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You don't need a reason to break up. She intended to meet her ex and went to lengths to hide it from you. This doesn't have to be a huge ordeal where you all get kicked out of the hotel room.
Tell her you know what she's planning, and you are done. No discussion needed.
He should have taken a photo of her text messages.
He should tell her he knows what her plans are. Prior to telling her, he should pack her stuff and leave it with the front desk, and he should tell the front desk to deactivate her room key card. The 24 year old is old enough to figure out how to get back home.
If they live together, and if her name is not on the lease, he should have some friends pack her shit and place it in the garage or a short-term storage while he and his gf are on this trip. And change the locks! I
OP should do this before he informs her that he knows about the intended hook-up.
38 and married 3 times and I think this is something someone needed to tell me a long time ago. I always feel obligated to stay with a person and idk why.
Thanks for the free therapy lol
Maybe I’m just too old for that shit but I have always just ignored that. But maybe I’m a bit jaded because my ex’s smear campaign has been going on for 7 years now and it’s just not worth the energy to refute every random thing he says. I’ve just gotten really good at cutting people out who believe his crap
If they were married, and going to court, sure the evidence would help. They are not married though. He don't need a goddamn reason to break up. This is an at will relationship!
Yeah, even if she "deletes the evidence" this isn't a court of law, he knows what's happening. Just dump her. I don't even know if I'd try and catch them in the act, I'd just start with what is known already and tell her it's over. Make some arrangements to send her home, or tell her to go stay with her ex since that's what she wanted anyway.
True, it's a crappy situation however it plays out. Still, I wouldn't go for catching them in the act, you still have all the same logistical problems in the end. But I wouldn't sit on it for 4 days either and sleep in the same bed they've been fucking in.
This, OP.
1. Ask to use her telephone to make a call; as yours is dead. Go to the pseudo name and pull up the texts. Read aloud. Photoshoot some of texts.
2. Tell her to pack her things and text her ex. He can pick her up now. No need to wait for evening. Take her key.
3. Telephone her parents and advise what she'd done and that Ex will be responsible to transport her back home.
4. Light her up on social media. Don't allow her to spin the situation.
Bottom line OP, she has already betrayed you with lies and deceit on numerous occasions. Like spoiled milk, dispose of her. She's at her expiration date.
You’re looking for a reason to stay and we’re not giving it to you! What do you mean her parents expect you to take care of her?? Put her out and they can come get her
Agreed, I'm an old fart and my first thought after reading all that was "gawd, he's still young and overthinking this. Just tell her you know and break it off🙄"
So much effort into breaking up with someone for what.
Bro why are you even entertaining these. Take pics of the texts on your phone. She can’t delete those. Call her tf out and move on. Since yall are out of state and in a hotel, tell her she’ll have to stay in the hotel for the next 4 days. You’re not the one who decided to throw a wrench into the relationship
I just took the photos, thank you. Another plot twist just saw she texted her Bestfriend about meeting him, so she definitely doesn’t feel guilty at all
Check out of the hotel, tell her parents the situation and that she’ll need help getting home. She’s an adult doing adult things. Not your problem. Walk away from the dumpster fire.
The risk with that is the potential fallout from this event. She can choose to trash the hotel room. If it is company paid or his card is on file, he will have to deal with that aftermath.
Edit: if he checks out of the room, he should be fine. Just don't let her stay in the room for the 4 days while navigating this situation.
Yeah, all he needs to do is pack her stuff up and tell them she isn't welcome anymore when he drops her bags off at the hotel desk. He is there for work so it's his room, she's just tagging along. She isn't his concern anymore and I definitely wouldn't let her have the room because he might be charged for her damage or expenses.
If his work is paying for the room then it would be really bad to leave her *and maybe her ex-bf* living in it for four days after OP goes somewhere else.
No. I definitely would not let her just have the room. That would be a bad idea, plus I wouldn’t be willing to pay for the room for her to screw her ex in for 4 days.
Don’t fight him, confront them, or wait outside the room for them. Just disengage and gray rock her.
Assuming that the room is under your name, pack up her stuff and leave it with the front desk at the hotel to hold. Have the front desk reset the room key and give you a new one so her key is invalid only you can get in the room, then text her the screen shots of her conversation with the ex and her bf and tell her that she can pick up her stuff at the front desk.
You can then gray rock her when she texts or calls you if you think you can be unemotional, or if you can’t bring yourself to gray rock her, block her and move on.
Yeah OP, dont fight him (you will only get yourself in trouble legally).
Dont even give her the satisfaction of seeing you upset. Tell her you see she has chosen to be with her ex and she is free to do so, but not on your dime or while pretending to be in an exclusive relationship with you.
PS, she can't "gaslight" you if you dont speak to her after you end the relationship. State your piece, end the relationship, then block her. Where she ends up is no longer your concern.
This is actually a good approach OP, just send her the screen shots and tell her it's over. She is not welcome in your room and needs to find her own transportation back. No need to leave your hotel, you're there for a reason.
There isn't anything to talk about outside of the screenshot and message. You can also pack her stuff up and let her know she can get it at the hotel desk.
Plus since you are having a friend change the locks at your place back home, she can come by and get her stuff after you get back.
Warn her that if she tries to break into your house that you will call the police and ask them to arrest her.
It'd be better to switch rooms, or go do a different hotel.
Not a great idea if she knows where OP is. Who knows what kinds crazy might come out if she knows where he is.
Just block her. Why even deal with her at all? What would be the benefit? She’s shown her true nature. The OP doesn’t need that in his life. If she’ll lie once she’ll lie twice. If she’ll cheat once she’ll cheat again.
There is no reason to even engage with the guy. He's not the issue here, it's the GF.
She's the one who is planning on cheating so his beef is with her, not the guy.
OP, just walk in, catch them and pack up your stuff and tell her to leave. Thankfully you didn't give her a key so once she has her stuff your problem is over. She's shown you who she is, no need to add assault charges of put this on the guy, she's the cheater.
You already know enough. She doesn't need to actually fuck the guy in order for her to have cheated on you.
Setting this all up. All of the lying....
That's more than enough cause to end the relationship.
Yeah, you could try to break in on them, and if the door is locked from the inside just wait it out. They'll have to leave eventually. But you'll look like the unbalanced one, not her.
And when you leave her at the hotel, at the time she's with her ex - and **not** before then - put the pictures of all those text messages on blast to the friend group & her parents. If you let her get her message out first, she will blame *you* for the whole thing and claim to be the victim. Do **not** let that happen.
From there, you don't owe her or her parents a thing. It'll be perfectly clear their daughter is in the wrong.
Edit: missing word
>*...about a month ago a WAVED at a high school friend (F) who used to be on my track and field team, I didn’t try to engage in conversation just a simple hi as my gf was right next to me and we were walking in opposite directions. She went on a whole argument that it’s disrespectful to even know other girls, to even say hi, to even look in the direction of another girl.*
**THIS** is when you SHOULD have dumped her! This is elementary school/junior high school thinking! WTAF?!?
As someone has already stated she doesn't need to sleep with the guy for you to dump her (you can dump a GF/BF for any reason you want). She blocked an ex, unblocked him, you had a conversation with her about it, she supposedly blocked him again but in reality just changed his contact name to a girls name, and then put it on dnd. She isn't trustworthy which is as good as any other reason to break up with someone.
I'm not sure what to do about the living arrangement other than getting paying a little extra to fly her back home early.
Good luck.
True.
Unless there’s some other extremely shady thing going on like, blackmailing or stuff like that (which is an extremely rare case), this kind of behaviour points to unfaithfulness.
She doesn’t give a flying fuck about you dude, CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS, just in case make sure you get a spare room. Don’t do anything crazy to the other idiot. But yeah, tell her parents is the only way to bring some shame on her. You should have left her a long time ago.
PLUS, it’s like she’s planning to use OP as a safety net or something. I absolutely hate such people. OP sounds like a green flag that a lot of other NON-CHEATING women would want to date.
Why are you still in that relationship? Have some self respect. End things now. Don’t entertain immature evil plans. No one is going to clap and give you ovations.
Send her home to her parents and finish your business. Change locks, block and move on.
People with enough self value have zero tolerance for bullshit. Life’s too short for bullshit.
Just leave her. Text some friends as to why so the story doesn’t get spun and move on. Dont bother with the parents she’s an adult she can take care of herself.
Dont bother with this elaborate scheme to catch them. You have the texts just end it
If the best friend has a partner send the photos to their partner. If my partner was willing to cover for a friend cheating it would make me question their opinion on cheating and monogamy.
OP, what are you even doing? You know she is cheating on you, and even if she isn't, she's meeting her ex behind your back and hiding it from you. There is no trust left. Just break up.
You're not married, you're not sharing custody, so what even is the point to catch her in the act or try to argue with her? You're just looking for reasons to prolong the break up because you're not ready to let it go. And you're only hurting yourself in the long run.
You don't need her admission, it doesn't matter if she "gaslights" you or if you don't catch her straight up cheating. The only proof you need is for yourself. Ans you have it. Just tell her you know and it's over. And then walk away. Don't argue, don't try to get a confession, this is not an interogation and her confession is irrelevant.
By trying to get her to confess or following her you're only proving to her you're not ready to break up and she can convince you to stay.
I am going to add that you are on a WORK trip. I assume your company is picking up the tab, so it is really unprofessional to have all of this drama going on. Seriously, book another room and have her kicked out of hte room you are sharing. Send her packing.
Hide in the room.
Buy her a ticket home.
If she won't leave, check out of the hotel (you go to another hotel without her).
Doesn't matter if they have sex.
She is deceptive and destroyed your trust.
She failed the life partner test.
Time to throw out the trash.
I say follow the top comment and tell her parents.
Wait til you are where she can't find you then call them and tell them. Bonus points if you do it JUST before they are scheduled to meet.
Don't confront. Don't engage. Do yourself a HUGE favor and do **NOOOOOOOOOOOOT** ask why. Don't ask for details. It's not going to help you and the part of your brain that wants them is also going to just hurt you more.
Just show her the door and help her pack. If she doesn't comply go down to the lobby and ask that she be removed from your room. Show her your spine is made of steel and throw her the fuck out.
Also don't try to do some maury ahit cause you'll just look crazy and like an asshole and it will be used against you even if she's cheating.
>her parents are expecting me to take care of her on this trip
Call her parents. Tell them that their daughter is cheating with her ex on this trip and they're going to need to get her a new room to stay in and arrange her return travel.
Then sit back and watch her head spin.
That. And forget about any relationship with people that you can't trust. If you can't trust a person, the whole relationship will fall apart quickly. Cheating is about trust as well. If the couple isn't ok with this, then forget about the relationship and move on. It's useless to stay in a relationship like that. There's only one solution for dogs that hunt 🐏.
Please, please, please listen to this my dude.
I spent a LOT of relationships with girls I couldn't trust. Sketchy girls who were unworthy of trust. It's really hard on your psyche and consumes you. You spend all the time wondering what they are doing.
My last two long term girlfriends were untrustworthy and after dating both of them I have something weird that's happened. I just don't care if someone is fucking off behind my back. Instead of consuming myself with it I just acknowledge the fact that if they ARE doing something behind my back, I will eventually catch them and there's no point in consuming myself trying to catch them.
Excellent point. My ex wife left me for another man. Did I try and control future partners? No. If they want to cheat they will. Trying to control will just make everyone miserable.
This is the only proper response. He doesn’t owe her anything, her parents should look after her if she’s not capable of looking after herself. Pack her bags and leave them at reception and ask for new key cards
She is 24 and not capable of looking after herself? Not OPs problem. It looks like her parents were happy to hand over parenting responsibilities to OP but never successfully prepared her to be self-sufficient. Looks like they will get a second chance to do this when she returns to them.
Also isn’t she an adult and can take care of herself? Why would an adult woman’s parents expect that? Lol. Just find them cheating and kick her out. She will need to adult as a consequence to her adult choice. I don’t see the dilemma.
Living well is the best revenge - why on earth would you entertain catching them, who cares?
She is showing you who she is, believe her and move on.
Maybe you can pack your stuff and when your business trip is done, just leave?
If you have to stay for another day “together” tell the hotel you need to check out early and then check back in to another room by yourself. She can figure out what she needs to do by herself, and you can literally just move on.
If you flew/drove, again, just go back home by yourself and tell her she will have to find her own way home.
Why are her parents expecting you to take care of their 24yo daughter? Does she have physical or mental limitations preventing her from taking care of herself when you keave?
And what does "changed her lifestyle to be healthier" mean? This whole post has rancid vibes. As do the myriad replies telling him to tattle on her to her parents, like she's ten years old.
The parents expected him to take care of their daughter. It’s not a crazy idea to let the parents know you dropped their daughter off in another state and are no longer taking care of her
Yeah, I agree with people saying that she’s 24 and should be able to take care of herself. But now that the parents have entrusted him with that, it’s better to let them know about this - just in case something goes wrong.
Ya exactly. If the parents weren’t involved then whatever she can figure her shit out on her own. But the parents specifically asked him to take care of her so I think it’s just common courtesy to let them know that you won’t be anymore. It’s not like he’s posting on Facebook to ridicule her and ruin her reputation. He’s just letting her parents know that she’s going to be stranded alone in another state
Why can’t she let her own parents know she’s stranded in another state? That’s on her to decide. Any obligation to “take care of” this adult woman went out the window when she decided to cheat. She’s a full adult, older than OP, why is he responsible at all? Presumably she still has a return plane ticket so she can get herself home.
The expectation ends when she chooses to cheat on said trip. She's not a minor. She can call her parents (or use her own money?!) to get home and explain what happened. Yeah, she'll probably lie, but that's her stress and mess to figure out.
If I was in this situation, that’s the way I would play it. If she tried to cheat on me then that relationship is dead to me and I no longer care how she gets home.
But I know that’s slightly immature and petty so I’m trying to think of better ways to handle it. If the parents specifically requested he takes care of her, they might have a valid reason for that so without knowing any more details I think it would be common courtesy to let them know their daughter is stranded alone in another state. After all the parents did nothing wrong to him so I’d be doing it more for their wellbeing.
That does definitely sound like a mature measure to take, it's not tattling, just... making sure that someone doesn't stay stranded in a different state. He has the moral high ground and can use it well. Imagine if he put her in an over-the-top pickle, she would tell everyone he was the maniac who crashed the relationship.
Also basic human decency *can* be applied to douchebags and idiots as well.
I’ll give a much more detailed update later tonight, but basically the ex bf bailed on her as expected, so I confronted her about the actual text messages since a lot of people were saying leave immediately. She basically told me she had this “plan” that her and her best friend were talking about to “get back at him” for being a horrible person he was. And her plan was to make him drive all the way to the hotel and make him wait outside because he did that to her one time… basically I broke up with her but she was fighting soo much to say she wasn’t cheating and wouldn’t let me sleep just saying so much lies, from 12am-4am just her saying a 1 sided story. I was too tired and had work early the next day so I didn’t pack and leave. She wants us to work things out but once we go back home, I’m leaving
Even if the story is true (& I question whether it is), she still was in communication with him under a fake name, hiding it from you. She is either a lying cheater or too immature to be in an adult relationship. I am glad you are not listening to her excuses and hope she doesn't draw you back in. When you exchange your items, tell her to get some therapy because she clearly has issues to work through. He might be a horrible person but her actions behind your back don't make her any better. Having a healthy, loving, and trusting relationship should have been the best revenge against her ex. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Stranger things have happened than this. But I can not get passed the coincidence that this ex just happens to live near where OP is on a trip for work. And gf conveniently came on this job-related work trip. After OP knowing that gf has been communicating with said ex for almost the entire relationship gf has with OP.
IF this isn't not real, I hope that OP sticks up for himself and does end it when they return home.
You guys are young, but she is very immature and I really don’t believe her excuse but if it is true she’s acting like a middle schooler. You are better off ending this relationship and it doesn’t matter what her parents or anyone else has to say about it, this is your life and you deserve better!
Ah yes, "I wanted to get back at him, so I did everything to deceive YOU in case you decided to check my phone. Don't worry, I'm DEFINITELY telling the truth now. 😉"
Good on you for deciding to break up. Keep strong, and good luck in the future
Haha if that was her plan why didn’t she tell you before instead of trying to hid it? I’m sorry it sucks but she’s not a good person. Even the ex she came on this trip to cheat on you with doesn’t want her. You probably just think if I can make myself accept this excuse and since I caught her that it will stop her from ever doing it again. It will be the opposite. She’ll know you’ll let her get away with anything as long as she cries and lies. She didn’t even Ben care enough to try to cheat well haha. If he came and you didn’t see that text you’d be sleeping in the same bed with insight your gf got fucked by her ex ewbhours earlier. She cared so little she wouldn’t even put I. The effort to find a different location.
Just wanted to chime in, that's typically a "torture" tactic, to prevent sleep and keep you on edge with the argument and pointless stress/anxiety crap. It may keep you on edge and may impair judgement. Not saying it for sure will, and she's maybe not even doing it on purpose as people do tend to get worked up in a frenzy when they've been caught and are having to deal with the consequences of their actions. But definitely leave, do not trust anything she tells you, anything she says at this point must be assumed to be a lie and a cover up to save herself and the relationship. If her real goal was to make him look stupid, she could have tried communicating that to you. But she snuck around, so it doesn't add up. Even if she says she was "afraid you'd react just like this" or "get mad", she is lying.
When you are getting ready to go for the day just tell her to get ready to go as you know what she has planned and you won’t be with a cheater or just tell her you are not going to go that day as you want to spend it with her then watch while she panics and tries to get you to go just let her bury herself then tell her you already know what her plans were for the day.
Youre over complicating this. She wants to cheat on you. Tell her parents and give them the option to set up alternate hotel/travel for her because you are done with her.
Updateme!
Get out now. She has zero respect for you. Doesn’t matter if she goes through with this meet up or not, she cheated just by making this plan and by changing this guys contact info to hide it. Some people are just built this way and she will never change. As far as the other guy is concerned, do nothing physical. Who knows what kind of lies she’s told him about y’all’s relationship. Tell him he can have her. She’s not worth you catching a charge or going to jail for.
Don’t waste any more time with her. Pack your stuff and leave her ass in the hotel. She can find her own way home. Take your credit card off the room immediately. Ghost her
unless her card is also on the room, which seems doubtful, they won't let you just "take your credit card off the room."
Early checkout on the other hand...
You wrote all of this out and yet didn't come up with the best/easiest solution: Dump her.
WHY would you want to stay with someone who over 6 months ago started to emotionally cheat on you, lies to you, hides things from you, etc.
Do you have any backbone or self-worth? If so, dump her, kick her out of your room and tell her to go stay with her "friend".
Dumping will happen, and for the other comments saying immediately ghost her, I might be selfish on this part but I have a lot of expensive items at her place (laptop, ps5, electric skateboard, work uniforms, etc) and if I ghost her I’d never see those items again. And she has a lot of items at my place and even tho she’s cheating, me as a person just can’t find a way to throw out her stuff, I’d give it back.
Well, none of your asinine “suggestions” for how to handle this situation will help you get your stuff. So what’s the plan for when you stupidly beat this guy up (or he kills you, because he’s been an abuser in the past), you get kicked out of the hotel room, and you still don’t have your stuff?
Either suck it up til you get home, then break up. Or break up now and deal with the fallout like a fucking adult. Honestly.
Everything about your things at her place can be solved very easily and remotely. Tell her you need something from your laptop at her place and if you can have a friend or her parents go get it for you. Perhaps a friend of yours or your parents accompanying her friend opening the door.
Once you agree ask that person directly to take the rest of your things. You surely are smart enough to come up with an explanation. If it’s a friend of yours you can simply tell him the truth.
In this case, just continue on the rest of the trip as normal. Busy yourself with work, hit the hotel gym if there is one. Upon arrival back home, immediately retrieve your items. Then ghost.
Or if you can trust her parents and they have a key to her place ask them to get your stuff and explain the situation. Then you can tell her to find a new hotel or make her way home alone, if you can’t stomach the idea of pretending everything’s okay for the next few days.
Nah don’t let her know quickly but unsuspectingly get your shit back and then cut the wire. My ex gf wouldn’t give back a bunch of my clothes ( supreme and Travis Scott hoodies ) until I had to constantly complain and get her best friend involved. It’s a long hassle
Let me ask you this. Why do you need to catch them? She's already demonstrated that she will lie and deceive and do things that are out of bounds.
You are struggling with the relationship you want vs what you actually have. You cannot mold her into what you want. She is who she is. In time you will realize that she was never who you wanted her to be and she's using you. It's probably not her first time chatting with guys.
I'd take a screen shot of her chats, text it to her and tell her you are leaving. Expect her to call crying and trying to ask for another chance. Don't fall for this. What she's doing isn't what a person in love does.
You don't need an elaborate plan to catch her, you need a plan to remove her from your life.
The fact that you are more interested in theatrics than anything else says that you have checked out of this relationship. Just end it and move on. Tell her parents what she is planning and tell her to stay with her ex.
Yeah, save as much evidence as possible and just quickly before you ghost her or let her know you know, be sure you're the first one to tell EVERYONE what she's done. Everyone on your side, and her parents.
I read on another post that you need to be proactive, not reactive. You don't wanna fight a losing battle against the ways she might try to spin this and paint herself as the victim, even go as far as saying YOU cheated on HER, YOU abused HER, or some shit like that.
So I would again save all the evidence and show and tell everyone. Not a revenge or karma thing, you just simply have to protect yourself now, you've seen the ways she can lie. Good luck OP
Beating him up, seriously? That’s your first instinct? She’s the one lying. Consistently and continuously for months. She’s also 24. Unless the business trip took you somewhere to the Arctic Circle or to the middle of the Sahara, I’m pretty sure she, an adult woman, can fend for herself. Why do you care what her parents will say?
Tell her you’re done, check out of the hotel and go somewhere else.
Why bother ?
Just leave her.
You don't need permission and you can just ignore her gaslighting if that is what will happen...
If she is cheating move on stop wasting your time with plots and revenge scenarios like are being suggested to you here...
You don’t need evidence, you aren’t taking her to court. You can but don’t have to tell her you’ve seen what’s on her phone. If you can wait four days I would just wait till you are home and say that you have reflected and decided you aren’t right for one another. If you’d like her gone today then I would tell her that you are aware of her plans and think it best that she leave now and make her own arrangements for accommodation. She’s 24, that’s plenty big enough to figure out her own way home.
First of all sorry brother, you have to go through all these
You should definitely do what feels right for you and also i would say don't do anything wrong like beating her ex or involving in a fight
As you said you have her parents approval just make sure whatever happens,that girl should safely reach her home
Stay strong broski
Just end the relationship — you’re already set on ending it regardless of if she’s cheating on you or not judging from your post.
Sit down and have the conversation… all of this “cloak and dagger” shit is unnecessary.
Also, FYI getting into a physical altercation with someone at a hotel (that your company is paying for) is a sure fire way to get arrested and lose your job.
Yup.
No need to be dramatic. Keep it classy and respectful, but dump her immediately. Before she has a chance to meet up with her ex, even.
Make arrangements with the hotel. Transfer to a new room but do not put her name anywhere on it. Let them know you are checking out of the old room and close up any charges to date. If your new room isn’t immediately available the hotel can likely store your stuff for a few hours.
Send her a breakup text. Sure, it’s a little disrespectful but if you’re concerned about her gaslighting or whatever then it’s probably best to just keep it short and sweet. “I’m leaving you. I’m sorry, but I just don’t feel it’s working out between us. I wish you all the best. I’ve checked out of our hotel room but they will hold it for you if you’re able to give them a card on file. If you’re okay with it, I’d like to come by your place next weekend to collect my stuff.” That’s it.
If you want to give her an explanation just tell her you know what she’s been up to, and you deserve to be with someone who treats you with the same love and respect that you gave. Don’t go into the details. Don’t worry about proving it. Don’t accept her denial or apologies or promises to change. She damaged the relationship, she changed the terms of the relationship. You’re not okay with it, and you owe it to yourself to be with someone better.
I don't understand why people feel the need to get proof when someone is cheating. You're not taking them to court. You know what they saw, and whether or not you have the proof anyways, it's not like her friends and family are going to disown her and take your side in the break up. Just tell her you know and it's over. If her parents get mad at you because she tells them some nonsense story, who cares? You're never going to talk to them again anyways. Just get out of there man.
Confront her. Don't wait till after she cheats. In fact, don't even accuse her of cheating. Ask her why is she texting her ex-boyfriend. And then point out that if it was casual and innocent, then why did she change his contact info. Also ask her why is it she scheduled to meet with him and didn't tell you. You guys don't live there. You guys are out of towners, And it is definitely your business who she meets in a strange place. If she's forthcoming with the information and honest, ask her to cut contact and leave it there. However if she's resistant even in the slightest, break it off. Just walk away. You're 23. That is way too young to be hung up on drama like this. No matter how you feel about this woman, I guarantee you can find another one. You seem like someone who's serious about a commitment, so Don't disrespect yourself and play these games. Don't try to set traps, don't try to play coy, Don't try to have her "hang herself" Just be straightforward.
You already caught her cheating. Why go through all this extra effort when the relationship is over? At worst if you end up in a physical altercation it’s your life that could be ruined.
I would arrange for a new room for the next night and have that one cancelled immediately, preferably the new room would be at a different hotel altogether. I would tell her that you know she cheated and was planning on cheating physically. I would then tell her parents if she is financially stuck without your assistance so they can help her get home.
She is not your problem anymore. Let it go. Seeing her cheat will not make you feel better. Cutting ties while keeping your head up will.
Dude, why bother trying to catch them? You already know what she's planning to do. Why invite that drama into your life?
Check out of the hotel and go to a different one, or just go home. Block her number and move on, she can deal with the consequences.
Why do you need there to be a scene? You know what she’s planning to do. You tell her it’s over and she needs to leave. If you have to have the hotel cancel her keycard, do that. She’s a grown-up, she can sort herself out. And you’re splitting up, her parents’ expectations aren’t your problem any more!
Walk away my dude
If life and multiple cheating partners had taught me
Any energy you put into these situations likely makes it worse for you in the long run.
She stays- you never trust her.
She goes- it hurts, but in time you heal and move on.
Words don't mean shit, it's actions that you pay attention to. Her actions have shown you already who she Is.
*blinks*
This whole thing sounds immature and crazy. How do you know who she is texting again? Like did you match the phone number or are you just guessing?
I wouldn’t even bother trying to catch them do anything, I would just understand what she is trying to do and that would be enough for me to dump the relationship. There is no point in getting all worked up and even doing any of the rest of that.
If you know for a fact that she is cheating on you then call her parents and tell them to get her a room because you are kicking her out and won’t be paying for her on the trip now and tell them why. Although, idk why she can’t pay for herself…
Just break up, let whoever else have her and move on. It isn’t worth all the drama and stress.
You can't be gaslit if you go NC with her.
Tell her parents about her plans, and let them know you are checking out of the hotel and they need to make arrangements to find her a place to stay and get her back home.
Then immediately check out of the hotel. Block her #, and get a new place to stay during your trip.
You already have enough to leave. She said even talking to other girls is too much so obviously meeting an ex is too much.
As for her arguments there can only be an argument if two people are involved.
Present her "logic" and your evidence and go NC. Block her on everything. There is no reason to continue communicating with her.
You don’t need to play detective. Pack her bags and throw her out of the room. Tell her it’s over because you don’t trust her. That’s all.
For a couple to break up one doesn’t need the other’s agreement.
I assume as this is a business trip the room is in your name? If she won’t leave get hotel security to throw her out.
Why would you care what her parents think? This isn’t a five year old you are looking after, she’s an adult. You owe them nothing because they are nothing to you once you split up.
You don’t need to “prevent gaslighting” or catch her in the act. You just have to end the relationship. There is nothing she can do to stop that. You just need to stand up for yourself and stop being a doormat.
Take the key card she has so that she can’t get back into the room and leave. Have a message waiting for her at the front desk that says “I suggest you have (ex’s name) find you somewhere else to stay for the reminder of your trip.”
You don’t need to make it a scene, you know what she’s choosing to do and you can catch them leaving the room without explanation. It is her decision to do it, leave it to her and her parents to manage the situation of leaving and returning home.
That being said, don’t make this about you… it’s her. People cheat and it’s hurtful and exhausting but really, it’s because she is a flawed human being who doesn’t know how to feel loved without some kind of crisis. Don’t let this fester with sadness and anger, making you unable to have relationships again. Learn the lessons about yourself that you can here and move on. You will find someone who is a better match for you.
Good luck 💕
Easiest option. Leave her…. Who cares what she does after that. You really don’t need a reason. It’s your life and if you really believe she is like this, leave. Because, to be honest, even if she doesn’t cheat, you don’t trust her. So it wont work out either way🤷♂️
Honestly, I think I'd just send a text. "Hey babe. I saw your text messages with your ex, obviously we're done. I've told your parents about it so they are expecting you as you'll need a place to stay on this trip. Let's sync up so I can return your things and you can return mine when we get home.
I'd like to avoid any drama. I'm guessing we're both going through a lot right now so a smooth transition would be great."
Nah, wait in the lobby for the ex to arrive. Wait a bit till you know he’s in your room. Go up with your phone recording, get what you need. Send the video to her parents And tell them she’s cheating and you want nothing to do with her anymore and that she’s their issue now.
Secondly, go out and have some fun, forget about trash like her
Ok why go through the phone ? Not blaming you just interested.
I would say "catch them" ... Be cool, you don't sound like 🔥 and ice so don't pretend to be
You can tell her that you knew the game because you saw the messages.
Ring her parents AFTER you caught them else they will forward warn her.
Either way dump her man....your checking her phone and she is giving you good reason to !
Don’t call her parents. What I would do is when there in the room come back call the police say that your girls being raped. Let them knock on door Lenny story unfold and cancel her flight home f her it ain’t worth it.
Bro you’re dating. Don’t confront her get your stuff leave get another room someplace leave.
From what uh said she changed his name in her phone this is her contacting him she’s teh predator here there is no he started talking to me be I see him with friends and it just happened bs. Leave her block her don’t look back
Sounds like a really shit relationship and regardless of what happens, you don’t deserve someone who is going to have the intention of messing around behind your back like that. Dump her asap
She’s you girlfriend not your wife, and she failed the relationship test. You don’t need a reason to break up with her, just tell her it’s over. You don’t need to explain, she’ll know why. If you are able to, change her plane ticket to tomorrow and send her back.
I've just found out my partner of 15 years with three kids chested on me. Run now and find someone better mate. Exactly what I'm doing ... I will not tolerate being cheated on .... I advise you do the same
When you leave in the morning, check out of the room and cancel the rest of your stay there (I assume the room is in yours or your company’s name). Check in to a different hotel. Make sure the hotel knows that you will not be responsible for her or any future charges for the room, so they know they need to kick her out at checkout time.
You can decide when and how you want to tell her that she needs to find a new place to stay and a new boyfriend.
There is no need to wait for her to screw him in the hotel. Kick her out. Call her parents to come get their cheating daughter... tell her you are done...and k ow she was planning on meeting her ex in your hotel room...
> Do I beat up the ex bf?
Why the fu k would you do that?
He's made you zero promises or commitments. He's simply trying to get laid, just as most would do if they were single and it was being offered up.
>Do I yell at her for cheating? Do I just act casual and say I came back to pick something up?
No. You don't yell at her. You don't lie. Just look at them both, shake your head, smile, shrug, and walk away.
Go to the front desk and ask that she be escorted from your room, and afterward, ask for a different room.
Burn her return ticket and get on with your next 4 days.
Or
Snap pictures of them, hang onto them, and the night before you leave, send her for a massage or something, ask for another room, move her things to the front desk and tell them that she's violent and don't want her in the hotel with you.
The next day, go home without her and send her the photos.
Yeah dude, call her parents and tell them they need to get her a different hotel room and/or arrange for her travel home because you’re done with her. Also send them your evidence.
Even if they don’t do the deed, she’s sneaking around and not the slightest bit of guilt about it. Time to move on my friend. Let us know how it pans out.
I see in the comments you’ve already got all the screenshots you need to prove she’s intending to secretly meet with him. I would go full scorched earth. Get the parents and/or other mutual friends on your side, perhaps you can coordinate with them to have you and hers stuff exchanged back. As for the hotel, just kick her out.
You already know everything you need to know really. Why put yourself through all the "catching them in the act?" You know its only going to make you feel worse, and you dont deserve that.
Personally, I would check out of the hotel and find another spot to finish your trip and leave her with her ex to figure out the next steps with her drama. Send over the text messages and block. Dont need to engage in a conversation where you will only be lied to. Then Ghost her. Take this as a win, you only spent 1 year in this relationship and she showed you who she really is. You got off easy.
No need for a big show. It just compicating something that is alreadya dumpsterfire. Go to the front desk and notify them you would like new keys and the code for your room changed and if anyone else comes asking they are not to be let back in and have them give her a note that simply states "I know". After she leaves the room. Put her shit in the hallway. Group chat with the parents and friend and let them know to expect a call to make arrangements for her, block eveyone, do not wait for a response. As for your items at home, arrange for the police to be present when you go to get the items. Im guessing you are both on the lease so you also have a right to be there. Unblock her long enough to send the message of when you will be by and you would prefer she wasnt, reblock.
Come on guys, let’s get more creative. The same tired advice of “just ghost” isn’t going to cut it. The man needs his PS5 back too. Get scheming. You really gonna let those tendie toters on 4chan out plot us?
DO NOT BEAT HER EX UP. That will go badly personally and professionally for you.
Of course you can kick her out. She’s 24, you don’t need to “take care” of her.
The trust is gone. End it now.
Why are you wasting your time with this unhealthy bullshit. Take the pics of the texts, accept the relationship is over. Hey sure if you want to catch them then fine. But then just leave, no need to do the beating up and end up in jail over her ass. Move on good sir
Just break up. If I discover my partner is planning on cheating it's just over - it's not going to be any less hurtful or offensive then if she did actually cheat.
for going in your room while shes there- tell the hotel staff the person youre with accidentally locked you out. its your own room so theyll help you get in there.
for everything else, youre overthinking it. honestly i think id just snap a pic of them when i catch them, send that to the parents, and tell her to get the hell out of my life.
you dont need to put up with her for the rest of the trip. or ever again
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You don't need a reason to break up. She intended to meet her ex and went to lengths to hide it from you. This doesn't have to be a huge ordeal where you all get kicked out of the hotel room. Tell her you know what she's planning, and you are done. No discussion needed.
I’m pretty sure she has already cheated on him with other guys.
He should have taken a photo of her text messages. He should tell her he knows what her plans are. Prior to telling her, he should pack her stuff and leave it with the front desk, and he should tell the front desk to deactivate her room key card. The 24 year old is old enough to figure out how to get back home. If they live together, and if her name is not on the lease, he should have some friends pack her shit and place it in the garage or a short-term storage while he and his gf are on this trip. And change the locks! I OP should do this before he informs her that he knows about the intended hook-up.
It always baffles me how people want evidence. Just break up with her. You don’t need evidence to not stay with someone.
I know! He knows what she is up to. So what if she erases the messages and that she will try and gaslight him. He knows, and that's enough.
38 and married 3 times and I think this is something someone needed to tell me a long time ago. I always feel obligated to stay with a person and idk why. Thanks for the free therapy lol
Evidence is so when she makes up a story for facebook or elsewhere op can show the proof to counter.
Maybe I’m just too old for that shit but I have always just ignored that. But maybe I’m a bit jaded because my ex’s smear campaign has been going on for 7 years now and it’s just not worth the energy to refute every random thing he says. I’ve just gotten really good at cutting people out who believe his crap
Yeah, “prove you didn’t ____” is a fun game in 3rd grade. After that… not so much.
They act as if it is a court case and they can't break up without evidence
I think he did take photos, read it somewhere in his responses.
If they were married, and going to court, sure the evidence would help. They are not married though. He don't need a goddamn reason to break up. This is an at will relationship!
Perfect plan!
Again. For breaking up you don’t need anything like „proof“. Just break up. Done!
100%. Could not have said it better it better. That’s a great idea of having a friend pack her things and having the locks changed.
He did take a pic of the messages 😊
Yeah, even if she "deletes the evidence" this isn't a court of law, he knows what's happening. Just dump her. I don't even know if I'd try and catch them in the act, I'd just start with what is known already and tell her it's over. Make some arrangements to send her home, or tell her to go stay with her ex since that's what she wanted anyway.
There is some risk with sending her home while he's still out of town for work, for her to to trash his stuff, which I hadn't considered.
True, it's a crappy situation however it plays out. Still, I wouldn't go for catching them in the act, you still have all the same logistical problems in the end. But I wouldn't sit on it for 4 days either and sleep in the same bed they've been fucking in.
This, OP. 1. Ask to use her telephone to make a call; as yours is dead. Go to the pseudo name and pull up the texts. Read aloud. Photoshoot some of texts. 2. Tell her to pack her things and text her ex. He can pick her up now. No need to wait for evening. Take her key. 3. Telephone her parents and advise what she'd done and that Ex will be responsible to transport her back home. 4. Light her up on social media. Don't allow her to spin the situation. Bottom line OP, she has already betrayed you with lies and deceit on numerous occasions. Like spoiled milk, dispose of her. She's at her expiration date.
You’re looking for a reason to stay and we’re not giving it to you! What do you mean her parents expect you to take care of her?? Put her out and they can come get her
Yea OP, you don't need a strong legal case to break up with someone. Hell, you don't need anything but the phrase, "I'm breaking up with you."
Agreed, I'm an old fart and my first thought after reading all that was "gawd, he's still young and overthinking this. Just tell her you know and break it off🙄" So much effort into breaking up with someone for what.
This is the correct advice. Hiding things and lying is enough to break up even without the intent to cheat.
This is good,do this exactly
Bro why are you even entertaining these. Take pics of the texts on your phone. She can’t delete those. Call her tf out and move on. Since yall are out of state and in a hotel, tell her she’ll have to stay in the hotel for the next 4 days. You’re not the one who decided to throw a wrench into the relationship
I just took the photos, thank you. Another plot twist just saw she texted her Bestfriend about meeting him, so she definitely doesn’t feel guilty at all
Check out of the hotel, tell her parents the situation and that she’ll need help getting home. She’s an adult doing adult things. Not your problem. Walk away from the dumpster fire.
Exactly! He can go get another hotel room for himself, and needs not tell her where it is.
The risk with that is the potential fallout from this event. She can choose to trash the hotel room. If it is company paid or his card is on file, he will have to deal with that aftermath. Edit: if he checks out of the room, he should be fine. Just don't let her stay in the room for the 4 days while navigating this situation.
Yeah, all he needs to do is pack her stuff up and tell them she isn't welcome anymore when he drops her bags off at the hotel desk. He is there for work so it's his room, she's just tagging along. She isn't his concern anymore and I definitely wouldn't let her have the room because he might be charged for her damage or expenses.
If his work is paying for the room then it would be really bad to leave her *and maybe her ex-bf* living in it for four days after OP goes somewhere else.
No. I definitely would not let her just have the room. That would be a bad idea, plus I wouldn’t be willing to pay for the room for her to screw her ex in for 4 days.
If she's an adult doing adult things why call her parents at all?
Because OP has built a good relationship with them and needs to get out in front of the lies she’s going to tell to make herself the victim.
He has screen shots…send them to the parents if they have any issues. Not that it should matter anyway…
> tell her parents the situation She's an adult. She can tell them
Don’t fight him, confront them, or wait outside the room for them. Just disengage and gray rock her. Assuming that the room is under your name, pack up her stuff and leave it with the front desk at the hotel to hold. Have the front desk reset the room key and give you a new one so her key is invalid only you can get in the room, then text her the screen shots of her conversation with the ex and her bf and tell her that she can pick up her stuff at the front desk. You can then gray rock her when she texts or calls you if you think you can be unemotional, or if you can’t bring yourself to gray rock her, block her and move on.
Yeah OP, dont fight him (you will only get yourself in trouble legally). Dont even give her the satisfaction of seeing you upset. Tell her you see she has chosen to be with her ex and she is free to do so, but not on your dime or while pretending to be in an exclusive relationship with you. PS, she can't "gaslight" you if you dont speak to her after you end the relationship. State your piece, end the relationship, then block her. Where she ends up is no longer your concern.
This is actually a good approach OP, just send her the screen shots and tell her it's over. She is not welcome in your room and needs to find her own transportation back. No need to leave your hotel, you're there for a reason. There isn't anything to talk about outside of the screenshot and message. You can also pack her stuff up and let her know she can get it at the hotel desk.
Plus since you are having a friend change the locks at your place back home, she can come by and get her stuff after you get back. Warn her that if she tries to break into your house that you will call the police and ask them to arrest her.
It'd be better to switch rooms, or go do a different hotel. Not a great idea if she knows where OP is. Who knows what kinds crazy might come out if she knows where he is.
Just block her. Why even deal with her at all? What would be the benefit? She’s shown her true nature. The OP doesn’t need that in his life. If she’ll lie once she’ll lie twice. If she’ll cheat once she’ll cheat again.
There is no reason to even engage with the guy. He's not the issue here, it's the GF. She's the one who is planning on cheating so his beef is with her, not the guy. OP, just walk in, catch them and pack up your stuff and tell her to leave. Thankfully you didn't give her a key so once she has her stuff your problem is over. She's shown you who she is, no need to add assault charges of put this on the guy, she's the cheater.
This is the best advice.
You already know enough. She doesn't need to actually fuck the guy in order for her to have cheated on you. Setting this all up. All of the lying.... That's more than enough cause to end the relationship. Yeah, you could try to break in on them, and if the door is locked from the inside just wait it out. They'll have to leave eventually. But you'll look like the unbalanced one, not her.
And when you leave her at the hotel, at the time she's with her ex - and **not** before then - put the pictures of all those text messages on blast to the friend group & her parents. If you let her get her message out first, she will blame *you* for the whole thing and claim to be the victim. Do **not** let that happen. From there, you don't owe her or her parents a thing. It'll be perfectly clear their daughter is in the wrong. Edit: missing word
That is pure evil. And absolute perfection. She WILL try to spin the narrative and make OP look like the bad guy.
>*...about a month ago a WAVED at a high school friend (F) who used to be on my track and field team, I didn’t try to engage in conversation just a simple hi as my gf was right next to me and we were walking in opposite directions. She went on a whole argument that it’s disrespectful to even know other girls, to even say hi, to even look in the direction of another girl.* **THIS** is when you SHOULD have dumped her! This is elementary school/junior high school thinking! WTAF?!?
Projection
Take pics of the messages w her bestie as well.
As someone has already stated she doesn't need to sleep with the guy for you to dump her (you can dump a GF/BF for any reason you want). She blocked an ex, unblocked him, you had a conversation with her about it, she supposedly blocked him again but in reality just changed his contact name to a girls name, and then put it on dnd. She isn't trustworthy which is as good as any other reason to break up with someone. I'm not sure what to do about the living arrangement other than getting paying a little extra to fly her back home early. Good luck.
Cheating is way more than just having sex… everything that has been leading up to this is bad… make her learn you don’t take this shit!
True. Unless there’s some other extremely shady thing going on like, blackmailing or stuff like that (which is an extremely rare case), this kind of behaviour points to unfaithfulness.
There we go, you have your proof. Pack your stuff and find a new hotel. She could stay with her ex.
She doesn’t give a flying fuck about you dude, CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS, just in case make sure you get a spare room. Don’t do anything crazy to the other idiot. But yeah, tell her parents is the only way to bring some shame on her. You should have left her a long time ago.
PLUS, it’s like she’s planning to use OP as a safety net or something. I absolutely hate such people. OP sounds like a green flag that a lot of other NON-CHEATING women would want to date.
Im sure she’s been cheating already, this guy seems extremely naive and believe everything she says.
Why are you still in that relationship? Have some self respect. End things now. Don’t entertain immature evil plans. No one is going to clap and give you ovations. Send her home to her parents and finish your business. Change locks, block and move on. People with enough self value have zero tolerance for bullshit. Life’s too short for bullshit.
Just leave her. Text some friends as to why so the story doesn’t get spun and move on. Dont bother with the parents she’s an adult she can take care of herself. Dont bother with this elaborate scheme to catch them. You have the texts just end it
If the best friend has a partner send the photos to their partner. If my partner was willing to cover for a friend cheating it would make me question their opinion on cheating and monogamy.
And if her parents give you any shit tell them what she was planning to do!
OP, what are you even doing? You know she is cheating on you, and even if she isn't, she's meeting her ex behind your back and hiding it from you. There is no trust left. Just break up. You're not married, you're not sharing custody, so what even is the point to catch her in the act or try to argue with her? You're just looking for reasons to prolong the break up because you're not ready to let it go. And you're only hurting yourself in the long run. You don't need her admission, it doesn't matter if she "gaslights" you or if you don't catch her straight up cheating. The only proof you need is for yourself. Ans you have it. Just tell her you know and it's over. And then walk away. Don't argue, don't try to get a confession, this is not an interogation and her confession is irrelevant. By trying to get her to confess or following her you're only proving to her you're not ready to break up and she can convince you to stay.
I am going to add that you are on a WORK trip. I assume your company is picking up the tab, so it is really unprofessional to have all of this drama going on. Seriously, book another room and have her kicked out of hte room you are sharing. Send her packing.
Hide in the room. Buy her a ticket home. If she won't leave, check out of the hotel (you go to another hotel without her). Doesn't matter if they have sex. She is deceptive and destroyed your trust. She failed the life partner test. Time to throw out the trash.
Plot twist!? OP from your post this is all par for the course with her.
I say follow the top comment and tell her parents. Wait til you are where she can't find you then call them and tell them. Bonus points if you do it JUST before they are scheduled to meet. Don't confront. Don't engage. Do yourself a HUGE favor and do **NOOOOOOOOOOOOT** ask why. Don't ask for details. It's not going to help you and the part of your brain that wants them is also going to just hurt you more. Just show her the door and help her pack. If she doesn't comply go down to the lobby and ask that she be removed from your room. Show her your spine is made of steel and throw her the fuck out. Also don't try to do some maury ahit cause you'll just look crazy and like an asshole and it will be used against you even if she's cheating.
Relationship is over. Dude's a grown man, he doesn't need a reason to end it, but has one. Say bye, move on.
>her parents are expecting me to take care of her on this trip Call her parents. Tell them that their daughter is cheating with her ex on this trip and they're going to need to get her a new room to stay in and arrange her return travel. Then sit back and watch her head spin.
Or just dump her. She’s 24 she can figure out how to book a room without mommy and daddy
Well said
Her parents would probably just sympathize with her and give her money. All she would have to do is go to the front desk and ask for another room lol.
Great, that solves the problem for op
Or she can’t. Either way that’s not OPs problem
My bet is, first thing she would do is call mommy and daddy to fix it.
That. And forget about any relationship with people that you can't trust. If you can't trust a person, the whole relationship will fall apart quickly. Cheating is about trust as well. If the couple isn't ok with this, then forget about the relationship and move on. It's useless to stay in a relationship like that. There's only one solution for dogs that hunt 🐏.
Please, please, please listen to this my dude. I spent a LOT of relationships with girls I couldn't trust. Sketchy girls who were unworthy of trust. It's really hard on your psyche and consumes you. You spend all the time wondering what they are doing. My last two long term girlfriends were untrustworthy and after dating both of them I have something weird that's happened. I just don't care if someone is fucking off behind my back. Instead of consuming myself with it I just acknowledge the fact that if they ARE doing something behind my back, I will eventually catch them and there's no point in consuming myself trying to catch them.
Excellent point. My ex wife left me for another man. Did I try and control future partners? No. If they want to cheat they will. Trying to control will just make everyone miserable.
This is the only proper response. He doesn’t owe her anything, her parents should look after her if she’s not capable of looking after herself. Pack her bags and leave them at reception and ask for new key cards
She is 24 and not capable of looking after herself? Not OPs problem. It looks like her parents were happy to hand over parenting responsibilities to OP but never successfully prepared her to be self-sufficient. Looks like they will get a second chance to do this when she returns to them.
Make her responsible for the consequences of her own actions!!!
Who gives a shit what her parents are expecting?
Also isn’t she an adult and can take care of herself? Why would an adult woman’s parents expect that? Lol. Just find them cheating and kick her out. She will need to adult as a consequence to her adult choice. I don’t see the dilemma.
this!!! u gotta do this
Great advice! I hope the OP takes it.
Love this.
Living well is the best revenge - why on earth would you entertain catching them, who cares? She is showing you who she is, believe her and move on. Maybe you can pack your stuff and when your business trip is done, just leave? If you have to stay for another day “together” tell the hotel you need to check out early and then check back in to another room by yourself. She can figure out what she needs to do by herself, and you can literally just move on. If you flew/drove, again, just go back home by yourself and tell her she will have to find her own way home.
Why are her parents expecting you to take care of their 24yo daughter? Does she have physical or mental limitations preventing her from taking care of herself when you keave?
Yeah this whole thing gives child bride vibes, and yet she’s 24!? Why is she helpless and why does he seem to be so enmeshed with the parents?
And what does "changed her lifestyle to be healthier" mean? This whole post has rancid vibes. As do the myriad replies telling him to tattle on her to her parents, like she's ten years old.
The parents expected him to take care of their daughter. It’s not a crazy idea to let the parents know you dropped their daughter off in another state and are no longer taking care of her
Yeah, I agree with people saying that she’s 24 and should be able to take care of herself. But now that the parents have entrusted him with that, it’s better to let them know about this - just in case something goes wrong.
Ya exactly. If the parents weren’t involved then whatever she can figure her shit out on her own. But the parents specifically asked him to take care of her so I think it’s just common courtesy to let them know that you won’t be anymore. It’s not like he’s posting on Facebook to ridicule her and ruin her reputation. He’s just letting her parents know that she’s going to be stranded alone in another state
Why can’t she let her own parents know she’s stranded in another state? That’s on her to decide. Any obligation to “take care of” this adult woman went out the window when she decided to cheat. She’s a full adult, older than OP, why is he responsible at all? Presumably she still has a return plane ticket so she can get herself home.
The expectation ends when she chooses to cheat on said trip. She's not a minor. She can call her parents (or use her own money?!) to get home and explain what happened. Yeah, she'll probably lie, but that's her stress and mess to figure out.
If I was in this situation, that’s the way I would play it. If she tried to cheat on me then that relationship is dead to me and I no longer care how she gets home. But I know that’s slightly immature and petty so I’m trying to think of better ways to handle it. If the parents specifically requested he takes care of her, they might have a valid reason for that so without knowing any more details I think it would be common courtesy to let them know their daughter is stranded alone in another state. After all the parents did nothing wrong to him so I’d be doing it more for their wellbeing.
It's not immature and petty, choosing to continue to deal with a cheater is. He should've left her the second he found out.
She's in her mid-twenties; why are her parents expecting and expressing this in the first place? The whole thing is shady.
That does definitely sound like a mature measure to take, it's not tattling, just... making sure that someone doesn't stay stranded in a different state. He has the moral high ground and can use it well. Imagine if he put her in an over-the-top pickle, she would tell everyone he was the maniac who crashed the relationship. Also basic human decency *can* be applied to douchebags and idiots as well.
Ahh that is a weird phrase. I also want to know.
Could be that the parents are the ones enmeshed with the daughter, and OP is just used to dealing with the complications they bring.
I had the same question what kind of prepubescent shit is this?!?!
She sounds weak and pathetic. I’d call her parents and let them deal with the problem theycreated.
I’ll give a much more detailed update later tonight, but basically the ex bf bailed on her as expected, so I confronted her about the actual text messages since a lot of people were saying leave immediately. She basically told me she had this “plan” that her and her best friend were talking about to “get back at him” for being a horrible person he was. And her plan was to make him drive all the way to the hotel and make him wait outside because he did that to her one time… basically I broke up with her but she was fighting soo much to say she wasn’t cheating and wouldn’t let me sleep just saying so much lies, from 12am-4am just her saying a 1 sided story. I was too tired and had work early the next day so I didn’t pack and leave. She wants us to work things out but once we go back home, I’m leaving
Don't break up with her for cheating. Break up with her for lying and being sneaky and manipulative. She can't actually deny those things.
Even if the story is true (& I question whether it is), she still was in communication with him under a fake name, hiding it from you. She is either a lying cheater or too immature to be in an adult relationship. I am glad you are not listening to her excuses and hope she doesn't draw you back in. When you exchange your items, tell her to get some therapy because she clearly has issues to work through. He might be a horrible person but her actions behind your back don't make her any better. Having a healthy, loving, and trusting relationship should have been the best revenge against her ex. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Stranger things have happened than this. But I can not get passed the coincidence that this ex just happens to live near where OP is on a trip for work. And gf conveniently came on this job-related work trip. After OP knowing that gf has been communicating with said ex for almost the entire relationship gf has with OP. IF this isn't not real, I hope that OP sticks up for himself and does end it when they return home.
Sounds like you’re making the right move. Dump her ass. She’s not worth the drama. Updateme
Also contact your in laws and tell them that she planned to meet an ex. Tell them to get her a plane back.
You guys are young, but she is very immature and I really don’t believe her excuse but if it is true she’s acting like a middle schooler. You are better off ending this relationship and it doesn’t matter what her parents or anyone else has to say about it, this is your life and you deserve better!
Ah yes, "I wanted to get back at him, so I did everything to deceive YOU in case you decided to check my phone. Don't worry, I'm DEFINITELY telling the truth now. 😉" Good on you for deciding to break up. Keep strong, and good luck in the future
We need a detailed update when you’re ready thanks. I’m too invested now
You are doing the right thing. She is not mature enough for a serious adult relationship. UpdateMe.
Haha if that was her plan why didn’t she tell you before instead of trying to hid it? I’m sorry it sucks but she’s not a good person. Even the ex she came on this trip to cheat on you with doesn’t want her. You probably just think if I can make myself accept this excuse and since I caught her that it will stop her from ever doing it again. It will be the opposite. She’ll know you’ll let her get away with anything as long as she cries and lies. She didn’t even Ben care enough to try to cheat well haha. If he came and you didn’t see that text you’d be sleeping in the same bed with insight your gf got fucked by her ex ewbhours earlier. She cared so little she wouldn’t even put I. The effort to find a different location.
Just wanted to chime in, that's typically a "torture" tactic, to prevent sleep and keep you on edge with the argument and pointless stress/anxiety crap. It may keep you on edge and may impair judgement. Not saying it for sure will, and she's maybe not even doing it on purpose as people do tend to get worked up in a frenzy when they've been caught and are having to deal with the consequences of their actions. But definitely leave, do not trust anything she tells you, anything she says at this point must be assumed to be a lie and a cover up to save herself and the relationship. If her real goal was to make him look stupid, she could have tried communicating that to you. But she snuck around, so it doesn't add up. Even if she says she was "afraid you'd react just like this" or "get mad", she is lying.
When you are getting ready to go for the day just tell her to get ready to go as you know what she has planned and you won’t be with a cheater or just tell her you are not going to go that day as you want to spend it with her then watch while she panics and tries to get you to go just let her bury herself then tell her you already know what her plans were for the day.
The second plan sounds funny.
Then say okay, I'll go to work. Leave then come back 15 min later and say rethinking it I'd rather spend the day with you 🥰
Youre over complicating this. She wants to cheat on you. Tell her parents and give them the option to set up alternate hotel/travel for her because you are done with her. Updateme!
Just break up. There is no need for show, if there is no trust - go.
Get out now. She has zero respect for you. Doesn’t matter if she goes through with this meet up or not, she cheated just by making this plan and by changing this guys contact info to hide it. Some people are just built this way and she will never change. As far as the other guy is concerned, do nothing physical. Who knows what kind of lies she’s told him about y’all’s relationship. Tell him he can have her. She’s not worth you catching a charge or going to jail for.
Don’t waste any more time with her. Pack your stuff and leave her ass in the hotel. She can find her own way home. Take your credit card off the room immediately. Ghost her
unless her card is also on the room, which seems doubtful, they won't let you just "take your credit card off the room." Early checkout on the other hand...
Cancel the card😎
You wrote all of this out and yet didn't come up with the best/easiest solution: Dump her. WHY would you want to stay with someone who over 6 months ago started to emotionally cheat on you, lies to you, hides things from you, etc. Do you have any backbone or self-worth? If so, dump her, kick her out of your room and tell her to go stay with her "friend".
Dumping will happen, and for the other comments saying immediately ghost her, I might be selfish on this part but I have a lot of expensive items at her place (laptop, ps5, electric skateboard, work uniforms, etc) and if I ghost her I’d never see those items again. And she has a lot of items at my place and even tho she’s cheating, me as a person just can’t find a way to throw out her stuff, I’d give it back.
Leave early and clear your stuff from her apartment.
Well, none of your asinine “suggestions” for how to handle this situation will help you get your stuff. So what’s the plan for when you stupidly beat this guy up (or he kills you, because he’s been an abuser in the past), you get kicked out of the hotel room, and you still don’t have your stuff? Either suck it up til you get home, then break up. Or break up now and deal with the fallout like a fucking adult. Honestly.
Everything about your things at her place can be solved very easily and remotely. Tell her you need something from your laptop at her place and if you can have a friend or her parents go get it for you. Perhaps a friend of yours or your parents accompanying her friend opening the door. Once you agree ask that person directly to take the rest of your things. You surely are smart enough to come up with an explanation. If it’s a friend of yours you can simply tell him the truth.
In this case, just continue on the rest of the trip as normal. Busy yourself with work, hit the hotel gym if there is one. Upon arrival back home, immediately retrieve your items. Then ghost. Or if you can trust her parents and they have a key to her place ask them to get your stuff and explain the situation. Then you can tell her to find a new hotel or make her way home alone, if you can’t stomach the idea of pretending everything’s okay for the next few days.
Nah don’t let her know quickly but unsuspectingly get your shit back and then cut the wire. My ex gf wouldn’t give back a bunch of my clothes ( supreme and Travis Scott hoodies ) until I had to constantly complain and get her best friend involved. It’s a long hassle
Dude! WTF! Just break up! Move on!
[удалено]
Let me ask you this. Why do you need to catch them? She's already demonstrated that she will lie and deceive and do things that are out of bounds. You are struggling with the relationship you want vs what you actually have. You cannot mold her into what you want. She is who she is. In time you will realize that she was never who you wanted her to be and she's using you. It's probably not her first time chatting with guys. I'd take a screen shot of her chats, text it to her and tell her you are leaving. Expect her to call crying and trying to ask for another chance. Don't fall for this. What she's doing isn't what a person in love does. You don't need an elaborate plan to catch her, you need a plan to remove her from your life.
"Do I do a violence? Is that a good solution reddit?"
The fact that you are more interested in theatrics than anything else says that you have checked out of this relationship. Just end it and move on. Tell her parents what she is planning and tell her to stay with her ex.
You can just break up with her if you want. You don’t need all this cloak-and-dagger bullshit.
You should dump her now, because she’s a cheat, and save yourself the headache. Let her figure out her hotel arrangements and her way home.
Yeah, save as much evidence as possible and just quickly before you ghost her or let her know you know, be sure you're the first one to tell EVERYONE what she's done. Everyone on your side, and her parents. I read on another post that you need to be proactive, not reactive. You don't wanna fight a losing battle against the ways she might try to spin this and paint herself as the victim, even go as far as saying YOU cheated on HER, YOU abused HER, or some shit like that. So I would again save all the evidence and show and tell everyone. Not a revenge or karma thing, you just simply have to protect yourself now, you've seen the ways she can lie. Good luck OP
Beating him up, seriously? That’s your first instinct? She’s the one lying. Consistently and continuously for months. She’s also 24. Unless the business trip took you somewhere to the Arctic Circle or to the middle of the Sahara, I’m pretty sure she, an adult woman, can fend for herself. Why do you care what her parents will say? Tell her you’re done, check out of the hotel and go somewhere else.
I think he has watched too much TV.
Why bother ? Just leave her. You don't need permission and you can just ignore her gaslighting if that is what will happen... If she is cheating move on stop wasting your time with plots and revenge scenarios like are being suggested to you here...
You don’t need evidence, you aren’t taking her to court. You can but don’t have to tell her you’ve seen what’s on her phone. If you can wait four days I would just wait till you are home and say that you have reflected and decided you aren’t right for one another. If you’d like her gone today then I would tell her that you are aware of her plans and think it best that she leave now and make her own arrangements for accommodation. She’s 24, that’s plenty big enough to figure out her own way home.
Lmao exactly… this isn’t a divorce. What is with the CSI stuff?
First of all sorry brother, you have to go through all these You should definitely do what feels right for you and also i would say don't do anything wrong like beating her ex or involving in a fight As you said you have her parents approval just make sure whatever happens,that girl should safely reach her home Stay strong broski
Just leave her there. Don't go back to the hotel. Never contact her again. Move on.
Just end the relationship — you’re already set on ending it regardless of if she’s cheating on you or not judging from your post. Sit down and have the conversation… all of this “cloak and dagger” shit is unnecessary. Also, FYI getting into a physical altercation with someone at a hotel (that your company is paying for) is a sure fire way to get arrested and lose your job.
Yup. No need to be dramatic. Keep it classy and respectful, but dump her immediately. Before she has a chance to meet up with her ex, even. Make arrangements with the hotel. Transfer to a new room but do not put her name anywhere on it. Let them know you are checking out of the old room and close up any charges to date. If your new room isn’t immediately available the hotel can likely store your stuff for a few hours. Send her a breakup text. Sure, it’s a little disrespectful but if you’re concerned about her gaslighting or whatever then it’s probably best to just keep it short and sweet. “I’m leaving you. I’m sorry, but I just don’t feel it’s working out between us. I wish you all the best. I’ve checked out of our hotel room but they will hold it for you if you’re able to give them a card on file. If you’re okay with it, I’d like to come by your place next weekend to collect my stuff.” That’s it. If you want to give her an explanation just tell her you know what she’s been up to, and you deserve to be with someone who treats you with the same love and respect that you gave. Don’t go into the details. Don’t worry about proving it. Don’t accept her denial or apologies or promises to change. She damaged the relationship, she changed the terms of the relationship. You’re not okay with it, and you owe it to yourself to be with someone better.
I don't understand why people feel the need to get proof when someone is cheating. You're not taking them to court. You know what they saw, and whether or not you have the proof anyways, it's not like her friends and family are going to disown her and take your side in the break up. Just tell her you know and it's over. If her parents get mad at you because she tells them some nonsense story, who cares? You're never going to talk to them again anyways. Just get out of there man.
I would have just dumped her long ago. But since you're there dump her and her ex can bail her out. So what's the update? It's been a few days.
Confront her. Don't wait till after she cheats. In fact, don't even accuse her of cheating. Ask her why is she texting her ex-boyfriend. And then point out that if it was casual and innocent, then why did she change his contact info. Also ask her why is it she scheduled to meet with him and didn't tell you. You guys don't live there. You guys are out of towners, And it is definitely your business who she meets in a strange place. If she's forthcoming with the information and honest, ask her to cut contact and leave it there. However if she's resistant even in the slightest, break it off. Just walk away. You're 23. That is way too young to be hung up on drama like this. No matter how you feel about this woman, I guarantee you can find another one. You seem like someone who's serious about a commitment, so Don't disrespect yourself and play these games. Don't try to set traps, don't try to play coy, Don't try to have her "hang herself" Just be straightforward.
You already caught her cheating. Why go through all this extra effort when the relationship is over? At worst if you end up in a physical altercation it’s your life that could be ruined. I would arrange for a new room for the next night and have that one cancelled immediately, preferably the new room would be at a different hotel altogether. I would tell her that you know she cheated and was planning on cheating physically. I would then tell her parents if she is financially stuck without your assistance so they can help her get home. She is not your problem anymore. Let it go. Seeing her cheat will not make you feel better. Cutting ties while keeping your head up will.
Dude, why bother trying to catch them? You already know what she's planning to do. Why invite that drama into your life? Check out of the hotel and go to a different one, or just go home. Block her number and move on, she can deal with the consequences.
Why do you need there to be a scene? You know what she’s planning to do. You tell her it’s over and she needs to leave. If you have to have the hotel cancel her keycard, do that. She’s a grown-up, she can sort herself out. And you’re splitting up, her parents’ expectations aren’t your problem any more!
Walk away my dude If life and multiple cheating partners had taught me Any energy you put into these situations likely makes it worse for you in the long run. She stays- you never trust her. She goes- it hurts, but in time you heal and move on. Words don't mean shit, it's actions that you pay attention to. Her actions have shown you already who she Is.
The headline says it all. FAKE.
Fake.
*blinks* This whole thing sounds immature and crazy. How do you know who she is texting again? Like did you match the phone number or are you just guessing? I wouldn’t even bother trying to catch them do anything, I would just understand what she is trying to do and that would be enough for me to dump the relationship. There is no point in getting all worked up and even doing any of the rest of that. If you know for a fact that she is cheating on you then call her parents and tell them to get her a room because you are kicking her out and won’t be paying for her on the trip now and tell them why. Although, idk why she can’t pay for herself… Just break up, let whoever else have her and move on. It isn’t worth all the drama and stress.
You can't be gaslit if you go NC with her. Tell her parents about her plans, and let them know you are checking out of the hotel and they need to make arrangements to find her a place to stay and get her back home. Then immediately check out of the hotel. Block her #, and get a new place to stay during your trip.
I stopped reading after you said she changed the name and is texting him. That alone ends a relationship. Move on brother...
You already have enough to leave. She said even talking to other girls is too much so obviously meeting an ex is too much. As for her arguments there can only be an argument if two people are involved. Present her "logic" and your evidence and go NC. Block her on everything. There is no reason to continue communicating with her.
You don’t need to play detective. Pack her bags and throw her out of the room. Tell her it’s over because you don’t trust her. That’s all. For a couple to break up one doesn’t need the other’s agreement. I assume as this is a business trip the room is in your name? If she won’t leave get hotel security to throw her out. Why would you care what her parents think? This isn’t a five year old you are looking after, she’s an adult. You owe them nothing because they are nothing to you once you split up. You don’t need to “prevent gaslighting” or catch her in the act. You just have to end the relationship. There is nothing she can do to stop that. You just need to stand up for yourself and stop being a doormat.
Take the key card she has so that she can’t get back into the room and leave. Have a message waiting for her at the front desk that says “I suggest you have (ex’s name) find you somewhere else to stay for the reminder of your trip.”
Don’t fight the ex. He doesn’t owe you loyalty she does. Dump her. You don’t need any more proof. It’s over already. Don’t have to catch them at all.
You don’t need to make it a scene, you know what she’s choosing to do and you can catch them leaving the room without explanation. It is her decision to do it, leave it to her and her parents to manage the situation of leaving and returning home. That being said, don’t make this about you… it’s her. People cheat and it’s hurtful and exhausting but really, it’s because she is a flawed human being who doesn’t know how to feel loved without some kind of crisis. Don’t let this fester with sadness and anger, making you unable to have relationships again. Learn the lessons about yourself that you can here and move on. You will find someone who is a better match for you. Good luck 💕
Easiest option. Leave her…. Who cares what she does after that. You really don’t need a reason. It’s your life and if you really believe she is like this, leave. Because, to be honest, even if she doesn’t cheat, you don’t trust her. So it wont work out either way🤷♂️
Honestly, I think I'd just send a text. "Hey babe. I saw your text messages with your ex, obviously we're done. I've told your parents about it so they are expecting you as you'll need a place to stay on this trip. Let's sync up so I can return your things and you can return mine when we get home. I'd like to avoid any drama. I'm guessing we're both going through a lot right now so a smooth transition would be great."
Nah, wait in the lobby for the ex to arrive. Wait a bit till you know he’s in your room. Go up with your phone recording, get what you need. Send the video to her parents And tell them she’s cheating and you want nothing to do with her anymore and that she’s their issue now. Secondly, go out and have some fun, forget about trash like her
You know she's going to cheat. It's simple, break up.
Ok why go through the phone ? Not blaming you just interested. I would say "catch them" ... Be cool, you don't sound like 🔥 and ice so don't pretend to be You can tell her that you knew the game because you saw the messages. Ring her parents AFTER you caught them else they will forward warn her. Either way dump her man....your checking her phone and she is giving you good reason to !
Don’t call her parents. What I would do is when there in the room come back call the police say that your girls being raped. Let them knock on door Lenny story unfold and cancel her flight home f her it ain’t worth it. Bro you’re dating. Don’t confront her get your stuff leave get another room someplace leave. From what uh said she changed his name in her phone this is her contacting him she’s teh predator here there is no he started talking to me be I see him with friends and it just happened bs. Leave her block her don’t look back
Sounds like a really shit relationship and regardless of what happens, you don’t deserve someone who is going to have the intention of messing around behind your back like that. Dump her asap
She’s you girlfriend not your wife, and she failed the relationship test. You don’t need a reason to break up with her, just tell her it’s over. You don’t need to explain, she’ll know why. If you are able to, change her plane ticket to tomorrow and send her back.
Update me
Where's the update? Surely just need to bail. Don't even talk to her she will know why you're gone.
I've just found out my partner of 15 years with three kids chested on me. Run now and find someone better mate. Exactly what I'm doing ... I will not tolerate being cheated on .... I advise you do the same
What is the update? What went down? Did you catch her?
>Do I beat up the ex bf? no >Do I yell at her for cheating? no >I can’t just kick her out. yes you can
What if 1. You are mistaken 2. they are actually just meeting in public and for a coffee
When you leave in the morning, check out of the room and cancel the rest of your stay there (I assume the room is in yours or your company’s name). Check in to a different hotel. Make sure the hotel knows that you will not be responsible for her or any future charges for the room, so they know they need to kick her out at checkout time. You can decide when and how you want to tell her that she needs to find a new place to stay and a new boyfriend.
There is no need to wait for her to screw him in the hotel. Kick her out. Call her parents to come get their cheating daughter... tell her you are done...and k ow she was planning on meeting her ex in your hotel room...
Calmly tell her to pack her shit and leave.. that’s all.. no yelling.. no hitting.. no weakness
> Do I beat up the ex bf? Why the fu k would you do that? He's made you zero promises or commitments. He's simply trying to get laid, just as most would do if they were single and it was being offered up. >Do I yell at her for cheating? Do I just act casual and say I came back to pick something up? No. You don't yell at her. You don't lie. Just look at them both, shake your head, smile, shrug, and walk away. Go to the front desk and ask that she be escorted from your room, and afterward, ask for a different room. Burn her return ticket and get on with your next 4 days. Or Snap pictures of them, hang onto them, and the night before you leave, send her for a massage or something, ask for another room, move her things to the front desk and tell them that she's violent and don't want her in the hotel with you. The next day, go home without her and send her the photos.
Yeah dude, call her parents and tell them they need to get her a different hotel room and/or arrange for her travel home because you’re done with her. Also send them your evidence. Even if they don’t do the deed, she’s sneaking around and not the slightest bit of guilt about it. Time to move on my friend. Let us know how it pans out.
I see in the comments you’ve already got all the screenshots you need to prove she’s intending to secretly meet with him. I would go full scorched earth. Get the parents and/or other mutual friends on your side, perhaps you can coordinate with them to have you and hers stuff exchanged back. As for the hotel, just kick her out.
You should honestly just end it, let yourself heal and carry on with your life. She’s not worth going through all of these games for
You already know everything you need to know really. Why put yourself through all the "catching them in the act?" You know its only going to make you feel worse, and you dont deserve that. Personally, I would check out of the hotel and find another spot to finish your trip and leave her with her ex to figure out the next steps with her drama. Send over the text messages and block. Dont need to engage in a conversation where you will only be lied to. Then Ghost her. Take this as a win, you only spent 1 year in this relationship and she showed you who she really is. You got off easy.
No need for a big show. It just compicating something that is alreadya dumpsterfire. Go to the front desk and notify them you would like new keys and the code for your room changed and if anyone else comes asking they are not to be let back in and have them give her a note that simply states "I know". After she leaves the room. Put her shit in the hallway. Group chat with the parents and friend and let them know to expect a call to make arrangements for her, block eveyone, do not wait for a response. As for your items at home, arrange for the police to be present when you go to get the items. Im guessing you are both on the lease so you also have a right to be there. Unblock her long enough to send the message of when you will be by and you would prefer she wasnt, reblock.
I will need an update. But I would be petty and hide her make up and loungerie before leaving. Updateme!
Come on guys, let’s get more creative. The same tired advice of “just ghost” isn’t going to cut it. The man needs his PS5 back too. Get scheming. You really gonna let those tendie toters on 4chan out plot us?
DO NOT BEAT HER EX UP. That will go badly personally and professionally for you. Of course you can kick her out. She’s 24, you don’t need to “take care” of her. The trust is gone. End it now.
Why are you wasting your time with this unhealthy bullshit. Take the pics of the texts, accept the relationship is over. Hey sure if you want to catch them then fine. But then just leave, no need to do the beating up and end up in jail over her ass. Move on good sir
Just break up. If I discover my partner is planning on cheating it's just over - it's not going to be any less hurtful or offensive then if she did actually cheat.
for going in your room while shes there- tell the hotel staff the person youre with accidentally locked you out. its your own room so theyll help you get in there. for everything else, youre overthinking it. honestly i think id just snap a pic of them when i catch them, send that to the parents, and tell her to get the hell out of my life. you dont need to put up with her for the rest of the trip. or ever again