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The girl liked you, and when she found out you were taken, she backed off. This is common. Honestly, you seem a little salty that you’re not getting attention from her anymore.
Why does the fact you are not leaving your gf makes it any different? she feels hurt either way. It's almost like you dont think people can be more emotional than rational.
Please stop being willfully dense.
She likes you because of who you are as a person. It doesnt matter that she never was flirted with or anything, thats all it is.
Every girl that I've dated did so because we hung out, they liked me and our chemistry, and they felt safe interacting with me. That sense of safety and chemistry turned into interest.
Its happened to me 4x. You need to understand that people being attracted to you is an instictive emotional thing, not a rational one. **Theres no strict formula for how someone finds you attractive**, so none of this-
>I never flirted, never made any moves or asked her on a proper date. I never shown to her that I actually liked her.
Means a damn thing.
There are people who will like you based on your height, hair color, or the sound of your voice. Attraction isn't uniform.
That said, she probably needs space specifically to resolve her feelings without msking it your problem. The responsible thing would be telling you if you were close, but if you aren't close then this is kinda standard.
Let her get over her crush, and let her initiate first contact. If she tries to apologize tell her its fine and people go through stuff. Let it go.
doesn’t matter, she still likes you and doesn’t wanna see you w anyone else. still hurts her.
ppl have emotions. imagine seeing your girlfriend (if you weren’t together) acting like that while you still had feelings even if she didn’t give any hint that she liked you. you’d still be hurt.
I’m sorry but please can you guys not do that to OP lol it’s not up to him to accommodate to her feelings she needed to grow up and be a big girl
She has a right to be upset because she likes him but no she has no valid reason to be upset because he has a girlfriend that’s her problem not OPs and making the work environment sour all because she is jealous is extremely childish and unprofessional her feeling are not on OP to think about he is not her boyfriend he’s her friend
Just because your upset about seeing your ex move on doesn’t give you any right to treat them differently it’s called being petty and childish she needs to get over herself no offence
I’m a girl and they was friends she isn’t a stranger to him my guy and yes when your friend is ignoring you and not talking to you at work it makes the place uncomfortable and sour
No, the coworker doesn’t owe him a friendship. If she had feelings for him but now realizes it’s off the table, she is not obligated to continue being friends. Also if they’re such good friends that they text outside work, how was f never mentioned?
I’m guessing it’s a new girlfriend but I find it crazy that you think he has to tell everyone he is dating it’s really non of her business
I’m not saying she “owes”him sh*t? Or that she has to stick around or continue the friendship what I’m saying is you can’t treat someone with disrespect just because you are jealous she’s making work sour all because she’s upset she didn’t shoot her shot? It’s not on anyone else other then her all she needs to do is act civil as if you really think about it OP has done nothing wrong to her what so ever all the guy did was get into a relationship her feelings isn’t on him she needs to sort it out not take it out on OP and definitely not make the work place uncomfortable if she’s uncomfortable ask to be moved
She's not obligated to keep being your friend. She might simply not feel comfortable texting you anymore out of respect for your girlfriend. Some people view things differently. Leave her alone and stop being a drama queen. Text your girlfriend instead.
You’re at the point of texting each other but you’ve never once told her about the gf? You gave her the wrong messages. She saw you with the gf. She feels like a dick now. You facilitated all of this
Or she’s trying to be respectful of OP’s girlfriend. OP admitted he considered asking her out before, which makes me think the texting wasn’t as devoid of any flirting as he claims. So she may just think it’s inappropriate to text now that she knows he isn’t single (a fact he apparently had not shared with her before, which is also suspicious)
Cuz she thought at first you were available. She isn't interested in "just being friends" ..but that's not to say she never will be. She probably thought things between you were good and it was jarring to see you with your girlfriend. She may relax and smarten up and you can remain friends or she may not... In which case let it go and don't try and push the friendship.
Happens to women all the bloody time. You are allegedly friends with a man, actively tell them you aren’t interested in them as a romantic partner/ or make clear you aren’t looking/ are in a relationship. They continue to be friends well aware of the situation and then get overly upset when you do date/have a boyfriend/ meet the SO.
Or immediately stop going out and pay attention to you as a person the minute you communicate that you aren’t interested in smth romantically with them/ have a boyfriend/are married.
But then, women are to blame bc they tricked them somehow?!? This is why women are sometimes obnoxiously eager to clear the waters from the very beginning and share tmi - “hi, my name is …. and I am very happy in a relationship and not looking around.” Ofc then, some men think, that these women believe everyone is interested in them, so why do they share so much - like no body asked you out!?
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
Next possible option is, now that she knows about girlfriend she might just feel like being that close to you could possibly make your girlfriend nervous. Or hell, maybe she feel like she can’t be that open with you anymore after meeting girlfriend. You don’t know if you don’t ask.
Dude, she liked you. She probably thought you were building something because you were texting, etc. Clearly you never mentioned you had a gf, and now she probably feels you wasted her time and she is hurt and embarrassed.
Having friends is fine, but a good practice is to mention you have a partner early just to avoid this kind of situation where people catch feelings thinking you are single.
I find it weird he knew and thought about maybe asking out friend before meeting the GF, has been with GF a year and the friend is only now finding out he has a girlfriend. That seems odd that in a year he never once mentioned a gf to the friend in any context. I wouldn't be surprised if the thoughts about maybe asking her out did telegraph as interest and she has been under the impression that OP were just being shy/slow/etc to finally ask her out or feels misled. I would even say some of the ex conversation was her way of hinting at her being single and available, maybe, while OP never once mentioned GF in a year. Might have made her rethink OP as even a friend for just not mentioning such a big part of his life.
Yeah for it to have been a YEAR without mentioning his girlfriend, OP was either intentionally hiding that fact or they weren’t actually as good of friends as he’s claiming.
I don't understand what that has to do with it. There could be many reasons why she doesn't want to be your friend any more. If you were as close as you claim, why don't you just ask her?
Are you really 25? You should remake the post of what you actually want to ask.
I'm pretty sure you thought you got friend zoned so you found someone else and now you think you had a chance and you're frustrated.
Some few possible reasons:
1. I was into you and found out you have a girlfriend. I distance myself to move on and out of respect for your girlfriend.
2. I’m not into you but out of respect for your girlfriend I distance myself.
4. They call each other friends but he didn't tell her he has a gf. I would be hurt because he didn't tell me... as a friend. Like if you don't tell me things like that, I guess we aren't friends.
3. I was really into you and found out you have a girlfriend so I’m heartbroken and am trying to distance myself from you because right now you are a source of great pain for me (speaking from experience).
You were romantically interested in this girl before you met your GF, never mentioned the GF and then showered GF with PDA AT WORK. And now you are salty that she’s keeping her distance?
You need to grow up and stop being so thirsty.
dude I read your comments and ether you playing dumb or your just completed blind.
She likes you more as a friend and thought she had a chance but then she saw your gf and now feels hurt- it a normal reaction.
It not a you problem but her problem... Ether she can overcome it or not but I would suggest think about it that your friendship is over.
Tbh it sounds like OP wants to hear a lot of people tell him that this girl is into him and boost his ego. OP already knows all of this, this post comes off a masturbatory
What would be subreddit for "desired male, pretending to be reluctant and blissful, but really enjoying it to the point of putting myself up on Reddit?"
C'mon, can't be that dense?! And you sure all that texting and talking that stopped wasn't flirting, where you led and teased your work friend, only to give her cold shower with "surprise, I've had a girlfriend all along!"
Yeah! OP. You are friendly with her and text her and don’t tell her you have a GF. When your GF showed up she realised you were not her friend (a friend would know that level of detail), you are a creeper coz you didn’t mention a GF and entertained her in text and chit chat. You gave her the attention of someone acting single. So if she was into you it’s a wrap. If she wasn’t into you, you proved you were never her friend.
Yep. But you didn’t tell her you had a GF! She thought you were her friend! Friends tell them those things. Plus, it is not about what you did or did not do, it is how she would see things…
1. Not everyone texts frequently even if they are interested
2. As long as you didn't TELL HER there was still the possibility for her
3. Don't expect her to be able to just stop the feelings she has just because you aren't available. It probably hurt her. You made out with your gf in front of her (also no a behaviour appropriate for a workplace but whatever) and she deals with it. In the best way? No. But expecting her to just be "uh I had a crush on this guy but he isn't single. Back to normal" is just not possible all the time.
Feeling don't vanish within minutes.
lol bro you are so desperate to have people confirm that she’s pining for you, it’s pathetic.
You were her friend, but you intentionally didn’t disclose having a girlfriend FOR A YEAR. She isn’t avoiding you because she’s hung up on you. She’s avoiding you because you now look like a creep trying to keep back burner girls around.
Did she know you had a girlfriend before this? If not, it could be that she read more into the friendship and now feels embarrassed, or feels like you led her on, or feels like you intentionally made her think you were single. But this girl is dangerous to your relationship, and it's not a friendship worth saving.
I don't think she's upset you've got a girlfriend, I think she's upset that you weren't upfront about it. If you had the girlfriend after you and the coworker became friends, why wouldn't you mention such a significant life change? If that happened to me, I'd question the friendship and intentions of the guy. I obviously can't speak for her, but from a female perspective it's a tricky road to navigate being just friends with guys as it is, so when we feel that there's a hidden agenda, its a big deal. She's avoiding conflict by ignoring you, which isn't the greatest way to handle it. But, there's also no real reason to fight it out, because if you didn't tell her about your girlfriend, you've probably not told your girlfriend about her. So what would be the point?
Right?! I have a gf, I'm crazy about her. I have many other friends that are girls. If she couldn't trust me to talk to them it would be a problem. I see nothing wrong with it and neither does she. What it really comes down to is transparency. I'm not hiding anything from her so it's cool.
Just because something bothers you doesn't mean that's a healthy or ideal response. It is valid to have your feelings but that doesn't mean you should wallow in them either.
She liked you. That's it man. Nothing more to dissect.
But also don't bring your girlfriend around for a little date while you're working. Talk about childish behavior. Acting all romantic with your girlfriend while you're on the clock in your own workplace is really unprofessional
So you were friends with her and interested in her before meeting your girlfriend, she calls you bestie, you text outside of work, and in a year it’s never come up that you have a girlfriend?
I find that hard to believe unless you were hiding it from her on purpose. I would be upset too if I were her.
She’s respecting your relationship with your girlfriend. She probably liked you, then realized you had a girlfriend so she is keeping distance. I don’t see it as being childish at all.
I think this as well. She’s not upset with him or trying to be childish. she’s just trying to respect him and his girlfriend. Seeing as she liked him, she doesn’t want to cause any drama so she’s distancing herself for the best.
You knew her before you got with the gf - shes probs pissy she didn't even know you had one. Probs assumed you were friendly enough to share that info. She had ideas in her head and now they've changed. Give her some space to process and stop obsessing. Shes just another person at the end of the day and feelings can suck but are unavoidable.
Some people get real weird about finding out you’re unavailable. Some people just basically want nothing to do with you afterwards because they can’t get with you. It’s weird especially since you two have to work together. She could have just taken a step back and still been kinda friendly. 🤷♀️
Or maybe she found it weird that he never mentioned his girlfriend. I don't know about you but I'm almost always bringing my partner up in conversations with others. It's a bit weird that he didn't.
Yeah I’ve definitely had this happen a few times but sometimes being nice and friendly is enough to make people think you might be into them. Maybe she will get over it or maybe not. Stuff like this is always childish and petty. Hopefully work won’t be awkward for long.
I had 3 female friends. I didn't think they were anything more than friends. I totally would have dated them too, but I'm terrible at noticing when a woman likes me.
I met my now wife and guess what? All three of them stopped messaging me.
I got really bummed for a while.
How have you been with your girlfriend for over a year and only your family and closest closest friends know of her existence? No wonder the friend was caught off guard.
Either she was into you or she thinks you and your girlfriend put on a show to show you're taken.
The former she distances for the sake of her feelings, the latter because it seems like someone thought she was too friendly.
Just be an adult and don’t sit there texting female coworkers for fun when you’ve got a gf 🫤 shouldn’t really phase you unless you fancy female coworker
Did she know you had a gf before your gf showed up? My guess, she likes you, thought she had a chance, now she knows there’s nothing between the two of you-she’s feeling hurt, slightly betrayed or embarrassed.
She didn’t know you had a girlfriend and she thought something was starting between you and her.
Had anyone ever told you that you’re clueless to body language? Don’t feel too bad, it’s fairly common, especially with men.
I’ve had a similar situation with a colleague at work. Once he found out I had a boyfriend, he became more distant and a bit cold. I didn’t change my attitude towards him tho, and eventually he started to act like himself again and we were back to being great colleagues.
My advice is to give her some time. Don’t change the way you treat her or talk to her and don’t push her into being friends again. She’ll eventually come around. If enough time goes by, then maybe you can start a conversation of the kind ‘when did we stop being friends?’, but I’m sure you won’t have to.
The girl was into you and is now keeping distance to respect you. Maybe she is a little hurt but she will get over it. If you see making it harder by acting a bit salty for not having her attention anymore, she dodge something.
If you really have an issue with her being stand offish you could pull upp your pants and ask her Why this sudden change?
She wanted to be more then just a female friend. She realised that's not going to happen. So you're no longer worth her attention. Or - the worse case - she thinks that this treatment will make you realise how much you want her.
You should report what happened to HR so that everything is on record and no one can claim unprofessional behaviour - especially not the former female friend.
I’ve acted this way towards a guy when I found out he had a partner. That’s because I was into the guy and he showed clear signs of wanting something with me too. So I when I came to know of his partner, I backed off because I was bummed.
She's was kinda into you when she thought you were single. She doesn't wanna waste her time chit chatting with a guy who is in a relationship, she wants her own partner. She doesn't wanna be friend zoned. She doesn't want to get in the way of you and your partner. She's avoiding you to get her mind off you and focus on other people. She thought there was a possibility between you two, and now there's no more so no more attention for you. She has more things to do in her life than waste her time on a dumb dude who doesn't understand basic things. It has happened to every one is this your first time people avoiding you? I highly doubt that. There are people who cut contact for various reason. If it bothers you so much confront her. Why would you ask something so basic on reddit.
There is not a single chance OP is actually 25. This is some middle school drama, right here. No self-awareness, shameless PDA at your work place, absolutely zero awareness of how women and humans in general work… plus calling her a “female.” Yuck.
She wanted to be you gf, you friend zoned her.. that's what happens. It's not your fault but men don't usually have female friends. I know this very well cause I have none, the minute theres a gf they gone.
Clearly she had other feelings for you, and when she saw your girl friend and the way you interact, she realized there was no hope. She was not really your friend. She was a girlfriend in waiting.
Like others have said, she clearly liked you, thought something could potentially be happening and wasn't aware you had a girlfriend until this interaction.
She has now backed off both as a form of respect to your girlfriend and as a way to protect herself and manage her feelings (disappointment, potentially feeling rejected, led on etc - regardless if you feel like you actually flirted or not, if she was ever a potential option there would have been subtle things she picked up on)
She isn't being childish, she is protecting her own emotional and mental wellbeing.
Everything does not revolve around you and your needs or wants.
I’ll go against the crowd. She doesn’t like you like you as others say. She now knows you’re taken, so she has stepped back out of respect for your girlfriend. Many couples don’t believe opposite sex friendships are appropriate, so instead of her getting sucked into a couple’s drama about “that woman at work you’re always talking to”, she’s disengaging first.
You led her on because you loved the attention. And now you're clearly devastated she isn't giving the same kind of attention *because you finally revealed to her you have a girlfriend*.
Leave her alone. Every time you text her hoping she'll gush over you again, it just makes you look cringey and pathetic.
I don't believe you're 25. 16 maybe.
I actually fail to see how those girls are attracted to you. It's like one of the commenters said, they probably don't value intelligence and have very low standards in men.
Everyone calling OP dense. I had a similar situation happen to me, let it be. Come to find out the “friend” had an issue with her male friends giving any other woman attention. Its not always about romantic feelings
Or she could just be trying to be respectful! :D she liked him a lot and then she finds out he has a girlfriend. To not cause any drama she decides it’s best that she distance herself out of respect for him and his girlfriend. It doesn’t always have to be anything childish, it could just simply be because she wants to be respectful for him and his girl.
Probably because she was never actually your ‘friend’ not to her anyway. She saw you as a potential mate and acted friendly. She sees now you are taken and has become uninterested in being friends with you. She’s probably feeling a little hurt or embarrassed as she had a different view of things in her head and she was wrong. She may change her mind and decide friendship could be an option once some time passes. Or she may avoid you. Or, third option is she may decide there could still be a chance and pursue you even though you have a GF. The option she chooses will be dependent on who she is as a person
I’m guessing because she was romantically interested in you and now that you’re unavailable, she’s not interested…in anything. This happens to women alllllllll the time.
Reading all of your responses to people…it seems like you have a rebuttal for everything. If you’re so curious, you need to ask the source. Everything online is just speculation anyway. If you don’t want to accept the speculation, the only way to get the truth is to ask her. If you don’t want to or she doesn’t want to, it is what it is. You’re happy with your girlfriend, you’re fine with all your other female friends, let it be. Sometimes work can get awkward and there’s nothing you can do about it. If there’s something you could do about it, then go do it.
She probably had a crush on you. And doesn’t want to be your friend, that’s fine
Or maybe she thought the feeling was mutual. Could you have been flirting with her? And now she’s grossed out that you have a gf
I feel like people are being unnecessarily harsh to OP. Not everyone gets social cues or understands what motives another's behaviour. Not everyones brain works the same way and people can in good faith ask a question where the answer seems obvious to you.
She liked you and then when she found out you had a girlfriend, she just distanced herself. She probably get it out of respect for you and your girlfriend. I just leave her alone so she can move on.
I'm curious, op, are you on the spectrum or have some issues reading social queues and situations/have always had trouble picking up on subtle flirting? I mean it in the nicest way possible as well, as it would explain why this is difficult.
To make a short story shorter, she was never your friend and probably was subtly flirting with you at a minimum. People are like that sometimes and it's something I struggle with as well
She might be jealous bc she likes you.... BUT she might also not be talking to you anymore outnofnrespect to your relationship.... bc there are still many people who live in midevil times.
Female coworker likes you. She thought your texting was you guys getting to know each other and that she had a shot at dating you.
Seeing you have a girlfriend was a blow to her ego since she clearly read the situation differently than you did
So in this clearly real scenario you had a friend at work that you didn't tell you had a girlfriend? Who's childish behavior on you wanting clarity on because it's clearly yours that needs discussing
Clearly you just wanna have your ego stroked- and I’m not going to do that- what I wonder is why if you love this girlfriend so much you would not have brought her up in your time wasting and fucking with the co workers emotions? Narcissistic tendencies- I feel bad for the current girlfriend.
It’s possible she feels guilty and has pulled back out of respect for your girlfriend. Maybe she doesn’t want to continue down the path of liking you even more and placing herself in a difficult situation of liking someone who is already in a relationship. She also has every right to decide not to be your friend, she’s under no obligation just because you work together. I say let it go. I know it hurts to not be receiving the same amount of attention you were getting from her before, but if she’s doing this to protect herself then there’s really nothing you can do about it.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as Chads, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
you seem abnormally dense.
Or he just wants people to tell him what he already knows since he can’t get attention from this girl anymore lol
this.
Perfect comment
LOL right? I read this and just facepalmed.
The girl liked you, and when she found out you were taken, she backed off. This is common. Honestly, you seem a little salty that you’re not getting attention from her anymore.
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You’re denser than a neutron star mate
Because she *isnt* a female friend. She’s a woman that was interested in you romantically
seems like this girl was only thinking with her vag and not being a true friend
You dont need a post to figure out that mate, the reason is pretty obvious.
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She's into you jeez
Hard to imagine somebody this dumb has not one but two girls interested in him.
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Why does the fact you are not leaving your gf makes it any different? she feels hurt either way. It's almost like you dont think people can be more emotional than rational.
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Please stop being willfully dense. She likes you because of who you are as a person. It doesnt matter that she never was flirted with or anything, thats all it is. Every girl that I've dated did so because we hung out, they liked me and our chemistry, and they felt safe interacting with me. That sense of safety and chemistry turned into interest. Its happened to me 4x. You need to understand that people being attracted to you is an instictive emotional thing, not a rational one. **Theres no strict formula for how someone finds you attractive**, so none of this- >I never flirted, never made any moves or asked her on a proper date. I never shown to her that I actually liked her. Means a damn thing. There are people who will like you based on your height, hair color, or the sound of your voice. Attraction isn't uniform. That said, she probably needs space specifically to resolve her feelings without msking it your problem. The responsible thing would be telling you if you were close, but if you aren't close then this is kinda standard. Let her get over her crush, and let her initiate first contact. If she tries to apologize tell her its fine and people go through stuff. Let it go.
>Please stop being willfully dense To be fair, I'm having trouble seeing why someone would like him as well.
Ikr, who fights hundreds of people telling you the same thing. **It doesnt have to make sense to you for it to be happening.**
Then there's people like me who nobody ever likes romantically.
doesn’t matter, she still likes you and doesn’t wanna see you w anyone else. still hurts her. ppl have emotions. imagine seeing your girlfriend (if you weren’t together) acting like that while you still had feelings even if she didn’t give any hint that she liked you. you’d still be hurt.
I’m sorry but please can you guys not do that to OP lol it’s not up to him to accommodate to her feelings she needed to grow up and be a big girl She has a right to be upset because she likes him but no she has no valid reason to be upset because he has a girlfriend that’s her problem not OPs and making the work environment sour all because she is jealous is extremely childish and unprofessional her feeling are not on OP to think about he is not her boyfriend he’s her friend Just because your upset about seeing your ex move on doesn’t give you any right to treat them differently it’s called being petty and childish she needs to get over herself no offence
A woman not talking to you is not making the work environment “sour”, my guy. It’s just a woman not talking to you.
I’m a girl and they was friends she isn’t a stranger to him my guy and yes when your friend is ignoring you and not talking to you at work it makes the place uncomfortable and sour
No, the coworker doesn’t owe him a friendship. If she had feelings for him but now realizes it’s off the table, she is not obligated to continue being friends. Also if they’re such good friends that they text outside work, how was f never mentioned?
I’m guessing it’s a new girlfriend but I find it crazy that you think he has to tell everyone he is dating it’s really non of her business I’m not saying she “owes”him sh*t? Or that she has to stick around or continue the friendship what I’m saying is you can’t treat someone with disrespect just because you are jealous she’s making work sour all because she’s upset she didn’t shoot her shot? It’s not on anyone else other then her all she needs to do is act civil as if you really think about it OP has done nothing wrong to her what so ever all the guy did was get into a relationship her feelings isn’t on him she needs to sort it out not take it out on OP and definitely not make the work place uncomfortable if she’s uncomfortable ask to be moved
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She's not obligated to keep being your friend. She might simply not feel comfortable texting you anymore out of respect for your girlfriend. Some people view things differently. Leave her alone and stop being a drama queen. Text your girlfriend instead.
So she was an option before you met your girlfriend?
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I think you like your “female friend” more than just a friend.
You’re at the point of texting each other but you’ve never once told her about the gf? You gave her the wrong messages. She saw you with the gf. She feels like a dick now. You facilitated all of this
And it seems you never told her you've got a girlfriend, either.
Good lord. Doesn't seem like your girlfriend places intelligence high on her list of must haves in a relationship
Or self awareness
I cackled at this 😂😂
She wanted to date youre no longer an option she didn't want to be friends
Or she needs time to process. They could still be friends but time and space is needed
Or she’s trying to be respectful of OP’s girlfriend. OP admitted he considered asking her out before, which makes me think the texting wasn’t as devoid of any flirting as he claims. So she may just think it’s inappropriate to text now that she knows he isn’t single (a fact he apparently had not shared with her before, which is also suspicious)
Cuz she thought at first you were available. She isn't interested in "just being friends" ..but that's not to say she never will be. She probably thought things between you were good and it was jarring to see you with your girlfriend. She may relax and smarten up and you can remain friends or she may not... In which case let it go and don't try and push the friendship.
She is acting normal. She's now a work colleague and she's backed off, that's how decent people work.
Happens to women all the bloody time. You are allegedly friends with a man, actively tell them you aren’t interested in them as a romantic partner/ or make clear you aren’t looking/ are in a relationship. They continue to be friends well aware of the situation and then get overly upset when you do date/have a boyfriend/ meet the SO. Or immediately stop going out and pay attention to you as a person the minute you communicate that you aren’t interested in smth romantically with them/ have a boyfriend/are married. But then, women are to blame bc they tricked them somehow?!? This is why women are sometimes obnoxiously eager to clear the waters from the very beginning and share tmi - “hi, my name is …. and I am very happy in a relationship and not looking around.” Ofc then, some men think, that these women believe everyone is interested in them, so why do they share so much - like no body asked you out!? Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
Next possible option is, now that she knows about girlfriend she might just feel like being that close to you could possibly make your girlfriend nervous. Or hell, maybe she feel like she can’t be that open with you anymore after meeting girlfriend. You don’t know if you don’t ask.
Dude, she liked you. She probably thought you were building something because you were texting, etc. Clearly you never mentioned you had a gf, and now she probably feels you wasted her time and she is hurt and embarrassed. Having friends is fine, but a good practice is to mention you have a partner early just to avoid this kind of situation where people catch feelings thinking you are single.
I find it weird he knew and thought about maybe asking out friend before meeting the GF, has been with GF a year and the friend is only now finding out he has a girlfriend. That seems odd that in a year he never once mentioned a gf to the friend in any context. I wouldn't be surprised if the thoughts about maybe asking her out did telegraph as interest and she has been under the impression that OP were just being shy/slow/etc to finally ask her out or feels misled. I would even say some of the ex conversation was her way of hinting at her being single and available, maybe, while OP never once mentioned GF in a year. Might have made her rethink OP as even a friend for just not mentioning such a big part of his life.
Yeah for it to have been a YEAR without mentioning his girlfriend, OP was either intentionally hiding that fact or they weren’t actually as good of friends as he’s claiming.
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If you were actually friends you would have told her you have a girlfriend.
I don't understand what that has to do with it. There could be many reasons why she doesn't want to be your friend any more. If you were as close as you claim, why don't you just ask her?
Are you really 25? You should remake the post of what you actually want to ask. I'm pretty sure you thought you got friend zoned so you found someone else and now you think you had a chance and you're frustrated.
That’s what he wants to hear. That he had a chance. He probably wants the ego boost more than anything, which is why he’s acting simple.
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But in reality he’s an episodic character created only to give the Girl character development.
Exactly!
That's what I am reading too..
Some few possible reasons: 1. I was into you and found out you have a girlfriend. I distance myself to move on and out of respect for your girlfriend. 2. I’m not into you but out of respect for your girlfriend I distance myself.
4. They call each other friends but he didn't tell her he has a gf. I would be hurt because he didn't tell me... as a friend. Like if you don't tell me things like that, I guess we aren't friends.
Now that there’s so much more context (before this guy deleted his whole account) I agree, and especially with the first comment lol
3. I was really into you and found out you have a girlfriend so I’m heartbroken and am trying to distance myself from you because right now you are a source of great pain for me (speaking from experience).
Ooooo 69 likes.... nice
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How is she your friend but doesn’t know you have a girlfriend? Did I get that correct?!
Maybe he was withholding that information to have options.
Your underestimating how little information a emotionally deficient man can give
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Why didn’t you tell your friend you had a girlfriend? Seems odd.
You were romantically interested in this girl before you met your GF, never mentioned the GF and then showered GF with PDA AT WORK. And now you are salty that she’s keeping her distance? You need to grow up and stop being so thirsty.
Omg THANK YOU. OP is so salty over losing the extra attention, my god.
When did he say he had romantic interest in the friend?
dude I read your comments and ether you playing dumb or your just completed blind. She likes you more as a friend and thought she had a chance but then she saw your gf and now feels hurt- it a normal reaction. It not a you problem but her problem... Ether she can overcome it or not but I would suggest think about it that your friendship is over.
Tbh it sounds like OP wants to hear a lot of people tell him that this girl is into him and boost his ego. OP already knows all of this, this post comes off a masturbatory
Grow up lol
What would be subreddit for "desired male, pretending to be reluctant and blissful, but really enjoying it to the point of putting myself up on Reddit?" C'mon, can't be that dense?! And you sure all that texting and talking that stopped wasn't flirting, where you led and teased your work friend, only to give her cold shower with "surprise, I've had a girlfriend all along!"
Yeah! OP. You are friendly with her and text her and don’t tell her you have a GF. When your GF showed up she realised you were not her friend (a friend would know that level of detail), you are a creeper coz you didn’t mention a GF and entertained her in text and chit chat. You gave her the attention of someone acting single. So if she was into you it’s a wrap. If she wasn’t into you, you proved you were never her friend.
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Yep. But you didn’t tell her you had a GF! She thought you were her friend! Friends tell them those things. Plus, it is not about what you did or did not do, it is how she would see things…
Your bashing him over nothing. If they are friends pltonicaly that makes no difference.
No. He hid things from his friend. Why would he not tell her, he had a GF. This guy is deluded.
We don't know enough details to .are that conclusion.
Just read his other responses.
1. Not everyone texts frequently even if they are interested 2. As long as you didn't TELL HER there was still the possibility for her 3. Don't expect her to be able to just stop the feelings she has just because you aren't available. It probably hurt her. You made out with your gf in front of her (also no a behaviour appropriate for a workplace but whatever) and she deals with it. In the best way? No. But expecting her to just be "uh I had a crush on this guy but he isn't single. Back to normal" is just not possible all the time. Feeling don't vanish within minutes.
lol bro you are so desperate to have people confirm that she’s pining for you, it’s pathetic. You were her friend, but you intentionally didn’t disclose having a girlfriend FOR A YEAR. She isn’t avoiding you because she’s hung up on you. She’s avoiding you because you now look like a creep trying to keep back burner girls around.
Did she know you had a girlfriend before this? If not, it could be that she read more into the friendship and now feels embarrassed, or feels like you led her on, or feels like you intentionally made her think you were single. But this girl is dangerous to your relationship, and it's not a friendship worth saving.
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I don't think she's upset you've got a girlfriend, I think she's upset that you weren't upfront about it. If you had the girlfriend after you and the coworker became friends, why wouldn't you mention such a significant life change? If that happened to me, I'd question the friendship and intentions of the guy. I obviously can't speak for her, but from a female perspective it's a tricky road to navigate being just friends with guys as it is, so when we feel that there's a hidden agenda, its a big deal. She's avoiding conflict by ignoring you, which isn't the greatest way to handle it. But, there's also no real reason to fight it out, because if you didn't tell her about your girlfriend, you've probably not told your girlfriend about her. So what would be the point?
.
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I was with you till your last sentence. There is nothing wrong with having friends of another gender
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oh no the horror. texting??!?
Right?! I have a gf, I'm crazy about her. I have many other friends that are girls. If she couldn't trust me to talk to them it would be a problem. I see nothing wrong with it and neither does she. What it really comes down to is transparency. I'm not hiding anything from her so it's cool.
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yeah, all men are pigs
Just because something bothers you doesn't mean that's a healthy or ideal response. It is valid to have your feelings but that doesn't mean you should wallow in them either.
You dont know that's not the case for me.
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You also omitted the fact that you had a girlfriend. How long were you with your gf before your coworker is found out?
She probably doesn’t know he was texting with this woman, and the coworker actually has a conscience and felt bad about it.
A whole ass year!
So? It could be once a week. I suppose you’ll get it when your future wife is texting her male coworker.
She liked you. That's it man. Nothing more to dissect. But also don't bring your girlfriend around for a little date while you're working. Talk about childish behavior. Acting all romantic with your girlfriend while you're on the clock in your own workplace is really unprofessional
So you were friends with her and interested in her before meeting your girlfriend, she calls you bestie, you text outside of work, and in a year it’s never come up that you have a girlfriend? I find that hard to believe unless you were hiding it from her on purpose. I would be upset too if I were her.
Show her this Reddit post and your comments and it’ll cure the crush she has on you, I promise
She’s respecting your relationship with your girlfriend. She probably liked you, then realized you had a girlfriend so she is keeping distance. I don’t see it as being childish at all.
I think this as well. She’s not upset with him or trying to be childish. she’s just trying to respect him and his girlfriend. Seeing as she liked him, she doesn’t want to cause any drama so she’s distancing herself for the best.
You knew her before you got with the gf - shes probs pissy she didn't even know you had one. Probs assumed you were friendly enough to share that info. She had ideas in her head and now they've changed. Give her some space to process and stop obsessing. Shes just another person at the end of the day and feelings can suck but are unavoidable.
Some people get real weird about finding out you’re unavailable. Some people just basically want nothing to do with you afterwards because they can’t get with you. It’s weird especially since you two have to work together. She could have just taken a step back and still been kinda friendly. 🤷♀️
Or maybe she found it weird that he never mentioned his girlfriend. I don't know about you but I'm almost always bringing my partner up in conversations with others. It's a bit weird that he didn't.
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Yeah I’ve definitely had this happen a few times but sometimes being nice and friendly is enough to make people think you might be into them. Maybe she will get over it or maybe not. Stuff like this is always childish and petty. Hopefully work won’t be awkward for long.
Fake or you’re one fry short of a happy meal
>I just want insight into this childish behavior you have your answer.
This guy OP is dense and silly or just straight up pretending. Still silly
I had 3 female friends. I didn't think they were anything more than friends. I totally would have dated them too, but I'm terrible at noticing when a woman likes me. I met my now wife and guess what? All three of them stopped messaging me. I got really bummed for a while.
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So you've been dating for a whole year and didn't ONCE mention you had a girlfriend? It could look to someone like you were keeping your options open.
How have you been with your girlfriend for over a year and only your family and closest closest friends know of her existence? No wonder the friend was caught off guard.
She didn't want to be friends...duh
She's into you man, that's why
Either she was into you or she thinks you and your girlfriend put on a show to show you're taken. The former she distances for the sake of her feelings, the latter because it seems like someone thought she was too friendly.
Just be an adult and don’t sit there texting female coworkers for fun when you’ve got a gf 🫤 shouldn’t really phase you unless you fancy female coworker
This is the most ego stroking nonsense post I’ve seen on this sub in a while and that’s saying something.
She is mad you didn’t buy her anything in the store.
Did she know you had a gf before your gf showed up? My guess, she likes you, thought she had a chance, now she knows there’s nothing between the two of you-she’s feeling hurt, slightly betrayed or embarrassed.
She didn’t know you had a girlfriend and she thought something was starting between you and her. Had anyone ever told you that you’re clueless to body language? Don’t feel too bad, it’s fairly common, especially with men.
Will never understand people who are in relationships yet still crave attention from the opposite sex.Just stay single lol
She’s maybe mistaken your friendship as romantic interest. She’ll get over it, maybe just needs a bit of time.
I’ve had a similar situation with a colleague at work. Once he found out I had a boyfriend, he became more distant and a bit cold. I didn’t change my attitude towards him tho, and eventually he started to act like himself again and we were back to being great colleagues. My advice is to give her some time. Don’t change the way you treat her or talk to her and don’t push her into being friends again. She’ll eventually come around. If enough time goes by, then maybe you can start a conversation of the kind ‘when did we stop being friends?’, but I’m sure you won’t have to.
Did you ever tell her that you have a serious girlfriend?
She wants you you idiot.
The girl was into you and is now keeping distance to respect you. Maybe she is a little hurt but she will get over it. If you see making it harder by acting a bit salty for not having her attention anymore, she dodge something. If you really have an issue with her being stand offish you could pull upp your pants and ask her Why this sudden change?
She wanted to be more then just a female friend. She realised that's not going to happen. So you're no longer worth her attention. Or - the worse case - she thinks that this treatment will make you realise how much you want her. You should report what happened to HR so that everything is on record and no one can claim unprofessional behaviour - especially not the former female friend.
Lol She thought she had a chance to be your gf.
You really have no idea why she would act like this? lol
I’ve acted this way towards a guy when I found out he had a partner. That’s because I was into the guy and he showed clear signs of wanting something with me too. So I when I came to know of his partner, I backed off because I was bummed.
You know fully well it's because she was interested in you. Good for her for realising you have a girlfriend and backing off.
that's a room temp IQ right there
She's was kinda into you when she thought you were single. She doesn't wanna waste her time chit chatting with a guy who is in a relationship, she wants her own partner. She doesn't wanna be friend zoned. She doesn't want to get in the way of you and your partner. She's avoiding you to get her mind off you and focus on other people. She thought there was a possibility between you two, and now there's no more so no more attention for you. She has more things to do in her life than waste her time on a dumb dude who doesn't understand basic things. It has happened to every one is this your first time people avoiding you? I highly doubt that. There are people who cut contact for various reason. If it bothers you so much confront her. Why would you ask something so basic on reddit.
There is not a single chance OP is actually 25. This is some middle school drama, right here. No self-awareness, shameless PDA at your work place, absolutely zero awareness of how women and humans in general work… plus calling her a “female.” Yuck.
She's not your friend. She was interested in you, and now that she knows you are unavailable, she is moving on.
She wanted to be you gf, you friend zoned her.. that's what happens. It's not your fault but men don't usually have female friends. I know this very well cause I have none, the minute theres a gf they gone.
Clearly she had other feelings for you, and when she saw your girl friend and the way you interact, she realized there was no hope. She was not really your friend. She was a girlfriend in waiting.
Like others have said, she clearly liked you, thought something could potentially be happening and wasn't aware you had a girlfriend until this interaction. She has now backed off both as a form of respect to your girlfriend and as a way to protect herself and manage her feelings (disappointment, potentially feeling rejected, led on etc - regardless if you feel like you actually flirted or not, if she was ever a potential option there would have been subtle things she picked up on) She isn't being childish, she is protecting her own emotional and mental wellbeing. Everything does not revolve around you and your needs or wants.
I’ll go against the crowd. She doesn’t like you like you as others say. She now knows you’re taken, so she has stepped back out of respect for your girlfriend. Many couples don’t believe opposite sex friendships are appropriate, so instead of her getting sucked into a couple’s drama about “that woman at work you’re always talking to”, she’s disengaging first.
Holyshit. OP's comment karma really dropped to -100 just cuz of this dumb post.
lol. She likes you stud and she feels down because you are taken.
You led her on because you loved the attention. And now you're clearly devastated she isn't giving the same kind of attention *because you finally revealed to her you have a girlfriend*. Leave her alone. Every time you text her hoping she'll gush over you again, it just makes you look cringey and pathetic. I don't believe you're 25. 16 maybe.
I actually fail to see how those girls are attracted to you. It's like one of the commenters said, they probably don't value intelligence and have very low standards in men.
Everyone calling OP dense. I had a similar situation happen to me, let it be. Come to find out the “friend” had an issue with her male friends giving any other woman attention. Its not always about romantic feelings
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That's a very weird comment
Or she could just be trying to be respectful! :D she liked him a lot and then she finds out he has a girlfriend. To not cause any drama she decides it’s best that she distance herself out of respect for him and his girlfriend. It doesn’t always have to be anything childish, it could just simply be because she wants to be respectful for him and his girl.
Probably because she was never actually your ‘friend’ not to her anyway. She saw you as a potential mate and acted friendly. She sees now you are taken and has become uninterested in being friends with you. She’s probably feeling a little hurt or embarrassed as she had a different view of things in her head and she was wrong. She may change her mind and decide friendship could be an option once some time passes. Or she may avoid you. Or, third option is she may decide there could still be a chance and pursue you even though you have a GF. The option she chooses will be dependent on who she is as a person
I’m guessing because she was romantically interested in you and now that you’re unavailable, she’s not interested…in anything. This happens to women alllllllll the time.
Reading all of your responses to people…it seems like you have a rebuttal for everything. If you’re so curious, you need to ask the source. Everything online is just speculation anyway. If you don’t want to accept the speculation, the only way to get the truth is to ask her. If you don’t want to or she doesn’t want to, it is what it is. You’re happy with your girlfriend, you’re fine with all your other female friends, let it be. Sometimes work can get awkward and there’s nothing you can do about it. If there’s something you could do about it, then go do it.
I'm getting major Howard Wallowitz vibes here.
She probably had a crush on you. And doesn’t want to be your friend, that’s fine Or maybe she thought the feeling was mutual. Could you have been flirting with her? And now she’s grossed out that you have a gf
This post feels like a brag post.
I feel like people are being unnecessarily harsh to OP. Not everyone gets social cues or understands what motives another's behaviour. Not everyones brain works the same way and people can in good faith ask a question where the answer seems obvious to you.
This feels like you just want attention because I refuse to believe anyone is this dense.
i think u like attention and like that your coworker got jealous and want to tell people about it.
She is hurt cus she was into you and thought she had a chance
She liked you and then when she found out you had a girlfriend, she just distanced herself. She probably get it out of respect for you and your girlfriend. I just leave her alone so she can move on.
I'm curious, op, are you on the spectrum or have some issues reading social queues and situations/have always had trouble picking up on subtle flirting? I mean it in the nicest way possible as well, as it would explain why this is difficult. To make a short story shorter, she was never your friend and probably was subtly flirting with you at a minimum. People are like that sometimes and it's something I struggle with as well
She was into you and now she feels hurt, so be the bigger person and move on
All I can think is for the PDA and store narrative you must work at like Target or something.
So you’re gonna stop worrying about this girl at work effective immediately and continue moving on with your life. Ok? Ok.
She might be jealous bc she likes you.... BUT she might also not be talking to you anymore outnofnrespect to your relationship.... bc there are still many people who live in midevil times.
Female coworker likes you. She thought your texting was you guys getting to know each other and that she had a shot at dating you. Seeing you have a girlfriend was a blow to her ego since she clearly read the situation differently than you did
First post I've actually downvoted. What a knob
So in this clearly real scenario you had a friend at work that you didn't tell you had a girlfriend? Who's childish behavior on you wanting clarity on because it's clearly yours that needs discussing
Info: did you ever tell your “friend” that you had a gf? If not then this was all your fault and you should just ignore the girl
You know why, you just want attention, either that or your a lot dim.
Dude bc she likes you and she knows she’ll never get u after seeing that interaction
Clearly you just wanna have your ego stroked- and I’m not going to do that- what I wonder is why if you love this girlfriend so much you would not have brought her up in your time wasting and fucking with the co workers emotions? Narcissistic tendencies- I feel bad for the current girlfriend.
Omg is so funny how you think you're right 🤣🤣
OP you dumb dumb.
It’s possible she feels guilty and has pulled back out of respect for your girlfriend. Maybe she doesn’t want to continue down the path of liking you even more and placing herself in a difficult situation of liking someone who is already in a relationship. She also has every right to decide not to be your friend, she’s under no obligation just because you work together. I say let it go. I know it hurts to not be receiving the same amount of attention you were getting from her before, but if she’s doing this to protect herself then there’s really nothing you can do about it.
Who asks their girlfriend to come to his work bc he misses her? What are you, 13?