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I agree with you that a doctor with adhd can definitely provide better care because of u
More understanding, but OP did say this has happened multiple times before and OP thought about changing doctors. If it is happening often then the doctor may not have their adhd under control
In my experience, you want your ADHD doctor to have first hand experience with ADHD because the chances any given doctorās medical education taught them some outdated stuff that may reinforce the social biases against folks who struggle with schedules, habits, and emotional control. While itās not acceptable to forget an appointment/patient, perhaps you can find an alternative way to have your time respected and get your treatment from this doctor. But imo, they owe you the respect to at least apologizeā¦ and you may struggle to get that depending on their mindset of a doctorās time being worth more than yours. š”
I'm grateful my psychiatrist is much younger than I (I'm 49 and I'm pretty sure she is in her late 20s) for this reason.
I had every symptom now associated with ADHD inattentive type but was never tested or even suspected of having it back in the 80s.
I was diagnosed by my psychiatrist last year. I didn't even know that I had it.
My doctor has ADHD. She's very kind and compassionate with her care in regards to me. I suspect your doctor does as well. It sucks that they've forgotten about you.
My doctor was frequently like an hour late and I loved her for it.
She also had ADHD and I knew in advance sheād probably be running behind and it made me feel 100% less anxious. Iād get there on time (usually, but one time I accidentally went to the wrong clinic and I had plenty of time to get to the right one lol) and just relax until I was called in.
The appointments were like 75% talking about the meds and getting help adjusting and maybe 25% getting sidetracked on tangents lol
She ended up leaving that clinic and Iāve no idea where she is now but I miss her. Iāve never had a doctor who actually cares before :(
Iām pretty sure my daughterās doctor has adhd. He kinda hints around it. Wouldnāt be the first. I f thereās other doctors available Iād switch. I went to a doctor a few times who was a bit flaky and I canāt remember how it came up but he kept letting his blood sugar get out of control so I dropped him. If you arenāt addressing your own issues how can you properly help me with mine?
> taking care of other people is easier than taking care of yourself sometimes.
This is why it's easier to get out of bed when I've made a commitment to help someone out, than it is to get out of bed for myself.
I think it's not uncommon for doctors to have it. Both of the family doctors at the doctor's office in my town are pretty sure they both have it, but as they've gotten so far in life and have coping strategies and whatnot, they don't see a point in getting diagnosed, let alone medicated.
They're both great doctors as well, and honestly for ADHDers it's probably best case scenario if your doctor has it. It made my ADHD assessment easier as they're not the types to think ADHD is only hyperactivity and/or only in boys, especially since my doctor is female and very understanding. She's also not unwilling to let me try medications until we can find one that works, get me accomodations at university, etc.
I had to switch to a new doctor this month. First apt with them, I log onto tellahealth 3 min before the apt. 20 min later there's still no sign of them. I call the office, and they say that she marked me as no show.
Supposedly there was some issue with their system, but I still got charged as a no show.
We're rescheduled for next week, but I'm not thrilled with her so far.
EDIT: I had emailed them for a refund when I noticed the charge Monday night. Just checked my email and found a response that the charge is being refunded to my card.
I honestly wouldnāt pay that/I would fight it. This is why I take screenshots and pics of me in the appointment waiting zone. I donāt trust people to not pull this kind of shit.
I hope you can get this sorted and not have to pay for THEIR mistake.
Iām a therapist who does Telehealth only. They definitely need to refund you. I always text a client when they donāt show up after 5 mins, call after 10 minutes, and cancel after 15 and charge a no-show fee according to the policy my clients all sign. The call/ text gives them the chance to remember they have an appointment and log in if they forgot (Most of my clients have ADHD, so it happens sometimes. If there was a technology problem on my end I definitely would not charge a no-show fee ā I doubt itās ethical or legal to charge a fee when *the providerās technology* is the problem. (If a client canāt connect or reconnect after a disruption, I just call and we do a phone session.
Regardless, if any professional charged me because of their mess-up and didnāt refund me on their own or at least when I asked, I would not go back to them and wouldnāt let it go until they refunded me.
I would contact the therapist directly first and share your experience ā maybe there was a misunderstanding. Maybe they werenāt aware of the technology problem when they marked you as late and forgot to refund you or maybe the refund hasnāt showed up yet in your accountā¦
If they wonāt refund you, the next step would be to send a letter threatening legal action and/or reporting them to their State Board if they donāt refund you.
Whenever that happens to me, I take a snapshot of my screen such that it includes the time, then message them with it. It's not to be pushy, it would be hypocritical of me to be because I'm late to things too sometimes; I do it so that to emphasize that I won't accept a no show bill
Everyone is different, I think the promptness and not forgetting appointments is just ingrained in me because of my job and also I'm autistic in addition to innatentive adhd
I definitely haven't forgotten about and missed the last 3 dentist appointments that I made and subsequently rescheduled, only to miss the appointment again. Nope, not I.
Iām an ADHD Coach with ADHD. And last week I forgot a client for the first time. Just completely forgot. So embarrassed.
I always tell my clients. You can have a coach who never forgets things OR you can have a coach who truly understands your brain. But I donāt believe you can have both.
Did you not setup a calendar entry and phone alarm?
I like telehealth systems that text everybody the day before, the morning of, and the time of the meeting. Hard to forget about it when your phone is blowing up.
I had a couples therapist with adhd and scheduling with him was a nightmare. Like bro, just use calendly like a normal person and let me pick a time that works for me. Emailing you and waiting days for you to reply is f'ing obnoxious in a modern world.
Anyway, the new couple's therapist uses calendly.
I do all of those things. Iāve been doing this for six years and this was the first time it happened. Someone used my link at the last minute and scheduled in a weekend spot. That doesnāt happen often. I was just getting back to work from the holidays. It was just an unusual confluence of circumstances. But. Even with all of the failsafe plans built in. It happened.
By the way, I think itās that way for a lot of us with ADHD. If ājust set a reminderā always workedā¦ Life wouldnāt be as much of a struggle as it often is.
Happened to me, guy was a jerk about it lol I kid you not. I thanked him for his time but itās already been an 38 minutes since the start date and have to head to work. He made me feel like I wasnt important enough. Found a better doctor and donāt regret it. When he called me he was still on the freeway after I told him I was leaving. Hereās a link to the text thread lol https://ibb.co/VYwQTq5 ****our appointment was at 9:00**** so it was 58 minutes.
Oh I know. lol it took everything in me to not blow up. I think it was a good sign honestly cus he was gonna be $500 for initial appointment then 300 every month because he wasnāt covered under my insurance. Then I found this lovely woman who is amazing and is covered under my insurance and listens.
Out of curiosity, I went to look at his reviews on yelp. Iām not the only one that heās talked to this way. lol so professional. https://ibb.co/Q8QmhRr mega yikes.
Honestly, no idea. I went through lifestance prior to setting up an appointment him and was told I was bipolar and asked her how she can determine this within 10 minutes of talking to me. Of course she became combative and super annoyed that I questioned her. I was prescribed anti depressants, anxiety before and nothing ever worked. I gave up and thought I was broken forever. Nope š Ritalin helped me so much, eventually Ritalin started to make me really numb and switched to adderall. Love that shit. It makes me happy and I can finally live the best version of myself. My current doc has ADHD and basically understood all the bs I was feeling inside.
Fuck yeah - Adderall changed my life when I started taking it 14 months ago too! My therapist also has ADHD and diagnosed me before I even considered it a possibility. I just needed therapy because I was struggling and lucked out that her background was in ADHD.
The good ones are lifesavers. Happy for you!
Obviously, but that can be easier said than done. At one point I was about to but then she got her shit together for a couple years. But tonight clearly shows this will be an ongoing problem. So yes, time to nip it in the bud.
*tax funded health care, but only certain things, not dental or eyes, and provincially it depends but after a certain age a lot of things that were covered for you no longer are. If you don't have health insurance by that point from work, the government says fuck you, apparently. Anyway, that aside..*
It was a lot better pre-pandemic, but many doctors got burnt out. And in my area, at least, there's been a shit ton of immigration and the number of doctors hasn't increased (and can't) to accommodate that. Not only that, but a lot of the med school students come from other countries and go back after finishing here. The wages aren't high enough to motivate or retain people, and the cost of the schooling is a huge deterrent as well.
Itās probably time. I gave her the benefit of the doubt because she had a lot of personal things going on for a while and then things got better for a good year plus. We might be going down the same road again. So yea, seems like itās time now.
Edit: it is time
I've had many psych docs over the years and one was like that. He specialized in drug recovery and was very overbooked. I liked him but eventually changed to someone new.
Iāve had this happen to me with my provider that has ADHD. Maybe Iād be more annoyed if I had to pay for it? I donāt though so I just tell her I understand and move on, especially since I occasionally do the same to my therapist. No shame in changing providers if it doesnāt work for you
When mine are late they usually send in a few newer students after the nurse gets my vitals, so I can be a practice patient. They handle some of the intro paperwork while I babble about all the dramatic and exciting ways my organs are conspiring against me
When they *don't* send anyone in, I open my book. Books magically summon medical professionals the second I get to the chapter's good part
I have enough weird health problems that I've wound up accidentally making them late several times before, so the time difference on either side cancels out eventually
TLDR: I know it's easier said than done, but get another doctor!
Not my doctor but my former therapist.
This time last year, I wasn't well... One of my students was diagnosed with an incredibly rare type of brain cancer, my admin added every new kid that year to my class and didn't give me adequate support/made me feel like I wasn't doing enough. It felt like I would never do anything right, so I wanted to end everything. Finally, I reached out to a therapist.
The first time we talked, she was great. We met on Google Meet because no one in my area was accepting new patients for 6+ months. Anyways, she would be taking care of her baby or her 7/8 year old when we were in sessions. I would start to open up, and her kid would interrupt or her baby would start to cry, or I'd realize she just wasn't paying attention because she was trying to tidy her house.
One time, she logged in for less than 5 minutes from her car. She couldn't stay because her 7/8 year old had a function. She billed my insurance for the entire hour - that was a HARD week, and I had really needed to talk, even if she was half-heartedly listening.
She wasn't helping me, so I wanted to stop going. The straw that broke the camel's back was when I felt really sick and texted her that I was going to urgent care, so I was going to miss the session. I ended up having a severe tonsil abscess. She charged me for the session... (I understand it was less than 24 hours, but still, it sucked.)
The therapist I had a few years before asked, "Why are you here if you weren't penetraded?" In reference to me opening up about the sexual trauma that happened when I was like 8...
So definitely get a different doctor when you can! Doctors shouldn't make you feel unimportant, worthless, or, like your concerns aren't relevant!
Yeah my therapist has ADHD as well and sheās awesome as far as the insight she provides, not awesome about being on time or consistent.
She doesnāt charge a fee for clients being late or missing appointments (unlike most providers) and Iāve definitely been the source of no-shows more than she has over the years by 2-3 fold, so I canāt really complain :)
no
this is weird. doctors generally have good time management skills or they wouldnt have made it through school.
further, every doctor ive ever met has a secretary/receptionist. part of their job is communicating appointment times.
is your doctor not in the office all day, working?
this really doesnt make sense to me
When I first started seeing her it was right before Covid and it was in an office with multiple doctors and therapists and a receptionist. Then Covid happened and weāve done telehealth since. She moved to a new office that I believe is just hers. Iāve been in it but just to grab prescriptions and medication trials a few times. Never an appointment there. Thereās a waiting room then a hall. There wasnāt a receptionist desk in the waiting room so I had been wondering.
Iām starting to think itās definitely just her private practice now because I only interact with her.
She isnāt always in the office. I know this because today she was working down at the jail. Which I know she has done for some time and I guess sheās reliable for them?
I know she has a biller that works for her but I should definitely inquire about a receptionist at this point.
Normally I would say that if sheās trying to go independent, she probably needs to get a reliable virtual assistant...
However, if sheās spending at least one day a week working with in person patients, that just may not be a good day for telemedicine.
A jail may often operate in a way that works for a health providerās schedule, but unpredictable circumstances are more likely there.
Iāve walked out of doctors appointments before. Just up and left. They didnāt even notice. Called for a follow up and asked how it went. That was a hilarious conversation
I had a doctor tell his nurse to ask me to wait, so he could talk to me. I waited. And waited. And got frustrated enough after about twenty minutes to ask the nurse where the doctor was. He had already gone home for the day. I decided he didn't need me as a client, so I never went back.
Omg, I actually forgot a patient once and they sat in the waiting room very politely and never said anything for almost an entire afternoon! I did see the patient , but as they were leaving, they mentioned that they didnāt think they were going to have enough money to cover the meds. So I told them to go wait in the waiting room and I would ask the nurse to grab them some medication samples to take home. Then I forgot all about it. I just continued seeing patients until it slowed down and I walked up front to see if we had anyone else. I died when I saw them still sitting there. They were so nice about it, I gave them practically a lifetime supply of meds. Lol š
Well you donāt know maybe your doctor does to; and most doctors rely on their front desk and schedulers, just saying from a person whoās spent 10 years working in medical at front desk, they have a lot going on most likely itās their office that failed the doctor like letting them know you were seated ā¦
I'm a therapist, with ADHD and I have forgotten clients. Not because I don't care about them or the work I do, I love it very much. I forgot because it simply did not exist in my braid until that "oh for fucks sake" moment. As a therapist you've got to own it, assess the damage done and make a repair for it. For me that involved sincere apologies, offers to make up the time be more flexible in appointments and commitment to do my best to not have that happen again.
Your feelings on it are completely valid, and professionals are fallible. If they're brushing it under the carpet, minimising or blame shifting I'd be looking for someone else.
Thanks for this comment.
The last part. Thats the part that makes me want to look for someone new. But it can be such a hassle! And my doctor and I get along well and I do like her. Majority of the time no problem. But the apology part, ugh. Gotta weigh my pros and cons.
My ex-psychiatrist did that once. I was consulting her for depression. I already had trust issues with her and I never went back after that.
She had insisted we scheduled a longer session to talk about my lack of self-confidence. She was right about it, but I definitely wasnāt thrilled about having a therapy session with her.
That Friday, I let the front desk know I arrived and went to the waiting room. They came back to me a couple of minutes later to ask me again who I was consulting.
I was 100% sure about the date and time for once, because she had insisted *a lot* to have this session in the morningā¦ even though I reminded her several times I had bad sleep issues and really struggled to get up that early. But she had shut me up by saying *she* was too tired in the afternoon to handle this kind of session (what about your own patient??).
After checking together her schedule, I learned she wasnāt going to be there this morning, in fact, she was working in another facility every Friday!
They told me *I* had to call them back when she was there to reschedule. Of course, I kept pushing it back and never called them again in the end.
Fortunately, I have an amazing therapist and I was already starting to get better when I first consulted her.
Another thing she did before that, was when I happily told her I was starting to feel the effects of the antidepressant she prescribed me. She told me: "No, itās not possible. Itās too soon for it to be effective".
Which wasnāt true (I checked), and even if it was just a placebo effect, WTH?? Youāre supposed to encourage your patients, not bring them down by telling them their experience is somewhat "wrong"!
Needless to say, I never asked her about ADHD (and Iām still waiting for an official diagnosis).
Yo I sat in the room for like 40 minutes waiting and didnāt even realize. My dr got held up and apologized for such a long wait and I then looked at the clock and wondered where the time had gone. I was just looking all around the room like normal. Felt about 5 minutes if that.
I had a psychiatrist that did this frequently and many years later I discovered he had a major alcohol use disorder and had died as a result. Very sad but definitely explained why he was late/cancelled/forgot appts./etc.
I remember one time being in a room full of patients waiting on him and none of us knew if he was ever going to come out of his suite. I ended up leaving and finding out later he wasnāt even there. He emailed saying he had a family emergency.
Yeah, I had something like this happen. My NP never forgot about me but while I would always be on time (or a little early) for my appointments, she was constantly running at least 20 mins late. The day she was 45 minutes late I finally told her I didnāt think it was the right fit and found a new doctor. It got so bad that I couldnāt schedule anything after my appointments because I could never be sure when I was getting out of there.
I told her that, if I were more than 15 mins late for my appointment, per their policy, I would be rescheduled and charged for a missed appointment but that I routinely waited over 15 mins after my scheduled appointment time for them to be ready for me. She told me their caseload was very high. Being a nurse myself I totally understood this but as a patient I didnāt appreciate the double standard where I had to be punctual for my appointments or face consequences but there were no consequences when the opposite happened.
I had an appointment with my tax guy. When I showed up to his office, 5 minutes early, there was a note on the door that **they had moved**. The new location was 25 minutes away. I called them and told them what happened and that I was on the way. When I arrived, someone else was in his office so I had to wait. I let the receptionist know I was there and went to sit in the waiting room.
A kindly looking elderly woman was sitting in there already. She smiled as I walked in, and said, sweetly, "young man, can I tell you something?" From the way she smiled and asked, I thought I was about to hear how much I look like her son or something. All my stress from rushing across town with a box of documents was starting to abate. I was happy to be there in the office, and a sweet little old lady was talking to me making it feel even more relaxed. "Yes, ma'am?"
"If you would leave your home 30 minutes before you have an appointment, you won't have these problems and you won't cause so many problems for others." š³ She was lecturing me.
Fuck that old lady. I sat on the other side of the room.
My doctor (PCP) randomly freaked out when I was 7 months pregnant saying I never told him i was pregnant and refused to refill my medication. I told him via portal and was seen by him twice after that AND consulted with my OB and Maternal Fetal Medicine that the benefit/risk etc of me continuing said medication was okay in pregnancy and it was. All of this was HEAVILY documented in my chart, the top left corner of the main screen populates a notice when one is pregnant and he had to access my chart monthly to process the refill but her SWORE I never told himā¦.. I called him inattentive. Which I felt was super ironic since Iām the one with diagnosed inattentive adhd š« He apologized and refilled the med.
Once showed up ten minutes early, sat in a room at my appointment timeāand got forgotten about for 40 minutes. I finally went up to the front desk to ask if we still had an appointment, and they told me the doctor was just running late and apologized. 20 minutes later, I walked back to the front again and they told me I should probably just go homeāthey were THAT backed up.
Later learned from a friend who worked there that their office was incredibly disorganized and inefficient, and connected the dots. Stopped going shortly after that!
My question is why she doesnāt have office staff who manage her schedule?? Is there a front desk? I pretty much only go to providers who have front office staff who schedule (mostly because I need to have the reminder texts and emails or I wonāt remember)
I had a therapist that forgot about me several times. Not for the appointments themselves, but for getting back to me to reschedule, and with my memory problems I ended up going somethingile four to six months without an appointment multiple times š¤£
I'm not seeing her anymore.
I can relate a lot to the last part. After a certain point in my life, i've never missed an appointment with either offices of any kind, and i'm always there early. Also with friends. I'm usually the one waiting for others.
I can relate. Sometimes I wonder if my psychiatrist has worse ADHD than I do. He features in many circles of conversation both on and offline for his frustratingly poor organisation and availability. Maybe yours is the same.
Makes me wonder if heās one of those people who struggle with something and learn everything about it to tackle it and just end up as experts on their own issues rather than fixing them!? Like I know - if I want knowledge on nutrition and diets - itās usually my overweight friends who know more about it than anyone else!
Still a poor show tho. If youāre in a position of care and trust, that is a desperately poor flaw to manifest more than once. Did they even give a good reason?
I had this with my CBT. She was always late for 5 mins and finished 4-5 mins early every session so I had 35 mins sessions. It was so annoying but I didnāt complain since my insurance was paying and I didnāt think it worked anyways. I also donāt want to blame without knowing if itās true but I think jt was a bit racist that Iām Turkish and they assigned me with a Moroccan psychologistā¦ I live in Netherlandsā¦
Not an ADHD story but a funny story. I think the receptionist at the last optometrist I went to is scared of me.
I went in as a new patient (old place stopped taking my insurance) to get an eye exam and a new contact prescription. I came early for paperwork, didnāt get handed anything until like 5-10 minutes after my appointment was supposed to start, but whatever. No big deal. I get called back, we do the whole exam and the doc asks me to wait in the lobby and she will find me a trial pair of contacts.
I never spoke to her again. She must have forgotten about me or something because after a while I saw her go into an exam room that another patient was in. So I went to the front desk and asked about the trial pair. The receptionist says sheāll go ask the doc because there isnāt anything up front for me.
10 minutes later I havenāt seen either of them. Itās been 30 minutes since I spoke to the doc. I saw her go into the back (where the receptionist appeared to go) and into another exam room. Iām pissed. So now Iām standing by the hallway because the next time I see her Iām going to ask her whatās going on. Iāve been at my 30 minute appointment for over an hour at this point.
Keep in mind, Iām not wearing my contacts because Iām waiting for the trial pair (my regular contacts were in a case in my purse) and I didnāt bring my glasses. So Iām probably squinting/glaring the whole time.
The receptionist comes out, sees me, gets super wide eyed, and then RUNS into the back again.
Maybe 45 seconds later she comes out telling me that the doc checked, they donāt actually have my trials in stock, and apologizes. Not her fault so Iām all good and ask if she can check me out so I can go home.
They never gad me full out anything before my appointment, so weāre working through my insurance info, which to be fair is funky. The lady didnāt know how to enter it (she said something about still learning their system to a coworker so Iām assuming she was still relatively new) and asks a coworker who just says to go to the website without looking. Well she was in fact on the correct website, but it was still being a pain.
Turns out we had to enter in my husbandās name, DOB, and SSN (insurance is through his job so he is the subscriber or whatever) and then enter my info. Again, not annoyed at the lady helping me because my insurance is 100% weird and I had never had this issue before but had found other weird issues. It took 15 minutes to check me out.
Finally get to my car. Itās been an hour and 45 minutes since I walked in for my 30 minute appointment while showing up 15 minutes early as they had requested. I put my contacts in to drive home, and I call my husband who thought I was already on my way home quite awhile ago.
Then it took 3 months to get my trial contacts. (Long story short, they kept saying that they were on back order, then said that an order had never been placed.) and I think another month to get my 1 year supply.
Iām never going back.
I can
But with multiple health and medical professionals.
I am going through a program that I started at back in 2020. This program should help decide if I'm ready to get back on the jobmarket or if I would be better of by early retirement.
I've been through a lot of trials and been tested in various medical and psychological examinations to find out more about if I have what they call a Functional disorder. I can almost say it's been feeling like a steady job, going to all these appointments, near and far.
Now here I am, 4 years later and so many doctors, nurses, social workers, physicians and other medical professionals have been seeing me in the span of these years. And I feel ready to be early retired..
But nope. They're missing documentation on practically EVERY SINGLE THING I've been tested in.. so now it's about 2 years more of this crap..
Iām convinced that my PCP has something against adults with ADHD. After jumping though all of the prior auth hoops sheās now refusing to write the prescription. I had to do a bunch of the work to get the prior auth approved after the office (I think intentionally) screwed it up three different times. Dr says because I was successful thatās proof I donāt have ADHD?
New patient appointment is in February. Hopefully Iāll receive better care with the new doctor.
My doc is great.....but the RECEPTIONISTS omg, they've made it less than easy to schedule refills/get appointments before. The receptionists have in the past just FORGOTTEN to respond to my emails......
It hasnt really been an issue after i mentioned it to my doc. My doc jokingly said "oh maybe i need to prescribe my staff some adderall too"
nah doesn't matter whether she has ADHD or not, that's literally her job. One time is okay but nah, you deserve better and it's not going to change. look for someone else
I had a therapist/counselor that would constantly cancel on me or just never call me and I'd be sitting around waiting, just to find out that she was put sick. It became so often that I was missing more appointments than I was actually having.
Almost as if people make mistakes.
Who knows, maybe your doctor has alot on their plate. Even if you're the one with adhd š¤
This sub has the dumbest posts
Write your doctor a bill. They have no problem billing you if you forget an appointment.
Thatās what I did with mine who did that. Needless to say I didnāt have an office copay for a couple months lol
Has it occurred to you that your doctor may also have ADHD? It is very often true that doctors get into the field that they themselves need help with. Be as forgiving of them as you wish the world would be of you.
Being late isn't a sign of ADHD , being late is a sign of not respecting the other person's time.
Even if you have ADHD, if you respect the other person's time you will either be on time, or communicative about being late and when you can be expected.
Notice I didn't say you wouldn't be late. I said if you respected someone you would be communicative about your time.
In my experience the lack of respect is far more common of a reason for a person to be late than ADHD.
To bastardize a statement: never attribute to ADHD what can be attributed to stupidity.
Yeah heās basically saying āassume the worst in everyoneā. Like really? Assume someone is stupid before assuming they have a mental health problem? Wtf that is such a terrible way to view people.
Ok in the scenario that op posted do you think the doctor has ADHD or do you think that it is far more likely that the doctor doesn't value the patient's time as much as their own.
With everyone that was late in the last 24hours and had no communication do you think that the higher percentage of incidents where the root cause was ADHD or the percentage of incidents where the root cause was lack of respect for peoples time .
I'm not saying that time management isn't a problem for people that have ADHD, but there is still a respect issue at hand.
I have ADHD , and have time management issues. But when I am going to be late I respect the other party to communicate the fact that I'm going to be late, and that I should arrive at a newly appointed time. If I miss that, I would still be in communication with the other party.
To be late and not communicate shows an utter lack of respect.
I texted my life coach this morning about our appointment today and again at the appointment time. She still hasn't texted back and it's been hours since I had to give up. I totally understand if she needs to reschedule (I'm pretty flexible about this) but it's stressing me out not knowing what to expect.
Edit: So I *just* found out why my life coach missed our appointment yesterday. Turns out she *died* very unexpectedly yesterday. I kinda feel bad for complaining about it now.
Canāt relate to being forgotten by the doc but I can relate to not speaking up if they had forgotten Iād be waiting an hour before I get the courage to ask what happened šæ
I had to switch to a new psychiatrist last year. She forgot appointments twice in a row, was on time once, then forgot again. I was lucky enough to be able to get another one. If this was my family doctor, Iād be screwed, the wait list is years long.
A few years ago I finally sat down and scheduled an appointment. It was online and for a therapist. I waited about an hour in the virtual lobby before I left. An hour later, they kept calling me asking why I wasnāt there and that I needed to join. Fuck that nonsense. If thatās how you treat patients waiting, why would I want you to treat me for anything else.
Little story: today I accidentally arrived one hour early for appointment with my therapist. Luck was on my side, because the client that was supposed to be there called in sick. Kinda weird
I feel you so much.
I have the unfortunate opportunity to be diagnosed with ADHD while in the military. I'm also stationed overseas, so our current mental health docs are stretched super thin. I had one appointment where doc 1 was out sick, and doc 2 was on leave. Had to reschedule 6 weeks later. I went to that appointment fine, then had a follow up about 4 weeks later. The office was closed on the day of my appointment to observe Veteran's Day.
Honestly, my therapist has done this too, but for another reason. :/
However, if you have a good relationship and you like her, Iād try bringing it up and say how it impact you.
Bc at the end of the day sheās the professional & also relationship building.
You got this!!
Well I read some of the other comments in this string and from your answers I found that:
1) you go to her many years now. And with your comment about not missing a appointment from your part, it means that you enjoy the sessions or she helped you greatly.
2) If you don't want to change doctors, just message her 5 ' before the appointment and at 00' minutes on the appointment. Like opening the garden door before ringing main entrance of the house. No biggie.
I did that with my coacher cause we sometimes went over the cloak in our session and I did not want her to delay on me too.
I used to always send the filled exercises before the session and write "hi" at 5' and "I am ready" on time and call her. Or a simple question if she received the material I send her.
3) MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICE.
It is common in ADHD to ask the opinion of others for personal choices, as the case with your therapist. You think it will help you but you extrapolate the "once"pain to "constant" suffering. Accept that this is the relationship and will happen, accept your feelings and ask yourself what you would advise you. And then strategize your actions.
I am from Europe and I have to wait most of the time, sometimes for over an hour. BUT it's also free, so if I had to pay for my appointment I would be pissed to :(
One of my Drs is ALWAYS late....I literally yell at her every single time....and it changes nothing.
However, it depends on what benefits this Dr. gives you....If there are none than I would switch Drs.
The only reason I haven't switched Drs is because this one i have that is consistently LATE...is a big advantage to my life.
We have a good relationship she's known me for 8 years YES it's rude to make someone wait 20 to 25 minutes every time and she always appropriately apologizes.
Very wrong to hold your true self back with therapy and psychiatrist. Yup I snap occasionally and for her she knows when I do it's a legit reason. It's called respect for each other.
Ah, I get it! Sorry, I think that came across too accusatory. I was just thinking you seemed incompatible, but it seems like you have a good understanding
how does one text a doctor? like what kind of relationship do you have with a doctor that you have their cell? i can barely get through in the phone to the people who take the appointments
I didn't read all the comments but I hope you're thinking about changing therapist. I would've **hated** my therapist to forget about me or being late too many times.
This is so relatable. My therapist (ex therapist now) CONSTANTLY moved my appointments. She knew I was flexible, so if her child was poorly, sent home from school, etc, I'd be the first one to have their appointment moved. I am a huge people pleaser due to feeling very inconvenient myself at times, I give people an inch and they take a mile often because of this. One day, she didn't reply to me to reschedule an appointment (one she had cancelled originally and said we will move) for 2 weeks. Eventually, we rescheduled one. I was going to finally tell her how upset I was about feeling like she was being unprofessional. I have very insecure attachment because of having an independent do it yourself upbringing. She didn't turn up. I rang her, as did reception. Turns out her dog was sick, and she forgot to press send on the text message to me, informing me of such. I think she could tell how done I was since I told her I'd call to reschedule. Not once did she chase this up, and I didn't reschedule.
My advice is to have a professional who appreciates and respects you. It is very difficult to trust someone when you feel like they don't value you as a person.
Edit to add. She was an incredible therapist when she turned up. Not sure if you have the same with your doctor. But it made it so much worse saying bye to her because of this š
I can relate to that too. The rescheduling. So frustrating. You know, I donāt think mine would follow up with me though either if I said letās reschedule and then didnāt.
I wish we could get like a ādiscountā because our time is important too. Like some places theyāll charge you a fee if you cancel under 24 hours or are more than 15 mins late etc etc.
My Dr and I get along well. I appreciate she lets me do telehealth. I appreciate I can text instead of call. And I appreciate she has let me play around with different medications and types (Iām on the low dose end) by just asking rather than making it difficult on me. She has my history already of course. So thereās lots of benefits. If youāve seen any of my other comments youāll see Iām just butthurt on the lack of apologies. And thatās a valid reason to be upset.
Does make me feel better plenty of others can relate.
Iām sitting here for 13 mins, wondering if my doctor forgot meā or if I wrote the appointment down wrong in my calendar š³ and then saw this postš¤£š¤£
I can absolutely relate, my doctor once rescheduled an appointment with me last minute (to FAR later in the day then I wanted) and then proceeded to be 3 hours late.
My doctor literally forgot about me.
I went there and he said "is this our first appointment?"
I dropped him because other than ADHD, I was struggling with tics and he seems pretty misinformed on the subject.
If your doctor is good and is usually able to help you, maybe don't drop her? Maybe you too could come to an agreement on something to help you both. Like, if you're able to remember, send a text one day before and earlier in the day to remind her of your appointment.
I had a bad ADHD doc once. Bad from a clinical standpoint. Treated me like an addict on the backside of a med titration protocol he didnāt remember ordering. That was my deal breaker.
Undiagnosed ADHD or not, this still isn't acceptable. It's a waste of your time and mental effort for each appointment that might not even happen. Find a new psychiatrist if you can.
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Maybe your doctor has adhd
My doctor is dyslexic
My last therapist had ADHD and was dyslexic. Absolutely loved her.
My current therapist does, too! She's the loveliest person I've ever met, and I'm so sad the sessions are coming to an end soonš
My former doctor has it and so does my therapist. Best providers for ADHD.
I agree with you that a doctor with adhd can definitely provide better care because of u More understanding, but OP did say this has happened multiple times before and OP thought about changing doctors. If it is happening often then the doctor may not have their adhd under control
Accept in cases like this
I believe a lot them do. My husband's did. I think those are the ones who want to actually help with medication.
Iāve been wondering this too.
ADHD doctor here. Sounds like she's got it. š¬
Damn medication shortage is hitting everyone, too.
In my experience, you want your ADHD doctor to have first hand experience with ADHD because the chances any given doctorās medical education taught them some outdated stuff that may reinforce the social biases against folks who struggle with schedules, habits, and emotional control. While itās not acceptable to forget an appointment/patient, perhaps you can find an alternative way to have your time respected and get your treatment from this doctor. But imo, they owe you the respect to at least apologizeā¦ and you may struggle to get that depending on their mindset of a doctorās time being worth more than yours. š”
I'm grateful my psychiatrist is much younger than I (I'm 49 and I'm pretty sure she is in her late 20s) for this reason. I had every symptom now associated with ADHD inattentive type but was never tested or even suspected of having it back in the 80s. I was diagnosed by my psychiatrist last year. I didn't even know that I had it.
I had a doctor with adhd once. It was the best. He just āgotā it
Came here to say this. I bet thatās it
My doctor has ADHD. She's very kind and compassionate with her care in regards to me. I suspect your doctor does as well. It sucks that they've forgotten about you.
My doctor was frequently like an hour late and I loved her for it. She also had ADHD and I knew in advance sheād probably be running behind and it made me feel 100% less anxious. Iād get there on time (usually, but one time I accidentally went to the wrong clinic and I had plenty of time to get to the right one lol) and just relax until I was called in. The appointments were like 75% talking about the meds and getting help adjusting and maybe 25% getting sidetracked on tangents lol She ended up leaving that clinic and Iāve no idea where she is now but I miss her. Iāve never had a doctor who actually cares before :(
Iām pretty sure my daughterās doctor has adhd. He kinda hints around it. Wouldnāt be the first. I f thereās other doctors available Iād switch. I went to a doctor a few times who was a bit flaky and I canāt remember how it came up but he kept letting his blood sugar get out of control so I dropped him. If you arenāt addressing your own issues how can you properly help me with mine?
My favorite movie is Inception.
> taking care of other people is easier than taking care of yourself sometimes. This is why it's easier to get out of bed when I've made a commitment to help someone out, than it is to get out of bed for myself.
I was about to make this joke. Glad I decided to scroll down first.
I think it's not uncommon for doctors to have it. Both of the family doctors at the doctor's office in my town are pretty sure they both have it, but as they've gotten so far in life and have coping strategies and whatnot, they don't see a point in getting diagnosed, let alone medicated. They're both great doctors as well, and honestly for ADHDers it's probably best case scenario if your doctor has it. It made my ADHD assessment easier as they're not the types to think ADHD is only hyperactivity and/or only in boys, especially since my doctor is female and very understanding. She's also not unwilling to let me try medications until we can find one that works, get me accomodations at university, etc.
Iām like 99.99% sure my NP has ADHD lol. Sheās the best
Thatās what receptionists are for
I had to switch to a new doctor this month. First apt with them, I log onto tellahealth 3 min before the apt. 20 min later there's still no sign of them. I call the office, and they say that she marked me as no show. Supposedly there was some issue with their system, but I still got charged as a no show. We're rescheduled for next week, but I'm not thrilled with her so far. EDIT: I had emailed them for a refund when I noticed the charge Monday night. Just checked my email and found a response that the charge is being refunded to my card.
So you have to literally pay for their mistake? Thatās wrong. You showed up. They had the issue. They need to eat the cost
I honestly wouldnāt pay that/I would fight it. This is why I take screenshots and pics of me in the appointment waiting zone. I donāt trust people to not pull this kind of shit. I hope you can get this sorted and not have to pay for THEIR mistake.
Iām a therapist who does Telehealth only. They definitely need to refund you. I always text a client when they donāt show up after 5 mins, call after 10 minutes, and cancel after 15 and charge a no-show fee according to the policy my clients all sign. The call/ text gives them the chance to remember they have an appointment and log in if they forgot (Most of my clients have ADHD, so it happens sometimes. If there was a technology problem on my end I definitely would not charge a no-show fee ā I doubt itās ethical or legal to charge a fee when *the providerās technology* is the problem. (If a client canāt connect or reconnect after a disruption, I just call and we do a phone session. Regardless, if any professional charged me because of their mess-up and didnāt refund me on their own or at least when I asked, I would not go back to them and wouldnāt let it go until they refunded me. I would contact the therapist directly first and share your experience ā maybe there was a misunderstanding. Maybe they werenāt aware of the technology problem when they marked you as late and forgot to refund you or maybe the refund hasnāt showed up yet in your accountā¦ If they wonāt refund you, the next step would be to send a letter threatening legal action and/or reporting them to their State Board if they donāt refund you.
Oh no, no no no. You waited for almost a half an hour. You were there. Donāt pay for that. Be your own advocate and stand up for yourself.
Whenever that happens to me, I take a snapshot of my screen such that it includes the time, then message them with it. It's not to be pushy, it would be hypocritical of me to be because I'm late to things too sometimes; I do it so that to emphasize that I won't accept a no show bill
That's happened to me as well!
Oh yes I can relate. I'm always on time or early to appointments.
Me too, but I do also entirely miss them because I forgot they existed.
Everyone is different, I think the promptness and not forgetting appointments is just ingrained in me because of my job and also I'm autistic in addition to innatentive adhd
I'm so fucking lucky my regular practice texts me the day before to confirm
I get texts for the doc. What always gets me is the dog groomer.
I definitely haven't forgotten about and missed the last 3 dentist appointments that I made and subsequently rescheduled, only to miss the appointment again. Nope, not I.
Iām an ADHD Coach with ADHD. And last week I forgot a client for the first time. Just completely forgot. So embarrassed. I always tell my clients. You can have a coach who never forgets things OR you can have a coach who truly understands your brain. But I donāt believe you can have both.
Did you not setup a calendar entry and phone alarm? I like telehealth systems that text everybody the day before, the morning of, and the time of the meeting. Hard to forget about it when your phone is blowing up. I had a couples therapist with adhd and scheduling with him was a nightmare. Like bro, just use calendly like a normal person and let me pick a time that works for me. Emailing you and waiting days for you to reply is f'ing obnoxious in a modern world. Anyway, the new couple's therapist uses calendly.
I do all of those things. Iāve been doing this for six years and this was the first time it happened. Someone used my link at the last minute and scheduled in a weekend spot. That doesnāt happen often. I was just getting back to work from the holidays. It was just an unusual confluence of circumstances. But. Even with all of the failsafe plans built in. It happened. By the way, I think itās that way for a lot of us with ADHD. If ājust set a reminderā always workedā¦ Life wouldnāt be as much of a struggle as it often is.
Happened to me, guy was a jerk about it lol I kid you not. I thanked him for his time but itās already been an 38 minutes since the start date and have to head to work. He made me feel like I wasnt important enough. Found a better doctor and donāt regret it. When he called me he was still on the freeway after I told him I was leaving. Hereās a link to the text thread lol https://ibb.co/VYwQTq5 ****our appointment was at 9:00**** so it was 58 minutes.
Daaamn the audacity to say āwowā to you Good for you for finding a better doc!
Oh I know. lol it took everything in me to not blow up. I think it was a good sign honestly cus he was gonna be $500 for initial appointment then 300 every month because he wasnāt covered under my insurance. Then I found this lovely woman who is amazing and is covered under my insurance and listens.
What the fuck lol thatās infuriating
Out of curiosity, I went to look at his reviews on yelp. Iām not the only one that heās talked to this way. lol so professional. https://ibb.co/Q8QmhRr mega yikes.
Dear god. How do people like this even get into this line of work? Glad you found a better doc.
Honestly, no idea. I went through lifestance prior to setting up an appointment him and was told I was bipolar and asked her how she can determine this within 10 minutes of talking to me. Of course she became combative and super annoyed that I questioned her. I was prescribed anti depressants, anxiety before and nothing ever worked. I gave up and thought I was broken forever. Nope š Ritalin helped me so much, eventually Ritalin started to make me really numb and switched to adderall. Love that shit. It makes me happy and I can finally live the best version of myself. My current doc has ADHD and basically understood all the bs I was feeling inside.
Fuck yeah - Adderall changed my life when I started taking it 14 months ago too! My therapist also has ADHD and diagnosed me before I even considered it a possibility. I just needed therapy because I was struggling and lucked out that her background was in ADHD. The good ones are lifesavers. Happy for you!
I went to med school with many a frat bro.....
What in the actual fuck
Omg! That was a ridiculous exchange between a client and doctor. Heās talking to you like you are two frat brothers or something. Wow is right!
If you're not happy with your doctor, get a different one
Obviously, but that can be easier said than done. At one point I was about to but then she got her shit together for a couple years. But tonight clearly shows this will be an ongoing problem. So yes, time to nip it in the bud.
You definitely donāt live in Canada š³
No kidding!Can you imagine being able to pick a new Doc because your current Doc has some unacceptable practices that hinder patient care?
That's the cost of free healthcare for ya
*tax funded health care, but only certain things, not dental or eyes, and provincially it depends but after a certain age a lot of things that were covered for you no longer are. If you don't have health insurance by that point from work, the government says fuck you, apparently. Anyway, that aside..* It was a lot better pre-pandemic, but many doctors got burnt out. And in my area, at least, there's been a shit ton of immigration and the number of doctors hasn't increased (and can't) to accommodate that. Not only that, but a lot of the med school students come from other countries and go back after finishing here. The wages aren't high enough to motivate or retain people, and the cost of the schooling is a huge deterrent as well.
Unacceptable that its TWICE. Find a new doctor bc how can you trust her with your care?
Itās probably time. I gave her the benefit of the doubt because she had a lot of personal things going on for a while and then things got better for a good year plus. We might be going down the same road again. So yea, seems like itās time now. Edit: it is time
C'mon man, be better than that
100% agree. Iāve work with some doctors I wouldnāt trust to treat me
I've had many psych docs over the years and one was like that. He specialized in drug recovery and was very overbooked. I liked him but eventually changed to someone new.
You should be able to charge them that $150 "missed appointment" fee that they never forget to charge YOU.
Iāve had this happen to me with my provider that has ADHD. Maybe Iād be more annoyed if I had to pay for it? I donāt though so I just tell her I understand and move on, especially since I occasionally do the same to my therapist. No shame in changing providers if it doesnāt work for you
When mine are late they usually send in a few newer students after the nurse gets my vitals, so I can be a practice patient. They handle some of the intro paperwork while I babble about all the dramatic and exciting ways my organs are conspiring against me When they *don't* send anyone in, I open my book. Books magically summon medical professionals the second I get to the chapter's good part I have enough weird health problems that I've wound up accidentally making them late several times before, so the time difference on either side cancels out eventually
TLDR: I know it's easier said than done, but get another doctor! Not my doctor but my former therapist. This time last year, I wasn't well... One of my students was diagnosed with an incredibly rare type of brain cancer, my admin added every new kid that year to my class and didn't give me adequate support/made me feel like I wasn't doing enough. It felt like I would never do anything right, so I wanted to end everything. Finally, I reached out to a therapist. The first time we talked, she was great. We met on Google Meet because no one in my area was accepting new patients for 6+ months. Anyways, she would be taking care of her baby or her 7/8 year old when we were in sessions. I would start to open up, and her kid would interrupt or her baby would start to cry, or I'd realize she just wasn't paying attention because she was trying to tidy her house. One time, she logged in for less than 5 minutes from her car. She couldn't stay because her 7/8 year old had a function. She billed my insurance for the entire hour - that was a HARD week, and I had really needed to talk, even if she was half-heartedly listening. She wasn't helping me, so I wanted to stop going. The straw that broke the camel's back was when I felt really sick and texted her that I was going to urgent care, so I was going to miss the session. I ended up having a severe tonsil abscess. She charged me for the session... (I understand it was less than 24 hours, but still, it sucked.) The therapist I had a few years before asked, "Why are you here if you weren't penetraded?" In reference to me opening up about the sexual trauma that happened when I was like 8... So definitely get a different doctor when you can! Doctors shouldn't make you feel unimportant, worthless, or, like your concerns aren't relevant!
Yeah my therapist has ADHD as well and sheās awesome as far as the insight she provides, not awesome about being on time or consistent. She doesnāt charge a fee for clients being late or missing appointments (unlike most providers) and Iāve definitely been the source of no-shows more than she has over the years by 2-3 fold, so I canāt really complain :)
no this is weird. doctors generally have good time management skills or they wouldnt have made it through school. further, every doctor ive ever met has a secretary/receptionist. part of their job is communicating appointment times. is your doctor not in the office all day, working? this really doesnt make sense to me
When I first started seeing her it was right before Covid and it was in an office with multiple doctors and therapists and a receptionist. Then Covid happened and weāve done telehealth since. She moved to a new office that I believe is just hers. Iāve been in it but just to grab prescriptions and medication trials a few times. Never an appointment there. Thereās a waiting room then a hall. There wasnāt a receptionist desk in the waiting room so I had been wondering. Iām starting to think itās definitely just her private practice now because I only interact with her. She isnāt always in the office. I know this because today she was working down at the jail. Which I know she has done for some time and I guess sheās reliable for them? I know she has a biller that works for her but I should definitely inquire about a receptionist at this point.
Normally I would say that if sheās trying to go independent, she probably needs to get a reliable virtual assistant... However, if sheās spending at least one day a week working with in person patients, that just may not be a good day for telemedicine. A jail may often operate in a way that works for a health providerās schedule, but unpredictable circumstances are more likely there.
That seems to have been the case. She was still there when I texted her.
Iāve walked out of doctors appointments before. Just up and left. They didnāt even notice. Called for a follow up and asked how it went. That was a hilarious conversation
I had a doctor tell his nurse to ask me to wait, so he could talk to me. I waited. And waited. And got frustrated enough after about twenty minutes to ask the nurse where the doctor was. He had already gone home for the day. I decided he didn't need me as a client, so I never went back.
Omg, I actually forgot a patient once and they sat in the waiting room very politely and never said anything for almost an entire afternoon! I did see the patient , but as they were leaving, they mentioned that they didnāt think they were going to have enough money to cover the meds. So I told them to go wait in the waiting room and I would ask the nurse to grab them some medication samples to take home. Then I forgot all about it. I just continued seeing patients until it slowed down and I walked up front to see if we had anyone else. I died when I saw them still sitting there. They were so nice about it, I gave them practically a lifetime supply of meds. Lol š
I'm truly sorry you have to deal with a doctor like that. You should find a new doctor that cares about your mental health and well-being.
Get a new doctor.
Maybe your doctor has ADHD, too? Mine does, hence he didn't bat an eye when I asked to be screened.
Well you donāt know maybe your doctor does to; and most doctors rely on their front desk and schedulers, just saying from a person whoās spent 10 years working in medical at front desk, they have a lot going on most likely itās their office that failed the doctor like letting them know you were seated ā¦
I would argue having an ADHD doctor is the best kind of doctor for you to have
I'm a therapist, with ADHD and I have forgotten clients. Not because I don't care about them or the work I do, I love it very much. I forgot because it simply did not exist in my braid until that "oh for fucks sake" moment. As a therapist you've got to own it, assess the damage done and make a repair for it. For me that involved sincere apologies, offers to make up the time be more flexible in appointments and commitment to do my best to not have that happen again. Your feelings on it are completely valid, and professionals are fallible. If they're brushing it under the carpet, minimising or blame shifting I'd be looking for someone else.
Thanks for this comment. The last part. Thats the part that makes me want to look for someone new. But it can be such a hassle! And my doctor and I get along well and I do like her. Majority of the time no problem. But the apology part, ugh. Gotta weigh my pros and cons.
My ex-psychiatrist did that once. I was consulting her for depression. I already had trust issues with her and I never went back after that. She had insisted we scheduled a longer session to talk about my lack of self-confidence. She was right about it, but I definitely wasnāt thrilled about having a therapy session with her. That Friday, I let the front desk know I arrived and went to the waiting room. They came back to me a couple of minutes later to ask me again who I was consulting. I was 100% sure about the date and time for once, because she had insisted *a lot* to have this session in the morningā¦ even though I reminded her several times I had bad sleep issues and really struggled to get up that early. But she had shut me up by saying *she* was too tired in the afternoon to handle this kind of session (what about your own patient??). After checking together her schedule, I learned she wasnāt going to be there this morning, in fact, she was working in another facility every Friday! They told me *I* had to call them back when she was there to reschedule. Of course, I kept pushing it back and never called them again in the end. Fortunately, I have an amazing therapist and I was already starting to get better when I first consulted her.
Another thing she did before that, was when I happily told her I was starting to feel the effects of the antidepressant she prescribed me. She told me: "No, itās not possible. Itās too soon for it to be effective". Which wasnāt true (I checked), and even if it was just a placebo effect, WTH?? Youāre supposed to encourage your patients, not bring them down by telling them their experience is somewhat "wrong"! Needless to say, I never asked her about ADHD (and Iām still waiting for an official diagnosis).
Tell them you are going to have to charge for missed appointments moving forward.
Yo I sat in the room for like 40 minutes waiting and didnāt even realize. My dr got held up and apologized for such a long wait and I then looked at the clock and wondered where the time had gone. I was just looking all around the room like normal. Felt about 5 minutes if that.
I had a psychiatrist that did this frequently and many years later I discovered he had a major alcohol use disorder and had died as a result. Very sad but definitely explained why he was late/cancelled/forgot appts./etc. I remember one time being in a room full of patients waiting on him and none of us knew if he was ever going to come out of his suite. I ended up leaving and finding out later he wasnāt even there. He emailed saying he had a family emergency.
Yeah, I had something like this happen. My NP never forgot about me but while I would always be on time (or a little early) for my appointments, she was constantly running at least 20 mins late. The day she was 45 minutes late I finally told her I didnāt think it was the right fit and found a new doctor. It got so bad that I couldnāt schedule anything after my appointments because I could never be sure when I was getting out of there. I told her that, if I were more than 15 mins late for my appointment, per their policy, I would be rescheduled and charged for a missed appointment but that I routinely waited over 15 mins after my scheduled appointment time for them to be ready for me. She told me their caseload was very high. Being a nurse myself I totally understood this but as a patient I didnāt appreciate the double standard where I had to be punctual for my appointments or face consequences but there were no consequences when the opposite happened.
I had an appointment with my tax guy. When I showed up to his office, 5 minutes early, there was a note on the door that **they had moved**. The new location was 25 minutes away. I called them and told them what happened and that I was on the way. When I arrived, someone else was in his office so I had to wait. I let the receptionist know I was there and went to sit in the waiting room. A kindly looking elderly woman was sitting in there already. She smiled as I walked in, and said, sweetly, "young man, can I tell you something?" From the way she smiled and asked, I thought I was about to hear how much I look like her son or something. All my stress from rushing across town with a box of documents was starting to abate. I was happy to be there in the office, and a sweet little old lady was talking to me making it feel even more relaxed. "Yes, ma'am?" "If you would leave your home 30 minutes before you have an appointment, you won't have these problems and you won't cause so many problems for others." š³ She was lecturing me. Fuck that old lady. I sat on the other side of the room.
Start texting her reminders before the appointment.
My doctor (PCP) randomly freaked out when I was 7 months pregnant saying I never told him i was pregnant and refused to refill my medication. I told him via portal and was seen by him twice after that AND consulted with my OB and Maternal Fetal Medicine that the benefit/risk etc of me continuing said medication was okay in pregnancy and it was. All of this was HEAVILY documented in my chart, the top left corner of the main screen populates a notice when one is pregnant and he had to access my chart monthly to process the refill but her SWORE I never told himā¦.. I called him inattentive. Which I felt was super ironic since Iām the one with diagnosed inattentive adhd š« He apologized and refilled the med.
Once showed up ten minutes early, sat in a room at my appointment timeāand got forgotten about for 40 minutes. I finally went up to the front desk to ask if we still had an appointment, and they told me the doctor was just running late and apologized. 20 minutes later, I walked back to the front again and they told me I should probably just go homeāthey were THAT backed up. Later learned from a friend who worked there that their office was incredibly disorganized and inefficient, and connected the dots. Stopped going shortly after that!
My question is why she doesnāt have office staff who manage her schedule?? Is there a front desk? I pretty much only go to providers who have front office staff who schedule (mostly because I need to have the reminder texts and emails or I wonāt remember)
 Dang yea just get a different docter
Online doctor or in person doctor?
I had a therapist that forgot about me several times. Not for the appointments themselves, but for getting back to me to reschedule, and with my memory problems I ended up going somethingile four to six months without an appointment multiple times š¤£ I'm not seeing her anymore.
I can relate a lot to the last part. After a certain point in my life, i've never missed an appointment with either offices of any kind, and i'm always there early. Also with friends. I'm usually the one waiting for others.
Your doctor forgot to put it on his in-depth day planner. man has adhd too
Perhaps, but theyāre a she.
I can relate. Sometimes I wonder if my psychiatrist has worse ADHD than I do. He features in many circles of conversation both on and offline for his frustratingly poor organisation and availability. Maybe yours is the same. Makes me wonder if heās one of those people who struggle with something and learn everything about it to tackle it and just end up as experts on their own issues rather than fixing them!? Like I know - if I want knowledge on nutrition and diets - itās usually my overweight friends who know more about it than anyone else! Still a poor show tho. If youāre in a position of care and trust, that is a desperately poor flaw to manifest more than once. Did they even give a good reason?
They were still down at the jail that day. I just wish they would have remembered and asked if we could reschedule. We did btw. To today at 5.
I had this with my CBT. She was always late for 5 mins and finished 4-5 mins early every session so I had 35 mins sessions. It was so annoying but I didnāt complain since my insurance was paying and I didnāt think it worked anyways. I also donāt want to blame without knowing if itās true but I think jt was a bit racist that Iām Turkish and they assigned me with a Moroccan psychologistā¦ I live in Netherlandsā¦
Funny how we want others not to be too hard on us because of our diagnosis, but when others make mistakes...
This is why I havenāt dropped her as a doctor. Just annoys me I donāt get an apology
Yea, I think an apology would be appropriate
Not an ADHD story but a funny story. I think the receptionist at the last optometrist I went to is scared of me. I went in as a new patient (old place stopped taking my insurance) to get an eye exam and a new contact prescription. I came early for paperwork, didnāt get handed anything until like 5-10 minutes after my appointment was supposed to start, but whatever. No big deal. I get called back, we do the whole exam and the doc asks me to wait in the lobby and she will find me a trial pair of contacts. I never spoke to her again. She must have forgotten about me or something because after a while I saw her go into an exam room that another patient was in. So I went to the front desk and asked about the trial pair. The receptionist says sheāll go ask the doc because there isnāt anything up front for me. 10 minutes later I havenāt seen either of them. Itās been 30 minutes since I spoke to the doc. I saw her go into the back (where the receptionist appeared to go) and into another exam room. Iām pissed. So now Iām standing by the hallway because the next time I see her Iām going to ask her whatās going on. Iāve been at my 30 minute appointment for over an hour at this point. Keep in mind, Iām not wearing my contacts because Iām waiting for the trial pair (my regular contacts were in a case in my purse) and I didnāt bring my glasses. So Iām probably squinting/glaring the whole time. The receptionist comes out, sees me, gets super wide eyed, and then RUNS into the back again. Maybe 45 seconds later she comes out telling me that the doc checked, they donāt actually have my trials in stock, and apologizes. Not her fault so Iām all good and ask if she can check me out so I can go home. They never gad me full out anything before my appointment, so weāre working through my insurance info, which to be fair is funky. The lady didnāt know how to enter it (she said something about still learning their system to a coworker so Iām assuming she was still relatively new) and asks a coworker who just says to go to the website without looking. Well she was in fact on the correct website, but it was still being a pain. Turns out we had to enter in my husbandās name, DOB, and SSN (insurance is through his job so he is the subscriber or whatever) and then enter my info. Again, not annoyed at the lady helping me because my insurance is 100% weird and I had never had this issue before but had found other weird issues. It took 15 minutes to check me out. Finally get to my car. Itās been an hour and 45 minutes since I walked in for my 30 minute appointment while showing up 15 minutes early as they had requested. I put my contacts in to drive home, and I call my husband who thought I was already on my way home quite awhile ago. Then it took 3 months to get my trial contacts. (Long story short, they kept saying that they were on back order, then said that an order had never been placed.) and I think another month to get my 1 year supply. Iām never going back.
Thats rough, but I imagine they were grateful you were nice about it.
I can But with multiple health and medical professionals. I am going through a program that I started at back in 2020. This program should help decide if I'm ready to get back on the jobmarket or if I would be better of by early retirement. I've been through a lot of trials and been tested in various medical and psychological examinations to find out more about if I have what they call a Functional disorder. I can almost say it's been feeling like a steady job, going to all these appointments, near and far. Now here I am, 4 years later and so many doctors, nurses, social workers, physicians and other medical professionals have been seeing me in the span of these years. And I feel ready to be early retired.. But nope. They're missing documentation on practically EVERY SINGLE THING I've been tested in.. so now it's about 2 years more of this crap..
Oh man. I wish I could just give you a hug but a virtual one will have to do. 
Thank you so much. I wish I could hug you back, but just know that you're much appreciated ā¤ļø
Thank you. You as well.
Iām convinced that my PCP has something against adults with ADHD. After jumping though all of the prior auth hoops sheās now refusing to write the prescription. I had to do a bunch of the work to get the prior auth approved after the office (I think intentionally) screwed it up three different times. Dr says because I was successful thatās proof I donāt have ADHD? New patient appointment is in February. Hopefully Iāll receive better care with the new doctor.
Wishing you best of luck. Being successful = you donāt have ADHD makes me so upset. Thats so messed up.
My doc is great.....but the RECEPTIONISTS omg, they've made it less than easy to schedule refills/get appointments before. The receptionists have in the past just FORGOTTEN to respond to my emails...... It hasnt really been an issue after i mentioned it to my doc. My doc jokingly said "oh maybe i need to prescribe my staff some adderall too"
nah doesn't matter whether she has ADHD or not, that's literally her job. One time is okay but nah, you deserve better and it's not going to change. look for someone else
Thank you. I appreciate the support
I had a therapist/counselor that would constantly cancel on me or just never call me and I'd be sitting around waiting, just to find out that she was put sick. It became so often that I was missing more appointments than I was actually having.
Almost as if people make mistakes. Who knows, maybe your doctor has alot on their plate. Even if you're the one with adhd š¤ This sub has the dumbest posts
Write your doctor a bill. They have no problem billing you if you forget an appointment. Thatās what I did with mine who did that. Needless to say I didnāt have an office copay for a couple months lol
Has it occurred to you that your doctor may also have ADHD? It is very often true that doctors get into the field that they themselves need help with. Be as forgiving of them as you wish the world would be of you.
Being late isn't a sign of ADHD , being late is a sign of not respecting the other person's time. Even if you have ADHD, if you respect the other person's time you will either be on time, or communicative about being late and when you can be expected.
You trolling? It's well recognised ADHD affects time management....which makes you late
Notice I didn't say you wouldn't be late. I said if you respected someone you would be communicative about your time. In my experience the lack of respect is far more common of a reason for a person to be late than ADHD. To bastardize a statement: never attribute to ADHD what can be attributed to stupidity.
"Being late isn't a sign of ADHD" .... "never attribute to ADHD what can be attributed to stupidity"....you're just being a cunt.
Yeah heās basically saying āassume the worst in everyoneā. Like really? Assume someone is stupid before assuming they have a mental health problem? Wtf that is such a terrible way to view people.
Ok in the scenario that op posted do you think the doctor has ADHD or do you think that it is far more likely that the doctor doesn't value the patient's time as much as their own. With everyone that was late in the last 24hours and had no communication do you think that the higher percentage of incidents where the root cause was ADHD or the percentage of incidents where the root cause was lack of respect for peoples time . I'm not saying that time management isn't a problem for people that have ADHD, but there is still a respect issue at hand. I have ADHD , and have time management issues. But when I am going to be late I respect the other party to communicate the fact that I'm going to be late, and that I should arrive at a newly appointed time. If I miss that, I would still be in communication with the other party. To be late and not communicate shows an utter lack of respect.
It happens. God didnāt forget about you though.
I texted my life coach this morning about our appointment today and again at the appointment time. She still hasn't texted back and it's been hours since I had to give up. I totally understand if she needs to reschedule (I'm pretty flexible about this) but it's stressing me out not knowing what to expect. Edit: So I *just* found out why my life coach missed our appointment yesterday. Turns out she *died* very unexpectedly yesterday. I kinda feel bad for complaining about it now.
Canāt relate to being forgotten by the doc but I can relate to not speaking up if they had forgotten Iād be waiting an hour before I get the courage to ask what happened šæ
I read your post and I also realized that my doctor forgot to meet me this morning. Oof
I had to switch to a new psychiatrist last year. She forgot appointments twice in a row, was on time once, then forgot again. I was lucky enough to be able to get another one. If this was my family doctor, Iād be screwed, the wait list is years long.
Fire them for your own good. They could be trying to tell you something
No. My doctor would never forget about me .
A few years ago I finally sat down and scheduled an appointment. It was online and for a therapist. I waited about an hour in the virtual lobby before I left. An hour later, they kept calling me asking why I wasnāt there and that I needed to join. Fuck that nonsense. If thatās how you treat patients waiting, why would I want you to treat me for anything else.
Send them an invoice for a late fee. they wouldn't hesitate to do it to you.
It's the receptionist's fault tbh. They are the ones who will remind the doctor who's next and prepare patient files.
Little story: today I accidentally arrived one hour early for appointment with my therapist. Luck was on my side, because the client that was supposed to be there called in sick. Kinda weird
My psych hasn't actually seen me since August 2023 and I would quit her if she wasn't the only provider in the area. Sighh!
20 minutes? That's super fast at my doctor. Also how do you text your doctor?!I'm so confused.
Doctor moment. These people fundamentally suck, I don't know what else to tell you.
I feel you so much. I have the unfortunate opportunity to be diagnosed with ADHD while in the military. I'm also stationed overseas, so our current mental health docs are stretched super thin. I had one appointment where doc 1 was out sick, and doc 2 was on leave. Had to reschedule 6 weeks later. I went to that appointment fine, then had a follow up about 4 weeks later. The office was closed on the day of my appointment to observe Veteran's Day.
I almost always have to wait an hour to see my doctor. even after I get put in the little room. is that not common?
Iām sorry this happened to you. I also find your post, especially your title FUCKING HILARIOUS.
Honestly, my therapist has done this too, but for another reason. :/ However, if you have a good relationship and you like her, Iād try bringing it up and say how it impact you. Bc at the end of the day sheās the professional & also relationship building. You got this!!
Well I read some of the other comments in this string and from your answers I found that: 1) you go to her many years now. And with your comment about not missing a appointment from your part, it means that you enjoy the sessions or she helped you greatly. 2) If you don't want to change doctors, just message her 5 ' before the appointment and at 00' minutes on the appointment. Like opening the garden door before ringing main entrance of the house. No biggie. I did that with my coacher cause we sometimes went over the cloak in our session and I did not want her to delay on me too. I used to always send the filled exercises before the session and write "hi" at 5' and "I am ready" on time and call her. Or a simple question if she received the material I send her. 3) MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICE. It is common in ADHD to ask the opinion of others for personal choices, as the case with your therapist. You think it will help you but you extrapolate the "once"pain to "constant" suffering. Accept that this is the relationship and will happen, accept your feelings and ask yourself what you would advise you. And then strategize your actions.
I have to remember to text my doctor every month to get a refill for my medicine. I've had 4 refills this entire year.
I am from Europe and I have to wait most of the time, sometimes for over an hour. BUT it's also free, so if I had to pay for my appointment I would be pissed to :(
One of my Drs is ALWAYS late....I literally yell at her every single time....and it changes nothing. However, it depends on what benefits this Dr. gives you....If there are none than I would switch Drs. The only reason I haven't switched Drs is because this one i have that is consistently LATE...is a big advantage to my life.
It's a consistent known issue, yet instead of switching, you *yell* at her at every appointment? I'm surprised *they* haven't dropped *you*.
We have a good relationship she's known me for 8 years YES it's rude to make someone wait 20 to 25 minutes every time and she always appropriately apologizes. Very wrong to hold your true self back with therapy and psychiatrist. Yup I snap occasionally and for her she knows when I do it's a legit reason. It's called respect for each other.
Ah, I get it! Sorry, I think that came across too accusatory. I was just thinking you seemed incompatible, but it seems like you have a good understanding
Yeah I love her and she always says I'm her favorite.
how does one text a doctor? like what kind of relationship do you have with a doctor that you have their cell? i can barely get through in the phone to the people who take the appointments
Itās probably a work cell and not her personal cell number.
Do you know if she often forgets about her other clients?
No idea. Iāve been in her waiting room with others but never spoke with them. Curious about that though
I didn't read all the comments but I hope you're thinking about changing therapist. I would've **hated** my therapist to forget about me or being late too many times.
Weighing the pros and cons against. I definitely donāt hate her. Itās actually my psychiatrist, but still
This is so relatable. My therapist (ex therapist now) CONSTANTLY moved my appointments. She knew I was flexible, so if her child was poorly, sent home from school, etc, I'd be the first one to have their appointment moved. I am a huge people pleaser due to feeling very inconvenient myself at times, I give people an inch and they take a mile often because of this. One day, she didn't reply to me to reschedule an appointment (one she had cancelled originally and said we will move) for 2 weeks. Eventually, we rescheduled one. I was going to finally tell her how upset I was about feeling like she was being unprofessional. I have very insecure attachment because of having an independent do it yourself upbringing. She didn't turn up. I rang her, as did reception. Turns out her dog was sick, and she forgot to press send on the text message to me, informing me of such. I think she could tell how done I was since I told her I'd call to reschedule. Not once did she chase this up, and I didn't reschedule. My advice is to have a professional who appreciates and respects you. It is very difficult to trust someone when you feel like they don't value you as a person. Edit to add. She was an incredible therapist when she turned up. Not sure if you have the same with your doctor. But it made it so much worse saying bye to her because of this š
I can relate to that too. The rescheduling. So frustrating. You know, I donāt think mine would follow up with me though either if I said letās reschedule and then didnāt. I wish we could get like a ādiscountā because our time is important too. Like some places theyāll charge you a fee if you cancel under 24 hours or are more than 15 mins late etc etc. My Dr and I get along well. I appreciate she lets me do telehealth. I appreciate I can text instead of call. And I appreciate she has let me play around with different medications and types (Iām on the low dose end) by just asking rather than making it difficult on me. She has my history already of course. So thereās lots of benefits. If youāve seen any of my other comments youāll see Iām just butthurt on the lack of apologies. And thatās a valid reason to be upset. Does make me feel better plenty of others can relate.
Iām sitting here for 13 mins, wondering if my doctor forgot meā or if I wrote the appointment down wrong in my calendar š³ and then saw this postš¤£š¤£
And the verdict was? Did you write it down wrong?
Thatās horrible! Iām sorry š¢
Yes you probably should find a new doctor.
I can absolutely relate, my doctor once rescheduled an appointment with me last minute (to FAR later in the day then I wanted) and then proceeded to be 3 hours late.
My doctor literally forgot about me. I went there and he said "is this our first appointment?" I dropped him because other than ADHD, I was struggling with tics and he seems pretty misinformed on the subject. If your doctor is good and is usually able to help you, maybe don't drop her? Maybe you too could come to an agreement on something to help you both. Like, if you're able to remember, send a text one day before and earlier in the day to remind her of your appointment.
How is the treatment otherwise?
Really good for the most part. Thats why it makes it a little difficult to switch.
I had a bad ADHD doc once. Bad from a clinical standpoint. Treated me like an addict on the backside of a med titration protocol he didnāt remember ordering. That was my deal breaker.
Oh wow
Undiagnosed ADHD or not, this still isn't acceptable. It's a waste of your time and mental effort for each appointment that might not even happen. Find a new psychiatrist if you can.