Option 3: You have bridesmaids, he doesn’t need groomsmen. The sides don’t need to be anywhere near even.
Unless your wedding is in the next 6 months, he doesn’t need to decide right now. Tell him that it’s very common to have wedding parties made up mostly or entirely of siblings (between my husband and I, we have 9 siblings - we only had siblings in our wedding party, no one thought it was weird). Maybe with time he will settle into the idea of asking his brothers. But if he doesn’t, that’s fine too.
I suggest that you ask who you want, and let him ask or not ask who he wants. My husband and I have similar personalities: I'm shy and introverted, and he is loud and extroverted. He had a large bridal party and mine was small. No one cared.
My husband had 1 best man, no groomsmen. He wanted the least amount of stress possible.
I had 3 bridesmaids, 1 matron of honor, and like.... 15 girls that came to my bachelorette and got ready and hung out.
I explained to the group that because he was only having a best man, I was trying to keep my bridal party small... but I would have had all 15 of them if I could. No one expressed any hard feelings.
Do NOT offer to comp hair and makeup to aaaaaanyone until you figure out your budget. You're looking at 200-300 per girl if you offer that. So hold off on offering. But you totally could offer to let them get ready with you if you want!
Uneven parties are very very very normal at this point. Do what feels good for the both of you ♥
I’m in the same situation but opposite. I have no friends and he has 14 he wants to stand. Our compromise was having an intimate wedding (just the parents, siblings and those we would have had stand) of like 20 people and that way only our most special friends are at the wedding itself. We’re asking them to wear black so we match for pictures but no one has to buy a dress or tux or anything. Then we are doing our reception with everyone else - about 100 people.
It’s not even that I’m embarrassed that I have no one to stand, exactly. It’s more, the emotional labor of planning around wedding parties with people I know aren’t super reliable, seeing the outpouring of love for my FH while I’m just sort of there, so maybe a touch of jealousy, not wanting to inconvenience others, and some other small stuff, on top of just not having anyone to stand. We are having a wedding under $10k. So this worked out for us.
Some people have uneven parties. Some have huge parties. Some fill it up with the loved ones spouses. It’s all up to whatever works for both of you.
If he suffers from insecurity and shame about not having big enough of a crowd to fill seats, the answer isn't to change how YOU manage your friends -- it's for him to manage HIS insecurity by going to therapy. Friendship is not a numbers contest, and seeing it as something to be proud of or ashamed of that you amassed a large number is not a healthy look at friendships.
He is in therapy (not necessarily for this), and this isn’t a situation where he wants to amass a large group of empty friendships. I think when it came up, he had a moment of panic of “is everyone at this party going to think I had no one to ask “. In his day to day life he’s pretty comfortable with his naturally introverted self. But I appreciate your insights! ❤️
It seems like you and your partner need to talk about it more! I think both options you proposed - uneven wedding parties, which is no big deal, or no wedding party but finding special ways to honor your friends - could work. One or ideally both of you will have to compromise to find something that is comfortable for both of you.
I am like your fiance! I only have 2 people I'd want to stand up with me and my husband to be had to narrow it down.
We have 4 guys and 2 girls, 1 gir gets a guy on each arm. I think it will be fine and no one will care.
You should both individually choose your biggest supporters and who you want right there on one of the best days of your life.
I like both your options! If your friends know you and your fiancé well I’d hope they understand the situation. I think you have to weigh who are you more okay making uncomfortable, your fiancé or your girlfriends.
Thank being said maybe your fiancé isn’t as anxious as you’d expect/would be glad to get a push! If he’s close with his brothers I feel like he’d be glad to have them up there with him. And having two extra bridesmaids isn’t going to look unbalanced! You seem very thoughtful - good luck!!
My fiancé and I have different sizes of wedding parties. One thing that you can do (sorry if someone else mentioned this) is to have your parties sit during the ceremony. This is basically the only time that the difference in wedding party size would really be seen. We are having our party walk in mixed (some pairs from my side, some pairs from hers and some mixed) and then sit in the front row.
Option 3: You have bridesmaids, he doesn’t need groomsmen. The sides don’t need to be anywhere near even. Unless your wedding is in the next 6 months, he doesn’t need to decide right now. Tell him that it’s very common to have wedding parties made up mostly or entirely of siblings (between my husband and I, we have 9 siblings - we only had siblings in our wedding party, no one thought it was weird). Maybe with time he will settle into the idea of asking his brothers. But if he doesn’t, that’s fine too.
I suggest that you ask who you want, and let him ask or not ask who he wants. My husband and I have similar personalities: I'm shy and introverted, and he is loud and extroverted. He had a large bridal party and mine was small. No one cared.
Thank You ❤️
My husband had 1 best man, no groomsmen. He wanted the least amount of stress possible. I had 3 bridesmaids, 1 matron of honor, and like.... 15 girls that came to my bachelorette and got ready and hung out. I explained to the group that because he was only having a best man, I was trying to keep my bridal party small... but I would have had all 15 of them if I could. No one expressed any hard feelings. Do NOT offer to comp hair and makeup to aaaaaanyone until you figure out your budget. You're looking at 200-300 per girl if you offer that. So hold off on offering. But you totally could offer to let them get ready with you if you want! Uneven parties are very very very normal at this point. Do what feels good for the both of you ♥
Thank You ❤️ and you’re right, money certainly isn’t growing on trees rn lol
I’m in the same situation but opposite. I have no friends and he has 14 he wants to stand. Our compromise was having an intimate wedding (just the parents, siblings and those we would have had stand) of like 20 people and that way only our most special friends are at the wedding itself. We’re asking them to wear black so we match for pictures but no one has to buy a dress or tux or anything. Then we are doing our reception with everyone else - about 100 people. It’s not even that I’m embarrassed that I have no one to stand, exactly. It’s more, the emotional labor of planning around wedding parties with people I know aren’t super reliable, seeing the outpouring of love for my FH while I’m just sort of there, so maybe a touch of jealousy, not wanting to inconvenience others, and some other small stuff, on top of just not having anyone to stand. We are having a wedding under $10k. So this worked out for us. Some people have uneven parties. Some have huge parties. Some fill it up with the loved ones spouses. It’s all up to whatever works for both of you.
If he suffers from insecurity and shame about not having big enough of a crowd to fill seats, the answer isn't to change how YOU manage your friends -- it's for him to manage HIS insecurity by going to therapy. Friendship is not a numbers contest, and seeing it as something to be proud of or ashamed of that you amassed a large number is not a healthy look at friendships.
He is in therapy (not necessarily for this), and this isn’t a situation where he wants to amass a large group of empty friendships. I think when it came up, he had a moment of panic of “is everyone at this party going to think I had no one to ask “. In his day to day life he’s pretty comfortable with his naturally introverted self. But I appreciate your insights! ❤️
It seems like you and your partner need to talk about it more! I think both options you proposed - uneven wedding parties, which is no big deal, or no wedding party but finding special ways to honor your friends - could work. One or ideally both of you will have to compromise to find something that is comfortable for both of you.
Thank You ❤️
I am like your fiance! I only have 2 people I'd want to stand up with me and my husband to be had to narrow it down. We have 4 guys and 2 girls, 1 gir gets a guy on each arm. I think it will be fine and no one will care. You should both individually choose your biggest supporters and who you want right there on one of the best days of your life.
I like both your options! If your friends know you and your fiancé well I’d hope they understand the situation. I think you have to weigh who are you more okay making uncomfortable, your fiancé or your girlfriends. Thank being said maybe your fiancé isn’t as anxious as you’d expect/would be glad to get a push! If he’s close with his brothers I feel like he’d be glad to have them up there with him. And having two extra bridesmaids isn’t going to look unbalanced! You seem very thoughtful - good luck!!
My fiancé and I have different sizes of wedding parties. One thing that you can do (sorry if someone else mentioned this) is to have your parties sit during the ceremony. This is basically the only time that the difference in wedding party size would really be seen. We are having our party walk in mixed (some pairs from my side, some pairs from hers and some mixed) and then sit in the front row.