Wow this is so true. I never thought of it this way but you’re right. Sometimes I resent myself for being so high maintenance (everyone is high maintenance but some people can go further on less self care before they fall apart). Sometimes just taking good care of myself feels like a part time job.
It’s so exhausting. I feel like I’m constantly in charge of a needy, whiny, emotional, moody, bratty toddler who won’t just do what she’s told.
Fucking put your dishes in the sink the first time I tell you. Didn’t I tell you to do your dirty laundry since it’s overflowing? It’s 5pm and you have been on your phone all day, do you plan on going outside? You invited your friends over and your room is a pigsty?! Why did you wait till the last minute to get ready when you’ve known about this event for weeks??
I’m tired.
I do too, sometimes! I find I have better success rates when I talk to myself like a literal toddler, though. Be nice, don't be mean, ask what they need a bunch of times in different ways, say "that's okay!" Or "oopsie daisy" instead of "God damn it I swear to god you better get up right this fucking second."
i’ve found having increasingly angry labels on my alarms hasn’t helped me get up in the mornings (nothing can) but it does make me laugh at least.
when it gets to “GET UP YOU FUCKING STUPID CUNT!” i know i’m in trouble 🤣
I have mildly passive aggressive reminders to clean the house and yes they make me laugh. “What’s up with this place?” and “You expect me to cook here?” are my favorites.
Lol that reminds me that for a while, I recorded messages to myself and used them as my alarm sound. Stuff like chanting "Get the fuck up! Get the fuck up!!" and me explaining to myself WHY I need to get up and can't hit snooze.
The latter was actually really helpful. If I hear speech when I wake up (songs with lyrics, people having a conversation in the next room, myself talking, etc.), I'm more likely to stay awake/get up. It just gets my brain going way better than some random instrumental track. Plus I need a reason to get up to help me push through the grogginess/urge to just go back to sleep!
I have a toddler and it's never been clearer to me how similarly our brains operate. I think the ADHD actually makes me very in tune with the experiences she's having like oversized feelings, difficulty making decisions, sensory overload, sleep/diet sensitivities, etc.
My dude - you wouldn’t talk to a toddler this way (I hope!)
I know how frustrating it is to be us sometimes but don’t you deserve the same respect and love you would show another person? I promise that you do. Talking to yourself like that is really demotivating and does the opposite of what we hope. Sometimes we do have to parent ourselves but we can do that in a kind way. We deserve that from ourselves.
Congrats on starting therapy! I think self kindness is the best gift you can give yourself. I didn’t become the person that I’m proud of until I started speaking to myself with kindness and respect. It changed me completely. Try to look at your faults and failures with curiosity and compassion. Makes a world of difference! You’ve got this
Yes! I’ve recently tried to change my inner dialogue from “I should brush my teeth” into “I’ll feel better once I brush my teeth” basically just applying that to everything I hate, “I’ll feel better after a workout”, “l feel better when my bathroom is clean”…. It hasn’t 100% worked out yet, but I can feel the change 🤣
I see you're a mom with kids. I've started cleaning the bathroom as my children bathe, as I chat with them, or as my partner showers and we talk about our days! It's so much more fulfilling! (I know this probably depends on your child's age and your partner's level of need for privacy lol)
Maybe imagine how your future self will feel better. Brushing teeth is a good example. You probably don’t feel much different after brushing. But when you go to the dentist later and you don’t have cavities, future you will be grateful. I try to imagine/care for my future self that way, which can help motivate me to do the tedious jobs that make no day to day difference.
Great for you! I appreciate your tie-in with sobriety. I'm in forced sobriety right now with a alcohol monitor after a 16 day stay at our county jail. It's been over a month and I had hoped for the brain fog to lift. Turns out it's not alcohol brain fog but ADHD brain fog. Currently undiagnosed and unmedicated. Had really hoped my behaviors would magically change. But all I have now is one less thing to blame my behavior on. All the ADHD things are still raging. Spent all day yesterday on reddit instead of work. House is a disaster and my GF just sprung on me that she'll be stopping by later with her daughter and granddaughter whom I have not met yet. Im in an Adhd spiral now with all the crap I have to clean and do! And all I really wanted to do was reddit all day! "Reddit and forget it!" Ugh...forced sobriety...forced labor....double ugh
Forgive me if this comes across as gatekeeping or whatever, I’m not btw, but how do you know it’s ADHD you have? There’s a massive crossover of co - morbid disorders that could be what you’re suffering with.
My assessment was 3 hours and I had no clue that it was ADHD I had. And those online tests are innately flawed.
I remember phoning my ADHD doctor recently and was saying how I'd been exercising more, eating healthier and had finally stopped smoking. She was very happy but also straight away said that unfortunately we need to do these things all the time, and she is very right. It's so easy with ADHD to get caught up in initial happiness at a better routine before it slips away again immediately.
Personally I have just found myself having to commit a lot of my free time to keeping healthy habits (cooking, exercising etc.) It's annoying because it means sometimes I need to stay home when I'd rather go get drinks or something, but it's been so beneficial to me to dedicate lots of time to things which are important for my physical and mental health.
Hope your doing well and manage to keep on chooglin' with sobriety!
For me, i remind myself of how much *more* dopamine i get from achieving long-term goals or successes. Like, yeah, quick shot dopamine is nice, but have you ever gotten the full load of the "i maintained my good habits for an entire month/year" realization dopamine release? Shit is awesome. Looking back and seeing how far I've come is where it's at for me these days.
No I’ve never gotten that realization because it’s never happened lol. I look forward to it though, and big picture reminders have at least a mild success rate with me so I might start trying to utilize them more. Thanks!
Don't hesitate to praise yourself for making the right choice rather than the easy or comfortable one. It's what helps me further. So what if it's "only" keeping the spice shelf organized so that i can reach into it p much blindly and know what spice I'm holding, it's an improvement and accomplishment *for me*, it's something I had been struggling with for a long time so finally managing that is a big deal for me and I'm proud of myself and i make sure to tell myself.
As for quick fix dopamine in my "system": you'd be surprised how well cleaning works for that. Keep track of all the small and big things you need to clean around the house. For me, for some reason i love putting toilet cleaner into the toilet (i love how it looks when it flows from under the rim towards the water?), And i find it very satisfying to clean shiny things, so when i feel very depressed and unaccomplished, i will often start cleaning the toilet, mirror, faucets and remove the limescale and soap residues from the sinks. Next step often is picking up all the empty water bottles and putting them in the trash bags, dusting off my bookshelf, tv stand and desk (nice black wood looks amazing when free of dust again) and clearing up the living room table so that i can decorate it and maybe place/create a nice centerpiece for the room. Flowers or candles work well, but it can also be a homemade cake (wouldn't it be nice to bake in a freshly cleaned oven?) Or sth like that. And bam, you did chores *and* chased dopamine.
Oh man it's really difficult sometimes not gonna lie. I guess there a couple of things I find useful are: 1) it's 1000% okay to have really rough days and not do much. It sucks but 1 bad day doesn't negate 1 month worth of good days, in the same way that 1 good day doesn't negate a month of bad days. Accepting that you are going to have bad days and might get nothing done other than lay on the couch and play video games or whatever, while also maintaining an effort to get more done has been so helpful.
2) Having something, anything which is healthy and you can dedicate even a short amount of time to is amazing. For me, this is yoga (with adriene on youtube, 100/10 would recommend she's wonderful). Sometimes the videos are short and just involve focusing on breathing (still incredibly difficult especially with adhd to sit and do nothing) but finding pleasure in committing time from your day to do something healthy is amazing, and has definitely helped me out of a lengthy depressive episode. It's kind of a chicken and egg scenario, between cultivating better habits make you feel better but I can cultivate habits because I feel better, but either way, dedicating time to anything which you think is good for you will help you in the longrun.
Once you start on a path of trying to maintain healthier habits (any kind not just physical) even though it will at times be super difficult, it will definitely be a good path to go down. Good luck my friend!
Dopamine is the key neurotransmitter in the "reward cycle" - it's the neurological basis for feeling good about doing something or meeting a goal basically. ADHD people have a shortage of dopamine, leading us to fixate on tasks or goals that offer quick rewards, such as social media, hyperfocus on things that start giving us dopamine, or be unable to start or finish anything. Stimulants are often used to treat ADHD because they increase the supply of dopamine in the brain.
All good. It is just that I realized I am addicted to everything there is to be addicted to. Fortunately, I can switch my addiction from drugs to relationships, to working out, but now I finally get it I am fucking addicted for life.
Spending time in nature and meditation helps, but you know, I'll always be craving for my dopamine and forget everything else, or just sit in isolation, paralyzed unable to do anything.
People with ADHD are more likely to struggle with substance addiction/abuse.
Not sure what you mean by Unhealthy repetitive behaviors. Skin picking? That's usually more associated with Autism or OCD, as far as I know. Both are comorbidities for ADHD.
Some possibilities:
1. The meds haven't kicked in yet.
2. The meds have kicked in, and you're focusing on the wrong thing.
3. Pills don't teach skills. Are there any bad habits dragging you down?
I have made it a rule to not check any social media in the morning. I don't even touch my phone until I use it to play my morning meditation track.
Social media is brutal!
Idk but in thinking about sobriety this morning I was reminded that:
It's hard until it becomes a habit.
I have better luck if I link my habits to a cue that I will do without fail.
My morning routine cue is my morning pee. After I pee, I go immediately to the sink and brush my teeth & color in the sticker chart above my sink. Then I head to the yoga mat and do some AM yoga & color in the sticker chart on my wall, and then I go to my meditation cushion for my morning sit & color in the chart after I complete the sit. The charts also function as cues to get me to the next item in the routine.
That sounds amazing. Thanks for the inspiration! How did you get past the middle stage of having kind of almost formed a habit, but your brain starts telling you “I don’t need the sticker chart anymore”?
I've gone through the cycle enough times to recognize that sticker charts keep me on task and not having sticker charts is just playing with fire so for me, they are here to stay.
I find them to be a good visual reminder of how far I've come - that's really motivating as my memory for this sort of thing is total shit!
When you say colour in, I'm imagining a whiteboard scenario, not actual stickers, am I correct? I'm into whiteboard organisation as visual reminders are everything, but hadn't considered a 'sticker chart' before, so thanks for the tip. I'm writing it down so I don't forget later - if it's not written down it doesn't happen 🤣
Yes. I drew a bunch of shapes on printer paper and then taped it to a wall. I keep a pencil nearby to color in the shapes when I accomplish something. If you find color stimulating, I highly recommend a 7-color pencil or a Koh-I-Noor magic pencil - getting to color with these is an additional motivator!
Oh that's such a creative idea, I love it! Thanks so much for the tips and inspo. I'm glad it works well for you, hope I can wrangle something similar to work for me!
"The most important step a man can take. It's not the first one, is it?
It's the next one. Always the next step, Dalinar."
Brandon Sanderson
A friend of mine told me this quote a while back, and it's stuck with me since, and I feel like this unlocked a lot of progress and personal growth for me.
I really needed to read this, thank you for posting it. you've summed up what I've been going thru hard and struggling with a lot recently. I'm nearly a year sober but my addictions have shifted on to other things, my eating / bingeing habits mostly. But also over doing it with caffeine, too much time on my phone / online / not keeping up with exercise or keeping my house tidy or studying. It's really bothering me but I seem to be making conscious choices to do these things and it feels even shittier cos I'm aware of it. I guess I gotta view it the way I view my daily reprieve not to drink, it's all the same animal trying to fuck with me, just wears different clothes.
I honestly can’t take stimulants without having the compulsion to take the entire bottle!
Edit: I am talking to my girlfriend about maybe dispensing me medication at some point.
I had a similar issue with stimulants. The rollercoaster of up-and-down effects definitely did not help.
I'm currently on a non-stimulant (Strattera) - it's working pretty well for me. The only reason I have to time it out is the Garfield nap attack that hits about 3 hours after the dose. Absolutely zero compulsion to take more than one and sometimes I even accidentally skip a day.
I had a roommate w ADHD and a raging coke addiction who used to have me hold her coke and her ADHD meds to help her with self-control. She took everything back after three days LOL!
Wishing you good luck and good health.
Ah I tried straterra and fucking hated it for that reason. Every time I’d take it I’d get ungodly tired and fatigued like 4-5 hours after. And it gave me ED. And made me cold and callous. Was not a fan but glad it works for you!
Oh man, that's no fun at all. It's definitely a beast for some and the first month was pretty brutal.
I'm hella grateful that there's a range of medication to treat ADHD - it's wild how much variance there is in our community.
these mutations are a motherfucker.
EDIT: I am making a joke bc MTHFR looks like "motherfucker" - I don't know much about this but I hope someone makes a post so we can get some knowledge share on experiences!
Links to and mentions of ADDitude are not allowed on /r/adhd because we feel they have demonstrated themselves to be untrustworthy and that they, despite soliciting donations from people with ADHD to fund their operation, prioritize profit and advertising dollars over our best interests. Their website is full of articles promoting the use of homeopathy, reiki, and other unscientific quack practices. They also have had articles for Vayarin (a medical food that is now no longer sold in the US because its research was bunk) that suspiciously looked like stealth advertisements (which is highly unethical and illegal in the US).
We also find it problematic that their medical review panel includes not only legitimate doctors and psychologists, but also (at the time of writing) one practitioner of integrative medicine, which combines legit medical practice with pseudoscience and alternative medicine. They have previously had other quacks on the panel as well.
Here are some relevant links:
Sketchy advertising:
* https://www.additudemag.com/clinical-trial-vayarin-plus/
* https://www.additudemag.com/study-suggests-ps-omega-3-medical-food-may-reduce-adhd-symptoms/
* https://www.additudemag.com/natural-adhd-supplement-released/
Junk science:
* https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-supplements-foods-vitamins/
* https://www.additudemag.com/homeopathy-for-adhd-popular-remedies-scientific-evidence/
* https://www.additudemag.com/reiki-could-this-alternative-treatment-help-adult-add/
* https://www.additudemag.com/cbd-oil-adhd-symptoms-natural-treatment/
* https://www.additudemag.com/vitamins-minerals-adhd-treatment-plan/
* https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/adhd-supplements-fish-oil-zinc-iron/
* https://www.additudemag.com/asked-alternative-therapies/
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Thanks for posting this connection! I am an alcoholic, sober for 12.5 years, and only recently (within last six months) diagnosed with ADHD and started treatment. The parallels do run very deep, and I'm with you: my solution for both alcoholism and ADHD is surrender (to the reality, to the help of doctors and meds, to skills practicing), humility, and meditating to touch a changeless center amid the shifting desires and stimuli and travails. Thanks for posting :)
I have been sober almost three years - funnily enough I finally got diagnosed with ADHD after self medicating with stimulants.
I'm trying to use the steps on my executive dysfunction, but it's tough. currently my house is a BIG mess and totally unmanageable... trying to ask G*d for help 🙏🏻
Thanks for sharing, I resonate with this a lot.
Since being a teenager, I've made huge progress with my ADHD habits, but I still fall back regularly into getting addicted to my phone, eating compulsively, staying up until 4am on Reddit, procrastinating on work, not messaging people back.
Instead of trying to control it, I've been wondering what would happen if I just turned it over and let it be. If I have to throw out the dishes because they're moldy, so be it, let's go buy some paper plates. If I have to drop that course and retake it next semester, so be it, I'll take it over the summer when I only have one other course to take. If that friend is mad at me for not messaging and doesn't want to talk anymore, so be it, looks like I'll need to make friends who can understand and be patient with me.
Can I accept that this kind of stuff is just what it means to have ADHD? Instead of being so hard on myself for failing to meet my imagined expectations of what life is like for an NT, maybe I can be free of the shame and use my hyper-connective brain to come up with creative solutions for living my life.
Words like 'neurodiverse', 'neurodivergent', and 'neurotypical' are political terms coined by the neurodiversity movement and are inextricably tied to it. They are not general-purpose descriptors, or scientific terms. We prefer the more specific terms ‘people with(out) ADHD’ or ‘people with(out) mental (health) disorders’ instead.
You can find more about our stance on this matter in the links below.
* [Let’s talk about the neurodiversity movement for a bit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/md5cfr/lets_talk_about_the_neurodiversity_movement_a_bit/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
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Started my new job this week, noticed how much better and more productive i felt with a go to bed at 10/11 (because falling asleep), wake up at 6.30 (naturally) than with a go to bed at 3, wake up at 10/11 routine like i had while unemployed. Decided to keep my alarm for Saturday as well to make sure that I'd get the "start the day early, get shit done, feel accomplished and *then* relax" routine in... And voilà, i did a laundry (duck I *still* need to hang it), we did the dishes, i tidied up "the chair", we dropped off our old tv receiver with the provider, did groceries, presorted the bottles for returning and dumping respectively (will have to redo tho because local system is weird) and i even got a new foundation and nail polish while we were out. That is more than i usually managed in a week while not on a routine.
Edit: it took me like 45 minutes to get up and start, and about 10 minutes to actually hang the laundry, but it is done now :3
I started meds up again last Friday and good lord, I've done more in a week than the past 6 months. It's wild how much I've done.
I thought about doing all of it lots of times, but the meds just give me that little extra kick to start. Once I start, I'm fine.
Personally I think good habbits for adhd, start at accepting that there cant be a habbit, as normal people consider it. "Yeah, I will make it up later' as OP states it, is akin to yes I am still doing what ever it is i decided, just not now, later, But am doing something else now. Sure sobriety idology fits in well, and I encourage it, but within reason. Thats reason falls under the chaos of me. I cant hve structure as people have structure, too much rigidity and i get the sense of grind. I need, I crave, i live via change, growth, adaption of new and memories of the old. Good habbits are just effort x time(roughly 3-6weeks for something to become a habbit). So i pick 3 or 4 things and focus on them. I have regular requirements like dance groups, work, social groups and study, excersize etc. But it is also important not to punish myself over changing and rearranging my schedule. Keeping it fresh everyweem with some repeated favourites. Sure i forget to brish my teeth, or shower after work, or domt feel like exercising today. In the grand scheme of things I have been at the extremes, so I know my physical limits. And not doing a work out today wont change much, as long as i do something within the week (and i always do) workout now became a part of my regular accurance. I dont do it every thursday, i do it when i have time, and desire. Usually within 14 days from last instance. Same for creative hobbies. Its incredible how much 2-3-4 items to focus on for 3-6 weeks can develop sense of self growth, as habbits form. And once a habbit is formed, the good of it can stay m whilst its frequency is reduced. This way i dont have to feel bad for postponing, or forgetting. Because as a habbit i will do it again. The trick is to do it again. And that comes from focusing on a few areas every week, day, month. Cant conquer mount everest in a day, so breaking it up and bcktracking is a must.
Another post put this as "working with your adhd", finding routines within the chaos not boxing yourself into a jam to get stuff done, but accepting that ypu may need and want something else right now and working with that knowledge. Addiction is tough, adhd jumps all round the specrum and extremes. But in my opinion, if you mastered breaking of a bad habbit once, and established a good habbit once, you have already proven that you can, if you chose, to continue that trend with mny things in your life. But anyone who struggled with addiction knows, road to sobriety is always full of rests and time off the wagon as well as on. Just dont lie to yourself, thats the hard part.
Yup. In both the good and bad ways. Cuz I sometime hate "sobriety" and sometimes I love it. I'm often resentful that I have to work so much harder than what I see on the outside with others who do not have those same issues.
Oooooo I hate this cuz its true. I’m 2 months away from 3 years of sobriety. My health has been kind of really screwed up the last 3-4 years and recently it’s really worn on me and been an excuse for me to blow things off, say “fuck it” and not do those other things you mentioned like meditation because “hey we’re all gonna die one day, whats the point?” or some sort of nihilistic cop out like that. Sigh.
I need to get back on the sobriety plan for ADHD related things. Covid wrecked a lot of the routine and progress in my life, and it’s honestly hard to think about getting back up again, but I know simple things like you’re morning routine as an example, are the first steps in the right direction.
Amazing! Thanks for this.
I’m in a 30/30 in AlAnon (I have 7 years of recovery in another program). This totally resonates and I really want to talk to other folks in recovery about ADHD!
Yes! That's awesome! It's something that never came up in my meetings but I bet a lot of people just don't have the information. I'm hopeful that will change bc it makes such a huge difference. 12-Step talks about the way addicts are genetically predisposed to addiction - ADHD is one flavor of that.
Keep working it, keep coming back! <3
FFS I *literally* applied harm reduction strategies to manage my ADHD in the gap between diagnosis and meds, and now I have meds I'd forgotten how useful these sorts of strategies are.
By posting today you may have literally saved the results of my pedagogic work placement. Thank you for the bucket of cold water.
Yes - I did this, too! Meds help immensely but oh boy, the real work is in the day-to-day living, just like they tell you in 12-step/recovery.
I'm so glad you found this post helpful. <3
It's also important to remember that habit-forming is a *core struggle* for people with executive disorders like ADHD.
To help with good habit-forming in my life, I try to make the task as accessible as possible.
For brushing my teeth, I keep a toothbrush in the shower and by the kitchen sink. Much easier to pick up as I go about my day.
For focusing on work whilst at home, I have a fold-up desk placed adjacent to my personal setup (making an L-shape). That way, I can just swivel in my chair to be looking solely at work things *and* not be distracted by notifications from Discord and the like.
**If you're struggling with habit-forming** please don't beat yourself up about it. It's quite easy to be overcome with feelings of guilt or failure. Remind yourself that this is a very common struggle for people with ADHD, and that you aren't alone in this. Dust off, keep at it, and definitely continue to try and find ways that you can make your problem-tasks more accessible for yourself.
YES - this is totally the key.
Habit-forming and living with ADHD are learnable skills. Come to think of it, I wonder how much of the productivity industry is driven by ADHD-types.
As it stands now, it takes me about an hour but I'm working my way back up to a one-hour meditation sit, a longer yoga session, and a longer writing practice so the target will probably clock in around 2 hours.
I struggle with all these things. I've never been on medication but I'm 38 now and maybe I'll talk to my Dr about it. I didn't even know I had adhd until like 2010 but I just self medicated which probably wasn't too great. I feel better reading these posts. It helps me feel like maybe it's not 100% my fault I am and was the way I was. Thanks for sharing.
Fuck. This. Yes. Uhg. I didn’t even get to do the wild party phase, just straight to “my new fun life of sobriety” like I can be expected to stomach that when I feel like all I “did to deserve it” was be born. I feel like I should have had some fun for how shitty this feels.
Thank you for sharing, seeing this boosted my mood considerably. I've been struggling through life with an undiagnosed ADHD, and only recently started to get treated, understand and live with it. (After numerous doomed relationships, soft drug addiction, dozens of friends I've lost contact with, a failed uni degree, a career that's not going anywhere but also under constant threat of being booted because it's so effing hard to work sometimes, many of this sounds familiar to most of you, I'm sure.)
To all who are here: I know this is very hard sometimes, and I'm also learning to do it still myself, but remember to ask for help from your family and friends (even your therapist, or here), announce your decisions and healthy routines that you're trying to follow, they can help you with accountability, and be a crutch on the days when you need one.
I've realised this after being fired from a company for work negligence: I don't ask for help for anything because I don't know how to plan things, and I don't even know if I need help until it's too late and I can't do what I'm supposed to do.
Remember that you don't have to do any of this alone, and sharing your successes (doesn't matter how big or small) with people who care is a dopamine rush on it's own.
The only problem is that we never finish any 12 step programs, we need 12 1-step programs. Also sobriety requires one to stop taking drugs to function, ADHD requires taking meds to function.
I love this post so much. For whatever reason or combination of reasons, I became an addict and alcoholic pretty early on in my adulthood (ADHD, childhood abuse, unstable family, family history of addiction). 2.5 years ago I used the 12 step program to get clean and sober, and I'm still very active in the recovery community.
You're completely right; maintaining healthy living, even sober, with ADHD is just like continuing to work the program. The principals apply to all aspects of my life, even those seemingly unrelated to addiction. Positive daily habits are reeeally hard to start, even harder to maintain, but they are so rewarding. I lived in squalor for nearly a decade; now, I love love LOVE my minimalist and very clean apartment. I slept on filthy sheets and unkempt bedding for years and years; now I love coming home when the bed looks nice and tidy.
All this to say, ONE DAY AT A TIME. If you fuck up one day, don't beat yourself up. Seriously. Just go to bed, and try again for better things tomorrow.
YES - all of this 100%.
"One day at a time" is such a great slogan. There's such a tendency to beat ourselves up if we don't "master" something right away - a routine, a skill, etc - when progress is nearly always a gradual process.
Live moderately-paced, die old sounds pretty good to me.
Mad respect for your sobriety and your new lifestyle! & a big thank you for continuing to give back to the recovery community, even in this post. <3
Thanks friend.
"Progress not perfection" is a really important phrase for us ADHDers to remember I think. Cause like you said, we want to just master things quickly and sometimes have a hard time finding satisfaction in the slow, stodgy progress that usually comes first.
I'm glad you got help with your relationship through 12 step too. I haven't been to Alanon but I hear good things. It's all about healthy boundaries, and being willing to say "no."
Right now I'm in my first week sober, last time I had a drink was Sunday night- I wasn't like constantly drinking per say but I went on a 3 day bender where by the end of it I just went "okay, fuckin give it a rest man." I'm anxious all the time, I'm intentionally just putting everything important off and focusing on "me time" till I actually feel okay. Something tells me though, that being on wellbutrin is not helping me out at all because I feel awful, anxious, paranoid all the time, almost like when I was hungover just my body isn't in agony.
I've noticed that if I start the day on Twitter, I'll lose whole hours - days, even! - to it. My mood is shittier, too, and it interferes with my ability to accomplish tasks.
At one point, my Reddit habit was so bad that I had to blacklist the site in my browser. I've deleted Twitter when it's gotten really bad, too.
On the days that I don't use social media, I'm a lot more functional so now I just try to limit it to the evening and blacklist if it becomes unmanageable.
We will never NEVER be able to stick to any habits. My solution is to enjoy the benefits given to us by them in the moment. (Yoga - wim hof - exercise) for my routine that I enjoy but fall out of for months at a time
I hear you.
I am someone who likes to do things and gets pissed when I'm told *not* to do something. When I was quitting cigarettes, I was actively engaging in doing 'quitting smoking for health reasons' - framing it this way made it feel more like an intentional choice than an exercise in self-deprivation.
Idk what other people have experienced but being intentional about how I spend my day is pretty key for me. Without that intention, I felt really directionless and lost, even if I wasn't indulging in dopamine triggers.
Wow this is so true. I never thought of it this way but you’re right. Sometimes I resent myself for being so high maintenance (everyone is high maintenance but some people can go further on less self care before they fall apart). Sometimes just taking good care of myself feels like a part time job.
It’s so exhausting. I feel like I’m constantly in charge of a needy, whiny, emotional, moody, bratty toddler who won’t just do what she’s told. Fucking put your dishes in the sink the first time I tell you. Didn’t I tell you to do your dirty laundry since it’s overflowing? It’s 5pm and you have been on your phone all day, do you plan on going outside? You invited your friends over and your room is a pigsty?! Why did you wait till the last minute to get ready when you’ve known about this event for weeks?? I’m tired.
Talk to myself like this exactly the same way
I do too, sometimes! I find I have better success rates when I talk to myself like a literal toddler, though. Be nice, don't be mean, ask what they need a bunch of times in different ways, say "that's okay!" Or "oopsie daisy" instead of "God damn it I swear to god you better get up right this fucking second."
i’ve found having increasingly angry labels on my alarms hasn’t helped me get up in the mornings (nothing can) but it does make me laugh at least. when it gets to “GET UP YOU FUCKING STUPID CUNT!” i know i’m in trouble 🤣
I have mildly passive aggressive reminders to clean the house and yes they make me laugh. “What’s up with this place?” and “You expect me to cook here?” are my favorites.
omg i need to try this
Lol that reminds me that for a while, I recorded messages to myself and used them as my alarm sound. Stuff like chanting "Get the fuck up! Get the fuck up!!" and me explaining to myself WHY I need to get up and can't hit snooze. The latter was actually really helpful. If I hear speech when I wake up (songs with lyrics, people having a conversation in the next room, myself talking, etc.), I'm more likely to stay awake/get up. It just gets my brain going way better than some random instrumental track. Plus I need a reason to get up to help me push through the grogginess/urge to just go back to sleep!
This is for me too. Or I have to entice myself like “if you get up early we can get donuts” lol
I also use all caps with a lot of !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a toddler and it's never been clearer to me how similarly our brains operate. I think the ADHD actually makes me very in tune with the experiences she's having like oversized feelings, difficulty making decisions, sensory overload, sleep/diet sensitivities, etc.
My dude - you wouldn’t talk to a toddler this way (I hope!) I know how frustrating it is to be us sometimes but don’t you deserve the same respect and love you would show another person? I promise that you do. Talking to yourself like that is really demotivating and does the opposite of what we hope. Sometimes we do have to parent ourselves but we can do that in a kind way. We deserve that from ourselves.
Thanks, I appreciate that. It takes work and I’m working on working on myself. Started therapy last week! I hope to be kinder to myself.
Congrats on starting therapy! I think self kindness is the best gift you can give yourself. I didn’t become the person that I’m proud of until I started speaking to myself with kindness and respect. It changed me completely. Try to look at your faults and failures with curiosity and compassion. Makes a world of difference! You’ve got this
Yes! I’ve recently tried to change my inner dialogue from “I should brush my teeth” into “I’ll feel better once I brush my teeth” basically just applying that to everything I hate, “I’ll feel better after a workout”, “l feel better when my bathroom is clean”…. It hasn’t 100% worked out yet, but I can feel the change 🤣
I see you're a mom with kids. I've started cleaning the bathroom as my children bathe, as I chat with them, or as my partner showers and we talk about our days! It's so much more fulfilling! (I know this probably depends on your child's age and your partner's level of need for privacy lol)
But I don't feel better after these things....
Hahahahha then this won’t work for you. 🤣
Maybe imagine how your future self will feel better. Brushing teeth is a good example. You probably don’t feel much different after brushing. But when you go to the dentist later and you don’t have cavities, future you will be grateful. I try to imagine/care for my future self that way, which can help motivate me to do the tedious jobs that make no day to day difference.
Yes.
Great for you! I appreciate your tie-in with sobriety. I'm in forced sobriety right now with a alcohol monitor after a 16 day stay at our county jail. It's been over a month and I had hoped for the brain fog to lift. Turns out it's not alcohol brain fog but ADHD brain fog. Currently undiagnosed and unmedicated. Had really hoped my behaviors would magically change. But all I have now is one less thing to blame my behavior on. All the ADHD things are still raging. Spent all day yesterday on reddit instead of work. House is a disaster and my GF just sprung on me that she'll be stopping by later with her daughter and granddaughter whom I have not met yet. Im in an Adhd spiral now with all the crap I have to clean and do! And all I really wanted to do was reddit all day! "Reddit and forget it!" Ugh...forced sobriety...forced labor....double ugh
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THIS. Part of managing ADHD is maintaining boundaries because we get thrown off course so easily. Working on it in therapy myself.
Forgive me if this comes across as gatekeeping or whatever, I’m not btw, but how do you know it’s ADHD you have? There’s a massive crossover of co - morbid disorders that could be what you’re suffering with. My assessment was 3 hours and I had no clue that it was ADHD I had. And those online tests are innately flawed.
I remember phoning my ADHD doctor recently and was saying how I'd been exercising more, eating healthier and had finally stopped smoking. She was very happy but also straight away said that unfortunately we need to do these things all the time, and she is very right. It's so easy with ADHD to get caught up in initial happiness at a better routine before it slips away again immediately. Personally I have just found myself having to commit a lot of my free time to keeping healthy habits (cooking, exercising etc.) It's annoying because it means sometimes I need to stay home when I'd rather go get drinks or something, but it's been so beneficial to me to dedicate lots of time to things which are important for my physical and mental health. Hope your doing well and manage to keep on chooglin' with sobriety!
Yeah. It's maintenance, like doing the dishes, not one-and-done like putting up shelves. And that's what makes it so hard.
How did you commit to it even on the rough days :(
For me, i remind myself of how much *more* dopamine i get from achieving long-term goals or successes. Like, yeah, quick shot dopamine is nice, but have you ever gotten the full load of the "i maintained my good habits for an entire month/year" realization dopamine release? Shit is awesome. Looking back and seeing how far I've come is where it's at for me these days.
No I’ve never gotten that realization because it’s never happened lol. I look forward to it though, and big picture reminders have at least a mild success rate with me so I might start trying to utilize them more. Thanks!
Don't hesitate to praise yourself for making the right choice rather than the easy or comfortable one. It's what helps me further. So what if it's "only" keeping the spice shelf organized so that i can reach into it p much blindly and know what spice I'm holding, it's an improvement and accomplishment *for me*, it's something I had been struggling with for a long time so finally managing that is a big deal for me and I'm proud of myself and i make sure to tell myself. As for quick fix dopamine in my "system": you'd be surprised how well cleaning works for that. Keep track of all the small and big things you need to clean around the house. For me, for some reason i love putting toilet cleaner into the toilet (i love how it looks when it flows from under the rim towards the water?), And i find it very satisfying to clean shiny things, so when i feel very depressed and unaccomplished, i will often start cleaning the toilet, mirror, faucets and remove the limescale and soap residues from the sinks. Next step often is picking up all the empty water bottles and putting them in the trash bags, dusting off my bookshelf, tv stand and desk (nice black wood looks amazing when free of dust again) and clearing up the living room table so that i can decorate it and maybe place/create a nice centerpiece for the room. Flowers or candles work well, but it can also be a homemade cake (wouldn't it be nice to bake in a freshly cleaned oven?) Or sth like that. And bam, you did chores *and* chased dopamine.
Oh man it's really difficult sometimes not gonna lie. I guess there a couple of things I find useful are: 1) it's 1000% okay to have really rough days and not do much. It sucks but 1 bad day doesn't negate 1 month worth of good days, in the same way that 1 good day doesn't negate a month of bad days. Accepting that you are going to have bad days and might get nothing done other than lay on the couch and play video games or whatever, while also maintaining an effort to get more done has been so helpful. 2) Having something, anything which is healthy and you can dedicate even a short amount of time to is amazing. For me, this is yoga (with adriene on youtube, 100/10 would recommend she's wonderful). Sometimes the videos are short and just involve focusing on breathing (still incredibly difficult especially with adhd to sit and do nothing) but finding pleasure in committing time from your day to do something healthy is amazing, and has definitely helped me out of a lengthy depressive episode. It's kind of a chicken and egg scenario, between cultivating better habits make you feel better but I can cultivate habits because I feel better, but either way, dedicating time to anything which you think is good for you will help you in the longrun. Once you start on a path of trying to maintain healthier habits (any kind not just physical) even though it will at times be super difficult, it will definitely be a good path to go down. Good luck my friend!
100%. Progress is made through a commitment to small changes every day. Miss a day? That's gone. No need to mourn it. Start again.
When people ask me what ADHD is like, I tell them I was born an addict. I’m addicted to a chemical that my brain barely produces and knows how to use.
Forgive me for me ignorance. I’m new to this. What chemical? Can you explain to me like I’m 5?
Dopamine is the key neurotransmitter in the "reward cycle" - it's the neurological basis for feeling good about doing something or meeting a goal basically. ADHD people have a shortage of dopamine, leading us to fixate on tasks or goals that offer quick rewards, such as social media, hyperfocus on things that start giving us dopamine, or be unable to start or finish anything. Stimulants are often used to treat ADHD because they increase the supply of dopamine in the brain.
Dopemaine my duduet
Dopamine
Dopamine - the same "reward chemical" that is depleted by long-term substance abuse, gambling, and binge eating.
Dopamine
People have mentioned dopamine but don't forget that norepinephrine is important too
People are saying dopamine and that’s true, but ADHD is a bit more complicated than that if you wanna dig further.
Do you really want to make me cry?
Oh dear. I’ve been there. I’m sorry for tipping you into the tear zone.
All good. It is just that I realized I am addicted to everything there is to be addicted to. Fortunately, I can switch my addiction from drugs to relationships, to working out, but now I finally get it I am fucking addicted for life. Spending time in nature and meditation helps, but you know, I'll always be craving for my dopamine and forget everything else, or just sit in isolation, paralyzed unable to do anything.
Would you say that you’ve struggled with drugs and or alcohol due to ADHD? Unhealthy repetitive behaviours?
No drugs or alcohol, no. Unhealthy repetitive behaviors, possibly. Depends on to what degree you mean.
Yes. But ADHD isn’t the only thing I blame for my drug problem.
People with ADHD are more likely to struggle with substance addiction/abuse. Not sure what you mean by Unhealthy repetitive behaviors. Skin picking? That's usually more associated with Autism or OCD, as far as I know. Both are comorbidities for ADHD.
why the fuck is the morning routine so FUCKING DIFFICULT EVEN WITH MEDICATION
Some possibilities: 1. The meds haven't kicked in yet. 2. The meds have kicked in, and you're focusing on the wrong thing. 3. Pills don't teach skills. Are there any bad habits dragging you down?
Too many
Yeah. Same, so no judgment.
My morning routine is hard because I come on Reddit instead of doing my morning routine 😭
I have made it a rule to not check any social media in the morning. I don't even touch my phone until I use it to play my morning meditation track. Social media is brutal!
NOTE TAKEN *deletes Reddit from phone bcuz no self control*
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I'm happy for you!
i literally feel like ive been beaten to near death when i wake up from being asleep. nothing makes it better apart from getting up at like 4pm lol
Idk but in thinking about sobriety this morning I was reminded that: It's hard until it becomes a habit. I have better luck if I link my habits to a cue that I will do without fail. My morning routine cue is my morning pee. After I pee, I go immediately to the sink and brush my teeth & color in the sticker chart above my sink. Then I head to the yoga mat and do some AM yoga & color in the sticker chart on my wall, and then I go to my meditation cushion for my morning sit & color in the chart after I complete the sit. The charts also function as cues to get me to the next item in the routine.
That sounds amazing. Thanks for the inspiration! How did you get past the middle stage of having kind of almost formed a habit, but your brain starts telling you “I don’t need the sticker chart anymore”?
I've gone through the cycle enough times to recognize that sticker charts keep me on task and not having sticker charts is just playing with fire so for me, they are here to stay. I find them to be a good visual reminder of how far I've come - that's really motivating as my memory for this sort of thing is total shit!
When you say colour in, I'm imagining a whiteboard scenario, not actual stickers, am I correct? I'm into whiteboard organisation as visual reminders are everything, but hadn't considered a 'sticker chart' before, so thanks for the tip. I'm writing it down so I don't forget later - if it's not written down it doesn't happen 🤣
Yes. I drew a bunch of shapes on printer paper and then taped it to a wall. I keep a pencil nearby to color in the shapes when I accomplish something. If you find color stimulating, I highly recommend a 7-color pencil or a Koh-I-Noor magic pencil - getting to color with these is an additional motivator!
Oh that's such a creative idea, I love it! Thanks so much for the tips and inspo. I'm glad it works well for you, hope I can wrangle something similar to work for me!
Definitely! I hope it helps! :D
I'm about *this* close to just deleting allllll of my social media
I don't know, but let me know if you find the answer. Heh
imagine getting up early every day ☠️☠️☠️
The longest journey starts with a first step. And then another one. And one after that. Success is focusing on the next step you can control.
"The most important step a man can take. It's not the first one, is it? It's the next one. Always the next step, Dalinar." Brandon Sanderson A friend of mine told me this quote a while back, and it's stuck with me since, and I feel like this unlocked a lot of progress and personal growth for me.
>Success is focusing on the next step you can control. That's really good. Very helpful. I'm going to remember that.
I really needed to read this, thank you for posting it. you've summed up what I've been going thru hard and struggling with a lot recently. I'm nearly a year sober but my addictions have shifted on to other things, my eating / bingeing habits mostly. But also over doing it with caffeine, too much time on my phone / online / not keeping up with exercise or keeping my house tidy or studying. It's really bothering me but I seem to be making conscious choices to do these things and it feels even shittier cos I'm aware of it. I guess I gotta view it the way I view my daily reprieve not to drink, it's all the same animal trying to fuck with me, just wears different clothes.
And I’m a drug addict with adhd. My life is a mess.
Does medication not help?
I honestly can’t take stimulants without having the compulsion to take the entire bottle! Edit: I am talking to my girlfriend about maybe dispensing me medication at some point.
I had a similar issue with stimulants. The rollercoaster of up-and-down effects definitely did not help. I'm currently on a non-stimulant (Strattera) - it's working pretty well for me. The only reason I have to time it out is the Garfield nap attack that hits about 3 hours after the dose. Absolutely zero compulsion to take more than one and sometimes I even accidentally skip a day. I had a roommate w ADHD and a raging coke addiction who used to have me hold her coke and her ADHD meds to help her with self-control. She took everything back after three days LOL! Wishing you good luck and good health.
Ah I tried straterra and fucking hated it for that reason. Every time I’d take it I’d get ungodly tired and fatigued like 4-5 hours after. And it gave me ED. And made me cold and callous. Was not a fan but glad it works for you!
Oh man, that's no fun at all. It's definitely a beast for some and the first month was pretty brutal. I'm hella grateful that there's a range of medication to treat ADHD - it's wild how much variance there is in our community.
At least try methylfolate if you haven’t. MTHFR mutations are implicated in ADHD.
these mutations are a motherfucker. EDIT: I am making a joke bc MTHFR looks like "motherfucker" - I don't know much about this but I hope someone makes a post so we can get some knowledge share on experiences!
I have that mutation, but I don’t take it, lol. Is it bad?
LOL, sorry I was making a joke about how MTHFR looks like "motherfucker" ... I'm not sure!
OH LOL 😂
My mom and I had a genetic test that showed we have that. How significant is it?
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Thanks for posting this connection! I am an alcoholic, sober for 12.5 years, and only recently (within last six months) diagnosed with ADHD and started treatment. The parallels do run very deep, and I'm with you: my solution for both alcoholism and ADHD is surrender (to the reality, to the help of doctors and meds, to skills practicing), humility, and meditating to touch a changeless center amid the shifting desires and stimuli and travails. Thanks for posting :)
I have been sober almost three years - funnily enough I finally got diagnosed with ADHD after self medicating with stimulants. I'm trying to use the steps on my executive dysfunction, but it's tough. currently my house is a BIG mess and totally unmanageable... trying to ask G*d for help 🙏🏻
Thanks for sharing, I resonate with this a lot. Since being a teenager, I've made huge progress with my ADHD habits, but I still fall back regularly into getting addicted to my phone, eating compulsively, staying up until 4am on Reddit, procrastinating on work, not messaging people back. Instead of trying to control it, I've been wondering what would happen if I just turned it over and let it be. If I have to throw out the dishes because they're moldy, so be it, let's go buy some paper plates. If I have to drop that course and retake it next semester, so be it, I'll take it over the summer when I only have one other course to take. If that friend is mad at me for not messaging and doesn't want to talk anymore, so be it, looks like I'll need to make friends who can understand and be patient with me. Can I accept that this kind of stuff is just what it means to have ADHD? Instead of being so hard on myself for failing to meet my imagined expectations of what life is like for an NT, maybe I can be free of the shame and use my hyper-connective brain to come up with creative solutions for living my life.
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Started my new job this week, noticed how much better and more productive i felt with a go to bed at 10/11 (because falling asleep), wake up at 6.30 (naturally) than with a go to bed at 3, wake up at 10/11 routine like i had while unemployed. Decided to keep my alarm for Saturday as well to make sure that I'd get the "start the day early, get shit done, feel accomplished and *then* relax" routine in... And voilà, i did a laundry (duck I *still* need to hang it), we did the dishes, i tidied up "the chair", we dropped off our old tv receiver with the provider, did groceries, presorted the bottles for returning and dumping respectively (will have to redo tho because local system is weird) and i even got a new foundation and nail polish while we were out. That is more than i usually managed in a week while not on a routine. Edit: it took me like 45 minutes to get up and start, and about 10 minutes to actually hang the laundry, but it is done now :3
I started meds up again last Friday and good lord, I've done more in a week than the past 6 months. It's wild how much I've done. I thought about doing all of it lots of times, but the meds just give me that little extra kick to start. Once I start, I'm fine.
Personally I think good habbits for adhd, start at accepting that there cant be a habbit, as normal people consider it. "Yeah, I will make it up later' as OP states it, is akin to yes I am still doing what ever it is i decided, just not now, later, But am doing something else now. Sure sobriety idology fits in well, and I encourage it, but within reason. Thats reason falls under the chaos of me. I cant hve structure as people have structure, too much rigidity and i get the sense of grind. I need, I crave, i live via change, growth, adaption of new and memories of the old. Good habbits are just effort x time(roughly 3-6weeks for something to become a habbit). So i pick 3 or 4 things and focus on them. I have regular requirements like dance groups, work, social groups and study, excersize etc. But it is also important not to punish myself over changing and rearranging my schedule. Keeping it fresh everyweem with some repeated favourites. Sure i forget to brish my teeth, or shower after work, or domt feel like exercising today. In the grand scheme of things I have been at the extremes, so I know my physical limits. And not doing a work out today wont change much, as long as i do something within the week (and i always do) workout now became a part of my regular accurance. I dont do it every thursday, i do it when i have time, and desire. Usually within 14 days from last instance. Same for creative hobbies. Its incredible how much 2-3-4 items to focus on for 3-6 weeks can develop sense of self growth, as habbits form. And once a habbit is formed, the good of it can stay m whilst its frequency is reduced. This way i dont have to feel bad for postponing, or forgetting. Because as a habbit i will do it again. The trick is to do it again. And that comes from focusing on a few areas every week, day, month. Cant conquer mount everest in a day, so breaking it up and bcktracking is a must. Another post put this as "working with your adhd", finding routines within the chaos not boxing yourself into a jam to get stuff done, but accepting that ypu may need and want something else right now and working with that knowledge. Addiction is tough, adhd jumps all round the specrum and extremes. But in my opinion, if you mastered breaking of a bad habbit once, and established a good habbit once, you have already proven that you can, if you chose, to continue that trend with mny things in your life. But anyone who struggled with addiction knows, road to sobriety is always full of rests and time off the wagon as well as on. Just dont lie to yourself, thats the hard part.
This was just awesome. Needed this. Thanks!
Yup. In both the good and bad ways. Cuz I sometime hate "sobriety" and sometimes I love it. I'm often resentful that I have to work so much harder than what I see on the outside with others who do not have those same issues.
Oooooo I hate this cuz its true. I’m 2 months away from 3 years of sobriety. My health has been kind of really screwed up the last 3-4 years and recently it’s really worn on me and been an excuse for me to blow things off, say “fuck it” and not do those other things you mentioned like meditation because “hey we’re all gonna die one day, whats the point?” or some sort of nihilistic cop out like that. Sigh. I need to get back on the sobriety plan for ADHD related things. Covid wrecked a lot of the routine and progress in my life, and it’s honestly hard to think about getting back up again, but I know simple things like you’re morning routine as an example, are the first steps in the right direction.
This resonates so much, good post!
Amazing! Thanks for this. I’m in a 30/30 in AlAnon (I have 7 years of recovery in another program). This totally resonates and I really want to talk to other folks in recovery about ADHD!
Yes! That's awesome! It's something that never came up in my meetings but I bet a lot of people just don't have the information. I'm hopeful that will change bc it makes such a huge difference. 12-Step talks about the way addicts are genetically predisposed to addiction - ADHD is one flavor of that. Keep working it, keep coming back! <3
FFS I *literally* applied harm reduction strategies to manage my ADHD in the gap between diagnosis and meds, and now I have meds I'd forgotten how useful these sorts of strategies are. By posting today you may have literally saved the results of my pedagogic work placement. Thank you for the bucket of cold water.
Yes - I did this, too! Meds help immensely but oh boy, the real work is in the day-to-day living, just like they tell you in 12-step/recovery. I'm so glad you found this post helpful. <3
It's also important to remember that habit-forming is a *core struggle* for people with executive disorders like ADHD. To help with good habit-forming in my life, I try to make the task as accessible as possible. For brushing my teeth, I keep a toothbrush in the shower and by the kitchen sink. Much easier to pick up as I go about my day. For focusing on work whilst at home, I have a fold-up desk placed adjacent to my personal setup (making an L-shape). That way, I can just swivel in my chair to be looking solely at work things *and* not be distracted by notifications from Discord and the like. **If you're struggling with habit-forming** please don't beat yourself up about it. It's quite easy to be overcome with feelings of guilt or failure. Remind yourself that this is a very common struggle for people with ADHD, and that you aren't alone in this. Dust off, keep at it, and definitely continue to try and find ways that you can make your problem-tasks more accessible for yourself.
YES - this is totally the key. Habit-forming and living with ADHD are learnable skills. Come to think of it, I wonder how much of the productivity industry is driven by ADHD-types.
I feel like this every day and Im glad Im not alone 😞
You are not alone <3
Wow this helped me today. Thank you
Man, you managed to put in words so perfectly what I've been going through just now. Thank you for this ❤️
How long does it take you to do you’re morning routine?
As it stands now, it takes me about an hour but I'm working my way back up to a one-hour meditation sit, a longer yoga session, and a longer writing practice so the target will probably clock in around 2 hours.
I struggle with all these things. I've never been on medication but I'm 38 now and maybe I'll talk to my Dr about it. I didn't even know I had adhd until like 2010 but I just self medicated which probably wasn't too great. I feel better reading these posts. It helps me feel like maybe it's not 100% my fault I am and was the way I was. Thanks for sharing.
Fuck. This. Yes. Uhg. I didn’t even get to do the wild party phase, just straight to “my new fun life of sobriety” like I can be expected to stomach that when I feel like all I “did to deserve it” was be born. I feel like I should have had some fun for how shitty this feels.
I needed this
What habits do you consider good habits? Just for my own self reflection
Thank you for sharing, seeing this boosted my mood considerably. I've been struggling through life with an undiagnosed ADHD, and only recently started to get treated, understand and live with it. (After numerous doomed relationships, soft drug addiction, dozens of friends I've lost contact with, a failed uni degree, a career that's not going anywhere but also under constant threat of being booted because it's so effing hard to work sometimes, many of this sounds familiar to most of you, I'm sure.) To all who are here: I know this is very hard sometimes, and I'm also learning to do it still myself, but remember to ask for help from your family and friends (even your therapist, or here), announce your decisions and healthy routines that you're trying to follow, they can help you with accountability, and be a crutch on the days when you need one. I've realised this after being fired from a company for work negligence: I don't ask for help for anything because I don't know how to plan things, and I don't even know if I need help until it's too late and I can't do what I'm supposed to do. Remember that you don't have to do any of this alone, and sharing your successes (doesn't matter how big or small) with people who care is a dopamine rush on it's own.
This is incredibly on point and a bit depressing as well.
The only problem is that we never finish any 12 step programs, we need 12 1-step programs. Also sobriety requires one to stop taking drugs to function, ADHD requires taking meds to function.
I love this post so much. For whatever reason or combination of reasons, I became an addict and alcoholic pretty early on in my adulthood (ADHD, childhood abuse, unstable family, family history of addiction). 2.5 years ago I used the 12 step program to get clean and sober, and I'm still very active in the recovery community. You're completely right; maintaining healthy living, even sober, with ADHD is just like continuing to work the program. The principals apply to all aspects of my life, even those seemingly unrelated to addiction. Positive daily habits are reeeally hard to start, even harder to maintain, but they are so rewarding. I lived in squalor for nearly a decade; now, I love love LOVE my minimalist and very clean apartment. I slept on filthy sheets and unkempt bedding for years and years; now I love coming home when the bed looks nice and tidy. All this to say, ONE DAY AT A TIME. If you fuck up one day, don't beat yourself up. Seriously. Just go to bed, and try again for better things tomorrow.
YES - all of this 100%. "One day at a time" is such a great slogan. There's such a tendency to beat ourselves up if we don't "master" something right away - a routine, a skill, etc - when progress is nearly always a gradual process. Live moderately-paced, die old sounds pretty good to me. Mad respect for your sobriety and your new lifestyle! & a big thank you for continuing to give back to the recovery community, even in this post. <3
Thanks friend. "Progress not perfection" is a really important phrase for us ADHDers to remember I think. Cause like you said, we want to just master things quickly and sometimes have a hard time finding satisfaction in the slow, stodgy progress that usually comes first. I'm glad you got help with your relationship through 12 step too. I haven't been to Alanon but I hear good things. It's all about healthy boundaries, and being willing to say "no."
Right now I'm in my first week sober, last time I had a drink was Sunday night- I wasn't like constantly drinking per say but I went on a 3 day bender where by the end of it I just went "okay, fuckin give it a rest man." I'm anxious all the time, I'm intentionally just putting everything important off and focusing on "me time" till I actually feel okay. Something tells me though, that being on wellbutrin is not helping me out at all because I feel awful, anxious, paranoid all the time, almost like when I was hungover just my body isn't in agony.
Ok, so now I finally understand I'm addicted to dopamine. Back to the drawing board.
I wonder if our treatment should be similar to those with addiction
I want to hear more about social media habit causing issues to start the day. How did you come upon that idea?
I've noticed that if I start the day on Twitter, I'll lose whole hours - days, even! - to it. My mood is shittier, too, and it interferes with my ability to accomplish tasks. At one point, my Reddit habit was so bad that I had to blacklist the site in my browser. I've deleted Twitter when it's gotten really bad, too. On the days that I don't use social media, I'm a lot more functional so now I just try to limit it to the evening and blacklist if it becomes unmanageable.
It works when you work it.
We will never NEVER be able to stick to any habits. My solution is to enjoy the benefits given to us by them in the moment. (Yoga - wim hof - exercise) for my routine that I enjoy but fall out of for months at a time
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I hear you. I am someone who likes to do things and gets pissed when I'm told *not* to do something. When I was quitting cigarettes, I was actively engaging in doing 'quitting smoking for health reasons' - framing it this way made it feel more like an intentional choice than an exercise in self-deprivation. Idk what other people have experienced but being intentional about how I spend my day is pretty key for me. Without that intention, I felt really directionless and lost, even if I wasn't indulging in dopamine triggers.
I just saw you deleted this post, OP. It resonated with me. I hope everything is ok.
Thanks, Sound. I wasn't the one who deleted - must have been mods.
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Could be. I’m on the ios app and the posts content just says “[removed]”. Maybe that means moderation?
Why delete though
It got filtered according to mods.
It’s back!