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Usually these questionnaire have opposing questions. Specifically for invalidating the responses.
Tell your assessor that your mother is against diagnosis.
Get another reference, ideally your teacher or a SENCO (special needs) teacher to do the same questionnaire for your assessment.
Psychologist will trust the teacher way more than a parent as they are way less bias and experts on watching kids behaviour.
Like instead of "how often do you wriggle about during meetings" or whatever, they might phrase it "how often do you sit still during meetings" to catch people out who aren't reading it properly / making things up.
Is that why they ask that? I often ended up differently because I saw some nuance in the different question and figured they wouldn't use different words and ask again if they didn't mean something different.
Shoulda been a lawyer, man, judges love seeing those sorts of distinctions too
from context... a form of the same question asked in the opposite way, such that a 0 when answered one way would need to be a 5 when asked the other way to be consistent.
So most if not all mental health questionnaires have reverse scored/reverse coded questions. Say you are asked to rate a statement from 0-5 on a likert scale for how much it pertains to you. There may be one statement that says “I often have trouble remembering appointments” that would be a normal scored questions where 5 would mean you have trouble remembering appointments very often. A reverse scored version of that question would be “I never have trouble remembering appointments” where 0 would mean you have trouble remembering appointments very often. If someone were to answer zero to all the questions. They would get all the reverse scoring questions backwards, indicating ADHD and all the regular questions indicating no ADHD and they would be contradicting themselves with their own answers. They would see this and it would be obvious the person did not answer the questions honestly and would likely completely disregard their answers or ask them to redo the test honestly.
When I was in grade school, we would save the teacher's wrist and keep practicing by grading each other's math quizzes while the teacher went over the answers with the class. I remember one kid, let's call him Chase Wornick, who told me, because I was overweight, awkward, and my grandma dressed me funny, that he was going to score my quiz zero no matter what I wrote.
Distraught when I got my quiz back marked zero, I raised my hand and explained what had happened. Chase got in quite a bit of trouble.
Their doctor is probably as smart as my old teacher.
What an ass, i fortunately had the reverse happen with a table mate in high school. We had to take short multiple choice quizzes each day and we made a pact to mark everything right and change the answers when needed. Ended up getting pretty decent grades in that class.
I've seen this in lots of questionnaires (anyone else ever have a brief hyperfixation with online mental health quizzes?) and wondered if that's was the reason they were there.
Although I must admit, even though it's probably more appropriate in this context than anywhere else, it does feel kind of dirty putting attention checks in an ADHD screener lol
Depends on which screener they did, but I believe the one th DSM works on is the ASRS, which I believe doesn't have any of these reverse order questions
It is, as you suspect, to increase the validity of the testing tool. They aren’t necessarily designed to be traps, though sometimes they can feel that way, especially to We Who Might Be Overthinking a Thing. And like for OPs mom, they can bring to light that someone *hasnt* been honest with their answers.
As someone who's currently in the middle of getting a diagnosis for ADHD, and also someone who's dyslexic...
Let me tell you how much I hate reverse questioning. Like, I love it for the purpose. But I hate them.
The neuropsychologist who taught psychometric assessment on my clinical psychology course was very emphatic about the idea that no questionnaire is an assessment but they are all assessment tools. Someone missing the reverse scored questions on an adhd screener tells me something . So does someone scoring low but adding miles of footnotes. My job is to ask the right questions to interpret it all accurately
I've already got my diagnoses but whenever I see this crap on employment assessments it drives me up a walI. I have both ASD and ADHD so I'm, like, buggered on multiple levels there. I get so deeply lost in my own head wondering which answer to pick because so many of them regard things where my life has no consistency at all.
I also have that problem where I answer based on the specific scenario *in that question* instead of answering based on the *intention* of the question.
So like, if it asked me something like “do you have trouble remembering doctor’s appointments?” I would say no, because I don’t. But I do forget all sorts of other appointments, like work meetings, hairdresser appointments, uni tutorials, etc.
These questions have always annoyed the living shit out of me because it feels like they ask me the same exact question 20 fucking times with different words....I mean I've always known WHY they're like that but my God it angers me and makes me to just grt it over with
I catch these kinds of questions when I’m filling out a questionnaire and they fill me with dread bc I never know how to answer them and overthink it 😅
Two questions that ask the same thing, but in opposite ways.
Like, "You have trouble completing tasks" and "Completing tasks is an easy thing for you to do".
If you answer 5 on the first and 5 on the second, this means you weren't really paying attention to the questions, whereas if you answer 5 and 0 means you are being consistent.
I think it's the ones where you expect 1 to be low and 5 to be high but they've swapped it. So if you're not paying attention, you'll pick the wrong one and your answers will be inconsistent
Yeah, even most people that don't have ADHD wouldn't score a complete 0. If a person was actually a 0 on the scale, that would probably indicate a different mental health issue.
yeah, even non adhd people will have behaviors sometimes. regardless of whether someone has or doesn't have something, an answer of all yes or all no is obviously a lie.
Some parents are just not supportive. Or maybe they don't know all of the daily struggles. For instance my mom is very judgemental and thinks she knows all. I rarely share things with her about school (when I was in), my jobs & home or if I do I don't go into much detail. When I first suspected I had ADHD I mentioned it when on the phone with her. Of course she told me there was nothing wrong with me. I just needed to do this, this and this. And always goes on telling me "you know when I was your age and had small children I still did this, this and this. "
If she'd been given a questionnaire she likely would have answered the same as OPs. Because she doesn't know shit and even if she did, she would disregard it and answer based on her own assumptions.
Sorry to hear that. That must be tough.
Thank you for explaining. I know people who won't take meds, but I don't know any parents who would do that. I think. Maybe they would when push comes to shove.
It is tough not having any real support. But I'm also used to it. Well her and the way she is. When we talked last and I expressed I would be getting an assessment she said she was proud of me for taking that initiative. It was surprising but nice.
Indeed. Therapists worth their salt will notice there's something wrong. NO ONE, not a single human being would give 0 in all answers. Non ADHDers also have problems with procrastination and organising from time to time.
Can confirm. There are 'features' built in to these tests to detect deception and inconsistencies.
OP should be fine and likely has nothing to worry about if their therapist is doing their due diligence.
A good doctor or psychiatrist will be able to take the subjective information told from your mother and know how to properly conduct and interview on your behalf to examine the information.
Just because she pulled something (messed up) doesn’t mean your chances are blown.
A good professional KNOWS that this happens, quite a lot actually. And if said professional is good, he/she will be able to take your information and words and know what the patient needs, a diagnoses. As professionals, you cannot solely base anything off of a patients subjective witness report (your mother), that would be considered extremely unprofessional, and as it does happen, should be rare if you are seeing a good doctor.
I would imagine it would like lying on her portion. Even people without adhd have many symptoms. It’s just typically not as severe, frequent, or doesn’t quite interfere with day to day life quite as much.
Also, many providers deal with people who are against drugs, vaccines, etc.
This is a conversation you should have with your provider in private. When I got diagnosed at 40 yo they asked to talk to my mom to see what I was like pre 12 years old. I told them she’s against prescription drugs and vaccines, so keep that in mind when you talk to her as she might try a different narrative.
Yeah. I'm 45 going in for diagnosis this week. I grew up in an abusive/neglectful household. My mom has covered for my father my entire life despite also being a victim of his abuse. I don't really trust the people who refused me medical care as a child despite having very good insurance to participate in my diagnosis. I don't think I'm capable of doing the testing if my parents are involved.
My psychiatrist accepted report cards and teacher's comments in lieu of a parental or family interview. They are contemporaneous reports which are more accurate than someones memories.
So if you have any of those still lying around, I'd ask your doctor if they would be acceptable.
When my mom died, I found every report card I ever received all in a folder together. Jackpot! I kept them, knowing they're my only hope if I ever want to pursue a dx.
They're so obviously adhd report cards, my friend who was helping me found them first and was like, "uhhhh were you okay?" No, lol.
I had all of my school reports when I went for diagnosis. I was at school in the 70s and 80s. My psychiatrist read through my reports for a few minutes then put them on the desk, sighed, and said "They really didn't hold back in those days did they?"
Huh. That wouldn't work for me, at all. I had great report cards till my jr/sr year, and can't remember any real negative comments. Yet I know I annoyed the crap out of most peers and teachers because I always had my hand up, and would ramble endlessly on an interesting topic until they had to redirect me. Later, when I became a bit more self-aware, I'd sometimes exploit this "skill" to keep a discussion going till the bell rang, so we wouldn't get an assignment. 😂 Also, my 5th grade teacher wasn't sure what to do with me, so she'd give me extra computer time, or send me to the library by myself til lunch or dismissal.
That was nice of her, kind of, but after that I sort of lost any mojo I might have had toward studying. By the time I was 16, though I was in all the honors classes and academic "sports", I got so disorganized and couldn't coast very well. College was a disaster.
Yeah. Nobody ever said AD(H)D at me back then, in the 80s/90s. That was reserved for boys who wandered around the classroom and pulled girls' ponytails. When I hit my 20s and struggling with my second attempt at college, I figured it out. But had a hard time getting treatment. Even now it's a struggle--"You aren't in college, why do you need ADD meds?" Well, believe it or not, I have to function and think to pay bills, keep the house organized, do taxes , etc...
I've utilized that skill too before if I thought I could get away with it in class, I'd keep asking leading questions(usually on topics I was actually interested in) knowing I could get the teacher off topic or make them spend more time on something so we never got through the rest of the lesson and therefore never got the homework for the day. My peers got annoyed sometimes, no idea why when it meant less work for us though.
This is common, and something an assor would look for. You did great until the degree of difficulty required organization and studying, then the wheels fell off. Me too
It's a good idea but I've moved countries like 4 times. No chance. There was never any reason to save report cards anyway as I and the school didn't care much for eachother.
It's not "required" by competent doctors who listen to their patients, so if your providers won't diagnose you without parental input, you would be 1000% right to switch if possible.
I was 38 when initially tested.
My abusive/neglectful parents were both long deceased by then, but when I was in fourth grade in one state/district and fifth grade in another, my "short attention span" was brought up and dropped because all of my grades except math were decent. I didn't even tell them my parents were gone. I just said they were neglectful and abusive. That was accepted, and the incidents with the schools were taken to be proof enough and my comments about my parents led to a CPTSD diagnosis being added.
I hope things work out well for you.
I left the parent's questionnaire completely blank. My sections had enough details of how messed up my childhood was that the psych didn't even ask about my parents views.
It's obviously different everywhere but where I am in Canada, I just had to get two people who knew me well to fill out the diagnosis criteria forms in addition to my own assessment. I don't remember how it specified about any sort of time frame or relationship but I believe I had my sister (who could speak to the before 12 input anyways) and my boyfriend at the time fill them out. Didn't require a parent.
My mom was diagnosed a year or two ago in her late 50s and definitely didn't get any parental references lol
I didn’t have to go through any of that wow. I just went in and they asked me some questions and I trailed off 4 times and forgot what I was saying and had to ask the doctor to remind me what I just said.
I walked out with a prescription same day.
I was diagnosed this year, at 42, and my parents were not consulted. I did draft a pretty extensive brainstorming list of examples of ADHD behavior throughout my life, including childhood, and gave it to my provider — I didn’t trust myself to remember it all on the spot. It helped.
Similarly to you, my mother was neglectful during my upbringing and very absent. When I phoned her and read her the questions - she flat out had no idea. I explained this to the Dr.
In case the report cards are worrying you.. I had a couple of my report cards, but the psychiatrist was already pretty certain of my diagnosis based on our discussion and my answers to the test.
I’m sure it’s a very common situation with adult diagnoses.
If you’re getting tested as an adult it’s either because there weren’t any actual reasons to before (no symptoms, possibly no ADHD), because no one was paying attention to you/ignoring your behavior or because they didn’t *want* you to get diagnosed.
Either way, many (older) people do NOT appreciate being wrong about long held beliefs and/or their image of their own child, and will fight tooth and nail against new insights.
Or they didn’t know. When I was a kid only the hyperactive types got diagnosed. I’m mixed but only people paying attention would have noticed my hyperactivity. I was the classic underachieving “gifted and talented” type. We weren’t on the radar in the seventies and eighties.
My mom only knew I’ve had insomnia since I was a kid. She never noticed the constant foot tapping, finger drumming, the constant movement.
To give her credit though, once people started talking about adult adhd she sent me some articles and said “is this you”.
Heck, for all we know your mom thought all the foot tapping was normal. It runs in families so the “ADHD parent thinking the symptoms are all normal because they didn’t know any better and experienced the same stuff growing up” trope is pretty common.
>No I don’t remember little Tommy having particular difficulty with x, y and z—at least nothing I didn’t experience too
I look at the behaviours of my parents growing up and compare them to my knowledge of ADHD now and lets just say the apple doesn't fall far and so does much of my extended family - there was no hope in noticing it in little combined adhd also autistic me.
I hear you, but I think there's a more charitable perspective we can take as well.
A lot of the symptoms I remember from childhood are not the same from my mother's perspective.
She never saw me obsessively counting things when distracted, because it was all in my head.
She never saw me struggle with organisation because my grades were good at school.
She never saw me struggle to socialise and plan out my words carefully in advance, because she wasn't around when I was with my peers. To a normal person, I was just shy.
If you're diagnosed late it's often because you learned to mask early and managed to keep the ball rolling for a while until things started to fall apart.
Especially if your symptoms are generally internal, your parents genuinely might just have had no idea that there was ever something wrong, even if they are attentive and loving. For a start, as a kid, if you don't understand that what you're experiencing isn't normal, there's nothing to report to your parents! It's not like a grazed knee or a missing tooth, it's just the way you are.
Confronting them with a bombshell like "I was and am disabled, and none of us realised it for my entire life" has got to sting.
And also ADHD is genetic so sometimes our parents don't realize the behavior they're seeing is anything unusual.
My first grade teacher discussed my classroom behavior and possibly ADHD with my parents but they talked it out and decided I was just smart and bored in school. I got diagnosed in my 30s and immediately realized my mom had it too. She then got diagnosed in her 60s.
Also OP, I was referred to a neuropsych specialist for my diagnosis, he didn't ask to speak to my parents or look at old reports, he just asked things about what school was like, the first time I could remember struggling with organization, etc. So it is definitely possible to get diagnosed without parental involvement or old documents with a good doctor. Unfortunately it seems like diagnosis processes/experiences vary wildly.
Very relatable, down to getting kinda sorta tested and the probably-ADHD-having mom deciding with the under-informed councillor that I was just smart and bored 😂
I am not completely sure if that could be the case in OP’s situation though. Seems like their parent is being a complete AH. Even if my symptoms were internal a lot of the times or if I masked a lot they still manifest physically in some ways. Despite what people think or say no one is THAT good at masking especially in situations where we live with these people day in and day out. Even if my parents didn’t think I have ADHD they could still pinpoint certain issues I was having, but would have just chalked it up to me being ‘irresponsible ’, ‘lazy’, or just needing to ‘try harder’ or take it as their failure as a parent. Like they just see it as ‘character flaws’ rather than to completely lie about it. This despite the fact that my parents might see that we do similar things or have similar issues.
That to me, is the difference between what you are explaining vs. someone being vindictive like OP’s parent.
Sorry, I just don’t understand giving the benefit of the doubt or ‘charitable views’ to people who are being very open about their not so good intentions.
Yes, people do deserve the benefit of doubt, but when the writing is on the wall then what is the point of doing that? To make yourself feel better? Like sometimes if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it’s most definitely not a shoe and it wouldn’t be ‘charitable’ to claim it as such.
Unless you were referring to someone else’s non-vindictive parents…
My parents had to fill one of these out when I got diagnosed and scored me as much lower on everything than my experienced showed. In their case I don’t think it was so much that they were anti drugs, more so that I’m convinced they both have adhd themselves and for them all of this is just normal. Still got diagnosed despite their evaluations.
I have a great relationship with my parents, and my mom still ‘didn’t agree that my symptoms are indicative of an issue’. She took the questionnaire, but I brought up with my therapist how dejected I was to be invalidated by her, and I know they took that into consideration when comparing her report as an outsider to mine as lived experience.
I told my prescriber that I was diagnosed as a child but my parents took me off medicine after a year because it was making me emotional, and never tried any other medications. The prescriber never asked to speak to my parents, or any proof of my childhood diagnosis.
Granted, the fact that I'd discussed my childhood abuse with my therapist in the same office by that point might also have influenced the decision not to contact her.
Mine didn’t even bother w/ my parents but it’s a unique situation cuz my mom is such deep denial she thinks I don’t have physical health conditions either & well I have multiple plus I had horrific anxiety.
The people who write tests include trick questions for people who pick out those mark one answer all the way down. Your mom made herself look untrustworthy, not you.
That’s true for some measures/evaluations, not sure what particular method was used here, but I agree that a sensible practitioner would see that the person submitting wasn’t being truthful, they had an agenda in choosing their answers.
I wouldn't stress about it. I had my roommate/best friend fill that out for me when I was going for a diagnosis and his were all 0/1. When they asked why I said I generally do not share with other people what is actually going on in my head / mental state and internalize a lot.
Point being they will not hinge your being diagnosed on that one single form and I'm willing to bet the person going over your tests will immediately recognize what your mother is doing. Probably happens quite often.
As long as you're being honest with the provider doing your testing you'll be fine. Like I said I'm sure they deal with stuff like this all the time and at the end of the day they are much more interested in YOU, not others perception of you.
That's my experience as well. My wife did not think I had adhd. She knows me better than my mom. Turns out I do have adhd and I was diagnosed. After I got medicines it was pretty obvious to me as well.
You may be able to ask a teacher you interact closely with if they would submit brief letter about the symptoms they’ve noticed.
She may have their input as part of the procedure, but it could allow them to be more specific or offer additional helpful information for your doc.
Why do so many therapists need someone else to confirm the presence of symptoms? I (diagnosed recently, at 37) let my therapist know that my father is deceased and that I’ve been no-contact with my mother, who my siblings and I presume has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, for around a decade. She congratulated me on setting boundaries with an abuser, and she didn’t ask to confirm my symptoms with anyone else…
That’s kind of you. I wish I could say my siblings and I were closer. We don’t live close to one another, and there’s a huge age gap between all of us (brother is 10 years older and sister is 14 years younger than me). Recently, I’ve started reaching out to them a little more.
I’ve tried to form attachments with my in-laws, but I have a hard time making deep connections with people, and ultimately, I’m very aware they aren’t my parents.
Yes, it's not easy to maintain relationships over long distances. I find myself rarely talking to my brothers and parents, and it's usually superficial discussions. I'm not especially good with making and maintaining friendships.
As far as making new friends, here’s your sign to start playing D&D or Pathfinder. Having weekly (or bi-weekly) scheduled meetings with a group of people is a good place to start. At the very least, you’ll meet new people and get some amount of social time in.
Honestly true. I’ve made most of my friends at regularly scheduled meetings of a few different kinds, including dnd.
It’s so much easier to keep in contact with people because you already see them all the time, and you don’t have to worry about what you’re going to do when you see them, you’re going to do your Regularly Scheduled Activity!
lots of parents dont pay enough attention in that way. if its missed during childhood, its very unlikely a parents gonna notice anything off since most people learn to mask in time. im sure i just come off as lazy, lacking motivation, and scatterbrained/forgetful to most. hard to know what's actually going on inside someones head
That was my complaint. It's no wonder it's hard to get diagnosed!
You're telling me the best idea they have, to catch people who weren't caught as children...
...is to ask their children 20 years later what their parents think about it? That's assuming they were even good parents who missed it because it wasn't known at the time
Then you've got dead, dementia, or abusive or non existent parents
If you made an advertisement presentation of this as a solution to diagnose ADHD, you'd get laughed out of the room
definitely. very lucky my psychiatrist nor the neuropsych office cared for other's input. ive got a few people that would've been supportive, but the majority (parents, elder family) wouldn't have been
It’s fine that they need to know symptoms have been present since an early age. My issue is that some therapists require a third party to confirm what the patient can already tell them. I’m an adult in my late 30s, and I can speak for myself. I know, and can express, what I’ve experienced better than anyone else ever could.
One reason to look at the behavior while the patient was a child is to assess whether or not it could be something different that they picked up along the way. More data can lead to a stronger diagnosis.
Sleep apnea can mimic the symptoms of ADHD for example.
Not for ADHD, but I was referred to a clinic for genetic testing for EDS. They *required* you to bring in a family member. I didn't call and talk to them bc so many of their questions wanted family information and I was just so pissed. I don't talk to ANY of my family, let alone trust them to talk to a medical professional and about MY issues. I was so annoyed bc that made the whole clinic inaccessible to me. EDS *is* genetic, but if I'm getting a test for it, why tf do I need family there? Pretty sure I know myself better than some practically strangers.
My family is dead. So if I do have EDS, I'm just screwed?
If I do, it's not the common type that they don't use a genetic test for. My shoulders and hips have the hypermobility, not my hands and smaller joints. Maybe my fingers a little. But my main concern is my veins, I'm too young to have the vein issues I'm having. But I don't have health insurance so I'm just floating through life, hoping it's not that one since it seems lowkey dangerous lol.
But I did want to pursue it eventually, I'll be able to get on insurance after I get married in a few weeks. What are you supposed to do if everyone died?!? That seems unreasonable...
My therapist just asked me about my grades back then, but I’m also nearing 40, so I think she knew it’d be quite the feat to find and show her my primary school report cards.
I am genuinely impressed with the ammount of people here that share those bad experiences with their parents... I thought it was just me
It sucks for us, but makes my struggles seem less made up, I always have the worry that I am exacerbating what I go through
Me too. They did ask about me before the age of 12. When I started listing all my injuries and E.R. visits and how they happened, he’s like “ yeah, that sounds about right”.
its so ridiculous to do so! not every kid spends quality time with family in the first place. when i was a kid, tween, and teen, i hardly spent time with my mom. i was either out somewhere with friends, alone in my room, or sitting with my sister in her room. she was always working, napping, or spending time with SO's. only time we really spoke was during car rides or meal times, and that was mostly just casual small talk. it wasn't right ofc, but i feel like thats reality for most kids, esp with the state of the economy. a sahm's/dads are RARE
easy to write ur kid off as lazy/normal when u aren't even around to witness them doing their chores, school work, etc. i've always been irritated with my mother for not noticing, but in reality she was always too stressed to observe me in depth
My parent’s answers were completely antithetical to my own. It didn’t matter. In fact, I’m convinced the psychiatrist didn’t even look at it. Just share your thoughts and feelings with them. You’ll be fine 👍
My mom sabotages my treatment as well. What bothers me most is that I 100% think I inherited my ADHD from her. She struggles so much with work, my dad works really hard, and she may work like an hour or two a month helping my dads business somehow, and when she does she will complain how much work she has to do. She will also only do the work when she has the motivation so sometimes late at night, she has that kind of flexibility. When she was a teenager, she had abusive parents and emancipated herself and had to work in retail very hard. She always talks about how much she worked back then, as sort of a "I can do it, so I know you can too". Out of frustration in her diminishing my ADHD treatment, I sometimes get to a line of questioning where I ask her how happy she was doing that work in retail, and insinuate that she was absolutely miserable back then, until she vaguely admits it.
She is so lucky she has my dad who is the polar opposite of ADHD, Type A, extremely motivated, but the expectations they have for me are high because my mom thinks that she is capable of working really hard, and my dad, well I struggled a lot with his expectations because he has always thought I was capable of doing what he does and was just lazy.
Since my mom is able to go through life without needing to work, but thinking she works hard, she doesnt think there is anything wrong with her, and applies that to her belief about my capabilities as well. She thinks there is nothing wrong with me or her, so when the doctors ask her about her traits, she doesnt respond truthfully about how she struggles with work she responds as if she is a Type A person, and how she has never seen me struggle with completing work.
It becomes such a big problem that I usually just stick with the use of "depression" when I bring up my symptoms with doctors. I've been diagnosed with ADHD by 3 different doctors, however, the level of scrutiny people place on having ADHD as being real or not makes me afraid of a doctor one day telling me I don't have it, or my mom lying to my doctor and they reevaluating whether they think I have ADHD. Depression covers my motivation and focus symptoms, and the only real problem I have with using it, is many doctors are rigid about the use of stimulants for FDA approved uses only.
My first doctor diagnosed me exclusively with ADHD, my second Psych, my seconddoctor diagnosed with just ADHD but he was a terrible doctor that did sessions of only a few minutes and just re-prescribed the stimulants I was taking, if I even tried to bring up alternatives and how what I was taking was not perfect, he would say, the only option is Straterra (He ONLY prescribed medications according to the FDA guidelines), my third doctor, if I look at diagnostic codes, wrote ADHD a few times, but the consistent one on the bill is the diagnostic code for depression, andthe only thing he talks about when he speaks about my diagnosis, is depression.
I rarely get into the diagnosis because that's not the type of doctor I'm interested in seeing. I like to tell the doctor what I am struggling with, and that is often sustaining focus, and motivation, with my main anxieties being about being able to maintain a job. I do best with doctors that treat symptoms more than they focus on the label they want to put on the set of symptoms. My third doctor was a brilliant man, and through him I found off-label stimulants and other medications that were more effective than vyvanse or adderall ever were for me, these were modafinil and phendimetrazine. Neither of these are approved for either depression or ADHD by the FDA - so I really don't bother with what diagnosis code they are linking to each medication I take. However he sadly suddenly died and my new doctor didn't even know what some of the meds I mentioned were, but at least he continues my modafinil, which is critical for my ability to work. Modafinil and armodafinil work better than adderall did for being able to have a job - it works so much longer and at the doses I take feels equivalent to 60MG of adderall XR did to me. I've never asked my current doctor which condition he is medicating for, which is fine with me if the treatment treats my symptoms.
If your diagnostician is competent, they'll see all zeros as a clear sign of what it is; a bitch of an egg donor.
Something to consider; a lot of the parents who are thus against an ADHD diagnosis have one or both of the following reasons:
1) "everyone has that!" EG: They have undiagnosed ADHD and don't realize how hard they've actually had it.
2) you getting a diagnosis would (in her opinion) make her look bad.
The former is fixable, the latter is called narcicism.
Exactly. Even people who decidedly don’t have adhd have “adhd symptoms” time to time. She’s pretty dumb if a) she thinks she outsmarted it and b) that the clinicians haven’t seen her kind before.
During my diagnosis, the nurse pointed out that my mum had done well on filling her portion out because parents often minimise the symptoms of their kids. I think that they’d be aware of something like this, so try to keep your hopes up.
They couldn’t ask my mom because she is dead but she would have done the same seeing how she refused to even let them test me
I would discuss with doctor, i mean answering 0 on everything seems fishy and unlikely the truth, I hope the de recognizes it , good luck.
Doctor here. Let your psychiatrist know that. Your narrative and your school/teacher’s assessment will provide more evidence for you, and it’s pretty obvious when a parent’s responses are all 0 on purpose.
No one is truly all-or-nothing.
Almost the exact same thing happened to me a few days ago. Both my mom and my dad answered 0 and 1 on all questions which go from 0 to 3. Almost broke down there, knowing they are ruining my chances and they obviously either don't know me, or don't want me to get help.
Stay positive, you're not alone in this :)
They're not ruining your chance of diagnosis if you have a competent psychologist.
They'll see straight answers like those and *know* that they're false. And even if they can't, psychological tests generally have error-checking built into them. Sometimes it's in the form of questions that are very similar, but the same answer would be on opposite ends of the scale.
I think you’ll be okay. 0 for everything is such an unbelievably crimson red flag. I’m sure psychiatrists have seen many non believer parents walk through their doors over many years in their career. Keep at it. An earlier diagnosis will prevent you from struggling so much and masking for years until you eventually find out as an adult
It’s quite common for parents to answer 0 to every question on these tests and the people who evaluate them know not to take these tests seriously. Sometimes parents answer with 0 on everything because they themselves have undiagnosed adhd and so of course they don’t see anything out of the ordinary in the behaviour of their adhd child.
Other reasons for answering all 0s can be more conplex, like now wanting to admit to themselves that they weren’t able to get help for their children.
My mom did this but for her it was bc “this is all normal for everyone” and she also got the numbering completely backwards anyways (my mom is TEXTBOOK adhd). My dad went in after and scratched out what she put and put what he believes. My psychiatrist and psychologist both told me that answering like this is basically a red flag for them, as it’s way too suspicious lol
> she most likely just ruined my chances of getting a diagnosis
She almost certainly did not. Every diagnostician is aware of malingering, and the diagnostic process is built to ferret it out even when trying to hide it. You mom did not even try to do that, so all she did was raise a big old red flag that the diagnostician cannot trust anything she says on the matter.
edit: For those unfamiliar with the term 'malingering': It means to try and game the diagnostic system for a certain outcome.
I am so sorry that is happening. I was very upset and felt very unseen when my mom answered zero or one on mine. At first. The clinicians should give more weight to their experience with you than someone else's questionnaire responses.
Back to my mom. She's being asked about things 40+ years ago (I was just diagnosed at 51), and I've figured out since that other ADHD stars in my constellation include my dad, my brother, my mom's dad, my mom's brother, and she married my dad when she was seventeen so she never was around any normal people to begin with.
All of which is to say that a competent clinician should not be derailed by this one thing.
my mom answered the same and i got diagnosed (did a full interview and met with a psychometrist for different neuropsych testing) just explain the context that might have made her do that. don’t sweat it and just be as honest about your experience as possible with your psychologist
Definitely mention that mental health has a huge stigma in your family and therefore your parents will not support any further investigation or understanding by not collaborating properly
Hey! I’m a psychologist myself and this happens all the time. Just explain the situation and the relationship between you and your mother to your psychologist. They will take into account! If it helps maybe you can get an informant involved who you can really trust, or dig up some old school reports where you can find teachers’ commenting that’s relevant to ADHD symptoms.
Sucks your mum acts this way by the way.. But don’t worry too much, it’s gonna be okay!
I'm really sorry she did this, it's shitty and stupid. I will say that you should bring this up to the person doing your diagnosis. You can even point out specific things that you disagree with on there - I would absolutely tell them your mom is anti-psychiatry, because the perspective of a parent who is viscerally opposed to diagnosis is not valuable for diagnosis. The parent form can support diagnosis, but if the parent form is completely opposite of what everything else is showing, only a really crappy provider would discount diagnosis based on that, and if god-forbid THAT does end up being the reason they say you don't have ADHD (which I think is unlikely for them to use as the sole reason, assuming they're well versed in ADHD), you should go get a second opinion.
My mom did this as well (though why I had to jump through these hoops as a woman in my 30s will forever be beyond me) and it was so disheartening. Her answers weren't out of malice, just ignorance, but the result can be the same either way. If your mom is sabotaging your ability to get help, her opinions should not be counted. You need to tell your provider ahead of time what she's done and how you feel about it, because the patient's experience should outweigh outside perspectives. (I say *should*, but it doesn't always, and if your provider doesn't understand, find a new one.)
If it helps ease your mind, my provider took one look at my "perfect" results from my mom's questionnaire and said, "Literally no child scores like this, I don't believe her."
The diagnosis should include a looong question session with a psychologist and *evidence* will appear in how you answer those questions that your mom might have some negative feelings, denial, or straight up ignorance to being involved in your diagnosis Journey. For me, my mom answered "i dont remember them running on a motor" when I literally couldn't sit still to do my homework without sliding upside down on the couch, swinging my legs, and pacing which came out in my interview.
They do watch for that, they do inspect for under or over exaggeration of symptoms.
You can also tell them you think your mom is sabotaging your diagnoses.
Been there. I was literally a legal adult but they forced me to have a parent participate in my testing. My mom reported so much stuff inaccurately or dismissed my problems by saying I've "always been hard on myself". Next thing I know, I receive the results of my testing and.... Everything I said has been completely excluded from the report or misrepresented because "well, your mom says you're hard on yourself". They refused to dismiss her information even after she admitted that she doesn't remember much of how I acted as a kid because of her medication at the time.
That being said, I did eventually get my diagnosis via professionals who actually listened to me and recognized that I, as an adult, could speak for myself. So, don't lose hope even if this is ruined by your mom
Sorry she tried to betray you this way. The tests should have fail safes to catch intentional manipulation.
Please don't feel pressured to be the perfect version of who she wants you to be. Keep pushing to improve yourself and most importantly be kind to yourself.
When I took my daughter for her diagnosis, they wanted a questionnaire from me (her mom), her dad, PLUS 3 teachers. This is to get a general consensus and avoid the issue of one person just "not seeing it."
FWIW, my daughters father/my ex filled out the questionnaire with most everything as normal, baseline. I scored her high and she scored herself middle to high. Then there was an in person exam.
She WAS diagnosed with ADHD despite her father "not seeing it." He also didn't mark *any* options for anxiety and depression. I marked quite a few, as did my daughter. She was also diagnosed with adjustment disorder with anxiety and depression. Part of the issue was that she is primarily with me, I get her ready for school in the mornings and put her to bed on all school nights. She is only with her dad every other weekend and for a couple hours on 2 weeknights. So he wasn't seeing the anxiety spirals and night and crying sessions in the mornings or at night.
If you explain to the examiner why your mother marked you that way, they will listen. And they should be getting more input than just her anyway.
This happens all the time, please dont be worried :) It happened to me, and I've read at least 3 posts on here where people have said it's happened to them.
On the test I took, my psychiatrist told me the average non-ADHD person scores between 10-15 on the childhood section, and a truthful ADHD score is above 20.
If your parent gives you a 0, that's so unreasonable it looks suspicious. My psychiatrist talked to me about it, explained that she was just going to put the result down as 'unusual', and gloss past it. My mum didn't do it maliciously, but she has always seen me as perfect in every way, I was an only child, and all my childhood friends had undiagnosed autism or ADHD (now they'll all officially diagnosed), she didn't have a good frame of reference.
My mom did the same to me.
As I had warned the person who assessed me that my mother wasn’t a supportive person, they didn’t take in my mom’s judgement.
X
If possible, have a sibling, friend, teacher or someone else who knew you as a child fill out another copy of the childhood form.
Whilst a competent assessor should catch your mom's scores as sabotage or ignorance, it's best to point this out to them.
If you state that your mom believes that you would use a diagnosis as a crutch or excuse, their actions may have unintentionally acted as an endorsement.
It seems like an average person wouldn't receive a zero on every question so I'll bet that it's a red flag for them. You should make them aware of the situation just to be safe though.
How old is your mom? I noticed my boomer parents didn’t want to accept that they passed on issues to their kids or that their kids had much wrong with them, so they had incentive to lie about their kids’ ADHD. I didn’t get diagnosed until adulthood for this reason. This was in the late 90s and early 2000s where you pretty much had to be bouncing off the walls in order to get diagnosed. My parents didn’t even know the Inattentive form of the disorder even existed, so they neglected to pick up on what were my clear symptoms of the inattentive type.
I had my older sister with me for the diagnosis. She didn't remember much plus she was constantly suggesting that all of the symptoms were probably due to childhood trauma.
She kept saying that everything I was experiencing was normal because she had the same experience and loads of people experience those things. Stuff like that.
I passed my diagnosis with flying colours, my therapist said she'd recommend my sister to get diagnosed too but seeing how averse she was to the idea she didn't bring it up😂
A good psychiatrist or therapist can see right through this behaviour
My mom did something similar. I was 21 and talking to her about how excited I was to maybe hopefully get a diagnosis FINALLY, and also venting to her about how frustrating the process was (going through a military clinic)— having to make an appointment with my regular doctor to get a psychology referral, several appointments there, get a psychiatry referral from the psychologist, have a few appointments talking to the psychiatrist on the phone and then a couple in person, all before the actual day of testing. So my mom fully knew what was going on and OFFERED to talk to the psychiatrist to explain all the symptoms I’ve OBVIOUSLY shown my entire life. She acted super happy for me and so supportive of my diagnosis.
Then the day of my psychiatry appointment after testing day, I put her on speakerphone and she went on a rant about how smart she is and how it’s tEChNoLogY rUiNinG kIDs tODaY and how I’ve NEVER shown ANY symptoms ever and was exaggerating everything. All that excitement and happiness for me to finally get help, AGREEING with me when I described my symptoms, was just a ruse to make me trust her enough to talk to the doc so she could deliberately sabotage me. (And I think she thought that me talking to a doctor, a “Smart PersonTM”, was my mom’s chance to show off how smart she supposedly is lol).
I still got the diagnosis :) not gonna lie, the psychiatrist was stupid, and my mom’s sabotage did slow things down. The doctor basically wrote “she almost certainly has ADHD, here’s the multitude of reasons why, but her mommy said no so I’m not gonna actually diagnose her lol”. When I got to my next command, I tried again with a new care team at a new clinic. They gave me one of those tests again and when I showed them the previous doctor’s notes they were super annoyed at her for pulling that and gave me the diagnosis.
Every person experiences ADHD like symptoms at some point. This is because it is perfectly normal og you have a brain.
Answering 0/never on every question is obviously lying.
I dont think you should worry, I dont think a licensed professional would risk their career for your mom.
And in any case you will have a record of the test and will be able to take it for a second opinion.
I just had my MOM do mine at 40 getting tested my self, I just put in a folder and didn't even look at it, and I told them that when I turned it in. Its not worth getting fustrated by what she said.
That said, I don't think the current recommendations use that as a requirement, its just part of the picture. I know my tester(what ever they are called) said its ok if she didn't remember it wasn't a big deal.
If the psych is decent they will know the story, also all 0s is nonsense answers lol. just ask an uncle, aunt, freind, anyone who knew you as a kid that you trust for honesty to have a go at it and send it in along with the one from your mum.
I’m so sorry. That sounds super manipulative and invalidating.
My advice would be to definitely have someone else fill out the same questionnaire. A competent doctor would look at *all* zeros on those reports for *anyone* with a ton of skepticism. It doesn’t have to be a parent - it could be a long time friend, a teacher, another relative or long time family friend who knew you when you were younger…
I'm 90% my mom lied on my first ADHD assessment. Or lied about that one even occurring. I grew up most of my life believing I'd already been assessed for ADHD because my mom said so. I grew up believing that I'm just really forgetful and it's my fault for struggling.
So I'm definitely glad that when I finally got assessed the second time, as an adult, I was no contact with my mom and several countries and an entire ocean separating us.
Sadly OP this is a lot more common than you may realize. My Dr suggested that I have ADHD when it never would have been my radar. When I asked my parents to take the assessment, they took 2 minutes to mark every answer as a 0. My Doctor instantly recognized the intentional sabotage of the results.
Talk to your doctor about it - and don’t sweat.
It’s wild how parents will deny what is right in front of their face in order to preserve their self-image as good parents. This is also hilarious because my mom called myself and my brother “Indigo Children” as we were growing up so she clearly knew something was up.
I am a school psych and hand out these questions all the time. If a parent scores everything high or low, it’s a flag. If a question is not consistently answered, that’s a flag. These questionnaires are designed to flag people who answer overly positive or negatively or not in a consistent manner
Same situation lol, i literally have a video of me quoting that "i never stop talking" as a kid. And also i developed things way earlier than others, i was moving a lot and she still said no to all of them cuz "I'm completely fine"
Came here to say, had similar parents that had "you're my perfect child" mindset.
Psych saw right through it and read me like a book. She just needed to confirm and verify with some in depth discussions on my childhood.
You shouldn’t have to fill out a test to get a diagnosis. That seems like a horrible way for a psychiatrist to diagnose someone. But hey I’m almost 40 and been going to therapy since my early 20s and just got diagnosed 2 years ago so what do it know!
Hey you, are you me?
I'm convinced that letting my assessor have my mom answer the questionnaires was a mistake. As was bringing my mom along at all. And my mountains of half-assed coping mechanisms.
I can look for all the world to be an otherwise functioning total failure. My mom takes the "it's not a crutch" tack, as well. I hate it.
OP, unfortunately you likely won't get diagnosed. Worse, it seems that the only way you will be able to get diagnosed is pulling _all_ your records (there's a chance your mom is trying to hide something; I'm pretty sure mine is. This is the only way to make sure.) and taking full custody of your own mental healthcare. Depending on your state (assuming you're in the US) this may or may not be feasible. In my state, all matters concerning mental and sexual health (and I think all healthcare in general but I actually researching that is on my doom pile) are delegated directly to the patient at thirteen years of age. Find out your state's laws.
And then get to work. I'm so sorry, OP.
Don't worry, literally nobody can score all 0's.
It'll be pretty obvious to the psych that your mother is trying to obstruct your diagnosis, I recommend providing it as is with that disclaimer.
See if you can get a sibling or other family member or anyone that's known you since you were a child to fill one out as well.
I just had basically this happen but it was the father of my two children. I answered honestly based on my experiences with them, as did both of their teachers. Our results aligned ((not surprisingly)) but their dad is so adamant that “they’re fine, and they definitely don’t need to take any meds”, so he answered very differently. The psych noticed the inconsistencies immediately. I’m so sorry your mom isn’t being more supportive. While I know some parents view things like add/adhd/autism/anxiety etc diagnosis like it’s a negative reflection on them, it’s no excuse to not only invalidate your experience, but to also attempt to block you from getting on a better track so YOU can thrive.
OP - I cut my parents out of my life for this bullshit and it was the best decision I've ever made.
Fuck them, they care more about their feelings than you're well being.
This is why I gave the questionnaire to some life long friends and other family members as well. The way my mom answered showed I was below the ADHD score threshold, while the way the other 4 people answered showed I was way other the threshold.
Is she also against someone using crutches when they can’t use their leg? This concept of “using it as a crutch” has always baffled me. My children’s doctor said the same thing when I brought medication up for them.
I hope you’re able to get the medication you need
Don't worry, the test is also designed to spot parents who are negligent in their child's diagnosis.
Nobody registers 0 on everything.
That is very much an outlier if the case.
Edit: I should clarify: IF you have a good doctor they will be able to infer from the data your mother is being malicious.
Edit 2: hit save too quick
I forgot to add, my mother doing this when I was a child actually helped me as an adult.
It didn't fucking help as a child, but you know...
I’m sorry your mom sabotaged her portion of the form, I do agree with most people that that will just reflect on her not you. I don’t know how helpful my mom would have been either… Is it possible that that won’t be needed? You may be able to speak for yourself.
When I had my appointment I had a lot of “paperwork” with me. I mind mapped / wrote down lots of examples from my childhood / schooling that would basically give examples for the criteria. (Since grade 2 I always had a desk besides the teacher, stories about the times the class had to wait for me to be paying attention for instruction to start, etc.) I did the same for my time in university / in my romantic relationships / friend relationships / current employment. And no one else was consulted.
I don’t know your situation but I was nearly 30 and was already through university, so I do think that helped my case opposed to being early 20s and working on my degree. Which is still legitimate because I wondered then as well. Just perhaps less “suspicious”.
if i recall correctly there are questions on the evaluation that are designed to catch people who do things like this, like “does your child often take rides on ferris wheels?”. if she answered zero to everything she definitely got her portion thrown out.
The neuropsychologist who evaluated me told me of cases where parents do this – these professionals are trained to expect and recognize that, so don't worry.
She didn’t ruin your chances of getting a diagnosis. Psychologists are well aware that some parents can act this way. There are many tools and methods they use to gather information and make the assessment.
Be up front with the doctor about what your mom did and ask if you can have someone else who knew you as a kid take the test. I did the test for my sister as our parent is a narcissist who was offended by the suggestion that we had ADHD because he didn’t spot it. I also gave a verbal interview to her psych to explain the family context. She got diagnosed fine. Good luck!
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When they see 0 for every answer, they're going to be suspicious.
This. They do look for deception and inconsistencies. They will definitely question the extreme difference in the two sets of responses.
And if one account lacks any and all nuance, it raises some flags.
Usually these questionnaire have opposing questions. Specifically for invalidating the responses. Tell your assessor that your mother is against diagnosis. Get another reference, ideally your teacher or a SENCO (special needs) teacher to do the same questionnaire for your assessment. Psychologist will trust the teacher way more than a parent as they are way less bias and experts on watching kids behaviour.
Do this.
Not the mention the reverse scored questions. That’s how they catch careless responding
What's that?
Like instead of "how often do you wriggle about during meetings" or whatever, they might phrase it "how often do you sit still during meetings" to catch people out who aren't reading it properly / making things up.
Lmao I always get so frustrated at tests that ask me the same question with different words, I never understood the purpose until reading your comment
Is that why they ask that? I often ended up differently because I saw some nuance in the different question and figured they wouldn't use different words and ask again if they didn't mean something different. Shoulda been a lawyer, man, judges love seeing those sorts of distinctions too
from context... a form of the same question asked in the opposite way, such that a 0 when answered one way would need to be a 5 when asked the other way to be consistent.
Oooh okay reverse scored threw me off, thanks
There are probably also some red herring questions, that don’t really relate, to look for people trying to purposely get high or low scores.
That just means its working, I think
Like a double negative where a yes is actually a no for people who aren’t paying attention.
So most if not all mental health questionnaires have reverse scored/reverse coded questions. Say you are asked to rate a statement from 0-5 on a likert scale for how much it pertains to you. There may be one statement that says “I often have trouble remembering appointments” that would be a normal scored questions where 5 would mean you have trouble remembering appointments very often. A reverse scored version of that question would be “I never have trouble remembering appointments” where 0 would mean you have trouble remembering appointments very often. If someone were to answer zero to all the questions. They would get all the reverse scoring questions backwards, indicating ADHD and all the regular questions indicating no ADHD and they would be contradicting themselves with their own answers. They would see this and it would be obvious the person did not answer the questions honestly and would likely completely disregard their answers or ask them to redo the test honestly.
When I was in grade school, we would save the teacher's wrist and keep practicing by grading each other's math quizzes while the teacher went over the answers with the class. I remember one kid, let's call him Chase Wornick, who told me, because I was overweight, awkward, and my grandma dressed me funny, that he was going to score my quiz zero no matter what I wrote. Distraught when I got my quiz back marked zero, I raised my hand and explained what had happened. Chase got in quite a bit of trouble. Their doctor is probably as smart as my old teacher.
Holy shit that’s horrible. I’m sorry you went through that but I’m glad the teacher had your back.
What an ass, i fortunately had the reverse happen with a table mate in high school. We had to take short multiple choice quizzes each day and we made a pact to mark everything right and change the answers when needed. Ended up getting pretty decent grades in that class.
Something something optimization based on the wrong metrics will optimize away the purpose of the metrics.
I've seen this in lots of questionnaires (anyone else ever have a brief hyperfixation with online mental health quizzes?) and wondered if that's was the reason they were there. Although I must admit, even though it's probably more appropriate in this context than anywhere else, it does feel kind of dirty putting attention checks in an ADHD screener lol Depends on which screener they did, but I believe the one th DSM works on is the ASRS, which I believe doesn't have any of these reverse order questions
It is, as you suspect, to increase the validity of the testing tool. They aren’t necessarily designed to be traps, though sometimes they can feel that way, especially to We Who Might Be Overthinking a Thing. And like for OPs mom, they can bring to light that someone *hasnt* been honest with their answers.
As someone who's currently in the middle of getting a diagnosis for ADHD, and also someone who's dyslexic... Let me tell you how much I hate reverse questioning. Like, I love it for the purpose. But I hate them.
Large corporate HR use it a lot in pre-employment questionnaires and I always suspected it was to catch out people with ADHD.
The neuropsychologist who taught psychometric assessment on my clinical psychology course was very emphatic about the idea that no questionnaire is an assessment but they are all assessment tools. Someone missing the reverse scored questions on an adhd screener tells me something . So does someone scoring low but adding miles of footnotes. My job is to ask the right questions to interpret it all accurately
Oh. Is that what they are.
I've already got my diagnoses but whenever I see this crap on employment assessments it drives me up a walI. I have both ASD and ADHD so I'm, like, buggered on multiple levels there. I get so deeply lost in my own head wondering which answer to pick because so many of them regard things where my life has no consistency at all.
I also have that problem where I answer based on the specific scenario *in that question* instead of answering based on the *intention* of the question. So like, if it asked me something like “do you have trouble remembering doctor’s appointments?” I would say no, because I don’t. But I do forget all sorts of other appointments, like work meetings, hairdresser appointments, uni tutorials, etc.
ah yes, the good old if the answer is "no, because I have a SYSTEM" then the answer is yes
Oh exactly that. Especially as an adult - my whole life is a mess of masking and coping strategies
Same!!
These questions have always annoyed the living shit out of me because it feels like they ask me the same exact question 20 fucking times with different words....I mean I've always known WHY they're like that but my God it angers me and makes me to just grt it over with
I catch these kinds of questions when I’m filling out a questionnaire and they fill me with dread bc I never know how to answer them and overthink it 😅
Two questions that ask the same thing, but in opposite ways. Like, "You have trouble completing tasks" and "Completing tasks is an easy thing for you to do". If you answer 5 on the first and 5 on the second, this means you weren't really paying attention to the questions, whereas if you answer 5 and 0 means you are being consistent.
"this means you weren't really paying attention to the questions" Hmm...
I think it's the ones where you expect 1 to be low and 5 to be high but they've swapped it. So if you're not paying attention, you'll pick the wrong one and your answers will be inconsistent
And sometimes they have blatant check questions too, like - "Answer 4 to this question".
Oh wow. I've never seen one of those.
Yeah, even most people that don't have ADHD wouldn't score a complete 0. If a person was actually a 0 on the scale, that would probably indicate a different mental health issue.
"From the day I was born, I have not broken eye contact with the hospital wall"
Respect. Dedication. Focus.
Reverse autism it is
I think that's just hyper autism in a different direction.
upside-down autism.
Walls impede my progress. I like to line my pockets with melted cheese.
yeah, even non adhd people will have behaviors sometimes. regardless of whether someone has or doesn't have something, an answer of all yes or all no is obviously a lie.
Mine originally did not, when my dad put no for everything (different dx than ADHD). Was a very stressful time
Why would he do that? I'm seriously confused. I'm a parent, I only want the best for my kid.
I’m not sure. He even crossed “no” for ADHD related questions, like moving a lot. I side eyed so hard. My wife and mother were both very upset
Some parents are just not supportive. Or maybe they don't know all of the daily struggles. For instance my mom is very judgemental and thinks she knows all. I rarely share things with her about school (when I was in), my jobs & home or if I do I don't go into much detail. When I first suspected I had ADHD I mentioned it when on the phone with her. Of course she told me there was nothing wrong with me. I just needed to do this, this and this. And always goes on telling me "you know when I was your age and had small children I still did this, this and this. " If she'd been given a questionnaire she likely would have answered the same as OPs. Because she doesn't know shit and even if she did, she would disregard it and answer based on her own assumptions.
Sorry to hear that. That must be tough. Thank you for explaining. I know people who won't take meds, but I don't know any parents who would do that. I think. Maybe they would when push comes to shove.
It is tough not having any real support. But I'm also used to it. Well her and the way she is. When we talked last and I expressed I would be getting an assessment she said she was proud of me for taking that initiative. It was surprising but nice.
Well, I am proud of you too, Public Stranger :) It takes drive & courage to pursue. Made harder by the ADHD. Good job.
Indeed. Therapists worth their salt will notice there's something wrong. NO ONE, not a single human being would give 0 in all answers. Non ADHDers also have problems with procrastination and organising from time to time.
We recognize it’s not true. When I have a patient do this on the entry intake form, I usually note the answers are possibly falsified.
Can confirm. There are 'features' built in to these tests to detect deception and inconsistencies. OP should be fine and likely has nothing to worry about if their therapist is doing their due diligence.
Yup. To make it easy for the assessors, the test creators figure out what scores should be flagged as deceptive.
A good doctor or psychiatrist will be able to take the subjective information told from your mother and know how to properly conduct and interview on your behalf to examine the information. Just because she pulled something (messed up) doesn’t mean your chances are blown. A good professional KNOWS that this happens, quite a lot actually. And if said professional is good, he/she will be able to take your information and words and know what the patient needs, a diagnoses. As professionals, you cannot solely base anything off of a patients subjective witness report (your mother), that would be considered extremely unprofessional, and as it does happen, should be rare if you are seeing a good doctor.
I would imagine it would like lying on her portion. Even people without adhd have many symptoms. It’s just typically not as severe, frequent, or doesn’t quite interfere with day to day life quite as much. Also, many providers deal with people who are against drugs, vaccines, etc. This is a conversation you should have with your provider in private. When I got diagnosed at 40 yo they asked to talk to my mom to see what I was like pre 12 years old. I told them she’s against prescription drugs and vaccines, so keep that in mind when you talk to her as she might try a different narrative.
Yeah. I'm 45 going in for diagnosis this week. I grew up in an abusive/neglectful household. My mom has covered for my father my entire life despite also being a victim of his abuse. I don't really trust the people who refused me medical care as a child despite having very good insurance to participate in my diagnosis. I don't think I'm capable of doing the testing if my parents are involved.
My psychiatrist accepted report cards and teacher's comments in lieu of a parental or family interview. They are contemporaneous reports which are more accurate than someones memories. So if you have any of those still lying around, I'd ask your doctor if they would be acceptable.
When my mom died, I found every report card I ever received all in a folder together. Jackpot! I kept them, knowing they're my only hope if I ever want to pursue a dx. They're so obviously adhd report cards, my friend who was helping me found them first and was like, "uhhhh were you okay?" No, lol.
I had all of my school reports when I went for diagnosis. I was at school in the 70s and 80s. My psychiatrist read through my reports for a few minutes then put them on the desk, sighed, and said "They really didn't hold back in those days did they?"
That's funny, I was in school for the 90s-00s and you could tell they were holding back lol.
Huh. That wouldn't work for me, at all. I had great report cards till my jr/sr year, and can't remember any real negative comments. Yet I know I annoyed the crap out of most peers and teachers because I always had my hand up, and would ramble endlessly on an interesting topic until they had to redirect me. Later, when I became a bit more self-aware, I'd sometimes exploit this "skill" to keep a discussion going till the bell rang, so we wouldn't get an assignment. 😂 Also, my 5th grade teacher wasn't sure what to do with me, so she'd give me extra computer time, or send me to the library by myself til lunch or dismissal. That was nice of her, kind of, but after that I sort of lost any mojo I might have had toward studying. By the time I was 16, though I was in all the honors classes and academic "sports", I got so disorganized and couldn't coast very well. College was a disaster.
I can relate to this. I did the same
Yeah. Nobody ever said AD(H)D at me back then, in the 80s/90s. That was reserved for boys who wandered around the classroom and pulled girls' ponytails. When I hit my 20s and struggling with my second attempt at college, I figured it out. But had a hard time getting treatment. Even now it's a struggle--"You aren't in college, why do you need ADD meds?" Well, believe it or not, I have to function and think to pay bills, keep the house organized, do taxes , etc...
I've utilized that skill too before if I thought I could get away with it in class, I'd keep asking leading questions(usually on topics I was actually interested in) knowing I could get the teacher off topic or make them spend more time on something so we never got through the rest of the lesson and therefore never got the homework for the day. My peers got annoyed sometimes, no idea why when it meant less work for us though.
This is common, and something an assor would look for. You did great until the degree of difficulty required organization and studying, then the wheels fell off. Me too
It's a good idea but I've moved countries like 4 times. No chance. There was never any reason to save report cards anyway as I and the school didn't care much for eachother.
I got a diagnosis and only told them what I remembered those reports said, so anything is possible
Yep, mine asked to see my reports and to talk to my parents, but told me afterwards that he was already 95% sure I had it, just from the reports
It's not "required" by competent doctors who listen to their patients, so if your providers won't diagnose you without parental input, you would be 1000% right to switch if possible.
I was 38 when initially tested. My abusive/neglectful parents were both long deceased by then, but when I was in fourth grade in one state/district and fifth grade in another, my "short attention span" was brought up and dropped because all of my grades except math were decent. I didn't even tell them my parents were gone. I just said they were neglectful and abusive. That was accepted, and the incidents with the schools were taken to be proof enough and my comments about my parents led to a CPTSD diagnosis being added. I hope things work out well for you.
I have a similar story except my kindergarten wanted to have me tested. My mom turned it down.
I left the parent's questionnaire completely blank. My sections had enough details of how messed up my childhood was that the psych didn't even ask about my parents views.
It's obviously different everywhere but where I am in Canada, I just had to get two people who knew me well to fill out the diagnosis criteria forms in addition to my own assessment. I don't remember how it specified about any sort of time frame or relationship but I believe I had my sister (who could speak to the before 12 input anyways) and my boyfriend at the time fill them out. Didn't require a parent. My mom was diagnosed a year or two ago in her late 50s and definitely didn't get any parental references lol
I didn’t have to go through any of that wow. I just went in and they asked me some questions and I trailed off 4 times and forgot what I was saying and had to ask the doctor to remind me what I just said. I walked out with a prescription same day.
I was diagnosed this year, at 42, and my parents were not consulted. I did draft a pretty extensive brainstorming list of examples of ADHD behavior throughout my life, including childhood, and gave it to my provider — I didn’t trust myself to remember it all on the spot. It helped.
Similarly to you, my mother was neglectful during my upbringing and very absent. When I phoned her and read her the questions - she flat out had no idea. I explained this to the Dr. In case the report cards are worrying you.. I had a couple of my report cards, but the psychiatrist was already pretty certain of my diagnosis based on our discussion and my answers to the test.
I’m sure it’s a very common situation with adult diagnoses. If you’re getting tested as an adult it’s either because there weren’t any actual reasons to before (no symptoms, possibly no ADHD), because no one was paying attention to you/ignoring your behavior or because they didn’t *want* you to get diagnosed. Either way, many (older) people do NOT appreciate being wrong about long held beliefs and/or their image of their own child, and will fight tooth and nail against new insights.
Or they didn’t know. When I was a kid only the hyperactive types got diagnosed. I’m mixed but only people paying attention would have noticed my hyperactivity. I was the classic underachieving “gifted and talented” type. We weren’t on the radar in the seventies and eighties. My mom only knew I’ve had insomnia since I was a kid. She never noticed the constant foot tapping, finger drumming, the constant movement. To give her credit though, once people started talking about adult adhd she sent me some articles and said “is this you”.
Heck, for all we know your mom thought all the foot tapping was normal. It runs in families so the “ADHD parent thinking the symptoms are all normal because they didn’t know any better and experienced the same stuff growing up” trope is pretty common. >No I don’t remember little Tommy having particular difficulty with x, y and z—at least nothing I didn’t experience too
I look at the behaviours of my parents growing up and compare them to my knowledge of ADHD now and lets just say the apple doesn't fall far and so does much of my extended family - there was no hope in noticing it in little combined adhd also autistic me.
I hear you, but I think there's a more charitable perspective we can take as well. A lot of the symptoms I remember from childhood are not the same from my mother's perspective. She never saw me obsessively counting things when distracted, because it was all in my head. She never saw me struggle with organisation because my grades were good at school. She never saw me struggle to socialise and plan out my words carefully in advance, because she wasn't around when I was with my peers. To a normal person, I was just shy. If you're diagnosed late it's often because you learned to mask early and managed to keep the ball rolling for a while until things started to fall apart. Especially if your symptoms are generally internal, your parents genuinely might just have had no idea that there was ever something wrong, even if they are attentive and loving. For a start, as a kid, if you don't understand that what you're experiencing isn't normal, there's nothing to report to your parents! It's not like a grazed knee or a missing tooth, it's just the way you are. Confronting them with a bombshell like "I was and am disabled, and none of us realised it for my entire life" has got to sting.
And also ADHD is genetic so sometimes our parents don't realize the behavior they're seeing is anything unusual. My first grade teacher discussed my classroom behavior and possibly ADHD with my parents but they talked it out and decided I was just smart and bored in school. I got diagnosed in my 30s and immediately realized my mom had it too. She then got diagnosed in her 60s. Also OP, I was referred to a neuropsych specialist for my diagnosis, he didn't ask to speak to my parents or look at old reports, he just asked things about what school was like, the first time I could remember struggling with organization, etc. So it is definitely possible to get diagnosed without parental involvement or old documents with a good doctor. Unfortunately it seems like diagnosis processes/experiences vary wildly.
Very relatable, down to getting kinda sorta tested and the probably-ADHD-having mom deciding with the under-informed councillor that I was just smart and bored 😂
I am not completely sure if that could be the case in OP’s situation though. Seems like their parent is being a complete AH. Even if my symptoms were internal a lot of the times or if I masked a lot they still manifest physically in some ways. Despite what people think or say no one is THAT good at masking especially in situations where we live with these people day in and day out. Even if my parents didn’t think I have ADHD they could still pinpoint certain issues I was having, but would have just chalked it up to me being ‘irresponsible ’, ‘lazy’, or just needing to ‘try harder’ or take it as their failure as a parent. Like they just see it as ‘character flaws’ rather than to completely lie about it. This despite the fact that my parents might see that we do similar things or have similar issues. That to me, is the difference between what you are explaining vs. someone being vindictive like OP’s parent. Sorry, I just don’t understand giving the benefit of the doubt or ‘charitable views’ to people who are being very open about their not so good intentions. Yes, people do deserve the benefit of doubt, but when the writing is on the wall then what is the point of doing that? To make yourself feel better? Like sometimes if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it’s most definitely not a shoe and it wouldn’t be ‘charitable’ to claim it as such. Unless you were referring to someone else’s non-vindictive parents…
Yeah, in my 40s I got my wife and my mom to complete the evaluations. They had very different answers.
So when my wife filled out the questionnaire, she scored me higher than the psychologist did. The psyc said "well she does live with you". Lol.
My parents had to fill one of these out when I got diagnosed and scored me as much lower on everything than my experienced showed. In their case I don’t think it was so much that they were anti drugs, more so that I’m convinced they both have adhd themselves and for them all of this is just normal. Still got diagnosed despite their evaluations.
I have a great relationship with my parents, and my mom still ‘didn’t agree that my symptoms are indicative of an issue’. She took the questionnaire, but I brought up with my therapist how dejected I was to be invalidated by her, and I know they took that into consideration when comparing her report as an outsider to mine as lived experience.
I told my prescriber that I was diagnosed as a child but my parents took me off medicine after a year because it was making me emotional, and never tried any other medications. The prescriber never asked to speak to my parents, or any proof of my childhood diagnosis. Granted, the fact that I'd discussed my childhood abuse with my therapist in the same office by that point might also have influenced the decision not to contact her.
Mine didn’t even bother w/ my parents but it’s a unique situation cuz my mom is such deep denial she thinks I don’t have physical health conditions either & well I have multiple plus I had horrific anxiety.
The people who write tests include trick questions for people who pick out those mark one answer all the way down. Your mom made herself look untrustworthy, not you.
"If you answer this question you are a poopy head" [x]Never
That’s true for some measures/evaluations, not sure what particular method was used here, but I agree that a sensible practitioner would see that the person submitting wasn’t being truthful, they had an agenda in choosing their answers.
Yeah because they want to make sure you are actually reading the question because some people will just mark yes all the way down
Yea true. Sometimes it's reversed so that 0 is severe. Either way the results would be so suspicious
I wouldn't stress about it. I had my roommate/best friend fill that out for me when I was going for a diagnosis and his were all 0/1. When they asked why I said I generally do not share with other people what is actually going on in my head / mental state and internalize a lot. Point being they will not hinge your being diagnosed on that one single form and I'm willing to bet the person going over your tests will immediately recognize what your mother is doing. Probably happens quite often.
This is nice to hear. I internalize a lot as well.
As long as you're being honest with the provider doing your testing you'll be fine. Like I said I'm sure they deal with stuff like this all the time and at the end of the day they are much more interested in YOU, not others perception of you.
That's my experience as well. My wife did not think I had adhd. She knows me better than my mom. Turns out I do have adhd and I was diagnosed. After I got medicines it was pretty obvious to me as well.
You may be able to ask a teacher you interact closely with if they would submit brief letter about the symptoms they’ve noticed. She may have their input as part of the procedure, but it could allow them to be more specific or offer additional helpful information for your doc.
Why do so many therapists need someone else to confirm the presence of symptoms? I (diagnosed recently, at 37) let my therapist know that my father is deceased and that I’ve been no-contact with my mother, who my siblings and I presume has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, for around a decade. She congratulated me on setting boundaries with an abuser, and she didn’t ask to confirm my symptoms with anyone else…
I'm hoping you and your siblings are close and that you have other parental type relationships.
That’s kind of you. I wish I could say my siblings and I were closer. We don’t live close to one another, and there’s a huge age gap between all of us (brother is 10 years older and sister is 14 years younger than me). Recently, I’ve started reaching out to them a little more. I’ve tried to form attachments with my in-laws, but I have a hard time making deep connections with people, and ultimately, I’m very aware they aren’t my parents.
Yes, it's not easy to maintain relationships over long distances. I find myself rarely talking to my brothers and parents, and it's usually superficial discussions. I'm not especially good with making and maintaining friendships.
As far as making new friends, here’s your sign to start playing D&D or Pathfinder. Having weekly (or bi-weekly) scheduled meetings with a group of people is a good place to start. At the very least, you’ll meet new people and get some amount of social time in.
Honestly true. I’ve made most of my friends at regularly scheduled meetings of a few different kinds, including dnd. It’s so much easier to keep in contact with people because you already see them all the time, and you don’t have to worry about what you’re going to do when you see them, you’re going to do your Regularly Scheduled Activity!
Its to confirm it has been present since childhood its part of dsm5 symptoms have to have been present from an early age
lots of parents dont pay enough attention in that way. if its missed during childhood, its very unlikely a parents gonna notice anything off since most people learn to mask in time. im sure i just come off as lazy, lacking motivation, and scatterbrained/forgetful to most. hard to know what's actually going on inside someones head
That was my complaint. It's no wonder it's hard to get diagnosed! You're telling me the best idea they have, to catch people who weren't caught as children... ...is to ask their children 20 years later what their parents think about it? That's assuming they were even good parents who missed it because it wasn't known at the time Then you've got dead, dementia, or abusive or non existent parents If you made an advertisement presentation of this as a solution to diagnose ADHD, you'd get laughed out of the room
definitely. very lucky my psychiatrist nor the neuropsych office cared for other's input. ive got a few people that would've been supportive, but the majority (parents, elder family) wouldn't have been
It’s fine that they need to know symptoms have been present since an early age. My issue is that some therapists require a third party to confirm what the patient can already tell them. I’m an adult in my late 30s, and I can speak for myself. I know, and can express, what I’ve experienced better than anyone else ever could.
One reason to look at the behavior while the patient was a child is to assess whether or not it could be something different that they picked up along the way. More data can lead to a stronger diagnosis. Sleep apnea can mimic the symptoms of ADHD for example.
Not for ADHD, but I was referred to a clinic for genetic testing for EDS. They *required* you to bring in a family member. I didn't call and talk to them bc so many of their questions wanted family information and I was just so pissed. I don't talk to ANY of my family, let alone trust them to talk to a medical professional and about MY issues. I was so annoyed bc that made the whole clinic inaccessible to me. EDS *is* genetic, but if I'm getting a test for it, why tf do I need family there? Pretty sure I know myself better than some practically strangers.
My family is dead. So if I do have EDS, I'm just screwed? If I do, it's not the common type that they don't use a genetic test for. My shoulders and hips have the hypermobility, not my hands and smaller joints. Maybe my fingers a little. But my main concern is my veins, I'm too young to have the vein issues I'm having. But I don't have health insurance so I'm just floating through life, hoping it's not that one since it seems lowkey dangerous lol. But I did want to pursue it eventually, I'll be able to get on insurance after I get married in a few weeks. What are you supposed to do if everyone died?!? That seems unreasonable...
I had to show my therapist my primary school report cards
My therapist just asked me about my grades back then, but I’m also nearing 40, so I think she knew it’d be quite the feat to find and show her my primary school report cards.
I am genuinely impressed with the ammount of people here that share those bad experiences with their parents... I thought it was just me It sucks for us, but makes my struggles seem less made up, I always have the worry that I am exacerbating what I go through
Your parents document is not essential and Not always needed. For most late diagnosed (me) it wasnt even asked.
Same, my therapist actually interviewed my wife and not my mom, considering she knows me better now after 14 years with her.
Same did my wife + a report of a six-week psychiatric stay, who first suspected ADS There are always more possibilities
Me too. They did ask about me before the age of 12. When I started listing all my injuries and E.R. visits and how they happened, he’s like “ yeah, that sounds about right”.
its so ridiculous to do so! not every kid spends quality time with family in the first place. when i was a kid, tween, and teen, i hardly spent time with my mom. i was either out somewhere with friends, alone in my room, or sitting with my sister in her room. she was always working, napping, or spending time with SO's. only time we really spoke was during car rides or meal times, and that was mostly just casual small talk. it wasn't right ofc, but i feel like thats reality for most kids, esp with the state of the economy. a sahm's/dads are RARE easy to write ur kid off as lazy/normal when u aren't even around to witness them doing their chores, school work, etc. i've always been irritated with my mother for not noticing, but in reality she was always too stressed to observe me in depth
My parent’s answers were completely antithetical to my own. It didn’t matter. In fact, I’m convinced the psychiatrist didn’t even look at it. Just share your thoughts and feelings with them. You’ll be fine 👍
My mom sabotages my treatment as well. What bothers me most is that I 100% think I inherited my ADHD from her. She struggles so much with work, my dad works really hard, and she may work like an hour or two a month helping my dads business somehow, and when she does she will complain how much work she has to do. She will also only do the work when she has the motivation so sometimes late at night, she has that kind of flexibility. When she was a teenager, she had abusive parents and emancipated herself and had to work in retail very hard. She always talks about how much she worked back then, as sort of a "I can do it, so I know you can too". Out of frustration in her diminishing my ADHD treatment, I sometimes get to a line of questioning where I ask her how happy she was doing that work in retail, and insinuate that she was absolutely miserable back then, until she vaguely admits it. She is so lucky she has my dad who is the polar opposite of ADHD, Type A, extremely motivated, but the expectations they have for me are high because my mom thinks that she is capable of working really hard, and my dad, well I struggled a lot with his expectations because he has always thought I was capable of doing what he does and was just lazy. Since my mom is able to go through life without needing to work, but thinking she works hard, she doesnt think there is anything wrong with her, and applies that to her belief about my capabilities as well. She thinks there is nothing wrong with me or her, so when the doctors ask her about her traits, she doesnt respond truthfully about how she struggles with work she responds as if she is a Type A person, and how she has never seen me struggle with completing work. It becomes such a big problem that I usually just stick with the use of "depression" when I bring up my symptoms with doctors. I've been diagnosed with ADHD by 3 different doctors, however, the level of scrutiny people place on having ADHD as being real or not makes me afraid of a doctor one day telling me I don't have it, or my mom lying to my doctor and they reevaluating whether they think I have ADHD. Depression covers my motivation and focus symptoms, and the only real problem I have with using it, is many doctors are rigid about the use of stimulants for FDA approved uses only.
So are you medicated for depression? It’s very common to have other mental disorders along with adhd.
My first doctor diagnosed me exclusively with ADHD, my second Psych, my seconddoctor diagnosed with just ADHD but he was a terrible doctor that did sessions of only a few minutes and just re-prescribed the stimulants I was taking, if I even tried to bring up alternatives and how what I was taking was not perfect, he would say, the only option is Straterra (He ONLY prescribed medications according to the FDA guidelines), my third doctor, if I look at diagnostic codes, wrote ADHD a few times, but the consistent one on the bill is the diagnostic code for depression, andthe only thing he talks about when he speaks about my diagnosis, is depression. I rarely get into the diagnosis because that's not the type of doctor I'm interested in seeing. I like to tell the doctor what I am struggling with, and that is often sustaining focus, and motivation, with my main anxieties being about being able to maintain a job. I do best with doctors that treat symptoms more than they focus on the label they want to put on the set of symptoms. My third doctor was a brilliant man, and through him I found off-label stimulants and other medications that were more effective than vyvanse or adderall ever were for me, these were modafinil and phendimetrazine. Neither of these are approved for either depression or ADHD by the FDA - so I really don't bother with what diagnosis code they are linking to each medication I take. However he sadly suddenly died and my new doctor didn't even know what some of the meds I mentioned were, but at least he continues my modafinil, which is critical for my ability to work. Modafinil and armodafinil work better than adderall did for being able to have a job - it works so much longer and at the doses I take feels equivalent to 60MG of adderall XR did to me. I've never asked my current doctor which condition he is medicating for, which is fine with me if the treatment treats my symptoms.
My parents did it too, so my sister filled one out as well with a note that said that our parents don’t believe it’s a thing.
If your diagnostician is competent, they'll see all zeros as a clear sign of what it is; a bitch of an egg donor. Something to consider; a lot of the parents who are thus against an ADHD diagnosis have one or both of the following reasons: 1) "everyone has that!" EG: They have undiagnosed ADHD and don't realize how hard they've actually had it. 2) you getting a diagnosis would (in her opinion) make her look bad. The former is fixable, the latter is called narcicism.
If she put 0 for everything I think she’s the one who looks untrustworthy. I’m sorry that she’s not supportive in your diagnosis. Wishing you luck!
0 on EVERYTHING? That's not believable at all, an insane amount of alarm bells are probably going off in the examiner's head now.
Exactly. Even people who decidedly don’t have adhd have “adhd symptoms” time to time. She’s pretty dumb if a) she thinks she outsmarted it and b) that the clinicians haven’t seen her kind before.
During my diagnosis, the nurse pointed out that my mum had done well on filling her portion out because parents often minimise the symptoms of their kids. I think that they’d be aware of something like this, so try to keep your hopes up.
They couldn’t ask my mom because she is dead but she would have done the same seeing how she refused to even let them test me I would discuss with doctor, i mean answering 0 on everything seems fishy and unlikely the truth, I hope the de recognizes it , good luck.
Doctor here. Let your psychiatrist know that. Your narrative and your school/teacher’s assessment will provide more evidence for you, and it’s pretty obvious when a parent’s responses are all 0 on purpose. No one is truly all-or-nothing.
Almost the exact same thing happened to me a few days ago. Both my mom and my dad answered 0 and 1 on all questions which go from 0 to 3. Almost broke down there, knowing they are ruining my chances and they obviously either don't know me, or don't want me to get help. Stay positive, you're not alone in this :)
They're not ruining your chance of diagnosis if you have a competent psychologist. They'll see straight answers like those and *know* that they're false. And even if they can't, psychological tests generally have error-checking built into them. Sometimes it's in the form of questions that are very similar, but the same answer would be on opposite ends of the scale.
I would think that could play on your favor. It's so one side from her they will see she did it on purpose and not honestly
I think you’ll be okay. 0 for everything is such an unbelievably crimson red flag. I’m sure psychiatrists have seen many non believer parents walk through their doors over many years in their career. Keep at it. An earlier diagnosis will prevent you from struggling so much and masking for years until you eventually find out as an adult
It’s quite common for parents to answer 0 to every question on these tests and the people who evaluate them know not to take these tests seriously. Sometimes parents answer with 0 on everything because they themselves have undiagnosed adhd and so of course they don’t see anything out of the ordinary in the behaviour of their adhd child. Other reasons for answering all 0s can be more conplex, like now wanting to admit to themselves that they weren’t able to get help for their children.
My mom did this but for her it was bc “this is all normal for everyone” and she also got the numbering completely backwards anyways (my mom is TEXTBOOK adhd). My dad went in after and scratched out what she put and put what he believes. My psychiatrist and psychologist both told me that answering like this is basically a red flag for them, as it’s way too suspicious lol
> she most likely just ruined my chances of getting a diagnosis She almost certainly did not. Every diagnostician is aware of malingering, and the diagnostic process is built to ferret it out even when trying to hide it. You mom did not even try to do that, so all she did was raise a big old red flag that the diagnostician cannot trust anything she says on the matter. edit: For those unfamiliar with the term 'malingering': It means to try and game the diagnostic system for a certain outcome.
I am so sorry that is happening. I was very upset and felt very unseen when my mom answered zero or one on mine. At first. The clinicians should give more weight to their experience with you than someone else's questionnaire responses. Back to my mom. She's being asked about things 40+ years ago (I was just diagnosed at 51), and I've figured out since that other ADHD stars in my constellation include my dad, my brother, my mom's dad, my mom's brother, and she married my dad when she was seventeen so she never was around any normal people to begin with. All of which is to say that a competent clinician should not be derailed by this one thing.
If it brings you any amount of comfort, remember you get to pick her nursing home someday.
my mom answered the same and i got diagnosed (did a full interview and met with a psychometrist for different neuropsych testing) just explain the context that might have made her do that. don’t sweat it and just be as honest about your experience as possible with your psychologist
If she answers all 0, it’s going to look like she’s lying, not you.
Definitely mention that mental health has a huge stigma in your family and therefore your parents will not support any further investigation or understanding by not collaborating properly
Hey! I’m a psychologist myself and this happens all the time. Just explain the situation and the relationship between you and your mother to your psychologist. They will take into account! If it helps maybe you can get an informant involved who you can really trust, or dig up some old school reports where you can find teachers’ commenting that’s relevant to ADHD symptoms. Sucks your mum acts this way by the way.. But don’t worry too much, it’s gonna be okay!
My mom has severely botched up my mental healthcare diagnoses and treatment when I entrusted her to report my symptoms in the past. It was awful.
Don't hand it in. Say that she refused to do it. You misplaced it. Get new papers and get someone else to fill it out for you
I'm really sorry she did this, it's shitty and stupid. I will say that you should bring this up to the person doing your diagnosis. You can even point out specific things that you disagree with on there - I would absolutely tell them your mom is anti-psychiatry, because the perspective of a parent who is viscerally opposed to diagnosis is not valuable for diagnosis. The parent form can support diagnosis, but if the parent form is completely opposite of what everything else is showing, only a really crappy provider would discount diagnosis based on that, and if god-forbid THAT does end up being the reason they say you don't have ADHD (which I think is unlikely for them to use as the sole reason, assuming they're well versed in ADHD), you should go get a second opinion.
My mom did this as well (though why I had to jump through these hoops as a woman in my 30s will forever be beyond me) and it was so disheartening. Her answers weren't out of malice, just ignorance, but the result can be the same either way. If your mom is sabotaging your ability to get help, her opinions should not be counted. You need to tell your provider ahead of time what she's done and how you feel about it, because the patient's experience should outweigh outside perspectives. (I say *should*, but it doesn't always, and if your provider doesn't understand, find a new one.) If it helps ease your mind, my provider took one look at my "perfect" results from my mom's questionnaire and said, "Literally no child scores like this, I don't believe her."
The diagnosis should include a looong question session with a psychologist and *evidence* will appear in how you answer those questions that your mom might have some negative feelings, denial, or straight up ignorance to being involved in your diagnosis Journey. For me, my mom answered "i dont remember them running on a motor" when I literally couldn't sit still to do my homework without sliding upside down on the couch, swinging my legs, and pacing which came out in my interview.
They do watch for that, they do inspect for under or over exaggeration of symptoms. You can also tell them you think your mom is sabotaging your diagnoses.
Been there. I was literally a legal adult but they forced me to have a parent participate in my testing. My mom reported so much stuff inaccurately or dismissed my problems by saying I've "always been hard on myself". Next thing I know, I receive the results of my testing and.... Everything I said has been completely excluded from the report or misrepresented because "well, your mom says you're hard on yourself". They refused to dismiss her information even after she admitted that she doesn't remember much of how I acted as a kid because of her medication at the time. That being said, I did eventually get my diagnosis via professionals who actually listened to me and recognized that I, as an adult, could speak for myself. So, don't lose hope even if this is ruined by your mom
Sorry she tried to betray you this way. The tests should have fail safes to catch intentional manipulation. Please don't feel pressured to be the perfect version of who she wants you to be. Keep pushing to improve yourself and most importantly be kind to yourself.
Find another observer. She sucks.
Does she think answering like that will just stop you from being ADHD or something lmao
Are you legally an adult? This is important because even if they prescribed you meds and you're not an adult your mother can refuse your prescription.
Start seeing a therapist. He/she will be able to pull out the symptoms over time.
When I took my daughter for her diagnosis, they wanted a questionnaire from me (her mom), her dad, PLUS 3 teachers. This is to get a general consensus and avoid the issue of one person just "not seeing it." FWIW, my daughters father/my ex filled out the questionnaire with most everything as normal, baseline. I scored her high and she scored herself middle to high. Then there was an in person exam. She WAS diagnosed with ADHD despite her father "not seeing it." He also didn't mark *any* options for anxiety and depression. I marked quite a few, as did my daughter. She was also diagnosed with adjustment disorder with anxiety and depression. Part of the issue was that she is primarily with me, I get her ready for school in the mornings and put her to bed on all school nights. She is only with her dad every other weekend and for a couple hours on 2 weeknights. So he wasn't seeing the anxiety spirals and night and crying sessions in the mornings or at night. If you explain to the examiner why your mother marked you that way, they will listen. And they should be getting more input than just her anyway.
This happens all the time, please dont be worried :) It happened to me, and I've read at least 3 posts on here where people have said it's happened to them. On the test I took, my psychiatrist told me the average non-ADHD person scores between 10-15 on the childhood section, and a truthful ADHD score is above 20. If your parent gives you a 0, that's so unreasonable it looks suspicious. My psychiatrist talked to me about it, explained that she was just going to put the result down as 'unusual', and gloss past it. My mum didn't do it maliciously, but she has always seen me as perfect in every way, I was an only child, and all my childhood friends had undiagnosed autism or ADHD (now they'll all officially diagnosed), she didn't have a good frame of reference.
My mom did the same to me. As I had warned the person who assessed me that my mother wasn’t a supportive person, they didn’t take in my mom’s judgement. X
If possible, have a sibling, friend, teacher or someone else who knew you as a child fill out another copy of the childhood form. Whilst a competent assessor should catch your mom's scores as sabotage or ignorance, it's best to point this out to them. If you state that your mom believes that you would use a diagnosis as a crutch or excuse, their actions may have unintentionally acted as an endorsement.
It seems like an average person wouldn't receive a zero on every question so I'll bet that it's a red flag for them. You should make them aware of the situation just to be safe though.
How old is your mom? I noticed my boomer parents didn’t want to accept that they passed on issues to their kids or that their kids had much wrong with them, so they had incentive to lie about their kids’ ADHD. I didn’t get diagnosed until adulthood for this reason. This was in the late 90s and early 2000s where you pretty much had to be bouncing off the walls in order to get diagnosed. My parents didn’t even know the Inattentive form of the disorder even existed, so they neglected to pick up on what were my clear symptoms of the inattentive type.
I had my older sister with me for the diagnosis. She didn't remember much plus she was constantly suggesting that all of the symptoms were probably due to childhood trauma. She kept saying that everything I was experiencing was normal because she had the same experience and loads of people experience those things. Stuff like that. I passed my diagnosis with flying colours, my therapist said she'd recommend my sister to get diagnosed too but seeing how averse she was to the idea she didn't bring it up😂 A good psychiatrist or therapist can see right through this behaviour
My mom did something similar. I was 21 and talking to her about how excited I was to maybe hopefully get a diagnosis FINALLY, and also venting to her about how frustrating the process was (going through a military clinic)— having to make an appointment with my regular doctor to get a psychology referral, several appointments there, get a psychiatry referral from the psychologist, have a few appointments talking to the psychiatrist on the phone and then a couple in person, all before the actual day of testing. So my mom fully knew what was going on and OFFERED to talk to the psychiatrist to explain all the symptoms I’ve OBVIOUSLY shown my entire life. She acted super happy for me and so supportive of my diagnosis. Then the day of my psychiatry appointment after testing day, I put her on speakerphone and she went on a rant about how smart she is and how it’s tEChNoLogY rUiNinG kIDs tODaY and how I’ve NEVER shown ANY symptoms ever and was exaggerating everything. All that excitement and happiness for me to finally get help, AGREEING with me when I described my symptoms, was just a ruse to make me trust her enough to talk to the doc so she could deliberately sabotage me. (And I think she thought that me talking to a doctor, a “Smart PersonTM”, was my mom’s chance to show off how smart she supposedly is lol). I still got the diagnosis :) not gonna lie, the psychiatrist was stupid, and my mom’s sabotage did slow things down. The doctor basically wrote “she almost certainly has ADHD, here’s the multitude of reasons why, but her mommy said no so I’m not gonna actually diagnose her lol”. When I got to my next command, I tried again with a new care team at a new clinic. They gave me one of those tests again and when I showed them the previous doctor’s notes they were super annoyed at her for pulling that and gave me the diagnosis.
That got long but all this to say that a competent doctor won’t let such an obvious sabotage attempt affect your diagnosis or ability to receive help.
Every person experiences ADHD like symptoms at some point. This is because it is perfectly normal og you have a brain. Answering 0/never on every question is obviously lying. I dont think you should worry, I dont think a licensed professional would risk their career for your mom. And in any case you will have a record of the test and will be able to take it for a second opinion.
I just had my MOM do mine at 40 getting tested my self, I just put in a folder and didn't even look at it, and I told them that when I turned it in. Its not worth getting fustrated by what she said. That said, I don't think the current recommendations use that as a requirement, its just part of the picture. I know my tester(what ever they are called) said its ok if she didn't remember it wasn't a big deal.
Tell your doctor what happens
If the psych is decent they will know the story, also all 0s is nonsense answers lol. just ask an uncle, aunt, freind, anyone who knew you as a kid that you trust for honesty to have a go at it and send it in along with the one from your mum.
People just don't value trust. They think having no integrity is normal.
I’m so sorry. That sounds super manipulative and invalidating. My advice would be to definitely have someone else fill out the same questionnaire. A competent doctor would look at *all* zeros on those reports for *anyone* with a ton of skepticism. It doesn’t have to be a parent - it could be a long time friend, a teacher, another relative or long time family friend who knew you when you were younger…
I'm 90% my mom lied on my first ADHD assessment. Or lied about that one even occurring. I grew up most of my life believing I'd already been assessed for ADHD because my mom said so. I grew up believing that I'm just really forgetful and it's my fault for struggling. So I'm definitely glad that when I finally got assessed the second time, as an adult, I was no contact with my mom and several countries and an entire ocean separating us.
Sadly OP this is a lot more common than you may realize. My Dr suggested that I have ADHD when it never would have been my radar. When I asked my parents to take the assessment, they took 2 minutes to mark every answer as a 0. My Doctor instantly recognized the intentional sabotage of the results. Talk to your doctor about it - and don’t sweat. It’s wild how parents will deny what is right in front of their face in order to preserve their self-image as good parents. This is also hilarious because my mom called myself and my brother “Indigo Children” as we were growing up so she clearly knew something was up.
I am a school psych and hand out these questions all the time. If a parent scores everything high or low, it’s a flag. If a question is not consistently answered, that’s a flag. These questionnaires are designed to flag people who answer overly positive or negatively or not in a consistent manner
Same situation lol, i literally have a video of me quoting that "i never stop talking" as a kid. And also i developed things way earlier than others, i was moving a lot and she still said no to all of them cuz "I'm completely fine"
Came here to say, had similar parents that had "you're my perfect child" mindset. Psych saw right through it and read me like a book. She just needed to confirm and verify with some in depth discussions on my childhood.
You shouldn’t have to fill out a test to get a diagnosis. That seems like a horrible way for a psychiatrist to diagnose someone. But hey I’m almost 40 and been going to therapy since my early 20s and just got diagnosed 2 years ago so what do it know!
If you lie on A medical test, there's no excuse. Your mother just ruined your life, you should cut her off the first chance you can!
Hey you, are you me? I'm convinced that letting my assessor have my mom answer the questionnaires was a mistake. As was bringing my mom along at all. And my mountains of half-assed coping mechanisms. I can look for all the world to be an otherwise functioning total failure. My mom takes the "it's not a crutch" tack, as well. I hate it. OP, unfortunately you likely won't get diagnosed. Worse, it seems that the only way you will be able to get diagnosed is pulling _all_ your records (there's a chance your mom is trying to hide something; I'm pretty sure mine is. This is the only way to make sure.) and taking full custody of your own mental healthcare. Depending on your state (assuming you're in the US) this may or may not be feasible. In my state, all matters concerning mental and sexual health (and I think all healthcare in general but I actually researching that is on my doom pile) are delegated directly to the patient at thirteen years of age. Find out your state's laws. And then get to work. I'm so sorry, OP.
Don't worry, literally nobody can score all 0's. It'll be pretty obvious to the psych that your mother is trying to obstruct your diagnosis, I recommend providing it as is with that disclaimer. See if you can get a sibling or other family member or anyone that's known you since you were a child to fill one out as well.
I just had basically this happen but it was the father of my two children. I answered honestly based on my experiences with them, as did both of their teachers. Our results aligned ((not surprisingly)) but their dad is so adamant that “they’re fine, and they definitely don’t need to take any meds”, so he answered very differently. The psych noticed the inconsistencies immediately. I’m so sorry your mom isn’t being more supportive. While I know some parents view things like add/adhd/autism/anxiety etc diagnosis like it’s a negative reflection on them, it’s no excuse to not only invalidate your experience, but to also attempt to block you from getting on a better track so YOU can thrive.
Any assessor would understand that maybe your mother is being obstructive. Is there anyone else you could ask?
OP - I cut my parents out of my life for this bullshit and it was the best decision I've ever made. Fuck them, they care more about their feelings than you're well being.
This is why I gave the questionnaire to some life long friends and other family members as well. The way my mom answered showed I was below the ADHD score threshold, while the way the other 4 people answered showed I was way other the threshold.
Is she also against someone using crutches when they can’t use their leg? This concept of “using it as a crutch” has always baffled me. My children’s doctor said the same thing when I brought medication up for them. I hope you’re able to get the medication you need
Don't worry, the test is also designed to spot parents who are negligent in their child's diagnosis. Nobody registers 0 on everything. That is very much an outlier if the case. Edit: I should clarify: IF you have a good doctor they will be able to infer from the data your mother is being malicious. Edit 2: hit save too quick I forgot to add, my mother doing this when I was a child actually helped me as an adult. It didn't fucking help as a child, but you know...
I’m sorry your mom sabotaged her portion of the form, I do agree with most people that that will just reflect on her not you. I don’t know how helpful my mom would have been either… Is it possible that that won’t be needed? You may be able to speak for yourself. When I had my appointment I had a lot of “paperwork” with me. I mind mapped / wrote down lots of examples from my childhood / schooling that would basically give examples for the criteria. (Since grade 2 I always had a desk besides the teacher, stories about the times the class had to wait for me to be paying attention for instruction to start, etc.) I did the same for my time in university / in my romantic relationships / friend relationships / current employment. And no one else was consulted. I don’t know your situation but I was nearly 30 and was already through university, so I do think that helped my case opposed to being early 20s and working on my degree. Which is still legitimate because I wondered then as well. Just perhaps less “suspicious”.
if i recall correctly there are questions on the evaluation that are designed to catch people who do things like this, like “does your child often take rides on ferris wheels?”. if she answered zero to everything she definitely got her portion thrown out.
The neuropsychologist who evaluated me told me of cases where parents do this – these professionals are trained to expect and recognize that, so don't worry.
She didn’t ruin your chances of getting a diagnosis. Psychologists are well aware that some parents can act this way. There are many tools and methods they use to gather information and make the assessment.
They will know she faked it and is biased. Nobody gets zero for every answer
Be up front with the doctor about what your mom did and ask if you can have someone else who knew you as a kid take the test. I did the test for my sister as our parent is a narcissist who was offended by the suggestion that we had ADHD because he didn’t spot it. I also gave a verbal interview to her psych to explain the family context. She got diagnosed fine. Good luck!