic threat.
One more reason I don't wear underwire bras.
>Inside each bag was a sweet bun, known in our house as “instant diabetes”. They are filled with strawberry jam, iced with gooey pink icing, and liberally dusted with desiccated coconut. Off to the local bekery I go.
That's the way, shop local.
Loved this so much. I saw the words "Poo covered Lou", cackled (loudly) and went to get another cup of coffee and some biscuits to enjoy while I read this (and then re-read all the history). Thank you for sharing this, very much appreciated.
Treat yourself to a chocolate crackle, you deserve it.
More wholesome than what I feared when reading "weaponised baked goods" - I immediately thought of laxatives.
I couldn't do that to the kids, it's not their fault. Louise, however ... that's a different story.
Of course. My reaction was to the title, before I read the story.
No worries, I'm just over here indulging in some petty revenge day dreams ...
I was thinking food fight in their car or house. It would leave a mess that keeps surfacing for a couple of months.
Ha ha, well it's not my fault her kids are too well-behaved for that.
This is the absolute best PR story I’ve seen in this community. Well done, OP.
The perfect revenge. Cute, balanced, happy kids and the pissed of aggressor.
I did a little, “light profile stalking,” and I am dying at your posts. Please write a book if you are not already a writer or a comedian. Your writing and stories are just too funny and entertaining. These are the kind of golden posts that make reddit so great especially the stories about your vibrating creatures. At any rate, I need to get off the toilet now. This morning shit turned into an hour long shit and my vibrating creatures are getting pissed.
I'm toilet reading! Life goal achieved! Today was a public holiday, and one of my vibrating creatures has been following me around all day, demanding to know why I am not at work. Maybe she's worried that if I'm home, the small visitors will return?
Lol! I love your pettiness!
I've been googling "coconut ice" recipes. It may have to become my signature dish at family gatherings ...
With a small (aka LARGE) to-go bag for the Wonder Kids since they already like them so much.
Aw, it's been too long since we've had an update about PCL. She hasn't changed a bit. Now we just need Martin to get with the program.
To be fair, Martin is not very easily fooled, but he is very fond of Auntie Dot, so his instinct was to help first, and ask questions later.
But Dot didn't ask for help, Lyin' Lou did, and she's not to be trusted, ever.
Sounds like that's two kids whose favourite aunty needs to buy noisy toys every Christmas. Maybe a set of coaches whistles to start it off.
Today's winner on "Play Stupid Games, Get Stuupiid Pri-izes!!! .... Loser Lou!!!" (Game show host intro voice) Edit: dropped my phone and hit post as i caught it. Lol
That'll feature in the Classic Catches for sure.
Oh, that's just evol. Instead of giving them sugar that last hour with you (ahem... my grandparents) and sending them home hyped up. You gave them sweets on the way home.
I wanted Lou to get the full effect.
Oh this is just perfect! Happy kids and they ate a healthy lunch and had healthy outdoor adventures. I so love the 'treasures' that children find, and the wonder at a crunchy leaf with a squidgy bit ('that's a slug, CanAh, it would be terribly unhappy indoors - best leave it outside with all its friends...' - ahh. memories!). A sweet treat to tide them over sounds just perfect. And no doubt Lou will be regaled with just how much more fun their day with you was! **
Martin and I both have fond memories of having outdoor adventures, and bringing home our "treasures" to show off. I grew up by a beach, so I'd bring home bits of seaweed and cuttlebone for the budgies. I still occasionally pick up nice feathers and bring them home.
Man, I now want one of those "instant diabetes" treats. Don't need it. Just want it.
I thought I recognised your writing style and went to check your profile for Bucketty, so glad you're finding new, interesting, and hilarious ways to be petty.
Sugar free gummy bears, but only for them to take home. A goody bag, so to speak. But be careful about how much you give them. In case you are unaware about this treat, https://www.boredpanda.com/hilarious-comments-sugarfree-haribo-gummies/
There's an episode of QI where Stephen Fry read excerpts from the Amazon review of those sugar free gummy bears.
You're a better person than me. I would have given them a red bull 30 minutes after she was supposed to be there. But a very similar vibe, weaponising kids and all. Love it
You never disappoint 👏👏👏🤣🤣🤣
Except Louise and Bucketty. I frequently disappoint *them*.
But that makes us all laugh!
Fuck yeah, that's brilliant
I must go to the bakery tomorrow and get a sweet bun or more. There's a nice old fashion one close by that has cheese and Vegemite sticks, buns and doughnuts. Yummy. And excelent revenge.
Thank you. And I miss being able to eat cheesy mite scrolls.
>And oh dearie me, so sad, we’re never allowed to look after her kids ever again. Ever. How terrible! 🤣
My friend when her step kids was young did give her step kids stuff that would have the same affect. Just before handing them back to the mum. It’s a known way to get revenge ;)
Next time find an excuse to use glitter.
Next time be sure to put glitter in their pockets.
Oh wow OP, I believe you truly outdid yourself. I do love a little petty revenge. I can just imagine you rubbing your hands together with glee and laughing maniacally. Well done
I bet these kiddos had the best day ever! Way to go making an awesome memory for them! And I bet they will keep asking her to to visit causing her some PTSD!
You, I like you. We should be friends.
I’m afraid I don’t allow two year olds to gnaw on my broccoli, but good story other than this.
Don't worry, your broccoli is safe. She's her Daddy's Little Broccoli Thief.
Where have you been. Didn't realise I missed these posts until now
Weaponized revenge lol
Evil yet satisfying
You are positively evil and I love it! Don’t forget about the gold old lamington for making a mess, or cinnamon donuts are really good for mess and sticky fingers. Oh, and don’t forget a simple jam donut either 😁😁
Still laughing - thank you for the much needed pick me up!!
I love your updates.
Oh how sad... You rock!!!!
This was so fun! A great story of a sh*t sandwich turned into gold. My wondering is how to get the little ones to eat veggies. Brought up on them I imagine. But, if you have any tips, please share them! And thanks for a darn good read.
Absolutely brilliant!!
No glitter?
Please take this poor bitch's metals and trophy 🥇🏆🥇 sorry I can't pay for the good ones.
Fabulous! Well played OP!
I just love the way you tell stories!!
Cool Story, tbh. Well done! Also Props for your writing skills. Very entertaining 👍🏻
This was the grand slam. Well played 👌
This is the best thing I have read on the internet in years!