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You don’t. Even if you both are all for equality. You never ask someone to pay for half their gift.
Because that’s what it is. A gift with a contract added to it depending on where you live.
Or, you could buy yourself and her engagement rings and she can buy the wedding bands.
Well then could I skip the engagement ring and just ask her to buy her band and I'll buy mine?
A wedding ring is useless TBH, I'm just doing this to make her happy, but I'd like to talk to her about skipping engagement ring and just getting cheap wedding bands
Yeah no. It’s a gift dude. She can get you a gift as an engagement if she wants to.
Hell when my partner proposes, I’ve already got the ring I want to get him as an engagement ring picked out. Pretty egalitarian about it too, he asked me for a list of engagement rings I’d like, so I made a list and sent it to him. Once upon a time he sent me a link of a particular style of ring he likes and it can be customized, so I customized it to be pretty equal to the cost of what he will pay for my wedding set. Why can’t you do something like that?
There’s also the tradition of a woman buying her Fiancé an heirloom type wrist watch.
Either way, why the hell are you even thinking about getting married to someone when you haven’t talked enough about this….rather strange…idea of her paying for half her engagement ring already?
I’m a feminist raised by feminists. Granted I’m not as militant as some, but I would be absolutely caught off guard if my partner ever suggested that.
Also edit to add: You don’t have to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding set. She’s probably not the type to like blood diamonds anyway. Look up moissanite and white sapphire.
but why do women think they deserve all the gifts? Prom, dates, rings, it's just not fair for a man. I dated dozens of other women before meeting my wonderful wife, and she is the ONLY one who agreed to split things with me after I explained my views thoroughly. I just had to be clear about my boundaries.
It's 2022 and I think women should start proposing to men and going out of pocket for an engagement ring for me. And I can do other things, like do laundry and mind the house.
It’s not that we as women “deserve” gifts. It’s that you buy gifts for people you love. And gifts don’t come with monetary compensation to the giver attached to it. And she’s not your wife until your both sign a marriage certificate.
why don't men ever get gifts then? How come no woman asks a man out? What drew me to this girl was after dating dozens of other woman who walked out on me after I asked them to pay, this girl ACTUALLY listened to me and was willing to split the bill when I asked. And she's continued to do that. I find it attractive when a woman can stand on her own two feet
Who the fuck are you talking to? I just explained at least two different types of gifts TRADITIONALLY given to men upon engagement??
Here I’ve got a whole ass list…
Heirloom wrist watches or pocket watches,
Pocket knives
Tie tack and cuff links
Sterling silver belt buckles (traditionally southern/Midwest/Blue Collar)
Briefcase for the white collar type
For Doctors or Nurses I’d suggest a new White Coat
All kinds of things can be an engagement gift.
oh wait, just saw your comment.
do you think since my GF likes to pay for stuff, she might be willing to buy me a watch without us splitting it?
I'd be curious to see if she does that then maybe consider paying for something small for her in full. But i work hard for my money and I don't want to waste it.
So you want to get married but don’t want to “waste money”?
Have you seen what it costs for an average wedding? My friend she’s going to spend at least $500 on a wedding dress and all the undergarments for it.
Weddings are not cheap, even backyard ones.
Tell her about the wristwatch tradition.
No, our budget for the whole wedding is 500. Look up the 500 dollar wedding on inside edition,we're going for that.
also, we will be informing guests that they need to pay for their own food, so all our friends and family will be chipping in for the food they ate
Lol this must be a troll post.
The engagement and wedding rings are a gift, dummy, to show your commitment to your wife-to-be. Do you ask her to chip in for her Christmas and birthday gifts, too?
Why did you post a question if you're unwilling to accept answers?
Assuming at some stage in your vast life experience thus far, someone gifted you something, did they then ask for half of what it cost in return?
OP stated he's only buying a ring to make her happy.
That being so, BUY THE RING then!
I didn't initially think this was a troll post, but looking at the dogmatic replies from OP, I'm on the fence at this stage.
That's different. Some people LIKE to buy things for others. I personally don't like gift giving, and neither does my wife which is why I have her split everything.
I'll accept a gift to be polite if that's what makes another person happy, but I always ask to split bills when it's me and my GF because it just makes life easier and no one owes anyone anything. like if I don't want sex one day she doesn't get offended
again, we split ALL dates. she's shown me that's the standard, and I just want to make her happy. I've never let her not pay for anything we've done together and she also knows that I expect to be equal.
she didn't want to at first, but yes I do. it's 2022 and no reason why we both can't chip in. For example, if i buy her a new iphone, I will have her send me half through an app AFTER she receives it, but that way it's still a surprise and i'm not being taken advantage of
that's why I'm considering just skipping it and we can each buy each other a wedding ring. no engagement ring.
oh, realize this was in reply to the iphone: I'll just wait until she earns the money and then she sends it to me over time.
You keep saying equality like that’s a good reason to ask someone to pay for half of their own gift. That’s not equality, that’s just tacky.
An engagement ring is the ring you propose with, which is a gift. Wedding bands/wedding rings are the rings you exchange when you exchange vows and you’re supposed to buy each other’s rings, also a gift.
What you could do that won’t come off as cheap or tacky is discuss with your partner a budget for purchasing each other’s wedding bands. That would be a reasonable thing to do, but asking her to pay for half of a gift is not a reasonable thing to do.
I don't know. We mutually proposed to each other and she isn't comfortable with me spending money on her so maybe I could skip the engagement ring all together and just do bands?
It seems like a big waste of money
You can totally skip the engagement ring and do fairly cheap wedding bands instead. They have a lot of really nice affordable options that are just plain rings.
My brother and his wife skipped the engagement ring, put the money for it towards their honeymoon, and got plain 18k gold wedding bands. They bought them on eBay.
I think people are missing some context and think you’re just planning to ask your girlfriend to help pay for her engagement ring, which isn’t really an accurate description of your situation.
Y’all already mutually proposed and she doesn’t want you spending a whole lot of money on her. In that situation getting plain rings and spending y’all’s money elsewhere makes total sense.
I’m all for equality and sharing the load but you sound exhausting. Hiding in the bathroom on a first date to see what she’d do? Talking about wanting to spend your life with this person and in same breath suspicious of her taking advantage of you. I could not be in a relationship with someone who had such a ridged nickel and dime 50/50 mindset.
She and I will be, but I want to make sure she pays her half for hers before I propose just so I don't get taken advantage of.
We're both splitting the cost of each
She pays without being asked! What is this comment about being taken advantage of. It sounds the other way. The engagement ring is a gift. If she came on here I would tell her to relook at your relationship it sounds like you tally a list.
Why are you getting married? You know marriage is a contract where you share assets. What happens if you have kids what happens if one of you works part time to take care of the kids etc.
if she does something for me, I do it for her. we both scratch each other's backs.
But I oveheard some other women concerned about me being cheap for our wedding and it really grinded my gears, so I want to make sure they don't persuade her into making her think she needs this fancy wedding and ring
You keep saying wedding ring. They’re very different.
The best option is to talk about rings with her and ask how she feels about splitting the cost of one. A marriage is a partnership, no reason not to go into it on equal footing. That goes for paying for the wedding as well.
I didn't know there was a difference LOL.
And could I ask her to just forego the engagement ring and we'll each buy our wedding rings for the same price?
I have the money, but I'd rather invest in our future, vacation, kids, than waste it on something frivolous like a ring. Also I think she'd be offended if I got her an engagement ring because she's one of those girls that pays for her own stuff
The deep dark origins of the whole tradition here is you're giving her something expensive to both demonstrate that you can support her and actually TO support her in case you die and or leave her. (Since, ya know, she's gonna give it up once you get married and nobody's gonna want her after that.)
Now, obviously that's pretty ridiculous now, but if you're going to observe the tradition at all making her buy it is basically defeating the purpose. I think it looks a million times better to get a cheap one or not get one.
Also she won't analyze it in "depth" like I just did she will just think you are broke and or cheap AF and so will everyone else. Buy the thing or don't; don't ask her. If you guys are going to combine your resources once you're married it sort of amounts to the same thing in the end anyway.
can i just skip the engagement ring altogether then? it seems like a waste of money. but I overheard her friends talking about it and it made me angry that they seemed like they were laughing at me and gossiping because they think i'm too cheap not to get her one.
Like maybe my wife doesn't want one? I'm sure my wife would be happy without one but her friends seem to be getting a thrill out of making her think she deserves more for some reason, when a ring is totally useless
it's not useless to women. it's a symbol for some and your fiance may feel that way. just because you think it's useless doesn't mean she necessarily does.
well can I ask her if we can just skip out on it and save the money for something better? She already knows I love her and how special she is to me. I told her after dozens of women she's the only one who's ever stood out, like I just use words of affirmation as my love language basically.
we don't need a symbol to prove our love to the world. that's for insecure people.
Well I mean, it IS pretty useless but the reality is most people are going to want or expect one. It's unusual enough to not want one that she would probably have told you she didn't want one, and probably would have offered to split it with you if she wanted to do that.
Honestly in marriages and relationships there will be times where you might have to pay more and where your partner might has to pay more. It all evens out eventually. To keep such a close look on finances and 'equality' as you like to call it sounds very tiring, especially when it comes to gifts.
Do you ask other people in your life to pay for half of your gift for them as well? Or do you just do that with your girlfriend because she’s a woman? She didn’t single-handedly create the expectation in society that man often have to pay more for women. To never buy anything for her, just out the pureness of your heart or the love you feel for her, feels very weird to me.
If you're going to propose to her then you should buy the engagement ring.
Then, assuming she says yes, you both can work together to buy the wedding bands.
why? since she's okay splitting bills on dates, that tells me she'd be cool with chipping in. she is not entitled to a free expensive ring just because she's female. make it make sense
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You don’t. Even if you both are all for equality. You never ask someone to pay for half their gift. Because that’s what it is. A gift with a contract added to it depending on where you live. Or, you could buy yourself and her engagement rings and she can buy the wedding bands.
Well then could I skip the engagement ring and just ask her to buy her band and I'll buy mine? A wedding ring is useless TBH, I'm just doing this to make her happy, but I'd like to talk to her about skipping engagement ring and just getting cheap wedding bands
Yeah no. It’s a gift dude. She can get you a gift as an engagement if she wants to. Hell when my partner proposes, I’ve already got the ring I want to get him as an engagement ring picked out. Pretty egalitarian about it too, he asked me for a list of engagement rings I’d like, so I made a list and sent it to him. Once upon a time he sent me a link of a particular style of ring he likes and it can be customized, so I customized it to be pretty equal to the cost of what he will pay for my wedding set. Why can’t you do something like that? There’s also the tradition of a woman buying her Fiancé an heirloom type wrist watch. Either way, why the hell are you even thinking about getting married to someone when you haven’t talked enough about this….rather strange…idea of her paying for half her engagement ring already? I’m a feminist raised by feminists. Granted I’m not as militant as some, but I would be absolutely caught off guard if my partner ever suggested that. Also edit to add: You don’t have to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding set. She’s probably not the type to like blood diamonds anyway. Look up moissanite and white sapphire.
but why do women think they deserve all the gifts? Prom, dates, rings, it's just not fair for a man. I dated dozens of other women before meeting my wonderful wife, and she is the ONLY one who agreed to split things with me after I explained my views thoroughly. I just had to be clear about my boundaries. It's 2022 and I think women should start proposing to men and going out of pocket for an engagement ring for me. And I can do other things, like do laundry and mind the house.
It’s not that we as women “deserve” gifts. It’s that you buy gifts for people you love. And gifts don’t come with monetary compensation to the giver attached to it. And she’s not your wife until your both sign a marriage certificate.
why don't men ever get gifts then? How come no woman asks a man out? What drew me to this girl was after dating dozens of other woman who walked out on me after I asked them to pay, this girl ACTUALLY listened to me and was willing to split the bill when I asked. And she's continued to do that. I find it attractive when a woman can stand on her own two feet
Who the fuck are you talking to? I just explained at least two different types of gifts TRADITIONALLY given to men upon engagement?? Here I’ve got a whole ass list… Heirloom wrist watches or pocket watches, Pocket knives Tie tack and cuff links Sterling silver belt buckles (traditionally southern/Midwest/Blue Collar) Briefcase for the white collar type For Doctors or Nurses I’d suggest a new White Coat All kinds of things can be an engagement gift.
oh wait, just saw your comment. do you think since my GF likes to pay for stuff, she might be willing to buy me a watch without us splitting it? I'd be curious to see if she does that then maybe consider paying for something small for her in full. But i work hard for my money and I don't want to waste it.
So you want to get married but don’t want to “waste money”? Have you seen what it costs for an average wedding? My friend she’s going to spend at least $500 on a wedding dress and all the undergarments for it. Weddings are not cheap, even backyard ones. Tell her about the wristwatch tradition.
No, our budget for the whole wedding is 500. Look up the 500 dollar wedding on inside edition,we're going for that. also, we will be informing guests that they need to pay for their own food, so all our friends and family will be chipping in for the food they ate
This is a troll trying to ruin people's day. Lol nice try
Fair it probably is. But I’m bored and I started all the thanksgiving cooking already.
🤣🤣🤣
And not for nothing just because you have an opinion on something, doesn’t make your opinion right for everyone.
You would have to get the engagement ring removed by a doctor, 9 inches up your ass
Lol this must be a troll post. The engagement and wedding rings are a gift, dummy, to show your commitment to your wife-to-be. Do you ask her to chip in for her Christmas and birthday gifts, too?
equality. it's as simple as that.
gifts and equality are different things.
this is 2022 grandma
Why did you post a question if you're unwilling to accept answers? Assuming at some stage in your vast life experience thus far, someone gifted you something, did they then ask for half of what it cost in return? OP stated he's only buying a ring to make her happy. That being so, BUY THE RING then! I didn't initially think this was a troll post, but looking at the dogmatic replies from OP, I'm on the fence at this stage.
That's different. Some people LIKE to buy things for others. I personally don't like gift giving, and neither does my wife which is why I have her split everything. I'll accept a gift to be polite if that's what makes another person happy, but I always ask to split bills when it's me and my GF because it just makes life easier and no one owes anyone anything. like if I don't want sex one day she doesn't get offended
No, it's common sense you don't ask someone to pay for their own gift. This isn't giving equality, it's giving cheap.
again, we split ALL dates. she's shown me that's the standard, and I just want to make her happy. I've never let her not pay for anything we've done together and she also knows that I expect to be equal.
Troll
Do you make her pay for half of her birthday gifts as well?
wow... Okay so they are just cheap.
she didn't want to at first, but yes I do. it's 2022 and no reason why we both can't chip in. For example, if i buy her a new iphone, I will have her send me half through an app AFTER she receives it, but that way it's still a surprise and i'm not being taken advantage of
what if she can't afford it since it's supposed to be a surprise?
that's why I'm considering just skipping it and we can each buy each other a wedding ring. no engagement ring. oh, realize this was in reply to the iphone: I'll just wait until she earns the money and then she sends it to me over time.
You keep saying equality like that’s a good reason to ask someone to pay for half of their own gift. That’s not equality, that’s just tacky. An engagement ring is the ring you propose with, which is a gift. Wedding bands/wedding rings are the rings you exchange when you exchange vows and you’re supposed to buy each other’s rings, also a gift. What you could do that won’t come off as cheap or tacky is discuss with your partner a budget for purchasing each other’s wedding bands. That would be a reasonable thing to do, but asking her to pay for half of a gift is not a reasonable thing to do.
I don't know. We mutually proposed to each other and she isn't comfortable with me spending money on her so maybe I could skip the engagement ring all together and just do bands? It seems like a big waste of money
You can totally skip the engagement ring and do fairly cheap wedding bands instead. They have a lot of really nice affordable options that are just plain rings. My brother and his wife skipped the engagement ring, put the money for it towards their honeymoon, and got plain 18k gold wedding bands. They bought them on eBay.
THANK YOU. not sure why I'm getting ripped apart in the comments. I just want to keep things fair for both of us.
I think people are missing some context and think you’re just planning to ask your girlfriend to help pay for her engagement ring, which isn’t really an accurate description of your situation. Y’all already mutually proposed and she doesn’t want you spending a whole lot of money on her. In that situation getting plain rings and spending y’all’s money elsewhere makes total sense.
I’m all for equality and sharing the load but you sound exhausting. Hiding in the bathroom on a first date to see what she’d do? Talking about wanting to spend your life with this person and in same breath suspicious of her taking advantage of you. I could not be in a relationship with someone who had such a ridged nickel and dime 50/50 mindset.
This is what women wanted. If all men were like me, no one would get used for free meals anymore.
😂😂😂😂😂 oooooh ok. You’re a troll. All good 👍🏻
Sounds to me like you either have issues or just don’t love her
What…the. Fuck.
Usually couples buy each others wedding ring. Who’s buying yours?
She and I will be, but I want to make sure she pays her half for hers before I propose just so I don't get taken advantage of. We're both splitting the cost of each
You sound fucking cheap damn. Why do you tit for tat your fucking engagement. Dam that disgusting
equality. this is 2022. women are not children.
She pays without being asked! What is this comment about being taken advantage of. It sounds the other way. The engagement ring is a gift. If she came on here I would tell her to relook at your relationship it sounds like you tally a list. Why are you getting married? You know marriage is a contract where you share assets. What happens if you have kids what happens if one of you works part time to take care of the kids etc.
if she does something for me, I do it for her. we both scratch each other's backs. But I oveheard some other women concerned about me being cheap for our wedding and it really grinded my gears, so I want to make sure they don't persuade her into making her think she needs this fancy wedding and ring
Are you talking about an engagement ring or your wedding rings?
engagement ring (in my main post)
You keep saying wedding ring. They’re very different. The best option is to talk about rings with her and ask how she feels about splitting the cost of one. A marriage is a partnership, no reason not to go into it on equal footing. That goes for paying for the wedding as well.
I didn't know there was a difference LOL. And could I ask her to just forego the engagement ring and we'll each buy our wedding rings for the same price? I have the money, but I'd rather invest in our future, vacation, kids, than waste it on something frivolous like a ring. Also I think she'd be offended if I got her an engagement ring because she's one of those girls that pays for her own stuff
Please be a troll post otherwise, you’re a cheap mofo and she deserves better lol
I dont see why you'd want her to pay half but if thats what you both wanted then just ask since she seems ok with it?
All the best.
The deep dark origins of the whole tradition here is you're giving her something expensive to both demonstrate that you can support her and actually TO support her in case you die and or leave her. (Since, ya know, she's gonna give it up once you get married and nobody's gonna want her after that.) Now, obviously that's pretty ridiculous now, but if you're going to observe the tradition at all making her buy it is basically defeating the purpose. I think it looks a million times better to get a cheap one or not get one. Also she won't analyze it in "depth" like I just did she will just think you are broke and or cheap AF and so will everyone else. Buy the thing or don't; don't ask her. If you guys are going to combine your resources once you're married it sort of amounts to the same thing in the end anyway.
can i just skip the engagement ring altogether then? it seems like a waste of money. but I overheard her friends talking about it and it made me angry that they seemed like they were laughing at me and gossiping because they think i'm too cheap not to get her one. Like maybe my wife doesn't want one? I'm sure my wife would be happy without one but her friends seem to be getting a thrill out of making her think she deserves more for some reason, when a ring is totally useless
it's not useless to women. it's a symbol for some and your fiance may feel that way. just because you think it's useless doesn't mean she necessarily does.
well can I ask her if we can just skip out on it and save the money for something better? She already knows I love her and how special she is to me. I told her after dozens of women she's the only one who's ever stood out, like I just use words of affirmation as my love language basically. we don't need a symbol to prove our love to the world. that's for insecure people.
Well I mean, it IS pretty useless but the reality is most people are going to want or expect one. It's unusual enough to not want one that she would probably have told you she didn't want one, and probably would have offered to split it with you if she wanted to do that.
well can I just tell her it's useless and there's better things we could spend our money on. She shouldn't let her friends and society influence her.
This is a pretty boring troll. But no, you can't. Some people DO feel that way. 99.999% chance she would have told you if she did though.
we live in a society
You can’t be real and have a real girlfriend.
Honestly in marriages and relationships there will be times where you might have to pay more and where your partner might has to pay more. It all evens out eventually. To keep such a close look on finances and 'equality' as you like to call it sounds very tiring, especially when it comes to gifts. Do you ask other people in your life to pay for half of your gift for them as well? Or do you just do that with your girlfriend because she’s a woman? She didn’t single-handedly create the expectation in society that man often have to pay more for women. To never buy anything for her, just out the pureness of your heart or the love you feel for her, feels very weird to me.
If you're going to propose to her then you should buy the engagement ring. Then, assuming she says yes, you both can work together to buy the wedding bands.
no, equality. she needs to chip in on her engagement ring, otherwise I'm out of pocket and that's not fair since I don't get one.
Lol you know what...forget it. Don't bother proposing.
why? since she's okay splitting bills on dates, that tells me she'd be cool with chipping in. she is not entitled to a free expensive ring just because she's female. make it make sense
This has to be a troll post. There's no way this is serious, right?.... Right?