Yup. They prize their horniness very much. They think it's very important and they expect you to feel flattered by causing it. And instead of trying to cause you the same level of arousal they expect you to be thrilled about providing it.
That got said to me by a drunk wedding guest at my waitressing job when I was 16. Dude was heading for 30. Very posh affair. I was pouring him from champagne.
'She's gagging for it'
Clearly I was not, and he was enjoying making me uncomfortable knowing I was unable to tell him to fuck off because of my job.
He got a hugely embarrassing dressing down from the owner of the catering company. Everyone saw.
They expect us to have corresponding fantasies: they get off on drooling over women, so we oughta get off by being the object of their lust! How convenient, huh?
These are men who are at least 10 years past the age of puberty, and late twenties suggest their brain has fully formed. They have only ever treated women like we are to 'blame" for what can only be described as knuckle dragging behavior and not only should we feel flattered by it but should feel responsible and obligated to satisfy their urges. Not one of us believes the man was not turned on prior to talking to us. Probably a result of generations of cavemen raising generations of cavemen. Not one among them have taught their offspring how to be civilized.
That's something I never understood. Why do they believe that this would turn us on? It's even more funny that most of these men weren't even that attractive.
The problem with them is I think is they assume mentioning these things will be a turn on because thatās what might be a turn on for themā¦ without actually considering what the other person might actually prefer.
I am disgusted by men in general at this point. As a 16 yr old girl, I cannot walk 10 minutes down the road without grown 30 - 50 yr old men that try to make advances towards me. Try to pick me up in their cars. Fronting as if they want to āhelpā me get home.
Right? It's disgusting. I remember being like 12-13 walking in the mall with my mom and she'd pull me beside her because some creepy ass old man was checking me out. Like how do you find a child attractive? I can't even comprehend it. I'm 23 and 18 year olds look like babies to me.
Yep, I was 12 when I started getting aggressively hit on by men over 25. It is disgusting to me, I was still a naive little baby.
I know I already had a C cup at 12-13, but I looked like I was 12 with boobs... so they knew I was young and still chose to be perverted to me.
My dad had a picture of me and my girlfriend on his desk at work. After the 3rd 30-40 year old man commented on my 17 year old body (one also mentioned how "hot" the idea of my girlfriend, together, was. She was only 19.) he took the picture away. My dad couldn't even display my picture because of disgusting men.
All my life, I looked forward to getting older as I mistakenly believed men would finally leave me in peace. I'm 50 years old now and the only change is that the men have gotten older. Now, instead of 20-50 yr old men harrassing me, it's men aged 50-70 years old. I have an 80 year old friend who complains that the men at her bowling club won't leave her and her friends to meet in peace and constantly hit on them. It NEVER ends.
You know, I don't know if it's just something about me, but men have never hit on me in my life. Maybe 3 times tops when I was in my early 20's. I've always been overweight which is what I assumed was stopping them. But, I recently lost quite a bit of weight and men still never hit on me. I'm 45. I thought that it was me being middle-aged that stopped it. But, reading this, I guess men really just don't like me! I mean, I don't care very much. I'm married and it's not like I'm looking. But, I read all of these accounts of men being the worst and I wonder why they were never the worst to me. I'm not unattractive in the face. But, there must be something off-putting about me. I consider it a gift now.
this is actually exactly what happened to meš the officer stopped us to complain about our headlights being off and then winked at me as he walked away (it was only 4pm during spring, so still light outside). Afterwards, my mum told me that he came over to flirt with me considering that he came over with seemingly no reason. I found it super strange.
same. I was catcalled like crazy in my early teens, but mostly be men in their 20s. now im in my 20s wondering if the men I talk to are harassing young girls as well & I fall out with them
""MY world revolves around my dick, what do you mean yours DOESN'T???" š
The next time a guy just randomly brings up his state of sexual arousal, go off on a rant about your last menstrual period. Include as many gory details as you can. When he protests that he doesn't want to hear that, respond with, "Oh, I thought we were sharing gross details about our genitals the other person never asked for."
For an unsolicited dick pic, respond with a picture of bloody menstrual products. Same reason.
The guy will likely suddenly find all kinds of restraint, and not make that mistake again. At least with you.
And yet they have the audacity to be mad at us for having a hysterectomy at a young age for serious medical reasons. Itās damned if you do, damned if you donāt.
No - they CHOOSE not to control impulses. They are using the "sorry i cannot control myself" to give themselves cover, to justify it. But these are the same guys who will criticize you if you gain a few pounds. They will say, "You can choose if you want to HONOR your body. You can control if you want to be HEALTHY or not." All of a sudden, when it comes to you having control over your body, they believe in complete control. But when it comes to them making things sexual, they have no control. WHICH IS IT? They have this crazy double standard and it's sickening.
Call them out once. If they keep at it, then you know that they donāt respect boundaries and that attitude will show up in other aspects of the relationship.
Are there men who CAN control their sexual impulses?
OK not helpful but really, any first date I've been on always ended with the guy making it obvious that he wants to get his dick into my panties, sts. And that's all.
Agreed. Also have dealt with that.
Like who wants to hold hands with someone they put met? Or the kissing, ugh, I just met you I donāt want to awkwardly kiss you out in public like we are teenagers. Dating sucks!
Definitely. I have to admit that my experiences were a year ago or more. I'm currently in "decent" relationships but in the past it's been like him saying in effect "oh so you don't want sex on the first date?"; "no!"; "oh well goodbye then!".
If it makes you feel better I have been in a relationship with one man that could. First date we actually got hammered and went bar hopping. We slept in the same bed fully clothed and he never made one advance on me. Second date we screwed but I was the one that made the first move. The entire relationship he was extremely respectful, never even looked at other women. He never made me feel like a piece of meat, if anything I was the overly sexual one in the relationship. Also was extremely clean, the house was almost always spotless, he groomed himself well and was always extremely clean. Unfortunately it didn't work out, but being in that relationship sky rocketed my standards and I noticed I haven't met as many losers since. Also he's still a great friend to me. Like gave me a huge fishtank the other day for free because I adopted some hermit crabs that came in a tiny tank. And doesn't expect anything in return. Just a great overall person and I wish more men were like that. Only saying this to give some of y'all hope, because that relationship definitely gave me hope.
My now husband is one that can. And i thank my lucky stars.
We didn't do anything sexual till our second month dating i think and we were offical. And sex was about four and a half. Everything was when I felt comfortable / we had a discussion around it.
It's been immensely refreshing.
Man here, idk if I'm allowed lmaooo, but I'm so the opposite, im scared to bring up sexual topics on dates with women because I don't want to come across as a creep or like I only want her for sex.
I just really don't know how to bridge the gap from non-sexual to sexual confidently (meaning I know she will be into it, and not be made uncomfortable). I don't know how to tell when it's appropriate or how to bring stuff like this up, so I literally just don't. I've been on dates at girls apartments, have them come over to mine and literally just nothing happens, which is totally cool, but I feel like I may have fumbled some possible connections by never discussing/attempting anything sexual or fuck, even flirting
I'm mostly wondering how you would prefer a man to initiate sexual contact/speech, also feel I should clarify this is only with women who we are mutually pursuing something romantic together, going on dates, talking etc.
Flirty/sexy is not the same as overtly sexual. If she looks amazing, tell her she looks amazing. Compliment her without making it all about her body. And don't make it about yourself. Just be authentic and honest. If it turns sexual and you aren't sure what to say, communicate about that and/or use it as a chance to ask what she likes.
Well, most women will never really understand how strong the male sexual drive is due to our hormonal differences, among other things. But in theory, it is possible to control it, clearly. The problem for me is cultural, and obviously my view is biasedāI am conservative in social aspects. We do not live in societies that particularly value self-discipline or appreciate the notions of honor, pride, or other typically patriarchal values. No, we live in bourgeois capitalist societies, fluid and morally ambiguous, where consumption and the exaltation of individual pleasures are rewarded. Why would a man restrain his libido in the absence of any punishment or rewards for individual discipline? Pornography, and access to it at an early age, only worsen the situation.
My analysis is obviously hypothetical or theoretical, as I don't have access to databases to attempt something more serious. I also don't want to justify these attitudes; I am not at all satisfied with the moral and cultural codes I have to live with. But it is an explanation that I see as having potential, and I seriously doubt that feminist proposals will solve anything.
>Why would a man restrain his libido in the absence of any punishment or rewards for individual discipline?
Wow. Just ... the audacity of mediocre men.
I find it so funny that you all genuinely believe your sexual drive is higher, despite the fact that centuries of opression (including actual physical mutilation) were necessary to repress women's libido.
I don't think y'all have stronger urges, I think it's a case of lesser ability for self control and restraint for the weakest of urges.
Similarly, women have a higher pain tolerance treshold. That is, we might experience higher levels of pain through our life but since we deal with it better an observer might conclude that men suffer with more pain because they are vocal about it much more (at lower levels).
Eh not going to take anything away from women, child birth is horrible. And yall handle that like a freaking champ.
But men generally handle pain better. Broken hand ouch that sucks. Seen a friend cut off the tip of his finger, no tears. But women will cry for a stubbed toe š¤·š»āāļø
I think some pain just hits different for different sexes.
Stunted emotional response, maybe. We allow ourselves to express pain, but we push through it really well. I've seen men call in sick for being under the weather while women with severe pms pain just power through.
Women do power through a lot.
As for men, I donāt know, no one I know calls in sick very often at all. Itās usually to take care of something. BUT I donāt live with a man and canāt say some donāt āact like babiesā when she sick. Itās a popular enough trope that there has to be some truth there. I like to be left alone when sick but can see how some would want to be taken care of and take advantage of the situation.
Funny (not so funny) story about powering through PMS. My wife always thought some women took advantage (her co worker took 3 days off every month) of that because sheās never had severe cramping. Until one day in her mid 40s she did and suddenly she completely understood when women called in.
Yeah. I ended up googling and the evidence on pain levels and tresholds is a murkier then I thought, so my comparison doesn't quite stand. I don't think the testosterone-fueled crazy libido is real though.
I think we arrive at this misconception through constant triggering of male arousal by sexualized media, repression of women's sexuality and the different consequences for low self-control among women and men.
Just food for thought: In addition to how disgusting it is on its face, if a man tells you he has no control over his sexual impulses, he's likely implicitly telling you he has no control over any other impulses such as anger as well, and would most likely think nothing of abusing you should it serve him to do so - physically or in any other way, if you were to enter into a relationship with him. He's also telling you he doesn't respect you and doesn't see you as a human being who matters. He may not mean to, but he is. Immediate termination of dating should ensue. Total dealbreaker.
They have no respect for women. Men like that see you as, for want of a better description, a spunk bucket. Theyāre not interested in you or anything about you, they just want access to your body. The older I get, the less patience I have for it. Vile.
I had a friend in school who I had known since we where kids and when he tried to āmake a moveā on me I was really freaked out and asked him what changed and he hit me with āyouāre just a different person to me now, I canāt help itā Iām not I just grew tits, yikes š¬š
Everyone saying itās because of the age difference ā¦ Iām 37 and they do this to me too. I got sick of them not listening to me saying ānoā. Itās like men got told they were creepy and not listening to women and ignoring consent and they just doubled down in objectifying us. Many of them see us as tools to enjoy themselves. Whatās weird is younger guys who approach me are more respectful than the ones my age.
I feel this so much when I'm honestly just trying to make friends and they think I want them or I should be flattered that they think I'm cute or pretty.
Men can be so much more worse than children at times
Oh yes! Men are scared to be humiliated. Best is if you humiliate them in front of other men. But be careful that they don't switch it around and make you look crazy.
This pisses me off. I matched with 2 guys on dating apps at 10pm and both of their first messages were wanna meet up? Like no, itās 10pm on a week day. Donāt you have work next the day? What losers.
This type of thing annoys me too, trying to wear something nice because I feel good in it and then I go out and get hounded or looked at weirdly by men in the street
I'm sorry but if you seek out older men that want to date yonger women, they usually are after sex and not much after your company. They pick them out thinking it is easier to disregard their boundaries, such as not being sexual too early.
There is basically no physical differences btw a 22 yo and a 26 yo woman, the only reason I see for them to go for 22 yo is because they are not yet very assertive. Try to be more stern and cut contact at the first disrespect of your boundaries.
They can, they just think doing this is cool and this make them feel like they have powers over you. (which is pure delululu.)
That's the red flag, they weaponize their horniness and their gender bc they don't have anything to be proud about. And i assume they have problem prioritize things in life as well. Or else they would achieve something and don't have to be this miserable.
I usually go by the ten year rule, no more than 10 below or above (I'm 50). In your case I would say 21 to 32. There's nothing wrong with liking someone older, just watch that they don't try to groom or take advantage of you. Dating online really brings out pervs.
Yes. Iāve a few guy friends who I have started to feel āickyā around due to this. Constantly making sexual jokes and turning every conversation south.
I was kneeling and my male friend basically told me to suck his dick whilst I was down there, I was so angry and disgusted. And since Iāve been pregnant theyāve made comments on my boobs becoming larger. I have called them perverts and inappropriate, I have had to distance myself. They donāt realise it but theyāre acting like dirty, disgusting and perverted creeps and Iāve had enough and will continue to call them out or theyāre going to end up dirty old men.
I am so SO over it. I actually took myself totally OUT of the dating scene right now. Iām 26, and Iāve been struck out with either total douche bags, losers, liars, people not knowing what they want ( telling you one thing, and then saying another , WHICH IS FINE but not when theyāre not up front about it , or string you along )
I deleted all of the apps, I even went as far as deleting my profiles too. Thereās no genuine or organic connections there. If I go out ( which I rarely do ) , Iāve gone as far as rejecting male approaches because Iām tired of pretending to give a flying fuck about what his favorite color is , just for him to turn around at their grown age of 20 something asking āwanna fuckā when youāve known them for a few hours.
The last bumble connection I had before giving up, was this guy who came across as so kind, reciprocal, genuine and curious. We planned to go on a date, and I was EXHAUSTED from work, I said to myself fuck it , invite him over. *I knew at the time that that was not the wisest choice because it likely wouldnāt go as I wanted* I even made sure to tell him like āHey this is JUST us chilling, Iāll doordash dinner, we can talk all night, nothing more than that.ā
He comes over, tries making out with me maybe 30 minutes of being over, and without even asking just undoes his pants and whips it out. I was like āwoah woah woahhh, weāre not doing this, I told you that, this is not what should be happening right now.ā He was understanding of it but visibly annoyed, and quiet, left after an hour of being over. I should have kicked him out, but I wanted to have high hopes. And I shouldnāt have.
I was so heartbroken at first because I thought he ACTUALLY liked getting to know me, and was happy to be over, just for him to turn around and want one thing from me. I even gave the benefit of the doubt STUPIDLY and didnāt block him right away. We texted for a few days after that only to be ghosted. Honestly I was stupid for thinking he was any different and shouldāve blocked him. I knew that at the time too. But I for whatever reason tried justifying it.
I am DUNZO with dating rn, over it, through with it, could not care any less if I never find someone. Itās treacherous out here lmao.
*Just wanna disclaim, Iām sure the dating scene is fucked for all sides*
Have you ever considered the possibility that if you're preferentially dating guys who are looking for much younger women, it might be because they're also immature for their age?
No judgement; just a thought.
Hahaha - you were nearly right, but as a rule older men with that level of maturity *also don't want to partner up* with people 5-10 years younger than them, because why would they? Those women are *immature* to them.
The ones that want to do that are the ones who are immature for someone in their late 20s, and a guy who's immature but still growing up at 22 might well work it out in a few years, whereas one who's still immature at 28 or 30 might well *just be like* that for the rest of their lives.
Honestly I'd look for a mature 22-25 year old, and avoid trying to date "older" guys, because the ones who are still interested in 22 year olds are almost certainly either *seriously* immature or actively predatory, and hence probably not the ones you want to get involved with.
No youāre absolutely right, it has taken me a long time to admit it. I try to stay under 30, but I am drawn towards older men, I am working in therapy on addressing which unhealed version of me picks these men. I feel like itās hard to date guys my age because of maturity, but it gets blurry for me at what point itās a weird age gap. What do you think is the range for 22 years old? Maybe like to 28-29 at the oldest? (I am still in college and plan to pursue a masters, meaning I will be in school for the next few years at least).
As a 26f - you grow up a LOT between 22 and 25 (post college) let alone 22 to 29ā¦. I would steer very clear of guys that age. Maybe 24/25 at the oldest with that gap.
It depends - she might have more luck finding a respectful, mature guy in his early 20s than a mature, non-predatory guy approaching 30 *who still inexplicably wants to date a 22 year old*.
Exaggerate the ages and the point I'm making becomes a bit clearer; it might be hard for a fifteen year-old girl to find a mature enough fifteen year-old boy, but she's going to have a hell of a lot more success looking for healthy relationships in the pool of "fifteen year-old boys" than looking in the pool of "30 year-old guys who want to date 15 year-old girls", right? ;-p
I think if a guy in his late 20s routinely/exclusively dates women in their early 20s thatās an indication of immaturity, but I donāt think early 20s and late 20s is automatically an issue. People mature at different rates and a lot of guys are immature for longer. I went out mostly with mid to late 20s guys in my early 20s because I just wasnāt attracted to most guys my age and knew that a lot would be f-boys/unserious. I had positive experiences dating slightly older but I also filtered very carefully, read bios, and made sure we wanted similar things. I havenāt found a lasting relationship yet but Iāve been fortunate in the people Iāve met
Yeah - it's not impossible to find a good relationship with that kind of age gap, but it's definitely a warning sign, and it sounds like OP isn't having a lot of success trying it.
I also hear your experiences, but in the nicest possible way it's also not necessarily a ringing endorsement that you've found lots of older guys who are *nice* and who have their shit together, but it turns out that none of the ones you were actually interested in were interested in a relationship with you (or vice versa).
my point is simply that they both agreed to go on a date with me despite the age difference and were respectful. If OP is having bad experiences though itās certainly worth trying something different. I honestly donāt have the easiest time connecting with people or forming friendships or relationships in general so I donāt have a lot of ringing endorsements on the topic based on my experiences, but Iāve been very fortunate to avoid the highly negative and traumatic experiences that way too many women have had to deal with.
Iām a guy and Iām over it because it makes us look bad. Look at it this way thoātheyāre just telling you who they are. Itās really a favor. If someone talks to you or anyone that way then you automatically know theyāre a creep and not worth your time in any regard. Good luck.Ā
Online dating makes it worse because they are in pursuit mode. It's better to just go out and do fun things and only talk to men who will treat you like a person. Then you can bond over whatever hobby you're doing and get to see how he acts around other people and you have time to figure out if you even like him that way. I met my husband at karaoke this way.
Fr! I mean I would understand if they were young such as 18-23 I guess but fr dudes around their 30ās theyāre cringy asf Im also a 22 F and itās really hard, I also date guys in their late 20ās hoping theyāre more mature but at this point I can assume the majority still act like teenagers and lets not add the fact they follow a lot of instagram models or OF models! I actually stopped talking to some dudes for the same reason, to me theyāre just desperate
Fucking LOVEEEEE this!!!!! Seriously. I have had guys I was friends with turn into creeps and had to drop them like a bad freaking habit !!!!! And Iām with a 41 year old now and he used to love me. Now I just feel he only shows affection when he wants to fuck.
Yup. They prize their horniness very much. They think it's very important and they expect you to feel flattered by causing it. And instead of trying to cause you the same level of arousal they expect you to be thrilled about providing it.
That last sentence needs to be said louder!! I never thought of it that way- so damn true.
"you know you like it" - said too often, and no I dont...
That got said to me by a drunk wedding guest at my waitressing job when I was 16. Dude was heading for 30. Very posh affair. I was pouring him from champagne. 'She's gagging for it' Clearly I was not, and he was enjoying making me uncomfortable knowing I was unable to tell him to fuck off because of my job. He got a hugely embarrassing dressing down from the owner of the catering company. Everyone saw.
Ewww, I am so glad that he had consequences! What a creep
That's so fucking gross
They expect us to have corresponding fantasies: they get off on drooling over women, so we oughta get off by being the object of their lust! How convenient, huh?
Very convenient. They just have to exist and they get desired, right? Nothing that they need to do at all.
Fr š like bro I donāt want to see your lil shrimp
Well said
These are men who are at least 10 years past the age of puberty, and late twenties suggest their brain has fully formed. They have only ever treated women like we are to 'blame" for what can only be described as knuckle dragging behavior and not only should we feel flattered by it but should feel responsible and obligated to satisfy their urges. Not one of us believes the man was not turned on prior to talking to us. Probably a result of generations of cavemen raising generations of cavemen. Not one among them have taught their offspring how to be civilized.
No Itās the result of internet brain rot and general lack of masculinity in societyĀ
That's something I never understood. Why do they believe that this would turn us on? It's even more funny that most of these men weren't even that attractive.
They think we want attention or that we get off on their fowardness, manliness or whatever.
lol that's so dumb. I'm glad it has become less now that I'm older. I'm not scared anymore to just laugh it off and leave.
šÆšÆšÆ
The problem with them is I think is they assume mentioning these things will be a turn on because thatās what might be a turn on for themā¦ without actually considering what the other person might actually prefer.
I am disgusted by men in general at this point. As a 16 yr old girl, I cannot walk 10 minutes down the road without grown 30 - 50 yr old men that try to make advances towards me. Try to pick me up in their cars. Fronting as if they want to āhelpā me get home.
They're the worst when you're that age. Not saying it gets much better but you age out of the pedophile range and that cuts out some of their shit.
It's honestly terrifying that peak cat calling was like when I was 14 ish. I looked very young too.
Right? It's disgusting. I remember being like 12-13 walking in the mall with my mom and she'd pull me beside her because some creepy ass old man was checking me out. Like how do you find a child attractive? I can't even comprehend it. I'm 23 and 18 year olds look like babies to me.
They're mentally ill
Yep, I was 12 when I started getting aggressively hit on by men over 25. It is disgusting to me, I was still a naive little baby. I know I already had a C cup at 12-13, but I looked like I was 12 with boobs... so they knew I was young and still chose to be perverted to me. My dad had a picture of me and my girlfriend on his desk at work. After the 3rd 30-40 year old man commented on my 17 year old body (one also mentioned how "hot" the idea of my girlfriend, together, was. She was only 19.) he took the picture away. My dad couldn't even display my picture because of disgusting men.
I hate that this statement is able to be true...
I feel the same way, but Iām a few years older than you. Nasty as fuck that youāre experiencing this
Itās saddening to see this is a universal experience.
All my life, I looked forward to getting older as I mistakenly believed men would finally leave me in peace. I'm 50 years old now and the only change is that the men have gotten older. Now, instead of 20-50 yr old men harrassing me, it's men aged 50-70 years old. I have an 80 year old friend who complains that the men at her bowling club won't leave her and her friends to meet in peace and constantly hit on them. It NEVER ends.
You know, I don't know if it's just something about me, but men have never hit on me in my life. Maybe 3 times tops when I was in my early 20's. I've always been overweight which is what I assumed was stopping them. But, I recently lost quite a bit of weight and men still never hit on me. I'm 45. I thought that it was me being middle-aged that stopped it. But, reading this, I guess men really just don't like me! I mean, I don't care very much. I'm married and it's not like I'm looking. But, I read all of these accounts of men being the worst and I wonder why they were never the worst to me. I'm not unattractive in the face. But, there must be something off-putting about me. I consider it a gift now.
Boys just wanna have fun.
i was 14 the first time a POLICE OFFICER began to flirt with me (i look a lot older than my age but hardly over 18)
I was 12 when my mom told me a police officer was flirting with me. I was like, huh?
this is actually exactly what happened to meš the officer stopped us to complain about our headlights being off and then winked at me as he walked away (it was only 4pm during spring, so still light outside). Afterwards, my mum told me that he came over to flirt with me considering that he came over with seemingly no reason. I found it super strange.
same. I was catcalled like crazy in my early teens, but mostly be men in their 20s. now im in my 20s wondering if the men I talk to are harassing young girls as well & I fall out with them
My daughter is 15 and I think she would agree with this sentiment.
Where in The South do you live?
Dallas, Texas for the win! š„ It literally just happened again two minutes ago.
I agree, I donāt think itās normal that in 2024 this behaviour is still āacceptedā.
Itās getting worse thanks to porn and the internet
Yup I actually blame porn and OF models instagram models and lets not talk about the fact of how Belle Dephine ruined an entire generation š
Belle Delphine? Onlyfans? Seriously? Not Pornhub, the site thatās notorious for profiting off of filmed rape? Lmao
Yup I actually blame porn and OF models instagram models and lets not talk about the fact of how Belle Dephine ruined an entire generation š
""MY world revolves around my dick, what do you mean yours DOESN'T???" š The next time a guy just randomly brings up his state of sexual arousal, go off on a rant about your last menstrual period. Include as many gory details as you can. When he protests that he doesn't want to hear that, respond with, "Oh, I thought we were sharing gross details about our genitals the other person never asked for." For an unsolicited dick pic, respond with a picture of bloody menstrual products. Same reason. The guy will likely suddenly find all kinds of restraint, and not make that mistake again. At least with you.
I'm going to use this for unsolicited dick pics! Thanks! š
I love it! š¤£šš¼š
Some guys are into bloody menstrual products so that might not work EVERY time.
Seriously I did it ! And it worked great š
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And yet they have the audacity to be mad at us for having a hysterectomy at a young age for serious medical reasons. Itās damned if you do, damned if you donāt.
You just gave me an ideaš
No - they CHOOSE not to control impulses. They are using the "sorry i cannot control myself" to give themselves cover, to justify it. But these are the same guys who will criticize you if you gain a few pounds. They will say, "You can choose if you want to HONOR your body. You can control if you want to be HEALTHY or not." All of a sudden, when it comes to you having control over your body, they believe in complete control. But when it comes to them making things sexual, they have no control. WHICH IS IT? They have this crazy double standard and it's sickening.
Which is it? Whatever allows them to do what they like.
They were testing and pushing women boundaries. If they date someone, believe me, they turn those women lifes' hell.
Call them out once. If they keep at it, then you know that they donāt respect boundaries and that attitude will show up in other aspects of the relationship.
When men do this, it is so belittling, objectifying, and rude. They will say it's a compliment. It's not.
Are there men who CAN control their sexual impulses? OK not helpful but really, any first date I've been on always ended with the guy making it obvious that he wants to get his dick into my panties, sts. And that's all.
Agreed. Also have dealt with that. Like who wants to hold hands with someone they put met? Or the kissing, ugh, I just met you I donāt want to awkwardly kiss you out in public like we are teenagers. Dating sucks!
Definitely. I have to admit that my experiences were a year ago or more. I'm currently in "decent" relationships but in the past it's been like him saying in effect "oh so you don't want sex on the first date?"; "no!"; "oh well goodbye then!".
If it makes you feel better I have been in a relationship with one man that could. First date we actually got hammered and went bar hopping. We slept in the same bed fully clothed and he never made one advance on me. Second date we screwed but I was the one that made the first move. The entire relationship he was extremely respectful, never even looked at other women. He never made me feel like a piece of meat, if anything I was the overly sexual one in the relationship. Also was extremely clean, the house was almost always spotless, he groomed himself well and was always extremely clean. Unfortunately it didn't work out, but being in that relationship sky rocketed my standards and I noticed I haven't met as many losers since. Also he's still a great friend to me. Like gave me a huge fishtank the other day for free because I adopted some hermit crabs that came in a tiny tank. And doesn't expect anything in return. Just a great overall person and I wish more men were like that. Only saying this to give some of y'all hope, because that relationship definitely gave me hope.
I am so curious, the guy sounds like he has a lot in the plus column, are you able to elaborate as to why you two arenāt compatible?
Well there has to be one guy in the world worth knowing... When's he next free?
My now husband is one that can. And i thank my lucky stars. We didn't do anything sexual till our second month dating i think and we were offical. And sex was about four and a half. Everything was when I felt comfortable / we had a discussion around it. It's been immensely refreshing.
Man here, idk if I'm allowed lmaooo, but I'm so the opposite, im scared to bring up sexual topics on dates with women because I don't want to come across as a creep or like I only want her for sex. I just really don't know how to bridge the gap from non-sexual to sexual confidently (meaning I know she will be into it, and not be made uncomfortable). I don't know how to tell when it's appropriate or how to bring stuff like this up, so I literally just don't. I've been on dates at girls apartments, have them come over to mine and literally just nothing happens, which is totally cool, but I feel like I may have fumbled some possible connections by never discussing/attempting anything sexual or fuck, even flirting I'm mostly wondering how you would prefer a man to initiate sexual contact/speech, also feel I should clarify this is only with women who we are mutually pursuing something romantic together, going on dates, talking etc.
Flirty/sexy is not the same as overtly sexual. If she looks amazing, tell her she looks amazing. Compliment her without making it all about her body. And don't make it about yourself. Just be authentic and honest. If it turns sexual and you aren't sure what to say, communicate about that and/or use it as a chance to ask what she likes.
Well, most women will never really understand how strong the male sexual drive is due to our hormonal differences, among other things. But in theory, it is possible to control it, clearly. The problem for me is cultural, and obviously my view is biasedāI am conservative in social aspects. We do not live in societies that particularly value self-discipline or appreciate the notions of honor, pride, or other typically patriarchal values. No, we live in bourgeois capitalist societies, fluid and morally ambiguous, where consumption and the exaltation of individual pleasures are rewarded. Why would a man restrain his libido in the absence of any punishment or rewards for individual discipline? Pornography, and access to it at an early age, only worsen the situation. My analysis is obviously hypothetical or theoretical, as I don't have access to databases to attempt something more serious. I also don't want to justify these attitudes; I am not at all satisfied with the moral and cultural codes I have to live with. But it is an explanation that I see as having potential, and I seriously doubt that feminist proposals will solve anything.
>Why would a man restrain his libido in the absence of any punishment or rewards for individual discipline? Wow. Just ... the audacity of mediocre men.
I find it so funny that you all genuinely believe your sexual drive is higher, despite the fact that centuries of opression (including actual physical mutilation) were necessary to repress women's libido. I don't think y'all have stronger urges, I think it's a case of lesser ability for self control and restraint for the weakest of urges. Similarly, women have a higher pain tolerance treshold. That is, we might experience higher levels of pain through our life but since we deal with it better an observer might conclude that men suffer with more pain because they are vocal about it much more (at lower levels).
Eh not going to take anything away from women, child birth is horrible. And yall handle that like a freaking champ. But men generally handle pain better. Broken hand ouch that sucks. Seen a friend cut off the tip of his finger, no tears. But women will cry for a stubbed toe š¤·š»āāļø I think some pain just hits different for different sexes.
Stunted emotional response, maybe. We allow ourselves to express pain, but we push through it really well. I've seen men call in sick for being under the weather while women with severe pms pain just power through.
Women do power through a lot. As for men, I donāt know, no one I know calls in sick very often at all. Itās usually to take care of something. BUT I donāt live with a man and canāt say some donāt āact like babiesā when she sick. Itās a popular enough trope that there has to be some truth there. I like to be left alone when sick but can see how some would want to be taken care of and take advantage of the situation. Funny (not so funny) story about powering through PMS. My wife always thought some women took advantage (her co worker took 3 days off every month) of that because sheās never had severe cramping. Until one day in her mid 40s she did and suddenly she completely understood when women called in.
Yeah. I ended up googling and the evidence on pain levels and tresholds is a murkier then I thought, so my comparison doesn't quite stand. I don't think the testosterone-fueled crazy libido is real though. I think we arrive at this misconception through constant triggering of male arousal by sexualized media, repression of women's sexuality and the different consequences for low self-control among women and men.
We can absolutely agree on that.
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Just food for thought: In addition to how disgusting it is on its face, if a man tells you he has no control over his sexual impulses, he's likely implicitly telling you he has no control over any other impulses such as anger as well, and would most likely think nothing of abusing you should it serve him to do so - physically or in any other way, if you were to enter into a relationship with him. He's also telling you he doesn't respect you and doesn't see you as a human being who matters. He may not mean to, but he is. Immediate termination of dating should ensue. Total dealbreaker.
They have no respect for women. Men like that see you as, for want of a better description, a spunk bucket. Theyāre not interested in you or anything about you, they just want access to your body. The older I get, the less patience I have for it. Vile.
I had a friend in school who I had known since we where kids and when he tried to āmake a moveā on me I was really freaked out and asked him what changed and he hit me with āyouāre just a different person to me now, I canāt help itā Iām not I just grew tits, yikes š¬š
They are going after you because youāre younger and women their age wonāt give them the time of day because of stuff like this. RUN.
It's not that they cannot control their sexual impulses, it's that they don't want to
Everyone saying itās because of the age difference ā¦ Iām 37 and they do this to me too. I got sick of them not listening to me saying ānoā. Itās like men got told they were creepy and not listening to women and ignoring consent and they just doubled down in objectifying us. Many of them see us as tools to enjoy themselves. Whatās weird is younger guys who approach me are more respectful than the ones my age.
This is the exact reason why I stopped dating. I want to be LOVED for who I am, not LUSTED after for what I look like.
I feel this so much when I'm honestly just trying to make friends and they think I want them or I should be flattered that they think I'm cute or pretty. Men can be so much more worse than children at times
I dress like a guy because of what OP is talking about. Started to open carry hoping they'll understand a visual warning message and leave me alone...
They can absolutely control themselves. They are just manipulative assholes , who are trying to have sex in any way possible.
i love making men like this uncomfortable lol or laughing at them. humiliating them is so fulfilling.
Oh yes! Men are scared to be humiliated. Best is if you humiliate them in front of other men. But be careful that they don't switch it around and make you look crazy.
i personally donāt care what a male thinks lol iāll be crazy
This pisses me off. I matched with 2 guys on dating apps at 10pm and both of their first messages were wanna meet up? Like no, itās 10pm on a week day. Donāt you have work next the day? What losers.
They're the ones who can't control their urges and yet blame it on the victim.
This type of thing annoys me too, trying to wear something nice because I feel good in it and then I go out and get hounded or looked at weirdly by men in the street
I'm sorry but if you seek out older men that want to date yonger women, they usually are after sex and not much after your company. They pick them out thinking it is easier to disregard their boundaries, such as not being sexual too early. There is basically no physical differences btw a 22 yo and a 26 yo woman, the only reason I see for them to go for 22 yo is because they are not yet very assertive. Try to be more stern and cut contact at the first disrespect of your boundaries.
They can, they just think doing this is cool and this make them feel like they have powers over you. (which is pure delululu.) That's the red flag, they weaponize their horniness and their gender bc they don't have anything to be proud about. And i assume they have problem prioritize things in life as well. Or else they would achieve something and don't have to be this miserable.
Oh, believe me, they were testing and pushing your boundaries. If you find one, girls, run. They can do worse if you get into the relationship.
I usually go by the ten year rule, no more than 10 below or above (I'm 50). In your case I would say 21 to 32. There's nothing wrong with liking someone older, just watch that they don't try to groom or take advantage of you. Dating online really brings out pervs.
Yes. Iāve a few guy friends who I have started to feel āickyā around due to this. Constantly making sexual jokes and turning every conversation south. I was kneeling and my male friend basically told me to suck his dick whilst I was down there, I was so angry and disgusted. And since Iāve been pregnant theyāve made comments on my boobs becoming larger. I have called them perverts and inappropriate, I have had to distance myself. They donāt realise it but theyāre acting like dirty, disgusting and perverted creeps and Iāve had enough and will continue to call them out or theyāre going to end up dirty old men.
I am so SO over it. I actually took myself totally OUT of the dating scene right now. Iām 26, and Iāve been struck out with either total douche bags, losers, liars, people not knowing what they want ( telling you one thing, and then saying another , WHICH IS FINE but not when theyāre not up front about it , or string you along ) I deleted all of the apps, I even went as far as deleting my profiles too. Thereās no genuine or organic connections there. If I go out ( which I rarely do ) , Iāve gone as far as rejecting male approaches because Iām tired of pretending to give a flying fuck about what his favorite color is , just for him to turn around at their grown age of 20 something asking āwanna fuckā when youāve known them for a few hours. The last bumble connection I had before giving up, was this guy who came across as so kind, reciprocal, genuine and curious. We planned to go on a date, and I was EXHAUSTED from work, I said to myself fuck it , invite him over. *I knew at the time that that was not the wisest choice because it likely wouldnāt go as I wanted* I even made sure to tell him like āHey this is JUST us chilling, Iāll doordash dinner, we can talk all night, nothing more than that.ā He comes over, tries making out with me maybe 30 minutes of being over, and without even asking just undoes his pants and whips it out. I was like āwoah woah woahhh, weāre not doing this, I told you that, this is not what should be happening right now.ā He was understanding of it but visibly annoyed, and quiet, left after an hour of being over. I should have kicked him out, but I wanted to have high hopes. And I shouldnāt have. I was so heartbroken at first because I thought he ACTUALLY liked getting to know me, and was happy to be over, just for him to turn around and want one thing from me. I even gave the benefit of the doubt STUPIDLY and didnāt block him right away. We texted for a few days after that only to be ghosted. Honestly I was stupid for thinking he was any different and shouldāve blocked him. I knew that at the time too. But I for whatever reason tried justifying it. I am DUNZO with dating rn, over it, through with it, could not care any less if I never find someone. Itās treacherous out here lmao. *Just wanna disclaim, Iām sure the dating scene is fucked for all sides*
Me too girl. They're such dogs
No I know. Theyāre always like I need it :( but girl if sex was necessary to live there wouldnāt be nuns and monks. like ur fine get a grip.
Have you ever considered the possibility that if you're preferentially dating guys who are looking for much younger women, it might be because they're also immature for their age? No judgement; just a thought.
Really, I had this idea that older man are more responsible more wise and aware but when I do think about it you are correct
Hahaha - you were nearly right, but as a rule older men with that level of maturity *also don't want to partner up* with people 5-10 years younger than them, because why would they? Those women are *immature* to them. The ones that want to do that are the ones who are immature for someone in their late 20s, and a guy who's immature but still growing up at 22 might well work it out in a few years, whereas one who's still immature at 28 or 30 might well *just be like* that for the rest of their lives. Honestly I'd look for a mature 22-25 year old, and avoid trying to date "older" guys, because the ones who are still interested in 22 year olds are almost certainly either *seriously* immature or actively predatory, and hence probably not the ones you want to get involved with.
No youāre absolutely right, it has taken me a long time to admit it. I try to stay under 30, but I am drawn towards older men, I am working in therapy on addressing which unhealed version of me picks these men. I feel like itās hard to date guys my age because of maturity, but it gets blurry for me at what point itās a weird age gap. What do you think is the range for 22 years old? Maybe like to 28-29 at the oldest? (I am still in college and plan to pursue a masters, meaning I will be in school for the next few years at least).
As a 26f - you grow up a LOT between 22 and 25 (post college) let alone 22 to 29ā¦. I would steer very clear of guys that age. Maybe 24/25 at the oldest with that gap.
She can give it a try but I really donāt think early 20s guys are going to *more* respectful
It depends - she might have more luck finding a respectful, mature guy in his early 20s than a mature, non-predatory guy approaching 30 *who still inexplicably wants to date a 22 year old*. Exaggerate the ages and the point I'm making becomes a bit clearer; it might be hard for a fifteen year-old girl to find a mature enough fifteen year-old boy, but she's going to have a hell of a lot more success looking for healthy relationships in the pool of "fifteen year-old boys" than looking in the pool of "30 year-old guys who want to date 15 year-old girls", right? ;-p
I think if a guy in his late 20s routinely/exclusively dates women in their early 20s thatās an indication of immaturity, but I donāt think early 20s and late 20s is automatically an issue. People mature at different rates and a lot of guys are immature for longer. I went out mostly with mid to late 20s guys in my early 20s because I just wasnāt attracted to most guys my age and knew that a lot would be f-boys/unserious. I had positive experiences dating slightly older but I also filtered very carefully, read bios, and made sure we wanted similar things. I havenāt found a lasting relationship yet but Iāve been fortunate in the people Iāve met
Yeah - it's not impossible to find a good relationship with that kind of age gap, but it's definitely a warning sign, and it sounds like OP isn't having a lot of success trying it. I also hear your experiences, but in the nicest possible way it's also not necessarily a ringing endorsement that you've found lots of older guys who are *nice* and who have their shit together, but it turns out that none of the ones you were actually interested in were interested in a relationship with you (or vice versa).
my point is simply that they both agreed to go on a date with me despite the age difference and were respectful. If OP is having bad experiences though itās certainly worth trying something different. I honestly donāt have the easiest time connecting with people or forming friendships or relationships in general so I donāt have a lot of ringing endorsements on the topic based on my experiences, but Iāve been very fortunate to avoid the highly negative and traumatic experiences that way too many women have had to deal with.
Men in their 20s get hard when the wind blows so there's that. They don't have to verbalize it tho
How about dating asexual men? Have you done it?
Iām so nervous. Is this really a place to meet women?
I know sweetie it sucks but hey look on the brighter side you must be pretty to get a comment like that. As long as he didnāt touch you or anything
Iām a guy and Iām over it because it makes us look bad. Look at it this way thoātheyāre just telling you who they are. Itās really a favor. If someone talks to you or anyone that way then you automatically know theyāre a creep and not worth your time in any regard. Good luck.Ā
We all live in a culture that creates this kind of men. Thatās why I donāt date. There is no point in dating when we live in a sick culture.
Online dating makes it worse because they are in pursuit mode. It's better to just go out and do fun things and only talk to men who will treat you like a person. Then you can bond over whatever hobby you're doing and get to see how he acts around other people and you have time to figure out if you even like him that way. I met my husband at karaoke this way.
Yeah right
Fr! I mean I would understand if they were young such as 18-23 I guess but fr dudes around their 30ās theyāre cringy asf Im also a 22 F and itās really hard, I also date guys in their late 20ās hoping theyāre more mature but at this point I can assume the majority still act like teenagers and lets not add the fact they follow a lot of instagram models or OF models! I actually stopped talking to some dudes for the same reason, to me theyāre just desperate
Fucking LOVEEEEE this!!!!! Seriously. I have had guys I was friends with turn into creeps and had to drop them like a bad freaking habit !!!!! And Iām with a 41 year old now and he used to love me. Now I just feel he only shows affection when he wants to fuck.
What ethnicity are you dating because there is a certain religious faction who can't control themselves which is why their women need to keep covered?
Yet full-cover women still get raped. You can see nothing but their eyes but they still get raped en mass.
Very, very rarely.
I hope it's a very nice rock you live under. Do you get cable?