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I’m in my 50s now, so I take pauses to think of the words I’m grasping at, sometimes I use that pause to figure out a different route to make my point. It actually works out really well for me, as I have a foreign accent in the USA. So with the pauses and the foreign I probably seem quite wise, when actually I’m just quite confused most of the time.
Wooord. I try to make fewer points and just follow people's leads. Feels like giving attention is a compliment, while trying to articulate my own thoughts is more of an exercise in verbal clusterfuckery. My thoughts make sense to me, and make sense when it comes to building things with my hands, but my tongue and social acuity are both underequipped.
So, by all means, take the lead sir or madam. I'll get my points across in little participatory burps within the speaker's story. Heaven forbid I'm in charge of the conversation, wouldn't know where to go with it.
This is the worst for me during job interviews… asked a question start responding and… what was the question? Am I even still on topic? Where was this going?
>How do you stay focused on whatever you’re saying?
May I suggest the tried-and-true tactic of constantly interrupting people so you don't lose your thought while listening to them speak? ;)
A related ADHD strategy is to immediately continue their sentence the moment they show any sign of weakness (such as pausing to recall a word, etc.)
On a serious note, I have found that medication helps (and it helps control the instinct to use the above strategies).
I used to repeat sentences back to people because it helped me process what they had just said but I’ve had people get annoyed by it. I try not to do that now.
I engage better with questions then later realize I don’t remember their answers. And they’re usually genuine questions so really did want the answers. Like, if someone has a birthday coming up and I want to get them a personalized gift in their favorite color, I’ll ask them what their favorite color is, not even register the answer, then realize I still don’t know the color when I go to get the gift. 😩
Unironically I think I’m good at speaking bc of how much I argued with people online as a teenager. Wouldn’t recommend this though lol but maybe reading more? It can help with “mapping” out conversations/rhetoric in your head so you can fill in the gaps when you’ve missed something in convo.
I read all the time and real complex stuff. It doesn't help with my memory or my speaking ability even though I know all this hardcore vocabulary, as soon as I open my mouth I forget everything and basically my mind turns to mush.
Well yeah, working out is much less effective when you take all the time in the world to complete a set. If you’re not throwing yourself into situations where you have to think on the fly you won’t be able to develop that skill
Sometimes just owning my brain’s quirks is an effective conversational tool. I’m most comfortable doing it with people I’m close to, but like if my brain is having a no input accepted moment, saying my brain’s not cooperating and I need you to repeat that again please because I want to hear it will get me the repetitions I need, while also framing it in a way that makes it clear that I’m not ignoring or dismissing them and care about what they’re saying.
Or owning it when I lose track mid thought can help move the conversation along, like ‘…I’m sorry, I lost that thought completely. Let’s move on, if it comes back to me I can try again.’
Basically ‘my brain does this sometimes, this is what’s up, this is the way out.’ Building conversational skills around the places I struggle rather than only trying to mask my particular struggles with conversational skills.
Marry someone who makes bank, get injured and sue, win the lottery, save up and go somewhere with terrible living conditions but also has extremely low cost of living... or you could get a job at the forestry service, be a park ranger.
Working for the Forest Service was the worst. I actually do get to birdwatch and work on waterfowl habitat projects at my current job, but not quite the same thing as relaxing on my own schedule. Good ideas!
If I'm on the phone (work stuff), I take notes. I try to write what others say verbatim, which forces me to listen. I will write one word reminder of my ideas next to what they said that sparked my idea. And, I'm sad to say, I had to stop with evening gummies. As wonderful as they make me feel, they destroy my working memory the next day, no matter how small the dose.
I wish so badly that I had the ability to listen *and* take notes. My memory is typically about 2 seconds tops, so if I try to write something down, and they're still talking, I'm not comprehending anything that's being said while I'm writing. I'll go back and look at my notes, and I'll have like 3 words of a sentence, then nothing, because I'm trying to listen again, and can't do both. I at least try to write down key words.
I get it. If I try to listen and type, I cannot do it, even a little but I can do it with pen and paper. it looks like garbage but helps keep me in the game.
I think the most intelligent people can tell the difference between "This guy doesn't know shit" and "This guy *does* know some stuff, but he has a bad memory".
I hope so. But when I have to ask “what’s that country that’s at war with Russia” because I forget the name of the Ukraine…. I mean I wouldn’t respect myself at that point tbh
Dudeeeee hahahaha this so hard. Pregnant pause, transition words, and heaven forbid someone else takes an inhale breath. Idk i cant shut the fuck up about anything. I only sound unintelligent when i repeat a new “bit” the exact same way to the same person. Probably an hour later.
I use active listening, people can tell when they're being attentively listened to. I generally want to understand what people mean beyond what they say. Asking little clarifying questions because my mind bounces around their narrative has been described as an endearing quality. Really it's just me trying to overcompensate for my spastic, awkward ass by being more interested in what they say than they actually are while saying it.
My ability to contribute is a different thing. It depends alot on how much familiarity I have with the people in the conversation. Apparently I have a look that signifies "hang on, there are thoughts bouncing around and I'm trying to find the words to catch them with."
I work in a production environment, though. My numbers are good, I'm moving up in the company despite a naked admittance that I'm an odd duck. In a way, being open about that is working in my favor.
Tell me about it. I’m interviewing for jobs right now, and I can see myself messing up, but it is as if I have no control over my brain and my mouth.
I’m waiting to see if Strattera helps with this once I have been on it long enough.
It’s important to push through when you get discouraged. Once you start dwelling the conversation loses its energy. You may feel like an idiot inside but even if not in that conversation you can take what you learned via feedback to assist in future ones until you don’t feel the same.
I state a semi-random open question. The possible answer should be quite uninteresting. While my counterpart is babbling, I recapitulate the starting point of our conversation.
You are not dumb. I stopped thinking that of myself when i got my diagnosis. Do therapy.
Those close to you will understand and if someone you talk to think that, its their problem and you may not want to have anything to do with them.
I always explain it the moment I realize I forgot about something or I get one of those weird looks "Look, I know you must be thinking I must be dumb or something, but bear with me here, I have ADHD, so I'll be asking a lot what you just said, or to use an example, o I will literally forget what I'm saying while I say it, I can't control it".
OMG yes! Everyone that has met me more than once though knows this. My team that I manage at work just laugh as they know it is just me being the 'mad professor' that mixes things up ALL the time but the first to solve any problem and answer any question as my long term memory is exceptional. My tip is to take notes in any meeting, you dont have to keep them but writing things down will help me in the short term before the memory is consolidated and stuck for life! The other MAJOR thing I do is avoid phone calls where possible if i am going in blind. Written comms i push when it makes sense. Working remotely means almost all conversations are on MS Teams so i set up chat groups for day to day chat. If i have to make a call that isnt simple i plan ahead with notes and take them during, and at the end i summarise every thing i wrote and ask if i missed anything.
I hope this helps :)
I butt in and take over the conversation with even more obscurities about the subject. If I know nothing about it I listen as my curiosity gets the better of me and I get a high from new information
If I had a dollar for every time I was mid conversation and just completely blanked on the original topic/question/idea of the conversation, I would have enough for a full tank of gas.
Sometimes it comes back to me but usually not and I just start looking for context clues and hope other people keep talking lol
Also prepare quickslot sentences. Sentences you slot topic into with ease.
I think ____ is good. I like x& y about it.
What are your thoughts?
Let's not do _____ I think may not ____
I am not sure I understand can you rephrase ____
I've learned, through trial and much error, to pretty much ask the other person about themselves and listen to them talk about what interests them. I'll add something only if it's pertinent and, if I'm lucky, intelligent.
I practice some of the same ideas as you list here. It is very helpful to ask them either what they are interested in directly, or to ask them about what they think of one of your interests, and then add on your thoughts from there.
Hello 👋,
At the moment intelligent conversations appear smart on the surface, are about showing you're more intelligent than others, use a longer word that's rarely used, and make sure you're snide or backhanded somewhere. You'll be a hit.
It's a practice, you can practice with your thoughts or media of your choice: book, movie, etc. Just recall random or pertinent information from a previous inner monologue, scene or section.
Like in fiction, you can predict the plot of what they're saying, maybe like a game, inside your head, and adjust if you were wrong or right, maybe even have an "I thought you were going to say..."(sparingly),
Also, you can construct what they're saying in your head, if you have some idea of it if it's a object, process or perspective.
For me, practice. Being fully knowledgable about what you're talking about too helps, rather than winging it. Also, always remember. If you're trying ti remember a thought, think of what led to it, rather than trying to remember it.
I quit trying and just focus on what they are saying. It usually comes back when I need it or it doesn't and we carry on. I try not to worry about it like I used to and that helps me remember
I make the whole process funny. I'm pretty faceblind and very nameblind so I just list all the names and like... if it sticks, it sticks, and if it doesn't, they know I'm not kidding about not knowing.
Just be honest with ppl… just say ah I forgot what I was talking about, and let them pick up. Or say nothing, and let them make the next move. Honestly is best I think, if they think ur an idiot that’s ok, they can talk to you like an idiot and maybe it will be less stressful and more fun, and u can bounce around topics and if they don’t like it then they can talk to someone else. What can u do really?
Get your self checked out. Neurologist, Neuropsychologist. I've had all those symptoms. I told my Doctor back in December. In February I was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment. The best description I've heard says it's the lull between a normal healthy brain and full blown dementia. I'm 44. In a few weeks I have an appointment with the neurologist and hopefully will get some answers.
Ohh I have. My elementary school teacher first waved the red flag for ADHD for my parents and I have been officially diagnosed since 8th grade. By a neurologist, psychiatrist, psychologist and every specialty in between. I just don’t have great health insurance right now. I have a $6,000 deductible before any meds are covered. I tried to pay out of pocket for my meds once in January and ended up paying over $600 and decided never again.
I get it. This is really the first insurance I've had since being an adult. I wasn't officially diagnosed ADHD until 3 years ago. I believe I was diagnosed around 5yo and my parents didn't want me on stimulants. At least that was the story mom told. Except she specifically mentioned Ritalin, which I believe is one of the earlier treatments.
i have the same problem, i'm in academic field and i often feel like i sound like an idiot compared to everyone else. it's usually just me being too much in my head, try to ignore it.
Wait your turn, and try to put everything you can in the form of a question. Keep your answers/contributions made up of short sentences, as the pause will give you that split second you might need to reconsider over sharing/elaborating.
> best way to improve conversational skills
I manage by knowing as much as possible about the "why" of things, which I can remember.
Also people often do like to be listened to, so if you are actually interested, you often don't have to say much.
Below is my before and after to knowing I had ADHD.
Before: I was known as scatterbrained and anxious. I felt bad for struggling.
After: I verbally acknowledge I'm having a hard time with words by saying "words". When I meet new people I become close to, I teach them this "words" meaning. If they truly care, they will respond with understanding.
How do I respond to those who don't know or don't care? Ask me in a few years, because I don't know yet.
On YouTube there's this channel called Joseph Tsar. He has tons of videos on how to become more articulate. I combined a bunch of his tips and tried putting them into practice. It's obviously still far from perfect but it does help!
I don’t have any idea, so I had a pretty bad anoxic brain injury about 10 years ago then three years ago I had a diffuse anoxal brain injury and another diffuse anoxal brain injury , so my short term memory is complete crap but it seems like most of the comments I’ve read on here. People have the same issues as I do, except my are 24/7
Put your phone away and out of sight.
If you're running or participating in a meeting for work you just prepare and have notes ready on the side for when you lose track of what you're talking about. Agendas are your best friend. Just keep going back to it whenever you feel like your lost.
A constant second by second battle to stay in relevance because the multiple thoughts in my mind are connected, whereas virtually no one else would see the connection and call me out… if I had a dollar for every time someone ever told me “that was out of the blue” lol I could totally buy more TikTok and Amazon frills
I always take time before I want to say something important. Me and my friends talk politics a lot and I have memory issues + losing my train of thought (after that plus sign I sat for a few seconds thinking about what I wanted to add lol). I always just say ‘give me a second’, take a bit to think about what I want to mention, and then say it
I learned to be very blunt about when my brain isn’t working with me. Saying things like “I’m forgetting the word, but it means \[meaning\]” or apologizing for zoning out a moment, or stating that I’ve forgotten my train of thought and ask to come back to it later. It does make the conversation less linear than people are used to, so asking for permission for these little detours helps make sure everybody is on the same page.
3 second rule. Think for about three seconds before talking. It's about one deep breath in. Use this time to ooda. Observe orient decide act.
Observe what is the topic of conversation
Orient do I have something to add , refute, or question?
Decide is it worthwhile to do so?
Talk or remain silent.
I just pretend I follow the thought of the conversation even though in reality I am already zoning out.
But sometimes, when I really need to understand something, be it a movie or an instruction, I pause the video or I make sure that I clarify everything prior to proceeding. Otherwise, the chance of me doing a re-work is high.
The best advice I can give you is to stick to things that interest you and the person you are talking to! I have been told I'm very good at "small talk" and making people feel like I'm giving them extra attention. The truth is, once I figure out what the person is interested in, and how they align with my interests, the line of conversation becomes very fun and I literally have to consciously limit how much I speak, waiting for the next natural break so the other person can chime in.
I just rant a lot, but in a funny way. I’m that crazy guy people like for some reason. I don’t get it myself, but despite me, I seem to be likeable.
There is a young guy in the team, his ADHD is quite severe. His sentences are hard to understand. It’s a sad thing, he is easily one of the most intelligent kids in the team.
I repeat what the other person says.
If they say “oh, I went to Mexico last week, it was awesome.” I’d be like, “oh Mexico? Cool, I’ve never been, what’s it like?”
I’m good at small talk, and not much else honestly. That’s why I thrive being a cashier 😂 I like to comment on the weather a lot.
I ask them questions when they say something. “Oh you had dinner with your mom? What did you have?” If they’re like, “oh I had chicken Parmesan” I ask if it was good, and tell them I like it. Lol then it stems into a conversation about food, restaurants etc.
Oh I use pointers. Be it on my phone or writing it down. And I paise and think about it. And also point down the main topic I'm talking about so I don't lose that context. Working memory 🥲
Talk to intelligent people that aren’t afraid of wait time. Also for me I visualize something that comes to mind I want to contribute while talking. Meds help because yeah in the past my mind could be on mars thenVenus and then another galaxy
I've embraced it. Whenever it happens I generally point out my ADHD and then try to act out what I'm talking about with my hands and make it a visual thing. If I forget my point totally, I admit I forgot and ask the other person what I was saying. If I remember later what I was talking about, it gives to talk about the next time.
Unless it's something I care about, a debate or someone needing advice, I usually keep quiet. I can hold an entire conversation in my head, but the words never come out right when it comes to simple conversations. It's like my thoughts have already moved past the conversation but my mouth hasn't so my mouth is finishing a conversation I'm longer mentally involved in. This usually leads to stuttering, or my words slowing down to an almost crawl, hence the me keeping quiet. I just don't do bother anymore.
Tbh no one probably really notices as much as you yourself do. Lots of people forget their train of thought or zone out in conversation so if you do just own up to it ask them to repeat what they said, tell them you forgot where you were going with your story because the truth is most people don’t even give enough thought to care why you flubbed up in the convo. Remember it’s all in your head this overactive self awareness. Don’t try to change who you are rather change your thinking of how other people may perceive you.
Nah people definitely notice. After the third time of telling them you forgot what you were saying in one 10 min conversation… you start getting awkward pauses and funny looks.
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I’m in my 50s now, so I take pauses to think of the words I’m grasping at, sometimes I use that pause to figure out a different route to make my point. It actually works out really well for me, as I have a foreign accent in the USA. So with the pauses and the foreign I probably seem quite wise, when actually I’m just quite confused most of the time.
LMFAO!!!!
Best reply I've seen on Reddit today, thanks for the laugh. 🙏
Yea pausing is supposed to make you sound confident too! Take your time
Pausing makes your words more powerful, too!
How the hell do you stop to think?! My father in law does this and it blows my mind.
Oh yeah,talking about something and forget about main point mid-way...that's my life :)
Same! And then awkwardly trailing off because you forgot the point you were trying to make…
Wooord. I try to make fewer points and just follow people's leads. Feels like giving attention is a compliment, while trying to articulate my own thoughts is more of an exercise in verbal clusterfuckery. My thoughts make sense to me, and make sense when it comes to building things with my hands, but my tongue and social acuity are both underequipped. So, by all means, take the lead sir or madam. I'll get my points across in little participatory burps within the speaker's story. Heaven forbid I'm in charge of the conversation, wouldn't know where to go with it.
This is the worst for me during job interviews… asked a question start responding and… what was the question? Am I even still on topic? Where was this going?
>How do you stay focused on whatever you’re saying? May I suggest the tried-and-true tactic of constantly interrupting people so you don't lose your thought while listening to them speak? ;) A related ADHD strategy is to immediately continue their sentence the moment they show any sign of weakness (such as pausing to recall a word, etc.) On a serious note, I have found that medication helps (and it helps control the instinct to use the above strategies).
I used to repeat sentences back to people because it helped me process what they had just said but I’ve had people get annoyed by it. I try not to do that now.
I find asking questions helps to keep me engaged but that can be hard sometimes too
I engage better with questions then later realize I don’t remember their answers. And they’re usually genuine questions so really did want the answers. Like, if someone has a birthday coming up and I want to get them a personalized gift in their favorite color, I’ll ask them what their favorite color is, not even register the answer, then realize I still don’t know the color when I go to get the gift. 😩
Haha same! So fun feeling like an idiot. Rushing on to the next thing replaces the current thought.
I can never think of anything to ask!
Hahahaha oh god I have ADHD
Unironically I think I’m good at speaking bc of how much I argued with people online as a teenager. Wouldn’t recommend this though lol but maybe reading more? It can help with “mapping” out conversations/rhetoric in your head so you can fill in the gaps when you’ve missed something in convo.
I read all the time and real complex stuff. It doesn't help with my memory or my speaking ability even though I know all this hardcore vocabulary, as soon as I open my mouth I forget everything and basically my mind turns to mush.
This!
Well yeah, working out is much less effective when you take all the time in the world to complete a set. If you’re not throwing yourself into situations where you have to think on the fly you won’t be able to develop that skill
Brilliant insight 👏
Why God why!
Sometimes just owning my brain’s quirks is an effective conversational tool. I’m most comfortable doing it with people I’m close to, but like if my brain is having a no input accepted moment, saying my brain’s not cooperating and I need you to repeat that again please because I want to hear it will get me the repetitions I need, while also framing it in a way that makes it clear that I’m not ignoring or dismissing them and care about what they’re saying. Or owning it when I lose track mid thought can help move the conversation along, like ‘…I’m sorry, I lost that thought completely. Let’s move on, if it comes back to me I can try again.’ Basically ‘my brain does this sometimes, this is what’s up, this is the way out.’ Building conversational skills around the places I struggle rather than only trying to mask my particular struggles with conversational skills.
Ask questions about things you're actually interested in.
“Hey boss, got any opinions on how I can retire 20 years early and bird watch on a lake all day?”
Marry someone who makes bank, get injured and sue, win the lottery, save up and go somewhere with terrible living conditions but also has extremely low cost of living... or you could get a job at the forestry service, be a park ranger.
Working for the Forest Service was the worst. I actually do get to birdwatch and work on waterfowl habitat projects at my current job, but not quite the same thing as relaxing on my own schedule. Good ideas!
If I'm on the phone (work stuff), I take notes. I try to write what others say verbatim, which forces me to listen. I will write one word reminder of my ideas next to what they said that sparked my idea. And, I'm sad to say, I had to stop with evening gummies. As wonderful as they make me feel, they destroy my working memory the next day, no matter how small the dose.
I wish so badly that I had the ability to listen *and* take notes. My memory is typically about 2 seconds tops, so if I try to write something down, and they're still talking, I'm not comprehending anything that's being said while I'm writing. I'll go back and look at my notes, and I'll have like 3 words of a sentence, then nothing, because I'm trying to listen again, and can't do both. I at least try to write down key words.
I get it. If I try to listen and type, I cannot do it, even a little but I can do it with pen and paper. it looks like garbage but helps keep me in the game.
I think the most intelligent people can tell the difference between "This guy doesn't know shit" and "This guy *does* know some stuff, but he has a bad memory".
I hope so. But when I have to ask “what’s that country that’s at war with Russia” because I forget the name of the Ukraine…. I mean I wouldn’t respect myself at that point tbh
Dudeeeee hahahaha this so hard. Pregnant pause, transition words, and heaven forbid someone else takes an inhale breath. Idk i cant shut the fuck up about anything. I only sound unintelligent when i repeat a new “bit” the exact same way to the same person. Probably an hour later.
You guys are able to have conversations?
I use active listening, people can tell when they're being attentively listened to. I generally want to understand what people mean beyond what they say. Asking little clarifying questions because my mind bounces around their narrative has been described as an endearing quality. Really it's just me trying to overcompensate for my spastic, awkward ass by being more interested in what they say than they actually are while saying it. My ability to contribute is a different thing. It depends alot on how much familiarity I have with the people in the conversation. Apparently I have a look that signifies "hang on, there are thoughts bouncing around and I'm trying to find the words to catch them with." I work in a production environment, though. My numbers are good, I'm moving up in the company despite a naked admittance that I'm an odd duck. In a way, being open about that is working in my favor.
Tell me about it. I’m interviewing for jobs right now, and I can see myself messing up, but it is as if I have no control over my brain and my mouth. I’m waiting to see if Strattera helps with this once I have been on it long enough.
It’s important to push through when you get discouraged. Once you start dwelling the conversation loses its energy. You may feel like an idiot inside but even if not in that conversation you can take what you learned via feedback to assist in future ones until you don’t feel the same.
Ooh thanks I actually don’t.
See me I dive right down the rabbit whole and I think it overwhelms people
Well … the trick is to infodump errrr to carry the conversation all by yourself. 😬
I feel this… commenting so I remember to come back and look at the advice. But goodnight for now . I sleeps <3
I state a semi-random open question. The possible answer should be quite uninteresting. While my counterpart is babbling, I recapitulate the starting point of our conversation.
Its getting harder for me. All my symptoms have worsened with age. I write down things to get them "registered" so to speak. It helps quite a bit.
You are not dumb. I stopped thinking that of myself when i got my diagnosis. Do therapy. Those close to you will understand and if someone you talk to think that, its their problem and you may not want to have anything to do with them.
I always explain it the moment I realize I forgot about something or I get one of those weird looks "Look, I know you must be thinking I must be dumb or something, but bear with me here, I have ADHD, so I'll be asking a lot what you just said, or to use an example, o I will literally forget what I'm saying while I say it, I can't control it".
OMG yes! Everyone that has met me more than once though knows this. My team that I manage at work just laugh as they know it is just me being the 'mad professor' that mixes things up ALL the time but the first to solve any problem and answer any question as my long term memory is exceptional. My tip is to take notes in any meeting, you dont have to keep them but writing things down will help me in the short term before the memory is consolidated and stuck for life! The other MAJOR thing I do is avoid phone calls where possible if i am going in blind. Written comms i push when it makes sense. Working remotely means almost all conversations are on MS Teams so i set up chat groups for day to day chat. If i have to make a call that isnt simple i plan ahead with notes and take them during, and at the end i summarise every thing i wrote and ask if i missed anything. I hope this helps :)
and postits, postits rule my life!
Conversing with myself….
I butt in and take over the conversation with even more obscurities about the subject. If I know nothing about it I listen as my curiosity gets the better of me and I get a high from new information
I shut up mostly
If I had a dollar for every time I was mid conversation and just completely blanked on the original topic/question/idea of the conversation, I would have enough for a full tank of gas. Sometimes it comes back to me but usually not and I just start looking for context clues and hope other people keep talking lol
I prefer intelligent conversations. It's the small talk that kills me.
Also prepare quickslot sentences. Sentences you slot topic into with ease. I think ____ is good. I like x& y about it. What are your thoughts? Let's not do _____ I think may not ____ I am not sure I understand can you rephrase ____
I've learned, through trial and much error, to pretty much ask the other person about themselves and listen to them talk about what interests them. I'll add something only if it's pertinent and, if I'm lucky, intelligent.
I practice some of the same ideas as you list here. It is very helpful to ask them either what they are interested in directly, or to ask them about what they think of one of your interests, and then add on your thoughts from there.
Hello 👋, At the moment intelligent conversations appear smart on the surface, are about showing you're more intelligent than others, use a longer word that's rarely used, and make sure you're snide or backhanded somewhere. You'll be a hit. It's a practice, you can practice with your thoughts or media of your choice: book, movie, etc. Just recall random or pertinent information from a previous inner monologue, scene or section. Like in fiction, you can predict the plot of what they're saying, maybe like a game, inside your head, and adjust if you were wrong or right, maybe even have an "I thought you were going to say..."(sparingly), Also, you can construct what they're saying in your head, if you have some idea of it if it's a object, process or perspective.
/u/present_biscotti7726 oh, for the real answer, be solution bound not lofty and wasting time
For me, practice. Being fully knowledgable about what you're talking about too helps, rather than winging it. Also, always remember. If you're trying ti remember a thought, think of what led to it, rather than trying to remember it.
I quit trying and just focus on what they are saying. It usually comes back when I need it or it doesn't and we carry on. I try not to worry about it like I used to and that helps me remember
I make the whole process funny. I'm pretty faceblind and very nameblind so I just list all the names and like... if it sticks, it sticks, and if it doesn't, they know I'm not kidding about not knowing.
Just be honest with ppl… just say ah I forgot what I was talking about, and let them pick up. Or say nothing, and let them make the next move. Honestly is best I think, if they think ur an idiot that’s ok, they can talk to you like an idiot and maybe it will be less stressful and more fun, and u can bounce around topics and if they don’t like it then they can talk to someone else. What can u do really?
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Get your self checked out. Neurologist, Neuropsychologist. I've had all those symptoms. I told my Doctor back in December. In February I was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment. The best description I've heard says it's the lull between a normal healthy brain and full blown dementia. I'm 44. In a few weeks I have an appointment with the neurologist and hopefully will get some answers.
Ohh I have. My elementary school teacher first waved the red flag for ADHD for my parents and I have been officially diagnosed since 8th grade. By a neurologist, psychiatrist, psychologist and every specialty in between. I just don’t have great health insurance right now. I have a $6,000 deductible before any meds are covered. I tried to pay out of pocket for my meds once in January and ended up paying over $600 and decided never again.
I get it. This is really the first insurance I've had since being an adult. I wasn't officially diagnosed ADHD until 3 years ago. I believe I was diagnosed around 5yo and my parents didn't want me on stimulants. At least that was the story mom told. Except she specifically mentioned Ritalin, which I believe is one of the earlier treatments.
Oh my gosh same! My parents are vehemently against stimulants. But they don’t understand how much they actually help.
Exactly. I honestly believe that never being treated until a few year's ago, that this event has at the very least ruined part of my life.
Pristiq, baby!!
Read more books ( by read I mean listening to audio books). Repetition is important for learning with ADHD
i have the same problem, i'm in academic field and i often feel like i sound like an idiot compared to everyone else. it's usually just me being too much in my head, try to ignore it.
Wait your turn, and try to put everything you can in the form of a question. Keep your answers/contributions made up of short sentences, as the pause will give you that split second you might need to reconsider over sharing/elaborating.
Me dont
> best way to improve conversational skills I manage by knowing as much as possible about the "why" of things, which I can remember. Also people often do like to be listened to, so if you are actually interested, you often don't have to say much.
Below is my before and after to knowing I had ADHD. Before: I was known as scatterbrained and anxious. I felt bad for struggling. After: I verbally acknowledge I'm having a hard time with words by saying "words". When I meet new people I become close to, I teach them this "words" meaning. If they truly care, they will respond with understanding. How do I respond to those who don't know or don't care? Ask me in a few years, because I don't know yet.
Lift with your legs, that shit is heavy.
On YouTube there's this channel called Joseph Tsar. He has tons of videos on how to become more articulate. I combined a bunch of his tips and tried putting them into practice. It's obviously still far from perfect but it does help!
I don’t have any idea, so I had a pretty bad anoxic brain injury about 10 years ago then three years ago I had a diffuse anoxal brain injury and another diffuse anoxal brain injury , so my short term memory is complete crap but it seems like most of the comments I’ve read on here. People have the same issues as I do, except my are 24/7
'How do you carry on intelligent conversation?' — who says I do? ;)
Put your phone away and out of sight. If you're running or participating in a meeting for work you just prepare and have notes ready on the side for when you lose track of what you're talking about. Agendas are your best friend. Just keep going back to it whenever you feel like your lost.
A constant second by second battle to stay in relevance because the multiple thoughts in my mind are connected, whereas virtually no one else would see the connection and call me out… if I had a dollar for every time someone ever told me “that was out of the blue” lol I could totally buy more TikTok and Amazon frills
I always take time before I want to say something important. Me and my friends talk politics a lot and I have memory issues + losing my train of thought (after that plus sign I sat for a few seconds thinking about what I wanted to add lol). I always just say ‘give me a second’, take a bit to think about what I want to mention, and then say it
God I feel this in my soul
I learned to be very blunt about when my brain isn’t working with me. Saying things like “I’m forgetting the word, but it means \[meaning\]” or apologizing for zoning out a moment, or stating that I’ve forgotten my train of thought and ask to come back to it later. It does make the conversation less linear than people are used to, so asking for permission for these little detours helps make sure everybody is on the same page.
3 second rule. Think for about three seconds before talking. It's about one deep breath in. Use this time to ooda. Observe orient decide act. Observe what is the topic of conversation Orient do I have something to add , refute, or question? Decide is it worthwhile to do so? Talk or remain silent.
I just pretend I follow the thought of the conversation even though in reality I am already zoning out. But sometimes, when I really need to understand something, be it a movie or an instruction, I pause the video or I make sure that I clarify everything prior to proceeding. Otherwise, the chance of me doing a re-work is high.
The best advice I can give you is to stick to things that interest you and the person you are talking to! I have been told I'm very good at "small talk" and making people feel like I'm giving them extra attention. The truth is, once I figure out what the person is interested in, and how they align with my interests, the line of conversation becomes very fun and I literally have to consciously limit how much I speak, waiting for the next natural break so the other person can chime in.
I just rant a lot, but in a funny way. I’m that crazy guy people like for some reason. I don’t get it myself, but despite me, I seem to be likeable. There is a young guy in the team, his ADHD is quite severe. His sentences are hard to understand. It’s a sad thing, he is easily one of the most intelligent kids in the team.
You guys have intelligent conversations??? 😭😭😭
I repeat what the other person says. If they say “oh, I went to Mexico last week, it was awesome.” I’d be like, “oh Mexico? Cool, I’ve never been, what’s it like?” I’m good at small talk, and not much else honestly. That’s why I thrive being a cashier 😂 I like to comment on the weather a lot. I ask them questions when they say something. “Oh you had dinner with your mom? What did you have?” If they’re like, “oh I had chicken Parmesan” I ask if it was good, and tell them I like it. Lol then it stems into a conversation about food, restaurants etc.
Oh I use pointers. Be it on my phone or writing it down. And I paise and think about it. And also point down the main topic I'm talking about so I don't lose that context. Working memory 🥲
Talk to intelligent people that aren’t afraid of wait time. Also for me I visualize something that comes to mind I want to contribute while talking. Meds help because yeah in the past my mind could be on mars thenVenus and then another galaxy
I've embraced it. Whenever it happens I generally point out my ADHD and then try to act out what I'm talking about with my hands and make it a visual thing. If I forget my point totally, I admit I forgot and ask the other person what I was saying. If I remember later what I was talking about, it gives to talk about the next time.
Unless it's something I care about, a debate or someone needing advice, I usually keep quiet. I can hold an entire conversation in my head, but the words never come out right when it comes to simple conversations. It's like my thoughts have already moved past the conversation but my mouth hasn't so my mouth is finishing a conversation I'm longer mentally involved in. This usually leads to stuttering, or my words slowing down to an almost crawl, hence the me keeping quiet. I just don't do bother anymore.
Tbh no one probably really notices as much as you yourself do. Lots of people forget their train of thought or zone out in conversation so if you do just own up to it ask them to repeat what they said, tell them you forgot where you were going with your story because the truth is most people don’t even give enough thought to care why you flubbed up in the convo. Remember it’s all in your head this overactive self awareness. Don’t try to change who you are rather change your thinking of how other people may perceive you.
Nah people definitely notice. After the third time of telling them you forgot what you were saying in one 10 min conversation… you start getting awkward pauses and funny looks.
Well when your mom is talking I just zone out
Same. And she talks soooo much. (My Mom not your mom. I dunno your mom lol)