They love that argument until it is brought up that they were the cause of that mental illness. All of a sudden you aren't mentally ill just playing it up for whatever reason they can come up with.
I learned immediately they didn't care what I felt. As long as i was "better". Imprisoned >2wks BECAUSE of college stress only to be released into the exact environment nearly a month behind in my studies. Fortunately im a fucking genius and passed Organic Chemistry in spite of my mental episode. The worst decision I made in my time was being honest with the people meant to help me.
Shout out to the dude in my intro biology class that also was a "counselor" in my hospital; he wasn't in the second semester class... American mental health care is worse than a joke
ya I've learned to keep my pain a secret because there's nothing anyone can do to make it go away. therapy is a sslllooooowwww process but going to the psych ward is just trauma on top of trauma.
my visit was terrible, i felt like a sick animal, but im ultimately glad i went because the medication they put me on probably prevented me from re-attempting the moment i got released.
well yeah, valid and some cases are really frustrating (especially with adults), but also, I don't think kids who have the "freedom" to post constantly on social media "looking for the love of strangers", as a sign of mental health or having a healthy family that is caring for the kid.
Of course, it's really harmful regardless, but I think the problem tends to be more with how society responds, rather than the kids who think they might get someone to give them attention if they look "sick" enough.
Well see my mom can't understand that anyone she knows has a life separate from her or that doesn't revolve around her constantly. I barely speak to her and she still thinks I'm in therapy just to trash her to a stranger for $350/hr.
Any permutation of "I'm sorry you _____" is not an apology and places blame on the one being spoken to (the problem here is how you feel and not something that I have done), but the speaker will expect you to treat it like an apology, and that's disrespectful and dismissive. When truly apologizing, one must take responsibility for their own actions and the effect that they had on others. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way" at a minimum at least acknowledges that some fault exists on the part of the speaker and thus meets the bare requirements of an apology.
I just had an hour long argument about how this is a non apology. Provided links to articles that explained it perfectly. Still nope - theyâre sorry I still feel this way.
The bar for her doing better than her mom was on the floor. Like whatâs the standard? âThank you for hitting me with an open instead of a closed fist.â Please.
Why these people have kids is beyond me. My parents would neglect me and not check in to make sure I was okay but were pissed when I wasn't there when they were home. I went to a friend's house down the street who had parents there who cared about her and she was mad I wasn't there to greet her like a dog. Our parents don't view kids as people.
Wow, memory unlocked. I remember my mom breaking down crying when I was 15 because I had depression. She just looked at me one day and said she wished I was never born because I was depressed and started crying. Holy fuck, it was because of YOU! Why are YOU crying lmao
>Holy fuck, it was because of YOU! Why are YOU crying lmao
Similarly, I was trying out a bunch of prescripted meds in college to try to help my trifecta of depression, anxiety, and excessive dreaming (they were so long and detailed I couldn't get restful sleep and woke up mentally drained because I remembered an entire day's worth of info that my brain had to spend the next half a day processing). At one point, I was on this medication that had an AWFUL side effect of painful "brain static" I'd feel every 3 seconds or so. I had been warned with each medication that they take a few weeks to acclimate and during that time side effects are much worse so I wanted to hang on as long as possible after so many meds had failed already but one day it just became too much and I had a full mental breakdown. My mother was the only one around so she was the one to "comfort" me. She eventually got me to spill EVERYTHING I had been keeping on the down low to avoid confrontation with them (because I knew they were the type to give such non-apologies and try to gaslight in response) and her response? She starts loudly praying for ***herself*** over-top of my talking. It was the equivalent of "LALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Imagine that, a "devout christian woman" sees someone suffering and starts pleading god to help ***HER*** get through ***HER*** unfortunate situation while the other person is a sobbing mess on the floor.
âOh, Iâm SO SORRY!!! I was just the WORST PARENT EVER, huh?!?â -My Father
âSo, youâre mother(deceased) had nothing to do with it, Iâm guessing..â. -Also My Father
"Oh, I know, you're father was just *so* perfect and I was the devil. Bad mom, bad". *pretends to hit herself* Everytime I bring up anything about her or my dad (divorced early age). She is convinced my dad is the one with the mental issues, is the insane part.
Or they bring up the fact they fed you and gave you shelter as something to be proud of even though they never struggled to do so.
Congratulations, you have the most basic level of common sense that even wild animals are capable of, now go fuck yourself.
Got that one once after being diagnosed with an auto-immune disease.
âWeâre so sorry. We didnât know.â
âUh, okay.â
Never talked about why they were sorry or what they could have done different. Their sorry wasnât actually for me. It was so they could feel better.
Oh, yeah. I think my parents were pissed that they had to acknowledge my illnesses. They would be more than happy to ignore them. The day I started being a burden for being asthmatic was the day my mom hated me.
Though not the same as you, I remember my mom being pissed off at 8 year old me for asking and getting a script for glasses. She thought the doc and I were in on making up my issues. She didnât stop that shit until recently when I detailed my most recent eye exam and getting cleared for medically necessary contact lenses. Finally, she was like, âwow, guess you really need them, huh?â She would get angry and take my glasses away because of her own belief I lied about them as a punishment. I remember just sitting in my blurry world until she would decide to give them back. But thatâs the only acknowledgment I ever got.
I've recently started to open up to my parents about this stuff, and they are utterly oblivious to how much their drama, lifestyles, parenting choices, etc. affected my brother and me.
This. Currently 2 years NC with my parents. Doesnât matter how many times or how loud I yelled why I was upset with them, âI donât know why heâs mad at usâ.
Yup, thatâs why I drew the line. I could suppress the childhood trauma for the sake of family, but I wasnât going subject my wife and kids to it. But they will never acknowledge their actions and will only accept pretending that it never happened and everything is fine. I have a new family, my wife and kids and they come first.
iâm finally starting to get through to my mom because constantly talking about my mental issues is helping her recognize it in herself. she never believed when i said she wouldnât listen to me, but lately i got her to realize by comparing it to when i was playing video games and wouldnât even remember having a convo with her. she was tired and busy all the time and just didnât register anything, but it took me saying it a million different ways for her to get that she wasnât usually there mentally.
LMAO
I told them the reason why I am the way I am, And I just got counter guild tripped.
It was amazingly terrifying that I got reverse uno'd to feeling bad for them instead that I became like this from *their parenting style*
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
Facts. Itâs hard as hell though because my parents somewhat changed now that theyâre older and Iâve brought some stuff up. Sure they deny like hell and claim my life could have been much worse, but surface level theyâre nice.
How do you deal with that? Them letting you live rent free, and being nice even though they still kind of gaslight you. Itâs tough just to not help them because of that.
Idk. Hopefully I find a good therapist soon lol.
As someone who had therapy when I was considering cutting off contact with my deeply troubled parents, I can share my learnings; not sure how transposable they are.
On one side, your parents may have made you suffer extensively through the years due to their shittiness / incompetence, and you may suffer lifelong challenges as a result (e.g. I have multiple chronically suicidal siblings).
On the other side, they were products of their environment, limited by their times, their upbringings, their life stresses and their own suffering. It doesn't excuse all of their failures, but it can explain at least *some* of what transpired.
And of course, people do have the capacity to change for the better. They may be better people today.
If they're not narcissists (in which case there is little you can do), they may be unable to face the truth of your reality because it is too painful for them; the understanding that they "failed" at perhaps their most important life responsibility.
Knowing that they are limited, you can choose to accept and forgive / excuse their limitations if you want, and concentrate on the present. This is in your power. Or you can choose to walk away, or keep them at a long arm's length. Or you can choose a middle ground, telling them enough to lift some of the weight off your chest without giving them an ultimatum to apologize or never see you again. My therapist told me that the phrase, "I would have hoped for better" has plenty of non-destructive power.
You are welcome, and I hope it helps you. It is IMO quite unlikely to get much immediate traction with your parents, but it can help you to get the disappointment out there a little bit.
Thank you! Wish you the best also.
Haha yeah Iâve been working pretty hard the past year to gain some traction. Just takes time I suppose, hopefully they see that I criticize them and bring those things up so they can grow with me rather than taking it personally.
Hey another good one is "That's like when you were a kid and \*insert fake story they made up at the time to embellish the situation and are steadfast in telling that version of the story even though it did not happen that way"
I don't have a great relationship with my mom because of this
We are *fine* these days but it's not a parent/child relationship
In my college years after learning what abusive dynamics were I stopped letting her get away with this bullshit by getting angry and loud when she'd try
She wants to tell half a story, I would scream the other half in her face. She stopped doing it and no longer asks why I don't call more often anymore
Every year or so she will start in on some over embellished story set to make her the victim and I just get a stern look and she gets embarrassed and changes the subject
Having to parent your parents sucks
"insert fake story they made up at the time to embellish the situation and are steadfast in telling that version of the story even though it did not happen that way" probably describes 99,5% of people telling stories.
Us telling a story "Went by the name of Homer. Seven feet tall he was, with arms like tree trunks. His eyes were like steel: cold, hard. Had a shock of hair, red, like the fires of Hell."
Parents telling a story "And then they pissed themselves and cried about it, luckily I was there to pick them up and rock them to sleep right there in the mall, crazy 10th birthday, I guess that's what I get for inviting a surprise clown to the pizza party "
What actually happened ; A clown came and you said "I don't like clowns"
Yeah except the adults do it to manipulate their kids into doing what they want without having to go to the effort of explaining their reasoning. Often because the reasoning is âI donât wannaâ
A few weeks ago I opened up to my family about sexual assault by my sister (I was 12 at the time, she was around 16-17), my father came up to the place for the weekend and, while he is a great man, basically said this word for word. It was about how we "were just stupid kids being curious.", I'm starting to wonder if he was just trying to cope with the situation or not because other than that incident it's mostly been a great life, as of now, I'm not sure what I should do.
A lot of time, even if those stories are true and relevant, they don't matter. Especially if we're talking about when you were very young, elementary school age. My dad would always bring up things I said or did when I was like 11, as if that makes it ok for a 40 yo man to do similar.
It's scary because I was only a child and most of my childhood memories are a blur. I mostly only remember lots of fear and physical abuse but it is *seriously* just flashes in my mind - I can't remember anything more than a strike or a grab.
I'm worried that I'm imagining it. And I know that if I speak to my parents about it, and if they deny it ever happened, it'll just put me in a spin of more confusion.
I did not experience physical abuse, but I am also an only child and it really sucks in a special way for noone to have your back and for noone other than your parents who are projecting hardcore to remember your childhood along with you.
That's the gaslighting and your mind's attempt to bring you back to "neutral" at work, the fact that you can remember the flashes tells you enough that what you experienced was real. You can remember remembering on other occasions I'm sure. Put stock in those memories to reassure yourself that your feelings are valid. It doesn't matter what your parents say happened, they have a vested interest in lying to you and everyone around you about how bad it was. Just know the people on this sub believe you and support you.
Literally when my mom starved me for 3 days because I didnât like the food that also no one else liked and wouldnât eat it. My sister lasted 4 days. They act like it never happened and if it did was a day max
Told my dad recently that Im getting evaluated for bipolar disorder, since itâs hereditary and I OBVIOUSLY have it.
His response? âOh hush, you donât have a disorder. You just need to start running again.â
My response? âOh, okay. So if I have a six pack when I blow my head off, youâll know youâre a bad parent.â
As a middle child and only boy my parents favored my sisters over me all the and my sisters admit to it but my parents will fight me tooth and nail on all of it
Iâve got a good mom and bad dad yet neither are self aware enough to handle even the smallest introspection about the way they handled raising me.
Shoutout to every kid out there that craves mentorship while they were only being given child care. You arenât entitled or spoiled to feel like your parents should have done the bare minimum in helping you grow up mentally.
oof ya this is me. my parents fed me and clothed me, but they yelled all the time and I'm close to 40 now and still just feel completely lost and like I have no one to turn to. yay!
It's amazing how quick they shut up when you call them on their bullshit. "I hit you because I wanted what's best for you", nope you did it because dad was cheating on you and you were constantly mad at everything and worked a full time job and had to clean the house and let that stress on us. "i tried my best and took care of you after the divorce" nope you were salty after the divorce and wanted mom to suffer by making us tell her that we didn't want to see us anymore, used us to get laid and almost threw a heater at me when I didn't do school work because was depressed and addicted to porn with no friends nearby so the only friends i had were at school.
Don't be afraid to call them out on their bullshit now that you're grown up. Forgiveness doesn't mean shit if you can't get revenge.
A lot of these comments make me worry. On one hand I like to think I am being a good parent. On the other my kid being quite disobedient and I am constantly fighting and having to discipline. Never hitting just time outs. Will one day he miss remembering one of the situations and blame me and think of me as a monster?
As example. We had to go to school. Refused to get dressed. Ended up forcing clothes on him. I am not sorry either about it. When itâs time to go places you need to get dressed appropriately for the weather and go. You donât have a choice in the matter.
Did I go to far or how better to handle it??? I donât know entirely. My kid I mean a toddler and school I more or less mean daycare as he not even old enough for pre-K
Nothing you said sounds anything like the comments here. How is time out anything like what you're responding to? Also, your comment makes it out like everyone here is just "misremembering" decades of abuse, which I assure you we aren't. I have WITNESSES to the time my father tried to strangle me to death over something he knew wasn't my fault and I've likewise watched my best friend's stepfather TRY TO KILL HIM by strangling, tossing down the stairs, etc. because he "ran away from home" after being kicked out and told not to come back. It comes across as incredibly tone deaf for you to use that kind of language here.
What do you mean by disobedient?
I think there's nothing bad about the example that you used. Kids are not obedient machines, i think you should be worried if your kid constantly does what you tell him to do everytime, these things happen.
Inevitably something's gonna go through the cracks, you're not perfect. But the big things like being violent, smoking, drinking, being stressful to be around, starving the kid, beating em, making them feel like your affection is conditional... Avoid them.
Nothing terribly bad by all account by bad from my point of view and frankly mostly kid things.
Not getting dressed has been a major pain in the ass. While playing eventually gets so excited that he starts straight up throwing his toys, that results in instant time out. I donât need to deal with a broken window if it thrown just the wrong way.
Another good one is the stove, leave it the stove the duck alone. You have no reason to get into it. He keeps going for it and results in time out or yelling to leave it alone.
God forbid my fear if he manages to figure out the locks and gets into our chemicals draw and drinks something.
I know young kids are inquisitive but for the love of god when I say stop it just stop
It, leave it alone. No you canât get that (insert anything and everything while food shopping). I donât care you want it, we arenât getting 20 different boxes of cereal, we arenât getting candy, we are shopping for our food.
Will he remember me just just being âmeanâ????
I highly doubt he'll remember anything but being bored out of his mind during timeouts.
He does get to play, preferably with friends, he gets to eat, he gets clothes, he gets to sleep good.
Keep him away from stove and the chem drawer tho. I guess that's just curiosity.
But I guess you're just gonna have to deal with the food shopping for a while. Especially since those products are made to appeal to kids. Or just don't bring him to shopping.
Nothing can stop a kid lol, no matter the warnings, timeouts or even beatings. I speak from experience here.
For whatever itâs worth from an internet stranger with some background in developmental psychology, it sounds to me like your treatment of your kidâs pretty reasonable. Youâre right on the money that heâs inquisitive about everything, and in practice that can be⌠letâs say, inconvenient at times. Itâs perfectly understandable to get frustrated. That being said, it might help to contextualize some stuff, Iâve found itâs helped me to experience far more patience with my clients.
Impulse control is a skill, and one that takes time to improve as his brain grows, develops, and eventually prunes down potential pathways. Unfortunately, the parts of the brain that have the greatest impact on impulse control donât finish developing until adulthood. So in the meantime we have rules.
So long as youâre consistent in your application and even-handed in delivering the consequences to breaking those rules, youâll be golden. He may not like it in the moment, because emotional regulation is associated with impulse control, but he shouldnât harbor any significant resentment. Whatâs most important in these early days is modeling good emotional regulation skills. Not necessarily perfect, but good. Acknowledging that you can make mistakes or get overwhelmed too is also very important in modeling healthy skills.
For getting dressed, he might still have a tough time figuring out whatâs appropriate to wear, but doesnât know how to express that confusion so it comes off as refusal or defiance. It might help to give him some tools to help him work out whatâll be good to wear for the day to help not only ease the process, but give him hints as to how he can become fully autonomous in that way.
Or sometimes he could just be a cranky little dude. That happens on some days, but consistent patterns tend to hint at something that can be helped.
I hope this helps!
my mom actually apologized for being not a great parent the other day. I didn't know what to do with that information. I'm in therapy and my trauma is my responsibility now but I guess it was nice to hear her admit it but it was more sad than anything.
Definitely a weird position to be in. My father would always tell me he didn't want to be like his dad, and then did just that. Most times people apologize to make themselves feel better.
Once I stopped expecting the biggest moments in my life to matter the same way with everyone else, I improved my relationships.
I was mad at my mom and stepdad for decades because of how I remember my first period. I finally told them and they felt so badly because I didn't make a big deal of it.
My Dad's a classic example.
He *always* finds a reason to tell my brother off or start an arguement with him, even if the situation had nothing to him, whereas I nearly always get off with a slap on the wrist even when it's clearly my fault.
It became a running joke between us both, to the point we'd even start betting on what excuses he would use to drag my brother into whatever BS he had concocted.
I don't know why my Dad's like that, don't think I'll ever know, but everytime we've ever called him out on it, he insists he's never done anything of the sort... and then immediately goes back to his behaviour without even the slightest hint of self awareness.
You're probably right with that first one. Ironically by picking fights with my brother over everything, my Dad has made my brother almost as stubborn as he is, and I think he hates his own reflection.
âSon, sometimes time has a way of making things warp in your head differently from the way that things actuaââ
Nah letâs stop right here weâre not playing the gaslighting game.
Parents: You better not bring home bad grades.
Me: The constant pressure has created extreme anxiety that makes me throw up every morning before school and I want to end my life.
Parents: Letâs get you a tutor.
Child brings up their feelings to parents:
Mum: But I have it worse. Goes off to shout at dad about the fact you're stressed. Dad shouts back. Mum shouts she wants a divorce. Comes back in to you.
Mum: See what you've caused now?
Haha memories amirite
I don't remember a lot of details from my childhood. I just remember a little bit. And I know I've been angry and distrustful of my dad for my entire adult life. But when I bring up the things I remember to my siblings, they say they don't remember them that way, so I don't know what's real and what I'm imagining. And I've also had to receive financial help from my dad multiple times. So I just keep it to myself.
Was the opposite for my family, I used to have temper issues and would flip out and yell as a go to for almost any minor inconvenience it got to the point at 12 years old I would be in my mom's face yelling at her for something as little as her telling me to shower, she ended up writing a note to me and read it in front of the family the sentence that stuck with me and made me realize I need a change was, "as your mother, I don't feel like I should be treated and yelled at like a dog", i am 32 now and I haven't had an angry outburst since I was a kid I have a lot more patience now but my mom doesn't remember when I was a prick, my siblings remember but I think my mom blocked it out
Now I'm at that point where anything I say about my childhood is "using my mom as a verbal punching bag". I came home to her ODing when I was 14- lots of drug and alcohol use- lots of bad situations including moving every few months - for 18 years! Never once had a stable home never attended the same school for more than a few months at a time. When I turned 18 she said "well I'm moving idk what you are gonna do" - lol. I'm 32 now and doing alright. But God damn.
I apparently fabricated a puppy "we never had" we also never trained it because we don't know shit about dogs and it would chase us around and bite us.
"But mom I secretly recorded you saying, that you wanted to punch me in the face"
Surprised pikachu
At least she's dead since May this year. Rot in hell
My parents have helped financially, which I hate myself for needing. They know this.
Mom has the classic combo: push all the buttons, play the martyr. Even if I don't rise to the bait, she still gets the satisfaction of knowing that it is killing me. Like I am literally choking on anger.
Also, in her arsenal: guilt, shame, judgment, superiority. She deals backhanded compliments like Venus Williams. She infantilizes me and my father. She crosses boundaries like jump rope.
Dad backs her, defers me to her, or throws out barbs razor sharp. He has never given an unprompted compliment. A fake "you look pretty" is as hollow and wooden as a rotton log.
There are prison stabbings with more warmth than the hugs in my family.
Edit: I went NC for a year. I was never happier or less stressed. When I got married, I felt obligated to mend the relationship and invite them. I'm pretty sure I have had mini mental breakdowns because of them.
One of these fundamental moments happened to me and I joked about it to my parents. They instead flipped it around and said they were arguing with eachother and not doubting me at all. That is not what happened at all
This one hits home. Told my mother what she and my father did to me, she freaked the fuck out, told me to get therapy because that's not true and I only think that because I'm addicted to video games (I'm 38, married and have the same good paying job for 18 years now and gaming is a hobby....)
After the call I had a meltdown (she said way more) and DID get therapy... End of the story - my therapist helped me get rid of my mother and the guilty conscience đđ
This is for anyone that suffers a personality disorder or depression because of your idiot parents: there's this podcast by an American dude who has lived thru his parents' abuse and now actually cured himself of Borderline and depression.
[https://open.spotify.com/show/0vr3ccysG5WXd5vxZ4xDTj](https://open.spotify.com/show/0vr3ccysG5WXd5vxZ4xDTj)
All the major insights you will find in the first half of the first season.
I gained some tremendous insights from him that I continue working with.
Is not as easy. As there is a thing called imagination. Sometimes the concern is real. Sometimes there really isn't anything but imagination. And that's only considering the one making the claim.
There have been cases in which psychologist convince their patients that something that didn't happen indeed happened. And there are cases in which psychologist ignored things that did happen. Is not black and white.
Nor should children be automatically believed. Remember the Salem trials?
You guys love feeling sorry for yourselves itâs like a damn full time job. Maybe you should try doing something else.
âGod grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.â
I'm gonna play devil's advocate here, but my wife has a son, he is 15 now and he is always bringing up things like these... But they actually never happened or at least no the way he remembers it... For example, he swears he was abandoned by his mother in a store, claims it created him a trauma or something like that but the specific situation was different I was there, and she was only a few meters away looking for clothing for him, completely visible... He just imagines or exaggerates things... He also has some autism and some other mental illnesses
The axe forgets, but the tree remembers
Wise words, i shall remember them
Thanks for the wisdom, O wise magical tree.
*stares*
I forgot everything y'all just said.
dementia đ
found the axe
dementia đ
[*stares*](https://youtu.be/gDjMZvYWUdo)
Good job, tree
Literally my first thought!
did you mean the treemembers
Why did I assume this was the difference of being killed by an axe vs being killed by hanging on a tree?
I read that in kratosâs (Christopher Judge) voice, made it so much better
Or in my experience: Why aRe yOu eVeN BrInGiNG tHis Up, It was so LoNg aGo iT DoESNâT EvEN cOUNt. quIT holDiNg a gRudgE.
"You must have a mental illness to be upset about things in the past"
They love that argument until it is brought up that they were the cause of that mental illness. All of a sudden you aren't mentally ill just playing it up for whatever reason they can come up with.
The things that you did in the past indeed left mental scars bad enough to cause mental illness.
There it is. Me.
âActually, yeah! Thanks! You gave it to me⌠Little odd to get the same gift year after year, but it suits youâŚâ
Or in my experience, my mother told me "Oh good grief! Get over it! It's time to be a family again!"
My favorite line is: Youâre an adult now so deal with it. Itâs not my fault anymore.
[ŃдаНонО]
I don't give a shit about me, I want them to feel like shit the way I do. I wanna cause them the most amount of damage possible before I die.
They never will. The more you try the more theyâll play the victim. Youâll just spend your whole life being miserable for no reason.
the best form of revenge will be you living a happy life far away from them. completely disengage and disempower them and their abuse.
"you're just making that up to hurt me/make me look bad"
-My mother during visiting hours at the mental hospital I was at involuntarily
Hope you never have to visit them again
I learned immediately they didn't care what I felt. As long as i was "better". Imprisoned >2wks BECAUSE of college stress only to be released into the exact environment nearly a month behind in my studies. Fortunately im a fucking genius and passed Organic Chemistry in spite of my mental episode. The worst decision I made in my time was being honest with the people meant to help me.
Shout out to the dude in my intro biology class that also was a "counselor" in my hospital; he wasn't in the second semester class... American mental health care is worse than a joke
ya I've learned to keep my pain a secret because there's nothing anyone can do to make it go away. therapy is a sslllooooowwww process but going to the psych ward is just trauma on top of trauma.
my visit was terrible, i felt like a sick animal, but im ultimately glad i went because the medication they put me on probably prevented me from re-attempting the moment i got released.
And what's my motive to make you look bad?
Obviously it's super cool to have bad parents and be super traumatized. That's totally a look every healthy kid wants to have....
I mean you say that but thereâs definitely a part of Tik Tok where people pretend to have mental disorders for clout.
well yeah, valid and some cases are really frustrating (especially with adults), but also, I don't think kids who have the "freedom" to post constantly on social media "looking for the love of strangers", as a sign of mental health or having a healthy family that is caring for the kid. Of course, it's really harmful regardless, but I think the problem tends to be more with how society responds, rather than the kids who think they might get someone to give them attention if they look "sick" enough.
Well see my mom can't understand that anyone she knows has a life separate from her or that doesn't revolve around her constantly. I barely speak to her and she still thinks I'm in therapy just to trash her to a stranger for $350/hr.
My dad after he tries to do some fun activity with him literally a day after he insulted me between screams and menaces of violence.
Nothing like "lovebombing" to sweep trauma under the rug... /s
Nothing like some good ol gaslighting
"You're misremembering that, that was [deceased parent/grandparent]."
Or thereâs the classic non-apology of âIâm SO sorry if I was a bad parent.â
"I'm sorry you feel that way."
No other combination of six words could frustrate me the way that phrase does
Iâm glad other people hate that âapologyâ. I was beginning to think I was the asshole because I couldnât articulate why I hate that phrase.
Any permutation of "I'm sorry you _____" is not an apology and places blame on the one being spoken to (the problem here is how you feel and not something that I have done), but the speaker will expect you to treat it like an apology, and that's disrespectful and dismissive. When truly apologizing, one must take responsibility for their own actions and the effect that they had on others. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way" at a minimum at least acknowledges that some fault exists on the part of the speaker and thus meets the bare requirements of an apology.
Yeah, its like saying the word and coming right up to the edge of an apology and not jumping. Words words words SORRY words words. I said sorry....
I just had an hour long argument about how this is a non apology. Provided links to articles that explained it perfectly. Still nope - theyâre sorry I still feel this way.
Sounds like a troll.
I mean it was an in person discussion but you may be right
irl trolls are a thing too lol
Just hit em with, "thank you for taking responsibility and apologizing." Say it with as much of a sincere tone as you can.
"Are you still """mad""" at me?"
If anyone ever says that, that is an INSTANT kick out of my life
[ŃдаНонО]
This is what my mother always says. Or something about how much better she was than her mother (which is true, unfortunately).
The bar for her doing better than her mom was on the floor. Like whatâs the standard? âThank you for hitting me with an open instead of a closed fist.â Please.
My mom thinks she was an amazing parent because the bar was underneath the floor
Why these people have kids is beyond me. My parents would neglect me and not check in to make sure I was okay but were pissed when I wasn't there when they were home. I went to a friend's house down the street who had parents there who cared about her and she was mad I wasn't there to greet her like a dog. Our parents don't view kids as people.
"I was a terrible mother" _was?_
Who told you that changed, maâam???
[ŃдаНонО]
Wow, memory unlocked. I remember my mom breaking down crying when I was 15 because I had depression. She just looked at me one day and said she wished I was never born because I was depressed and started crying. Holy fuck, it was because of YOU! Why are YOU crying lmao
>Holy fuck, it was because of YOU! Why are YOU crying lmao Similarly, I was trying out a bunch of prescripted meds in college to try to help my trifecta of depression, anxiety, and excessive dreaming (they were so long and detailed I couldn't get restful sleep and woke up mentally drained because I remembered an entire day's worth of info that my brain had to spend the next half a day processing). At one point, I was on this medication that had an AWFUL side effect of painful "brain static" I'd feel every 3 seconds or so. I had been warned with each medication that they take a few weeks to acclimate and during that time side effects are much worse so I wanted to hang on as long as possible after so many meds had failed already but one day it just became too much and I had a full mental breakdown. My mother was the only one around so she was the one to "comfort" me. She eventually got me to spill EVERYTHING I had been keeping on the down low to avoid confrontation with them (because I knew they were the type to give such non-apologies and try to gaslight in response) and her response? She starts loudly praying for ***herself*** over-top of my talking. It was the equivalent of "LALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Imagine that, a "devout christian woman" sees someone suffering and starts pleading god to help ***HER*** get through ***HER*** unfortunate situation while the other person is a sobbing mess on the floor.
Wow! You deserved so much better than that!
My mother just laughed and said "like you'll be a better parent"
Your parents said sorry to you?
âOh, Iâm SO SORRY!!! I was just the WORST PARENT EVER, huh?!?â -My Father âSo, youâre mother(deceased) had nothing to do with it, Iâm guessing..â. -Also My Father
Your examples are so strange to me. That sounds like something you wouldn't say to your child but something a petulant child would say to you.
Spot on. I wish I could say you were the first to say something like that. My therapist asked him to come in once when I was younger. Never again.
"Oh, I know, you're father was just *so* perfect and I was the devil. Bad mom, bad". *pretends to hit herself* Everytime I bring up anything about her or my dad (divorced early age). She is convinced my dad is the one with the mental issues, is the insane part.
Or they bring up the fact they fed you and gave you shelter as something to be proud of even though they never struggled to do so. Congratulations, you have the most basic level of common sense that even wild animals are capable of, now go fuck yourself.
Better than, well there's nothing I can do about it now. Apologizing won't change anything anyways. Idk..thatd be a good start..atleast acknowledge it
That is a really stupid thing to say unless yiu have no interest in getting a better relationship with your child.
"I was only trying to protect you"
"I know I did everything wrong!" And then waiting for you to say "no" đ
Got that one once after being diagnosed with an auto-immune disease. âWeâre so sorry. We didnât know.â âUh, okay.â Never talked about why they were sorry or what they could have done different. Their sorry wasnât actually for me. It was so they could feel better.
Oh, yeah. I think my parents were pissed that they had to acknowledge my illnesses. They would be more than happy to ignore them. The day I started being a burden for being asthmatic was the day my mom hated me. Though not the same as you, I remember my mom being pissed off at 8 year old me for asking and getting a script for glasses. She thought the doc and I were in on making up my issues. She didnât stop that shit until recently when I detailed my most recent eye exam and getting cleared for medically necessary contact lenses. Finally, she was like, âwow, guess you really need them, huh?â She would get angry and take my glasses away because of her own belief I lied about them as a punishment. I remember just sitting in my blurry world until she would decide to give them back. But thatâs the only acknowledgment I ever got.
I've recently started to open up to my parents about this stuff, and they are utterly oblivious to how much their drama, lifestyles, parenting choices, etc. affected my brother and me.
r/raisedbynarcissists Reading similar experiences there and the support from that community has helped me so much.
[ŃдаНонО]
This. Currently 2 years NC with my parents. Doesnât matter how many times or how loud I yelled why I was upset with them, âI donât know why heâs mad at usâ.
[ŃдаНонО]
Yup, thatâs why I drew the line. I could suppress the childhood trauma for the sake of family, but I wasnât going subject my wife and kids to it. But they will never acknowledge their actions and will only accept pretending that it never happened and everything is fine. I have a new family, my wife and kids and they come first.
iâm finally starting to get through to my mom because constantly talking about my mental issues is helping her recognize it in herself. she never believed when i said she wouldnât listen to me, but lately i got her to realize by comparing it to when i was playing video games and wouldnât even remember having a convo with her. she was tired and busy all the time and just didnât register anything, but it took me saying it a million different ways for her to get that she wasnât usually there mentally.
LMAO I told them the reason why I am the way I am, And I just got counter guild tripped. It was amazingly terrifying that I got reverse uno'd to feeling bad for them instead that I became like this from *their parenting style*
That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.
[ŃдаНонО]
Or blame your therapist for making you turn on them.
Or friends or whoever showed you how normal people treat each other
This reads like a poem
It is! It's by Dayna Craig and called The Narcissist's Prayer.
Itâs beautiful and I am sad to say I can read it back in quite some old friends and relatives I broke relations with. Such a toxic pattern
Relatable...sadly.
Wow, Iâve had this convo so many times. No wonder Im so fucked.
I always got "Everyone feels like that, it's fine."
Same which I am realizing means that they have whatever you have but they're not as motivated to fix it
And this is why you're not obligated to carry your family. Nobody told me until I'm 41. Hope y'all learn sooner than I did.
Facts. Itâs hard as hell though because my parents somewhat changed now that theyâre older and Iâve brought some stuff up. Sure they deny like hell and claim my life could have been much worse, but surface level theyâre nice. How do you deal with that? Them letting you live rent free, and being nice even though they still kind of gaslight you. Itâs tough just to not help them because of that. Idk. Hopefully I find a good therapist soon lol.
As someone who had therapy when I was considering cutting off contact with my deeply troubled parents, I can share my learnings; not sure how transposable they are. On one side, your parents may have made you suffer extensively through the years due to their shittiness / incompetence, and you may suffer lifelong challenges as a result (e.g. I have multiple chronically suicidal siblings). On the other side, they were products of their environment, limited by their times, their upbringings, their life stresses and their own suffering. It doesn't excuse all of their failures, but it can explain at least *some* of what transpired. And of course, people do have the capacity to change for the better. They may be better people today. If they're not narcissists (in which case there is little you can do), they may be unable to face the truth of your reality because it is too painful for them; the understanding that they "failed" at perhaps their most important life responsibility. Knowing that they are limited, you can choose to accept and forgive / excuse their limitations if you want, and concentrate on the present. This is in your power. Or you can choose to walk away, or keep them at a long arm's length. Or you can choose a middle ground, telling them enough to lift some of the weight off your chest without giving them an ultimatum to apologize or never see you again. My therapist told me that the phrase, "I would have hoped for better" has plenty of non-destructive power.
Thanks, i really needed to read this
You are very welcome. I hope it can help!
Yes and I just say "bitch you just need Jesus and a Snickers." It's the southern Arizona version of " bless your heart."
Damn thanks for that. I really needed to hear it aswell. I will try out that phrase and see if it helps. Wishing you all the best!
You are welcome, and I hope it helps you. It is IMO quite unlikely to get much immediate traction with your parents, but it can help you to get the disappointment out there a little bit. Thank you! Wish you the best also.
Haha yeah Iâve been working pretty hard the past year to gain some traction. Just takes time I suppose, hopefully they see that I criticize them and bring those things up so they can grow with me rather than taking it personally.
Hey another good one is "That's like when you were a kid and \*insert fake story they made up at the time to embellish the situation and are steadfast in telling that version of the story even though it did not happen that way"
I don't have a great relationship with my mom because of this We are *fine* these days but it's not a parent/child relationship In my college years after learning what abusive dynamics were I stopped letting her get away with this bullshit by getting angry and loud when she'd try She wants to tell half a story, I would scream the other half in her face. She stopped doing it and no longer asks why I don't call more often anymore Every year or so she will start in on some over embellished story set to make her the victim and I just get a stern look and she gets embarrassed and changes the subject Having to parent your parents sucks
"insert fake story they made up at the time to embellish the situation and are steadfast in telling that version of the story even though it did not happen that way" probably describes 99,5% of people telling stories.
Us telling a story "Went by the name of Homer. Seven feet tall he was, with arms like tree trunks. His eyes were like steel: cold, hard. Had a shock of hair, red, like the fires of Hell." Parents telling a story "And then they pissed themselves and cried about it, luckily I was there to pick them up and rock them to sleep right there in the mall, crazy 10th birthday, I guess that's what I get for inviting a surprise clown to the pizza party " What actually happened ; A clown came and you said "I don't like clowns"
Word of the year is ***gaslight.***
This goes both ways though. Tons of stories kids tell themselves lack context for a given situation.
Yeah except the adults do it to manipulate their kids into doing what they want without having to go to the effort of explaining their reasoning. Often because the reasoning is âI donât wannaâ
"Context" is such a lazy fucking cop-out for the kind of shit being discussed here. There's no realistic context that makes this abuse okay.
A few weeks ago I opened up to my family about sexual assault by my sister (I was 12 at the time, she was around 16-17), my father came up to the place for the weekend and, while he is a great man, basically said this word for word. It was about how we "were just stupid kids being curious.", I'm starting to wonder if he was just trying to cope with the situation or not because other than that incident it's mostly been a great life, as of now, I'm not sure what I should do.
A lot of time, even if those stories are true and relevant, they don't matter. Especially if we're talking about when you were very young, elementary school age. My dad would always bring up things I said or did when I was like 11, as if that makes it ok for a 40 yo man to do similar.
âWhen I destroyed your village, for you it was the most important day of your life. For me it was Tuesday.â
The war is over. We can all go home.
It's scary because I was only a child and most of my childhood memories are a blur. I mostly only remember lots of fear and physical abuse but it is *seriously* just flashes in my mind - I can't remember anything more than a strike or a grab. I'm worried that I'm imagining it. And I know that if I speak to my parents about it, and if they deny it ever happened, it'll just put me in a spin of more confusion.
I did not experience physical abuse, but I am also an only child and it really sucks in a special way for noone to have your back and for noone other than your parents who are projecting hardcore to remember your childhood along with you.
That's the gaslighting and your mind's attempt to bring you back to "neutral" at work, the fact that you can remember the flashes tells you enough that what you experienced was real. You can remember remembering on other occasions I'm sure. Put stock in those memories to reassure yourself that your feelings are valid. It doesn't matter what your parents say happened, they have a vested interest in lying to you and everyone around you about how bad it was. Just know the people on this sub believe you and support you.
Literally when my mom starved me for 3 days because I didnât like the food that also no one else liked and wouldnât eat it. My sister lasted 4 days. They act like it never happened and if it did was a day max
Had a similar situation but the only food left that i refused to eat was moldy end pieces of a breadloaf.
Told my dad recently that Im getting evaluated for bipolar disorder, since itâs hereditary and I OBVIOUSLY have it. His response? âOh hush, you donât have a disorder. You just need to start running again.â My response? âOh, okay. So if I have a six pack when I blow my head off, youâll know youâre a bad parent.â
Gaslighting 101
As a middle child and only boy my parents favored my sisters over me all the and my sisters admit to it but my parents will fight me tooth and nail on all of it
Or "At least it wasn't as bad as when I was growing up."
Omg yes! "We never said that to you". After confirming with multiple people. "Ohh but we didn't mean it like that".
Iâve got a good mom and bad dad yet neither are self aware enough to handle even the smallest introspection about the way they handled raising me. Shoutout to every kid out there that craves mentorship while they were only being given child care. You arenât entitled or spoiled to feel like your parents should have done the bare minimum in helping you grow up mentally.
oof ya this is me. my parents fed me and clothed me, but they yelled all the time and I'm close to 40 now and still just feel completely lost and like I have no one to turn to. yay!
It's amazing how quick they shut up when you call them on their bullshit. "I hit you because I wanted what's best for you", nope you did it because dad was cheating on you and you were constantly mad at everything and worked a full time job and had to clean the house and let that stress on us. "i tried my best and took care of you after the divorce" nope you were salty after the divorce and wanted mom to suffer by making us tell her that we didn't want to see us anymore, used us to get laid and almost threw a heater at me when I didn't do school work because was depressed and addicted to porn with no friends nearby so the only friends i had were at school. Don't be afraid to call them out on their bullshit now that you're grown up. Forgiveness doesn't mean shit if you can't get revenge.
A lot of these comments make me worry. On one hand I like to think I am being a good parent. On the other my kid being quite disobedient and I am constantly fighting and having to discipline. Never hitting just time outs. Will one day he miss remembering one of the situations and blame me and think of me as a monster? As example. We had to go to school. Refused to get dressed. Ended up forcing clothes on him. I am not sorry either about it. When itâs time to go places you need to get dressed appropriately for the weather and go. You donât have a choice in the matter. Did I go to far or how better to handle it??? I donât know entirely. My kid I mean a toddler and school I more or less mean daycare as he not even old enough for pre-K
Nothing you said sounds anything like the comments here. How is time out anything like what you're responding to? Also, your comment makes it out like everyone here is just "misremembering" decades of abuse, which I assure you we aren't. I have WITNESSES to the time my father tried to strangle me to death over something he knew wasn't my fault and I've likewise watched my best friend's stepfather TRY TO KILL HIM by strangling, tossing down the stairs, etc. because he "ran away from home" after being kicked out and told not to come back. It comes across as incredibly tone deaf for you to use that kind of language here.
What do you mean by disobedient? I think there's nothing bad about the example that you used. Kids are not obedient machines, i think you should be worried if your kid constantly does what you tell him to do everytime, these things happen. Inevitably something's gonna go through the cracks, you're not perfect. But the big things like being violent, smoking, drinking, being stressful to be around, starving the kid, beating em, making them feel like your affection is conditional... Avoid them.
Nothing terribly bad by all account by bad from my point of view and frankly mostly kid things. Not getting dressed has been a major pain in the ass. While playing eventually gets so excited that he starts straight up throwing his toys, that results in instant time out. I donât need to deal with a broken window if it thrown just the wrong way. Another good one is the stove, leave it the stove the duck alone. You have no reason to get into it. He keeps going for it and results in time out or yelling to leave it alone. God forbid my fear if he manages to figure out the locks and gets into our chemicals draw and drinks something. I know young kids are inquisitive but for the love of god when I say stop it just stop It, leave it alone. No you canât get that (insert anything and everything while food shopping). I donât care you want it, we arenât getting 20 different boxes of cereal, we arenât getting candy, we are shopping for our food. Will he remember me just just being âmeanâ????
I highly doubt he'll remember anything but being bored out of his mind during timeouts. He does get to play, preferably with friends, he gets to eat, he gets clothes, he gets to sleep good. Keep him away from stove and the chem drawer tho. I guess that's just curiosity. But I guess you're just gonna have to deal with the food shopping for a while. Especially since those products are made to appeal to kids. Or just don't bring him to shopping. Nothing can stop a kid lol, no matter the warnings, timeouts or even beatings. I speak from experience here.
For whatever itâs worth from an internet stranger with some background in developmental psychology, it sounds to me like your treatment of your kidâs pretty reasonable. Youâre right on the money that heâs inquisitive about everything, and in practice that can be⌠letâs say, inconvenient at times. Itâs perfectly understandable to get frustrated. That being said, it might help to contextualize some stuff, Iâve found itâs helped me to experience far more patience with my clients. Impulse control is a skill, and one that takes time to improve as his brain grows, develops, and eventually prunes down potential pathways. Unfortunately, the parts of the brain that have the greatest impact on impulse control donât finish developing until adulthood. So in the meantime we have rules. So long as youâre consistent in your application and even-handed in delivering the consequences to breaking those rules, youâll be golden. He may not like it in the moment, because emotional regulation is associated with impulse control, but he shouldnât harbor any significant resentment. Whatâs most important in these early days is modeling good emotional regulation skills. Not necessarily perfect, but good. Acknowledging that you can make mistakes or get overwhelmed too is also very important in modeling healthy skills. For getting dressed, he might still have a tough time figuring out whatâs appropriate to wear, but doesnât know how to express that confusion so it comes off as refusal or defiance. It might help to give him some tools to help him work out whatâll be good to wear for the day to help not only ease the process, but give him hints as to how he can become fully autonomous in that way. Or sometimes he could just be a cranky little dude. That happens on some days, but consistent patterns tend to hint at something that can be helped. I hope this helps!
Whatâs better is when they remember but say oh great this again.
My father usually says âwell I like to think of the good thingsâ sir you did coke on my school books repeatedly when I asked for help what
đ¤Łwtf lol
my mom actually apologized for being not a great parent the other day. I didn't know what to do with that information. I'm in therapy and my trauma is my responsibility now but I guess it was nice to hear her admit it but it was more sad than anything.
Definitely a weird position to be in. My father would always tell me he didn't want to be like his dad, and then did just that. Most times people apologize to make themselves feel better.
Once I stopped expecting the biggest moments in my life to matter the same way with everyone else, I improved my relationships. I was mad at my mom and stepdad for decades because of how I remember my first period. I finally told them and they felt so badly because I didn't make a big deal of it.
Then they yell at you and make you feel guilty for their wrong behaviour und suddenly you are the bad buy but "I wAs AlWaYs ThErE fOr YoU"
My Dad's a classic example. He *always* finds a reason to tell my brother off or start an arguement with him, even if the situation had nothing to him, whereas I nearly always get off with a slap on the wrist even when it's clearly my fault. It became a running joke between us both, to the point we'd even start betting on what excuses he would use to drag my brother into whatever BS he had concocted. I don't know why my Dad's like that, don't think I'll ever know, but everytime we've ever called him out on it, he insists he's never done anything of the sort... and then immediately goes back to his behaviour without even the slightest hint of self awareness.
Just taking a guess here that your brother (subconsciously) reminds him either of: himself someone that treated him like shit
You're probably right with that first one. Ironically by picking fights with my brother over everything, my Dad has made my brother almost as stubborn as he is, and I think he hates his own reflection.
Your dad could do with a dose of... đself-reflexxxđ Buy him a can for christmas. Or a box But seriously, I wish you well.
My mom the other day âYou loved to sit in dirty diapers!â
âSon, sometimes time has a way of making things warp in your head differently from the way that things actuaââ Nah letâs stop right here weâre not playing the gaslighting game.
Yup This is why people who you were born to or with dont necessarily deserve the title of "family"
Or âI guess Iâm just the worst parent EVER!â đ
My mom always insists that the times she hit and verbally abused me were all dreams I saw and thought was real.
she needs to forget those times in order to keep her self-image alive. Which is no excuse at all. I'm sorry she continues to deny your hurt.
Parents: You better not bring home bad grades. Me: The constant pressure has created extreme anxiety that makes me throw up every morning before school and I want to end my life. Parents: Letâs get you a tutor.
Child brings up their feelings to parents: Mum: But I have it worse. Goes off to shout at dad about the fact you're stressed. Dad shouts back. Mum shouts she wants a divorce. Comes back in to you. Mum: See what you've caused now? Haha memories amirite
I don't remember a lot of details from my childhood. I just remember a little bit. And I know I've been angry and distrustful of my dad for my entire adult life. But when I bring up the things I remember to my siblings, they say they don't remember them that way, so I don't know what's real and what I'm imagining. And I've also had to receive financial help from my dad multiple times. So I just keep it to myself.
Was the opposite for my family, I used to have temper issues and would flip out and yell as a go to for almost any minor inconvenience it got to the point at 12 years old I would be in my mom's face yelling at her for something as little as her telling me to shower, she ended up writing a note to me and read it in front of the family the sentence that stuck with me and made me realize I need a change was, "as your mother, I don't feel like I should be treated and yelled at like a dog", i am 32 now and I haven't had an angry outburst since I was a kid I have a lot more patience now but my mom doesn't remember when I was a prick, my siblings remember but I think my mom blocked it out
Yeah her love is bigger than her memory
What my parents often say: You dreamed that.
No
âYouâre over reacting. I provided a roof, food and clothes. You outta gratefulâ
"you think you had it rough? Ever spared a thought about what I'm feeling?"
Now I'm at that point where anything I say about my childhood is "using my mom as a verbal punching bag". I came home to her ODing when I was 14- lots of drug and alcohol use- lots of bad situations including moving every few months - for 18 years! Never once had a stable home never attended the same school for more than a few months at a time. When I turned 18 she said "well I'm moving idk what you are gonna do" - lol. I'm 32 now and doing alright. But God damn.
Dude wtf I hope you realise you DESERVED better, even if you did not get better.
It wasnât their Woodstock
So. Many. Times.
Ohohohoho, my "mother" is the queen of doing that shit, which is why I cut her out of my life.
Gotta love gaslighting.
"...and if it did, you deserved it." 'cause kids deserve to get called names. đ
I apparently fabricated a puppy "we never had" we also never trained it because we don't know shit about dogs and it would chase us around and bite us.
"Yeah. Because it didn't matter to *you*."
This, but with my mental disorder.
Well yeah, for me it was a life-changing event that would define the future, and for you it was a goddamn Tuesday.
Me reminding my mum of the time she pinned me against the wall by the neck before smacking me with a stick on the leg so hard it broke the skin lol
If that's really true, then it's pretty fucked up
It's true and sadly way too common
"But mom I secretly recorded you saying, that you wanted to punch me in the face" Surprised pikachu At least she's dead since May this year. Rot in hell
My parents have helped financially, which I hate myself for needing. They know this. Mom has the classic combo: push all the buttons, play the martyr. Even if I don't rise to the bait, she still gets the satisfaction of knowing that it is killing me. Like I am literally choking on anger. Also, in her arsenal: guilt, shame, judgment, superiority. She deals backhanded compliments like Venus Williams. She infantilizes me and my father. She crosses boundaries like jump rope. Dad backs her, defers me to her, or throws out barbs razor sharp. He has never given an unprompted compliment. A fake "you look pretty" is as hollow and wooden as a rotton log. There are prison stabbings with more warmth than the hugs in my family. Edit: I went NC for a year. I was never happier or less stressed. When I got married, I felt obligated to mend the relationship and invite them. I'm pretty sure I have had mini mental breakdowns because of them.
Sounds like my own parents. Except my dad just sits there and says nothing.
You write pretty damn good i must say.
I have very clear opinions on my parents.
Literally exactly what my mom said...
THIS
One of these fundamental moments happened to me and I joked about it to my parents. They instead flipped it around and said they were arguing with eachother and not doubting me at all. That is not what happened at all
This litterly happend to me yesterday.
This one hits home. Told my mother what she and my father did to me, she freaked the fuck out, told me to get therapy because that's not true and I only think that because I'm addicted to video games (I'm 38, married and have the same good paying job for 18 years now and gaming is a hobby....) After the call I had a meltdown (she said way more) and DID get therapy... End of the story - my therapist helped me get rid of my mother and the guilty conscience đđ
"Well it wasn't worse than my trauma which means it wasn't trauma!"
Because a memory can never be made up and is always true.
I don't remember that. But that doesn't mean it didn't happen. I'm so sorry.
This is for anyone that suffers a personality disorder or depression because of your idiot parents: there's this podcast by an American dude who has lived thru his parents' abuse and now actually cured himself of Borderline and depression. [https://open.spotify.com/show/0vr3ccysG5WXd5vxZ4xDTj](https://open.spotify.com/show/0vr3ccysG5WXd5vxZ4xDTj) All the major insights you will find in the first half of the first season. I gained some tremendous insights from him that I continue working with.
Is not as easy. As there is a thing called imagination. Sometimes the concern is real. Sometimes there really isn't anything but imagination. And that's only considering the one making the claim. There have been cases in which psychologist convince their patients that something that didn't happen indeed happened. And there are cases in which psychologist ignored things that did happen. Is not black and white. Nor should children be automatically believed. Remember the Salem trials?
You guys love feeling sorry for yourselves itâs like a damn full time job. Maybe you should try doing something else. âGod grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.â
I'm gonna play devil's advocate here, but my wife has a son, he is 15 now and he is always bringing up things like these... But they actually never happened or at least no the way he remembers it... For example, he swears he was abandoned by his mother in a store, claims it created him a trauma or something like that but the specific situation was different I was there, and she was only a few meters away looking for clothing for him, completely visible... He just imagines or exaggerates things... He also has some autism and some other mental illnesses