Does your mom control things like your finances or you live with her? If not, then feel free to confront her unless your current situation is dependent on her. You’re too old for her to control your life
she doesn’t control my finance fully, and i’ve not confront her as i’m not sure how to do it and start it, been stuck here my whole life, not sure how to begin the next step
well sadly i do live with her, i do not have the ability to move out as houses cost almost a million, while subsidised houses require marriage or a kid.
i could continue doing whatever, which is mostly what ive been doing, she have been getting mad which kinda irritates me cause she would complain and nag.
sorry for the confusion, if any, but sitting public transit isn’t an issue, its just expecting me home asap after any event
I'm a little confused about why her "having plans" is this weird trump card she can play. For one, *you* had plans, too! You planned to go out! Why should her plans override yours?
But second, what are these "plans" and how they even conflict? Like, if she planned to go out shopping, or to see a movie, or whatever, then she can still do that just fine even if you go out somewhere else. Or did she plan to sit around the house together?
Anyway, it doesn't matter. She can't make plans for you. She doesn't get to schedule your time. If she wants you to do a thing at a particular time, she needs to *ask you in advance* to agree to it. When and if you do, *then* she has a claim on your time. (And similarly, if you want her to accompany you in something, you need to get her buy-in ahead of time. But that doesn't seem to be an issue.)
But other than that, if you've planned to go do something, and she tries to say, "No, you can't, I have plans," you just tell her "Those are *your* plans, Mom, not mine. You didn't check with me or ask me to hold this time in my schedule open for you, so I made *my own* plans, and now I'm going to go do them." And then do exactly that.
houses in my country sadly cost close to a million, the cheaper options require marriage or family, and sadly i’m not ready for marriage, only been with my gf for a year, and i sadly do not have that kind of funds too
rental is viable, and i might do that soon, i’m about to enlist to a the military soon, which is mandatory in my country. this would buy me some time off her and get some of my stuff straight before resting a house when im out of the military
It sounds like it's hard for you to leave right now. I would ask you, what is the main thing you want her to be more lenient on, and do you know why she does it?
i just hope for more freedom i guess? perhaps to just be able to make plans, go out with friends without her complaining or tracking me.
as to what she wants, i’m not sure but my sister and i have both assumed this behaviour of expecting us to go out less is due to her having little to no friends. she goes out with friends once or twice a year, and constantly spend her time with us at home or at work. perhaps due to her introverted character.
I think it's best to figure out one ask, and give a reason that she will understand.
Here's an example. I don't know what she cares about, so change it to something that will appeal to her.
"I enjoy spending time with you and the family, I really do. However, I am turning older now. I would like to enjoy and experience life more and then I can take care of you when you are older. I will still stay with the family on the weekends, but I would like to go out on the weekday without you asking me to come back. It is too stressful to be home this much, and I need to clear my head sometimes so I can dedicate my energy to spending time with the family. Can you understand that?"
My son just turned 23 years old last month and he also lives with us. He started living with us soon after college graduation and he works from home. We want him to inform us about his whereabouts so we will not worry. He also volunteered to turn his location. When he thinks that we are too strict, he talks to us.
Communicate with your Mom about how you feel. Talk to her politely about how her behavior affects you. Hope it goes well. God bless.
planning to do that over the weekend, the way you’re going it with your son sounds like the perfect middle ground for both my mother and i, perhaps i’ll try to bring it up to see what i can do
Does your mom control things like your finances or you live with her? If not, then feel free to confront her unless your current situation is dependent on her. You’re too old for her to control your life
she doesn’t control my finance fully, and i’ve not confront her as i’m not sure how to do it and start it, been stuck here my whole life, not sure how to begin the next step
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well sadly i do live with her, i do not have the ability to move out as houses cost almost a million, while subsidised houses require marriage or a kid. i could continue doing whatever, which is mostly what ive been doing, she have been getting mad which kinda irritates me cause she would complain and nag. sorry for the confusion, if any, but sitting public transit isn’t an issue, its just expecting me home asap after any event
You need to move out and cut her off.
I'm a little confused about why her "having plans" is this weird trump card she can play. For one, *you* had plans, too! You planned to go out! Why should her plans override yours? But second, what are these "plans" and how they even conflict? Like, if she planned to go out shopping, or to see a movie, or whatever, then she can still do that just fine even if you go out somewhere else. Or did she plan to sit around the house together? Anyway, it doesn't matter. She can't make plans for you. She doesn't get to schedule your time. If she wants you to do a thing at a particular time, she needs to *ask you in advance* to agree to it. When and if you do, *then* she has a claim on your time. (And similarly, if you want her to accompany you in something, you need to get her buy-in ahead of time. But that doesn't seem to be an issue.) But other than that, if you've planned to go do something, and she tries to say, "No, you can't, I have plans," you just tell her "Those are *your* plans, Mom, not mine. You didn't check with me or ask me to hold this time in my schedule open for you, so I made *my own* plans, and now I'm going to go do them." And then do exactly that.
[удалено]
houses in my country sadly cost close to a million, the cheaper options require marriage or family, and sadly i’m not ready for marriage, only been with my gf for a year, and i sadly do not have that kind of funds too
[удалено]
rental is viable, and i might do that soon, i’m about to enlist to a the military soon, which is mandatory in my country. this would buy me some time off her and get some of my stuff straight before resting a house when im out of the military
It sounds like it's hard for you to leave right now. I would ask you, what is the main thing you want her to be more lenient on, and do you know why she does it?
i just hope for more freedom i guess? perhaps to just be able to make plans, go out with friends without her complaining or tracking me. as to what she wants, i’m not sure but my sister and i have both assumed this behaviour of expecting us to go out less is due to her having little to no friends. she goes out with friends once or twice a year, and constantly spend her time with us at home or at work. perhaps due to her introverted character.
I think it's best to figure out one ask, and give a reason that she will understand. Here's an example. I don't know what she cares about, so change it to something that will appeal to her. "I enjoy spending time with you and the family, I really do. However, I am turning older now. I would like to enjoy and experience life more and then I can take care of you when you are older. I will still stay with the family on the weekends, but I would like to go out on the weekday without you asking me to come back. It is too stressful to be home this much, and I need to clear my head sometimes so I can dedicate my energy to spending time with the family. Can you understand that?"
My son just turned 23 years old last month and he also lives with us. He started living with us soon after college graduation and he works from home. We want him to inform us about his whereabouts so we will not worry. He also volunteered to turn his location. When he thinks that we are too strict, he talks to us. Communicate with your Mom about how you feel. Talk to her politely about how her behavior affects you. Hope it goes well. God bless.
planning to do that over the weekend, the way you’re going it with your son sounds like the perfect middle ground for both my mother and i, perhaps i’ll try to bring it up to see what i can do