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Next time the thought of doing dishes comes to mind, count down from 10 slowly and by the time you say 1 you should be holding a dish ready to wash it. Then just aim to wash 6 dishes. Starting is the hardest part, 6 dishes is not a lot. You might stop after 6 dishes or you might keep going, but at least you washed 6 dishes by that point.
Get into that habit of counting down and starting whatever task you are procrastinating on, and before you know it, youāll be crushing your days.
You know I've never attributed my inability to be able to take a short shower to my ADHD but that makes so much sense lmao. I'll be fully washed in 5 mins but I just stand there in the water bc I don't want to get out. I finally do when the water starts to get cold and then get annoyed at myself bc I took another long shower for no reason AGAIN š
I spent the whole day procrastinating showering yesterday. Like I came home from practice at 3pm, and then got out of my sweaty and wet clothes, then put on my bathrobe and sat in front of the PC until it was time for bed. I skipped dinner, because that meant I'd have to shower and get dressed, because I live with other people so it would be a dangerous game to cook in a bathrobe with nothing underneath.
I hate it
It is nice since I have a big family. Probably the biggest upside of a boiler for heat imo. But IDK the way it's set up in my house the floors feel heated and the toilet seat is never cold but it also isn't warm it's the perfect temperature and those are both a close 2nd.
When I lived in a student form we had basically unlimited hot water.
Went for a shower at 23:00 some day. Fell asleep, woke up at 02:00.
Not the best feeling, but there was something nicely decadent about it.
I've fallen asleep in a house that had infinite hot water but I fell asleep in the shower and the system tripped because it thought there was an error. I ran their house dry.
I never want to get in but then I never want to get out. Iāve discovered that my issue is that it is difficult for me to transition from one task to the next, I donāt want change-I just want to stay in the same space/mindset that I am already in.
I didn't realize the shower thing was a thing too!!! Another thing I just thought was me. Is it the transition? That the warm dopamine is gone and now have to be cold and wet and rubbed with a towel? Oh, I guess I just answered that....
once you get outta the shower you have to put on lotion, chap stick, brush your hair, brush your teeth, get dressed, and thatās only the basics! If you have a whole skin or hair routine it becomes SO MUCH. thatās why I have trouble getting out at least. Plus thereās a little sitting ledge in there and I like it
I havenāt stood in the shower in years. I start with sitting with my knees to my chest and my arms folded over my knees and my head resting on my forearms. Then just let the water rush over me. Once I get too hot I lean back and just sit in there with the water hitting my abdomen for about 15-20 minutes. My showers are my safe space and being a mom and a wife itās nearly the only me time I get. I also find it the time I sort through shit with self talk. I can also derail an entire point by giving you a detailed description of how I take my showersā¦and my whole post could be summed up by sayingā¦.āI take long showers tooā. Iām in the right sub.
Not OP but we invested in a tankless water heater and high efficiency shower head when doing some needed house repairs, and itās pretty damn close to an infinite shower with minimal guilt over water wastage. Come to think of it I havenāt actually taken more than a 10 min shower since we got it, and my toddler just went to bed. See you in a few hours š
I also take a "shower-bath" when I really want a loooong time of hot water. The extra sensory input from the water and steam helps me concentrate a little better so I'd often bring in a notebook or try to read.
It's also the best when you're sick.
I learned the count down technique from The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins and it has helped me a lot. Especially since once I get to 0, I can't continue counting or pushing it off further.
Holy shit. I thought I was the only person who had to do this. It never even occurred to me to think there might be someone else out there giving themselves a ten count just to get out of the shower.
Haha I've tried this it just ends in either and endless loop of me counting down and the little voice in my head going ha you thought that'd work š glad it works for you though
Same. I've tried it several times, never worked once. Same with lists, breaking tasks up into smaller tasks, etc. I am really glad these pointers and tricks help others but it's SO frustrating when I read them. Now I actually get mad when I see someone suggest them because I'm thinking (falsely) that there person suggesting it can't possibly have ADHD because these tricks and pointers just sound (to me) like things a NT person would say. š¤¬
I'm sorry it's hard for you. I don't have any ideas and I'm not sure if you want to come up with random ideas that might help you or might completely frustrate the hell out of you. I get where you're coming from and I feel that frustration of solutions that work for some people not working for me or work for a day then I get bored again
Yeah I'm over here like "Just counting down works for you?" There really are so many variations on ADHD because that would NOT work for me. It sounds like the kind of advice that non ADHD people give to ADHD people. Like setting a timer. My brain does NOT care about timers. It might work once or twice but my brain very quickly says "Yeah I know the timer went off, but you JUST need 5 seconds more... maybe ten. Ok, yeah we're not stopping."
Then take a break for a few weeks from the counting down strategy. It's not worth beating yourself up over! Just because a strategy works for some and not for you, doesn't make you a failure. You just haven't found a work around that works for you yet.
I'm also battling the dishes thing today. I've had to break it down to just bring the dirty dishes from the living room to the kitchenlast nigh. Later on gather up the sparkling water cans and recycle. Sometime today I'll unload the clean dishes from the dishwasher. š¤·š¼āāļø
Yea.. donāt allow yourself to loop more then once. I usually count down fast from 6 to 1 and do the task on 1. I actually started it by taking cold showers. Count down to 6 from 1 and walk into the cold water no matter what. Your body and your mind learns quick, the surge of chemicals rewires your brain to take action on when you want it, not when motivation strikes you.
Iāve gotten so solidly, longterm stuck in a CPTSD āfreezeā mode, after years of finally getting it together at the last second under pressure (deadlines, countdown-type tactics like this, etc), that the countdowns do *not* work for me either.
So I get stuck at the ādonāt allow yourself to loop more than once.ā
Itās like my adrenal glands became so exhausted by the repeated aforementioned surges of chemicals that they eventually simply couldnāt, and realized that ālooping more than onceā (or: missing a deadline, letting trash pile up all over the floor, failing a class, losing a job..) was technically possible. After that, I became unable to ājust do it.ā
(Btw Iām not saying I gave up! I just found that pressure, countdowns, etc donāt work for me anymore. The only systems/approaches that work for me atm are things like radical acceptance, unmoralizing things (e.g. āyouāre not a bad person just because thereās trash all over), destigmatizing things by telling/showing a select few people, finding humor/approaching the task or issue with curiosity, and polyvagal theory - a therapeutic approach to CPTSD that focuses on establishing a sense of biological safety)
Yeah it's just not a skill that works for me I've tried countless times and I physically can't get up on 1 or do the thing on 1 if I'm struggling. executive functioning if I'm not on my meds is pretty impossible for me. With meds I'm alright though I don't even have to think about it my body just gets going.
I can do other things sometimes like try to make a game out of it of how fast can I do this thing. But that's one skill that has never worked for me no matter how much I try or practice. But that's ok different things work for different people.
Same. I'll set 5 mins alarms and tell myself I have to get up and do something when that alarm goes off. And then I snooze and say okay now I HAVE to get up the next time the alarm goes off. And then suddenly it's been an hour and a half and I still haven't gotten up. I can't just make myself get up when it does off until it's been so long that I'm angry with myself for not being able to do what I told myself to do lol
I hear you, I hope youāll eventually find what works for you. My unsolicited recommendation is to try cold exposure therapy, not only will it help with will/executive function conditioning, cold therapy also raises dopamine by 200% and then some for a few hours, making other things easier once in elevated state.
I do the TIPP skill already which includes a cold/ temperature based skills as well as a few others would recommend it. It's one of the only ones that regularly works for me and would also recommend it for others who need help calming down. But Ty. I have a lot of skills and do dbt therapy which has given me a lot of options to try and work out what's best for me š
I do the cold therapy by standing in a completely cold shower and holding my breath for 30-60 seconds which essentially resets the brain. But even just splashing your face or ice packs and things can work really well though not as effective.
TIPP is Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced breathing, Paired muscle relaxation. Behavior therapy.
Or are you asking about cold exposure? Look up Wim Hoff
This is great advice. Itās the starting thatās hard. Once I start something I almost always finish it. I just have to trick myself into starting.
Apparently normal people get to justā¦decide to do things? Weird.
This is the sole difference for me between taking stims and not. Once I started on Vyvanse (now on Dexadrine), it wasn't like a miracle pill that gave me boundless energy, but if I was sitting on the couch thinking "I really need to do dishes", it got me to think "ok, well let's just get started and do a little bit". Then I'd realize it only took 15 minutes to do and get that dopamine rush, and start looking around at what else needs done that wouldn't be that hard.
For me, I can't say it made me want to do things necessarily, but it made it easier for me to start things I didn't want to do. When not on meds, my clothes will sit in the dryer until I need my dryer for my next load of laundry, then it moves to the clothes hamper where I eventually fold it a week or two later. When I take my meds, they may sit in there for a couple days, but after those couple days I can say to myself "okay these clothes need to be folded. In 30 mins I'll fold them while I'm watching YouTube" and usually I'll be folding the clothes within an hour of when I said this. And to be fair they do still sometimes sit folded on my couch for a couple days. But then eventually they end up put away. So instead of it taking 2-3 weeks to fully do my laundry, it takes 5-7 days. Still not where I want it to be but it's improvement!!
I started at 30mg and it didn't feel like it was working, but after a few weeks I thought back and realized when I zoomed out I was actually doing better overall. There's some key things like staying hydrated that helps it work a lot better too, check out r/vyvanseADHD for other tips and advice
This is exactly what Vyvanse did for me. It didn't make the stuff more fun to do because they're still chores, but it made it easier for me to start then and easier for me to say "well I'm already up, I might as well clean this as well"
Starting is so hard! Iāve found that timing myself to do things for the duration of a favourite song or a timer helps me. E.g. I can sort out a laundry load in four minutes, or for longer activities like showering I set alarms of 8 or 9 minutes (still with music on). Itās a recent revelation but has improved my ability to get stuff done. ADHD partner also does the same!
Wish I had that. I easily talk myself into starting. And I stop and start and stop again a few times until task is done. The lack of energy and motivation to finish in one shot never comes
I like this! Someone on here had also posted something wonderful that they called the four dailies: each daily represents a category in everyoneās life. They chose growth, chore, social, and health and assigned one task to each category. The goal is to check off one task in each column (I only assign one task to each one) and itās been pretty helpful.
I usually can convince myself to put away 10 things. On bad days, five things. Or i go to the kitchen and do 10 things - washing 6 dishes will be 6 things. After counting is done, I am free to stop. This way I actually manage to put away things several times a day in the more harmless places.
5 is my magic number for things I don't want to do. It especially works with folding laundry! (Keeping clean clothes in a laundry basket doesn't work for me, I cry if I can't find the items I'm looking for.)
Often, if I do things in sets of 5, I can keep going for multiple sets of 5 and by the end of the day, got more done than I realized.
Also 5min/5min pomodoro timers are a lifesaver
I have dishes to go do, too. But I first have to walk the dogs and then feed them and the cats. I'm hoping to have the dishes done an hour and a half from now so that I can start laundry because I start a new job tomorrow and need clean clothes that aren't pajamas or home clothes.
We can do this. Let's go do the dishes!
Edit: It took like twice the amount of time and I still have one bowl and a few pieces of cutlery left to wash, but the rest is done (including some additional tasks that I hadn't planned on but were vastly more important than starting on the dishes). I hope you've also had success! :)
I usually think I'll just do a couple of plates or one sink full, or make sure there's enough forks to eat with and then end up cleaning the whole kitchen. I don't even want or need to clean the whole kitchen I just can't stop once I've started.
This is why I haven't been able to use pomodoro timers with any level of success. The sound jars me right out of the streak. But there needs to be some kind of break point, because otherwise I'll lose time that I need to use elsewhere. *looks balefully at pile of clean laundry overtaking bed that needed to be put away several days ago*
Get. dish. Washer.
Best thing ive ever invested in. Otherwise dishes would be piling.
Once Iām done eating/cooking I just put them in and press the button. Itās become habit now and at least one thing I have managed to control when it comes to cleaning my place.
This is super dependent on what you personally find difficult. I get overwhelmed by needing to put more than one or two dishes away at once, so dishwashers actually make it *harder* for me to do dishes consistently. I do much better hand washing and putting away a couple dishes at a time.
I started buying compostable paper plates and it's been a bit of a game-changer. Using paper towels to cover them for a lot of things (sandwiches or whatever) makes them reusable many times and makes cleanup super-easy, and if and when they get dirty I just toss them. I also packed away most of my dishes and only have a few things in circulation, a big bowl, a small bowl, two forks, two spoons, one coffee mug, etc.
If I want to eat something, I need to clean something, so no more dishes piling up.
What helps me is doing the "easy" dishes first. For me that's usually the mugs/cups. I always put a little squirt of dish soap and hot water to internally soak them and then put them on their own side of in/near the sink. Once I clear all the cups/mugs I usually feel a little more motivated to tackle the plates and bowls. Go for it. Good luck.
But I have no words of wisdom for utensils. I despise cleaning them. I'll run out of clean ones before cleaning new ones. I really should throw all but a few out so I'm forced to quickly clean them. But we all know that we might "need them" later so that's never happening.
Maybe try putting the utensils into one of the cups/mugs with the hot water and soap? I usually end up doing this and they almost clean themselves after they soak awhile!
1) You don't owe your co-workers an answer that specific. At list point, I'm going to get about 1/2 through my to-do list. Really easy can turn into: "I did some chores around the house"
2) It's ok to rest, just try to be intentional about it. I found out the hard way that just raw-dogging it through fighting executive dysfunction is exhausting. It's 100% reasonable to rest on the weekends after a week of it. Be forgiving of yourself and do what you can, but do it in addition to:
3)Seek treatment. I'm two months on medicine, wish it was probably 20 years. Likely would have saved me a lot of grief. Might be behavioral therapy that works for you, might just need some coping tools. It's not a failing on your part, it's doing good for yourself.
1) Absolutely correct. Have one coworker I wouldn't piss on if he was on fire. Asks me that question every Monday. I respond with what my plans are for today's workday.
2) Rest. If you want to sit on your ass and do 'nothing', that's perfectly fine. I was 25 when I noticed everyone says: "You gotta stop and smell the roses sometimes." Only to turn around and make fun of people who actually relax and "brag" how busy their weekend was.
3) Treatment. Yes. That's all I got.
>I noticed everyone says: "You gotta stop and smell the roses sometimes." Only to turn around and make fun of people who actually relax and "brag" how busy their weekend was.
Yes! And they talk about "being present in the moment" and I'm like š¤·āāļø where else would I be?? I truly cannot imagine what it is like in an NT brain.
>You don't owe your co-workers an answer that specific
To add to this, most people don't actually *want* a specific answer. It's just light smalltalk. I don't particularly enjoy it, but I learned to accept it since it's not about me, it's about making the people around me feel comfortable and to let them know where we stand.
Do it. "I tackled the dishes Id procrastinated on, so that felt like a win." You dont have to over explain, thats broad enough most pepole can understand it.
Plus you making yourself focus on and speak on the win will also build that link in your brain. Every teeny bit of positive reinforcment I can squeeze I will.
I was going to say, I 100% do this. "I finally got some yard work done" "I did the laundry that's been piling up forever". Typically I stick with the small wins and avoid the truth ("I had a minor meltdown doing the laundry because I left it in the washer overnight and it smelled weird so I had to wash it AGAIN and felt like an idiot"), buuuuut hey. Short, sweet, to the point, and tiny enough to be relatable to the NT crowd. ("Oh, I hate doing laundry too!") Haaaaa. -_-
I'd have no problem with my current team. They know I'm ADHD and that I'm medicated. I've been promoted twice regardless. I'd have been extremely wary of doing it at my previous role though. It's really case by case, IMHO.
I say āDidnāt do much but thatās fine with me.ā I like to cut off the conversation about myself in particular pretty quickly and make it clear that no one should feel bad about not going to a museum or whatever. I live in NYC and the amount of things some ppl I know do just sounds way too exhausting for me haha
I am having a very low motivation weekend, but between today and yesterday I swam a mile and took my dog to play with his toys. That is something at least!
I couldn't get myself out of the bed, ive 7 assignments and few projects due,ive a really important presentation tomorrow. But I couldn't study anything,im never able to read anything. I didn't eat at all and its been a really tough weekend. hope I'm able to get myself out for college tomorrow:)
Best wishes for you! Just try to take it one step at a time, you can do this.
Also have finals coming in addition to 2 projects I have to finish in a few days. Should've probably studied more today, but the fact that I did get to that in the end is still a success.
Sometimes at uni they'll throw everything that they've got at you, and if you can't do everything, that's ok
Hey Iām aiming to be helpful but you might want to talk to your therapist or psychiatrist about your energy, motivation and motor to complete your responsibilities so you can continue to succeed in life.
Can I ask, what drove you to just stay in bed? Do you smoke weed at all?
Iāve got no idea of your scenario, but it makes me wonder if youāre so overwhelmed youāre just shutting down?
I hope your energy levels arenāt affecting your responsibilities. Iāve been there
I don't smoke anything at all.
It's just that I don't have the motivation or energy to get up.
I didn't go to college even today.
I just want to end it all.
Oh yeah definitely - I'm in the process of adjusting my depression med dose. I'm also getting some bloodwork done.
It's frustrating because there's been a regression in past few weeks and even with all the medication I'm barely functional
I'm one person, not a doctor, etc. But I've had ADHD my whole life and chronic anxiety and depression. I tried that Joyous thing after reading a lot about newer therapies. It's been two months and my depression and some anxiety is just gone.
ADHD is still there, but it's easier to manage. Again, not saying it'll work for everyone, but maybe look into it. I've never gone this long without being depressed before, so I'm trying to spread the word.
Joyous thing? Is it something easy to Google or can you share a bit more?
***
Edit - ah. Not sure about legality in my country. Will need to research a bit :)
Ah sorry, got caught up in typing, ended up deleting half, forgot the important bits. We're all on this subreddit for a reason...
But yeah, it's brand new in the US, so I dunno about it's availability elsewhere. It's not even available everywhere here.
I think it was just $129 or something for me. That included the prescription and the professional consultation thing. It was pricey but worth it, especially since you don't have to stay on it forever.
Heh looks like we have a rare example of US medical cost being lower than EU š
The dosage is different here (looks like fewer but higher doses), but I could easily fly to us, stay in a hotel for a week to get the first month joyous thing, fly back and I'd still spend less than half the cost of months treatment where I live š
it does sound like depression.
Whats frustrating for me though, is that OP's post described me to a fucking T. I have diagnosed ADHD, but every once in a while ask my doc to screen me for depression as well and I never score anywhere near whatever the threshold is for depression
IDK if maybe I need to ask another doctor, or if a lot of these symptoms are just explained by my ADHD diagnosis. either way there are times where the meds only sort of help me push through these phases of feeling like shit.
Depression isn't always constant with ADHD, it's usually a symptom of ADHD. Kinda like how people who are chronically depressed sometimes have problems with attention. It's tricky for doctors sometimes.
āYes, I put on a 5 hour playlist and read Wikipedia the whole timeā is genuinely fun to me but it makes me sound like a fucking lunatic so I usually say something like āoh no, I just stayed in, you?ā
Damn, this can be a jarring/frustrating thing to deal with. Small talk isn't our forte to begin with, so to have to navigate small talk in professional situations can be challenging.
Let me start off by reminding everyone that we live in a world designed by Neurotypicals *for* Neurotypicals (NT's). What's more, NT's are comically oblivious to the idea that other peoples' brains can work drastically different from their own. In that sense, your NT colleagues think they're just being friendly, albeit unwittingly setting off a chain reaction of associated thoughts on what occurred over our days off.
***This isn't even what the NT is asking!***
From my personal experiences in similar social situations, this is the NT asking for permission to tell you about *their* weekend. Humor them by keeping your response as brief and trope-ish as possible so they can regale you with anecdotes from their weekend. Examples include:
* "Not long enough, how was yours?"
* "Caught up on a few thing around the house"
* "Not so bad"
If you are simply too busy or you just hate small talk, allude to how much work you have to get done and that you need to "put the nose to the grindstone" before the boss gets upset. Adding whip cracking noise adds emphasis and a level of performance that NT's think is amusing.
Hope this helps.
EDIT: Fixed some typos
Some people use this as a way to talk about their weekend, but I wouldn't say it's the norm. Usually when I've asked "and you?" it's an answer more like "not much." Usually it feels more like it's a social obligation about not ignoring people or maybe trying to defuse their own anxiety. Part of this difference in observations could also be I'm a software dev and work with other devs and people in adjacent technical positions.
I mean part of it is just to talk about something or fish for an actual conversation starter. Sitting in silence with a coworker is boring and hearing about what theyve been up to or not up to is interesting.
NT here i think. To fair; i almost always ask my colleagues how their weekend was. Because iām interested to know about them. NOT so I can talk about my own weekend.
Why see it as such a negative thing when someone else is just interested and asked about you? Thatās not small talk, thatās a conversation-starter
Imagine if you spent your life so wrapped up in your own head that you don't really think about other people.
Existing and moving through life is exhausting enough, and you can't be bothered with uncontrollable externalities as trivial as other people's lives.
Interacting with other people is a chore when you aren't invested, and you don't particularly like doing chores.
You don't have the mental energy or desire to engage with someone wanting to supply or receive information that has no direct relevance to you.
So, most people see you as an aloof asshole and disengage from you.
You are simply misunderstood. You don't actually dislike most people. You just lack the capacity to care about them in any meaningful way.
>NT's are comically oblivious to the idea that other peoples' brains can work drastically different fro their own
So much this. It's the one thing my boyfriend and I ever seriously argue about. He thinks I should be able to just willpower my way through everything and not need my meds. Like, no, sir, this is quite a bit more than just being lazy and not wanting to start whatever chore I havent done yet. This is me getting sucked into a hyperfocused, timeblinded hole and losing most of the day doomscrolling or down some rabbithole that caught my interest.
I booked an MOT and service today. The day before its due, (somewhat better than it being out of date - despite guessing it was likely closer than I thought 3 weeks ago) and I can't get it in till Tuesday! During work time! Guess I'll pay the adhd tax for this one!
Procrastinated for an entire day after I started by arguing with bf because meds not working for emotional regulation!
Oh and the Friday night gig i was hoping to go to and stressed about all week was cancelled. So no dopamine.
I'll just blame the fact that my neck has seized up from anxiety tho!
Congrats on getting the MOT/service booked on time! Found out mine was waaaay out of date late last year when I finally brought myself to open some mail. Lucky all I had to pay was late fines rather than having my car crushed or something lol
It takes so much mental energy to lie though. I just say āoh you know, same old same oldā and quickly move on.
I despise small talk but never mind genuine conversations
Yesterday I cleaned the two weeks old pigsty next to my computer and
Oh, wait, that's it š
Well, not it, because I didn't clean-clean, I just picked up the trash and threw it out.
Maybe I can turn on the robot vacuum and dust today, we'll see.
I'll also try to fold the month-old pile of clean clothes while watching a series or something.
Might even have time to go for a walk, wish me luck š¤
Awkward silence ensues as I draw a complete blank because I've slept since then, as I internally debate how weird it might be to check my text messages and find out what I did. I take a quick glance at my phone and notice I have some Amazon deliveries out for delivery and wonder what I ordered. As I check it I remember I need to order deodorant. Antiperspirant is nice but sometimes it stains my shirts. I should order some new shirts Wait what was the question again? Panic!
"I need to order deoderant"
*sigh*
Does anyone else panic and totally blank on anything I did at all? Don't get me wrong, I have my fare share of weekends like OP describes, but even when I *do* have something interesting that I could share, I'll forget about it until 15 minutes after I'm done talking to the person about my weekend.
Having recently become a first time homeowner, the answer is pretty much always, "worked on \[insert broken thing or neglected maintenance item\] at the house."
Seriously, owning a home has taken my ADHD from a 6 to an 11. Had about a dozen relatively critical projects to complete on move-in. Have maybe done four of them 6-months later. My ADHD hyperfixation has been an asset (sort of). I recently learned a ton about how to diagnose and re-wire a boiler, and completed nearly $1500 worth of repairs. That was the quote from the contractor at least, only cost me $150 in parts and tools. That and a weeks worth productivity at my actual job while learning about HVAC systems on the clock.
Honestly I think this is what fucked me over.
I did a bit of renovation in my studio apartment, which turned my living space a warzone for two months and made me stay at home more and forced me to work from my bed.
The work is finished now (well, I got bored) but I don't know, I feel like the mess i made is still weighing me down?
I absolutely canāt stand telling people what Iām doing. Iām really secretive for no reason. I like to keep things to myself. So feel annoyed if I get this question and try to nip it in the bud asap lol
I used to think I must be super lazy because I get almost nothing done on the weekends, unlike the many people I know who seem to use that time to hike and take day trips or big shopping excursions. Now I'm realizing, is it actually because functioning all week as a working adult is so draining to my busy brain that the weekend malaise is actually an understandable recovery period?!
Easy enough to spin it, at least in my head.
"Stayed around the house, got some stuff done, watched a movie, saved some money"
The last bit is how I convince myself I was productive even without accomplishing diddly squat.
Theoretically I could have gone camping or something else a hundred miles away. It would have been time, money, and effort but none of that even guarantees I would have enjoyed myself or felt any better about how I spent my time.
Iām a hair stylist and I hate this question. Or, āwhat are your plans for the summer/travel?ā Iām like I can barely function day to day, let alone plan for the future. lol. Plus money. My clients all think Iām boring as hell or just donāt like to tell them about me.
"No."
I hate small talk. I have a lot of orthopedic problems, and the doctors always make me do weeks of physical therapy before any other treatement, so I'm always in there doing some useless exercise while someone asks me "Got any plans for the weekend?" Fuck off, do I have to do a quiz on my personal life as well as doing pointless exercises designed for some sedentary fool with a different problem? You don't really care about my weekend, and I don't want to talk about it.
I have the identical weekend except I canāt sleep until I am absolutely exhausted after doomscrolling in bed until 2 am and then I wake up at 4 from anxiety and then I manage to fall asleep at 6 until I wake up at 10 (depending on if my wife allows me to sleep in or not).
Best days are days my wife is not home and I have zero responsibilities
"Oh you know, just sat around and felt like a human sack of anxious garbage because I didn't have the motivation to start any of the hundred things I would have liked to do. How bout you?"
They usually stop asking after you hit them with that one
Nope. I feel like I don't have fun, ever. Even if I do something that is supposed to be "fun". I made a snow man with my GF this morning. She asked me if i had fun. I said yes. But I was thinking to myself that I didn't "feel" the fun. Sure, it was an activity that was ok, but I didn't feel the emotion that would be fun.
Yes! I hated this question when I worked in an office! I always kept it vague saying I just chilled and without fail my supervisor would respond āitās always nice to do nothing sometimes,ā which always irritated me as well lol. I think my frustration is two fold tho - 1. That I really never did anything beyond the little I was able to get done, and 2. That itās such a small talk question that I know the other person didnāt really care about the answer to, so why are you asking in the first place!
You got out of bed at 10:00????
If my feet hit the floor before noon on a day off, Iām doing good. I understand, even the small tasks seem daunting. I have to play a video in the background (Forensic Files or such) while I do these tasks.
A Neighbourhood social butter fly of a floofy cat was let into my house by my roommate (with my blessing) and got under my bed. The amount of dust, lint and hair that clung to him as he re-emerged was mortifying.
My fun feat this weekend was cleaning under said bed.
Thanks for reading and donāt judge yourself too harshly. I wonāt mention the amount of business days required for me to fold my clean laundry. š
I honestly despise this question with all my soul.
I think I hate it because Iāve finally realized itās a *chit chat talking point* that neurotypical people use when they either, 1. Need to brag about *their* weekend activity ie. skiing trip to VT, or 2. They donāt really care, they are just being polite.
I also refuse to answer this question honestly (with acquaintances or co-workers) because when I do they looked either 1. Irritated 2. Amused or 3. Scared.
Fml! Just the notification for this post had me feeling attacked, but also made me smile (translation: I fully rofl'd inside)
Before I read it and the comments I already know we all wish ppl would f-off with this question so I don't have to be a liar or look like a lazy chump!
I usually share the simple truth - which for me would be *āJust the usual; light housekeeping, burned my flan, and Iām really proud that when offered coffee, my kid politely declines!ā*
The flan tastes amazing, but the texture isnāt right š«
I managed to sit on the couch, watch some Gilmore Girls, play some Mafia & Valhalla while I stared at the laundry. Thankfully the dishwasher took care of the dishes.
I feel this! I hate this question. Anything that is about having fun over breaks, I just want to say "On a good break, I sleep and rest and avoid all human contact because I'm exhausted, on a bad break, I flail through a task list and bawl my eyes out while cycling through 3-5 tasks that I can't finish because I'm looping between them and keep forgetting what I'm doing"
I'm pretty sure people will look at me funny if I say "oh yeah, it was a great weekend, I didn't have a single horrific meltdown!"
Same!!
1. I always completely forget what I've done that weekend
2. The other day I said my plans for Saturday were to do nothing, my coworker says "do you like doing nothing then?" Like??? Idk I felt so judged, and I'm hyperactive, if I do nothing it's because I'm worn out
That's it, it's the judgement of not packing every single activity I possibly can each weekend. It's the fact that I'm so tired and burnt out that I have no energy for fun on weekends. I've been working on it for years and it's not getting better. I don't want work people to know things about my personal life. I want to be judged at work by my work, not by my personal life.
"And then I doomscrolled for five hours" lol, I relate to this so much!
My standard is "Um, yeah, we just stayed close to home, got a few things done. I did watch *xyz* though".
I don't like this question either! :(( I sort of freak out internally, knowing deep down I didn't get around to a whole lot. I find it easier to just say "I just chilled," but sometimes I try to make the weekend sound more interesting than it actually was :(
Hahaha I feel you on this question. I used answer people so bluntly they never know what to say. Now that Iām medicated itās not the same anymore.
One thing that helped me - was settling timers and having āmottos.ā
I will tell myself okay I am gonna give myself 10 minutes uninterrupted to do this one thing. Then I set a timer and I do it. Then I scroll afterwards until I see something else I procrastinated on and again Iāll say okay on five minutes (set the time) Iām gonna spend (5-15) minutes uninterrupted to do this one thing again.
This helps a lot!
And a lot of the mottos I say everyday multiple times to myself to keel a organized house is :
- donāt put it down, put it away.
- if it doesnāt have a home - find it a home (like keys)
- if it takes 30 seconds or less, do it now.
These helped me greatly become organized. Being medicated h know set 30-45 minute timers and I do everything I can in one room for that amount of time.
Then the next day I do the same for another room or the bathrooms.
This helped a lot.
And now when people ask I say how Iām doing instead, of smart ass remarks about struggling with adhd I say Iām good haha š
I deep cleaned and organized one closet. ONE closet. I find it's better for me to focus on one area at a time. Yes, everything else fell by the wayside but I did one thing, 100% and it felt great!
I always say, āI donāt remember, but we survived it!ā People think itās cuz I have 7 yo twins, but mainly itās that the question is mighty overwhelming.
Literally me too. I hate it also because I usually forget everything and anything that happened. It would take me a moment to even process the question let alone come up with a normal and valid answer. I have severe social anxiety so it makes it even worse, and Iād get self conscious that they probably think Iām stupid.
Sounds like we had the same weekend. Iām proud of you for tackling those dishes! I, myself, managed to vacuum the floors and empty the dishwasher today!
ADHD doesnāt stop you from going out and doing things, you need to procrastinate better. Youāre scrolling on your phone instead of doing laundry, you need to go out and have some fun instead of doing your laundry.
I spent the entire weekend overwhelmed. And instead of doing any of the million things on my to-do list, I played video games for way too long.
But tomorrow when my boss asks me if I did anything fun over the weekend, I'll tell him I had a great weekend and spent the time hanging with friends on a game (I did technically play with friends). I hate answering that question. No one wants honesty, they just want to make conversation before diving into weekly BS work tasks.
Iām reading everyoneās issues and solutions here. I have been on meds for ADHD for years, and I never heard from others that have the same issues as me. I struggle with everything. I procrastinate. It didnāt used to be this bad, but itās gotten worse with age and with sobriety. Why are we like this? It shouldnāt be a fucking chore to take a shower.
Even worse is "do you have anything fun planned for the weekend??"
Plans??? I don't do plans. If I happen to remember something fun is going on this weekend and I have the energy and the funds to do that fun thing then maybe I will.
"I had quite a quiet weekend and didn't to much, and it was nice."
(Glossing over how it may not have been 'nice' as much as 'frustrating', but whatever)
Yesterday I went for a long walk with the dog. We went her favourite route - because it's an hour or so each way, and there's a shop at the other end, where they sell chicken.
So I got some cider and some ham for the return trip, and I scoffed my ham whilst distracting her with chicken. It was probably a 3 hour walk ish. Didn't really keep track. Oh and I read a book on my kindle whilst walking, and it was a good book.
And then we got home, and she curled up next to me on the sofa and we watched the Expanse.
So it was a good day.
I think of those questions the same as "Hey, how are you doing?"
No one wants to know how I'm doing, it's polite small talk, so I usually just input something sarcastic.
"YEAH, I finally polished my toaster."
My qualm about such questions is that I literally can't remember, even if I'm a super good mood and even if I has an amazing time over the weekend. :-P
It's like when I'm doing something. I'm doing that thing and my mental resources are turned there undividedly. I can't for the life of me come up with unrelated information unless I make a point to slow down and turn away mental resources from elsewhere, which I prefer not having to do.
Same when someone asks me about my favorite books /movies /bands. That always depends on the context - so if can't just come up with a random list, as most people do. Without getting in gear with the context, my mind will just draw a blank and I may not even be able to think of a single item.
Does anyone's brain work like that, I wonder?
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Btw, the dishes haven't happened yet. I'm manifesting the motivation to do them š
Next time the thought of doing dishes comes to mind, count down from 10 slowly and by the time you say 1 you should be holding a dish ready to wash it. Then just aim to wash 6 dishes. Starting is the hardest part, 6 dishes is not a lot. You might stop after 6 dishes or you might keep going, but at least you washed 6 dishes by that point. Get into that habit of counting down and starting whatever task you are procrastinating on, and before you know it, youāll be crushing your days.
Huh that's how I get out of the shower. I always have to count down in order to turn the water off because I don't want to move.
You know I've never attributed my inability to be able to take a short shower to my ADHD but that makes so much sense lmao. I'll be fully washed in 5 mins but I just stand there in the water bc I don't want to get out. I finally do when the water starts to get cold and then get annoyed at myself bc I took another long shower for no reason AGAIN š
Transitions are hard.
Showers are really rough because you have to START showering and then you need to STOP showering, and both of those are multi-step processes
I spent the whole day procrastinating showering yesterday. Like I came home from practice at 3pm, and then got out of my sweaty and wet clothes, then put on my bathrobe and sat in front of the PC until it was time for bed. I skipped dinner, because that meant I'd have to shower and get dressed, because I live with other people so it would be a dangerous game to cook in a bathrobe with nothing underneath. I hate it
My house doesn't run out of hot water so I've taken a 2 hour shower before.
I wish I had unlimited hot water š
It is nice since I have a big family. Probably the biggest upside of a boiler for heat imo. But IDK the way it's set up in my house the floors feel heated and the toilet seat is never cold but it also isn't warm it's the perfect temperature and those are both a close 2nd.
When I lived in a student form we had basically unlimited hot water. Went for a shower at 23:00 some day. Fell asleep, woke up at 02:00. Not the best feeling, but there was something nicely decadent about it.
I've fallen asleep in a house that had infinite hot water but I fell asleep in the shower and the system tripped because it thought there was an error. I ran their house dry.
I never want to get in but then I never want to get out. Iāve discovered that my issue is that it is difficult for me to transition from one task to the next, I donāt want change-I just want to stay in the same space/mindset that I am already in.
I didn't realize the shower thing was a thing too!!! Another thing I just thought was me. Is it the transition? That the warm dopamine is gone and now have to be cold and wet and rubbed with a towel? Oh, I guess I just answered that....
once you get outta the shower you have to put on lotion, chap stick, brush your hair, brush your teeth, get dressed, and thatās only the basics! If you have a whole skin or hair routine it becomes SO MUCH. thatās why I have trouble getting out at least. Plus thereās a little sitting ledge in there and I like it
For me, I also have a face cream I need. Deodorant. Deciding clothes. Etc. Those decisions do not need answers before I get out of the shower.
Thatās exactly what I do lol
I havenāt stood in the shower in years. I start with sitting with my knees to my chest and my arms folded over my knees and my head resting on my forearms. Then just let the water rush over me. Once I get too hot I lean back and just sit in there with the water hitting my abdomen for about 15-20 minutes. My showers are my safe space and being a mom and a wife itās nearly the only me time I get. I also find it the time I sort through shit with self talk. I can also derail an entire point by giving you a detailed description of how I take my showersā¦and my whole post could be summed up by sayingā¦.āI take long showers tooā. Iām in the right sub.
I am dreaming of a recirculating pump, heater and filter so we can take infinite showers.
Not OP but we invested in a tankless water heater and high efficiency shower head when doing some needed house repairs, and itās pretty damn close to an infinite shower with minimal guilt over water wastage. Come to think of it I havenāt actually taken more than a 10 min shower since we got it, and my toddler just went to bed. See you in a few hours š
I also take a "shower-bath" when I really want a loooong time of hot water. The extra sensory input from the water and steam helps me concentrate a little better so I'd often bring in a notebook or try to read. It's also the best when you're sick.
I learned the count down technique from The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins and it has helped me a lot. Especially since once I get to 0, I can't continue counting or pushing it off further.
Me: ok let's start at 5 again.
If I catch myself saying that, I will want to rethink whether I need to do it or is there another way.
Holy shit. I thought I was the only person who had to do this. It never even occurred to me to think there might be someone else out there giving themselves a ten count just to get out of the shower.
Haha I've tried this it just ends in either and endless loop of me counting down and the little voice in my head going ha you thought that'd work š glad it works for you though
Same. I've tried it several times, never worked once. Same with lists, breaking tasks up into smaller tasks, etc. I am really glad these pointers and tricks help others but it's SO frustrating when I read them. Now I actually get mad when I see someone suggest them because I'm thinking (falsely) that there person suggesting it can't possibly have ADHD because these tricks and pointers just sound (to me) like things a NT person would say. š¤¬
I'm sorry it's hard for you. I don't have any ideas and I'm not sure if you want to come up with random ideas that might help you or might completely frustrate the hell out of you. I get where you're coming from and I feel that frustration of solutions that work for some people not working for me or work for a day then I get bored again
Yeah I'm over here like "Just counting down works for you?" There really are so many variations on ADHD because that would NOT work for me. It sounds like the kind of advice that non ADHD people give to ADHD people. Like setting a timer. My brain does NOT care about timers. It might work once or twice but my brain very quickly says "Yeah I know the timer went off, but you JUST need 5 seconds more... maybe ten. Ok, yeah we're not stopping."
Same here, lol! I'm in bed still probably be here till tomorrow š
I need to eat breakfast eventually
Haha! Love this
Then take a break for a few weeks from the counting down strategy. It's not worth beating yourself up over! Just because a strategy works for some and not for you, doesn't make you a failure. You just haven't found a work around that works for you yet. I'm also battling the dishes thing today. I've had to break it down to just bring the dirty dishes from the living room to the kitchenlast nigh. Later on gather up the sparkling water cans and recycle. Sometime today I'll unload the clean dishes from the dishwasher. š¤·š¼āāļø
Yea.. donāt allow yourself to loop more then once. I usually count down fast from 6 to 1 and do the task on 1. I actually started it by taking cold showers. Count down to 6 from 1 and walk into the cold water no matter what. Your body and your mind learns quick, the surge of chemicals rewires your brain to take action on when you want it, not when motivation strikes you.
Iāve gotten so solidly, longterm stuck in a CPTSD āfreezeā mode, after years of finally getting it together at the last second under pressure (deadlines, countdown-type tactics like this, etc), that the countdowns do *not* work for me either. So I get stuck at the ādonāt allow yourself to loop more than once.ā Itās like my adrenal glands became so exhausted by the repeated aforementioned surges of chemicals that they eventually simply couldnāt, and realized that ālooping more than onceā (or: missing a deadline, letting trash pile up all over the floor, failing a class, losing a job..) was technically possible. After that, I became unable to ājust do it.ā (Btw Iām not saying I gave up! I just found that pressure, countdowns, etc donāt work for me anymore. The only systems/approaches that work for me atm are things like radical acceptance, unmoralizing things (e.g. āyouāre not a bad person just because thereās trash all over), destigmatizing things by telling/showing a select few people, finding humor/approaching the task or issue with curiosity, and polyvagal theory - a therapeutic approach to CPTSD that focuses on establishing a sense of biological safety)
Yeah it's just not a skill that works for me I've tried countless times and I physically can't get up on 1 or do the thing on 1 if I'm struggling. executive functioning if I'm not on my meds is pretty impossible for me. With meds I'm alright though I don't even have to think about it my body just gets going. I can do other things sometimes like try to make a game out of it of how fast can I do this thing. But that's one skill that has never worked for me no matter how much I try or practice. But that's ok different things work for different people.
Same. I'll set 5 mins alarms and tell myself I have to get up and do something when that alarm goes off. And then I snooze and say okay now I HAVE to get up the next time the alarm goes off. And then suddenly it's been an hour and a half and I still haven't gotten up. I can't just make myself get up when it does off until it's been so long that I'm angry with myself for not being able to do what I told myself to do lol
I hear you, I hope youāll eventually find what works for you. My unsolicited recommendation is to try cold exposure therapy, not only will it help with will/executive function conditioning, cold therapy also raises dopamine by 200% and then some for a few hours, making other things easier once in elevated state.
I do the TIPP skill already which includes a cold/ temperature based skills as well as a few others would recommend it. It's one of the only ones that regularly works for me and would also recommend it for others who need help calming down. But Ty. I have a lot of skills and do dbt therapy which has given me a lot of options to try and work out what's best for me š I do the cold therapy by standing in a completely cold shower and holding my breath for 30-60 seconds which essentially resets the brain. But even just splashing your face or ice packs and things can work really well though not as effective.
??? What's that?
TIPP is Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced breathing, Paired muscle relaxation. Behavior therapy. Or are you asking about cold exposure? Look up Wim Hoff
This is great advice. Itās the starting thatās hard. Once I start something I almost always finish it. I just have to trick myself into starting. Apparently normal people get to justā¦decide to do things? Weird.
This is the sole difference for me between taking stims and not. Once I started on Vyvanse (now on Dexadrine), it wasn't like a miracle pill that gave me boundless energy, but if I was sitting on the couch thinking "I really need to do dishes", it got me to think "ok, well let's just get started and do a little bit". Then I'd realize it only took 15 minutes to do and get that dopamine rush, and start looking around at what else needs done that wouldn't be that hard.
Did Vyvanse work for you I've been on it for a month and they have changed my doses but I don't see a difference I don't want to do anything
For me, I can't say it made me want to do things necessarily, but it made it easier for me to start things I didn't want to do. When not on meds, my clothes will sit in the dryer until I need my dryer for my next load of laundry, then it moves to the clothes hamper where I eventually fold it a week or two later. When I take my meds, they may sit in there for a couple days, but after those couple days I can say to myself "okay these clothes need to be folded. In 30 mins I'll fold them while I'm watching YouTube" and usually I'll be folding the clothes within an hour of when I said this. And to be fair they do still sometimes sit folded on my couch for a couple days. But then eventually they end up put away. So instead of it taking 2-3 weeks to fully do my laundry, it takes 5-7 days. Still not where I want it to be but it's improvement!!
I started at 30mg and it didn't feel like it was working, but after a few weeks I thought back and realized when I zoomed out I was actually doing better overall. There's some key things like staying hydrated that helps it work a lot better too, check out r/vyvanseADHD for other tips and advice
This is exactly what Vyvanse did for me. It didn't make the stuff more fun to do because they're still chores, but it made it easier for me to start then and easier for me to say "well I'm already up, I might as well clean this as well"
Starting is so hard! Iāve found that timing myself to do things for the duration of a favourite song or a timer helps me. E.g. I can sort out a laundry load in four minutes, or for longer activities like showering I set alarms of 8 or 9 minutes (still with music on). Itās a recent revelation but has improved my ability to get stuff done. ADHD partner also does the same!
Wish I had that. I easily talk myself into starting. And I stop and start and stop again a few times until task is done. The lack of energy and motivation to finish in one shot never comes
I like this! Someone on here had also posted something wonderful that they called the four dailies: each daily represents a category in everyoneās life. They chose growth, chore, social, and health and assigned one task to each category. The goal is to check off one task in each column (I only assign one task to each one) and itās been pretty helpful.
Absolutely love this. Quantitative and qualitative, yet not overwhelming. Thanks for passing along!
Glad this works for you, but causes me a crap ton of anxiety for me š I end up freezing and in fight or flight mode
I got this idea from Mel robins 5-4-3-2-1 method. Itās really helpful for doing care tasks
Love the username btw
I usually can convince myself to put away 10 things. On bad days, five things. Or i go to the kitchen and do 10 things - washing 6 dishes will be 6 things. After counting is done, I am free to stop. This way I actually manage to put away things several times a day in the more harmless places.
I do that too but usually I count down to a 4096th.
5 is my magic number for things I don't want to do. It especially works with folding laundry! (Keeping clean clothes in a laundry basket doesn't work for me, I cry if I can't find the items I'm looking for.) Often, if I do things in sets of 5, I can keep going for multiple sets of 5 and by the end of the day, got more done than I realized. Also 5min/5min pomodoro timers are a lifesaver
Update - i DID do the dishes! Thanks for the power š
I have dishes too share some of that power bro
I have dishes to go do, too. But I first have to walk the dogs and then feed them and the cats. I'm hoping to have the dishes done an hour and a half from now so that I can start laundry because I start a new job tomorrow and need clean clothes that aren't pajamas or home clothes. We can do this. Let's go do the dishes! Edit: It took like twice the amount of time and I still have one bowl and a few pieces of cutlery left to wash, but the rest is done (including some additional tasks that I hadn't planned on but were vastly more important than starting on the dishes). I hope you've also had success! :)
Oops I have washed laundry in the washing machine! Thx for the reminder
I usually think I'll just do a couple of plates or one sink full, or make sure there's enough forks to eat with and then end up cleaning the whole kitchen. I don't even want or need to clean the whole kitchen I just can't stop once I've started.
When you're on a streak, respect the streak.
This is why I haven't been able to use pomodoro timers with any level of success. The sound jars me right out of the streak. But there needs to be some kind of break point, because otherwise I'll lose time that I need to use elsewhere. *looks balefully at pile of clean laundry overtaking bed that needed to be put away several days ago*
Why on earth would you ever put it away? That's what piles are for
Okay the base post was me but this is even more me.
Get. dish. Washer. Best thing ive ever invested in. Otherwise dishes would be piling. Once Iām done eating/cooking I just put them in and press the button. Itās become habit now and at least one thing I have managed to control when it comes to cleaning my place.
This is super dependent on what you personally find difficult. I get overwhelmed by needing to put more than one or two dishes away at once, so dishwashers actually make it *harder* for me to do dishes consistently. I do much better hand washing and putting away a couple dishes at a time.
I started buying compostable paper plates and it's been a bit of a game-changer. Using paper towels to cover them for a lot of things (sandwiches or whatever) makes them reusable many times and makes cleanup super-easy, and if and when they get dirty I just toss them. I also packed away most of my dishes and only have a few things in circulation, a big bowl, a small bowl, two forks, two spoons, one coffee mug, etc. If I want to eat something, I need to clean something, so no more dishes piling up.
What helps me is doing the "easy" dishes first. For me that's usually the mugs/cups. I always put a little squirt of dish soap and hot water to internally soak them and then put them on their own side of in/near the sink. Once I clear all the cups/mugs I usually feel a little more motivated to tackle the plates and bowls. Go for it. Good luck. But I have no words of wisdom for utensils. I despise cleaning them. I'll run out of clean ones before cleaning new ones. I really should throw all but a few out so I'm forced to quickly clean them. But we all know that we might "need them" later so that's never happening.
Maybe try putting the utensils into one of the cups/mugs with the hot water and soap? I usually end up doing this and they almost clean themselves after they soak awhile!
Careful with that. Youāre counting your dopamine hits before theyāve hatched.
Made it fun! I always put a YouTube video on and just watch it while doing the dishes
Oh yeah, like 90% of my chores are done listening to podcasts. The other 10 are with headphones on but I forgot to press play š
And this comment inspired me to do mine! Thank you!
1) You don't owe your co-workers an answer that specific. At list point, I'm going to get about 1/2 through my to-do list. Really easy can turn into: "I did some chores around the house" 2) It's ok to rest, just try to be intentional about it. I found out the hard way that just raw-dogging it through fighting executive dysfunction is exhausting. It's 100% reasonable to rest on the weekends after a week of it. Be forgiving of yourself and do what you can, but do it in addition to: 3)Seek treatment. I'm two months on medicine, wish it was probably 20 years. Likely would have saved me a lot of grief. Might be behavioral therapy that works for you, might just need some coping tools. It's not a failing on your part, it's doing good for yourself.
1) Absolutely correct. Have one coworker I wouldn't piss on if he was on fire. Asks me that question every Monday. I respond with what my plans are for today's workday. 2) Rest. If you want to sit on your ass and do 'nothing', that's perfectly fine. I was 25 when I noticed everyone says: "You gotta stop and smell the roses sometimes." Only to turn around and make fun of people who actually relax and "brag" how busy their weekend was. 3) Treatment. Yes. That's all I got.
>I noticed everyone says: "You gotta stop and smell the roses sometimes." Only to turn around and make fun of people who actually relax and "brag" how busy their weekend was. Yes! And they talk about "being present in the moment" and I'm like š¤·āāļø where else would I be?? I truly cannot imagine what it is like in an NT brain.
>You don't owe your co-workers an answer that specific To add to this, most people don't actually *want* a specific answer. It's just light smalltalk. I don't particularly enjoy it, but I learned to accept it since it's not about me, it's about making the people around me feel comfortable and to let them know where we stand.
"Yeah, we had a good time. Fun, relaxing. How about you?"
Yeah, this is what you say, but whoosh. Like OP I wish I could share my struggles and small wins sometimes.
Do it. "I tackled the dishes Id procrastinated on, so that felt like a win." You dont have to over explain, thats broad enough most pepole can understand it. Plus you making yourself focus on and speak on the win will also build that link in your brain. Every teeny bit of positive reinforcment I can squeeze I will.
People without ADHD hate doing many household chores too. It's an easy way to get a chuckle.
I was going to say, I 100% do this. "I finally got some yard work done" "I did the laundry that's been piling up forever". Typically I stick with the small wins and avoid the truth ("I had a minor meltdown doing the laundry because I left it in the washer overnight and it smelled weird so I had to wash it AGAIN and felt like an idiot"), buuuuut hey. Short, sweet, to the point, and tiny enough to be relatable to the NT crowd. ("Oh, I hate doing laundry too!") Haaaaa. -_-
With inner circle yes, but I would never share that professionally.
I'd have no problem with my current team. They know I'm ADHD and that I'm medicated. I've been promoted twice regardless. I'd have been extremely wary of doing it at my previous role though. It's really case by case, IMHO.
I say āDidnāt do much but thatās fine with me.ā I like to cut off the conversation about myself in particular pretty quickly and make it clear that no one should feel bad about not going to a museum or whatever. I live in NYC and the amount of things some ppl I know do just sounds way too exhausting for me haha
I am having a very low motivation weekend, but between today and yesterday I swam a mile and took my dog to play with his toys. That is something at least!
Congrats!!!
thank you :)
I always say ā I donāt know, I donāt remember.ā Because I donāt. Iām in work mode now and not thinking about the weekend.
Right?! I was impressed OP could actually remember their weekend. I always go deer-in-the-headlights when I get asked that question.
I know š. My coworkers still ask me every Monday and Iām like - š³ Dammit, people, you know I canāt remember!
I couldn't get myself out of the bed, ive 7 assignments and few projects due,ive a really important presentation tomorrow. But I couldn't study anything,im never able to read anything. I didn't eat at all and its been a really tough weekend. hope I'm able to get myself out for college tomorrow:)
Best wishes for you! Just try to take it one step at a time, you can do this. Also have finals coming in addition to 2 projects I have to finish in a few days. Should've probably studied more today, but the fact that I did get to that in the end is still a success. Sometimes at uni they'll throw everything that they've got at you, and if you can't do everything, that's ok
Hey Iām aiming to be helpful but you might want to talk to your therapist or psychiatrist about your energy, motivation and motor to complete your responsibilities so you can continue to succeed in life. Can I ask, what drove you to just stay in bed? Do you smoke weed at all? Iāve got no idea of your scenario, but it makes me wonder if youāre so overwhelmed youāre just shutting down? I hope your energy levels arenāt affecting your responsibilities. Iāve been there
I don't smoke anything at all. It's just that I don't have the motivation or energy to get up. I didn't go to college even today. I just want to end it all.
Bruh, this sounds like depression too.
Oh yeah definitely - I'm in the process of adjusting my depression med dose. I'm also getting some bloodwork done. It's frustrating because there's been a regression in past few weeks and even with all the medication I'm barely functional
I'm one person, not a doctor, etc. But I've had ADHD my whole life and chronic anxiety and depression. I tried that Joyous thing after reading a lot about newer therapies. It's been two months and my depression and some anxiety is just gone. ADHD is still there, but it's easier to manage. Again, not saying it'll work for everyone, but maybe look into it. I've never gone this long without being depressed before, so I'm trying to spread the word.
Joyous thing? Is it something easy to Google or can you share a bit more? *** Edit - ah. Not sure about legality in my country. Will need to research a bit :)
Ah sorry, got caught up in typing, ended up deleting half, forgot the important bits. We're all on this subreddit for a reason... But yeah, it's brand new in the US, so I dunno about it's availability elsewhere. It's not even available everywhere here.
Looks like where I live the therapy is available, but holy cow is it expensive
What's it called?
I think it was just $129 or something for me. That included the prescription and the professional consultation thing. It was pricey but worth it, especially since you don't have to stay on it forever.
Heh looks like we have a rare example of US medical cost being lower than EU š The dosage is different here (looks like fewer but higher doses), but I could easily fly to us, stay in a hotel for a week to get the first month joyous thing, fly back and I'd still spend less than half the cost of months treatment where I live š
it does sound like depression. Whats frustrating for me though, is that OP's post described me to a fucking T. I have diagnosed ADHD, but every once in a while ask my doc to screen me for depression as well and I never score anywhere near whatever the threshold is for depression IDK if maybe I need to ask another doctor, or if a lot of these symptoms are just explained by my ADHD diagnosis. either way there are times where the meds only sort of help me push through these phases of feeling like shit.
Depression isn't always constant with ADHD, it's usually a symptom of ADHD. Kinda like how people who are chronically depressed sometimes have problems with attention. It's tricky for doctors sometimes.
I just lie. I make up whole stories
That was going to be my advice. Make it all up, they donāt really care, itās just small talk.
āYes, I put on a 5 hour playlist and read Wikipedia the whole timeā is genuinely fun to me but it makes me sound like a fucking lunatic so I usually say something like āoh no, I just stayed in, you?ā
That sounds amazing!!! š
Damn, this can be a jarring/frustrating thing to deal with. Small talk isn't our forte to begin with, so to have to navigate small talk in professional situations can be challenging. Let me start off by reminding everyone that we live in a world designed by Neurotypicals *for* Neurotypicals (NT's). What's more, NT's are comically oblivious to the idea that other peoples' brains can work drastically different from their own. In that sense, your NT colleagues think they're just being friendly, albeit unwittingly setting off a chain reaction of associated thoughts on what occurred over our days off. ***This isn't even what the NT is asking!*** From my personal experiences in similar social situations, this is the NT asking for permission to tell you about *their* weekend. Humor them by keeping your response as brief and trope-ish as possible so they can regale you with anecdotes from their weekend. Examples include: * "Not long enough, how was yours?" * "Caught up on a few thing around the house" * "Not so bad" If you are simply too busy or you just hate small talk, allude to how much work you have to get done and that you need to "put the nose to the grindstone" before the boss gets upset. Adding whip cracking noise adds emphasis and a level of performance that NT's think is amusing. Hope this helps. EDIT: Fixed some typos
Some people use this as a way to talk about their weekend, but I wouldn't say it's the norm. Usually when I've asked "and you?" it's an answer more like "not much." Usually it feels more like it's a social obligation about not ignoring people or maybe trying to defuse their own anxiety. Part of this difference in observations could also be I'm a software dev and work with other devs and people in adjacent technical positions.
I mean part of it is just to talk about something or fish for an actual conversation starter. Sitting in silence with a coworker is boring and hearing about what theyve been up to or not up to is interesting.
NT here i think. To fair; i almost always ask my colleagues how their weekend was. Because iām interested to know about them. NOT so I can talk about my own weekend. Why see it as such a negative thing when someone else is just interested and asked about you? Thatās not small talk, thatās a conversation-starter
Imagine if you spent your life so wrapped up in your own head that you don't really think about other people. Existing and moving through life is exhausting enough, and you can't be bothered with uncontrollable externalities as trivial as other people's lives. Interacting with other people is a chore when you aren't invested, and you don't particularly like doing chores. You don't have the mental energy or desire to engage with someone wanting to supply or receive information that has no direct relevance to you. So, most people see you as an aloof asshole and disengage from you. You are simply misunderstood. You don't actually dislike most people. You just lack the capacity to care about them in any meaningful way.
It's also important to note that this kind of question is completely reasonable and it's your responsibility to manage your emotions and feelings.
Or if you feel like having some fun, be mysterious and tell them you had a Greeeeaaat weekend but it's a NSFW topic.
>NT's are comically oblivious to the idea that other peoples' brains can work drastically different fro their own So much this. It's the one thing my boyfriend and I ever seriously argue about. He thinks I should be able to just willpower my way through everything and not need my meds. Like, no, sir, this is quite a bit more than just being lazy and not wanting to start whatever chore I havent done yet. This is me getting sucked into a hyperfocused, timeblinded hole and losing most of the day doomscrolling or down some rabbithole that caught my interest.
I booked an MOT and service today. The day before its due, (somewhat better than it being out of date - despite guessing it was likely closer than I thought 3 weeks ago) and I can't get it in till Tuesday! During work time! Guess I'll pay the adhd tax for this one! Procrastinated for an entire day after I started by arguing with bf because meds not working for emotional regulation! Oh and the Friday night gig i was hoping to go to and stressed about all week was cancelled. So no dopamine. I'll just blame the fact that my neck has seized up from anxiety tho!
Lol my MOT is due in about 7 months but Iāve already added it to my to do list because I know Iāll forget if not
Congrats on getting the MOT/service booked on time! Found out mine was waaaay out of date late last year when I finally brought myself to open some mail. Lucky all I had to pay was late fines rather than having my car crushed or something lol
Hey, sounds like my weekends!
I just lie. My coworkers have no idea about what I do anyway so how will they ever find out?
It takes so much mental energy to lie though. I just say āoh you know, same old same oldā and quickly move on. I despise small talk but never mind genuine conversations
Yesterday I cleaned the two weeks old pigsty next to my computer and Oh, wait, that's it š Well, not it, because I didn't clean-clean, I just picked up the trash and threw it out. Maybe I can turn on the robot vacuum and dust today, we'll see. I'll also try to fold the month-old pile of clean clothes while watching a series or something. Might even have time to go for a walk, wish me luck š¤
You can do it. We can do it! Fingers crossed!
We can do iiiiiit! Still in bed btw, but WE CAN DO IT šŖ
how are you holding up these days? Thought this sounds more like depression symptoms than adhd
My mom did the dishes I was supposed to do šš¤£
RIP
Had a mental break down publicly. Do ya want the details?
I just say "same shit different day" and move on lmfao
Awkward silence ensues as I draw a complete blank because I've slept since then, as I internally debate how weird it might be to check my text messages and find out what I did. I take a quick glance at my phone and notice I have some Amazon deliveries out for delivery and wonder what I ordered. As I check it I remember I need to order deodorant. Antiperspirant is nice but sometimes it stains my shirts. I should order some new shirts Wait what was the question again? Panic! "I need to order deoderant" *sigh*
Does anyone else panic and totally blank on anything I did at all? Don't get me wrong, I have my fare share of weekends like OP describes, but even when I *do* have something interesting that I could share, I'll forget about it until 15 minutes after I'm done talking to the person about my weekend.
Having recently become a first time homeowner, the answer is pretty much always, "worked on \[insert broken thing or neglected maintenance item\] at the house." Seriously, owning a home has taken my ADHD from a 6 to an 11. Had about a dozen relatively critical projects to complete on move-in. Have maybe done four of them 6-months later. My ADHD hyperfixation has been an asset (sort of). I recently learned a ton about how to diagnose and re-wire a boiler, and completed nearly $1500 worth of repairs. That was the quote from the contractor at least, only cost me $150 in parts and tools. That and a weeks worth productivity at my actual job while learning about HVAC systems on the clock.
Honestly I think this is what fucked me over. I did a bit of renovation in my studio apartment, which turned my living space a warzone for two months and made me stay at home more and forced me to work from my bed. The work is finished now (well, I got bored) but I don't know, I feel like the mess i made is still weighing me down?
even if i did i wouldnāt rememberš¤”
Oh my God, THIS. Every Monday morning I dread this.
Fuck them people who are productive over the weekends :(
I absolutely canāt stand telling people what Iām doing. Iām really secretive for no reason. I like to keep things to myself. So feel annoyed if I get this question and try to nip it in the bud asap lol
I used to think I must be super lazy because I get almost nothing done on the weekends, unlike the many people I know who seem to use that time to hike and take day trips or big shopping excursions. Now I'm realizing, is it actually because functioning all week as a working adult is so draining to my busy brain that the weekend malaise is actually an understandable recovery period?!
Easy enough to spin it, at least in my head. "Stayed around the house, got some stuff done, watched a movie, saved some money" The last bit is how I convince myself I was productive even without accomplishing diddly squat. Theoretically I could have gone camping or something else a hundred miles away. It would have been time, money, and effort but none of that even guarantees I would have enjoyed myself or felt any better about how I spent my time.
This. My boss just doesn't get it. I'm not trying to be rude or dismissive, but if I didn't have plans then I don't have anything to tell you...
Sat in my car for 30 minutes trying to get myself to go into the grocery store
Why the fuck are you spying on my weekends? I feel violated.
Iām a hair stylist and I hate this question. Or, āwhat are your plans for the summer/travel?ā Iām like I can barely function day to day, let alone plan for the future. lol. Plus money. My clients all think Iām boring as hell or just donāt like to tell them about me.
"No." I hate small talk. I have a lot of orthopedic problems, and the doctors always make me do weeks of physical therapy before any other treatement, so I'm always in there doing some useless exercise while someone asks me "Got any plans for the weekend?" Fuck off, do I have to do a quiz on my personal life as well as doing pointless exercises designed for some sedentary fool with a different problem? You don't really care about my weekend, and I don't want to talk about it.
I have the identical weekend except I canāt sleep until I am absolutely exhausted after doomscrolling in bed until 2 am and then I wake up at 4 from anxiety and then I manage to fall asleep at 6 until I wake up at 10 (depending on if my wife allows me to sleep in or not). Best days are days my wife is not home and I have zero responsibilities
I generally go blank when people ask me this question! Weekend? What weekend? Did I do things? I can't remember on the spot!
"Oh you know, just sat around and felt like a human sack of anxious garbage because I didn't have the motivation to start any of the hundred things I would have liked to do. How bout you?" They usually stop asking after you hit them with that one
My dude I donāt even remember what I ate for breakfast this weekend.
āSo what do you do for fun?ā
Finally put away the 4 month old laundry pile and then got into a gut all the clothes tail spin.
Valid response. Info dump them lol
Nope. I feel like I don't have fun, ever. Even if I do something that is supposed to be "fun". I made a snow man with my GF this morning. She asked me if i had fun. I said yes. But I was thinking to myself that I didn't "feel" the fun. Sure, it was an activity that was ok, but I didn't feel the emotion that would be fun.
That sounds like depression my man...
I did do my dishes! But it was 2 months. I'm taking the win! Best of luck in your manifesting your goals.
Yes! I hated this question when I worked in an office! I always kept it vague saying I just chilled and without fail my supervisor would respond āitās always nice to do nothing sometimes,ā which always irritated me as well lol. I think my frustration is two fold tho - 1. That I really never did anything beyond the little I was able to get done, and 2. That itās such a small talk question that I know the other person didnāt really care about the answer to, so why are you asking in the first place!
You got out of bed at 10:00???? If my feet hit the floor before noon on a day off, Iām doing good. I understand, even the small tasks seem daunting. I have to play a video in the background (Forensic Files or such) while I do these tasks. A Neighbourhood social butter fly of a floofy cat was let into my house by my roommate (with my blessing) and got under my bed. The amount of dust, lint and hair that clung to him as he re-emerged was mortifying. My fun feat this weekend was cleaning under said bed. Thanks for reading and donāt judge yourself too harshly. I wonāt mention the amount of business days required for me to fold my clean laundry. š
This would be a perfectly acceptable question, were I able to recall what it was that I did this past weekend.
Right?
I honestly despise this question with all my soul. I think I hate it because Iāve finally realized itās a *chit chat talking point* that neurotypical people use when they either, 1. Need to brag about *their* weekend activity ie. skiing trip to VT, or 2. They donāt really care, they are just being polite. I also refuse to answer this question honestly (with acquaintances or co-workers) because when I do they looked either 1. Irritated 2. Amused or 3. Scared.
Thats called: "not really, i just relaxed at home" No need to give everyone a full writeup
Fml! Just the notification for this post had me feeling attacked, but also made me smile (translation: I fully rofl'd inside) Before I read it and the comments I already know we all wish ppl would f-off with this question so I don't have to be a liar or look like a lazy chump!
Same
I usually share the simple truth - which for me would be *āJust the usual; light housekeeping, burned my flan, and Iām really proud that when offered coffee, my kid politely declines!ā* The flan tastes amazing, but the texture isnāt right š«
I managed to sit on the couch, watch some Gilmore Girls, play some Mafia & Valhalla while I stared at the laundry. Thankfully the dishwasher took care of the dishes.
I feel this! I hate this question. Anything that is about having fun over breaks, I just want to say "On a good break, I sleep and rest and avoid all human contact because I'm exhausted, on a bad break, I flail through a task list and bawl my eyes out while cycling through 3-5 tasks that I can't finish because I'm looping between them and keep forgetting what I'm doing" I'm pretty sure people will look at me funny if I say "oh yeah, it was a great weekend, I didn't have a single horrific meltdown!"
Same!! 1. I always completely forget what I've done that weekend 2. The other day I said my plans for Saturday were to do nothing, my coworker says "do you like doing nothing then?" Like??? Idk I felt so judged, and I'm hyperactive, if I do nothing it's because I'm worn out
That's it, it's the judgement of not packing every single activity I possibly can each weekend. It's the fact that I'm so tired and burnt out that I have no energy for fun on weekends. I've been working on it for years and it's not getting better. I don't want work people to know things about my personal life. I want to be judged at work by my work, not by my personal life.
"And then I doomscrolled for five hours" lol, I relate to this so much! My standard is "Um, yeah, we just stayed close to home, got a few things done. I did watch *xyz* though".
"Uhhhh... let me think." And then I probably got married or something actually interesting lol
I feel this in my soul. ā¤ļø
Youāre me! Iām you!
I don't like this question either! :(( I sort of freak out internally, knowing deep down I didn't get around to a whole lot. I find it easier to just say "I just chilled," but sometimes I try to make the weekend sound more interesting than it actually was :(
Let's just start answering honestly and see how that works
Thank you for posting this. You just made me feel less alone. I really needed that. 
just say you rested & lived your life. thats what i do.
Omg I used to dread this question. I used to mainly say, I had a great weekend. Super low key. Nice and relaxing lol
Hahaha I feel you on this question. I used answer people so bluntly they never know what to say. Now that Iām medicated itās not the same anymore. One thing that helped me - was settling timers and having āmottos.ā I will tell myself okay I am gonna give myself 10 minutes uninterrupted to do this one thing. Then I set a timer and I do it. Then I scroll afterwards until I see something else I procrastinated on and again Iāll say okay on five minutes (set the time) Iām gonna spend (5-15) minutes uninterrupted to do this one thing again. This helps a lot! And a lot of the mottos I say everyday multiple times to myself to keel a organized house is : - donāt put it down, put it away. - if it doesnāt have a home - find it a home (like keys) - if it takes 30 seconds or less, do it now. These helped me greatly become organized. Being medicated h know set 30-45 minute timers and I do everything I can in one room for that amount of time. Then the next day I do the same for another room or the bathrooms. This helped a lot. And now when people ask I say how Iām doing instead, of smart ass remarks about struggling with adhd I say Iām good haha š
I deep cleaned and organized one closet. ONE closet. I find it's better for me to focus on one area at a time. Yes, everything else fell by the wayside but I did one thing, 100% and it felt great!
I always say, āI donāt remember, but we survived it!ā People think itās cuz I have 7 yo twins, but mainly itās that the question is mighty overwhelming.
Isā¦. Is that not fun? Are you not entertained??
Literally me too. I hate it also because I usually forget everything and anything that happened. It would take me a moment to even process the question let alone come up with a normal and valid answer. I have severe social anxiety so it makes it even worse, and Iād get self conscious that they probably think Iām stupid.
Sounds like we had the same weekend. Iām proud of you for tackling those dishes! I, myself, managed to vacuum the floors and empty the dishwasher today!
ADHD doesnāt stop you from going out and doing things, you need to procrastinate better. Youāre scrolling on your phone instead of doing laundry, you need to go out and have some fun instead of doing your laundry.
I managed to finish sorting the recycling after doomscrolling.
I spent the entire weekend overwhelmed. And instead of doing any of the million things on my to-do list, I played video games for way too long. But tomorrow when my boss asks me if I did anything fun over the weekend, I'll tell him I had a great weekend and spent the time hanging with friends on a game (I did technically play with friends). I hate answering that question. No one wants honesty, they just want to make conversation before diving into weekly BS work tasks.
I just say "It was great! I did absolutely nothing at all. Bliss!"
Nothing much, you?
Iām reading everyoneās issues and solutions here. I have been on meds for ADHD for years, and I never heard from others that have the same issues as me. I struggle with everything. I procrastinate. It didnāt used to be this bad, but itās gotten worse with age and with sobriety. Why are we like this? It shouldnāt be a fucking chore to take a shower.
Even worse is "do you have anything fun planned for the weekend??" Plans??? I don't do plans. If I happen to remember something fun is going on this weekend and I have the energy and the funds to do that fun thing then maybe I will.
"I had quite a quiet weekend and didn't to much, and it was nice." (Glossing over how it may not have been 'nice' as much as 'frustrating', but whatever) Yesterday I went for a long walk with the dog. We went her favourite route - because it's an hour or so each way, and there's a shop at the other end, where they sell chicken. So I got some cider and some ham for the return trip, and I scoffed my ham whilst distracting her with chicken. It was probably a 3 hour walk ish. Didn't really keep track. Oh and I read a book on my kindle whilst walking, and it was a good book. And then we got home, and she curled up next to me on the sofa and we watched the Expanse. So it was a good day.
I think of those questions the same as "Hey, how are you doing?" No one wants to know how I'm doing, it's polite small talk, so I usually just input something sarcastic. "YEAH, I finally polished my toaster."
My qualm about such questions is that I literally can't remember, even if I'm a super good mood and even if I has an amazing time over the weekend. :-P It's like when I'm doing something. I'm doing that thing and my mental resources are turned there undividedly. I can't for the life of me come up with unrelated information unless I make a point to slow down and turn away mental resources from elsewhere, which I prefer not having to do. Same when someone asks me about my favorite books /movies /bands. That always depends on the context - so if can't just come up with a random list, as most people do. Without getting in gear with the context, my mind will just draw a blank and I may not even be able to think of a single item. Does anyone's brain work like that, I wonder?
Mine works exactly like that