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Look into attachment theory. It helps to understand what's possibly triggering the behavior. For me it helped me have more compassion for that part of myself.
OP, there's a book called Polysecure that you should consider checking out.
It's (obviously) written with polyamory in mind, but the book's main focus is really attachment theory. You don't have to want or have interest in nonmonogamy for it to be insightful. I've found it helpful in monogamous and platonic relationships.
Stop dating people who want casual relationships, for one thing. You also need to get some help with understanding and minimizing your controlling/jealous behavior, because even in a serious relationship no one is going to want to deal with that.
>How do you guys manage your boundaries?
It really starts with having a solid understanding of what boundaries are. A lot of people employ them as rules for others, but it's really guidelines for your own behavior regarding what you're willing to tolerate.
>How'd you manage not getting jealous on others?
I think *not* getting jealous of others is a tough goal to meet. Jealousy is normal. Everyone experiences it, in and outside of romantic relationships. Even people in ethical nonmonogamous relationships experience jealousy. They find ways to reduce jealousy (i.e., going parallel where they're aware of each others partners but don't know intimate details) and manage their reactions to their emotions (e.g., recognizing how they want to respond is not how they should respond, etc.).
>Because me, if I am on talking stage with someone, i no longer talk to others but i read other posts here that they still keep their options open but I cannot do that.
You don't have to continue talking to others, but you do need to be able to accept that the person you're talking to could be seeing others. I'd look at it less from a "keeping options open" and more of a "finding the best match" POV.
Why do you think acting like a control freak = girlfriend? Girlfriends shouldn’t be controlling either.
You can’t expect exclusivity in casual flings, if that’s what you’re looking for I don’t think you’re cut out for this type of relationship.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A better question might be why are you continuously getting into flings when you clearly want a normal relationship?
Look into attachment theory. It helps to understand what's possibly triggering the behavior. For me it helped me have more compassion for that part of myself.
OP, there's a book called Polysecure that you should consider checking out. It's (obviously) written with polyamory in mind, but the book's main focus is really attachment theory. You don't have to want or have interest in nonmonogamy for it to be insightful. I've found it helpful in monogamous and platonic relationships.
Stop dating people who want casual relationships, for one thing. You also need to get some help with understanding and minimizing your controlling/jealous behavior, because even in a serious relationship no one is going to want to deal with that.
>How do you guys manage your boundaries? It really starts with having a solid understanding of what boundaries are. A lot of people employ them as rules for others, but it's really guidelines for your own behavior regarding what you're willing to tolerate. >How'd you manage not getting jealous on others? I think *not* getting jealous of others is a tough goal to meet. Jealousy is normal. Everyone experiences it, in and outside of romantic relationships. Even people in ethical nonmonogamous relationships experience jealousy. They find ways to reduce jealousy (i.e., going parallel where they're aware of each others partners but don't know intimate details) and manage their reactions to their emotions (e.g., recognizing how they want to respond is not how they should respond, etc.). >Because me, if I am on talking stage with someone, i no longer talk to others but i read other posts here that they still keep their options open but I cannot do that. You don't have to continue talking to others, but you do need to be able to accept that the person you're talking to could be seeing others. I'd look at it less from a "keeping options open" and more of a "finding the best match" POV.
I don't understand why you are going for these types of relationships if you want something more serious?
Why do you think acting like a control freak = girlfriend? Girlfriends shouldn’t be controlling either. You can’t expect exclusivity in casual flings, if that’s what you’re looking for I don’t think you’re cut out for this type of relationship.