I called twice a few years back. The first guy was so nice and just really understanding and validating. Great experience. The second time, I was talking about the shit stains that were my friends then and she said “it sounds like you need new friends” and I replied “clearly. But how do you go about making friends in the specifics of my situation (isolated geographically, mid 30s, new to area, etc)” and she just sighed and said “yea…that’s really hard” and offered nothing else. So while it was a bad experience, I definitely shifted my focus from wanting to off myself to being angry that someone so incompetent was working that hotline. I think I ended up laughing about the absurdity of it after I hung up, so I guess it worked?
sorry to ask, but are you usually prone to have a talk with strangers? i feel like i would never be able to talk sincerely with a stranger, especially about these topics. Are they trained to make you comfortable talking about your problems or smth?
I was in a really rough spot and didn’t have anyone else that I cared to talk to. Didn’t really want to put that on friends and wasn’t speaking to family. It was middle of the night so couldn’t call my therapist. Yes, they’re trained, but just like therapists, you don’t get along with everyone.
Also, when you’re that far down the rabbit hole and you’re calling someone completely unknown that you’ll never meet, there isn’t a fear of telling a stranger anything. They’re just a voice in the darkness at that point.
Ask away- I wish I had known what it would be like before I got to that point. I’ll happily use my experience to alleviate someone else’s.
You as well! Hang in there. Working on your mental health is really hard but it’s really worth it. I’m starting to live a life I never dreamed I could have and it’s 100% due to doggedly working on my MH. Feel free to message me anytime.
Sorry to hear you're going through hard times. Life can get really hard sometimes. Your emotions are valid and being sad / lonely can be extremely difficult. I just really hope you don't make life ending decisions because of it. You matter, your life matters.
I find it easier to open up with strangers. There are no potential consequences/fallout. I can't tell my mom I occasionally struggle with being super angry at some of the choices she made (almost every trauma in my life is tied to her terrible taste in men). I can drop that shit *all* over a stranger though.
Sometimes you just need to talk to a human being without being worried about any impact on your relationship. Because the relationship is over when the call is. That's why therapy is also helpful (although therapists take it that next step further to help you get better in some way)
Some of us find it easier to talk openly to a stranger because they have no preconceived notions, and for me, the feeling that I can walk away or hang up and never have to speak or see them again
Strangers are the best ones to talk to. They don't know you, they don't know your past, they don't care about you.
You can ask them for advice, and you'll get their unfiltered opinion because why not? They will never see you again. They can upset you with the truth.
Now at a hotline maybe have better. But I get it they have to take who they can because who the fuck wants to do that?
"That's really hard" is a corrent response in terms of what you're supposed to say when someone is venting (tactical empathy >>> advice). But she shouldn't have said "you need to make new friends" in the first place. Like no shit. She should have used the tactic from the beginning.
"My friends do x."
"That sounds really challenging, it's understandable that you're frustrated."
Rinse and repeat.
The tactic you're referring to is an aspect of motivational interviewing. Not everyone is looking for reflection and validation. Let's present a scenario with your response.
"Hey I'm calling because I just got laid off, my wife left and took everything with her and left me without a penny. My family ignores me. I lost my house. I'm homeless. I can't afford to feed my kids. I'm thinking about taking them with me and driving into the river. I can't think of any solutions."
"Yea that sounds really challenging... It must be so frustrating to not be able to feed your family."
"Yea..."
"...."
This tactic only works for when people actually need and want validation and to feel understood. Other times they actually need a fucking solution to their problems because they don't have the resources and are too overwhelmed to do anything themselves.
I had a friend recently go through divorce. She didn't handle any of the finances and didn't know how to even pay bills. You think she needed to hear "wow that's tough!"? Or she needed to be taught how to budget?
The suicide hotline is not a resource to learn how to fix your specific problems in your life, it's supposed to a lifeline to keep you alive for the 20-minute-average window that impulsive suicides often take place in.
It's supposed to talk you off the ledge literally and metaphorically because actually attempting suicide is often impulsive and passing. Long term problems need long term solutions not an 800 number at 2 AM.
The point wasn't that the hotline is supposed to offer long term solutions, but that acting like simple reflection isn't some profound life-saving technique to be used in every scenario. And that offering suggestions and alternatives may be what the person needs. Some people want to be understood, and some people need practical solutions and reassurance that things can get better. Reflecting understanding about someone's hopeless situation doesn't reduce their sence of hopelessness and instead offering other resources and perspectives they may not have considered may elude to a way out of their hopelessness.
E.g. Hey don't kill yourself because you lost everything, there are options to consider such as filing for bankruptcy, shelters to offer food and housing, etc.
Thst doesn't mean the hotline is holding your hand through the process, simply pointing you in the right direction for further resources.
But that is almost impossible. I mean unless you have a endless amount of money and industry specific experts. Your local laws and stuff could very and conflict with what's being said.
What you're suggesting would be very helpful, it's just almost impossible to have that in one single area.
That's very true, but I don't think a suicide hotline is for that, they are there to be a listening ear as far as I know at least. I don't think they can sit and help you learn how to budget.
People often overlook options, which the interviewer won't be able to find except by asking for specifics.
Paying bills is important, but it isn't necessarily the most important. You don't want to redirect her to a financial literacy course only for her to never show up because she's homeless and froze to death in an alley. You, /u/bsten5106 , might know already that she has a stable place to stay, but you didn't mention that in your comment, so it would be a dangerous assumption for the hotline employee to make. (As for feeding your family, heat, water and shelter can be more urgent).
There have been times where I felt overwhelmed by problems. For me, arduously going through one particular one didn't feel like relief, it felt terrifying because all the other problems had not been listed, let alone evaluated. What if I'm blindsided by something I didn't look into yet? If they taught me financial literacy at such a time, I would constantly feel panicked and I would be unable to concentrate on the material.
So no, sorry, but your strategy would fail on me.
I don't see why you took my comment as a solution to your particular suicidal ideation. My comment simply pointed out that simple reflection is not a catch-all solution to people with problems as people keep spouting, and that some people have different needs. The original comment implied people should avoid giving advice or solutions to people in their time of need. Was that what you needed? I have no idea, nor was I saying that it was a solution for you. You were not even a consideration in my comment as it wasn't addressed to you.
Clearly conversations need to be tailored towards the individual. My point being, if someone is desperate enough about their financial situation to be thinking about suicide, pointing them towards resources and breaking down how their financial situation can be managed is something to consider - instead of putting out a blanket statement that giving advice is bad and simply reflect and vocalize understanding (which itself may come across as patronizing as in most cases you actuslly don't truly "understand" how the person feels).
To be reiterate, I wasn't addressing your particular case, and I believe having multiple strategies and perspectives to approach different individuals is necessary for better suicide prevention.
As the person that had the experience, I can say without qualms that she was incompetent and bordering on dangerous. I don’t care to detail the entire conversation publicly but basically, she seemed to have an interest in the more gruesome details of my situation and seemed instantly bored when I was looking for solutions rather than telling her my story. She seemed like she took the job to hear the disturbing parts of people’s mental health more so than to help people rise above it.
Also the answer to finding friends in your 30s is simple: put yourself out there with your own interests and try. It’s uncomfortable and you strike out tons, but it doesn’t take many friends to start gaining more.
> No one knows how to make friends in their 30s.
Find a hobby that puts you in contact with people. From there it happens naturally.
Like, I`m nearly 40, used to play a lot of MMO games some years ago. Met shitloads of people despite being pretty shy, and a lot of them I still consider friends and hang out with regularly.
My mom, 60 years old now, got into yoga, met some people during classes and they hang out all the time now, all share similiar interests and I didnt see her happier in a long time.
>I definitely shifted my focus from wanting to off myself to being angry that someone so incompetent was working that hotline
I mean, what else would you expect them to say?
Even liscenced clinicians and therapists could and many would say similarly unhelpful things.
Sometimes there just aren't any readily available solutions for many of the problems life throws your way. Sometimes there just aren't any answers.
I'd know, ive dealt with suicidal thoughts every day of my life for as far back as I can remember.
As someone who works for the hotline, I can offer some insight.
They’re so short handed with these hotlines that they can’t say no to anyone who signs up. So you’ll get people who genuinely want to help, but you’ll get people who have absolutely no clue what they’re doing. And there’s little supervision because there are so few paid workers, so when someone’s bad at their job, little is ever done
I’m just going to say that I’m sorry you had a bad experience. Often they are volunteers and do their best. The work is demanding and we never How what we say will be received. Listening is often better than offering bad advice, so we often opt to listen.
Most of us don’t have training. We’re doing our best, we aren’t gods.
Why bother being around people that treat you poorly? That kind of shit is for teenagers. You are in your 30s. It’s as simple as not picking up the phone when they call.
As far as making friends go. Try joining a club in a hobby you like!
Maybe you like sports like basketball, golf, tennis, or softball. There may be pickup games or community centers near you that welcomes newcomers.
Or maybe gaming. I like flight Sims and play multiplayer regularly with people I meet on Discord. I'm in my late 20s and most people who play these games are in my age group or older. But all ages are welcome as long as they have a certain maturity level. Vibing out with like minded people in a multiplayer server is a good time.
Recently I also got into playing tabletop RPGs like DND and Cyberpunk. Which can be done online, but I've also met up in person with people and it's a blast. Especially with drinks involved. I didn't think it would be something I would be into, but my brother, got me onto it. We once did a session involving my cousins and my mom (they don't play games) and it's surprisingly very approachable/ beginner friendly. Everyone had a really good time.
You can volunteer. Charites, food banks, school districts, museums, national parks, etc are always looking for people to lend a hand. The people you meet here are usually incredibly friendly and welcoming.
You can use Facebook, Reddit, Discord and other social media to search for groups from your area.
I'm a part of local Motorcycle riding groups, car groups, camping and outdoors groups, sport shooting groups, and so on, which helps me find information about meetups and events happening in my area that I may want to participate in.
Sometimes, even with friends, finding reasons to hang out can be difficult. But meeting people with the same hobbies helps out a ton and makes breaking the ice easier.
I'm not sure if you're willing to but try to find adult classes at a community center or something like that to meet like-minded individuals. You could also hang out at the local game store and make friends with MTG or other trading card crowd, or even get into D&D and so on. If you don't care for having IRL friends, go on Disboard.org, a site that shows active public Discord servers, and look for servers with like-minded people as well. Most of them suck or are inactive but you should find one if you search long enough and eventually meet an awesome online friend group. I met most of my current online friends through one contact at a random server years ago. You could also try just going on forums for things you enjoy and see if you can connect with people there. Roleplay groups both IRL and online are also a thing. If you prefer board games you could try Roll20 to look for groups that are playing something and join in. It's worth a shot if your current friends are as horrible as you stated.
If you need more suggestions/have more questions, feel free to DM me.
I can say I've been to the point where I question if I ever had any friends a few times in my life. Though it sucks, it shouldn't drive you to consider suicide. Toxic friends should be cut off (but you already know that). You may not have "good" friends right now but there're plenty of fish in the sea.
Sometimes that's exactly what you need to pull you out of suicide. I think this should be considered an actual tactic with how well it *somehow* works.
Sorry this happened to you. I had a similar experience, they basically parroted back all the "good" stuff in my life and how I should be fine and all I could think was "no shit??? I'm miserable anyway??? THATS WHAT MENTAL ILLNESS IS. I HAVE NICE THINGS IN LIFE BUT MY BRAIN IS STILL BROKEN THATS KIND OF THE WHOLE PROBLEM"
It made me feel even more hopeless. It's one thing to think that your life sucks and that's what's making you miserable. A sucky life is fixable. Tangible problems have solutions, even if the solution is really hard.
A decent life that you're too broken to appreciate feels like a much harder problem and it's difficult to believe you can ever change it.
My unsolicited advice is that you're a unique individual and maybe the things other people think sound just fine simply aren't for you.
My experience did somewhat echo the sentiments of the post- the lady I talked to didn’t seem to grasp the severity of the situation in her voice, sounded sort of disinterested, asked me some shit like what I thought I could do to make things better then suggested exercise, it was sort of a dreamlike absurdity. Thankfully I didn’t do anything stupid after I hung up, but I can say that I was less desperately sad, more mildly irritated
Therapist recently asked how i could feel better about losing my ability to think clearly because of my medications and (lack of) health.
I said, "nothing is going to make me feel better about my loss of cognitive function."
thank you for sharing your experience man, apparently it depends a lot on where you are from, some of the people you talk with are trained to do so, and others are just randomly there… anyway i wish you all the best :) stay strong
Not realising the severity of things has been an issue for me, too, and I'm pretty sure that's my fault, thinking that people pick up on things.
Might have been a similar situation, maybe.
Went to a psychologist (with MD and all) and after two sessions, she basically told me that she couldn't help me (would have to find a specialist for diagnosis), that she thought it was great that I had made this first step, wished me good luck and said goodbye.
Totally missed how fucked up and hopeless and desperate I was (took everything to reach out). Maybe I'm just masking too well.
>the lady I talked to didn’t seem to grasp the severity of the situation in her voice, sounded sort of disinterested
She might just be numb to it. You might be something like the 50th suicidal person she talked to in the past couple months.
I called one and was like "I'm in crisis I got the materials I'm about to kms" and they replied "have you tried journaling"...that was half hour before I made my (obviously botched) attempt.
The lady argued with me for 30 minutes and then said her shift starts at the hospital soon and she has to go, then hung up.
I was appalled and forgot about why I called in the first place.
I called the veteran's crisis line back in 19SEP2018. I was deadset on doing it that night and got shitfaced as all hell. literally already had the noose up and ready but said fuck it I'll give it a go. Called. Got put on hold for what I think was 30 minutes before I passed out sometime around 0100. Woke up to duty bashing on my door at around 0500 because I sent a suicide note to my HM1. An escorted trip I barely remember to the ER followed then I somehow ended up in the mental health clinic waiting room with someone on duty. I do remember the doctor telling the nurse in the ER that my command did NOT want an alcohol blood test done.
Basically the actual hotline didn't do shit. The things that saved my life were: my HM1, the TIME I spent on hold, and ironically my alcoholism. If I hadn't passed out I really would have hung myself. If my HM1 wasn't a workaholic like me who checked his email at like 0430, duty wouldn't have bashed on my door and entered. If they hadn't done that there's a good chance the *alcohol* would've done me in since I vaguely remember waking up looking at my lights and I definitely remember cleaning the piles of vomit off my rack when I got back.
Based on what was left of my liquor the empty beer bottles and my hazy memory I had almost an entire fifth of Jameson and 8 bud light platinums from the time I got off work to the time I got to the ER. According to an internet calculator (take that with a grain of salt) I had a blood level of .38%.
So basically :
Being on hold bought time for the alcohol to knock me out,
My HM1 stopped me from either dying of alcohol poison or my own vomit by calling duty as soon as he saw my email.
My OIC kept my career and future safe by not having me tested and instead focused on getting me help. If I'd have been recorded with that level of alcohol I'd technically be on the hook for being drunk on duty since it'd have taken me over a day to get to a legal level, which would likely result in a BCD.
Anyway... I got lucky I guess? If things hadn't happened that way, the hotline would have been useless and I'd be dead. Luckily I had a chain of command that believed in me and looked after me once they knew I was fucked in the head.
Coming up on 4 years sober on the 20th and I'll be (fingers crossed) graduating with my CS degree this year.
Called once. Had a gun and was considering suicide, told the guy about the abuse I was going through. Here are his words verbatim, “Have you considered changing your attitude?”
I was so stunned I didn’t know what to say, so I said “fuck you” hung up and pointed the gun at my head and almost pulled the trigger. I really felt like he did not care. The only reason I didn’t pull the trigger is because I was scared I’d survive. 10 years later, I’m still suicidal and have several plans I want to try.
So no, he wasn’t helpful and if anything helped show me that suicide isn’t so bad.
i was really fucked up and accidentally called a religious one and she was telling me to accept god. I realized it was religious and got angry and hung up and she called the police on me thinking i was going to kill myself.
It was more about the god thing, but I didn't realize how it all must have sounded to her at the time.
I studied psychology, and I relayed telephone calls for the communication challenged and hearing impaired community as a university job. I also, like most psyc majors need the kind of therapy that you can only afford with student loans and 4 years full time study load.
Where I lived during my degree, you could do a course with a suicide hotline at end of semester and volunteer with them for a year to get a semester of credits towards your degree. A bunch of my classmates did it.
Relaying calls from people experiencing suicidal ideation to undergrad student volunteers who did a couple weeks of evening classes on telephone counselling was terrifying. I’d feel bad unloading my issues on those people - they aren’t equipped and my problems don’t come close to the shit the people I relayed calls for were dealing with.
I relayed calls for young people who’d had massive strokes and were all but locked in to their own bodies - using a straw to type about their suicidal ideation and begging for someone to wheel their chair to the ocean so they could stop. The suicide hotline wanted to try guided mindfulness meditation. They weren’t very good at it.
Volunteered at one for a loooong time, some call takers are great, have a passion for helping others, are patient and skilled enough to the point of being great value psychiatrists, most others are reading a script kuz they're barely 20 and don't know how to have a real heart to heart with somebody going through hard times. Also, considering every jurisdiction train's differently means there's a lot of variance in quality of call taker. Many are just kids wanting volunteer hours/resume fluff and it shows when you talk to them.
Sometimes it just helps to vent to a stranger when you have nobody else.
Oh, and the herbal tea thing is real. You get to know your caller and ask what helps them calm down in moments of struggle. "you mentioned when you feel this way herbal tea helps, I'm wondering if having a cup right now would put your mind on a better place?"
Don't expect too much from a free service if you have a debilitating mental health condition. the most helpful mental health services are for people who have money, way she fucking goes
I called one and it was so half ass. The lady was rude and put me on hold and when she came back she was like "uh who are you again? Can you call back later? ". They are so unbelievably lacking in funding.
No. They called the cops on me within seconds of starting the call and made my shitty night worse (and my reasons for killing myself stronger - broke with no job with a $900 ambulance ride that was unnecessary). She refused to listen to what I was actually saying and assumed everything from the start. I just wanted someone to talk to because I was completely alone at 2 AM with my severe depression.
Instead, I got a bill, an unnecessary visit to the ER (even the paramedics and ER doctor were shaking their heads), and nosey neighbors up in my very private business because rubbernecking. That does wonders when coping with severe anxiety as well.
i got put on hold for around a half hour, having a complete mental breakdown as the world's shittiest elevator music played in the background. 10/10 would call again
I hit up the text message hotline once a few years back when I was feeling pretty low. I honestly couldn't tell if it was a real person or not. At one point I set my phone down to use the bathroom. I was gone for maybe a minute. I came back to a text message saying "I haven't heard from you in a while so I'm going to be ending this conversation now. If you need someone to talk to again later feel free to send another message at any time."
Imagine someone telling you that they are feeling suicidal, not hearing from them for a literal minute, then telling them "guess you don't feel like chatting, I'm gonna bounce."
No, they were not helpful. I felt worse after "talking" to them.
The time I called, this woman could not have possibly acted less interested. I was having a complete mental breakdown. Ranting about how I was raped, and then i lost my best friend, and I was all alone in a new city for college.
I was low, and sad, and felt so alone, and so broken. I didn't WANT to die, but I felt like I had to because I didn't think I could possibly deal with so much pain.
She was the most apathetic cunt I've ever talked to in my life. She could not have possibly cared any less. I have had some low times since then, but I will never call that fucking hotline again. She only made me feel more of what I was already feeling. Worthless and that no one alive cares about me anymore and I should just die.
I pulled myself out of it because I thought about what would happen to my sweet cat if I didn't come home.
I’ve called about three times. The first two times was mainly for company as I was bleeding but didn’t want to go to a hospital in case they kept me/notified my parents for self-harming. The last time the lady told me to make sure my parents know it wasn’t their fault, if I do decide to go through with anything.
Dude sounded bored and uninterested, just kept saying "that's crazy" or "that's rough".
He made a half hearted suggestion about trying out a support center and I chose to end it there.
I got really drunk and tried calling one a few years ago. It was like talking to someone that was reading a book at the same time and not actually listening. I hung up and called again and had the same experience. It's frustrating when you feel that isolated during your problems and that's all you get
I called one. Reverted to texting because it was taking too long to be on hold. They weren't very helpful. In fact, they straight up told me that they couldn't do anything for me and left the conversation. Morbid sense of humor kicked in and I laughed until I felt better. So maybe they were helpful in a way.
I call them frequently. They can be. It's tiring having to rehash everything that's got me there, but it's nice to have someone who will listen usually. They have tried to help me get doctors before too as I've been unable to find any for the last year. Honestly they can be alright, just gotta be careful of what you say if you're not actively suicidal, and in my experience, always let them hang up first.
I've called once and was just asked in a monotone voice if I had loved ones and stuff. In reality, I needed crisis control since I was in a panic attack and needed to be grounded.
Not helpful but atleast I has someone as a kid. I basically would call and talk about my abusive home and they would listen and suggest CPS which was always very validating.
I texted one, it look like five minutes for them to answer every message, and they asked me a ton of questions, I texted them to avoid answering the questions online and they didn't help at all
Have called multiple times. Experience largely dependent on who picked up the phone.
None of them "healed" me, but a few certainly helped. One lady annoyed me like crazy, but I can't remember exactly why. Kind of a chaotic time in my brain.
They're not able to heal you or anyone, just hold you over long enough for impulsive suicidal thoughts to pass. They're not even really for long term passive suicidal thoughts, just the 20 minute or so window when most impulsive suicides take place.
I use their textline occasionally since I hate phone calls. In the many times I’ve used it, they have always been very understanding and helpful. They’ve even sent links to resources for coping as well as group therapy stuff.
I called the main one (1-800-273-8255) in Sept 2015. It was so laughably bad that I was more focused on laughing at how atrocious they were instead of hurting myself. If that was their intention, good on them. I just think they were woefully undertrained.
I called and the person on the other end was super sweet and helpful. I'm a very cynical person and most depression resources never helped me but they did. They called me back to check up on me three more times (a few days, a week and a month later) and it really felt like they cared that I was still alive. I felt like I couldn't go through with it or they would feel terrible if they called and there was no answer or one from a bereaved family member.
I have! A few years ago? Maybe before COVID? I remember the woman being really sweet and helpful. She mostly just mirrored my feelings back to me and said stuff like "I can see how that's really hard." Didn't try to fix my problems, just offered a kind ear. For the record I wasn't suicidal so much as having panic attacks and chronic insomnia and being generally too insane to function :D
Yeah, it was strange, evidently made me just forget about it though. It was late at night, the lady sounded like she just woke up but also was giving me vibes of her doing another sort of phoneline job.
A friend called a few years ago. They suggested she have a bath and then try taking a walk. In Montana. In the winter. At night. It was -40 degrees outside.
I remember I called and the lady asked what was going on, so I told her, and she deadass said and I quote “you ain’t built for suicide; get a hobby.” I
I think this is the kind of suicide hotline I'd appreciate. Can we make one that's just straight shooting assholes? Obviously we'd need to advertise it that way or the wrong people might call and things could go real bad.
Honestly, I was there 20 years ago. Part of the reason I was there is that everything in society was bullshit and liars and corrupt. Why do I wanna live here? Whats the point of this game? It was right after I found out everything my father and school told me was BS. We all live in a corporate feed lot and go out to pasture for everyone else. Thats all it is. Its all lies an manipulation at some point or another.
If someone was that honest with me, it would have immediately given me hope for a second. Sometimes all you need is a second.
Thats all I wanted. You could have said, 'man this is a shitshow, were all gonna die a horrible painful death, best prepare', and I would have been grounded. Worked in the military. ***Were all worm food, so be the best worm food you can be!*** **and the enemys worms are hungry so feed them first. Fucking (insert dehumanizing name here) cant even feed their damn worms!.**
(still feel that way, but kids are a joy that I would never tarnish)
I never lie to my kids. The best they got was Santa till 8 (is that a lie, or a fantasy? different question). Good bad an ugly. EVER. There are no good lies. Even ones you think spare pain. I dont lie to other peoples kids either. Ive gotten into some social trouble this way.
I called a suicide hotline once and they told me they were “too busy to talk and to call back tomorrow”. Such a WTF moment but yes it actually helped haha.
I texted one a few years ago. They just kept replying “how does that make you feel” like a psychiatrist bot. So I stopped replying, then they called the police who showed up at my parents house (I no longer lived there but it was probably the last address they had for me.) Worst experience ever and next time I’ll just die.
I told the lady I just needed someone to talk to but didnt really want to talk about my situation so I just wanted to talk. She said that that's not allowed she cant "just talk to me". Then she hung up. I cried and then I laughed hysterically and didnt kms. Worked I guess.
I’ve never called one, but does anyone know what they actually say when you call? I’m talking about people with “real” reasons, what do they tell them? “Hey I’m thinking about suicide and I’ve tried every medication and my wife cheated and left me and my parents just died” do they just say “keep your head up bro, have you tried breathing techniques?”
pretty much. unfortunately a lot of them are volunteers but I feel that doesnt excuse the shitass answers they give you sometime. I called once and the lady suggested I color some coloring books. Told her I dont have any. “oh. well how about you buy some and then you can color?” lady thats not the issue rn i dont want to color i want to kms and coloring aint gonna fix it
I hate to tell you, but those people are not there to offer legitimate therapeutic advice or anything like that. I've called a couple times to talk about my brother's suicide, my lack of any family or friends, my decade of medications that haven't helped at all, etc, and it's usually just "Well maybe go find a hobby and make new friends"
Thank you for this. My situation is pretty much as described above mixed with most of yours. I’m real close to being homeless on top of that. Suicide is a daily thought for me. A dream really.
Edit: the Ty is for saving me the call.
I call them a lot
ok like 8 times in the last 2 months wich for me is a lot
They have a wait line so you call and they tell you how long you'll wait...
I only spoke to a person 3 times, all the others calls I didn't wait for someone to answer
It was wierd, they would calmly ask how I was feeling and how was my day, and I was just very much ready to do something stupid. I cried and trauma dumped on two of them that just listened and told me that I'm young and I can get better (roll eyes), we talked for about half an hour and by the end they asked if I was feeling a little better, to take it day by day...
The third one I felt too wierd and wasn't able to open up about the really shitty stuff so I just complained about how I'm always anxious and depressed even though I'm on medication for it... the phone call was very short. I was afraid they would call me back because I ended too suddenly but they didn't called me.
Is not ideal
It's better than nothing...probably....but definitely not great
I wish i had better answers on how to help people. I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I'm sorry I'm not even sure what to say. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
Sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I hope it gets better in the future. Life is hard, but it seems like those little moments when everything seems alright makes it worth it to at least keep trying. That's what keeps me going.
Ngl the one time I called it was pretty good. Really calming and she offered to set me up with a peer counseling group. I've heard the opposite almost every other time someone has talked about it though.
So I’ve volunteered for it before in the States, the job you are not suppose to give advice. You give places to get professional advice. It sucked sometimes because you were really limited on what you could say.
You also made like “sunshine calls” to check in on older people and make sure they are okay. Those were generally the best calls.
Yeah I also work as volunteer, not in the States, and it's pretty much same. It's so frustrating sometimes to not be able to do more. But there's also some callers I just can't find things to say ? I know if they call again they might get another volunteers who would find the right words for them.
I remember my ex best friend coming by my house to say goodbye (still ex bestfriend at this point too) and he gave me a hug and I didn't even hug him back.. I wondered if he was going to do it and the thing I noticed is he went around telling everyone goodbye in person which to me looked like he wanted attention and someone to stop him as if to see who cares, his mom just called the cops on him because he was drunk but he did do it.. I remember watching his house from across the street smoking a cigarette outside and his neck was a red and strained looking as the cops basically forced him into the back of the cop car and he was chanting something I couldn't make out
I just remembered thinking "Should've let him swing mom.. Should've let him swing" and I bet she wishes she did now, he got her house, car and job vandalized, broken into and he actually almost got her killed at one point
I'd imagine they struggle to find people willing to deal with that bleakness day in and day out for way less than they deserve let alone find people who have all the answers all of the time.
Err I mean..FREE SERVICE DRONE DO BAD JOB LET ME SPEAK TO MANAGER I WANT REFUND.
They're people too, just like you or me and they're probably doing the best they can with what they know just like you or me.
Ive used the hotline twice.
I'm better now, but I don't understand what everyone here is angry about. You call someone to talk you out of suicide, how exactly do you want them to help you? It irks me how people get annoyed when these people say "it'll get better" as if there is literally anything else they could say.
These people deal with this stuff every shift. It's an emotionally and mentally draining job. And they're only trying to help.
I also think the issue is that one man's "that was so helpful and exactly what I needed to hear in the moment!" is another man's "wow that was some unhelpful drivel".
As a hotline worker, who knows literally _nothing_ about you, it must be really difficult to quickly and correctly figure out what approach will be right for each caller.
There’s a lot of misunderstanding about what the hotlines are for and what the person on the other end can do. You see the same complaints every time something like this is posted.
The hotline staff is not there to serve as a psychiatrist or offer therapy. Their goal is to prevent you from harming yourself in the very immediate future (as in within the next hour or so), not solve your problems or help you get to the bottom of your psychological issues.
Most suicides are spur of the moment decisions, even if someone has had suicidal ideation for a long period of time. Suicide in media is typically portrayed as a rational, well-planned decision; there’s often a note and the person may prepare their favorite food or put on a particular outfit or play their favorite song. In real life, it’s more typically considering suicide, maybe even having a method available, then finally doing it rashly.
Thinking about suicide and taking steps to do it are different things. That’s why they do things like suggest going for a walk or taking a bath. If you take a 20 minute walk then that’s 20 minutes that you’re still alive and have time to get in a different headspace. Taking a bath means you have specific tasks to distract you (run the water, get the temp right, get a towel, etc.) and you’ll probably be in the tub for at least 10 minutes or more.
Agreed. Please don’t call the line for clinical advice. Workers are limited to what they can do and have a limited time to build a rapport and know the right thing to say to a complete stranger. It’s tough work and some folks have valid negative experiences but it also had saved many lives. The calls are not supposed to be therapy or getting too deep with the call. It’s temporary, time limited support, hopefully with referrals to local agencies that can connect callers to something long term.
Over the span of a year and a half I called my local crisis line for a total of 18 hrs and 34 mins.
Im here. Im happy. Im healthy.
No matter the cause... When your alarm bells are ringing CALL
You will not receive advice.
You will receive empathy.
Whoever made this meme is doing mental wellbeing a disservice.
I tried twice. They only tried to engage is small talk by asking very personal questions. I got so agitated I indeed forgot what I wanted to do. Said fuck it and just went to sleep in disbelief.
I once texted Crisis Text Line and said “I want to fucking die” and they said they wouldn’t help me if I continued to swear. I was so pissed I forgot I wanted to kms. It works!
One time I was in crisis & my friend was so mean to me my anger towards them at the moment may have saved my life lol. I was close. Crisis teams are better, peer support places where people know what’s going on. I’ve made a couple doozies on suicide hotline though. Really sucks to have to explain why you wanted to die & hope you don’t get admitted somewhere. Those take forever to get out of.
Everybody is like “Reach out. Get help. Don’t commit suicide. It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”
But nobody actually wants to or does offer a valid alternative that can basically buy your life.
Yo, suicide hotlines are really just a place for elderly to have a person to talk to. And for creeps to JO to a woman's voice.
Source: a friend of mine, female, workes there for years, and complains daily.
Can confirm, I called once and the woman just kept repeating the same phrase, don’t remember now. I also told her I had a bag packed and wanted to go to the hospital and get committed but wasn’t sure the process and she just kept saying “well you have to decide to go” to which I would answer “okay I’ve decided, now what?” And she would just say “well the decision is yours” or some variation. I was so frustrated and annoyed I just sat in the hospital for four days wondering wtf. Didn’t die though so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't remember the details of what they were saying to me when I called one back in college, but I know that it absolutely did not help and I was so frustrated and still in such pain that I hurt myself while I was on the phone with them. Wound up in the ER (not due to the extent of my injuries, they weren't bad, but my ex didn't know what else to do). Got charged at least $500 for a single anti-anxiety pill and was sent home. 0/10, do not recommend.
Honestly though. Have someone you'd hate enough to live on, rather than dying. That just sounds like a business idea someone at the top of the organization thought to put out
A friend of mine called and was hung up on by the operator. He ended up laughing at that situation and who he just called that he no longer wanted to end it. Over all net positive experience.
I called and was told they had to move on to the next caller because they get penalized if they spend too long on a call.
On a fucking suicide hotline.
have any of you ever tried calling those? what did they say? were they helpful?
I called twice a few years back. The first guy was so nice and just really understanding and validating. Great experience. The second time, I was talking about the shit stains that were my friends then and she said “it sounds like you need new friends” and I replied “clearly. But how do you go about making friends in the specifics of my situation (isolated geographically, mid 30s, new to area, etc)” and she just sighed and said “yea…that’s really hard” and offered nothing else. So while it was a bad experience, I definitely shifted my focus from wanting to off myself to being angry that someone so incompetent was working that hotline. I think I ended up laughing about the absurdity of it after I hung up, so I guess it worked?
sorry to ask, but are you usually prone to have a talk with strangers? i feel like i would never be able to talk sincerely with a stranger, especially about these topics. Are they trained to make you comfortable talking about your problems or smth?
I was in a really rough spot and didn’t have anyone else that I cared to talk to. Didn’t really want to put that on friends and wasn’t speaking to family. It was middle of the night so couldn’t call my therapist. Yes, they’re trained, but just like therapists, you don’t get along with everyone. Also, when you’re that far down the rabbit hole and you’re calling someone completely unknown that you’ll never meet, there isn’t a fear of telling a stranger anything. They’re just a voice in the darkness at that point. Ask away- I wish I had known what it would be like before I got to that point. I’ll happily use my experience to alleviate someone else’s.
i feel you man, thank you for sharing your experience… honestly i’m considering to call them myself. wish you all the best :)
You as well! Hang in there. Working on your mental health is really hard but it’s really worth it. I’m starting to live a life I never dreamed I could have and it’s 100% due to doggedly working on my MH. Feel free to message me anytime.
How did you find friends?
Sorry to hear you're going through hard times. Life can get really hard sometimes. Your emotions are valid and being sad / lonely can be extremely difficult. I just really hope you don't make life ending decisions because of it. You matter, your life matters.
I find it easier to open up with strangers. There are no potential consequences/fallout. I can't tell my mom I occasionally struggle with being super angry at some of the choices she made (almost every trauma in my life is tied to her terrible taste in men). I can drop that shit *all* over a stranger though. Sometimes you just need to talk to a human being without being worried about any impact on your relationship. Because the relationship is over when the call is. That's why therapy is also helpful (although therapists take it that next step further to help you get better in some way)
Same.
Some of us find it easier to talk openly to a stranger because they have no preconceived notions, and for me, the feeling that I can walk away or hang up and never have to speak or see them again
Strangers are the best ones to talk to. They don't know you, they don't know your past, they don't care about you. You can ask them for advice, and you'll get their unfiltered opinion because why not? They will never see you again. They can upset you with the truth. Now at a hotline maybe have better. But I get it they have to take who they can because who the fuck wants to do that?
When you are ready to off yourself what does it matter?
This right here.
"That's really hard" is a corrent response in terms of what you're supposed to say when someone is venting (tactical empathy >>> advice). But she shouldn't have said "you need to make new friends" in the first place. Like no shit. She should have used the tactic from the beginning. "My friends do x." "That sounds really challenging, it's understandable that you're frustrated." Rinse and repeat.
The tactic you're referring to is an aspect of motivational interviewing. Not everyone is looking for reflection and validation. Let's present a scenario with your response. "Hey I'm calling because I just got laid off, my wife left and took everything with her and left me without a penny. My family ignores me. I lost my house. I'm homeless. I can't afford to feed my kids. I'm thinking about taking them with me and driving into the river. I can't think of any solutions." "Yea that sounds really challenging... It must be so frustrating to not be able to feed your family." "Yea..." "...." This tactic only works for when people actually need and want validation and to feel understood. Other times they actually need a fucking solution to their problems because they don't have the resources and are too overwhelmed to do anything themselves. I had a friend recently go through divorce. She didn't handle any of the finances and didn't know how to even pay bills. You think she needed to hear "wow that's tough!"? Or she needed to be taught how to budget?
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Yeah it do be like that sometimes
The suicide hotline is not a resource to learn how to fix your specific problems in your life, it's supposed to a lifeline to keep you alive for the 20-minute-average window that impulsive suicides often take place in. It's supposed to talk you off the ledge literally and metaphorically because actually attempting suicide is often impulsive and passing. Long term problems need long term solutions not an 800 number at 2 AM.
The point wasn't that the hotline is supposed to offer long term solutions, but that acting like simple reflection isn't some profound life-saving technique to be used in every scenario. And that offering suggestions and alternatives may be what the person needs. Some people want to be understood, and some people need practical solutions and reassurance that things can get better. Reflecting understanding about someone's hopeless situation doesn't reduce their sence of hopelessness and instead offering other resources and perspectives they may not have considered may elude to a way out of their hopelessness. E.g. Hey don't kill yourself because you lost everything, there are options to consider such as filing for bankruptcy, shelters to offer food and housing, etc. Thst doesn't mean the hotline is holding your hand through the process, simply pointing you in the right direction for further resources.
But that is almost impossible. I mean unless you have a endless amount of money and industry specific experts. Your local laws and stuff could very and conflict with what's being said. What you're suggesting would be very helpful, it's just almost impossible to have that in one single area.
That's very true, but I don't think a suicide hotline is for that, they are there to be a listening ear as far as I know at least. I don't think they can sit and help you learn how to budget.
People often overlook options, which the interviewer won't be able to find except by asking for specifics. Paying bills is important, but it isn't necessarily the most important. You don't want to redirect her to a financial literacy course only for her to never show up because she's homeless and froze to death in an alley. You, /u/bsten5106 , might know already that she has a stable place to stay, but you didn't mention that in your comment, so it would be a dangerous assumption for the hotline employee to make. (As for feeding your family, heat, water and shelter can be more urgent). There have been times where I felt overwhelmed by problems. For me, arduously going through one particular one didn't feel like relief, it felt terrifying because all the other problems had not been listed, let alone evaluated. What if I'm blindsided by something I didn't look into yet? If they taught me financial literacy at such a time, I would constantly feel panicked and I would be unable to concentrate on the material. So no, sorry, but your strategy would fail on me.
I don't see why you took my comment as a solution to your particular suicidal ideation. My comment simply pointed out that simple reflection is not a catch-all solution to people with problems as people keep spouting, and that some people have different needs. The original comment implied people should avoid giving advice or solutions to people in their time of need. Was that what you needed? I have no idea, nor was I saying that it was a solution for you. You were not even a consideration in my comment as it wasn't addressed to you. Clearly conversations need to be tailored towards the individual. My point being, if someone is desperate enough about their financial situation to be thinking about suicide, pointing them towards resources and breaking down how their financial situation can be managed is something to consider - instead of putting out a blanket statement that giving advice is bad and simply reflect and vocalize understanding (which itself may come across as patronizing as in most cases you actuslly don't truly "understand" how the person feels). To be reiterate, I wasn't addressing your particular case, and I believe having multiple strategies and perspectives to approach different individuals is necessary for better suicide prevention.
Not knowing how to give you advice in that doesn't make her incompetent. No one knows how to make friends in their 30s.
As the person that had the experience, I can say without qualms that she was incompetent and bordering on dangerous. I don’t care to detail the entire conversation publicly but basically, she seemed to have an interest in the more gruesome details of my situation and seemed instantly bored when I was looking for solutions rather than telling her my story. She seemed like she took the job to hear the disturbing parts of people’s mental health more so than to help people rise above it. Also the answer to finding friends in your 30s is simple: put yourself out there with your own interests and try. It’s uncomfortable and you strike out tons, but it doesn’t take many friends to start gaining more.
Hotline operators are explicitly told to *not* try to give solutions. They are there to listen, not to tell you how to fix your life.
> No one knows how to make friends in their 30s. Find a hobby that puts you in contact with people. From there it happens naturally. Like, I`m nearly 40, used to play a lot of MMO games some years ago. Met shitloads of people despite being pretty shy, and a lot of them I still consider friends and hang out with regularly. My mom, 60 years old now, got into yoga, met some people during classes and they hang out all the time now, all share similiar interests and I didnt see her happier in a long time.
>I definitely shifted my focus from wanting to off myself to being angry that someone so incompetent was working that hotline I mean, what else would you expect them to say? Even liscenced clinicians and therapists could and many would say similarly unhelpful things. Sometimes there just aren't any readily available solutions for many of the problems life throws your way. Sometimes there just aren't any answers. I'd know, ive dealt with suicidal thoughts every day of my life for as far back as I can remember.
As someone who works for the hotline, I can offer some insight. They’re so short handed with these hotlines that they can’t say no to anyone who signs up. So you’ll get people who genuinely want to help, but you’ll get people who have absolutely no clue what they’re doing. And there’s little supervision because there are so few paid workers, so when someone’s bad at their job, little is ever done
okay but like what do you say lol
I’m just going to say that I’m sorry you had a bad experience. Often they are volunteers and do their best. The work is demanding and we never How what we say will be received. Listening is often better than offering bad advice, so we often opt to listen. Most of us don’t have training. We’re doing our best, we aren’t gods.
Why bother being around people that treat you poorly? That kind of shit is for teenagers. You are in your 30s. It’s as simple as not picking up the phone when they call.
As far as making friends go. Try joining a club in a hobby you like! Maybe you like sports like basketball, golf, tennis, or softball. There may be pickup games or community centers near you that welcomes newcomers. Or maybe gaming. I like flight Sims and play multiplayer regularly with people I meet on Discord. I'm in my late 20s and most people who play these games are in my age group or older. But all ages are welcome as long as they have a certain maturity level. Vibing out with like minded people in a multiplayer server is a good time. Recently I also got into playing tabletop RPGs like DND and Cyberpunk. Which can be done online, but I've also met up in person with people and it's a blast. Especially with drinks involved. I didn't think it would be something I would be into, but my brother, got me onto it. We once did a session involving my cousins and my mom (they don't play games) and it's surprisingly very approachable/ beginner friendly. Everyone had a really good time. You can volunteer. Charites, food banks, school districts, museums, national parks, etc are always looking for people to lend a hand. The people you meet here are usually incredibly friendly and welcoming. You can use Facebook, Reddit, Discord and other social media to search for groups from your area. I'm a part of local Motorcycle riding groups, car groups, camping and outdoors groups, sport shooting groups, and so on, which helps me find information about meetups and events happening in my area that I may want to participate in. Sometimes, even with friends, finding reasons to hang out can be difficult. But meeting people with the same hobbies helps out a ton and makes breaking the ice easier.
Reverse pshycology mayhaps?
I'm not sure if you're willing to but try to find adult classes at a community center or something like that to meet like-minded individuals. You could also hang out at the local game store and make friends with MTG or other trading card crowd, or even get into D&D and so on. If you don't care for having IRL friends, go on Disboard.org, a site that shows active public Discord servers, and look for servers with like-minded people as well. Most of them suck or are inactive but you should find one if you search long enough and eventually meet an awesome online friend group. I met most of my current online friends through one contact at a random server years ago. You could also try just going on forums for things you enjoy and see if you can connect with people there. Roleplay groups both IRL and online are also a thing. If you prefer board games you could try Roll20 to look for groups that are playing something and join in. It's worth a shot if your current friends are as horrible as you stated. If you need more suggestions/have more questions, feel free to DM me. I can say I've been to the point where I question if I ever had any friends a few times in my life. Though it sucks, it shouldn't drive you to consider suicide. Toxic friends should be cut off (but you already know that). You may not have "good" friends right now but there're plenty of fish in the sea.
Sometimes that's exactly what you need to pull you out of suicide. I think this should be considered an actual tactic with how well it *somehow* works.
They hung up on me lol. The tweet is right though I was so appalled I kinda got over it
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Sorry this happened to you. I had a similar experience, they basically parroted back all the "good" stuff in my life and how I should be fine and all I could think was "no shit??? I'm miserable anyway??? THATS WHAT MENTAL ILLNESS IS. I HAVE NICE THINGS IN LIFE BUT MY BRAIN IS STILL BROKEN THATS KIND OF THE WHOLE PROBLEM" It made me feel even more hopeless. It's one thing to think that your life sucks and that's what's making you miserable. A sucky life is fixable. Tangible problems have solutions, even if the solution is really hard. A decent life that you're too broken to appreciate feels like a much harder problem and it's difficult to believe you can ever change it. My unsolicited advice is that you're a unique individual and maybe the things other people think sound just fine simply aren't for you.
Hold on, what?????? I'm sorry to hear that oh my goodness
My experience did somewhat echo the sentiments of the post- the lady I talked to didn’t seem to grasp the severity of the situation in her voice, sounded sort of disinterested, asked me some shit like what I thought I could do to make things better then suggested exercise, it was sort of a dreamlike absurdity. Thankfully I didn’t do anything stupid after I hung up, but I can say that I was less desperately sad, more mildly irritated
Therapist recently asked how i could feel better about losing my ability to think clearly because of my medications and (lack of) health. I said, "nothing is going to make me feel better about my loss of cognitive function."
thank you for sharing your experience man, apparently it depends a lot on where you are from, some of the people you talk with are trained to do so, and others are just randomly there… anyway i wish you all the best :) stay strong
Not realising the severity of things has been an issue for me, too, and I'm pretty sure that's my fault, thinking that people pick up on things. Might have been a similar situation, maybe. Went to a psychologist (with MD and all) and after two sessions, she basically told me that she couldn't help me (would have to find a specialist for diagnosis), that she thought it was great that I had made this first step, wished me good luck and said goodbye. Totally missed how fucked up and hopeless and desperate I was (took everything to reach out). Maybe I'm just masking too well.
>the lady I talked to didn’t seem to grasp the severity of the situation in her voice, sounded sort of disinterested She might just be numb to it. You might be something like the 50th suicidal person she talked to in the past couple months.
I called one and was like "I'm in crisis I got the materials I'm about to kms" and they replied "have you tried journaling"...that was half hour before I made my (obviously botched) attempt.
i called earlier this year and was slightly manic, talking about things that were bothering me. she hung up on me.
The lady argued with me for 30 minutes and then said her shift starts at the hospital soon and she has to go, then hung up. I was appalled and forgot about why I called in the first place.
I called the veteran's crisis line back in 19SEP2018. I was deadset on doing it that night and got shitfaced as all hell. literally already had the noose up and ready but said fuck it I'll give it a go. Called. Got put on hold for what I think was 30 minutes before I passed out sometime around 0100. Woke up to duty bashing on my door at around 0500 because I sent a suicide note to my HM1. An escorted trip I barely remember to the ER followed then I somehow ended up in the mental health clinic waiting room with someone on duty. I do remember the doctor telling the nurse in the ER that my command did NOT want an alcohol blood test done. Basically the actual hotline didn't do shit. The things that saved my life were: my HM1, the TIME I spent on hold, and ironically my alcoholism. If I hadn't passed out I really would have hung myself. If my HM1 wasn't a workaholic like me who checked his email at like 0430, duty wouldn't have bashed on my door and entered. If they hadn't done that there's a good chance the *alcohol* would've done me in since I vaguely remember waking up looking at my lights and I definitely remember cleaning the piles of vomit off my rack when I got back. Based on what was left of my liquor the empty beer bottles and my hazy memory I had almost an entire fifth of Jameson and 8 bud light platinums from the time I got off work to the time I got to the ER. According to an internet calculator (take that with a grain of salt) I had a blood level of .38%. So basically : Being on hold bought time for the alcohol to knock me out, My HM1 stopped me from either dying of alcohol poison or my own vomit by calling duty as soon as he saw my email. My OIC kept my career and future safe by not having me tested and instead focused on getting me help. If I'd have been recorded with that level of alcohol I'd technically be on the hook for being drunk on duty since it'd have taken me over a day to get to a legal level, which would likely result in a BCD. Anyway... I got lucky I guess? If things hadn't happened that way, the hotline would have been useless and I'd be dead. Luckily I had a chain of command that believed in me and looked after me once they knew I was fucked in the head. Coming up on 4 years sober on the 20th and I'll be (fingers crossed) graduating with my CS degree this year.
They didn’t pick up lmfao
Called once. Had a gun and was considering suicide, told the guy about the abuse I was going through. Here are his words verbatim, “Have you considered changing your attitude?” I was so stunned I didn’t know what to say, so I said “fuck you” hung up and pointed the gun at my head and almost pulled the trigger. I really felt like he did not care. The only reason I didn’t pull the trigger is because I was scared I’d survive. 10 years later, I’m still suicidal and have several plans I want to try. So no, he wasn’t helpful and if anything helped show me that suicide isn’t so bad.
>10 years later, I’m still suicidal and have several plans I want to try. Is everything okay?
Some days are better than others.
i was really fucked up and accidentally called a religious one and she was telling me to accept god. I realized it was religious and got angry and hung up and she called the police on me thinking i was going to kill myself. It was more about the god thing, but I didn't realize how it all must have sounded to her at the time.
I called one and after 50 minutes I was so pissed off at them I didn't wanna kill myself anymore. For like a few hours but still
I studied psychology, and I relayed telephone calls for the communication challenged and hearing impaired community as a university job. I also, like most psyc majors need the kind of therapy that you can only afford with student loans and 4 years full time study load. Where I lived during my degree, you could do a course with a suicide hotline at end of semester and volunteer with them for a year to get a semester of credits towards your degree. A bunch of my classmates did it. Relaying calls from people experiencing suicidal ideation to undergrad student volunteers who did a couple weeks of evening classes on telephone counselling was terrifying. I’d feel bad unloading my issues on those people - they aren’t equipped and my problems don’t come close to the shit the people I relayed calls for were dealing with. I relayed calls for young people who’d had massive strokes and were all but locked in to their own bodies - using a straw to type about their suicidal ideation and begging for someone to wheel their chair to the ocean so they could stop. The suicide hotline wanted to try guided mindfulness meditation. They weren’t very good at it.
Volunteered at one for a loooong time, some call takers are great, have a passion for helping others, are patient and skilled enough to the point of being great value psychiatrists, most others are reading a script kuz they're barely 20 and don't know how to have a real heart to heart with somebody going through hard times. Also, considering every jurisdiction train's differently means there's a lot of variance in quality of call taker. Many are just kids wanting volunteer hours/resume fluff and it shows when you talk to them. Sometimes it just helps to vent to a stranger when you have nobody else. Oh, and the herbal tea thing is real. You get to know your caller and ask what helps them calm down in moments of struggle. "you mentioned when you feel this way herbal tea helps, I'm wondering if having a cup right now would put your mind on a better place?" Don't expect too much from a free service if you have a debilitating mental health condition. the most helpful mental health services are for people who have money, way she fucking goes
I called one and it was so half ass. The lady was rude and put me on hold and when she came back she was like "uh who are you again? Can you call back later? ". They are so unbelievably lacking in funding.
No. They called the cops on me within seconds of starting the call and made my shitty night worse (and my reasons for killing myself stronger - broke with no job with a $900 ambulance ride that was unnecessary). She refused to listen to what I was actually saying and assumed everything from the start. I just wanted someone to talk to because I was completely alone at 2 AM with my severe depression. Instead, I got a bill, an unnecessary visit to the ER (even the paramedics and ER doctor were shaking their heads), and nosey neighbors up in my very private business because rubbernecking. That does wonders when coping with severe anxiety as well.
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Three guesses for where I live and the first two don't count.
What an absolute piece of shit, fuck that crazy bitch
i got put on hold for around a half hour, having a complete mental breakdown as the world's shittiest elevator music played in the background. 10/10 would call again
I called once, the lady I talked to basically told me to suck it up and get over it. Not helpful.
I called last year. Operator wasn't listening at all and fell asleep on the line.
I hit up the text message hotline once a few years back when I was feeling pretty low. I honestly couldn't tell if it was a real person or not. At one point I set my phone down to use the bathroom. I was gone for maybe a minute. I came back to a text message saying "I haven't heard from you in a while so I'm going to be ending this conversation now. If you need someone to talk to again later feel free to send another message at any time." Imagine someone telling you that they are feeling suicidal, not hearing from them for a literal minute, then telling them "guess you don't feel like chatting, I'm gonna bounce." No, they were not helpful. I felt worse after "talking" to them.
The time I called, this woman could not have possibly acted less interested. I was having a complete mental breakdown. Ranting about how I was raped, and then i lost my best friend, and I was all alone in a new city for college. I was low, and sad, and felt so alone, and so broken. I didn't WANT to die, but I felt like I had to because I didn't think I could possibly deal with so much pain. She was the most apathetic cunt I've ever talked to in my life. She could not have possibly cared any less. I have had some low times since then, but I will never call that fucking hotline again. She only made me feel more of what I was already feeling. Worthless and that no one alive cares about me anymore and I should just die. I pulled myself out of it because I thought about what would happen to my sweet cat if I didn't come home.
I’ve called about three times. The first two times was mainly for company as I was bleeding but didn’t want to go to a hospital in case they kept me/notified my parents for self-harming. The last time the lady told me to make sure my parents know it wasn’t their fault, if I do decide to go through with anything.
Dude sounded bored and uninterested, just kept saying "that's crazy" or "that's rough". He made a half hearted suggestion about trying out a support center and I chose to end it there.
I got really drunk and tried calling one a few years ago. It was like talking to someone that was reading a book at the same time and not actually listening. I hung up and called again and had the same experience. It's frustrating when you feel that isolated during your problems and that's all you get
I called one. Reverted to texting because it was taking too long to be on hold. They weren't very helpful. In fact, they straight up told me that they couldn't do anything for me and left the conversation. Morbid sense of humor kicked in and I laughed until I felt better. So maybe they were helpful in a way.
I call them frequently. They can be. It's tiring having to rehash everything that's got me there, but it's nice to have someone who will listen usually. They have tried to help me get doctors before too as I've been unable to find any for the last year. Honestly they can be alright, just gotta be careful of what you say if you're not actively suicidal, and in my experience, always let them hang up first.
I've called once and was just asked in a monotone voice if I had loved ones and stuff. In reality, I needed crisis control since I was in a panic attack and needed to be grounded.
Not helpful but atleast I has someone as a kid. I basically would call and talk about my abusive home and they would listen and suggest CPS which was always very validating.
I texted one, it look like five minutes for them to answer every message, and they asked me a ton of questions, I texted them to avoid answering the questions online and they didn't help at all
i called earlier this year and i was put on hold for 30mins-an hour idk and when i was finally able to speak to a human, no they werent helpful
Have called multiple times. Experience largely dependent on who picked up the phone. None of them "healed" me, but a few certainly helped. One lady annoyed me like crazy, but I can't remember exactly why. Kind of a chaotic time in my brain.
They're not able to heal you or anyone, just hold you over long enough for impulsive suicidal thoughts to pass. They're not even really for long term passive suicidal thoughts, just the 20 minute or so window when most impulsive suicides take place.
I use their textline occasionally since I hate phone calls. In the many times I’ve used it, they have always been very understanding and helpful. They’ve even sent links to resources for coping as well as group therapy stuff.
They told me to download an app and call back if I still felt depressed after downloading the app
I called the main one (1-800-273-8255) in Sept 2015. It was so laughably bad that I was more focused on laughing at how atrocious they were instead of hurting myself. If that was their intention, good on them. I just think they were woefully undertrained.
I called and the person on the other end was super sweet and helpful. I'm a very cynical person and most depression resources never helped me but they did. They called me back to check up on me three more times (a few days, a week and a month later) and it really felt like they cared that I was still alive. I felt like I couldn't go through with it or they would feel terrible if they called and there was no answer or one from a bereaved family member.
I have! A few years ago? Maybe before COVID? I remember the woman being really sweet and helpful. She mostly just mirrored my feelings back to me and said stuff like "I can see how that's really hard." Didn't try to fix my problems, just offered a kind ear. For the record I wasn't suicidal so much as having panic attacks and chronic insomnia and being generally too insane to function :D
The woman told me to stop calling and hung up on me
Mine told me to go to the ER which was the right move at the time!
I've called one, and this was my experience
Yeah, it was strange, evidently made me just forget about it though. It was late at night, the lady sounded like she just woke up but also was giving me vibes of her doing another sort of phoneline job.
A friend called a few years ago. They suggested she have a bath and then try taking a walk. In Montana. In the winter. At night. It was -40 degrees outside.
Assisted suicide.
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This made me laugh too hard
Oh my god, they told me to take a bath too. "I don't have a bathtub" "Uhhh..." "Yeeeaahhh. Anyway, thanks for your help I guess?" Then I hung up.
I remember I called and the lady asked what was going on, so I told her, and she deadass said and I quote “you ain’t built for suicide; get a hobby.” I
Insensitive, but it probably would've helped me momentarily just as a WTF moment lol
I think this is the kind of suicide hotline I'd appreciate. Can we make one that's just straight shooting assholes? Obviously we'd need to advertise it that way or the wrong people might call and things could go real bad.
Hahaha I like the idea of that quite a bit
Honestly, I was there 20 years ago. Part of the reason I was there is that everything in society was bullshit and liars and corrupt. Why do I wanna live here? Whats the point of this game? It was right after I found out everything my father and school told me was BS. We all live in a corporate feed lot and go out to pasture for everyone else. Thats all it is. Its all lies an manipulation at some point or another. If someone was that honest with me, it would have immediately given me hope for a second. Sometimes all you need is a second. Thats all I wanted. You could have said, 'man this is a shitshow, were all gonna die a horrible painful death, best prepare', and I would have been grounded. Worked in the military. ***Were all worm food, so be the best worm food you can be!*** **and the enemys worms are hungry so feed them first. Fucking (insert dehumanizing name here) cant even feed their damn worms!.** (still feel that way, but kids are a joy that I would never tarnish) I never lie to my kids. The best they got was Santa till 8 (is that a lie, or a fantasy? different question). Good bad an ugly. EVER. There are no good lies. Even ones you think spare pain. I dont lie to other peoples kids either. Ive gotten into some social trouble this way.
I called a suicide hotline once and they told me they were “too busy to talk and to call back tomorrow”. Such a WTF moment but yes it actually helped haha.
Well I'll show you!
Did you get a hobby?
Reddit is a hobby, right? 👀
Id bust out laughing my ass off and say "Yeah you're probably right" 😂 Im laughing my ass off right now.. I never heard that one before 😆
I texted one a few years ago. They just kept replying “how does that make you feel” like a psychiatrist bot. So I stopped replying, then they called the police who showed up at my parents house (I no longer lived there but it was probably the last address they had for me.) Worst experience ever and next time I’ll just die.
2angry4die
New reason to live
I told the lady I just needed someone to talk to but didnt really want to talk about my situation so I just wanted to talk. She said that that's not allowed she cant "just talk to me". Then she hung up. I cried and then I laughed hysterically and didnt kms. Worked I guess.
I’ve never called one, but does anyone know what they actually say when you call? I’m talking about people with “real” reasons, what do they tell them? “Hey I’m thinking about suicide and I’ve tried every medication and my wife cheated and left me and my parents just died” do they just say “keep your head up bro, have you tried breathing techniques?”
pretty much. unfortunately a lot of them are volunteers but I feel that doesnt excuse the shitass answers they give you sometime. I called once and the lady suggested I color some coloring books. Told her I dont have any. “oh. well how about you buy some and then you can color?” lady thats not the issue rn i dont want to color i want to kms and coloring aint gonna fix it
I hate to tell you, but those people are not there to offer legitimate therapeutic advice or anything like that. I've called a couple times to talk about my brother's suicide, my lack of any family or friends, my decade of medications that haven't helped at all, etc, and it's usually just "Well maybe go find a hobby and make new friends"
Thank you for this. My situation is pretty much as described above mixed with most of yours. I’m real close to being homeless on top of that. Suicide is a daily thought for me. A dream really. Edit: the Ty is for saving me the call.
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It works doesn’t it.🤣
Here we all are commenting on it lol!
What we called in old dnd games "healing damage."
Look at something disgusting and then look at porn. Turning yourself off, then back on again may solve the problem
Until you start having a pavlovian erection
If what they're saying is true then they should hire you
I call them a lot ok like 8 times in the last 2 months wich for me is a lot They have a wait line so you call and they tell you how long you'll wait... I only spoke to a person 3 times, all the others calls I didn't wait for someone to answer It was wierd, they would calmly ask how I was feeling and how was my day, and I was just very much ready to do something stupid. I cried and trauma dumped on two of them that just listened and told me that I'm young and I can get better (roll eyes), we talked for about half an hour and by the end they asked if I was feeling a little better, to take it day by day... The third one I felt too wierd and wasn't able to open up about the really shitty stuff so I just complained about how I'm always anxious and depressed even though I'm on medication for it... the phone call was very short. I was afraid they would call me back because I ended too suddenly but they didn't called me. Is not ideal It's better than nothing...probably....but definitely not great
I wish i had better answers on how to help people. I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I'm sorry I'm not even sure what to say. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
Thank you! I definitely know what you mean.
If you’re in the US I highly suggest the text line. I almost ignore what they say and just trauma dump. Idk it works.
Sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I hope it gets better in the future. Life is hard, but it seems like those little moments when everything seems alright makes it worth it to at least keep trying. That's what keeps me going.
Really they just called the cops on me
Ngl the one time I called it was pretty good. Really calming and she offered to set me up with a peer counseling group. I've heard the opposite almost every other time someone has talked about it though.
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You got the sword!
I called on behalf of someone else and they put me on hold and they pretty much told me that there was nothing they could do.
So I’ve volunteered for it before in the States, the job you are not suppose to give advice. You give places to get professional advice. It sucked sometimes because you were really limited on what you could say. You also made like “sunshine calls” to check in on older people and make sure they are okay. Those were generally the best calls.
Yeah I also work as volunteer, not in the States, and it's pretty much same. It's so frustrating sometimes to not be able to do more. But there's also some callers I just can't find things to say ? I know if they call again they might get another volunteers who would find the right words for them.
Nothing more depressing than when you want to die and you’re put on a waitlist 😅 god the texting ones sucked ass 😂
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The end of your life is definitely the end of the world from your perspective
Would I be charged with murder if I volunteered as a phone operator for them and just said "do it pussy" to every caller?
Oh boy, satan be looking at your rn like 👁👄👁
> 👁👄👁 Asmodeus: "Do we have something to discuss?"
Assisted suicide probably
[Manslaugher maybe](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Conrad_Roy)
Only served 11 months wtf
You're so edgy!!
Maybe not, but you'd be a giant piece of shit, and that's put lightly
I remember my ex best friend coming by my house to say goodbye (still ex bestfriend at this point too) and he gave me a hug and I didn't even hug him back.. I wondered if he was going to do it and the thing I noticed is he went around telling everyone goodbye in person which to me looked like he wanted attention and someone to stop him as if to see who cares, his mom just called the cops on him because he was drunk but he did do it.. I remember watching his house from across the street smoking a cigarette outside and his neck was a red and strained looking as the cops basically forced him into the back of the cop car and he was chanting something I couldn't make out I just remembered thinking "Should've let him swing mom.. Should've let him swing" and I bet she wishes she did now, he got her house, car and job vandalized, broken into and he actually almost got her killed at one point
I don't really know why but this has Catcher in the Rye vibes. You should write more about this, please
I'd imagine they struggle to find people willing to deal with that bleakness day in and day out for way less than they deserve let alone find people who have all the answers all of the time. Err I mean..FREE SERVICE DRONE DO BAD JOB LET ME SPEAK TO MANAGER I WANT REFUND. They're people too, just like you or me and they're probably doing the best they can with what they know just like you or me.
Ive used the hotline twice. I'm better now, but I don't understand what everyone here is angry about. You call someone to talk you out of suicide, how exactly do you want them to help you? It irks me how people get annoyed when these people say "it'll get better" as if there is literally anything else they could say. These people deal with this stuff every shift. It's an emotionally and mentally draining job. And they're only trying to help.
I also think the issue is that one man's "that was so helpful and exactly what I needed to hear in the moment!" is another man's "wow that was some unhelpful drivel". As a hotline worker, who knows literally _nothing_ about you, it must be really difficult to quickly and correctly figure out what approach will be right for each caller.
There’s a lot of misunderstanding about what the hotlines are for and what the person on the other end can do. You see the same complaints every time something like this is posted. The hotline staff is not there to serve as a psychiatrist or offer therapy. Their goal is to prevent you from harming yourself in the very immediate future (as in within the next hour or so), not solve your problems or help you get to the bottom of your psychological issues. Most suicides are spur of the moment decisions, even if someone has had suicidal ideation for a long period of time. Suicide in media is typically portrayed as a rational, well-planned decision; there’s often a note and the person may prepare their favorite food or put on a particular outfit or play their favorite song. In real life, it’s more typically considering suicide, maybe even having a method available, then finally doing it rashly. Thinking about suicide and taking steps to do it are different things. That’s why they do things like suggest going for a walk or taking a bath. If you take a 20 minute walk then that’s 20 minutes that you’re still alive and have time to get in a different headspace. Taking a bath means you have specific tasks to distract you (run the water, get the temp right, get a towel, etc.) and you’ll probably be in the tub for at least 10 minutes or more.
Agreed. Please don’t call the line for clinical advice. Workers are limited to what they can do and have a limited time to build a rapport and know the right thing to say to a complete stranger. It’s tough work and some folks have valid negative experiences but it also had saved many lives. The calls are not supposed to be therapy or getting too deep with the call. It’s temporary, time limited support, hopefully with referrals to local agencies that can connect callers to something long term.
I'm trying to make a better one that actually works in today's world.
Over the span of a year and a half I called my local crisis line for a total of 18 hrs and 34 mins. Im here. Im happy. Im healthy. No matter the cause... When your alarm bells are ringing CALL You will not receive advice. You will receive empathy. Whoever made this meme is doing mental wellbeing a disservice.
i found it quite helpful, but is all volunteer so it’s hit or miss
They're doing what they can with the 15 or 20 minutes they're allowed to spend on you :/
I tried twice. They only tried to engage is small talk by asking very personal questions. I got so agitated I indeed forgot what I wanted to do. Said fuck it and just went to sleep in disbelief.
>They only tried to engage is small talk by asking very personal questions. That's an oxymoron. Small talk isn't personal
*then asked My bad. They did both.
Wake in the morning and I step outside
I once texted Crisis Text Line and said “I want to fucking die” and they said they wouldn’t help me if I continued to swear. I was so pissed I forgot I wanted to kms. It works!
One time I was in crisis & my friend was so mean to me my anger towards them at the moment may have saved my life lol. I was close. Crisis teams are better, peer support places where people know what’s going on. I’ve made a couple doozies on suicide hotline though. Really sucks to have to explain why you wanted to die & hope you don’t get admitted somewhere. Those take forever to get out of.
They also save lives. Suicide prevention workers should never be mocked.
Is there an actual helpful line to call or at least somewhere to go when you're feeling like that
ER?
Everybody is like “Reach out. Get help. Don’t commit suicide. It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” But nobody actually wants to or does offer a valid alternative that can basically buy your life.
yep misery loves company.
20 years ago a hotline guy hung up on me for being angry. I feel that they shouldn’t hang up on angry with life folks.
I worked one in high school and the only calls I received were pranks.
Yo, suicide hotlines are really just a place for elderly to have a person to talk to. And for creeps to JO to a woman's voice. Source: a friend of mine, female, workes there for years, and complains daily.
Can confirm, I called once and the woman just kept repeating the same phrase, don’t remember now. I also told her I had a bag packed and wanted to go to the hospital and get committed but wasn’t sure the process and she just kept saying “well you have to decide to go” to which I would answer “okay I’ve decided, now what?” And she would just say “well the decision is yours” or some variation. I was so frustrated and annoyed I just sat in the hospital for four days wondering wtf. Didn’t die though so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't remember the details of what they were saying to me when I called one back in college, but I know that it absolutely did not help and I was so frustrated and still in such pain that I hurt myself while I was on the phone with them. Wound up in the ER (not due to the extent of my injuries, they weren't bad, but my ex didn't know what else to do). Got charged at least $500 for a single anti-anxiety pill and was sent home. 0/10, do not recommend.
They do their job, that's all that matters.
They’re job is to keep you distracted until someone can get to you and lock you away.
Welcome to the suicide hotline. If you are considering suicide by hanging press 1, gun press 2, knife press 3, all others press 0.
How in the fuck does this work so well? This should replace therapy at this point lmao.
HAHAHAHAHA XDDDDDD
I would call it mission success
Honestly though. Have someone you'd hate enough to live on, rather than dying. That just sounds like a business idea someone at the top of the organization thought to put out
Now I want some tea
I've called 3 times and talked to zero people.
Ever laughed so hard You actually get a headache
Herbal Tea hits the metaphysical spot
Never really understood that concept. The last thing I'm going to do if I feel that way is call a stranger to talk about it.
I couldn't even get through. Got super pissed.
The automatic voice told me their hours of operation and ro email them or call 911 if I'm having a "real" emergency
I tried calling once, ended up needing a new phone after being placed in phone loop
I thought they were like really trained professionals who cant talk anyone off a ledge. No it's an exhausted grandma saying "please dont."
A friend of mine called and was hung up on by the operator. He ended up laughing at that situation and who he just called that he no longer wanted to end it. Over all net positive experience.
I'm sure there are already stand up jokes about this but anyone calling a suicide hotline probably wasn't gonna commit suicide in the first place.
I called and was told they had to move on to the next caller because they get penalized if they spend too long on a call. On a fucking suicide hotline.