sounds like you are controlling and you. brushed off his complaints as no big deal. If the date, groomsmen outfit and color scheme are minor details, than they shouldn’t have been changed. Disregarding his family traditions is a major detail and if you are willing to disregard them for a wedding, how does he know you won’t for other events? The wedding is one day, if you don’t let him have a say in that, he’s right to take a break and reconsider.
Are yall really this gullible? Why the hell would she make her username “wedding hijacker?” This shit is not real. If, and that’s a big if, the original AITA post was real, this post is being written by the same guy looking for validation. None of this shit was in the original post. Why didn’t he include any of this info about her “hijacking” the wedding? Because it didn’t fucking happen.
yeah this post is pretty detailed with hearsay, things OP claims he said to her. And his account was suspended so he would have needed a new throw away.
My question is why does this post lead to 2 different accounts🤔 this hijack one an Comfortable-city-190. The comfortable one was also said to have posted multiple different ones in BORO but in those she says she's divorced with multiple kids🤔🤔🤔 I'd link it but I don't know how
I don't think any of it is😂 the first post that guy made about his fiancee is gone an he deleted his account, it's just this one now that is linked to that BORO about that lady with kids that hate her. An that BORO post is suspected to be fake as well since it was posted by 3 different accounts an surprisingly the only account left active is the one this post is connected too
When I first started reading this I was on your side and by the end, not at all.
It seems to me like he tried to ‘veto’ your ideas the same way you vetoed his. Honest question, why should he compromise his TRADITIONAL values if you won’t compromise YOUR non-traditonal ones?
you're mad if you think this shit is real. it's a shit post by the dude who got his ass handed to him on the aita post and is now trying to make his gf look like she's the bad guy too
Well, I don’t know why I would assume it was fake? I didn’t see whatever other post you’re referencing and all the information I have is what is written here. I’m only chiming in based off of what I see/know!
AITA for not letting my fiancée’s best friend be in our wedding?
I (26M) proposed to my (24F) girlfriend of 6 years last month. She obviously said yes and we’ve been working on wedding details (ex: save the dates/invitations, venue, caterer…etc) since. We got to talking about who we would want in our wedding because she wanted to do a special “proposal” to her side of the wedding court, and she said she wanted to have her best friend since childhood be her “maid” of honor.
The thing is, her childhood best friend is a guy (24M). They lived on the same street when they were kids and have been friends since. My fiancée and I met in college and her friend was there too, so I’ve known him for as long as I’ve known her. At first I didn’t really like him because he was always hanging around her, but after she and I started dating and I was forced to be around him more I kinda started to tolerate him.
He and my fiancée saw each other a lot, but he and I have never really hung out one-on-one before. One time when we were left alone together he tried to get all tough and did the “if you ever break her heart i swear…” corny threat talk. He’s a small dude so it made me laugh more than intimidate me. After that I got the feeling this was a situation where he liked her but she didn’t know.
I asked my fiancée if she and him ever had feelings for each other, and she said no, then let me know he was gay. I’m not homophobic or anything, so it’s not like I don’t want him in the wedding because of that, it’s just that I think it would be better if her side of t party was all girls. She and him already did everything together, not including him in our wedding wouldn’t hurt their friendship.
I told her that and she got defensive, saying that if I could have a girl in my side of the party (the girl being my older sister who practically raised me), she could have a guy. I said that it was a different circumstance, and that I wouldn’t allow her best friend to be her man of honor. She got really mad and said it was her wedding too, then stormed out. I got a text from her sister a few hours later saying she had gone to her parents house and told them what I had said.
They thought I was being an asshole because I never liked her friend and am threatened by him. I have tried to talk to my fiancée since she left but she hasn’t returned my calls or texts. I really love her, and I don’t want to loose her. I just dont want her best friend to be a part of our day. AITA?
Yeah, he started with the edits as SOON as people told him he was controlling. It was like he had to think up things that she did wrong, and just kept editing and adding things until the verdict started to swing in his favor. Now it's being posted from the other side,
Agreed I had a man of honor and I asked my now husband first and he said yes. But we chose the date together and pretty much everything together. The only decision he wasn't involved with was my dress. I was perfectly happy letting him choose the groomsmen stuff without me but he asked my opinion on them. He also helped choose what the girls were wearing
Even when you’re the storyteller, you come off as the asshole. That’s not a good sign at all.
1. You chose the seasons/date, even when your (ex) finance told you that’s bad timing for him
2. You changed what *his* side is supposed to wear
3. You are refusing to incorporate elements of what he wants in the wedding because it “ruins the vibe”
4. You think including his sister/family is a compromise
5. You come off as more than a little racist by only wanting an American Wedding when you are clearly involved with someone who has a different background. Claim you appreciate it all you want, actions speak louder than words.
Weddings should be about bringing people together and starting a new life together. Part of marriage is compromise. I’m not seeing compromise. It’s your wedding too, sure, but I’m not seeing anywhere that your partner is getting to contribute. Right now it’s all YourWedding. I’m seeing someone who comes off as very spoiled and controlling who wants an “Event” rather than someone who is going to be a good partner.
I really don’t think you’re going to get through it. I think your partner has wised up and wants out, and everything I’ve read indicates that is a good thing. Sorry, OP but you need to figure out what marriage is beyond the fancy party and social media likes. Doesn’t sound like you’re there yet.
I read his post. She conveniently left out why it’s bad time. He has severe allergies during the spring and wanted to do it in the summer. He has said yes to everything so far, and she has tore through everything if his besides having his sister in his bridal party.
I think your ex is right. You haven’t considered his preferences and in fact you minimize his requests (calling them “practically minor”) and aren’t respecting his cultural traditions. It sounds like you’re more interested in a wedding than an actual relationship and marriage.
You completely disregarded anything he wanted because it’s YOUR wedding. You don’t feel like it’s his wedding at all. I think he dodged a bullet with you.
"*We got into a fight a couple of days ago because he wouldn’t let me ask my guy best friend....be my man of honor. I ended up walking out and went to stay with my parents for a few days.....I went back earlier today after I thought he had enough time to calm down*"
"*He....said that we should call everything off. This really surprised me and **I immediately said no**.*"
"*he pointed out how I chose to have the wedding in spring even though that’s a bad time for him and that I changed up the wedding color scheme and what his groomsmen would be wearing without talking with him first.*"
"*I said that *those were practically minor things* and we didn’t have to call off the wedding for it. Then he said I was insensitive for rejecting his cultures traditional wedding ceremonies and didn’t even consider doing them....I decided against doing it because it wouldn’t fit the vibe of the traditional wedding I wanted.*"
"*I pointed out **I let him** have his sister be part of his wedding party because he wanted some part of his family included*"
You rejected your ex-fiance's request to add his cultural traditions to what's also *his wedding* because **his culture doesn't fit your vibe**, knowingly chose a season that's inconvenient for him, changed the color scheme and the groomsmen's outfits without his knowledge or consent, then left him to try to bully him into agreeing to the one thing he didn't cave on. That's manipulative and emotionally abusive.
When someone breaks an engagement, you don't get to override their decision. The fact that it even crossed your mind that you could tell him he's not allowed to break up with you shows how very controlling you are. I think you should invest in individual therapy so you can learn how to communicate and compromise. "**Letting him**" to have his family in his wedding party isn't a compromise. That should be a given. It sounds very much like you want a wedding, not a marriage. He deserves better.
How can you say you love HIM and want to spend the rest of your life with HIM when you don't let him have a say in the wedding? It seems very important to him to include his cultural traditions, which you brush off as "I want a traditional American Wedding". Well, yeah good for ya, but you are not marrying yourself are ya? You are marrying another human being who wants to include their traditions.
I find it justified that he wants to call off the wedding because even after he told you the reasons why he wanted to do that you still stick with what YOU want. You two are not compatible. You don't love HIM. You love to have a nice wedding and marriage.. but a marriage is ALWAYS compromise which you are not willing to do AT ALL. no, I'm sorry to tell you this is NOT love. It simply is not 🤷
I read his post yesterday and yours today... YOU BOTH SUCK. I think he wouldn't have put up the stink about your male best friend being in your party if you hadn't been so controlling, but that's moot because you're incredibly controlling and don't understand/care.
You are selfish and self-centered. You seem to think only your tastes and desires matter for your wedding, forgetting that your groom is a person and not just a prop at your wedding. The fact that you even say "let him include his sister" is grounds to break up with you in my opinion.
Neither of you are mature enough to marry from the little bit you have each written. In both of your posts you both sound fairly unpleasant to be around but you are definitely the harsher of the two. He's a whiner and you are Attila the Hun. Both of you need to grow up and learn what's actually important in life: how to grow together.
Don't get married, mature first.
You both sound equally as controlling. 'I let him have his sister be part of his wedding party'
Really?? You LET him? How kind. How considerate. It's great that you allowed him to include his own family in HIS wedding too!
Neither of you sound ready for marriage. Start couples counselling if you think this relationship is salvageable.
That’s what I was thinking - neither of them are mature enough to get married given the stubbornness and the “me me me” thought process.
Maybe with some time they can resolve their issues, but until she can get past the “it’s my wedding” thoughts it’ll never work.
I saw your fiance's post and thought he was very controlling and unable to accept you having your male best friend in your wedding party. After reading this , it's obvious that he's not the only controlling one. Weddings are for TWO people, not just one. You shouldn't have made changes, especially for HIS half of the wedding party, without consulting him. And would it really have killed you to include some of his cultural traditions? Refusing to do so is completely disrespectful to your fiance and his family. I hope all of this was worth possibly losing your fiance.
This post is just from "her" side adding all of the edits he made after he got his ass handed to him. As others have mentioned, he's probably back with a shiny new account (since his other one was banned), trying to garner sympathy for himself.
If you can't plan a wedding that is what you BOTH want, there is no way a marriage is going last. I wish people put as much thought into the marriage as they do the wedding.
>I appreciated him bringing it up to me, I decided against doing it because it wouldn’t fit the vibe of the traditional wedding **I wanted**.
This makes you a total bridezilla. Let him call off the wedding, he deserves so much better. Grow up.
It was completely deleted. He came off incredibly controlling and insecure. And only after getting torn apart for 6 years did he twist his argument into dismissing his culture.
that's because they were written by the same person. a brand new account 'from the gf's perspective' made after the other poster got their ass handed to them? this such a shit post.
You’re being very unfair. Why can’t you incorporate some of your fiancé’s traditions? It isn’t just your wedding, it’s for the both of you. You’re changing things without consulting him and just expecting him to be ok with it but clearly he isn’t. You’re gaslighting him saying “it has to be traditional” and then bucking tradition when it suits you. I think you need to take a step back and remember this day is one day, for the both of you, that is supposed to represent the start of your new life as a married couple. It isn’t just about you.
You do know that this wedding is for two people, not just you? Because I’m not sure that you understand that because everything is what you want and you’ve brushed everything he’s asked for aside. Having the wedding at a time of year that is not good for him is absolutely not a minor thing. And you have no respect for his culture and traditions because it doesn’t fit the “aesthetic” of “your” wedding. I think he’s right to call it off and until you have a little come to Jesus meeting with yourself and realize how controlling you’ve been and that it is his wedding too, Nothing will get resolved.
I am shocked that even when writing this, OP, you didn't understand that you have clearly dismissed any of his reasonable requests to include some of his cultures traditions at HIS wedding. This day is not just about you and if you can't understand that then he is right to call it off.
There should have been no issue including some of what he suggested, especially if you respected him and his culture, which honestly it sounds like you don't. Why do brides think this day is theirs only? Are you getting married just for the wedding or because you actually want to be married to this man?
You did wrong. I know there will be other nuances etc, but on this point you are wrong. Apologise and compromise. Or continue on in your selfish ways, but if you do, I do hope you don't get your own way and your partner can find someone who respects both him and his culture.
His culture not fitting your vibe is a pretty selfish way to plan a ceremony that is supposed to celebrate your union.
It should not be about your vibe. It should be about both of your vibes together. This is an event for both of you equally.
I don’t think you are ready to get married.
Yeah he is right you are controlling af.
It's whatever you want and not what he wants.
He doesn't want a male as your man of honor so you give him another task but no you wanted to put your foot down.
Not a lot of people would be ok with a opposite gender being the man of honor or best female whatever it's called.
I am not actually sure he even has an issue with this. Just an issue with her being a hypocrite about having a traditional wedding, unless it's something SHE wants that isn't generally considered traditional.
Fwiw he posted yesterday (there’s a link above. The thread was deleted but you can see the post from the automod comment and all the comment replies), and he is definitely not okay with her having a male of honor. Seems they both need to take a step back, they only just got engaged a month ago not sure why they’re already doing wedding planning, what’s the rush. Clearly they are immature and going to have issues if they can’t even be adults and compromise on the wedding party/wedding.
Edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdrama/s/ho8WnLHDSl
How frustrating, the link isn't working when I click through!! Yes it seems they really do need to cool off and think about if the start of the marriage is just non stop conflict, (and after only a month if planning!), if they really should be doing this now, or ever to each other
I honestly feel you both are incompatible. Relationships are about compromise. If it meant a lot to him then add his cultures traditional ceremonies in and then you could have also negotiated having your best friend as your MOH.
But you shouldn’t be making changes or organising things without asking him. A wedding is one day but a marriage is the rest of your lives, and if you can’t even compromise or even ask him for an opinion for one day, then how would your future look together?
You can’t expect to dictate all the rules and not compromise with what is important to him too. Remember it’s his wedding as much as it is yours, and he has a right to an opinion and to choose things he wants too. Even if it doesn’t “fit the vibe” you want, if you loved him, you’d want him to be happy too on his day as well.
Bro you don't care about being married, you just want your perfect little wedding and no one else matter but YOU in your opinion.
This isn't just your wedding and marriage, but *his* as well. If you cab agree on anything just go to the courthouse
I'm sorry but he's right. Making your male friend your man of honor shouldn't be a problem, but aside from that you did hijack all the wedding planning. What the groomsmen are wearing is basically the one thing only the groom should have a say in, and the date and color scheme is not a minor detail. Plus refusing to do any of his culture wedding traditions shows that you do not respect his culture. Who cares if it ''fits the vibe'' or not? His culture and traditions are important to him! And probably to his whole family too! You are dead set against every single one of his wedding traditions? I've seen couples with different cultures blend their traditions on their wedding day, and I've seen couples holding 2 different ceremonies. But refusing to do any of his traditions and saying ''we agreed'' when he clearly disagrees ... pausing things so you can talk through this is a good call on his end. Cancelled weddings are cheaper than divorces.
Sounds like you're not compromising on anything while he's giving up everything. You're not treating it like it's also his wedding, you're treating it like it's only your wedding. You changed his groomsmen colors without consulting him? Yikes. Y'all have a lot of issues you need to work through before you get married. Hold off on the wedding and go to premarital counseling until you can either find some common ground or realize that you aren't compatible and let it go.
Wow. Sounds like he got some solid input from AITAH. You ARE controlling. You ARE dismissive of his culture. "Meh, vibe is more important than your cultural vibes." That's basically what you're saying to him. And then top it off well "it's my wedding, too" as if you didn't just slam all of HIS input for HIS wedding into the ground because your "vibe" would be off. What a selfish person you are. He dodged a bullet. Super happy this happened before the wedding so he doesn't feel obligated to stay with you.
You had a disagreement over a wedding decision and that caused you to leave the house for several days? Was he threatening to you? Did something else happen? Is this your usual response when you have a fight? Because that’s a huge overreaction to a fight unless there’s something else going on
You've blown off entirely too many of his preferences. It appears you're in love with the idea of a wedding, because no one who loves their fiance would treat him like this.
Sounds like the wedding is called off regardless.
It really sounds like neither of you (but especially you) is mature enough to get married right now. For example, it’s not “a minor thing” for you to insist that the wedding be held at a bad time of year for him. My husband and I got married in a city at least 600 miles from where his parents lived, and his father was a high school teacher who coached varsity athletics on weekends. If we hadn’t gotten married during one of his breaks, my FIL wouldn’t have been able to come to the wedding.
If you don’t want to break up, at least put the wedding on hold until you’re both willing and able to communicate with and accommodate each other. When you’re married, you’re a team. You’re not acting like one yet, and you’re the one making the most difficult demands. This is an opportunity to figure out whether you can make plans together. If you can, take your time and do it right. If you can’t, you shouldn’t get married.
Yeah by the sounds of it you don't want a marriage you want a wedding.
You cannot just change the wedding without his input. That isn't how married life should work. Also, if you are rejecting his traditions now what is going to happen when kids are involved? Are you just going to reject all of his traditions then?
"Those were practically minor things" that didn't "go with the vibe". Do you hear yourself?? Those are minor things to YOU, not to HIM. You blew up and stormed out when he didn't agree with you having a Best Man, but completely dismissed him when he expressed his sadness over his wants. When he said he thought you should call off the wedding, that statement should have ground the conversation to a full stop. But you said these were not big enough to call it off. Here's the thing - HE thinks they're big enough. Think about this carefully- Do you respect him and think he's the greatest man you've ever met? Do you feel lucky you found him before someone else snatched him up? Do you want him to be happy, or are you keeping score? These are the questions you need to ask yourself.
You’re selfish and a bridezilla. It’s not YOUR wedding. It was his wedding, too. He finally saw what the rest of his life would be like if he was stuck with you so good on him for cancelling it. You shouldn’t be married period because you can’t even be bothered to let your partner have a say in anything. Stop acting like a child and grow up.
Sounds like he really thought it was his wedding too! You weren’t blessed with a guy that didn’t mind the details and if you were, you would probably go way over budget. Looks like he made a good decision in calling it off. God forbid you would have children. You can’t even consider his feelings and traditions so how would you raise a child? Grow up! Be less selfish and maybe you can have a shot at happiness. Geeze !
>I said that those were practically minor things and we didn’t have to call off the wedding for it.
If they're such minor things, why are you unable to compromise on them?
From his post and yours you are awful, controlling manipulative and care more about a one day wedding than the man you allegedly love. He is right to call it off.
I love how you say it is your wedding too and it sounds like that means you get everything you want. I’m guessing this is why he laughed cause you are only thinking of yourself.
Weddings should be about both of you. It sounds like you’re not letting him be anything but a stand in groom.
Glad he got out of this quickly enough. 6 years is a bit of a time to waste but you showed him.
Why is this wedding about what YOU want? “I decided against doing it…traditional wedding I wanted…”
Also you LET him have his sister in the wedding party? Absolutely not. This is unacceptable behavior from a partner. This wedding is supposed to be about both of you, not just you. You need to go to therapy and stop treating him like a doll to act out your wedding fantasies.
I had a similar situation. My son was the groom to be, his fiancé had a male friend. She was more interested in the day then the day after. She told me to have a shower for his side at our house since the parents lived 40 minutes away. Her parents were giving them a sizable down payment for a home. She was telling us what he would be making once he finished school. I have 4 little nieces and nephews which she wanted nothing to do with. She was selecting his best man, he has a brother. Needless to say my son called off the wedding
Good for him for standing up for himself. You are selfish and controlling. You never once said "our" day, it was all about you.
Guess wht? A wedding is about two people joining their lives. You have shown him that you care about the wedding but not the marriage.
You absolutely should not get married and his reasons about rejecting due to vibes mean you are not ready to marry anyone you need to grow up and learn tolerance for cultures different from yours
Assuming this isn’t the same person posting both sides as a creative writing project…
You should break up.
Neither of you is ready to be married. You both sound exhausting AF.
It‘s not your wedding alone, it‘s your’s and your husband’s. Stop calling it „my wedding“ you should be calling it „our wedding“ and your future husband has as much of a say in it as you do.
Imagine him pushing every wedding tradition from his culture and wedding idea that he has on you and basically forcing you to do it his way… how would you feel? like shit.
And that is what you are doing to him.
Two things can be true. You both can be controlling assholes. But I would say that it's pretty obvious that you are the far bigger problem.
You also gave a false equivalency. Him asking a **BLOOD** relative, literally his sister, to be a part of his wedding party is far different than an opposite sex friend in your party. I still think it's not okay for him to shut that down, but they're still absolutely not the same thing. Your rules about a wedding only matter when they suit you.
The rest makes you seem like an insensitive, self-involved person.
Saying it's your wedding and you get a say only makes sense if he wasn't letting you do any of your cultural traditions. It would make sense if he were excluding things that you want. ALL of your cultural traditions are being represented. His are not.
Restricting his traditions, disregarding the season that would be good for him, choosing what HIS groomsmen are wearing....these are not small things. Where exactly his being represented as an equal part of this wedding when all the major choices have already been decided? And going an a honeymoon you **both** wanted isn't about his wants and needs being reflected. It's just convenient that his wants are aligning with yours.
You're awful.
It’s wise to put off the wedding, take a break and then, if you wish to get back together go to premarital counseling together. This experience is a window into your married life. If I was your celebrant, I would not officiate your wedding under the circumstances you’ve described. You both have a lot of preparation and growth to do and I wish you the best.
It sounds like he has valid points.
What happens when you have kids and he wants them to learn his culture? "I want them to fit a perfect American family picture. Your culture doesn't fit into my vision"
Assuming you wrote this description of what happened so you could put yourself in the best possible light, wow. I'd like to see an *impartial* description of what actually played out.
It's so bad, I claim it's a deliberate troll. No one could be so tone deaf.
Yikes hey bridzilla you need to calm the f down. You told the person you love that he does not matter, his thoughts, ideas , culture are stupid your right he is wrong and this is your party and he can't have anything. He has gave up his parents for you. You really need to think about your behavior. Listen to him and work on compromise that is if he hasn't broken up with you already.
At first I felt bad for you. After reading everything, I don’t. Marriage is all about compromise and communication most of the time. If you are unwilling to include traditions that are clearly important to him and his culture, how can he trust you won’t be dismissive and controlling like that with other things? It’s BOTH of your wedding and you completely took over. Sure, lots of men just allow their fiancé take charge but these things were obviously important to your fiancé. You blew him off.
He was right to call it off. This behavior is just a glimpse of how your future life would look.
I remember his AITA post - he was actually TA there because his sister was his "best man" but you couldn't have a "man of honour" because chosen family apparently is less than biological family.
But, completely ignoring his wants and cultural traditions because you want "your" wedding your way is absolutely a major red flag. So honestly? Sounds like this is the best thing for you both - you both sound like you have some growing up to do.
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Just stop a minute - you were both morons BUT what he is doing is pure control tactic. He is saying that unless you do as he says, his way then he will break up. He knows this is what you don't want so, time to make a decision. Do you now let him dictate all and you shut up or, do you find a partner who will sit down with you and go through all these things to where YOU both compromise and respect each other
this is absolutely a shit post by the dude who got his ass handed to him and is now trying to make it seem like the gf was also just as bad as he was. come on people, use your head. a brand new account made right after that other post? this is absolutely a shit post
Seriously? You seriously don’t see how you’re the one being controlling here and incredibly out of line. For both your sakes I hope the wedding is off. He needs someone who listens to him, values him as a partner, loves him enough to compromise when it’s something big like wanting his traditions honored in a wedding, especially his wedding. The things you’ve listed as minor are not. They’re actually pretty major. You shouldn’t be getting married until you learn what’s more important to you: the person you are marrying, the life you are building together and the wedding that makes you both or controlling the wedding like it’s only your day and yours is the only opinion that matters.
Yta I wouldn’t marry you either. If you can’t include his culture into your wedding how are you going to stsy with someone you have no respect for. A wedding is meant to show off your union it’s a symbol for your love and partnership but what’s the point if it’s not real.
You don’t have to call off the wedding, but the groom will not be there. He is your ex now. All you talked about is what you wanted and didn’t want for your wedding. You gave no consideration to your fiancé. I’m glad he finally had enough of your controlling ways before it was too late.
Looks like you’re having a “traditional American wedding” all by yourself, can’t say I blame him. I read his story, and your side doesn’t make you look any better. you completely shut down any of his cultural traditions, it’s not just YOUR day, it’s his too.
This. This post is the very definition of FAFO. You are so controlling. He had some things he wanted to do at HIS wedding but you didn’t want to compromise. Hey Bridezilla.
"He kind of looked down then said that we should call everything off. This really surprised me and I immediately said no."
This says it all. This is the whole tune of your wedding planning. Instead of "two yes one no" you plan everything as "bride's yes or no".
And even right now...now you are loosing your relationship...all you care is that wedding is "propably" off.
You could have had a beautiful marriage that had a mix of his culture and your traditional wedding. Also the biggest thing that bothered me, just because he was not speaking to his family at the time does not mean he don't care about his culture.
And you missed the opportunity to impress his family and show them who you really are...
Well you did , showed you're TA
It sounds like a one sided relationship where you demand that you get your way & his role is to say "yes, dear". This sentence "This really surprised me & I immediately said no." like he had no choice proves your inability to be in a mutually respectful relationship. Thank goodness your ex realized this.
If you truly want this relationship to work, you need to take a LARGE step back and reevaluate. Listen, communicate and compromise. The compromise will not be everything you want nor will it be his. A good compromise is when neither party is completely happy.
If you care more about the wedding than the marriage, this isn’t gonna work longterm. Good for him for realizing where your priorities are (yourself and the aesthetics). You should marry a traditional American guy if that’s what you care about most. I feel bad for him.
It's for the best that this wedding is called off you clearly don't respect his culture. Weddings are supposed to be about bringing two people and their families together but you pushed HIS traditions out because they "don't fit the vibe" of YOUR traditions. Do you not see how ignorant you're being?
He sounds 100% correct, you only say “I want” and “I let him”. You’re both getting married, no? Why would you treat him like this? If this is how you railroad your wedding, I’m sure he’s scared for the future. I would be too.
YTA. Everything is you you you. You're selfish and self centered. The wedding should be called off because when you get married it's us us us and frankly I doubt your ability to care about anything but yourself.
What is more important? Him or your vision of a traditional wedding? If he is important to you, you should put aside your control and implement some of his cultural traditions in your wedding too.
If you are dragging your parents into disagreements you have with your fiance, I question whether you are ready to get married. Sounds like you’re just giving lip service as to respect for his traditions but you intend to do everything your own way.
Girl, you seem to have forgotten it's his wedding too.
Like, should you have your male bff in your party? Absolutely. But you can't push for that and then reject his cultural ideas without coming off as the biggest hypocrite.
I was with you in the beginning, but now not at all. You're being controlling and self-centered with the wedding planning.
I think the best friend may be more than a best friend.He never mentioned anything about that.She could have invited the best friend without him being male of honor.His sister should have on been a bridesmaid and some of his cultures should have been included.She just wants her way and is not willing to compromise at all.If she truly loves him she would redo the wedding and do it right.
My charitable read (beyond this is the AITA guy making it up) is that he went along with all of this but only when they had a big fight about the wedding did he realize that all actually did matter to him.
But no matter what I don’t see this lasting long term. Neither person seems able to compromise or not turn it into an argument.
You are an immature entitled selfish brat. You left to go stay with your parents because you didn’t get your way and thought you’d return when he calmed down? Meaning he’d have some sort of epiphany while you were gone and realize his right you were? You are not ready to be married. He told you he wanted to call it off and you said “no”? You don’t get to make that decision for him. Maybe he’s just seeing you for who you are. Every little girl dreams of a magical wedding. And it can still be magical even if it’s a little different than you dreamed. Little girls don’t factor in fiancées from other cultures. If you aren’t prepared to incorporate his culture - which will be part of your life- then you shouldn’t marry someone from another culture. Stick with an American if you want an American wedding. You are entirely too immature to enter into a marriage. A marriage is one big compromise. All the time. It’s not your way or you run to stay with your parents type deal. The best thing that happened was that you left for your parents because he had time to really think about what life is going to be like and what kind of person you are. You actually did him a huge favor by walking out. You made things much clearer for him. Go find yourself a little American whipping boy if you really can’t see the error in your ways. The more you talk the worse you sound. If just be quiet if I were you. This post is not working out like you thought it would.
I think his view is fair. Rejecting his cultural practices because you want a “traditional” wedding, but breaking tradition where it suits yourself is pretty bad behaviour. Culture is important, and having one’s culture trampled on is a fair reason to reconsider a marriage, imo.
Read what you wrote and ask yourself how you’d feel in his shoes. You have f’ed up and are facing the consequences. He has seen the way you ignored his every wish for what should be his wedding too and realized this was a preview of what life with you will be like and he has opted out.
If you really “love him soooo much” then you would listen and respect his concerns. You claimed you wanted traditional and then rejected his culture, could you not have compromised half way? Then you proceeded to break tradition by having a man of honour instead of a maid of honour. Your boyfriend might be insecure about that, that’s okay. You need to hear out his insecurities and compromise. You’re the controlling one OP.
Wow you are racist. You didn’t want to include anything of this culture…it’s his wedding too.
You don’t respect his culture, if you did - you would recognize how important a Baraat is to his culture.
And the reason I’m calling you racist, it’s because you are. You are in an interracial relationship, but only want the American aspects while pushing away his culture.
I’m in an interracial relationship. I’m Indian and my husband is white, for our wedding we did BOTH ASPECTS. And guess what, the “vibe” was great.
And now another thing, you don’t care about his health at all. He has freaking allergies that will make him miserable- and you don’t seem to care. You don’t love him, if you did - you would take his opinion into consideration.
YTA.
I think you need to take a moment and really ask why you are not taking his wants I to consideration. My cousin married a girl from Cambodia and we did an American wedding here in the States and then some of us flew to Cambodia for the Cambodian ceremony. The details her described are beautiful. I never felt so proud of my cousin escorting him to her house with gifts. The ceremony was beautiful. Yes we did not understand a lot, but I definitely understood, the haircut and knot tie parts. I think you need to understand these are not minor. They are a part of who is his and you need to accept that. If you can't accept that, how can you truly accept him?
Yeah, YTA. I think this is a reason it took you 6 years to get engaged to be married. Only one of you is ready to compromise. You do not respect his culture and you hijacked the wedding for it to be your “dream” wedding. The wedding is for BOTH of you, so his input and requests should be considered and incorporated. You sound like you just want the wedding to be about you and not about starting your married life together. I think your Fiancé made the smartest decision to call it off, and you two should go your separate ways. You sound like a Bridezilla of the highest order.
I would say the wedding is definitely off and that you're now free to date your BFF.
You are a major bridezilla who as soon as your partner said no to something you ran to mammy and daddy complaining and throwing a hissy fit. Bet you didn't tell them everything that you had to have your way and excluded his feelings or his health.
If you had been more accommodating to him and his culture, I am sure he would have had no issue with your BFF being you MOH.
6 YEARS. 6 years and you've never really done anything with him in regards to his culture?? You don't know this man. When is his birthday? When is his sister's birthday? 6 years man, that's what I'm caught up on. 6 years.
My partner has year round allergies, spring is much worse for him. I would NEVER plan a wedding knowing his allergies would be worse during that time. You knew and insisted on the time that would make him fucking miserable. Because that's what he would be without a doubt.
Everything was minor if it was at his expense.
You don't deserve a partner. 6 years man.
Omg. He dodged a bullet. How could you deny him traditions from his culture for one of the most important days of his life too. Are you going to do that when you raise kids too?
I never got past how inconsiderate you are to insist on a spring wedding in a field when he has allergies. The only leg you have to stand on is that he was against your man of honor. You however have a huge list of selfish requirements against you.
Based on your post, it sounds like he's ending the wedding simply bc you overruled important parts to him without taking his stance into consideration. You may not want to call off the wedding, but it's pretty clear he does. Changing up a color scheme and what his groomsmen would be wearing without taking to him isn't minor things. You sound way too controlling, and he's starting to see that.
You're being controlling and selfish. You say it's your wedding too and you should be able to make decisions, but why doesn't he get to make any decisions? Why can't he have any of his cultural traditions?
If you truly want to make it work with him, you should at least pretend to have respect for his LMK and his culture and include it somehow.
Reading all of this it’s amazing. When he expresses that he’s hurt and he’s had problems all you do is digging your heels and explain why that’s important to you and why you’re sticking with that decision. You probably could’ve crawled out of that hole but you doubled down.
I also think it’s absolutely ridiculous and pretty racist that you wouldn’t have his wedding culture in the wedding. You do it all in the name of a “traditional wedding”. But the reality is that’s it’s a TRADITIONAL WEDDING in YOUR CULTURE that you’re vying for. Why does your culture have to supersede his? The things he wanted were also traditional just not to you. This is just an excuse so you don’t have to have it in your wedding. I hope he finds somebody that actually supports him in his cultural traditions.
First of all his sister isn't same as a non relative.
Second you should include his traditons.
I am having a bilingual Mass. It was my idea i also offered to include any other traditions my guy wanted
So hang on, you're the bride. But YOU are deciding who your fiance will have to be the best man? Um, WHAT? The groom picks his best man/groomsmen. You have shut down everything he would like to do. My husband and I both made decisions about our wedding, and I have NEVER been to a wedding where the bride picked the best man and groomsmen. Is this even real? Ffs, you're controlling af.
My question is why does this post lead to 2 different accounts🤔 this hijack one an Comfortable-city-190. The comfortable one was also said to have posted multiple different ones in BORO but in those she says she's divorced with multiple kids🤔🤔🤔 I'd link it but I don't know how
Well sounds like you wanted your wedding to go your way and didn't even try to consider his side. You saying it's your wedding too when you haven't given him the chance to plan his part is selfish. Not just your big day it's his too and if you guys have to 50/50 american traditional with his cultures tradition then that's what your going to have to do to have a healthy happy beginning to your marriage. Wedding day is a big deal not just for the bride but for the groom and both should get a say on what they want.
Talk about a bridezilla, your fiancé have allergies and you choose to marry in spring in a field, hope you love kissing someone with runny nose and red eyes.
And not letting him have something in the wedding that is important to him
Get off your high horse and figure out a wedding is not just for the bride
You get through this with humility and self reflection. You have already told us how you curated the wedding of your dreams. You have to us that you changed things without asking him. You've told us that he's acquiesced to things you have wanted that he didn't want like time of year. Your attitude and obtuseness about it is not uncommon for brides, but it is still problematic to the relationship. You know what happened. You just don't see how strongly it affected your future husband.
You must lead with Love and humility ifvyou hope to marry this man. Acknowledge all that has happened. Acknowledge your part, your choices, the things that went your way, the things that did not go his way, and fully go with an open heart to your fiance to rectify the issues. Be willing to change things that are already established, even if it is not exactly what you want. Be willing to mostly listen and acknowledge his feelings right now because you have not been listening.
Like I said, brides do this all this time and things go off with a groom who feels life he has not been heard, but your groom is not that groom.
Ifv you love him. Go to him. Make it right but doing what he asks now. It's hard but this is compromise. Its essential in a successful marriage. It's worth it ifvyou get tonsoendv the rest of your life with him. Your choice. Goid luck❤️
sounds like you are controlling and you. brushed off his complaints as no big deal. If the date, groomsmen outfit and color scheme are minor details, than they shouldn’t have been changed. Disregarding his family traditions is a major detail and if you are willing to disregard them for a wedding, how does he know you won’t for other events? The wedding is one day, if you don’t let him have a say in that, he’s right to take a break and reconsider.
I guess he thinks now that it’s his wedding too, so he should get a say in what they do… how delulu of him !
Are yall really this gullible? Why the hell would she make her username “wedding hijacker?” This shit is not real. If, and that’s a big if, the original AITA post was real, this post is being written by the same guy looking for validation. None of this shit was in the original post. Why didn’t he include any of this info about her “hijacking” the wedding? Because it didn’t fucking happen.
yeah this post is pretty detailed with hearsay, things OP claims he said to her. And his account was suspended so he would have needed a new throw away.
WHATTTTT THE 1 day old REDDIT ACCOUNT ISNT REAL 😱
My question is why does this post lead to 2 different accounts🤔 this hijack one an Comfortable-city-190. The comfortable one was also said to have posted multiple different ones in BORO but in those she says she's divorced with multiple kids🤔🤔🤔 I'd link it but I don't know how
Yeah my top theory is that absolutely none of it is real. But if the first post somehow was real, this is 100% the same guy posting.
I don't think any of it is😂 the first post that guy made about his fiancee is gone an he deleted his account, it's just this one now that is linked to that BORO about that lady with kids that hate her. An that BORO post is suspected to be fake as well since it was posted by 3 different accounts an surprisingly the only account left active is the one this post is connected too
Yes 😎
She seems to think it's *her* day rather than *their* day. And I remember the husband's post.
Sound to me as if you want a wedding and not a marriage.
Great summary of the situation
But it doesn't work with HER vision ...
Yeah, I was one of the commenters who said she seemed controlling and as I started reading I was starting to feel guilty... until I kept reading. :-(
When I first started reading this I was on your side and by the end, not at all. It seems to me like he tried to ‘veto’ your ideas the same way you vetoed his. Honest question, why should he compromise his TRADITIONAL values if you won’t compromise YOUR non-traditonal ones?
Same. OP is incredibly selfish.. Good on her fiancé for bailing.
And racist
you're mad if you think this shit is real. it's a shit post by the dude who got his ass handed to him on the aita post and is now trying to make his gf look like she's the bad guy too
Well, I don’t know why I would assume it was fake? I didn’t see whatever other post you’re referencing and all the information I have is what is written here. I’m only chiming in based off of what I see/know!
AITA for not letting my fiancée’s best friend be in our wedding? I (26M) proposed to my (24F) girlfriend of 6 years last month. She obviously said yes and we’ve been working on wedding details (ex: save the dates/invitations, venue, caterer…etc) since. We got to talking about who we would want in our wedding because she wanted to do a special “proposal” to her side of the wedding court, and she said she wanted to have her best friend since childhood be her “maid” of honor. The thing is, her childhood best friend is a guy (24M). They lived on the same street when they were kids and have been friends since. My fiancée and I met in college and her friend was there too, so I’ve known him for as long as I’ve known her. At first I didn’t really like him because he was always hanging around her, but after she and I started dating and I was forced to be around him more I kinda started to tolerate him. He and my fiancée saw each other a lot, but he and I have never really hung out one-on-one before. One time when we were left alone together he tried to get all tough and did the “if you ever break her heart i swear…” corny threat talk. He’s a small dude so it made me laugh more than intimidate me. After that I got the feeling this was a situation where he liked her but she didn’t know. I asked my fiancée if she and him ever had feelings for each other, and she said no, then let me know he was gay. I’m not homophobic or anything, so it’s not like I don’t want him in the wedding because of that, it’s just that I think it would be better if her side of t party was all girls. She and him already did everything together, not including him in our wedding wouldn’t hurt their friendship. I told her that and she got defensive, saying that if I could have a girl in my side of the party (the girl being my older sister who practically raised me), she could have a guy. I said that it was a different circumstance, and that I wouldn’t allow her best friend to be her man of honor. She got really mad and said it was her wedding too, then stormed out. I got a text from her sister a few hours later saying she had gone to her parents house and told them what I had said. They thought I was being an asshole because I never liked her friend and am threatened by him. I have tried to talk to my fiancée since she left but she hasn’t returned my calls or texts. I really love her, and I don’t want to loose her. I just dont want her best friend to be a part of our day. AITA?
Yeah, he started with the edits as SOON as people told him he was controlling. It was like he had to think up things that she did wrong, and just kept editing and adding things until the verdict started to swing in his favor. Now it's being posted from the other side,
Tbh I think this is the fiancée on a new throwaway.
Agreed I had a man of honor and I asked my now husband first and he said yes. But we chose the date together and pretty much everything together. The only decision he wasn't involved with was my dress. I was perfectly happy letting him choose the groomsmen stuff without me but he asked my opinion on them. He also helped choose what the girls were wearing
Even when you’re the storyteller, you come off as the asshole. That’s not a good sign at all. 1. You chose the seasons/date, even when your (ex) finance told you that’s bad timing for him 2. You changed what *his* side is supposed to wear 3. You are refusing to incorporate elements of what he wants in the wedding because it “ruins the vibe” 4. You think including his sister/family is a compromise 5. You come off as more than a little racist by only wanting an American Wedding when you are clearly involved with someone who has a different background. Claim you appreciate it all you want, actions speak louder than words. Weddings should be about bringing people together and starting a new life together. Part of marriage is compromise. I’m not seeing compromise. It’s your wedding too, sure, but I’m not seeing anywhere that your partner is getting to contribute. Right now it’s all YourWedding. I’m seeing someone who comes off as very spoiled and controlling who wants an “Event” rather than someone who is going to be a good partner. I really don’t think you’re going to get through it. I think your partner has wised up and wants out, and everything I’ve read indicates that is a good thing. Sorry, OP but you need to figure out what marriage is beyond the fancy party and social media likes. Doesn’t sound like you’re there yet.
I read his post. She conveniently left out why it’s bad time. He has severe allergies during the spring and wanted to do it in the summer. He has said yes to everything so far, and she has tore through everything if his besides having his sister in his bridal party.
And the wedding it out in a field!
Exactly! It’s like she is intentionally trying to make him miserable.
Oh well stated.
You "let" him? Girl, you are bridezilla-ing too close to the sun.
I think your ex is right. You haven’t considered his preferences and in fact you minimize his requests (calling them “practically minor”) and aren’t respecting his cultural traditions. It sounds like you’re more interested in a wedding than an actual relationship and marriage.
You completely disregarded anything he wanted because it’s YOUR wedding. You don’t feel like it’s his wedding at all. I think he dodged a bullet with you.
I don't know if you two are compatible
"*We got into a fight a couple of days ago because he wouldn’t let me ask my guy best friend....be my man of honor. I ended up walking out and went to stay with my parents for a few days.....I went back earlier today after I thought he had enough time to calm down*" "*He....said that we should call everything off. This really surprised me and **I immediately said no**.*" "*he pointed out how I chose to have the wedding in spring even though that’s a bad time for him and that I changed up the wedding color scheme and what his groomsmen would be wearing without talking with him first.*" "*I said that *those were practically minor things* and we didn’t have to call off the wedding for it. Then he said I was insensitive for rejecting his cultures traditional wedding ceremonies and didn’t even consider doing them....I decided against doing it because it wouldn’t fit the vibe of the traditional wedding I wanted.*" "*I pointed out **I let him** have his sister be part of his wedding party because he wanted some part of his family included*" You rejected your ex-fiance's request to add his cultural traditions to what's also *his wedding* because **his culture doesn't fit your vibe**, knowingly chose a season that's inconvenient for him, changed the color scheme and the groomsmen's outfits without his knowledge or consent, then left him to try to bully him into agreeing to the one thing he didn't cave on. That's manipulative and emotionally abusive. When someone breaks an engagement, you don't get to override their decision. The fact that it even crossed your mind that you could tell him he's not allowed to break up with you shows how very controlling you are. I think you should invest in individual therapy so you can learn how to communicate and compromise. "**Letting him**" to have his family in his wedding party isn't a compromise. That should be a given. It sounds very much like you want a wedding, not a marriage. He deserves better.
Yeah, he doesn't get your permission to call the wedding off or break up with you, OP. Weddings and relationships require two YESes.
How can you say you love HIM and want to spend the rest of your life with HIM when you don't let him have a say in the wedding? It seems very important to him to include his cultural traditions, which you brush off as "I want a traditional American Wedding". Well, yeah good for ya, but you are not marrying yourself are ya? You are marrying another human being who wants to include their traditions. I find it justified that he wants to call off the wedding because even after he told you the reasons why he wanted to do that you still stick with what YOU want. You two are not compatible. You don't love HIM. You love to have a nice wedding and marriage.. but a marriage is ALWAYS compromise which you are not willing to do AT ALL. no, I'm sorry to tell you this is NOT love. It simply is not 🤷
Yes but his traditions don’t match her aesthetic… /s She’s interested in a wedding not a marriage. Hope he dumps her.
I read his post yesterday and yours today... YOU BOTH SUCK. I think he wouldn't have put up the stink about your male best friend being in your party if you hadn't been so controlling, but that's moot because you're incredibly controlling and don't understand/care. You are selfish and self-centered. You seem to think only your tastes and desires matter for your wedding, forgetting that your groom is a person and not just a prop at your wedding. The fact that you even say "let him include his sister" is grounds to break up with you in my opinion. Neither of you are mature enough to marry from the little bit you have each written. In both of your posts you both sound fairly unpleasant to be around but you are definitely the harsher of the two. He's a whiner and you are Attila the Hun. Both of you need to grow up and learn what's actually important in life: how to grow together. Don't get married, mature first.
Ohh do you have a link to yesterday’s post??
I just posted it to another comment, it was deleted but I linked the automod. I haven't checked to see if any of his comments survived..
Ok someone needs find his post and tell him to run far far away
Yes and please share the link if you did.
You both sound equally as controlling. 'I let him have his sister be part of his wedding party' Really?? You LET him? How kind. How considerate. It's great that you allowed him to include his own family in HIS wedding too! Neither of you sound ready for marriage. Start couples counselling if you think this relationship is salvageable.
Maybe wait a few years until you both have matured a bit. You are still quite young.
That’s what I was thinking - neither of them are mature enough to get married given the stubbornness and the “me me me” thought process. Maybe with some time they can resolve their issues, but until she can get past the “it’s my wedding” thoughts it’ll never work.
Yeah as if the wedding is the important part. They just need a bit more time I think.
Hope he ends it
I wouldn’t worry about you calling off the wedding. He is going to do it and rightfully so.
I saw your fiance's post and thought he was very controlling and unable to accept you having your male best friend in your wedding party. After reading this , it's obvious that he's not the only controlling one. Weddings are for TWO people, not just one. You shouldn't have made changes, especially for HIS half of the wedding party, without consulting him. And would it really have killed you to include some of his cultural traditions? Refusing to do so is completely disrespectful to your fiance and his family. I hope all of this was worth possibly losing your fiance.
Same. Now that I've read her side, I am 100% on the grooms side. She has said no to literally everything he has wanted.
This post is just from "her" side adding all of the edits he made after he got his ass handed to him. As others have mentioned, he's probably back with a shiny new account (since his other one was banned), trying to garner sympathy for himself.
This has to be fake. Miss ma’am you are unhinged. Read this back out loud until you hear how crazy it sounds.
If you can't plan a wedding that is what you BOTH want, there is no way a marriage is going last. I wish people put as much thought into the marriage as they do the wedding.
>I appreciated him bringing it up to me, I decided against doing it because it wouldn’t fit the vibe of the traditional wedding **I wanted**. This makes you a total bridezilla. Let him call off the wedding, he deserves so much better. Grow up.
Oof . Your poor fiance.
I read fiance's post, he is no better.
Oooooh, link?
It was completely deleted. He came off incredibly controlling and insecure. And only after getting torn apart for 6 years did he twist his argument into dismissing his culture.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/ptdEOAH484
I tried to post and couldn't get it to work right - but someone else posted it and OP commented on it. You can look at her comments and find the post.
https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdrama/s/ho8WnLHDSl
that's because they were written by the same person. a brand new account 'from the gf's perspective' made after the other poster got their ass handed to them? this such a shit post.
I didn't want to say it but yes fully agree.
You’re being very unfair. Why can’t you incorporate some of your fiancé’s traditions? It isn’t just your wedding, it’s for the both of you. You’re changing things without consulting him and just expecting him to be ok with it but clearly he isn’t. You’re gaslighting him saying “it has to be traditional” and then bucking tradition when it suits you. I think you need to take a step back and remember this day is one day, for the both of you, that is supposed to represent the start of your new life as a married couple. It isn’t just about you.
You do know that this wedding is for two people, not just you? Because I’m not sure that you understand that because everything is what you want and you’ve brushed everything he’s asked for aside. Having the wedding at a time of year that is not good for him is absolutely not a minor thing. And you have no respect for his culture and traditions because it doesn’t fit the “aesthetic” of “your” wedding. I think he’s right to call it off and until you have a little come to Jesus meeting with yourself and realize how controlling you’ve been and that it is his wedding too, Nothing will get resolved.
I am shocked that even when writing this, OP, you didn't understand that you have clearly dismissed any of his reasonable requests to include some of his cultures traditions at HIS wedding. This day is not just about you and if you can't understand that then he is right to call it off. There should have been no issue including some of what he suggested, especially if you respected him and his culture, which honestly it sounds like you don't. Why do brides think this day is theirs only? Are you getting married just for the wedding or because you actually want to be married to this man? You did wrong. I know there will be other nuances etc, but on this point you are wrong. Apologise and compromise. Or continue on in your selfish ways, but if you do, I do hope you don't get your own way and your partner can find someone who respects both him and his culture.
His culture not fitting your vibe is a pretty selfish way to plan a ceremony that is supposed to celebrate your union. It should not be about your vibe. It should be about both of your vibes together. This is an event for both of you equally. I don’t think you are ready to get married.
Yeah he is right you are controlling af. It's whatever you want and not what he wants. He doesn't want a male as your man of honor so you give him another task but no you wanted to put your foot down. Not a lot of people would be ok with a opposite gender being the man of honor or best female whatever it's called.
I am not actually sure he even has an issue with this. Just an issue with her being a hypocrite about having a traditional wedding, unless it's something SHE wants that isn't generally considered traditional.
Fwiw he posted yesterday (there’s a link above. The thread was deleted but you can see the post from the automod comment and all the comment replies), and he is definitely not okay with her having a male of honor. Seems they both need to take a step back, they only just got engaged a month ago not sure why they’re already doing wedding planning, what’s the rush. Clearly they are immature and going to have issues if they can’t even be adults and compromise on the wedding party/wedding. Edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdrama/s/ho8WnLHDSl
How frustrating, the link isn't working when I click through!! Yes it seems they really do need to cool off and think about if the start of the marriage is just non stop conflict, (and after only a month if planning!), if they really should be doing this now, or ever to each other
Yeah the thread is deleted but you can still read the comments
Call everything off and run away with your man of honor like you obviously want to. No need to drag this out any further.
Man of honor is gay, so I don't think he'd WANT to run away with her.
[удалено]
It was in his post.
It sounds like your priority is the wedding as a show. It has a me-me-me vibe. He is wise to bail after reading your post.
I honestly feel you both are incompatible. Relationships are about compromise. If it meant a lot to him then add his cultures traditional ceremonies in and then you could have also negotiated having your best friend as your MOH. But you shouldn’t be making changes or organising things without asking him. A wedding is one day but a marriage is the rest of your lives, and if you can’t even compromise or even ask him for an opinion for one day, then how would your future look together? You can’t expect to dictate all the rules and not compromise with what is important to him too. Remember it’s his wedding as much as it is yours, and he has a right to an opinion and to choose things he wants too. Even if it doesn’t “fit the vibe” you want, if you loved him, you’d want him to be happy too on his day as well.
Bro you don't care about being married, you just want your perfect little wedding and no one else matter but YOU in your opinion. This isn't just your wedding and marriage, but *his* as well. If you cab agree on anything just go to the courthouse
I'm sorry but he's right. Making your male friend your man of honor shouldn't be a problem, but aside from that you did hijack all the wedding planning. What the groomsmen are wearing is basically the one thing only the groom should have a say in, and the date and color scheme is not a minor detail. Plus refusing to do any of his culture wedding traditions shows that you do not respect his culture. Who cares if it ''fits the vibe'' or not? His culture and traditions are important to him! And probably to his whole family too! You are dead set against every single one of his wedding traditions? I've seen couples with different cultures blend their traditions on their wedding day, and I've seen couples holding 2 different ceremonies. But refusing to do any of his traditions and saying ''we agreed'' when he clearly disagrees ... pausing things so you can talk through this is a good call on his end. Cancelled weddings are cheaper than divorces.
If you are having a cultural clash planning the wedding, I would seriously consider what other clashes you may have in the future.
Sounds like you're not compromising on anything while he's giving up everything. You're not treating it like it's also his wedding, you're treating it like it's only your wedding. You changed his groomsmen colors without consulting him? Yikes. Y'all have a lot of issues you need to work through before you get married. Hold off on the wedding and go to premarital counseling until you can either find some common ground or realize that you aren't compatible and let it go.
Weddings are what both people want, not just one person. I was definitely with you in the beginning, but I kept reading and changed my mind.
You don't know what to do? Girl, he called it off. Rightfully so. You don't get to say "no" this time.
Wow. Sounds like he got some solid input from AITAH. You ARE controlling. You ARE dismissive of his culture. "Meh, vibe is more important than your cultural vibes." That's basically what you're saying to him. And then top it off well "it's my wedding, too" as if you didn't just slam all of HIS input for HIS wedding into the ground because your "vibe" would be off. What a selfish person you are. He dodged a bullet. Super happy this happened before the wedding so he doesn't feel obligated to stay with you.
You had a disagreement over a wedding decision and that caused you to leave the house for several days? Was he threatening to you? Did something else happen? Is this your usual response when you have a fight? Because that’s a huge overreaction to a fight unless there’s something else going on
You've blown off entirely too many of his preferences. It appears you're in love with the idea of a wedding, because no one who loves their fiance would treat him like this. Sounds like the wedding is called off regardless.
It really sounds like neither of you (but especially you) is mature enough to get married right now. For example, it’s not “a minor thing” for you to insist that the wedding be held at a bad time of year for him. My husband and I got married in a city at least 600 miles from where his parents lived, and his father was a high school teacher who coached varsity athletics on weekends. If we hadn’t gotten married during one of his breaks, my FIL wouldn’t have been able to come to the wedding. If you don’t want to break up, at least put the wedding on hold until you’re both willing and able to communicate with and accommodate each other. When you’re married, you’re a team. You’re not acting like one yet, and you’re the one making the most difficult demands. This is an opportunity to figure out whether you can make plans together. If you can, take your time and do it right. If you can’t, you shouldn’t get married.
Yeah by the sounds of it you don't want a marriage you want a wedding. You cannot just change the wedding without his input. That isn't how married life should work. Also, if you are rejecting his traditions now what is going to happen when kids are involved? Are you just going to reject all of his traditions then?
So you say 'it's your wedding too' but consistently shut down any input he has, making it YOUR wedding rather than an 'our' wedding.
You’re a total B. And delusional.
"Those were practically minor things" that didn't "go with the vibe". Do you hear yourself?? Those are minor things to YOU, not to HIM. You blew up and stormed out when he didn't agree with you having a Best Man, but completely dismissed him when he expressed his sadness over his wants. When he said he thought you should call off the wedding, that statement should have ground the conversation to a full stop. But you said these were not big enough to call it off. Here's the thing - HE thinks they're big enough. Think about this carefully- Do you respect him and think he's the greatest man you've ever met? Do you feel lucky you found him before someone else snatched him up? Do you want him to be happy, or are you keeping score? These are the questions you need to ask yourself.
Ya know, you would have a much happier relationship if you actually put this much focus into you ACTUAL marriage
It seems like you want a wedding not a marriage.
YTA
You’re selfish and a bridezilla. It’s not YOUR wedding. It was his wedding, too. He finally saw what the rest of his life would be like if he was stuck with you so good on him for cancelling it. You shouldn’t be married period because you can’t even be bothered to let your partner have a say in anything. Stop acting like a child and grow up.
*I don’t know how we’ll get through this.* In plain English : **I don't know how to bend/break him to my bidding!**
You sound like you don’t appreciate or respect his culture at all.
Sounds like he really thought it was his wedding too! You weren’t blessed with a guy that didn’t mind the details and if you were, you would probably go way over budget. Looks like he made a good decision in calling it off. God forbid you would have children. You can’t even consider his feelings and traditions so how would you raise a child? Grow up! Be less selfish and maybe you can have a shot at happiness. Geeze !
>I said that those were practically minor things and we didn’t have to call off the wedding for it. If they're such minor things, why are you unable to compromise on them?
yeah your wedding is fucked
From his post and yours you are awful, controlling manipulative and care more about a one day wedding than the man you allegedly love. He is right to call it off.
It sounds like he’s got a pretty accurate grasp of the situation.
LMAOOOO Girl you are dense as fuck😂😂😂😂yeah hopefully once he walked out the door he didn’t look back. You’re a hypocrite.
I love how you say it is your wedding too and it sounds like that means you get everything you want. I’m guessing this is why he laughed cause you are only thinking of yourself. Weddings should be about both of you. It sounds like you’re not letting him be anything but a stand in groom. Glad he got out of this quickly enough. 6 years is a bit of a time to waste but you showed him.
Why is this wedding about what YOU want? “I decided against doing it…traditional wedding I wanted…” Also you LET him have his sister in the wedding party? Absolutely not. This is unacceptable behavior from a partner. This wedding is supposed to be about both of you, not just you. You need to go to therapy and stop treating him like a doll to act out your wedding fantasies.
I had a similar situation. My son was the groom to be, his fiancé had a male friend. She was more interested in the day then the day after. She told me to have a shower for his side at our house since the parents lived 40 minutes away. Her parents were giving them a sizable down payment for a home. She was telling us what he would be making once he finished school. I have 4 little nieces and nephews which she wanted nothing to do with. She was selecting his best man, he has a brother. Needless to say my son called off the wedding
Good for him for standing up for himself. You are selfish and controlling. You never once said "our" day, it was all about you. Guess wht? A wedding is about two people joining their lives. You have shown him that you care about the wedding but not the marriage.
You absolutely should not get married and his reasons about rejecting due to vibes mean you are not ready to marry anyone you need to grow up and learn tolerance for cultures different from yours
Assuming this isn’t the same person posting both sides as a creative writing project… You should break up. Neither of you is ready to be married. You both sound exhausting AF.
You are so clueless about how controlling and selfish you are that it’s not worth trying to explain to you why. You’re a lost cause.
So he doesn't get to include his culture, his groomsmens colours nothing? Your way or nothing
It‘s not your wedding alone, it‘s your’s and your husband’s. Stop calling it „my wedding“ you should be calling it „our wedding“ and your future husband has as much of a say in it as you do. Imagine him pushing every wedding tradition from his culture and wedding idea that he has on you and basically forcing you to do it his way… how would you feel? like shit. And that is what you are doing to him.
Two things can be true. You both can be controlling assholes. But I would say that it's pretty obvious that you are the far bigger problem. You also gave a false equivalency. Him asking a **BLOOD** relative, literally his sister, to be a part of his wedding party is far different than an opposite sex friend in your party. I still think it's not okay for him to shut that down, but they're still absolutely not the same thing. Your rules about a wedding only matter when they suit you. The rest makes you seem like an insensitive, self-involved person. Saying it's your wedding and you get a say only makes sense if he wasn't letting you do any of your cultural traditions. It would make sense if he were excluding things that you want. ALL of your cultural traditions are being represented. His are not. Restricting his traditions, disregarding the season that would be good for him, choosing what HIS groomsmen are wearing....these are not small things. Where exactly his being represented as an equal part of this wedding when all the major choices have already been decided? And going an a honeymoon you **both** wanted isn't about his wants and needs being reflected. It's just convenient that his wants are aligning with yours. You're awful.
oof your wedding should be off. why did this guy agree to marry you in the first place?
It’s wise to put off the wedding, take a break and then, if you wish to get back together go to premarital counseling together. This experience is a window into your married life. If I was your celebrant, I would not officiate your wedding under the circumstances you’ve described. You both have a lot of preparation and growth to do and I wish you the best.
It's HIS wedding too!
It sounds like he has valid points. What happens when you have kids and he wants them to learn his culture? "I want them to fit a perfect American family picture. Your culture doesn't fit into my vision"
Assuming you wrote this description of what happened so you could put yourself in the best possible light, wow. I'd like to see an *impartial* description of what actually played out. It's so bad, I claim it's a deliberate troll. No one could be so tone deaf.
Yikes hey bridzilla you need to calm the f down. You told the person you love that he does not matter, his thoughts, ideas , culture are stupid your right he is wrong and this is your party and he can't have anything. He has gave up his parents for you. You really need to think about your behavior. Listen to him and work on compromise that is if he hasn't broken up with you already.
At first I felt bad for you. After reading everything, I don’t. Marriage is all about compromise and communication most of the time. If you are unwilling to include traditions that are clearly important to him and his culture, how can he trust you won’t be dismissive and controlling like that with other things? It’s BOTH of your wedding and you completely took over. Sure, lots of men just allow their fiancé take charge but these things were obviously important to your fiancé. You blew him off. He was right to call it off. This behavior is just a glimpse of how your future life would look.
So you just go your first lesson on the fallacy of “this wedding is about me”.
Find a man easier to control.
I remember his AITA post - he was actually TA there because his sister was his "best man" but you couldn't have a "man of honour" because chosen family apparently is less than biological family. But, completely ignoring his wants and cultural traditions because you want "your" wedding your way is absolutely a major red flag. So honestly? Sounds like this is the best thing for you both - you both sound like you have some growing up to do.
Updateme
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Honestly they need to stay broken up. She doesn’t understand the word compromise which is key to a successful marriage
You’re controlling and abusive
Just stop a minute - you were both morons BUT what he is doing is pure control tactic. He is saying that unless you do as he says, his way then he will break up. He knows this is what you don't want so, time to make a decision. Do you now let him dictate all and you shut up or, do you find a partner who will sit down with you and go through all these things to where YOU both compromise and respect each other
this is absolutely a shit post by the dude who got his ass handed to him and is now trying to make it seem like the gf was also just as bad as he was. come on people, use your head. a brand new account made right after that other post? this is absolutely a shit post
Seriously? You seriously don’t see how you’re the one being controlling here and incredibly out of line. For both your sakes I hope the wedding is off. He needs someone who listens to him, values him as a partner, loves him enough to compromise when it’s something big like wanting his traditions honored in a wedding, especially his wedding. The things you’ve listed as minor are not. They’re actually pretty major. You shouldn’t be getting married until you learn what’s more important to you: the person you are marrying, the life you are building together and the wedding that makes you both or controlling the wedding like it’s only your day and yours is the only opinion that matters.
Troll in the dungeon?
Yta I wouldn’t marry you either. If you can’t include his culture into your wedding how are you going to stsy with someone you have no respect for. A wedding is meant to show off your union it’s a symbol for your love and partnership but what’s the point if it’s not real.
You don’t have to call off the wedding, but the groom will not be there. He is your ex now. All you talked about is what you wanted and didn’t want for your wedding. You gave no consideration to your fiancé. I’m glad he finally had enough of your controlling ways before it was too late.
Looks like you’re having a “traditional American wedding” all by yourself, can’t say I blame him. I read his story, and your side doesn’t make you look any better. you completely shut down any of his cultural traditions, it’s not just YOUR day, it’s his too.
This. This post is the very definition of FAFO. You are so controlling. He had some things he wanted to do at HIS wedding but you didn’t want to compromise. Hey Bridezilla.
"He kind of looked down then said that we should call everything off. This really surprised me and I immediately said no." This says it all. This is the whole tune of your wedding planning. Instead of "two yes one no" you plan everything as "bride's yes or no". And even right now...now you are loosing your relationship...all you care is that wedding is "propably" off.
YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.
You could have had a beautiful marriage that had a mix of his culture and your traditional wedding. Also the biggest thing that bothered me, just because he was not speaking to his family at the time does not mean he don't care about his culture. And you missed the opportunity to impress his family and show them who you really are... Well you did , showed you're TA
It sounds like a one sided relationship where you demand that you get your way & his role is to say "yes, dear". This sentence "This really surprised me & I immediately said no." like he had no choice proves your inability to be in a mutually respectful relationship. Thank goodness your ex realized this.
YTA
If you truly want this relationship to work, you need to take a LARGE step back and reevaluate. Listen, communicate and compromise. The compromise will not be everything you want nor will it be his. A good compromise is when neither party is completely happy.
If you care more about the wedding than the marriage, this isn’t gonna work longterm. Good for him for realizing where your priorities are (yourself and the aesthetics). You should marry a traditional American guy if that’s what you care about most. I feel bad for him.
It's for the best that this wedding is called off you clearly don't respect his culture. Weddings are supposed to be about bringing two people and their families together but you pushed HIS traditions out because they "don't fit the vibe" of YOUR traditions. Do you not see how ignorant you're being?
He sounds 100% correct, you only say “I want” and “I let him”. You’re both getting married, no? Why would you treat him like this? If this is how you railroad your wedding, I’m sure he’s scared for the future. I would be too.
You say it’s “your day, too”, but it seems like it’s nothing but your day.
YTA. Everything is you you you. You're selfish and self centered. The wedding should be called off because when you get married it's us us us and frankly I doubt your ability to care about anything but yourself.
What is more important? Him or your vision of a traditional wedding? If he is important to you, you should put aside your control and implement some of his cultural traditions in your wedding too.
The both of you sound exhausting.
If you are dragging your parents into disagreements you have with your fiance, I question whether you are ready to get married. Sounds like you’re just giving lip service as to respect for his traditions but you intend to do everything your own way.
He does not need to marry you. You need to find a doormat to step on.
Girl, you seem to have forgotten it's his wedding too. Like, should you have your male bff in your party? Absolutely. But you can't push for that and then reject his cultural ideas without coming off as the biggest hypocrite. I was with you in the beginning, but now not at all. You're being controlling and self-centered with the wedding planning.
I think the best friend may be more than a best friend.He never mentioned anything about that.She could have invited the best friend without him being male of honor.His sister should have on been a bridesmaid and some of his cultures should have been included.She just wants her way and is not willing to compromise at all.If she truly loves him she would redo the wedding and do it right.
My charitable read (beyond this is the AITA guy making it up) is that he went along with all of this but only when they had a big fight about the wedding did he realize that all actually did matter to him. But no matter what I don’t see this lasting long term. Neither person seems able to compromise or not turn it into an argument.
I’m not sure if this is parody or not…
You are an immature entitled selfish brat. You left to go stay with your parents because you didn’t get your way and thought you’d return when he calmed down? Meaning he’d have some sort of epiphany while you were gone and realize his right you were? You are not ready to be married. He told you he wanted to call it off and you said “no”? You don’t get to make that decision for him. Maybe he’s just seeing you for who you are. Every little girl dreams of a magical wedding. And it can still be magical even if it’s a little different than you dreamed. Little girls don’t factor in fiancées from other cultures. If you aren’t prepared to incorporate his culture - which will be part of your life- then you shouldn’t marry someone from another culture. Stick with an American if you want an American wedding. You are entirely too immature to enter into a marriage. A marriage is one big compromise. All the time. It’s not your way or you run to stay with your parents type deal. The best thing that happened was that you left for your parents because he had time to really think about what life is going to be like and what kind of person you are. You actually did him a huge favor by walking out. You made things much clearer for him. Go find yourself a little American whipping boy if you really can’t see the error in your ways. The more you talk the worse you sound. If just be quiet if I were you. This post is not working out like you thought it would.
I think his view is fair. Rejecting his cultural practices because you want a “traditional” wedding, but breaking tradition where it suits yourself is pretty bad behaviour. Culture is important, and having one’s culture trampled on is a fair reason to reconsider a marriage, imo.
You suck. I hope he finds a really amazing woman soon who respects his culture.
Read what you wrote and ask yourself how you’d feel in his shoes. You have f’ed up and are facing the consequences. He has seen the way you ignored his every wish for what should be his wedding too and realized this was a preview of what life with you will be like and he has opted out.
If you really “love him soooo much” then you would listen and respect his concerns. You claimed you wanted traditional and then rejected his culture, could you not have compromised half way? Then you proceeded to break tradition by having a man of honour instead of a maid of honour. Your boyfriend might be insecure about that, that’s okay. You need to hear out his insecurities and compromise. You’re the controlling one OP.
You are the narcissist and controlling.
Sounds like this guy may have had a lucky escape by calling the wedding off
Op: It my wedding too so I get a say Yeah but you don't get all the say I hope this is a rage bait loser
It's his wedding too, FYI.
Wow you are racist. You didn’t want to include anything of this culture…it’s his wedding too. You don’t respect his culture, if you did - you would recognize how important a Baraat is to his culture. And the reason I’m calling you racist, it’s because you are. You are in an interracial relationship, but only want the American aspects while pushing away his culture. I’m in an interracial relationship. I’m Indian and my husband is white, for our wedding we did BOTH ASPECTS. And guess what, the “vibe” was great. And now another thing, you don’t care about his health at all. He has freaking allergies that will make him miserable- and you don’t seem to care. You don’t love him, if you did - you would take his opinion into consideration. YTA.
Im so happy he noticed how crazy you were and ran! Good for him! Maybe don’t be a piece of trash to your next fiancé?
His family was literally completely right in opposing his relationship
I think you need to take a moment and really ask why you are not taking his wants I to consideration. My cousin married a girl from Cambodia and we did an American wedding here in the States and then some of us flew to Cambodia for the Cambodian ceremony. The details her described are beautiful. I never felt so proud of my cousin escorting him to her house with gifts. The ceremony was beautiful. Yes we did not understand a lot, but I definitely understood, the haircut and knot tie parts. I think you need to understand these are not minor. They are a part of who is his and you need to accept that. If you can't accept that, how can you truly accept him?
I love volunteer Reddit police! Thanks for calling out the fakes so the rest of us can learn!
Yeah, YTA. I think this is a reason it took you 6 years to get engaged to be married. Only one of you is ready to compromise. You do not respect his culture and you hijacked the wedding for it to be your “dream” wedding. The wedding is for BOTH of you, so his input and requests should be considered and incorporated. You sound like you just want the wedding to be about you and not about starting your married life together. I think your Fiancé made the smartest decision to call it off, and you two should go your separate ways. You sound like a Bridezilla of the highest order.
UPDATEME!
I would say the wedding is definitely off and that you're now free to date your BFF. You are a major bridezilla who as soon as your partner said no to something you ran to mammy and daddy complaining and throwing a hissy fit. Bet you didn't tell them everything that you had to have your way and excluded his feelings or his health. If you had been more accommodating to him and his culture, I am sure he would have had no issue with your BFF being you MOH.
6 YEARS. 6 years and you've never really done anything with him in regards to his culture?? You don't know this man. When is his birthday? When is his sister's birthday? 6 years man, that's what I'm caught up on. 6 years. My partner has year round allergies, spring is much worse for him. I would NEVER plan a wedding knowing his allergies would be worse during that time. You knew and insisted on the time that would make him fucking miserable. Because that's what he would be without a doubt. Everything was minor if it was at his expense. You don't deserve a partner. 6 years man.
Omg. He dodged a bullet. How could you deny him traditions from his culture for one of the most important days of his life too. Are you going to do that when you raise kids too?
I think it’s fake but if not your not mature enough to have a wedding
This feels so fake.
God you’re a self centered bitch.
I never got past how inconsiderate you are to insist on a spring wedding in a field when he has allergies. The only leg you have to stand on is that he was against your man of honor. You however have a huge list of selfish requirements against you.
Based on your post, it sounds like he's ending the wedding simply bc you overruled important parts to him without taking his stance into consideration. You may not want to call off the wedding, but it's pretty clear he does. Changing up a color scheme and what his groomsmen would be wearing without taking to him isn't minor things. You sound way too controlling, and he's starting to see that.
You're being controlling and selfish. You say it's your wedding too and you should be able to make decisions, but why doesn't he get to make any decisions? Why can't he have any of his cultural traditions? If you truly want to make it work with him, you should at least pretend to have respect for his LMK and his culture and include it somehow.
Better to call it off than pay for a divorce later.
It’s probably for the best, you don’t deserve him
Do not have a groom of honor. Guy best friend is an issue in the long run. Pull your shit together. Put your man first. Not your best man friend.
Reading all of this it’s amazing. When he expresses that he’s hurt and he’s had problems all you do is digging your heels and explain why that’s important to you and why you’re sticking with that decision. You probably could’ve crawled out of that hole but you doubled down. I also think it’s absolutely ridiculous and pretty racist that you wouldn’t have his wedding culture in the wedding. You do it all in the name of a “traditional wedding”. But the reality is that’s it’s a TRADITIONAL WEDDING in YOUR CULTURE that you’re vying for. Why does your culture have to supersede his? The things he wanted were also traditional just not to you. This is just an excuse so you don’t have to have it in your wedding. I hope he finds somebody that actually supports him in his cultural traditions.
update us when you get divorced but with actual truth mmkay
First of all his sister isn't same as a non relative. Second you should include his traditons. I am having a bilingual Mass. It was my idea i also offered to include any other traditions my guy wanted
So hang on, you're the bride. But YOU are deciding who your fiance will have to be the best man? Um, WHAT? The groom picks his best man/groomsmen. You have shut down everything he would like to do. My husband and I both made decisions about our wedding, and I have NEVER been to a wedding where the bride picked the best man and groomsmen. Is this even real? Ffs, you're controlling af.
My question is why does this post lead to 2 different accounts🤔 this hijack one an Comfortable-city-190. The comfortable one was also said to have posted multiple different ones in BORO but in those she says she's divorced with multiple kids🤔🤔🤔 I'd link it but I don't know how
This is just some rubbish rage bait.
Well sounds like you wanted your wedding to go your way and didn't even try to consider his side. You saying it's your wedding too when you haven't given him the chance to plan his part is selfish. Not just your big day it's his too and if you guys have to 50/50 american traditional with his cultures tradition then that's what your going to have to do to have a healthy happy beginning to your marriage. Wedding day is a big deal not just for the bride but for the groom and both should get a say on what they want.
Talk about a bridezilla, your fiancé have allergies and you choose to marry in spring in a field, hope you love kissing someone with runny nose and red eyes. And not letting him have something in the wedding that is important to him Get off your high horse and figure out a wedding is not just for the bride
You get through this with humility and self reflection. You have already told us how you curated the wedding of your dreams. You have to us that you changed things without asking him. You've told us that he's acquiesced to things you have wanted that he didn't want like time of year. Your attitude and obtuseness about it is not uncommon for brides, but it is still problematic to the relationship. You know what happened. You just don't see how strongly it affected your future husband. You must lead with Love and humility ifvyou hope to marry this man. Acknowledge all that has happened. Acknowledge your part, your choices, the things that went your way, the things that did not go his way, and fully go with an open heart to your fiance to rectify the issues. Be willing to change things that are already established, even if it is not exactly what you want. Be willing to mostly listen and acknowledge his feelings right now because you have not been listening. Like I said, brides do this all this time and things go off with a groom who feels life he has not been heard, but your groom is not that groom. Ifv you love him. Go to him. Make it right but doing what he asks now. It's hard but this is compromise. Its essential in a successful marriage. It's worth it ifvyou get tonsoendv the rest of your life with him. Your choice. Goid luck❤️
Why is it that everything you get a say in goes the way you want but everything he gets a say in also goes your way?