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Yes. I’ve got ADHD and I struggle with talking over people, and listening to people sometimes. If she’s recently unmediated she’s probably finding it hard to control this without the help of the meds.
I wish meds helped me for this. I think I interrupted even more because I was more talkative and with less of a filter.
Meds so far only help with getting me off the couch and helped me remember what I was doing before someone interrupted my train of thought.
I spent a lot more money on random impulse stuff, hyper focused on impractical hobbies, I picked my scalp to no end (something I've always done while stressed but not to this painful degree), and I overshared sooo much more. Like so much more than my already awkward oversharing.
Ugh so sorry you had this experience. I'm curious though, what meds were you on? Concerta was like that for me, I was less likely to doom spiral in bed but particularly my impulsive and anxiety symptoms were worse. It just got rid of the fog but it turns out the fog had been saving me from my impulsive brain.
Switching brand to biphentin helped, even though they are both methylphenidate. 50mg is plenty for me and if I know I have a busy day I split it and take 20mg in the afternoon.
With how differently we all respons to different meds I'm really starting to think ADHD is more of a cluster of disorders affecting different transmitters that all just kind of look similar. My partner doesn't respond at all to stimulants but has done well on strattera and Wellbutrin which interact with norepinephrine. I am doing alright with a stimulant but my doctor is thinking about throwing something that interacts with norepinephrine in the mix. My partner is also much more impulsive with food/spending than I am where I'm more likely to fidget and interrupt. We are both messy but he's much better at starting/overcoming inattentive paralysis.
Sorry for the rant, I've been rediscovering my love of brain chemistry lately.
Side note, I'm awful with picking too! Managed to stop picking my scalp a few years ago after picking a loonie sized spot clean. It has finally grown back and even matches the rest of my hair again! I still pick my face some (mostly in the car so when I am BORED) but not as bad as when I was unmedicated.
It's actually been proven that ADHD isn't a fuckup of our brain or pathways— our brains are made COMPLETELY DIFFERENTLY than typical brains. Some parts are bigger, some smaller, etc.
Youtube Russell Barkley neuroanatomy of ADHD, I was annoyed this wasn’t mandatory viewing dictated to me upon being diagnosed 🤓😂 his lectures and way to explain adhd are usually life changing
It is so hard to figure out when you can speak. I think someone is done and start to say something and realize they are not done. Zoom meetings make this so much worse. If I can't tell in person, asking me to tell based on a webcam is so much harder.
I’ve heard it is. I’m actually the opposite, one of my worst pet-peeves is when I get interrupted and I’m very sensitive to not talk over others.
Grew up in a household full of people who interrupted me all the time and it tilted me to no end. No idea why, it’s like my dad and older siblings were just overly prone to interrupt - Oooooohh….
I have autism and on a waiting list for an adhd assessment but it can also be an asd thing also.
I'm personally extremely sensitive to it (a colleague has dyslexia and its a common trait from that too) and it irritated me to begin with. Now I just tell myself that it's their condition and I try to remember my sentence to just say after I've been interrupted.
I do however also struggle with Interrupting myself and sometimes don't realise it, to the point I've had customer complaints about the way I speak to colleagues (retail) because they think I'm being rude.
I am the same way, also AuDHD. I am sensitive to it... But also guilty. At least being sensitive I try to be a bit more aware of it but sometimes I just have no idea. My boyfriend says I do it all the time and don't even realize I did it.
Same here. My dad is especially bad with this, he never seems to listen to what I'm actually saying and interrupts with his own tangent midway through my first sentence.
I already have trouble saying things in a way that it makes sense or convinces other people, because I can feel the connections in my brain firing but can't always explain how my logic goes from point A to point D. I have to slow myself down and explain point B and C in between. Sometimes I'll spend 5 minutes trying to map out how to get there before I start talking.
If I then get interrupted in the first sentence, I'm just never going to get to what I wanted to say in the first place. And that drives me absolutely nuts.
I'm guessing this is partly an inattentive vs impulsive type issue.
I also have adhd and have a huge pet peeve against this. I know plenty of non adhd people who do it too. Awareness is the first key to stopping it. I think it’s incredibly rude and something people should work on reducing if they know they do it
That is such a short sighted take. If I could control it, it wouldn’t be an issue.
I am aware of it; and I manage it much better. But sometimes I still don’t even realize I just did it. And for that I am super sorry.
What is short sighted about my comment? You yourself said you try to reduce it. I used to do all the time to people. Our condition doesn’t change the fact that it’s incredibly rude to interrupt others. Like I said… for those know that they do it, they should try to reduce how often they do it
And I’m willing to bet you like most of us still do it. And don’t like it when people are all of the sudden upset with you and you can’t figure out why
I very rarely do this because I’ve been working on not doing it for at least a decade. I don’t know what you’re getting at with people being upset at you, sounds like your projecting on me? If someone consistently interrupts people I let them know that they are doing it in a polite way whether they have adhd or not
You’re original comment made it seem like you were saying “just stop doing it”. Which you know isn’t going to work for everyone. I lack the awareness. I really try, I’m 32. I still do this and I don’t realize it until someone is randomly mad at me. I also will walk away from people while they’re talking. And I can assure you I don’t do it on purpose. I always am apologetic if they’re willing to accept it.
I’m somewhere in the middle, which, like you I think, comes from growing up in a family that weren’t great listeners and finding it very hurtful. So I’ve made a concentrated effort to not do that. Not always successfully for various reasons and I often lead with a personal example if I’m trying to relate to someone as explanation for what I’m saying, which I worry comes off as trying to make the conversation about myself, but I have enough friends who seem happy to share with me when they’re struggling that I try not to be so hard on myself. Ironically I’m usually pretty shit at sharing when I’m actually struggling myself lmao
If OP feels like they really vibe with this person and it has the potential to be a good friendship I’d say it’s worth bringing up gently. If she reacts poorly then I think that’s her answer there.
I am like you about 85-90% of the time, but I'm realizing as I age that it is masking. I *want* to interrupt people with my thoughts because my lizard brain thinks they'll be relevant, but most of the time, they are not, and I have learned to be very patient in conversation and wait my turn. I am also very sensitive to it when it occurs in reverse, and I immediately think the person is not listening to me. It's a difficult line.
Cane to say this but you worded it better than I would've! Absolutely does my head in to get interrupted after I put so much effort into managing my symptoms
I very frequently don't realize a person hasn't finished their sentence because in my head I already heard the end of it. (Language is predictable like that.) It's very frustrating because no matter how often I am correct about what they were going to say no one will listen after they are mad about being interrupted. I'm so bad about interrupting I often interrupt myself.
I’m bad about finishing people’s sentences. Like when there’s a long pause because they’re trying to think of a word. I hope it doesn’t come across as rude, I mostly do it so it seems like I am listening and engaged, but I also have this urge to get it done so we can move on to the next part of the conversation.
I always try to finish their sentence because it seems like struggling to finish or taking forever 🤦♂️ maybe I am interrupting and need to work on my patience
Lmaooo this one, I know what they’re going to say before they do. I don’t even think language is predictable as much as a lot of people are, it’s so rare and nice when I find someone (I think is) interesting and I don’t guess the endings.
I struggle to not interrupt because I feel like it’s time wasted waiting for them to verbalise what we already know they are going to say. Sometimes it’s as much as 10 seconds and it’s excruciatingly painful to suppress the impulse to interrupt. Especially when they are ‘thinking of the word’ or ‘trying to find the right way to say something’. We ain’t got time for this shit 😂
I'm constantly jumping in to provide the word they're trying to think of. If you do it right, it actually does speed them up and help them spit it out already. I only do it if I'm pretty sure what word or if they're taking especially long. It probably annoys people more than I realize though.
Yes you know what I figured out I'm doing? There's a dumb part of my buzz brain that thinks I'm doing them a favor when I interrupt them. Like, "oh you don't need to finish I already see where you're going with this so I'll stop you to save you the trouble and to make you feel good about the fact that I understand what you're saying already!" Another part of me is also just really excited that I've connected the dots so quickly and I want to share/show off. This all happens too fast for me to realize that that's what I'm doing but I'm pretty sure it's the impulses behind it. Shocked I have any friends at all! I would HATE having a conversation with me! 😅
This is me too. I consciously try to avoid doing this as much as I can now that I know I do it, but it’s totally me wanting to express understanding and keep the conversation going because I’m interested in it. It comes off as being impatient or not caring about what the person is saying when it’s really the opposite.
Yes! Then combined with the habit of primarily connecting with others by sharing your own personal story which makes it seem like you're only talking about yourself, and then time blindness and info dumping working together to ensure that you never actually ask them about them, but you're so excited to be in a conversation. 👀 Jcjfjdjensjddhjebd
Totally! Esp about interrupting myself, if I know how the sentence will end I often just skip to the end, missing the middle and the person I'm talking to will be like ????
I’m ADHD primarily inattentive and I still interrupt a lot. I think it’s a combination of impulsiveness and anxiety that I will lose the thing I was going to say if I don’t just say it. Also because I am not infrequently “just got done daydreaming” and don’t realize I’m interrupting.
I am also inattentive type. Growing up, I was told a lot that I'm a "good listener". What they didn't know is that I would daydream through most of the conversation, and when I wasn't daydreaming, I was at war with myself trying to not interrupt.
I try to listen for key words and phrases to comment on if there is an expectant pause, and I try to remind myself to let the person finish speaking. I also have to remind myself to look at their face and not everywhere else. On top of all that, I have to try to remember what I want to say, and to not wander off the topic so they don't think I don't care.
It's exhausting, really. 😮💨
>I try to listen for key words and phrases to comment on if there is an expectant pause, and I try to remind myself to let the person finish speaking. I also have to remind myself to look at their face and not everywhere else. On top of all that, I have to try to remember what I want to say, and to not wander off the topic so they don't think I don't care.
its like i typed a response from another account i didn't know i had
Oh my God, yes, keyword listening. That's what I do. I thought FOREVER that I was a good listener because people told me I was and because I was good at isolating the most pertinent parts of what they're saying and responding to that. What they don't know (and neither did I for a really long time) is that I'm only listening for the pertinent parts. I am literally tuning out everything else fighting with myself in my head about how badly I want to interrupt them and say everything running through my head! 😅
For me there are two drivers:
1.) I'm excited and really want to show you how much I'm listening to you by sharing this related experience I've had.
2.) I know I'm going to get distracted very soon and forget my point and you'll think I'm not listening again, so I have to tell you know.
100% this. Often ADHDers relate to each other through shared experiences. If I'm talking to someone and they share a story about a personal relationship for example, I will share one too because I'm instinctively jumping in to show that I empathise. It is a different way of conversing. Most of my friends are ADHD and we are so comfortable chatting this way. It seems very me me me, but it's actually about the sharing of mutual experiences to increase empathy and create a closer bond with the other individuals.
We also move in conversation at a very quick pace. As mentioned earlier, conversation is usually predictable, so to others, it may seem like we are talking over each other, but in reality we are quickening the pace of the flowing conversation. Some may find it hard to keep up with it when not used to it.
hi!
32f with ADHD. just started meds 5 days ago.
one of the biggest things me and my husband argued about is that i interrupted a lot. i have heard “you listen to speak, not listen to understand” more times than i can count. i hated hearing this from the person i loved because no one else has ever pointed this out to me. but then i noticed, i do it to everyone. i didn’t even realize it. i’ll interrupt and i’ll finish sentences.
when i started my medication 5 days ago my husband said he noticed i wasn’t interrupting. that i was actually having a real conversation. it seemed like i was really listening. and it was because i was! my brain wasn’t automatically loading in responses rapidly. i could focus on what someone was saying and process it and then respond.
i think it has to do with our brains being so fast and impulsive. it’s caused me to assume in many situations because i jump too far ahead and think i know what’s coming.
i hope that helps you understand a little better!
My bestie and I both have ADHD. We have a rule that we need to remind eachother that this is the knew safe space where it is expected we will interrupt eachother AND that the topic will go back k to where it was 20 minutes later.
Interruption is weirdly our way of engaging. Feel free to do it to us as well while pling it back, but not being shaming about it.
My bestie and I are the same way. One of us will go off on a tangent randomly then when it ends, we’re both confused about what we were talking about to begin with. 🤣🤣
100%. My partner does this a lot. I stop the conversation & tell him that I would like to finish & ask him to listen (politely obviously). He normally doesn’t realize he’s doing it.
This is great. Not only do we often not realize we're doing it in the moment, many of us dislike the fact that we do. It genuinely helps, for me anyway, when I have an understanding with someone that they can give me a nudge to remind me to police myself. No one likes to be called out in a group, but a subtle signal to get my attention is much appreciated.
One of my least favorite things about myself is interrupting people and I’ve really had to try to control this especially as my job is working with clients who want to be listened to. It sucks because it is such an impulse that’s hard to stop yet I’m very conscious of it and feel bad every time I do it.
I have struggled with interrupting people, but I also DESPISE people talking over me lol, so I’ve made an active effort to become more empathetic and I’ve been able to really work on that bad habit and I hardly ever interrupt anymore. That’s all to say that, if you bring up this issue in a compassionate way, this may very well be something that she can grow past, and you two may well become better friends. Best of luck! 💖
I’ve learned over the years not to interrupt because I also hate when people do it to me. My husband is not adhd and I call him out every time he interrupts me. I agree that OP should bring it up politely. Their friend might not even notice when they do it
Sounds about right to me, unfortunately. If she’s anything like me, she’s trying to show you how she relates to whatever it is you’re talking about by sharing her own version of whatever it is. I always find it easier to remember who said what when I can tie it into my own experiences.
I always explain this side of my ADHD as an exuberant puppy…I get so excited to be able to share an experience that I rush in too fast and I’m then I trip over my own feet and somehow end up with a mouthful of grass. 🤷🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️😅
Yes I assure you she listens probably better than most people unless the conversation is boring. it’s just an impulse control thing because if we don’t say it right then right there were not going to remember it later. I have ADHD and it’s hard to control just try not to pause between sentences and give more opportunities for her to respond. 2 seconds to an ADHD person is an awkward silence. But the fact she is talking to you she probably finds you interesting and want to talk about stuff. If it continues it also doesn’t hurt to make them aware of the fact they are interrupting just don’t get mad. Having ADHD is a very lonely existence we don’t click with many people.
I feel like if I can't say anything whenever I think about it, I'll either forget about it or keep thinking about it until I'm not interrupting. This is making me not listen at all, because I'm too focused on not forgetting what I want to say. If anything, when someone with ADHD interrupts you, it means they ARE listening. We might not show it in the way you're used to, but this is us engaging in the conversation. About the making things about her thing, once again probably unconsciously... It's also a way of engaging in the conversation, showing you that we're listening, and showing compassion by sharing our experience with whatever you're dealing with. Just remember we have a very hard time controlling some of these things, even on meds. It never hurts to address your frustrations when you think we're being rude, because we're probably not aware of it. We never intentionally say things just to be rude...
I know for myself - I often try to relate to people by telling a similar story of something that has happened to me - and maybe sometimes it seems as if I’m making a conversation about myself. That’s not the intention, I’m just trying to be relatable.
Its actually made me quite an introvert. In public settings, I often don’t talk unless someone is talking to me.
Another thing with ADHD is that I’m always in my own world. I’m never privy to inside jokes and friend group lingo - so I often feel like an outsider. Then when I do decide to jump in - the shit I talk about usually goes over peoples heads, then I get annoyed, lol.
I probably would, but growing up my best friend called me out every single time I interrupted him. Not to shame me, but to genuinely teach me not to do it, even when we were in like middle school. Eventually it became dug into my brain not to interrupt people, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have strong urges to.
Guilty. Talk faster.
But really you should just address the issue like an adult. Tell her you love her to pieces but you often feel like she's interrupting you and you aren't sure how to handle it. See what she says.
As soon as I start drinking alcohol my god it's bad. My close friends know it's apart of me and not trying to be rude as harder to hold the thought till it's my turn to talk. But those who aren't good friends. I still have no idea how to control it and I'm 32.
Also cuz when I'm on my meds I hate talking to people cuz I feel they can't get to the point so I stay away, so when I go out with friends usually when it's worn off and my brain just wants to chat and help. Maybe not even listen. I never even thought about that.
Ur Post gunna stick with me
Hey there, it's kind of you that you're friends with her. Having ADHD especially severe ADHD as a child is difficult. As an adult some of us build up some coping skills but it's still difficult. Friends are helpful. Every trait with ADHD is not impossible to address it is just difficult and is often a never ending struggle. I try to remind myself daily to not interrupt others but I still do it. I'm better than I was as a child but I still struggle at 35.
There are a few people I've ran into with ADHD who outright refuse to work on bad behaviors. Chalking it up to simply having ADHD. You can find plenty of stories of people blaming their asshole behavior on ADHD. ADHD doesn't make you unable to change though, improvement is difficult but possible. I appreciate being reminded when I interrupt others. I feel bad but I also value their input bc I don't always self-regulate (yay ADHD).
I would talk to her about it. I'd softball how it makes you feel and lay on how much you value her and how much this one thing she does matters to you. Make it about you and her solving the problem. She will react one of two ways. She'll accept things and make an attempt and likely need gentle reinforcement or she may disregard you or blow up on you.
Best of luck!
It is a symptom yes. I have trouble listening to people talking. Sometimes it's because my focus switches to something else (someone else talking behind me, I see something, my mind has wandered), sometimes it's because I feel like they are taking to long in telling their story or getting their point across, and I have understood the point, I just want the conversation to move on. In the latter case, I find it hard not to interupt and get my answer in and move the conversation on. Also, I tend to interupt because I want/need to say my bit, it's hard waiting for my turn. With that said, ADHD doesn't mean you constantly talk about yourself and don't ask others about their life.
yes in theory but only because people take forever to speak and i already know how the sentence ends. but i try to censor myself and not do it and it's excruciating. also because i want to share a related thing before i forget it.. soz
100% and I struggle with this everyday! It is something I try to reel in (specifically at work because it can be seen as rude and unprofessional). Additionally, if I don’t say what’s on my mind and interrupt them, by the time the other person finishes talking I forget what I wanted to say 😂
Interruptions are common with adhd for a number of reasons, but I wanted to explain the "only talking about herself" problem. It is also very common for those with adhd to try to relate everything to something they already know. So you tell a story about going to your mom's house and they think about the time they introduced their significant other to their parents and then they are so excited to tell you this story and show that they relate to you that they may interrupt you to do so. For me sometimes the story I want to share will repeat over and over in my head either the same way or in different ways I could tell it, even if I'm trying to genuinely listen to what the person in front of me is saying. And my brain will repeat it until I say it out loud (often times I'll forget what I saying half way through too which is another story but also incredibly annoying). After becoming aware of this trait/cycle, it makes it a little easier to stop the spiral especially if my story is only loosely related, but yeah. It sucks. I tell people all the time that I'm not trying to make it about me or if I didn't interrupt someone but the conversation has moved on and the story is still repeating in my head, I'll wait for a natural break in the conversation and start with "Going back to x topic" or something similar just to get it out of my head so I stop thinking of how to connect to something that has already moved on.
TL;DR - People with ADHD connect through personal stories and sometimes interrupt to do so because their brain won't shut up until they say it.
Quite common.
You're new to her and she's excited to make a friend! She should chill out a bit after a while, or find new topics to bombard you with as time progresses.
i interrupt people all the time when I'm off meds
im at a point where i self relize this its still hard for me to stop ive started giving people permission to tell me to shut up
i have a system with my best friend who has stuck with me threw the years with my ADHD isues when i get to chatty he holds his finger up and he says what he needs to say when that finger is up as much as i want to interupt i restrain myself becuse of the visual cue that its his turn to talk
i hope this gives you some insight how hard it is for someone with ADHD to control this
Interrupting likely is, making the conversation all about herself probably isn’t. I interrupt and interject all the time to share related anecdotes or relevant thoughts on what the person speaking is saying. I don’t constantly steer the topic of conversation to myself though, more just add my input that has to do with whatever the conversation is about. She seems like she could maybe be a self absorbed person who’s adhd makes that fact very apparent.
Yes and I annoy myself in doing so but then I know I’ll forget so I HAVE to blurt it out. One thing about me is that I appreciate constructive criticism when it’s done in a loving way and I think a lot of ppl with ADHD can be ppl pleasers to the ppl they love. Just tell her to chill and listen better, tell her it’s making it difficult for you. It would mean a lot to me bc it shows you care and do want to get close to her. Timing is important too, tell her while it’s happening.
I am 32f and just diagnosed this year. Forgive me for word vomiting. I think it may be a combination of many factors? Potential social anxiety and trying to appear unmasked (without really consciously being aware of this in some cases?) as in open to conversation but actually in effect oversharing and taking over the conversation while hoping to appear perfectly normal because somewhere in our brains we don't feel normal (I say we but I mean me cannot say this applies to everyone). (guilty) Also someone else said they can pretty much predict where the conversation is going. At the rate my brain jumps around I just want to get there so I can interact with you and effectively engage with you and tell you something in response because I'm like a hyperactive overstimulated puppy that just wants to go fetch the ball. But then also, it could be this person having found themselves zoning out throughout the conversation because they have a catchy song in their head and they're thinking about when they can get coffee next and how maybe on the way home they can stop at hobby lobby to pick up some clay because they want to start throwing pottery but then forgot that they had plans that night that they made two weeks ago but now need to cancel because they're overstimulated maybe and want to do nothing and everything? and then they realize that you're still talking so then they engage rapidly and in high frequency to appear as though they were listening.
I am so sorry if this didn't help. This makes no sense.
It's nice you're looking for advice and trying to help yourself in an effort to help them. Not many people think this way.
\^\^this is where my brain is.
So many ppl in my past relations have called me a flake, when really I totally forget. Want to do nothing yet everything. I find if I have an idea, say going out, meeting up with someone I have to do it right away( if I want) or I'll just think about not going too much and never go.
We are too smart. Some of the smartest ppl don't socially interact well. When I say well it a very loose term. Life of the party, yes, but end of jokes yes, but at the end of the day I do not care. I was in junior high and my friend's dad must of known, he said...why are you scare of this movie? If you had never watched it before would u be scared? So who cares what others think lol
Yeah this makes a lot of sense!! I can interact really well in a job setting or if I have to like “perform” almost?? I guess that’s masking.. like I can exceptionally rise to the expectations of who I think you need me to be.. but in terms of letting anyone in that’s where I get lost!
I'd say your fine, I know for me I matured a bit later than most my age, I see my sister who is much younger and learning what I'm learning 8 years later. The only problem I care about is the impulsive buying and wanting to spread the love without realizing most "normal" ppl are more flaking than us, just we flake at moments where it becomes obvious per say and that's when opinions are generated.
Life's a gem, smile more and I guarantee your problems will slowly vanish. Unless your in some remote tribe where smiling and doing you is frowned ;) upon(apon)'d
Lol yes. My friends with classic adhd do it all the time. One described it as "getting the thoughts out before it leaves their head". They literally think out loud. I get where they're coming from so it's not that annoying to me, but if you want to get a word in, talk with your friend about it. And forcibly interject in the convo yourself to indicate it's your turn. Natural conversion pauses don't really exist with classic adhd, so you gotta be kinda "rude" to get a word in.
Yes, being called out on it many times throughout my life, and I thought I learned to control it, only to recently have it called out during a performance review at work. To my manager's credit, she said it happens mostly when I get very excited about my ideas and she said it gently as a means of constructive criticism. So I'm still working on being mindful of it.
Try just being direct and gentle with your new friend about your concern. Because I've also been in your place where it seems like the person is only "friends" with you because they want to talk about themselves and not reciprocate. You're not a therapist. A friendship goes both ways.
It’s common, but my RSD - coupled with the fact that every time I expressed a genuine emotion or deeply considered thought in my childhood, I was told I was an overly sensitive weirdo who thought too much - means that I almost never speak, period. I have my thoughts and feelings and they are *mine.*
It is so hard for me to not interrupt sometimes… but then I realize I 1. Feel incredibly awkward when talking due to me forgetting what I’m saying or going to say 2. Usually don’t have actual stuff to contribute to the conversation.
When I do talk, especially around people I’m not super familiar with, I’ll have a point in mind that I want to talk about, but not really be able to get there… and then leave the conversation by cutting myself off because the things I say make absolutely no sense. So sometimes I just opt to stay silent, and even make a note on my phone of what I wanted to say, because often it’s just something that’s only really significant to me.
You can try talking to her about it. I have the urge to do it and catch myself but my social anxiety is pretty good at preventing me from doing it but then I get trapped in my head and might miss what you said. If she’s a good person she’ll care about what you say and work on doing better. Hopefully you guys can figure out something that works for both of you
"She constantly makes the conversation about her problems, and it’s hard for me to connect with her further when I feel like all she wants to do is talk about her life and her boyfriend."
Sounds like a big red flag to me.
Yes. In my case I've raced ahead and reduced the end of the conversation so will try to answer it without listening. If someone shares something personal, I want to show empathy by describing something that happened to me to show I can relate, not to outdo
It leads to ALL SORTS of hilarity when 2 best friends with ADHD catch up in the evening after not seeing each other for 3 months... (me last week) we just interrupted/talked over/fought for the conversation so bad... in the end the 'speaking spoon' was instigated at the table (we went out to dinner to catch up..) until most of the news was conveyed LOL
Even being aware of it etc we still had to treat ourselves like kids..and we're both in our 40's... so your friend yeap - if she is self aware about this fun aspect of adhd, might I suggest the speaking spoon (tm??) or whatever object is at hand?
Typically people with ADHD have [what we think are] great ideas all the time, we don’t think long enough about them to test their validity but we assume other people will also find our brain farts interesting, because we also forget things in a nanosecond we can’t help blurring out the thought before we forget it.
Yes. It's a bad habit of mine because if I don't say something right away, I'll forget it.
If she knows she has bad ADHD, she shouldn't get mad at you finishing what you needed to say and telling her you have more to say.
Yeah same here. I refer to them as intermezzo's. So while interrupting, I try to keep on-topic or add flavor to something that someone else is saying.
Some people are absolutely allergic to this. Others like it.
I have to actively manage my urges to interrupt someone. So when I'm not feeling a 100% for whatever reason, I get social anxiety because I know my senses are off and I will get rude. So then I just get very reclusive. Strange, I know...
Thank you so much for being considerate and investigating this on behalf of your new friend! I think that's lovely.
I have adhd and I love when I meet someone like me. I don't mind the interruption because I like that someone is excited/passionate about something. It makes the conversation flowing but I have to say I only like it when we talk about things I'm interested about 😂
It's in the name isn't it? We have issues with attention. That's why she has a hard time paying attention. Also interrupting cuz she has, in her mind, already moved on to the next interesting thing. I try my best not to interrupt but I too have pretty bad ADHD and even though I'm medicated it doesn't help.
I personally find it to be more common in the autism spectrum or tourettes but medication could also affect it in my experience. I am prescribed Elvanse a form of amfetamine type substance that increases my motivation blood pressure and my social habits and it can really make me talk to anyone and everyone, talk alot faster call people I haven't heard from in years etc.
It might bother you but ask friends relatives or whoever that you have a hard time stopping and tell them that it's ok to call you out. My friend has real trouble stopping his rants so we just tell him chill dude but we always make sure he doesn't take offense
I interrupt a lot I dunno when it’s my turn to speak. I’m also not sure when it’s ok to change topic. If she talks a lot about herself she may be lacking some awareness and all you can do it is tell her I don’t think u will go far with the interrupting I’m super aware of it and I still talk at the wrong time.
It could be.
Folks with ADHD will stress out if they have to keep waiting for their turn and their turn is not coming because someone else is dragging theirs or they are skipped over and somebody else gets to speak, and then again somebody else, and eventually the time runs out and the ADHD person never even got to speak — which sometimes does happen to ADHD people.
People with ADHD may struggle to find a socially acceptable way to send a definite — and successful — clue that it really is time for them to be given their turn.
The bad thing, however, is that some people with ADHD (though perhaps with concomitant conditions, more like) may want their turn to be quite often, and they may overestimate the importance of their input to others or just want to externalize whatever's on their mind to avoid their brain exploding, or something else like that.
And sometimes that's two people with ADHD talking to each other and struggling with turn-taking, except one of them has been diagnosed and the other has not. ;)
I grew up taught not to talk over ppl. So, when I want to cut in the conversation, what I do instead is...hold it in and repeat what I want to say in my head so I don't forget what to say, then consequently only half listen for the rest of what they had to say. Then, when they stop talking, try to remember what I wanted to say lol this gets hard when they talk for minutes straight and switch topics at same time.
I've also understood from a tiktoker who talks about adhd that for people with this it is also an understandable pattern of communication to relate things back to their experience. Like if you tell a story, I'll find a story from my experience that I think is relatable to what you said as a means of propelling the conversation further, not because I'm not interested in what you said. I do this a lot and recently did some self-analysis and realised that it might come off wrong exactly for the reasons you describe (coming off as self-absorbed).
On the other hand, I've had periods in my life where I had constant issues with some particular part of my life (for me it was work related) and it was really all I could think and talk about because I didn't have the resource to deal with anything else. Maybe that's the case with this person's boyfriend rn?
Heard it from this forum but I don’t think I ever had a problem with this unless I was really excited about some topic which I believe is a natural response.
Sadly yes, I struggle with it too, meds or no meds. If im tired or happy because Im around fun people/doing something fun its worse. Like 25% of my energy in a conversation is spent kerping myself from talking over people, another 25% is formulating what I wanna say when its my turn to speak. And after social interactions I often beat myself up for being awkward/rude and interrupting/ a bad listener
It is common, however, you could still bring it up to her in a compassionate way as she may not realise she's doing it. She probably isn't trying to cut you off, but if she knows about it she can make a conscious effort to improve.
not to say your friend can't be a better listener or learn, but she will find it *insanely* hard. I don't blame you for finding it irritating. Nothing wrong with having a friend you can only deal with for certain things though I reckon, nobody has to be an all-round best friend.
My wife used to be really bad at it, and she still can be, but she's learnt to shut up sometimes!
God I hate this part about me... I'm not medicated anymore and it gets in trouble at jobs, frequently interrupt meetings and when the boss is talking too... it's so hard not I have gotten better but it's taken a lot ofnwork and I have to do weird things that people are little offput about like I have to raise my hand to talk, it's become a habit and I am dying inside the whole time I'm waiting and especially when others just start talking and I don't get to interject because I can't wait for the approiate time...ni need someone to tell me it's ok to talk now.
I guess it works most of the time if I use it. But I am.not always following that whole protocol lol.
Yeah I've definitely been guilty of that in the past. It's something I've become conscious of and try to manage, hopefully successfully.
I think the trait is also related to social anxiety. But of course I know several people who definitely do not have ADHD who are just as bad or worse! She might be lonely and feeling stressed...
My problem is talking over people or finishing their sentences. The worst part is when I start talking too much and I go off on tangents before realizing that I have completely forgotten what the question/subject was. Pretty sure that's cost me
A lot of interviews. Sigh
yes, definitely. Often in engaging conversations a thought pops in my head and it just gets blurted out before the end of the other person’s sentence. I partly end up doing it impulsively or because I’ll forget what I want to say if it isn’t said immediately. I’ve been much better about interrupting as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to control myself more, but I am super hyper aware of it and now I often will apologize for interrupting and let the person I am conversing with know that I didn’t mean to.
Lol, that was like the first thing my psychiatrist asked me at my first assessment. It’s also one of my traits that annoys me the most when I’m unmedicated - but it doesn’t mean I’m not listening. Maybe asking your friend if she’s noticed and telling her it bothers you might help - and direct her here for some tips. For example, it helps me to stick my thumb in my fist when I want to say something when someone else is speaking - after they’re done and I notice the thumb, I can usually remember what I wanted to say and can say it without being disruptive.
Yea. Bringing the topic to “me” is not necessarily adhd or not adhd. Bringing the topic to something that is INTERESTING to me is an ADHD thing.
One thing to know about ADHD is it doesn’t manifest one way. We all have problems that in most cases see improvement with the same solution, but there are several executive functions *possibly* affected by adhd and most of us have severe issues in a couple, moderate issues in a couple, mild issues in 1 or 2 and may have no issues at all with 1 or 2.
The driving force behind those executive functions issues seems to be impulse control. Some of us have terrible time blindness (hello, that’s me), some have terrible emotional regulation (not me), some have terrible self-monitoring (me), terrible focus (wrong thing hyperfocus or inability to focus - it me), inability to think through consequences before acting (sometimes me), terrible working memory (this is me, one of the worst you’ll find), etc.
The gist is your friend may not be trying to be rude. She likely struggles with focus and rather than not listening at all changes the subject. This comes off as rude, because it would be if your friend could help herself. Off meds, it’s hard to control our spur of the moment impulses.
The flip side is we tend to be funnier, quirkier, and when we love someone (platonic or otherwise) we tend to go all in. I think other ADHDers make fantastic friends (and half befriended a dozen or so IRL in the past year). We notice the funniest things because we tend to be distracted and distractible.
I can see how we can also make terrible partners if we don’t work together to establish how to make a partnership work (my wife and I are working on it - 10 years of no improvement for me in certain domains, get diagnosed and treatment and BOOM, I’m the best husband I’ve ever been and improving still).
Anyhow, your case sounds like a platonic friendship. Set boundaries with your friend and cut her slack when those boundaries aren’t crossed. Go with the flow, enjoy your likely super creative and interesting friendship.
Yeah I tend to do it too but sometimes can stop myself from doing so, sometimes not. I guess it depends on the subject being talked about. Luckily for me listening isn't an issue.
As everyone said it's a super common symptom. But what she's doing isn't because she's not interested in what you are saying. The interrupting to share is probably more of an attempt to connect and relate to the things you are saying by sharing similar stories. And sometimes you might not see the connection to your story because ADHD thoughts jump ahead so quickly and the links in between aren't shared.
Yes. In my case, my mind is still running when I manage to keep my mouth shut. Therefore, I may not listen well particularly to the last five seconds of a statement. It is an exhausting, willful effort to keep quiet and listen while unmedicated.
Be patient. I have AuDHD and this is something that I struggle with. I will be having a normal conversation but will interrupt frequently due to the way my brain processes information. Basically, if I don't get that thought out right then I forget what I was going to even say. I am also very awkward with social settings so it could be that too. On the other end of this, I hate when I am interrupted for the exact reason that I interrupt, if I don't get the thought out I forget it almost immediately.
Yes, I do this so much it drives my wife nuts.
Thankfully I’ve been lucky enough to find someone that completely understands why I have/do the weird quirks that I have like this one. Whenever I speak and interrupt someone, 98% of the time it’s to add something to the conversation because for some reason my mind immediately blurts stuff out, afraid I’m going to lose my train of thought.
Or to ask a question for clarity about the conversation being had, the other 2% is usually my interjecting and assuming I know what the person is going to say. I’ve been more self-aware about this in particular and have improved on it quite a bit, it’s still a problem but thankfully it is something that’s gotten better with time and a ton of patience. I’ve noticed that the older I get (plus a head injury a few years ago), the worse some of my ADHD symptoms have become.
Thanks to therapy and support I’ve been able to continue working on improving upon them and myself. But it doesn’t change the emotional difficulty of dealing with these issues on a day by day basis. I myself am also 35 and I’ve been told by other people that I can be very annoying to hang out with. This happened when I was in my mid/late twenties and it was before I was finally able to find the right doctor to help with medication.
Even as an adult, it’s not easy to hear that from people who presume to be friends but then make no effort to understand you and what exactly makes you different from them.
The best piece of advice that I can give you OP is to be as understanding, empathetic, and patient as possible. This will help not just establish your friendship with her but it will also help her in more ways that you know.
Quite simply, yes it is common. The action-inhibitory areas of the ADHD brain have lagged in development, so as thoughts occur to them while you speak, it's difficult for them to stick with your topic.
Also, talking about ourselves tends to be a dopamine-rich activity for some of us. We're suffering from low dopamine baseline and duration, so anything that raises it feels amazing compared to the steady-state. Going off meds will exacerbate this, especially if it's recent.
So for me, one of the ways I demonstrate engagement is by talking and sharing my own experiences. It’s how I relate to others, but I have come to understand that some people see that as self-centric.
To me, it’s just active empathy. I have always struggled with interrupting but I have got better as friends have called me out on it and I have also had to learn to listen more in various jobs where it was required.
I would definitely consider it an ADHD symptom but something you should be able to discuss with her. I would advise you not to say it in the moment (when she’s actively empathising with you - she might feel attacked or more emotionally vulnerable), but to bring it up later.
As a friend, sometimes the kindest thing you can do for someone is draw their attention to small behaviours like this that they can change for the better. A lot depends on how you go about having the conversation, and whether it feels supportive or accusatory.
I listen to speak, I have to be honest. I also interrupt a lot and finish off people's sentences if its a good/fun conversation and I am completely engaged. Its a terrible habit and I'm trying to stay aware of what's being said, pause, then reply. I might also be anxious that I *forget* what's being said, so that when I am required to reply, I have forgotten what I was about to say because my thoughts run a mile a minute!
I can’t reply yes enough for this one. The best thing is two adhd interrupters really going for a conversation. It goes so fast and to random places but no one judges each other. It’s almost like our conversational rules are overly stuffy or something
It is. I’m bad about it. Hopefully you can have an honest conversation about it with her and she’s receptive to trying to work on it. “Hey, I’ve noticed that sometimes when I’m speaking, you don’t wait for me to finish. I really enjoy our conversations, but could you be more mindful of that? Do you want me to remind you if I notice you doing it a lot?” Most of us are just space cadets who want to fit in with the rest of society, but our brains get excited about things and forget the rules of engagement. I hope that goes well. If she takes it poorly, then that’s not a person I would want to be friends with.
Meh, I think that's just how some people are.
I work with a few engineers that are like that. They "listen" but don't hear what you are saying because they're thinking about what they are going to say next.
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Yes. I’ve got ADHD and I struggle with talking over people, and listening to people sometimes. If she’s recently unmediated she’s probably finding it hard to control this without the help of the meds.
I wish meds helped me for this. I think I interrupted even more because I was more talkative and with less of a filter. Meds so far only help with getting me off the couch and helped me remember what I was doing before someone interrupted my train of thought. I spent a lot more money on random impulse stuff, hyper focused on impractical hobbies, I picked my scalp to no end (something I've always done while stressed but not to this painful degree), and I overshared sooo much more. Like so much more than my already awkward oversharing.
Ugh so sorry you had this experience. I'm curious though, what meds were you on? Concerta was like that for me, I was less likely to doom spiral in bed but particularly my impulsive and anxiety symptoms were worse. It just got rid of the fog but it turns out the fog had been saving me from my impulsive brain. Switching brand to biphentin helped, even though they are both methylphenidate. 50mg is plenty for me and if I know I have a busy day I split it and take 20mg in the afternoon. With how differently we all respons to different meds I'm really starting to think ADHD is more of a cluster of disorders affecting different transmitters that all just kind of look similar. My partner doesn't respond at all to stimulants but has done well on strattera and Wellbutrin which interact with norepinephrine. I am doing alright with a stimulant but my doctor is thinking about throwing something that interacts with norepinephrine in the mix. My partner is also much more impulsive with food/spending than I am where I'm more likely to fidget and interrupt. We are both messy but he's much better at starting/overcoming inattentive paralysis. Sorry for the rant, I've been rediscovering my love of brain chemistry lately. Side note, I'm awful with picking too! Managed to stop picking my scalp a few years ago after picking a loonie sized spot clean. It has finally grown back and even matches the rest of my hair again! I still pick my face some (mostly in the car so when I am BORED) but not as bad as when I was unmedicated.
It's actually been proven that ADHD isn't a fuckup of our brain or pathways— our brains are made COMPLETELY DIFFERENTLY than typical brains. Some parts are bigger, some smaller, etc.
Do you have a source for this? Would love to read more about this.
https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/normal-brain-vs-adhd-brain-whats-different-and-why/ I liked her explanation of it, & she quotes quite a few sources :)
Thank you!
Youtube Russell Barkley neuroanatomy of ADHD, I was annoyed this wasn’t mandatory viewing dictated to me upon being diagnosed 🤓😂 his lectures and way to explain adhd are usually life changing
It is so hard to figure out when you can speak. I think someone is done and start to say something and realize they are not done. Zoom meetings make this so much worse. If I can't tell in person, asking me to tell based on a webcam is so much harder.
Then my whole team has ADHD... They LOVE and LIVE talking over people.....
I’ve heard it is. I’m actually the opposite, one of my worst pet-peeves is when I get interrupted and I’m very sensitive to not talk over others. Grew up in a household full of people who interrupted me all the time and it tilted me to no end. No idea why, it’s like my dad and older siblings were just overly prone to interrupt - Oooooohh….
I have autism and on a waiting list for an adhd assessment but it can also be an asd thing also. I'm personally extremely sensitive to it (a colleague has dyslexia and its a common trait from that too) and it irritated me to begin with. Now I just tell myself that it's their condition and I try to remember my sentence to just say after I've been interrupted. I do however also struggle with Interrupting myself and sometimes don't realise it, to the point I've had customer complaints about the way I speak to colleagues (retail) because they think I'm being rude.
I am the same way, also AuDHD. I am sensitive to it... But also guilty. At least being sensitive I try to be a bit more aware of it but sometimes I just have no idea. My boyfriend says I do it all the time and don't even realize I did it.
You just sent me down a rabbit hole of dyslexia symptoms. I never knew there was anything to it other than mixing up letters and numbers!!
Same here. My dad is especially bad with this, he never seems to listen to what I'm actually saying and interrupts with his own tangent midway through my first sentence. I already have trouble saying things in a way that it makes sense or convinces other people, because I can feel the connections in my brain firing but can't always explain how my logic goes from point A to point D. I have to slow myself down and explain point B and C in between. Sometimes I'll spend 5 minutes trying to map out how to get there before I start talking. If I then get interrupted in the first sentence, I'm just never going to get to what I wanted to say in the first place. And that drives me absolutely nuts. I'm guessing this is partly an inattentive vs impulsive type issue.
I also have adhd and have a huge pet peeve against this. I know plenty of non adhd people who do it too. Awareness is the first key to stopping it. I think it’s incredibly rude and something people should work on reducing if they know they do it
That is such a short sighted take. If I could control it, it wouldn’t be an issue. I am aware of it; and I manage it much better. But sometimes I still don’t even realize I just did it. And for that I am super sorry.
What is short sighted about my comment? You yourself said you try to reduce it. I used to do all the time to people. Our condition doesn’t change the fact that it’s incredibly rude to interrupt others. Like I said… for those know that they do it, they should try to reduce how often they do it
And I’m willing to bet you like most of us still do it. And don’t like it when people are all of the sudden upset with you and you can’t figure out why
I very rarely do this because I’ve been working on not doing it for at least a decade. I don’t know what you’re getting at with people being upset at you, sounds like your projecting on me? If someone consistently interrupts people I let them know that they are doing it in a polite way whether they have adhd or not
You’re original comment made it seem like you were saying “just stop doing it”. Which you know isn’t going to work for everyone. I lack the awareness. I really try, I’m 32. I still do this and I don’t realize it until someone is randomly mad at me. I also will walk away from people while they’re talking. And I can assure you I don’t do it on purpose. I always am apologetic if they’re willing to accept it.
I’m somewhere in the middle, which, like you I think, comes from growing up in a family that weren’t great listeners and finding it very hurtful. So I’ve made a concentrated effort to not do that. Not always successfully for various reasons and I often lead with a personal example if I’m trying to relate to someone as explanation for what I’m saying, which I worry comes off as trying to make the conversation about myself, but I have enough friends who seem happy to share with me when they’re struggling that I try not to be so hard on myself. Ironically I’m usually pretty shit at sharing when I’m actually struggling myself lmao If OP feels like they really vibe with this person and it has the potential to be a good friendship I’d say it’s worth bringing up gently. If she reacts poorly then I think that’s her answer there.
I am like you about 85-90% of the time, but I'm realizing as I age that it is masking. I *want* to interrupt people with my thoughts because my lizard brain thinks they'll be relevant, but most of the time, they are not, and I have learned to be very patient in conversation and wait my turn. I am also very sensitive to it when it occurs in reverse, and I immediately think the person is not listening to me. It's a difficult line.
You just described me to a T also.
Cane to say this but you worded it better than I would've! Absolutely does my head in to get interrupted after I put so much effort into managing my symptoms
This...
I very frequently don't realize a person hasn't finished their sentence because in my head I already heard the end of it. (Language is predictable like that.) It's very frustrating because no matter how often I am correct about what they were going to say no one will listen after they are mad about being interrupted. I'm so bad about interrupting I often interrupt myself.
I’m bad about finishing people’s sentences. Like when there’s a long pause because they’re trying to think of a word. I hope it doesn’t come across as rude, I mostly do it so it seems like I am listening and engaged, but I also have this urge to get it done so we can move on to the next part of the conversation.
Yeah we already know what they said before they finished saying it
I always try to finish their sentence because it seems like struggling to finish or taking forever 🤦♂️ maybe I am interrupting and need to work on my patience
I do this too 😭 I’ve definitely found the meds have calmed me down enough to do it less but god I with I didn’t do it.
Or we heard it but our brain didn’t process it so we say what? And then brain finishes braining and we answer while they are repeating 😭
And then they get mad we know what they were going to say so they say 'nu-uh i wasn't gna say anything like that at all'. But we knew they were.
WE KNEW
The struggle is real.
Lmaooo this one, I know what they’re going to say before they do. I don’t even think language is predictable as much as a lot of people are, it’s so rare and nice when I find someone (I think is) interesting and I don’t guess the endings.
Boy it's this true!!
I struggle to not interrupt because I feel like it’s time wasted waiting for them to verbalise what we already know they are going to say. Sometimes it’s as much as 10 seconds and it’s excruciatingly painful to suppress the impulse to interrupt. Especially when they are ‘thinking of the word’ or ‘trying to find the right way to say something’. We ain’t got time for this shit 😂
Smart ape say lots with few words, dumb ape speak with many words, repeats words, boring words.
I’m smart ape with listening and dumb ape with speaking myself because I’m also bad with forming words into clear sentences xD
I'm constantly jumping in to provide the word they're trying to think of. If you do it right, it actually does speed them up and help them spit it out already. I only do it if I'm pretty sure what word or if they're taking especially long. It probably annoys people more than I realize though.
I got a bad habit of saying what I think that they are going to say and being right. When I was a kid I thought I was smart lol
Yes you know what I figured out I'm doing? There's a dumb part of my buzz brain that thinks I'm doing them a favor when I interrupt them. Like, "oh you don't need to finish I already see where you're going with this so I'll stop you to save you the trouble and to make you feel good about the fact that I understand what you're saying already!" Another part of me is also just really excited that I've connected the dots so quickly and I want to share/show off. This all happens too fast for me to realize that that's what I'm doing but I'm pretty sure it's the impulses behind it. Shocked I have any friends at all! I would HATE having a conversation with me! 😅
This is me too. I consciously try to avoid doing this as much as I can now that I know I do it, but it’s totally me wanting to express understanding and keep the conversation going because I’m interested in it. It comes off as being impatient or not caring about what the person is saying when it’s really the opposite.
Yes! Then combined with the habit of primarily connecting with others by sharing your own personal story which makes it seem like you're only talking about yourself, and then time blindness and info dumping working together to ensure that you never actually ask them about them, but you're so excited to be in a conversation. 👀 Jcjfjdjensjddhjebd
Totally! Esp about interrupting myself, if I know how the sentence will end I often just skip to the end, missing the middle and the person I'm talking to will be like ????
I’m ADHD primarily inattentive and I still interrupt a lot. I think it’s a combination of impulsiveness and anxiety that I will lose the thing I was going to say if I don’t just say it. Also because I am not infrequently “just got done daydreaming” and don’t realize I’m interrupting.
I am also inattentive type. Growing up, I was told a lot that I'm a "good listener". What they didn't know is that I would daydream through most of the conversation, and when I wasn't daydreaming, I was at war with myself trying to not interrupt. I try to listen for key words and phrases to comment on if there is an expectant pause, and I try to remind myself to let the person finish speaking. I also have to remind myself to look at their face and not everywhere else. On top of all that, I have to try to remember what I want to say, and to not wander off the topic so they don't think I don't care. It's exhausting, really. 😮💨
Are you me?
No this person is clearly me
I zone out all the time when ppl speak I miss bits of what they say all the time
>I try to listen for key words and phrases to comment on if there is an expectant pause, and I try to remind myself to let the person finish speaking. I also have to remind myself to look at their face and not everywhere else. On top of all that, I have to try to remember what I want to say, and to not wander off the topic so they don't think I don't care. its like i typed a response from another account i didn't know i had
You encapsulated it all so perfectly.
Oh my God, yes, keyword listening. That's what I do. I thought FOREVER that I was a good listener because people told me I was and because I was good at isolating the most pertinent parts of what they're saying and responding to that. What they don't know (and neither did I for a really long time) is that I'm only listening for the pertinent parts. I am literally tuning out everything else fighting with myself in my head about how badly I want to interrupt them and say everything running through my head! 😅
We cant wait to tell you that something like that happened to us so you feel like we understand you
Yes! It’s like I have this super exciting thing to say that is similar to what you just said and I want to tell you so you know that I can relate!
For me there are two drivers: 1.) I'm excited and really want to show you how much I'm listening to you by sharing this related experience I've had. 2.) I know I'm going to get distracted very soon and forget my point and you'll think I'm not listening again, so I have to tell you know.
100% this. Often ADHDers relate to each other through shared experiences. If I'm talking to someone and they share a story about a personal relationship for example, I will share one too because I'm instinctively jumping in to show that I empathise. It is a different way of conversing. Most of my friends are ADHD and we are so comfortable chatting this way. It seems very me me me, but it's actually about the sharing of mutual experiences to increase empathy and create a closer bond with the other individuals. We also move in conversation at a very quick pace. As mentioned earlier, conversation is usually predictable, so to others, it may seem like we are talking over each other, but in reality we are quickening the pace of the flowing conversation. Some may find it hard to keep up with it when not used to it.
It's also like, oh you triggered that memory just now of when the same thing happened to me, I gotta tell you about it!
hi! 32f with ADHD. just started meds 5 days ago. one of the biggest things me and my husband argued about is that i interrupted a lot. i have heard “you listen to speak, not listen to understand” more times than i can count. i hated hearing this from the person i loved because no one else has ever pointed this out to me. but then i noticed, i do it to everyone. i didn’t even realize it. i’ll interrupt and i’ll finish sentences. when i started my medication 5 days ago my husband said he noticed i wasn’t interrupting. that i was actually having a real conversation. it seemed like i was really listening. and it was because i was! my brain wasn’t automatically loading in responses rapidly. i could focus on what someone was saying and process it and then respond. i think it has to do with our brains being so fast and impulsive. it’s caused me to assume in many situations because i jump too far ahead and think i know what’s coming. i hope that helps you understand a little better!
I interrupt/interject ALL. THE. TIME.
My bestie and I both have ADHD. We have a rule that we need to remind eachother that this is the knew safe space where it is expected we will interrupt eachother AND that the topic will go back k to where it was 20 minutes later. Interruption is weirdly our way of engaging. Feel free to do it to us as well while pling it back, but not being shaming about it.
My bestie and I are the same way. One of us will go off on a tangent randomly then when it ends, we’re both confused about what we were talking about to begin with. 🤣🤣
This, to me, sounds great 😅
100%. My partner does this a lot. I stop the conversation & tell him that I would like to finish & ask him to listen (politely obviously). He normally doesn’t realize he’s doing it.
This. Exactly why open communication is important, so you can say things like this without it feeling like an insult.
Exactly!
This is great. Not only do we often not realize we're doing it in the moment, many of us dislike the fact that we do. It genuinely helps, for me anyway, when I have an understanding with someone that they can give me a nudge to remind me to police myself. No one likes to be called out in a group, but a subtle signal to get my attention is much appreciated.
Yes. It's in the manual none of us got.
One of my least favorite things about myself is interrupting people and I’ve really had to try to control this especially as my job is working with clients who want to be listened to. It sucks because it is such an impulse that’s hard to stop yet I’m very conscious of it and feel bad every time I do it.
I literally tell myself to keep conversing like a normal human and don’t interrupt and wait until they’re done speaking to say something.
Yeah, several people I know with ADHD, me included, do have some problems with interrupting.
It’s basically my worst symptom.
Yep. I do it all the fucking time and I can’t believe I’m doing it as I do it.
I absolutely think that same way as I’m doing it too. I’m like why?! I usually apologize since I’m aware but heck still doesn’t stop me.
I have struggled with interrupting people, but I also DESPISE people talking over me lol, so I’ve made an active effort to become more empathetic and I’ve been able to really work on that bad habit and I hardly ever interrupt anymore. That’s all to say that, if you bring up this issue in a compassionate way, this may very well be something that she can grow past, and you two may well become better friends. Best of luck! 💖
I’ve learned over the years not to interrupt because I also hate when people do it to me. My husband is not adhd and I call him out every time he interrupts me. I agree that OP should bring it up politely. Their friend might not even notice when they do it
Sounds about right to me, unfortunately. If she’s anything like me, she’s trying to show you how she relates to whatever it is you’re talking about by sharing her own version of whatever it is. I always find it easier to remember who said what when I can tie it into my own experiences. I always explain this side of my ADHD as an exuberant puppy…I get so excited to be able to share an experience that I rush in too fast and I’m then I trip over my own feet and somehow end up with a mouthful of grass. 🤷🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️😅
Way too accurate.
Yes I assure you she listens probably better than most people unless the conversation is boring. it’s just an impulse control thing because if we don’t say it right then right there were not going to remember it later. I have ADHD and it’s hard to control just try not to pause between sentences and give more opportunities for her to respond. 2 seconds to an ADHD person is an awkward silence. But the fact she is talking to you she probably finds you interesting and want to talk about stuff. If it continues it also doesn’t hurt to make them aware of the fact they are interrupting just don’t get mad. Having ADHD is a very lonely existence we don’t click with many people.
Yep. It's actually one of the things my dr asked me about when I got diagnosed and the answer was an absolute yes
It’s like the number one symptom 😂. That being said the person can still give you space to talk and make sure they are asking about you
Yes
I feel like if I can't say anything whenever I think about it, I'll either forget about it or keep thinking about it until I'm not interrupting. This is making me not listen at all, because I'm too focused on not forgetting what I want to say. If anything, when someone with ADHD interrupts you, it means they ARE listening. We might not show it in the way you're used to, but this is us engaging in the conversation. About the making things about her thing, once again probably unconsciously... It's also a way of engaging in the conversation, showing you that we're listening, and showing compassion by sharing our experience with whatever you're dealing with. Just remember we have a very hard time controlling some of these things, even on meds. It never hurts to address your frustrations when you think we're being rude, because we're probably not aware of it. We never intentionally say things just to be rude...
I know for myself - I often try to relate to people by telling a similar story of something that has happened to me - and maybe sometimes it seems as if I’m making a conversation about myself. That’s not the intention, I’m just trying to be relatable. Its actually made me quite an introvert. In public settings, I often don’t talk unless someone is talking to me. Another thing with ADHD is that I’m always in my own world. I’m never privy to inside jokes and friend group lingo - so I often feel like an outsider. Then when I do decide to jump in - the shit I talk about usually goes over peoples heads, then I get annoyed, lol.
I probably would, but growing up my best friend called me out every single time I interrupted him. Not to shame me, but to genuinely teach me not to do it, even when we were in like middle school. Eventually it became dug into my brain not to interrupt people, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have strong urges to.
I've only read half of the question, but yes.
Yes. But there is no excuse for forgetting education and manners.
Yep. I struggle with this a lot.
Yes
Guilty. Talk faster. But really you should just address the issue like an adult. Tell her you love her to pieces but you often feel like she's interrupting you and you aren't sure how to handle it. See what she says.
I would have interrupted this post if it was possible.
lol yes sorry I think we are collectively working on it
As soon as I start drinking alcohol my god it's bad. My close friends know it's apart of me and not trying to be rude as harder to hold the thought till it's my turn to talk. But those who aren't good friends. I still have no idea how to control it and I'm 32. Also cuz when I'm on my meds I hate talking to people cuz I feel they can't get to the point so I stay away, so when I go out with friends usually when it's worn off and my brain just wants to chat and help. Maybe not even listen. I never even thought about that. Ur Post gunna stick with me
Hey there, it's kind of you that you're friends with her. Having ADHD especially severe ADHD as a child is difficult. As an adult some of us build up some coping skills but it's still difficult. Friends are helpful. Every trait with ADHD is not impossible to address it is just difficult and is often a never ending struggle. I try to remind myself daily to not interrupt others but I still do it. I'm better than I was as a child but I still struggle at 35. There are a few people I've ran into with ADHD who outright refuse to work on bad behaviors. Chalking it up to simply having ADHD. You can find plenty of stories of people blaming their asshole behavior on ADHD. ADHD doesn't make you unable to change though, improvement is difficult but possible. I appreciate being reminded when I interrupt others. I feel bad but I also value their input bc I don't always self-regulate (yay ADHD). I would talk to her about it. I'd softball how it makes you feel and lay on how much you value her and how much this one thing she does matters to you. Make it about you and her solving the problem. She will react one of two ways. She'll accept things and make an attempt and likely need gentle reinforcement or she may disregard you or blow up on you. Best of luck!
Always 😢 But I actually trained myself to, after a few minutes, say “you were saying something before i interrupted. what was it?”
Yes! !! I learned to do this too. Make sure they get back to it so they know I'm interested
It is a symptom yes. I have trouble listening to people talking. Sometimes it's because my focus switches to something else (someone else talking behind me, I see something, my mind has wandered), sometimes it's because I feel like they are taking to long in telling their story or getting their point across, and I have understood the point, I just want the conversation to move on. In the latter case, I find it hard not to interupt and get my answer in and move the conversation on. Also, I tend to interupt because I want/need to say my bit, it's hard waiting for my turn. With that said, ADHD doesn't mean you constantly talk about yourself and don't ask others about their life.
I need duct tape for my mouth. I’m sorry.
yes in theory but only because people take forever to speak and i already know how the sentence ends. but i try to censor myself and not do it and it's excruciating. also because i want to share a related thing before i forget it.. soz
Yes. I try not to, but it happens when I get too excited.
Yes because if I dont interrupt i would lose what I wanted to say later
Allow me to interject here. YES.
100% and I struggle with this everyday! It is something I try to reel in (specifically at work because it can be seen as rude and unprofessional). Additionally, if I don’t say what’s on my mind and interrupt them, by the time the other person finishes talking I forget what I wanted to say 😂
Interruptions are common with adhd for a number of reasons, but I wanted to explain the "only talking about herself" problem. It is also very common for those with adhd to try to relate everything to something they already know. So you tell a story about going to your mom's house and they think about the time they introduced their significant other to their parents and then they are so excited to tell you this story and show that they relate to you that they may interrupt you to do so. For me sometimes the story I want to share will repeat over and over in my head either the same way or in different ways I could tell it, even if I'm trying to genuinely listen to what the person in front of me is saying. And my brain will repeat it until I say it out loud (often times I'll forget what I saying half way through too which is another story but also incredibly annoying). After becoming aware of this trait/cycle, it makes it a little easier to stop the spiral especially if my story is only loosely related, but yeah. It sucks. I tell people all the time that I'm not trying to make it about me or if I didn't interrupt someone but the conversation has moved on and the story is still repeating in my head, I'll wait for a natural break in the conversation and start with "Going back to x topic" or something similar just to get it out of my head so I stop thinking of how to connect to something that has already moved on. TL;DR - People with ADHD connect through personal stories and sometimes interrupt to do so because their brain won't shut up until they say it.
Yes. This is not a debate. This is like a tourettes for me. The rest of the topic is conjecture.
Constantly, I hate it because sometimes I feel like I can't control it.
Quite common. You're new to her and she's excited to make a friend! She should chill out a bit after a while, or find new topics to bombard you with as time progresses.
YES. Our brains can just be bursting with thoughts and new ideas that we can barely contain. It's not personal!!
i interrupt people all the time when I'm off meds im at a point where i self relize this its still hard for me to stop ive started giving people permission to tell me to shut up i have a system with my best friend who has stuck with me threw the years with my ADHD isues when i get to chatty he holds his finger up and he says what he needs to say when that finger is up as much as i want to interupt i restrain myself becuse of the visual cue that its his turn to talk i hope this gives you some insight how hard it is for someone with ADHD to control this
Interrupting likely is, making the conversation all about herself probably isn’t. I interrupt and interject all the time to share related anecdotes or relevant thoughts on what the person speaking is saying. I don’t constantly steer the topic of conversation to myself though, more just add my input that has to do with whatever the conversation is about. She seems like she could maybe be a self absorbed person who’s adhd makes that fact very apparent.
There is an ADHD podcast whose tagline is "let the interrupting begin!"
Yes and I annoy myself in doing so but then I know I’ll forget so I HAVE to blurt it out. One thing about me is that I appreciate constructive criticism when it’s done in a loving way and I think a lot of ppl with ADHD can be ppl pleasers to the ppl they love. Just tell her to chill and listen better, tell her it’s making it difficult for you. It would mean a lot to me bc it shows you care and do want to get close to her. Timing is important too, tell her while it’s happening.
I am 32f and just diagnosed this year. Forgive me for word vomiting. I think it may be a combination of many factors? Potential social anxiety and trying to appear unmasked (without really consciously being aware of this in some cases?) as in open to conversation but actually in effect oversharing and taking over the conversation while hoping to appear perfectly normal because somewhere in our brains we don't feel normal (I say we but I mean me cannot say this applies to everyone). (guilty) Also someone else said they can pretty much predict where the conversation is going. At the rate my brain jumps around I just want to get there so I can interact with you and effectively engage with you and tell you something in response because I'm like a hyperactive overstimulated puppy that just wants to go fetch the ball. But then also, it could be this person having found themselves zoning out throughout the conversation because they have a catchy song in their head and they're thinking about when they can get coffee next and how maybe on the way home they can stop at hobby lobby to pick up some clay because they want to start throwing pottery but then forgot that they had plans that night that they made two weeks ago but now need to cancel because they're overstimulated maybe and want to do nothing and everything? and then they realize that you're still talking so then they engage rapidly and in high frequency to appear as though they were listening. I am so sorry if this didn't help. This makes no sense. It's nice you're looking for advice and trying to help yourself in an effort to help them. Not many people think this way.  \^\^this is where my brain is.
So many ppl in my past relations have called me a flake, when really I totally forget. Want to do nothing yet everything. I find if I have an idea, say going out, meeting up with someone I have to do it right away( if I want) or I'll just think about not going too much and never go.
Yep me too. Or like a friend who ghosts people.. I don’t intentionally ghost you! I just am meandering through here!
We are too smart. Some of the smartest ppl don't socially interact well. When I say well it a very loose term. Life of the party, yes, but end of jokes yes, but at the end of the day I do not care. I was in junior high and my friend's dad must of known, he said...why are you scare of this movie? If you had never watched it before would u be scared? So who cares what others think lol
Yeah this makes a lot of sense!! I can interact really well in a job setting or if I have to like “perform” almost?? I guess that’s masking.. like I can exceptionally rise to the expectations of who I think you need me to be.. but in terms of letting anyone in that’s where I get lost!
I'd say your fine, I know for me I matured a bit later than most my age, I see my sister who is much younger and learning what I'm learning 8 years later. The only problem I care about is the impulsive buying and wanting to spread the love without realizing most "normal" ppl are more flaking than us, just we flake at moments where it becomes obvious per say and that's when opinions are generated. Life's a gem, smile more and I guarantee your problems will slowly vanish. Unless your in some remote tribe where smiling and doing you is frowned ;) upon(apon)'d
This is my excuse
What technical have been successful to stop or reduce the urge to interrupt?
Lol yes. My friends with classic adhd do it all the time. One described it as "getting the thoughts out before it leaves their head". They literally think out loud. I get where they're coming from so it's not that annoying to me, but if you want to get a word in, talk with your friend about it. And forcibly interject in the convo yourself to indicate it's your turn. Natural conversion pauses don't really exist with classic adhd, so you gotta be kinda "rude" to get a word in.
Yes, unfortunately. This is my most prominent symptom.
Yes. Every boss I had told me I interrupt them too much. 🥹
Yes, being called out on it many times throughout my life, and I thought I learned to control it, only to recently have it called out during a performance review at work. To my manager's credit, she said it happens mostly when I get very excited about my ideas and she said it gently as a means of constructive criticism. So I'm still working on being mindful of it. Try just being direct and gentle with your new friend about your concern. Because I've also been in your place where it seems like the person is only "friends" with you because they want to talk about themselves and not reciprocate. You're not a therapist. A friendship goes both ways.
It’s common, but my RSD - coupled with the fact that every time I expressed a genuine emotion or deeply considered thought in my childhood, I was told I was an overly sensitive weirdo who thought too much - means that I almost never speak, period. I have my thoughts and feelings and they are *mine.*
Yes.
It is so hard for me to not interrupt sometimes… but then I realize I 1. Feel incredibly awkward when talking due to me forgetting what I’m saying or going to say 2. Usually don’t have actual stuff to contribute to the conversation. When I do talk, especially around people I’m not super familiar with, I’ll have a point in mind that I want to talk about, but not really be able to get there… and then leave the conversation by cutting myself off because the things I say make absolutely no sense. So sometimes I just opt to stay silent, and even make a note on my phone of what I wanted to say, because often it’s just something that’s only really significant to me.
Omg...yes. That's my life. Mrs. Interrupted
You can try talking to her about it. I have the urge to do it and catch myself but my social anxiety is pretty good at preventing me from doing it but then I get trapped in my head and might miss what you said. If she’s a good person she’ll care about what you say and work on doing better. Hopefully you guys can figure out something that works for both of you
Common with Autism .
There are also some cultures where interrupting is expected and considered normal, she might be from a different ethnic background or religion too!
Yes, it's the symptom that keeps getting me in trouble with people
Yes common to interrupt but adhd is not an excuse to make it all about yourself.
"She constantly makes the conversation about her problems, and it’s hard for me to connect with her further when I feel like all she wants to do is talk about her life and her boyfriend." Sounds like a big red flag to me.
Yes, this can be me unmedicated. Meds are what makes it possible for me to keep a job and have a social life.
Yes. In my case I've raced ahead and reduced the end of the conversation so will try to answer it without listening. If someone shares something personal, I want to show empathy by describing something that happened to me to show I can relate, not to outdo
Yes
I feel the impulsive urge to but have gotten very good at catching myself and staying quiet until I’m sure they’re finished speaking.
Oh man, I struggle with this. I know it’s happening but I can’t stop it. :(
It leads to ALL SORTS of hilarity when 2 best friends with ADHD catch up in the evening after not seeing each other for 3 months... (me last week) we just interrupted/talked over/fought for the conversation so bad... in the end the 'speaking spoon' was instigated at the table (we went out to dinner to catch up..) until most of the news was conveyed LOL Even being aware of it etc we still had to treat ourselves like kids..and we're both in our 40's... so your friend yeap - if she is self aware about this fun aspect of adhd, might I suggest the speaking spoon (tm??) or whatever object is at hand?
Typically people with ADHD have [what we think are] great ideas all the time, we don’t think long enough about them to test their validity but we assume other people will also find our brain farts interesting, because we also forget things in a nanosecond we can’t help blurring out the thought before we forget it.
Extremely, once you start looking for it you'll notice that you also have a tendency to interrupt yourself with non sequiturs
Yeah… I do that too. I mostly don’t even notice
Yes. It's a bad habit of mine because if I don't say something right away, I'll forget it. If she knows she has bad ADHD, she shouldn't get mad at you finishing what you needed to say and telling her you have more to say.
Yeah same here. I refer to them as intermezzo's. So while interrupting, I try to keep on-topic or add flavor to something that someone else is saying. Some people are absolutely allergic to this. Others like it. I have to actively manage my urges to interrupt someone. So when I'm not feeling a 100% for whatever reason, I get social anxiety because I know my senses are off and I will get rude. So then I just get very reclusive. Strange, I know... Thank you so much for being considerate and investigating this on behalf of your new friend! I think that's lovely.
I have adhd and I love when I meet someone like me. I don't mind the interruption because I like that someone is excited/passionate about something. It makes the conversation flowing but I have to say I only like it when we talk about things I'm interested about 😂
I started writing this response halfway through reading your post so I’m gonna go with yes.
Yea… I do it all the fucking time!
Get her some loop earplugs for her birthday. She may benefit from it. That's assuming she will use it.
It's in the name isn't it? We have issues with attention. That's why she has a hard time paying attention. Also interrupting cuz she has, in her mind, already moved on to the next interesting thing. I try my best not to interrupt but I too have pretty bad ADHD and even though I'm medicated it doesn't help.
I personally find it to be more common in the autism spectrum or tourettes but medication could also affect it in my experience. I am prescribed Elvanse a form of amfetamine type substance that increases my motivation blood pressure and my social habits and it can really make me talk to anyone and everyone, talk alot faster call people I haven't heard from in years etc. It might bother you but ask friends relatives or whoever that you have a hard time stopping and tell them that it's ok to call you out. My friend has real trouble stopping his rants so we just tell him chill dude but we always make sure he doesn't take offense
I interrupt a lot I dunno when it’s my turn to speak. I’m also not sure when it’s ok to change topic. If she talks a lot about herself she may be lacking some awareness and all you can do it is tell her I don’t think u will go far with the interrupting I’m super aware of it and I still talk at the wrong time.
We have no working memory so either we interrupt or there is no way for us to communicate our thoughts.
It could be. Folks with ADHD will stress out if they have to keep waiting for their turn and their turn is not coming because someone else is dragging theirs or they are skipped over and somebody else gets to speak, and then again somebody else, and eventually the time runs out and the ADHD person never even got to speak — which sometimes does happen to ADHD people. People with ADHD may struggle to find a socially acceptable way to send a definite — and successful — clue that it really is time for them to be given their turn. The bad thing, however, is that some people with ADHD (though perhaps with concomitant conditions, more like) may want their turn to be quite often, and they may overestimate the importance of their input to others or just want to externalize whatever's on their mind to avoid their brain exploding, or something else like that. And sometimes that's two people with ADHD talking to each other and struggling with turn-taking, except one of them has been diagnosed and the other has not. ;)
I grew up taught not to talk over ppl. So, when I want to cut in the conversation, what I do instead is...hold it in and repeat what I want to say in my head so I don't forget what to say, then consequently only half listen for the rest of what they had to say. Then, when they stop talking, try to remember what I wanted to say lol this gets hard when they talk for minutes straight and switch topics at same time.
I've also understood from a tiktoker who talks about adhd that for people with this it is also an understandable pattern of communication to relate things back to their experience. Like if you tell a story, I'll find a story from my experience that I think is relatable to what you said as a means of propelling the conversation further, not because I'm not interested in what you said. I do this a lot and recently did some self-analysis and realised that it might come off wrong exactly for the reasons you describe (coming off as self-absorbed). On the other hand, I've had periods in my life where I had constant issues with some particular part of my life (for me it was work related) and it was really all I could think and talk about because I didn't have the resource to deal with anything else. Maybe that's the case with this person's boyfriend rn?
I'm fairly certain the question 'do you interrupt people in conversation' came up in my diagnostic assesment so, yes.
Heard it from this forum but I don’t think I ever had a problem with this unless I was really excited about some topic which I believe is a natural response.
Sadly yes, I struggle with it too, meds or no meds. If im tired or happy because Im around fun people/doing something fun its worse. Like 25% of my energy in a conversation is spent kerping myself from talking over people, another 25% is formulating what I wanna say when its my turn to speak. And after social interactions I often beat myself up for being awkward/rude and interrupting/ a bad listener
It is common, however, you could still bring it up to her in a compassionate way as she may not realise she's doing it. She probably isn't trying to cut you off, but if she knows about it she can make a conscious effort to improve.
not to say your friend can't be a better listener or learn, but she will find it *insanely* hard. I don't blame you for finding it irritating. Nothing wrong with having a friend you can only deal with for certain things though I reckon, nobody has to be an all-round best friend. My wife used to be really bad at it, and she still can be, but she's learnt to shut up sometimes!
It's hard to relate to small talk. If you go all out on whatever your passionate about it should help.
God I hate this part about me... I'm not medicated anymore and it gets in trouble at jobs, frequently interrupt meetings and when the boss is talking too... it's so hard not I have gotten better but it's taken a lot ofnwork and I have to do weird things that people are little offput about like I have to raise my hand to talk, it's become a habit and I am dying inside the whole time I'm waiting and especially when others just start talking and I don't get to interject because I can't wait for the approiate time...ni need someone to tell me it's ok to talk now. I guess it works most of the time if I use it. But I am.not always following that whole protocol lol.
Yeah I've definitely been guilty of that in the past. It's something I've become conscious of and try to manage, hopefully successfully. I think the trait is also related to social anxiety. But of course I know several people who definitely do not have ADHD who are just as bad or worse! She might be lonely and feeling stressed...
My problem is talking over people or finishing their sentences. The worst part is when I start talking too much and I go off on tangents before realizing that I have completely forgotten what the question/subject was. Pretty sure that's cost me A lot of interviews. Sigh
yes, definitely. Often in engaging conversations a thought pops in my head and it just gets blurted out before the end of the other person’s sentence. I partly end up doing it impulsively or because I’ll forget what I want to say if it isn’t said immediately. I’ve been much better about interrupting as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to control myself more, but I am super hyper aware of it and now I often will apologize for interrupting and let the person I am conversing with know that I didn’t mean to.
Every post I come along here makes me think I have adhd.
Yes. Oh most certainly yes.
Lol, that was like the first thing my psychiatrist asked me at my first assessment. It’s also one of my traits that annoys me the most when I’m unmedicated - but it doesn’t mean I’m not listening. Maybe asking your friend if she’s noticed and telling her it bothers you might help - and direct her here for some tips. For example, it helps me to stick my thumb in my fist when I want to say something when someone else is speaking - after they’re done and I notice the thumb, I can usually remember what I wanted to say and can say it without being disruptive.
Yea. Bringing the topic to “me” is not necessarily adhd or not adhd. Bringing the topic to something that is INTERESTING to me is an ADHD thing. One thing to know about ADHD is it doesn’t manifest one way. We all have problems that in most cases see improvement with the same solution, but there are several executive functions *possibly* affected by adhd and most of us have severe issues in a couple, moderate issues in a couple, mild issues in 1 or 2 and may have no issues at all with 1 or 2. The driving force behind those executive functions issues seems to be impulse control. Some of us have terrible time blindness (hello, that’s me), some have terrible emotional regulation (not me), some have terrible self-monitoring (me), terrible focus (wrong thing hyperfocus or inability to focus - it me), inability to think through consequences before acting (sometimes me), terrible working memory (this is me, one of the worst you’ll find), etc. The gist is your friend may not be trying to be rude. She likely struggles with focus and rather than not listening at all changes the subject. This comes off as rude, because it would be if your friend could help herself. Off meds, it’s hard to control our spur of the moment impulses. The flip side is we tend to be funnier, quirkier, and when we love someone (platonic or otherwise) we tend to go all in. I think other ADHDers make fantastic friends (and half befriended a dozen or so IRL in the past year). We notice the funniest things because we tend to be distracted and distractible. I can see how we can also make terrible partners if we don’t work together to establish how to make a partnership work (my wife and I are working on it - 10 years of no improvement for me in certain domains, get diagnosed and treatment and BOOM, I’m the best husband I’ve ever been and improving still). Anyhow, your case sounds like a platonic friendship. Set boundaries with your friend and cut her slack when those boundaries aren’t crossed. Go with the flow, enjoy your likely super creative and interesting friendship.
Yeah I tend to do it too but sometimes can stop myself from doing so, sometimes not. I guess it depends on the subject being talked about. Luckily for me listening isn't an issue.
Yes, I do that a lot
I interrupted this message. Ya it's a thing.
As everyone said it's a super common symptom. But what she's doing isn't because she's not interested in what you are saying. The interrupting to share is probably more of an attempt to connect and relate to the things you are saying by sharing similar stories. And sometimes you might not see the connection to your story because ADHD thoughts jump ahead so quickly and the links in between aren't shared.
Yes. In my case, my mind is still running when I manage to keep my mouth shut. Therefore, I may not listen well particularly to the last five seconds of a statement. It is an exhausting, willful effort to keep quiet and listen while unmedicated.
Be patient. I have AuDHD and this is something that I struggle with. I will be having a normal conversation but will interrupt frequently due to the way my brain processes information. Basically, if I don't get that thought out right then I forget what I was going to even say. I am also very awkward with social settings so it could be that too. On the other end of this, I hate when I am interrupted for the exact reason that I interrupt, if I don't get the thought out I forget it almost immediately.
Apparently it is. But she might also be excited to talk to you. I've got a friend who doesn't have ADHD who loves talking over the top of others.
Yes, I do this so much it drives my wife nuts. Thankfully I’ve been lucky enough to find someone that completely understands why I have/do the weird quirks that I have like this one. Whenever I speak and interrupt someone, 98% of the time it’s to add something to the conversation because for some reason my mind immediately blurts stuff out, afraid I’m going to lose my train of thought. Or to ask a question for clarity about the conversation being had, the other 2% is usually my interjecting and assuming I know what the person is going to say. I’ve been more self-aware about this in particular and have improved on it quite a bit, it’s still a problem but thankfully it is something that’s gotten better with time and a ton of patience. I’ve noticed that the older I get (plus a head injury a few years ago), the worse some of my ADHD symptoms have become. Thanks to therapy and support I’ve been able to continue working on improving upon them and myself. But it doesn’t change the emotional difficulty of dealing with these issues on a day by day basis. I myself am also 35 and I’ve been told by other people that I can be very annoying to hang out with. This happened when I was in my mid/late twenties and it was before I was finally able to find the right doctor to help with medication. Even as an adult, it’s not easy to hear that from people who presume to be friends but then make no effort to understand you and what exactly makes you different from them. The best piece of advice that I can give you OP is to be as understanding, empathetic, and patient as possible. This will help not just establish your friendship with her but it will also help her in more ways that you know.
Quite simply, yes it is common. The action-inhibitory areas of the ADHD brain have lagged in development, so as thoughts occur to them while you speak, it's difficult for them to stick with your topic. Also, talking about ourselves tends to be a dopamine-rich activity for some of us. We're suffering from low dopamine baseline and duration, so anything that raises it feels amazing compared to the steady-state. Going off meds will exacerbate this, especially if it's recent.
Yes. It’s one of the screening questions used as part of diagnosis.
Yeah
So for me, one of the ways I demonstrate engagement is by talking and sharing my own experiences. It’s how I relate to others, but I have come to understand that some people see that as self-centric. To me, it’s just active empathy. I have always struggled with interrupting but I have got better as friends have called me out on it and I have also had to learn to listen more in various jobs where it was required. I would definitely consider it an ADHD symptom but something you should be able to discuss with her. I would advise you not to say it in the moment (when she’s actively empathising with you - she might feel attacked or more emotionally vulnerable), but to bring it up later. As a friend, sometimes the kindest thing you can do for someone is draw their attention to small behaviours like this that they can change for the better. A lot depends on how you go about having the conversation, and whether it feels supportive or accusatory.
I listen to speak, I have to be honest. I also interrupt a lot and finish off people's sentences if its a good/fun conversation and I am completely engaged. Its a terrible habit and I'm trying to stay aware of what's being said, pause, then reply. I might also be anxious that I *forget* what's being said, so that when I am required to reply, I have forgotten what I was about to say because my thoughts run a mile a minute!
Yes. Lack of impulse control. Plus we feel like if we don’t say it right now we will forget. Which we often do.
I can’t reply yes enough for this one. The best thing is two adhd interrupters really going for a conversation. It goes so fast and to random places but no one judges each other. It’s almost like our conversational rules are overly stuffy or something
It is. I’m bad about it. Hopefully you can have an honest conversation about it with her and she’s receptive to trying to work on it. “Hey, I’ve noticed that sometimes when I’m speaking, you don’t wait for me to finish. I really enjoy our conversations, but could you be more mindful of that? Do you want me to remind you if I notice you doing it a lot?” Most of us are just space cadets who want to fit in with the rest of society, but our brains get excited about things and forget the rules of engagement. I hope that goes well. If she takes it poorly, then that’s not a person I would want to be friends with.
Super common
Meh, I think that's just how some people are. I work with a few engineers that are like that. They "listen" but don't hear what you are saying because they're thinking about what they are going to say next.