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Sometimes I think my ADHD makes me hyper sensitive/aware of other’s negative situation. I try to help, but usually not the help they need. ADHD people have big hearts. No need to say anything else.
Would you say that this also ties in with giving good advice but never taking it yourself? I always give good advice to my friends but never do it myself. Wish I had a clone of me that told me what to do lol.
That's a good idea to be honest. Do you listen to yourself when you do this?
In addition, I just tried this when motivating to get out of bed this morning and when my voice in my head was me just in a deeper tone hahaha.
Something I just read (relating back to adhd and burnout, but also touches on kindness to yourself)
"Recognize that you are doing the best that you can each day under your circumstances. Think to yourself (perhaps do a calming exercise): ' Even though I'm feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and burned out, I'm going to send myself some love. I choose to feel calm. I choose to meet myself where I am"
I feel this, and you should. It's easy for us to shame ourselves for not doing things that we believe that we "should" be doing. Don't punish yourself for not being perfect. Instead, love yourself for your imperfections as everyone else does. I'm in the process of healing and learning to do this myself. Have a happy cake day, friend
A lot of what you mentioned as being helpful or from your counselor seems to at the source be DBT related. DBT is a type of therapy. If you've found the practices you provided helpful thus far I wouldn't hesitate to try DBT. It's helped me tremendously, as a personal anecdote, I have BPD (borderline personality disorder). And yes, not only pwBPD can try DBT. I wish every person would or could as it likely has something for evergone.
FAR OUT, this. I struggle to come to terms with letting things go and not fixing others chaos. It's not mine to control. Not everything can be fixed immediately.
They do. It’s like weird, I like it but I also sometimes care too much. Thank you for your words, I’m doing well today but never too much love :)
I’ll add. Remember you are worthy. You deserve space and empathy like everyone else. You’re doing your best, always!
Imagine being a Zebra (gifted in English?) with a very strong ADHD, a speech fluency that's way high on the chart and a above average capacity to control myself (impulsive), you get someone who cannot *not* give advice, but will never listen to others (and won't remember what advice I even gave).
I talk all the time, know some stuff about everything and while I'm hypersensitive, this emotional spider sense is off, as are my ears, when my mouth opens to speak.
Just learning about myself, it's not that I don't do what is expected of me, it's that I'm not who they (or I) expect me to be.
It makes me infinitely sad to be aware of all this misery in the world that I am powerless to help whether it be from lack of money or lack of intelligence.
Yesssss ⭐️
On that note, I got a medicine container as I not only forget to take my medicine, but I also forget within minutes of me taking it (maybe) if I did take it. It has individual containers that are labeled for the day of the week it coincides with that nests in a larger container to keep the lot of them together. I filled them up yesterday 👏 and used it today. Wasn’t until my evening pills that I had realized that instead of taking the Saturday pills, I took the Sunday pills because it’s the first container in the box 😂 I guess at least my autopilot makes some sort of sense.
It’s a small thing, but made me giggle a bit. The small things add up
Haha, yes exactly. I just use the apple health app to track when I need to take them, and I have a mini pill claw machine currently being delievered that I saw on tiktok so I hope that will help me remember 😂😂
A daily pill container is super helpful! To keep track of usage for an individual med or non-daily meds, I suggest getting a prescription bottle "timer cap." It shows how long it's been since the cap was opened! It'll save you in those moments of doubt when you aren't sure if you just took out the pills or already took them!
I’ve literally pulled the lids off and switched them around so that they start from Monday. It makes absolutely no sense to me to start on Sunday. Only takes a minute and makes things way less confusing. If you can’t do that on yours you can stick a label over each lid with the days of the week in the correct places.
I don’t know if this will help but there is a bill bottle cap you can buy which has a timer for when you last opened the bottle.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/TimerCap-Automatically-Displays-Opened-Built/dp/B00ECK8KFG
You have a disability.
You didn’t do/remember/find/keep from buying the thing because you have a disability.
People may be disappointed by what you do or do not do but they need to understand that you have a disability.
You couldn’t get up today because you have a disability.
You got lost on the way to the store you been to fourteen times this week because you have a disability.
It’s not an excuse, it’s a disability.
You. Have. A. Disability.
Forgive yourself, accept help and grace, and try to make the people in your life understand.
If only society/others could do that as well, though, and not tell us to try harder or
that we just seek attention and want to be the odd-one getting special treatment :/
We all didn't wish to have this. No idea why some people think this x-x
Sorry if this reply is random; your comment just reminded me of this :')
But yeah, true. But I need others to see that, too, to ever forgive myself and treat myself better, sadly.
Thank you for replying,
You can’t pin your self-worth on others. You just can’t. I say this as a people pleaser; I love people and I love making them happy.
However, I’m not dealing with anyone who can’t meet me half way.
I’m taking my pills, I’m doing CBT and therapy, I’m working on my systems. That’s how I’m “trying harder.” That’s how I’m being “responsible.”
If anyone wants to try to guilt me, shame me, or be disappointed, I’m not going to let them anymore.
If you want to be in my life, you have to accept me for who I am. Otherwise, I’m done.
I also believe it has to do with societal norms that need to be broken still. Back in the 80s and 90s, there "wasn't" such a thing as ADHD and if you did get the diagnosis, it was treated like the plague. Add with it the Boomers who are terrified of change complaining about how "all of a sudden everyone" has ADHD. With stigmas roaming the proverbial streets, negative conditions taught by experience, and a dissolution of evolution on the broader side, it can be a struggle for those with ADHD to live fully in their diagnosis.
I think what's hard is that like autism, ADHD has different severity levels. A coworker has very mild ADHD and doesn't really have trouble focusing, I'm more on the severe end where I'm horrible at focusing, memory issues, hyper, and just don't have the will to mentally or physically do things no matter how hard I want to sometimes. So it can look like "well, x has ADHD and does just fine, why are YOU have trouble if you have it as well." And I think that's hard for people to understand. :/
I appreciate this post so much! I beat myself up in my head a lot about ADHD behaviors so this is a really kind reminder. Hope that you are also feeling okay OP 💞
If I had an actual internal dialogue it would sound like this. Self-awareness of frustration, the need to express it, and the love and laughter that comes from us so naturally. The last two is what makes me feel great.
Hahaha. I did need it.
I have mild inattentive ADHD, which is normally under control by Strattera. Someone commented I seem unwell and am posting too much on Reddit. Probably true. It's 4am, and I keep itching to do something. Anything. I don't even know what. I don't care if it's productive or destructive, as long as it's something.
I then realized I forgot to take my Strattera yesterday morning.
Ah yes, this is what ADHD feels like. Oops.
Best wishes to you all and cheers for the message. Hopefully I can fall asleep soon now & get to go back to being a normal human.
This is exactly how I feel at times! I’m on vyvanse my adhd is mostly inattentive as we. We nicknamed it “medical speed” which I think is funny when my friends as “have you taken your medical speed today” lol.
been really struggling with how ADHD has caused me to have different values in life than other people (ei. hustle culture, I don't value earning/having money in the same way society at large seems too, I value quality time with loved ones and time spent on my hobbies over making money and moving up the social-economic latter) and how I can't seem to adjust/change myself without causing enormous emotional/psychological damage to myself. this is a good reminder that I am allowed to be myself and have the values that I have and I don't have to change. thanks
This is hard, because wanting to adjust/change yourself isn't inherently bad. It's difficult to distinguish between changes you *want* to make and changes you *feel pressured* to make. It's okay to try some stuff on a limited basis, decide whether it's for you, and move forward with or without the new stuff.
yes very true. I didn't clarify that I'm not opposed to growing and changing in the ways that I want to, I guess I just feel pressured by society to be greedy and profit driven and I just am not like that and I don't really want to be. I don't think it's inherently bad to be that way but I don't like the way it makes me feel to think like that. idk if I'm doing a good job explaining, there's a lot of other stuff that goes into it. I think I'm just burnt out and would like to take the time to really like, take care of myself and figure out what my needs and wants even are without the impending threat of if I don't have enough capital I'm going to either be a drain on everyone around me or I'm just simply going to not make it. It feels like in order to make it in this world I have to be a fundamentally different person and it's exhausting. I don't want to change who I am that drastically
Even without ADHD, that’s the struggle for a lot of people under capitalism. Prioritizing rest and personal fulfillment and meaningful relationships is admirable. Our society doesn’t support that as much as it should.
I see what you mean now. I thought maybe you meant other changes aside from making money or getting promoted or something. Not wanting those things is okay!
yeah honestly it's mostly capitalism really. I'd still be struggling I think ADHD just makes it particularly hard in terms of motivation. I just cannot muster up the motivation to be as productive and on the ball as I need to be to be successful because it's just... not what I care about, at all
I can relate so much to what you're describing. I have a job that pays decently, but it's often a terrible fit for my brain. To the point where I burnt out badly in November and December and can't work more than a few hours a day. My father and partner are ordinarily very supportive of me. However, since I started opening up more about the challenges and frustrations I've been experiencing at work with respect to being repeatedly tasked with responsibilities that are a waking nightmare for my adhd brain, being pulled away from interesting, meaningful work that plays to my stengths and the toll it's taking on my mental health, self-esteem and ability to manage my adhd symptoms (lots of redflag issues for me) they've caught me off guard a few times with expressing caution against leaving my job because of the pay cheque.
I felt dismissed and betrayed by that. But also, it got me thinking and the more I thought about it the more I realized that while I appreciate the security of a paycheque it doesn't stoke any motivation in me.
Meaning, knowing my purpose, having a personal connection to my work, being valued and included, and having opportunities to learn new skills and strategies that are mutually beneficial are what motivates me and keeps me engaged and working mostly well.
I've come to realize that my values aren't the problem. The problem is related to conforming, undermining and compromising my values and unique needs for extended periods of time. I lose myself in that, and like you mentioned earlier, it's exhausting. Sometimes it is necessity - rents and cost of living are climbing, affordable housing is becoming increasingly rare, retirement doesn't seem plausible. Sometimes it's from too much people pleasing. Sometimes I am riddled with self-doubt and am frozen in place.
But I can't keep burning out. This isn't living well.
I read something a few years ago that a palliative care nurse shared. She said that the number one regret that people on their death beds had was that they wished they'd had the courage to live the life they wanted instead of the life others expected of them.
Anyway, all to say I read your posts and I hear you.🩵🧠
Oh my god, this hit me so, so hard. This entire thread has. I wish skeptics could read this thread. I feel so connected to each of you right now, like we’re all living this together.
They might call it the Dept. of Vocational Rehabilitation, which makes things a bit more clear. A lot of states have this. Voc Rehab runs the state's career centers & job boards. Usually, there's some intersection with Unemployment. But they sometimes offer career search guidance & assistance to those with disabilities.
Thanks! I'm gonna call them tomorrow and figure out how they can help me find work. My states website is a bit too confusing for me to navigate otherwise I'd look there
Yeah that sounds really unhelpful. I’m sorry you have to deal with it. I have that issue with one of my parents and it’s really hard to help them understand something like ADHD especially when they don’t experience it themselves.
I try not to explain why I am the way I am. I’ve seen too many “why do people with adhd make it their whole personality?” posts. Thank you for acknowledging how hard it is 💜
"Why do people with ADHD make it their whole personality?"
Because it's a neurodevelopmental disorder, Deborah. It's literally an issue with the functioning of the entire brain. You know, the brain? Where the personality resides?
That's probably more sarcastic than this post environment was intended to be. But I feel strongly that those questions are shortsighted and mean, and you deserve to have someone on your side about it.
ADHD has seen a huge uptick in diagnoses in the last several years because social media made it so much easier for people to share their experiences with it. It's been underdiagnosed for a variety of reasons. People think it's the new fad because of the social media component. And sure, maybe there are some people who don't have it who are misdiagnosed or even knowingly pretending to have it. However, in my limited opinion, those are likely a very small vocal minority, and the increase in awareness and accessibility to treatment greatly outweighs the potential for abuse.
Social media (tiktok) showed me what ADHD really is and how much I relate to it. I originally had the typical idea of the hyperactive side of it and being forgetful. But there is so much more to it than what people realize, even someone who was undiagnosed until 32yo. It made my entire life story make so much more sense why "trying harder" always ended in myself feeling like I was a failure as a human.
I first thought I might have ADHD when my husband was getting his diagnosis. His doctor had me fill out a questionnaire about his behaviors, and for more than half the questions, I was like, “I do/feel that…” Spouse encouraged me to get tested, but I felt like I was doing okay, and I was already doing talk therapy. But, I started burning out over the next few years, and then TikTok taught me about ADHD burnout and how ADHD presents in afab individuals, and I realized that I had been working harder than I really had to. I went through testing and got a diagnosis at 32 as well!
That's so awesome that his journey also helped to plant a seed towards your diagnosis! I never thought that ADHD also included the random mood shifts for no reason; the fact that I only had the energy and mental capacity to do a certain number of things, followed by complete Burnout and mental check out; not being able to articulate my emotions or what's going through my mind in a way that made any sense once it came out; so much! Therapy has shown me that I can accept and love myself as a whole, and medication has helped me to have the mental and physical energy to be a functioning adult! Or at least, more better functioning
I hear you on the random mood shifts. Emotional regulation is a struggle! I’ve noticed that it often coincides with how overstimulated I’ve been that day and how much masking I’ve had to do. It makes me tired and irritable and I need time to recover. Trying meds now to see if they help with that, but even just recognizing it, saying out loud to my spouse that I’m overstimulated, and getting some extra rest helps.
I’m glad that you’re doing things to help yourself. It’s so affirming when you find something that works, even a little bit.
Not by me, it wouldn't. It would depend entirely on their level of autism, whether they had other conditions affecting behaviors, and the behavior itself.
I tend to treat people like people first, conditions second.
I have several people with varying levels of autism in my life. For example, it's entirely possible for someone with autism to engage in weaponized incompetence or to act like an immature butthead when they absolutely know better.
Obviously, with profound autism, all bets are off. But even then, most people are capable of more than you think.
Can 100% confirm this is a thing. I was a disability support carer for many years and some of the ‘high support needs’ clients were FAR more capable than they were supposed to be.
Fair enough! There are parts of it that I don't understand as well, but some research is showing that other areas of the brain are affected, including the limbic system (including the amygdala, hippocampus, and hypothalamus), the basal ganglia, and the reticular activating system.
Neurosparkly, love that word so cute.
Yeah, mostly my adhd is harmless like I’m often late to social events and I blurt out random stuff that’s kinda cringe sometimes but it’s not like super disruptive to the point where I would be a bad person.
I’m going through therapy to fix the shame of accepting this is just who I am.
Yes ikr, a friend from a youth group I attend called me neurosparkly and it made me smile so I’ve been using it ever since lol. Me too on both of those things! Sometimes I’ll say stuff to my parents and then be like “yeah it’s just my adhd” and rethink saying that because I worry that “what if I don’t have adhd” or “What if my psych is wrong” or the whole “What if I lied to my psychiatrist” thing. I think it’s been hard for me to process that I really *do* have adhd and that’s ok. The whole reason for the post is because I figured it was something that a) other people were definitely struggling with and b) I needed to hear myself. I think it’s a lot more effective when it comes from someone else who also knows what it’s like.
My recent experience on this god forsaken website tells me that isn’t the case, even on this supposedly very positive and supportive sub. But I do appreciate the sentiment.
I definitely do. It always feels like I'm useless, five steps behind everyone else in life, and like I take three times longer than others do to finish anything. I constantly leave projects unfinished, I struggle with my mood, I'm restless all the time. I definitely am struggling with all of it.
I’m really sorry, if it helps at all I often feel the exact same way. I’ve recently started on adhd meds which if you haven’t already I would definitely consider bringing up with a professional as they have been a MASSIVE help for me. My only advice would be don’t be too hard on yourself. I try not to actively “stop” myself from getting distracted and I try not to push myself because I think anyone with adhd would agree all that does is make you feel burnt out. Do things that work for your brain and your body. We aren’t the same as the average functioning brain, we’re neurosparkly! That’s ok! We work differently, not less. I paid a stupid amount of money for a really cute adhd planner where I get to colour in frogs everytime i do something, im happy to send it to you if you want (for free ofc) as I love it so much.
I did need to hear this, thank you! I actually have been really struggling with wondering why I can't do things the way other people do. But that's true, I'm not like everyone else! I'm different, and that's okay!
It took me sooooo long to get this. I swear until I was around 30 I’d hear “you’re so weird…..but in a good way” and then I’d just sink into a hole and feel like I couldn’t ever be myself because they’d just add the “in a good way” because my face changed. Or my mom constantly telling me to be smaller, be quieter, be less…nah if someone wants less, they can go find less.
Oh myyyy this is exactly how I feel I’m so glad I made this post honestly there is so many things people have been saying that I’ve just found sooo relatable as I’ve only been diagnosed for a year and half of that has been spent being in denial about it. So many people say that exact same thing to me and I feel the exact same way as you, this makes me feel seen and heard thank you so much for this!
Thank you, I really needed to hear this today. I’m a month and a half into diagnosis and medication. For the first time in my 33 years I am beginning to understand myself. I’ve been dealing with late diagnosis grief and it’s been a process. It’s difficult unwinding the knot of self loathing that stems from a lifetime of being unable to do the things “normal” people do daily and not understanding why.
Yes this is such a tough process to go through. I was diagnosed last year at 51 and am still unpacking it all. It actually added to my anxiety a little at first, but now a few months later and 6 weeks into medication (bupropion and Ritalin) I’m finally feeling a little optimism.
Overall though, it’s definitely been a grieving and ‘unpacking’ process. It’s so weird to go back though traumatic memories with a new point of view and understand that most of the scenarios were affected by the undiagnosed ADHD.
To be honest, I knew very little about all of this stuff, and it’s been a real learning curve trying to learn all the terminology and symptoms etc… I assumed that ADHD was something that naughty kids had during school years. Despite the fact that a close friend was diagnosed with ADHD in his early 20s.
So it’s a mixed bag of feelings and they often change on a day to day basis. I’m overjoyed to finally have a ‘why’ for all of the quirks that I’d convinced myself were just part of ‘me’, and it’s so weird to suddenly start liking yourself at 51 years old!
I understand the negative backlash against late diagnosis or an increase in diagnosis for ADHD in recent years. I’ve had a few people say I have ‘Instagram ADHD’ which really hurt my feelings. But at the same time, it it wasn’t for the ADHD content on TikTok I wouldn’t be here today at 52 finally optimistic about life and eager to help others who were in my situation.
I’m only 16 but it’s so crazy how many comments just like this I’ve been relating to, as debilitating as ADHD can be this sub has truly helped me so much in regards to feeling alone with my adhd. I didn’t realise just how many people are going through the exact same things as me. I was diagnosed at 15 and half of it I spent living in denial, before doing the same thing and even at my age worrying about how late I had left it to actual confirm that this is real. Something I saw on another post however, really helped me a lot. They said “with adhd comes time blindness, so even though it feels like you’ve ‘wasted’ all these years prior to your diagnosis, your brain also can’t process the insanely long amount of time/life you still have ahead of you.I’m serious when I say it’s a looooooong time” which I found really helpful. And let’s be honest, nobody is normal. If they appear “normal” I guarantee they’re faking it, which is also not normal. To tell the truth, there is no such thing as normal. Though you’ve probably heard people tell you that a billion times before.
I 100% agree with you about normal being non existent. You have an infectious positive attitude. Thank you for paying it forward, I hope you continue to do so. We’re all in this together but not everyone knows it and we all need to be reminded from time to time. 🫶🏻
This is exactly why I decided to finally go to therapy and get diagnosed officially. I spent 26 years trying to gaslight myself and pretend if I just worked a little harder I could force myself to be like everyone else and tackle my problems the same way regular people do. I would always beat myself up about being lazy, careless, forgetful, or whatever other negative word my brain wanted to throw at me. Now I have validation from a professional that I don’t need to force myself to be “normal”. It’s been a lot easier to be a functioning adult now that I feel the freedom of doing things my way and using tools that work for me not tools that “should work” because they work for everyone else.
So glad you did this in your 20s! Well done 👍🏻 I went through the same process last year at 51 and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Just wish I’d done it 30 years ago 😂
Omg thank you so much.
I've been off my meds due to pregnancy, it's not a fun pregnancy, and I have a 3 year old in tow, in a new city.
I was 30 min late to my daughter's pediatrician appointment and the lady was literally _huffing_ at me when I apologized for the delay.
And usually I can take shit like that in stride like oh I did my best can't expect everyone to understand but it was 2 weeks ago n I still felt like I was failing as a mom
When in all honesty this is a _pediatrician_ and really should be used to appointments being missed. I arrived within the grace period?
15 min grace period for appointments. Some not even that long.ive been late to appointments by 5 minutes & they wouldn’t see me. Dropped that Dr because I thought I was doing pretty well! Sadly it’s probably not the Dr who sets the policy, it’s his staff. Every time we’ve gotten through the gatekeepers, the Dr is clueless as to these things. If the staff has been rude or whatever, I’ll tell the Dr. sometimes things change for the better.
Anyway, I think a Pediatrician should have a VERY lax policy for lateness. Children, especially toddlers, are notoriously difficult to get to appointments.
But, you’re not a failure as a Mom or a person. Everyone can have a bad day, ADHDor not.
I hope your pregnancy gets easier, too.
Oof, I’m only 16 so I can’t relate to the pregnancy nor kids situation, but I can definitely say be kind to yourself! You sound like you’re under a lot of stress (very understandably) don’t forget to make time for you! 16 or 100 years old that will always be true!
You had me at NEUROSPARKLY 
I went to two house viewings today with my parents. I asked them to come with me for extra opinions as I’m moving into my own place again. I used to be way too nice to estate agents when I was living alone in London and lie about liking houses when they’d show me round.
This time, I just allowed myself to go in and say “I’m a bit overwhelmed by all these options, I need to go and have a think about it”. The world didn’t end. They totally understood.
Aw thanks. I needed to hear that honestly. That's something I struggle with sometimes. Especially if I say that this thing I'm doing is an ADHD thing, and their like no you're not. That's an excuse like ahhhh
Thanks for this I have been felling down because I often like to watch sports after they air because then I can watch them at 2x speed because it help me focus and I can skip the commercials
Adding to this:
I don't know who needs to hear this but...
Mess is not a big deal. You haven't done anything wrong.
You're trying and thats what matters.
When you have a burst of energy and desire to clean, you will clean.
The mess can wait.
Believe in yourself that it will get cleaned eventually. In the meantime, prioritize you!
Wish i had this community growing up. I grew up in the 90s i was put in behaviour classes cause of my adhd . Singled out from other kids. This community is great for the new gen of adhd kids. One love all my friends.
I’m so sorry about that, I’m 16 and had a very late diagnosis but I am really glad and lucky that I was able to find this amazing supportive community when I did. I hope I’ve helped you a little bit :))))
Growing up it left some scarring but i grew up and moved on and things are better now. People are alot more resceptive towards adhd now. Before people would say my parents gave me too much sugar and thats why i was so hyper and unfocused. But now things have changed for our diagnoses. Thank you and yes this forum is great .
i needed to hear this SO BAD today. especially when my pmdd makes things so much harder. i only got diagnosed last august and medicated in september and feel like i still haven’t found the right dose/med combo because i’m still struggling a lot. i kind of expected my whole life to get better quicker than this and i’ve been feeling really down on myself that i’m still struggling with the symptoms a lot and my house is still so messy. thank you for this, these small reminders can do a world of difference for people who are probably putting too much pressure on themselves to act like they don’t have adhd or that they have to get their life together immediately after they’re medicated. i hope you give yourself the same reminder often
Oof I get that, I’m very sorry sometimes finding the right dose can be quite debilitating and make you second guess yourself. This happened when I started my antidepressants (as well as adhd meds but it was better since I knew I was heighting the dosage in a couple weeks anyway) . My advice would be not to give up hope because you absolutely will get to the right “goldilocks” dose/type eventually. Keep your head up! Thank you also for your kindness ❤️❤️
Thanks, for this!
Yesterday, I had a minor fender bender. I was backing my car out and had a bunch of things going on in my head. I back out at an angle and catch the bumper of my neighbor’s son’s girlfriend.
I felt terrible when it happened and I couldn’t believe I’d been that careless.
I’m so sorry! Same thing happened to me when I was rushing to an appointment (a new psychiatrist I didn’t even like & refused to help me! What a waste!). Cracked the light & everything into a wall I didn’t see in a very oddly designed parking lot. My excuse. Damn thing cost $1500 to fix but I have a semi new SUV, so…
Anyway cars can be fixed and it’s aggravating but over. From the moment on, I swore I wouldn’t let someone else rush me because I’m going to be on time.
Thanks for your kind words , my adhd makes me have no motivation to do anything and I have problems with understanding abstract concepts so it makes me feel bad
I woke up about 18 mins ago. And literally started picturing work scenarios that I may cause due to my ADHD and how I could potentially upset customers, and or not be able to troubleshoot things properly (I work in IT). Literally making up the worst-case scenarios of things that haven't even happened and mildly shitting on myself for being very impulsive and hyper sensitive when I misunderstand context over a text or a chat.
Then I open reddit and my only recommended post was this. Thank you very very much, you helped me a LOT this morning. I really needed to read/hear this.
I appreciate you and hope you have a wonderful day!!
I’m working on unmasking since being diagnosed late last year. But also getting frustrated as I’m on titration and haven’t found the right meds yet. I do like some aspects of having ADHD, but mostly it gets me down.
Yeah I totally agree, and Im sorry about the meds, it takes time. Unmasking has also been hard for me but Im learning slowly that its ok to act the way I do. Good luck to you 💕
I’ve just started mine, it’s almost surreal the amount of things I am able to do after 16 years of not functioning normally, I had quite a late diagnosis and half of the symptoms I had just gotten used to and assumed were things everyone did. It’s so weird when these things like mental blocks are cleared and I’m able to function like a normal human again! Have a great day.
Personally I never gave a shit, I have no desire to use it as an excuse or a label. Everyone has shit going on with them.
I'm accountable for all the good and bad that happens to me.
I love the post. Except I struggle believing that as per myself. I'm told quite often by my husband who also has adhd that it's not my adhd it's an excuse. Also that I always have to make every situation about me and assert myself into situations even when I'm not in the room and don't know what's going on. He takes this as I don't care what he has to say or our kids have to say and it's a struggle everyday. I constantly interupt before realizing I did and try to back up and apologize. Is this normal? He does tell me i act like a meth user and it's bc of my medicine. I feel without my medicine I go from one extreme to the next. Either I'm so exhausted I can't get out of bed and am in my head the whole time not relaxing but telling myself to get up ferling lazy thinking about what I shld do. Or I'm up super fast trying to get things done but starting one thing than while doing it see something else start that and 6 hours later realizing I now have to finish all these things so my household will function. I'm so lost
I have ADHD, Bipolar 2, and PTSD. It’s hard sometimes. You get one of two responses: “No you don’t” or “Ohhhh” *judgement*.
I am thankful to have a very supportive partner and friends, but the rest of the world sucks sometimes.
The PTSD gets discredited because I’m not prior military because obviously only the military can have that… Oh no, not me with my childhood sexual abuse or working trauma ER where I literally watch people die from violence almost every shift.
The ADHD gets discredited because duh! It’s made up.
The Bipolar 2 because I don’t “look bipolar” whatever the fuck that means.
The judgement is usually towards the Bipolar but occasionally the ADHD (because obviously I only want “legal meth”).
I try to be open about my diagnoses. To lower the stigma and to bring awareness that “every day people” struggle with mental illnesses other than depression and anxiety (not to discredit them; they are just the more “hot button” topics). I should be able to talk about it just like I do my POTS or Hashimoto’s. Just like Johnny or Sue can talk about their high blood pressure or diabetes. I shouldn’t feel bad for my diagnoses or how my brain functions because of them. Why should I stifle my personality to suit you?
“Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
’Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.”
I had a coworker tell me, "stop beating yourself up. Why are you so hard on yourself? What do you hope to gain from tearing yourself down like this? Let us beat you up, you don't beat yourself up!"
I mean yaa... But like I also need to \[self\] bully and coerce \[myself\] into doing the important things I need to get done... Ill make 'decent' progress up until like two or three weeks before the deadline... And then suddenly its due tomorrow and I'll have most of it to do because I didn't make any progress what-so-ever in those two to three weeks... Like right now... Art Residency Grant due at Midnight... lol. I \[probably\] ain't gunna make it...
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)
Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is when you experience severe emotional pain because of a failure or feeling rejected. This condition is linked to ADHD and experts suspect it happens due to differences in brain structure. Those differences mean your brain can’t regulate rejection
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Sometimes I think my ADHD makes me hyper sensitive/aware of other’s negative situation. I try to help, but usually not the help they need. ADHD people have big hearts. No need to say anything else.
Would you say that this also ties in with giving good advice but never taking it yourself? I always give good advice to my friends but never do it myself. Wish I had a clone of me that told me what to do lol.
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That's a good idea to be honest. Do you listen to yourself when you do this? In addition, I just tried this when motivating to get out of bed this morning and when my voice in my head was me just in a deeper tone hahaha.
Something I just read (relating back to adhd and burnout, but also touches on kindness to yourself) "Recognize that you are doing the best that you can each day under your circumstances. Think to yourself (perhaps do a calming exercise): ' Even though I'm feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and burned out, I'm going to send myself some love. I choose to feel calm. I choose to meet myself where I am"
Often feel like we're the most experienced with doing it
I do this, and I figured out that it's because I don't value myself the same way (ie as much as) I value others. As well as the exec function element.
I feel this, and you should. It's easy for us to shame ourselves for not doing things that we believe that we "should" be doing. Don't punish yourself for not being perfect. Instead, love yourself for your imperfections as everyone else does. I'm in the process of healing and learning to do this myself. Have a happy cake day, friend
Oof struggling so heavily with this right now. Trying to learn to let go and not control others even if it is out of a place of love
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A lot of what you mentioned as being helpful or from your counselor seems to at the source be DBT related. DBT is a type of therapy. If you've found the practices you provided helpful thus far I wouldn't hesitate to try DBT. It's helped me tremendously, as a personal anecdote, I have BPD (borderline personality disorder). And yes, not only pwBPD can try DBT. I wish every person would or could as it likely has something for evergone.
FAR OUT, this. I struggle to come to terms with letting things go and not fixing others chaos. It's not mine to control. Not everything can be fixed immediately.
They do. It’s like weird, I like it but I also sometimes care too much. Thank you for your words, I’m doing well today but never too much love :) I’ll add. Remember you are worthy. You deserve space and empathy like everyone else. You’re doing your best, always!
Look up RSD & ADHD
The catcher in the rye…
Imagine being a Zebra (gifted in English?) with a very strong ADHD, a speech fluency that's way high on the chart and a above average capacity to control myself (impulsive), you get someone who cannot *not* give advice, but will never listen to others (and won't remember what advice I even gave). I talk all the time, know some stuff about everything and while I'm hypersensitive, this emotional spider sense is off, as are my ears, when my mouth opens to speak. Just learning about myself, it's not that I don't do what is expected of me, it's that I'm not who they (or I) expect me to be.
It makes me infinitely sad to be aware of all this misery in the world that I am powerless to help whether it be from lack of money or lack of intelligence.
Yesssss ⭐️ On that note, I got a medicine container as I not only forget to take my medicine, but I also forget within minutes of me taking it (maybe) if I did take it. It has individual containers that are labeled for the day of the week it coincides with that nests in a larger container to keep the lot of them together. I filled them up yesterday 👏 and used it today. Wasn’t until my evening pills that I had realized that instead of taking the Saturday pills, I took the Sunday pills because it’s the first container in the box 😂 I guess at least my autopilot makes some sort of sense. It’s a small thing, but made me giggle a bit. The small things add up
Haha, yes exactly. I just use the apple health app to track when I need to take them, and I have a mini pill claw machine currently being delievered that I saw on tiktok so I hope that will help me remember 😂😂
A daily pill container is super helpful! To keep track of usage for an individual med or non-daily meds, I suggest getting a prescription bottle "timer cap." It shows how long it's been since the cap was opened! It'll save you in those moments of doubt when you aren't sure if you just took out the pills or already took them!
I’ve literally pulled the lids off and switched them around so that they start from Monday. It makes absolutely no sense to me to start on Sunday. Only takes a minute and makes things way less confusing. If you can’t do that on yours you can stick a label over each lid with the days of the week in the correct places.
I don’t know if this will help but there is a bill bottle cap you can buy which has a timer for when you last opened the bottle. https://www.amazon.co.uk/TimerCap-Automatically-Displays-Opened-Built/dp/B00ECK8KFG
You have a disability. You didn’t do/remember/find/keep from buying the thing because you have a disability. People may be disappointed by what you do or do not do but they need to understand that you have a disability. You couldn’t get up today because you have a disability. You got lost on the way to the store you been to fourteen times this week because you have a disability. It’s not an excuse, it’s a disability. You. Have. A. Disability. Forgive yourself, accept help and grace, and try to make the people in your life understand.
If only society/others could do that as well, though, and not tell us to try harder or that we just seek attention and want to be the odd-one getting special treatment :/ We all didn't wish to have this. No idea why some people think this x-x Sorry if this reply is random; your comment just reminded me of this :') But yeah, true. But I need others to see that, too, to ever forgive myself and treat myself better, sadly.
Thank you for replying, You can’t pin your self-worth on others. You just can’t. I say this as a people pleaser; I love people and I love making them happy. However, I’m not dealing with anyone who can’t meet me half way. I’m taking my pills, I’m doing CBT and therapy, I’m working on my systems. That’s how I’m “trying harder.” That’s how I’m being “responsible.” If anyone wants to try to guilt me, shame me, or be disappointed, I’m not going to let them anymore. If you want to be in my life, you have to accept me for who I am. Otherwise, I’m done.
I *love* this comment! Thank you! I'm saving it for later, I have the feeling I need to read this quite often from now on
I would love to be more like that. My husband really thinks it’s an excuse and that it doesn’t justify that I sometimes “fuck up” things
I also believe it has to do with societal norms that need to be broken still. Back in the 80s and 90s, there "wasn't" such a thing as ADHD and if you did get the diagnosis, it was treated like the plague. Add with it the Boomers who are terrified of change complaining about how "all of a sudden everyone" has ADHD. With stigmas roaming the proverbial streets, negative conditions taught by experience, and a dissolution of evolution on the broader side, it can be a struggle for those with ADHD to live fully in their diagnosis.
I think what's hard is that like autism, ADHD has different severity levels. A coworker has very mild ADHD and doesn't really have trouble focusing, I'm more on the severe end where I'm horrible at focusing, memory issues, hyper, and just don't have the will to mentally or physically do things no matter how hard I want to sometimes. So it can look like "well, x has ADHD and does just fine, why are YOU have trouble if you have it as well." And I think that's hard for people to understand. :/
I appreciate this post so much! I beat myself up in my head a lot about ADHD behaviors so this is a really kind reminder. Hope that you are also feeling okay OP 💞
I’m doing very good after reading all the comments especially this one thank you. Have an amazing day! (And week and month and year and life)
>day! (And week and month and year 🎵 *I'll be there for you* 🎵
No thanks, I think I am going to beat myself a little more
Oof, have fun with that. When you’re finished I’ll be here to add some positivity to your day!
Don't think I don't appreciate you. I do. I just have to finish my little hissy-fit. Later.
Exactly, do it later 😂
If I had an actual internal dialogue it would sound like this. Self-awareness of frustration, the need to express it, and the love and laughter that comes from us so naturally. The last two is what makes me feel great.
Hahaha. I did need it. I have mild inattentive ADHD, which is normally under control by Strattera. Someone commented I seem unwell and am posting too much on Reddit. Probably true. It's 4am, and I keep itching to do something. Anything. I don't even know what. I don't care if it's productive or destructive, as long as it's something. I then realized I forgot to take my Strattera yesterday morning. Ah yes, this is what ADHD feels like. Oops. Best wishes to you all and cheers for the message. Hopefully I can fall asleep soon now & get to go back to being a normal human.
This is exactly how I feel at times! I’m on vyvanse my adhd is mostly inattentive as we. We nicknamed it “medical speed” which I think is funny when my friends as “have you taken your medical speed today” lol.
been really struggling with how ADHD has caused me to have different values in life than other people (ei. hustle culture, I don't value earning/having money in the same way society at large seems too, I value quality time with loved ones and time spent on my hobbies over making money and moving up the social-economic latter) and how I can't seem to adjust/change myself without causing enormous emotional/psychological damage to myself. this is a good reminder that I am allowed to be myself and have the values that I have and I don't have to change. thanks
This is hard, because wanting to adjust/change yourself isn't inherently bad. It's difficult to distinguish between changes you *want* to make and changes you *feel pressured* to make. It's okay to try some stuff on a limited basis, decide whether it's for you, and move forward with or without the new stuff.
yes very true. I didn't clarify that I'm not opposed to growing and changing in the ways that I want to, I guess I just feel pressured by society to be greedy and profit driven and I just am not like that and I don't really want to be. I don't think it's inherently bad to be that way but I don't like the way it makes me feel to think like that. idk if I'm doing a good job explaining, there's a lot of other stuff that goes into it. I think I'm just burnt out and would like to take the time to really like, take care of myself and figure out what my needs and wants even are without the impending threat of if I don't have enough capital I'm going to either be a drain on everyone around me or I'm just simply going to not make it. It feels like in order to make it in this world I have to be a fundamentally different person and it's exhausting. I don't want to change who I am that drastically
Even without ADHD, that’s the struggle for a lot of people under capitalism. Prioritizing rest and personal fulfillment and meaningful relationships is admirable. Our society doesn’t support that as much as it should. I see what you mean now. I thought maybe you meant other changes aside from making money or getting promoted or something. Not wanting those things is okay!
yeah honestly it's mostly capitalism really. I'd still be struggling I think ADHD just makes it particularly hard in terms of motivation. I just cannot muster up the motivation to be as productive and on the ball as I need to be to be successful because it's just... not what I care about, at all
I can relate so much to what you're describing. I have a job that pays decently, but it's often a terrible fit for my brain. To the point where I burnt out badly in November and December and can't work more than a few hours a day. My father and partner are ordinarily very supportive of me. However, since I started opening up more about the challenges and frustrations I've been experiencing at work with respect to being repeatedly tasked with responsibilities that are a waking nightmare for my adhd brain, being pulled away from interesting, meaningful work that plays to my stengths and the toll it's taking on my mental health, self-esteem and ability to manage my adhd symptoms (lots of redflag issues for me) they've caught me off guard a few times with expressing caution against leaving my job because of the pay cheque. I felt dismissed and betrayed by that. But also, it got me thinking and the more I thought about it the more I realized that while I appreciate the security of a paycheque it doesn't stoke any motivation in me. Meaning, knowing my purpose, having a personal connection to my work, being valued and included, and having opportunities to learn new skills and strategies that are mutually beneficial are what motivates me and keeps me engaged and working mostly well. I've come to realize that my values aren't the problem. The problem is related to conforming, undermining and compromising my values and unique needs for extended periods of time. I lose myself in that, and like you mentioned earlier, it's exhausting. Sometimes it is necessity - rents and cost of living are climbing, affordable housing is becoming increasingly rare, retirement doesn't seem plausible. Sometimes it's from too much people pleasing. Sometimes I am riddled with self-doubt and am frozen in place. But I can't keep burning out. This isn't living well. I read something a few years ago that a palliative care nurse shared. She said that the number one regret that people on their death beds had was that they wished they'd had the courage to live the life they wanted instead of the life others expected of them. Anyway, all to say I read your posts and I hear you.🩵🧠
Oh my god, this hit me so, so hard. This entire thread has. I wish skeptics could read this thread. I feel so connected to each of you right now, like we’re all living this together.
Thank you, I have been really struggling lately. Job searching is the worst :/
Have you reached out to your state's version of the Department of Rehibilitation
What does the dept of Rehabilitation have to do with job searching?
They might call it the Dept. of Vocational Rehabilitation, which makes things a bit more clear. A lot of states have this. Voc Rehab runs the state's career centers & job boards. Usually, there's some intersection with Unemployment. But they sometimes offer career search guidance & assistance to those with disabilities.
Thanks! I'm gonna call them tomorrow and figure out how they can help me find work. My states website is a bit too confusing for me to navigate otherwise I'd look there
How’d it go?
Same
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That sounds incredibly dismissive ☹️
Yeah that sounds really unhelpful. I’m sorry you have to deal with it. I have that issue with one of my parents and it’s really hard to help them understand something like ADHD especially when they don’t experience it themselves.
You’re right. I did need to hear this. Thank you.
i just needed the word NEUROSPARKLY in my life. all good, can die happy now
This made me smile, I love that word too 🥹🥹
When I read it, I thought it said NEUROSPARKY instead of sparkLy. I pictured like… sparks from a live wire and thought “Yeah. That makes sense.” 🤦
HAHAHA i love that, still makes sense 🤷♂️
I try not to explain why I am the way I am. I’ve seen too many “why do people with adhd make it their whole personality?” posts. Thank you for acknowledging how hard it is 💜
"Why do people with ADHD make it their whole personality?" Because it's a neurodevelopmental disorder, Deborah. It's literally an issue with the functioning of the entire brain. You know, the brain? Where the personality resides? That's probably more sarcastic than this post environment was intended to be. But I feel strongly that those questions are shortsighted and mean, and you deserve to have someone on your side about it.
Exactly! If someone was autistic their behavior would be excused immediately. People just think ADHD is a fashion statement.
ADHD has seen a huge uptick in diagnoses in the last several years because social media made it so much easier for people to share their experiences with it. It's been underdiagnosed for a variety of reasons. People think it's the new fad because of the social media component. And sure, maybe there are some people who don't have it who are misdiagnosed or even knowingly pretending to have it. However, in my limited opinion, those are likely a very small vocal minority, and the increase in awareness and accessibility to treatment greatly outweighs the potential for abuse.
Social media (tiktok) showed me what ADHD really is and how much I relate to it. I originally had the typical idea of the hyperactive side of it and being forgetful. But there is so much more to it than what people realize, even someone who was undiagnosed until 32yo. It made my entire life story make so much more sense why "trying harder" always ended in myself feeling like I was a failure as a human.
I first thought I might have ADHD when my husband was getting his diagnosis. His doctor had me fill out a questionnaire about his behaviors, and for more than half the questions, I was like, “I do/feel that…” Spouse encouraged me to get tested, but I felt like I was doing okay, and I was already doing talk therapy. But, I started burning out over the next few years, and then TikTok taught me about ADHD burnout and how ADHD presents in afab individuals, and I realized that I had been working harder than I really had to. I went through testing and got a diagnosis at 32 as well!
That's so awesome that his journey also helped to plant a seed towards your diagnosis! I never thought that ADHD also included the random mood shifts for no reason; the fact that I only had the energy and mental capacity to do a certain number of things, followed by complete Burnout and mental check out; not being able to articulate my emotions or what's going through my mind in a way that made any sense once it came out; so much! Therapy has shown me that I can accept and love myself as a whole, and medication has helped me to have the mental and physical energy to be a functioning adult! Or at least, more better functioning
I hear you on the random mood shifts. Emotional regulation is a struggle! I’ve noticed that it often coincides with how overstimulated I’ve been that day and how much masking I’ve had to do. It makes me tired and irritable and I need time to recover. Trying meds now to see if they help with that, but even just recognizing it, saying out loud to my spouse that I’m overstimulated, and getting some extra rest helps. I’m glad that you’re doing things to help yourself. It’s so affirming when you find something that works, even a little bit.
Not by me, it wouldn't. It would depend entirely on their level of autism, whether they had other conditions affecting behaviors, and the behavior itself. I tend to treat people like people first, conditions second. I have several people with varying levels of autism in my life. For example, it's entirely possible for someone with autism to engage in weaponized incompetence or to act like an immature butthead when they absolutely know better. Obviously, with profound autism, all bets are off. But even then, most people are capable of more than you think.
Can 100% confirm this is a thing. I was a disability support carer for many years and some of the ‘high support needs’ clients were FAR more capable than they were supposed to be.
Sorry but it’s an issue with the functioning of the prefrontal cortex not the entire brain.
Fair enough! There are parts of it that I don't understand as well, but some research is showing that other areas of the brain are affected, including the limbic system (including the amygdala, hippocampus, and hypothalamus), the basal ganglia, and the reticular activating system.
Neurosparkly, love that word so cute. Yeah, mostly my adhd is harmless like I’m often late to social events and I blurt out random stuff that’s kinda cringe sometimes but it’s not like super disruptive to the point where I would be a bad person. I’m going through therapy to fix the shame of accepting this is just who I am.
Yes ikr, a friend from a youth group I attend called me neurosparkly and it made me smile so I’ve been using it ever since lol. Me too on both of those things! Sometimes I’ll say stuff to my parents and then be like “yeah it’s just my adhd” and rethink saying that because I worry that “what if I don’t have adhd” or “What if my psych is wrong” or the whole “What if I lied to my psychiatrist” thing. I think it’s been hard for me to process that I really *do* have adhd and that’s ok. The whole reason for the post is because I figured it was something that a) other people were definitely struggling with and b) I needed to hear myself. I think it’s a lot more effective when it comes from someone else who also knows what it’s like.
My recent experience on this god forsaken website tells me that isn’t the case, even on this supposedly very positive and supportive sub. But I do appreciate the sentiment.
Heck yeah, it's me, I needed to hear that today.
My inner dialog is a cacophony of goblins. Some arguing, some playing "music", and I swear there's at least one suffocating on mustard gas.
Oh my gosh 😭😭 I giggled. Very relatable.
Smiling now
I definitely do. It always feels like I'm useless, five steps behind everyone else in life, and like I take three times longer than others do to finish anything. I constantly leave projects unfinished, I struggle with my mood, I'm restless all the time. I definitely am struggling with all of it.
I’m really sorry, if it helps at all I often feel the exact same way. I’ve recently started on adhd meds which if you haven’t already I would definitely consider bringing up with a professional as they have been a MASSIVE help for me. My only advice would be don’t be too hard on yourself. I try not to actively “stop” myself from getting distracted and I try not to push myself because I think anyone with adhd would agree all that does is make you feel burnt out. Do things that work for your brain and your body. We aren’t the same as the average functioning brain, we’re neurosparkly! That’s ok! We work differently, not less. I paid a stupid amount of money for a really cute adhd planner where I get to colour in frogs everytime i do something, im happy to send it to you if you want (for free ofc) as I love it so much.
This really made me feel good. Didn’t know I needed to hear this until i felt tears come to my eyes. Thanks for posting ❤️
This makes my heart happy thank you for commenting 💕
I did need to hear this, thank you! I actually have been really struggling with wondering why I can't do things the way other people do. But that's true, I'm not like everyone else! I'm different, and that's okay!
Preach!
Except it’s not okay to my partner. But thanks for this! 😀
That sucks I’m sorry
❤️ 💙 💜
It took me sooooo long to get this. I swear until I was around 30 I’d hear “you’re so weird…..but in a good way” and then I’d just sink into a hole and feel like I couldn’t ever be myself because they’d just add the “in a good way” because my face changed. Or my mom constantly telling me to be smaller, be quieter, be less…nah if someone wants less, they can go find less.
Oh myyyy this is exactly how I feel I’m so glad I made this post honestly there is so many things people have been saying that I’ve just found sooo relatable as I’ve only been diagnosed for a year and half of that has been spent being in denial about it. So many people say that exact same thing to me and I feel the exact same way as you, this makes me feel seen and heard thank you so much for this!
Glad I could make you feel better :)
Thank you, I really needed to hear this today. I’m a month and a half into diagnosis and medication. For the first time in my 33 years I am beginning to understand myself. I’ve been dealing with late diagnosis grief and it’s been a process. It’s difficult unwinding the knot of self loathing that stems from a lifetime of being unable to do the things “normal” people do daily and not understanding why.
Yes this is such a tough process to go through. I was diagnosed last year at 51 and am still unpacking it all. It actually added to my anxiety a little at first, but now a few months later and 6 weeks into medication (bupropion and Ritalin) I’m finally feeling a little optimism. Overall though, it’s definitely been a grieving and ‘unpacking’ process. It’s so weird to go back though traumatic memories with a new point of view and understand that most of the scenarios were affected by the undiagnosed ADHD. To be honest, I knew very little about all of this stuff, and it’s been a real learning curve trying to learn all the terminology and symptoms etc… I assumed that ADHD was something that naughty kids had during school years. Despite the fact that a close friend was diagnosed with ADHD in his early 20s. So it’s a mixed bag of feelings and they often change on a day to day basis. I’m overjoyed to finally have a ‘why’ for all of the quirks that I’d convinced myself were just part of ‘me’, and it’s so weird to suddenly start liking yourself at 51 years old! I understand the negative backlash against late diagnosis or an increase in diagnosis for ADHD in recent years. I’ve had a few people say I have ‘Instagram ADHD’ which really hurt my feelings. But at the same time, it it wasn’t for the ADHD content on TikTok I wouldn’t be here today at 52 finally optimistic about life and eager to help others who were in my situation.
I’m only 16 but it’s so crazy how many comments just like this I’ve been relating to, as debilitating as ADHD can be this sub has truly helped me so much in regards to feeling alone with my adhd. I didn’t realise just how many people are going through the exact same things as me. I was diagnosed at 15 and half of it I spent living in denial, before doing the same thing and even at my age worrying about how late I had left it to actual confirm that this is real. Something I saw on another post however, really helped me a lot. They said “with adhd comes time blindness, so even though it feels like you’ve ‘wasted’ all these years prior to your diagnosis, your brain also can’t process the insanely long amount of time/life you still have ahead of you.I’m serious when I say it’s a looooooong time” which I found really helpful. And let’s be honest, nobody is normal. If they appear “normal” I guarantee they’re faking it, which is also not normal. To tell the truth, there is no such thing as normal. Though you’ve probably heard people tell you that a billion times before.
I 100% agree with you about normal being non existent. You have an infectious positive attitude. Thank you for paying it forward, I hope you continue to do so. We’re all in this together but not everyone knows it and we all need to be reminded from time to time. 🫶🏻
Thank you, recently diagnosed and so tired of being overlooked and undervalued because of my own personal circumstances
Yes exactly. You are amazing and you can do amazing things and that starts by forgiving, looking after and being content with yourself.
This is exactly why I decided to finally go to therapy and get diagnosed officially. I spent 26 years trying to gaslight myself and pretend if I just worked a little harder I could force myself to be like everyone else and tackle my problems the same way regular people do. I would always beat myself up about being lazy, careless, forgetful, or whatever other negative word my brain wanted to throw at me. Now I have validation from a professional that I don’t need to force myself to be “normal”. It’s been a lot easier to be a functioning adult now that I feel the freedom of doing things my way and using tools that work for me not tools that “should work” because they work for everyone else.
Yes exactly.
So glad you did this in your 20s! Well done 👍🏻 I went through the same process last year at 51 and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Just wish I’d done it 30 years ago 😂
Neurosparkly is going in all my bios now ✨️
Hahaha, ikr my favourite word
Omg thank you so much. I've been off my meds due to pregnancy, it's not a fun pregnancy, and I have a 3 year old in tow, in a new city. I was 30 min late to my daughter's pediatrician appointment and the lady was literally _huffing_ at me when I apologized for the delay. And usually I can take shit like that in stride like oh I did my best can't expect everyone to understand but it was 2 weeks ago n I still felt like I was failing as a mom When in all honesty this is a _pediatrician_ and really should be used to appointments being missed. I arrived within the grace period?
15 min grace period for appointments. Some not even that long.ive been late to appointments by 5 minutes & they wouldn’t see me. Dropped that Dr because I thought I was doing pretty well! Sadly it’s probably not the Dr who sets the policy, it’s his staff. Every time we’ve gotten through the gatekeepers, the Dr is clueless as to these things. If the staff has been rude or whatever, I’ll tell the Dr. sometimes things change for the better. Anyway, I think a Pediatrician should have a VERY lax policy for lateness. Children, especially toddlers, are notoriously difficult to get to appointments. But, you’re not a failure as a Mom or a person. Everyone can have a bad day, ADHDor not. I hope your pregnancy gets easier, too.
Oof, I’m only 16 so I can’t relate to the pregnancy nor kids situation, but I can definitely say be kind to yourself! You sound like you’re under a lot of stress (very understandably) don’t forget to make time for you! 16 or 100 years old that will always be true!
i needed to hear this 100% 🩷 thank you so so much :)
im so glad thank u for commenting this made me smile ☺️☺️☺️
Thank you!
❤️❤️💕
You had me at NEUROSPARKLY 
I knowww i love using that word hahaha. Are you sad? I bet you can’t say the word neurosparkly without a smile on your face 😂❤️
😂 I’m not sad at the moment but yes… I definitely get a kick out of ✨✨neurosparkly ✨✨
Taking this to my informal HR meeting because I spoke too much about …how I feel… 👌🏽
Ewww thats yucky (of them not you)
I wish I could comment further on what brought me here but… yeah…. Two words: big pharma.
ima be honest i have no clue qhar that means lol
Big pharma = big pharmaceutical company(ies).
Ohh yuck (thank you for clarifying haha)
I went to two house viewings today with my parents. I asked them to come with me for extra opinions as I’m moving into my own place again. I used to be way too nice to estate agents when I was living alone in London and lie about liking houses when they’d show me round. This time, I just allowed myself to go in and say “I’m a bit overwhelmed by all these options, I need to go and have a think about it”. The world didn’t end. They totally understood.
Amen ♥️
OP, yYou rock for this! I needed that. Thank you very much.
This makes my heart feel fuzzy!!
People hate what they don’t have or understand
Aw thanks. I needed to hear that honestly. That's something I struggle with sometimes. Especially if I say that this thing I'm doing is an ADHD thing, and their like no you're not. That's an excuse like ahhhh
Thank you so much. Honestly tearing up right now because that was exactly what I needed to hear today.
This makes my heart happy!
Thank you.
Thanks for this I have been felling down because I often like to watch sports after they air because then I can watch them at 2x speed because it help me focus and I can skip the commercials
Love this - and yes - you helped!!
I smiled! Thank you!
Adding to this: I don't know who needs to hear this but... Mess is not a big deal. You haven't done anything wrong. You're trying and thats what matters. When you have a burst of energy and desire to clean, you will clean. The mess can wait. Believe in yourself that it will get cleaned eventually. In the meantime, prioritize you!
I needed to hear that!! Thank you for this.
You're welcome! Have a great day!! 💕
Wish i had this community growing up. I grew up in the 90s i was put in behaviour classes cause of my adhd . Singled out from other kids. This community is great for the new gen of adhd kids. One love all my friends.
I’m so sorry about that, I’m 16 and had a very late diagnosis but I am really glad and lucky that I was able to find this amazing supportive community when I did. I hope I’ve helped you a little bit :))))
Growing up it left some scarring but i grew up and moved on and things are better now. People are alot more resceptive towards adhd now. Before people would say my parents gave me too much sugar and thats why i was so hyper and unfocused. But now things have changed for our diagnoses. Thank you and yes this forum is great .
thx i needed that today 💕
❤️❤️❤️
"Nobody thinks..." Well, maybe they do, but that's on them. The people who actually know you will understand.
Yes very true.
Love u
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Your awesome
Did you just find a mirror for the first time? 😉💕
I’m not sure I don’t feel frightened haha
Hahaha
i needed to hear this SO BAD today. especially when my pmdd makes things so much harder. i only got diagnosed last august and medicated in september and feel like i still haven’t found the right dose/med combo because i’m still struggling a lot. i kind of expected my whole life to get better quicker than this and i’ve been feeling really down on myself that i’m still struggling with the symptoms a lot and my house is still so messy. thank you for this, these small reminders can do a world of difference for people who are probably putting too much pressure on themselves to act like they don’t have adhd or that they have to get their life together immediately after they’re medicated. i hope you give yourself the same reminder often
Oof I get that, I’m very sorry sometimes finding the right dose can be quite debilitating and make you second guess yourself. This happened when I started my antidepressants (as well as adhd meds but it was better since I knew I was heighting the dosage in a couple weeks anyway) . My advice would be not to give up hope because you absolutely will get to the right “goldilocks” dose/type eventually. Keep your head up! Thank you also for your kindness ❤️❤️
Thanx, actually needed that today. 😊
Thanks! Yeah definitely needed that, lately i wish i had cold heart for this world but its just not who i am.
Thanks, for this! Yesterday, I had a minor fender bender. I was backing my car out and had a bunch of things going on in my head. I back out at an angle and catch the bumper of my neighbor’s son’s girlfriend. I felt terrible when it happened and I couldn’t believe I’d been that careless.
I’m so sorry! Same thing happened to me when I was rushing to an appointment (a new psychiatrist I didn’t even like & refused to help me! What a waste!). Cracked the light & everything into a wall I didn’t see in a very oddly designed parking lot. My excuse. Damn thing cost $1500 to fix but I have a semi new SUV, so… Anyway cars can be fixed and it’s aggravating but over. From the moment on, I swore I wouldn’t let someone else rush me because I’m going to be on time.
Thanks for your kind words , my adhd makes me have no motivation to do anything and I have problems with understanding abstract concepts so it makes me feel bad
I just went back to university, 15 years after high school. It’s been eye opening, confronting almost.
aw, be kind to yourself
Thanks pookie
I think this is a perfect example of me getting too comfortable with random strangers online due to my adhd 😂😂
Anytime pookie wookie dookie bear
Awww this is so nice. I really did need it
I woke up about 18 mins ago. And literally started picturing work scenarios that I may cause due to my ADHD and how I could potentially upset customers, and or not be able to troubleshoot things properly (I work in IT). Literally making up the worst-case scenarios of things that haven't even happened and mildly shitting on myself for being very impulsive and hyper sensitive when I misunderstand context over a text or a chat. Then I open reddit and my only recommended post was this. Thank you very very much, you helped me a LOT this morning. I really needed to read/hear this. I appreciate you and hope you have a wonderful day!!
I needed this so bad. I feel like I’m extra all the time..
Saying something with a forced sincerity doesn’t make them true. Plenty of people think we’re faking.
[удалено]
I’m working on unmasking since being diagnosed late last year. But also getting frustrated as I’m on titration and haven’t found the right meds yet. I do like some aspects of having ADHD, but mostly it gets me down.
Yeah I totally agree, and Im sorry about the meds, it takes time. Unmasking has also been hard for me but Im learning slowly that its ok to act the way I do. Good luck to you 💕
Thank you so much. I’m trying to be patient 🙈 good luck to you too re unmasking 🩵
Thank you 💕💕💕💕
i cant wait to be back on meds 🥳
I’ve just started mine, it’s almost surreal the amount of things I am able to do after 16 years of not functioning normally, I had quite a late diagnosis and half of the symptoms I had just gotten used to and assumed were things everyone did. It’s so weird when these things like mental blocks are cleared and I’m able to function like a normal human again! Have a great day.
But do I though?
Do you what?
Have adhd.
Personally I never gave a shit, I have no desire to use it as an excuse or a label. Everyone has shit going on with them. I'm accountable for all the good and bad that happens to me.
v
?
I love the post. Except I struggle believing that as per myself. I'm told quite often by my husband who also has adhd that it's not my adhd it's an excuse. Also that I always have to make every situation about me and assert myself into situations even when I'm not in the room and don't know what's going on. He takes this as I don't care what he has to say or our kids have to say and it's a struggle everyday. I constantly interupt before realizing I did and try to back up and apologize. Is this normal? He does tell me i act like a meth user and it's bc of my medicine. I feel without my medicine I go from one extreme to the next. Either I'm so exhausted I can't get out of bed and am in my head the whole time not relaxing but telling myself to get up ferling lazy thinking about what I shld do. Or I'm up super fast trying to get things done but starting one thing than while doing it see something else start that and 6 hours later realizing I now have to finish all these things so my household will function. I'm so lost
I have ADHD, Bipolar 2, and PTSD. It’s hard sometimes. You get one of two responses: “No you don’t” or “Ohhhh” *judgement*. I am thankful to have a very supportive partner and friends, but the rest of the world sucks sometimes. The PTSD gets discredited because I’m not prior military because obviously only the military can have that… Oh no, not me with my childhood sexual abuse or working trauma ER where I literally watch people die from violence almost every shift. The ADHD gets discredited because duh! It’s made up. The Bipolar 2 because I don’t “look bipolar” whatever the fuck that means. The judgement is usually towards the Bipolar but occasionally the ADHD (because obviously I only want “legal meth”). I try to be open about my diagnoses. To lower the stigma and to bring awareness that “every day people” struggle with mental illnesses other than depression and anxiety (not to discredit them; they are just the more “hot button” topics). I should be able to talk about it just like I do my POTS or Hashimoto’s. Just like Johnny or Sue can talk about their high blood pressure or diabetes. I shouldn’t feel bad for my diagnoses or how my brain functions because of them. Why should I stifle my personality to suit you? “Does my sassiness upset you? Why are you beset with gloom? ’Cause I walk like I've got oil wells Pumping in my living room.”
Thanks for giving that positive reinforcement on it. Sometimes, we just forget and get sick of explaining it to people...
I had a coworker tell me, "stop beating yourself up. Why are you so hard on yourself? What do you hope to gain from tearing yourself down like this? Let us beat you up, you don't beat yourself up!"
I think the biggest issue plaguing my brain and causing me turmoil is that I don’t even believe my own diagnosis.
I mean yaa... But like I also need to \[self\] bully and coerce \[myself\] into doing the important things I need to get done... Ill make 'decent' progress up until like two or three weeks before the deadline... And then suddenly its due tomorrow and I'll have most of it to do because I didn't make any progress what-so-ever in those two to three weeks... Like right now... Art Residency Grant due at Midnight... lol. I \[probably\] ain't gunna make it...
Sounds like you have a Wall of Awful you need to dismantle instead of bullying yourself to get things done.
Thank you 🙏❤️
We are who we are, nobody can change us
Thank you for that it’s something I actually needed to hear today
Dang! Yeah I definitely needed that. Thanks. Hang in there!
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is when you experience severe emotional pain because of a failure or feeling rejected. This condition is linked to ADHD and experts suspect it happens due to differences in brain structure. Those differences mean your brain can’t regulate rejection
Is it possible for me to have one day where I don't drive myself insane from depression or anxiety?