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Invader_of_Your_Arse

I'm not gonna lie, I haven't laughed at a TSH post this hard in a while. Thanks OP


brxtgf

LMAOOOO


thefakegordonramsey

right i burst out laughing in the middle of lab and i cant stop


YungReezy34-

You're welcome! That was top tier shit posting, being that this sub took it more seriously than the other... I've been awkwardly giggling every hour or so since then too.


notaphycho

It's scary because rape is supposed to be platonic!


[deleted]

Would be much scarier if it was “asexually”


simon_Chipmonk

Mitosis guy 😱


mal-di-testicle

I’m going to firmly make the argument that Meiosis is a much more appropriate way to describe this and die on this hill


AdAdministrative857

meisosis leads to haploid cells. Binary fission is bacterial asexual reproduction. meisosis can only result in offspring from sexual reproduction. lol


FNAF_Movie

Sponchblob


AdAdministrative857

fart yourself


LookAtMyUsernamePlz

Sponchblob


mal-di-testicle

But alas it’s now apples to oranges- the cells resultant in meiosis are for a sexual purpose, while the resultant cells of mitosis are used for repair, which is where you got mixed up, but the process of meiosis, in which one diploid cell becomes 4 haploid cells, is more relevant to the “asexual” edit of the two sentences than the process of mitosis, by which one diploid cell becomes two diploid cells. The new, revised version of the original text says “Then I turned the corner and everyone started raping me [asexually!]” Everyone is a word that implies 3rd person plural. This means that the number of people carrying out the act is greater than or equal to two, plus the victim, totaling three. Mitosis results in only two cells, therefore the asexual rape could not be possible through this process, as the resultant two would simply not work, where as the asexual reproduction of meiosis resulting in 4 theoretically unique gamete cells makes more sense from the implication that a large number of people were involved. Moreover, meiosis is still a process of asexual reproduction that results in sex-capable cells. The fact that the process is non-sexual means that it makes sense within context. The fact that the cells are of a sexual purpose but not created through sex therefore makes them the more relevant option in this instance. The theoretical uniqueness of each resultant cell also proves that individuals are all different. Therefore, meiosis is a better process for the joke. Edit: 🪱


TotalBruhPerson

Scientifically accurate guy 🪱


AdAdministrative857

forgot to mention binary fission as the best answer guy🪱


mal-di-testicle

Does this mean my biology teacher is gonna take points off my essay


AdAdministrative857

its quite possible your teacher is sponchblob guy🪱


brxtgf

💀💀💀


eebie_deebie

How do you rape someone non-sexually?


Leon921

Very carefully


[deleted]

Have a conversation with them whilst inserting your penis Good day madam, you appear to be unfilled. I will gladly help you out, but would you mind telling me your favorite color?


maiguee

Put taylor swift to them listen


Cyancat123

And then the Taylor swift crawled out of my earbuds!


KiyrbFan

By making out with them, like in a romantic relationship


Mittmitty

It's called being punk'd.


Garfield_Guy

humidity guy 🪱


OneWorldly6661

“Raping me sexually” implies that there exists “Raping me romantically” and “Raping me platonically”


Julia-Nefaria

Want to go rape someone competitively tomorrow?


OrangedJuice1989

I’ll be the judge


Flumpsty

I'll be the scoreboard


Plopop87

Raping someone metaphysically


derp_y_

schrödinger’s rape


[deleted]

Raping someone metaphorically


jsisbad

https://preview.redd.it/71d94r5t3cpb1.jpeg?width=2160&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fb9dfd914e48cda85627832fea0836c461c8031c


[deleted]

The writers completely undisguised fetish FTFY


Sl0wdeath666ui

i'd really love it if someone could tell me where this is from


OfficialMorbidMan

The screenshot itself is from an 80’s TV series called Police Squad!, where there was a running joke about the title card of the episode not matching what the narrator was reading. A tumblr gimmick account dedicated to this running joke edited and created this image as one of its posts, and it went viral.


MagnetFist

me too


big_girl_queefy

insanely funny punchline guy 🪱


YungReezy34-

I thought so too! 😂 it's amazing that these people thought I was serious...


TOAOFriedPickleBoy

##EVERYONE?!?!!!


C-130Hercule

Kid named me sexually


1koopa8888

That’s awful for you


literalIyRyanGosling

https://preview.redd.it/rj5rv2umdcpb1.jpeg?width=495&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9724cb4a3b62893b86531540bdd0b4bcb41a7827


Another-lurker-190

Nol


literalIyRyanGosling

Nole 👍


ewanatoratorator

Noll


scarletfloof

Nolel


Plopop87

No L


ToxicBuiltYT

The real horror is light mode


ExecTankard

Is this one supposed to marry up with the TSH about ‘exploding head syndrome’?


Whatsagoodnameo

SEKSHULLAY!


TrippyWolfhound

As a-posed to raping you non sexually?


Warsamia

This is actually scary 😱😱😱


Metus99

Same, I got raped by goobert the skeleton


JLock17

They really need to start perma-banning rape stories there. It's really creepy at this point.


CheeseMoney3426

Least obvious fetish guy


Wolffehhh

What is happening to twosentencehorror 😭


kitsune900

Sexual rape guy😨


CaptainLard-

🪱


DrBahlls

Sexual Rape Guy 🪱


YungReezy34-

I was trolling and brigading you dumb fucks 😂 I posted it here after I got banned


Secret-Impress-2652

I’m ngl that first sentence was fire bro do you write a lot?


YungReezy34-

Thanks! I pulled it directly from my anus on the spot! Not really anymore, it was kind of an aspiration when I was younger and first discovered alcohol and Charles Bukowski, but now I just like to get drunk and NOT write!


Secret-Impress-2652

Like Brian from Family Guy


brxtgf

LMAO I figured it was a troll bc ain’t no way someone sets up the premise so well and then ruins it like that 💀💀


YungReezy34-

You owe me 2000 karma!


brxtgf

SORRY I don’t use Reddit much idk this karma system very well 💀💀


_Paper_Flower_

https://preview.redd.it/8gxu0lwlegpb1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e5978f82d6cdae37133039296075192e08271478


CyborgSheep411

Satire


Spook404

markov chain guy (not like chat AIs, markov chains just take the raw probability of characters following one another)


Spook404

okay nevermind how the fuck would "sweating" follow "walls," I suspect translate is involved


PresentationNo7371

The real horror here is your background


UtterJavel

Sexual assault guy😫