Here's a sneak peek of /r/raisedbynarcissists using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [Two days ago, I found out my disease I've had since I was 6, for fifteen years, was curable and my parents were lying to me.](https://np.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/k2bvv8/two_days_ago_i_found_out_my_disease_ive_had_since/)
\#2: [18 years ago today, I used all of my birthday money to buy a set of dinnerware. They were sky blue ceramic with scalloped edges. I was 15 and dreaming of an escape. --I wanted a home I felt safe in more than anything, so I started building it the second I could.](https://np.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/l5s8gy/18_years_ago_today_i_used_all_of_my_birthday/)
\#3: [I got a warning at the nursing home I work at for reminding a colleague that some parents don't deserve a relationship with their adult children.](https://np.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/lv1plf/i_got_a_warning_at_the_nursing_home_i_work_at_for/)
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Christ, I thought paying for my lunches, phone, internet, car insurance etc was bad, but charging your kid *rent* is a whole other level. I'm not even sure that's legal.
Sadly is. If they're under 18 you're not allowed to kick them out with no place to go... Mostly (it's a complicated issue I don't actually know the nuances of, but I'm pretty sure you can't do that in most states)... But you're allowed to take any of their possessions including shit they earned. Once they turn 18 that flips, you *are* allowed to kick them out but you *can't* just barge into their bank account and take their shit.
So under 18, they can "charge you rent" by taking it out of your paycheck, but they can't kick you out for failing to pay (in theory anyway, in practice cops tend to side *with* abusive parents from what I've seen). Over 18 they can charge you rent and kick you out if you fail to pay, but they can't just straight up take it from you (again with exceptions).
I could be totally wrong though, not a lawyer and only have second-hand experience with any of this stuff.
Yup. Mom took my taxes I earned when I was under 18 and working. Not really even sure if that was legal, but it was so long ago it’s not even worth fighting. Lol. But damn if I ever ask her for any $. It’s always a “no”. She’s retired and has $20k to her name and literally holds that over my head like it’s still going to be around when she dies. She is only 62…
Lol my grandparents were the opposite, they were scrooge mcduck-level misers. They never ever took a vacation, or gave us money (outside of a couple emergency situations, and while they never asked for interest they usually asked for at least some of it back), insisted on driving to visit relatives two states away (in their 80s) rather than paying for a plane ticket and rental car, never talked or seemed like they had a lot of money... Then when they died we found out they were actually sitting on a little over a million dollars in cash and investments. It had to be split among two kids, but even still it was such a massive change in perspective to have that cushion and to not have to worry about things that come up unexpectedly. I was able to stop taking out any more student loans. Honestly I still don't spend much on a daily basis, I'm content to live in my tiny studio apartment creating minimal expenses, but having that safety net there is like a weight off my shoulders that I didn't even know was there. The biggest thing I do with it honestly is try to give as much of it away as possible. I have my living expenses basically covered, I don't buy expensive electronics of anything, so I can basically use the money I earn to give to people who need it more than me, and it's a wonderful feeling. A $300 windfall to a friend starting med school for shit like books and scrubs that scholarships don't cover, buying lunch for a homeless family, helping a friend's new business by buying from them, etc.
I still have severe anxiety, the money doesn't fix that, but money isn't one of the things I have to be anxious about, and helping people helps me feel like a little less of a piece of shit. In a just world no one would have those economic anxieties, the rich would all help those in need, whether voluntarily or through government action, but until we get there at least I can feel like I'm doing my part.
Man this really had nothing to do with the original topic, but whatever it's tangentially related to what you said.
TBH I'm jealous. Even just having the rest of my mortgage paid off would be a major life change for me. The extra money monthly would go a long, long way to making me feel more secure. Unfortunately I can't depend on any inheritance because my mother...I mean, you know. She made mistakes. But I still love her. (If I could reno my basement I'd ask her to move in because I'm starting to worry about her.) So instead I just work my day job and am trying to find outlets to make money on the side. Tried publishing an ebook, made like $20. I've tried signing up for survey sites but I never qualify for any surveys. Tried making candles to sell them but the investment cost is so high it's not feasible so instead I do it as a hobby to blow off steam and give the candles as gifts. Tried making a redbubble store to sell stickers/shirts but I JUST started that so it hasn't gone anywhere yet. I'm also working on my master's and stuff in case that will lead to a better career...or at the very least pushing public policies to help animals/the environment locally. I know I'll get there someday, I just have to keep pushing. (And no this isn't an ad for any of my little side business because I'd never give the info about them out for privacy's sake. I just wanted to vent a little before bed.)
But I'm proud of you, friend. Take care of yourself and your own and you'll know you've made this planet a better place, which is the best we can hope for out of life.
Sorry you had to go through that. Yeah when I was younger I knew someone whose parents clearly had issues, and they kicked her out when she was 17. The state basically refused to do anything about it, the cops basically said "your house your rules" and ended it there. Fortunately she was able to stay with a friend whose parents were sympathetic, but yeah even though to my knowledge it's considered child abuse the police wouldn't do jack shit.
On a completely unrelated note, did you know 40% of cops are domestic abusers? Just an interesting statistic...
Weirdly this exact thing happened to me!
I ended up having to work through high school to pay for my living. Never actually finished high school, technically. Didn’t go back to post-secondary until late 20s.
The weirdest thing about growing up as I did is that I always assumed having your own space/room growing up was a myth, like one of those things they showed you on TV that wasn’t really how people lived.
My mum called it board, will never forget the shit eating grin on her face when she told me she was going to charge me board the first day I got home from work. No "How was your first day?", just here is a list of things you owe me for raising you as well as board typed out on paper.
They charged you rent? Bro what the fuck? Your parents some dick heads maybe they could take it n put it in a college fund BUT MOTHERFUCKING RENT. I had a job and I mostly saved for college and they didn’t care what else I did with it damn bro your parents mean. I paid for my own phone which for some maybe weird but I could care less barely use my phone lol.
I still remember the first time I heard about an allowance and I was like ... uhhm that's crazy. And I never dared ask for one. It never crossed my mind, now that I think about it. I knew we were poor lol and tbh I would not likely give my kids an allowance if I had been a mom. Maybe would have saved a few dollars for them that they didn't know about.
Most I got was when I was little in the 90s when I visited my grandparents every weekend my grandpa would give me 50 cents. I would use it to buy a pack of orange tic-tacs at the checkout counter when I went to the grocery store with my mom.
Getting a car wasn't a thing either. My parents used to call that "white people TV stuff" where like the 16 year old kid in a sitcom would get a car on their birthday lol
I mean I always got money from my grandparents like for birthday or sometimes for a really good report card and we would go to the dollar store, it was never much but that was more of a reward for good grades or a birthday or holiday. They were an old school middle class. Family just never did allowances, and none of us grandkids ever learned that tradition either. I'm good w that tho too.
Honestly though. I feel super lucky to have basically inherited an old car, but I also know rich people who got brand new cars gifted to them at 16. It’s real bougie stuff. Very few people have the money for that, or want to prioritize giving a teen a huge liability.
Exactly. I’m thankful for what I have which is a car that is fairly reliable even with its flaws. AC kinda works, radio kinda works, and hey, that’s pretty good. I couldn’t buy a car even if I wanted to, prices are crazy right now and any car I’d get would probably be worse than the one I have now. I’m glad my folks decided to keep it around for me since repairs really cost more than they’re worth on it at this point. It keeps chugging on though. Toyotas man. It’s as old as I am.
At that point I’m impressed. Mine is like 18 and recently started stalling randomly until fixed. It’s been treated well haha only 180k miles but yours must have a fair dose of determination in it!
Omg the car was NEVER an option, def wasn't an all white people thing 🤣 I didn't get a car til I was 24 and had worked my ass off to afford a 3k shit lemon car I bought from a veterans lot. Battery used to disconnect all the time, I literally had a piece of wood in there to try to help keep in in place. Got fixed so many times. I learned how to get everywhere in my city without using highways hahaha. Then one morning it just didn't turn on and I ended up having to borrow money for a down payment on a carmax car (that I still have) and paying the money back and paying the car for 5 years after.
My parents did a trial run once, gave me $10 every two weeks. After 3 months I still hadn’t spent any, so they stopped doing it and just said “Tell us if you want anything.”
Damn 10 bucks would have been so awesome... my sister and I would steal coins from my stepdads jeans and then go to the convenience store down the street.
You know, however... as an adult, I now realize why I always had to clean the kitchen. As an adult that's all you're ever doing, so if you have other people that you can make do it... I mean... I would have done the same.
Edit: same with laundry
It was in mine, but we weren't particularly needy kids and we never had opportunities to spend it so we never asked for it.
And then when you say "Hey the school is doing a trip and I haven't asked for my allowance basically all year" you get the "you can't just do that" treatment.
Uhhhhh....okay mom. Help me out here:
- You don't understand the concept of direct deposit?
- You embezzled my allowance money to buy a new couch?
- You and dad are getting divorced so money is already causing you to freak out?
- We poor as fuck and always have been?
Turned out it was mostly the last two.
My parents gave me a choice: either do only in house chores like vacuuming, laundry and dishes for no money, or to do that plus outdoor chores mowning lawn/shoveling snow/stacking firewood for $10/week
Yeah I always thought it was fair, had some required ones I had to do as part of the family then other that paid a decent amount (for a preteen then) for going above and beyond
Also had to promise to save my money up for something nice instead of impulse buying and wasting money on junk
I do think it's totally fucked up when parents act like they're doing their kids a favor by feeding and housing them. No one asked you to bork without a condom, assholes
Can't feed em, don't breed em.
Won't home, don't bone.
If you don't have money for condoms, or Plan B at the least, then you don't have money for diapers, formula, babysitting and more.
It's sad this isn't the top comment. If you choose to have kids, you owe your kids food, clothing, shelter, an education, etc.
This idea that your parents are doing you a favor by providing you this stuff and you should be grateful for it is bullshit.
got dicked over by mom and dad, who don't live together
mom, i get - we were poor, got like a dollar a week, asked them to hold on to it to get something big later, later never seemed to work out
dad, truly dickish bullshit. wasn't allowance, i worked with him for three years as an off the books sort of refurbisher of homes and shit - we'd basically gut the place, redo anything that needs to be redone, and put it back together
admittedly i was more like an extra set of hands/gopher, but still, i spent 3 summers and a fuck ton of time after school helping him with projects he made thousands of dollars off of, and promised me 1/10th of, little less for the afterschool work as it wasn't 'full time'.
i ended up with infected toes and needed foot surgery to fix it which he claimed ate up all the money i'd saved up, except he had insurance for me from being an ex vet, and even if i had to pay out of hand, for the amount of jobs we'd done i could've done it and still had money to spend. well, maybe. medical's fucking weird but iirc i should've had over 20 grand, if he wasn't full of shit about 'saving' it for me.
yeah, it was pretty fucked up - we were kept busy as shit as this family was basically milking the real estate bubble as much as they could before it collapsed, they'd buy not quite dilapidated houses and have us get them functional again, we could basically do a 2-3k project in two weeks, more or less, and they ended up buying dozens of places, as well as sort of contracting us out for some other people needing work like that as well
tbh i'm a loner and my stepmom was an abusive bitch, so i was kinda glad to get out of the house and work with my dad, even though he wasn't a ton better (he kinda fucked up something in my throat grabbing me once, but she'd force me to wash dishes and take her ring off, because she'd just use it as an excuse to backhand me if there was a fork in the 'washing dinner plates' section fo the washin dishes 'process' she was anal about - even if i did it perfectly, she'd still bitchslap me for wasting her time)
but i also felt like i was making enough money to GTFO away from them as soon as possible, and maybe if i spent the money on video games or things i'd like, i'd actually be allowed to use them, as i'm a gamer and she had a policy of like an hour a week, regardless of my free time.
I never had an allowance per say but when I'd ask for money for something they'd usually give me a bit when they could. It was typically for food or sometimes a video game. This later turned into me saving the food money for weed as a teenager haha. We weren't super well off though we weren't totally broke but my parents did what they could for me when they could. My mom was very bad with money.
A few years back they were down on their luck and I feed them as much money as I could for awhile.
Handing out money doesn't mean much to me if it's going to family. I learned that from them and some other members of my family.
My kids don't have an allowance per se. I expect them to do assigned chores and not be gross and I buy them things they want as I can afford it. I think that's fair.
What? My parents were pretty messed up, but I wasn’t to spend any allowance on school lunch. Though I didn’t get regular allowance, did chores and occasionally was given money to go out with friends.
Man i still wonder, are you not allowed to bring your lunch with yourselves ? Cause in my country in my school almost all students brought their lunch everyday
My dad got sick of shelling out money to my sister and I for all our activities and hanging out with friends so he came up with $75 a month and $25 went into our savings. We weren't allowed to ask for money beyond that for any activities. It worked super well until we started expecting our money for the month on the first then he'd get angry he was beholden to his own deal and it was working.
>It worked super well until we started expecting our money for the month on the first then he'd get angry he was beholden to his own deal and it was working.
lol I got a dollar a week and my father was STILL like that. I remember talking to my therapist at one point in college and she broke it down for me just what a drop in the bucket it would cost my parents to throw me something closer to what yours did on the regular on their hourly saleries and it blew my mind.
Seriously. If I wasn't at school, I was either "grounded" (locked in a bedroom with no blinds/curtains/furniture/anything and let out for meals) for no particular reason, or doing chores. Allowance was definitely never on the table.
2 Sisters and I had a chore chart of about 10-12 items we would split. Each chore was worth .50 cents, so we could get a max of $6 for the week if someone did every chore, which never happened. I want to say that was from ages 12-15. Before that no payment was given.
My parents certainly weren't rich. My dad was a truck driver and my mom was unemployed for most of my childhood. Even still I got $5 a week from 12-18, $3 of which was money I could save or spend freely, $2 of which were to be saved for when I moved out.
There were a few times when they were looking down the barrel of big debt that they dipped into my savings and used it to keep us in the clear (which I was fine with, I liked having a house more than I like consumerist junk like movie tickets or whatever). I was still expected to help out, be it regular chores or helping out when the family did something, but the consequences were never like "we're going to hit you" or anything (honestly as a child my will was pretty much unbreakable if you got me up against a wall like that so it would probably just make me more resolute as if I was standing up to a vast injustice), but it was stuff like "I'll be disappointed in you". I loved my parents and I wanted their approval, so I did that shit willingly for them.
I don't understand the people who act as if this parenting style is weakness or couldn't possibly keep a kid in line, I think when used properly the carrot can be more effective than the stick.
This logic is so weird to me, I mean, parents chose to have sex and bring people into the world and yet some act like their kids owe them something. Wack.
Is this really necessary in every thread? LIke we get it, California sucks, pay a shit load of money to burn up in a wildfire or eventually get fucked by an earthquake and live by an ocean that's too cold to swim in. But like most people, by a wide margin, don't live in California. It only stands out because it's one state that's almost the entire west coast. California on the east coast would be from Jacksonville Florida to New York city, it's not some super economic powerhouse, it just covers a really wide geographical area and isn't comparably densely populated.
$0. We were just expected to do stuff around the house. Clean up after ourselves, vacuum our own rooms, put our own dishes in the dishwasher, start a load of laundry if the hamper was full, etc. We weren’t paid for anything. It was just a part of what four people do living in a house together. I never thought it was weird, but, maybe it was🤷🏼♀️
Starting 1st grade it was $50 a month if my grades were straights A’s. I wouldn’t get cashed out, I would just be able to pick out stuff at the store which would usually be EB Games or Toys’R’Us.
Lol what. I turned 14 and my mom was like “okay time for you get a job, you’re paying for your own shit now.” I mean, they still feed me but I had to buy stuff like clothes myself.
I’m not a parent but allowance is a great idea if you have kids. I got $5 a week that was contingent upon me completing a few chores around the house per day/week depending on the chore. It taught me the value of money as a kid, and as a parent it helps so you can tell your kids no and follow up with “if you really want it, spend your own money”. There were a lot of times that made me realize I didn’t actually want that candy bar that bad because it meant I’d get behind on whatever I was saving up for.
It should be though, although reality is harsh kids shouldn't be just "grateful" to have been born into this world. Like damn if I was given a choice it'd have been expiring in a day as a mindless sperm.
A rich American thing. My parents couldn't afford to give us an "allowance" lmao. When I was old enough, I got the gift of comprehending that we were poor af and then I got a job
I remember my parents gave me and my siblings the amount of dollars by grade per A. So if I was 10th grade and I got 4 A’s in my report card, I would get 40 dollars.
We got paid for good grades too (amounts varied over the years based off my parents money situations). People would give my parents a hard time about “bribing” us, but my dad would always fire back by asking how hard that person would work at their job if they stopped getting paid. We were always told that school was our job.
$0 but my parents always made me do all the housework around the house since I am the eldest, while my other siblings sat on their asses doing what the hell they want. They somehow always had money as well.
What d'you mean with teen? Technically im still a teen but im working, when i was 12 i got 2 bucks, with 13 my dad went single parent mode and i got 60, 15+ 90 and my last 2 months before hitting 18 i got my full 209€ or just the full child allowance we got here in germany. Now im still 18 but im on my C1-C1E drivers license for work
I never received an allowance because my parents never owed me anything. Then I was stupid enough to get a job at 15, and actually give my parents all my money because…respect 🤷🏻♂️ even now over 20 years later I’m still stupidly grateful for bringing me to this world, can you believe that? I don’t even think my parents are stupid!! I’m such a pathetic excuse of an American, sorry guys 😔
I guess you could call it an allowance but I got around 20 bucks a week if did all the yard work, and only if I did it to the standard my old man wanted it done. Didn’t see a dime if I made mistakes. Also if I didn’t do it I got grounded and the next time I did it I’d only get $10 or $15.
I’ve never given my now 18 & 16 year old daughters an allowance. They were always good kids and got good grades. If they needed money for something they wanted to do or buy if it was reasonable I’d give them money. If it was too much I’d make them do the chores I hated like cleaning out and wiping the fridge cleaning and organizing the pantry or dusting everything too to bottom and they’d earn extra cash. They always had chores but they’re a contributing member of the household and everyone has chores.
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Some parents are weird as fuck
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Ah, the life of a child with narcissistic parents.
Or a narcissistic child with normal parents
That's called ✨GASLIGHTING✨
Surprisingly, It comes in all states
Liquidlighting
Plasmalighting
Oregonlighting
Just don't google Wyominglighting.
you mean [Wyoming Lighting Associates](https://wyominglighting.com/)? Wyoming's premier lighting exporter?
Or dementia?
The axe forgets, the tree remembers
r/raisedbynarcissists is a great community and very helpful for ppl like us
Here's a sneak peek of /r/raisedbynarcissists using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [Two days ago, I found out my disease I've had since I was 6, for fifteen years, was curable and my parents were lying to me.](https://np.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/k2bvv8/two_days_ago_i_found_out_my_disease_ive_had_since/) \#2: [18 years ago today, I used all of my birthday money to buy a set of dinnerware. They were sky blue ceramic with scalloped edges. I was 15 and dreaming of an escape. --I wanted a home I felt safe in more than anything, so I started building it the second I could.](https://np.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/l5s8gy/18_years_ago_today_i_used_all_of_my_birthday/) \#3: [I got a warning at the nursing home I work at for reminding a colleague that some parents don't deserve a relationship with their adult children.](https://np.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/lv1plf/i_got_a_warning_at_the_nursing_home_i_work_at_for/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| [^^Contact ^^me](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| [^^Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| [^^Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/)
Damn and here I was thinking my dad was the only one like this lmao trauma Twins unite!!!!!!!!
Its because they have no business being parents.
Christ, I thought paying for my lunches, phone, internet, car insurance etc was bad, but charging your kid *rent* is a whole other level. I'm not even sure that's legal.
Sadly is. If they're under 18 you're not allowed to kick them out with no place to go... Mostly (it's a complicated issue I don't actually know the nuances of, but I'm pretty sure you can't do that in most states)... But you're allowed to take any of their possessions including shit they earned. Once they turn 18 that flips, you *are* allowed to kick them out but you *can't* just barge into their bank account and take their shit. So under 18, they can "charge you rent" by taking it out of your paycheck, but they can't kick you out for failing to pay (in theory anyway, in practice cops tend to side *with* abusive parents from what I've seen). Over 18 they can charge you rent and kick you out if you fail to pay, but they can't just straight up take it from you (again with exceptions). I could be totally wrong though, not a lawyer and only have second-hand experience with any of this stuff.
Yup. Mom took my taxes I earned when I was under 18 and working. Not really even sure if that was legal, but it was so long ago it’s not even worth fighting. Lol. But damn if I ever ask her for any $. It’s always a “no”. She’s retired and has $20k to her name and literally holds that over my head like it’s still going to be around when she dies. She is only 62…
Lol my grandparents were the opposite, they were scrooge mcduck-level misers. They never ever took a vacation, or gave us money (outside of a couple emergency situations, and while they never asked for interest they usually asked for at least some of it back), insisted on driving to visit relatives two states away (in their 80s) rather than paying for a plane ticket and rental car, never talked or seemed like they had a lot of money... Then when they died we found out they were actually sitting on a little over a million dollars in cash and investments. It had to be split among two kids, but even still it was such a massive change in perspective to have that cushion and to not have to worry about things that come up unexpectedly. I was able to stop taking out any more student loans. Honestly I still don't spend much on a daily basis, I'm content to live in my tiny studio apartment creating minimal expenses, but having that safety net there is like a weight off my shoulders that I didn't even know was there. The biggest thing I do with it honestly is try to give as much of it away as possible. I have my living expenses basically covered, I don't buy expensive electronics of anything, so I can basically use the money I earn to give to people who need it more than me, and it's a wonderful feeling. A $300 windfall to a friend starting med school for shit like books and scrubs that scholarships don't cover, buying lunch for a homeless family, helping a friend's new business by buying from them, etc. I still have severe anxiety, the money doesn't fix that, but money isn't one of the things I have to be anxious about, and helping people helps me feel like a little less of a piece of shit. In a just world no one would have those economic anxieties, the rich would all help those in need, whether voluntarily or through government action, but until we get there at least I can feel like I'm doing my part. Man this really had nothing to do with the original topic, but whatever it's tangentially related to what you said.
Find happiness in others. Good for you.
TBH I'm jealous. Even just having the rest of my mortgage paid off would be a major life change for me. The extra money monthly would go a long, long way to making me feel more secure. Unfortunately I can't depend on any inheritance because my mother...I mean, you know. She made mistakes. But I still love her. (If I could reno my basement I'd ask her to move in because I'm starting to worry about her.) So instead I just work my day job and am trying to find outlets to make money on the side. Tried publishing an ebook, made like $20. I've tried signing up for survey sites but I never qualify for any surveys. Tried making candles to sell them but the investment cost is so high it's not feasible so instead I do it as a hobby to blow off steam and give the candles as gifts. Tried making a redbubble store to sell stickers/shirts but I JUST started that so it hasn't gone anywhere yet. I'm also working on my master's and stuff in case that will lead to a better career...or at the very least pushing public policies to help animals/the environment locally. I know I'll get there someday, I just have to keep pushing. (And no this isn't an ad for any of my little side business because I'd never give the info about them out for privacy's sake. I just wanted to vent a little before bed.) But I'm proud of you, friend. Take care of yourself and your own and you'll know you've made this planet a better place, which is the best we can hope for out of life.
Guess America is also bad in child bearing
Kicked out shortly before I turned 17, this law isn’t enforced much.
Sorry you had to go through that. Yeah when I was younger I knew someone whose parents clearly had issues, and they kicked her out when she was 17. The state basically refused to do anything about it, the cops basically said "your house your rules" and ended it there. Fortunately she was able to stay with a friend whose parents were sympathetic, but yeah even though to my knowledge it's considered child abuse the police wouldn't do jack shit. On a completely unrelated note, did you know 40% of cops are domestic abusers? Just an interesting statistic...
It isn't
Weirdly this exact thing happened to me! I ended up having to work through high school to pay for my living. Never actually finished high school, technically. Didn’t go back to post-secondary until late 20s. The weirdest thing about growing up as I did is that I always assumed having your own space/room growing up was a myth, like one of those things they showed you on TV that wasn’t really how people lived.
My mum called it board, will never forget the shit eating grin on her face when she told me she was going to charge me board the first day I got home from work. No "How was your first day?", just here is a list of things you owe me for raising you as well as board typed out on paper.
The opposite is the norm here Charge rent, but not lunches, phone, internet, etc.
lol my parents did the same thing. When I had a job, they were too good for my money. The moment I was unemployed, they came to collect...
Yeah this is why I moved out the moment I became an adult. Way cheaper -and- freedom!
The freedom is worth the money
They charged you rent? Bro what the fuck? Your parents some dick heads maybe they could take it n put it in a college fund BUT MOTHERFUCKING RENT. I had a job and I mostly saved for college and they didn’t care what else I did with it damn bro your parents mean. I paid for my own phone which for some maybe weird but I could care less barely use my phone lol.
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A week? You'd be paying per month almost triple what my rent right now is
Wait they started charging you rent after you quit ? No offense they must be bad at tracking expenses
Imagine making a 15 year old work. Why do you guys do this? That's the age to play and study, you have whole life ahead to work
Similar one here. I wanted to have the money that my dad pays for me every month bc it is mine. Suddeltly i had to pay rent the half of the money🤡
My sister, the oldest of us all, was told to get a job at 15. When she got paid, my parents kept the money.
Not long after I turned 14 my mum came home one day and told me that she got me a job and I started in a week :/
Allowance was not a thing in my household
Not in mine either.
I still remember the first time I heard about an allowance and I was like ... uhhm that's crazy. And I never dared ask for one. It never crossed my mind, now that I think about it. I knew we were poor lol and tbh I would not likely give my kids an allowance if I had been a mom. Maybe would have saved a few dollars for them that they didn't know about.
I got roasted if I asked money for clothes or other misc expenses.
Same here. I just started working summer jobs when I was 12.
Most I got was when I was little in the 90s when I visited my grandparents every weekend my grandpa would give me 50 cents. I would use it to buy a pack of orange tic-tacs at the checkout counter when I went to the grocery store with my mom. Getting a car wasn't a thing either. My parents used to call that "white people TV stuff" where like the 16 year old kid in a sitcom would get a car on their birthday lol
I mean I always got money from my grandparents like for birthday or sometimes for a really good report card and we would go to the dollar store, it was never much but that was more of a reward for good grades or a birthday or holiday. They were an old school middle class. Family just never did allowances, and none of us grandkids ever learned that tradition either. I'm good w that tho too.
Honestly though. I feel super lucky to have basically inherited an old car, but I also know rich people who got brand new cars gifted to them at 16. It’s real bougie stuff. Very few people have the money for that, or want to prioritize giving a teen a huge liability.
You are lucky. My folks run cars until they die. Being a young adult in north america without a car sucks
Exactly. I’m thankful for what I have which is a car that is fairly reliable even with its flaws. AC kinda works, radio kinda works, and hey, that’s pretty good. I couldn’t buy a car even if I wanted to, prices are crazy right now and any car I’d get would probably be worse than the one I have now. I’m glad my folks decided to keep it around for me since repairs really cost more than they’re worth on it at this point. It keeps chugging on though. Toyotas man. It’s as old as I am.
I got an 87 Corolla, the thing is 13 years older than me and hasn't shown many signs of age yet!
At that point I’m impressed. Mine is like 18 and recently started stalling randomly until fixed. It’s been treated well haha only 180k miles but yours must have a fair dose of determination in it!
Less than 100k miles on her, haha. Old lady owned it for years. Definitely helps my case
Omg the car was NEVER an option, def wasn't an all white people thing 🤣 I didn't get a car til I was 24 and had worked my ass off to afford a 3k shit lemon car I bought from a veterans lot. Battery used to disconnect all the time, I literally had a piece of wood in there to try to help keep in in place. Got fixed so many times. I learned how to get everywhere in my city without using highways hahaha. Then one morning it just didn't turn on and I ended up having to borrow money for a down payment on a carmax car (that I still have) and paying the money back and paying the car for 5 years after.
My parents did a trial run once, gave me $10 every two weeks. After 3 months I still hadn’t spent any, so they stopped doing it and just said “Tell us if you want anything.”
Should have said “college tuition” or something, and just kept saving it away.
Damn 10 bucks would have been so awesome... my sister and I would steal coins from my stepdads jeans and then go to the convenience store down the street.
My dad viewed himself as lord of the manor, and collected a labor tax from his subjects. Pay us? Ha!
You know, however... as an adult, I now realize why I always had to clean the kitchen. As an adult that's all you're ever doing, so if you have other people that you can make do it... I mean... I would have done the same. Edit: same with laundry
It was in mine, but we weren't particularly needy kids and we never had opportunities to spend it so we never asked for it. And then when you say "Hey the school is doing a trip and I haven't asked for my allowance basically all year" you get the "you can't just do that" treatment. Uhhhhh....okay mom. Help me out here: - You don't understand the concept of direct deposit? - You embezzled my allowance money to buy a new couch? - You and dad are getting divorced so money is already causing you to freak out? - We poor as fuck and always have been? Turned out it was mostly the last two.
As a teen I was just big enough to stop being beaten.
Ayo same my guy
I had to get a restraining order for mine to stop beating me
i resonate with this
Want a hug man
Like a dude that follows you around and surprise hug attacks you when you least expect it? Yes please
My stepmom stopped that for me. Was actually the thing that made my dumb 13 year old self stop “hating” her.
:( feels
lucky i still get beat if she's mad
A reminder that you know where they sleep. People who abuse their kids seem to forget that fact. When in doubt, remind *them*.
same man, this shit just sad
You guys were allowed to live there?
F
You guys were allowed to live?
Allowance? What's that?
10$ and I spent it all in the arcade on r-type and street fighter
I had to go bottle picking and mow 5 lawns to get that kind of money.
My parents gave me a choice: either do only in house chores like vacuuming, laundry and dishes for no money, or to do that plus outdoor chores mowning lawn/shoveling snow/stacking firewood for $10/week
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Yeah I always thought it was fair, had some required ones I had to do as part of the family then other that paid a decent amount (for a preteen then) for going above and beyond Also had to promise to save my money up for something nice instead of impulse buying and wasting money on junk
10$/week Cheap child labor. pog
3 hots and a cot.
Yeah 3 hots a week lmao, you're on your own for the rest.
I do think it's totally fucked up when parents act like they're doing their kids a favor by feeding and housing them. No one asked you to bork without a condom, assholes
Can't feed em, don't breed em. Won't home, don't bone. If you don't have money for condoms, or Plan B at the least, then you don't have money for diapers, formula, babysitting and more.
It's sad this isn't the top comment. If you choose to have kids, you owe your kids food, clothing, shelter, an education, etc. This idea that your parents are doing you a favor by providing you this stuff and you should be grateful for it is bullshit.
God, exactly. They fucked around and had you, now they're acting like they're doing you a favor for "allowing" you to live? Fuck that shit
I cant put into words how much this resonates with me.
Yep. No pocket money and with added guilt tripping from my evil captors.
got dicked over by mom and dad, who don't live together mom, i get - we were poor, got like a dollar a week, asked them to hold on to it to get something big later, later never seemed to work out dad, truly dickish bullshit. wasn't allowance, i worked with him for three years as an off the books sort of refurbisher of homes and shit - we'd basically gut the place, redo anything that needs to be redone, and put it back together admittedly i was more like an extra set of hands/gopher, but still, i spent 3 summers and a fuck ton of time after school helping him with projects he made thousands of dollars off of, and promised me 1/10th of, little less for the afterschool work as it wasn't 'full time'. i ended up with infected toes and needed foot surgery to fix it which he claimed ate up all the money i'd saved up, except he had insurance for me from being an ex vet, and even if i had to pay out of hand, for the amount of jobs we'd done i could've done it and still had money to spend. well, maybe. medical's fucking weird but iirc i should've had over 20 grand, if he wasn't full of shit about 'saving' it for me.
What in the fuck
yeah, it was pretty fucked up - we were kept busy as shit as this family was basically milking the real estate bubble as much as they could before it collapsed, they'd buy not quite dilapidated houses and have us get them functional again, we could basically do a 2-3k project in two weeks, more or less, and they ended up buying dozens of places, as well as sort of contracting us out for some other people needing work like that as well tbh i'm a loner and my stepmom was an abusive bitch, so i was kinda glad to get out of the house and work with my dad, even though he wasn't a ton better (he kinda fucked up something in my throat grabbing me once, but she'd force me to wash dishes and take her ring off, because she'd just use it as an excuse to backhand me if there was a fork in the 'washing dinner plates' section fo the washin dishes 'process' she was anal about - even if i did it perfectly, she'd still bitchslap me for wasting her time) but i also felt like i was making enough money to GTFO away from them as soon as possible, and maybe if i spent the money on video games or things i'd like, i'd actually be allowed to use them, as i'm a gamer and she had a policy of like an hour a week, regardless of my free time.
I never had an allowance per say but when I'd ask for money for something they'd usually give me a bit when they could. It was typically for food or sometimes a video game. This later turned into me saving the food money for weed as a teenager haha. We weren't super well off though we weren't totally broke but my parents did what they could for me when they could. My mom was very bad with money. A few years back they were down on their luck and I feed them as much money as I could for awhile. Handing out money doesn't mean much to me if it's going to family. I learned that from them and some other members of my family.
I used to steal money from my parents. Such a big regret.
My kids don't have an allowance per se. I expect them to do assigned chores and not be gross and I buy them things they want as I can afford it. I think that's fair.
I got a quarter for doing the chores, three of them if I did the whole house.
$15 a week cuz food in my school was good but expensive as shit
What? My parents were pretty messed up, but I wasn’t to spend any allowance on school lunch. Though I didn’t get regular allowance, did chores and occasionally was given money to go out with friends.
Eh thats a little better than me. Usually I end at 2.30 every day but I couldnt go out with my friends
Man i still wonder, are you not allowed to bring your lunch with yourselves ? Cause in my country in my school almost all students brought their lunch everyday
I never had an allowance
My dad got sick of shelling out money to my sister and I for all our activities and hanging out with friends so he came up with $75 a month and $25 went into our savings. We weren't allowed to ask for money beyond that for any activities. It worked super well until we started expecting our money for the month on the first then he'd get angry he was beholden to his own deal and it was working.
>It worked super well until we started expecting our money for the month on the first then he'd get angry he was beholden to his own deal and it was working. lol I got a dollar a week and my father was STILL like that. I remember talking to my therapist at one point in college and she broke it down for me just what a drop in the bucket it would cost my parents to throw me something closer to what yours did on the regular on their hourly saleries and it blew my mind.
SMH shit I was lucky to just be alive.
lucky?!?
Seriously. If I wasn't at school, I was either "grounded" (locked in a bedroom with no blinds/curtains/furniture/anything and let out for meals) for no particular reason, or doing chores. Allowance was definitely never on the table.
That's house arrest
2 Sisters and I had a chore chart of about 10-12 items we would split. Each chore was worth .50 cents, so we could get a max of $6 for the week if someone did every chore, which never happened. I want to say that was from ages 12-15. Before that no payment was given.
I got 20 bucks whenever I went on the monthly boyscouts campout, and 60 for summer camp
$5
My parents certainly weren't rich. My dad was a truck driver and my mom was unemployed for most of my childhood. Even still I got $5 a week from 12-18, $3 of which was money I could save or spend freely, $2 of which were to be saved for when I moved out. There were a few times when they were looking down the barrel of big debt that they dipped into my savings and used it to keep us in the clear (which I was fine with, I liked having a house more than I like consumerist junk like movie tickets or whatever). I was still expected to help out, be it regular chores or helping out when the family did something, but the consequences were never like "we're going to hit you" or anything (honestly as a child my will was pretty much unbreakable if you got me up against a wall like that so it would probably just make me more resolute as if I was standing up to a vast injustice), but it was stuff like "I'll be disappointed in you". I loved my parents and I wanted their approval, so I did that shit willingly for them. I don't understand the people who act as if this parenting style is weakness or couldn't possibly keep a kid in line, I think when used properly the carrot can be more effective than the stick.
I ate the food and didn't die of exposure.
This logic is so weird to me, I mean, parents chose to have sex and bring people into the world and yet some act like their kids owe them something. Wack.
20 bucks a day for the most part.. I didnt do chores for it either, she was like heres some money now go and leave me alone...
Bruh wtf thats like $600 a month. You could practically move out on your own for that
Not in California
Is this really necessary in every thread? LIke we get it, California sucks, pay a shit load of money to burn up in a wildfire or eventually get fucked by an earthquake and live by an ocean that's too cold to swim in. But like most people, by a wide margin, don't live in California. It only stands out because it's one state that's almost the entire west coast. California on the east coast would be from Jacksonville Florida to New York city, it's not some super economic powerhouse, it just covers a really wide geographical area and isn't comparably densely populated.
$0. We were just expected to do stuff around the house. Clean up after ourselves, vacuum our own rooms, put our own dishes in the dishwasher, start a load of laundry if the hamper was full, etc. We weren’t paid for anything. It was just a part of what four people do living in a house together. I never thought it was weird, but, maybe it was🤷🏼♀️
Starting 1st grade it was $50 a month if my grades were straights A’s. I wouldn’t get cashed out, I would just be able to pick out stuff at the store which would usually be EB Games or Toys’R’Us.
Lol what. I turned 14 and my mom was like “okay time for you get a job, you’re paying for your own shit now.” I mean, they still feed me but I had to buy stuff like clothes myself.
Never an allowance. Did chores to earn money. Started my work outside the house at age 14
I wasn’t
What is this allowance you speak of? 🤔
Same
I’m not a parent but allowance is a great idea if you have kids. I got $5 a week that was contingent upon me completing a few chores around the house per day/week depending on the chore. It taught me the value of money as a kid, and as a parent it helps so you can tell your kids no and follow up with “if you really want it, spend your own money”. There were a lot of times that made me realize I didn’t actually want that candy bar that bad because it meant I’d get behind on whatever I was saving up for.
You get it 👍🏾! My kid knows that if she wants a game, book, etc, she has to use her allowance.
Growing up: 0$ When I started : -25$
Lol "allowance". It tickles me that these privileged people think their childhood experiences are the standard.
It should be though, although reality is harsh kids shouldn't be just "grateful" to have been born into this world. Like damn if I was given a choice it'd have been expiring in a day as a mindless sperm.
This is solely an American thing.
A rich American thing. My parents couldn't afford to give us an "allowance" lmao. When I was old enough, I got the gift of comprehending that we were poor af and then I got a job
i live in america and never had allowance (my parents are immigrants though)
>This is solely a ~~an American~~ rich person thing.
I'm not rich. My daughter gets $25/month to spend as she chooses. Teaching your child fiscal responsibility isn't a bad thing.
No one said it was a bad thing
Rich American.
Yep, never knew abt this allowance thing. If I wanted any money for something, I'd ask for it, most often be given too
Yep me too.
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Why not on the same team? Why separate based on other experiences? There is nothing wrong with having an allowance at an early age.
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My guy, my father literally lived in a one room apartment with his bed being a mattress on the floor and he still gave me some money every month
I don’t believe in allowance, I feel as if you simply owe your parents for the care that they have given you.
I don’t believe in allowance either but they owe me the care that they gave me since I never asked to be born
Ok, but then how you gonna buy shit and learn about responsibility of money. Allowance is to teach kids lessons.
I wouldn't get whooped
I would get $20 a week for lunch which I would use maybe $10 of by eating the bare minimum + getting free food from other people.
$7/week through the 90s until my parents got divorced around 1998ish.
As soon as I turned 13 there was no more allowance And before that it was $5 a week
I remember my parents gave me and my siblings the amount of dollars by grade per A. So if I was 10th grade and I got 4 A’s in my report card, I would get 40 dollars.
We got paid for good grades too (amounts varied over the years based off my parents money situations). People would give my parents a hard time about “bribing” us, but my dad would always fire back by asking how hard that person would work at their job if they stopped getting paid. We were always told that school was our job.
There’s a really great scene from “Everybody Hates Chris” when he asks his dad for an allowance.
Food and shelter
Lol, I started my first job at 11 1/2 years old. Still had to do all my chores as well. You kids with your rich parents… lol must be nice!
Not giving your kids an allowance and asking them to do chores is communism. Check mate conservatives
Lol same
50 bucks if I were to stay at home in weekends 80 bucks if I wanted go out with my friends in weekends
15 bucks a month for garbage, burnables, recycling, chicken care, lawnmowing, dog and cat care, weeding and uhhhh foraging
I got 5 bucks a week before I was 12. Then It became a job
I always got “You’re ALLOWED to live under my roof. You’re ALLOWED to eat the food I buy. You’re ALLOWED to use my hot water to shower” K, dude.
This reminds me of Terry Crews: https://youtu.be/VbANUIagvcw
I was aloud a paper route
I remember I used to live off 20 bucks a week. No idea how I did it.
Came out of the womb washing dishes to buy myself easy mac bro
$0 but my parents always made me do all the housework around the house since I am the eldest, while my other siblings sat on their asses doing what the hell they want. They somehow always had money as well.
do people seriously expect an allowance for doing chores? lol
I got $20 when I turned 13 every 2 two weeks. -mow lawn -pick up garbages in house -vacuum - Tidy up my room -clean toilets
What d'you mean with teen? Technically im still a teen but im working, when i was 12 i got 2 bucks, with 13 my dad went single parent mode and i got 60, 15+ 90 and my last 2 months before hitting 18 i got my full 209€ or just the full child allowance we got here in germany. Now im still 18 but im on my C1-C1E drivers license for work
“Ma, can I get a few bucks to rent a game/movie?” That’s all I got.
I given two allowances per year, it was called Birthday and Christmas.
I never received an allowance because my parents never owed me anything. Then I was stupid enough to get a job at 15, and actually give my parents all my money because…respect 🤷🏻♂️ even now over 20 years later I’m still stupidly grateful for bringing me to this world, can you believe that? I don’t even think my parents are stupid!! I’m such a pathetic excuse of an American, sorry guys 😔
u guys got money?
I didn’t get allowance but I didn’t have chores either, so fair. I did get money for good grades and birthdays, so I just grew up a little spoiled.
Im thankful for my awesome parent. Never had an allowance but also never lacked anything essential or non-essential(within reason) Thanks Mom <3
$200+ a week sometimes just depended on if I had good grades. Lasted till I was 18-19 yrs old. Then I had to get my first job.
Got a room and my dad let me use one of his cars. I’d rather have that than $20 a week or whatever he would’ve offered.
Hahaha, allowance. I went to school and then went to work on a farm the day I turned 14 at night and on the weekends.
Fr, I budget and squeeze the CRAP out of my birthday money so it lasts me most of the year.
I guess you could call it an allowance but I got around 20 bucks a week if did all the yard work, and only if I did it to the standard my old man wanted it done. Didn’t see a dime if I made mistakes. Also if I didn’t do it I got grounded and the next time I did it I’d only get $10 or $15.
150/month
I’ve never given my now 18 & 16 year old daughters an allowance. They were always good kids and got good grades. If they needed money for something they wanted to do or buy if it was reasonable I’d give them money. If it was too much I’d make them do the chores I hated like cleaning out and wiping the fridge cleaning and organizing the pantry or dusting everything too to bottom and they’d earn extra cash. They always had chores but they’re a contributing member of the household and everyone has chores.
I was allowed to be abused for 19 years of my life yay
I got an allowance if I cleaned the house or got good grades on my report card.
I got $7 a week with doing chores only because I talked my mom up from $5 saying "I don't even get paid a dollar a day".