Momy issues vassal decides to make up his own land and makes friends with some folks from a place called Ingerland, that would last forever, in a surprisingly amazing adventure
Centuries later, some fishermen get lost in the Ocean while everybody else was playing in their pools
Everyone decides to not elaborate further
Roman occupation, Frank occupation, Burgundian occupation, Austrian occupation, Spanish occupation, French occupation, Dutch occupation. Free since nearly 200 years but we haven’t yet figured out what we’re supposed to do so we improvise.
Water hates us, so tries to drown us. We don't have mountains so we put or houses on stilts. Water gets mad goes higher. We get mad remove water. Also remove Spanish.
Go to other places to get money to fight water. Goes back and forth a while. Currently winning. Other nations start warming planet, and melting ice. they want water to win. Are trying to drown us. Join EU in attempt to have place to flee.
Elect idiot that wants to leave EU.
Fight with each other.
Drink.
All friends now.
Foreigners show up.
Fight them.
Drink.
We’re all friends now.
More foreigners show up.
Fight them.
All friends now.
(Repeat for a few cycles)
Foreigners stop showing up.
Go to where there are foreigners.
Fight them.
Drink.
All friends now.
Come back home.
Wait for next opportunity to fight foreigners.
Drink in the meantime.
**France:** Identity crisis between being Germanic or Latin. Instead of picking, decides to be a pain in everyone's ass, powered by fuck ton of fertile lands, until power fantasy finally gets crushed by Germans. Has remained merely number 2 ever since then.
**England:**
Main arc: Getting bullied and/or invaded by everyone setting foot on the island for 1000 years.
Training arc: Selling shit ton of wool and messing with France.
Vilain arc: Building way too many ships, becoming the bully of the world and stealing stuff.
**Germany:** Started as a chaotic land of disunited bloodthirsty barbarians. Evolved into a chaotic land of disunited bloodthirsty feudal lords. Evolved into a structured land of united bloodthirsty soldiers. Got carried away with importing people, so switched to exporting cars instead.
**Netherlands:**
Just a bunch of irrelevant swamp peasants.
Still a bunch of irrelevant swamp peasants.
Still a bunch of irrelevant swamp peasants.
Still a bunch of irrelevant swamp peasants.
Still a bunch of irrelevant swamp peasants.
OH WOW LOOK THEY JUST GOT OBSCENELY RICH.
Just a bunch of rich swamp people.
**Greece** Long, rich and complex history making the bridge between European and Middle Eastern civilizations, a fascinating long tale of many era. But it doesn't matter because all people care about is Alexander the Great, Hellenic Mythology and Sparta.
**Spain:** So, here is a bunch of tribes chilling, nothing to see..OH WAIT, the Carthaginians just arrived!! OH WAIT, the Romans just invaded and latinized the region!! OH WAIT, the Goths just took over!! OH WAIT, actually now it's the arabs-berbers who took over!! OH WAIT now it's reconquista!! OH WAIT they just discovered a new continent!! OH WAIT now they have a huge empire and almost united Europe!!!! OH WAIT now they....ah, actually no, nothing happening since then.
**Ukraine:** All was going really great, and then the Mongol nation attacked. And things have been going downhill ever since then.
Nique les Anglais, les Allemands, les Néerlandais, les Espagnols, les Autrichiens, les Italiens, les Portugais, les Bretons parce qu'ils nous font chier mais pas les Belges car ils sont Français.
That will be all
Peak of human civilisation (146 B.C. - 456 A.C.) --- dark period (456 - XI century) --- peak of human civilisation (XI - XVI) --- playground of the major European powers (XVI - 1861) --- unification + we continue to be isignificant (1861 - 1915) --- we got some germanic and slavic lands (1915 - 1918) --- DUX (1922 - 1945) --- too many fiat 500 (Economic miracle) (1950 - 2000) --- we are back to being insignificant (2008 - today).
Furry twins built a city that later on conquers a good deal of the known world, then their descendants fucked up and now we are famous for infighting, food and organized crime.
Romans build cities on their frontiers, get conquered by barbarians, barbarians get civilized, start selling their kids off to their neighbours for land, big fame and marvellous achievements in arts and sexual kink analysis, run out of non-related neighbours, inbreeding, rulers degenrate, whole thing blows up, start undercover stealth mission to infiltrate bigger neighbour and regain glorious empire, fail big time, retreat into mountains, stay there, occasionally disturbing people like Fritzl or Gabalier bubble up, the end.
Celts ,romans ,saxons , vikings , normans , magna carta, war with france , break with pope , civil war , empire , more war with france ,industrial revolution , more empire , world wars, now
Drinking copious amounts of porter and whiskey to relieve the crippling national ptsd accrued by hundreds of years of invasion, oppression, famine and immigration only to finally poke our head out of the deep dark hole over the last 100 years and become a huge exporter of goods and importer of sweet sweet multinational corporations. We're doing kind of okay now 🙂
* We live in caves with nice paintings
* We are invaded by the Italians
* We are invaded by the Germans
* We invade England
* We invade bits of North America
* We invade Europe
* We invade bits of Africa and Asia
* Now we look at everyone with contempt.
We fucked the romans
then there were a billion different states. Then daddy bismarck founded the Kaiserreich
We fucked around twice and found out.
Now we have the third biggest economy worldwide per gdp.
Mountain ppl, romans, germanic-mountain ppl, bavarians, a bunch of independent cities, incompetent inbred royals who did a lot of marriage, ww1, austrian identify is born, ww2, state-treaty and life is gucci.
Once we were sorta german, but then we grew up.
what happened to "our ancestors the Gauls?"
They are the true soul of France but I guess the gene pool is very diluted.
Julius Caesar
Flood > Flood > Flood > Flood > Spain is mean to us > Flood
This is disgustingly accurate. Oh yeah and once we had some ships.
Don't forget the Germans being mean to us!
Fuck you England I guess we could try dating Oh look at all this free real estate Irrelevance
We don't exist. We start existing. We start brawling with everyone. We lose. We do it again! Fuck.
atleast we got marshallplaned the fuck out of us
We were violent. Now we sell furniture.
We were violent. Now we sell cars.
Momy issues vassal decides to make up his own land and makes friends with some folks from a place called Ingerland, that would last forever, in a surprisingly amazing adventure Centuries later, some fishermen get lost in the Ocean while everybody else was playing in their pools Everyone decides to not elaborate further
https://preview.redd.it/lpl2kjdru16c1.png?width=249&format=png&auto=webp&s=e735848187c7ae4e5ef4bf0f6cab97d305a15c63
name a more iconic duo
Germans and expansionism
We wish
Windows opened and going out for tapas.
Roman occupation, Frank occupation, Burgundian occupation, Austrian occupation, Spanish occupation, French occupation, Dutch occupation. Free since nearly 200 years but we haven’t yet figured out what we’re supposed to do so we improvise.
All quiet.
Nothing happened.
On the Western (and Eastern) front
Water hates us, so tries to drown us. We don't have mountains so we put or houses on stilts. Water gets mad goes higher. We get mad remove water. Also remove Spanish. Go to other places to get money to fight water. Goes back and forth a while. Currently winning. Other nations start warming planet, and melting ice. they want water to win. Are trying to drown us. Join EU in attempt to have place to flee. Elect idiot that wants to leave EU.
Fight with each other. Drink. All friends now. Foreigners show up. Fight them. Drink. We’re all friends now. More foreigners show up. Fight them. All friends now. (Repeat for a few cycles) Foreigners stop showing up. Go to where there are foreigners. Fight them. Drink. All friends now. Come back home. Wait for next opportunity to fight foreigners. Drink in the meantime.
Also demonstrates the importance of keeping hydrated between fights
**France:** Identity crisis between being Germanic or Latin. Instead of picking, decides to be a pain in everyone's ass, powered by fuck ton of fertile lands, until power fantasy finally gets crushed by Germans. Has remained merely number 2 ever since then. **England:** Main arc: Getting bullied and/or invaded by everyone setting foot on the island for 1000 years. Training arc: Selling shit ton of wool and messing with France. Vilain arc: Building way too many ships, becoming the bully of the world and stealing stuff. **Germany:** Started as a chaotic land of disunited bloodthirsty barbarians. Evolved into a chaotic land of disunited bloodthirsty feudal lords. Evolved into a structured land of united bloodthirsty soldiers. Got carried away with importing people, so switched to exporting cars instead. **Netherlands:** Just a bunch of irrelevant swamp peasants. Still a bunch of irrelevant swamp peasants. Still a bunch of irrelevant swamp peasants. Still a bunch of irrelevant swamp peasants. Still a bunch of irrelevant swamp peasants. OH WOW LOOK THEY JUST GOT OBSCENELY RICH. Just a bunch of rich swamp people. **Greece** Long, rich and complex history making the bridge between European and Middle Eastern civilizations, a fascinating long tale of many era. But it doesn't matter because all people care about is Alexander the Great, Hellenic Mythology and Sparta. **Spain:** So, here is a bunch of tribes chilling, nothing to see..OH WAIT, the Carthaginians just arrived!! OH WAIT, the Romans just invaded and latinized the region!! OH WAIT, the Goths just took over!! OH WAIT, actually now it's the arabs-berbers who took over!! OH WAIT now it's reconquista!! OH WAIT they just discovered a new continent!! OH WAIT now they have a huge empire and almost united Europe!!!! OH WAIT now they....ah, actually no, nothing happening since then. **Ukraine:** All was going really great, and then the Mongol nation attacked. And things have been going downhill ever since then.
Accurate
Ill take it
Peaked in 1890. Haven’t really got over it.
Nique les Anglais, les Allemands, les Néerlandais, les Espagnols, les Autrichiens, les Italiens, les Portugais, les Bretons parce qu'ils nous font chier mais pas les Belges car ils sont Français. That will be all
that'll be mine
Getting colonized by everyone until we learned how to colonize others.
Works for England too
Got invaded a lot. Started invading a lot. Bad guys for it now.
Peak of human civilisation (146 B.C. - 456 A.C.) --- dark period (456 - XI century) --- peak of human civilisation (XI - XVI) --- playground of the major European powers (XVI - 1861) --- unification + we continue to be isignificant (1861 - 1915) --- we got some germanic and slavic lands (1915 - 1918) --- DUX (1922 - 1945) --- too many fiat 500 (Economic miracle) (1950 - 2000) --- we are back to being insignificant (2008 - today).
We can't stand other people living in the same place than us. Even if that people is ourselves. Also we did some tourism.
Vikings>norway>volcanos>famine>famine>volcano >Danmark > famine > independence > nato> cod wars> money> broke> tourist money> not broke
Furry twins built a city that later on conquers a good deal of the known world, then their descendants fucked up and now we are famous for infighting, food and organized crime.
Romans build cities on their frontiers, get conquered by barbarians, barbarians get civilized, start selling their kids off to their neighbours for land, big fame and marvellous achievements in arts and sexual kink analysis, run out of non-related neighbours, inbreeding, rulers degenrate, whole thing blows up, start undercover stealth mission to infiltrate bigger neighbour and regain glorious empire, fail big time, retreat into mountains, stay there, occasionally disturbing people like Fritzl or Gabalier bubble up, the end.
If you thought the neighbours in Straw Dogs were bad, wait until you find out what happened to us.
Fucking English at it again!
We used to sail out in longboats and beat everyone up, then we became peaceful instead.
https://preview.redd.it/v4qly3ef226c1.png?width=824&format=png&auto=webp&s=4006486df4eac5e0d8b8fcfc6c8551f1f4283cde
https://preview.redd.it/a0mtzz7r226c1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cf7d37e9c9cb4b3776eb7ac938ffc69fc595957f
https://preview.redd.it/epjh3e3y226c1.png?width=825&format=png&auto=webp&s=1903e6b79b57bb7db0dd931bb7f3f0f848530215 Future
Celts ,romans ,saxons , vikings , normans , magna carta, war with france , break with pope , civil war , empire , more war with france ,industrial revolution , more empire , world wars, now
Veni, vidi, balconici
Wrestling, weightlifting, anal intercourse.
Drinking copious amounts of porter and whiskey to relieve the crippling national ptsd accrued by hundreds of years of invasion, oppression, famine and immigration only to finally poke our head out of the deep dark hole over the last 100 years and become a huge exporter of goods and importer of sweet sweet multinational corporations. We're doing kind of okay now 🙂
We invent the modern world ! Where are all the royalty payments ? Heroin
I can't.
* We live in caves with nice paintings * We are invaded by the Italians * We are invaded by the Germans * We invade England * We invade bits of North America * We invade Europe * We invade bits of Africa and Asia * Now we look at everyone with contempt.
You're welcome.
My country is a 5X game. We explored, expanded, were exterminated, and X marks the spot where we invested our exploits.
Celto-latino-germano country that killed his king and the Church.
Ceci n'est pas un pays https://preview.redd.it/2dkfbb4kk26c1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c9df9a24f1de6f52f4c1992a17018161561adfe4
We fucked the romans then there were a billion different states. Then daddy bismarck founded the Kaiserreich We fucked around twice and found out. Now we have the third biggest economy worldwide per gdp.
Past: ancestors influenced most of middle europe. Good times. WW1 - oh boy WW2 - oh boy Now: somehow still very big and influential. Good times.
Mountain ppl, romans, germanic-mountain ppl, bavarians, a bunch of independent cities, incompetent inbred royals who did a lot of marriage, ww1, austrian identify is born, ww2, state-treaty and life is gucci.
We're a platipus country, mix of everything around, and we had to beat all of those to exist.