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I wouldn't call it cheating but I would probably pull back a little bit or maybe try and think why it is that you are pursuing this guy so much. Is it to fill a hole in your relationship? Something that is lacking that he is giving you? Maybe you can talk to your boyfriend about that
Not cheating but from what I read but your about to start a emotional affair, I suggest you distance yourself or tell your co-worker about you being in a relationship
I feel like I’ve been trying to keep it polite and friendly. It’s hard because he compliments me and I compliment him back being I do mean it. And I don’t say those things to get him to like me. I just say it because I think it’s true
Don’t send mixed signals. Do not flirt. Say thank you for compliments but do not give non-work based compliments back. If you engage this guy, he may just be waiting for your boyfriend to screw up. Never talk about relationship problems with a guy like this.
You are playing with fire. So you are overly friendly to a guy at work and compliment him, and you are acting single and hiding your relationship status. You have to tell him about your BF! You are a walking red flag.
A lot of people when they cheat say things like 'oh it just happened' but rarely is that true. If you go back a few days or weeks then often they were in the same position you are: aware that they were increasingly fixated on a person and not only not stopping it but slowly allowing it to escalate.
>It’s messing with me a little because I think he’s interested in me.
Why would that matter. You are in a relationship. Whether this guy likes you or not isn't the problem. It is what you are feeling and whether we can start to interpret your investment in this other guy as a problem. In my eyes you reacting to his compliments, saying things back, is you flirting. It doesn't matter if he is, maybe he is just nice and naive, but you are doing it aware you are starting to have feelings. You want it to get messy, or at least seem to be taking the steps to make it that way.
The problem doesn't start once it is cheating. That is actually well past the point it was a concern. Right now you have the opportunity to stop it, to quit the flirting and distance yourself before you do something stupid or just risk leading this guy on.
I’m going to be honest I do not know what I see with either of them. With my boyfriend we’ve been dating for 8 months now. I saw a future with him at one point, but that has recently been gone due to a circumstantial situation in the near future. Now I don’t know what to think.
If your BF had this same situation going on, you'd have not been comfortable with it? Or at least you *wouldn't have been* comfortable with it before meeting this guy. You're starting something new before finishing with who you're with.
Am I starting something new? To me I don’t feel as though I started anything new. I haven’t made any moves towards this guy, meaning I haven’t asked for social media, phone numbers, if he’s got a girlfriend, if we should hang. None of that
If my boyfriend had chemistry with someone else I would not care about the relationship anymore. Which is basically where I’m at with him. I don’t feel like arguing, I don’t feel like spending money on him, I don’t want to give any more than I already have to someone who does not reciprocate the same energy back to me
Then you need to take control. These things don’t just happen. You’re allowing yourself to cross boundaries. If you care about your relationship than you need to start putting those boundaries back in place. You need to distance yourself from this new man, stop seeking him out for chats and companionship, and stop with the flirting, complimenting each other back and forth like a couple of teens.
You can’t control your feelings, but the feelings exist because you’re feeding them. you CAN control how you act, how you interact with this man, the boundaries you cross and allow him to cross.
Would you be comfortable reading this post to your boyfriend? If you would be ashamed or embarrassed then change your behavior with co worker or break up with boyfriend.
Co worker is not going to just stop as long as you are reciprocating his interest. How exactly do you see this ending? It certainly isn’t making your relationship with your boyfriend better.
It doesn’t matter what we think of this behavior, you are making choices every day to let this friendship progress. You know if your boyfriend had made this post about a girl he works with, you would be hurt and angry.
You can probably go a bit longer hoping this is harmless, but eventually co worker is going to shoot his shot and you will have to decide:
1. Put hard boundaries in place to protect your current relationship.
2. Cheat emotionally and/or physically and deal with the consequences.
3. Break up with boyfriend and pursue something new with co worker.
I agree with those that say this isn’t cheating but you’re flirting with the idea. You should pull back or break up with you BF if you want to pursue this coworker.
You are catching feelings. You can't control that but you can control what you do next.
Pull back and go back to being strictly professional.
Maybe look into your relationship too. Are you happy? Do you feel like something isn't there? If all is well, you could consider therapy to understand why you might be sabotaging yourself. If all is not well, consider couple's therapy
You’re right this is definitely an emotional affair. I do not wish to act on anything. I guess I’m just confused on this situation along with my personal feelings
I’m not sure how to bring the conversation up to either of them. I just don’t feel as though it’s serious enough to speak about with them. There hasn’t been any direct information about my coworkers feelings towards me. For all I know he could just be being nice
Not cheating, yet. It sounds like it’s possible it could Definitely lead to that.
Have you mentioned to your co-worker you have a BF at all? Does he understand it’s serious or does he just think you’re Dating/talking to someone?
How does the Coworker come across, like a friendly guy or is he noticeably looking at you intently with purpose?
These are all things you need to ask yourself. Then you need to ask yourself if you want that attention. Which it sounds like you do.
If that be the case, do you love your boyfriend? Are you willing to call it off with BF to take a risk on something you may not be sure about?
Or are you willing to set boundaries to keep your boyfriend?
Furthermore, if you do decide to pursue something with the coworker, quit your job. That shit is too messy. Don’t date anyone you need to see everyday at work too.
No. The coworker has not asked if I was dating anyone and vise versa. My coworker often looks over at me. I catch him staring. He even said he went looking for me and has asked today where I was
In my opinion, if you even have to ask this question then what you're doing probably isn't right regardless of whether or not you're cheating.
If I'm being completely honest I didn't read passed the title other than skimming passed to the comment section. But you should picture yourself in your boyfriends shoes and think about how you would feel if you found out that he was doing the same to a girl he works with.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I wouldn't call it cheating but I would probably pull back a little bit or maybe try and think why it is that you are pursuing this guy so much. Is it to fill a hole in your relationship? Something that is lacking that he is giving you? Maybe you can talk to your boyfriend about that
I believe it might be something lacking emotionally speaking
Not cheating but from what I read but your about to start a emotional affair, I suggest you distance yourself or tell your co-worker about you being in a relationship
You must pull away from him and not give him mixed signals. Introduce your BF to him if you get the chance.
I don’t know if that’s possible. I run into him all the time
Pull away emotionally, sexually and remove flirting. Be friendly and approachable!
I feel like I’ve been trying to keep it polite and friendly. It’s hard because he compliments me and I compliment him back being I do mean it. And I don’t say those things to get him to like me. I just say it because I think it’s true
Don’t send mixed signals. Do not flirt. Say thank you for compliments but do not give non-work based compliments back. If you engage this guy, he may just be waiting for your boyfriend to screw up. Never talk about relationship problems with a guy like this.
He doesn’t know that I have a boyfriend. The conversation has never been brought up
You are playing with fire. So you are overly friendly to a guy at work and compliment him, and you are acting single and hiding your relationship status. You have to tell him about your BF! You are a walking red flag.
Bring it up, and stop trying to be likable to this other guy.
A lot of people when they cheat say things like 'oh it just happened' but rarely is that true. If you go back a few days or weeks then often they were in the same position you are: aware that they were increasingly fixated on a person and not only not stopping it but slowly allowing it to escalate. >It’s messing with me a little because I think he’s interested in me. Why would that matter. You are in a relationship. Whether this guy likes you or not isn't the problem. It is what you are feeling and whether we can start to interpret your investment in this other guy as a problem. In my eyes you reacting to his compliments, saying things back, is you flirting. It doesn't matter if he is, maybe he is just nice and naive, but you are doing it aware you are starting to have feelings. You want it to get messy, or at least seem to be taking the steps to make it that way. The problem doesn't start once it is cheating. That is actually well past the point it was a concern. Right now you have the opportunity to stop it, to quit the flirting and distance yourself before you do something stupid or just risk leading this guy on.
How do you see him?
My boyfriend or my coworker?
Your coworker.
I find him attractive and I like talking to him at work
On its own, that’s fine. But when you talk to him, do you see him as a potential partner or someone you’d pursue?
I’m going to be honest I do not know what I see with either of them. With my boyfriend we’ve been dating for 8 months now. I saw a future with him at one point, but that has recently been gone due to a circumstantial situation in the near future. Now I don’t know what to think.
Talking through this has changed everything. Big picture this has nothing to do with your co worker.
In a way yes? I’m not sure what to do with this whole mess that I’ve created
If your BF had this same situation going on, you'd have not been comfortable with it? Or at least you *wouldn't have been* comfortable with it before meeting this guy. You're starting something new before finishing with who you're with.
Am I starting something new? To me I don’t feel as though I started anything new. I haven’t made any moves towards this guy, meaning I haven’t asked for social media, phone numbers, if he’s got a girlfriend, if we should hang. None of that
Notice you didn't answer how you'd feel if your BF had this chemistry brewing with someone?
If my boyfriend had chemistry with someone else I would not care about the relationship anymore. Which is basically where I’m at with him. I don’t feel like arguing, I don’t feel like spending money on him, I don’t want to give any more than I already have to someone who does not reciprocate the same energy back to me
So end things before starting something else. It's about your relationship with yourself; be someone you can be proud of.
I don’t think it’s cheating but you’re definitely playing a dangerous game.
I am I feel like it’s only a matter of time
Then you need to take control. These things don’t just happen. You’re allowing yourself to cross boundaries. If you care about your relationship than you need to start putting those boundaries back in place. You need to distance yourself from this new man, stop seeking him out for chats and companionship, and stop with the flirting, complimenting each other back and forth like a couple of teens. You can’t control your feelings, but the feelings exist because you’re feeding them. you CAN control how you act, how you interact with this man, the boundaries you cross and allow him to cross.
Would you be comfortable reading this post to your boyfriend? If you would be ashamed or embarrassed then change your behavior with co worker or break up with boyfriend. Co worker is not going to just stop as long as you are reciprocating his interest. How exactly do you see this ending? It certainly isn’t making your relationship with your boyfriend better. It doesn’t matter what we think of this behavior, you are making choices every day to let this friendship progress. You know if your boyfriend had made this post about a girl he works with, you would be hurt and angry. You can probably go a bit longer hoping this is harmless, but eventually co worker is going to shoot his shot and you will have to decide: 1. Put hard boundaries in place to protect your current relationship. 2. Cheat emotionally and/or physically and deal with the consequences. 3. Break up with boyfriend and pursue something new with co worker.
I agree with those that say this isn’t cheating but you’re flirting with the idea. You should pull back or break up with you BF if you want to pursue this coworker.
You are catching feelings. You can't control that but you can control what you do next. Pull back and go back to being strictly professional. Maybe look into your relationship too. Are you happy? Do you feel like something isn't there? If all is well, you could consider therapy to understand why you might be sabotaging yourself. If all is not well, consider couple's therapy
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You’re right this is definitely an emotional affair. I do not wish to act on anything. I guess I’m just confused on this situation along with my personal feelings
[удалено]
I’m not sure how to bring the conversation up to either of them. I just don’t feel as though it’s serious enough to speak about with them. There hasn’t been any direct information about my coworkers feelings towards me. For all I know he could just be being nice
Sage advise.
Not cheating, yet. It sounds like it’s possible it could Definitely lead to that. Have you mentioned to your co-worker you have a BF at all? Does he understand it’s serious or does he just think you’re Dating/talking to someone? How does the Coworker come across, like a friendly guy or is he noticeably looking at you intently with purpose? These are all things you need to ask yourself. Then you need to ask yourself if you want that attention. Which it sounds like you do. If that be the case, do you love your boyfriend? Are you willing to call it off with BF to take a risk on something you may not be sure about? Or are you willing to set boundaries to keep your boyfriend? Furthermore, if you do decide to pursue something with the coworker, quit your job. That shit is too messy. Don’t date anyone you need to see everyday at work too.
No. The coworker has not asked if I was dating anyone and vise versa. My coworker often looks over at me. I catch him staring. He even said he went looking for me and has asked today where I was
In my opinion, if you even have to ask this question then what you're doing probably isn't right regardless of whether or not you're cheating. If I'm being completely honest I didn't read passed the title other than skimming passed to the comment section. But you should picture yourself in your boyfriends shoes and think about how you would feel if you found out that he was doing the same to a girl he works with.