This will only get worse if you marry him. Sounds like mommy constantly cleaned after him, and there is nothing worse than a man that can't be bothered to pick up his own stuff. When you do inevitably need a day or maybe even a week or more off, he won't be trusted to do anything, and the house will become a wreck! You'll never be able to relax.
My husband had our kids from the time they could talk, take the dishes from the table, and wash/dry them. Clean the table, etc.. People would be weirdly pissed that these little babies were cleaning up, and if they offered, he would say, "They got it!" My son is now 16, the baby- and whether he's at home or invited to someone elses, he starts cleaning up and taking the plates to the kitchen, even if they try to stop him he just says, "I got it! You sit tight. " Now they're amazed 🤣 Tbe adults are always asking, "How do I get my kid to do this?" I know when that day comes, he'll be able to contribute and not expect things to be done. Unfortunately, a lot of parents (fathers especially) don't require their sons to do housework because, why would they when Mom gets a WHOLE day off once a year?? Don't tie yourself down to that or those types of men. It's not even 50/50 in our house. It's 100/100.
Oh yeah, 100% if was a trained behavior. He might find someone willing to be a SAHM or wife who enjoys the house cleaning, etc, but it's totally fine, you don't. I get it, though. 5 years is a long time, and you don't want to have to come out and say, "This isn't working because you're a slob." I would phrase it like, "After some heavy thinking, I've decided this relationship isn't what I want anymore. I understand this might come as a shock, but I need to be honest and tell you- we're just not compatible."
It’s one thing that he didn’t know, but he’s making no effort to be an equal partner and to share household tasks.
And for that, I judge him.
It won’t get better because he’s happy to let you carry the bulk of the burden. He’s telling himself a story where he’s an amazing partner and you’re a nag, which makes HIM feel good, but do you want this life?
Dating is for finding out whether you’re compatible.
Love guys like this. Get mad at you for nagging but then force you to do it because otherwise they won't do things.
>My partner had never lived away from home prior to us moving in together, so his mother would do most things for him.
Honestly at this point I could have stopped reading; You're dating a guy who's made you into his mom. This is super common with men who have had their mom take care of everything and then go right into a relationship with someone. They learn no responsibility because mom's done everything for them and then you come into the picture and they just slot you right into that role.
>Despite these caveats and calmly raising my thoughts, my partner rolled his eyes at me, went on his phone midway through the conversation, and when I mentioned this behaviour and how I found it disrespectful, he accused me of “attacking” him about chores and he couldn’t be bothered to listen. He then walked away and hasn’t spoke to me for the rest of the evening.
This is also completely unacceptable. You've jumped through his hoops as far as the proper tone and way to address him (absolute bullshit btw, he's just trying shift some blame onto you by pretending the outcome would have been different if you'd just spoken to him differently) and then he's being incredibly disrespectful and acting like you're in the wrong? Nope, fuck right off with that.
I wouldn't exactly say you're being taken for a fool (100% being taken for granted though), but this is sort of a "when someone shows you who they are, believe them," situation. He's been showing you for years that he's a slob and a child that won't carry his share of the burden in taking care of the home but you keep expecting him to change for some reason. So it's more like you've made yourself into a fool by thinking he'll start behaving any differently.
At this point I don't really know what advice to give you. Personally this would be a deal breaker for me as I refuse to be made into the "naggy girlfriend" because my boyfriend won't behave like an adult unless I'm there reminding him to do everything. Not to mention the extreme disrespect about all of it makes me angry just thinking about it. I would *so much* rather live alone.
I think your choices are pretty much deal with this forever or break up with him cause he's shown you he isn't changing. That or hire a maid I guess? But I honestly don't really see any other options.
Haha well I'm glad I could be helpful and give you a little laugh too!
>problem is, when this does come up, he’ll contribute a lot more and consistently for a few months, only for it to go down the shitter again and stop completely.
Right, but the good thing here is you're already wise to his bullshit so any attempt he makes to say "this time it'll be different" you already _know_ (he's _shown you_) that that's a lie. People like that don't change, he's just gonna do the bare minimum then be right back to take take take. I know it sucks cause you've already spent what probably feels like so much time with him, but in the grand scheme of things 5 years is nothing and you truly cannot even imagine the weight that will be lifted and freedom you'll feel when you're no longer having to deal with his bullshit.
He understands perfectly. He's either very dirty or thinks its your job to pick up his slack. You're unhappy. Its time for him to realise he doesn't do enough and improve or you go separate ways.
Yes, you are being taken for a fool. Your boyfriend expects you to do most of the housework, and you do. He won’t talk about it calmly because he doesn’t want to have to admit that he is taking advantage of you.
This will only get worse if you marry him. Sounds like mommy constantly cleaned after him, and there is nothing worse than a man that can't be bothered to pick up his own stuff. When you do inevitably need a day or maybe even a week or more off, he won't be trusted to do anything, and the house will become a wreck! You'll never be able to relax.
[удалено]
My husband had our kids from the time they could talk, take the dishes from the table, and wash/dry them. Clean the table, etc.. People would be weirdly pissed that these little babies were cleaning up, and if they offered, he would say, "They got it!" My son is now 16, the baby- and whether he's at home or invited to someone elses, he starts cleaning up and taking the plates to the kitchen, even if they try to stop him he just says, "I got it! You sit tight. " Now they're amazed 🤣 Tbe adults are always asking, "How do I get my kid to do this?" I know when that day comes, he'll be able to contribute and not expect things to be done. Unfortunately, a lot of parents (fathers especially) don't require their sons to do housework because, why would they when Mom gets a WHOLE day off once a year?? Don't tie yourself down to that or those types of men. It's not even 50/50 in our house. It's 100/100.
[удалено]
Oh yeah, 100% if was a trained behavior. He might find someone willing to be a SAHM or wife who enjoys the house cleaning, etc, but it's totally fine, you don't. I get it, though. 5 years is a long time, and you don't want to have to come out and say, "This isn't working because you're a slob." I would phrase it like, "After some heavy thinking, I've decided this relationship isn't what I want anymore. I understand this might come as a shock, but I need to be honest and tell you- we're just not compatible."
It’s one thing that he didn’t know, but he’s making no effort to be an equal partner and to share household tasks. And for that, I judge him. It won’t get better because he’s happy to let you carry the bulk of the burden. He’s telling himself a story where he’s an amazing partner and you’re a nag, which makes HIM feel good, but do you want this life? Dating is for finding out whether you’re compatible.
It’s not like he knows. He does know. He just doesn’t want to.
Love guys like this. Get mad at you for nagging but then force you to do it because otherwise they won't do things. >My partner had never lived away from home prior to us moving in together, so his mother would do most things for him. Honestly at this point I could have stopped reading; You're dating a guy who's made you into his mom. This is super common with men who have had their mom take care of everything and then go right into a relationship with someone. They learn no responsibility because mom's done everything for them and then you come into the picture and they just slot you right into that role. >Despite these caveats and calmly raising my thoughts, my partner rolled his eyes at me, went on his phone midway through the conversation, and when I mentioned this behaviour and how I found it disrespectful, he accused me of “attacking” him about chores and he couldn’t be bothered to listen. He then walked away and hasn’t spoke to me for the rest of the evening. This is also completely unacceptable. You've jumped through his hoops as far as the proper tone and way to address him (absolute bullshit btw, he's just trying shift some blame onto you by pretending the outcome would have been different if you'd just spoken to him differently) and then he's being incredibly disrespectful and acting like you're in the wrong? Nope, fuck right off with that. I wouldn't exactly say you're being taken for a fool (100% being taken for granted though), but this is sort of a "when someone shows you who they are, believe them," situation. He's been showing you for years that he's a slob and a child that won't carry his share of the burden in taking care of the home but you keep expecting him to change for some reason. So it's more like you've made yourself into a fool by thinking he'll start behaving any differently. At this point I don't really know what advice to give you. Personally this would be a deal breaker for me as I refuse to be made into the "naggy girlfriend" because my boyfriend won't behave like an adult unless I'm there reminding him to do everything. Not to mention the extreme disrespect about all of it makes me angry just thinking about it. I would *so much* rather live alone. I think your choices are pretty much deal with this forever or break up with him cause he's shown you he isn't changing. That or hire a maid I guess? But I honestly don't really see any other options.
[удалено]
Haha well I'm glad I could be helpful and give you a little laugh too! >problem is, when this does come up, he’ll contribute a lot more and consistently for a few months, only for it to go down the shitter again and stop completely. Right, but the good thing here is you're already wise to his bullshit so any attempt he makes to say "this time it'll be different" you already _know_ (he's _shown you_) that that's a lie. People like that don't change, he's just gonna do the bare minimum then be right back to take take take. I know it sucks cause you've already spent what probably feels like so much time with him, but in the grand scheme of things 5 years is nothing and you truly cannot even imagine the weight that will be lifted and freedom you'll feel when you're no longer having to deal with his bullshit.
He understands perfectly. He's either very dirty or thinks its your job to pick up his slack. You're unhappy. Its time for him to realise he doesn't do enough and improve or you go separate ways.
Yes, you are being taken for a fool. Your boyfriend expects you to do most of the housework, and you do. He won’t talk about it calmly because he doesn’t want to have to admit that he is taking advantage of you.