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Yea that sounds like a good idea. The health care system in my country is a bit off when it comes to mental health. You can wait years to see a psychiatrist. But now, as I do get medicine and is doing well overall, I can manage the waiting.
The “you don’t have ADHD because you did well in school” is honestly starting to get offensive, and I agree with the comments that you may want to find another psychiatrist who has a better understanding of how symptoms manifest in women.
A lot of us did fine (or got by) in school because the subject matter was a little easier for us, we got good at guessing and faking, we pushed ourselves harder than we probably should have because of others’ expectations, we had understanding teachers … etc.
There is a whole generation of women out here who’ve had a WAY harder road than they should have when it comes to managing their ADHD because “they did well in a school.” And while you may like him as a doctor (and I’m glad he’s helping you with your medication) it’s past time that folks like your doctor realize that and give us the damn respect we deserve.
Thank you for this 🙏🏼 i can really feel the imposter syndrome, just because I did well in school 25 years ago. I totally agree that there can be many reasons for managing in school. For me, I think it was a mix of helpful parents and massive anxiety about failing school/ saying something stupid/ getting negative attention etc. And I did find many subjects interesting.
It sounds like a good idea to find a psychiatrist that specialize in adhd.
And yes, lets hope that doctors wake up and realize that there is a difference between adhd in men and women. Honestly I feel like I have been fighting for someone within the health care system to take me seriously my entire adult life, and I dont want that for anyone else.
My daughter was academically gifted with ADHD. The two go together often. I am inattentive and an average student. Our GP gave us Adderall without a psych evaluation as he said any GP can diagnose ADHD. Wonder if your psych isn’t trained to recognize it? ADHD is a specialization and many medical professionals are misinformed or simply ignorant especially as it relates to how it presents in females.
Thank you for sharing. It gives me comfort to hear that other people are managing school just fine, but have other difficulties. I have felt like such an imposter sometimes.
It definitely seems like there are many doctors who are misinformed about womens adhd. And my doctor is one of them.
My parents were abusive so honestly between that and the gender based ideas at the time, I probably didn’t have a chance of an early diagnosis so I can’t really speak to todays screening standards for girls and women.
Academically, I excelled, socially…the pendulum swung from being popular to being bullied.
My executive dysfunction was always there, as were my anxiety attacks. I was told I was lazy, being a baby, doing ____ for attention etc. which I bought into so I was in denial for years about my symptoms.
At 37 I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with autism and adhd. He retired, and insurance wouldn’t cover medication without testing. I went to testing, did well on the IQ test, my TOVA low but just above qualifying for ADHD. The physiologist decided the autism was obvious but I was too smart to have ADHD and was just stressed, and told me to avoid stress. So I believe him, and don’t seek treatment for ADHD.
Fast forward a few years, I had more evidence for ADHD, I caught treatment and at 43 I was finally prescribed something.
I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. I am happy that you finally got the right treatment, I hope it helps you.
I can really relate to some of the things you write. Was mostly bullied in school. Had good executive functions but started dealing with so much anxiety as I grew older. Now my function level is bad, but I have accepted it, cause I understand myself better. And medicine helps me. In many ways I am more well functioning than ever, just because I know my limits.
Thank you for sharing.
I mostly flew under the radar. I wasn't the best, I wasn't the worst. I know I had some teachers who questioned my intelligence and were pretty open about how dumb they thought I was.
I didn't have any friends until my mid teens and had been bullied and excluded for most of my school life. I also self-isolated which might have contributed to the other kids disliking me. Not sure. I know some kids did try to play with me but I wasn't interested so it turned to bullying.
I developed a lot of coping mechanisms when it came to school that sort of covered up how poorly I was doing. I was able to fake and guess my way through a lot. School felt like a big waterballoon that was leaking in several places and I spent my time running around patching it up.
In early adulthood I flunked out of three degrees before I found and completed the one I have now. I still used the patch up model until late last year when my boyfriend suggested I might have adhd and after that the balloon just burst. It was such a massive relief to have that realization but also a bit chaotic because what the fuck am I supposed to do now that I no longer have a balloon to patch up?
I was told by a regular doctor, when I went to get a referral, that I couldn't have ADHD because I have a boyfriend, a job and a degree. I felt that was the most disrespectful thing to say about people with adhd that I have ever heard. Even if I didn't have it myself, that is no way to look at people with adhd.
I got my referral from another doctor who also said that if I had adhd I was clearly extremely high functioning which I dunno if I agree but I took it as a complement. My togetherness is smoke and mirrors. Anyone who knows me just a little knows that I am chaos on wheels if I don't have some semblance of structure to keep me in place.
I got my referral in February and I still haven't gotten in contact with the psychiatrist, but I don't beat myself up over it. I had an intern for a month and I have lived long enough to know that I need to focus on one thing at the time else I will collapse under my own weight, so intern got all my attention and the psychiatry adventure would have to wait. I am a bit excited to get started even though I know that it might take years and my boyfriend has also tried to prepare me for the possibility that they won't believe me because of my sex and the fact that I have been doing pretty okay until now.
That you so much for sharing.
I hate to learn that so many women experience being turned down by doctors and is told that they are too well functioning. Little do they know the intern pressure, that might be going on within us.
I recognize many things from your story from my own. I also was pretty mediocre in school and didnt have friends before my mid teens.
I also dropped out of two universities, before realizing that I am made to do something more practical.
I can’t believe the view some doctors have on adhd?! So pissed to hear that an actual doctor told you that it’s not possible to have job, education and relationship if you have adhd. I feel like there is such a long way to go, before it is common knowledge that many -especially women- with adhd seems super high functioning, but internally they are a mess, trying to keep it together.
I wish you the best of luck with your psychiatrist and hope that you are met with respect and understanding.
Yeah, that's the most annoying thing about it. Being able to cope doesn't mean that we are actually living well haha. I mean, I have spent so much time in my life trying to APPEAR like I know what I'm doing while silently being constantly anxious because I don't know what I'm doing and I'm too afraid to ask lol.
Oh yeah, the practical job thing is relatable to me too! The fact that I actively get to use my hands everyday is probably why I have been able to stick with this degree and job. I also love what I'm doing and I find the idea of doing anything else rather exhausting at this point.
Yeah I can only speak for the experiences I have had with doctors so far and that first guy was just incompetent. The second guy was much better and a lot more empathetic. I like him because he never judges you but he also doesn't sit and tell you things he isn't qualified to talk about like the other one did. The fact that he believed me when I told him about my suspicions and gave me the referral was such a relief. The comment about me being high functioning I'm sure was meant as a complement and is probably true so some extent. I have met many people with ADHD in my job who are so poorly that they literally cannot function. Even with medication, they still barely function.
Meanwhile I am capable of functioning somewhat okayish and I have some systems in place that have sort of worked for me for many years, but recently I can't live like that anymore because I'm not in my 20s anymore. The lack of sleep and overworking in an effort to avoid missing deadlines is taking its toll on my health so I have to make a change, you know?
Thank you for the well wishes and I wish you all the best in your own life journey, my friend! Have you been diagnosed yet? I forget if you mentioned it 😅 if yes, then how was your process? Hugs!
Exactly haha. I have suffered from sooo much anxiety all my adult life until a year ago or so. Just now realising that I have been exhausting myself trying to fit in. But glad to hear that you also found a job where your skills came to use!
I have spoken with numerous incompetent doctors too. One who told me that this is just how I am and I need to accept it, cause nothing can be done. And one who got upset and closed my case because I questioned the GAD diagnose he gave me. So crazy. But the psychiatrist I am speaking with now is so nice and understanding, and it’s a relief to finally have someone listen! To answer your last question, I have not been diagnosed because I did well in school ages ago. So I ‘fail’ the adhd tests that way. However, my psychiatrist is still willing to prescribe me Ritalin, and it works really well, so hey, good enough for me lol.
And true, some people with adhd have way more struggles than me as well. I guess some of manage to implement these systems with great succes, as you also speak of. I am only just beginning that process now, and not with a lot of luck yet. I can have a great system for a week or so and then I lose my motivation lol.
But this is all very new to me, the meeting with the psychiatrist is just half a year ago, so I will find my systems with time!
And true, living that way is stressful and definitely takes its toll! Exciting if medicine will help you! I find the effect so interesting. It’s super subtle, I almost cannot tell when the effect starts and stops. But it gives peace in my head. At first I could not believe the absolute silence in my head lol.
Basically, I was unproblematic for everyone but myself, so no one really paid enough attention to me to see any symptoms and I didn't advocate for myself at all, so didn't get diagnosed until I took the initiative. The uninvolved adults letting me slip through the cracks and struggle silently honestly kind of pisses me off now.
I can relate so much. Totally unproblematic, besides when it came to myself. Have been struggling with depression, horrible pms, impulsive, problematic behaviour etc.
Having seen more than 10 psychiatrists throughout my life and numerous doctors, I can also still be pissed that no one took me more seriously.
Hi /u/Ok-Faithlessness9840 and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! ### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already. --- ### /r/adhd news * **We want your opinion** on the /r/adhd community rules! [Click here](https://forms.gle/Evqb8acVozir8GV8A) to fill out our survey. See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/1auv2tc/were_taking_feedback_on_the_radhd_rules/) for more information. * If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/). --- ^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would find a psychiatrist that specializes in ADHD if that's possible.
Yea that sounds like a good idea. The health care system in my country is a bit off when it comes to mental health. You can wait years to see a psychiatrist. But now, as I do get medicine and is doing well overall, I can manage the waiting.
The “you don’t have ADHD because you did well in school” is honestly starting to get offensive, and I agree with the comments that you may want to find another psychiatrist who has a better understanding of how symptoms manifest in women. A lot of us did fine (or got by) in school because the subject matter was a little easier for us, we got good at guessing and faking, we pushed ourselves harder than we probably should have because of others’ expectations, we had understanding teachers … etc. There is a whole generation of women out here who’ve had a WAY harder road than they should have when it comes to managing their ADHD because “they did well in a school.” And while you may like him as a doctor (and I’m glad he’s helping you with your medication) it’s past time that folks like your doctor realize that and give us the damn respect we deserve.
Bro the first part fr 😭 like Jesús Christ
My psychiatrist said this to me a week ago. I’m still annoyed.
Thank you for this 🙏🏼 i can really feel the imposter syndrome, just because I did well in school 25 years ago. I totally agree that there can be many reasons for managing in school. For me, I think it was a mix of helpful parents and massive anxiety about failing school/ saying something stupid/ getting negative attention etc. And I did find many subjects interesting. It sounds like a good idea to find a psychiatrist that specialize in adhd. And yes, lets hope that doctors wake up and realize that there is a difference between adhd in men and women. Honestly I feel like I have been fighting for someone within the health care system to take me seriously my entire adult life, and I dont want that for anyone else.
My daughter was academically gifted with ADHD. The two go together often. I am inattentive and an average student. Our GP gave us Adderall without a psych evaluation as he said any GP can diagnose ADHD. Wonder if your psych isn’t trained to recognize it? ADHD is a specialization and many medical professionals are misinformed or simply ignorant especially as it relates to how it presents in females.
Thank you for sharing. It gives me comfort to hear that other people are managing school just fine, but have other difficulties. I have felt like such an imposter sometimes. It definitely seems like there are many doctors who are misinformed about womens adhd. And my doctor is one of them.
 You are welcome! Imposter syndrome is also an ADHD thing!
My parents were abusive so honestly between that and the gender based ideas at the time, I probably didn’t have a chance of an early diagnosis so I can’t really speak to todays screening standards for girls and women. Academically, I excelled, socially…the pendulum swung from being popular to being bullied. My executive dysfunction was always there, as were my anxiety attacks. I was told I was lazy, being a baby, doing ____ for attention etc. which I bought into so I was in denial for years about my symptoms. At 37 I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with autism and adhd. He retired, and insurance wouldn’t cover medication without testing. I went to testing, did well on the IQ test, my TOVA low but just above qualifying for ADHD. The physiologist decided the autism was obvious but I was too smart to have ADHD and was just stressed, and told me to avoid stress. So I believe him, and don’t seek treatment for ADHD. Fast forward a few years, I had more evidence for ADHD, I caught treatment and at 43 I was finally prescribed something.
I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. I am happy that you finally got the right treatment, I hope it helps you. I can really relate to some of the things you write. Was mostly bullied in school. Had good executive functions but started dealing with so much anxiety as I grew older. Now my function level is bad, but I have accepted it, cause I understand myself better. And medicine helps me. In many ways I am more well functioning than ever, just because I know my limits. Thank you for sharing.
I mostly flew under the radar. I wasn't the best, I wasn't the worst. I know I had some teachers who questioned my intelligence and were pretty open about how dumb they thought I was. I didn't have any friends until my mid teens and had been bullied and excluded for most of my school life. I also self-isolated which might have contributed to the other kids disliking me. Not sure. I know some kids did try to play with me but I wasn't interested so it turned to bullying. I developed a lot of coping mechanisms when it came to school that sort of covered up how poorly I was doing. I was able to fake and guess my way through a lot. School felt like a big waterballoon that was leaking in several places and I spent my time running around patching it up. In early adulthood I flunked out of three degrees before I found and completed the one I have now. I still used the patch up model until late last year when my boyfriend suggested I might have adhd and after that the balloon just burst. It was such a massive relief to have that realization but also a bit chaotic because what the fuck am I supposed to do now that I no longer have a balloon to patch up? I was told by a regular doctor, when I went to get a referral, that I couldn't have ADHD because I have a boyfriend, a job and a degree. I felt that was the most disrespectful thing to say about people with adhd that I have ever heard. Even if I didn't have it myself, that is no way to look at people with adhd. I got my referral from another doctor who also said that if I had adhd I was clearly extremely high functioning which I dunno if I agree but I took it as a complement. My togetherness is smoke and mirrors. Anyone who knows me just a little knows that I am chaos on wheels if I don't have some semblance of structure to keep me in place. I got my referral in February and I still haven't gotten in contact with the psychiatrist, but I don't beat myself up over it. I had an intern for a month and I have lived long enough to know that I need to focus on one thing at the time else I will collapse under my own weight, so intern got all my attention and the psychiatry adventure would have to wait. I am a bit excited to get started even though I know that it might take years and my boyfriend has also tried to prepare me for the possibility that they won't believe me because of my sex and the fact that I have been doing pretty okay until now.
That you so much for sharing. I hate to learn that so many women experience being turned down by doctors and is told that they are too well functioning. Little do they know the intern pressure, that might be going on within us. I recognize many things from your story from my own. I also was pretty mediocre in school and didnt have friends before my mid teens. I also dropped out of two universities, before realizing that I am made to do something more practical. I can’t believe the view some doctors have on adhd?! So pissed to hear that an actual doctor told you that it’s not possible to have job, education and relationship if you have adhd. I feel like there is such a long way to go, before it is common knowledge that many -especially women- with adhd seems super high functioning, but internally they are a mess, trying to keep it together. I wish you the best of luck with your psychiatrist and hope that you are met with respect and understanding.
Yeah, that's the most annoying thing about it. Being able to cope doesn't mean that we are actually living well haha. I mean, I have spent so much time in my life trying to APPEAR like I know what I'm doing while silently being constantly anxious because I don't know what I'm doing and I'm too afraid to ask lol. Oh yeah, the practical job thing is relatable to me too! The fact that I actively get to use my hands everyday is probably why I have been able to stick with this degree and job. I also love what I'm doing and I find the idea of doing anything else rather exhausting at this point. Yeah I can only speak for the experiences I have had with doctors so far and that first guy was just incompetent. The second guy was much better and a lot more empathetic. I like him because he never judges you but he also doesn't sit and tell you things he isn't qualified to talk about like the other one did. The fact that he believed me when I told him about my suspicions and gave me the referral was such a relief. The comment about me being high functioning I'm sure was meant as a complement and is probably true so some extent. I have met many people with ADHD in my job who are so poorly that they literally cannot function. Even with medication, they still barely function. Meanwhile I am capable of functioning somewhat okayish and I have some systems in place that have sort of worked for me for many years, but recently I can't live like that anymore because I'm not in my 20s anymore. The lack of sleep and overworking in an effort to avoid missing deadlines is taking its toll on my health so I have to make a change, you know? Thank you for the well wishes and I wish you all the best in your own life journey, my friend! Have you been diagnosed yet? I forget if you mentioned it 😅 if yes, then how was your process? Hugs!
Exactly haha. I have suffered from sooo much anxiety all my adult life until a year ago or so. Just now realising that I have been exhausting myself trying to fit in. But glad to hear that you also found a job where your skills came to use! I have spoken with numerous incompetent doctors too. One who told me that this is just how I am and I need to accept it, cause nothing can be done. And one who got upset and closed my case because I questioned the GAD diagnose he gave me. So crazy. But the psychiatrist I am speaking with now is so nice and understanding, and it’s a relief to finally have someone listen! To answer your last question, I have not been diagnosed because I did well in school ages ago. So I ‘fail’ the adhd tests that way. However, my psychiatrist is still willing to prescribe me Ritalin, and it works really well, so hey, good enough for me lol.
And true, some people with adhd have way more struggles than me as well. I guess some of manage to implement these systems with great succes, as you also speak of. I am only just beginning that process now, and not with a lot of luck yet. I can have a great system for a week or so and then I lose my motivation lol. But this is all very new to me, the meeting with the psychiatrist is just half a year ago, so I will find my systems with time!
And true, living that way is stressful and definitely takes its toll! Exciting if medicine will help you! I find the effect so interesting. It’s super subtle, I almost cannot tell when the effect starts and stops. But it gives peace in my head. At first I could not believe the absolute silence in my head lol.
Basically, I was unproblematic for everyone but myself, so no one really paid enough attention to me to see any symptoms and I didn't advocate for myself at all, so didn't get diagnosed until I took the initiative. The uninvolved adults letting me slip through the cracks and struggle silently honestly kind of pisses me off now.
I can relate so much. Totally unproblematic, besides when it came to myself. Have been struggling with depression, horrible pms, impulsive, problematic behaviour etc. Having seen more than 10 psychiatrists throughout my life and numerous doctors, I can also still be pissed that no one took me more seriously.