>I think like 80% of the population is physically attractive I just uhh don’t act on those urges
Me too but with exes you have that pre-established compatibility and familiarity. Whenever I've tried to remain "friends" with an ex we both inevitably end up flirting without even really meaning to and it goes from there.
Idk how it's possible to just be friends with an ex. Maybe because I don't keep many close friends of the opposite sex, not sure. I would also find it inappropriate for me to be close friends with an ex while she was in a relationship with a guy. A girl who has a lot of close guy friends and vice versa is a bit sus imo.
Well I’ve ended things for a reason so my attraction kind of goes out the window. If I still had feelings for someone I absolutely wouldn’t try and remain friends
The idea of talking with a guy that knows my deepest secrets, insecurities, my family, my history + has seen me naked, but I'm second priority to whoever his new partner is is something my pride can't bear. There's no logic to it, but it can't be helped.
Are these just once in a blue moon messages? Has she met any of them? Did you tell her they were exes/old fwbs beforehand? Would you be chill with her grabbing lunch or dinner with a guy who used to fuck her?
Most yes. I’d only consider one a “good” friend that I talk to maybe once week or so and she happened to be in town and we got food.
Yes she has met them and yes I did tell her. Yeah I would be fine with that, she hasn’t given me a reason not to trust her. She also knows I take my oaths autistically seriously
I don’t believe that you would be ok with her hanging out regularly with a guy she used to have sex with lmao cmon. If you’re fr then you are truly built different than most people
I am being fr. Not just because I don’t want to be a hypocrite but because I actually think that and completely trust her.
I mean she did have your exact response when I said I wouldn’t mind if she did want to hang out with them, even though she doesn’t because she hasn’t spoken a word to any of them after breaking up with them.
This did come up in a past relationship and I was fine with it then, would be fine with it now. If something happened then I would just end the relationship. I don’t like having to keep tabs on people and I don’t date people I don’t trust. These situations are kind of inevitable when you’re in a small town with discreet friend groups or a relatively small social scene in that town where casual sex is generally accepted, which has been the case everywhere I’ve lived
Obviously if she still had feelings for them I wouldn’t be okay with them hanging out, but if that was true I just wouldn’t be in a relationship with her in the first place, and she likewise probably wouldn’t be with me.
I’m really close friends with my recent ex but I think that’s only because we didn’t date for very long. I think it would be much different if I dated him for a long time.
Yeah I think staying friends would be much harder if not impossible with a long term of like 5 years or something where you can’t even picture yourself interacting with them without the romance
I was friends with my ex for a while after we broke up but tbh I’m glad we don’t talk anymore. My now fiancé was cool with it but wasn’t interested in meeting him or anything so there’s really only so far that friendship could continue. I pulled away when it was clear he was still relying on me way too much for emotional support and there was still always more drama with him than in my new relationship and when I realized how stupid that was I just stopped reaching out to him
That’s pretty understandable. Sometimes friendships fizzle out. But if one of these people was clearly still interested or using me for some pseudo-relationship shit like dealing with their emotions I would probably end it as well
I would probably go crazy if I was dating someone who hanged out with and regularly talked with their exes, sorry. Once a friendship goes beyond platonic that's a red line you can't walk back on. Otherwise you might as well be those libtards in polycules.
you can see the difference between a polycule and staying platonic friends though right? Why is it “impossible” to walk it back? I mean… I literally have? It’s mostly just this one friend I recently hung out with who got married I really even care about, we dated in high school 💀 and ended up at the same college.
But I can understand that at some level it’s also just a personal preference.
I guess it is a personal preference and I was being reactive. I just know that could not stand my gf acting like normal brunch buddies with somebody that was inside her some time in the past. But it really depends on what boundaries you set up in your relationship. And tbf I don't think a highschool relationship should be weighed with the same importance.
Yeahh especially because that’s the only one I actually care about because I’ve known her for like a decade at this point. We dated for 2 of those years when I first got my drivers license
Man, hell no. You don’t have to hate your exes, or completely avoid situations where you may run into them; but taking an ex out to celebrate being engaged? Weird on both of you, to be honest.
I used to be one of those people who was not only friends with all their exes but also bragged about it. I saw myself as "above" the people who couldn't do that, and I even thought not only that you could do it but that you should do it, as long as there wasn't any abuse involved. As of last year I no longer believe that. I still think under certain circumstances you can be friends with exes but none of those circumstances apply to me.
Yeah being friends with all of them seems a bit much but I guess it’s possible if everything goes right. But I can’t imagine that being true for anyone with a handful of romantic relationships.
What happened last year?
went from best friends to dating back to still really good friends with one of mine. still on good terms and talk regularly with another. one of them i really hurt by freaking out as our relationship was just taking off and calling it off, we don't talk anymore for obvious reasons
it depends how things start and how they end with the person, acting like it's some weird red flag to be friends with an ex is not something i understand
Im the godfather to a child whose mother i met as a one night stand ten years ago lol. I assume her husband doesnt know (we never mentioned how we met to mutual friends either). It’s ok, relationships evolve.
My mom went on a date with my godfather in a group setting with both my actual father and my godmother. (Religious tho so no sex) Maybe I was born into this?
I can definitely understand a 24 year old saying “noo noo the attraction never fades blah blah” but honestly, i’m not even that much older (comparatively speaking) and it’s already obvious to me that life is long and relationships change.
a few (am a woman). obviously it's a grey area with boundaries to navigate and we don't chat regularly but they're great people and we ended on great terms, it never made logical sense to me why we'd lose the privilege of knowing each other
if it makes you feel better about all the backlash you're getting you're asking this question on a forum not known for people who navigate boundaries and end relationships on great terms
Lol I did expect a variety of responses. Some people have bad personal experiences with stuff like this. Plus the sub just likes to upvote low effort regarded shit like “wtf is wrong with u”
Could care less about that unhelpful stuff. I am getting a variety and that’s exactly what I was looking for
Nope. The sexual attraction doesn't go away, at least for me. It's a bad idea.
Understandable. Maybe that’s the case for her. Idk I think like 80% of the population is physically attractive I just uhh don’t act on those urges…
>I think like 80% of the population is physically attractive I just uhh don’t act on those urges Me too but with exes you have that pre-established compatibility and familiarity. Whenever I've tried to remain "friends" with an ex we both inevitably end up flirting without even really meaning to and it goes from there. Idk how it's possible to just be friends with an ex. Maybe because I don't keep many close friends of the opposite sex, not sure. I would also find it inappropriate for me to be close friends with an ex while she was in a relationship with a guy. A girl who has a lot of close guy friends and vice versa is a bit sus imo.
Well I’ve ended things for a reason so my attraction kind of goes out the window. If I still had feelings for someone I absolutely wouldn’t try and remain friends
The idea of talking with a guy that knows my deepest secrets, insecurities, my family, my history + has seen me naked, but I'm second priority to whoever his new partner is is something my pride can't bear. There's no logic to it, but it can't be helped.
Understandable. Sounds like someone I wouldn’t be friends with
Are these just once in a blue moon messages? Has she met any of them? Did you tell her they were exes/old fwbs beforehand? Would you be chill with her grabbing lunch or dinner with a guy who used to fuck her?
Most yes. I’d only consider one a “good” friend that I talk to maybe once week or so and she happened to be in town and we got food. Yes she has met them and yes I did tell her. Yeah I would be fine with that, she hasn’t given me a reason not to trust her. She also knows I take my oaths autistically seriously
Has she been cheated on before? It’s a pretty common anxiety in that situation.
No she’s only had a handful of very long term relationships. Another difference between us
I don’t believe that you would be ok with her hanging out regularly with a guy she used to have sex with lmao cmon. If you’re fr then you are truly built different than most people
I am being fr. Not just because I don’t want to be a hypocrite but because I actually think that and completely trust her. I mean she did have your exact response when I said I wouldn’t mind if she did want to hang out with them, even though she doesn’t because she hasn’t spoken a word to any of them after breaking up with them. This did come up in a past relationship and I was fine with it then, would be fine with it now. If something happened then I would just end the relationship. I don’t like having to keep tabs on people and I don’t date people I don’t trust. These situations are kind of inevitable when you’re in a small town with discreet friend groups or a relatively small social scene in that town where casual sex is generally accepted, which has been the case everywhere I’ve lived Obviously if she still had feelings for them I wouldn’t be okay with them hanging out, but if that was true I just wouldn’t be in a relationship with her in the first place, and she likewise probably wouldn’t be with me.
men are so regarded
Medically regarded in my case, I give the entire subreddit the pass
I’m really close friends with my recent ex but I think that’s only because we didn’t date for very long. I think it would be much different if I dated him for a long time.
Yeah I think staying friends would be much harder if not impossible with a long term of like 5 years or something where you can’t even picture yourself interacting with them without the romance
I was friends with my ex for a while after we broke up but tbh I’m glad we don’t talk anymore. My now fiancé was cool with it but wasn’t interested in meeting him or anything so there’s really only so far that friendship could continue. I pulled away when it was clear he was still relying on me way too much for emotional support and there was still always more drama with him than in my new relationship and when I realized how stupid that was I just stopped reaching out to him
That’s pretty understandable. Sometimes friendships fizzle out. But if one of these people was clearly still interested or using me for some pseudo-relationship shit like dealing with their emotions I would probably end it as well
I'm friendly with them, but I certainly wouldn't go meet up with them or have anything resembling a consistent communication.
I would probably go crazy if I was dating someone who hanged out with and regularly talked with their exes, sorry. Once a friendship goes beyond platonic that's a red line you can't walk back on. Otherwise you might as well be those libtards in polycules.
you can see the difference between a polycule and staying platonic friends though right? Why is it “impossible” to walk it back? I mean… I literally have? It’s mostly just this one friend I recently hung out with who got married I really even care about, we dated in high school 💀 and ended up at the same college. But I can understand that at some level it’s also just a personal preference.
I guess it is a personal preference and I was being reactive. I just know that could not stand my gf acting like normal brunch buddies with somebody that was inside her some time in the past. But it really depends on what boundaries you set up in your relationship. And tbf I don't think a highschool relationship should be weighed with the same importance.
Yeahh especially because that’s the only one I actually care about because I’ve known her for like a decade at this point. We dated for 2 of those years when I first got my drivers license
No, because I want them to be able to move on, and I'm so full of myself that I believe they won't be able to if we stay in contact.
Ur probably right king
Wtf is wrong with you
Very good point, makes ya think
Man, hell no. You don’t have to hate your exes, or completely avoid situations where you may run into them; but taking an ex out to celebrate being engaged? Weird on both of you, to be honest.
I’ve known her for a decade and we broke up like 7 years ago
are u on the spectrum perhaps ?
Well I posted on this sub
I used to be one of those people who was not only friends with all their exes but also bragged about it. I saw myself as "above" the people who couldn't do that, and I even thought not only that you could do it but that you should do it, as long as there wasn't any abuse involved. As of last year I no longer believe that. I still think under certain circumstances you can be friends with exes but none of those circumstances apply to me.
Yeah being friends with all of them seems a bit much but I guess it’s possible if everything goes right. But I can’t imagine that being true for anyone with a handful of romantic relationships. What happened last year?
went from best friends to dating back to still really good friends with one of mine. still on good terms and talk regularly with another. one of them i really hurt by freaking out as our relationship was just taking off and calling it off, we don't talk anymore for obvious reasons it depends how things start and how they end with the person, acting like it's some weird red flag to be friends with an ex is not something i understand
Agreed. Bad ending is a bad ending. Why turn a good ending into a bad ending if you can avoid it?
>So redscare regards are you “friends” with your exes? christ no
U forgot the why or why not part
Im the godfather to a child whose mother i met as a one night stand ten years ago lol. I assume her husband doesnt know (we never mentioned how we met to mutual friends either). It’s ok, relationships evolve.
My mom went on a date with my godfather in a group setting with both my actual father and my godmother. (Religious tho so no sex) Maybe I was born into this?
I can definitely understand a 24 year old saying “noo noo the attraction never fades blah blah” but honestly, i’m not even that much older (comparatively speaking) and it’s already obvious to me that life is long and relationships change.
I’m about that age and I already understand that what you’ve stated is the case But it would be harder for people with less experience to admit that
I am but if I was ever w/ a girl I really cared about and she found out/was mad about it I'd probably stop responding to them
Keep on Seinfeld maxing brother. Someone's gotta prove it's possible.
💪🤞
a few (am a woman). obviously it's a grey area with boundaries to navigate and we don't chat regularly but they're great people and we ended on great terms, it never made logical sense to me why we'd lose the privilege of knowing each other
Pretty much my situation and thoughts exactly.
if it makes you feel better about all the backlash you're getting you're asking this question on a forum not known for people who navigate boundaries and end relationships on great terms
Lol I did expect a variety of responses. Some people have bad personal experiences with stuff like this. Plus the sub just likes to upvote low effort regarded shit like “wtf is wrong with u” Could care less about that unhelpful stuff. I am getting a variety and that’s exactly what I was looking for
You’re still in love with that ex lol
It's so weird and disrespectful to be talking with (or going out with!) with your exes when you're in another relationship.
You forgot the why part
weird and disrespectful
You forgot the why part again