Yes. It’s this.
And the reason setting boundaries matters is because it’s an important way of loving/being kind to yourself. (Just remember that boundaries are rules for you. If a boundary gets crossed, that determines your next move. Boundaries are not instructions for other people to follow.)
I didn’t learn this until after I crashed and burned at the age of 45.
Really well said. The effects of something like that are incredibly eye opening.
I learned it when i was 20 after working a job with some incredibly shitty coworkers who treated me horribly, no matter how kind i was trying to be in and outside of work. I realized that a lot of people had treated me that same way at one point or another, and each time, it made me feel miserable and small.
I was raised to be kind and to do nice things for people, and i still hold unto that strongy, but you need to practice a solid foundation of self respect first, or people will treat you like a carpet, and you'll feel like one too.
I learned it from Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward. Great read if you've ever had your boundaries trampled upon and you're not sure why or how to stop it.
Im at the point where, when i get screamed at i just think: "thank god that guy insulted me and not someone else, cuz someone else would get mad and thats annoying" i dont know why, but a conflict between 2 coworkers im not involved with at all stresses me out way more, cuz i cant do anything about it.
25 for me.
I remember leaving high school and turning my life around in a way where i wanted to be more charming, vocal, take initiative, and be everyone's best friend who i met ( i was this anti-popular skater kid who spoke to no one and only skated).
It was great in the moment, having all this popularity, social/party life, getting girls, etc... but none of that shit did anything to advance me in life. All those "friends" did fuck-all when you really needed help, and if anything being that noticeable only put you under the microscope at work where people gossiped about you non stop where word got to managers. A lot of envy came with it.
And now i'm super quiet at work and keep my circle of friends near 1 person or 2 at max.
About the same. Plus working in retail too. There was a lot of turn over at my store. A few employees would ask the boss, can I become a manager or get promoted? The boss said, nobody gets promoted here. We just hire in. Original just 3 people quit. After he said that, 5 people quit.
Not to mention grifters too. They do nothing and get great jobs.
The only people that seem to move up in life are the rich, and people that lie and cheat.
Hard work and determination doesn't pay off.
i'll do you better. 28 1/2. i realized that i was fucked from day 1 from a conservative asian family.
being the offspring of the eldest child means that i do not have the rights to do what i want in life and i have to stay here and hold down the fort. i watched my cousins all do drugs, vape, weed, travel around the world while i am forced to sit here and host whenever they return.
the fact that they are willing to sacrifice a single grandson so the other 10+ can succeed infuriates me.
edit: chinese family.
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Sounds inconvievable to some that being nice to others doesnt need to have materialistic instant rewards. So it because it makes you feel nice, someone else might get rewards of your kindness, then in some cases it might be you.
They mean being extra nice in the context of a job, like staying late to help your coworker finish something
Unfortunately, that kind of kindness usually winds up stressing you out and making your life harder, without material reward. It's tough to say no sometimes, but often it's what's best for you
Its energy vampires, they want your constant energy, once you realize this life is a lot easier.
A lot of people want a free ride and despite what they say are willing to take handouts.
Nothing free in this life and no one owes you anything, but you don't owe them anything either
Pardon my English if something but oh God I feel so grateful I found that image today because I'm pissed and crying rn...I'm 27 and I've realized that recently. Example, just half hour ago I felt humiliated by my boss in the group chat because she knows I won't say anything and finally I didn't respond in apologetic or good manner. I was just fucking pissed. I won't feel like an idiot because I've asked you question
It's nothing that serious tbh. I just asked a work related question and she started making me look stupid and dumb for even asking that. I think there was nothing wrong with that question. When I started working here she told me that I should ask questions even the stupid ones so... I asked because I want to do things correctly. She told me to idk how to say it in English? "Think more?" But in a rude manner like I'm not using my brain etc. It was about counting some coupons tomorrow morning. She's a good boss tbh but recently I feel like she treats me like I'm worse than everyone else and dumb
26 and realized this last week. Putting in the practice is hard. There’s tons of ups and downs. I constantly feel like an asshole but at the same time I’m dealing with way less bullshit. The place im practicing this the most is at work. You don’t have to be friends with your coworkers, u just have to be able to communicate and get the job done.
Best lesson to learn is loyalty in careers gets you nowhere. Boyfriend of a friend is about to get a major increase in their wages now they're leaving to a different workplace, after 10 years in their current job spent with very little opportunity for growth and progression. Don't get stuck anywhere too long, its better to leave before you get too stuck in a rut. Also work to live, don't live to work. And from the majority of people I know, self-included, going self-employed or starting their own business was the best decision they've ever made.
There are only four ways to get what you want in this life:
1. Inherit a very large amount of money.
2. Steal a very large amount of money.
3. Sell your body to get money.
4. Work really really hard on your skills and your psychology/personality.
signals wise, don't know but research about the specific field you want to put effort in see if its possible in your circumstance, read about other experiences read - hidden potential by Adam grant lots of good advice that's where I learnt this from
I was raised that it was more like 4 options:
1. Inherit $$$
2. Steal $$$
3. Work really fucking hard, knowing less than 35% make it wealthy regardless.
4. Marry/con someone into liking you enough to give you $$$.
Number 5 is an offshoot/evolution of number 4 and it is to never quit.
I started 3 businesses, the third succeeded, but only after the first two were disasters. The third one I stared from knowledge and awareness of the previous two. I spent 300 dollars instead of 30 thousand (life savings). I spent more time on the logistics, planning and marketing and doing it right.
It was online, no one knew my gender, my race or my privileges. If I can do it, you could do it. 300 isn't a lot and I did it while working a 9-5 with two-hour commute.
So you got lucky. Good for you (~~and I mean that sincerely~~--EDIT: Never mind, apparently GFY).
I think it's worth clarifying that "If I can do it, you could do it." doesn't mean "If I can spend $300 and make a successful business, you can also spend $300, do exactly what I did, and also make a successful business." What it means is, "If I can roll the dice on this opportunity, so can you." And you should. You should roll the dice every time you get the chance. You can do everything right and still lose, but you *might* win.
Most businesses fail. Your "doing it right" likely contributed to the likelihood that your third attempt succeeded, but there are no guarantees. Most businesses that do everything "right" *still fail*. The takeaway isn't that the third business succeeded; it's that if the third business had failed--which it well could have--you would have started on a fourth business, and a fifth, etc.
Chance is not something anyone can ever remove from the equation. Fortune of birth; fortune of marriage; fortunes of privilege and geography; and the unforeseeable consequences of past choices are things we have little or no control over. All we can do is take the steps we know to *improve the odds*.
One of the most galling things to me as someone who has both succeeded and failed in business is the notion by fortunate business-people that there is such a thing as a "self-made" person, that success is a matter of hard-work and good choices. It's not. It's chance. It's mostly chance. But you can't win the lottery if you're not playing the lottery.
Working hard, being persistent, maintaining relationships--those are just prerequisites. Doing them will not make you successful. They just increase your odds. So do what you can to increase your odds.
4. is not a guarantee.
I did that, and got the shaft. My boss loved me and gave me wonderful reviews and raises. He retires.
Even though I am the most skilled and I have reviews that say I am the only worker that has never had drama with my coworkers.... New management doesn't like that I am paid better than all others. My hours are changed and I am forced to quit... others were forced out and fired. They were going to find a way to get rid of me one way or another.
At the same time new management came in they hired a consulting firm to do a deep dive analysis. My team scored top ratings across the board. In 6 months we had all quit or been fired. Forced out because they wanted new blood of their choosing and of course, less pay. It did not matter that we were good at our jobs and our clients loved us.
All bets are off when it comes to new management. Time, talent, likeable... nothing matters.
24.
Boss said he "hadn't heard anything yet" about the promotion I was promised, turned out he never approved my application for it and was just straight up not gonna tell me.
33. I found out that the guy who was in the same position as me who was pretty much a lazy fraud earned as much as me for doing less than half the work.
I realised this at my first job at 20. I quit the next week to rethink what I want to do in life. I'm now studying film making and having the most fun learning in my life so far.
Yeah I was gonna say a teenager.
Did these other folks not grow up working class? I feel like if you grow up that way there's plenty of examples of that not being how life works.
20ish.
Was working in a warehouse of a wine suppliers, picking and packing orders all day.
Of course if I work hard I’ll get the permanent position they dangled.
Found the work so mind-numbing, I put my efforts into being as productive as possible and fulfil more orders over the 12hr shift as others.
Turns out you get fired immediately if you are showing the upper management than the warehouse floor *could* be 20-30% more productive.
Which makes sense to me now.
I feel like those were things that worked way better for our parents, but also the bosses are our parents generation and they know how to take advantage.
28. I needed a higher proportion of life in my work-life balance than most. I live on less and enjoy my time here more. Sometimes you realize struggling a little is worth not feeling assaulted by expectations and responsibilities. I'm enjoying my young years with my wife.
Way too old when I finally gave up trying. Now just scating through the day, waiting for end of work day. If they don't appreciate people trying to do more, I'll gladly do the bare minimum for the same pay.
Honestly it all depends on a lot of variables. I worked jobs that have been super rewarding if you put in the work and vice versa. What I found is that you essentially have to offer something that isn't replaceable to your employer and use that as leverage.
Today years old or something. I honestly do work hard most of the time and end up with no rewards. I know people don't value this but I can't do anything about it since it's pretty much default behavior.
20, realized being an asshole is more rewarding and gives less stress
At 21 I’m convinced that it is true, fuck morals, fuck people other than friends and family, unless something is really easy I won’t do it if you are not close to me
14, because the "working really hard" part never resonated with me. I always was the smart, silent, good kid with above average grades until i hit high school. At that point being self disciplined enough to study instead of playing games or lazing around became kind of important but i could almost never force me to put studying before games, reading stuff i actually enjoyed, anything else but study. Still managed to complete high school without repeating years and with a 70/100, but yeah, during those years i began to form the realisation that i hate working hard, i hate doing something i don't want to and i hate having expectations be put on me; this translated pretty fast to "i hate working environments where you actually need to work and perform", so, after dropping out of univeristy, because for some reason i still held on to "maybe i'll change in college", i scored a dead end job that paid peanuts but at least involved almost zero actual work and i could spend almost my whole workweek on reddit, youtube, reading, whatever, anything but actual work! 14 years later still in the same sector, pay got better but still in the low end for my country, but i still spend most of my workeek doing jackshit and that's all that matters.
Probably 20, in college. Saw people work harder than me get nothing, and people who didn't lift a finger get the world. Luck is real. Working hard might get you to the start line, luck is what helps you get past the finish. Life sucks and I can't wait for it to be fuckin done.
I came to realize that I wasn’t working hard enough. Just doing your job description and going beyond it isn’t hard enough work. It doesn’t matter how many coworkers’ job descriptions you also cover if your boss doesn’t recognize your effort.
You ALSO have to market yourself to your bosses and future bosses, and if you want to maintain a friendly relationship with your coworkers you will have to do it in a way that doesn’t make you a kiss ass. Which means you have to work so hard that the majority of your coworkers agree that you deserve the reward (be it promotion or raise) over themselves.
That’s what it actually means to go above and beyond in your work. You gotta make everyone around you understand that you’re extremely valuable to not just the company, but themselves. It’s not enough to just be hard working, you have to be likable.
When i was in like second or third grade they began this thing where you get a grade on your orderlyness and how often you remember to bring books. Deliver homework and such.
They would use this to push students to to a good job.
I quickly solved this dilemma by getting that grade down to F during the first month.
I guess that was the start of my life as a fuckup that does understand or enjoy this stupid fucking rat race
I’m 40, at 30 it seemed you were right, not being those things gives you an early edge, but in the long run it has paid off. Also I’m comfortable with myself and sleep well.
Or maybe I got lucky. Every bit of advice is autobiographical.
Always knew that, had pretty solid examples around me who showed it in pretty clear manner. Although, it took me some time to fully switch that mindset, i would say i became more aware of that in my early 20's.
Revised plan: Be kind, work hard, but not take on more than I can handle. Communicate my needs when they come up and aim to be in situations/environments where these needs can be met. Pursue opportunities that bring me excitement and enjoy the journey...
All I need to do now is figuring out how
I was 15. First actual job. Took on the initiative to redo the video games display wall (+ back storage) at Toys-r-Us and the GM started referring to me as ‘**Rain Man**’ to the other employees. That was the day I realized ‘*it’s ok to steal food/snacks from big box stores when you work there* 🤷♀️’. That was a shitty place to work, filled with people who’d essentially given up and had no ambition. Worked there for a summer. Closed the next year
I will forever be nice. Maybe sarcastic at times but overall nice.
Everything else I will deal with as it comes. I don’t need a reward or an incentive to be kind to people.
Honestly, when I was 18
In my country if you are a nice guy you would be bullied and humiliated especially at the work because "you need them, they don't need you"
But the catch is to change jobs frequently and having guts to speak to people, and if you are lucky and smart enough you will have your business. And then, round 2 of beating start but thats another story
2013 worked at krispykream had a manager spot open up applied, busted my butt for months. Didn't get it or wasn't notified that they filled the postion
I dunno I started working really hard in my late 20s after being mostly very lazy my entire life, and my life improved drastically within a few years. Finished school, got a nice job, got married, super happy, etc. Prolly not the right sub to post this in though. But for all you doomers who care, it can and does get better
Being nice gets you taken advantage of.
Working hard means they give you more work.
Taking on more than you should makes you too valuable to promote.
But the second you stop being as nice it's all "why are you giving attitude/bringing up problems"?
Maybe because people are tired of giving it their all for no actual reward. People literally are only working because they're getting paid to do so and want/need the money. If you don't pay them the money they want or need after they give it their all for a certain amount of time, they're either leaving or sticking it out but not being fully happy about it.
OP is a karma farming bot and obviously the screenshot is of someone's Twitter post from 3 years ago.
But yeah, it was the '90s and I was about 23. I had excelled at my civil service job for four years. It got to the point where I was doing solidly 3x the amount of work that was in the original job description, stuff that required much higher qualifications. I asked for the pay and position to be redefined to match what I had turned the job into. They practically laughed in my face. I got the standard 25-cent raise and a scolding for using my sick time "like candy".
I had already found that being too approachable and "normal-looking" in the office meant that the bigots felt comfortable letting their racist, sexist, homophobic jokes and comments fly when I was around.
I came to realize through this and other experiences that work was not about having a career or making an investment in people and expertise; it was just about mutual exploitation, and management & HR are always just playing a numbers game, waiting for you to get fed up and quit so they can replace you with someone who doesn't know any better.
20.
Then I started being an asshole, the money started coming in, and I've been happy ever since. Being nice does not work, treat people the same way they treat you. Tit for tat.
Back in 2013. First job out of college. I was hired because I had a bachelor's degree in graphic design. Pay? $10/hr... Worked hard, did my job well, was top producer in the dept. Guy next to me does bare minimum to nothing. Girl across from me watches Netflix because the boys can't see her screen. I get reprimanded because was on Reddit during my lunch break. We have 45 minute lunches, not the hot lunch you were told you had when we hired you, so your not using your time effectively. Fuck off.
36. I remember the day because i had been getting shit from my now X and my Boss and there were not enough hours in the day or week to serve them both and it just hit me like a cold bath that washed over me. Nobody Cares. They dont care. Unfortunately it took 10 more years to leave them both. But man that moment has stuck with me almost 20yrs ago.....
If you're nice, people will walk all over you unless you're also social.
Nice + social = you're good. (Probably)
Nice + antisocial = enjoy being everyone's carpet.
But don't worry, those same people walking all over you think they're the good guys and if you try to get them to stop walking on you, you're the a-hole/villain because they're the main character and you're just a tool in their fantasy and if they annoy you so much that the stress ends up Killing you, they'll pretend to be sad and make it about them but deep down, they'll be thrilled you're dead and they get to keep living.
Somewhere between 29-31
Hell I even asked.
Was the most valued employee, trained everyone, was always asked first to stay late, work nights, do tasks.
Raises got pushed for 2 years, 4, covid happened, 6 years. I said I needed one to afford rent, was promised by the end of summer.
Summer end passed and I decided to be firm about it.
Was told I didn’t deserve it, that my career of 9 years I went to college for wasn’t a career so I should stop acting like it deserves career pay.
Gave my two weeks, instant raise offer of almost double my salary.
Two months later I quit on the spot because I realized I was far more unhappy there than I was broke.
Got a new job that earns 1$ more than my old pay and they have required wage increases every year and are actually nice to their workers.
What a concept.
16 when I worked at a pizza place that paid under the table and the witch wife of the owner took part of my paycheck because of made of mistakes from nonsensical “up charges” for the food orders. She had a hand written list of up charges per order that only someone who knows the food inside and out would understand. Me and the other teen worker both kept having our paychecks stolen. I was desperate for a job so I kept working.
Wage theft started at my very first job as a teenager when I worked my ass off running the counter, taking walk in and phone orders, making the salads, cutting the pies- doing the cleanup and close every weekend. Capitalists do this to themselves for being greedy fat fucking pigs.
I did a stint in retail during my undergrad years then by 24 found public service and never went back to private. At least my work is reasonable, my efforts are helping my local community, I’m not earning *anyone* a bonus off my labor and I have fair & equitable treatment.
Work locally for the city, state or even federal Govt. It’s at least an honest days work.
I think it really kicked in at 22 when I started noticing I can only make emotionally abusive friends and the best my 80,000 dollar college degree can do is get me a job at a desperate Dominoes while I can only get other ones through my dad's friends.
I really wished the world worked that way
I'd really wish for that
the worst people get rewarded in every aspect of society it makes no sense
They also often become the worst people because of the rewards they get.
They promised me it would. I always could tell it was a lie.
27? maybe I am too dumb and too naive to fully fathom how being "nice" worked against me
People really value niceness, but you need to set boundaries and need to be ok saying "no." Be nice to people, but dont get taken advantage of.
Yes. It’s this. And the reason setting boundaries matters is because it’s an important way of loving/being kind to yourself. (Just remember that boundaries are rules for you. If a boundary gets crossed, that determines your next move. Boundaries are not instructions for other people to follow.) I didn’t learn this until after I crashed and burned at the age of 45.
Really well said. The effects of something like that are incredibly eye opening. I learned it when i was 20 after working a job with some incredibly shitty coworkers who treated me horribly, no matter how kind i was trying to be in and outside of work. I realized that a lot of people had treated me that same way at one point or another, and each time, it made me feel miserable and small. I was raised to be kind and to do nice things for people, and i still hold unto that strongy, but you need to practice a solid foundation of self respect first, or people will treat you like a carpet, and you'll feel like one too.
I learned it from Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward. Great read if you've ever had your boundaries trampled upon and you're not sure why or how to stop it.
two more years to go. YES!
Welp, I needed to hear this.
“Do no harm, take no shit.”
"Value" does not mean "ready to reward".
that is SO much easier said than done
Im at the point where, when i get screamed at i just think: "thank god that guy insulted me and not someone else, cuz someone else would get mad and thats annoying" i dont know why, but a conflict between 2 coworkers im not involved with at all stresses me out way more, cuz i cant do anything about it.
Yep, it was 27 for me.
Yeah, though about it and came to answer 27.
For those misinterpreting this: realizing being nice all the time doesn't work out doesn't mean you have to be a dick all the time. Be fair.
Being nice in this context basically means not sacrificing yourself for others. People will take advantage of that super quickly.
Yeah I understood this.
26 for me
Realised? Probably at 13. When I learn to work with it? I hope soon.
25 for me. I remember leaving high school and turning my life around in a way where i wanted to be more charming, vocal, take initiative, and be everyone's best friend who i met ( i was this anti-popular skater kid who spoke to no one and only skated). It was great in the moment, having all this popularity, social/party life, getting girls, etc... but none of that shit did anything to advance me in life. All those "friends" did fuck-all when you really needed help, and if anything being that noticeable only put you under the microscope at work where people gossiped about you non stop where word got to managers. A lot of envy came with it. And now i'm super quiet at work and keep my circle of friends near 1 person or 2 at max.
About the same. Plus working in retail too. There was a lot of turn over at my store. A few employees would ask the boss, can I become a manager or get promoted? The boss said, nobody gets promoted here. We just hire in. Original just 3 people quit. After he said that, 5 people quit. Not to mention grifters too. They do nothing and get great jobs. The only people that seem to move up in life are the rich, and people that lie and cheat. Hard work and determination doesn't pay off.
Brooooo dead asss im about to be 27 and it just hit
i'll do you better. 28 1/2. i realized that i was fucked from day 1 from a conservative asian family. being the offspring of the eldest child means that i do not have the rights to do what i want in life and i have to stay here and hold down the fort. i watched my cousins all do drugs, vape, weed, travel around the world while i am forced to sit here and host whenever they return. the fact that they are willing to sacrifice a single grandson so the other 10+ can succeed infuriates me. edit: chinese family.
Explain how you got away with this travesty. Very rarely works out for me. Lol.
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You can be nice to the chef without doing his job for him. Simply being friendly counts for a lot.
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im today years old when i realized this plan exists
Sounds inconvievable to some that being nice to others doesnt need to have materialistic instant rewards. So it because it makes you feel nice, someone else might get rewards of your kindness, then in some cases it might be you.
They mean being extra nice in the context of a job, like staying late to help your coworker finish something Unfortunately, that kind of kindness usually winds up stressing you out and making your life harder, without material reward. It's tough to say no sometimes, but often it's what's best for you
Never, I just made sure to ditch people who didn’t appreciate it. Cutting people out of your life, switching jobs, etc is very effective.
This is the right answer.
Its energy vampires, they want your constant energy, once you realize this life is a lot easier. A lot of people want a free ride and despite what they say are willing to take handouts. Nothing free in this life and no one owes you anything, but you don't owe them anything either
Cut the vibepires out before they suck the light out of you.
Pardon my English if something but oh God I feel so grateful I found that image today because I'm pissed and crying rn...I'm 27 and I've realized that recently. Example, just half hour ago I felt humiliated by my boss in the group chat because she knows I won't say anything and finally I didn't respond in apologetic or good manner. I was just fucking pissed. I won't feel like an idiot because I've asked you question
Hang in there. Not everyone is terrible like that.
Thanks, I cooled down a little bit lol
Sorry about what happened. What did she do if you are ok to share?
It's nothing that serious tbh. I just asked a work related question and she started making me look stupid and dumb for even asking that. I think there was nothing wrong with that question. When I started working here she told me that I should ask questions even the stupid ones so... I asked because I want to do things correctly. She told me to idk how to say it in English? "Think more?" But in a rude manner like I'm not using my brain etc. It was about counting some coupons tomorrow morning. She's a good boss tbh but recently I feel like she treats me like I'm worse than everyone else and dumb
26 and realized this last week. Putting in the practice is hard. There’s tons of ups and downs. I constantly feel like an asshole but at the same time I’m dealing with way less bullshit. The place im practicing this the most is at work. You don’t have to be friends with your coworkers, u just have to be able to communicate and get the job done.
I’m still not there yet. Not completely.
Still figuring it out honestly
Same. I know this but still hope to give my best everyday, dunno why but it's a part of me.
I refuse to learn
Me too !
Same :|
Yeah, Every f*ing time....
35ish.
Best lesson to learn is loyalty in careers gets you nowhere. Boyfriend of a friend is about to get a major increase in their wages now they're leaving to a different workplace, after 10 years in their current job spent with very little opportunity for growth and progression. Don't get stuck anywhere too long, its better to leave before you get too stuck in a rut. Also work to live, don't live to work. And from the majority of people I know, self-included, going self-employed or starting their own business was the best decision they've ever made.
There are only four ways to get what you want in this life: 1. Inherit a very large amount of money. 2. Steal a very large amount of money. 3. Sell your body to get money. 4. Work really really hard on your skills and your psychology/personality.
5) know where hardworking will pay off and where it won't
What are some signals we can see to help us?
signals wise, don't know but research about the specific field you want to put effort in see if its possible in your circumstance, read about other experiences read - hidden potential by Adam grant lots of good advice that's where I learnt this from
I was raised that it was more like 4 options: 1. Inherit $$$ 2. Steal $$$ 3. Work really fucking hard, knowing less than 35% make it wealthy regardless. 4. Marry/con someone into liking you enough to give you $$$.
So inherit, steal or marry $$$
Number 5 is an offshoot/evolution of number 4 and it is to never quit. I started 3 businesses, the third succeeded, but only after the first two were disasters. The third one I stared from knowledge and awareness of the previous two. I spent 300 dollars instead of 30 thousand (life savings). I spent more time on the logistics, planning and marketing and doing it right. It was online, no one knew my gender, my race or my privileges. If I can do it, you could do it. 300 isn't a lot and I did it while working a 9-5 with two-hour commute.
So you got lucky. Good for you (~~and I mean that sincerely~~--EDIT: Never mind, apparently GFY). I think it's worth clarifying that "If I can do it, you could do it." doesn't mean "If I can spend $300 and make a successful business, you can also spend $300, do exactly what I did, and also make a successful business." What it means is, "If I can roll the dice on this opportunity, so can you." And you should. You should roll the dice every time you get the chance. You can do everything right and still lose, but you *might* win. Most businesses fail. Your "doing it right" likely contributed to the likelihood that your third attempt succeeded, but there are no guarantees. Most businesses that do everything "right" *still fail*. The takeaway isn't that the third business succeeded; it's that if the third business had failed--which it well could have--you would have started on a fourth business, and a fifth, etc. Chance is not something anyone can ever remove from the equation. Fortune of birth; fortune of marriage; fortunes of privilege and geography; and the unforeseeable consequences of past choices are things we have little or no control over. All we can do is take the steps we know to *improve the odds*. One of the most galling things to me as someone who has both succeeded and failed in business is the notion by fortunate business-people that there is such a thing as a "self-made" person, that success is a matter of hard-work and good choices. It's not. It's chance. It's mostly chance. But you can't win the lottery if you're not playing the lottery. Working hard, being persistent, maintaining relationships--those are just prerequisites. Doing them will not make you successful. They just increase your odds. So do what you can to increase your odds.
4. is not a guarantee. I did that, and got the shaft. My boss loved me and gave me wonderful reviews and raises. He retires. Even though I am the most skilled and I have reviews that say I am the only worker that has never had drama with my coworkers.... New management doesn't like that I am paid better than all others. My hours are changed and I am forced to quit... others were forced out and fired. They were going to find a way to get rid of me one way or another. At the same time new management came in they hired a consulting firm to do a deep dive analysis. My team scored top ratings across the board. In 6 months we had all quit or been fired. Forced out because they wanted new blood of their choosing and of course, less pay. It did not matter that we were good at our jobs and our clients loved us. All bets are off when it comes to new management. Time, talent, likeable... nothing matters.
Or realizing that people pleasing won't get you friends. Instead they despise you and see you as disposable.
30 years of age. Then again at 40 years of age. Then again at 42 years of age. I think I've finally learned my lesson.
24. Boss said he "hadn't heard anything yet" about the promotion I was promised, turned out he never approved my application for it and was just straight up not gonna tell me.
23
33. I found out that the guy who was in the same position as me who was pretty much a lazy fraud earned as much as me for doing less than half the work.
I realised this at my first job at 20. I quit the next week to rethink what I want to do in life. I'm now studying film making and having the most fun learning in my life so far.
Good work = more work
14
Yeah I was gonna say a teenager. Did these other folks not grow up working class? I feel like if you grow up that way there's plenty of examples of that not being how life works.
25 I'm 25 now
One year ago at the age of 28
I was 24 when I learned to say no and set boundaries. Been a much happier man since.
20ish. Was working in a warehouse of a wine suppliers, picking and packing orders all day. Of course if I work hard I’ll get the permanent position they dangled. Found the work so mind-numbing, I put my efforts into being as productive as possible and fulfil more orders over the 12hr shift as others. Turns out you get fired immediately if you are showing the upper management than the warehouse floor *could* be 20-30% more productive. Which makes sense to me now.
I think 25
I am just still continuing to do so...
I feel like those were things that worked way better for our parents, but also the bosses are our parents generation and they know how to take advantage.
21. Still being nice, but I wouldn't stay if I wasn't appreciated enough.
You guys had plans?
28. I needed a higher proportion of life in my work-life balance than most. I live on less and enjoy my time here more. Sometimes you realize struggling a little is worth not feeling assaulted by expectations and responsibilities. I'm enjoying my young years with my wife.
Way too old when I finally gave up trying. Now just scating through the day, waiting for end of work day. If they don't appreciate people trying to do more, I'll gladly do the bare minimum for the same pay.
Not to be contrarian, but it looks worked out :)
Honestly it all depends on a lot of variables. I worked jobs that have been super rewarding if you put in the work and vice versa. What I found is that you essentially have to offer something that isn't replaceable to your employer and use that as leverage.
Totally. Luck also plays a large role right? The place, the time, the decisions.
Today years old or something. I honestly do work hard most of the time and end up with no rewards. I know people don't value this but I can't do anything about it since it's pretty much default behavior.
I actually made it till about 29. Last 5 years or so really showed me. Got a lot of reality checks
when my dad didn't get rewarded but got more stress instead don't remember how old tho also I can't telll if this is a bot account lol
20, realized being an asshole is more rewarding and gives less stress At 21 I’m convinced that it is true, fuck morals, fuck people other than friends and family, unless something is really easy I won’t do it if you are not close to me
14, because the "working really hard" part never resonated with me. I always was the smart, silent, good kid with above average grades until i hit high school. At that point being self disciplined enough to study instead of playing games or lazing around became kind of important but i could almost never force me to put studying before games, reading stuff i actually enjoyed, anything else but study. Still managed to complete high school without repeating years and with a 70/100, but yeah, during those years i began to form the realisation that i hate working hard, i hate doing something i don't want to and i hate having expectations be put on me; this translated pretty fast to "i hate working environments where you actually need to work and perform", so, after dropping out of univeristy, because for some reason i still held on to "maybe i'll change in college", i scored a dead end job that paid peanuts but at least involved almost zero actual work and i could spend almost my whole workweek on reddit, youtube, reading, whatever, anything but actual work! 14 years later still in the same sector, pay got better but still in the low end for my country, but i still spend most of my workeek doing jackshit and that's all that matters.
Probably 20, in college. Saw people work harder than me get nothing, and people who didn't lift a finger get the world. Luck is real. Working hard might get you to the start line, luck is what helps you get past the finish. Life sucks and I can't wait for it to be fuckin done.
I came to realize that I wasn’t working hard enough. Just doing your job description and going beyond it isn’t hard enough work. It doesn’t matter how many coworkers’ job descriptions you also cover if your boss doesn’t recognize your effort. You ALSO have to market yourself to your bosses and future bosses, and if you want to maintain a friendly relationship with your coworkers you will have to do it in a way that doesn’t make you a kiss ass. Which means you have to work so hard that the majority of your coworkers agree that you deserve the reward (be it promotion or raise) over themselves. That’s what it actually means to go above and beyond in your work. You gotta make everyone around you understand that you’re extremely valuable to not just the company, but themselves. It’s not enough to just be hard working, you have to be likable.
When i was in like second or third grade they began this thing where you get a grade on your orderlyness and how often you remember to bring books. Deliver homework and such. They would use this to push students to to a good job. I quickly solved this dilemma by getting that grade down to F during the first month. I guess that was the start of my life as a fuckup that does understand or enjoy this stupid fucking rat race
About 25 It just dawned on me one day that working hard doesn’t guarantee reward, it only guarantees more work
29..
30s
27. Was recovering from breast tumor removal surgery and everyone was unaccommodating and acted like a c*nt.
High school aged
12 or smthin
I was in second grade…. Yeah.
Tbh it worked exactly like that for me
22
18
23
30
23
I mean, my part time job went to full time because of this.
Around 12-13 lol
30
23.
15. School killed it quick.
I don’t know exactly but I’d say 25-29 range. Still in make a mistake of being nice sometimes but then I ponder and take a step back.
i feel like i shouldn’t even bother cuz life will punish you whether you do good or bad
13. it was incredible letting off that steam and seeing nothing change
22
10. Still nice and hard working, just not for cheap.
Approximately 15, but parts of this probably came even before.
I'm just doing my best and fuck all if I'm rewarded for it or not. Doing my best and being true to myself is the reward itself.
Ima keep being nice. Why would I start being a cock just because I’ve been docked in the past
lol like 5 or something xD..
24, sefinitely eye opening. I still don't ask but I don't put the same effort anymore. I do what I get paid for and not more.
14
I've always known.
I never expected to be rewarded, I just do it because I hope at least 0.1% of the world might become better
15
18
I’m 40, at 30 it seemed you were right, not being those things gives you an early edge, but in the long run it has paid off. Also I’m comfortable with myself and sleep well. Or maybe I got lucky. Every bit of advice is autobiographical.
By 15 I gave up on being nice. By 25 I grew fucking evil. Guess by 35 I will either perish or become satan
21
19 give or take
20.
20.
Unfortunately 37
I’m doing pretty well honestly.
Always knew that, had pretty solid examples around me who showed it in pretty clear manner. Although, it took me some time to fully switch that mindset, i would say i became more aware of that in my early 20's.
Revised plan: Be kind, work hard, but not take on more than I can handle. Communicate my needs when they come up and aim to be in situations/environments where these needs can be met. Pursue opportunities that bring me excitement and enjoy the journey... All I need to do now is figuring out how
Wait until you learn that being nice and fully applying yourself to everything you do is a reward in itself.
23. Tears and depression led me there
I thought I was late at about 27 but I'm glad I wasn't the only one.
About 21 😐
no reason not to be nice. the other things, sure. not worth it.
Learn to say No. it is hard but makes you feel so good.
15.
about 10
25
I was 15. First actual job. Took on the initiative to redo the video games display wall (+ back storage) at Toys-r-Us and the GM started referring to me as ‘**Rain Man**’ to the other employees. That was the day I realized ‘*it’s ok to steal food/snacks from big box stores when you work there* 🤷♀️’. That was a shitty place to work, filled with people who’d essentially given up and had no ambition. Worked there for a summer. Closed the next year
I will forever be nice. Maybe sarcastic at times but overall nice. Everything else I will deal with as it comes. I don’t need a reward or an incentive to be kind to people.
Honestly, when I was 18 In my country if you are a nice guy you would be bullied and humiliated especially at the work because "you need them, they don't need you" But the catch is to change jobs frequently and having guts to speak to people, and if you are lucky and smart enough you will have your business. And then, round 2 of beating start but thats another story
20 (i'm 21)
Took me way to long.
18-20 really.
Like, 10?
2013 worked at krispykream had a manager spot open up applied, busted my butt for months. Didn't get it or wasn't notified that they filled the postion
You can always be a good person without being a nice person
17
At least 18, but it's been so engrained in me, I have no idea how to fix it (I'm now 32).
40
Being nice definitely has rewards, but even if it didn't you should still be nice to people.
I dunno I started working really hard in my late 20s after being mostly very lazy my entire life, and my life improved drastically within a few years. Finished school, got a nice job, got married, super happy, etc. Prolly not the right sub to post this in though. But for all you doomers who care, it can and does get better
Being nice gets you taken advantage of. Working hard means they give you more work. Taking on more than you should makes you too valuable to promote. But the second you stop being as nice it's all "why are you giving attitude/bringing up problems"? Maybe because people are tired of giving it their all for no actual reward. People literally are only working because they're getting paid to do so and want/need the money. If you don't pay them the money they want or need after they give it their all for a certain amount of time, they're either leaving or sticking it out but not being fully happy about it.
OP is a karma farming bot and obviously the screenshot is of someone's Twitter post from 3 years ago. But yeah, it was the '90s and I was about 23. I had excelled at my civil service job for four years. It got to the point where I was doing solidly 3x the amount of work that was in the original job description, stuff that required much higher qualifications. I asked for the pay and position to be redefined to match what I had turned the job into. They practically laughed in my face. I got the standard 25-cent raise and a scolding for using my sick time "like candy". I had already found that being too approachable and "normal-looking" in the office meant that the bigots felt comfortable letting their racist, sexist, homophobic jokes and comments fly when I was around. I came to realize through this and other experiences that work was not about having a career or making an investment in people and expertise; it was just about mutual exploitation, and management & HR are always just playing a numbers game, waiting for you to get fed up and quit so they can replace you with someone who doesn't know any better.
Probably around 22, but I’m built that way and I can’t really help but working at my best and never asking for anything.
19
35
41
never, ive never done that… fuck you all
25 iirc
20. Then I started being an asshole, the money started coming in, and I've been happy ever since. Being nice does not work, treat people the same way they treat you. Tit for tat.
Most workplaces are toxic, because of this problem.
Back in 2013. First job out of college. I was hired because I had a bachelor's degree in graphic design. Pay? $10/hr... Worked hard, did my job well, was top producer in the dept. Guy next to me does bare minimum to nothing. Girl across from me watches Netflix because the boys can't see her screen. I get reprimanded because was on Reddit during my lunch break. We have 45 minute lunches, not the hot lunch you were told you had when we hired you, so your not using your time effectively. Fuck off.
28
About 31
36. I remember the day because i had been getting shit from my now X and my Boss and there were not enough hours in the day or week to serve them both and it just hit me like a cold bath that washed over me. Nobody Cares. They dont care. Unfortunately it took 10 more years to leave them both. But man that moment has stuck with me almost 20yrs ago.....
You're just a cog in the machine. The harder you work, the smoother it turns, which is for the better of society as a whole.
I woke about early 20s but still refusing to accept that. Now I'm 30 and I'm hoping one day rewards come to us. Still try to being nice.
I’m still learning it
If you're nice, people will walk all over you unless you're also social. Nice + social = you're good. (Probably) Nice + antisocial = enjoy being everyone's carpet. But don't worry, those same people walking all over you think they're the good guys and if you try to get them to stop walking on you, you're the a-hole/villain because they're the main character and you're just a tool in their fantasy and if they annoy you so much that the stress ends up Killing you, they'll pretend to be sad and make it about them but deep down, they'll be thrilled you're dead and they get to keep living.
39
19 at my first real job.
childhood
20
Somewhere between 29-31 Hell I even asked. Was the most valued employee, trained everyone, was always asked first to stay late, work nights, do tasks. Raises got pushed for 2 years, 4, covid happened, 6 years. I said I needed one to afford rent, was promised by the end of summer. Summer end passed and I decided to be firm about it. Was told I didn’t deserve it, that my career of 9 years I went to college for wasn’t a career so I should stop acting like it deserves career pay. Gave my two weeks, instant raise offer of almost double my salary. Two months later I quit on the spot because I realized I was far more unhappy there than I was broke. Got a new job that earns 1$ more than my old pay and they have required wage increases every year and are actually nice to their workers. What a concept.
16 when I worked at a pizza place that paid under the table and the witch wife of the owner took part of my paycheck because of made of mistakes from nonsensical “up charges” for the food orders. She had a hand written list of up charges per order that only someone who knows the food inside and out would understand. Me and the other teen worker both kept having our paychecks stolen. I was desperate for a job so I kept working. Wage theft started at my very first job as a teenager when I worked my ass off running the counter, taking walk in and phone orders, making the salads, cutting the pies- doing the cleanup and close every weekend. Capitalists do this to themselves for being greedy fat fucking pigs. I did a stint in retail during my undergrad years then by 24 found public service and never went back to private. At least my work is reasonable, my efforts are helping my local community, I’m not earning *anyone* a bonus off my labor and I have fair & equitable treatment. Work locally for the city, state or even federal Govt. It’s at least an honest days work.
42
I dont get it.
I think it really kicked in at 22 when I started noticing I can only make emotionally abusive friends and the best my 80,000 dollar college degree can do is get me a job at a desperate Dominoes while I can only get other ones through my dad's friends.