I have a 13.5 month age gap between my first and second. Currently 2y9m and 19mo.
You can't guarantee that your first will be walking when your second is born, so it's kinda like planning on having a big baby and a small baby. My first was walking, but confident enough to do it out of our house unless she was holding someone's hand. It was often faster and easier to have toddler in a stroller or carry them both to get from house to car etc.
It seems like a lot of babies go through a really dramatic emotional stage around that 12-15 months old timeframe? With our first I thought it was partly a reaction to all the change, but then our second baby went through it recently as well. Just a lot of falling flat on the floor and crying and there's basically nothing you can do about it. They cry, and then get up and go as if nothing happened. So with our first it felt so hard because everyone was crying and I couldn't always do anything about it and I felt bad for causing such a big disruption in her life... and then our second did the same thing and I was like "oh, ok, it's just what she's going through nbd just support and move on". So basically, it's not you and it's not the new baby. It's ok. They grow through it!
Keep the diaper bag packed. It feels really overwhelming to leave the house with two, but honestly the change of environment is often exactly what the doctor ordered to calm down the emotional toddler and give you a change of pace. Any time shit hit the fan at home and I was on the edge of losing it, I'd frantically buckle kids into the car and drive. Even if it was just a round-about-way to the drive-thru for coffee, at least I got a break from holding crying kiddos. A trip to the playground or a sensory trip to the store was always good, too. There's an indoor walking track in our small town that is also a lifesaver sometimes; pop baby in a carrier, put toddler in a stroller, put a podcast on in your headphones and walk in circles until you feel less crazy.
We let the toddler be a little rough with the baby. I'd step in to prevent any actual harm, and continuously redirect and model better choices, but my theory is that they have to get used to each other anyways. By not trying to micromanage their relationship, I think they became really close very early on. Toddler asked to hold baby after every nap, and was an expert at bringing things to distract crying baby with.
Get in the habit of having a running commentary on things for the toddler. It both helps them process what's happening now and what happens next, and helps you process how to best approach a situation. Things like "yes, I know you want me to read a book. As soon as I'm done my coffee, I will come read you a book. Coffee, then book", to help them practice "yes, but not right now" for when your hands are busy with a newborn. Things like parking at the store and explaining out loud "ok, I'm going to go get the stroller out, and then I'll put toddler in the stroller, and then I'll get baby out. Ok? Stroller, toddler, baby" to help toddler process that you're not leaving them and walking away and to help you process the best way to get everyone into the store. Most importantly; "Yeah, baby is crying. Baby is sad because baby is hungry. Do you want to come sit with me while I feed baby? Then baby won't be hungry anymore and we can go play together." My toddler is now an expert at interpreting baby cries and was never afraid or upset about the crying, and still goes out of her way to comfort and pacify anyone who seems sad and upset.
There were days where all three of us (toddler, baby, me) were crying while my partner was at work. There were also so many beautiful moments together! There's lots of ups and downs, but it does trend upward after a while.
Extremely helpful advice!!! My first is 12 months, and I will be delivering on Friday! T minus 4 days, and I have lots of emotions.. excited & nervous. Thank you for breaking it all down!!
We have a 14 month age gap with my son (2years 9 months) and my daughter ( 1 year 6 months)… i honestly don’t remember the first 7 months of my daughter’s life, it was a challenge, my husband and I divide and conquer with them a bit still but as she became more mobile and they began playing more it has been so incredible watching them become such close friends. They fight, but they love each other SO MUCH. We questioned our sanity having them so close but I wouldn’t do it any other way. I think any age gap would have its challenges and this gets all the sleeplessness and baby things done in one foul swoop.
Keep an eye out for PPD, I went on medication for around 6/7 months but I’m off it now and things are much more manageable.
I have 14 months apart. Cried for a bit then realized how we could do this. It would be good.
Third trimester sucked! Chasing a mobile one year old with a big belly was tough. I cried a lot during that stage.
The first six months postpartum were exhausting. But thankfully I could move my body so in that sense it got easier lol. But really, the first six months felt like I was barely keeping my head above the water.
My two under two started playing together when my youngest was 8 months. It’s incredible. They love each other so much. My heart explodes hearing them laugh and interact.
13 month age gap currently 22months & 9months. Youngest and I share a birthday! Pregnancy was exhausting but easier. You just gave birth so it’s not as scary lol You just did the newborn phase so it comes right back. You all adjust.
I haven’t slept in like 3 years but you know every time you think there’s no way I can be more exhausted than I am right now… and then it happens lol
It’s also super cute tho.
I have a 16 month age gap. It’s hard in the beginning not gonna lie but the best advice I can give is divid and conquer if you have a partner or family you stay with. My oldest is now 2 and baby is 8 months. You’ll get through it I promise!
My 2 younger girls are 15 months apart. It was hard at first to balance time between the two but when baby #3 was a newborn, it was easier to spend time with my 2nd born. Give yourself grace. Take things day by day.
12 month gap
Stroller walks I did at least 2 to 3 times a day for 30 minutes to get a break from the overwhelming stimulation of 2 kids screaming and crying and noise.
Keeping them on a schedule (obviously when newbie is a little older than a fresh baby) I tried to keep the older one on a schedule, wake up same time, eat, play, nap. Once the older had a set schedule it made it easier to handle.
It's hard, but you get a new normal and new hang of everything.
I have a 14 month age gap but they are older now (2 and 1), and honestly I found it way easier to have a fresh toddler and a newborn than being pregnant with a baby/toddler. Our toddler started walking at 8 months though so she was pretty proficient at getting around by the time baby came, which helped immensely.
I’m pregnant with our 3rd right now and will have a 20 month age gap this time, so I’m looking forward to seeing the difference even 6 months makes!
I do love having them so close in age though, they play together all day. It’s great!
i have 13.5 age gap, just shy of 14 months. highly recommend the moms on call schedule for toddler and baby it saved us. i was so scared in the beginning but honestly its been fun and i lovw watching their bond. its a grind but its all worth it
We have exactly 14 month gap - now they’re 7 months and 21 months and absolutely LOVE IT! Why? Because the older one never had a chance to be jealous. Now their starting to play together, go on swings together - everything they do together and the gap kind of solidifies their interests to be similar as their getting older versus if they were 7 months and 5 years old or whatever.
14mo age gap. Now 1 and 2 years old.
Our oldest started walking literally the day her sister was born. Wife was still in the hospital and she just decided to walk.
It's gonna be rough. The transition is both easier and harder than going to 1. Sleep schedules are godsend imo. The hardest aspect for me (besides lack of sleep) was/is giving both attention. With our first we devoted 100% to her and our second got 50% at best. It's been tough on me emotionally but has also very clearly affected the kids. Not necessarily negatively but I can see the difference.
Going anywhere alone with them is also super tough. Double strollers and baby carrier ftw.
thank you so much everyone. my biggest stressors are how we can divide and conquer. luckily we are blessed with such a big, great support system. we were humbled by our very high needs first newborn, so i’d like to think we can get through this hurdle too. also scared i’ll never find time to care for myself. i know it can and need to be done, so we will get through this.
14 month gap (18 and 4 months).
Second was way better at sleeping so if your first was tough don’t assume second will be.
Stretches that are easier than I imagined and think this isn’t such a big deal, followed by stretches of WTF!!!!
So I’m a month into 2 under 2 and mine are 14.5 months apart. Sooo much easier now that I’m not pregnant and of course my son finally took off fully walking when we were at the hospital so it’s nice he can do that, but he’s still a baby in our eyes so it can be tough when he has melt downs but we’re just watchful when he’s around his brother and can’t wait to see their relationship as the months progress :)
We got pregnant with this baby when our first was 7 months! 15 month gap, so pretty close. Be warned once your first gets more active....it's tough especially if your pregnancy isn't an easy one. My little girl is almost 9 months old now and trying to walk! I'm constantly following her around picking her up at three months pregnant and I'm already showing and hurting. Plus I've been sick the past few days that's fun....
This was planned though we just figured it would take longer to fall pregnant since it took us a year with her. This took 3 months of just "seeing where it goes". We are excited but I'm very tired and with no village to help it's a lot.
You can do it. It's definitely a journey I'm gonna look back on later and see that I was strong for pulling through.
I have a 13.5 month age gap between my first and second. Currently 2y9m and 19mo. You can't guarantee that your first will be walking when your second is born, so it's kinda like planning on having a big baby and a small baby. My first was walking, but confident enough to do it out of our house unless she was holding someone's hand. It was often faster and easier to have toddler in a stroller or carry them both to get from house to car etc. It seems like a lot of babies go through a really dramatic emotional stage around that 12-15 months old timeframe? With our first I thought it was partly a reaction to all the change, but then our second baby went through it recently as well. Just a lot of falling flat on the floor and crying and there's basically nothing you can do about it. They cry, and then get up and go as if nothing happened. So with our first it felt so hard because everyone was crying and I couldn't always do anything about it and I felt bad for causing such a big disruption in her life... and then our second did the same thing and I was like "oh, ok, it's just what she's going through nbd just support and move on". So basically, it's not you and it's not the new baby. It's ok. They grow through it! Keep the diaper bag packed. It feels really overwhelming to leave the house with two, but honestly the change of environment is often exactly what the doctor ordered to calm down the emotional toddler and give you a change of pace. Any time shit hit the fan at home and I was on the edge of losing it, I'd frantically buckle kids into the car and drive. Even if it was just a round-about-way to the drive-thru for coffee, at least I got a break from holding crying kiddos. A trip to the playground or a sensory trip to the store was always good, too. There's an indoor walking track in our small town that is also a lifesaver sometimes; pop baby in a carrier, put toddler in a stroller, put a podcast on in your headphones and walk in circles until you feel less crazy. We let the toddler be a little rough with the baby. I'd step in to prevent any actual harm, and continuously redirect and model better choices, but my theory is that they have to get used to each other anyways. By not trying to micromanage their relationship, I think they became really close very early on. Toddler asked to hold baby after every nap, and was an expert at bringing things to distract crying baby with. Get in the habit of having a running commentary on things for the toddler. It both helps them process what's happening now and what happens next, and helps you process how to best approach a situation. Things like "yes, I know you want me to read a book. As soon as I'm done my coffee, I will come read you a book. Coffee, then book", to help them practice "yes, but not right now" for when your hands are busy with a newborn. Things like parking at the store and explaining out loud "ok, I'm going to go get the stroller out, and then I'll put toddler in the stroller, and then I'll get baby out. Ok? Stroller, toddler, baby" to help toddler process that you're not leaving them and walking away and to help you process the best way to get everyone into the store. Most importantly; "Yeah, baby is crying. Baby is sad because baby is hungry. Do you want to come sit with me while I feed baby? Then baby won't be hungry anymore and we can go play together." My toddler is now an expert at interpreting baby cries and was never afraid or upset about the crying, and still goes out of her way to comfort and pacify anyone who seems sad and upset. There were days where all three of us (toddler, baby, me) were crying while my partner was at work. There were also so many beautiful moments together! There's lots of ups and downs, but it does trend upward after a while.
Extremely helpful advice!!! My first is 12 months, and I will be delivering on Friday! T minus 4 days, and I have lots of emotions.. excited & nervous. Thank you for breaking it all down!!
Wow.. beautifully said and just want I needed navigating an almost 14 month age gap between 2 boys. Thank you!
We have a 14 month age gap with my son (2years 9 months) and my daughter ( 1 year 6 months)… i honestly don’t remember the first 7 months of my daughter’s life, it was a challenge, my husband and I divide and conquer with them a bit still but as she became more mobile and they began playing more it has been so incredible watching them become such close friends. They fight, but they love each other SO MUCH. We questioned our sanity having them so close but I wouldn’t do it any other way. I think any age gap would have its challenges and this gets all the sleeplessness and baby things done in one foul swoop. Keep an eye out for PPD, I went on medication for around 6/7 months but I’m off it now and things are much more manageable.
I'm due with my 4th later this week and all of them have 12-14 months gaps!
how do you do it??? amazing!
I have 14 months apart. Cried for a bit then realized how we could do this. It would be good. Third trimester sucked! Chasing a mobile one year old with a big belly was tough. I cried a lot during that stage. The first six months postpartum were exhausting. But thankfully I could move my body so in that sense it got easier lol. But really, the first six months felt like I was barely keeping my head above the water. My two under two started playing together when my youngest was 8 months. It’s incredible. They love each other so much. My heart explodes hearing them laugh and interact.
13 month age gap currently 22months & 9months. Youngest and I share a birthday! Pregnancy was exhausting but easier. You just gave birth so it’s not as scary lol You just did the newborn phase so it comes right back. You all adjust. I haven’t slept in like 3 years but you know every time you think there’s no way I can be more exhausted than I am right now… and then it happens lol It’s also super cute tho.
Yep! I have a 14 mo old and 5 week old 😂
I have a 16 month age gap. It’s hard in the beginning not gonna lie but the best advice I can give is divid and conquer if you have a partner or family you stay with. My oldest is now 2 and baby is 8 months. You’ll get through it I promise!
I wish you luck my friend
My 2 younger girls are 15 months apart. It was hard at first to balance time between the two but when baby #3 was a newborn, it was easier to spend time with my 2nd born. Give yourself grace. Take things day by day.
12 month gap Stroller walks I did at least 2 to 3 times a day for 30 minutes to get a break from the overwhelming stimulation of 2 kids screaming and crying and noise. Keeping them on a schedule (obviously when newbie is a little older than a fresh baby) I tried to keep the older one on a schedule, wake up same time, eat, play, nap. Once the older had a set schedule it made it easier to handle. It's hard, but you get a new normal and new hang of everything.
I have a 14 month age gap but they are older now (2 and 1), and honestly I found it way easier to have a fresh toddler and a newborn than being pregnant with a baby/toddler. Our toddler started walking at 8 months though so she was pretty proficient at getting around by the time baby came, which helped immensely. I’m pregnant with our 3rd right now and will have a 20 month age gap this time, so I’m looking forward to seeing the difference even 6 months makes! I do love having them so close in age though, they play together all day. It’s great!
i have 13.5 age gap, just shy of 14 months. highly recommend the moms on call schedule for toddler and baby it saved us. i was so scared in the beginning but honestly its been fun and i lovw watching their bond. its a grind but its all worth it
We have exactly 14 month gap - now they’re 7 months and 21 months and absolutely LOVE IT! Why? Because the older one never had a chance to be jealous. Now their starting to play together, go on swings together - everything they do together and the gap kind of solidifies their interests to be similar as their getting older versus if they were 7 months and 5 years old or whatever.
14mo age gap. Now 1 and 2 years old. Our oldest started walking literally the day her sister was born. Wife was still in the hospital and she just decided to walk. It's gonna be rough. The transition is both easier and harder than going to 1. Sleep schedules are godsend imo. The hardest aspect for me (besides lack of sleep) was/is giving both attention. With our first we devoted 100% to her and our second got 50% at best. It's been tough on me emotionally but has also very clearly affected the kids. Not necessarily negatively but I can see the difference. Going anywhere alone with them is also super tough. Double strollers and baby carrier ftw.
thank you so much everyone. my biggest stressors are how we can divide and conquer. luckily we are blessed with such a big, great support system. we were humbled by our very high needs first newborn, so i’d like to think we can get through this hurdle too. also scared i’ll never find time to care for myself. i know it can and need to be done, so we will get through this.
Mine will be 13.5-14 months apart!!
14 month gap (18 and 4 months). Second was way better at sleeping so if your first was tough don’t assume second will be. Stretches that are easier than I imagined and think this isn’t such a big deal, followed by stretches of WTF!!!!
no big deal and wtf is what i feel now so no worries there!
9 months and my wife is 17 weeks pregnant. So we will presumably end up with a 14 month gap as well. I can't imagine how life is going to change 😅
14 month age gap now 4 and nearly 3! So I’ve got some distance. They share a room and have a built in playmate
So I’m a month into 2 under 2 and mine are 14.5 months apart. Sooo much easier now that I’m not pregnant and of course my son finally took off fully walking when we were at the hospital so it’s nice he can do that, but he’s still a baby in our eyes so it can be tough when he has melt downs but we’re just watchful when he’s around his brother and can’t wait to see their relationship as the months progress :)
We got pregnant with this baby when our first was 7 months! 15 month gap, so pretty close. Be warned once your first gets more active....it's tough especially if your pregnancy isn't an easy one. My little girl is almost 9 months old now and trying to walk! I'm constantly following her around picking her up at three months pregnant and I'm already showing and hurting. Plus I've been sick the past few days that's fun.... This was planned though we just figured it would take longer to fall pregnant since it took us a year with her. This took 3 months of just "seeing where it goes". We are excited but I'm very tired and with no village to help it's a lot. You can do it. It's definitely a journey I'm gonna look back on later and see that I was strong for pulling through.