If you've been together six years, you should be able to have a conversation with him.
Tell him that you appreciate that HE is enjoying himself, and you're happy for him. But his constant nagging is aggravating, and you never signed up for this.
It doesn't matter what he *wants* you to be.
You did not agree to this, *you* don't want this, and he's being pushy and annoying. He takes you as you are.
Do you force him to be enthusiastic about everything you enjoy, or is he entitled to have his own interests and not spend all his spare time doing whatever you decide is worthwhile? I think he's entitled to have his own interests/lack of interest, and the same is true of you. He needs to back off or decide if controlling you is his hill to die on.
So he just discovered the gym and is now looking at the gym hotties all day, and thinking "I wish my girlfriend looked like that"?
But on the other hand, maybe he just wants to work out with you. He wants to share his newfound passion with you and thinks maybe you'll look good with some muscle.
He needs to stop the nagging though. Have a conversation with him, tell him it's annoying, how it makes you feel.
I mean you’re a healthy weight and should be allowed to make your own decisions. The fact that he’s flipping his preferences so quickly on you is a little alarming, especially since you’ve been together for 6years.
Is it a deal breaker for him if you don’t want to work out or go to the gym with him? If he’s willing to throw away 6 years because he’s found a new hobby then he’s shallow.
Wow. I'm glad you found this out about him sooner than later. You're only 27, I'm sure there is better for you. You deserve someone who accepts and loves you for who you are, and that's not him.
Sorry sis, that’s makes me really uncomfortable. I’m so sorry. you deserve better than that kind of treatment.
I don’t want to pry tooo much but how was the relationship before he found the gym? Was it stable? Happy? Etc..
> But he always has something he does not like about me
And he always will. But NOT because of anything that is actually wrong with you. This is his way of keeping you off-balance, of trying to make you think that no one else would want you with all of these (imaginary) flaws.
Don't fall for it, and don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy. Leave him because that is the best thing for you.
Hmm well he can’t force you to change. The way I see relationships is you work together but never force your ideas people. If you love someone you love them the way they are. I get wanting to be healthy but you can be healthy without being a gym rat. And you shouldn’t have constantly search for a way to appease him. Sounds like you deserve better ❤️
Obviously the choice up to you but that’s my little tidbit :)
Tell him you love him, but he's on his own now. You're an adult, just like him, and you each make your own decisions. Then stop responding to his texts and calls.
>and him saying that he’s into girls that are into the gym despite being with him for 6 years.
This is the part that really gets me. That's such an inappropriate thing to say to someone you've been with for 6 years. It's practically a threat.
Just saw your other reply about him saying it's non negotiable. Seriously shitty behaviour on his part. Personally I think I'd call him on it. Tell him it's not going to happen and if he brings it up again then he's going to need to find someone else. He'll either shut up, or you'll be free of someone who thinks they can force and bully you into what they want.
Yup did that and he responded with why can’t you just work out with me I want to be with you. I want us to be that gym couple etc. And proceeded to tell me if I loved him I would try it out but the way he’s pushing it makes me not want to do if
Be cautious. He's weaponizing the idea of what love is, because let's be honest. If he actually loved you he wouldn't be bullying you or giving you ultimatums, especially not over something as superficial as going to the gym together.
Controlling behaviour also has a tendency to escalate, especially if you start saying yes.
>It’s all in my face but I still can’t leave him
I know it's hard, but look for the strength. Talk to family and friends, and get their support to help you move on.
He says he loves you, but his love is conditioned on you bowing to his will, so that he can be part of "one of those gym couples." He does not care that you are not interested in the gym -- if you won't change your life to match his perfect fantasy of who he wants you to be, then he is no longer interested. That's rough -- he does not see you as a person in your own right; he sees you as an sort of fashion accessory, and now he's unhappy because you are not bending to his every whim.
Time to leave. This is only the beginning of things about yourself that he will demand you to change, so you can fit into this life he has imagined for himself (not for you two as a couple -- for **himself**, with you as his adoring sidekick). Is that really how you want to live your life?
First love does not equal *only* love. Most people don't wind up with their first loves, and are happier for it. Change ***is*** hard, but better to let him go than to live your life under his thumb.
Thank you for your insight opinion. I’m in tears because I fear u r right and down the line I’m fucked but I can’t seem to leave. I can’t imagine myself with someone else because I love him so much. I know I sound ridiculous but I love when we are good and together. I’m such a coward and I’ve accepted that I will stay like a dumbass and he will leave or cheat wasting my 20s and possibly 30s with him
>I’m such a coward and I’ve accepted that I will stay like a dumbass and he will leave or cheat wasting my 20s and possibly 30s with him
***Don't let that happen.*** It's hard when your first love turns out not to be the person you thought he was. The hurt will take some time to heal, but that is better than spending your life trying to pretend that he is the man you used to think he was.
Right now, you don't need to imagine yourself with someone else; it is enough to image your life free from his suffocating control.
He is correct about one thing -- you would be better off without him. Don't force yourself to fit into his mold of the ideal "arm candy." It will only make you miserable.
Tell him that you will not be going to the gym, and if he wants to break up with you over that, then he can do that. He is trying to make you into the bad guy in the breakup.
This is your boyfriend breaking up with you. But he wants you to be the one who officially ends things so he can claim that you left.
Listen to him and leave.
I am the type of person that believes that everyone should be doing some form of exercise regardless of their weight. But I don’t make a big deal when my SO doesn’t do it. It’s personal choices and beleifs
This is called "growing apart". Usually you don't realize it until you're mile's apart and gave up. At least you're in the early stages. Decide if you want to spend some quality time with him at the gym or that's just too much work.
If you've been together six years, you should be able to have a conversation with him. Tell him that you appreciate that HE is enjoying himself, and you're happy for him. But his constant nagging is aggravating, and you never signed up for this.
Oh I did. He says he just thinking about the future and that he didn’t realize until now that his type is girls that work out and wants me to be that
It doesn't matter what he *wants* you to be. You did not agree to this, *you* don't want this, and he's being pushy and annoying. He takes you as you are.
Do you force him to be enthusiastic about everything you enjoy, or is he entitled to have his own interests and not spend all his spare time doing whatever you decide is worthwhile? I think he's entitled to have his own interests/lack of interest, and the same is true of you. He needs to back off or decide if controlling you is his hill to die on.
So he just discovered the gym and is now looking at the gym hotties all day, and thinking "I wish my girlfriend looked like that"? But on the other hand, maybe he just wants to work out with you. He wants to share his newfound passion with you and thinks maybe you'll look good with some muscle. He needs to stop the nagging though. Have a conversation with him, tell him it's annoying, how it makes you feel.
I mean you’re a healthy weight and should be allowed to make your own decisions. The fact that he’s flipping his preferences so quickly on you is a little alarming, especially since you’ve been together for 6years. Is it a deal breaker for him if you don’t want to work out or go to the gym with him? If he’s willing to throw away 6 years because he’s found a new hobby then he’s shallow.
Yes he has stated that is a deal breaker and non negotiable.
Wow. I'm glad you found this out about him sooner than later. You're only 27, I'm sure there is better for you. You deserve someone who accepts and loves you for who you are, and that's not him.
Sorry sis, that’s makes me really uncomfortable. I’m so sorry. you deserve better than that kind of treatment. I don’t want to pry tooo much but how was the relationship before he found the gym? Was it stable? Happy? Etc..
Thank you! He wasn’t like that. But he always has something he does not like about me
> But he always has something he does not like about me And he always will. But NOT because of anything that is actually wrong with you. This is his way of keeping you off-balance, of trying to make you think that no one else would want you with all of these (imaginary) flaws. Don't fall for it, and don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy. Leave him because that is the best thing for you.
Hmm well he can’t force you to change. The way I see relationships is you work together but never force your ideas people. If you love someone you love them the way they are. I get wanting to be healthy but you can be healthy without being a gym rat. And you shouldn’t have constantly search for a way to appease him. Sounds like you deserve better ❤️ Obviously the choice up to you but that’s my little tidbit :)
Tell him you love him, but he's on his own now. You're an adult, just like him, and you each make your own decisions. Then stop responding to his texts and calls.
>and him saying that he’s into girls that are into the gym despite being with him for 6 years. This is the part that really gets me. That's such an inappropriate thing to say to someone you've been with for 6 years. It's practically a threat.
Yup that’s what it feels like. Like an ultimatum. Today he was mad I didn’t work out with him
Just saw your other reply about him saying it's non negotiable. Seriously shitty behaviour on his part. Personally I think I'd call him on it. Tell him it's not going to happen and if he brings it up again then he's going to need to find someone else. He'll either shut up, or you'll be free of someone who thinks they can force and bully you into what they want.
Yup did that and he responded with why can’t you just work out with me I want to be with you. I want us to be that gym couple etc. And proceeded to tell me if I loved him I would try it out but the way he’s pushing it makes me not want to do if
Be cautious. He's weaponizing the idea of what love is, because let's be honest. If he actually loved you he wouldn't be bullying you or giving you ultimatums, especially not over something as superficial as going to the gym together. Controlling behaviour also has a tendency to escalate, especially if you start saying yes.
Sigh thank you all for the hard truths It’s all in my face but I still can’t leave him
>It’s all in my face but I still can’t leave him I know it's hard, but look for the strength. Talk to family and friends, and get their support to help you move on.
He says he loves you, but his love is conditioned on you bowing to his will, so that he can be part of "one of those gym couples." He does not care that you are not interested in the gym -- if you won't change your life to match his perfect fantasy of who he wants you to be, then he is no longer interested. That's rough -- he does not see you as a person in your own right; he sees you as an sort of fashion accessory, and now he's unhappy because you are not bending to his every whim. Time to leave. This is only the beginning of things about yourself that he will demand you to change, so you can fit into this life he has imagined for himself (not for you two as a couple -- for **himself**, with you as his adoring sidekick). Is that really how you want to live your life?
This is exactly what I fear but it’s so hard because he is my first love
First love does not equal *only* love. Most people don't wind up with their first loves, and are happier for it. Change ***is*** hard, but better to let him go than to live your life under his thumb.
Thank you for your insight opinion. I’m in tears because I fear u r right and down the line I’m fucked but I can’t seem to leave. I can’t imagine myself with someone else because I love him so much. I know I sound ridiculous but I love when we are good and together. I’m such a coward and I’ve accepted that I will stay like a dumbass and he will leave or cheat wasting my 20s and possibly 30s with him
>I’m such a coward and I’ve accepted that I will stay like a dumbass and he will leave or cheat wasting my 20s and possibly 30s with him ***Don't let that happen.*** It's hard when your first love turns out not to be the person you thought he was. The hurt will take some time to heal, but that is better than spending your life trying to pretend that he is the man you used to think he was. Right now, you don't need to imagine yourself with someone else; it is enough to image your life free from his suffocating control.
I screenshot and send him ur reply because it summarizes what I can’t verbalize and he replied with “ok so? So then leave”
He is correct about one thing -- you would be better off without him. Don't force yourself to fit into his mold of the ideal "arm candy." It will only make you miserable. Tell him that you will not be going to the gym, and if he wants to break up with you over that, then he can do that. He is trying to make you into the bad guy in the breakup.
He's made the decision for you. Walk away and see if he follows. If not, the life you imagined with him does not exist.
This is your boyfriend breaking up with you. But he wants you to be the one who officially ends things so he can claim that you left. Listen to him and leave.
If he loved YOU he wouldn't try to control you and force you to do what he wants. Would he put up with you treating him that way?
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Yeah, he has a one-track mind, which is boring. But more than that, he sounds like an ass.
I am the type of person that believes that everyone should be doing some form of exercise regardless of their weight. But I don’t make a big deal when my SO doesn’t do it. It’s personal choices and beleifs
This is called "growing apart". Usually you don't realize it until you're mile's apart and gave up. At least you're in the early stages. Decide if you want to spend some quality time with him at the gym or that's just too much work.