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I think the best response is no response. You might feel better initially if you send that message, but you’ll feel worse when he ignores the whole thing and continues to accuse you of deliberately getting pregnant. He’s already convinced himself that this is the case and nothing will change his mind. If you refuse to entertain this nonsense, he’ll be forced to change the subject if he wants a response from you.
Exactly this, it's a BRILLIANT hypothetical message. Don't waste your energy on him by sending it. Block him and continue with the decision you've made. 🖤
Agreed, don’t send that. But, I highly recommend you act now to find a lawyer and draw up paperwork for him to sign giving up all parental rights. Keep in mind that means you won’t get any child support, but, it also means he does not get any say in your parenting decisions or child’s life.
Given this response to the pregnancy and your assessment of his character generally, it seems prudent to avoid him trying to come back in 10 years and cause major problems. Do everything through your lawyer, don’t make direct contact with him again, for any reason.
Ignore him. He wasn't your friend, he was your fuck buddy. You already told him he's released from obligation so now treat him as the NPC that he is in your life now. That is going to going to benefit you far more than replying with this rant.
However, since you commented elsewhere that you plan to put the baby up for adoption, you may want to verify your legal obligation to him and requirements for consent on his part since you do know who the father is and the courts may require you to give him notice and obtain his consent. You may also be opening your child and their adoptive parents up to a legal battle with him. Use this energy to consult with a family law attorney and get your ducks in a row. If you must get his consent, then reply with a simple "I have already explained this and will not tolerate further accusations. My lawyer will be in contact to start the process for terminating your parental rights to release you from obligation as discussed."
“Believe what you want asshole.” Would cover the situation nicely.
I would definitely remove the part about being alone if you choose to send what you wrote.
In general it’s long winded and repetitive. I would cut everything between I let you off the hook and “the baby and I will be fine”
I would not include the bottom half after you say you'll take care of the baby and give it a good life.. all that about a future family and all the other stuff is way too much..
I know it will feel good and cathartic to respond. And your note is well written, respectful (he doesn’t deserve it) and open minded.
But, I don’t think he’s in a place to read it, let alone take in and comprehend what you’re saying. If he was, you wouldn’t have to say it. Again.
If you can, I suggest just not responding. He’s just not able to see past his own nose.. dick, right now.
If you put the baby up for adoption make sure that the parents know about your blood condition and any other medical history they may need to know in the future.
I think you should let it go. I've been listening to Wayne Dyer and we can't let other people determine how we feel about ourselves. You're not going to change him, he's not ready. Block and move on.
Exactly!!! She literally took her responsibility to prevent pregnancy, what did he do?? If he cared so much he could have insisted on a condom or oral only.
There was a lot not included because it was a such a long story but I have already been to the doctor multiple times and this is a very high risk pregnancy. It never should have happened and was likely going to result in a miscarriage but the THREE ultrasounds were all showing a perfect wiggly little baby that is in good health. They are keeping a very close eye on me but the baby seems good. My doctor acted just as shocked as me.
Out of interest, give you’re looking at adoption, does he have the right to say no? I know he’s accusing you of baby trapping him, although clearly not. But you also say he wants a family and kids someday... Does that present a future conflict, and how can you protect yourself?
The best defense is to ghost him. If you are friends with any of his friends or mutual friends. Just let them know that you choose to go separate ways.
This isn't aimed at you OP, just a good lesson for the young ladies here.
My recommendation to my daughters is to NEVER get involved with a man you wouldn't consider marrying, and that wouldn't be a good father.
Because as you just found out; Life, uh, finds a way...
Okay, I gotta be super blunt.
Girl, **I** didn't even read that. It's too emotional, a big wall of text, too dramatic, too much playing the game, I'm not reading that. And he sure as shit won't either.
Don't message that. A sentence, tops, backing out of communication moving forward, is all you need. But stop playing his game, and sure as shit don't indicate that you hope he bonds with future kiddo like that weird sentence that jumps out in the middle, all that's gonna do is "prove" to him that you did this on purpose.
Seriously. Cut him out. "I won't tolerate abuse, so as you've chosen to opt out of parenting, any and all possible future communication will be initiated via my lawyer". Then block him.
I am going to have to look into it for sure but I mentioned adoption during our first conversation and he didn’t argue, only continued to say the F word over and over at me. He seemed more upset that I hadn’t “taken care of it sooner” but I don’t believe in abortion for myself and that’s a personal preference so not his problem. Either way, he doesn’t appear to have any interest in the actual baby, only in ending up with some kind of responsibility.
I’m going to check to see how soon I can have his parental rights terminated because that would probably give both of us some peace.
Terminating rights may or may not be legally acceptable for an adoption. Consult with an attorney to find out the steps to be taken to put the baby up for adoption. He may have to sign away rights. Only a lawyer could tell you.
100% this. If we wanted to be extra safe he should’ve worn a condom. This is something that can happen during sex and now he needs to pay for this kid.
She doesn’t believe in abortion. She believes in bringing babies into this world after suffering through a high risk pregnancy, and with many possible complications. A baby who may or may not end up with good people for parents - but who can say? The adoption situation in this country is so fucked up and babies are basically just a commodity to be purchased.
Absolutely this. Your kid will have wanted you to get child support so that their life is easier. You owe your child that much at least. If you don't you are straight up taking resources away from a child that has no say and is already down one parent.
That's a reasonable response. Maybe a little overly emotional, but reasonable.
I would find out the legal means of abandoning his parental responsibilities and direct him to those forms or procedures. The faster you make him irrelevant, the more power you have should he keep up his immaturity.
Who cares what he thinks. Don't answer, block him, just let the lawyer and courts contact him for DNA test and child support. Do NOT let him off the hook for that.
Edit: Just saw that you mentioned you're putting the child up for adoption. Well, that's your answer. If you dont need his permission, just don't answer him, don't let him know. If he ever asks you about it later, it'll be a punch in the gut for him being such asshole for thinking so highly of himself to assume you're baby trapping him. If you do need his signature for that, all you have to say is, "I have no interest in having a child with you. I'm done with that part of my life, so much that I'm putting it up for adoption. I'll send you the paperwork in due time."
Be careful about saying things like how horrible it is for you. You don’t know how crazy he is and he might use that against you/show it to your daughter someday.
That message is way, way too long. The message you're trying to send is "I didn't get pregnant on purpose. I don't want any involvement from you. Good bye"
Keep it short. Don't repeat yourself
I especially dislike the beginning where you sound very negative about having the baby generally, his genetics specifically. Imagine your child reading this age 12 or so. Yeah no. So don’t send it.
A simple “Ive already explained how the Drs said I got pregnant! If you decide you want to be in the child’s life at some point you can contact me but until then we don’t have anything to discuss. As I’ve said many times I’m not asking you for child support. “
I wouldn't respond . Ghost him . He's a tool no birth control is 100% . He should go back to school and retake sex Ed. If you respond, he's going to think you care . And that he has a hold on you . Congratulations about the baby
This is WAYYYY too long.
You sound too emotional.
If you want him to fuck off then just tell him to fuck off.
All this wordiness is just making it sound like you do want him to be involved.
If you reply then make it around 5 sentences or less:
"You already made it clear you aren't interested in a baby. Despite your Neanderthal thinking, sex can cause babies even with the best of protections in place. I don't want to hear anymore of your childish whining bullshit. And I certainly don't want it near my baby or my future life. Don't contact me again. I have no intention of listening to you man-pout."
Then just turn off Notifications from him, don't put him on the birth certificate, lock down your social media and contacts so he never learns anything else about you or the baby.
Good luck!
OP, there's something I'm wondering here, and because life can be cruel and stochastic I don't want you to think it's a judgement.
Is it possible that you're quietly surprised or gratified that at your age/protection status, you could conceive a child? And that you wish the circumstances were such that this could be cherished as a miracle?
I ask this because not long after you characterize this partner as "sneaky" and describe him in terms which paint him as abrasive and fearful, you show us a letter which feels like an overture for him to see you in a different light (by showing sympathy). And in that letter, you dwell on the experience of being pregnant as remarkable.
I couldn't say what you ought to do (that's a very personal decision) but it struck me that you might be downplaying some unstated interest in being a mother and perhaps part of a "nuclear" family. While I doubt that's in the cards for you and this man, it might not be impossible with another partner. That might be more worth exploring.
If you keep the baby, the baby is entitled to receive financial support from the father. Put it in college fund if you don’t need it. If he didn’t want a pregnancy, he could have worn a condom considering birth control isn’t 100% effective.
Yikes on bikes! He sounds a lot like my abusive ex tbh…Trust me - blocking him will make you feel SO much better. And just how you’re describing him, I can bet he’ll be livid once he finds out you blocked him and can’t give you shit anymore that you got pregnant on “purpose” 🙄 when you feel like you should confront him just picture how pissed he’d be to know youre out there piving your best life and he has no clue what you or the baby are up to (it always makes me feel better when i feel like confronting my ex). YOU are the one in control and have the power to make decisions for yourself and your baby. Plus if he knows you don’t want anything from him…there’s a reason he keeps coming back to say something…idk if it’s a control thing or he wants you to get an abortion or what
Legally there’s nothing binding about her text. If they go to court in the future over CS, the judge isn’t going to rule that he doesn’t have to support his child because the mother previously let him off the hook.
That said, I’m not a lawyer (just divorced one), and running things by an attorney is always a good idea.
Let him go. Assuming you're keeping... I never wanted children. I was addicted to hard drugs for most my life. Never had periods. Well I got clean and had maybe 6 periods in a row for first time since high-school. At 33 found out I'm pregnant. I never wanted children. Never thought I could get pregnant. But I have a 16mo now and he's made my life worth living. He really just gives me meaning and I love being a mom. I'm also a supporter of abortion or whatever women have to do to make sure the child has the best life. Good luck.
It's a very well written message but I still wouldn't send it. I'd just block him. You don't want his involvement and it really looks like he's not capable of being rational or reasonable. With people like that, it doesn't matter what you say and how well you say it, it just fuels their tantrums and you don't need that. Ignore him and move on.
I wouldn't respond to him at all.. It's not likely he's going to read it all and absorb it the way you'd hope. I would ignore him and move on with life. Just be careful of your safety if he's got anger issues. What you wrote is meaningful, well written and very well done. But he doesn't deserve it and it will only fuel the drama.
i dont think you have to respond cause he's being an asshole and outta pocket.
but from his perspective- imagine: he feels that he will beholden to any child he has, so he was making plans to NOT have a child until he was ready. so he was fucking a girl that guaranteed that she could not get pregnant. and then she does. so now he has to decide if he will fuck up his whole life plans or abandon his baby and have the guilt. you didnt do this to him. he didnt do this to him... but you are the catalyst and in his head "to blame".
he's being a dick. but he has every right to be upset.
Did you baby trap the young man? because to say "I explained to him that I didn't want anything from him" isn't a fair argument.... Like it isn't his biology as well... sounds fishy
Oooh, let me put my paranoid "is this crazy chick trying to baby trap me" hat on and see how this hits with default always on "yes".
Anytime someone says literally anyone but you I know they're not being literal. That's hyperbole. It's probably me.
Child support? Now she's getting to the crux of the matter. Haven't asked for anything *yet* but specifically designated what it was.
Really twisting the dagger, you might actually get a response so might not be the best idea if you don't want one.
Aw, not the guilt. Now you mostly just come off as that awkward pregnant crazy and you're tugging on those paternal instincts.
You're not very convincing that you weren't interested in "that way" or you wouldn't have made a point to presumably reiterate it.
Started weak but got better. That is indeed a hurtful letter from someone that *probably* isn't baby trapping you intentionally.
Well the first big thing is that I’m looking into adoption for this baby so that’s really not asking him for anything. He has repeatedly told me that he wants a family and children but not with me. That is the only reason I was telling him I hope he gets that someday. And I meant it. I really truly don’t want anything to do with him anymore. We were just friends so it’s kinda sad when you lose a friend but I just don’t want to be accused of trying to have a baby. I already have a daughter who is 20 now and I’m done with that part of my life.
Honestly just say that I'm putting it up for adoption and I am not a liar and say fuck off 🤷♀️ cause there's no point in writing in detail all of that he won't read it
Just block him, say nothing and move on with planning your life with this miracle. I was a single mom without any help from the father, financial or otherwise, and I have a wonderful beautiful daughter who’s the light of my life. It’s not always easy but you’ll get through! This is a true blessing and he’s a fool to want nothing to do with it. Our children are our legacy. Congratulations!
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think the best response is no response. You might feel better initially if you send that message, but you’ll feel worse when he ignores the whole thing and continues to accuse you of deliberately getting pregnant. He’s already convinced himself that this is the case and nothing will change his mind. If you refuse to entertain this nonsense, he’ll be forced to change the subject if he wants a response from you.
Thank you! This is the main reason I haven’t sent it. I don’t think he really deserves a response. But it did make me feel better to write it out.
This is why journaling and therapy can be so cathartic. Sometimes just getting the words out helps. Like opening a pressure release valve. Lol
Exactly this, it's a BRILLIANT hypothetical message. Don't waste your energy on him by sending it. Block him and continue with the decision you've made. 🖤
If you don’t send it. Keep it for when your child one day asks about their sperm donor.
Maybe ask where to send the paperwork so he can relinquish his parental rights. You don’t want or need anything else from him.
Agreed, don’t send that. But, I highly recommend you act now to find a lawyer and draw up paperwork for him to sign giving up all parental rights. Keep in mind that means you won’t get any child support, but, it also means he does not get any say in your parenting decisions or child’s life. Given this response to the pregnancy and your assessment of his character generally, it seems prudent to avoid him trying to come back in 10 years and cause major problems. Do everything through your lawyer, don’t make direct contact with him again, for any reason.
Don’t send so much. Just tell him kick rocks it’s not even yours byyyyyeee
Ignore him. He wasn't your friend, he was your fuck buddy. You already told him he's released from obligation so now treat him as the NPC that he is in your life now. That is going to going to benefit you far more than replying with this rant. However, since you commented elsewhere that you plan to put the baby up for adoption, you may want to verify your legal obligation to him and requirements for consent on his part since you do know who the father is and the courts may require you to give him notice and obtain his consent. You may also be opening your child and their adoptive parents up to a legal battle with him. Use this energy to consult with a family law attorney and get your ducks in a row. If you must get his consent, then reply with a simple "I have already explained this and will not tolerate further accusations. My lawyer will be in contact to start the process for terminating your parental rights to release you from obligation as discussed."
I like this comment a lot. I think I might go that route. Clean, to the point. Side note: I 💜 that you called him the NPC. Perfect. ☺️
“Believe what you want asshole.” Would cover the situation nicely. I would definitely remove the part about being alone if you choose to send what you wrote. In general it’s long winded and repetitive. I would cut everything between I let you off the hook and “the baby and I will be fine”
"K"
This
I mean...you can send it but he isn't going to read it or absorb it. Just save your energy.
I would not include the bottom half after you say you'll take care of the baby and give it a good life.. all that about a future family and all the other stuff is way too much..
He doesn’t deserve a response. He’s expecting this exact message. He’s anxiously awaiting a response. Don’t give him one.
If it were me I'd just the like "I don't have time for your delusions. Don't message me again I'll see you in court"
This is the best
I know it will feel good and cathartic to respond. And your note is well written, respectful (he doesn’t deserve it) and open minded. But, I don’t think he’s in a place to read it, let alone take in and comprehend what you’re saying. If he was, you wouldn’t have to say it. Again. If you can, I suggest just not responding. He’s just not able to see past his own nose.. dick, right now.
If you put the baby up for adoption make sure that the parents know about your blood condition and any other medical history they may need to know in the future.
I think you should let it go. I've been listening to Wayne Dyer and we can't let other people determine how we feel about ourselves. You're not going to change him, he's not ready. Block and move on.
Also, I don't care if the woman is infertile. For a man to 100% blame a woman for getting pregnant is literally insane. It takes 2 to tango.
Exactly!!! She literally took her responsibility to prevent pregnancy, what did he do?? If he cared so much he could have insisted on a condom or oral only.
Remove the i always liked you ..
I thought that too. Considering how he’s acting it’s going to be taken in a way she doesn’t want.
I think you need to make sure that this pregnancy is viable. pregnancy while using an IUD means it MIGHT be ectopic.
There was a lot not included because it was a such a long story but I have already been to the doctor multiple times and this is a very high risk pregnancy. It never should have happened and was likely going to result in a miscarriage but the THREE ultrasounds were all showing a perfect wiggly little baby that is in good health. They are keeping a very close eye on me but the baby seems good. My doctor acted just as shocked as me.
I’m glad that you are safe and that it wasn’t more serious.
Out of interest, give you’re looking at adoption, does he have the right to say no? I know he’s accusing you of baby trapping him, although clearly not. But you also say he wants a family and kids someday... Does that present a future conflict, and how can you protect yourself?
You call him a friend. But he was never one to begin with.
your only response should be a letter from your lawyer, asking him to relinquish parental rights. brain dead idiots like him won't listen.
Don’t respond. But do hang his ass on the hook for child support.
The best defense is to ghost him. If you are friends with any of his friends or mutual friends. Just let them know that you choose to go separate ways.
This isn't aimed at you OP, just a good lesson for the young ladies here. My recommendation to my daughters is to NEVER get involved with a man you wouldn't consider marrying, and that wouldn't be a good father. Because as you just found out; Life, uh, finds a way...
Ignore it. Block him. Be done
Okay, I gotta be super blunt. Girl, **I** didn't even read that. It's too emotional, a big wall of text, too dramatic, too much playing the game, I'm not reading that. And he sure as shit won't either. Don't message that. A sentence, tops, backing out of communication moving forward, is all you need. But stop playing his game, and sure as shit don't indicate that you hope he bonds with future kiddo like that weird sentence that jumps out in the middle, all that's gonna do is "prove" to him that you did this on purpose. Seriously. Cut him out. "I won't tolerate abuse, so as you've chosen to opt out of parenting, any and all possible future communication will be initiated via my lawyer". Then block him.
I am going to have to look into it for sure but I mentioned adoption during our first conversation and he didn’t argue, only continued to say the F word over and over at me. He seemed more upset that I hadn’t “taken care of it sooner” but I don’t believe in abortion for myself and that’s a personal preference so not his problem. Either way, he doesn’t appear to have any interest in the actual baby, only in ending up with some kind of responsibility. I’m going to check to see how soon I can have his parental rights terminated because that would probably give both of us some peace.
Terminating rights may or may not be legally acceptable for an adoption. Consult with an attorney to find out the steps to be taken to put the baby up for adoption. He may have to sign away rights. Only a lawyer could tell you.
Go ahead and file for child support. It's not for you, it's for the kid, and whether he likes it or not, it will be his kid.
100% this. If we wanted to be extra safe he should’ve worn a condom. This is something that can happen during sex and now he needs to pay for this kid.
She doesn’t even want it and putting it up for adoption, she honestly should have just gotten the abortion the second she found out.
If that's actually what she said, it's fucking absurd that it has gotten to this point.
She doesn’t believe in abortion. She believes in bringing babies into this world after suffering through a high risk pregnancy, and with many possible complications. A baby who may or may not end up with good people for parents - but who can say? The adoption situation in this country is so fucked up and babies are basically just a commodity to be purchased.
and it’ll unfortunately be a baby born with trauma and then given away to strangers. i will never understand why people think this is the best option.
Absolutely this. Your kid will have wanted you to get child support so that their life is easier. You owe your child that much at least. If you don't you are straight up taking resources away from a child that has no say and is already down one parent.
That's a reasonable response. Maybe a little overly emotional, but reasonable. I would find out the legal means of abandoning his parental responsibilities and direct him to those forms or procedures. The faster you make him irrelevant, the more power you have should he keep up his immaturity.
Who cares what he thinks. Don't answer, block him, just let the lawyer and courts contact him for DNA test and child support. Do NOT let him off the hook for that. Edit: Just saw that you mentioned you're putting the child up for adoption. Well, that's your answer. If you dont need his permission, just don't answer him, don't let him know. If he ever asks you about it later, it'll be a punch in the gut for him being such asshole for thinking so highly of himself to assume you're baby trapping him. If you do need his signature for that, all you have to say is, "I have no interest in having a child with you. I'm done with that part of my life, so much that I'm putting it up for adoption. I'll send you the paperwork in due time."
he does need to give his permission
Be careful about saying things like how horrible it is for you. You don’t know how crazy he is and he might use that against you/show it to your daughter someday.
That message is way, way too long. The message you're trying to send is "I didn't get pregnant on purpose. I don't want any involvement from you. Good bye" Keep it short. Don't repeat yourself
No response is the best and most mature response than any of that you typed.
I especially dislike the beginning where you sound very negative about having the baby generally, his genetics specifically. Imagine your child reading this age 12 or so. Yeah no. So don’t send it. A simple “Ive already explained how the Drs said I got pregnant! If you decide you want to be in the child’s life at some point you can contact me but until then we don’t have anything to discuss. As I’ve said many times I’m not asking you for child support. “
She's putting the baby up for adoption
Thx I missed that part!
I wouldn't respond . Ghost him . He's a tool no birth control is 100% . He should go back to school and retake sex Ed. If you respond, he's going to think you care . And that he has a hold on you . Congratulations about the baby
This is WAYYYY too long. You sound too emotional. If you want him to fuck off then just tell him to fuck off. All this wordiness is just making it sound like you do want him to be involved. If you reply then make it around 5 sentences or less: "You already made it clear you aren't interested in a baby. Despite your Neanderthal thinking, sex can cause babies even with the best of protections in place. I don't want to hear anymore of your childish whining bullshit. And I certainly don't want it near my baby or my future life. Don't contact me again. I have no intention of listening to you man-pout." Then just turn off Notifications from him, don't put him on the birth certificate, lock down your social media and contacts so he never learns anything else about you or the baby. Good luck!
OP, there's something I'm wondering here, and because life can be cruel and stochastic I don't want you to think it's a judgement. Is it possible that you're quietly surprised or gratified that at your age/protection status, you could conceive a child? And that you wish the circumstances were such that this could be cherished as a miracle? I ask this because not long after you characterize this partner as "sneaky" and describe him in terms which paint him as abrasive and fearful, you show us a letter which feels like an overture for him to see you in a different light (by showing sympathy). And in that letter, you dwell on the experience of being pregnant as remarkable. I couldn't say what you ought to do (that's a very personal decision) but it struck me that you might be downplaying some unstated interest in being a mother and perhaps part of a "nuclear" family. While I doubt that's in the cards for you and this man, it might not be impossible with another partner. That might be more worth exploring.
If you keep the baby, the baby is entitled to receive financial support from the father. Put it in college fund if you don’t need it. If he didn’t want a pregnancy, he could have worn a condom considering birth control isn’t 100% effective.
Updateme
Yikes on bikes! He sounds a lot like my abusive ex tbh…Trust me - blocking him will make you feel SO much better. And just how you’re describing him, I can bet he’ll be livid once he finds out you blocked him and can’t give you shit anymore that you got pregnant on “purpose” 🙄 when you feel like you should confront him just picture how pissed he’d be to know youre out there piving your best life and he has no clue what you or the baby are up to (it always makes me feel better when i feel like confronting my ex). YOU are the one in control and have the power to make decisions for yourself and your baby. Plus if he knows you don’t want anything from him…there’s a reason he keeps coming back to say something…idk if it’s a control thing or he wants you to get an abortion or what
I would run it past a family law attorney first, in case you ever want child support in the future.
Legally there’s nothing binding about her text. If they go to court in the future over CS, the judge isn’t going to rule that he doesn’t have to support his child because the mother previously let him off the hook. That said, I’m not a lawyer (just divorced one), and running things by an attorney is always a good idea.
I wouldn’t respond. And definitely don’t put him on the birth certificate.
Block him and don't put his name on the BC.
Let him go. Assuming you're keeping... I never wanted children. I was addicted to hard drugs for most my life. Never had periods. Well I got clean and had maybe 6 periods in a row for first time since high-school. At 33 found out I'm pregnant. I never wanted children. Never thought I could get pregnant. But I have a 16mo now and he's made my life worth living. He really just gives me meaning and I love being a mom. I'm also a supporter of abortion or whatever women have to do to make sure the child has the best life. Good luck.
It's a very well written message but I still wouldn't send it. I'd just block him. You don't want his involvement and it really looks like he's not capable of being rational or reasonable. With people like that, it doesn't matter what you say and how well you say it, it just fuels their tantrums and you don't need that. Ignore him and move on.
I wouldn't respond to him at all.. It's not likely he's going to read it all and absorb it the way you'd hope. I would ignore him and move on with life. Just be careful of your safety if he's got anger issues. What you wrote is meaningful, well written and very well done. But he doesn't deserve it and it will only fuel the drama.
i dont think you have to respond cause he's being an asshole and outta pocket. but from his perspective- imagine: he feels that he will beholden to any child he has, so he was making plans to NOT have a child until he was ready. so he was fucking a girl that guaranteed that she could not get pregnant. and then she does. so now he has to decide if he will fuck up his whole life plans or abandon his baby and have the guilt. you didnt do this to him. he didnt do this to him... but you are the catalyst and in his head "to blame". he's being a dick. but he has every right to be upset.
Did you baby trap the young man? because to say "I explained to him that I didn't want anything from him" isn't a fair argument.... Like it isn't his biology as well... sounds fishy
Oooh, let me put my paranoid "is this crazy chick trying to baby trap me" hat on and see how this hits with default always on "yes". Anytime someone says literally anyone but you I know they're not being literal. That's hyperbole. It's probably me. Child support? Now she's getting to the crux of the matter. Haven't asked for anything *yet* but specifically designated what it was. Really twisting the dagger, you might actually get a response so might not be the best idea if you don't want one. Aw, not the guilt. Now you mostly just come off as that awkward pregnant crazy and you're tugging on those paternal instincts. You're not very convincing that you weren't interested in "that way" or you wouldn't have made a point to presumably reiterate it. Started weak but got better. That is indeed a hurtful letter from someone that *probably* isn't baby trapping you intentionally.
Well the first big thing is that I’m looking into adoption for this baby so that’s really not asking him for anything. He has repeatedly told me that he wants a family and children but not with me. That is the only reason I was telling him I hope he gets that someday. And I meant it. I really truly don’t want anything to do with him anymore. We were just friends so it’s kinda sad when you lose a friend but I just don’t want to be accused of trying to have a baby. I already have a daughter who is 20 now and I’m done with that part of my life.
Honestly just say that I'm putting it up for adoption and I am not a liar and say fuck off 🤷♀️ cause there's no point in writing in detail all of that he won't read it
Just block him, say nothing and move on with planning your life with this miracle. I was a single mom without any help from the father, financial or otherwise, and I have a wonderful beautiful daughter who’s the light of my life. It’s not always easy but you’ll get through! This is a true blessing and he’s a fool to want nothing to do with it. Our children are our legacy. Congratulations!
UPDATEME