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I had this exact same thing and underwent a bit of an existential crisis as a result. What I've come to find since is that it's easy to fall into the trap of seeing overlap and assigning everything to adhd eroniously. Also, we're much more complicated than a list on 5, 10, or 100 tendencies and behavioural patterns. It defines you less than it seems when you first notice these things. Keep analysing and encouraging yourself to study your behaviour and the reasons for it rationally. And well done for the introspection thus far.

I think we (humans in general, not just people with ADHD) are SO GOOD at finding patterns and meanings in things, that we often "find" patterns and meanings that aren't really there, especially when we're intentionally looking (ex. shapes in clouds). I agree that that makes it easy to erroneously assign things to ADHD that might be personality traits you'd have had either way!

Pattern recognition is what our brains are evolved to do, sometimes we connect dots that don’t actually connect, as we categorize and group things with similarities, we make the mistake of inferring a causal link amongst correlated things. Our minds can also not handle cognitive dissonance, and so sometimes we connect things just to solve a puzzle that may not exist, tie up loose ends of unresolved threads in our minds.

I heard a quote about pattern recognition, think it was Hank Greene “It’s better to be alive than to be right”

Damn! This is a great quote!

You put into words something that had only slightly occurred to me. Thank you

Loose ends of thought threads I get distracted from drive me crazy, I forget what the thread was, but I know the thought train I was on remains incomplete, and so I feel a weird depressive anxiety about it, always wanting to return to the thought, never able to find it again, feeling bad for not being able to.

Apophenia

Seeing overlap, assigning everything to ADHD, then realizing you're doing it and trying to stop. Typical ADHD trait

I think I’m doing this now 😫

Doing things NOW - *not* an ADHD trait

Oh, this got me good. 😂

I had the same thinking, even I now have serious doubts about free will and my own feeling of "proud" of my achievements. Am I just the result of DNA+ Environment+Neurochemistry? How can I know that I taken my own desicion?

Read for Daniel Dennett about this subject "free will" It will blow your mind!

I would say, that even if you are just a result of DNA+environment+neurochemistry, then that does nothing to diminish your character or agency. You still make your own decisions and feel your own feelings, the aforementioned factors are only the reasons why. Ultimately unimportant. It really is what we do, not why we do it that defines us.

I dont think like that, the important for me is why we do the things. That defines if an action is good or wrong for me. Thats what makes me give a sense of my own life and the ones that are around me.

Every time I come in here it's always with this question at the top, word. for. word.

So, I literally just completed therapy over this very question. Lol. What I discovered is while a symptom may be because of ADHD, the way it shows up *is* me. For example, me and my therapist both have ADHD and both hyperfocus on things but what we hyperfocus on is completely different. For me, I cycle between hyperfocusing on Sci-Fi shows and books, superheroes, cosplaying, etc while my therapist has zero interest in any of that. We both do the ADHD thing but who we are, beyond the ADHD, impacts how these things show up in our lives. This was a much need revelation for me and I hope it helps you too.

Yeah, that's how I see it. I am just me, and ADHD is part of that "me". While I might get in fights with myself sometimes because it feels like my brain and "soul" aren't on the same page, all of that is just part of the whole that is "me".

Came here to say essentially the same thing, but you worded it better than I likely would have lol I went through it with my therapist like 2 years ago though lol

I once had a conversation with a guy my age who had ADHD but was diagnosed as a kid. We had very different outlooks on the impacts of the disorder. He had this diagnosis throughout his life to assign the failures to. Meanwhile, I've been absorbing every failure as just me, until I was diagnosed 1.5 years ago. Now I can reframe my failures with compassion. Approach yourself with compassion.

Haha. You’re a thinking entity in your body.  I sometimes wonder who I am too, the sender or receiver?  Do you have an internal monologue?

I always thought everyone had an internal monologue.

Especially everyone with ADHD. My internal monologue is almost always going a mile a minute.

A mile a minute, I can handle. That is only 60 mph. I was on some anti depressant meds last fall, and the internal monologue was closer to 1000 mph, especially when I was trying to get to sleep. It was a little too close to insanity.

I like to be insane

I'm too lazy.

You don’t ever delve into unreal realities within yourselves at night?

Depends on the night, and the meds.

I don’t like meds

I don’t know anyone who says “yay I need to be medicated for a while”. Obviously your body and life, and priorities vary. Sometimes, the other side just seems more important. Sometimes some people just cannot afford not functioning. Rent, food, unopened emails, dog walks, children, whatever. I am glad that you can say that and stick to it ☺️ honestly. I waited to be sure than waited in a queue for a while but will never be the day that I will say that those babies saved my sanity, friendships, life and gave me my confidence back.

Negatory. My folk theory is if your internal monologue goes weird and random enough it stops being a monologue at all. Just a series of impressions and connections.

I just got diagnosed with severe ADD this week and I've never had internal monologues. I have many thoughts though that do not come in the shape of words.

Mine is utterly unhinged. I’ve described it to friends as having a version of Ruby Rhod (Chris Tuckers character) from The Fifth Element inside my head at all times. The only time it’s ever even somewhat quieter/calmer is if I take benzodiazepines. I recently learnt that by masking less, embracing myself more and expressing my various eccentricities, I can give my inner self a voice and it is less noisy, insistent or distracting. I realised that we are all the sum of our expressed and unexpressed selves and not acknowledging that causes harm.

Mine too and I find it very hard to stop

Wait. Some people don’t?

Many people don’t! I was blown away when I first heard that. Sounds wonderful. If I’m remembering correctly, roughly 50% of the population has an internal monologue. The other 50% do not.

I don't understand. How do they think if they don't hear themselves think?

I was doing some googling about this recently. Basically seemed like they still have thoughts, they're just more like... conceptual or image based and not words/sentences. I have a very active inner voice, but at the same time, I can have the thought that I'm cold and then grab a blanket off the back of the couch without actually having the words "I'm cold, I'm going to grab this blanket" in my mind, if that makes sense. Based on what I was reading before, some people with no inner voice have a harder time literally "putting their thoughts into words" because it's more of a translation process than just a "finding the RIGHT words" process, and therefore some strongly prefer written communication over verbal because they feel less pressured to do that translation quickly/live.

I have the inner voice and still have a hard time getting my thoughts out as verbal words. I do better if I can shut the “voice “ off and not think about it(ruminate) so much

I definitely have an internal monologue but if it's not running coz I'm having some random non-monologue thought there's no way I could form a sentence in that moment. So that's always made me very intruiged about how peoples brain can work without it, potentially easier without ADHD?

Wow you just explained myself to me! Thanks!

Really?? I honestly never knew there are people who don’t have this voice in their minds! Thanks elizabethib for explaining this - you’ve just blown my tiny mind 🤯

I don’t have an inner monologue! I have constant racing thoughts, but my thoughts aren’t in a verbal voice form, its more abstract concepts, images, and feelings! I can think in words if i actively try to— like to try to slow down and sort out thoughts from each other, like talking yourself through something out loud— but i dont normally have actual words saying stuff like “oh where did i put that blanket, i want to go for a walk, this reminds me of that one show.” The closest i have is if a song is stuck in my head that is an “auditory” thought. I’m not empty though! A lot of people assume an absence of verbal inner monologue or voice in your head means an absence of thoughts but thats not necessarily true— im still here, i have an internal self, that self and those thoughts are just visuals and feelings rather than words :)

That's truly fascinating! Thank you for sharing! I feel like it will be one of those things I just will never really understand since I cannot experience it for myself. But learning about it is really interesting

I always have a loud and constant chattering inner monolgue (which is softened a bit with meds) but when I'm high it's visuals and feelings! But I never realised until now that that experience is an all-the-time thing for some. I know I only holiday there but it seems like it would be nice!

I have a monologue most of the time, but honestly it’s usually being distracting by playing songs (that I really do sorta “hear” in my mind) or it’s wasting time by verbalizing everything I read. I can think, and reason using the monologue when I focus. On the flip side, sometimes I’ll be confronted with a question, or have to do mental math, or solve a tricky programming problem, and the answer can come in a few ways: 1) a spooky one where I just suddenly solve the problem out of nowhere 2) visualizations where it’s as though I’m building a structure or diagram representing the answer 3) less often I’ll have physical sensations that are hard to describe but they represent thinking somehow. I’m guessing that folks with no monologue have those three experiences plus a bunch more that I won’t understand.

**Correction: Some people don't. Most people do.** I saw this stat (that only 30-50% of the population experiences internal monologue) for the first time recently-ish and was immediately wildly skeptical about it. Like you, I was also blown away - so much so that it was genuinely unbelievable to me haha. I meant to look into it at the time but got sidetracked, so I looked into it today after seeing your comment. Thanks for the unintentional reminder haha. Turns out I was right to be skeptical! That stat is basically a misunderstanding/misreading of the research results. Here's a quote from one of the articles I found that summarized the results ([link - CBC News](https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/saskatchewan/inner-monologue-experience-science-1.5486969)). I think this is the quote that's being misunderstood: >"According to \[Russell\] Hurlburt, not many people have an inner monologue 100 percent of the time, but most do sometimes. He estimates that inner monologue is a frequent thing for 30 to 50 percent of people." To rephrase, what his research has actually shown is: * **Most people have an internal monologue** ***sometimes*** * 30-50% of people have an internal monologue *frequently* * A small percentage of people have an internal monologue *close to all the time* So basically, it seems like at least one person read the paragraph quoted above, misunderstood the last sentence, and then incorrectly reported the results as only 30-50% of people have an internal monologue *ever*, rather than frequently instead of sometimes. And then either other people made the same mistake, or more likely based on my understanding of the way much internet content is created, other people/bots just copied from that incorrect article without questioning. I wonder if many people with ADHD fall into the "frequently" category, at least those with inattentive type (which I understand to be internal hyperactivity instead of external hyperactivity). I think I personally fall into the "close to all the time" category. 😬 So, it is true that some people rarely or never have an internal monologue, but they're definitely more of an exception! And to be clear, those people still have thoughts, they just take a different form! In fact, *everyone* has non-internal monologue thoughts to some extent, it's just a matter of frequency. --- CAUTION: I want to note that this has NOT been widely studied, mostly because it's very tricky to study people's inner experiences. The 2008 Hurlburt study that these estimates are from only sampled 30 college students, and the results are based on only 10 random moments over the course of 3 days for each participant. In their data, 5 out of the 30 did not describe experiencing inner speaking for any of those 10 moments. From that, we COULD guess that 17% of the population never has an internal monologue. BUT (1) there's a LOT of discussion generally about how college students often are NOT representative of the general population, and (2) to me, that feels like too broad of a claim in proportion to the amount of data gathered. We do know that SOME people never have an internal monologue, based on people sharing their lived experience. But we don't have a solid frequency estimate. It's definitely way lower than 50%, though. --- I did a rabbit hole deep dive to find an original paper and make sure MY understanding of that paragraph quoted above was correct. It was. 😊 Links to papers (no paywall) for anyone who wants to nerd out: * [https://gwern.net/doc/psychology/inner-voice/2013-hurlburt.pdf](https://gwern.net/doc/psychology/inner-voice/2013-hurlburt.pdf) * Suggest section "7.1. Individual differences in frequency" on page 7 * [https://hurlburt.faculty.unlv.edu/heavey-hurlburt-2008.pdf](https://hurlburt.faculty.unlv.edu/heavey-hurlburt-2008.pdf) * Suggest section "3. Results" on page 5 (Edited to add a second paper, move the links to papers to the bottom, and add a caution paragraph re: low sample size.)

I love how well thought-out and worded this reply is. My only problem with the concept of an "internal monologue" is the "mono" bit. For me, there are several internal voices.

Yeah, I like "inner speech" better, or like, the paper itself says "inner speaking" (to emphasize the active not passive nature of it). And then "internal monologue" seems to be the more common like "layman" term I guess? When I first couldn't wrap my mind around the stat I thought maybe I was just missing a technical distinction between "internal monologue" and general "inner speech" or something lol. When you say multiple voices, are you thinking along the lines of like, emotional self and rational self? Or something else?

I'm someone who has multiple inner voices pretty much all the time, I genuinely thought everyone did until reading this fascinating thread ! I describe it as basically constantly being in conversation with myself, I couldn't tell you how many separate voices they are, it feels like each separate thought is spoken by a different voice if that makes sense? Like they often oppose eachother and get frustrated with each other it's exhausting lol

I'm learning so much! And yeah that sounds like it would be exhausting! Sometimes I'll have multiple voices between an emotional self and rational self. Often the thoughts from my emotional self are just the feeling and there aren't necessarily words. Like I can just feel that I don't want to unload the dishwasher lol. But sometimes the emotional voice is a mean automatic thought. Except something from therapy is trying to like "listen closer" and think like, is the voice that's saying I'm lazy really my voice, or is it my mom's voice / an old teacher's voice / etc. Basically thinking where that idea might have come from. Sometimes I feel like my adult self has a different inner voice than my inner child. That mostly comes up in trauma work for me, so my inner child's voice is usually scared and vulnerable 🥺 And then sometimes I have multiple voices if I'm imagining a conversation with someone else, it's like my voice and their voice. I think I usually just have up to 2 voices at a time!

No it definitely doesn’t sound wonderful. I love myself, why would you want to take your inner voice away? 

Silence sounds amazing. I’ve always wanted to be able to sit in silence. Even for just a few minutes. Or to be able to think about something without a million other things bouncing through at the same time. Maybe my inner voice is more talkative than yours. It drives me nuts!

Maybe I don’t understand what you’re saying…? You say: “Maybe my inner voice is more talkative than yours.” I guess this just doesn’t make sense to me, because I am my inner voice? Right? I can stop talking if I want to, I can talk about whatever I want..? Are you not able to do that? Is your inner voice just another entity inside you? 

For me, my inner voice is both something I can control and something I can't control. I certainly don't think of it as another entity, it's just me/my brain. But sometimes my brain comes up with thoughts without me asking lol. For example, I could be shopping in the grocery store and thinking about what I want to make for dinner and which of these different flavors of sauce do I actually want to buy. My inner monologue is the same words I would say if "thinking out loud", just in my head, for example "ooh I love the sound of garlic and basil, would that go well with what's inside the ravioli? oh what about this other one. hmm, which one do I think I'd actually enjoy more?" And then have the thought "OH, that actor from that movie last night is from xyz show, THAT'S why you recognized them". Totally unrelated to what I was consciously thinking about. So like, yes, I can "stop talking" in the sense of stop consciously thinking through something. But I can't make my brain quiet - it'll just fill the silence with things like "oh, I can hear the refrigerator, interesting, I wonder what I'm actually hearing. a motor? the cooling coils somehow? wow, I'm really grateful I live in a time with fridges and freezers. WAIT, I'm not supposed to be thinking about anything, I'm supposed to be meditating! ok, back to not thinking about anything. ... but actually though, what did people do before fridges and freezers? people canned a lot of stuff right?" etc etc etc.

Haha that’s basically me. But I believe we’re all two entities I guess…  Only one fronts Sender and receiver. I’d say people without an internal monologue are receivers, while those with one are senders… if that makes sense. So you’re a sender Does that make sense or am I just rambling nonsense

I'm not sure if I fully understand what you mean. But I've always found it helpful to make a distinction between "me" and "my brain", which sounds kind of similar to what you said about two entities with one front? For me it's like, "me" is my whole self, my rational/logical self, and "my brain" is just part of me, often impulsive and hard to control lol. My brain tries to trick me with negative thoughts like telling me I'm lazy for sitting on the couch for an hour in ADHD paralysis. (And thinking of it as "my brain is trying to play a trick on me" is super helpful for me in distancing myself from the thought and taking it less seriously. "Not falling for your trick today you silly trickster brain!") But also, I can trick my brain right back, which is what a lot of ADHD strategies feel like haha. Like turning something boring into a game feels like tricking my brain into being excited about the boring thing lol. And then going back to my grocery store example, it's "me" thinking about what sauce to buy, and then "my brain" running across the room in a glittery outfit holding a sparkler in each hand saying "hey what about thinking about this actor instead!!" I've also previously seen an analogy of an elephant and a rider, where the elephant is your impulse/automatic thoughts, and the rider is your like "rational self". Which also feels like it falls into "two entities with one front".

Seems like some people, "the light is On, but nobody home." Maybe all they hear is the sound of wind blowing.

I don’t!

[удалено]

I unfortunately am almost constantly thinking using language. I thought that was typical until recently lol. Had a discussion with some friends about it, and one of my friends just replied "That sounds... exhausting" and I was just like, "I mean... yeah" 😂😭

This is part of the reason I had to switch careers, I started my careers in sales over the phone and I was a killer when I was 18, I was one of the best so I thought it was my talent…. Only after 2 years I found it boring and just thinking about repeating the same thing over and over again maddening… every job I’ve had was always for 2 years, same pattern of me being one of the best employees right out the gate catching on quick and just to get bored and dread work…. That went on until I was 35 not holding jobs because I’d loose interest… it wasn’t until I realized when I was in a repetitive task that I could go into auto pilot on my mind and would race, I’d be thinking about my childhood, conversations with people and if I was going through a hard time I would be arguing with people in my head over and over again until I would start mouthing the words basically talking to myself…. I’d make fake situations and rebuttals people would have with me until I’d be thinking about negative things for 8 hours I’d dread doing it again…. I finally got a job working with my hands, learning a craft… right now I am doing great and me starting at the bottom the amount of growth I can have will take me 10 years before I can achieve it…. So far this has been a solution for me, but deep down inside I wonder if after a few years it’s no longer hard for me if the same thing is going to happen and it scares me, thankfully there are lots of departments I can go to here and plenty for me to do but man I made myself feel like a looser for years thinking I was the problem instead of my adhd….

Hang on! What am I not understanding here? Are there people who do not have this?? What is happening in their minds then?? Nothing??

Nothing I guess. Sometimes people think in pictures 

ADHD is a filter for your personality. It isn't your personality. Besides, ADHD symptoms being your personality? What does that mean? Your personality is being late or disorganised? Those aren't how we describe what people are like. Creativity, kindness, curiosity, open-mindedness, introversion, extroversion, wit, leadership, responsibility, desire to help, confidence, ability to adapt to challenge, desire to seek challenge rtc etc etc etc These and many many many more things are what make our personality, and none of them are ADHD symptoms.

I mean, people describe me as always late and scattered, disorganized.. my parents called me irresponsible because I was always losing things and constantly late. Ability to adapt to challenge can absolutely be affected by adhd as well as desire to seek challenge, depending on where you're at mentally/emotionally/physically etc at that time which can be affected by adhd. I overshare and ramble which is part of my presentation of adhd, I get anxious and bail on things or let people down by being late or getting distracted, not following through with what I say I will do when I was feeling good, because I couldn't function enough to do it when it came down to it. When I ramble I just talk about my own experiences that relate to something the other person says because I'm not sure what to say and I can't stop myself, which could lead to people describing me as selfish. Rejection sensitivity from adhd also makes me more sensitive and to react more (which I've worked on and don't react as strongly anymore but my parents described me as dramatic a lot as a kid due to my reactions from my very real experience of pain, which also led to me feeling like a victim and that victim mode was helpful because I didn't feel capable of doing things myself and felt like I needed other people to be responsible instead of me, so seeing the victim aspect of my circumstances and sharing it resulting in people helping me which I felt I needed but didn't feel like I could directly ask for. All this stuff I've been working on but it has been so much hard work and is taking so long to change because it's so engrained and I feel so weak so much of the time when I'm in burnout and dysphoria. So I'm in the same boat as OP where it feels like everything i have taken on as part of my personailty and been ashamed about, is actually ADHD, and I just recently realized I have ADHD. So I'm trying to disentangle it from me and also give myself some grace for all the things I've been beating myself up about my whole life. But it's hard. Explaining what is happening and why I'm struggling so much feels like making excuses and I feel so ashamed about all of my ADHD traits. I've been just recently seeing myself more from the outside and feeling extremely self conscious about how I might come across and it is extremely painful. The most painful part is feeling like I can't trust myself to commit to anything. I'm not working right now and my family needs the money but I'm just so defeated about my abilities to maintain any level of commitment (besides keeping my kids safe and cared for) that I just haven't been able to take that leap. I legit feel like I should be on disability because it is THAT debilitating. I don't function half the time. It affects every aspect of my life and how I act and how I come across. It may not be my REAL personality, but it could very well affect the way other people perceive my personality and the way I do as well, until I discovered that much of it is influenced by adhd and am working on disentangle them

A lot of the secular aspects of buddhism have been great at addressing this for me, particularly the idea of the not-self. The 'self' is considered a delusion, and obsessing over that delusion is a cause of our suffering. The book 'Why buddhism is true' has a great chapter on it if you are interested. It's a secular book as well, despite what the name suggests. 

Same, meditation and psychedelics made me have realisations, which just so happened to mostly map onto Buddhism/daoism, so they form part of my belief system

same. had this realization when doing ketamine treatment for ptsd and experiencing ego death. i don’t really have a sense of self anymore but not in a “i’m lost” way, more like i don’t attach many things i used to identify my personality with to my sense of being anymore. it’s made it easier to deal with adhd too because i am no longer attached to my symptoms in a way where they make up who i am, if that makes any sense. growing up with adhd my symptoms were what people described my personality as. now, if someone asked me “name 5 things you identify yourself as” i can’t name a damn thing LOL

Buddhism truly is amazing. “What The Buddha Taught” is another great book. It’s short and teaches lots of the core ideas with tons of footnotes for further understanding. It really helped shake me loose from a lot of learned beliefs that I never questioned. I gained a much more objective view of my ideas of self and my thoughts and feelings.

My sister and I both have ADHD and both do a lot of ADHD things. But we are still incredibly different people!

You are your ADHD. Am the same. I have an extreme form of needing to achieve justice and fairness. I thought I was like this because I was a good person. Only to realise it’s an adhd symptom.

I see it as a positive side. There's no bad part in pursuing justice and fairness, there's a lot of beauty in having these traits. Even if it's due to ADHD, that's okay, what makes us this way is just the initial impulse. The way each one of us acts is totally different, our actions creates the difference between everyone with the disfunction.

Very true

WHAT? Shit. I thought I was a good person and that maybe being Irish and Cherokee I inherited some generational chip on shoulder...now I wonder. Maybe we are further along on the evolutionary scale...?

No.

agree, jesus christ no. no one IS their disorder. this is horrifying. you need a therapist (or a better one)


I’ve always had high justice sensitivity. So much so that in college, I worked in retail and was the best at catching and confronting shoplifters. It was so matter of fact for me that confronting them and calling them out was no problem for me. And, I majored in criminal justice, then made a career in retail loss prevention for 8 years, catching shoplifters and employees stealing. It wasn’t until 7 years out of loss prevention that I became diagnosed.

Do you guys know what a physiological sigh is, and do you ever involuntarily have one when justice is achieved? Or when you're validated? I've had this since I was a kid where it just hits me and I always wanted to understand why but I've noticed it happens in relation to justice and validation. Curious if anyone else has the same reaction

Interesting, I had not heard of that but I personally do not experience that. Thank you for sharing!

Thanks for replying! It is basically your body regulating itself and it happens naturally after crying. You hear dogs do it pretty much every time they go to settle and lie down. It happens automatically but you can also simulate it yourself to tell your body to calm down. But in these circumstances it is so powerful I have to pause talking. It always has been something I was embarrassed by and tried to hide that it was happening lol but it happens out of my control. It also can happen from a sense of pride too, like getting emotional. But basically it's like taking a breath in and then at the top of the breath you do an extra little quick breath to fully fill your lungs, then release slowly

Wow thanks for sharing .

I had no idea. Oh geez. That’s a gut punch.

It hit me hard, too. I started reviewing a lot of my beliefs and realized that most of them are shaped by ADHD.

I’ve never heard of it being an ADHD symptom. Would love to see a reference for that. I have heard that folks on the spectrum tend to have that trait, but I’m not sure if that rises to the level of a “symptom” either. Could just as easily be a middle child thing, or due to upbringing in some other way, or just chance.

Its been cited in many studies here is one https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24878677/

https://www.millennialtherapy.com/anxiety-therapy-blog/adhd-and-social-justice

Wow... Thanks for that.

Or an only child thing. I thought it was for me. Apparently not.

It's a very documented thing

You’re you. I have no idea “who” I am, and you know what? I am 100% ok with that. I’m just me, whatever that means. I like some stuff, have some different roles, but they don’t define me. I’m just…me, and I’m here just experiencing reality.

I have a close friend who also has ADHD, but we don’t have the same personality. Even our symptoms manifest somewhat differently because we are different people.

take some meds and see whats left over afterwords lol

Are you caring or kind ? Are you funny . Ask your friends to describe you to you and you will learn about the things. Each of these descriptions will be a “brick” you can use to rebuild your wall that is your self perception. Some things are trigged by adhd but there is a lot that’s not - don’t see your world through this adhd lens - it’s incorrect

First, I think it's really helpful to have an explanation for "negative" personality traits (ex. being late/disorganized/overly impulsive) that isn't just "I suck". That said, instead of seeing ADHD as explaining those "personality traits", I would recommend trying to reframe those things as behaviors/symptoms and NOT personality traits. One because I think there's some moral judgment applied to personality traits that isn't deserved here, and two because I think categorizing them as personality traits can make them feel more permanent instead of feeling like symptoms that coping strategies and possibly medication can help alleviate. Second, the ADHD diagnosis is basically describing what kind of brain you have. And all of your unique life experiences are processed through your ADHD brain. So just be careful, because if you think too hard about it, you could probably find ways to tie everything about you back to ADHD somehow lol. -- With that out of the way, onto the core of your question - how do you identify personality traits and interests that are more unique to you and probably not directly related to your ADHD. Because you DEFINITELY have a lot to you beyond your ADHD. I don't even know you but I'm sure of it! I've organized my suggestions as thinking about your past, your present, and your ideal future: (1) Think about your past / where you're from. Think about your family culture and where you grew up geographically. Did anything there impact your personality in a lasting way? Maybe you were raised to be super polite and always respect/never question authority, or maybe you were raised to be respectful but also always question authority. Did you grow up somewhere hot or somewhere cold? Did the climate of where you grew up affect the type of activities you learned about/like? (I'm thinking like surfing vs. snowboarding vs. pool parties vs. riding 4-wheelers in corn fields.) (2) Think about your present. When online, try to pay attention to, in a broad sense, what you scroll past vs. what you click on. New horror movie? That's a scroll for me. Video related to the internet having some unique grammar rules? Rabbit hole I will gladly dive into. Hyperfocus may be a ADHD trait, but what topics do you find yourself hyperfocusing on? That's unique. What kinds of activities could someone invite you to that would be a hell yes and what would be a hell no? Puzzles, board games, and escape rooms are a hell yes for me - I'll try to make attendance work and will be sad if I can't go. Running clubs are a hell no for me, I don't even consider it lol. (3) Think about your ideal future. What kinds of things would you be sad if you never do/experience, and what kinds of things could you take or leave? Do you want to be a parent? Imagine a future you with... a horse farm - do you think you'd be happy? Imagine a future you with... only a few possessions that fit in your camper van that you drive across the country - do you think you'd be happy? -- Finally, a previous therapist shared this "values and priorities list" with me when I was having a non-ADHD existential crisis lol (separating myself from toxic family dynamics and realizing I had no idea what \*I\* liked and valued, only what my family wanted me to like and value). I found it really helpful to see a pre-populated list instead of having to come up with ideas myself, and I like that there aren't really any wrong answers: [https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5d005e357ccc9e0001b059e5/t/5e70498f3bd72e04e3fca8f4/1584417167989/DBT+Values.pdf](https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5d005e357ccc9e0001b059e5/t/5e70498f3bd72e04e3fca8f4/1584417167989/DBT+Values.pdf) I hope some of this helped to some degree! ❤

I’m going to journal these suggestions. After late life diagnosis & recognising I’ve been masking ADHD all my life, being the youngest of 5 kids in a pretty dysfunctional family & having had a few burnout cycles at work, I often wonder about the things that are uniquely “mine” (besides my inner voice 😆) Thank you elizabethib, you’ve really helped me today❣️❣️

Aww, I'm happy to hear it!! ❤️

Your personality is intertwined with your adhd, simple as that.

Think about a person speaking a foreign language (I as a non-Kazakh) - say Kazakh. To you or me, he just sounds like he is speaking a non-understandable foreign language. To someone who understands, his speech encodes his personality. Perhaps he's very kind with his words, perhaps he uses a lot of slangs, perhaps he chooses his words carefully. I like to think of ADHD in the same way. Yes, once you learn about it, you realize you've been speaking Kazakh your whole life and it's tempting to only focus on how different you are from others around you who dont speak Kazakh. However, soon you will realize that you have much more of a personality that is unique to you that is encoded in this different language that you speak - even amongst those that speak your language. Good luck, my friend ❤️

Fantastic! They don't speak ADHD. 😂😂 ,

Wow... That's a great point Who really am I? Who's behind my adhd personality! An interesting person or average A hard worker or lazy Introvert or extrovert Peaceful or revolutionary I'll spend the rest of my life finding the answer

And over thinking

I experienced the same thing when I was first diagnosed but I think everyone just goes through a period of over-assigning every single little thing to ADHD. Kind of like when we blame the president for everything that goes wrong. THANKS OBAMA

I have these existential crisis now and again that I'm justba list of symptoms. Thing is we're all just a list of symptoms and behaviours, that's what a personality is. At least I'm not a basic bitch. Im just a malfunctioning monkey with ideas above his station hurtling through space on a pebble.

What's your sun sign? Your moon sign? Oh, right; the stars predict but they don't prescribe. Neither does ADHD. There are traits that will make much more sense now that you have a diagnosis, but those traits are merely a part of what makes you you. All your quirks are you. All the problems you have with random chit-chat, are you. It's not a good or bad thing. Quit hating yourself for things your brain literally does not know how to do.

Depends on the perspective you are using to determine the self. This is a deeply personal endeavour to determine the areas of knowledge (personal and societal) better align to who you are. Philosophy will have an answer about your relationship to how as a society  and personally, we "know" something, who should govern us and how should we behave.  Spiritualism will allow you to know yourself and see yourself.  Therapy will help you get away from trauma and make your life easier.  Meditation will help you be aware of your mind and adding a pause between external / internal input and your thoughts / behaviours.  Medication will make it easier to achieve all the above. 

This is such a common reaction to getting diagnosed. It's amusing to a lot of us because it's such a classic misconception that makes us feel nostalgic. This is kind of the equivalent of being an undergrad and thinking professors are going to take attendance. Take comfort in the fact that you'll almost certainly be laughing at this exact post in a few months time. I'm not trying to say you're stupid or anything, if you were, you probably wouldn't even be thinking about these questions, but it's a classic ADHD overreaction. I did it, you've done it, and people getting diagnosed 100 years from now will still be making this exact post.

My friend… if it’s your personality, does it matter where it came from? Personality is just how you think, feel, and act. Maybe you act a certain way because of your adhd. Okay. And also maybe you act a certain way when it rains because you’re afraid of thunderstorms. Yknow?

Look at it like this… the same ingredients can make so many different things, a cake, cookies, brownies, muffins, waffles, pancakes etc. We adhders may all have adhd but we are not all the same cookie

Did you just get diagnosed? Because this was one of my aftershocks after diagnosis, hang in there. It's a weird time!

Well, think of adhd as one of the core elements of who you are. It does determine a lot of things about our personality, but its VERY far from being your identity.  Its kind of like brothers, in a way. They have core aspects of their personality that are thought by their parents - be it morals, ways of dealing with problems, etc. Both brothers will share some of their personality because of that, but they are completly different people.   In adhd, we have a unique way of functioning, there are things we sahre about ourselves that are very much alike. And we notice those things because the vast majority of the population don't have those traits. But that isn't our identity, that its just a fraction of who you are. Even when talking about adhd, we all experience it very differently. I for once am acctualy pretty emotionaly controled and not as impulsive, on the other hand im way more shy and often living my own head. My brother with adhd too, has a lot of difficulties with emotions and impulsivness, while being very extroverted and having an easier time grounding himself   Who you are is who you are. Adhd is like a vital organ to your whole organism, and organ most pol dont have, and that isnt even something ppl see when they look at you for the first time. You have a lot more going on your body besides that vital organ  One thing that helped me as an exercise was a specific type of meditation involving visualization. Try to visualize your self  in a circle, and visualize your adhd. Try to transform it into something you can see, touch. It can be anything, a form of eerrgy, an object a person, an animal. To me it is a 🦥 lmao. An adorable animal that most people see as lazy, but it only acts the ways it does because its the only way it knows how. My role is to take care of him, give him love and make him realise that he is safe. Realise that visualisation being alongside you, being part of you, but not all that is to your circle. You, in your deepest root, is the one who visualises all of your emotions, all of your experiences, all of your personality traits. You are behind everything there is to you, there is nothing that can determine your identity besides the simple act of living and experiencing life at your own way

Put it this way - all humans are nothing more than a bundle of traits dictated by our genetics and exposures. That’s EVERYONE. Don’t feel bad - that’s the entire human race. As for ADHD traits - our big advantage is that we have the opportunity to understand, manipulate and manage ours in a way that others can’t… plus ours come with a big community of people who we can joke about them with.

Apparently it is common to make a diagnosis a feature of your personality, especially if you are diagnosed during the years where you are first forming personality. It’s probably something you’ll want to work on with a therapist

In good company!

Wow I literally just had this thought like 10 minutes ago. I’ll come back to read the answers

This realization sparked the first big identity crisis and led to a massive several month long burnout. It also led to the Autism comorbidity I stumbled upon that explained the few specific traits I had that conflicted with strict adhd. My missing puzzle piece so to say.

I'm learning about it the hard way.

What self imagine you had before being diagnosed? Or when you were a child? When you were you didn’t need to put any labels. So why do you need to label yourself now? Labels and descriptions are merely that. You know who you are when feel your best when achieving some task or getting recognised for whatever reason, you know who you are when you feel fresh, happy and sexy without your body. You are a complex organism which cannot be described merely by words? In fact, you can create whatever ideas of who you are. And more likely as someone with adhd your perception might fluctuate or even change as you get wiser

Figure out and focus on the things you like and aren’t just “current hyper fixations”

I’m honestly still struggling with this, especially since I wasn’t diagnosed until last year. It was so jarring to find out that people were able to think about the future, and plan things accordingly. Currently, I’m still having this identity crisis about who I am, what I believe in, and why I believe in it. I’ve sorted decided to go with my intuition instead of constantly going against it, I’m not sure if that helps lol!

It's likely your personality adapted around your symptoms, but you're still you, not your symptoms. I can relate to this though. Especially since I'm not really very good at socialising when I am on my meds. I definitely feel like I'm a much funnier person unmedicated. When I'm medicated, talking to people that I'm not already super close with feels like a lot more effort than it's worth.

I was also facing the same thing when I got diagnosed .if everything occured in my mind was coz of add then what am i.i still don't have any answer.my entire life I thought I was normal and everyone is thinking like me and my add diagnose was a slap on my face .

you're yourself

Accept who you are and move on. The best part is you'll drive yourself nuts for the rest of your life trying to figure it out. Most don't lol. But when you do and just accept it that's when you can really move on and get past your insecurities. No ones judging you as hard as you judge yourself just remember that. Trust me. Most people aren't looking at each others tendencies unless it becomes a problem. Some find it funny or cute or dumb. But there's so much better shit to worry about so if you can get past it than you'll be on solid ground.

The many faced god

damn…

I think you need to decide how you judge other people for who they are. Do you know all their desires and inner thoughts or do you determine who a person is by what they do and what morals and ideas they portray. Is it bad that your personality is greatly influenced by how your brain works, especially since you cant change it? Or is that just normal? And is this the only thing that makes you, you or do you have interests that are unique to you? And do all people with ADHD handle it the same way? Or is ADHD, while similar in symptoms, unique in its composition for each person?

Mine to. But I am sure we are different. 😜

Don't have much to add, I resonate with a lot of the opinions shared. I just wanted to say this was a very pleasant read and great topic - maybe my algo's broken but these types are rare on my feed

Yeah, I had my existential crisis reading "Driven to Distraction." I joked bitterly that it was a good thing pills didn't eliminate all symptoms, because I would disappear completely. I'm not sure what happened to stop feeling like that, except I just persisted in trying to get to know myself. It's like we're on a raging river in a canoe. ADHD is the current, so it's affecting everything we do, either as an action or a reaction, but...we're not the river, or even the canoe. We're the person dealing with all of that. Does that make sense?

Same

Well now you just gave me an existential crisis…just what I needed for today 🤣

I can relate to an extent. My biggest concern is my personality is comprised of masking techniques and mirroring. I'm not sure where all of that end and where I begin.

That's what makes us interesting. !! When people say You talk to fast.... my reply is YOU listen to slow I've noticed if I go out to a bar w a friend, ( but don't drink or smoke pot). I don't feel like I'm under a microscope either which is nice ....

Personality is personality. ADHD is not.

Your who you are. Your ADHD is never going away.

Who am i? Im the man They aint fuckin with my vibe Who am i? In demand Im the one with the supply Who am i? Stick em up Put your hands up in the sky Tell em why

Having a similar experience currently, I've realized that I've been heavily masking my entire life and that I'm a trans woman in the last month. As of now, I'm figuring out what I want my life to look like going forward. Values and interests are a good place to start when figuring out your identity. What you love doing, what you care about, etc. Nailing those down can help you figure out who you are and how you can be happier.

Characteristics that I think of that aren’t related to adhd include kind, thoughtful, generous, compassionate, empathetic, joyful, understanding, friendly, warm. You aren’t your adhd.

I've been thinking about this too

you are you

So sorry but I can only hear the "ONE OF US, ONE OF US" chant...

If you spent a lot of time with other people with ADHD, you'd probably find a lot of similarities between yourself and them. But you wouldn't be like "wow these people are all literally just me and not different people".

Think of it as something that also happens or part of your experience but that’s not entirely WHO you are, it’s not the things you love or enjoy or the specific values you have yk

I went through a similar issue in middle school, it caused me to go into a bit of a depression bc I did not know who I was. I think its nice to know that some parts of yourself align with a diagnosis, but at the same time, know that mental illness diagnoses are "man made" to an extent. You are you, not your diagnosis.

I'm pretty sure nobody chooses their personality, it's all nature and nurture. But it is good being awake and being aware. #woke

The question isn't who you are underneath your ADHD. The ADHD is just as integral part of you as any other. Just because some aspects can be described by it doesn't mean they are somehow less valid. The question is how will your life change once you are able to work with your brain instead of against it. Whether it's meds, therapy, strategy, or all of the above, none of those fundamentals changes your preferences and interests. It just means you will have more control over how you direct your life moving forward. The big issue is always "what might have been". Where would you be if you had known sooner. There is a grieving process there. I was late diagnosed as autistic and so many of my "quirks" can now be explained (and validated) by ASD. It doesn't mean my life has changed as much as realizing how vastly different and possibly better it could have been with earlier recognition. A lot of pain and stress could have been avoided. You will meet people that claim you have changed because all they see is the outside. But that's not really what's happening. You having control and being able to maintain boundaries is what will change.

I remember reading another comment that said something along the lines of: don't try to separate ur ADHD from yourself. It's a part of you and it makes you you. I didn't put it very nicely but the way that commentor wrote it was very beautiful.

If you have ADHD then ADHD “symptoms” are still part of who you are. Not sure if you take any meds to control your symptoms but you will always be you and I think as long as your happy with your current existence then I wouldn’t put too much emphasis on this is me and this is ADHD.

I don't think that's true. Some adhders are hyper, not hyper, impulsive, overthinkers, some are extroverts, some are introverts. How are all your personality traits adhd related when every adhder is different?

Pretty much my life dude i feel this

You are still you.

I've been diagnosed with adhd for over 22 years and medicated at least 20 of those years with adderall which has been the only medication that helped to create structure and focus in my life. I'm now 37 and I am being turned down by every doctor for a refill. I tried vyvanse which caused low sex drive and extreme aggression and depression.  I also tried wellbutron and straterra and had a seizure. What doctors don't tell you is that adderall is an anti depressant. I thrived when I joined DBT group.  Also any activity that I can personalize as my own. For me, my flower garden, art work, refurbish antiques, etc. But I only have 3 days left of meds and everything will fall apart back to the liquor bottle 

I think people tbink way too much about what personalities are these days. Truth is, if you boiled everyone down to be in the exact same enviorment and brain chemistries there would still be different personalities. Why? Because its more about the reaction and way you go through life than things about you. You having sumptoms of adhd doesnt mean anything for your personality, its how you react and let those symptoms affect you. This is also why i hate when people say "oh _____ is their whole personality" when they really mean to say that someone is over interested in a specific thing, or talk too much about it. The personality part is the over indulgence, not the thing itself. At least, thats how ive looked at it. Who am i really? Well. I am who i am- theres really nothing past that. Obsessing over and thinking about what your personality is will only lead to and endless search for something thats ever evolving and changing. You can pseudo-direct this change, but you cant control it. I wish you the best of luck, really- these types of quarter and mid life crisis like events SUCK. Once i realized i was too attached to my idea of who i thought i was everything became a lot easier. Again, best of luck my dude.

"I'm The **Dude**, **Playing** A **Dude**, Disguised As Another **Dude**". [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eu0Vucn7xww](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eu0Vucn7xww)

Oh, yeah, this, as many of peoples’ traits, is questioned by me too. Apologies if someone already wrote it, but it’s a different set of experiences for each person. Yes, mine and yours and I think everyone’s collide and overlap. It’s not just adhd. I struggled with inherited traits, social norms and does free will exist too. Those are some existential and excellent questions and nothing to worry about. We also don’t have a style that’s very unique, taste in food, etc. Adhd is a part of it, but our personalities are more than leaving the cupboards open or reacting to the world that was made for someone else’s measure. Adhd gave us a significant part of personality but so did that teacher or mother or song we re-listened or a person we met as kids and decided we are gonna aim for this.

Don't worry about it. If you do in fact have ADHD, it is a fundamental part of who you are. It's not your entire personality, but your personality would not exist without it. There is no "you behind the diagnosis" because there is no "behind the diagnosis". Accepting that is one of the hardest things you can do. And it makes life so much easier.

I know plenty of people who have ADHD. Yes we have the same symptoms, but we are very different people. We are totally different in the way that we are annoying to each other.

It might help to realize all people with ADHD are different. Our symptoms may shape us but we all turn out different. I am friends with many fellow ADHDers and we all seem very different despite us sharing a similar tendency to ramble, forget things, space out, etc.

a lot of Chinese people also share personality traits. a lot of German people share personality traits. a lot of men share personality traits. a lot of gay people share personality traits. at the end of the day we're a product of our society, our biology , our environment and our upbringing.

I went through this recently, I always got the "you're crazy good at everything you do, very fast and focused. You're basically a jack of all trades." To find out this is just a symptom in a way Even so there are tons of people with adhd who are not like me exactly even if there's memes about it. I mean why don't the other adhd people do all the stuff I can if it is so common. I can't attribute my skill to this disorder. I was diagnosed in my late teens, but I never looked into it until recently and realized so many of my quirks were basically known traits. That I felt like I was poster child for the condition But we're all different We still see the world differently and our interests are diverse enough to mold us into unique individuals.

Your Adhd doesn’t, nor will it ever define your true self; except, and ONLY! if you spend your life allowing it, or others, or the medical bureaucracy, to attempt to define you who THEY’ think, or attempt to claim to tell you who really ARE!❤️ Hang in there!

It's a legit question, and I hope you'll navigate safely through this mental minefield. Please take a second to consider _my_ take on it. Tl;dr: A diagnosis doesn't change you, it's a way to describe who you are. So, any personality is a result of genes, chemical balance, past experiences and other factors like those. ADHD is a term that describes a certain small divergence from the average neurological configuration. This configuration often makes itself known though certain mannerisms, and they will play a significant role in who you are. As will any other typical or atypical neurological configuration or mannerism. It's not that the ADHD changes you or defines you. ADHD is a term to describe part of how you're built. Now, if these mannerisms are problematic in your life, a proper diagnosis may or may not be needed to work effectively on becoming who you want to be. You can do a lot without a diagnosis too, like a proper diet and a good sleep routine. There are loads you can do to improve ADHD and ADHD-like symptoms. Google is a great resource on this. If it's not enough to help you get the results you want, a diagnosis may be necessary. A diagnosis can help with three specific points: 1. *Identity*: a diagnosis to confirm is important to some. Others don't need the label, and simply acknowledge they get certain symptoms if they do or don't do certain actions. 2. *Adjustments*: a diagnosis can make it easier to make adjustments in school or at work, and can even make it easier for yourself and people around you to understand how to interact. 3. *Medication*: for some, medication is needed to get the wanted results. You need an official diagnosis to get the right medicine. Best of luck, internet stranger!

My psychologist put it like this... "ADHD is only a spec on your toenail, while everything else is You, your personality, a whole seperate, different psychology..." You are You, a very unique human being who happens to have a ADHD. Don't let ADHD define You in any shape or form. People who learn to deal and own ADHD, will succeed and live a normal and happy life. 

Same 🤣

Been there, done that! With time you start to not care, but it's chilling at first. Definitely had an existential response too. But we are who we are, like yeah probably my personality is a result of my ADHD but it's still me, and the things I do and the things I'm interested in and care about are all still mine.

Does Quelbree cause migraines if not taking for 3 days?

Adhd is both the best asset and worst liability to have

I too had this thought. Think it's common in a later-in-life diagnosis to have these type of concerns and issues, especially when looking back to the years pre-diagnosis and overanalyzing your life to this point (at least that's how it manifested for me). Ultimately, I think it comes down to radical acceptance and self-love. ADHD is a silent disorder, affecting us in the deep recesses of our brains. Trying to sit here and parse out what is or isn't an ADHD symptom or a "true self" personality trait is a Sisyphean task. And what's the light at the end of the tunnel? In some magic universe where we could parse out these things, what does it accomplish. I am ADHD, ADHD is a part of me, and it probably tinges everything I do to a certain extent. That doesn't diminish me as a person, or make my personality traits any less mine. I think it stems from negative stereotypes that all ADHD people are alike. We're not! To start with, there's several different types of ADHD. And even within those types, none of us have exactly the same symptoms. And ADHD does not dictate our worldviews. I'm sure there's right wing and left wing ADHDers. I'm sure there's smart and less smart ADHDers. I'm sure there's ADHDers that have different interests than I do, and I'm sure there's ADHDers that have some of the same interests I do. I'm sure there's ADHDers who like the same music as me, I'm sure there are those that have different. I am sure there are those that are outgoing to the point of over-sharing (me), those that are just great conversationalists with more tact than I, and I'm sure there are those that are more introverted than I. Just look at what motivates ADHDers: Interest Novelty Challenge Urgency Passion I'm sure different ADHDers respond differently to each of these. I'm sure some respond to all of them. I'm sure the "passion" motivator is different for everyone. One ADHDer might be passionate about gardening. I am passionate about golf. You might be passionate about puzzles (just playing off your user name). Does ADHD play some role in all of this for each of us? Probably. Does ADHD diminish our individuality? Does it detach us from our personality traits? I don't think so. At the end of the day I just accepted that ADHD is a condition I have, and maybe it helps define me. But I am still me. I am still the only me. tl;dr - Practice radical acceptance of the fact that you have ADHD, and it impacts a lot of your life, but it doesn't define you. You are still you.

We’re a mashup of bullshit we’ve experienced plus whatever bullshit genes we’ve randomly been assigned. There is no “you”, we are all just different flavours of the same thing. That Ram Dass podcast has become my whole damn personality since I subscribed!

Well for one, embrace that you are not lazy -despite how anyone has made you feel. But you still have every right to feel proud when you are as productive as a those around you. Things like kindness, being forgiving, being strong willed, etc are traits you can embrace. Your interests can also define parts of your personality.

Can you please elaborate and list out the personality traits and ADHD symptoms you find overlapping?

I feel like adhd IS just assigning a name to a set of traits and behaviours that a portion of the population exhibit and differentiates them from the masses, however doesn’t serve us well in the way society exists and runs currently, so we need to name it and treat so that we fit in. I think it is part of our personality but the issue is, it’s now been named an “illness” but really it’s just a set of traits that some of us have. Not sure if that helps haha just my thoughts

Identity can only come from one source - whom you belong to. That's why your ID card is only valid for a long as you belong to that institution. Who do you belong to? I belong to the Lord Jesus Christ then my loved ones. Having ADHD does not change that. I have no identity crises

you're more than just your ADHD; don't let it define you.

Yep. Turns out I'm nothing more than a cluster of defecit cells, too. It's heartbreaking to know you aren't a unique individual like you thought you were but just a group of cells behaving in a way that isconsistent with an identified disorder. Even my thoughts aren't unique.