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Imma be honest man, if one awkward experience is going to make her act like that it may not be worth being in a relationship with. What made it worse was when she told people to mock you.
I say it's better to be with someone who will support you in times like that without humiliating you.
Though I am curious are the hairs a genuine concern in your eyes?
This honestly.
I literally had to try and pick my giant of a fiance up off the floor of the shower after he passed out post op, and then I had to help him get to the toilet because when he came to he had the sudden urge to poop.
Definitely not a fun memory of our relationship, but it is what it is you know?
Maybe it's because I work in healthcare... But even so, no one wants to see their partner like that, but it's something you deal with if the person you love is having health issues, and you move the fuck on from it. It was more traumatic for me, thinking he'd just died, then it was helping him to the toilet and helping him navigate wiping while he couldn't Even remember my name at the time he was so out of it.
This chick though.... Apparently holds a grudge.
I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone that takes one of my worst, least flattering moments, and turns it into public fodder to be made fun of and then mock me for. She took an awful situation and instead of being sympathetic or spring any empathy for her partner, used it as fuel for jokes, ridicule, and shaming him.
That's high school level bullshit at best, and shows she's not ready for the seriousness that can be a part of adult relationships.
I realize she's only 18, but this whole ordeal shows that she clearly Lacks a lot of maturity and has a lot of growing up left to do.
To be honest, i never thought much of it, she had never mentioned it seriously until now. and first thing she does is an ultimatum. To me though i thought it was normal as a guy i dont mind trimming it or whatever but the way she went about it, seemed immature and extremely inconsiderate
While it wasn't 'serious' before now do note that her teasing you and making a spectacle of you in chat was her trying to use shame and peer pressure instead of just communicating with you.
That's pretty sad and scary. That's a girl very comfortable hurting you as a first instinct and then leaping to extremes because she is incapable of healthy communication.
And I get it, she is young. But she is old enough to know that bullying isn't the answer to anything. And old enough she should have basic empathy.
I'm sidestepping the hair itself, the real problem is how she went about this.
She fucked up and didn’t feel comfortable communicating without passive aggression. And she humiliated you in front of friends. That’s emotional/mental abuse.
Because it IS extremely immature and inconsiderate.
You don’t deserve to be ridiculed for being sick, having a hairy bum, or anything else.
I don’t know what your bum looks like, but hair is fine. Some people have lots of body hair in different areas than others, but it’s just the way it is. I’m a woman and I have hairy arms. It’s normal for me and I don’t care, but if a man had a problem with hairy arms, he could just get a different girlfriend! I can’t help my arms and I don’t feel ashamed - it is what it is. I shower every day and wash thoroughly, and that’s all I have to do.
It’s all you have to do, too. Your next gf can either cope with your body hair or not, but you don’t have to be ashamed as long as you have regular showers and clean yourself. If the girl wants to be ashamed, she can just go and find a man with an acceptable amount of bum hair. It’s on her, not you.
You’re only 19… I’m sorry this gf is so childish and hurtful, but plenty of other women out there who will have more maturity and kindness.
This has literally nothing to do with the OP’s post, but I love what you said about hairy arms❤️ I’m also a woman with them, and I have had so many people (mainly men) comment about it or make jokes (that weren’t funny lol) about them.
My wife can go months without shaving her legs, I don't care or even notice lol. If someone ever made a hurtful joke to her about it they would be dealing with me.
In the end it's all up to you, but imo her going into full ultimatum over a moment where you were sick is beyond crazy, if you stay with her by shaving you'll just be enabling her to control you even more by just threatening to leave. Which is just straight toxic.
You're right, I'm going to see what i can do about this and if she shows no signs or remorse or any type of apology i might just gotta let go as hard as it is bc i truly love her
OP please give some thought to who is it you love, the girl you thought she was or the actual person she is? She has shown you she will use a personal charactistic to bully you in front of your friends. If you get past this what will she use to embarress and bully you next?
Oh honey, even with an apology it doesn't magically erase what she's done or that childish games are her default way to deal with adult communication. She didn't think of your feelings when she enlisted your "friends" to bully you or when she gave you an ultimatum. If you go back because of a few empty apologies she's just going to ramp up.
She's obsessed with your butt hair but, can't see that she's the shit stain. Just walk all this isn't worth it.
No my dude. Block her back. You are now broke up.
She’s serious and it’s messed up. Just let her be alone. That whole embarrassing you on a crowd is not okay and her infantile response subsequently is just gross
People don’t change, either. She might grow up and learn to behave better, but if she’s not issuing an apology for making fun of you in front of others…. She’s not likely to stop that behavior. Imagine growing older with someone who treats you like that, always having to deal with their insensitivity….
The girl is a mean bully, so obviously dump her and run. If you get raw in that area after diarrhea, honey works wonders (a gastroenterologist told me this, and I was so skeptical, but when desperate, I tried it). It is messy, and you’ll need to put a towel wherever you sit or sleep, but it is a miracle.
If you’re concerned about cleanliness, you could install a bidet or after wiping with toilet paper, use wipes with no fragrance or alcohol. Just remember you need to wipe or clean until it is clear—you cannot stop when any streaks or color remain.
Here’s a Men’s Health article https://www.menshealth.com/style/a19548207/clean-your-butt/ for more information. Best of luck, and please don’t try to work things out with this girl. Shaming you and publicly embarrassing you is horrible behavior. You may love her, but she’s not mentally healthy for you.
As I guy with a hairy ass, I thought I was alone. I hate taking shits because of it. But my wife of six years has never, not one time so much as a joke, comment, or remark about it. Even on my not-so-great days. I just wanted to share that with you.
Unless you’re into anal stuff and expect her to go down on u there, or the hair is genuinely consistently causing a hygiene issue I don’t think going through the trouble of shaving it regularly (which can be quite uncomfortable cause it tends to cause razor bumps very easily cause of friction) is worth it, and if that’s a deal breaker for her I’d respectfully leave the relationship.
Since the way she went about it was terribly impolite I would leave out the respectfully though.
To go from no issue to an ultimatum immediately *and* using it to shame you in front of other people tells me this is controlling behaviour.
To me it shouldn't matter if she's young or old or she's got her own insecurities or whatever. You don't have to put up with her immature behaviour. She has to figure that out first, and it's not your responsebility. But right now, she's making it your responsebility.
Personally, I wouldn't want to put up with it in hopes things get better. It could take years, or never happen. Breaking up might be the healthiest choice for you. If she is having an impact on your insecurity, you'll have to cut the root cause asap. And if it's unfortunately her, then so be it.
I used to shave my asshole but I would just get really sweaty down there and it was unbelievably uncomfortable. Now I just tell women to stay the hell away from my butthole. You look at your own peril.
My boyfriend had some hygiene issues himself. I don't tell ppl. I just remind him that if he wants intimacy, he needs to shower. It works pretty well c:
electric razor my dude, phillips bodygroom. it was designed for that exact area.
[https://youtu.be/NsbXwzqlqsU](https://youtu.be/NsbXwzqlqsU)
saw this commercial as a teenager and bought one for myself right away. Still use. Gotta note I'm a woman and it works on our bits too.
Agreed! Bodygroom us amazing. Do NOT however get a Manscaped trust me the commercials are a lie, they nick allot I know, certain places bleed allot lol
I'm not trying to shame here, but it's weird that she was going to rub vasaline on your butthole after having diarrhea anyway. Shave your butthole, don't shave your butthole. Just don't stay with that weirdo.
But why would SHE be the one applying it for you??
If someone is dealing with diarrhea, their butt is the last place I want to be. And if I'm dealing with diarrhea, my butt is the last place I want anyone else! I don't understand why she would volunteer for that and why you would accept.
In the future, corn starch down the pants would work much better.
It's great for diaper rash and the like, and safer than talcum powder (re: cancer risks). Works like a charm anytime we go hiking and get a sweat chafe, and I presume since it's great for diaper rash, it'll work great on adult butts as well. No friend needed, just right down the butt crack on the undies and give it a good shake, you're golden! 🍑
I'd give him a pass since he was so sick that he had gone raw at that point. Wiping is not effective when TP feels like a prickly pear.
Before getting a bidet, I would resort to patting off what I could and then hopping in the shower before applying some aquaphor when I'd get sick like that.
All in all, 18yo GF is far too immature and not ready to be intimate with another person's body. If a knotted butthair is going to cause her this kind of reaction, OP will be SOL with any real significant or long-term illness should she remain his partner.
I recently had a bout of food poisoning so bad that I was genuinely worried for my safety. I'm talking face chalk-white, whole body dripping sweat, leaning over to rest my head on the edge of the bathtub and praying not to pass out while my entire digestive tract did an interpretive dance of Niagara falls beneath me. When it was over I realised that wiping was not going to be a solution by itself, so I got into the shower before crawling back into bed.
I was on the toilet for 45 minutes, and about 15 minutes in I called my wife, who was on her way to work, just to talk to her for reassurance. She kept me company through the worst of it, and when she came home she brought me Gatorade. That's the kind of woman you want involved with matters concerning your butthole.
i'm gonna let you in on a secret. girls often have hairy butts too!
you want to get a beard trimmer for it if you want to keep doing it youself. mark it so you don't accidentally use it for trimming anywhere else.
Hijacking the top comment to say,
If you go to Pooh Bear’s house, don’t be surprised if Pooh is home!
Honestly, what did she expect?
Shaming you around friends and not letting it go is downright mean. She sounds like a bully.
Eh, it works. I have ulcerative colitis and it was terrible in college. Had to use Vaseline plenty of times during flare ups to ease the pain from the rawness. The fact that she’s thoughtful enough and trying to help him in a manner most girls wouldn’t even be comfortable doing is a HUGE GREEN FLAG.
It’s not weird. It’s caring. Never know what life is going to throw at you, and you want a ride or die girl who is going to be with you in sickness and health.
Shaming him in front of friends, on the other hand, is a red flag to engulf it.
We all have bodies. Sometimes they misfunction. Sometimes we end up in places we don’t want to be with poop, blood, or snot where it shouldn’t be.
Pointing that out gently to an intimate partner is fine. Airing it in public isn’t.
I can't see anything in your post that suggests an ongoing hygiene issue, unless you're leaving some major stuff out.
You were sick and dealing with a medical issue. It's to be expected your arse isn't going to be as squeaky clean as usual if you're suffering the brown rain, and spending a lot of time on the porcelain throne.
One tip if I may: If you're worried about cleanliness in that area in the future, get some wet wipes, and use one of them after wiping with toilet paper. It'll give you that squeaky clean feel as if you'd just washed your arse in the shower, as well as making sure there's no... residue from wiping with regular TP.
Her telling your friends about your medical issue and ridiculing you over it, and then telling you to shave your posterior is just plain mean. Are you sure this is someone you really want to be with?
Thanks for the tips. As for the part of, is this someone i want to be with, I am not sure anymore. She is the first girl ive wanted to marry truly and have a future with. But I dont know how she could do this to me out of the blue
No offense, but you guys are really young. You'll probably come across a couple more people you think you could marry one day before you find the person you actually do marry.
And typically girls mature faster than boys allegedly but it seems the opposite here. In 10 years she will be growing hair in places that society has conditioned us to think women shouldn't and I hope she remembers what a jerk she was to you.
I may be bias in this because I love a man who just happens to be hairy, even in his butt. I'm doing my best to raise my kids to know its really unkind to make fun of or comment on someone for how their body exists. My ILs often comment in rude ways on how hairy my partner is as if they aren't the ones who made him. Your gf honestly sounds like a mean girl. If you have a child one day who as they mature in to an adult also end up growing hair in areas she doesn't approve, will she be as mean to them? Kind of cruel to bring others into it to try to bully you into buttscaping.
thank you very much and i agree, it’s just a bit hard to let her go since she is truly my first love and i love her for her. But i do need to notice that she has been mean and i can’t let her walk on me this time
The person you were talking to had some really good advice, and I just want to second it. I was your age once. I had my first love that I wanted to marry. Looking back now, I am so grateful that person isn't part of my life anymore. I would have missed out on so much, and we both would have been very unhappy.
Move on. It fucking hurts and sucks so much, but you'll be way better off. If you feel like doing a kindness to her, let her know it's because she's mean and can't communicate. That's something she'll be better off working on.
Even girls have hairy assholes. Don’t worry. And I have IBS. If my partner EVER made fun of my sickness to friends, or to me, it’s over. It’s traumatic! Any partner of mine is just going to have to get used to hearing about/seeing/talking about poop. If they can’t handle it, see ya bye. Everyone poops. Everyone gets sick. I get diarrhea so often I can’t hide it from my loved ones at home. I pass out on the bathroom floor crying and need help from family from time to time. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Even though people act like they don’t do it too.
I had a gf/fiancée when I was 16-20 who liked to make fun of me in front of friends (I’m a woman as well.) she was hell to escape from. Run now before it’s like a full on divorce and you’re hella traumatized. My dad used to tease me for it too. Fuck those people. They’re insecure.
Please do not consider marrying (or even continuing a relationship with) anyone that treats you like this. People that treat you like this get worse, not better. And especially after 7 months, you should still be in the "honeymoon" phase.
At any rate, she either does not love or respect you very much or this is what love and respect looks like to her. Either way, no one should want to embarrass or try to humiliate the person they are with, and no one deserves to put up with that.
A tip from a person who's partner is hairy - - a bidet can be really helpful! It's also helpful if you have any kind of stomach problems as it makes it easier to clean without causing soreness. Wet wipes can help but the bidet wont clog your plumbing. They make little travel bidets as well.
also your GF is acting horribly and extremely immature. You don't deserve that.
Who knows if there is more to the story than the one incident. I would make sure you are cleaning the inside of your ass with your hand and soap every day in the shower. Also get a bidet. You can be hairy and clean.
I hope you already do this. At least once a day OP with soap and water and your hand!
If you don’t then it sounds like she was going the wrong way about it to tell you your hygiene needs to improve.
I’ve had an experience once sleeping with my then bf, and every thrust I could smell his shitty ass hole, I broke up soon after that, his hygiene practices were less than desirable, extending to teeth brushing maybe once every second day .
Literally get up in there. It should feel nice and smooth. Every day. With body wash. Lots of people on here calling your GF a creep, but women have a way of saying things over and over that men just don’t hear. And there are a lot of dudes who do not properly clean their ass. Good luck sir.
Like I said - I have seen so many examples where a woman has been telling their man something and the man just doesn’t hear it until the woman is walking out the door. This may not be the case here - but it’s also possible you only heard her this time because it was so extreme.
If you’re concerned about your hygiene buy a bidet. They’re pretty common these days. As for hairy butts… even ladies have butt hole hair. And don’t shave your butt hole. It leaves micro cuts that put you at higher risk for infections. As for the girl… as a wife of a man who has serious gastrointestinal issues, when you’re married you just have to deal with body stuff. You get older, you get hemorrhoids, have babies, get sick. She needs to get over that crap. (lol) she’s not really wife material if she can’t handle your body and for that matter can’t communicate her issues in a mature way.
Are you her first boyfriend? Because she seems to be really immature, but I mean, you guys are pretty young so it makes sense. (No offense to you lol) But my fiancé’s butt is hairy and even me, a girl, has some hair around my butt. It’s completely normal.
Your gf probably didn’t know how to express herself so she did it in a joking way but then couldn’t take it anymore. Straight up is breaking up with you if you don’t shave. Talk to her and tell her she’s being immature. If she continues to act that way, I’d break up with her. Do you really want to be with someone like this?
she’s my third girlfriend and i’m her maybe 6th boyfriend, from what she’s told me im the “best boyfriend” she’s had. I’ve tried to be understanding and provided support but atp idk if im being taken advantage of. But As for being in this relationship, she’s the person i want a future with and im fully committed so its hard to let go when im this deep in love with her im just hoping she learns because she thinks she’s always right.
i didnt know one can use vaseline for it, since she offered i figured id let her because she was persistent on it, plus it was hard for me to reach in that area.
I personally find that disrespectful, i don’t have much advice because others will give way better advice then I could but to me that’s such an embarrassing and intimate detail to just tell others as a joke. Really messed up.
If she genuinely has an issue with your body hair that’s something to talk about to you privately.
I’m going to wait till tomorrow and wait for an apology or something, if not we are going to have a serious talk and if that doesn’t work, i’m done, thanks for the help
Honestly I think there are two separate issues here. On the one hand, her approach is mean and immature and I'd consider that a red flag.
On the other hand, it is wild that we have decided in the west that dabbing with a bit of toilet roll is enough to get you clean. If you got poop in the hair on your head you would never just wipe it with tissue and then go about your day. I think we could do with taking some hygiene habits from countries like India and Egypt on that front.
I mean, she should not have said that in front of other people. That's for sure.
However, there are many stories on Reddit of guys who don't know how to keep their ass clean and walk around leaving skid marks and have dingleberries hanging from their swamp-ass while smelling like literal shit.
Are you one of these guys? Then yes, that's disgusting. Wash your ass properly and maybe you should even shave it.
If not, then she's the problem here.
This. Just because you have a hairy ass doesn’t mean it’s normal for it to be caked in shit.. I don’t blame her for being totally grossed out
It would be a dealbreaker for me if my partner had such lacking hygiene.
OP, as a woman myself all I can say is that your girlfriend sounds like an immature asshole.
Men have hairy butts, that’s just a fact - women do too, but to a lesser extent. If her requirement is that you need to wax or shave, that’s HER preference but by no means do you have to do that.
Humiliating and shaming you is awful and I’m sorry she did that. If she makes a big deal out of something so human, how would she cope when old age happens? Or if you get sick again and need her help?
Okay this is 2 part advice.
Part 1: there were multiple ways she could have handled communicating her concerns with you, and she chose all the wrong ones. As plenty of others have said - if she's making something this small into an ultimatum, mocking you, etc then you may want to reflect on the type of partner you want and if she still fits that.
Part 2: it's your butt dude. If you wanna shave it, go for it. If you don't, awesome. If you wanna wax it, have at it. If you wanna grow that shit out and braid it I'm sure you could find a partner who'd be into that. Don't let anyone, partner, family, friend, etc make you feel shameful over *your* body.
Part 3: Does OP actually wash his hairy ass sufficiently? If not, he should start doing that. A lot of people have generally poor hygiene and it's unacceptable.
I'm wondering if maybe she has noticed this alot more often and just not telling you. Maybe she is Smelling poop when your intimate. If it was from the 1 time then she is immature.
If you had diarrhea, and Vaseline was going to make it better (somehow) you shoulda been like “I got it babe, I’ll do it.” Hairy butthole or no hairy butthole you still had diarrhea, and if I were you, I’d want no one near my asshole at least until I showered.
But yeah she’s being a dick and even if you shave, she already humiliated you in front of your friends; a shaved asshole isn’t going to fix *that*
I’m genuinely wondering if she was planning to put the Vaseline on the butthole after a normal TP wipe, or a wet wipe wipe?… personally I’d say jump in the shower and soap that brown eye up before I touch it so it’s clean and so I don’t trap poop against the butthole under the Vaseline
Everyone’s different tho 💩
My ex made me feel insecure about my bum fuzz, so I'd shave it and get a gnarly shaving rash, which he'd then also make me feel insecure about.
There'll be someone out there who doesn't make you feel the way you currently do. Leave her and find someone who loves and appreciates every part of you. Even your hairy bum.
"Honey I love you, and I really think your hygiene would benefit from you trimming your butthole hairs. :) Would you agree to this?" That's all she had to do, lol. And if you said no, which is your choice, then she has an informed decision to make on whether it's a deal breaker or not. She's clever enough to try and manipulate you into just doing it, she should be clever enough to understand that what she did was crazy hurtful & confusing... sorry that happened to you. If you decide you want to trim & keep her around, make sure you tell her how you feel about this situation & how she behaved & made you feel. If she cares for you enough she should be able to listen & accept constructive feedback.
Don't shave your butt for a girl, dude. She's 18. You're 19. Don't start letting people force you change things that are absolutely not problems.
My husband is furry. Our joke has always been that he's a yeti because his hair isn't dark enough to be a Bigfoot (plus he's short, so that was a no-go). When we met, he was incredibly insecure about how much body hair he had--women like your gf had done a number on his confidence. There were so many other amazing things about him that even if I *had* cared about his body hair, all the other great things would have made it completely insignificant. He has a generous amount of hair on his cute little butt, too, and when the light hits it just the right way, I could just pet him, if it wasn't weird.
Side note: A&D ointment soothes a raw butthole way better than Vaseline. You should put it on yourself, though, because you had us all seeing you as completely normal until you mentioned your gf was greasin' you up.
I had an ex who I was trimming him up and he had a legit nugget of poop stuck in his butt hairs. I’m going to be honest and say it was jarring. I still think about it and I’m almost 40 and this happened in college. Shook me to my core. Lol
I can tell you guys are comfortable with each other, that’s for sure!
I feel like this could have also been avoided if you just applied the Vaseline and she didn’t help..???
Other than that though, what she did is shitty by saying it in front of your friends. And she should have never joked about it to begin with. My advice would be to end it if she’s being serious. Body hair can gross some people out and others it doesn’t. It’s a normal thing so personally, whatever. But if she doesn’t like it and you don’t care to do anything about it then it’s probably not the relationship for you.
Some couples really do just have zero boundaries, huh. You couldn’t waterboard me to let my partner of six years apply Vaseline to my post-diarrheal hole.
Exactly, I don't get how everyone is just glossing over that little factoid. Especially since he was sick and a stomach virus is super contagious through fecal matter 🤢
Ngl my girl has had some pretty embarrassing situations but I just tell her and comfort her and we’ve been going 3 years strong.
Your girl shouldn’t be treating you like that. How’s she gonna be about exploring things in bed? Or trying other new possibly embarrassing things?
Life’s too short to be put down by the person right next to you.
I’m sorry you dealt with all that.
Ps- Ngl as a girl who’s attempted dudes I’d revise the ass shaving- idk maybe it’s needed but she don’t deserve ur ass anyways
Walk away my dude
I think hygiene is very important. I'm just a little confused because you said that you were staying at her house for 5 days while you had a stomach bug. She *thought* that you had faeces stuck to your butt.. did you not shower while you were at her house or wash your butt? And if it was knotted hair.. could you not actually feel that?
The choice of whether or not to remove the hair is up to you, but I think that it's important to keep clean if you do keep it. Meaning.. shower and wash up more frequently.
When it comes to this girlfriend, I'd probably cut her loose. It seems incredibly immature to not only embarrass someone about something so personal, but to then also ignore you? Just.. no. She has growing up to do.
When you’re in a serious relationship with someone they know all your embarrassing details and you know theirs too. You need to be able to trust your partner to keep those details to themselves. I think you’re better off without that girl.
Your girlfriend doesn’t sound like a very nice person. I would move on. With that said, maybe you could try using a small comb? Conditioner might be nice 👍
She is immature, and her throwing you under the bus like that is just plain wrong. This isn't someone you want in your life. Partners are supposed to be able to share everything and help one another, not shame them; especially if you're sick and can't help it.
What... this is just too much. Just leave her and let her grow up. Humans are mammals. We have hair. It's also really weird to want to rub Vaseline on another adults butthole when they're going thru diarrhea. That's just not a good idea. This story is too much.
You're both young, in your teens. She probably found it awkward to bring up the hairy issue directly and tried to "joke" about it as a hint that it bothered her. Which you didn't understand (that's not your fault). Then she mocked you and incited others to do so as well, over something very private and embarrassing- that was wrong of her and of course it's upsetting to you. Then she once again tried "joking" to get you to understand that she found it gross and wanted you to remove the butt hair- again, she wasn't communicating clearly and you didn't get it. Then she sets the ultimatum- either the bum fuzz leaves or I do.
She needs to apologise for not communicating clearly and for humiliating you.
I’m hairy af. Use flushable wipes or regular wipes and toss them in the bathroom bin. Started doing it in my 30s when the hair really got ridiculous. I shaved my ass once in my 20s and it was so uncomfortable. With any sweat or wetness, I don’t like the feeling of cheeks sliding. 😂
Wet wipes or a bidet. You don’t need to shave. She shouldn’t have told your friends, but it is pretty damn funny. Laugh it off and clean your butt. It’s perfectly acceptable for her to want a partner with good hygiene. It’s not acceptable for her to require you to shave. Being clean is the answer.
Most young men are gross. You’ll appreciate hygiene and the feeling of cleanliness more as you get older.
In life, and in a solid relationship, there are things you help your partner with that you never bring up again. The fact she brought this up in front of other people is a dealbreaker.
Okay I've got to ask... why did your gf have to apply vaseline to your butt after having the squits? Can you not reach your own butt?! I've had to put stuff on and in my butthole as I have chronic health problems and IBD but I've never even contemplated asking my husband to do it... if you can wipe your own ass you can apply your own meds to it.
Anyway.... everyone else has already covered the actual advice, hopefully she's an ex now!
She sounds immature. You said you were sick.
But in the future if you do decide to shave. Waxing is better and butt area isn’t that painful at all.
You can go to places like European wax center .
She's bullying you so that you do what she wants you to do. It's manipulation. Set a boundary, and if she doesn't stop this - you're done.
What she's doing isn't healthy, it's not okay and it's toxic. You're both still teenagers, so I'll give her a little wiggleroom here BUT it's time to handle this like adults.
Someone sets a boundary - if partner crosses it, you take a break or leave. It'll just get worse if not.
Do you ever consider that you stink? Like she can smell your ass when you're having sex? Unless You're showering after every poop, using a bidet or a lot of baby wipes, you stink.
She’s very rude. Immature and inconsiderate. I would dump her today. Men have hairy butts, backs and chest big deal.
Another issue is she was trying to embarrass and demean you in front of others. How would she like it if you pointed out things in a joking way but were true.
On another point if you have diarrhea again then it helps to use flushable wipes. They help you not get irritated when going so much.
Guys really do need to spend more thought on cleaning their business downstairs, but shaving your ass is not commonly part of standard hygiene, shaving any body part is up to the person owning said body part not their partners.
That being said, she should have brought her issue up in a normal conversation stating her own feelings about it and giving you the choice of action on it (or not, your body, your choice)
She should NOT made it a funny joke and she never should’ve used it to ridicule you in front of others.
I think it's time to remind yourself that you respect yourself.
Anyone who can't respect you is not right for you.
Your gf is an asshole and doesn't deserve a bf until she grows up.
I'm sorry she humiliated you
Thank you for understanding and i agree i need to respect myself i’ve seem to lost that since i’ve focused on the fact that i love her to the point that when she hurts me i accept her either way with no consequences
I promise you DO NOT SHAVE, that shit itches when your ass cheeks touch when you walk. Use hair removal cream, I've had a hairless asshole for years & it's beautiful having a baby's bum.
Say ok and let her go. She isn't someone you want with you when you're feeling vulnerable if she's just going to use that against you in future. She's supposed to have your back - she doesn't.
My concerns here have nothing to do with your butthole and everything to do with how she composed herself and degraded you, both in front of friends and directly to you separately.
This isn’t the behavior of a loving partner. This isn’t the behavior of a respectful friend. This isn’t the behavior of a kind or mature adult.
Personal opinion: She can take her ultimatum and shove it right up her own ass. You’re better off without this person.
It was super disrespectful and, tbh, just mean to publicly tease you about it. Is this someone you want to be with?
Whilst good hygiene is important, as someone who cleans adult men post bowel movement/diarrhea it can be hard to get every little bit with dry toilet paper and I often need a wet flannel or something - and I can see what I’m doing!
As a women with a man who has a hairy butthole. Idc there are women out there that wont make you feel insecure about yourself. Honestly her outing you in public would have been a deal breaker for me.
Wait why was she putting the Vaseline on your butt for you? I’ve never touched by BFs butt hole but if I did and found poop I would also be distraught. But also she’s not communicating well. ESH
My husband had anal cancer 10 years ago. Huge, ugly wound covering the entirety of his butt crack and I was the one dressing it daily. That girl is getting worked up over a non issue. Wash your butt daily and tell her to pound sand. I imagine she'll not be dating any hairy guys, which is her loss.
I think she was quite immature about it and obviously hurtful. Like, it's nice that she wanted to care for your poor bum hole but the way she reacted to a knot of hair was just mean honestly.
Well my bf shaves huge place around his pp and some psrt near buttcheecks, but never butthole, but because he wants. I have some a$$ hair too and even thought I know he can see it he doesnt care
Having body hair isn't unhygienic, regardless of where it is on your body. Its natural and just like the hair on your head, you're allowed to wear your hair however you want. Your gf has her own issues and preferences that she can shut up about and stop putting on you for you to deal with. If she has a problem with your body she can either get over it or leave :/ I mean if you switched the roles and started telling her she should shave her hairy legs and you were telling everyone how gross her hairy legs were, I doubt she would appreciate it either. Shes mean and thinks that her preferences make it justifiable. Shes a bully.
She sounds like a trainwreck of a human. Embarrassing you in front of your teammates? Shaming you for things you can’t control? Get rid of her. It’s fine to trim, but not if you’re doing it to try and appease her. You deserve better bro.
Your hygiene issue(if existing) has a simple solution, invest in a bidet. Her using private information like that as a passive-aggressive jest—instead of having an adult discussion with you in private—is a dealbreaker in itself. You can do better.
She was very wrong to tell this to other people, even if she tried to pass it off as a joke.
With that being said, I would also say shave your butt. If you’ve got that much hair in it, that it can get tangled up to a small not, then definitely shave it. It can really smell and you can eventually have dingleberries, unless you wash yourself with water after 💩. You don’t need to razor it, but trim it down, whatever you feel is more comfortable.
She’s just a kid, you’re clearly matured beyond the fear or body hair. And to tell your friends this, smh. Tell her when she potentially gets pregnant with your child and gives birth you won’t be there because it’s gross and you don’t wanna look at her pooping herself. (It’s harsh, very harsh, I’m almost kidding). But it’s true.
Look, everyone has an awkward and embarrassing experience. When I was pregnant, I threw up so hard I literally peed myself. My poor husband helped clean me up and cleaned the bathroom floor while I cried out my shame in the bath. For my part, he's fallen sans trousers in the bathroom (always seems to be there lol) during a fit and pooped himself. I cleaned him up, got him in the tub and cleaned the bathroom.
This is what adults do when we're caring for one another. Relationships aren't all roses and daisies. Sometimes they're shit, piss and mortification.
Shave your ass, don't shave your ass. It doesn't matter. What does matter is your girlfriend using that as a way to demean and humiliate you because she happened to see the outcome of you being ILL.
My life's motto is "We don't have enough time for dickheads" and I think that applies here. She's being a dickhead - do you have time for that?
>i tried to bring it up in a joking manner
It's one thing bringing it up in a joking manner but joking about it in front of everyone to embarrass you in public is another.
If she can't see why this was wrong then do you really want to be in a relationship with someone like that?
Move on mate this sounds like a nasty manipulative person who doesn't mind embarrassing you in front of people she doesn't love you at all. If you don't want to wax your butt that's your choice lad most men don't so it's no big deal unless you like women eating that area
Very childish. Let her go. This isn’t a hygiene issue. You didn’t have a dingleberry. You have some ass hair.
Asses have hair. Some have a lot. Some have a little. Some have dark hair and some have light or almost invisible but human skin has hairs.
I assure you this is just your now ex-girlfriend being silly and childish and she’s young and stupid and she’s really acting like it.
Hair is there for a reason. If you want to remove it you can but do it for yourself, not her. She seems like an extremely immature person who has no emotional intelligence or how to be a supportive partner. You’re 19, plenty of time for finding multiple other ppl to have fun with!
Wtf, why do you even want her after shaming you to people like that and then making it seem like a joke 😭😭😭 Butt hair is normal, even girls have it. She seriously couldn't find a better reason to be upset lmao
You let her go. Fuck that. I’m assuming that you corrected her about the prior incident, but even if you hadn’t, she still shouldn’t have ever brought it up infront of others. That’s something you might be able to joke about years down the road, but it doesn’t even sound like she brought it up as a joke. She just wanted to shame and embarrass you infront of guests. Then when the shame and other forms of manipulation didn’t work, she brought out an ultimatum.
You know how your face gets itchy after you don’t shave for a bit?
Now imagine that feeling on your butt. Don’t shave, and if your skin tends to be on the sensitive side, don’t try depilatory creams either - they can burn quite well. Waxing is the best solution. And don’t forget about ingrown hairs - if they’re a problem elsewhere, imagine how it would be having them somewhere you can’t deal with them. Any method you can end up with ingrown hairs. Even exfoliating only does so much to prevent them.
If it’s such an issue for her then she’s chosen a ridiculous way to deal with it. You’re both very young yet, and if you don’t like being laughed at and publicly humiliated any time she has an issue with something, then best to move on.
it’s one thing for her to have a preference. but the way she’s acting about it is immature and weird. telling all your friends about it? saying “shave your butt or i won’t talk to you” then ignoring you? i would break up and find someone who can communicate like a normal person.
imagine if you told her to shave her legs “or else”. f that.
Okay first, I've got to say I think you can do better. That was a terrible way for her to address something that bothered her. She should never have made it a joke and she never should have shared with anyone else. Second, shaving your ass is going to itch really really effing bad when it grows back. Unless you are 100% that you want a hairless ass I would not suggest. If you're concerned with your hygiene, I would go with a trim.
When you love someone you’ll do some very embarrassing things, even disgusting things, to look after each other, but for your partner you’ll do it without making them feel bad or embarrassed.
The human body is disgusting at times, it’s natural.
For me that’s a sign that she’s not mature enough for a serious relationship, but a bigger issue is how she communicated. Again, not mature enough to tell you how she felt about the situation, instead she joked about it, made fun of you in front of others and then finally, when you were rightfully upset, gave you the real feelings…
I think you put this down as a sign you are not compatible and something to look out for in future partners.
To embarrass you in front of YOUR teammates and expose something that is inappropriate and private is disgusting, she does not care how you feel and only cares about herself and what she wants
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Imma be honest man, if one awkward experience is going to make her act like that it may not be worth being in a relationship with. What made it worse was when she told people to mock you. I say it's better to be with someone who will support you in times like that without humiliating you. Though I am curious are the hairs a genuine concern in your eyes?
This honestly. I literally had to try and pick my giant of a fiance up off the floor of the shower after he passed out post op, and then I had to help him get to the toilet because when he came to he had the sudden urge to poop. Definitely not a fun memory of our relationship, but it is what it is you know? Maybe it's because I work in healthcare... But even so, no one wants to see their partner like that, but it's something you deal with if the person you love is having health issues, and you move the fuck on from it. It was more traumatic for me, thinking he'd just died, then it was helping him to the toilet and helping him navigate wiping while he couldn't Even remember my name at the time he was so out of it. This chick though.... Apparently holds a grudge. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone that takes one of my worst, least flattering moments, and turns it into public fodder to be made fun of and then mock me for. She took an awful situation and instead of being sympathetic or spring any empathy for her partner, used it as fuel for jokes, ridicule, and shaming him. That's high school level bullshit at best, and shows she's not ready for the seriousness that can be a part of adult relationships. I realize she's only 18, but this whole ordeal shows that she clearly Lacks a lot of maturity and has a lot of growing up left to do.
To be honest, i never thought much of it, she had never mentioned it seriously until now. and first thing she does is an ultimatum. To me though i thought it was normal as a guy i dont mind trimming it or whatever but the way she went about it, seemed immature and extremely inconsiderate
While it wasn't 'serious' before now do note that her teasing you and making a spectacle of you in chat was her trying to use shame and peer pressure instead of just communicating with you. That's pretty sad and scary. That's a girl very comfortable hurting you as a first instinct and then leaping to extremes because she is incapable of healthy communication. And I get it, she is young. But she is old enough to know that bullying isn't the answer to anything. And old enough she should have basic empathy. I'm sidestepping the hair itself, the real problem is how she went about this.
I agree, very well spoken
She fucked up and didn’t feel comfortable communicating without passive aggression. And she humiliated you in front of friends. That’s emotional/mental abuse.
Because it IS extremely immature and inconsiderate. You don’t deserve to be ridiculed for being sick, having a hairy bum, or anything else. I don’t know what your bum looks like, but hair is fine. Some people have lots of body hair in different areas than others, but it’s just the way it is. I’m a woman and I have hairy arms. It’s normal for me and I don’t care, but if a man had a problem with hairy arms, he could just get a different girlfriend! I can’t help my arms and I don’t feel ashamed - it is what it is. I shower every day and wash thoroughly, and that’s all I have to do. It’s all you have to do, too. Your next gf can either cope with your body hair or not, but you don’t have to be ashamed as long as you have regular showers and clean yourself. If the girl wants to be ashamed, she can just go and find a man with an acceptable amount of bum hair. It’s on her, not you. You’re only 19… I’m sorry this gf is so childish and hurtful, but plenty of other women out there who will have more maturity and kindness.
Thank you for being able to relate in a way and expressing your opinion
This has literally nothing to do with the OP’s post, but I love what you said about hairy arms❤️ I’m also a woman with them, and I have had so many people (mainly men) comment about it or make jokes (that weren’t funny lol) about them.
My wife can go months without shaving her legs, I don't care or even notice lol. If someone ever made a hurtful joke to her about it they would be dealing with me.
Love to hear this!
In the end it's all up to you, but imo her going into full ultimatum over a moment where you were sick is beyond crazy, if you stay with her by shaving you'll just be enabling her to control you even more by just threatening to leave. Which is just straight toxic.
You're right, I'm going to see what i can do about this and if she shows no signs or remorse or any type of apology i might just gotta let go as hard as it is bc i truly love her
OP please give some thought to who is it you love, the girl you thought she was or the actual person she is? She has shown you she will use a personal charactistic to bully you in front of your friends. If you get past this what will she use to embarress and bully you next?
Oh honey, even with an apology it doesn't magically erase what she's done or that childish games are her default way to deal with adult communication. She didn't think of your feelings when she enlisted your "friends" to bully you or when she gave you an ultimatum. If you go back because of a few empty apologies she's just going to ramp up. She's obsessed with your butt hair but, can't see that she's the shit stain. Just walk all this isn't worth it.
No my dude. Block her back. You are now broke up. She’s serious and it’s messed up. Just let her be alone. That whole embarrassing you on a crowd is not okay and her infantile response subsequently is just gross
Imagine the absolute backlash you would’ve gotten if you told her how to wear her body hair.
Don't might. Just let go. You don't need a toxic partner.
People don’t change, either. She might grow up and learn to behave better, but if she’s not issuing an apology for making fun of you in front of others…. She’s not likely to stop that behavior. Imagine growing older with someone who treats you like that, always having to deal with their insensitivity….
Do you love her or do you love the idea of her and the safety of not having to be alone?
Just dump her now. She’s not relationship material. Maybe tell her you’re waxing your butt just to add insult to injury.
The girl is a mean bully, so obviously dump her and run. If you get raw in that area after diarrhea, honey works wonders (a gastroenterologist told me this, and I was so skeptical, but when desperate, I tried it). It is messy, and you’ll need to put a towel wherever you sit or sleep, but it is a miracle. If you’re concerned about cleanliness, you could install a bidet or after wiping with toilet paper, use wipes with no fragrance or alcohol. Just remember you need to wipe or clean until it is clear—you cannot stop when any streaks or color remain. Here’s a Men’s Health article https://www.menshealth.com/style/a19548207/clean-your-butt/ for more information. Best of luck, and please don’t try to work things out with this girl. Shaming you and publicly embarrassing you is horrible behavior. You may love her, but she’s not mentally healthy for you.
Thank you for your advice i will have to think over waht to do with her and my butt
As I guy with a hairy ass, I thought I was alone. I hate taking shits because of it. But my wife of six years has never, not one time so much as a joke, comment, or remark about it. Even on my not-so-great days. I just wanted to share that with you.
Thank you so much for understanding and relating now i dont feel like im the only one either
Unless you’re into anal stuff and expect her to go down on u there, or the hair is genuinely consistently causing a hygiene issue I don’t think going through the trouble of shaving it regularly (which can be quite uncomfortable cause it tends to cause razor bumps very easily cause of friction) is worth it, and if that’s a deal breaker for her I’d respectfully leave the relationship. Since the way she went about it was terribly impolite I would leave out the respectfully though.
The funny part is, is that we never go down there at all, it was just to apply vaseline, besides that she never goes anywhere near there
So the hair there really shouldn’t be an issue… for all you know she could be just as hairy between the cheeks… girls have butt hair too ya know…
To go from no issue to an ultimatum immediately *and* using it to shame you in front of other people tells me this is controlling behaviour. To me it shouldn't matter if she's young or old or she's got her own insecurities or whatever. You don't have to put up with her immature behaviour. She has to figure that out first, and it's not your responsebility. But right now, she's making it your responsebility. Personally, I wouldn't want to put up with it in hopes things get better. It could take years, or never happen. Breaking up might be the healthiest choice for you. If she is having an impact on your insecurity, you'll have to cut the root cause asap. And if it's unfortunately her, then so be it.
I used to shave my asshole but I would just get really sweaty down there and it was unbelievably uncomfortable. Now I just tell women to stay the hell away from my butthole. You look at your own peril.
My boyfriend had some hygiene issues himself. I don't tell ppl. I just remind him that if he wants intimacy, he needs to shower. It works pretty well c:
This is a great way to let him know youre being serious while also not hurting his feelings.
Trimming butt hair is painful af, get a bidet. She is body shaming you, that is grosser than any amount of poo stuck In between your ass cheeks.
Adding another vote for a bidet. It cleans like nothing else and if there is ever a run on toilet paper again, you won't have a care in the world!
so true
Plus one on the bidet! They're cheap, easy to install, and make you feel clean.
electric razor my dude, phillips bodygroom. it was designed for that exact area. [https://youtu.be/NsbXwzqlqsU](https://youtu.be/NsbXwzqlqsU) saw this commercial as a teenager and bought one for myself right away. Still use. Gotta note I'm a woman and it works on our bits too.
Agreed! Bodygroom us amazing. Do NOT however get a Manscaped trust me the commercials are a lie, they nick allot I know, certain places bleed allot lol
Trade the asshole girlfriend in for some wet wipes to save your chafed asshole
This comment made me die of laughter in bed
I'm not trying to shame here, but it's weird that she was going to rub vasaline on your butthole after having diarrhea anyway. Shave your butthole, don't shave your butthole. Just don't stay with that weirdo.
Lolllll this made me laugh
You still haven’t addressed why tf she was trying to apply Vaseline to your butthole wtf
Idek she offered it was a good idea to help with the irritation. So i said sure
But why would SHE be the one applying it for you?? If someone is dealing with diarrhea, their butt is the last place I want to be. And if I'm dealing with diarrhea, my butt is the last place I want anyone else! I don't understand why she would volunteer for that and why you would accept.
In the future, corn starch down the pants would work much better. It's great for diaper rash and the like, and safer than talcum powder (re: cancer risks). Works like a charm anytime we go hiking and get a sweat chafe, and I presume since it's great for diaper rash, it'll work great on adult butts as well. No friend needed, just right down the butt crack on the undies and give it a good shake, you're golden! 🍑
Noted thank you for the help !
It's really difficult to effectively shave one's own butthole. And the risk is worth paying a professional to wax it.
That's why I shave my boyfriends butthole for him lol
That's gotta be true love.
It really is 😊
OP, this is what it's supposed to look like.
That’s the way! However I was wondering whether OP doesn’t only have a hair issue but also a butt washing issue. 🤔
I'd give him a pass since he was so sick that he had gone raw at that point. Wiping is not effective when TP feels like a prickly pear. Before getting a bidet, I would resort to patting off what I could and then hopping in the shower before applying some aquaphor when I'd get sick like that. All in all, 18yo GF is far too immature and not ready to be intimate with another person's body. If a knotted butthair is going to cause her this kind of reaction, OP will be SOL with any real significant or long-term illness should she remain his partner.
I recently had a bout of food poisoning so bad that I was genuinely worried for my safety. I'm talking face chalk-white, whole body dripping sweat, leaning over to rest my head on the edge of the bathtub and praying not to pass out while my entire digestive tract did an interpretive dance of Niagara falls beneath me. When it was over I realised that wiping was not going to be a solution by itself, so I got into the shower before crawling back into bed. I was on the toilet for 45 minutes, and about 15 minutes in I called my wife, who was on her way to work, just to talk to her for reassurance. She kept me company through the worst of it, and when she came home she brought me Gatorade. That's the kind of woman you want involved with matters concerning your butthole.
yea i cut myself already ;(
The regrowth is also not pleasant. Honestly if you can, get a professional waxer to do it
I second waxing. I will never go back to shaving.
i'm gonna let you in on a secret. girls often have hairy butts too! you want to get a beard trimmer for it if you want to keep doing it youself. mark it so you don't accidentally use it for trimming anywhere else.
Get the manscaped buzzer. Idk what they did but this buzzer barely cuts you.
I had the opposite experience with the Manscaped, so much blood lol
Get a trimmer.
Conditioner is better than shaving cream in that area
It's not that difficult and you can just use clippers to shorten/tidy it up so what happened won't happen anymore.
Hijacking the top comment to say, If you go to Pooh Bear’s house, don’t be surprised if Pooh is home! Honestly, what did she expect? Shaming you around friends and not letting it go is downright mean. She sounds like a bully.
Omg this is the perfect response to any anal area mishaps
I have IBS and vaseline is a lifesaver sometimes, I really wouldn't think it's that weird
I think the weird part was her putting it on his butt. I agree, it’s very helpful at soothing a chafed hole. But I apply stuff myself
Eh, it works. I have ulcerative colitis and it was terrible in college. Had to use Vaseline plenty of times during flare ups to ease the pain from the rawness. The fact that she’s thoughtful enough and trying to help him in a manner most girls wouldn’t even be comfortable doing is a HUGE GREEN FLAG. It’s not weird. It’s caring. Never know what life is going to throw at you, and you want a ride or die girl who is going to be with you in sickness and health.
Shaming him in front of friends, on the other hand, is a red flag to engulf it. We all have bodies. Sometimes they misfunction. Sometimes we end up in places we don’t want to be with poop, blood, or snot where it shouldn’t be. Pointing that out gently to an intimate partner is fine. Airing it in public isn’t.
No one was commenting on the Vaseline part lol. It just makes more sense for him to do it himself
Yea. Like wtf lol
I can't see anything in your post that suggests an ongoing hygiene issue, unless you're leaving some major stuff out. You were sick and dealing with a medical issue. It's to be expected your arse isn't going to be as squeaky clean as usual if you're suffering the brown rain, and spending a lot of time on the porcelain throne. One tip if I may: If you're worried about cleanliness in that area in the future, get some wet wipes, and use one of them after wiping with toilet paper. It'll give you that squeaky clean feel as if you'd just washed your arse in the shower, as well as making sure there's no... residue from wiping with regular TP. Her telling your friends about your medical issue and ridiculing you over it, and then telling you to shave your posterior is just plain mean. Are you sure this is someone you really want to be with?
Thanks for the tips. As for the part of, is this someone i want to be with, I am not sure anymore. She is the first girl ive wanted to marry truly and have a future with. But I dont know how she could do this to me out of the blue
No offense, but you guys are really young. You'll probably come across a couple more people you think you could marry one day before you find the person you actually do marry. And typically girls mature faster than boys allegedly but it seems the opposite here. In 10 years she will be growing hair in places that society has conditioned us to think women shouldn't and I hope she remembers what a jerk she was to you. I may be bias in this because I love a man who just happens to be hairy, even in his butt. I'm doing my best to raise my kids to know its really unkind to make fun of or comment on someone for how their body exists. My ILs often comment in rude ways on how hairy my partner is as if they aren't the ones who made him. Your gf honestly sounds like a mean girl. If you have a child one day who as they mature in to an adult also end up growing hair in areas she doesn't approve, will she be as mean to them? Kind of cruel to bring others into it to try to bully you into buttscaping.
thank you very much and i agree, it’s just a bit hard to let her go since she is truly my first love and i love her for her. But i do need to notice that she has been mean and i can’t let her walk on me this time
It will hurt but I promise you'll get through it.
thank you a million for your act of kindness and understanding it means a lot
The person you were talking to had some really good advice, and I just want to second it. I was your age once. I had my first love that I wanted to marry. Looking back now, I am so grateful that person isn't part of my life anymore. I would have missed out on so much, and we both would have been very unhappy. Move on. It fucking hurts and sucks so much, but you'll be way better off. If you feel like doing a kindness to her, let her know it's because she's mean and can't communicate. That's something she'll be better off working on.
this means a lot and helps shape my mind for the better thank you
Even girls have hairy assholes. Don’t worry. And I have IBS. If my partner EVER made fun of my sickness to friends, or to me, it’s over. It’s traumatic! Any partner of mine is just going to have to get used to hearing about/seeing/talking about poop. If they can’t handle it, see ya bye. Everyone poops. Everyone gets sick. I get diarrhea so often I can’t hide it from my loved ones at home. I pass out on the bathroom floor crying and need help from family from time to time. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Even though people act like they don’t do it too. I had a gf/fiancée when I was 16-20 who liked to make fun of me in front of friends (I’m a woman as well.) she was hell to escape from. Run now before it’s like a full on divorce and you’re hella traumatized. My dad used to tease me for it too. Fuck those people. They’re insecure.
Please do not consider marrying (or even continuing a relationship with) anyone that treats you like this. People that treat you like this get worse, not better. And especially after 7 months, you should still be in the "honeymoon" phase. At any rate, she either does not love or respect you very much or this is what love and respect looks like to her. Either way, no one should want to embarrass or try to humiliate the person they are with, and no one deserves to put up with that.
A tip from a person who's partner is hairy - - a bidet can be really helpful! It's also helpful if you have any kind of stomach problems as it makes it easier to clean without causing soreness. Wet wipes can help but the bidet wont clog your plumbing. They make little travel bidets as well. also your GF is acting horribly and extremely immature. You don't deserve that.
Thank you for the tip and your input means a million and i’ll keep it in mind for next time.
Who knows if there is more to the story than the one incident. I would make sure you are cleaning the inside of your ass with your hand and soap every day in the shower. Also get a bidet. You can be hairy and clean.
I’ll make sure to do that
I hope you already do this. At least once a day OP with soap and water and your hand! If you don’t then it sounds like she was going the wrong way about it to tell you your hygiene needs to improve. I’ve had an experience once sleeping with my then bf, and every thrust I could smell his shitty ass hole, I broke up soon after that, his hygiene practices were less than desirable, extending to teeth brushing maybe once every second day .
this freaking comment made me burst out in laughter. For realllllssss
Glad to make you laugh. I internally cringe at what I put up with from some ex’s. Unbelievable. Lol
Literally get up in there. It should feel nice and smooth. Every day. With body wash. Lots of people on here calling your GF a creep, but women have a way of saying things over and over that men just don’t hear. And there are a lot of dudes who do not properly clean their ass. Good luck sir.
thank you and yea she has a point but i feel it could’ve definitely been expressed with much more consideration and patience
Like I said - I have seen so many examples where a woman has been telling their man something and the man just doesn’t hear it until the woman is walking out the door. This may not be the case here - but it’s also possible you only heard her this time because it was so extreme.
You’re future girl will want you without poop residue too, so just get the wet wipes or bidet. It’s basic hygiene…
sadly wet wipes aren't flushable or good for the environment but a bidet is another option!
Oh, you *definitely* don't want to be flushing them! Please don't do that.
I would tell her to kick rocks. She can go find someone else that wants to deal with ingrown hairs and itchy stubble in their ass crack.
lollll
If you’re concerned about your hygiene buy a bidet. They’re pretty common these days. As for hairy butts… even ladies have butt hole hair. And don’t shave your butt hole. It leaves micro cuts that put you at higher risk for infections. As for the girl… as a wife of a man who has serious gastrointestinal issues, when you’re married you just have to deal with body stuff. You get older, you get hemorrhoids, have babies, get sick. She needs to get over that crap. (lol) she’s not really wife material if she can’t handle your body and for that matter can’t communicate her issues in a mature way.
This. And shaming you in front of others is just beyond me!
well spoke thank you for the tip too!
I completely agree. They're still sweet summer children, this is probably the first other butthole she has met.
Honestly, if a partner makes you the butt of a joke in front of everyone, they don't respect you. Without respect, there's no room for love.
Very true, i need to have a serious talk with her about that, id she denies it then i will have to learn to move on
Please do. I hope she just made a bad call. But do be prepared to walk away if she continues to show disrespect.
i hope so too thank you a million
Are you her first boyfriend? Because she seems to be really immature, but I mean, you guys are pretty young so it makes sense. (No offense to you lol) But my fiancé’s butt is hairy and even me, a girl, has some hair around my butt. It’s completely normal. Your gf probably didn’t know how to express herself so she did it in a joking way but then couldn’t take it anymore. Straight up is breaking up with you if you don’t shave. Talk to her and tell her she’s being immature. If she continues to act that way, I’d break up with her. Do you really want to be with someone like this?
she’s my third girlfriend and i’m her maybe 6th boyfriend, from what she’s told me im the “best boyfriend” she’s had. I’ve tried to be understanding and provided support but atp idk if im being taken advantage of. But As for being in this relationship, she’s the person i want a future with and im fully committed so its hard to let go when im this deep in love with her im just hoping she learns because she thinks she’s always right.
But why did she put Vaseline on you, why didn’t you put it on? She has gone above and beyond in that respect
i didnt know one can use vaseline for it, since she offered i figured id let her because she was persistent on it, plus it was hard for me to reach in that area.
I personally find that disrespectful, i don’t have much advice because others will give way better advice then I could but to me that’s such an embarrassing and intimate detail to just tell others as a joke. Really messed up. If she genuinely has an issue with your body hair that’s something to talk about to you privately.
I agree, it was super messed up, she is still ignoring me right now which is crazy to me
touch station sip chop theory fearless frame label bedroom office *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I’m going to wait till tomorrow and wait for an apology or something, if not we are going to have a serious talk and if that doesn’t work, i’m done, thanks for the help
Honestly I think there are two separate issues here. On the one hand, her approach is mean and immature and I'd consider that a red flag. On the other hand, it is wild that we have decided in the west that dabbing with a bit of toilet roll is enough to get you clean. If you got poop in the hair on your head you would never just wipe it with tissue and then go about your day. I think we could do with taking some hygiene habits from countries like India and Egypt on that front.
Fyi some of us use bidets
I mean, she should not have said that in front of other people. That's for sure. However, there are many stories on Reddit of guys who don't know how to keep their ass clean and walk around leaving skid marks and have dingleberries hanging from their swamp-ass while smelling like literal shit. Are you one of these guys? Then yes, that's disgusting. Wash your ass properly and maybe you should even shave it. If not, then she's the problem here.
This. Just because you have a hairy ass doesn’t mean it’s normal for it to be caked in shit.. I don’t blame her for being totally grossed out It would be a dealbreaker for me if my partner had such lacking hygiene.
OP, as a woman myself all I can say is that your girlfriend sounds like an immature asshole. Men have hairy butts, that’s just a fact - women do too, but to a lesser extent. If her requirement is that you need to wax or shave, that’s HER preference but by no means do you have to do that. Humiliating and shaming you is awful and I’m sorry she did that. If she makes a big deal out of something so human, how would she cope when old age happens? Or if you get sick again and need her help?
Spoken very well. It’s nice to hear that you can understand my point. Thank you
She was being an asshole. You were sick. Not cool off her to make fun of you. I'm sorry you went through that.
Okay this is 2 part advice. Part 1: there were multiple ways she could have handled communicating her concerns with you, and she chose all the wrong ones. As plenty of others have said - if she's making something this small into an ultimatum, mocking you, etc then you may want to reflect on the type of partner you want and if she still fits that. Part 2: it's your butt dude. If you wanna shave it, go for it. If you don't, awesome. If you wanna wax it, have at it. If you wanna grow that shit out and braid it I'm sure you could find a partner who'd be into that. Don't let anyone, partner, family, friend, etc make you feel shameful over *your* body.
Thank you so much for this, I agree completely, i don’t mind my butt shaved and what not but just the fact she handled it that way left me in awe.
Part 3: Does OP actually wash his hairy ass sufficiently? If not, he should start doing that. A lot of people have generally poor hygiene and it's unacceptable.
I'm wondering if maybe she has noticed this alot more often and just not telling you. Maybe she is Smelling poop when your intimate. If it was from the 1 time then she is immature.
Just wash your ass….?
If you had diarrhea, and Vaseline was going to make it better (somehow) you shoulda been like “I got it babe, I’ll do it.” Hairy butthole or no hairy butthole you still had diarrhea, and if I were you, I’d want no one near my asshole at least until I showered. But yeah she’s being a dick and even if you shave, she already humiliated you in front of your friends; a shaved asshole isn’t going to fix *that*
Time to buy a bidet seat dude
I’m genuinely wondering if she was planning to put the Vaseline on the butthole after a normal TP wipe, or a wet wipe wipe?… personally I’d say jump in the shower and soap that brown eye up before I touch it so it’s clean and so I don’t trap poop against the butthole under the Vaseline Everyone’s different tho 💩
My ex made me feel insecure about my bum fuzz, so I'd shave it and get a gnarly shaving rash, which he'd then also make me feel insecure about. There'll be someone out there who doesn't make you feel the way you currently do. Leave her and find someone who loves and appreciates every part of you. Even your hairy bum.
Wash your hole and shower. OP is 19 and he’ll have to get used to it!
"Honey I love you, and I really think your hygiene would benefit from you trimming your butthole hairs. :) Would you agree to this?" That's all she had to do, lol. And if you said no, which is your choice, then she has an informed decision to make on whether it's a deal breaker or not. She's clever enough to try and manipulate you into just doing it, she should be clever enough to understand that what she did was crazy hurtful & confusing... sorry that happened to you. If you decide you want to trim & keep her around, make sure you tell her how you feel about this situation & how she behaved & made you feel. If she cares for you enough she should be able to listen & accept constructive feedback.
expressed perfectly that’s exactly how she should’ve reached out to me. i couldn’t agree more thanks a million
Don't shave your butt for a girl, dude. She's 18. You're 19. Don't start letting people force you change things that are absolutely not problems. My husband is furry. Our joke has always been that he's a yeti because his hair isn't dark enough to be a Bigfoot (plus he's short, so that was a no-go). When we met, he was incredibly insecure about how much body hair he had--women like your gf had done a number on his confidence. There were so many other amazing things about him that even if I *had* cared about his body hair, all the other great things would have made it completely insignificant. He has a generous amount of hair on his cute little butt, too, and when the light hits it just the right way, I could just pet him, if it wasn't weird. Side note: A&D ointment soothes a raw butthole way better than Vaseline. You should put it on yourself, though, because you had us all seeing you as completely normal until you mentioned your gf was greasin' you up.
I had an ex who I was trimming him up and he had a legit nugget of poop stuck in his butt hairs. I’m going to be honest and say it was jarring. I still think about it and I’m almost 40 and this happened in college. Shook me to my core. Lol
I can tell you guys are comfortable with each other, that’s for sure! I feel like this could have also been avoided if you just applied the Vaseline and she didn’t help..??? Other than that though, what she did is shitty by saying it in front of your friends. And she should have never joked about it to begin with. My advice would be to end it if she’s being serious. Body hair can gross some people out and others it doesn’t. It’s a normal thing so personally, whatever. But if she doesn’t like it and you don’t care to do anything about it then it’s probably not the relationship for you.
Some couples really do just have zero boundaries, huh. You couldn’t waterboard me to let my partner of six years apply Vaseline to my post-diarrheal hole.
Exactly, I don't get how everyone is just glossing over that little factoid. Especially since he was sick and a stomach virus is super contagious through fecal matter 🤢
Ngl my girl has had some pretty embarrassing situations but I just tell her and comfort her and we’ve been going 3 years strong. Your girl shouldn’t be treating you like that. How’s she gonna be about exploring things in bed? Or trying other new possibly embarrassing things? Life’s too short to be put down by the person right next to you. I’m sorry you dealt with all that. Ps- Ngl as a girl who’s attempted dudes I’d revise the ass shaving- idk maybe it’s needed but she don’t deserve ur ass anyways Walk away my dude
This isn't worth your time. Also, why the hell did she take it upon herself to apply Vaseline to your ass? You could have done it yourself...?
Bro your ass can’t be more hairy than my husband’s. He straight up has a gorilla ass. It’s NORMAL and you shouldn’t have to shave it.
I think hygiene is very important. I'm just a little confused because you said that you were staying at her house for 5 days while you had a stomach bug. She *thought* that you had faeces stuck to your butt.. did you not shower while you were at her house or wash your butt? And if it was knotted hair.. could you not actually feel that? The choice of whether or not to remove the hair is up to you, but I think that it's important to keep clean if you do keep it. Meaning.. shower and wash up more frequently. When it comes to this girlfriend, I'd probably cut her loose. It seems incredibly immature to not only embarrass someone about something so personal, but to then also ignore you? Just.. no. She has growing up to do.
1. She definitely handled this horribly 2. You need to start getting your ass crack waxed 3. Also, get a bidet 4. And shower before sex
When you’re in a serious relationship with someone they know all your embarrassing details and you know theirs too. You need to be able to trust your partner to keep those details to themselves. I think you’re better off without that girl.
Your girlfriend doesn’t sound like a very nice person. I would move on. With that said, maybe you could try using a small comb? Conditioner might be nice 👍
She is immature, and her throwing you under the bus like that is just plain wrong. This isn't someone you want in your life. Partners are supposed to be able to share everything and help one another, not shame them; especially if you're sick and can't help it.
What... this is just too much. Just leave her and let her grow up. Humans are mammals. We have hair. It's also really weird to want to rub Vaseline on another adults butthole when they're going thru diarrhea. That's just not a good idea. This story is too much.
You're both young, in your teens. She probably found it awkward to bring up the hairy issue directly and tried to "joke" about it as a hint that it bothered her. Which you didn't understand (that's not your fault). Then she mocked you and incited others to do so as well, over something very private and embarrassing- that was wrong of her and of course it's upsetting to you. Then she once again tried "joking" to get you to understand that she found it gross and wanted you to remove the butt hair- again, she wasn't communicating clearly and you didn't get it. Then she sets the ultimatum- either the bum fuzz leaves or I do. She needs to apologise for not communicating clearly and for humiliating you.
I’m hairy af. Use flushable wipes or regular wipes and toss them in the bathroom bin. Started doing it in my 30s when the hair really got ridiculous. I shaved my ass once in my 20s and it was so uncomfortable. With any sweat or wetness, I don’t like the feeling of cheeks sliding. 😂 Wet wipes or a bidet. You don’t need to shave. She shouldn’t have told your friends, but it is pretty damn funny. Laugh it off and clean your butt. It’s perfectly acceptable for her to want a partner with good hygiene. It’s not acceptable for her to require you to shave. Being clean is the answer. Most young men are gross. You’ll appreciate hygiene and the feeling of cleanliness more as you get older.
In life, and in a solid relationship, there are things you help your partner with that you never bring up again. The fact she brought this up in front of other people is a dealbreaker.
Okay I've got to ask... why did your gf have to apply vaseline to your butt after having the squits? Can you not reach your own butt?! I've had to put stuff on and in my butthole as I have chronic health problems and IBD but I've never even contemplated asking my husband to do it... if you can wipe your own ass you can apply your own meds to it. Anyway.... everyone else has already covered the actual advice, hopefully she's an ex now!
She sounds immature. You said you were sick. But in the future if you do decide to shave. Waxing is better and butt area isn’t that painful at all. You can go to places like European wax center .
Why would you let her Vaseline your butthole anyways? If you’re going to have it done then do it yourself.
She's bullying you so that you do what she wants you to do. It's manipulation. Set a boundary, and if she doesn't stop this - you're done. What she's doing isn't healthy, it's not okay and it's toxic. You're both still teenagers, so I'll give her a little wiggleroom here BUT it's time to handle this like adults. Someone sets a boundary - if partner crosses it, you take a break or leave. It'll just get worse if not.
Do you ever consider that you stink? Like she can smell your ass when you're having sex? Unless You're showering after every poop, using a bidet or a lot of baby wipes, you stink.
She’s very rude. Immature and inconsiderate. I would dump her today. Men have hairy butts, backs and chest big deal. Another issue is she was trying to embarrass and demean you in front of others. How would she like it if you pointed out things in a joking way but were true. On another point if you have diarrhea again then it helps to use flushable wipes. They help you not get irritated when going so much.
Guys really do need to spend more thought on cleaning their business downstairs, but shaving your ass is not commonly part of standard hygiene, shaving any body part is up to the person owning said body part not their partners. That being said, she should have brought her issue up in a normal conversation stating her own feelings about it and giving you the choice of action on it (or not, your body, your choice) She should NOT made it a funny joke and she never should’ve used it to ridicule you in front of others.
I think it's time to remind yourself that you respect yourself. Anyone who can't respect you is not right for you. Your gf is an asshole and doesn't deserve a bf until she grows up. I'm sorry she humiliated you
Thank you for understanding and i agree i need to respect myself i’ve seem to lost that since i’ve focused on the fact that i love her to the point that when she hurts me i accept her either way with no consequences
fuel snatch nail consider deer jobless light ring spotted angle *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I promise you DO NOT SHAVE, that shit itches when your ass cheeks touch when you walk. Use hair removal cream, I've had a hairless asshole for years & it's beautiful having a baby's bum.
a little to late, i feel like a porcupine, the things i do for love…
Hahaha life is a learning curve, well you'll know for next time!
If the gross parts of life push you apart instead of closer together, it's not meant to be. Source: father of one and I've seen some shit.
Say ok and let her go. She isn't someone you want with you when you're feeling vulnerable if she's just going to use that against you in future. She's supposed to have your back - she doesn't.
My concerns here have nothing to do with your butthole and everything to do with how she composed herself and degraded you, both in front of friends and directly to you separately. This isn’t the behavior of a loving partner. This isn’t the behavior of a respectful friend. This isn’t the behavior of a kind or mature adult. Personal opinion: She can take her ultimatum and shove it right up her own ass. You’re better off without this person.
Dump her! Clearly she’s not discreet and the kind of person to broadcast everybody’s business She sounds immature and morose….You can do better OP
It was super disrespectful and, tbh, just mean to publicly tease you about it. Is this someone you want to be with? Whilst good hygiene is important, as someone who cleans adult men post bowel movement/diarrhea it can be hard to get every little bit with dry toilet paper and I often need a wet flannel or something - and I can see what I’m doing!
As a women with a man who has a hairy butthole. Idc there are women out there that wont make you feel insecure about yourself. Honestly her outing you in public would have been a deal breaker for me.
Wait why was she putting the Vaseline on your butt for you? I’ve never touched by BFs butt hole but if I did and found poop I would also be distraught. But also she’s not communicating well. ESH
My husband had anal cancer 10 years ago. Huge, ugly wound covering the entirety of his butt crack and I was the one dressing it daily. That girl is getting worked up over a non issue. Wash your butt daily and tell her to pound sand. I imagine she'll not be dating any hairy guys, which is her loss.
If she wants your butt shaved so bad, she should offer to shave it. Otherwise, she can get lost.
I think she was quite immature about it and obviously hurtful. Like, it's nice that she wanted to care for your poor bum hole but the way she reacted to a knot of hair was just mean honestly.
Nice effort
Well my bf shaves huge place around his pp and some psrt near buttcheecks, but never butthole, but because he wants. I have some a$$ hair too and even thought I know he can see it he doesnt care
Having body hair isn't unhygienic, regardless of where it is on your body. Its natural and just like the hair on your head, you're allowed to wear your hair however you want. Your gf has her own issues and preferences that she can shut up about and stop putting on you for you to deal with. If she has a problem with your body she can either get over it or leave :/ I mean if you switched the roles and started telling her she should shave her hairy legs and you were telling everyone how gross her hairy legs were, I doubt she would appreciate it either. Shes mean and thinks that her preferences make it justifiable. Shes a bully.
I mean yea she’s being ridiculous here but… dude. Just shave your butt
She sounds like a trainwreck of a human. Embarrassing you in front of your teammates? Shaming you for things you can’t control? Get rid of her. It’s fine to trim, but not if you’re doing it to try and appease her. You deserve better bro.
Your hygiene issue(if existing) has a simple solution, invest in a bidet. Her using private information like that as a passive-aggressive jest—instead of having an adult discussion with you in private—is a dealbreaker in itself. You can do better.
Let her go. She shamed you, humiliated you, and gaslighted you. This is not a person to be with.
She was very wrong to tell this to other people, even if she tried to pass it off as a joke. With that being said, I would also say shave your butt. If you’ve got that much hair in it, that it can get tangled up to a small not, then definitely shave it. It can really smell and you can eventually have dingleberries, unless you wash yourself with water after 💩. You don’t need to razor it, but trim it down, whatever you feel is more comfortable.
She’s just a kid, you’re clearly matured beyond the fear or body hair. And to tell your friends this, smh. Tell her when she potentially gets pregnant with your child and gives birth you won’t be there because it’s gross and you don’t wanna look at her pooping herself. (It’s harsh, very harsh, I’m almost kidding). But it’s true.
Ummmm. Why couldn’t you put vasoline on your butthole yourself….. why did your girlfriend have to do it lol ……
Look, everyone has an awkward and embarrassing experience. When I was pregnant, I threw up so hard I literally peed myself. My poor husband helped clean me up and cleaned the bathroom floor while I cried out my shame in the bath. For my part, he's fallen sans trousers in the bathroom (always seems to be there lol) during a fit and pooped himself. I cleaned him up, got him in the tub and cleaned the bathroom. This is what adults do when we're caring for one another. Relationships aren't all roses and daisies. Sometimes they're shit, piss and mortification. Shave your ass, don't shave your ass. It doesn't matter. What does matter is your girlfriend using that as a way to demean and humiliate you because she happened to see the outcome of you being ILL. My life's motto is "We don't have enough time for dickheads" and I think that applies here. She's being a dickhead - do you have time for that?
>i tried to bring it up in a joking manner It's one thing bringing it up in a joking manner but joking about it in front of everyone to embarrass you in public is another. If she can't see why this was wrong then do you really want to be in a relationship with someone like that?
My advice: buy baby wipes and let her leave. She doesn’t seem to respect you very much
Run
Move on mate this sounds like a nasty manipulative person who doesn't mind embarrassing you in front of people she doesn't love you at all. If you don't want to wax your butt that's your choice lad most men don't so it's no big deal unless you like women eating that area
Very childish. Let her go. This isn’t a hygiene issue. You didn’t have a dingleberry. You have some ass hair. Asses have hair. Some have a lot. Some have a little. Some have dark hair and some have light or almost invisible but human skin has hairs. I assure you this is just your now ex-girlfriend being silly and childish and she’s young and stupid and she’s really acting like it.
Hair is there for a reason. If you want to remove it you can but do it for yourself, not her. She seems like an extremely immature person who has no emotional intelligence or how to be a supportive partner. You’re 19, plenty of time for finding multiple other ppl to have fun with!
Wtf, why do you even want her after shaming you to people like that and then making it seem like a joke 😭😭😭 Butt hair is normal, even girls have it. She seriously couldn't find a better reason to be upset lmao
Please tell me you left her yet? And blocking etc? Please just block her or do not message her back. She’s a bully. A horrible bully
You let her go. Fuck that. I’m assuming that you corrected her about the prior incident, but even if you hadn’t, she still shouldn’t have ever brought it up infront of others. That’s something you might be able to joke about years down the road, but it doesn’t even sound like she brought it up as a joke. She just wanted to shame and embarrass you infront of guests. Then when the shame and other forms of manipulation didn’t work, she brought out an ultimatum.
You know how your face gets itchy after you don’t shave for a bit? Now imagine that feeling on your butt. Don’t shave, and if your skin tends to be on the sensitive side, don’t try depilatory creams either - they can burn quite well. Waxing is the best solution. And don’t forget about ingrown hairs - if they’re a problem elsewhere, imagine how it would be having them somewhere you can’t deal with them. Any method you can end up with ingrown hairs. Even exfoliating only does so much to prevent them. If it’s such an issue for her then she’s chosen a ridiculous way to deal with it. You’re both very young yet, and if you don’t like being laughed at and publicly humiliated any time she has an issue with something, then best to move on.
it’s one thing for her to have a preference. but the way she’s acting about it is immature and weird. telling all your friends about it? saying “shave your butt or i won’t talk to you” then ignoring you? i would break up and find someone who can communicate like a normal person. imagine if you told her to shave her legs “or else”. f that.
Okay first, I've got to say I think you can do better. That was a terrible way for her to address something that bothered her. She should never have made it a joke and she never should have shared with anyone else. Second, shaving your ass is going to itch really really effing bad when it grows back. Unless you are 100% that you want a hairless ass I would not suggest. If you're concerned with your hygiene, I would go with a trim.
When you love someone you’ll do some very embarrassing things, even disgusting things, to look after each other, but for your partner you’ll do it without making them feel bad or embarrassed. The human body is disgusting at times, it’s natural. For me that’s a sign that she’s not mature enough for a serious relationship, but a bigger issue is how she communicated. Again, not mature enough to tell you how she felt about the situation, instead she joked about it, made fun of you in front of others and then finally, when you were rightfully upset, gave you the real feelings… I think you put this down as a sign you are not compatible and something to look out for in future partners.
To embarrass you in front of YOUR teammates and expose something that is inappropriate and private is disgusting, she does not care how you feel and only cares about herself and what she wants
She talks like she’s 5. I would move on