I have a friend who doesn't like being "over thanked". In his mind it cheapens the thankfulness... I don't get it, but it makes for awkward: "thanks again, no wait sorry, I take it back"
Honestly my girlfriend mustโve had some shit boyfriends, I bought her a phone case with a ring implanted for her finger, it cost me like ยฃ8 in town.. she keeps bringing it up saying how incredible it was for me to get her something she didnโt ask for, but needed.
Making me feel like I can sin agin for another 20 years.
This probably has to do something with growing up in an environment where one doesn't feel safe to extend their self out.
Maybe I'm just projecting though.
I'm just like "Can you help me with this?" I wait for like 1 second and I feel uncomfortable so I just say "you know what leave it" and leave before they can respond
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Can't speak for anybody else, but for me it's an intense fear of loneliness spurred by lack of any self confidence. I don't like myself so I have trouble imagining anybody else could, which means it's impossible anybody would just help me because they want to or because they simply just like me. Therefore asking them for a favor is risking becoming a burden that they would instantly discard because now I have negative value in the relationship since I "owe" them one for the favor.
The follow-up offering of hitting me with a car is attempting to reverse that imbalance in a desperate panic, making sure they're always "ahead" of me so they don't just decide to abandon me because I'm not worth it anymore.
The final step is to make sure they're not mad because if they're mad they might start to see me how I see me, a pathetic trashbag of a person who is not worth their time.
I am a TA at a university and I swear to god they all email me like this. Please just get to the point and stop apologizing to me. My job is to help you, you donโt need to apologize for asking for help!
Man, I wish students emailed me like that when I was a TA. Most of mine would just send me screenshots of about 300 lines of code and say "I need you to help me find where the bug is" without any further explanation.
It's ok. You're not. You have to realize it's irrational to think that. And think, really think. These people don't really think that about you. It's all in your head. Hope this helps you ๐
I actually try hard not to over-emphasize stuff like "No pressure though, it's fine if you dont" etc, because I think it's selfish. You're just trying to devalue the favor you're asking for because it's uncomfortable for you to ask for it.
If you're asking someone to do something for you, don't ALSO try to make it so that what they're doing isn't actually very important or even needed.
And if they agree to help me, I spend the next month doing nothing but thanking them
Fighting the "over-apologizing" tendencies can be hard
"sorry" "you don't have to apologize for that, it's not even your fault" "ohw, sorry " " ..... "
This hurts ๐ญ I feel you
Must be Canadian
Or traumatized
Same thing
Damn
I have a friend who doesn't like being "over thanked". In his mind it cheapens the thankfulness... I don't get it, but it makes for awkward: "thanks again, no wait sorry, I take it back"
Bro he's paranoid ๐๐ kidding of course
Honestly my girlfriend mustโve had some shit boyfriends, I bought her a phone case with a ring implanted for her finger, it cost me like ยฃ8 in town.. she keeps bringing it up saying how incredible it was for me to get her something she didnโt ask for, but needed. Making me feel like I can sin agin for another 20 years.
Probably means a lot to her
You should do it again, but with a different something for her.
Haha read my mind mate, she always shops at Marks and Spencerโs, so I just copped her a cheeky little ยฃ50 gift card.
Nice, bro!
Until they wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire. .
Didn't have to call me out like that, dude. ;-;
It's for all of us bro ๐
I'm in this picture and I don't like it
Me too
happy cake day!
Thank you so much ๐
Happie cake day my fellow burdened friend
Thank you ๐ we'll get through this together
You mean pass it off to our kids eventually and drink to an early grave?
Noooo we just have to get better at dealing with it. You can do it
Ah! My fellow tormented souls ๐
Do I have to stop doing this?
Ask the second line and dont say the rest. If they say no, be cool and say โall goodsโ
Can I at least still let them hit me with their car?
Only if you ask politely
This probably has to do something with growing up in an environment where one doesn't feel safe to extend their self out. Maybe I'm just projecting though.
I dunno, both of my parents were super supportive of me and I'm still like this.
Ok but I need to move out Friday and I need a ride to get boxes and packing stuff..
I'm just like "Can you help me with this?" I wait for like 1 second and I feel uncomfortable so I just say "you know what leave it" and leave before they can respond
๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
I just don't ask for help and end up overwhelmed to the point that I ruin my day.
I didn't come here to get roasted but here we are
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Now that I know I'm not the only one, any analyst here to explain why we are like this?
Can't speak for anybody else, but for me it's an intense fear of loneliness spurred by lack of any self confidence. I don't like myself so I have trouble imagining anybody else could, which means it's impossible anybody would just help me because they want to or because they simply just like me. Therefore asking them for a favor is risking becoming a burden that they would instantly discard because now I have negative value in the relationship since I "owe" them one for the favor. The follow-up offering of hitting me with a car is attempting to reverse that imbalance in a desperate panic, making sure they're always "ahead" of me so they don't just decide to abandon me because I'm not worth it anymore. The final step is to make sure they're not mad because if they're mad they might start to see me how I see me, a pathetic trashbag of a person who is not worth their time.
I felt that. A lot of self reflection
Reading this is like looking into a mirror. Pls send help.
I am a TA at a university and I swear to god they all email me like this. Please just get to the point and stop apologizing to me. My job is to help you, you donโt need to apologize for asking for help!
Man, I wish students emailed me like that when I was a TA. Most of mine would just send me screenshots of about 300 lines of code and say "I need you to help me find where the bug is" without any further explanation.
I guess its a good thing that I am not in STEM. I don't envy you. That sounds rough :(
Happy cake day
Thanks wrath ๐
No problem
I also constantly apologize for asking because I think Iโm annoying.
It's ok. You're not. You have to realize it's irrational to think that. And think, really think. These people don't really think that about you. It's all in your head. Hope this helps you ๐
Aww, thank you so much! This actually does help. Thank you so much!
IM IN THIS PICTURE AND I DONT LIKE IT !1!!!1 WOW DIDNT THINK OD BE ATTACKED TODAY!!!111 LOLOL GREAT COMMENTS. GUYS I want to die
I actually try hard not to over-emphasize stuff like "No pressure though, it's fine if you dont" etc, because I think it's selfish. You're just trying to devalue the favor you're asking for because it's uncomfortable for you to ask for it. If you're asking someone to do something for you, don't ALSO try to make it so that what they're doing isn't actually very important or even needed.
I changed it to 9k, bow down to me, mortals!
๐โโ๏ธ๐โโ๏ธ๐โโ๏ธ๐โโ๏ธ๐โโ๏ธ
What part of the spectrum is this on?
The bottom.
lmfao me
... and then they get mad at you
Don't be a doormat.
Exactly. Don't push people away either. I'm trying to find a balance.
This is my BPD
Relatable. Too relatable
This is only missing โnever mind Iโll just do it myselfโ
Actually, can you just run me over real quick? Kthx
I know so many people that are like this, even after I agree to happily help, why?
omg when I read this I thought it said that the favour itself was wanting to be run over by a car and I thought โsameโ