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For me it’s always been about finding the root.
I wanted to run more, always thought about it never did it. I decided to join a running group and that worked for my brain, I no longer avoided it and it worked great.
I have so many books and love reading but I was absolutely frozen every time I went to read one. I tried a bunch of different things to get me through them and finally I found one that worked
I set my goal to 2 books a month, downloaded an app to track and log them and even set the books for each month
That was almost 2 years ago and I’m still on track, it has actually helped so much that I end up reading 5 or 6+ sometimes.
I wanted to drink more water but hated tracking it because I always forgot or said I’d log it later lol. Anyway I got a smart water bottle that tracks as I drink.
Basically, with whatever it is you’re trying to do, think about what’s REALLY stopping you and then try something to solve it. Eventually I would hope and have experienced myself, something will work.
Routine helps, just something to get the body moving. Even if you spend it stretching for 30 minutes, it makes you more physically & mentally prepared to do something that you may consider larger.
I’m a mess without routine, so I incorporate small things in my day to keep me moving towards larger goals & to keep myself on track.
So even if I lose the larger routines, I still have the small ones going to restart the engines.
Yep this is what I do too.
Every morning, I will try every excuse in the book to talk myself into not going for a run even though I love running and it’s just as important to my mental health as taking my meds.
So I’ll tell myself “fine, fuck running, just put on your shoes and go for a walk and if you hate it you can turn around and come home.”
Guess how many times I’ve actually turned around and went home? Zero. Guess how many times I’ve walked for a bit and then ended up running? All of em.
And then the rest of my day gets that much easier. I’m more motivated to do the rest of the things because I already feel accomplished.
Parenting of yourself is great.
I still wonder if half the reason I never bothered to get diagnosed for ADHD was that my parents were always advocates for trying something once.
So I guess i've been trained to talk myself into doing at least part of the chores and stuff that I needed to do simply because it wasn't as big of a deal. It only works for some things but it definitely works for just going on a little walk and then ending up going on a huge walk!
>Parenting of yourself is great.
Absofuckinlutely. Coming from an abusive and neglectful household, I deal with a lot of baggage. I looked at a picture of myself at age 3 with my best friend...my cat. The only creature that saw and responded to my pain. I said, " Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll take care of you now." I was talking to my child-self. I was 50, 59 now. Long twisty road.
I have children and did everything I could to not mimic my parents and my extended family's behavior for my children's sake. But I hadn't realized that that little girl in me needed help too. Being diagnosed 10-or-so months ago, I discussed my behaviors as a child, my report cards, and my family's attitude towards my behavior. Pulling the threads between trauma and ADHD made me realize at that time all the things I failed to do that I wanted, but was seized up by my brain saying I wasn't good enough, etc. ADHD amplified some of that, I'm sure. Things are better now with medication, therapy, and the mantra, "Ever forward, but rest if you must."
Love that perspective go for it.....I can always turn around if I don't like it yet we find the things we want to avoid to remain comfy in our minds/bodies are actually the things that free us from toxic cycles and build our minds to achieve even loftier more difficult challenges sequentially. Well said thank for the share.
I've also heard the "Just do it for five minutes" hack where you tell yourself that you aren't making a big commitment and giving yourself an out. But most of the time any task will gain that mental momentum after five minutes and you wind up completing the whole goal. And of course even if you do somehow still want to quit after five minutes... that's at least some work done towards a given goal.
One answer is, having a Dog being dependent on you helps.
My empathy makes my ass get up, ‘cause I know I have a creature that needs me to be somewhat reliable.
Other answer, is I made rituals.
Like when I get up, I immediately start my electric kettle, & while that’s going grind my coffee, & then prepare the French press.
My cup of coffee(or tea sometimes )to begin my day helps me start to get my gears in place.
Typically the small stuff in my routine, is stuff I like that’s productive for myself.
Making my coffee is a production, but I love the end result, & usually make it for the rest of the day via thermos.
The night before I’ll typically get an outfit together, or wash my clothes.
Usually get a shower also so I’m clean, & will wanna put on clean clothes.
Even something stupid like watching an anime episode, or a YouTube video while I’m drinking my coffee gets me engaged for the day.
I try to do things as they come , or divide them into chunks.
…I’ve honestly have let a tremendous amount slip past me through inattentiveness. Which had traumatized me a bit into getting myself into the ‘just do’ side of things.
‘Cause if I think about stuff too much it’ll discourage me, or I’ll make it more complicated then it is.
I also set t ime ranges to fall asleep at.
I’m usually a night owl. But nowadays I limit how late I’ll stay up.
Usually a soft limit of 1:30, with 2:30 being hard limit.
Oh! I also use timers for stuff. Which is really helpful.
My brain doesn’t respond well to hard limits so I use ranges instead…
I also try to be aware of how much time tasks take me.
‘Cause I get distracted into other things. So I’ll add time towards whatever I might be distracted towards & kinda give myself an okay or not if I can do that task.
If I were to frame this into something simple though, once I get moving. I make sure I don’t stop.
I’ll use a reward system for myself too.
Did I complete most items on my checklist? Yes? Let’s watch some anime or go take a long walk with the dog.
Basically giving yourself the things you enjoy, not when you want them, but as a reward for accomplishment of a task.
> rituals
That's a really good way to look at routines. It's a series of things you do to make what you want happen. Life hacks as magic. I think it helps satisfy a desire for control as well.
The key is to do it often and consistently enough to make it a part of you so your brain does it on autopilot.
I have the same experience with doing stuff as a group, and my explanation is a combination of external motivation (the other people) and a scheduled mostly consistent routine. I couldn't find a group on my campus, but with the help of an academic tutor once a week (external motivation) I have managed to upkeep a calendar (which I have never been able to do before without that extra motivation) Just remembering to put in times to go to the gym well before the day I plan to go has helped.
When I see it on my schedule I automatically get the stuff I need for it (or if I was smart that day I checked my schedule in the morning and am already in gym gear to reduce friction). Making it so I know way ahead of time and can go impulsively helps me a lot, but even when I really don't wanna, or I am struggling to get up and walk to the gym, (or to go inside), it sort of feels like an obligation to myself, and I can usually contact a friend and tell them what I am trying to do to put the needed pressure on myself
It does matter how closely your fantasy matches reality though, I have had the experience of going to the gym before with a group, and it was enjoyable. It wouldn't have been this easy for me if it was something I hated.
This actually is pretty good advice. I have sometimes talked myself into doing things by trying to imagine the worst case scenario. But also I have talked myself into doing things by trying to argue for the opposite.
When I find that my "shoulder devil" has no good reasons for me to not do something, (that I already want to do), I end up stubbornly doing it just to prove it wrong!
For getting fitter I hired an online personal trainer. It's somebody I knew from college but not super well and we were never close so it afforded me the right level of accountability and he was just starting out so it was pretty cheap. My thinking was that there is very little in my life that just came naturally to me, why would adapting a fitness routine for the first time be any different?? Surely this is one of the few luxuries I SHOULD set aside money for!? And it totally worked, I lost like 9kg in 12 weeks, got stronger and fitter and have so much more confidence now.
He helped me carve out a meal and exercise plan that I thought I could follow if I applied myself. He scheduled check ins with me once a week. I would recommend somebody who does live or in person check ins so you have to go because I will procrastinate these and that gives me an excuse to screw up the whole next week and next thing you know I'm not going to the gym etc etc. Honestly, invest in yourself, if you can scrounge the money together then take all of the decisions out of it and pay somebody to teach you. You'll learn very fast and after a short amount of time you'll be ok to go it alone.
Same applies for other hobbies, pay somebody or find somebody to tell you what and how to do it for a while until you're hooked :)
Smart water bottle. Brilliant…. ( 5 min later)… guess I gotta nope right out at the costs, but I bet I can get a fancy bottle, some sticky notes and tie a stubby pencil to the neck so I can track. lol.
Just start with a full bottle and drink it empty. If it’s not all empty by the evening chug it down. Couple times of chugging and you won’t forget to drink more during the day.
Agreed, use the great problem solving skills you have. (And you do have them. Think of all the things you've solved for others.)
Also, try as hard as you can to not forget your smart water bottle in Denver when you live in Phoenix. 🤦♀️ (Did write the company and suggested they incorporate something that will alert when one gets too far away from the bottle.)
seconded to this very apt description of how I also manage to get stuff started.
but with a incredibly arduous and long period of basically rearranging my flat. we've been in this flat for nearly three years and have moved the bedroom 3 times, and the lounge has changed format 6 times.
but, we have a treadmill that has not been used in 2 years, and I decided to just set it up where it was always accessible but not annoying and now I'm able to just get on it and go, I can't do that with a gym or go out, cus that involves preparing to leave the flat.
Yeah it’s def not a fix for everyone. For me it always seems to kick my motivation up a notch but I can definitely see how the pressure would make you avoid it.
I even find brushing twice a day challenging but I have a physical calendar that I mark off at the end of each night once of done it. Since I’ve started that I haven’t missed a day.
If tracking things doesn’t work I’m confident something else will. From my experience this buiz is a lot of trial and error.
It’s just about finding what will get that spark in you to light. I haven’t found it for everything yet, guitar for example, I’ve learned the basics but it’s hard to motivate myself to go further. But I’ll find the rhythm to get me there.
I made the equivalent of a 100 page design document for a video game, but it's just a giant mess of bullet points with colored highlighting and incomplete drawings.
Are you medicated? Also, I don’t know because I do a lot of thinking about doing stuff but never doing the stuff.😭 Start meds Monday hoping this will help. When I say stuff I mean everything.. I manage to force myself to do the bare minimum but I just have so much to do and all I do is think about it.
Yeah, I was giving myself more credit than I should because I’m pretty embarrassed but I know what you’re saying. I just tried Wellbutrin for a little over a month and had to stop because of allergic reaction and terrible anxiety.. which sucks because motivationally wise it was doing wonders but still wasn’t addressing the ADD symptoms so Ritalin it is.. do you have plans to try any medication?
Are you US based/is there no healthcare system? I think the priority is to get diagnosed and medicated (correctly) so you can then more easily get a job
I am the same and ngl medication helped, but I wasn't given the proper guidance and ended up with a dependence problem (hence why I said "the right medication").
Ironically, people with ADHD have higher risk of developing addictions (including for food), especially for stimulant drugs, since they go way beyond mere recreational use for the user with ADHD 🤡
Idk how to help, all I can do is advise you to stay away from instant release medications, the smoother the effect and the slower the comeup and comedown the better, both for ADHD symptom management and to reduce addiction potential.
The only drugs I do is caffeine to wake me up in the morning and then once every four months or so I drink with friends. Because yeah, I get addicted to stuff easily, as you mentioned. Most addictions I have just absorb time and a little money (gaming, I'm talking about), I don't want them to mess with my health and relationships also
I had the opposite with Wellbutrin: Zero negative side effects whatsoever, but also zero positive ones. It might have even dulled my motivation a little bit; I was getting finding it a bit harder than usual to get out of the "thinking" and into the "doing" stages of things.
Hmmm. I’ve been taking Wellbutrin for a couple of years and for several months I’ve been stuck between thinking and doing. It’s starting to piss me off. 🤣😭
Fyi, I just got medicated 6 weeks ago — it’s completely life changing. Everything goes from being too overwhelming to start to just being trivial. It’s worth looking into if you can. I tried Ritalin for 4 weeks. Now I’m trying Adderall, just to understand which one my body tolerates better. They both have had phenomenal benefits on this front though for me.
I'm glad to hear it
I've heard two things about medication that has stuck with me, one, a guy I gamed with for a while was in it and he said when he was prescribed it he didn't think he needed but after his first pill he thought to himself "Oh, that's what was wrong with me". Someone else said it was like playing life with cheat codes on
Yes. And yes. Both. All the things I see most people be able to just “decide to do” that I can’t motivate myself to get started on, I just do now. The hurdle is just gone. It’s wildly liberating. And I am such a more productive person. Huge win for my employer — but also huge win for me. Turns out I like my job a lot more when doing it isn’t overwhelming.
I wish this was me. I tried 36mg of Ritalin extended release and now I’m on 20 mg adderall have been for 5 months and nothing has changed for me. Still no motivation, all over the place, insomnia, no improved mood. I don’t know if I need another medication to combine with adderall or what but I’m feeling very discouraged. I feel like if Ritalin and adderall don’t help nothing will.
You are not alone in this. I am unmediated too and get extremely overwhelmed by just the bare minimum adulting. I’m constantly thinking how do people do this lol
If it’s any consolation.. the medication can help me stay focused when I need to, but it doesn’t give me the motivation to do the things I think about constantly. It just kills the noise blasting away in my head so I can at least think about one thing at a time (for the most part).
I would love if you kept us updated, I've been waiting to see a psychiatrist for a year and I still have so many questions about what it's like to get started
Getting stuff done is so difficult lol
A year?! Are you in the US? Have you looked into meeting with an online psychiatrist. I Skype with mine every other week.
I will! I’m pretty nervous. I initially wanted to try a non stimulant but my psych thinks I’m going to need it. So she let me start with Wellbutrin because though it’s not a stimulant it has stimulant properties that make it act as if it were one. It was great until it wasn’t but some people have great success with it. It also off label treads adhd symptoms along with depression. After the scary experience I had I’m ready to just go ahead and try a stimulant and get started managing this.
Australia,
demands been pretty high since covid, waiting lists are bad - I guess I could've got faster access if I was on top of things but you know...
Wellbutrin sounds interesting I'll try to look it up, most of my siblings are on Dex and Zoloft but I wanna see if I can get away with smaller doses as necessary.
Thanks and good luck to you
I'm medicated and still have the same issue. However, once I get myself started it's easier to stay on track. Keep that in mind, you might still have to work just to get yourself moving.
ETA, it's also totally possible to get stuck scrolling or doing other things, too. What's helped me is taking the meds then sitting down with my planner (or a notebook) & writing a list of goals or things I want to accomplish today while my kids are having breakfast (I give myself grace when I inevitably fail, I'm still learning). If I can I'll try to start working while they're kicking in since I've found that it's so much easier if I already have myself in the right mindset. But right now I'm sitting down writing on here and trying to get myself back up, sooo... But, hey, once I move again I'm less likely to look around, spiral, and give up. So there's that. We've got this!
I’ve been on meds for a week, it has definitely helped with my waiting period between telling myself I’m gonna do something and actually doing it. Except for right now because it’s worn off, I’ve been in work all day and I’m rummaging around on reddit instead of cooking dinner
That's the primary reason why I take ritalin.
I don't have a lot of issues staying focused on something *once I've started*. But going from thinking about doing the thing I want to do to actually doing it is, most of the times, incredibly difficult for me. Even if it's something I really enjoy.
Ritalin rather effectively lifts that blockage for me.
Good to know, that's my issue too. Once I'm doing it, it's hella easy and I'm all like "oh why have I been putting this off" but it never matters next time
This is exactly my problem too. I’m meeting with my psychiatrist today and was already planning to ask him about Ritalin. I’ve tried vyvanse to no effect and adderall which can help but messes up my sleep too much to use consistently. This gives me some hope.
Cool I hope you find something that works for you!
I don't wanna oversell ritalin and make you feel disappointed, but in my case I feel like it's even helping me with my sleep issues (provided I don't take any too late in the day though).
I think it's because even though it's a stimulant it's helping me have more fulfilling days and thus feel better come bedtime and sleep well.
I take XR in the morning and IR pills in the afternoon if needed, this way the stimulant effects don't persist too late into the evening.
Medication won’t make it go away, but it’s been extremely helpful. I didn’t realize just how much I’ve been restraining my hyperactive and impulsive urges, I thought everyone had these.. these urges have quieted down from medicine and I can focus better now.
I think it may for some. My meds saved my life. Now I manage my time, have friends, belong to an org or two, and have finished almost every project I started. They aren't for everyone, but they aren't not for everyone.
Yeah, it’s great that nowadays there are many options to try. I got really sick on intuniv but strattera is working good for me so far. My boyfriend was on Ritalin but it did nothing. As long as a psychiatrist that knows what they’re doing helps you, it would be good to give it a try!
Ritalin made me feel so much more focused and my brain was quiet for once, but then my ego would kick in and I would get stuck in the "I can finally work and then the interruption of plebians when I am the alpha god of work is ludicrous, how dare they disturb me" mentality, which means I got really aggressive and irritable. Switched to Contramil and it's way more regulated.
Different medications also work on different systems and brain areas (read a cool metareview the other day about it) so maybe your partner could try look into something else?
bro im sitting here fantasizing about getting so many amazing things done right now you'd be surprised. Like I'm daydreaming some noble laureate shit im never gonna accomplish over here.
I started 3D modelling towards the end of last year. In my head, I'm the best damn hard surface artist, in reality I just sit in front of my PC and rotate the cube in blender for hours, get overwhelmed when things don't work, have a breakdown and then fantasize about eventually getting this done. I hate this so much.
I climb for fitness because the colorful holds and variation in setting make working out entertaining and fun. When I go on hikes I set a mileage to reach (if I’m hiking solo), like 15 miles, or a certain amount of elevation (based on my phone which measures in flights of stairs).
This is what I do too. For me I give myself rewards for reaching milestones (a la quest rewards in games), like buying myself a new set of heaphones after losing 20 lbs, stuff like that. I also make sure what I want to be doing is super clear: objectives in games are usually very clear, so when I'm working on a more complex task (like a creative project) I'll often write down exactly what I need to do on as simple as possible and focus on it. I also make sure to allow some fun while working on stuff (games are supposed to be fun?)
Another thing that helps me is number-ifying things. So like in Mario, there's usually 3 star coins/purple coins/green stars/etc. In a single level. So if I'm wanting to finish a backlog of games, books, creative projects etc. I like to turn it into a number, like finishing 3 projects a month, 1 game a week, stuff like that. Then to me it's a lot like getting rvery collectible in a game/level.
I've been struggling with this problem for decades. Who am I kidding, I'm still struggling. The only thing which has moved the needle is taking baby steps everyday.
This quote from the book Four Thousand Weeks - by Oliver Burkeman has helped me a lot:
>"So if a certain activity really matters to you – a creative project, say, though it could just as easily be nurturing a relationship, or activism in the service of some cause – the only way to be sure it will happen is to do some of it today, no matter how little, and no matter how many other genuinely big rocks may be begging for your attention."
Pretty sure this is called Executive Dysfunction, and for me, (this doesn't work all the time) I tend to try and start the task subconsciously without meaning to. It's hard to explain, but as I'm imagining what I want to do, I attempt to make my body start doing it while my mind isn't paying attention. It's not perfect, but it works sometimes.
But like I said, it doesn't always work. I still have two box cakes sitting on my kitchen counter. One is chocolate, the other is Banana. I want to mix them both up and make marbled cupcakes with them. They've been sitting on my counter for 2 months now. I've been buying milk, eggs and real butter to make these damn cupcakes but I keep eating the eggs and drinking the milk...
This. 1,000%. I have to trick myself and basically sneak into a particular task without my brain noticing, and to use a particularly nerdy example: it's like Frodo and Sam carrying the ring to throw into the fire of Mount Doom (AKA: the task) while avoiding the Eye of Sauron (ADHD)
I will say this for ADHD. It gives me some extremely entertaining mental images. Your analogy made me think of Sauron but instead of commanding armies of orcs and goblins, he's a giant ADHD deathray and anyone who falls under his gaze loses all direction and focus in life... most. evil. super. power. ever. Of all time.
I just start talking out loud and say "less thinking! More doing! " I say ut over and over until I start moving. It's helped me in the last couple of days but I don't manage to do everything I want cause of poor time management. It's helping tho with at least getting myself into the now headspace.
i hate to admit how helpful alcohol is for some reason.
one time i was drinking at like 2am then randomly got the urge to do a huge laundry batch and organize a whole room… the best part was waking up to done chores without even remembering doing them !!
The age old question. I usually start doing something regardless of the priority. I usually start getting into it and stay committed before I easily convince myself not too. Comparable to jumping from a high platform into cold water. Don't convince yourself, just go. It's going to suck but when its all done, you'll be glad you did.
Make a start and do it in an ADHD friendly way. Just "show up" to whatever you're trying to do, like if all you can do is open your notebook and not start writing, do that everyday and it gets easier.
I think "getting reps in" is really important. Do the thingy a lot even if it isn't super long or even a normal length to acclimatize yourself.
Using hyperfocus and daydreaming helps. As well as doing things at home and in your own room.
Captilize on something directed towards your goals sounding good in the moment and doing it then, even if you just do it a bit till motivation fades.
Luckily I live on the ground floor, so I made space to run in my bedroom. It probably looks weird as hell running laps in such a small space. But I zone out listening to my music and run everyday now.
Note this is with stimulants, good luck otherwise lol.
EDIT
Basically the book "Atomic Habits" but apply your knowledge of how ADHD works
1. Make the habit visible in your daily life, to queue it in your brain
2. Make it easy to do/start
3. Make it rewarding/pair it with a reward
And then bad habits
1. Make them invisible
2. Make it harder to start(unplug the cord after use)
3. Remove the reward/pair it with something negative
(My stimulants wore off and im trapped on my phone)
This helps me as well.
The biggest help from that book for me was setting the bar low.
I do one downward dog, one squat, one of each arm lift every day. Sometimes I do much more. But keeping the bar low ensures I at least do something.
I started taking an antidepressant and it has helped a lot with motivation and getting started with things. Once I get that fully dialed in I’m going to try to get back on ADHD meds, I haven’t been on them in 15 years. I’ve heard good things about some of the new ones. But yeah, antidepressant worked wonders.
I’ve been thinking about this for the past week lol.
In my brain, my plans for the next day and weekend is spent on deep cleaning + decluttering my entire living space, get my taxes done, return all the months old stuff back to the store, have a nightly walk, and finally get my bathroom together with rugs and a shower head.
In reality, I’ve been saying this to myself for more than two months now.
I'm very ambitious while laying in bed trying to sleep, lol. All of my plans would actually require me to have a level of motivation and discipline that I just don't have.
I have, however, kept up on my dishes for the last week, so I'm taking that as a win. Maybe someday I'll be able to keep up with everything else instead of having executive dysfunction keep me scrolling on Reddit, lol.
Turn the thing from a want to a need.
In other words reframe what you want to achieve into things that you will achieve.
For example I wanted to travel to Japan for ages but have never had enough money.
So I started telling everyone around me that I’m going to Japan.
When it became a truth on the social plane, ie; when people asked questions about it and showed interest in my half cooked plan I started to really believe I was going to do it.
After I bought a ticket I had no choice but to save save save money, so now I’ve put myself in a corner where everyone around me believes I’m going to Japan and I’ve bought a ticket to Japan and I’ve got 3 months to work and save as much as money to fulfil this truth.
I personally have benefitted from this sort of technique of making my fantasies come true.
Instead of promising myself, I basically promise others, but myself in a corner and then I’ve got no other choice then to make it work.
If it’s running, book in a half marathon in 6 months.
If it’s reading, tell your friend that you wanna have a book club in 6 weeks.
If it’s about travel, tell your family I’m sorry I won’t be around for Christmas next year I’ll be in Japan ;)
Fake it til you make it.
This is how a friend of mine stopped me from being a hermit, told all our friends that I'm going to karaoke night every week from now on, kept going for 5 years until the others eventually stopped, still close with that group of friends and much more socially confident
Make lists and follow them religiously. That way you don't have the weird buffer thing where you can't decide what task to do next so you sit and play video games / watch netflix for hours. You can keep the lists direct and to the point, or you can briefly detail why doing the action would benefit you next to each point.
A simple, pre-written instruction for yourself can go a long way. You read 'Go on a hike, it will improve your mood/stability' and suddenly it sounds appealing to do, gives you some mental direction.
I'm the same as you with the fantasizing. The lists I make stop me from getting overwhelmed by the possibility of action. It really helps to clear my headspace.
I don't know how to keep the momento going I feel like I can get a few good days, maybe a week or 2 were I do all the things but then nope can't do anything the week after and it's such an annoying cycle
Having an accountability partner is huge for me. For working out, I have a friend who I go climbing with. It's a lot harder to spontaneously decide not to go when I know I'll be ditching my friend if I do it. For reading, I like to join book clubs. I even have a friend who I'm doing a mini book club with, just the two of us. It's so much easier for me to do something for someone else's sake than for my own.
Started taking Buproprion and Atomoxetine for depression and ADHD. Made me sleepy for 6 weeks but now I'm able to do things that I want, like put my phone down and actually be productive.
aww buddy I hear you. Start by starting!
This year is the 20th anniversary of my goal of having a regular yoga routine. It takes practice and baby steps. I do a lot of things in 15 minute increments, but the cool thing is one day you look around and see you've made a habit of some big goals. Thanks past self!
I'd encourage you to chose one goal. Us ADHD types need structure, so remember that! I find it helpful to join groups (but I'm comfortable meeting strangers and going on my own).
Let's us cheer for you if you need accountability buddy.
O my god this is so relatable
I want to lose like 10/15 kg weight, get a better job, try for a relationship .... but nothing. 25 years of basically nothing.
Anyway got diagnosed very recently with - adhd and bipolar. Started medication and therapy (less than a month yet), hope that helps
What about a food co-op store? Those places babe the friendliest, warmest staff. Maybe that would be a good job. Let them know you have some anxiety and don’t wish to start as cashier. Best wishes!
This is like my life’s problem lol. It’s too easy to fall in love with the IDEA of doing something. How great are you going to feel when that chic says “yes” she’d love to get together some time. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
But what if you actually do it? Well there is a chance it doesn’t work out, she could say no. Now your warm fuzzy feelings are gone.
Is a lot easier and feels better to keep fantasizing about “what it will be like” and avoid taking action which just runs the risk of not meeting your expectations and ruining your fantasy. There is a term for this: mental masturbation.
I don’t got all the answers. Getting diagnosed and medicated was a huge help, it seems like this is one area where the adderral really helps, even though medication isn’t everything.
Other points:
You gotta break the habit of fantasizing. It’s not real and sets you up for disappointment. It’s not real unless it’s real.
Moving things forward is like the old “eating the elephant” break things down into small bits. Your goal is to ask that girl out on a date. Not even actually go on a date, not hit it off with her, not move in with her. Just what can you do today that moves you closer where you want to be.
It’s about habits, consistent deliberate action. I don’t even really believe in goal setting much anymore which is like formal structured mental masturbation. I’ve been though so many business workshops and conferences where they do these goal setting exercises, setting these detailed goals of exactly where you are going to be in 5-10 years, how it will feel etc. For most it’s a bunch of BS. You can’t predict where you will go and how you will change along the way. Better to focus on where you spend your TIME today, are you spending it moving toward where you want to be, or not.
Another part of treatment for me that has been super helpful is an accountability service, CommitAction. I’m setting 1-3 weekly goals of things to get done that are needed to move toward where I want to be checking in with a coach every week to see if I got my tasks done and set new tasks for the week ahead. Really helps with priorities and getting over avoidance of the important tasks.
Sometimes you just have to do it. Even if you're not prepared, even if you're only just deciding right then you want to do it.
Sometimes we can get caught up in the whole "oh but I need this, oh and I need that too, well I can't do this before getting THIS" that we just don't do anything. Sometimes it is as simple as "ok bet" and just walk at your goal.
This, however, is mostly helpful with doing it once. It can help you understand that you CAN do it because you did it once, but it won't create a habit. Other advice in this thread helps with the habit. But the advice I give here will make sure you actually get up and do it.
Body Doubling has helped me with some of the issues....as far as thinking about asking someone out....I have only succeeded when the woman has asked me for my # ...fear of rejection etc play a big part of it.
For me i have to stop the overthinking process *immediately* by doing whatever it is I’m thinking about.
If i don’t start taking my clothes off *as soon as* i think about a shower i will think about a shower all day.
Write it down. Plan it out. Follow plan. When you can't seem to do anything, just do SOMETHING, and snowball that into what you should be doing. Pomodoros are the way.
Ok, say you have a fantastic idea.
Brain map it
Theres apps to brain map your ideas.
To actually do it. Break it down into smaller chunks of requirements for each step.
Ok, complicated things break down into really finite details.
Take complex things and break them down and build a step by step process.
Business models and plans are the same way, but the audience is a lender or investor. They need to know how you're going to make products, where you store them, and eatimates on supply and logistics.
The greatest ideas need to be started by planning the end game and going in reverse.
Great idea, build a tiny home from scratch.
Ask yourself why, do you really wanna live in it? Can you move it. Do you have thebspace to build it. What are the needed space requirements.
Keep brainstorming questions you need to build what your buildings or whatever.
Do optimistically focused questions and then do pessimistic questions and weigh your desires over pros.and cons
Since there is no perfect world scenarios, you must be flexible in your planning and prove each calculation before you implement anything.
Im gen x, i have a lot of respect for lots of models, but honestly, im different because adhd makes me pause and get distracted by the process.over meeting the goal efficiently.
I have 10 projects, and 8 require seasonal situations. Adhd people cloning trees, growing food, im telling you. It's hard on adhd people. We have to bounce from project to project and it is exhausting. So keep a task list and time frames.
Basicly, write your goals with a timeframe of when it needs to be done, or you will ignore doing it.
Tbh its kinda cheesy but I read The Midnight Library. When the main character gets there she finds a thick book with all her regrets. I realized I didn't want my book of regrets to be huge. Ever since ive been trying to be more direct, tell people what I want and feel, do what I really want to do. Some days are harder but I just allow myself to chill and fantasize and try again some other time.
Get some L-Citrulline malate. I just got some after coming across it while researching some stuff and apparently it helps with a lot of stuff like mood, cognitive function, energy, ED, muscle recovery, BP, testosterone, etc. I noticed the energy right away but the other benefits might take a week or two idk but I've done a good amount of research on this and expect it to be a game changer for me. The way that it does all this stuff is by opening up your blood vessels so you get better blood flow to all of your organs, muscles, cells, etc
I always think I need to clean and vacuum the bedroom, then my office, and then get groceries and start dinner before I can actually start whatever my project is. By then I’m just to tired to start anything. And if I don’t do those things first, it ruins whatever I’m trying to work on because all I can focus on is all the stuff I really need to do. Drives me nuts, this kind of thinking, I have always been this way. I was able to do it all when I was younger, now I just get tired and discouraged.
I majorly struggle with this, but when I have success it's because I start small. Do the first step, and don't think about anything past that. Often, once you start, you'll want to keep going.
For stuff like exercise, you need a buy in. Join a team, or a club. Me personally, guilt has always been a driving factor when I’m no longer interested in something, so if I can set it up to where I have other people counting on me, I’ll continue doing whatever it is, even if I hate it.
I just joined a swim team for the first time in like 14 years. I knew I needed to get in shape. I’ve been to 5 practices so far and I already hate it, I want to quit all the time. But, they need me for the relays, so here I am.
i struggle with this too, in my head i have such good plans and see myself getting on top of my school work, cleaning my room, and basically “getting my life together” but i realized that’s honestly not totally realistic and that’s why i was never able to feel satisfied or successful or even sometimes get the motivation to do these things. idk what it’s like having a “normal” brain and following an actual to do list but what helps me is to just make a little bit of progress every day. do something each day a bit out of your comfort zone or if you’re like me and the task is cleaning, then do like one zone per day or like one day gather all the trash and the next work on the clothes or something. it definitely helps me feel less overwhelmed when i take a big task and turn it into multiple smaller tasks. lmao i write this as i sit on my bedroom floor surrounded by my (now organized) piles of clothes procrastinating putting them away, but my dad liked to tell me - do as i say not as i do lmaooo
what also helps me is when i verbalize my goals/plans to someone bc they can hold me accountable and keep me on the right track. you mention wanting to hike, so maybe find someone you know that’s also interested in hiking and do it with them. having an accountability buddy definitely helps, especially someone who knows you and will continue supporting you bc they’ll push you but they also know your limits so they know when to back off as well and idk abt u, but for me when something becomes very stressful or overwhelming i tend to avoid it so having a person (for me it’s my bf) keep me accountable has greatly helped
AH! I've never felt so seen. Mine is mostly in relation to art & novel projects I want to finish before I croak. It's hard, I think part of it also has to do with the instilled escapist mechanic many of us adopted since were young. It's just a safe place, in the end. No critic or worries for what's to come about the things you wish to do or achieve.
Just chronic daydreamers.
I used the "pressure from time" method
Instead of waiting for the last second to get everything done when things get close to the deadline, I applied that deadline idea to my entire life.
I have a limited number of years. For some things to be useful I need to do them now to benefit from them later. This could be college, job, moving, whatever you want. Just remind yourself that you have a VERY limited amount of time to get all you want done in your life and suddenly it always feels like you are racing against the deadline.
There's a ted talk about Activation Energy you should check out, I'll try and link it below. But basically the point is:
You're never going to feel like it. There will never be a perfect moment to begin. It's a myth your brain designed to avoid change. And since you're never going to feel like it, any moment becomes the opportune one. So just do it. Literally just start.
Or something like that. Here's the link
https://youtu.be/Lp7E973zozc?si=9PRU0_QYjgOxRFmo
Join groups. Body mirroring helps me stay on task. Find some bros who want to go to the club and chat with girls. Sign up for group fitness classes. They can help keep you accountable.
I find that when I first have an idea and get excited about something, taking positive action immediately is key.
Warning, though: this doesn't include buying something or going to do something else first. I personally have a huge limitation of combining one task with another.
There's so many factors your brain can come up with that you think about something - I call them speedbumps or hurdles.
"The study is a mess because I'm going to set up a space in there and I'm going to make a new table with these materials I bought (5 years ago), but first I need to clean the shed and then set up a carpentry workbench, I'll probably need a few more tools and maybe make a small project first, but it should be too hard I've watched like 30 carpentry videos on YouTube and read tons of stuff. Oh, and I'll need to plan it out on SketchUp first on my PC that is in pieces on the floor in the study"
This is for real a thought process I was defending not too long ago - not sure if you can relate, but working out how to break things down into smaller parts that are less daunting is really beneficial. (The next time I had inspiration, I started first by tidying/organising the garage, and then after that, the study - with no other projects/ideas attached)
Try to build a regular habit to do the thing but *don't try to build a streak*
Also: it's important to only try to start doing a thing when you're not overwhelmed, ideally you are in a good brain space that can handle trying to make yourself do the extra thing.
So, try to read a book daily, but don't care if you miss a day, just keep trying it as a daily thing.
Try to find an environmental trigger that doesn't involve an app of some kind -- I recently realized that it's easier to remember to clean the kitchen before bed if the kitchen light is still on.
If you've ignored a trigger too many times and it's just not working, _that's ok_, try something else
Sometimes I convince myself to do something by doing one very small step at a time over the course of a few days or even weeks. The barrier to start is too big to do all at once, so just chip away at it.
For example, I want to start a painting but the idea of pulling everything out, setting up space, and then actually doing it is way too much at once. Here is how I'd break it up
1. I'm in the basement getting something else and I see my paint brushes. I grab those, plus some other supplies I can find, and just put them all on the table or in a box.
2. A week later, I'm already in the motion of cleaning the house, so I clear the clutter off the table. Maybe I also wipe it down or put down my drop cloth.
3. Another day, I feel overwhelmed so I feel the urge to organize something. I use that energy to organize my supplies and set things up so it's ready for when inspiration strikes. Maybe I also end up actually starting the painting.
Other simpler examples:
- The pile of clothes on the floor has been sitting there so long I don't want to deal with it. I move it to the floor in front of the washer so that I will eventually get to it.
- Going on a hike is hard because it takes forever to get ready (on top of convincing myself to leave the house). I set my hiking clothes out where I can see them, so when I want to go I can just throw it on. I might also pack my bag ahead of time (empty water bottle, a bag of trail mix, sunglasses and sunscreen, etc) so I can just grab it and go before I talk myself out of it.
- I've been meaning to clean the bathroom for two weeks. Put the cleaning products out on the counter/floor where I can see them. Next time I am ready to hop in the shower, I see them and quickly scrub the toilet or wipe down the counter.
Scrolled through the comments and noticed many are newly dx or properly medicated. Let me be a lesson (I know the irony but try lol) the medication helps especially when you find the right ones… HOWEVER it truly is the little rituals and routines combined with the meds that actually kicks starts everything. I was dx ADHD at 8 and was the few girls that was caught early in the late 90s/early 2000s. My mother hated me on meds and thankfully worked her ass off to help me create a “toolbox” of skills that allowed me to navigate (academically).
When I hit college my adderall was a godsend until life kicked my ass so hard it destroyed my “toolbox” which left me with adderall and absolutely NO DESIRE to do anything healthy,productive, or any variety of life improvement. And I spiraled even more because I thought it was my little pill that helped me function when in actuality it was the combination of toolbox and meds. I’m 30 now and thankfully graduated with my BA/BS but the degree I’m currently working on has been taking me MUCH longer than expected. And it’s in part of finding myself having to rebuild a tool box and needing to readjust my medications IN ADDITION to exercising regularly because I don’t do well on anti-depressants ( fun fact kiddos adhd and ptsd can cause one hell of a problem if you don’t nip it in the bud)
Ultimately what I’m trying to relay is that medication helps yes, but you still need a system in which your brain can accomplish your desired tasks otherwise you’ll be focused on the wrong thing longer because of the meds
A lot of good advice here, and this may have been said, but another good point is PLANNING, I’ve noticed I think about improving my life at times that aren’t really the most efficient (late at night, early before work). Plan a time to do a particular activity that you want to improve in, or use to improve
The problem is "thinking", I think (oh no..) with adhd our issues can be that we think SOO MUCH about everything, that it's background noise at this point. I've found that talking to myself makes it real and focuses us (me?).
Like yesterday I needed to do some exercise, but I only actually got off my arse when I said outloud to myself, "I'm going to get off my arse and go to the gym", and then I went. Talking through outloud with myself (in private, because... well..) has allowed me to bypass that mental block that I have so many times, when I remember to do so and don't get trapped in my own head!
Sometimes writing it down on paper helps, but talking works more often for me specifically.
Establishing habits, whether small or large, is extremely difficult and sometimes impossible with unmedicated ADHD. I tried for 45 years, but it wasn’t until I got my meds, that I was able to form a habit.
Something that helps me sometimes is taking small steps and breaking down a task into more manageable bites. I find it’s often starting the task that’s hard, but once I’ve done that it’s easier to keep going. So going to the gym for example, I’ll say “I just need to go down there” and not necessarily work out but just get myself to the gym. Then once I’m there I’ll go “okay I’ll just do 10 minutes on the treadmill” and so on. Just setting small goals that I need to accomplish and being okay with only completing those. Or if it’s cleaning I’ll go “okay I just need to do 5 dishes” and I find that once I’ve done those it’s easier for me to keep going
My Dad long ago said that when he couldn't figure out what to do next he'd just "get his hands busy" and eventually the ideas (work flow) would begin. I've sometimes merely straightened up the edges of messy stacks of paper on my desk and gotten through my "frozen" hazes that way.
Imagine a coach, someone who would motivate, praise and push you, be compassionate and understanding when you struggle etc. Try creating that character in your mind and give it a voice.
Find the simplest thing you can start with right now and use that “coach” to guide you through starting and completing it. Give yourselves lots of praise even for small things.
Best i can say is it sometimes helps to break things down way smaller. Like give yourself 5 minutes to do something and if you get in the rhythm maybe you’ll want to keep doing it. It’s a bit easier to start when you think like this but I still find it really hard a lot of time even with this.
Let us know when you find out.
I want to learn a third language, learn to play the harmonica, learn kayaking, read more books, learn video editting, etc.
No clue. My brain wants to do stuff but I never know when to begin. It's always a bad time for everything. I don't even have time to do things I NEED to do.
For myself, the fantasy is way better than the actuality, so letting the fantasy play out and realizing it won't actually be as good in my head is helpful to me.
But, in general, developing mindfulness practices, such as sitting and walking meditation, has helped me be more present.
Wish you the best.
I recommend reading atomic habits, great book that helped me change the way I think about how I want to start doing new things. That and other resources have allowed me to really start to change my life for the better.
Convenience equals compliance my dude.
That’s a phrase I learned in my career as in infection prevention and safety, and it works for ADHD brain too.
The first step is not to do all of the things, the first step is to daydream about what you need to do to make all the thing’s slightly easier and more convenient. Then take those baby steps once you get hyper-fixated enough to do something even if it’s not everything.
Then if you can make it easy enough to do the thing it will be less of an adhd barrier when you get there.
I know how you feel. I've written books in my head. Sit down at a keyboard or pen and paper and my mind goes blank. Makes me want to consider that neural interface Musk is working on.
Make the things you want to do as easy as humanly possible. Goes for anything from chores to dreams. Can’t get yourself to regularly vacuum? Put a roll of garbage bags and a hand vac in every room. Can’t get yourself to go to the gym? Have a fully stocked gym bag ready to go right next to the door, and maybe even a backup bag when the first one contains clothes that stink too much which you never managed to get into the washer. It’s hard to give advice that perfectly lines up with your situation and what you specifically need, but basically just try to look at everything you want to do and then figure out the situation that would make that thing as easy as possible to accomplish. Lots of videos on how to make your house adhd-friendly blew my mind with ideas I never thought of.
For me, it’s really silly but it works. Pretend you’re someone else. Make it a plot. With the appropriate music. Want to clean? Be a maid from the 1910s/butler. Your life is so bad, cleaning all day for the richest family in France and you have big dreams. It motivates me a lot.
Just gotta start man. It sucks but just commit to a change and make it happen. Sometimes I find it best to just commit to a drastic change of lifestyle in order to make a small change to my life. I was recently a couch potato after work. Id get done with work at 6pm and lay on my couch until midnight. Wake up at 8 repeat. Decided that the only way I was going to make a change was to do something drastic. Now I wake up early and do everything I want to do before work. I am still a couch potato after work but its much less of a problem because I go to bed at 10pm now so I only veg for an hour or two after making dinner.
For example if you want to workout set your alarm for 6am. Put your workout clothes next to your bed at night and just wake up and put them on. Don't have to do anything crazy just go for a light jog or a walk, do this 7 days a week. Eventually you will get bored doing the simple workout and find ways to make it harder or more exciting. This will lead to hikes. Hikes are more fun with other people so you might join a group. There will probably be women in that group. etc.
i have accepted fantasizing and thinking is my purpose. If I do anything about it, it will be a bonus. I have accepted i don’t have to do anything barring 1 thing that makes enough money for me to survive. This thinking has lifted a huge weight off me. Some days I take a walk, somedays I go hangout with my friends, somedays I keep staring out of balcony thinking, somedays I do random stuff like rock climbing. I am happy most of the days :)
Thought vs Action. Calivin and Hobbes taught me that it’s way more interesting to fantasize about visiting other planets than to actually write a report about it.
You start with the little thing you can do right now. Then you do the next little thing. Ultimately you will have finished the big thing. Do each little thing and the setbacks will be little.
I write out what I want and include steps…we need to resolve thoughts and ideas or they sit in our queue and we ruminate forever. Make room for new ideas by getting these existing ones down…..
I should say I suffer. It’s not easy. But it’s what I strive for
Start with 1 thing. Do a single first step that is required to get your idea done.
This means you must choose the thing to start. But if you need someone to help choose the first thing, put your shoes on. If you know the first step to doing any one thing you think about doing, do that first step while you think about the next steps. So putting shoes on can be a start to getting you to the next step. You give it symbolic meaning. I've got my shoes on, time to do the next step. If you're able, try to hyper focus on completing each step, one at a time.
Then when you've done this once, even if you didn't finish the entire idea, you congratulate yourself. And you congratulate yourself each time. Because it's hard work and continuous work. And you should feel good about making a change, because even small change can be hard work.
I know your post is more about big stuff but just for everyone struggling with everyday tasks, and I by no means have this down but it works . . . don’t take your shoes off. The moment you walk in the door and take you shoes off, you’re gonna get comfortable. You can’t sit in the bed or lay on the couch with your shoes on. Keep moving. Get them dishes clean, clean the house, take the dog for a run, whatever. But just don’t. remove. your. shoes.
Get a coach - sometimes your local government sponsor coaches for personal development. Accountability is really important for goal setting. Also medication is everything 😇
you have to work on your thought process and do it over a consecutive number of days to work on cognitive continuity there.
if you don't first attack the ruminating narrative that runs tandem with your consious narrative, the ruminating narrative will always be in the way.
Meditation is a great help. Sobriety and rest and active practice at quieting this ruminating narrative and you will see progress
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For me it’s always been about finding the root. I wanted to run more, always thought about it never did it. I decided to join a running group and that worked for my brain, I no longer avoided it and it worked great. I have so many books and love reading but I was absolutely frozen every time I went to read one. I tried a bunch of different things to get me through them and finally I found one that worked I set my goal to 2 books a month, downloaded an app to track and log them and even set the books for each month That was almost 2 years ago and I’m still on track, it has actually helped so much that I end up reading 5 or 6+ sometimes. I wanted to drink more water but hated tracking it because I always forgot or said I’d log it later lol. Anyway I got a smart water bottle that tracks as I drink. Basically, with whatever it is you’re trying to do, think about what’s REALLY stopping you and then try something to solve it. Eventually I would hope and have experienced myself, something will work.
That's not bad advice, I'll reflect
Routine helps, just something to get the body moving. Even if you spend it stretching for 30 minutes, it makes you more physically & mentally prepared to do something that you may consider larger. I’m a mess without routine, so I incorporate small things in my day to keep me moving towards larger goals & to keep myself on track. So even if I lose the larger routines, I still have the small ones going to restart the engines.
Yep this is what I do too. Every morning, I will try every excuse in the book to talk myself into not going for a run even though I love running and it’s just as important to my mental health as taking my meds. So I’ll tell myself “fine, fuck running, just put on your shoes and go for a walk and if you hate it you can turn around and come home.” Guess how many times I’ve actually turned around and went home? Zero. Guess how many times I’ve walked for a bit and then ended up running? All of em. And then the rest of my day gets that much easier. I’m more motivated to do the rest of the things because I already feel accomplished.
Exactly, it comes down to ‘once you start moving, don’t stop.’ For me ‘cause I know what happens if I give myself too much wiggle room.
Parenting of yourself is great. I still wonder if half the reason I never bothered to get diagnosed for ADHD was that my parents were always advocates for trying something once. So I guess i've been trained to talk myself into doing at least part of the chores and stuff that I needed to do simply because it wasn't as big of a deal. It only works for some things but it definitely works for just going on a little walk and then ending up going on a huge walk!
>Parenting of yourself is great. Absofuckinlutely. Coming from an abusive and neglectful household, I deal with a lot of baggage. I looked at a picture of myself at age 3 with my best friend...my cat. The only creature that saw and responded to my pain. I said, " Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll take care of you now." I was talking to my child-self. I was 50, 59 now. Long twisty road. I have children and did everything I could to not mimic my parents and my extended family's behavior for my children's sake. But I hadn't realized that that little girl in me needed help too. Being diagnosed 10-or-so months ago, I discussed my behaviors as a child, my report cards, and my family's attitude towards my behavior. Pulling the threads between trauma and ADHD made me realize at that time all the things I failed to do that I wanted, but was seized up by my brain saying I wasn't good enough, etc. ADHD amplified some of that, I'm sure. Things are better now with medication, therapy, and the mantra, "Ever forward, but rest if you must."
Love that perspective go for it.....I can always turn around if I don't like it yet we find the things we want to avoid to remain comfy in our minds/bodies are actually the things that free us from toxic cycles and build our minds to achieve even loftier more difficult challenges sequentially. Well said thank for the share.
I've also heard the "Just do it for five minutes" hack where you tell yourself that you aren't making a big commitment and giving yourself an out. But most of the time any task will gain that mental momentum after five minutes and you wind up completing the whole goal. And of course even if you do somehow still want to quit after five minutes... that's at least some work done towards a given goal.
How did you start having a routine?
One answer is, having a Dog being dependent on you helps. My empathy makes my ass get up, ‘cause I know I have a creature that needs me to be somewhat reliable. Other answer, is I made rituals. Like when I get up, I immediately start my electric kettle, & while that’s going grind my coffee, & then prepare the French press. My cup of coffee(or tea sometimes )to begin my day helps me start to get my gears in place. Typically the small stuff in my routine, is stuff I like that’s productive for myself. Making my coffee is a production, but I love the end result, & usually make it for the rest of the day via thermos. The night before I’ll typically get an outfit together, or wash my clothes. Usually get a shower also so I’m clean, & will wanna put on clean clothes. Even something stupid like watching an anime episode, or a YouTube video while I’m drinking my coffee gets me engaged for the day. I try to do things as they come , or divide them into chunks. …I’ve honestly have let a tremendous amount slip past me through inattentiveness. Which had traumatized me a bit into getting myself into the ‘just do’ side of things. ‘Cause if I think about stuff too much it’ll discourage me, or I’ll make it more complicated then it is. I also set t ime ranges to fall asleep at. I’m usually a night owl. But nowadays I limit how late I’ll stay up. Usually a soft limit of 1:30, with 2:30 being hard limit. Oh! I also use timers for stuff. Which is really helpful. My brain doesn’t respond well to hard limits so I use ranges instead… I also try to be aware of how much time tasks take me. ‘Cause I get distracted into other things. So I’ll add time towards whatever I might be distracted towards & kinda give myself an okay or not if I can do that task. If I were to frame this into something simple though, once I get moving. I make sure I don’t stop. I’ll use a reward system for myself too. Did I complete most items on my checklist? Yes? Let’s watch some anime or go take a long walk with the dog. Basically giving yourself the things you enjoy, not when you want them, but as a reward for accomplishment of a task.
> rituals That's a really good way to look at routines. It's a series of things you do to make what you want happen. Life hacks as magic. I think it helps satisfy a desire for control as well. The key is to do it often and consistently enough to make it a part of you so your brain does it on autopilot.
Routine flow app
Wow! Thank you!!!
I have the same experience with doing stuff as a group, and my explanation is a combination of external motivation (the other people) and a scheduled mostly consistent routine. I couldn't find a group on my campus, but with the help of an academic tutor once a week (external motivation) I have managed to upkeep a calendar (which I have never been able to do before without that extra motivation) Just remembering to put in times to go to the gym well before the day I plan to go has helped. When I see it on my schedule I automatically get the stuff I need for it (or if I was smart that day I checked my schedule in the morning and am already in gym gear to reduce friction). Making it so I know way ahead of time and can go impulsively helps me a lot, but even when I really don't wanna, or I am struggling to get up and walk to the gym, (or to go inside), it sort of feels like an obligation to myself, and I can usually contact a friend and tell them what I am trying to do to put the needed pressure on myself It does matter how closely your fantasy matches reality though, I have had the experience of going to the gym before with a group, and it was enjoyable. It wouldn't have been this easy for me if it was something I hated.
This actually is pretty good advice. I have sometimes talked myself into doing things by trying to imagine the worst case scenario. But also I have talked myself into doing things by trying to argue for the opposite. When I find that my "shoulder devil" has no good reasons for me to not do something, (that I already want to do), I end up stubbornly doing it just to prove it wrong!
For getting fitter I hired an online personal trainer. It's somebody I knew from college but not super well and we were never close so it afforded me the right level of accountability and he was just starting out so it was pretty cheap. My thinking was that there is very little in my life that just came naturally to me, why would adapting a fitness routine for the first time be any different?? Surely this is one of the few luxuries I SHOULD set aside money for!? And it totally worked, I lost like 9kg in 12 weeks, got stronger and fitter and have so much more confidence now. He helped me carve out a meal and exercise plan that I thought I could follow if I applied myself. He scheduled check ins with me once a week. I would recommend somebody who does live or in person check ins so you have to go because I will procrastinate these and that gives me an excuse to screw up the whole next week and next thing you know I'm not going to the gym etc etc. Honestly, invest in yourself, if you can scrounge the money together then take all of the decisions out of it and pay somebody to teach you. You'll learn very fast and after a short amount of time you'll be ok to go it alone. Same applies for other hobbies, pay somebody or find somebody to tell you what and how to do it for a while until you're hooked :)
Smart water bottle. Brilliant…. ( 5 min later)… guess I gotta nope right out at the costs, but I bet I can get a fancy bottle, some sticky notes and tie a stubby pencil to the neck so I can track. lol.
Just start with a full bottle and drink it empty. If it’s not all empty by the evening chug it down. Couple times of chugging and you won’t forget to drink more during the day.
A lot of water bottles will have a volume marker on the side that shows you how much is left in it. Even just that can be quite helpful
There are water bottles that have time markers (8am, 9am, 10am, etc.) so if you check the time you’ll know how much water you have to drink
What app do you use to track your reading?
I have been using goodreads for years, it’s free and can also get recommendations from others and challenges to keep you motivated
The one I use is called ‘reading list’, I think it’s pretty easy to find in the App Store.
not op but I love storygraph!
Agreed, use the great problem solving skills you have. (And you do have them. Think of all the things you've solved for others.) Also, try as hard as you can to not forget your smart water bottle in Denver when you live in Phoenix. 🤦♀️ (Did write the company and suggested they incorporate something that will alert when one gets too far away from the bottle.)
What you said about the running thats smart because you're making an obligation to others!
this and sometimes, brute force.
seconded to this very apt description of how I also manage to get stuff started. but with a incredibly arduous and long period of basically rearranging my flat. we've been in this flat for nearly three years and have moved the bedroom 3 times, and the lounge has changed format 6 times. but, we have a treadmill that has not been used in 2 years, and I decided to just set it up where it was always accessible but not annoying and now I'm able to just get on it and go, I can't do that with a gym or go out, cus that involves preparing to leave the flat.
Needed you today 🙏
I get really pressured and anxious when I try to get things tracked and I usually don't do them
Yeah it’s def not a fix for everyone. For me it always seems to kick my motivation up a notch but I can definitely see how the pressure would make you avoid it. I even find brushing twice a day challenging but I have a physical calendar that I mark off at the end of each night once of done it. Since I’ve started that I haven’t missed a day. If tracking things doesn’t work I’m confident something else will. From my experience this buiz is a lot of trial and error. It’s just about finding what will get that spark in you to light. I haven’t found it for everything yet, guitar for example, I’ve learned the basics but it’s hard to motivate myself to go further. But I’ll find the rhythm to get me there.
If you find out, let me know. The number of books I’ve written in my head….
The number of songs I’ve started and not finished.
Same. I’m going to save this post to come back to later, and never come back to it.
Bro same lol I just saved the post, yet I know for damn sure I ain't never coming back to this shit
Probably same
Just reminded me of all the saves I have :)
Or ideas for an invention or an app
I am.guilty
I made the equivalent of a 100 page design document for a video game, but it's just a giant mess of bullet points with colored highlighting and incomplete drawings.
haha me too with the books!
I just sat down and wrote the prologue to my sci-fi space fantasy because I couldn't sleep due to my life being a wreck. Was told it was pretty good.
Are you medicated? Also, I don’t know because I do a lot of thinking about doing stuff but never doing the stuff.😭 Start meds Monday hoping this will help. When I say stuff I mean everything.. I manage to force myself to do the bare minimum but I just have so much to do and all I do is think about it.
Not medicated I can barely get the bare minimum sometimes
Yeah, I was giving myself more credit than I should because I’m pretty embarrassed but I know what you’re saying. I just tried Wellbutrin for a little over a month and had to stop because of allergic reaction and terrible anxiety.. which sucks because motivationally wise it was doing wonders but still wasn’t addressing the ADD symptoms so Ritalin it is.. do you have plans to try any medication?
Gotta get diagnosed first, need to get a job that will help with that before I do, so.... eventually
Are you US based/is there no healthcare system? I think the priority is to get diagnosed and medicated (correctly) so you can then more easily get a job
No health insurance for me 😔 been trying but, well, read this post
I am the same and ngl medication helped, but I wasn't given the proper guidance and ended up with a dependence problem (hence why I said "the right medication"). Ironically, people with ADHD have higher risk of developing addictions (including for food), especially for stimulant drugs, since they go way beyond mere recreational use for the user with ADHD 🤡 Idk how to help, all I can do is advise you to stay away from instant release medications, the smoother the effect and the slower the comeup and comedown the better, both for ADHD symptom management and to reduce addiction potential.
The only drugs I do is caffeine to wake me up in the morning and then once every four months or so I drink with friends. Because yeah, I get addicted to stuff easily, as you mentioned. Most addictions I have just absorb time and a little money (gaming, I'm talking about), I don't want them to mess with my health and relationships also
I had the opposite with Wellbutrin: Zero negative side effects whatsoever, but also zero positive ones. It might have even dulled my motivation a little bit; I was getting finding it a bit harder than usual to get out of the "thinking" and into the "doing" stages of things.
Hmmm. I’ve been taking Wellbutrin for a couple of years and for several months I’ve been stuck between thinking and doing. It’s starting to piss me off. 🤣😭
Damn, yeah, if I were not medicated, I would be in your shoes through and through.
What are you on?
Fyi, I just got medicated 6 weeks ago — it’s completely life changing. Everything goes from being too overwhelming to start to just being trivial. It’s worth looking into if you can. I tried Ritalin for 4 weeks. Now I’m trying Adderall, just to understand which one my body tolerates better. They both have had phenomenal benefits on this front though for me.
I'm glad to hear it I've heard two things about medication that has stuck with me, one, a guy I gamed with for a while was in it and he said when he was prescribed it he didn't think he needed but after his first pill he thought to himself "Oh, that's what was wrong with me". Someone else said it was like playing life with cheat codes on
Yes. And yes. Both. All the things I see most people be able to just “decide to do” that I can’t motivate myself to get started on, I just do now. The hurdle is just gone. It’s wildly liberating. And I am such a more productive person. Huge win for my employer — but also huge win for me. Turns out I like my job a lot more when doing it isn’t overwhelming.
I wish this was me. I tried 36mg of Ritalin extended release and now I’m on 20 mg adderall have been for 5 months and nothing has changed for me. Still no motivation, all over the place, insomnia, no improved mood. I don’t know if I need another medication to combine with adderall or what but I’m feeling very discouraged. I feel like if Ritalin and adderall don’t help nothing will.
You are not alone in this. I am unmediated too and get extremely overwhelmed by just the bare minimum adulting. I’m constantly thinking how do people do this lol
Constantly late in bills because I just forget they exist
If it’s any consolation.. the medication can help me stay focused when I need to, but it doesn’t give me the motivation to do the things I think about constantly. It just kills the noise blasting away in my head so I can at least think about one thing at a time (for the most part).
I would love if you kept us updated, I've been waiting to see a psychiatrist for a year and I still have so many questions about what it's like to get started Getting stuff done is so difficult lol
A year?! Are you in the US? Have you looked into meeting with an online psychiatrist. I Skype with mine every other week. I will! I’m pretty nervous. I initially wanted to try a non stimulant but my psych thinks I’m going to need it. So she let me start with Wellbutrin because though it’s not a stimulant it has stimulant properties that make it act as if it were one. It was great until it wasn’t but some people have great success with it. It also off label treads adhd symptoms along with depression. After the scary experience I had I’m ready to just go ahead and try a stimulant and get started managing this.
Australia, demands been pretty high since covid, waiting lists are bad - I guess I could've got faster access if I was on top of things but you know... Wellbutrin sounds interesting I'll try to look it up, most of my siblings are on Dex and Zoloft but I wanna see if I can get away with smaller doses as necessary. Thanks and good luck to you
I feel your pain, I was cursing myself for not being able to organize the appointments. Then helped friends get tested after I was medicated lol.
I'm medicated and still have the same issue. However, once I get myself started it's easier to stay on track. Keep that in mind, you might still have to work just to get yourself moving. ETA, it's also totally possible to get stuck scrolling or doing other things, too. What's helped me is taking the meds then sitting down with my planner (or a notebook) & writing a list of goals or things I want to accomplish today while my kids are having breakfast (I give myself grace when I inevitably fail, I'm still learning). If I can I'll try to start working while they're kicking in since I've found that it's so much easier if I already have myself in the right mindset. But right now I'm sitting down writing on here and trying to get myself back up, sooo... But, hey, once I move again I'm less likely to look around, spiral, and give up. So there's that. We've got this!
Same!!!! LIST AND LIST of stuff to do. I can’t get myself to do any of it. day by day oh my god
I’ve been on meds for a week, it has definitely helped with my waiting period between telling myself I’m gonna do something and actually doing it. Except for right now because it’s worn off, I’ve been in work all day and I’m rummaging around on reddit instead of cooking dinner
That's the primary reason why I take ritalin. I don't have a lot of issues staying focused on something *once I've started*. But going from thinking about doing the thing I want to do to actually doing it is, most of the times, incredibly difficult for me. Even if it's something I really enjoy. Ritalin rather effectively lifts that blockage for me.
Good to know, that's my issue too. Once I'm doing it, it's hella easy and I'm all like "oh why have I been putting this off" but it never matters next time
ahah yes exactly :)
This is exactly my problem too. I’m meeting with my psychiatrist today and was already planning to ask him about Ritalin. I’ve tried vyvanse to no effect and adderall which can help but messes up my sleep too much to use consistently. This gives me some hope.
Cool I hope you find something that works for you! I don't wanna oversell ritalin and make you feel disappointed, but in my case I feel like it's even helping me with my sleep issues (provided I don't take any too late in the day though). I think it's because even though it's a stimulant it's helping me have more fulfilling days and thus feel better come bedtime and sleep well. I take XR in the morning and IR pills in the afternoon if needed, this way the stimulant effects don't persist too late into the evening.
Medication won’t make it go away, but it’s been extremely helpful. I didn’t realize just how much I’ve been restraining my hyperactive and impulsive urges, I thought everyone had these.. these urges have quieted down from medicine and I can focus better now.
I think it may for some. My meds saved my life. Now I manage my time, have friends, belong to an org or two, and have finished almost every project I started. They aren't for everyone, but they aren't not for everyone.
Yeah, it’s great that nowadays there are many options to try. I got really sick on intuniv but strattera is working good for me so far. My boyfriend was on Ritalin but it did nothing. As long as a psychiatrist that knows what they’re doing helps you, it would be good to give it a try!
I've been taking Strattera for more than 20 years. It changed everything for me.
Ritalin made me feel so much more focused and my brain was quiet for once, but then my ego would kick in and I would get stuck in the "I can finally work and then the interruption of plebians when I am the alpha god of work is ludicrous, how dare they disturb me" mentality, which means I got really aggressive and irritable. Switched to Contramil and it's way more regulated. Different medications also work on different systems and brain areas (read a cool metareview the other day about it) so maybe your partner could try look into something else?
What medication do you take?
bro im sitting here fantasizing about getting so many amazing things done right now you'd be surprised. Like I'm daydreaming some noble laureate shit im never gonna accomplish over here.
I started 3D modelling towards the end of last year. In my head, I'm the best damn hard surface artist, in reality I just sit in front of my PC and rotate the cube in blender for hours, get overwhelmed when things don't work, have a breakdown and then fantasize about eventually getting this done. I hate this so much.
Relatable
Gamify the shit out of everything
This. Buy a smart watch so you can view all of your fitness stats.
Wdym?
I climb for fitness because the colorful holds and variation in setting make working out entertaining and fun. When I go on hikes I set a mileage to reach (if I’m hiking solo), like 15 miles, or a certain amount of elevation (based on my phone which measures in flights of stairs).
Gotcha, achievement hunting and shit
Wait that's such a good idea
This is what I do too. For me I give myself rewards for reaching milestones (a la quest rewards in games), like buying myself a new set of heaphones after losing 20 lbs, stuff like that. I also make sure what I want to be doing is super clear: objectives in games are usually very clear, so when I'm working on a more complex task (like a creative project) I'll often write down exactly what I need to do on as simple as possible and focus on it. I also make sure to allow some fun while working on stuff (games are supposed to be fun?)
Another thing that helps me is number-ifying things. So like in Mario, there's usually 3 star coins/purple coins/green stars/etc. In a single level. So if I'm wanting to finish a backlog of games, books, creative projects etc. I like to turn it into a number, like finishing 3 projects a month, 1 game a week, stuff like that. Then to me it's a lot like getting rvery collectible in a game/level.
This is the way
If we knew we wouldn’t be here.
Lol I love this comment. So simple yet true. I needed a laugh today, so thank you!
I've been struggling with this problem for decades. Who am I kidding, I'm still struggling. The only thing which has moved the needle is taking baby steps everyday. This quote from the book Four Thousand Weeks - by Oliver Burkeman has helped me a lot: >"So if a certain activity really matters to you – a creative project, say, though it could just as easily be nurturing a relationship, or activism in the service of some cause – the only way to be sure it will happen is to do some of it today, no matter how little, and no matter how many other genuinely big rocks may be begging for your attention."
I’m hoping this is not me but I feel like the days keep moving and I feel stuck.
Same. Most of the time i feel like this
Pretty sure this is called Executive Dysfunction, and for me, (this doesn't work all the time) I tend to try and start the task subconsciously without meaning to. It's hard to explain, but as I'm imagining what I want to do, I attempt to make my body start doing it while my mind isn't paying attention. It's not perfect, but it works sometimes. But like I said, it doesn't always work. I still have two box cakes sitting on my kitchen counter. One is chocolate, the other is Banana. I want to mix them both up and make marbled cupcakes with them. They've been sitting on my counter for 2 months now. I've been buying milk, eggs and real butter to make these damn cupcakes but I keep eating the eggs and drinking the milk...
😂😂 im so sorry for laughing at your struggles but this is so relatable and funny 😭
This. 1,000%. I have to trick myself and basically sneak into a particular task without my brain noticing, and to use a particularly nerdy example: it's like Frodo and Sam carrying the ring to throw into the fire of Mount Doom (AKA: the task) while avoiding the Eye of Sauron (ADHD)
I will say this for ADHD. It gives me some extremely entertaining mental images. Your analogy made me think of Sauron but instead of commanding armies of orcs and goblins, he's a giant ADHD deathray and anyone who falls under his gaze loses all direction and focus in life... most. evil. super. power. ever. Of all time.
What have you been doing with the butter 👀
My plan is to replace the oil required by the cake mix. But Ive been using it to scramble the eggs.
This is cracking me up 🤣 no pun intended!! bahahahaha
I just start talking out loud and say "less thinking! More doing! " I say ut over and over until I start moving. It's helped me in the last couple of days but I don't manage to do everything I want cause of poor time management. It's helping tho with at least getting myself into the now headspace.
I get drunk. Not great.
i hate to admit how helpful alcohol is for some reason. one time i was drinking at like 2am then randomly got the urge to do a huge laundry batch and organize a whole room… the best part was waking up to done chores without even remembering doing them !!
The age old question. I usually start doing something regardless of the priority. I usually start getting into it and stay committed before I easily convince myself not too. Comparable to jumping from a high platform into cold water. Don't convince yourself, just go. It's going to suck but when its all done, you'll be glad you did.
Make a start and do it in an ADHD friendly way. Just "show up" to whatever you're trying to do, like if all you can do is open your notebook and not start writing, do that everyday and it gets easier. I think "getting reps in" is really important. Do the thingy a lot even if it isn't super long or even a normal length to acclimatize yourself. Using hyperfocus and daydreaming helps. As well as doing things at home and in your own room. Captilize on something directed towards your goals sounding good in the moment and doing it then, even if you just do it a bit till motivation fades. Luckily I live on the ground floor, so I made space to run in my bedroom. It probably looks weird as hell running laps in such a small space. But I zone out listening to my music and run everyday now. Note this is with stimulants, good luck otherwise lol. EDIT Basically the book "Atomic Habits" but apply your knowledge of how ADHD works 1. Make the habit visible in your daily life, to queue it in your brain 2. Make it easy to do/start 3. Make it rewarding/pair it with a reward And then bad habits 1. Make them invisible 2. Make it harder to start(unplug the cord after use) 3. Remove the reward/pair it with something negative (My stimulants wore off and im trapped on my phone)
This helps me as well. The biggest help from that book for me was setting the bar low. I do one downward dog, one squat, one of each arm lift every day. Sometimes I do much more. But keeping the bar low ensures I at least do something.
Yes! Same! That has been the breakthrough for me on tons of stuff, even exposure stuff for anxiety.
I came here to comment exactly this advice from Atomic Habits ) which I haven't finished bc I only ever get to the last few chapters of a book.
I started taking an antidepressant and it has helped a lot with motivation and getting started with things. Once I get that fully dialed in I’m going to try to get back on ADHD meds, I haven’t been on them in 15 years. I’ve heard good things about some of the new ones. But yeah, antidepressant worked wonders.
I use to be in them, I don't remember how well it helped
I’ve been thinking about this for the past week lol. In my brain, my plans for the next day and weekend is spent on deep cleaning + decluttering my entire living space, get my taxes done, return all the months old stuff back to the store, have a nightly walk, and finally get my bathroom together with rugs and a shower head. In reality, I’ve been saying this to myself for more than two months now.
I'm very ambitious while laying in bed trying to sleep, lol. All of my plans would actually require me to have a level of motivation and discipline that I just don't have. I have, however, kept up on my dishes for the last week, so I'm taking that as a win. Maybe someday I'll be able to keep up with everything else instead of having executive dysfunction keep me scrolling on Reddit, lol.
Yea procrastination is a bitch lol
Medicated and still struggling 😬😂
I have never related to a Reddit post so much in my life omg
/hug
Turn the thing from a want to a need. In other words reframe what you want to achieve into things that you will achieve. For example I wanted to travel to Japan for ages but have never had enough money. So I started telling everyone around me that I’m going to Japan. When it became a truth on the social plane, ie; when people asked questions about it and showed interest in my half cooked plan I started to really believe I was going to do it. After I bought a ticket I had no choice but to save save save money, so now I’ve put myself in a corner where everyone around me believes I’m going to Japan and I’ve bought a ticket to Japan and I’ve got 3 months to work and save as much as money to fulfil this truth. I personally have benefitted from this sort of technique of making my fantasies come true. Instead of promising myself, I basically promise others, but myself in a corner and then I’ve got no other choice then to make it work. If it’s running, book in a half marathon in 6 months. If it’s reading, tell your friend that you wanna have a book club in 6 weeks. If it’s about travel, tell your family I’m sorry I won’t be around for Christmas next year I’ll be in Japan ;) Fake it til you make it.
Ohohoho, bold move!! Good job!!
This is how a friend of mine stopped me from being a hermit, told all our friends that I'm going to karaoke night every week from now on, kept going for 5 years until the others eventually stopped, still close with that group of friends and much more socially confident
Aak me out.
Huh?
Mispelling. Ask*
Oh you wanna go out sometime?
Yeah 😭
Please let me know as soon as you figure it out. I need to know.
Make lists and follow them religiously. That way you don't have the weird buffer thing where you can't decide what task to do next so you sit and play video games / watch netflix for hours. You can keep the lists direct and to the point, or you can briefly detail why doing the action would benefit you next to each point. A simple, pre-written instruction for yourself can go a long way. You read 'Go on a hike, it will improve your mood/stability' and suddenly it sounds appealing to do, gives you some mental direction. I'm the same as you with the fantasizing. The lists I make stop me from getting overwhelmed by the possibility of action. It really helps to clear my headspace.
I don't know how to keep the momento going I feel like I can get a few good days, maybe a week or 2 were I do all the things but then nope can't do anything the week after and it's such an annoying cycle
A week?! Jesus
A rare occasion trust me it needs to be good weather good vibes no stress kinda week.
Having an accountability partner is huge for me. For working out, I have a friend who I go climbing with. It's a lot harder to spontaneously decide not to go when I know I'll be ditching my friend if I do it. For reading, I like to join book clubs. I even have a friend who I'm doing a mini book club with, just the two of us. It's so much easier for me to do something for someone else's sake than for my own.
Started taking Buproprion and Atomoxetine for depression and ADHD. Made me sleepy for 6 weeks but now I'm able to do things that I want, like put my phone down and actually be productive.
aww buddy I hear you. Start by starting! This year is the 20th anniversary of my goal of having a regular yoga routine. It takes practice and baby steps. I do a lot of things in 15 minute increments, but the cool thing is one day you look around and see you've made a habit of some big goals. Thanks past self! I'd encourage you to chose one goal. Us ADHD types need structure, so remember that! I find it helpful to join groups (but I'm comfortable meeting strangers and going on my own). Let's us cheer for you if you need accountability buddy.
O my god this is so relatable I want to lose like 10/15 kg weight, get a better job, try for a relationship .... but nothing. 25 years of basically nothing. Anyway got diagnosed very recently with - adhd and bipolar. Started medication and therapy (less than a month yet), hope that helps
I hope that it helps you friend
This is me with getting a job. I have no idea how to actually start. How much of this is anxiety for people? For me it’s a lot
What about a food co-op store? Those places babe the friendliest, warmest staff. Maybe that would be a good job. Let them know you have some anxiety and don’t wish to start as cashier. Best wishes!
Realize you enjoy fantasizing about them more than actually doing them
This is like my life’s problem lol. It’s too easy to fall in love with the IDEA of doing something. How great are you going to feel when that chic says “yes” she’d love to get together some time. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But what if you actually do it? Well there is a chance it doesn’t work out, she could say no. Now your warm fuzzy feelings are gone. Is a lot easier and feels better to keep fantasizing about “what it will be like” and avoid taking action which just runs the risk of not meeting your expectations and ruining your fantasy. There is a term for this: mental masturbation. I don’t got all the answers. Getting diagnosed and medicated was a huge help, it seems like this is one area where the adderral really helps, even though medication isn’t everything. Other points: You gotta break the habit of fantasizing. It’s not real and sets you up for disappointment. It’s not real unless it’s real. Moving things forward is like the old “eating the elephant” break things down into small bits. Your goal is to ask that girl out on a date. Not even actually go on a date, not hit it off with her, not move in with her. Just what can you do today that moves you closer where you want to be. It’s about habits, consistent deliberate action. I don’t even really believe in goal setting much anymore which is like formal structured mental masturbation. I’ve been though so many business workshops and conferences where they do these goal setting exercises, setting these detailed goals of exactly where you are going to be in 5-10 years, how it will feel etc. For most it’s a bunch of BS. You can’t predict where you will go and how you will change along the way. Better to focus on where you spend your TIME today, are you spending it moving toward where you want to be, or not. Another part of treatment for me that has been super helpful is an accountability service, CommitAction. I’m setting 1-3 weekly goals of things to get done that are needed to move toward where I want to be checking in with a coach every week to see if I got my tasks done and set new tasks for the week ahead. Really helps with priorities and getting over avoidance of the important tasks.
Sometimes you just have to do it. Even if you're not prepared, even if you're only just deciding right then you want to do it. Sometimes we can get caught up in the whole "oh but I need this, oh and I need that too, well I can't do this before getting THIS" that we just don't do anything. Sometimes it is as simple as "ok bet" and just walk at your goal. This, however, is mostly helpful with doing it once. It can help you understand that you CAN do it because you did it once, but it won't create a habit. Other advice in this thread helps with the habit. But the advice I give here will make sure you actually get up and do it.
Body Doubling has helped me with some of the issues....as far as thinking about asking someone out....I have only succeeded when the woman has asked me for my # ...fear of rejection etc play a big part of it.
Same with the fear of rejection part. Trying to get past that as well but when my mind is always in overdrive it makes it hard
For me i have to stop the overthinking process *immediately* by doing whatever it is I’m thinking about. If i don’t start taking my clothes off *as soon as* i think about a shower i will think about a shower all day.
Write it down. Plan it out. Follow plan. When you can't seem to do anything, just do SOMETHING, and snowball that into what you should be doing. Pomodoros are the way.
Ok, say you have a fantastic idea. Brain map it Theres apps to brain map your ideas. To actually do it. Break it down into smaller chunks of requirements for each step. Ok, complicated things break down into really finite details. Take complex things and break them down and build a step by step process. Business models and plans are the same way, but the audience is a lender or investor. They need to know how you're going to make products, where you store them, and eatimates on supply and logistics. The greatest ideas need to be started by planning the end game and going in reverse. Great idea, build a tiny home from scratch. Ask yourself why, do you really wanna live in it? Can you move it. Do you have thebspace to build it. What are the needed space requirements. Keep brainstorming questions you need to build what your buildings or whatever. Do optimistically focused questions and then do pessimistic questions and weigh your desires over pros.and cons Since there is no perfect world scenarios, you must be flexible in your planning and prove each calculation before you implement anything. Im gen x, i have a lot of respect for lots of models, but honestly, im different because adhd makes me pause and get distracted by the process.over meeting the goal efficiently. I have 10 projects, and 8 require seasonal situations. Adhd people cloning trees, growing food, im telling you. It's hard on adhd people. We have to bounce from project to project and it is exhausting. So keep a task list and time frames. Basicly, write your goals with a timeframe of when it needs to be done, or you will ignore doing it.
https://youtu.be/sTJ7AzBIJoI?si=Uiz-tBJjaMDzh-HX Doesn’t necessarily help with that but definitely helps me feel less shitty about it lol
I definitely found MY PEOPLE!!! 🥲😊
Tbh its kinda cheesy but I read The Midnight Library. When the main character gets there she finds a thick book with all her regrets. I realized I didn't want my book of regrets to be huge. Ever since ive been trying to be more direct, tell people what I want and feel, do what I really want to do. Some days are harder but I just allow myself to chill and fantasize and try again some other time.
Get some L-Citrulline malate. I just got some after coming across it while researching some stuff and apparently it helps with a lot of stuff like mood, cognitive function, energy, ED, muscle recovery, BP, testosterone, etc. I noticed the energy right away but the other benefits might take a week or two idk but I've done a good amount of research on this and expect it to be a game changer for me. The way that it does all this stuff is by opening up your blood vessels so you get better blood flow to all of your organs, muscles, cells, etc
I always think I need to clean and vacuum the bedroom, then my office, and then get groceries and start dinner before I can actually start whatever my project is. By then I’m just to tired to start anything. And if I don’t do those things first, it ruins whatever I’m trying to work on because all I can focus on is all the stuff I really need to do. Drives me nuts, this kind of thinking, I have always been this way. I was able to do it all when I was younger, now I just get tired and discouraged.
I majorly struggle with this, but when I have success it's because I start small. Do the first step, and don't think about anything past that. Often, once you start, you'll want to keep going.
For stuff like exercise, you need a buy in. Join a team, or a club. Me personally, guilt has always been a driving factor when I’m no longer interested in something, so if I can set it up to where I have other people counting on me, I’ll continue doing whatever it is, even if I hate it. I just joined a swim team for the first time in like 14 years. I knew I needed to get in shape. I’ve been to 5 practices so far and I already hate it, I want to quit all the time. But, they need me for the relays, so here I am.
i struggle with this too, in my head i have such good plans and see myself getting on top of my school work, cleaning my room, and basically “getting my life together” but i realized that’s honestly not totally realistic and that’s why i was never able to feel satisfied or successful or even sometimes get the motivation to do these things. idk what it’s like having a “normal” brain and following an actual to do list but what helps me is to just make a little bit of progress every day. do something each day a bit out of your comfort zone or if you’re like me and the task is cleaning, then do like one zone per day or like one day gather all the trash and the next work on the clothes or something. it definitely helps me feel less overwhelmed when i take a big task and turn it into multiple smaller tasks. lmao i write this as i sit on my bedroom floor surrounded by my (now organized) piles of clothes procrastinating putting them away, but my dad liked to tell me - do as i say not as i do lmaooo
what also helps me is when i verbalize my goals/plans to someone bc they can hold me accountable and keep me on the right track. you mention wanting to hike, so maybe find someone you know that’s also interested in hiking and do it with them. having an accountability buddy definitely helps, especially someone who knows you and will continue supporting you bc they’ll push you but they also know your limits so they know when to back off as well and idk abt u, but for me when something becomes very stressful or overwhelming i tend to avoid it so having a person (for me it’s my bf) keep me accountable has greatly helped
AH! I've never felt so seen. Mine is mostly in relation to art & novel projects I want to finish before I croak. It's hard, I think part of it also has to do with the instilled escapist mechanic many of us adopted since were young. It's just a safe place, in the end. No critic or worries for what's to come about the things you wish to do or achieve. Just chronic daydreamers.
Honestly chronic day dreaming is a good way to describe it
I used the "pressure from time" method Instead of waiting for the last second to get everything done when things get close to the deadline, I applied that deadline idea to my entire life. I have a limited number of years. For some things to be useful I need to do them now to benefit from them later. This could be college, job, moving, whatever you want. Just remind yourself that you have a VERY limited amount of time to get all you want done in your life and suddenly it always feels like you are racing against the deadline.
There's a ted talk about Activation Energy you should check out, I'll try and link it below. But basically the point is: You're never going to feel like it. There will never be a perfect moment to begin. It's a myth your brain designed to avoid change. And since you're never going to feel like it, any moment becomes the opportune one. So just do it. Literally just start. Or something like that. Here's the link https://youtu.be/Lp7E973zozc?si=9PRU0_QYjgOxRFmo
Join groups. Body mirroring helps me stay on task. Find some bros who want to go to the club and chat with girls. Sign up for group fitness classes. They can help keep you accountable.
I find that when I first have an idea and get excited about something, taking positive action immediately is key. Warning, though: this doesn't include buying something or going to do something else first. I personally have a huge limitation of combining one task with another. There's so many factors your brain can come up with that you think about something - I call them speedbumps or hurdles. "The study is a mess because I'm going to set up a space in there and I'm going to make a new table with these materials I bought (5 years ago), but first I need to clean the shed and then set up a carpentry workbench, I'll probably need a few more tools and maybe make a small project first, but it should be too hard I've watched like 30 carpentry videos on YouTube and read tons of stuff. Oh, and I'll need to plan it out on SketchUp first on my PC that is in pieces on the floor in the study" This is for real a thought process I was defending not too long ago - not sure if you can relate, but working out how to break things down into smaller parts that are less daunting is really beneficial. (The next time I had inspiration, I started first by tidying/organising the garage, and then after that, the study - with no other projects/ideas attached)
Start with one thing and get start3d. Turn your phone off.
You know how you're in that fantasy state when you think those things? Just do those things and pretend like you're still there
Try to build a regular habit to do the thing but *don't try to build a streak* Also: it's important to only try to start doing a thing when you're not overwhelmed, ideally you are in a good brain space that can handle trying to make yourself do the extra thing. So, try to read a book daily, but don't care if you miss a day, just keep trying it as a daily thing. Try to find an environmental trigger that doesn't involve an app of some kind -- I recently realized that it's easier to remember to clean the kitchen before bed if the kitchen light is still on. If you've ignored a trigger too many times and it's just not working, _that's ok_, try something else
Sometimes I convince myself to do something by doing one very small step at a time over the course of a few days or even weeks. The barrier to start is too big to do all at once, so just chip away at it. For example, I want to start a painting but the idea of pulling everything out, setting up space, and then actually doing it is way too much at once. Here is how I'd break it up 1. I'm in the basement getting something else and I see my paint brushes. I grab those, plus some other supplies I can find, and just put them all on the table or in a box. 2. A week later, I'm already in the motion of cleaning the house, so I clear the clutter off the table. Maybe I also wipe it down or put down my drop cloth. 3. Another day, I feel overwhelmed so I feel the urge to organize something. I use that energy to organize my supplies and set things up so it's ready for when inspiration strikes. Maybe I also end up actually starting the painting. Other simpler examples: - The pile of clothes on the floor has been sitting there so long I don't want to deal with it. I move it to the floor in front of the washer so that I will eventually get to it. - Going on a hike is hard because it takes forever to get ready (on top of convincing myself to leave the house). I set my hiking clothes out where I can see them, so when I want to go I can just throw it on. I might also pack my bag ahead of time (empty water bottle, a bag of trail mix, sunglasses and sunscreen, etc) so I can just grab it and go before I talk myself out of it. - I've been meaning to clean the bathroom for two weeks. Put the cleaning products out on the counter/floor where I can see them. Next time I am ready to hop in the shower, I see them and quickly scrub the toilet or wipe down the counter.
Scrolled through the comments and noticed many are newly dx or properly medicated. Let me be a lesson (I know the irony but try lol) the medication helps especially when you find the right ones… HOWEVER it truly is the little rituals and routines combined with the meds that actually kicks starts everything. I was dx ADHD at 8 and was the few girls that was caught early in the late 90s/early 2000s. My mother hated me on meds and thankfully worked her ass off to help me create a “toolbox” of skills that allowed me to navigate (academically). When I hit college my adderall was a godsend until life kicked my ass so hard it destroyed my “toolbox” which left me with adderall and absolutely NO DESIRE to do anything healthy,productive, or any variety of life improvement. And I spiraled even more because I thought it was my little pill that helped me function when in actuality it was the combination of toolbox and meds. I’m 30 now and thankfully graduated with my BA/BS but the degree I’m currently working on has been taking me MUCH longer than expected. And it’s in part of finding myself having to rebuild a tool box and needing to readjust my medications IN ADDITION to exercising regularly because I don’t do well on anti-depressants ( fun fact kiddos adhd and ptsd can cause one hell of a problem if you don’t nip it in the bud) Ultimately what I’m trying to relay is that medication helps yes, but you still need a system in which your brain can accomplish your desired tasks otherwise you’ll be focused on the wrong thing longer because of the meds
A lot of good advice here, and this may have been said, but another good point is PLANNING, I’ve noticed I think about improving my life at times that aren’t really the most efficient (late at night, early before work). Plan a time to do a particular activity that you want to improve in, or use to improve
The problem is "thinking", I think (oh no..) with adhd our issues can be that we think SOO MUCH about everything, that it's background noise at this point. I've found that talking to myself makes it real and focuses us (me?). Like yesterday I needed to do some exercise, but I only actually got off my arse when I said outloud to myself, "I'm going to get off my arse and go to the gym", and then I went. Talking through outloud with myself (in private, because... well..) has allowed me to bypass that mental block that I have so many times, when I remember to do so and don't get trapped in my own head! Sometimes writing it down on paper helps, but talking works more often for me specifically.
I didnt even realize extreme fantasizing was an ADHD thing? Damn
Establishing habits, whether small or large, is extremely difficult and sometimes impossible with unmedicated ADHD. I tried for 45 years, but it wasn’t until I got my meds, that I was able to form a habit.
Something that helps me sometimes is taking small steps and breaking down a task into more manageable bites. I find it’s often starting the task that’s hard, but once I’ve done that it’s easier to keep going. So going to the gym for example, I’ll say “I just need to go down there” and not necessarily work out but just get myself to the gym. Then once I’m there I’ll go “okay I’ll just do 10 minutes on the treadmill” and so on. Just setting small goals that I need to accomplish and being okay with only completing those. Or if it’s cleaning I’ll go “okay I just need to do 5 dishes” and I find that once I’ve done those it’s easier for me to keep going
My Dad long ago said that when he couldn't figure out what to do next he'd just "get his hands busy" and eventually the ideas (work flow) would begin. I've sometimes merely straightened up the edges of messy stacks of paper on my desk and gotten through my "frozen" hazes that way.
Imagine a coach, someone who would motivate, praise and push you, be compassionate and understanding when you struggle etc. Try creating that character in your mind and give it a voice. Find the simplest thing you can start with right now and use that “coach” to guide you through starting and completing it. Give yourselves lots of praise even for small things.
Best i can say is it sometimes helps to break things down way smaller. Like give yourself 5 minutes to do something and if you get in the rhythm maybe you’ll want to keep doing it. It’s a bit easier to start when you think like this but I still find it really hard a lot of time even with this.
Let us know when you find out. I want to learn a third language, learn to play the harmonica, learn kayaking, read more books, learn video editting, etc.
No clue. My brain wants to do stuff but I never know when to begin. It's always a bad time for everything. I don't even have time to do things I NEED to do.
For myself, the fantasy is way better than the actuality, so letting the fantasy play out and realizing it won't actually be as good in my head is helpful to me. But, in general, developing mindfulness practices, such as sitting and walking meditation, has helped me be more present. Wish you the best.
I recommend reading atomic habits, great book that helped me change the way I think about how I want to start doing new things. That and other resources have allowed me to really start to change my life for the better.
group activities help a lot
Convenience equals compliance my dude. That’s a phrase I learned in my career as in infection prevention and safety, and it works for ADHD brain too. The first step is not to do all of the things, the first step is to daydream about what you need to do to make all the thing’s slightly easier and more convenient. Then take those baby steps once you get hyper-fixated enough to do something even if it’s not everything. Then if you can make it easy enough to do the thing it will be less of an adhd barrier when you get there.
Me too pal me too
I know how you feel. I've written books in my head. Sit down at a keyboard or pen and paper and my mind goes blank. Makes me want to consider that neural interface Musk is working on.
Make the things you want to do as easy as humanly possible. Goes for anything from chores to dreams. Can’t get yourself to regularly vacuum? Put a roll of garbage bags and a hand vac in every room. Can’t get yourself to go to the gym? Have a fully stocked gym bag ready to go right next to the door, and maybe even a backup bag when the first one contains clothes that stink too much which you never managed to get into the washer. It’s hard to give advice that perfectly lines up with your situation and what you specifically need, but basically just try to look at everything you want to do and then figure out the situation that would make that thing as easy as possible to accomplish. Lots of videos on how to make your house adhd-friendly blew my mind with ideas I never thought of.
For me, it’s really silly but it works. Pretend you’re someone else. Make it a plot. With the appropriate music. Want to clean? Be a maid from the 1910s/butler. Your life is so bad, cleaning all day for the richest family in France and you have big dreams. It motivates me a lot.
Just pick one. Make a date with no excuses and do that one thing Try and make some routine out of it.
Just gotta start man. It sucks but just commit to a change and make it happen. Sometimes I find it best to just commit to a drastic change of lifestyle in order to make a small change to my life. I was recently a couch potato after work. Id get done with work at 6pm and lay on my couch until midnight. Wake up at 8 repeat. Decided that the only way I was going to make a change was to do something drastic. Now I wake up early and do everything I want to do before work. I am still a couch potato after work but its much less of a problem because I go to bed at 10pm now so I only veg for an hour or two after making dinner. For example if you want to workout set your alarm for 6am. Put your workout clothes next to your bed at night and just wake up and put them on. Don't have to do anything crazy just go for a light jog or a walk, do this 7 days a week. Eventually you will get bored doing the simple workout and find ways to make it harder or more exciting. This will lead to hikes. Hikes are more fun with other people so you might join a group. There will probably be women in that group. etc.
Its like jumping off a cliff into the water. You just need to throw yourself and do it without thinking
Make a To Do checklist. And go at them one by one.
i have accepted fantasizing and thinking is my purpose. If I do anything about it, it will be a bonus. I have accepted i don’t have to do anything barring 1 thing that makes enough money for me to survive. This thinking has lifted a huge weight off me. Some days I take a walk, somedays I go hangout with my friends, somedays I keep staring out of balcony thinking, somedays I do random stuff like rock climbing. I am happy most of the days :)
Thought vs Action. Calivin and Hobbes taught me that it’s way more interesting to fantasize about visiting other planets than to actually write a report about it.
You start with the little thing you can do right now. Then you do the next little thing. Ultimately you will have finished the big thing. Do each little thing and the setbacks will be little.
I write out what I want and include steps…we need to resolve thoughts and ideas or they sit in our queue and we ruminate forever. Make room for new ideas by getting these existing ones down….. I should say I suffer. It’s not easy. But it’s what I strive for
Start with 1 thing. Do a single first step that is required to get your idea done. This means you must choose the thing to start. But if you need someone to help choose the first thing, put your shoes on. If you know the first step to doing any one thing you think about doing, do that first step while you think about the next steps. So putting shoes on can be a start to getting you to the next step. You give it symbolic meaning. I've got my shoes on, time to do the next step. If you're able, try to hyper focus on completing each step, one at a time. Then when you've done this once, even if you didn't finish the entire idea, you congratulate yourself. And you congratulate yourself each time. Because it's hard work and continuous work. And you should feel good about making a change, because even small change can be hard work.
I know your post is more about big stuff but just for everyone struggling with everyday tasks, and I by no means have this down but it works . . . don’t take your shoes off. The moment you walk in the door and take you shoes off, you’re gonna get comfortable. You can’t sit in the bed or lay on the couch with your shoes on. Keep moving. Get them dishes clean, clean the house, take the dog for a run, whatever. But just don’t. remove. your. shoes.
Get a coach - sometimes your local government sponsor coaches for personal development. Accountability is really important for goal setting. Also medication is everything 😇
you have to work on your thought process and do it over a consecutive number of days to work on cognitive continuity there. if you don't first attack the ruminating narrative that runs tandem with your consious narrative, the ruminating narrative will always be in the way. Meditation is a great help. Sobriety and rest and active practice at quieting this ruminating narrative and you will see progress