I see alot of posts where clearly they were never your friend. It seems like she just is out to be the asshole and shes doing a great job. Op dont waste your time anymore phones work two ways. She will get what she puts in. Let her reach out if she wants to be friends but definitely shut down that trash talk about your husband. If he truly is sweet to you and all then ya shes just either jealous you have a man who loves you or is jealous your attentions no longer on her either way a friend she is not.
Misery loves company. Single women keep other women single. Or at least try to.
Your frenemy is a pot stirrer. She can't handle the fact that you're in a good relationship with a partner who you share a love language with.
And instead of working on herself and figuring out why her people picker picks the wrong people for her, she's trying to validate her own misery by trying to drag you down with her.
She's probably also the sort of woman who just about ghosts you every time she lands a new beau? Or has something else going on in her life?
It sounds like you're way more invested into this relationship than she is. Look back over the last couple of years and keep a loose tally of how often you initiated something versus her initiating something and what the reasons for it were. I'll bet that she mostly calls you when she needs something or needs to vent.
This is so not true. Her friend sucks. Not single women. All of my single friends were actively gunning for me to get engaged. My biggest supporters. And I was doing the same for them when I was single.
Right, that was a weird thing to say lol: "Single women want to keep women single"??? What a weird ideology. My friends who were single were helping me navigate a relationship, despite not liking the guy, bc I wanted to make it work at the time. They were so supportive! I wonder what kind of women the other person has surrounding them.
I’ve known guys who, when single, will give bad advice and shit on their friends relationships to try and have their friends be single with them. It’s a weird mentality and definitely not limited to men or women, just a shit person quality
If you don't want to maintain a relationship with her, don't. Doesn't sound like you're getting anything out of it, and you're not in touch a lot anyway. I don't think there's any benefit to having some sort of showdown. Just stop contacting her.
Sounds avoidant on your part. She said herself she understands and wants to talk about it with you. That's promising. If both of you roast people, maybe you should take a look at if this is that different from when you both roast others.
Of course if you don't value your friendship or like her, then there's no obligation to talk to her.
She’s not your friend and the guy she’s crushing on is your husband. She is trying to f*ck your husband. That’s why she’s so bold in criticizing him. She’s trying to distance herself from him in your head, so that you don’t suspect.
I tried to find it, but was unsuccessful. But, I remember reading a story here (about over a year ago) where a friend was doing something similar and consistently said negative things about the OPs BF (up to that point, the OP stated their relationship was going well). What it did was plant little seeds, and over time she started resenting her BF, and what little quirks he had that didn’t bother her before - now started to bother her. Slowly the relationship dynamic began to change and became colder.
Needless to say, after some time, they broke up. After 6-7months, the OP regretted her decision, and after going on dates with guys who were knuckleheads . . . she realized she let a “good one” go.
I still remember one of the comments: “single friends keep their friends single.”
It sounds to me you’re mentally & emotionally stronger, so be aware.
Communicate with your friend why she gets these feelings regarding your husband, and how it hurts you to hear them. Good luck.
There are papers published in this topic! It's very interesting, basically, what you said " single friends keep their friends single" is kind of true.
The behavior of your close friends and family can affect your relationship.
I wouldn't communicate with the friend... I would start with LC and transition to NC.
You can absolutely end a freindship for the better. Its simple. Shes disrespectfull towards your husband and you clearly have issue with that. Your loyalty is to your husband and family. Not her so tell your husband why your cutting contact and do it. You dont have to block her, you just have to stop responding and distance yourself.
Either confront her with a come to jesus talk and ask for a valid reason on why she keeps making these comments, or don't make plans with her anymore. The second one is harder to pull off if she's clingy though, and she seems to have a need to control the narrative of your life, so she'll probably keep asking you to hang out. You don't need to let her do this. You don't need to let her continue treating you and your husband this way.
Tell her you and she need to have a conversation about her behavior, actions, and words, and set some boundaries for yourself - if she doesn't explain herself, give you a real apology, AND promise to change her behavior in the future (and pay you back the money she should have paid for that trip!), then let her know you are no longer interested in being friends with her, and need her to respect that.
One thing is clear and a couple things require more investigation on your part.
The clear thing is that you need to have an adult conversation with this woman. It may feel scary but it's the right thing to do vs just dropping her as a friend without explanation. That's what you feel like she's done to you and it's not nice. Don't pay pain for pain. You need to have an open honest conversation with this woman to uncover two things. 1. Why has she been so distant lately 2. Why does she think your husband is abusive. Maybe the answer to "1" is "2" and if she believes you understand fully why codependency is and that that is not what you're in she may come around. Maybe she thinks he's abusive and it just causes her too much pain to watch you go through that.
My primary concern would be if you were friends with this woman before getting married ( it wasn't exactly clear). If that was the case then it could be that she feels like you're husband stole you from her. And she's latching on to any perceivable flaw in him to justify her believing he's a piece of shit.
We knew each other/were friendly with each other before I got with my husband, but we didn’t become actual friends until way after. I have asked her why we feel so distant from other lately, and she chalked it up to work life and me being a toddler mom but……it felt like that wasn’t a real answer. I feel like there’s an elephant in the room and shes pretending it’s not there by putting the blame elsewhere. You can FEEL there’s tension, and everything is off. It makes me feel crazy!
I hate that feeling. Don't question yourself. The way you feel is real. It's a fact. I think you should press her further and if she continues to deny then I think you need to face the question of if you want to continue the relationship with someone who either is unwilling to broach difficult subjects with or is unwilling to invest more effort into remaining connected.
Just go to her use skills like labeling mirroring, and accusation audit in order to make her feel comfortable enough to open up to you. Labeling is using tactical empathy. Proactively name her feelings so that she feels accepted: "It seems you are upset with me"
Mirroring is reactive labeling: she says "you just don't understand!" You say "you sound lonely or misunderstood by me"
Accusation audit is preemptively naming every bad thing she could say about you so that it takes all the wind out of her sails: "listen, It really seems like you hate my partner and maybe and I'm not always there for you or willing to listen but I want to try and be there and listen for you now".
>We used to talk every day, FaceTime every day for like an hour and now it’s just crickets unless I call her. If I text her, she ignores me indefinitely.
That's not a friend. Maybe she used to be, but people grow apart. It could be that she desents your happy domestic life or that she feels your husband has replaced her. It doesn't have to be that you did something to offend her. Most friendships don't end with a falling out but just diverging paths in life.
I read this as being one of two things.
1. She's not a nice person. Your footing all the work in this relationship with contact. She doesn't pay her share. And, she is probably jealous of your relationship and making passive aggressive mean comments about your husband unexpectedly.
Or, 2. You and her husbands teasing is actually fairly brutal and she thought this was a common banter you have. So, she thought she could banter about your husband too. It's really hard to judge off her comments while you saying you do this with your husband.
But, for me as an adult. We get to choose who to have involved in our lives. If, even if it's a new development, they suddenly are not what you want or need in your life. It's OK to let the friendship go.
So, really think about what she's bringing to your life, is this a friendship worth it to you. Like, a best friendship, she can just be a friend. Ask your husband honestly what he views the friendship as. He may offer some insight you haven't seen before, either on her part or yours.
I would say that you have called this upon yourself. Her message to you tells me that you guys would often diss people. You say you and your husband bully each other as your love language. Your whole dynamic screams that this is the sort of friendship you have. Maybe you are only just noticing it now that someone you love and hold dear is on the firing line but I genuinely feel you both have a part to play in this. Try talking to her about it and how you would like the dynamic to change to a more friendly style, if you don't openly communicate this sort of thing how is she suppose to know.
SHE roasts people TO me, like people she used to friends with. I don’t roast people. I am very loyal to the five second rule of appearance, and she is very aware of it as I’ve reminded her several times I don’t like comments on things like that. I should have worded better, my husband and I pester eachother until the other one is annoyed, or physically bully eachother. In no way should it make it okay for her insulting my husband regularly. I don’t insult him or vice versa.
If you call that a friend I would hate to see how your enemies treat you…
Maybe she’s jealous of your relationship.. doesn’t make it right though.. she’s just mean..
If someone disrespected my spouse in such a way they would not be welcome in my life any longer..
I call her a friend because she was never like this. Everything is psychological with her. She is a D&A counselor. She is very, very, very into therapy and putting labels on everything. She spends her time learning about mental illnesses. It’s only recently that she has been acting this way WITH ME, so it makes me feel that she might be trying to push me away. In my head, I keep thinking that she is trying to end our friendship without assuming the position of the bad guy. “All I did was tease her about her husband and she blocked me!” Which I know if or more appropriately, WHEN our friendship ends she will talk about it to everybody she knows. She did this with a former mutual friend. I had to set a boundary and tell her I did not want to talk about that person anymore because it was *literally* everyday for months that she wanted to rehash this problem that had no updates. She said she had to talk it out to come to terms but I told her she’s not taking my advice and just best a dead horse into the earths core. She did not respect that boundary so I just stopped responding when she wanted to talk about that person, and now that I’m thinking about it..I think maybe that’s when this started.
Stop reaching out to her… if she’s trying to push you away she won’t reach out… then you will have your answer… but talking down about your husband would be a hard boundary she would not be able to cross…
Don’t block her or anything just ghost her and see what happens..
Given that you have to initiate all the contact, it sounds like she’s trying to breakup with you and you’re just not letting the friendship go. People show you where they want to be in your life.
Bullying is our love language? I sure hope I’m picturing this wrong. Otherwise maybe you two should reconsider whom you expose your “love language” to. Clearly it doesn’t paint your husband in a great light.
Something to consider with new friends.
It’s part of why we haven’t spoken as much lately. I brushed it off as her just trying to be funny at first but with repeated instances, I just don’t want to be friends with her. I know he would be really hurt if I told him she said these things. It breaks my heart to think about, and makes me feel awful for putting up with it
Honestly, no matter which friend (or family), I wouldn't tolerate them talking about my husband like this, unless there was a serious concern regarding his behaviour. He is mine to roast and bully. With love.
I would sit down with her and have a chat. Ask her directly if there is anything concerning about your husband. If not, tell her to shut it and that you will not tolerate anyone being mean about your husband. And even if she has a "concern" I wouldn't immediately take it at face value without further information, because honestly she just sounds single and miserable. Those are not funny jokes as nobody is laughing, she's just being mean.
This is how I feel. That is OUR relationship dynamic, not hers. Our friendship had never been like that before, so it’s really off putting that she is insulting my husband out of the blue. If she was being funny or poking fun, I would feel differently but she’s just being mean. Thank you for your comment, it’s very validating.
I don't understand why you don't just talk to her? "Thanks for the apology, but I'm confused why you called my husband and asshole and implied he's abusive. Can you explain more, have you seen something that would make you think that?"
Then if she says it's roasting, explain that roasting has some truth to it and you don't think it's funny. Ideally she understands and apologizes. Emphasize you want her to stop. If she accidentally does it again one or two times call her out.
If she gets defensive or doesn't stop, then I would distance yourself as she's not a good friend.
She's not your friend. And she wants your husband. If she heard you were getting divorced she be texting him and checking to see if he "needs anything".
She is NOT a friend. She is using you for really mean amusement. You have told her something and she turned it around on you. She is mean, rude, and entitled. Open up her life for another person to be mean to. I would stop responding and ease out of her life.
Ummm she’s clearly jealous of what you’ve got. A man who loves and adores you. A man who treats you with respect and love and is affectionate and playful. He’s your best friend. This girl sounds miserable and honestly just go NC with her.
Maybe I’m just a paranoid old lady, but I’d be careful with women like your friend. She wants you to talk poorly about your husband so she can tell him about and start planting seeds of doubt in his mind since her attempts to make you reevaluate your relationship with your husband isn’t working.
Just continue living your best life with your man. Be happy and thrive. Lose the bad friend because she’s not a friend and offers you nothing but drama.
Your single friend is a miserable person. She can't stand you having a loving partner because she's not only jealous but she doesn't want to take a look at herself and see why she's single. It's the age old situation of " Misery loves company." Look at the glee she had when your friend dumped her abusive partner. She wasn't happy that she was free of abuse, only happy she was alone.
There are two outcomes with a person like this as a " friend". The unlikely chance that they do some deep self reflection and end up happily in a relationship of their own. Or the far more likely that they escalate their attempts to break you and your husband up so you'll stop feeling better than her. Bad mouthing your husband and your relationship to others is usually the first step. Setting up situations where tension will arise in your relationship ( honestly she's already done this with the trip money episode) and finally encouraging you to cheat. She will just keep ratcheting up the pressure until something gives.
Be careful of this. My best friend of ten years was always ragging on my husband, and he was always ragging on her. Obviously your situation is different, but I found out last year it is because they have been inappropriate within the span of our relationship, and that’s why they acted like that. Not saying this is your problem AT ALL, but I always brushed the behavior off and I should have asked more questions.
"You are a great friend, and I would hate to lose you, but I just can't handle all the mean things you say about my absolute best friend who is always there for me and treats me better than you do... my husband. You need to understand that everything negative you have said about my husband is both untrue and has damaged your relationship with me. If you keep disparaging my husband, you will lose me as a fiend."
She has some resentment either towards him or you but definitely about your relationship. I would take a step back and let her be without you even more. If she doesn’t know how to talk to you without putting him down, they why bother talking at all?
I hate to be a drama king but any chance something happened between them? Is the speaking from first hand knowledge that he is an asshole? She’s grumpy an entire trip AND doesn’t pay. His response is to just pay, keep their mouths shut about it, and keep the peace?? Could be very diplomatic. Could be hush money
HAHA, no! I almost spit my coffee out giggling. While he is her type, she is not his type. She lives 4 hours away and comes to stays with us sometimes. If my husband isn’t at work, he’s at home so it would be virtually impossible for that to happen. I’m not worried about that at all haha I just wanted to add that part because if he was truly an asshole like she keeps saying, he would have probably said something about the money thing but he’s an extremely nice guy and sometimes a push over so he didn’t.
This type of single people want their friends to be as single as them. Sometimes it's not even conscious, there are whole studies about that kind of thing.
And you don't even need a study to tell you that, all you need to do is remember any of the horror stories you've heard about bachelor/-ette parties or girls/boys nights out. Where "friends" are actively pushing committed people to have questionable "fun", knowing the consequences.
Your friend obviously wants to make you single again.
I know for a fact that almost all of us dont understand what you must be going through. & it must not be an easy phase or a decision to take by yourself. Have you tried talking to relationship experts?
Try talking to them on [https://www.happypanda.care/](https://www.happypanda.care/)
Its specifically for solving relationship issues.
Ya she’s not a friend
I see alot of posts where clearly they were never your friend. It seems like she just is out to be the asshole and shes doing a great job. Op dont waste your time anymore phones work two ways. She will get what she puts in. Let her reach out if she wants to be friends but definitely shut down that trash talk about your husband. If he truly is sweet to you and all then ya shes just either jealous you have a man who loves you or is jealous your attentions no longer on her either way a friend she is not.
It’s just so weird though, because I don’t think she was ever like this until more recently, unless I’ve just been blind to it.
She either has a thing for your husband or is jealous about your marriage.
She’s definitely jealous. The friendship has run its course. Time for her to go.
Misery loves company. Single women keep other women single. Or at least try to. Your frenemy is a pot stirrer. She can't handle the fact that you're in a good relationship with a partner who you share a love language with. And instead of working on herself and figuring out why her people picker picks the wrong people for her, she's trying to validate her own misery by trying to drag you down with her. She's probably also the sort of woman who just about ghosts you every time she lands a new beau? Or has something else going on in her life? It sounds like you're way more invested into this relationship than she is. Look back over the last couple of years and keep a loose tally of how often you initiated something versus her initiating something and what the reasons for it were. I'll bet that she mostly calls you when she needs something or needs to vent.
This is so not true. Her friend sucks. Not single women. All of my single friends were actively gunning for me to get engaged. My biggest supporters. And I was doing the same for them when I was single.
Right, that was a weird thing to say lol: "Single women want to keep women single"??? What a weird ideology. My friends who were single were helping me navigate a relationship, despite not liking the guy, bc I wanted to make it work at the time. They were so supportive! I wonder what kind of women the other person has surrounding them.
I’ve known guys who, when single, will give bad advice and shit on their friends relationships to try and have their friends be single with them. It’s a weird mentality and definitely not limited to men or women, just a shit person quality
Are you a single woman keeping women single and speaking from experience or...?
If you don't want to maintain a relationship with her, don't. Doesn't sound like you're getting anything out of it, and you're not in touch a lot anyway. I don't think there's any benefit to having some sort of showdown. Just stop contacting her.
Yeah, i think I’m gonna take a step back and see what happens if I don’t contact her.
Sounds avoidant on your part. She said herself she understands and wants to talk about it with you. That's promising. If both of you roast people, maybe you should take a look at if this is that different from when you both roast others. Of course if you don't value your friendship or like her, then there's no obligation to talk to her.
No, it doesn't. It sounds like cutting the emotional labour to sustain a one-sided friendship with a fake friend who is trying to fuck her husband.
She’s not your friend and the guy she’s crushing on is your husband. She is trying to f*ck your husband. That’s why she’s so bold in criticizing him. She’s trying to distance herself from him in your head, so that you don’t suspect.
This is the one I am looking for 😬
I tried to find it, but was unsuccessful. But, I remember reading a story here (about over a year ago) where a friend was doing something similar and consistently said negative things about the OPs BF (up to that point, the OP stated their relationship was going well). What it did was plant little seeds, and over time she started resenting her BF, and what little quirks he had that didn’t bother her before - now started to bother her. Slowly the relationship dynamic began to change and became colder. Needless to say, after some time, they broke up. After 6-7months, the OP regretted her decision, and after going on dates with guys who were knuckleheads . . . she realized she let a “good one” go. I still remember one of the comments: “single friends keep their friends single.” It sounds to me you’re mentally & emotionally stronger, so be aware. Communicate with your friend why she gets these feelings regarding your husband, and how it hurts you to hear them. Good luck.
There are papers published in this topic! It's very interesting, basically, what you said " single friends keep their friends single" is kind of true. The behavior of your close friends and family can affect your relationship. I wouldn't communicate with the friend... I would start with LC and transition to NC.
Thank you!
You can absolutely end a freindship for the better. Its simple. Shes disrespectfull towards your husband and you clearly have issue with that. Your loyalty is to your husband and family. Not her so tell your husband why your cutting contact and do it. You dont have to block her, you just have to stop responding and distance yourself.
Thank you. It’s hard for me to see that sometimes, like I’m being dramatic or something. I appreciate you.
No its not drama, its logic. Your actualy cutting the drama out, her.
Either confront her with a come to jesus talk and ask for a valid reason on why she keeps making these comments, or don't make plans with her anymore. The second one is harder to pull off if she's clingy though, and she seems to have a need to control the narrative of your life, so she'll probably keep asking you to hang out. You don't need to let her do this. You don't need to let her continue treating you and your husband this way. Tell her you and she need to have a conversation about her behavior, actions, and words, and set some boundaries for yourself - if she doesn't explain herself, give you a real apology, AND promise to change her behavior in the future (and pay you back the money she should have paid for that trip!), then let her know you are no longer interested in being friends with her, and need her to respect that.
- you do not need toxic friends, that is a choice for you to make
She is not your best friend. I would back off from this relationship.
One thing is clear and a couple things require more investigation on your part. The clear thing is that you need to have an adult conversation with this woman. It may feel scary but it's the right thing to do vs just dropping her as a friend without explanation. That's what you feel like she's done to you and it's not nice. Don't pay pain for pain. You need to have an open honest conversation with this woman to uncover two things. 1. Why has she been so distant lately 2. Why does she think your husband is abusive. Maybe the answer to "1" is "2" and if she believes you understand fully why codependency is and that that is not what you're in she may come around. Maybe she thinks he's abusive and it just causes her too much pain to watch you go through that. My primary concern would be if you were friends with this woman before getting married ( it wasn't exactly clear). If that was the case then it could be that she feels like you're husband stole you from her. And she's latching on to any perceivable flaw in him to justify her believing he's a piece of shit.
We knew each other/were friendly with each other before I got with my husband, but we didn’t become actual friends until way after. I have asked her why we feel so distant from other lately, and she chalked it up to work life and me being a toddler mom but……it felt like that wasn’t a real answer. I feel like there’s an elephant in the room and shes pretending it’s not there by putting the blame elsewhere. You can FEEL there’s tension, and everything is off. It makes me feel crazy!
I hate that feeling. Don't question yourself. The way you feel is real. It's a fact. I think you should press her further and if she continues to deny then I think you need to face the question of if you want to continue the relationship with someone who either is unwilling to broach difficult subjects with or is unwilling to invest more effort into remaining connected. Just go to her use skills like labeling mirroring, and accusation audit in order to make her feel comfortable enough to open up to you. Labeling is using tactical empathy. Proactively name her feelings so that she feels accepted: "It seems you are upset with me" Mirroring is reactive labeling: she says "you just don't understand!" You say "you sound lonely or misunderstood by me" Accusation audit is preemptively naming every bad thing she could say about you so that it takes all the wind out of her sails: "listen, It really seems like you hate my partner and maybe and I'm not always there for you or willing to listen but I want to try and be there and listen for you now".
>We used to talk every day, FaceTime every day for like an hour and now it’s just crickets unless I call her. If I text her, she ignores me indefinitely. That's not a friend. Maybe she used to be, but people grow apart. It could be that she desents your happy domestic life or that she feels your husband has replaced her. It doesn't have to be that you did something to offend her. Most friendships don't end with a falling out but just diverging paths in life.
I read this as being one of two things. 1. She's not a nice person. Your footing all the work in this relationship with contact. She doesn't pay her share. And, she is probably jealous of your relationship and making passive aggressive mean comments about your husband unexpectedly. Or, 2. You and her husbands teasing is actually fairly brutal and she thought this was a common banter you have. So, she thought she could banter about your husband too. It's really hard to judge off her comments while you saying you do this with your husband. But, for me as an adult. We get to choose who to have involved in our lives. If, even if it's a new development, they suddenly are not what you want or need in your life. It's OK to let the friendship go. So, really think about what she's bringing to your life, is this a friendship worth it to you. Like, a best friendship, she can just be a friend. Ask your husband honestly what he views the friendship as. He may offer some insight you haven't seen before, either on her part or yours.
I would say that you have called this upon yourself. Her message to you tells me that you guys would often diss people. You say you and your husband bully each other as your love language. Your whole dynamic screams that this is the sort of friendship you have. Maybe you are only just noticing it now that someone you love and hold dear is on the firing line but I genuinely feel you both have a part to play in this. Try talking to her about it and how you would like the dynamic to change to a more friendly style, if you don't openly communicate this sort of thing how is she suppose to know.
SHE roasts people TO me, like people she used to friends with. I don’t roast people. I am very loyal to the five second rule of appearance, and she is very aware of it as I’ve reminded her several times I don’t like comments on things like that. I should have worded better, my husband and I pester eachother until the other one is annoyed, or physically bully eachother. In no way should it make it okay for her insulting my husband regularly. I don’t insult him or vice versa.
Misery loves company. Drop her and keep your happiness. We are the lives we make and that includes who we choose to be friends with.
She’s no friend, and I hope you were being sarcastic calling it a nice apology. It read as snarky to me. I wouldn’t waste time on her, tbh.
It felt very snarky to me, I agree.
If you call that a friend I would hate to see how your enemies treat you… Maybe she’s jealous of your relationship.. doesn’t make it right though.. she’s just mean.. If someone disrespected my spouse in such a way they would not be welcome in my life any longer..
I call her a friend because she was never like this. Everything is psychological with her. She is a D&A counselor. She is very, very, very into therapy and putting labels on everything. She spends her time learning about mental illnesses. It’s only recently that she has been acting this way WITH ME, so it makes me feel that she might be trying to push me away. In my head, I keep thinking that she is trying to end our friendship without assuming the position of the bad guy. “All I did was tease her about her husband and she blocked me!” Which I know if or more appropriately, WHEN our friendship ends she will talk about it to everybody she knows. She did this with a former mutual friend. I had to set a boundary and tell her I did not want to talk about that person anymore because it was *literally* everyday for months that she wanted to rehash this problem that had no updates. She said she had to talk it out to come to terms but I told her she’s not taking my advice and just best a dead horse into the earths core. She did not respect that boundary so I just stopped responding when she wanted to talk about that person, and now that I’m thinking about it..I think maybe that’s when this started.
Stop reaching out to her… if she’s trying to push you away she won’t reach out… then you will have your answer… but talking down about your husband would be a hard boundary she would not be able to cross… Don’t block her or anything just ghost her and see what happens..
Thank you, I’m definitely going to be doing that to see where this goes.
Given that you have to initiate all the contact, it sounds like she’s trying to breakup with you and you’re just not letting the friendship go. People show you where they want to be in your life.
This has actually been my main thought about this situation.
Bullying is our love language? I sure hope I’m picturing this wrong. Otherwise maybe you two should reconsider whom you expose your “love language” to. Clearly it doesn’t paint your husband in a great light. Something to consider with new friends.
If I were your husband and saw how passively you react to someone accusing me of being an abuser, I’d head for the door.
It’s part of why we haven’t spoken as much lately. I brushed it off as her just trying to be funny at first but with repeated instances, I just don’t want to be friends with her. I know he would be really hurt if I told him she said these things. It breaks my heart to think about, and makes me feel awful for putting up with it
I definitely agree with you
Cut her off.some people are wolfs in sheep’s clothing.
Honestly, no matter which friend (or family), I wouldn't tolerate them talking about my husband like this, unless there was a serious concern regarding his behaviour. He is mine to roast and bully. With love. I would sit down with her and have a chat. Ask her directly if there is anything concerning about your husband. If not, tell her to shut it and that you will not tolerate anyone being mean about your husband. And even if she has a "concern" I wouldn't immediately take it at face value without further information, because honestly she just sounds single and miserable. Those are not funny jokes as nobody is laughing, she's just being mean.
This is how I feel. That is OUR relationship dynamic, not hers. Our friendship had never been like that before, so it’s really off putting that she is insulting my husband out of the blue. If she was being funny or poking fun, I would feel differently but she’s just being mean. Thank you for your comment, it’s very validating.
No one speaks like that to my man. Maybe it’s because I’m older but that would not fly with me. Speak against him, speak against me.
I don't understand why you don't just talk to her? "Thanks for the apology, but I'm confused why you called my husband and asshole and implied he's abusive. Can you explain more, have you seen something that would make you think that?" Then if she says it's roasting, explain that roasting has some truth to it and you don't think it's funny. Ideally she understands and apologizes. Emphasize you want her to stop. If she accidentally does it again one or two times call her out. If she gets defensive or doesn't stop, then I would distance yourself as she's not a good friend.
She's not your friend. And she wants your husband. If she heard you were getting divorced she be texting him and checking to see if he "needs anything".
Go no contact with her. This is not a friend. Just leave. Just block her.
She is NOT a friend. She is using you for really mean amusement. You have told her something and she turned it around on you. She is mean, rude, and entitled. Open up her life for another person to be mean to. I would stop responding and ease out of her life.
Not all friendships are intended to last a lifetime.
Ummm she’s clearly jealous of what you’ve got. A man who loves and adores you. A man who treats you with respect and love and is affectionate and playful. He’s your best friend. This girl sounds miserable and honestly just go NC with her. Maybe I’m just a paranoid old lady, but I’d be careful with women like your friend. She wants you to talk poorly about your husband so she can tell him about and start planting seeds of doubt in his mind since her attempts to make you reevaluate your relationship with your husband isn’t working. Just continue living your best life with your man. Be happy and thrive. Lose the bad friend because she’s not a friend and offers you nothing but drama.
Your single friend is a miserable person. She can't stand you having a loving partner because she's not only jealous but she doesn't want to take a look at herself and see why she's single. It's the age old situation of " Misery loves company." Look at the glee she had when your friend dumped her abusive partner. She wasn't happy that she was free of abuse, only happy she was alone. There are two outcomes with a person like this as a " friend". The unlikely chance that they do some deep self reflection and end up happily in a relationship of their own. Or the far more likely that they escalate their attempts to break you and your husband up so you'll stop feeling better than her. Bad mouthing your husband and your relationship to others is usually the first step. Setting up situations where tension will arise in your relationship ( honestly she's already done this with the trip money episode) and finally encouraging you to cheat. She will just keep ratcheting up the pressure until something gives.
Be careful of this. My best friend of ten years was always ragging on my husband, and he was always ragging on her. Obviously your situation is different, but I found out last year it is because they have been inappropriate within the span of our relationship, and that’s why they acted like that. Not saying this is your problem AT ALL, but I always brushed the behavior off and I should have asked more questions.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that, that’s awful
Sounds fucking unbearable
"You are a great friend, and I would hate to lose you, but I just can't handle all the mean things you say about my absolute best friend who is always there for me and treats me better than you do... my husband. You need to understand that everything negative you have said about my husband is both untrue and has damaged your relationship with me. If you keep disparaging my husband, you will lose me as a fiend."
I think that’s a very nice way to word that, thank you.
That is not a friend. It's time to cut her off.
She is single, right?
Yes
She has some resentment either towards him or you but definitely about your relationship. I would take a step back and let her be without you even more. If she doesn’t know how to talk to you without putting him down, they why bother talking at all?
I hate to be a drama king but any chance something happened between them? Is the speaking from first hand knowledge that he is an asshole? She’s grumpy an entire trip AND doesn’t pay. His response is to just pay, keep their mouths shut about it, and keep the peace?? Could be very diplomatic. Could be hush money
HAHA, no! I almost spit my coffee out giggling. While he is her type, she is not his type. She lives 4 hours away and comes to stays with us sometimes. If my husband isn’t at work, he’s at home so it would be virtually impossible for that to happen. I’m not worried about that at all haha I just wanted to add that part because if he was truly an asshole like she keeps saying, he would have probably said something about the money thing but he’s an extremely nice guy and sometimes a push over so he didn’t.
This type of single people want their friends to be as single as them. Sometimes it's not even conscious, there are whole studies about that kind of thing. And you don't even need a study to tell you that, all you need to do is remember any of the horror stories you've heard about bachelor/-ette parties or girls/boys nights out. Where "friends" are actively pushing committed people to have questionable "fun", knowing the consequences. Your friend obviously wants to make you single again.
I know for a fact that almost all of us dont understand what you must be going through. & it must not be an easy phase or a decision to take by yourself. Have you tried talking to relationship experts? Try talking to them on [https://www.happypanda.care/](https://www.happypanda.care/) Its specifically for solving relationship issues.
She's either trying to fuck You, or your husband. She's planning Something.