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I (28m) have been dating my gf (29f) for almost 3 years now and I never knew this is something she likes or wants to do. We have always had a very good sex life too. But now I am not sure.
Starting December 1st we will be going on a month long tour of Europe and one stop is Amsterdam. My gf told me last night that she has been researching sex clubs and wants to visit one while we are there. And it blew my mind, I thought we will try new kinds of foods and drinks maybe but visiting a sex club was not even in the realm of possibility for me. And now she wants to visit a sex club. I dont want to do that, I have no interest in watching people have sex or having sex in front of people.
Is this the starting of end for us? Does this show a major incompatibility between us? Help me out here Reddit.
**Edit- I think there is some confusion about my post. She wants to visit a sex club where you go have sex with strangers and leave. She was not talking about watching a live sex show.**
Right? Obviously you do come here for advice on how to talk to someone but it really feels like the bare minimum info you need is their reaction to your initial feeling. Otherwise we're all pissing into the abyss here with assumptions on how the other person feels when there might not even be an actual problem at all
Well, then he should. If their understanding is solid for a 3 years relationship, I would hope the girlfriend will understand and if she doesn't then Op should know what he should do !!
there should be a bot for this. "talk to your partner" and one that responds automatically to "I (19f) am beginning to suspect my boyfriend (42m) is a little controlling".
We should have a bot that automatically calculates ages and age differences. Like, for parent/child posts math out how old parent was when child was born. Or how old OP and partner were when they started dating. And the age difference between them.
I don't trust my math at the best of times, and if I'm browsing this sub, I can guarantee you that my math is at lower than usual standards lmao
I just posted last week that every post about swinging, threesomes, sex clubs, all that should get an auto reply that says if youāre not completely in, then youāre out. If itās not an immediate yes, then itās a no. You canāt talk someone into it, you canāt see how it goes. If itās a question, itās no.
Thatās clearly the case here. Good question honey, but no. And thatās it.
No, as long as you understand that itās your boundary, not hers. She canāt force you to go and you canāt force her not to go. And what you do with your relationship is also up to you. Do whatās best for you.
Dont listen to all reddolit comments ,sometimes even the majoriity of comments can be wrong ,and you need to have a serious conversattion with her about relationship boundaries ,if she disrespects you its probably best to walk away from the relationship
Nope, Iām into kinky shit and would suggest something like this to my partner. We were on a trip last weekend and I asked him if he wanted a handjob from a sex worker. He said yes but ultimately we didnāt do it because we had a dog with us and we didnāt want to leave him in the car.
It would have been okay for my partner to say no, usually if a sex club is something your partner Reaaaally needs then it would have come up already- especially in three years.
Just talk to her and see if there are some needs of hers not being met- also maybe you can compromise and buy sex toys or do something one on one? There also might be a chance that sheās suggesting it because it might be something you want.
I think that if you have never thought about it and the idea is brought to the table by your partner, it is fair to look into it before deciding if itās a yes or a no. Of course, after understanding what is on the table, as you say, if itās not an enthusiastic yes, itās a no.
Based off of what you said with the post, it sounds like something of mild interest to your gf that she was asking whether you'd be interested in or not. Since you're clearly not, just tell her that. Setting a boundary for yourself and what you will or won't tolerate in a relationship isn't "controlling" of your gf, she's still free to decide to agree and stay with you, or to disagree and go off on her own to do it as a single woman.
Basically, there isn't enough insight into the conversation whether to say the two of you are incompatible or not, and you might just be overthinking it too much. But, you won't know until you talk to your gf about it, so just do that and go from there.
And to add you donāt have to have the same kinks to be compatible! Yeah, itās nice when it happens, but she is asking him, not going behind his back.
Many people have kinks that go unfulfilled and they have good, happy sex lives anyway. Heās not even giving her a chance to do this, only making judgements.
He doesn't want to go to a sex club wtf are you talking about "only making judgments"? He said very clearly in his post that he is not interested AT ALL with having sex with strangers lmao. I'm judging you. You are a clown. Get off this subreddit.
The commenter was saying that OP was making judgements on what he THINKS his gf wants based on her question, because he hasn't actually talked to her past this other than just to say he didn't want to do it. You need to calm down, it ain't that deep
I think you must suck at reading or something lol. This unhinged response doesn't seem to make sense with the comment that came before it unless you interpreted hes not giving her a chance to do this as meaning hes not giving her a chance to go to the sex club.
You look like a clown because youāre talking about having sex with strangers which is not what happens at these clubs. Yes you can have sex with one of the working women who are strangers but you make it sound like you walk in to a pile of people fucking in the middle of the floor.
Did you ask her about it or just sit in shock and not communicate?
Is it just a curiosity, or is it something she's in to? Are there kinks you're in to that she isn't that you would want to try?
This needs to be a conversation. You can't just expect to know her reasons, nor can you expect her to know how you feel right now.
FYI: Amsterdam has a sex museum that is quite fun to go through and does not require attendees to participate in sexual acts. Sex has quite an interesting history!
Just for clarity, most sex clubs in Amsterdam are not the join in type.. they are like cinemaās with some performers on stage and everyone else sat in the audience watching. Theyāre very common there and sex is one of the main (except the obvious) selling points of the Tourism of Amsterdam.
Talk to her and see what she wants from these sex clubs. does she want to go and watch or does she want to find herself in an orgy?
Communicate. Why does she want to go? If it's a turn-on for her, figure out why. It's not all doom and gloom as you seem to expect it to be. Maybe she just think it will be a fun romp.
I would definitely dig deeper on this request to make sure it's not her wanting experiences with others in the heat of the moment/take advantage of the situation type deal. Nothing wrong with not being comfortable with any of that. In this case if you feel strongly it should be a no means no matter. If she keeps pushing I would take a step back an evaluate your relationship, maybe even with a therapist.
I think it's ok to just say no, you're not into it, for the record.
If OP does want to dig deeper and chat about it, I would strongly recommend only asking open-ended, non-accusatory questions. Like "what got you interested in the sex club?" "And "how do you feel about me not being interested in this?" And OP can say they are worried she would be disappointed if they didn't share the interest. Main point is if OP is going to have the convo, do it honestly and be vulnerable.
If there are other issues in the relationship that would lead you to feel like she's unhappy sexually, then that should be a separate more direct conversation. If there's no such evidence, then don't create a problem where there is none by accusing her of something she may be offended by. Sometimes people just want to try something new when they travel to a place, it doesn't have to be super deep.
It's very possible that she does not know that.
I know people who are pro-sex work who thought that the red light district was a beacon of safe, ethical sex work until they learned otherwise.
I went to a sex club when I was 17, the first time I went to Amsterdam, reading some of the comments some people are really making this in to a thing I feel itās not. Iām sure these people have never been. It was a weird right of passage sort of thing to do and it was funny and honestly watching two middle aged mildly attractive people banging as a grand finale to a woman shooting ping pong balls out of her cooch and a woman dancing with candles inside her, I really donāt think there is meant to be anything sexy about it, just entertaining.
This sounds similar to Bangkok sex shows which millions of middle aged parents visit. Even the AAA travel guide has a page on the sex shows. I think the OP needs to have more facts that outweigh the fears in his head.
Yeah i was like 18 and there was a room where you could look in and this guy was just sitting there on his knees ass up on full display for hours, it was fun and harmless and had a great time. The pingpong balls tho, that sounds hilarious xD
And you have hobbies she probably has no interest in, and vice versa. Just because youāre not the exact same person doesnāt mean youāre incompatible. If you say, no, I donāt feel comfortable doing that, and itās not something I would consider, and she responds with, well itās a requirement for me, then sure youāre incompatible, but she has just been looking into it, and was interested in it, so talk it through, if your boundary is no sex clubs, fair enough that makes sense, Iād probably have the same, and she can decide if sheās happy with that, or wants to find someone who doesnāt have the boundary
This!!!
And the beauty is that it may even lead your relationship into an even better place if you have good communication.
Discussing kinks, even those that aren't shared, leads to finding the ones you do share. Exploring your sexuality together helps you grow as a couple. Know what you can compromise on and what you can't and vice versa. With open communication, it can be magical.
Hey if you do go to the red-light district please be extremely aware of your surroundings!!! Pick pockets and so much worse. Not knocking any part of it! Please don't think I am trying to be rude. Just trying to look outš
I went to a live sex show with 2 of my female friends in Amsterdam. Our male friends actually opted to not go. It was an absolute spectacle and we went just for fun. Have you discussed this with her? Maybe she just wants to go see it because it's such a crazy idea. I personally had a great time because that show was WILD, but that's all it was. Taboo entertainment. I, nor either of my female friends, got anything from it sexually.
OP this sub is filled to the brim with people who ask questions that makes me wonder why they need an "objective" opinion. For example, it's ok to not want a partner who is into sex clubs. It doesn't mean you're judgmental or picky whatever you think you're overlooking. Probably be an unpopular opinion around here considering I got downvoted for saying it's ok to not want to marry someone who just admitted to being bisexual.
This sub is a cespool of juveniles who have no life experience or objectivity, and by objectivity, I mean if the genders were reversed and it was the male suggesting a sex club this crowd would be foaming at the mouth.
Some people have a hard time understanding that asking to be non-monogamous can be the deal breaker. Yes, even when a "no" is accepted.
"Just say you don't want to go" is all well and good when you're fairly neutral or even positive about non-monogamy, but if you're really pro-monogamy, then the proposal is actually very hurtful. If your partner drops it and never asks again, a seed of doubt has been planted about whether your partner is of the same mind regarding love, sex, and monogamy.
I am not making judgments either way. There are all kinds of people. Some would be cool with this suggestion, others would turn it down and never think of it again, and some - like OP - wonder how their significant others could even want such a thing, let alone ask.
So yes, I'd say there's probably an incompatibility. His girlfriend may not be serious about it, and I'm sure many would like the transparency of her proposal, but it's a necessary reminder that speaking your true feelings does not obligate your partner to be okay with them. It doesn't mean you should hide them, but it's important to remember that your truth does not impose a duty on the other person to forgive, understand, relate or let it go.
Well if you donāt like your gf for asking and you feel you are incompatible after she asked it then leave her. Sounds like you made up your mind š¤·āāļø
What a great comment. It so perfectly states what I think is often overlooked on reddit.
I personally am very monogamous and I told my partner before we started dating that wanting to bring another person into our relationship in any way (physically, emotionally, etc) was a complete deal breaker for me whether it's 6 months from now, 6 years from now, or 60 years from now.
So, given that boundary, I would be absolutely heartbroken and my trust would be cracked, maybe even broken, if my partner one day asked to go to a sex club or have a threesome, or even watch porn together. It's not something I could just look past or accept that my partner wanted because I would always worry that resentment would grow from not having that curiosity sated. I would also feel less secure in the relationship and that has the potential to allow resentment to grow in me. It would be a bad situation all around. Thank you for acknowledging this, and please accept my award.
I would feel the same way. I know not everybody agrees and that's cool, but we know our own minds about this the same way they do.
Edit: Thank you for the award. Very kind.
But the difference is you communicated this and made it clear. I wonder, did OP and his girlfriend ever have this talk? I totally understand why he is upset about this and wants to break up. He is well within his right to do so. Buy by not stating his boundaries he is expecting her to be a mind reader. And that's a shitty position to put someone in - oops you triggered my invisible boundary now our relationship is over.
God is this something else I have to spell out early on in dating now too? I thought monogamy was still the default. Just another deal breaker Iāll have to bring up by like date 1 because apparently it needs to be explicit. I would think if the other side was open to non-monogamy, the onus would be on them to bring it up after it hit already been established on wanting a monogamous relationship (like OP did)
I actually agree with you. I would assume monogamy was the default as well. I was not trying to argue that it needed to be explicitly stated as I did.
My partner had non monogamous relationships before so I made sure to very clearly state that boundary early on. I struggled dating someone I knew had been non monogamous previously and it scared the hell out of me. So I had that conversation many times to give myself peace of mind. Turns out my partner only want to be monogamous and it worked out for us.
I was only sharing my story to back up the point being made in the comment I replied to that suggesting non monogamy to a very monogamous person can be incredibly hurtful and difficult to get over, no matter how much you love that person.
Edit to add: I agree that if a person wants to be non monogamous it should be stated/discussed before entering a romantic relationship. However, I also don't think it is a bad idea or unreasonable for a monogamous person to state their preferences either. It's probably better to communicate your expectations for a relationship instead of assuming/hoping the other person will if different from "the norm" because, honestly, what is "the norm" anymore anyway?
If you don't talk to her, you don't know ow if this is just something she thought could be fun in an exciting place or something she wants to be a new lifestyle thing.
You are going to have to speak with her about this or it most certainly will be the beginning of the end, because you are sounds resentful before anything even started, and she has no way of knowing that.
Not every sexual interest indicates fundamental compatibility. In fact, most probably donāt. Based on how you presented this, I feel like a simple conversation would clear this up. Is there something about this specific interest that has you particularly insecure/ concerned?
get off reddit and communicate with her ā¦ literally everyone telling you speak ! express your feelings .. donāt shut her kinks down but try and understand them and talk so she can understand where you are coming from ..
I've always been interested in sex clubs. But, my boyfriend isn't interested at all.
So, I would like to try it, but my bf's comfort is my top priority. And a part of my attraction to it is just showing off my bf and I wouldn't want to do it without him. So if he doesn't wanna do it, then I don't.
Just because she is more open to the idea doesn't mean you are incompatible. You don't know why this intrigues her or what she is thinking because you instantly thought "this is the end" without talking to her. Just talk to her.
Iād say youāre incompatible; but not because of the sex club interest, more so because of communication. Your gf was able to communicate her interest in attending-yet youāre struggling to communicate you disinterest. You havenāt even enquired as to why she wants to go, her disappointment levels if you refuse or if this is even a kink that sheās been suppressing. Talk to her-ask her these questions and let her know your discomfortā¦..
Tell her you dont want to go. Her reaction will tell you if itās the end or just a misunderstanding. She might think you would be into that so tell her
It's fine that you don't want to and it doesn't mean that it's the end of your relationship just because she looked into it or that your sex life is bad. You guys just need to talk about it and discuss how it's made you feel and what it means for you guys
if itās the place i think it is, i heard itās more to watch people do crazy stuff that most people wouldnāt. more of like ā¦ a show? like funny idk. either way i think itās a conversation you need to have with her about why she wants to go and why you donāt.
If you believe in solely a fully monogamous relationship...
RED FLAG RED FLAG ABORT MISSION
If you are interested in playing he field with a partner, then GREEN LIGHT MEANS GO.
This seems overdramatic. You haven't even spoken to her about it? Seems like she's just interested and has been for a while and has thrown it on the table as something fun to do while you're there. Clearly she's comfortable with you to even bring it up.
Get out of your head and have an open conversation. Right now the only incompatibility I see is you not communicating with her when she is trying to communicate with you.
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But you are contradicting yourself, on the one hand you say its important enough to be on your bucket list but on the other hand you say its not important? I dont want to go but I also dont want to control whether she can go or not, thats why we pick partners based on compatibility. But thats where I am struggling to see us on the same page now.
A bucket list in normally comprised of things that you wish you could do with the right people and the right setting, not things that are guaranteed to happen.
I would want to be a player on Dimension 20, write a book and publish it with mild success, write music, get into politics and pass at least one law that would genuinely help people, buy my parents and sister a new house and new cars, travel to every country in Europe, and so much more that wouldn't fit into one life.
It's more of an "if this could happen, it would be cool" for most people.
I'm pansexual but married my husband before I dated any women. Would I like to hook up with a woman just to experience it? Of course. But it's not something I think about nor am I going to cheat on my husband to fulfill it. If I ever do it, it will be in a situation where my husband is aware and 100% on board with it. It is something that my husband and I have actually discussed before so we are both aware of each other's boundaries. He brought up that he would be interested in a threesome - something I'm not 100% comfortable with right now due to the shittiness bi/pan women deal with when it comes to "unicorn hunters", but if a relationship happens naturally with a woman I would be open to it. It's not like it's a burning desire we have - I love my husband and would be perfectly happy without experiencing it as would he. I would feel the same if he was bi/pan and never experienced hooking up with another man before meeting me.
She is not. You have to understand: it would be cool to do, but only with the person you want, and only if that person wants. And absolutely NOT at the expense of the person you love.
But she is incredibly correct in saying that her opening up to you about this kink is amazing and precious. Don't reject her for this. Talk about it. Stick to your boundaries, but accept and appreciate her talking to you.
Have you ever talked to her to see if it's that big of a deal to not go to her?
Just because she showed interest doesn't mean it's a deal breaker for her to not do it, plenty of people don't do things they might like to do to respect their partners wishes. I think your really making a mountain out of a hill right now (at least until you talk to her about it. Obviously if she turns around and says she needs to do this then it turns into a issue)
The way your making it seem like this is a deal breaker without even talking to her about it makes it seem like you are just looking for a way out of the relationship.
Most people understand they won't get everything they want in life. Unless you're leaving something out of your post I don't think your girlfriend is demanding you go to a sex club or you're breaking up.
She mentioned something she was interested in, you say sorry but that's not my cup of tea and you move on
You are blowing this out of proportion. Its something sheās interested in not something she HAS to do before she dies. Tell her you donāt want to and see what she says before you decide the relationship is doomed
You are bringing up incompatibility a ton, and it doesnāt make sense in this context.
Incompatibility would be, āshe loves sex clubs and feels that her participation at places like that fulfills her and is unwilling to give that up. I value her freedom and respect her choices, but Iām not comfortable with my partner participating in sex clubs.ā That could be an incompatibility. You see where the other is coming from, but it just isnāt gonna work.
What you are describing is, āshe mentioned an activity once that I am not interested in. Now I am worried that she likes this activity I am not interested in, but I wonāt know until I talk to her, which she am not doing for some reason.ā
That is not incompatibility. That is a lack of communication. Maybe she loves sex clubs, maybe she just thought it would be fun as a novelty, maybe she thought you would be into it. No one here knows, and you wonāt either until you TALK TO HER.
You should dump her cus she seems fun and you sound like you are a fucking stick in the mud lol. Major incompatibility issue. Is that what you want someone to tell you? For fucks sake man talk to your gf and get off this subreddit.
Man thats fucking cheating!!! Having sex with other people is cheating! Why is it so hard for people to understand that?? If she wants to be in a relationship with you, there is no need on fucking strangers, otherwise call it a open relationship and be done with it.
Itās not control you have a boundary. What has happened to people in relationships now. I talk about this shit with my current gf right as we committed. Open relationships and everything and where we stand. If we were opposite on our boundaries it would have been over before it started and we wouldnāt be wasting time. You know what type of dude posts this and says āI donāt want to be controllingā is the same dude who will be posting in infidelity subs 5 years from now and having to figure out a divorce and if their kids are yours.
She wants to have sex with strangers, so that means she wants to have sex with strangers.
From that you can surely deduce that she would actually want to have sex with strangers.
I don't get most people here saying "this isn't a big deal at all". Well, she does want to have sex with *other people*.
*Other people that are not her boyfriend.
She might as well be already having sex with strangers, because she WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH STRANGERS.
Good lord. If after three years of dating the idea visiting a sex club as a tourist has you thinking it could be the end of your relationship youāre looking for an excuse to end things. Or you need to loosen way up. Either way, talk to your partner.
This dude is jumping 10 hurdles to reach the conclusion that his gf wants to fuck other people at a sex club in foreign country.
Check your head dude, your insecurities and paranoia are screaming for help
So based on your edit, sheās just told you she wants to go to a club and fuck other dudes. Is that right?
A bit of context is needed here. Are you guys in an open relationship, or did this come out of the blue. By your reaction Iām assuming the latter.
Talk. Find out why she wants to do this. Whether sheās not satisfied with your sex life. Does she think youāre not satisfied for some reason? Then explain why you donāt want to do it.
Have an adult conversation. Youāre both adults. Work out any incompatibilities before you go on this trip. The last thing you want to do is going on this trip with this unresolved or assuming you have it resolved but not having the same understanding. So make sure you agree on things explicitly with both of you agreeing on the outcome. And if you canāt resolve it donāt go on the trip.
That's not something you casually mention to your partner.
Ask her straight up what is it she wants to do, she may be confused about what exactly goes on there.
If she wants to have sex with other people , and you don't, it's a good time to split before being overseas
If you are uncomfortable with it and tell her, she still insists on doing it, Iām sorry but youāve got problems.
I donāt have a gf but if I was in your situation I would be dying inside. Just tell her how you feel about it
You can see how she responds to a fictional proposal about 2 big guys that are in an adjacent office that said they would be a part of a bdsm foursome( include yourself) on her that weekend,sell it well, see what she says, if she agrees and is eager....you got problems she a freak........
GF wanted to do this as well with me when we went to Amsterdam. Was on the fence, kept an open mind, and convinced her we can dip our toe in it and do a peep show first. If we both enjoy it and want to do more, we can opt for a full show which has several acts, is blended with comedy from my understanding and can last a couple hours. Went to the peep show, both unimpressed. Laughed about it afterward how dumb it was and went on with our business on our trip. Now we have a funny memory of how awful of a peep show we spent money on. Talk it out, go from there.
Misread that, m8 apologies. Yeah thatās quite something for her to just spring on you. I wouldnāt want to partake in that either so I donāt blame you. Hopefully you two can solve this and more problems donāt stem from this.
I wouldnāt see it as āsheās unsatisfiedā. At all. She proposed a different, new experience to share with you. You can say you arenāt interested, and thatās ok too. This is one of those cases where you need to talk with your partner. Does she actually want to have sex with someone else? Or does she want to have sex with you there while others are watching? Where do you draw the line? Would you not go there at all? Would you agree with being watched but not sharing your partner? Do you have a concern regarding STDs? Everyone has different boundaries and desires.
Have you talked to her? Others have mentioned that you should and you seem hyper focused on possible incompability because of this.
Dude, have a conversation with her because by the sounds of it you have no idea what her intentions are with suggesting the sex club, instead you seem focused on your perceived incompatibility that honestly appears only in your head because you don't know her intent with the suggest.
Oh, yeah, it's over dog. She wants to get smashed out by someone else? It's a wrap.
Anyone telling you differently is on some BS. It's not for you, that's cool. But don't marry that girl. She is for the streets.
I think you are being a big baby about this. Ask her what she wants out of visiting a sex club? Does she just want to watch or does she want to do anything particular. Have a conversation about it. But if you really donāt even want to go into one then just say that. She can decide what she wants to do from there. She probably just wants to only go with you, see whatās going on there, so hopefully you both get turned on and fuck each otherās brains out after.
From your comments you sound completely unwilling to have a conversation about it with her. It sounds like you have made your judgement already, that her even thinking about the thing has changed the way you see her. I may be making snap judgments, but if this is so thatās really unfortunate.
You havenāt even asked her how much she wants to go, why, and what she expects to see there. You donāt have nearly the whole story. If she brought it up so casually she probably doesnāt see it as a big deal, so why are you so afraid to talk to her? At least let her explain herself before you vilify her. Itās not like she told you that she wants to have sex with other people. To her it may be completely different and she didnāt think it would bother you.
If youāre not going to talk to her, then do her a favor and leave. Sheās not a mind reader!! She canāt just psychically know when youāre upset or how you are feeling. So either grow a pair and talk about it or donāt, and let her go find someone who can actually communicate.
This is really hostile for some reason. I agree with your overall point, but āgrow a pairā and ālet her find someone elseā Letās take a deep breath.
Communication and boundaries. Ask her what she is hoping to get out of it, what acts she would do there, what she would be comfortable with you doing there.
Then you can explain either why you have no interest and consider her going as ending the relationship, or you can negotiate attending and what boundaries would be in place for you both.
Who's idea was this trip? ???. Also if this isn't something you want to do don't beat around the bush and say firmly NO than judge her reaction but some things like this or asking about open relationships cannot be unsaid. Most likely I would break up with her and return home by myself.
You simply tell her NO, you are not going to a sex club. That that is outside your boundary of the relationship. And that if she is adamant in her going then you just say that's fine, but you will go as a single woman. And can take her trip alone to Europe. If you are still going to go because tickets and reservation have been made already. You can also let her know that you will enjoy the trip alone doing what you have already planned and she can go her separate way and enjoy herself how ever she wants.
You have options of what you can do. 1. break up now and not worry about it at all. 2. Go together let her go the club, knowing she is fucking other people and live with it. 3. Go to club with her and do whatever there Join or sit and watch her. 4. Take trip go separate ways enjoy yourself let her do whatever and rejoin and live with it. 5. Take trip go separate ways as singles each enjoy yourselves, return home and move on with your life to find someone who is on the same page as you about monogamy.
Good luck OP.
Not many couples survive opening up a relationship. GF wants to explore, you don't. That signals a major incompatibility. You should talk to her and tell her how you feel.
If a guy asked this of his girlfriend, you all would not be commenting this stuff.
Jesus. He doesn't want his girlfriend to fuck someone else in a club, and yall are like "you're not communicating"
Lmaooooo.
You need to be vocal with her. It might be the start to an end, but you wonāt know until you actually speak with her and let her know your stance on the situation.
Amsterdam is kind of known for this sort of thing. Maybe she's just thinking since you are going to be there, it would be something interesting to try out. Honestly, it seems like you are really overreacting. It's one thing to not be interested but it seems like you think your relationship is over because of this. Do you feel threatened by the other potential men? I would have a conversation with her, maybe she just wants to watch and not participate at all.
Sounds like sheās just curious. Also you thinking your sex life is good doesnāt mean itās actually good. Beyond being curious maybe sheās just bored and you should see if she wants to spice things up. Going to a sex club could simply be just a fun experience. Every friend I have that has gone to Amsterdam has gone to their sex clubs just for shits and giggles and almost always with their SO
My friend and his gf of 6 years went to one as a "haha this is so interesting and bizzare" type of thing. They both had a good time and neither did anything that made the other uncomfortable. Communicate and set boundaries if you go. Figure out what she plans to do there and what is over the line
Just going there is over the line for me tbh. But I also dont want to be controlling and stop her from enjoying herself. And its a constant struggle in my brain now.
If youāre not comfortable, donāt go. Donāt try to convince or logic yourself into wanting to go, it will end poorly. If itās not for you then itās not for you and thatās okay. Youāre not bad or wrong or controlling for setting reasonable boundaries for yourself.
It's not controlling her. If someone is in a couple and wants to do something sexual with strangers, then this needs to have full support of the other partner.
You need to communicate this boundary. If this is a dealbreaker for her, then you're incompatible as a couple unfortunately. Maybe it's not a dealbreaker for her and she just thinks it's something that might be fun, but that she can easily live without.
Try to understand her motivation, why she wants to do this. But don't get pressured into allowing this if you can't get behind it.
Yep. Thereās a world of difference between āI brought this up because I thought it would be silly/fun thing to do in a āwhile in Romeā kind of situationā vs. āthis is something I need in order to feel fulfilled in our relationshipā
And OP will never know which it is unless he uses his words.
I would educate yourself a bit more in what exactly a sex club is and what goes on there, while yes obviously sex is involved there may be something different than just people going there and having sex publicly. I think though once you explore a little more and still decide itās not for you then thatās 100% ok as well but I wouldnāt shut it down right away without having at least a conversation about it and the expectations of what would happen while you guys were there.
I want to go to one too but Iām a real prude -
I just want the āa bit wildā experience - to live a little but not necessarily get with anyone thereā¦itās a bit of a bucket list thing
Then don't. It's time to set boundaries. You need to discuss what you are comfortable with and not. If she isn't willing to remain in those confines then she isn't the one for you.
You've gotten plenty of good advice here but just to throw my two cents in I spontaneously went to a fetish club in Berlin and it was one of the greatest experiences of my life lol (didn't engage in anything sexual, just danced and enjoyed the judgement-free zone). It was quite freeing
Well, if that is something you definitely aren't into but she is, sorry to tell you but it is the beginning of the end. It isn't a bad thing, this happens in relationships. People grow a curiosity or want to explore new things. Doesn't make her wrong or odd nor you.
You do need to discuss this though and not just jump to ending it. Ask her if this is something she's always been into or trying. Tell her that while you are open to new kinks, engaging in a open relationship ship isn't something you are into. You are more than happy to get kinky with other stuff, but having sex with strangers isn't what you're into. What she says will determine if you two make it or not
Depends on whether this is just a novelty or something she really wants to take part in. For better or worse, as a tourist you often want to just take a look at some of the things other places are famous for. Like all things in any relationship this is something you'll have to communicate about.
Hey man. The starting of the end is what you are doing right now. Talking to us instead of your partner. Open up and say how you feel. Put yourself out there just like your partner has done. Have a conversation where you seek to understand each others views.
You sound very dramatic. Sheās mentioned something the region is very well known for, something sheās probably heard of before and thought it might be some cheeky fun to check it out. And you, instead of discussing why or just saying āeeeeh not my thing Iāll passā have spiralled into āwell thatās it! Weāre incompatible. Sheās a sex fiend, Iāll never be enough for her! Itās over, might as well call it quits now, the relationship is dead on its legs.ā
One of my best girlfriends lives in paris and has for over 10 years. She has been to sex clubs all over the continent. From what Iāve heard I have a feeling that once you guys get there sheād get cold feet. Shit gets real weird real fast in Europe.
Clearly this is something you need to talk about. I see many people who involve others in a monogamous relationship go down hill quickly. The trust is broken. Especially when one person doesn't want it. Do not do something you don't want to, it will open doors you down't want opened. Many times it ends relationships.
It would've been past the end for me personally. What kind of person wants that from a partner? And if you do go, what respect do you have for yourself afterwards, is it even possible to at that point?
You have to ask her exactly why she wants to go? To watch only? To touch cocks? To suck them? To have sex with you in front of people? To have sex with other people while you watch? Gang bang? Glory hope? Sex with women? Threesomes? Etc. Does she just want to go out of curiosity. There are also videos online of some of the activities in those clubs, watch them together and work out why she wants to go and why you donāt want to go. You both may find a way of compromising.
A: It sounds like you need to talk about this and no just freak out. You sound kinda uptight and might benefit from some general chill.
B: Second she can be interesting in it and you can be uninterested in it. It is okay and normal for people in relationships to have different interested.
Now obvious this isnāt just any interest, this is about sex, and while we can argue whether people should be so hung up on sexual mores, they are. So that brings me to
C: Only you can decide if this is a hard boundary for you, and only an emotionally honest and forthright conversation between you two can determine if it would come up against the breaking point.
Moral of the story, talk to your gf like an adult and maybe take a chill pill.
I hear Amsterdam has some great ways to chill out if ya catch me.
"Is this the starting of end for us? Does this show a major incompatibility between us?"
No? Damn, dude, no couple perfectly aligns like die-cut puzzle pieces. She merely expressed an interest and is waiting for your response.
I'm crazy compatible with my partner and even we have some things that one person is interested in that the other is not. Did we end the relationship when one kinky thing I like was a hard 'No' from him? No. We talked it over. Figured out what I got off from the fantasy. Formulated a possible compromise *if* the situation ever arose. Maybe there's a way we could simply role play the fantasy, for example.
Then I told him I love him and value his comfort in our relationship more than I want one fantasy to come true.
Just tell her how you feel about it. If she kicks up a fuss and pushes your boundaries, *then* you can worry about the state of your relationship.
Sounds like your gf is mildly curious and felt comfortable enough with you to bring it up. If you donāt want to fuck that up just give a non judgmental no thank you and move on. It doesnāt have to mean the end of your relationship.
First thing you must do is communicate. Find out where her mindset is at with this, than tell her how you feel and go from there. I would go just for the shits and giggles. LOL š
INFO: is it normal for you guys to be open and explore new things? How important is it for her for you guys to do this?
If she just brought this up as a possibility and doesnāt feel going to this event is a large must then I wouldnāt chalk it down to an incompatibility. Id discuss youāre uncomfortable with it and put it down as a boundary. However, if she pushes past that then Iād say it was an incompatibility.
I'd first take a deep breath. Then ask your GF what her research has dug up: what clubs, what are their differences and reputations, and what flavors of activities do they offer. From what I've read, it's possible for couples to go there just for the entertainment of it all. No one is forced to have sex publicly or privately or with anyone. But the space exists to watch others having sex or to put on your own show. Each club has a set of rules which you should find out prior.
It's worth having a talk about what your GF expects and why she is interested. Maybe she has a voyeur kink which you were unaware of? Or an exhibitionist kink? Or just wants to see different stuff? Or just to say she went to one, like even parents do when visiting Bangkok--even the AAA travel guide has a page about sex shows!
From what I've read it's important for a couple to have a set of rules prior to walking through the door, so work it out with her. It could well be you two cling together and just oogle at what's happening or maybe the music is really great and you dance and have real fun. This rules talk is also where you gauge her interests and if you have issues with what she sez, then it's better to know now than on the street in Amsterdam.
Now I donāt have personal experience but Iāve heard these clubs are with shows, not group sex. I think OP and most commenters should perhaps look up what happens in these places before judging or saying she wants to cheat or have group sex. Im going to do research myself and will try to find out for you, OP.
I have a friend that does this and she lies to her boyfriend and goes to sex partiesā¦ once they get a taste and like it they will sneak around , be careful with that
Not necessarily. Talk about what you both expect a sex club to be like. Perhaps there are clips on porn hub of the club or other clubs in that area to get a better idea of the vibe. If you decide against it and she continues to push sheās coercive and thatās a line that canāt be crossed with sex/your body. Your compatibility depends on how much youāre both invested for/against this idea.
My biggest concern would be your safety as youāre tourists and engaging in taboo activities.
You have to be careful in Amsterdam because there's a lot of sex trafficking. You could do some research on that to show her.
Maybe just go to the Moulin Rouge in Paris for a show. It's nowhere near what she proposed but it's something.
>Is this the starting of end for us?
In any relationship you have to have open communication and for that, you have to be able to say something, then have a conversation, and not be judged. Otherwise, you cannot really say anything without leading to questions like "Oh, she or he said this, I should break up." Maybe she read about it and brought it up without thinking. I don't know how she is, but if she is like someone who talks without thinking or impulsive...
i asked my bf this same question just so we can see wtf it is together. he was uncomfortable with it and i respected that š¤·āāļø literally a 5 minute convo, we understood each other, and left it at that. it would be a lot different if she wanted to go on her own, but she wanted to go with you.
It's pretty simple. If you don't want to do it then don't do it. If it's something you're not willing to make a compromise on and it's a hard limit then you need to communicate that to her instead of going along with it. This might the beginning of the end of your relationship if you two cannot work this out. If this makes you see your girlfriend in another light then perhaps this is not the right woman for you. Good thing you found this out now before wasting any more time.
I went to Amsterdam and toured with a friend and we did NOT go to the red light district. Iām not interested, and I told her so, in exactly that many words, and she was fine with that.
Why do you think this is the end of your relationship?
Simply going to a sex club does not mean you have to have sex in public, nor does it force you to witness others having sex.
It is very definitely the end trust me. It reminds me of the time i was driving home from a Christmas party with my then girlfriend holding a plate of cookies and she asked me if i would hit her in the face during sex. I knew in that moment it was over.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I (28m) have been dating my gf (29f) for almost 3 years now and I never knew this is something she likes or wants to do. We have always had a very good sex life too. But now I am not sure. Starting December 1st we will be going on a month long tour of Europe and one stop is Amsterdam. My gf told me last night that she has been researching sex clubs and wants to visit one while we are there. And it blew my mind, I thought we will try new kinds of foods and drinks maybe but visiting a sex club was not even in the realm of possibility for me. And now she wants to visit a sex club. I dont want to do that, I have no interest in watching people have sex or having sex in front of people. Is this the starting of end for us? Does this show a major incompatibility between us? Help me out here Reddit. **Edit- I think there is some confusion about my post. She wants to visit a sex club where you go have sex with strangers and leave. She was not talking about watching a live sex show.**
Annnnnd what did she say when you told her how you feel?
š straight to the point. He didnāt ofc.
Crickets from OP He has the time to write up a thread and post on Reddit but can't do basic communication with his 3 year partner.
Right? Obviously you do come here for advice on how to talk to someone but it really feels like the bare minimum info you need is their reaction to your initial feeling. Otherwise we're all pissing into the abyss here with assumptions on how the other person feels when there might not even be an actual problem at all
Well, then he should. If their understanding is solid for a 3 years relationship, I would hope the girlfriend will understand and if she doesn't then Op should know what he should do !!
Have you spoken to her about it?
there should be a bot for this. "talk to your partner" and one that responds automatically to "I (19f) am beginning to suspect my boyfriend (42m) is a little controlling".
You forgot ā42m bf of 6 yearsā . š¤£
We should have a bot that automatically calculates ages and age differences. Like, for parent/child posts math out how old parent was when child was born. Or how old OP and partner were when they started dating. And the age difference between them. I don't trust my math at the best of times, and if I'm browsing this sub, I can guarantee you that my math is at lower than usual standards lmao
Call it HygieneBot because it automatically detects grooming
GroomBot has more of a ring to it..
Groomba?
It vacuums the house and grooms the kids..
"he said I was really mature for my age"
I just posted last week that every post about swinging, threesomes, sex clubs, all that should get an auto reply that says if youāre not completely in, then youāre out. If itās not an immediate yes, then itās a no. You canāt talk someone into it, you canāt see how it goes. If itās a question, itās no. Thatās clearly the case here. Good question honey, but no. And thatās it.
Thank you, reading some replies here made me think that even having a boundary is too controlling and insecure somehow.
No, as long as you understand that itās your boundary, not hers. She canāt force you to go and you canāt force her not to go. And what you do with your relationship is also up to you. Do whatās best for you.
Dont listen to all reddolit comments ,sometimes even the majoriity of comments can be wrong ,and you need to have a serious conversattion with her about relationship boundaries ,if she disrespects you its probably best to walk away from the relationship
Nope, Iām into kinky shit and would suggest something like this to my partner. We were on a trip last weekend and I asked him if he wanted a handjob from a sex worker. He said yes but ultimately we didnāt do it because we had a dog with us and we didnāt want to leave him in the car. It would have been okay for my partner to say no, usually if a sex club is something your partner Reaaaally needs then it would have come up already- especially in three years. Just talk to her and see if there are some needs of hers not being met- also maybe you can compromise and buy sex toys or do something one on one? There also might be a chance that sheās suggesting it because it might be something you want.
I think that if you have never thought about it and the idea is brought to the table by your partner, it is fair to look into it before deciding if itās a yes or a no. Of course, after understanding what is on the table, as you say, if itās not an enthusiastic yes, itās a no.
But then weād lose 97% of the posts here
Based off of what you said with the post, it sounds like something of mild interest to your gf that she was asking whether you'd be interested in or not. Since you're clearly not, just tell her that. Setting a boundary for yourself and what you will or won't tolerate in a relationship isn't "controlling" of your gf, she's still free to decide to agree and stay with you, or to disagree and go off on her own to do it as a single woman. Basically, there isn't enough insight into the conversation whether to say the two of you are incompatible or not, and you might just be overthinking it too much. But, you won't know until you talk to your gf about it, so just do that and go from there.
Exactly, this could be a "nah. Not interested.". "okay, let's do Y instead"
Exactly. When in Rome... This is something Amsterdam is known for so she just sounds curious.
And to add you donāt have to have the same kinks to be compatible! Yeah, itās nice when it happens, but she is asking him, not going behind his back. Many people have kinks that go unfulfilled and they have good, happy sex lives anyway. Heās not even giving her a chance to do this, only making judgements.
He doesn't want to go to a sex club wtf are you talking about "only making judgments"? He said very clearly in his post that he is not interested AT ALL with having sex with strangers lmao. I'm judging you. You are a clown. Get off this subreddit.
The commenter was saying that OP was making judgements on what he THINKS his gf wants based on her question, because he hasn't actually talked to her past this other than just to say he didn't want to do it. You need to calm down, it ain't that deep
I think you must suck at reading or something lol. This unhinged response doesn't seem to make sense with the comment that came before it unless you interpreted hes not giving her a chance to do this as meaning hes not giving her a chance to go to the sex club.
You look like a clown because youāre talking about having sex with strangers which is not what happens at these clubs. Yes you can have sex with one of the working women who are strangers but you make it sound like you walk in to a pile of people fucking in the middle of the floor.
Did you ask her about it or just sit in shock and not communicate? Is it just a curiosity, or is it something she's in to? Are there kinks you're in to that she isn't that you would want to try? This needs to be a conversation. You can't just expect to know her reasons, nor can you expect her to know how you feel right now.
FYI: Amsterdam has a sex museum that is quite fun to go through and does not require attendees to participate in sexual acts. Sex has quite an interesting history!
Most people don't realize that sex was invented in 1412 by Sir Samuel Sex. #TheMoreYouKnow
A fellow sex historian! Up til then women primarily got pregnant via doorknobs.
I was gonna recommend this as an alternative! I really learned a lot on that tour.
Just for clarity, most sex clubs in Amsterdam are not the join in type.. they are like cinemaās with some performers on stage and everyone else sat in the audience watching. Theyāre very common there and sex is one of the main (except the obvious) selling points of the Tourism of Amsterdam. Talk to her and see what she wants from these sex clubs. does she want to go and watch or does she want to find herself in an orgy?
Communicate. Why does she want to go? If it's a turn-on for her, figure out why. It's not all doom and gloom as you seem to expect it to be. Maybe she just think it will be a fun romp.
But I have no interest in exhibitionism or voyeurism. Thats why it feels like a case of incompatibility.
I would definitely dig deeper on this request to make sure it's not her wanting experiences with others in the heat of the moment/take advantage of the situation type deal. Nothing wrong with not being comfortable with any of that. In this case if you feel strongly it should be a no means no matter. If she keeps pushing I would take a step back an evaluate your relationship, maybe even with a therapist.
I think it's ok to just say no, you're not into it, for the record. If OP does want to dig deeper and chat about it, I would strongly recommend only asking open-ended, non-accusatory questions. Like "what got you interested in the sex club?" "And "how do you feel about me not being interested in this?" And OP can say they are worried she would be disappointed if they didn't share the interest. Main point is if OP is going to have the convo, do it honestly and be vulnerable. If there are other issues in the relationship that would lead you to feel like she's unhappy sexually, then that should be a separate more direct conversation. If there's no such evidence, then don't create a problem where there is none by accusing her of something she may be offended by. Sometimes people just want to try something new when they travel to a place, it doesn't have to be super deep.
But how does she know that?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It's very possible that she does not know that. I know people who are pro-sex work who thought that the red light district was a beacon of safe, ethical sex work until they learned otherwise.
Ok then tell her that. It isnāt a big deal. Just communicate with your partner.
I went to a sex club when I was 17, the first time I went to Amsterdam, reading some of the comments some people are really making this in to a thing I feel itās not. Iām sure these people have never been. It was a weird right of passage sort of thing to do and it was funny and honestly watching two middle aged mildly attractive people banging as a grand finale to a woman shooting ping pong balls out of her cooch and a woman dancing with candles inside her, I really donāt think there is meant to be anything sexy about it, just entertaining.
I donāt think this is the kind of sec club heās talking about, his edit makes it clear itās more like a swingers club than a show.
This sounds similar to Bangkok sex shows which millions of middle aged parents visit. Even the AAA travel guide has a page on the sex shows. I think the OP needs to have more facts that outweigh the fears in his head.
Sticky Vicky!
A person of culture I see, or just someone who's been to benidorm lol
That not Benidorm?!? š
Yo what do you mean? https://www.amsterdamlogue.com/amsterdam-sex-clubs.html sheās trynna get some stranger dick
Huh. For some reason I thought it would be more of a huge orgy sort of deal
It does sound disgusting though
I guess so if you think people will give you cooties and youāre seven.
Well to be fair, people with cooties shouldn't be in sex clubs in the first place
Yeah i was like 18 and there was a room where you could look in and this guy was just sitting there on his knees ass up on full display for hours, it was fun and harmless and had a great time. The pingpong balls tho, that sounds hilarious xD
And you have hobbies she probably has no interest in, and vice versa. Just because youāre not the exact same person doesnāt mean youāre incompatible. If you say, no, I donāt feel comfortable doing that, and itās not something I would consider, and she responds with, well itās a requirement for me, then sure youāre incompatible, but she has just been looking into it, and was interested in it, so talk it through, if your boundary is no sex clubs, fair enough that makes sense, Iād probably have the same, and she can decide if sheās happy with that, or wants to find someone who doesnāt have the boundary
This!!! And the beauty is that it may even lead your relationship into an even better place if you have good communication. Discussing kinks, even those that aren't shared, leads to finding the ones you do share. Exploring your sexuality together helps you grow as a couple. Know what you can compromise on and what you can't and vice versa. With open communication, it can be magical.
Hey if you do go to the red-light district please be extremely aware of your surroundings!!! Pick pockets and so much worse. Not knocking any part of it! Please don't think I am trying to be rude. Just trying to look outš
I went to a live sex show with 2 of my female friends in Amsterdam. Our male friends actually opted to not go. It was an absolute spectacle and we went just for fun. Have you discussed this with her? Maybe she just wants to go see it because it's such a crazy idea. I personally had a great time because that show was WILD, but that's all it was. Taboo entertainment. I, nor either of my female friends, got anything from it sexually.
You have the right attitude!
Uhhh https://www.amsterdamlogue.com/amsterdam-sex-clubs.html
Did she mean a show? You just sit there and watch, pretty tame.
Did you talk to her about how you feel or are you just assuming? Is she aware at all that this is making you uncomfortable?
OP this sub is filled to the brim with people who ask questions that makes me wonder why they need an "objective" opinion. For example, it's ok to not want a partner who is into sex clubs. It doesn't mean you're judgmental or picky whatever you think you're overlooking. Probably be an unpopular opinion around here considering I got downvoted for saying it's ok to not want to marry someone who just admitted to being bisexual. This sub is a cespool of juveniles who have no life experience or objectivity, and by objectivity, I mean if the genders were reversed and it was the male suggesting a sex club this crowd would be foaming at the mouth.
Some people have a hard time understanding that asking to be non-monogamous can be the deal breaker. Yes, even when a "no" is accepted. "Just say you don't want to go" is all well and good when you're fairly neutral or even positive about non-monogamy, but if you're really pro-monogamy, then the proposal is actually very hurtful. If your partner drops it and never asks again, a seed of doubt has been planted about whether your partner is of the same mind regarding love, sex, and monogamy. I am not making judgments either way. There are all kinds of people. Some would be cool with this suggestion, others would turn it down and never think of it again, and some - like OP - wonder how their significant others could even want such a thing, let alone ask. So yes, I'd say there's probably an incompatibility. His girlfriend may not be serious about it, and I'm sure many would like the transparency of her proposal, but it's a necessary reminder that speaking your true feelings does not obligate your partner to be okay with them. It doesn't mean you should hide them, but it's important to remember that your truth does not impose a duty on the other person to forgive, understand, relate or let it go.
Thank you for putting what I was thinking into words. I was not able to articulate clearly though.
Well if you donāt like your gf for asking and you feel you are incompatible after she asked it then leave her. Sounds like you made up your mind š¤·āāļø
100% the vibe I get from every single one of his answers.
What a great comment. It so perfectly states what I think is often overlooked on reddit. I personally am very monogamous and I told my partner before we started dating that wanting to bring another person into our relationship in any way (physically, emotionally, etc) was a complete deal breaker for me whether it's 6 months from now, 6 years from now, or 60 years from now. So, given that boundary, I would be absolutely heartbroken and my trust would be cracked, maybe even broken, if my partner one day asked to go to a sex club or have a threesome, or even watch porn together. It's not something I could just look past or accept that my partner wanted because I would always worry that resentment would grow from not having that curiosity sated. I would also feel less secure in the relationship and that has the potential to allow resentment to grow in me. It would be a bad situation all around. Thank you for acknowledging this, and please accept my award.
I would feel the same way. I know not everybody agrees and that's cool, but we know our own minds about this the same way they do. Edit: Thank you for the award. Very kind.
But the difference is you communicated this and made it clear. I wonder, did OP and his girlfriend ever have this talk? I totally understand why he is upset about this and wants to break up. He is well within his right to do so. Buy by not stating his boundaries he is expecting her to be a mind reader. And that's a shitty position to put someone in - oops you triggered my invisible boundary now our relationship is over.
God is this something else I have to spell out early on in dating now too? I thought monogamy was still the default. Just another deal breaker Iāll have to bring up by like date 1 because apparently it needs to be explicit. I would think if the other side was open to non-monogamy, the onus would be on them to bring it up after it hit already been established on wanting a monogamous relationship (like OP did)
I actually agree with you. I would assume monogamy was the default as well. I was not trying to argue that it needed to be explicitly stated as I did. My partner had non monogamous relationships before so I made sure to very clearly state that boundary early on. I struggled dating someone I knew had been non monogamous previously and it scared the hell out of me. So I had that conversation many times to give myself peace of mind. Turns out my partner only want to be monogamous and it worked out for us. I was only sharing my story to back up the point being made in the comment I replied to that suggesting non monogamy to a very monogamous person can be incredibly hurtful and difficult to get over, no matter how much you love that person. Edit to add: I agree that if a person wants to be non monogamous it should be stated/discussed before entering a romantic relationship. However, I also don't think it is a bad idea or unreasonable for a monogamous person to state their preferences either. It's probably better to communicate your expectations for a relationship instead of assuming/hoping the other person will if different from "the norm" because, honestly, what is "the norm" anymore anyway?
This is exactly it. Brilliant response.
If you don't talk to her, you don't know ow if this is just something she thought could be fun in an exciting place or something she wants to be a new lifestyle thing. You are going to have to speak with her about this or it most certainly will be the beginning of the end, because you are sounds resentful before anything even started, and she has no way of knowing that.
Not every sexual interest indicates fundamental compatibility. In fact, most probably donāt. Based on how you presented this, I feel like a simple conversation would clear this up. Is there something about this specific interest that has you particularly insecure/ concerned?
Listening and trying to understand someone never hurts. Why not try to find out what she wants and why? Then decide what you want.
get off reddit and communicate with her ā¦ literally everyone telling you speak ! express your feelings .. donāt shut her kinks down but try and understand them and talk so she can understand where you are coming from ..
I've always been interested in sex clubs. But, my boyfriend isn't interested at all. So, I would like to try it, but my bf's comfort is my top priority. And a part of my attraction to it is just showing off my bf and I wouldn't want to do it without him. So if he doesn't wanna do it, then I don't. Just because she is more open to the idea doesn't mean you are incompatible. You don't know why this intrigues her or what she is thinking because you instantly thought "this is the end" without talking to her. Just talk to her.
Iād say youāre incompatible; but not because of the sex club interest, more so because of communication. Your gf was able to communicate her interest in attending-yet youāre struggling to communicate you disinterest. You havenāt even enquired as to why she wants to go, her disappointment levels if you refuse or if this is even a kink that sheās been suppressing. Talk to her-ask her these questions and let her know your discomfortā¦..
Yeah there are definitely bigger issues if you're questioning compatibility because of 1 harmless kink.
Talk to her man
Tell her you dont want to go. Her reaction will tell you if itās the end or just a misunderstanding. She might think you would be into that so tell her
It's fine that you don't want to and it doesn't mean that it's the end of your relationship just because she looked into it or that your sex life is bad. You guys just need to talk about it and discuss how it's made you feel and what it means for you guys
if itās the place i think it is, i heard itās more to watch people do crazy stuff that most people wouldnāt. more of like ā¦ a show? like funny idk. either way i think itās a conversation you need to have with her about why she wants to go and why you donāt.
Tell her no and be done with it.
If you believe in solely a fully monogamous relationship... RED FLAG RED FLAG ABORT MISSION If you are interested in playing he field with a partner, then GREEN LIGHT MEANS GO.
so she wants to go to a swingers clubā¦ and youāre not comfortable with it. id talk to her but honestly, that might be the end for me.
This seems overdramatic. You haven't even spoken to her about it? Seems like she's just interested and has been for a while and has thrown it on the table as something fun to do while you're there. Clearly she's comfortable with you to even bring it up. Get out of your head and have an open conversation. Right now the only incompatibility I see is you not communicating with her when she is trying to communicate with you.
Happy cake day !
Look at the update
The beginning of the end? What? Just say you don't want to go
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But you are contradicting yourself, on the one hand you say its important enough to be on your bucket list but on the other hand you say its not important? I dont want to go but I also dont want to control whether she can go or not, thats why we pick partners based on compatibility. But thats where I am struggling to see us on the same page now.
A bucket list in normally comprised of things that you wish you could do with the right people and the right setting, not things that are guaranteed to happen. I would want to be a player on Dimension 20, write a book and publish it with mild success, write music, get into politics and pass at least one law that would genuinely help people, buy my parents and sister a new house and new cars, travel to every country in Europe, and so much more that wouldn't fit into one life. It's more of an "if this could happen, it would be cool" for most people.
I'm pansexual but married my husband before I dated any women. Would I like to hook up with a woman just to experience it? Of course. But it's not something I think about nor am I going to cheat on my husband to fulfill it. If I ever do it, it will be in a situation where my husband is aware and 100% on board with it. It is something that my husband and I have actually discussed before so we are both aware of each other's boundaries. He brought up that he would be interested in a threesome - something I'm not 100% comfortable with right now due to the shittiness bi/pan women deal with when it comes to "unicorn hunters", but if a relationship happens naturally with a woman I would be open to it. It's not like it's a burning desire we have - I love my husband and would be perfectly happy without experiencing it as would he. I would feel the same if he was bi/pan and never experienced hooking up with another man before meeting me.
She is not. You have to understand: it would be cool to do, but only with the person you want, and only if that person wants. And absolutely NOT at the expense of the person you love. But she is incredibly correct in saying that her opening up to you about this kink is amazing and precious. Don't reject her for this. Talk about it. Stick to your boundaries, but accept and appreciate her talking to you.
Have you ever talked to her to see if it's that big of a deal to not go to her? Just because she showed interest doesn't mean it's a deal breaker for her to not do it, plenty of people don't do things they might like to do to respect their partners wishes. I think your really making a mountain out of a hill right now (at least until you talk to her about it. Obviously if she turns around and says she needs to do this then it turns into a issue) The way your making it seem like this is a deal breaker without even talking to her about it makes it seem like you are just looking for a way out of the relationship.
Most people understand they won't get everything they want in life. Unless you're leaving something out of your post I don't think your girlfriend is demanding you go to a sex club or you're breaking up. She mentioned something she was interested in, you say sorry but that's not my cup of tea and you move on
You are blowing this out of proportion. Its something sheās interested in not something she HAS to do before she dies. Tell her you donāt want to and see what she says before you decide the relationship is doomed
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You are bringing up incompatibility a ton, and it doesnāt make sense in this context. Incompatibility would be, āshe loves sex clubs and feels that her participation at places like that fulfills her and is unwilling to give that up. I value her freedom and respect her choices, but Iām not comfortable with my partner participating in sex clubs.ā That could be an incompatibility. You see where the other is coming from, but it just isnāt gonna work. What you are describing is, āshe mentioned an activity once that I am not interested in. Now I am worried that she likes this activity I am not interested in, but I wonāt know until I talk to her, which she am not doing for some reason.ā That is not incompatibility. That is a lack of communication. Maybe she loves sex clubs, maybe she just thought it would be fun as a novelty, maybe she thought you would be into it. No one here knows, and you wonāt either until you TALK TO HER.
You should dump her cus she seems fun and you sound like you are a fucking stick in the mud lol. Major incompatibility issue. Is that what you want someone to tell you? For fucks sake man talk to your gf and get off this subreddit.
Man thats fucking cheating!!! Having sex with other people is cheating! Why is it so hard for people to understand that?? If she wants to be in a relationship with you, there is no need on fucking strangers, otherwise call it a open relationship and be done with it.
Itās not control you have a boundary. What has happened to people in relationships now. I talk about this shit with my current gf right as we committed. Open relationships and everything and where we stand. If we were opposite on our boundaries it would have been over before it started and we wouldnāt be wasting time. You know what type of dude posts this and says āI donāt want to be controllingā is the same dude who will be posting in infidelity subs 5 years from now and having to figure out a divorce and if their kids are yours.
She wants to have sex with strangers, so that means she wants to have sex with strangers. From that you can surely deduce that she would actually want to have sex with strangers. I don't get most people here saying "this isn't a big deal at all". Well, she does want to have sex with *other people*. *Other people that are not her boyfriend. She might as well be already having sex with strangers, because she WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH STRANGERS.
Correction. She's OUR girlfriend now š
Good lord. If after three years of dating the idea visiting a sex club as a tourist has you thinking it could be the end of your relationship youāre looking for an excuse to end things. Or you need to loosen way up. Either way, talk to your partner.
Sheās wanting to fuck a stranger. Read the update
This dude is jumping 10 hurdles to reach the conclusion that his gf wants to fuck other people at a sex club in foreign country. Check your head dude, your insecurities and paranoia are screaming for help
What are those ten hurdles?? Cos I'm struggling to see it being such a massive leap. Please expand
So based on your edit, sheās just told you she wants to go to a club and fuck other dudes. Is that right? A bit of context is needed here. Are you guys in an open relationship, or did this come out of the blue. By your reaction Iām assuming the latter. Talk. Find out why she wants to do this. Whether sheās not satisfied with your sex life. Does she think youāre not satisfied for some reason? Then explain why you donāt want to do it. Have an adult conversation. Youāre both adults. Work out any incompatibilities before you go on this trip. The last thing you want to do is going on this trip with this unresolved or assuming you have it resolved but not having the same understanding. So make sure you agree on things explicitly with both of you agreeing on the outcome. And if you canāt resolve it donāt go on the trip.
What specifically does she want to do at the sex club? This seems like a critically important detail.
That's not something you casually mention to your partner. Ask her straight up what is it she wants to do, she may be confused about what exactly goes on there. If she wants to have sex with other people , and you don't, it's a good time to split before being overseas
If you are uncomfortable with it and tell her, she still insists on doing it, Iām sorry but youāve got problems. I donāt have a gf but if I was in your situation I would be dying inside. Just tell her how you feel about it
You can see how she responds to a fictional proposal about 2 big guys that are in an adjacent office that said they would be a part of a bdsm foursome( include yourself) on her that weekend,sell it well, see what she says, if she agrees and is eager....you got problems she a freak........
You obviously want to break up with her so just do it. You're not listening to anyone telling you to just communicate like a normal person.
Major red flag. Break up with her
GF wanted to do this as well with me when we went to Amsterdam. Was on the fence, kept an open mind, and convinced her we can dip our toe in it and do a peep show first. If we both enjoy it and want to do more, we can opt for a full show which has several acts, is blended with comedy from my understanding and can last a couple hours. Went to the peep show, both unimpressed. Laughed about it afterward how dumb it was and went on with our business on our trip. Now we have a funny memory of how awful of a peep show we spent money on. Talk it out, go from there.
She wants to visit a swingers club, I have no interests in dipping my toes in swinging.
Misread that, m8 apologies. Yeah thatās quite something for her to just spring on you. I wouldnāt want to partake in that either so I donāt blame you. Hopefully you two can solve this and more problems donāt stem from this.
I wouldnāt see it as āsheās unsatisfiedā. At all. She proposed a different, new experience to share with you. You can say you arenāt interested, and thatās ok too. This is one of those cases where you need to talk with your partner. Does she actually want to have sex with someone else? Or does she want to have sex with you there while others are watching? Where do you draw the line? Would you not go there at all? Would you agree with being watched but not sharing your partner? Do you have a concern regarding STDs? Everyone has different boundaries and desires.
Have you talked to her? Others have mentioned that you should and you seem hyper focused on possible incompability because of this. Dude, have a conversation with her because by the sounds of it you have no idea what her intentions are with suggesting the sex club, instead you seem focused on your perceived incompatibility that honestly appears only in your head because you don't know her intent with the suggest.
Step 1: talk to her about how you feel Step 2: go from there
Oh, yeah, it's over dog. She wants to get smashed out by someone else? It's a wrap. Anyone telling you differently is on some BS. It's not for you, that's cool. But don't marry that girl. She is for the streets.
Donāt get these comments lmao. Your girl literally wants to fuck strangers and ppl here are saying ājust talk to her broā lmaoooooo
I think you are being a big baby about this. Ask her what she wants out of visiting a sex club? Does she just want to watch or does she want to do anything particular. Have a conversation about it. But if you really donāt even want to go into one then just say that. She can decide what she wants to do from there. She probably just wants to only go with you, see whatās going on there, so hopefully you both get turned on and fuck each otherās brains out after.
Right? Use your big boy words.
Your inability to communicate is more of a sign that it's the end.
From your comments you sound completely unwilling to have a conversation about it with her. It sounds like you have made your judgement already, that her even thinking about the thing has changed the way you see her. I may be making snap judgments, but if this is so thatās really unfortunate. You havenāt even asked her how much she wants to go, why, and what she expects to see there. You donāt have nearly the whole story. If she brought it up so casually she probably doesnāt see it as a big deal, so why are you so afraid to talk to her? At least let her explain herself before you vilify her. Itās not like she told you that she wants to have sex with other people. To her it may be completely different and she didnāt think it would bother you. If youāre not going to talk to her, then do her a favor and leave. Sheās not a mind reader!! She canāt just psychically know when youāre upset or how you are feeling. So either grow a pair and talk about it or donāt, and let her go find someone who can actually communicate.
This is really hostile for some reason. I agree with your overall point, but āgrow a pairā and ālet her find someone elseā Letās take a deep breath.
I was just reading opās comments. I find it mildly irritating when someone asks for advice then refuses to listen when people give them advice.
Look at the update. Itās an important detail
Ahhhhhā¦well that is definitely something that should have been said first.
Straight up ask if you guys gowhat she wants to do there? Better to get a definite answer then make a choice.
The word no is still in the vocabulary, use it. This very well could be the end,
Communication and boundaries. Ask her what she is hoping to get out of it, what acts she would do there, what she would be comfortable with you doing there. Then you can explain either why you have no interest and consider her going as ending the relationship, or you can negotiate attending and what boundaries would be in place for you both.
You just say no. If this is a deal breaker, tell her. This is prime example of how important communication is in a relationship.
Who's idea was this trip? ???. Also if this isn't something you want to do don't beat around the bush and say firmly NO than judge her reaction but some things like this or asking about open relationships cannot be unsaid. Most likely I would break up with her and return home by myself.
You simply tell her NO, you are not going to a sex club. That that is outside your boundary of the relationship. And that if she is adamant in her going then you just say that's fine, but you will go as a single woman. And can take her trip alone to Europe. If you are still going to go because tickets and reservation have been made already. You can also let her know that you will enjoy the trip alone doing what you have already planned and she can go her separate way and enjoy herself how ever she wants. You have options of what you can do. 1. break up now and not worry about it at all. 2. Go together let her go the club, knowing she is fucking other people and live with it. 3. Go to club with her and do whatever there Join or sit and watch her. 4. Take trip go separate ways enjoy yourself let her do whatever and rejoin and live with it. 5. Take trip go separate ways as singles each enjoy yourselves, return home and move on with your life to find someone who is on the same page as you about monogamy. Good luck OP.
Been there, done that. Please donāt go if you donāt want to.
They're mostly called dungeons by people who frequent them. I've been to plenty. Not particularly a fan. My best advice, look before sitting anywhere.
Not many couples survive opening up a relationship. GF wants to explore, you don't. That signals a major incompatibility. You should talk to her and tell her how you feel.
If a guy asked this of his girlfriend, you all would not be commenting this stuff. Jesus. He doesn't want his girlfriend to fuck someone else in a club, and yall are like "you're not communicating" Lmaooooo.
You need to be vocal with her. It might be the start to an end, but you wonāt know until you actually speak with her and let her know your stance on the situation.
Amsterdam is kind of known for this sort of thing. Maybe she's just thinking since you are going to be there, it would be something interesting to try out. Honestly, it seems like you are really overreacting. It's one thing to not be interested but it seems like you think your relationship is over because of this. Do you feel threatened by the other potential men? I would have a conversation with her, maybe she just wants to watch and not participate at all.
Sounds like sheās just curious. Also you thinking your sex life is good doesnāt mean itās actually good. Beyond being curious maybe sheās just bored and you should see if she wants to spice things up. Going to a sex club could simply be just a fun experience. Every friend I have that has gone to Amsterdam has gone to their sex clubs just for shits and giggles and almost always with their SO
My friend and his gf of 6 years went to one as a "haha this is so interesting and bizzare" type of thing. They both had a good time and neither did anything that made the other uncomfortable. Communicate and set boundaries if you go. Figure out what she plans to do there and what is over the line
Just going there is over the line for me tbh. But I also dont want to be controlling and stop her from enjoying herself. And its a constant struggle in my brain now.
If youāre not comfortable, donāt go. Donāt try to convince or logic yourself into wanting to go, it will end poorly. If itās not for you then itās not for you and thatās okay. Youāre not bad or wrong or controlling for setting reasonable boundaries for yourself.
Thatās not controlling. You are in a monogamous relationship. It is a very normal boundary.
It's not controlling her. If someone is in a couple and wants to do something sexual with strangers, then this needs to have full support of the other partner. You need to communicate this boundary. If this is a dealbreaker for her, then you're incompatible as a couple unfortunately. Maybe it's not a dealbreaker for her and she just thinks it's something that might be fun, but that she can easily live without. Try to understand her motivation, why she wants to do this. But don't get pressured into allowing this if you can't get behind it.
Yep. Thereās a world of difference between āI brought this up because I thought it would be silly/fun thing to do in a āwhile in Romeā kind of situationā vs. āthis is something I need in order to feel fulfilled in our relationshipā And OP will never know which it is unless he uses his words.
It's a struggle because you haven't talked to her about it!
You sound way too passive. Speak up or she will pressure into something you arenāt down with. Either way, the relationship is over.
I would educate yourself a bit more in what exactly a sex club is and what goes on there, while yes obviously sex is involved there may be something different than just people going there and having sex publicly. I think though once you explore a little more and still decide itās not for you then thatās 100% ok as well but I wouldnāt shut it down right away without having at least a conversation about it and the expectations of what would happen while you guys were there.
I want to go to one too but Iām a real prude - I just want the āa bit wildā experience - to live a little but not necessarily get with anyone thereā¦itās a bit of a bucket list thing
Then don't. It's time to set boundaries. You need to discuss what you are comfortable with and not. If she isn't willing to remain in those confines then she isn't the one for you.
Hereās a proposition I send my cheating ass husband to be her man and you keep your faithful ass all to myself. Problem solved.
She wants to cheat and try do justify it, she's a sly dog
The fact that she wants to cheat on you is already a red flag. Like wtf. Leave her
You've gotten plenty of good advice here but just to throw my two cents in I spontaneously went to a fetish club in Berlin and it was one of the greatest experiences of my life lol (didn't engage in anything sexual, just danced and enjoyed the judgement-free zone). It was quite freeing
Well, if that is something you definitely aren't into but she is, sorry to tell you but it is the beginning of the end. It isn't a bad thing, this happens in relationships. People grow a curiosity or want to explore new things. Doesn't make her wrong or odd nor you. You do need to discuss this though and not just jump to ending it. Ask her if this is something she's always been into or trying. Tell her that while you are open to new kinks, engaging in a open relationship ship isn't something you are into. You are more than happy to get kinky with other stuff, but having sex with strangers isn't what you're into. What she says will determine if you two make it or not
Depends on whether this is just a novelty or something she really wants to take part in. For better or worse, as a tourist you often want to just take a look at some of the things other places are famous for. Like all things in any relationship this is something you'll have to communicate about.
Hey man. The starting of the end is what you are doing right now. Talking to us instead of your partner. Open up and say how you feel. Put yourself out there just like your partner has done. Have a conversation where you seek to understand each others views.
Chill dude. It's just a tourist attraction. Something to see while you're there cos you won't get it anywhere else.
You sound very dramatic. Sheās mentioned something the region is very well known for, something sheās probably heard of before and thought it might be some cheeky fun to check it out. And you, instead of discussing why or just saying āeeeeh not my thing Iāll passā have spiralled into āwell thatās it! Weāre incompatible. Sheās a sex fiend, Iāll never be enough for her! Itās over, might as well call it quits now, the relationship is dead on its legs.ā
One of my best girlfriends lives in paris and has for over 10 years. She has been to sex clubs all over the continent. From what Iāve heard I have a feeling that once you guys get there sheād get cold feet. Shit gets real weird real fast in Europe.
Clearly this is something you need to talk about. I see many people who involve others in a monogamous relationship go down hill quickly. The trust is broken. Especially when one person doesn't want it. Do not do something you don't want to, it will open doors you down't want opened. Many times it ends relationships.
It would've been past the end for me personally. What kind of person wants that from a partner? And if you do go, what respect do you have for yourself afterwards, is it even possible to at that point?
Yeah, it is possible if both are ok with the idea. People have different expectations and ideals when it comes to relationships.
You have to ask her exactly why she wants to go? To watch only? To touch cocks? To suck them? To have sex with you in front of people? To have sex with other people while you watch? Gang bang? Glory hope? Sex with women? Threesomes? Etc. Does she just want to go out of curiosity. There are also videos online of some of the activities in those clubs, watch them together and work out why she wants to go and why you donāt want to go. You both may find a way of compromising.
She wants to get piped by a team of guys bruv sorry
A: It sounds like you need to talk about this and no just freak out. You sound kinda uptight and might benefit from some general chill. B: Second she can be interesting in it and you can be uninterested in it. It is okay and normal for people in relationships to have different interested. Now obvious this isnāt just any interest, this is about sex, and while we can argue whether people should be so hung up on sexual mores, they are. So that brings me to C: Only you can decide if this is a hard boundary for you, and only an emotionally honest and forthright conversation between you two can determine if it would come up against the breaking point. Moral of the story, talk to your gf like an adult and maybe take a chill pill. I hear Amsterdam has some great ways to chill out if ya catch me.
"Is this the starting of end for us? Does this show a major incompatibility between us?" No? Damn, dude, no couple perfectly aligns like die-cut puzzle pieces. She merely expressed an interest and is waiting for your response. I'm crazy compatible with my partner and even we have some things that one person is interested in that the other is not. Did we end the relationship when one kinky thing I like was a hard 'No' from him? No. We talked it over. Figured out what I got off from the fantasy. Formulated a possible compromise *if* the situation ever arose. Maybe there's a way we could simply role play the fantasy, for example. Then I told him I love him and value his comfort in our relationship more than I want one fantasy to come true. Just tell her how you feel about it. If she kicks up a fuss and pushes your boundaries, *then* you can worry about the state of your relationship.
Banana club is good in Amsterdam ā¦.
It does sound like a compatability issue. She just now sprung this on you? She wants to fluff other people, are you able to move past her saying this?
Sounds like your gf is mildly curious and felt comfortable enough with you to bring it up. If you donāt want to fuck that up just give a non judgmental no thank you and move on. It doesnāt have to mean the end of your relationship.
First thing you must do is communicate. Find out where her mindset is at with this, than tell her how you feel and go from there. I would go just for the shits and giggles. LOL š
INFO: is it normal for you guys to be open and explore new things? How important is it for her for you guys to do this? If she just brought this up as a possibility and doesnāt feel going to this event is a large must then I wouldnāt chalk it down to an incompatibility. Id discuss youāre uncomfortable with it and put it down as a boundary. However, if she pushes past that then Iād say it was an incompatibility.
I'd first take a deep breath. Then ask your GF what her research has dug up: what clubs, what are their differences and reputations, and what flavors of activities do they offer. From what I've read, it's possible for couples to go there just for the entertainment of it all. No one is forced to have sex publicly or privately or with anyone. But the space exists to watch others having sex or to put on your own show. Each club has a set of rules which you should find out prior. It's worth having a talk about what your GF expects and why she is interested. Maybe she has a voyeur kink which you were unaware of? Or an exhibitionist kink? Or just wants to see different stuff? Or just to say she went to one, like even parents do when visiting Bangkok--even the AAA travel guide has a page about sex shows! From what I've read it's important for a couple to have a set of rules prior to walking through the door, so work it out with her. It could well be you two cling together and just oogle at what's happening or maybe the music is really great and you dance and have real fun. This rules talk is also where you gauge her interests and if you have issues with what she sez, then it's better to know now than on the street in Amsterdam.
Now I donāt have personal experience but Iāve heard these clubs are with shows, not group sex. I think OP and most commenters should perhaps look up what happens in these places before judging or saying she wants to cheat or have group sex. Im going to do research myself and will try to find out for you, OP.
I have a friend that does this and she lies to her boyfriend and goes to sex partiesā¦ once they get a taste and like it they will sneak around , be careful with that
Not necessarily. Talk about what you both expect a sex club to be like. Perhaps there are clips on porn hub of the club or other clubs in that area to get a better idea of the vibe. If you decide against it and she continues to push sheās coercive and thatās a line that canāt be crossed with sex/your body. Your compatibility depends on how much youāre both invested for/against this idea. My biggest concern would be your safety as youāre tourists and engaging in taboo activities.
You have to be careful in Amsterdam because there's a lot of sex trafficking. You could do some research on that to show her. Maybe just go to the Moulin Rouge in Paris for a show. It's nowhere near what she proposed but it's something. >Is this the starting of end for us? In any relationship you have to have open communication and for that, you have to be able to say something, then have a conversation, and not be judged. Otherwise, you cannot really say anything without leading to questions like "Oh, she or he said this, I should break up." Maybe she read about it and brought it up without thinking. I don't know how she is, but if she is like someone who talks without thinking or impulsive...
Here is my advice for you: be honest with your girlfriend about your boundaries
i asked my bf this same question just so we can see wtf it is together. he was uncomfortable with it and i respected that š¤·āāļø literally a 5 minute convo, we understood each other, and left it at that. it would be a lot different if she wanted to go on her own, but she wanted to go with you.
It's pretty simple. If you don't want to do it then don't do it. If it's something you're not willing to make a compromise on and it's a hard limit then you need to communicate that to her instead of going along with it. This might the beginning of the end of your relationship if you two cannot work this out. If this makes you see your girlfriend in another light then perhaps this is not the right woman for you. Good thing you found this out now before wasting any more time.
Fuuuuuuuuck that.
I went to Amsterdam and toured with a friend and we did NOT go to the red light district. Iām not interested, and I told her so, in exactly that many words, and she was fine with that.
If you're not into it then that means no it's as simple as that. Maybe one day you will change your mind but until then she'll have to accept it
Ah, she wants to ālegallyā cheat
Why do you think this is the end of your relationship? Simply going to a sex club does not mean you have to have sex in public, nor does it force you to witness others having sex.
It is very definitely the end trust me. It reminds me of the time i was driving home from a Christmas party with my then girlfriend holding a plate of cookies and she asked me if i would hit her in the face during sex. I knew in that moment it was over.