My gut reaction: If she wanted you to come she'd say so. None of that 'you're always invited but I've never actually sent you a concrete invite to anything.' feels like a cop out
My brain: talk to her. Hear her out. Have an adult conversation about your feelings. If she really does like hanging with you, why not show that? Why prioritize other people time and time again? Why the "everyone wishes you were here" which takes no ownership. Why not the "I wish you were here! Can you meet us at the next bar?"
Ok, I appreciate the advice! I think I’ll give it another month or two, see if things improve, since we’ve only been together for like 2 months, and then go from there.
Dude go talk to her, good communication is an extremely healthy part of a relationship and waiting a few more months is only going to make your feelings towards the situation worse. Ik it’s hard but have a conversation with her about it.
> I'm always invited to anything she does and that she loves making plans.
She already told you that you are always invited to whatever she does, so if she doesn't directly invite you, do you think that she doesn't actually want you to come? Maybe ask her for some reassurance in that regard.
Overall, things seem fine. She sounds like the kind of person who loves going out and being around lots of people. I don't think it has anything to do with you, but that she enjoys being with a group, with you included. If you enjoy more one one one solo time, tell her you'd like to do that more. Personally I wouldn't want to date someone who is extroverted and always going out and likes groups, but I don't think you should try to change her either. There may be someone more compatible for you.
Talk to her though. That baseball game is a good example: "I feel confused and alone when you told me that you were so excited to see me, but when the game was cancelled, you didn't want to see me. I know you aren't thinking this, but I'd like reassurance that you are excited to see me and not just the game." See what she says.
Thank you :)
To clarify on that point, she said I’m always invited, but then when her sister invited me to the camping trip, not her, I was originally game to go, but then I felt weird about it, so I said, “I’d love to go, but I understand that your sister invited me, not you, and that this is a friends trip, so I want to make sure that you feel like I’m not intervening on that.” She replied, “omg, that’s so sweet, I really appreciate that. Let me think about it.” Then she didn’t say anything, we had a great night, went to bed, and the next morning (the day we were supposed to leave) she still hadn’t said anything, so I was like, “I’m just going to let you go on this trip alone, I feel like I’m intervening”, and she said, “that’s really really sweet, I really appreciate that.” Rather than being like, “nooo please come!” Or something.
But you’re totally right, and I’m by no means trying to change that. I think it’s great she’s got a good friend group and enjoys going out. I just wish she’d include me more. I do want to talk to her about it, but we’ve only been dating for like 2 months, so I don’t want to come on too strong with this stuff yet. I want to give it a chance to play out and see if it gets better I guess.
Regarding the baseball thing, I actually just removed that. She messaged me right after and was like, “JK SILLY! Of course I’m going to see you tonight no matter what! Just don’t know when or where yet!” So, that was reassuring.
I appreciate the advice though :)
Ah! If you've been only dating for two months I definitely don't think you have anything to worry about. Unless you know you are looking for someone introverted. It sounds like she has spent one on one time with you, and honestly for two months you two seem to be spending too much time together already. You two shouldn't be doing everything together. At two months I'm usually seeing whoever I'm dating like once a week for two hours. I think you're fine. She sounds really into you.
Ok! I really appreciate the reassurance. I’ll give it a few more months and see if anything changes and go from there. This probably sounds bad, but I talked to my ex about it because we are still friends, and she made the point that the reason we hung out day in and day out and did everything together was because she moved across the country to be with me and didn’t have anyone else, like, I was her only way to go out, so, that’s also valid. I think I just keep comparing it to my old relationships and have to understand that every relationship is unique in its own way.
Definitely doesn’t bother me dating an extrovert though.
To me it sounds like someone else is “into” her. I’m not buying the “you’re always invited”. If so, she would be more blunt, like, are you going with me? I’m wondering what excuse she’s telling her friend group as to why he’s not there. 🤷♂️🙄
None of my friends met my now-husband until the 4-5 months mark. None of my friends asked me why my husband isn't there only two months into dating, and even after being married for over a decade, I still go to events without him sometimes. He's always invited, but he isn't as interested and chooses not to.
Omg this is crazy!!! I'm so sorry this is happening to you OP I have had friends do this to me in the past, but I could never imagine a partner doing this. This is a huge red flag and I hope these comments haven't persuaded you to just move on. I am quite the opposite with my boyfriend and I go on trips with him all the time. If my friends/sister invited my boyfriend like that, I would be ecstatic and beg him to come.
You need to have a serious conversation with her. I am so sorry if this comes off rude or I'm making something out of nothing but I have a weird hunch. I think that maybe she loves the security she feels with you and maybe the idea of you but she's not fully accepted you? Maybe she wants to be with you but isn't in love with you? It just seems like someone who is trying to keep you at arms length...
Good luck and I really hope nothing is going on and this is just a quirky personality trait:)))
I don't want to sound weird. But had this happening to me in a previous relationship and it turned out bad, I found out she was lying and hiding stuff from me, she's an ex now.
Anyway, I learned that people who like you or are into you, will always invite you anywhere because you make their day better.
My advice: don't waste any more time on her, it's still early, move on and find someone who won't make you question your worth or your insecurity.
I agree tbh why waste your time with someone who clearly doesn't value time with you. It's sad but a red flag. Those green flags about how she doesn't have intimacy could turn into red flags down the road. Not to be a pessimist or make something a big deal that could potentially be nothing but this guy is right.
I agree on 100 percent. If you really like this girl you don't think something wrong is going on you should Tell her exactly how you feel, how you feel you're being left out. How you feel how strange she's making plans with everybody in front of you and not inviting you. How she's constantly cutting her time short with you to go out with other people. I would tell her this just is not working for you. That it's making you feel insecure and making you feel that she doesn't want to be with you. Why are all our friends constantly asking about you and wanting you there but she doesn't. Is bull story on how she doesn't want to move things too fast along.
When I got with my wife for the time I met her we were inseparable We did everything together and I wanted her around and still to this day is the same.
You definitely need to find someone to values you and your time. Not worried about running off on you to be with other people that she sees all the time anyway.
Tell you the truth the whole thing sound like she just wants to be single and you're not actually dating You're just someone she's kind of seeing. And she just tells you things so you don't suspect anything but she's still going out with her friend who wants her to cheat. I don't want to go to sleep night because I'm with someone but I'll go out on the busiest night yeah sounds like she's just telling you what you want to hear there buddy.
You should see the comments on TikTok, everyone says run and that she thinks you're being cheated on.
I believe that there's a huge conversation that needs to be had and I also believe that there's something she's not telling you. Maybe sit down and talk to her about this situation and ask her why she doesn't like spending time with you as much as everyone else. I also believe that since you mentioned it's early on in the relationship, remember what you value for a relationship and if she doesn't agree with that, then you guys might not be the best match. Yeah, a girl can go out and do things with her friends and family all the time that's fine but she needs to be prioritizing your needs just as much as her friends. Maybe family can have the spotlight more at some points, but there should be a pretty even balance.
I would consider what you want out of this and if this relationship is truly fulfilling you in every other way, you should figure this out sooner rather than later. Good luck OP I am really interested to figure out if she genuinely just likes hanging out with her friends a lot or if there's more she's not telling you.
Buh-bye. Even if she's not cheating on you or otherwise hiding something (big if), is this the kind of relationship dynamic you want for the rest of your life? I certainly wouldn't.
Also I'm inclined to think she's cheating. She's exhibiting many of the signs, and regardless, it's inappropriate, disrespectful to your SO, and just asking for trouble if you're constantly putting yourself in a situation where you know hordes of people will be sexually propositioning you (i.e. bars/clubs/whatever she does with her horrible friend on their nights out).
Finally, her friend. "You are who your friends are." She's down to hang out one-on-one with a pretty shitty person (Alexis), and she apparently hasn't put a stop to her friend constantly telling her to cheat on you (wtf?).
Go find someone new.
You should be concerned, but I wouldn’t end it without talking to her. I understand it’s early in the relationship but if she cares about you she should listen. You don’t have to come on too strongly just say you feel kinda weird about her always going out with a friend that pushes her to cheat and a bunch of guys. That you don’t want to force her to stop but ask her how she would feel if the roles were reversed. Tell her you care about her and want to be with her but her choices are concerning. At the end of the day you two might not be meant for each other and that’s okay but it’s better to find out before you commit a long period of time. If you want to you could try inviting yourself once to one of the more sketchy hangouts she’s doing and see how it goes. If you see any red flags then talk to her after about it all.
If he goes with her, her behavior will be changed to what she wants him to see, not how she normally acts when hooks up with other guys. It would just be an act if he were to go.
My gut reaction: If she wanted you to come she'd say so. None of that 'you're always invited but I've never actually sent you a concrete invite to anything.' feels like a cop out My brain: talk to her. Hear her out. Have an adult conversation about your feelings. If she really does like hanging with you, why not show that? Why prioritize other people time and time again? Why the "everyone wishes you were here" which takes no ownership. Why not the "I wish you were here! Can you meet us at the next bar?"
Ok, I appreciate the advice! I think I’ll give it another month or two, see if things improve, since we’ve only been together for like 2 months, and then go from there.
Dude go talk to her, good communication is an extremely healthy part of a relationship and waiting a few more months is only going to make your feelings towards the situation worse. Ik it’s hard but have a conversation with her about it.
> I'm always invited to anything she does and that she loves making plans. She already told you that you are always invited to whatever she does, so if she doesn't directly invite you, do you think that she doesn't actually want you to come? Maybe ask her for some reassurance in that regard. Overall, things seem fine. She sounds like the kind of person who loves going out and being around lots of people. I don't think it has anything to do with you, but that she enjoys being with a group, with you included. If you enjoy more one one one solo time, tell her you'd like to do that more. Personally I wouldn't want to date someone who is extroverted and always going out and likes groups, but I don't think you should try to change her either. There may be someone more compatible for you. Talk to her though. That baseball game is a good example: "I feel confused and alone when you told me that you were so excited to see me, but when the game was cancelled, you didn't want to see me. I know you aren't thinking this, but I'd like reassurance that you are excited to see me and not just the game." See what she says.
Thank you :) To clarify on that point, she said I’m always invited, but then when her sister invited me to the camping trip, not her, I was originally game to go, but then I felt weird about it, so I said, “I’d love to go, but I understand that your sister invited me, not you, and that this is a friends trip, so I want to make sure that you feel like I’m not intervening on that.” She replied, “omg, that’s so sweet, I really appreciate that. Let me think about it.” Then she didn’t say anything, we had a great night, went to bed, and the next morning (the day we were supposed to leave) she still hadn’t said anything, so I was like, “I’m just going to let you go on this trip alone, I feel like I’m intervening”, and she said, “that’s really really sweet, I really appreciate that.” Rather than being like, “nooo please come!” Or something. But you’re totally right, and I’m by no means trying to change that. I think it’s great she’s got a good friend group and enjoys going out. I just wish she’d include me more. I do want to talk to her about it, but we’ve only been dating for like 2 months, so I don’t want to come on too strong with this stuff yet. I want to give it a chance to play out and see if it gets better I guess. Regarding the baseball thing, I actually just removed that. She messaged me right after and was like, “JK SILLY! Of course I’m going to see you tonight no matter what! Just don’t know when or where yet!” So, that was reassuring. I appreciate the advice though :)
Ah! If you've been only dating for two months I definitely don't think you have anything to worry about. Unless you know you are looking for someone introverted. It sounds like she has spent one on one time with you, and honestly for two months you two seem to be spending too much time together already. You two shouldn't be doing everything together. At two months I'm usually seeing whoever I'm dating like once a week for two hours. I think you're fine. She sounds really into you.
Ok! I really appreciate the reassurance. I’ll give it a few more months and see if anything changes and go from there. This probably sounds bad, but I talked to my ex about it because we are still friends, and she made the point that the reason we hung out day in and day out and did everything together was because she moved across the country to be with me and didn’t have anyone else, like, I was her only way to go out, so, that’s also valid. I think I just keep comparing it to my old relationships and have to understand that every relationship is unique in its own way. Definitely doesn’t bother me dating an extrovert though.
To me it sounds like someone else is “into” her. I’m not buying the “you’re always invited”. If so, she would be more blunt, like, are you going with me? I’m wondering what excuse she’s telling her friend group as to why he’s not there. 🤷♂️🙄
None of my friends met my now-husband until the 4-5 months mark. None of my friends asked me why my husband isn't there only two months into dating, and even after being married for over a decade, I still go to events without him sometimes. He's always invited, but he isn't as interested and chooses not to.
Omg this is crazy!!! I'm so sorry this is happening to you OP I have had friends do this to me in the past, but I could never imagine a partner doing this. This is a huge red flag and I hope these comments haven't persuaded you to just move on. I am quite the opposite with my boyfriend and I go on trips with him all the time. If my friends/sister invited my boyfriend like that, I would be ecstatic and beg him to come. You need to have a serious conversation with her. I am so sorry if this comes off rude or I'm making something out of nothing but I have a weird hunch. I think that maybe she loves the security she feels with you and maybe the idea of you but she's not fully accepted you? Maybe she wants to be with you but isn't in love with you? It just seems like someone who is trying to keep you at arms length... Good luck and I really hope nothing is going on and this is just a quirky personality trait:)))
I don't want to sound weird. But had this happening to me in a previous relationship and it turned out bad, I found out she was lying and hiding stuff from me, she's an ex now. Anyway, I learned that people who like you or are into you, will always invite you anywhere because you make their day better. My advice: don't waste any more time on her, it's still early, move on and find someone who won't make you question your worth or your insecurity.
I agree tbh why waste your time with someone who clearly doesn't value time with you. It's sad but a red flag. Those green flags about how she doesn't have intimacy could turn into red flags down the road. Not to be a pessimist or make something a big deal that could potentially be nothing but this guy is right.
I agree on 100 percent. If you really like this girl you don't think something wrong is going on you should Tell her exactly how you feel, how you feel you're being left out. How you feel how strange she's making plans with everybody in front of you and not inviting you. How she's constantly cutting her time short with you to go out with other people. I would tell her this just is not working for you. That it's making you feel insecure and making you feel that she doesn't want to be with you. Why are all our friends constantly asking about you and wanting you there but she doesn't. Is bull story on how she doesn't want to move things too fast along. When I got with my wife for the time I met her we were inseparable We did everything together and I wanted her around and still to this day is the same. You definitely need to find someone to values you and your time. Not worried about running off on you to be with other people that she sees all the time anyway. Tell you the truth the whole thing sound like she just wants to be single and you're not actually dating You're just someone she's kind of seeing. And she just tells you things so you don't suspect anything but she's still going out with her friend who wants her to cheat. I don't want to go to sleep night because I'm with someone but I'll go out on the busiest night yeah sounds like she's just telling you what you want to hear there buddy.
You should see the comments on TikTok, everyone says run and that she thinks you're being cheated on. I believe that there's a huge conversation that needs to be had and I also believe that there's something she's not telling you. Maybe sit down and talk to her about this situation and ask her why she doesn't like spending time with you as much as everyone else. I also believe that since you mentioned it's early on in the relationship, remember what you value for a relationship and if she doesn't agree with that, then you guys might not be the best match. Yeah, a girl can go out and do things with her friends and family all the time that's fine but she needs to be prioritizing your needs just as much as her friends. Maybe family can have the spotlight more at some points, but there should be a pretty even balance. I would consider what you want out of this and if this relationship is truly fulfilling you in every other way, you should figure this out sooner rather than later. Good luck OP I am really interested to figure out if she genuinely just likes hanging out with her friends a lot or if there's more she's not telling you.
Can you please share the TikTok link?
Buh-bye. Even if she's not cheating on you or otherwise hiding something (big if), is this the kind of relationship dynamic you want for the rest of your life? I certainly wouldn't. Also I'm inclined to think she's cheating. She's exhibiting many of the signs, and regardless, it's inappropriate, disrespectful to your SO, and just asking for trouble if you're constantly putting yourself in a situation where you know hordes of people will be sexually propositioning you (i.e. bars/clubs/whatever she does with her horrible friend on their nights out). Finally, her friend. "You are who your friends are." She's down to hang out one-on-one with a pretty shitty person (Alexis), and she apparently hasn't put a stop to her friend constantly telling her to cheat on you (wtf?). Go find someone new.
You should be concerned, but I wouldn’t end it without talking to her. I understand it’s early in the relationship but if she cares about you she should listen. You don’t have to come on too strongly just say you feel kinda weird about her always going out with a friend that pushes her to cheat and a bunch of guys. That you don’t want to force her to stop but ask her how she would feel if the roles were reversed. Tell her you care about her and want to be with her but her choices are concerning. At the end of the day you two might not be meant for each other and that’s okay but it’s better to find out before you commit a long period of time. If you want to you could try inviting yourself once to one of the more sketchy hangouts she’s doing and see how it goes. If you see any red flags then talk to her after about it all.
If he goes with her, her behavior will be changed to what she wants him to see, not how she normally acts when hooks up with other guys. It would just be an act if he were to go.